No-code platforms always like to forget that writing the code is *literally* the easiest part of software development 🙄

And then one day you wake up and discover that your first boss,

the one who hired you when you had no experience

who believed in you when nobody else did

and also paid you a full decent payment when the rest of the world tried to pay you less than half the amount

who taught you a lot about the business and even when you disagreed, it was impossible to get angry because he was calm and gentle always

and treated you so many lunches and dinners

…was beaten and killed by a former colleague…

I have no words…

Sayonara 👋 boss
I will miss you so much on this Earth 😢

I’m surrounded by idiots.

I’m continually reminded of that fact, but today I found something that really drives that point home.

Gather ‘round, everybody, it’s story time!

While working on a slow query ticket, I perused the code, finding several causes, and decided to run git blame on the files to see what dummy authored the mental diarrhea currently befouling my screen. As it turns out, the entire feature was written by mister legendary Apple golden boy “Finder’s Keeper” dev himself.

To give you the full scope of this mess, let me start at the frontend and work my way backward.

He wrote a javascript method that tracks whatever row was/is under the mouse in a table and dynamically removes/adds a “.row_selected” class on it. At least the js uses events (jQuery…) instead of a `setTimeout()` so it could be worse. But still, has he never heard of :hover? The function literally does nothing else, and the `selectedRow` var he stores the element reference in isn’t used elsewhere.

This function allows the user to better see the rows in the API Calls table, for which there is a also search feature — the very thing I’m tasked with fixing.

It’s worth noting that above the search feature are two inputs for a date range, with some helpful links like “last week” and “last month” … and “All”. It’s also worth noting that this table is for displaying search results of all the API requests and their responses for a given merchant… this table is enormous.

This search field for this table queries the backend on every character the user types. There’s no debouncing, no submit event, etc., so it triggers on every keystroke. The actual request runs through a layer of abstraction to parse out and log the user-entered date range, figure out where the request came from, and to map out some column names or add additional ones. It also does some hard to follow (and amazingly not injectable) orm condition building. It’s a mess of functional ugly.

The important columns in the table this query ultimately searches are not indexed, despite it only looking for “create_order” records — the largest of twenty-some types in the table. It also uses partial text matching (again: on. every. single. keystroke.) across two varchar(255)s that only ever hold <16 chars — and of which users only ever care about one at a time. After all of this, it filters the results based on some uncommented regexes, and worst of all: instead of fetching only one page’s worth of results like you’d expect, it fetches all of them at once and then discards what isn’t included by the paginator. So not only is this a guaranteed full table scan with partial text matching for every query (over millions to hundreds of millions of records), it’s that same full table scan for every single keystroke while the user types, and all but 25 records (user-selectable) get discarded — and then requeried when the user looks at the next page of results.

What the bloody fucking hell? I’d swear this idiot is an intern, but his code does (amazingly) actually work.

No wonder this search field nearly crashed one of the servers when someone actually tried using it.

Asdfajsdfk.

As of today I am no longer a Software Engineer. I am now a DevOps Engineer 🥳🥳🥳

I would absolutely love it if people would write their own stupid code instead of blindly mixing everyone else's mental diarrhea together and pouring the resulting mess into their bloody stupid IDE. At least then I could insult them properly. As it is, they're outsourcing their fucking stupidity to the lowest fucking bidder and then bragging about how quickly they get everything done. And management eats it up! No wonder everything is a slow, tangled, unmaintanable mess.

I can't fix much of anything because almost none of it is in my control. It's all autogenerated bullshit glued together with laziness and poor taste. "But Root, why is fixing this taking so long?" Gee, I wonder why. Maybe if someone had built it somewhere in realm of correctly the first time, it wouldn't have all fallen apart when someone looked at it the wrong way!

Seriously, there's no way this pile of stale fertilizer could have passed QA.

My current company is moving to a no code platform.

Also me planning to moving into another company :)

My worst dev experience in 2021 has been a PHP-based CMS developped by lobotomized, single-celled organisms incapable of coherent thoughts.
A CMS even worse than WorstPress.

200k lines of "code", no use of packages, multiple entrypoints, no namespacing, all dependencies loaded by "include" at random places and everything is dependent of every thing else... a complete mess.

One could call it the butterfly effect CMS. Adding a space could completely crash the application.

At this point I've almost developped terminal eye cancer...

"This will fail in 2022, but there's no way my code is still gonna be used then"
- Some Microsoft engineer in the '90s

I just had a 30 minute phone interview where they asked if I wanted to do four 1 hour interviews including:
A very difficult programing test (no one has passed in the 3 months the job has been empty)
An architecture quiz
White boarding system design
And a culture fit interview.
This was for a tiny start up, not Google.
I said no thanks

here's a shoutout to 90% of websites today:

NO, I DO NOT WANT YOUR F*CKING NEWSLETTER! STOP ASKING!

NO, I DO NOT WANT YOUR F*CKING NOTIFICATION! STOP ASKING!

NO, I DO NOT WANT TO SHARE MY F*CKING LOCATION! STOP ASKING!

NO, I DO NOT WANT ANY F*CKING COOKIES! STOP ASKING!

website publishers ary whining about adblockers, but keep shoving so much shit down our throats that even a dozen browser addons can't make the web usable. the internet was such a great place once, where did we go wrong?

(rhetorical question. it's when we made access to the internet so easy, that every 100% tech-illiterate idiot could get online.)

Finally solved the mystery, why / and * are together on my keyboard so that there is no problem for me to use single line comment and multi-line comment.

People who message “I’m getting a error” without any context or even better the actual error message, no one else can see your screen and we can’t magic a fix, and we’re not f***ing psychic, tell us what the f***ing error is. Or better yet, figure it f***ing out like the rest of us, you also have google - go nuts

"Invalid parameter."

