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Stack Overflow users in a nutshell:
*8 months ago*
Noob: "How can I do this with Javascript?"
SO User: "You should use jQuery. Here's how to do this in jQuery."
*Now*
Noob: "How can I do this with jQuery?"
SO User: "jQuery is redundant now. Here's how you can do it with Javascript."18 -
Client calls in and chews me out for being unable to connect to their server.
Long story short their Internet was down.
Pretty sure they still think it's my fault somehow.4 -
I am officially my Manager's own personal google.
"What is the Wifi Password?"
"I can't print this, can you help?"
"How do I switch keyboard layout?"
"How do I turn on the computer?"
"How do I close the door of my office?"
Soon she's going to call me "Ok Google, <stupid question>"10 -
Stupid bloody PM.
I asked him for two images a long time ago: a 1x and a 2x ‘0’ monogram for Apple wallets, since we currently have monograms for glyphs 1-9 and a-z. And this is in production, so any merchant whose name starts with a ‘0’ will cause a crash. We’ve been fortunate thus far.
But this PM. He lied about who needed to make the images for three weeks, saying it’s up to the designer, when he actually made them himself. He also said he was going to take care of handing the task off, and never did, and then said designer when on FTO. When I asked the designer about it after he came back, he had no clue what graphics (and even the feature) I was talking about, or even what the requirements for the graphics might be. I had to confront the PM before he admitted he made the originals, and (begrudgingly) said he would make the new ones.
When said PM did finally make the images, the colors were all wrong. They’re not the light teal from our branding, they’re dark blue and the font is different, making them pretty ugly.
Also, after assuring me that the naming convention for the new images is the same, I discover that they’re neither organized into folders nor even named properly. (And yes, he is aware of how it should be.) I can rename and move them around easily enough, but come on, don’t say you did the work and then give me a mess to clean up!
And to top it all off, he completely spaced making the ‘u’ monograms, so I’m still short a fucking glyph!
Asdfjskldf.
How do you do every single thing wrong? Like, how!?1 -
My god people = shit...
“The *insert website here* isn’t working, I need you to fix it”
- Everything’s good on our end, it’s their end that needs to be checked.
“Why can’t you fix it...!?”
Oh... I don’t know, perhaps it’s because I don’t fucking work for them you cock munch!!
I don’t get paid enough to deal with stupid fucking people. Where the FUCK is your common sense?
I work for “X”, THAT means that if something is wrong with “Y”, I have NO control over it you cock breath having fuck stain.
That’s like ordering tacos from McDonald’s and getting pissed off because they look at your like your mother should have swollowed... NO SHIT!3 -
Just solved two huge bugs in a private project without using Stack Overflow... Since when am I even able to do this? What happened to me?2
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How do i save a Word document?
How do i convert it to a pdf?
What is a pdf at all?
How to put all those things on a usb?
Why is this Pc not working?
I should start to charge by Minute...8 -
Let an expert consultant write your code, they say. It will be all right, they say.
Found this today in a legacy codebase.
3 -
Recruiter: "How do you see the future of the field?"
Me: "... How do I see the future of neurorobotics?"
Hom: "Yes"
Me: 😐 *baffled*8 -
Tl;Dr: Client-side validated online test
Some stupid questions in an online test.
Not all of them were coding questions, but all (yes ALL) were client-side validated and to solve the tasks all I had to do was to copy one array into another and set the time I needed for that task to a legit number.
Well at least it was an online test that doesn't required 3hours.2 -
Dear Product Owners,
If you tell me how I need to architect my software again I'm going to ask you to provide a network topology of the architecture you want me to build.
I'll also need you to request the new servers, work with the ops teams to setup credentials, provision the NAT, register the domains and document the routes that the proxy will need to use.
then I'll need you to hook the repo up to our non-existent pipeline so that I can make sure I won't do all that testing I already can't do.
I hope you're paying attention, because that framework you told me I needed to use is going to be a pain to setup correctly.
after you're done with that, please attach any documentation you shit out to the ticket you never created.
Enragedly yours,
Looking for a new job
PS: get fucked3 -
Me and my classmate working on the same problem but on different machines.
Him: Hey, how to create a file by terminal?
Me: touch space filename.
Him: Hey, how to open file?
