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Person: What do you do for a living?
Programmer: I'm an etymologist
Person: What does that mean?
Programmer: I work with bugs7 -
Boss - gives tasks to me. Timeline: 10 days.
Me - work hard and finish the solution in 3 days.
Boss- wtf is this. Do it properly.
Me - chills for 15 days. Submit the same earlier solution after that.
Boss - yes this looks nice now! Much better than your earlier work!
Me - dude seriously what kind of stuff do you smoke before coming to work?10 -
Boss: I need to know how much resources a server would need to serve 20000 users at the same time
Me: Sure, can I see the webapp?
B: There's not one yet
M: Ok, can I see its documentation then?
B: There is none
M: But ot depends on the programming language, libraries used, what kin-
B: It's an e-commerce. Try browsing Amazon and see how much they nees to handle the page requests.
Me: *still processing* wh-
Boss: I have to give an estimate to a client within 30 minutes. Hurry.
So.... Uh... I guess i have to hack Amazon now?7 -
Honestly: I love my job. Every day. I get paid to do what I love to do. And when I get home after sometimes 11 hours of work, I turn on my notebook to do exactly what I did at work - just as a relaxation method.5
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<person>: What do you do?
<me>: I'm a developer.
<person>: What?
<me>: A computer programmer.
<person>: **blank stare**
<me>: I work with computers.
<person>: Ohhh. You work with computers! There is something wrong with mine, will you look at it for me?
<me>: I don't do hardware.
<person>: **blank stare**
<me>: I don't fix computers.
<person>: What?
<me>: **walks away**8 -
My boss pissed me off so much yesterday I totally ditched work today. I had some spiced rum for breakfast (and dinner) and spent the day playing minecraft and browsing Black Friday specials.
I did a little bit of work that (oversimplified) involved paying a Clover contractor for doing basically nothing. Totes cool with that as the guy is really nice and a decent dev. Annoyingly, though, he started hitting on me and asked me out on a date at the end of the call. He's like 65 and has a daughter (grand daughter?) my age, so that's like totally creepy. Ugh.
Getting hit on by random old men is still better than talking to Mr. Asshole the Sales Fetishizer, though.11 -
/* Daily sit down meeting */
What did you work on yesterday?
- Tea
What are you working on today?
- Tea
Any road blocks?
- *sips tea* ...nah no11 -
So today the Manager told my coworker that "going to the toilet" is an excuse. We all work from home, "eating", "shiting", and anything other than work is considered excuses.
What in the bloody fuckery fuck is this?36 -
Friends brother: So what do you do for work?
Me: I am a DevOps engineer
FB: *blank stare* 😐
Me:I work with computers and fix servers.
FB: Awsome. Well my laptop been acting up lately. Can you..?
Me: NO
Credits: nixcraft -
Found this in a legacy codebase at work. Can't imagine what the coder was thinking. "Just in case"?
6 -
$work: Ey @Root, make this super simple thing.
$work: No, not like that.
$work: It also needs to do A, B, and C.
$work: No, not there. You should build it somewhere else, but I won't tell you where.
$work: You need to build out F and G, too.
$work: What do you mean you don't have the data? Just ask support drone #3. (who directs me to #2, and that one to #8 who doesn't know, and that one to #12 who won't answer)
$work: Why can't I do K, Y, or S? You should be able to infer these from the mind of whoever wrote the ticket by its wording, despite no mention of them whatsoever.
$work: Are you done yet? It's a super simple ask!7 -
At 4pm, after 6 hours of work of migrating from mysql to mongodb...
I am drinking coffee with my team.
Boss, comes from somewhere and asks...
what do you all want? (What he meant was, go back to work you all)
One of my team member- (angry and agitated) says-- a comfortable sofa.
Holy fuck, i laughed my ass out.
Guess what happend next...22 -
Teacher: "Will this SQL statement work LavaTheif?"
Me: "you need to put a 'WHERE id.."
T: "but will it work like this?"
Me: "well it wont do what you're trying to do, so it wont work properly"
T: "so will it work?"
Me: "no."
T: "wrong. It will work, but it will change everything in the database, which we dont want"
Thats what I was saying??