No stack trace.

Fuck.

Dammit, just put the date somewhere next to the title when writing an article. It's amazing how much context might be missing if there's no date when dealing with software issues.

My manager needs his position renamed to mail forwarder.
Lossless pass through and no value add

Me, talking to a colleague:
"No, thats impossible. The problem can not be in my code. Let me show you why. You see, the code does this, and than it goes here, and then… oohhhh…. I’ve found the bug."

Out of all the bugs, the most annoying are the ones that come out and make me say "WTF?!?!? WHY THE FUCK HAS IT BEEN WORKING FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS??!!?!!??? THERE"S NO WAY IT COULD HAVE!"

When the bug surfaces, you investigate and see that it indeed IS a bug and there's no way it would ever work w/o a fix. But then SOMEHOW it's been working just fine for years....

It's like server elves went on strike and said "no more, it's enough covering that bug - it's time you fix it, lazy-ass idiot!"

There ain’t no feeling like replacing 6 lines of code with 6 characters of Regex.

Q: Why do anarchists always use functional programming?

A: Because it has no state.

*bum tiss*

TM: Hey, do you have a moment?

Me: not really, I'm already overtime and have enough work for the whole year.

TM: Yeah, we know. Just a quick meeting to discuss something awkward.

Me: Hmkay.

...

Later that day:

TM: Yeah. To make it quick - we're confused and bit dissatisfied with how project X turned out. The staging server is blazing fast, but the devs machines seem to be extremely slow... Some devs complained.

Me: No wonder. I said from the beginning that the devs shouldn't do X and Y, and that the dev machines need to be redone after staging is done - as we need to gather hands on experience first, cause no one could explain to me what resources the project actually needed.

TM: Oh. I wasn't aware of that.

Me: I guessed so. You were on vacation at the beginning and I didn't had the time to lead another team...

TM: Yeah... So the dev machines get replaced?

Me: They _could_ be replaced, but the devs would need to reset up their environment, as I and won't transfer the environment of the dev user.

TM: Ah... So they would have to retransfer their personal modifications, if they made any?

Me: Yes. As always, the basic setup just provides the necessary services, settings etc. - stuff like remote IDE settings on the machine, configuration etc is left out and we don't transfer it as it is usually too much of a hassle and risky, as every dev does have his / her own preferences, and we don't want to support every possible configuration out there.

TM: Just out of curiosity... Staging was ready like... Last year?

Me: Beginning of December, yes.

TM: Sigh.

Me: The jolly of having a kinder garten full of toys that no kid wants to clean up...

TM: No comment. The kinder garten Kids might make me a Pinata otherwise.

Me: If only they'd fill us with chocolate first instead of just beating us.

...

Tales of lazy devs, to be continued...

no if clients replace first

By not having them. Seriously, every job I had was more than average paying and I was overqualified for the tasks. Sure I didn’t develop oh-so-important software but I never had to do overtime, lose sleep because of workplace difficulties.

Pick your fights well. This profession is unfair. No need to endanger yourself for idealism.

"Update on the last meeting, we'll either release what we've got or do something different"

WELL NO SHIT! 🤦‍♂️

Nice menu.
I’d like a No tech support sandwich please.

wE oNlY uSe 10% oF bRaIn pOwEr
yeah, no shit, now go to your computer and launch 400 chrome tabs. Congrats, now you're using 100% of your computer performance. Does it work well now? Quick and snappy innit?

fucking muppets.

the most incompetent person that ever worked with me had no proactivity, always waited for an explicit order to start to do anything and had absolutely no autonomy. this guy would frequently ask me stuff that he could find with a google search.

when the IT team was let go, the company lined me up for another job, and my boss actually told me "you work well so i can refer you, but i can't do the same for <that guy>". i honestly thought that was his first job, but no. i have no clue how he managed to work in a hospital before that.

Dev2: Do you get 49 errors in the console when you try to compile?

Dev1: (Getting 52 errors) No. Must be an issue with your machine.

God was able to create an entire world in just 6 days for the sole reason that he had no previous versions and no compatibility issues.🌍

Just so we're clear....😑

Our company Nerf wars got a little rowdy one year, and a co-worker knocked over a (senior citizen) co-worker just to “win”. Like full on take down body slam. So much for no physical contact.

I tried to crochet a pusheen.

It didn’t turn out the way I envisioned. “Maybe googly eyes will help!”

…. I have had mixed comment on whether it makes it better or worse. 😅

When you no longer understanding your code, the feeling 😂

Uhm No, No I'm not signed in.

How do you like them apples ?
Devrant style

No kidding she was looking at me while I was drinking coffee, I almost spill everything up seeing that.

Dammit apple let me have some privacy !

I eat it...

I've got a file on my desktop called key.txt, and it's just a single line in it that is clearly some sort of API key.

Absolutely no memory of what it is for.

💩

English is weird.
Take the double oo for example.
There are so many different pronunciations for it and there seems to be no rules whatsoever.

mood
wood
blood
door

All different

Forgot to secure my mongo db instance, found half the data gone, and a new db holding me at ransom , learn_how_to_recover_your_data , good thing offline backups are a thing.

Recovered in no time, never will I ever repeat this mistake

We have a new manager who wrote in his bio that he is into astrology.

At least we will no longer have to answer to "How long will it take?", because it is written in the stars XD

✅ Fun project
✅ Salary
✅ Code ownership and leadership
✅ Appreciation at work
✅ WFH
✅ No overwork
✅ Sufficient time for relaxation/hobbies
and other things

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.

AAAAAAA!!!!!! fullstackchris!!! we've got an error!!!