Me: vi space filename
Him: How to do this? How to do that?
Me: Do this. Do that.
After sometime,
Him: Hahahaha... I solved the problem faster than you... You are so slow. I am better.
Me: 😒👺👿2 -
Errrr.... Guys, how do we do weekends again?
I woke up worrying about a bijillion shit, exactly at 6 AM. I think I might be forgotten how to do weekends... 😕16 -
So Microsoft removed the transparency Aero Glass effect going from Windows 7 to 10, to make 10 more "modern", even though 7 was pretty as fuck with that transparency.
Now they're bringing it back with their wanky "acrylic" blur?
Make up your mind Microsoft6 -
"You should record video tutorials of how to do stuff", people say to me.
#1 - I suck on camera. I have a really annoying nasally voice that I just can't stand to hear in my own head, let alone on video.
#2 - I look like every stupid a--hole fat old ugly white guy people love to hate. Nobody wants to see that.
#3 - I suck at remembering what the f$$# I was going to say to begin the video, to show the thing I was going to show, and how to end it without sounding like a complete #@#%@# moron.
#4 - %@%$#@ QuickTime! And any other video screen recording software that NEVER $%#@#$% WORKS for me!! I'll be in the middle of a very complex process I'm demonstrating and BAM! The whole recording crashes. Six takes and six more crashes later and I'm @#%#@# done with trying to do this #@$@#%.
Screenshots and text it is and always will be.9 -
Fuck your clients, right...? A small town bank I’m doing some security work for; I had them create me a test account. I received an email with my password; are you fucking serious...?3
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Learned over Xmas, my brother-in-law works at a company with NO CENTRALIZED VERSION CONTROL. They just... pass around zip files of the latest code? Or something? Like jfc, even as a student we at least used TortoiseSVN!
I was ok with their marriage last summer, but now I feel that my sister deserves better. Can't imagine a company like that attracts the best and brightest. Here's hoping he actually exceeds the expectations, and leads the company into a glorious, gitty future.2 -
How do you usually learn a new language?
My way is to start a project, then figure it out as I go.
I find that books and tutorials are usually better reserved for learning concepts or frameworks.2 -
How do working professionals find time to learn new tech? Work all weekdays... Shit tired on weekends this happens for few months and suddenly kids are b building ai and stuff and u just feel dumb.. how do you guys do it? How do you stay on top of the game?7
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"How do we share access to two-factor authentication."
What you mean is "how do we defeat the purpose of multi-factor authentication."
4 -
Today I was trying to convince a colleague that:
fun example(){
if(thing){
//Do something
}
}
Is stupid because it should be
fun example() {
if (thing) {
//Do something
}
}
It's the small things that are the most frustrating14 -
My internship is about to end in two months. I was under the impression that I'll start looking for a job towards mid August and then decide what to do. I didn't expect my company to offer me a position so early before my internship ended.
Initially I had liked the place. The work was pretty relaxed and I had quite a bit of freedom. Soon enough, I proved my worth and my team started respecting my opinions and suggestions. They even consulted me on multiple occasions.
The first thing I noticed on the downside was the company, despite being resourceful enough and having a decent turnover and important clients, was quite stingy in terms of employee welfare. There was no coffee. There was machine but you had to buy the capsule for yourself. And that sucks. I know I don't need to say more but the other problems were there was no enterprise subscription (or any subscription) to PhpStorm even though our team handled so many PHP projects. I know IDEs are personal preferences but not having any professional IDEs is not something to let slide. The lead dev uses NetBeans (and not because he loved it or anything). Even though I worked on WebDev and front end, I had no option to ask for a second screen. I had one display apart from my laptop. Usually most companies in Paris provides food tickets for internships and this company did not even give me that. And worst of all, there wasn't really anyone I looked up to. As much as I enjoy responsibilities and all, I don't think I should be in an environment where I have nothing much to learn from my seniors. For some fucked sense of security and certainty, I was willing to overlook all this when they offered me a position. But I recently had my interview and the regional manager, a fuck face who still makes me wonder how he reached his position, made a proposal for some quite a small amount of salary. What infuriated more than his justifications was his attitude itself. There was absolutely no respect whatsoever. It was more like "We'll give you this, I think this is more than enough for you. Take it or do whatever you want". I asked for more and he didn't even bother negotiating. I declined the offer.