Also, he spent 50 mins out of our hour lesson explaining how to use SELECT, INSERT, UPDATE, and DELETE. I just wanted to get on with the work tbh.7 -
Anybody else work dual screen and every once in a while thinks, you know what, I need a third screen!12
-
So I get to work this morning and see this interesting little contraption on my work colleague's desk.
Safety first: make sure there's a warning sign... Lol.
No idea what he's doing with it though, guess I'll find out later.
6 -
I work as an Enterprise Java Developer. When people ask me what I do, I tell them I work with beans.3
-
I hate this work from home shit with your family around. "You're always in front of the computer, go workout, go socialize, its family time"
What part of "work from home" you don't understand. SMH!9 -
I started saying 'yes' to every opportunity in life. Long story short, I have 3 websites, 2 logos, a couple of leaflets and 2 non-profit websites due yesterday. Whiskey with cereal never tasted better at 8 AM!5
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3 nights of "why doesn't this work?", "what else can I try?", "why doesn't that work either?"...
Finally... it f**king works!3 -
OH GOD I HAVE AN INTERVIEW FOR A JUNIOR SOFTWARE DEVELOPER POSITION ON THURSDAY
IN A COUNTRY THAT APPARENTLY HAS LESS JUNIOR DEVS POSITIONS THAN PRESIDENTS
WTF I DO THIS IS MY FIRST JOB INTERVIEW18 -
Me on drugs at work: *focus as fck*
Me at work: shit, what the hell people around me talking about
Damn i love herb7 -
typical conversations with nondev coworkers.
so what r ur hobbies?
le me: i code and stuff..
for fun?
le me: i code and stuff..
i mean, like what u do after work.
le me: i code and stuff
but isnt that what you do for work?
le me: Oh My Fckn God You're Right!4 -
I don't get what people don't understand about how monthly bills work.
"But I already paid you once!"
"Yeah, for the work we did two months ago. This is the bill for the work we did last month."
"... But I already paid you once!"
"Yes, and then you asked us to do more work"
"... ... But I already paid you once! Why are you trying to rip me off!?!"
*sigh*1 -
Germans get made fun of for being focused on work and not wanting to have fun (at work).
But it's exactly what I like about them. I would join and work at a German company in a split second.
Fuck all the small talks and fun Fridays, let's just get the work done, get paid and go home and have fun at home.22 -
Why in the world IT work is so stressful?
I never been like that since I start developing code professionally, 8 years ago.
Since then, I had many health problems due stress, and some were really scaring (heart problem).
I'm trying to adapt to a healthier way of work, but I'm starting to doubt if that is possible.
Work in technology seems cruel and soulless sometimes. The constant pressure to learn new things all the time, to specialize in a lot of skills, simultaneously. The urgency nature of ALL tasks - even a simple form field slightly out of place seems to be an issue of life and death for clients.
Easy and quick communication made some people lost boundaries and respect. Many times I received calls and messages after midnight, about things like elements alignment.
And the worst is when clients blame you about their business problems. If they are not selling well this week, it's fault of the website you did ( which they are using for months now).
This actually happened to me today, first thing in the morning. After I slept just 3h, because I worked until late yesterday (oh yeah many more of these life/death updates).
What happens in this industry? Will this ever be different some day?6 -
Headhunter: what is your motivation to work here
Me: you contacted me about this role
Headhunter: *sigh*
Me: 🤦♂️🤷♂️4 -
Slept in this morning, left the house 20 minutes late, got to work an hour and a half late.
What?!2 -
When you get a call into the helpdesk:
" It doesn't work!! "
What doesn't fucking work???!!!!??? And who the hell is this anyway?2 -
As a Backend guy doing CSS. (Honestly don't know what i'm doing)
position: absolute;
z-index: -999999999999; /* better fucking work*/
margin-left: -1200;
background: red;
asdfghjkl
wait? what?3 -
Note to self:
Fucking comment your fucking code
So I finally got time to work on an old project and now I can't figure out what does what.6 -
Ubuntu: Lulz your trackpad drivers don't work and there's no solution other than compiling them yourself or something it might not even work because it's for a different model but just hope and pray ok? also your wifi obviously fucking won't work. What, are you retarded?