***proceeds to send screenshot of monitor with no error on it***

bonus points if its a picture of their desktop from a mobile phone

You know when you try to fix a bug but you end up fixing a different bug you had no idea existed

Bout to go on a first date with this girl I been vibing with for a week and I am like getting seriously anxious like wtf. There’s no bug harder than dealing with what’s going on my head rn. Pray for me 🙏🏾

[wordpress trigger warning]

Had an idiotic colleague who re-implemented the insert image function as a shortcode. A “senior php developer”. No, I’m not kidding.

Him: “But this way we can set a class”
Me: “As you can with the standard mode”
Him “No you can’t”
Me: *shows*
Him (smiling): “well why don’t you remove my stuff then?”

Wanna know why Windows sucks so much? It's because of the Windows users. No, really!

Windows user: But but but I can't switch away from Windows because MIMIMI!
Microsoft: Ah, is that so? Then why should we even try to make (and pay for) an effort?

I low-key hate web dev.

Me: *Gives second round in an interview, didn’t go as expected, waits for the result (at this moment we can’t go further with your profile kinda result)*

HR: *calls after 2 weeks* Hi, hope you’re doing good, your last round was declared CNS (Candidate no show)

Me: was it this bad, that the guy interviewing me simply wiped off my existence?

HR: let me figure out something. *Calls back after 5 mins* since it was a no show, we’ve decided to not go with your profile further.

Me: 🥲 it didn’t have to be this brutal of a rejection

Why I love Salesforce 👀

- Run a test method
- failure: no field found

- checks test, queries field
- checks field security (access permissions) visible to user

- runs test again
- failure: no field found
- adds debug log of queried field

- runs test again
- succes

Thanks, thanks for fucking with me today 🥲

Knowledge Transfer

"No you can't ask a question"

!rant Crochet Day 1: I have no idea what I’m doing.

No rant. Just glad to see there’s a community like this.

You know what fkn sucks? I was so fkn excited to join the company. It was a dream job for me. I loved everything about it. The stack, the concept, the core values, everything.
Fast forward 3 years and I no longer recognize the company I joined. Went from customer first to revenue first. No other vision than increase sales. Heart fkn breaking...

Most confusing sign-up form checkbox I've ever read:

"If you would like us to no longer continue to stop not sending you special deal and offers every week, please indicate you are inclined to yes by not checking the box."

source: online course

You want me to build a whole fucking site with a new theme on December with no mockups and all build with a custom design after you left me all fucking September and october without fucking work?.

No. Fucking. Way.

maybe I'm being picky, but it bothers me when an office has no natural sunlight. I'm already working 40h/week, and i won't even see the light of day. i feel completely alienated from life.

LoL, I swear, some of these job ads..

- You study Java every day
- You anticipate and you follow Java trends every day
- You go to our Java events

Oh so you mean I don't have a life? No thanks.

I love getting a fucking email for every fucking change, instead of getting a list of desired changes.

You know what? Fuck this, I'm tired of being the nice guy, I'm not even getting paid for this, and you expect me to do it expediently on a Sunday. I'm done, you can find someone else to piss off for free.

Y u no work code?!? hahah 😂

It was at the beginning of my IT apprenticeship, I had no idea about coding in C and our teacher told us to write a "hello world" in C.

.. I wrote:
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 GOTO 10

BI dev: Hey, can you help me with my SQL query?
Me: Sure, let me see it.
BI dev: sends screenshot - not even the whole query, literally a screenshot with a segment of text in it. No errors showing either.
Me: ...

As a software engineer, I’ve only *ever* worked remotely. I honestly have no idea what it’s like working in an office as a dev/engineer. Probably makes me weird. 😅

What did you like about working in an office, if you’ve had that experience? Was mentoring different? What did you dislike about it?

someone: so what do you do?
me: I'm a software developer
someone: oh, can you design me a logo?
me: no
someone: something simple, I'm sure...
me: NO, IT'S NOT MY F***ING JOB

It's dead. Devrant is dead.
If anybody wandering this earth were to enjoy random people ranting, without the possibility to filter, subscribe and connect.
No notifications means this platform is walking the plank.

No lie found

I feel like resigning from a company that i joined 3 weeks back.

I don't like to code in PHP and the manager wants to stick on to that , no new developers joining the company and php is one of the reason. The code is a mess. Every now and then some other team come running for a change like one button to do some shit and then for a fix after 15mins of release.

So many database operations are happening manually. No innovation in the team. Developers are very boring , women being senior developers and team leads brings stability but there is no innovation , excitement or any enthusiasm. All my team members are very happy doing mediocre shit. Manager talks about agile development and they are following that at a level where every half a day some requirement changes.

I m tired of being a developer that fixes the same mediocre shit.

Its too boring.

to anyone who says girls can’t code because they have no skill and therefore shouldn’t be in a high position because they have no dick,

I’ll show you how I code with my girl skills, I’ll fire you with my girl position, and I’ll fuck you with my girl dick.

Article 13 and 11 passed today. Fucking why! They ether have absolutely no brain or are sleeping on a shitload of money right now. No one wanted this. First net neutrality now fucking this. Fuck this shit.

Wtf is the point of closing a project submission at a specific time. Yea sure let me know it’s late but if I want to post the file late let me. I was 8 seconds late to post a file for a project and it locked me out. Sure they say no late work but this is a stupid policy. Also, why is it due at 4am? No body is looking at these at 4am! Just make it due at 6 or 8am or something. Gaaa

So...Just got moved from salaried to hourly for an already extremely overworked, underpaid position. Lost our flexible hours and our platform is moving to drop and drag...Watch them say no overtime now. Beyond pissed!😡

I hate my freelancer life.
1. No weekends
2. No particular time to close
3. Work for 12 to 14 hours without sleep sometimes
4. Keep explaining the dumb clients about how development is not wordpress.