Now this would have solved all the issues. But my manager and my lead dev like me a lot. Both of them are pretty nice people. They both were bothered with the fact that I had turned down the offer. My manager even agreed that the offer was too low and had already given me tips to help me negotiate. But after I turned down the offer, she went and discussed the issue with the regional manager and he offered me a new proposal. This time it was decent but still under my expectations. I'm pretty sure I can do better elsewhere. I said I need time to think about it. I get multiple advises from people to take it atleast so that I get my visa converted to a work permit. For some reason, I want to take the risk and say no. And find something else. But today my lead dev called me aside and asked me if was going to say no. He really tried to influence me by telling me a lot of good things about me and telling me about the number of different projects we're going to start next month and all that. Even though I'm fully convinced that I don't want to work here, just the sheer act of saying no to these two people I respect is sooo fucking difficult for me that I can already imagine me working here for the next one year. The worst part is I can clearly classify their words and sentences into stuff they say to canvass me, stuff they're bullshitting about and flattery just to make me stay. Despite knowing I'm being taken advantage of, some fucked up module in my head wouldn't stop guilt tripping me. I don't know what to do. If I only I could find a really better job.
Pardon the grammatical errors if any. I'm just venting out and my thoughts branch in 500 different ways simultaneously.5 -
Need to implement something huge on a app that I'm working on.
The design team is not from my company.
All the design that I have is in a PDF that I can't extract the images and they are low res.
How the actual fuck do they expect me to do a good job if I don't even have the design and assets to work with -
Well. Fuck.
A sunny monday morning. The sun almost glimpsing over the horizon. I'm on my way to the office, taking a breath of fresh cool air. It is infused by the scent of sweet pastries.
I reach the office, but something is different. Why is the door slightly opened? Carefully I grab the door handle. I do my first step past the doorframe and wooosch. Thick and sticky stuff is running done my spine, finding it's way through my clothes. I feel so un-fucking-believably dirty in this very moment.
This should give you an impression how I felt when I had to change a DNS record in this completely broken setup for just a matter of seconds until the letsencrypt client renewed the certificate.
I'm feeling seriously dirty.1 -
Why on Earth are people letting management tell them how to code? It is not their job to know how to do it. Much less to tell you how to do it.8
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Developer vs non developer interview:
Non developer:
How well do you know excel ?
Developer:
How would you write spreadsheet app, what if it was cross platforms mobile application but also desktop app ?
Non developer:
Do you know how to use windows?
Developer:
Do you know kubernetes, distributed systems, lambdas, cloud services and how to deploy to server farm ?
Non developer:
You know how to use printer / fax and coffee machine ?
Developer:
Do you have experience in writing code for embedded devices ?
Non developer:
Do you know powerpoint ?
Developer:
How well do you know javascript / html / css, are you comfortable with writing backend node.js code or electron applications ?
React native and native apps maybe ?5 -
In my Inbox, a mail trail with 3 people who concluded: "This is not working properly"
Me: "Looks like a config issue..."
Someone else: "Hey we've now checked the config, it looks fine"
Me: /goes and looks
Me: "But the required line is commented-out..." -
I turned my custom phone wallpaper into shirts, covers and other things. How do you like it? Would you wear it or would you improve it?
https://redbubble.com/de/people/...
7 -
How do you do it fellow developers? How can you stay productive for the whole day? I've tried and best I can do is 6 hours without feeling my brain mushing. Why do management insist I need to sit in front of the computer for the whole 8 hours...8
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Chemists recently "compiled" a programming language into chemicals! I'll admit that I have no clue how it works, but they were able to get a mathematical function working without any electronics. The article I read doesn't describe the speed of the reaction, so I'm not sure if it's really useful as a replacement for computer operations.4
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Do I know how to use flex? Mostly.
Do I know how to center a div inside a flex? Yes.
Do I know if I need to use align-items or justify-content for it? Absolutely not.13 -
Windows got upgraded to creators update.
Ever since it has updated, the battery life has decreased drastically, laptop used to last around 8.5 hours of daily usage, now its down to 3.
WTF, man.