Manjaro: Ye I gotchu. Mouse works outta the box. WiFi too10 -
Do you think that "Work From Home" or "Remote Work" tends to reduce the work life boundary for the employees?
What I think is that Managers feel fine pinging employees at any time of the day. And as employees either you get good at ignoring messages or work outside the working hours.20 -
Documenting what failed and what did not work is equally important as documenting things which worked out ...2
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You know you're obsessed with your current codebase when you work on it until 8am the previous night, and are then annoyed at the inconvenience of not being able to work on it because you have to attend a party hosted by another dev, which you know will actually be fun2
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What does full stack developer mean these days. It used to mean you could work the database, the backend code and the UI. What does it mean now?14
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At work they assigned me to another project.
Now I need to work with JS instead of Java.
Plot twist: I have 0 experience with JS and about the same amount of knowledge.
GL to me5 -
yesterday..
- OMG ${LINUX} you work with computer? Can you fix my printer!?
I never learn to not talk about what I work with2 -
Hate it when microsoft forces you to use windows to work with some software. Well guess fucking what?
20 -
Remote work for me, but not for thee!
Google angers employees with 'hypocritical' remote work policies
Employees were already stirred up over opaque policies on remote work.
Then a senior executive announced he's moving to New Zealand in what some workers consider special treatment.
https://cnet.com/news/...4 -
This pic keeps me motivated.
It says Great work need time to build their Empire.
What you think??
42 -
😮
*doing my work silently*
*SUDDENLY THERE'S A FOSS, PPL RUN OUT THEIR HOUSES*
*still on the laptop*
-"what? Earth quake?"
*back on the work*
PS: anyways, anyone from around Tehran sensed any quakes?6 -
Management proposed to work with external freelancers, to "pick up speed so we can release these new designs sooner". We agreed, but of course we (the home team) can't have time to review their work because we need to develop other new features and bugfixes and such...
Weeks later, turns out that their changes are largely incompatible with the work we have been doing on the main branch. We are now rebasing/rewriting huge chunks of their work, probably taking as much time as it would have cost us to develop the design ourselves in the first place.4 -
Found out new senior used to work at one of the same places I used to work but a while before my time. So I guess that's what happened to his hair4
-
It's kinda nice to have a long weekend for a change to work on my endless list of unfinished side projects and code what I want to code, and not having to use fucking Windows 11 on a slow-ass work laptop.
-
I have a personal project I work on. Basically, getting paid fulltime to work on that...
No meetings or bs, just me working on what I want to work on. -
How hard is it to tell me what kind of error do you receive when a program doesn’t work?!
Just telling me ”it gives an error” doesn’t give me much to work with.. -
Second day at work ✌
Just started a website without drawing the template first. What could possibly go wrong..2 -
Week started of great.... :/
I always leave my laptop at work, except this weekend. Guess what I forgot to bring to work today.... -
Worked 2 weeks on hunting a memory leak on a product.
Ended up writing object tracker to find the leak(ironically it was in garbage collector). Found the leak and fixed it. It sounds cool but what I pushed was 9 lines commented out 1 line added for 2 weeks work..
Doesn’t feel very fulfilling to work for 2 weeks to comment out few lines. Only silver lining is that I might turn my object tracker into a library for colleagues to use.
P.s: not a linux or windows environment so tools like walgrind aren’t available.2 -
What do you think about replacing the backend with Google firebase, it would just save so much Work?7
-
WHAT DAFAQ MICROSOFT! Soo many BSODs after win 10 upgrade..*sigh* ....sometimes ruins hour s of work.. :(5
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Don't know if already asked but, what brought you to programming /your work area. Do you like it? Was what you expected?
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You're working on a project, your boss has set you tasks to complete. You complete all the tasks and make pull requests of all the work you've done. Your boss is busy and you don't know what to do next? What do you do? Is it unethical to work on personal projects in work hours, because you're not being paid for that? How do you find other stuff to do?10
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It's 2019 and text-overflow: ellipsis still doesn't work with multiline texts. What the actual fuck1
-
What do you guys do on low work days? both in terms of
a) Low energy = low work production
b) Low work required of you/slow work day10 -
Y'all, what do people here think of manjaro? What are the common issues of it these days? How does it work on personal laptops?6
-
What the hell is wrong with the browser on iOS....