Its all fucked up. I have no life.

My average Lines of code this month is around 700 LOC/day. Whereas the average that showed on internet is 100 LOC/day.

I have choosen a hellish life.

i'm so tired of seeing what's going on, and having no power to influence it.

but still having to be here.

My supervisors was shocked that I am an atheist and says “we accept all kinds of people”, then proceeds on trying to convince me that Christianity is the way (in life and work)

Note: I have no problem with people having religion and I respect them, but damn don’t force me into it.

uSE AnY pRogrAmMinG L@ngu@g3 yOu liKe.

1nTervi3weRs Do N0t CarE aBouT tHe L@nGuAge.

Fuck you. Stop asking time complexity or space complexity of functional code. No one fucking knows.

PM: To achieve this, do A
Me: That's unnecessarily complex, can't we do B
PM: Ooh, so it's too complicated for you?
Me: No, it's complex, it will bottleneck the system
PM: We've done A in 5 different websites, so you should do the same
Me: ......

Everything about the company is a mess. The only thing that is decent is the people. And by that I mean they aren't shit.
Workflows are fucked.
Clients are fucked. You're pressuring me to get this shit production ready before new year's eve and you still don't know what the text should say and want to make changes to the UI? The fuck?!
Design is a complete shit show. There is a design team. They only make a fucking psd to show clients how an interface would look like. No mobile version (but it's still expected to work!), no markup. Resolution is fucking inconsistent and whenever a change is requested, they are nowhere to be seen so I have to actually do designing on top of having to use this worthless fucking framework I hate it so much.
Codebases are turbo-fucked because of said framework.
Databases are an inconsistent, fucked up mess. No foreign key constraints because every single fucking table is using the MyISAM engine.

And the thing that really makes me incredibly angry is all the "custom systems" look the fucking same at the database level. Like 30 fucking useless tables made for stupid HR workflows that make no fucking sense.

This may be the best Stack Overflow comment I have seen when learning SQL.
How old is Frank? I don't know (null).
How old is Shirley? I don't know (null).
Are Frank and Shirley the same age?
Correct answer should be "I don't know" (null), not "no", as Frank and Shirley mightbe the same age, we simply don't know

“In 15 years, do you see X still being there? No? Then fuck it” - my manager on how to handle “important” decisions

It's official, the "front end dev" doesn't know how to code.
Why.
And it's not a "Well I don't know JS because I use React." scenario, no. He has almost no idea of coding.
What was he thinking trying to build the front end of a very complex app with just HTML, CSS and stupid copied and pasted snippets?

I have a power nap after lunch. No matter what. Waking up from a nap is like getting a new extra day for free. And this time whatever was bad before the nap just doesn't seem so bad anymore.

I want to learn something new and programing related. But got no idea what. Make suggestions, if you wish.

Those who code their software with no standard are those people who once attempt to launch themselves to Mars with a catapult.

Dear Managers,

Don't just have one person maintaining something forever. Don't ask that one person to also fix an issue in a module just because they merged in that code a few years ago. Don't ask them to fix issues introduced by others. Grant leave when requested especially when there is no formal leave policy and they are sick.

Fuck you.

Management: Our internal app must be 100% rigid so that we users follow predefined process flows exactly so no mistakes are made while also being 100% flexible so that users are free to go about their business in whatever way they feel is appropriate for their own unique needs. These are the requirements!

Dev: …

Windows is a god damn abomination of a OS. Fucking let me download that one game from the shitty developers that add EAC for no reason. Fucking stop hogging every resource and let steam work. Fucking stop crashing like wtf how is this considered stable. Stop fucking downloading updates. You amount to nothing than playing games made by cunts. There is no valuable information on this system and I have no problems nuking it all.

Hi devs,

i am just curious, how often you use devrant.

to be honest,.. if my life is good.. no bugs. no miss management. I don't even remember devrant exist..

but as soon as I got frustrated from code,management, life.. Devrant is the first thing I type of my browser before starting any work :P

monkay brain.

see pattern: solve.
no see pattern: monkey scream.

No notifs for u, says devblob

I remember I was a child trying to tinker around the only computer that we had. No one knew how to install the Windows OS from scratch with the drivers and everything else (they were installed on floppy disks) so when no one was around I managed to do it everything. I remember such joy, felt like a hacker 😂

Now I'm a web developer and I feel like a moron each time I'm sitting on a defect I can't solve so I'd say these were good times 😜

Visual Studio 2022 compiles our internal c++ cmake project as a mix of x86 and x86_64 binaries, then fails to link.

VS 2019 correctly compiles everything as x86_64.

No idea why. And, obviously, it's not a documented problem.

Managers don't understand that there will ALWAYS be bugs shipped to production, no matter how hard you try to prevent or test against them.

Devs: lol

inb4 any comments really, i've seen facebook, instagram, and all the 'big players' crash and have bugs multiple times before, so don't go around swinging your dick like your company's software has no known bugs (don't even get me started on the devrant mobile app) I'm just saying bugs are a fact of software

"This page looks better in the app"

No, it f**king doesn't! I checked it, you lazy analytics-hungry monstrosity.

My family had no particular reaction. I wanted to be a programmer since school, and they knew it was my intended goal.
I guess, my uncle being a professional programmer was something that showed it is a good choice.

Its 2022 and still, no other tech thing feels as magical as Shazam to me..
I'm impressed everytime..😐

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

When used properly No-SQL databases are an incredible resource but my employer keeps hammering them in problems which could better be solved by traditional SQL databases in an attempt to be more "hip" and "cool".