I know surface has got its pro's, but shit, 5 hours of battery loss is no joke and certainly a big task to achieve.4 -
Devs with young kids: how the hell do you do it?
I am a foster parent for my cousin who is 4 months old and I don’t know how in the fuck to make this work. How do you do it? How do you balance code and kid?
For reference I work full time at a tech support place, I go to school full time, and I’m trying to pivot into software development, which means any free time is spent coding/studying code/building a portfolio. Problem is I don’t have free time because of the baby. How in the hell do people do this.3 -
I'm using Manjaro now. And I have two questions: How do I install idle3 for python3 and how the fuck do I get rid of this stupid panel?
4 -
How do I get in the coding zone 🤔 I get buzzed off my tits with caffeine then loud music and code all night
Thought that's how we all do it1 -
Has to be writing.
Not exactly a better dev, per se, but close enough.
I used to read books and imagine all sorts of possible scenarios to different events. One day, after replaying the Mass Effect series, I began to think about alternate ways to end it. Opened Libre Office and started hammering away. 10 minutes later, I had an outline. Never actually finished that story, but the spark was there.
I began noting down outlines and creating structures for interesting games and books; that soon carried over to my work. Before and after every meeting with my boss, I'd have outlined how the meeting was going to go, and how it actually went. Gave me a sense of order.
This in turn helped me be a better manager (I work with a team of 9), and I tell you guys, it couldn't have come at a better time. I had been promoted quite suddenly, and had been fucking up quite a bit at the start.
I had my shit in order. My team was happier and more efficient. My boss was happy. I was given bigger goals and tighter deadlines. I fucking loved it.
All this, from writing some fanfiction. (there, I said it!)
P. S: I stared at this for a solid minute, still not sure how it all came together.1 -
So, a few days ago I went on an interview for a position as a web developer, and during the interview they tell me they are thinking about getting into hosting, and that if they decide to do so I would be the one responsible for managing all of it.
I have no idea how to set up web servers, let alone make sure they can handle heavy loads and so on, so I'd be taking on a huge responsibility and workload, along with the task of making websites.
The company consists of 5 designers, and at the moment, no developers, and they have about 30-40 customers, all with sites that would need to be moved to the new hosting platform.
My question to you all is this:
How much does quality hosting equipment cost, and is it really worth it for such a small company to get into hosting, or should they rather look to make a deal with an existing host for some kind of monthly kickback/rebate?
I'm thinking they should find an existing host and enter some kind of partnership, as that would be easier and safer than doing all the hosting inhouse.
What do you guys and girls think?5 -
How do polyglot programmers successfully use languages?
I write code with second languages like how I speak a foreign language (e.g German). I think of what I want to say in English, then translate it to German.
How do my fellow devRanters do it?5 -
god how the fuCK DO THESE DEMO EFFECTS WORK how do these guys do this shit i can barely draw a cube on a modern CPU and these assholes have realtime 3d on the 8086 how17
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"How do you do an NSLOOKUP?" Random developer today.... seriously, you've been a developer for two decades, and you don't know how to do an NSLOOKUP? Or at least how to Google to do an NSLOOKUP?
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I'm just joining this field, and already I hate it when family ask what exactly I'm learning.
I can either dumb it down to the old "I make computer go beep beep" and get met with accusations of rudeness, tell the full details and have them look lost, or try and dumb it down and get met with patronizing remarks ("Oh yeah, I remember doing that last Thrusday! Sure, yeah!).
How do you explain this shit to your folks?9 -
I have a strong web dev background so um doing a bit of logical programming now...
Reading those tutorial I got sooo excited because of how they always say
"Programming is when you give a computer instructions what to do and how to do it"
But the truth is Its when a computer tells you how to tell it what to do and how to tell it how to do it....
SO WHO IS CONTROLLING WHO??1 -
!Rant
How do non-students get their IDE's?