For Christ sakes almost no input attributes work. I have a Sign Up feature that validates passwords with a pattern attribute; doesn't work, required attribute; doesn't work, input type number; doesn't work.
What the fuck is wrong with this thing. Even Internet Explorer knows what those attributes means. Absolute joke now i need to implement it manually. Fuck off apple.11 -
Me: "I have sent my resignation letter, What happens to my Saturday duty, which will be converted to Vacation Leave?"
HR:"Vacation Leave is for employees who have rendered for 1 year only."
Me:"Then what happens to my Saturday work?"
HR: 🤷♀️
FUCK YOU, FUCK THAT COMPANY. I HAD TO WORK FOR SATURDAY BECAUSE IT GAVE ME BENEFITS, BUT INSTEAD I HAVE TO WORK WITH NO PAY!3 -
What hours do you work?
I work 9-6, most people at my office work 7-4 or 8-5. I have the flexibility to work when I want, but never get to bed early enough to start earlier than 9. I feel behind when I get in the office because most of my coworkers and clients have already been at for an hour or 2.
When do you work and why? Can you tell if it’s impacted your career at all?16 -
"We don't have a responsive layout so just do what you think is best"
(builds responsive layout)
"This responsive layout doesn't work as we expected"
(sends 5 pages of notes on how mobile layout should work) -
This cat is looking at me like how my manager looks at me when I say am gonna work a few extra hours of work because I like what I do...
Am the one who gave her the milk 😅
1 -
Working on something...
-Hun?! Why the hell doesn't it work?
Attempt a few fixes...
-Still doesn't work? Damn what am i doing wrong?
Attempt other changes...
-Why is it still not working!?
Debug step by step, validate my values are fine...
-Why does my output not correspond to my values!?! What the hell is this black magic!?
Rebuild the same solution for the 5th time...
-...Why does it work now... -
Does anyone else feel they need to remind themselves to go to work tomorrow?
Or what they were supposed to work on?4 -
I used to work in IT support during my training, this is the most accurate description of the job:
If everything just works people will be like "what do we pay you guys for?" And if something doesn't work: "what do we pay you guys for?" ...*sigh*1 -
Looking for development work in my country Fiji is really hard. I really don't know what my options are.4
-
Someone at work deleted my test environment's databases.
What. The. Fuck.
If its not yours, don't fucking touch it.2 -
What is it like to work for respected software companies? Most of my career I've been doing bullshi@ work I started to hate the entire field. Is there hope out there?5
-
What do you think?
How will the work of the future look like?
what will be better?
What will be worse?
How would you like to work?1 -
Can anyone tell me what getting a CS degree at CMU is like?
My younger bro is graduating from there but from what he always says, it's just work work work work...
Never told me he did anything interesting or extra curriculars though my impression was CMU is the place where all the cool new stuff happens like Pixar, DARPA, robots, etc.
I went to NYU (useless business degree) and am probably more introverted than him yet compared to him it seems I spent 4 yrs partying... -
Having Technical Product Managers who say "it doesn't work, I dont know what, but do your job and find out."
-
What do we do when the WiFi dont work
What do we do when the WiFi don't work
What do we do when the WiFi don't work
On Ubuntu 18.10
Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Build it from the source code2 -
As a dev (all kind of dev ) what is something you struggle with in a work environment? Or at home?8
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Great article that clearly summarizes what I've been ranting about at work for years...
https://thoughtworks.com/insights/... -
What are the rules in a general work environment if a developer gets slightly violent?
(Emphasis on "slightly")
What happens to that developer in such case?6 -
Is it normal to work at a company that claims it has an R&D department (in which I work), but nobody actually does the 'R' part... like never?