This causes huge PITA in making the database work properly with the ORM we're using and waste of time since we're force to emulate basic features which are already exists in almost any SQL database (i.e. relational integrity) using No-SQL storage.

had no idea what burnout was or meant until I had a fucking cerebrovascular accident.

drop shitty companies.

Started a new job last week. Pays a tad below average for position, but i get training time and budget for anything i want.
So far i have had few days of company introduction, and now a week for training courses related to position.
I have not seen any code yet, brought no value in, just joined.
Massive green flag to me.

typescript, I HATE you!

ME: Trying to extend Subject and override Subject.subscribe(PartialObserver<T>)

ME: export class MySubject<T> extends Subject<T> {
subscribe(obs?:PartialObserver<T>): Subscription {
return super.subscribe(obs);
}
}

ME: compile
TS: Compilation error! No such method to override!

ME: load the app -- ERROR

ME: recompile
TS: Compilation error! No such method to override!

ME: load the app -- works perfectly

:confusedjackie:

Make up your mind! So is that class compileable or not???
If not -- how the fuck does it work then???
If yes -- why the fuck do you yell in my face with all those errors???

Request I saw today...

* A new, empty AWS Account
* The ability to run 120 high memory EC2 instances, including up to 80 instances of dl1.24xlarge, but don't worry, 40 of them will be spot instances. I'll probably just start with two m5.xlarge for simplicity.
* VPC Peering into our primary AWS network
* VPC Peering into a 3rd party's network (because we're paying them for this service)
* A couple cross-acount IAM roles
* Granting "AWS: AdministratorAccess" to said IAM roles

I'm a bit behind schedule, and this is urgent. When will you have this completed?

We had only one product UX designer in our team.

She quit and I habe accelerated my job hunt.

And when I quit too, the tech team will collapse with both of us gone.

Because then there will be no product manager and no designer, only tech who is arrogant and cocky to even built a simple button to refresh the fucking page.

God bless with this fucking tech team. The Tech Senior leadership is shit. They deserve it, but for now, it's us who are facing challanges.

There's one thing I hate about the new year. Everyone assumes it's the best time to do some cleanup, some maintenance. As the year starts fresh - everyone should start fresh, right?

NOT!

No, Hetzner, you don't need to restart my servers on Dec 26th.
No, local VPS providers, you don't need to clean-up all my /tmp/ files for me on Dec 29th, leaving me in the dark and unaware I have to restart my apps.

That's just a dick move. Your intentions might be alright, but the consequences... Damn you!

1.
Never programmed something useful because i have no ideas...

2.
Never used comments in my projects

NO NO NO this can't acctaully be real i accidentally deleted the whole /root folder NO I FUCKING DUMBASS.........

You know when you work with an incompetent team or organization? No one
knows what they are doing and there is no competent leadership to set high standards and
people are making their own bullshit up? Yeah? That's my current workplace.

Windows OS..

24Gb RAM

Is 24Gb enough, no worries, we got virtual memory too on disk haven't we, it will use that if we run out of real memory, won't it..

Well, no..

Get up to 23Gb in use, and things start to break..

Today, oh it just shut off the main video card, no biggie..

I've another 3 monitors to work with, and tidy things up before I reboot and make everything work again..

And there was me thinking, oh I won't need 48Gb, 24 will be fine..

CP/M was never like this..

So we've got a gif that doesn't show up in our React Native application. Of course, the designers assume it's me: "are you sure the gif is in the codebase? how are you using it in your component"? yeah ok boomer. I'm like, look at this other gif, works fine. "oh" So I tell them, double check the export options on how you are building the gif, maybe there is something there. so now they are asking ME for those export options. I'M A DEV, NOT A DESIGNER, DO YOUR JOB AND FIGURE IT OUT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT PROGRAM YOU ARE USING

oh as an aside, I was putting up a website for a client and they are like "my logo is quite similar to many others, is this something to worry about legally?" OH, SO NOW I'M A LAWYER TOO??!!?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE GOOGLE IS LITERALLY IN FRONT OF YOU

why do people continually think just because we can code we are fucking designers / lawyers / astronauts
/ god?
man this pisses me off - i think of that draw red lines with blue ink expert video, in the end, just smile and nod: "i can do... absolutely anything... trust me, I'm an expert"

Why do game studios force social/multiplayer in single player games?
Single player sandbox? How about we make it a multiplayer co-op?
Just fine 1 on 1 brawl? Hey how about you find a team and tag team? No? Too bad fuck you, no points to you for a whole fucking season.

Ugh.

Hey, all you shitty devs who give my Udemy courses 1 or 2 stars with no comment or feedback

FUCK YOU!!!!

I’m excited because VM based languages such as Java are no longer in their prime on desktop and server and languages which compile directly to machine code (Go, Rust, Swift…) are finding a broader audience

Today I had a weird dream. The mars was collapsing to earth. Weird part was when everybody panicking and screaming I was watching it getting bigger and bigger every second. I was like "woah, this is amazing". I knew there was no point being scared because everyone will die anyway. I embraced death and enjoyed my last moments. That was realy weird experience.

Every work experience so far.

The first one... Internship abroad, very messy codebase, almost no code review.

At the end I was so tired I started watching movies during worktime.

So this will be my first rant/story sorry if it gets too long.