I couldn't imagine working without Visual Studio Enterprise + ReSharper and all the Jetbrains tools, but I wouldn't by them myself (because I'm a poor student)...so how do you guys do it?17 -
How do you do to get going quickly again after leaving code unfinished? To-do comments? Separate notes? Something else?6
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Do any of you, especially freelancers, get paid in bitcoin? How do you set that up so it’s easy for clients to pay and for you to get paid? How do you convince clients to pay that way?5
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How do you guys manage your dotfiles? How do you organize them and prevent your home directory from filling up?7
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How do I become a consultant? Do I need to master some programming languages and programming patterns and get "know-how" beyond of the general population of software engineers?10
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Does anyone else make or play music to restart their brain after days/weeks of grinding? https://soundcloud.com/siegeacousti...2
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I work for a tech company, centered on computer vision and video processing. I mean, we're not exactly the most Web centric company I grant you. That said I've just noticed a post on LinkedIn a couple of days ago celebrating our new start. The URL?
...
...
That starts http://localhost/ -
just wondering: how much of your programming / development is based on your memory and how much do you use Google just for a reminder and how much do you ude Google for the entire code?2
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Lately, when someone asks if I know how to do something that I totally know how to do, I just say no so I don't have to do it.3
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39 hours. Finished building an Excel tool to help me convert rows of data into Magento custom products in seconds instead of minutes. Then I used said tool on a huge load of data and worked my ass off to get it done by some deadline. I honestly forgot what for.
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How many hours do you usually spend at office per day? And how many hours do you spend commuting?20
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every work i'm at, every assignment i do, i have to learn how THEY do things, how THEY think about things, i can't just be doing stuff, i have to be thinking about how THEY want me to do the stuff, how THEY would do it.
... who the fuck am I? how the fuck do I do stuff and think about stuff?
how the fuck would i know?
:'( -
Freelancers: How do you get your Clients? How do you convince them of what you can do for them? Any articles, tips, experiences and stories appreciated!8
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Why do my parents instantly forget anything they "learn" related to computers?! Like how my mom keeps forgetting how to do stuff in PowerPoint. And especially how she keeps forgetting that "I'm not a PowerPoint expert, I don't use it, and I would have to read and try some buttons just like she should do."1
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I'd argue to say that committing often, even if the commits aren't always meaningful, has saved me numerous times from bad code gone awry.
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Do you guys do any sort of meal planning / prepping (based on caloric intake / macro nutrients)? If so how much time is usually spent on the plan itself, and how long in the kitchen? Also how did you come up with said plan?
23 -
How much time at work do you usually spend purely coding? How often/quick do you get bored/tired? I’m just curious what fellow developers feel like.9
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Curious about developer lifestyles: how many of you do sports or physical activity and what do you do?9
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How long does it take to start writing codes without having to do “too much” looking up of some context?
I’m quite at the intermediate level and I fear I do a lot of cramming(and pouring) than actual coding.
I want to code all on my own, or at least tons of lines before having to check something up.
How do you guys do it? How do I become ‘pro’?6 -
How does Programmer enjoy their Life?
Girl: Do you drink?
Programmer: No.
Girl: Have Girlfriend?
Programmer: No.
Girl: Then how do you enjoy life?
Programmer: I am a Programmer
8 -
i3 is really weird
i don't understand
how do i add a window to the bottom on a 16:9 display
how do i open applications
how do i customize the window borders
help me pl e a s e1 -
How do you motivate yourself to start a programming project and what do you do to decide which project to go for?5
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How do you guys actually estimate any given task..?? What do you consider..?? Or do you just guess it as per experience..??7
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Do you use rust for production apps? if yes:
1. which framework do you use to build the server?
2. how do you work with mongodb?
3. how do you handle authorizations?
4. any beginner friendly project idea?1 -
Everything that isn't code drives me nuts. Like build scripts? How do those even. And I always find myself fighting against my IDE to do simple things. And how do I use a debugger? Println statements only take me so far.
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How many hours do you program each day? How many hours do you program until you make a break?
I am looking for a way to work efficiently and healthily.6 -
I may have asked this before...
Freelancers, what do you do wrt marketing / how do you find clients?10 -
In your labour time at job, how many hours or how much time do you spend searching information in Internet? And what pages do you usually look? (stackoverflow, coderanch?)1
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How do I use Tables? I'm trying to do some retro we design for my personal site,but I can never seen to get how to use tables.4
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- "what does that function do?"
- "I don't know"
- "how you don't know !? you are maintaining the project."
- "how do I know what 'ConvertFromDataTableToOther' will do !! it has two inner loops that exchange some columns!"
When CEO is doing code review ..
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