I think I have potential in researching. What should I do?1 -
My boss tried to make me work at holiday (there's no work till 5th of Jan). I laughed at the proposal more than I should, then he understood what I meant and didn't say anything 😄
-
A sub company of the company I work for is about to be shut down. It makes me sad because I developed everything on the platform. All my work just gone.. at least I learned a lot about what NOT to do though
-
Hating myself because I'm struggling to muster up the courage to program lately ... Work is ruining what I love :-(8
-
I'm studying computer security and learning Linux on my free time, yet at my work I spend most my time in MS Excel and PowerPoint... what even is my life1
-
Next month I am going to work as a tester(1rst work in IT), have no expiriance at all.
I would like to prepare, but what should I prepare for, what should I learn/repeat/exersice?
Thx12 -
!dev
I usually don't get attached to the company I work for. Rather I'm more attached to the work what I do.
But I don't know what happened to me today! When I resigned from my company, somewhere deep down, I felt bad! 😥4 -
*writes function*
*doesn't work*
*adds more shit to function*
*now can't think of what more you would need to add for it to work*
*changes random signs around for 30 minutes*4 -
People:I don't have to work that hard, I work smart.
Me too asshole. I work smart and hard. Guess what dick face, you can't out work me and that's how I leverage my passion.
#JustMorningRant3 -
Client deescalation needed and intervention by company leader...
Client refuses to test - too much work they say.
Client wants a lot of changes - but cannot define what.
But most frustrating... Even as we tried to with all patience that was left to find out what they were doing aka how they work, what work flows, documents and so on were involved, they basically started a team discussion and seemed to work all differently...
And the project should be a complete sale and warehouse solution, suited and written for their needs.
Really? How can a company like this work?
It's not the first time I've dealt with hard projects or 'weird' customers, but really the first time I have no fucking clue what I should do.
Can someone please summon Ctulhu?3 -
Why mostly developers do job, why they do not work on thier ideas and make apps?
I am tiny developer and started programming because i have few ideas to work on, but what i see is no one is motivated here to work on ideas14 -
What you guys gonna work over weekend? I am planning to build very simple editor to open CSV's. 🙌🏼3
-
Q&A Time: What company you would like to work in ? Personally, I'd choose Jagex (RuneScape rulez) or Google6
-
Being useful with what you do.
Do what you enjoy (rolling tables?).
Work somewhere, where the company cares about you. -
I have always thought I work with morons. Now I know for a fact I work with a bunch of morons! What kind of idiot commits node_modules and apk files? What kind of moron creates a git repo without gitignore?5
-
I've seen a lot of web developers in devrant (including myself) and I'm interested in other peoples work...so, can you answer this quick poll?
- What language(s) do you use for work?
- What language(s) do you know?
- What languages would you like to try and why?
- Where are you from?
Thanks ranters <310 -
Getting better with your colleagues: leave your computer in the office on after work with the Google results of "What to do if everyone at work is smarter than me?"
-
yeah guess what
i don't live in switzerland
so obviously i can't work from there with your super fancy "4 days of work week from home (as long as it's in switzerland!!! WoW aMaZiNG" boomer plan
but you know what? let me do literally 5 seconds of research so you don't have to
please end it all4 -
Hello guys in new here
And to start, I share with you what my colleague say just after lunch (you will recognise yourself)
"So where was I in my work?
...
Oh yes! It didn't work"3 -
I suppose its too much to ask that floats work in 2021 +/- however many years lost.
>>> math.cos(math.pi)
-1.0
>>> math.sin(math.pi)
1.2246467991473532e-16
what I don't get is this would work on a calculator.20 -
!rant
What are people's thoughts on doing development/coding outside of work?
Do you prefer working with people who are passionate and code at work and home or people who just do it as a job?1 -
Get to work before everyone is there to work a while without interruption.
Be the first there... to fix the worst problem of the year which appears this night. What a nightmare.
But it's done and fixed I'm happy ....
Half day is over now come to the real work. Oh wait Chef want to know what happens.
Day is over.
Best day of the Year!2 -
Going soon to work my first day of my first internship, and eager to find out what work in CS actually looks like 😃
-
What does a software tester do between releases?