So finished work and I was like finally some days off, went to bed, woke up the next morning, went to near city to take care of some work, went back and I noticed they were digging the ground near my place, as I've found out from neighbors they were changing some pipes, well ok no problem arrived home, sat on my PC to study a bit and do a bit gaming, but guess what?? NO INTERNET well ok contacted the ISP, the idiots told me it will take them 2 days to arrive WTF? is this 2018 or 1918?? I was so pissed off but ok the next day they called me that they arrived, they checked and said that they will need to fix some wires they will return the same day.. so I've waited few hours but no internet, the asholes didn't came, so the next day they arrived and guess what?! the idiots that digged the holes cut the wires, instead of fucking contacting the ISP to ask for supervisor to tell them where they can dig they didn't know what was the fire for and they thought oh well lets cut the fucking wire, and instead of stopping and contacting the ISP about their mistake they continued with the digging and cut the wire at 3 places, so the ISP at the end called the police, the plumbers that did the digging where just laughing, why do you laugh you primitive ashole, even 10 year old would first ask if it can continue if it finds something that he didn't know about it (I call primitive the person not the job title), and the best part is that the idiots not only they cut the wire at 3 places they also took part of it out of the ground and then they filled the holes back! Now I won't have internet for 2 fucking weeks, yes in 2018 this is happening, at that moment I was so pissed, but kept my cool and contacted the ISP to give me LTE USB stick to use it for the next 2 weeks, sadly they couldn't do that wtf??? So I asked politely who will pay the damage for me not working for 2 weeks and they said that they will gladly pay the damage.. So I was confused because that literally meant that they will compassed me for the 2 weeks, so I re-asked are they sure about that and they said yes, so lets see what it will be done, in the meantime I solved the internet problem by using my phone to access internet on the PC.. But still its amazing how primitive people can be and how ISP don't have alternative solutions for such cases, just to point out this sam ISP bragged how they will be among the first to bring 5G when it arrives... LOL

i was having a really hard time because there was no record of changes in code, the boys would communicate changes in private and I'd spend hours trying to figure out why i couldn't compile. when i asked my boss that they put that info somewhere, he said it was unnecessary and that it always worked that way before i came. ofc it worked, it was 2 guys coding. i couldn't work properly and everything took forever to sort, no one tried to help. i went to hr and they just told me i was right and that i had to be patient. i quit soon after

If someone who wants Linux to be the future of gaming was able to control the thoughts and actions of the decision makers at Microsoft, Windows 11 is exactly what they would make them release. I can think of no better way to prompt game developers to move their focus away from Windows.

People of devRant, how did you meet your spouse/partner, and what is their occupation?

I am just wondering how you get to actually meet people and create relationships while having an insanely intense tech career.

At work I inherited some databases, were most of the tablecolumns are all varchar. No ID's, and everything is in one table. No relation tables no reference data. Because "we don't trust the users who fill the tables to understand relationships". And.. wtf.

My friends are getting married and having kids and I'm having pitiful arguments over the most pathetic and useless discussions ever in my code reviews in a brain eating job with no end in sight.

Why is there no 'Close tabs to the left' on Chrome!

Companies: We're starting to rotate people back through the office

Devs all drinking their desks: Please no

Confession:

Owned a smartphone for 10 years, this month was my first time ever getting 3G/4G connection ...

I prefer no internet when I'm out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I accidentally forgot to stop my EC2 instance.....

No joke, I have had to use all of my money that I made through freelancing(20 bucks)

"Please move the logo left. The text goes a bit under."

Do you guys think people realize how unclear they are, and are just too fucking lazy to write the full spec? Or are they just so fucking stupid they don't realize I literally have no fucking clue what to do exactly with comments like these?

I guess Hanlon's razor applies here, but some days I just don't know...

Happy Friday! ☠️

A legacy custom made WordPress Theme.

Old developer made main styling sheet with 8000+ lines of code with no component separation.

learn when to say no. you gotta play and say yes sometimes, otherwise people won't like you, but if you say yes to anything they'll walk over you

Do not offer anyone to help them with their scripts, ever.
I had to do something as there were things like "cd $DIR; rm *". No checks if the folder got changed, no qutoes to prevent breaking on spaces. A problem waiting to happen. And it did. We don't know what the script deleted in the wrong folder to this day.
The scripts have no functions, some files have over 50% duplicate code. I was an idiot and thought running it through shellcheck and doing basic prevention of them shooting their own foot would be enough.
And there is no way to convince the guy to start writing the code properly. Should have kept my mouth shut.

Ready for another look into my JIRA life?

Ticket Title: "The 'Selected photos' setting will result in users being able to select only one photo at a time."

Ticket Description: "This is not directly a bug, because this problem is caused by the selected setting. Here one would have to consider to give this option no more and/or with an error message the user on it to make attentive, how he can change the attitude."

I don't even have to worry about NDA in this one because it makes absolutely no sense.

BTW, we don't have a single text in the app with the words "selected photos"

99% sure the creator of this ticket wrote it when they were high, drunk, or both

Ok, scratch the previous Microsoft Teams rant. Microsoft Visio is even a bigger clusterfuck. Using the web version (because there is no Mac version) is such a pain in the…

LucidChart compared to it is just wonderful.

Finally got rid of my old job I ranted about so much. Started a new one on Monday. A bit anxious and terrified (there is a lot to learn) but it feels good. The team is fun and they know what they are doing. BUT most importantly: they know how to plan projects and know how to intervene if a project is about to run out of resources. NICE.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes

If you're a recruiter approaching people on linkedin then don't be a fucking idiot and waste their time, get to the fucking point damn it!

No one's interested in going back and forth with you over email especially when you have their number and could be done with it over a phonecall.

no one taught me how to host anything web, i had to figure out how to get things live by myself. it was awful, documentation on that stuff sucks, but i got through it knowing far more than when i started.

"Hey, we've made these deprecating changes for the whole company"... "but no migration guide, deal with it"

Normal colleagues pick the right slack channel and post a message there.

My colleague picks a random channel that has no relation to dev at all and posts a question/request there.

He must be using a random script to pick the next channel name :D

Someone please explain to me how error messages such as
"Something went wrong" or "Critical error" are valid and provide little to no follow up explanation in the GUI, Logs, or client logs.

I get that not all error cases can be displayed on a GUI, but at least have decent error handling. Especially if your $8+ billion company.

NO DEar don't "GO" away. You "C" puns are great. Just "Express" your "Vue" and "React" with ++.

"Pay more attention to the house"

Oh, really?

I'm working here!

Why every non tech person acts like I'm doing no fucking shit all day?

These types of things makes me want open my own fucking office.

Until today, I had assumed deploying stuff to prod would NOT be one of my responsabilities in this company. Apparently that's not the case.

Had to deploy my code and pray it didn't break anything. Why is this a big deal at all?

Well you see, there is no repository. At all. No git, no svn, not even duplicate folders. No tests, no pipeline. Just a bunch of CPanels.

Had to manually copy files and folders from the development site to the production site and partially copy a database. "Just drag and drop" were the instructions I was given.

As if using CakePHP2, PHP5 and having to parse fucking Excel files wasn't bad enough, now I have to deal with one of the worst ways to deploy code.

Fuck it, I'm switching on the looking-for-job flag on linkedin.

No rant today. I'm actually really happy where I am. There are things that can be improved from a stack perspective, but I'm happy to have a good supervisor who's supportive of my training.

After all the rants I've written on this topic, no, no, fuck no. I ain't answering jackshit. The trauma is very real. I'm trying to not have a panic attack just remembering few of the times I've lost work, personal data, side projects, accounts, you name it.
Oh dear God it's hard to breathe...

Nothing gets on my nerve than microsoft. Just another day being a victim of fucking microsoft trash product called teams. All I wanted to do was login but no, this ass of a product has it's own shit things.

Recruiter bot just emailed me with some offers, let's take a look...

"Hand-on Experience with SQL and NO-SQL Databases preferably Redux"

Whew! I was worried for a second, thank god they are using a Redux database and not one of those really crappy React databases! I'll really consider applying now.

smh

I ran out of milk halfway a chocolate milk.
With no options left, I skeptically decided to add some water.
I had half a cup of milk, added 1/4 of water. Y'know, enough to look filled, not enough to ruin it in case it goes wrong.
Microwave it.
No, freaking, difference. Loved it.
I added some more water to see how much it changes, and it's just slightly less thick and 70% milk flavour. Sure it's a change but now I know the limit.
Recommended.

So, I've seen a github repo whose owner puts all of his code in an unformatted README.md file, no further files. I'm not sure if I should be concerned for them or scared.

Do y’all horde domains?

(I have more than a few friends who buy domains they never use. I’ve never understood the impulse 😅)

I have stopped Windows updates in my laptop. But no windows has to do some shit in order to maintain its reputation. Every 10 min I get this pop up.

Prototype no. 2 is looking really good (and also works so well to the point that the only thing that’s holding us back is supply chain)!

Also yes, that is a Touhou Youmu fumo (ᗜˬᗜ)

Part of a little lecture I gave my boss this week: "... you really should stop taking things so casually and so for granted. ALL of this stuff is not just something you can summarize in a single vague word or phrase like "stuck" or "kick the tires" or whatnot. there's no "magic" to any of this. there's no buttons or knobs you just touch with one finger and stuff magically works. it's all way more complicated than you probably think, ALL the time. And making assumptions will always get us in trouble." (To a tech-illiterate boss who always uses vague verbage like "stick this on the server" and has no idea how anything works.)

Software developers like to solve problems.

If there are no problems available ,

They will create there own problems.

Starting my day with 15 emails that I urgently need to respond to. I hate Thursdays. It's just meetings and emails and more meetings and more emails. No time to get work done.

Senior dev: Complete task and raise PR immediately
2 week later: No review
FML

I realize that people are breaking the rules. No longer social distance themselves and wear mask.

Here's some idea hold your fart and release it in a closed room and say this "if you don't care about an invisible pathogen , why would you concerned about an invisible atom bomb? "

Oh no what a shame. However shall I cope without gmail knowing my contacts

polymorphic relationships are fucking stupid. it's a great way to make your shit more complex and less maintainable for no benefit other than having 1 less table (which also makes queries slower since they can't be optimized correctly).

Meetings entire day. Management/PMs fucked things up and forgot an ENTIRE system. They just spend A YEAR for the requirements. A YEAR!!! Just unbelievable. Guess who has to shoot from the hip just fucking guessing things to fix it before everything should be in production? So sad. I just have to quit this incompetence. Just…incompetence. I know it is complex but to forget an entire eco-system of applications is just beyond idiotic. One whole year and God almighty know how many workshops and business travel expenses. I am fucking distancing myself from this organization. I have no hope. No hope.

Hey guys... Broke up with my girlfriend that I spend 1.3 years with her and all I think about is "I have to come back to work in order to forget this sadness and depression " ... Sometimes I feel that programming is making me feel like a robot with cold to no feelings

It’s been a loooong hiatus from devRant but I’m back and still no swipe to exit a rant. Cmon, that shit would make this app easier to navigate.

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.

Feel utterly deflated today. Working with an API that gives no feedback what so ever. Going around in circles and making little progress. What’s worse is we quoted 1 days work.

With all my experience I should be better!

A tool widely use and been perceived as a superset of JavaScript does not have a FUCKING language specification, we have no single clue why certain things are done the way they are done. All we FUCKING do is guess.

Fuck typescript

The most fun I've ever had coding was creating a hidden object game in school (with Flash/ActionScript3). I even had a dude do voiceovers, it was dope! I would love to learn more gaming development but no time. :(

My family STILL doesn't know what I do to this day. I graduated 3 years ago and have been in the industry since. They think I'm a designer. 🙄 No, mom and dad. I CODE. 😂

Incredible that these companies with literally no product, and barely a website (if any) come around offering 100K+ jobs

They have funding out of their ass but literally NO real-world value... it's amazing to me.