I mean, it can take weeks before another release comes up. What do they work with between releases?7 -
Friend suggests I find volunteer work as a Java developer at summer. I'm a freshman, what do you think?3
-
What is a stupid technology that is supposed to save you work that actually causes you more work?20
-
What do you do it you have an interesting/challenging work problem you can't seem to get out of your head?
I'm kinda tempted to spend my own time on it but that feels like doing paid work for free...1 -
Worst part of being a dev?
When you need to work together with people that are too stubborn. Recently I needed to work together with 2 guys and when they started ranting on me for literally nothing, I realized not everyone is able to work in a team.
Now im ranting back on them.
What are your experiences with people like this and what do you do to make teamwork more enjoyable? -
What is worse code that works in debug but not in production or code that doesn't work in debug but does work in production. Both without usable stack traces.
Currently batteling both.... -
What tool/process/concept saves you the most time in your day-to-day work? I'm looking for things I could integrate into my own work that would make me or my team more efficient1
-
What OS do you use at work?
Are you local admin of your work computer?
If no, how are local admin rights managed?
Do you think that giving local admin rights to devs is a good idea?14 -
I'll stay later at work to get something working/finished rather than save it for the morning because there is no greater feeling like coming into work and your code works great. What a feeling.
-
I usually search for a new method, factory, or design when what I know doesn't work or doesn't work well.
-
Work in a startup, with no pressure to work after hours.
Might sound bliss for those of you working 80 hour weeks, but be honest with yourselves, what would you plan on doing after work anyway?3 -
Are there any recent grads that work remotely? How did you find/get the job? What kind of work do you do? I want to try working remotely after graduation.
-
You know what, I’ve spent the past month and a half doing all the team’s crap work like SOX compliance, vendor software updates, etc. I’m taking a week to just work on what I want and everyone can go F themselves if they don’t like it. Anyone complains, I’m happy to let them do the 10pm - 3 am implementations.1
-
Gonna install a Linux system for my work machine at work.
What distribution do I meme myself into this time?
Maybe Artix, maybe gentoo, who knows?9 -
What's your ideal and current work time?
How many hours do you work per day and when do you start?
And what days you are mostly off?9 -
Anyone know how to square a negative value in perl? It doesn't seem to work no matter what we've tried7
-
I'm on the fence about changing my career path. It's the comfort zone of software development that keeps me in this bubble.
I mean, what other jobs are there where I can totally work from home and get to pick my work hours?2 -
What does it mean when a company asks: “are you authorised to work lawfully for $company in the country this position is based in?”
Does it mean if you have work permit or what?
Below this question, they also asks if the candidate will also need visa sponsorship.4 -
What is a good python project to work on to showcase my skills to employers that work with big data and AI.6
-
Is there a way to tell your family/friends what kinda work you are doing without boring the shit outta them ?3
-
what did you do at work today? i made an Magic 8-ball chat-bot for facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/Magic8Bot/2 -
Work on my own side projects. Even just taking notes about what to do and what to avoid. When I think my own stuff avoids the conceptual flaws which cause low motivation at work, I feel fine again! Bosses never learn, but I sure do!
-
I kinda having feelings for this RPA girl at work . I dont wanna make myself more derpessed than i am right now. We talked like i talked about work stuffs. just before leaving work for the first time. What is up ? wth going on .10
-
Any c++ embedded system programmers here.what kind of work do you do ,what are your daily tasks etc.and what boards do you use
-
What is Payday Loan? How Do Payday Loans Work?
In this post, we'll discuss what exactly a payday loan is, the payday loan application process, and understanding how exactly payday loans work.
1 -
I use a Lenovo Thinkpad T580 with Ubuntu for work (the company I work for has given it to me). What gaming laptop do you recommend?8
-
I am happy with my work and love it. I want to find my passion outside work. Can someone suggest me good books to read or something else. I don’t know what is my interest except work?7
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What if instead of vertical slices across front end and back end for dividing work, we did horizontal slices and hope we don't do redundant work, miscommunicate or struggle to provide front end precisely what it needs from back end if at all.
fuck me -
Isn't the subscribe function devrant work like creepy stalking someone...
Like what he commented,liked or posted....2
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