Guess it really is not what you can do but who you know.

Maybe this is naive, but I feel if an application/feature is strategically important to a company, at least two developers should always be assigned to support it routinely. This great resignation is no joke, and I’m getting tired of being the last man standing here. I’m too old for this shit.

How long can you work in a role with no potential that bores you shitless but pays an astronomical amount?

Anytime a designer tries to make a development estimate or tells you what to do, immediately raise your hand and shout a firm “No!” - sometimes I hate these fuckers.

YouTube Music is so fucking shit

No continue playing on refresh. Queue / Currently playing gets cleared (Wtaf?)

No logical playlist sorting by alphabet

Alphabetical order seems to restart several times and gets fucky with mixed starting letters towards the end

Absolutely no sorting options by any attribute

No continue listening on another device

No song search ability in playlists (Excuse me but what the fuck?)

SS attached shows how playlist goes from W -> Y -> axbyz

/me joining a new front-end project with enforced prettier rules to complete the build pipeline.

No double-quotes ! Single-quotes all the way !

- weird flex, but OK. I'll comply

No CRLF ! LF only !

- Ok, now you're starting to annoy me. With git autocrlf I can have my precious CR locally bu check in only LF and YOU CAN GIVE THE FUCK ABOUT WHAT LINE ENDINGS I USE LOCALLY WHEN EVERYTHING WILL BE CORRECT WHEN PUSHING COMMITS!

No semi-colons !

- Now I hate you

Shall I compare thee to summer's day?
No, a summer's day isn't a 20 lines long method.

When I hear the word "service" I think of something that just runs in background and you can do stuff with it. I have no idea how to create one, I almost had to make one on Android and use it properly, now I'm back to Windows and Java and we have something working as a service, I have no idea how it was created and how it does work, I just know how to start, restart and stop it. If you asked me how it works and how to communicate with it - XD no idea lol but let me google that. I have almost 4 years of professional software development experience.

And at this point I'm too afraid to ask ;____;

When a senior asks me, the guy who started 4 months ago about documentation on something that they’ve been using for several years. Haha, yeah bro, wouldn’t all of our job be a lot easier? I’ve been going down entire rabbit hole networks trying to find credentials and API tokens for the last month because there was no documentation 🤷🏻‍♂️

My latest mandatory training:
CSRF can be really bad.

We’ll no fucking shit Sherlock!

there are no faces

I like React.js ⚛️

(no rant today)

My whitewashed LinkedIn profile keeps getting harassed by recruiters when no one looks at my real LinkedIn profile under my Chinese name.

To save everyone's time typing fuck you because I am using LinkedIn. I will type it for you: fuck me.

My dev super power would be to read client's minds before a design call and eradicate their stupid ideas for a website that make absolutely no sense. Save us all a headache.

I tried mate!
I'm not sure if I like it that much!

@darksideofyay got me into mate tea and I just had to try it for some unknown reason.
I didn't get the pot and bombilla because that seemed unnecessarily expensive for a tea I had not tried.

I got the tea leaves, brewed them like green tea and it didn't work at all. The flavour was lacking and it was a letdown.
But I knew I was drinking it wrong. I needed bombilla. But hold on, @darksideofyay was brewing her toasted mate like tea. So I toasted a handful of leaves and brewed it.
And yay! I like that thicc tobacco aroma. The taste profile is better than green tea but nowhere near the black teas. All in all I'm convinced I need to try it with bombilla.

Fun times.

Hi guys, this is my first post, I am currently doing an internship as a backend intern and I'm constantly anxious if I'm good enough I come from a no name college and everybody here is from a top tier college and I constantly worry that I am not on an equal footing as other interns.

Make no mistake I work hard, yet I start to feel insecure. I hope this feeling goes away when I get more experience.

In several occasions I run rm -rf * in the wrong folder (or wrong server!!).
No big deal so far, but I had to spent more time to redo my work since Linux has no fucking recycle bin like Win!
So I created this helper function to give my brain a few seconds to think before my finger hit Enter.

delete_all_files()
{
echo "WARNING:Delete all files? Type fluffycat to proceed"
read x
if [ "$x" = "fluffycat" ]
then
echo "Deleting all files..."
rm -rf *
fi
}
alias myrm=delete_all_files

Hehehe... I am a genius 😎

Ohm.. How can I have objective judgement by being able to watch only subjectively censored content? Is there a no censored version of youtube and google?

Started working in big firm from past 2 months, I was learning about company, its products and what it does. To speed up things I asked one senior who has 8 yrs of exp, she said she also has no clue how things work here......
Now I know why I was hired as an urgent requirement......

React: the above error happened in that file line XXX

Me: There's no error above ffs

So I can't prune a private docker registry to free up space, because there is no space left 🤦🏽‍♂️

At this point, I feel so far from tech and programming so nothing is exciting anymore, although, I'm working as a "software engineer".

Every job feels deadend and requires nothing but absolute mundane skills. I mean "make the text bigger"-joke does not come out of thin air. No science, engineering, and little-to-no standards are involved in most jobs.

This leads us to this: you can get excited about rust, fp, extra dazzling clean code, uncle Bob's sect of salvation coders or whatever but you'll be hit with reality so don't get your hopes up.

Does anyone have experience on just "taking" the team organizer slot? My current team meetings are just nuts. A lot of ummms and awkward silences no structure and each runs at least 100% longer than the allotted time. No preparations are made before the meetings. The oldest team member has only been with the company like 1,5 year. I crave more organization