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Dear assholes of the internet. Next time you publish an article/tutorial/story etc, PUT THE FUCKING PUBLICATION DATE AT THE TOP.
I don’t care about your need to be minimalist, FUCK YOU, INCLUDE THE DATE.18 -
FUCK YOU, STOP FUCKING WITH ME! my stupid fucking colleague has just replaced all the semi colons in my repo with Greek question marks for the 5TH FUCKING TIME THIS MONTH. it wasn't funny to start, it isn't funny now, so take your fucking rat-like grin and hyena laugh and FUCK OFF AND WORK! fuck me28
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Watched the Winter Olympics opening ceremony where they have 1200 drones flying in unison to make amazing shapes in the sky with lights. Truly astonishing. It took a large team weeks / months to prepare.
BBC commentator “wow that must have taken someone hours”
Fuck you you dumb fuck ignorant cunt. It’s oxygen thiefs like you that put so much pressure on dev teams to do monumental tasks in ridiculous amounts of time.
If you don’t understand what you’re talking about then don’t talk!9 -
What the fuck!? Did you just fucking say you don't want to discuss API endpoints with me because I'm just a frontend developer? Get the fuck down from your imaginary backend throne and talk to me like the software engineer that I am. That's right, I'm a software engineer too, you fucking asshole. Just because you do backend and I do frontend doesn't mean you can talk down to me. And I swear that the next time you say you made all the work and I just have to "style it" I'll just leave. You can "style it" yourself.34
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*Corona Virus Lock-down*
-University Prof: "Now You have lots of time to do your projects. from now, you will have 1 project each week"
-Boss: "You are at home all day! can you increase your working hours?"
-Me: "Fuck Corona"5 -
Also a big “fuck you” to whoever decided under any circumstance holding the power button down on a computer case meant anything other than shut this mother fucker all the way down and try the fuck again.
Gahhh. When I hold the power button I don’t what you to sleep, I want you to die! I’m electronically smothering your bitch ass. When I’m holding down the power button to restart, the computer should feel like it’s being waterboarded! Like these may be it’s last moments on Earth if it doesn’t act right and get in compliance! No it’s not nap time, it’s time to shut up or shut down...forever!9 -
Sometimes you wish life was like computer, so every time some fuck happens you can just fix it or reinstall it
5 -
I googled "fuck apple" and ended up here... so yeah fuck this piece of shit company with shitty overpriced cancer inducing products. Xcode is the worse garbage I've ever seen in my life. For a company that masturbates to their superior design well they can eat a fat dick cause its horrible. Everything this fucking company does makes me waste my time. Add a fucking notch to their displays, retarded app store process, makes you workaround to install latest OS on older machines, hide options in convoluted interface, everything, make you feel like your 12 again and living with your parents. fuck them. fuck apple fan boys. fuck tim cook. fuck kids that jack off to iphones fuck you if you own a macbook and drink at starbucks . this is the last fucking ios app I ever make. bye39
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You absolute piece of shit.
Fuck you.
I hope your sleeves slide down every single time you wash your hands.
20 -
When the Sales team fucks up something, they point finger at each other for the blame.
When the Dev Team fucks up something, as a Senior Developer I say to my Boss that we fucked it up no matter whose fault it is and we will fix it up by x time.
When the SysAdmin team fucks. The Dev Team is to blame.
Sorry guys, I got a bit frustrated. All our servers wasn't backed up from last week and the SysAdmin guys are saying it's our fault.
What the fuck is going on? fuck you fuck fuck fuck fuck...9 -
I fucking hate python and myself even more. Python is easy they say, Python has nice syntax but fuck you . Fuck you seriously I cringe if I see non-c-like syntax. Every time I leave my comfort zone I get fucked over by damn semicolons. Fuck this imports i don't know your damn library. But god damn In far too advanced for hello world. There are two versions and the lib I want to use is incompatible? Well fuck me? That kind of shit never hit me on PHP. Damn me! Fuck you python. I want to know you but you fuck me harder than life. GEHÖRT? DU FICKST MICH HÄRTE ALS DAS LEBEN DU HURENSOHN!!!!
What is even your problem? Indentation? Well thank you for not having braces! I mean come on I try, I really do. I know you are different but every thing I want to learn about you is either for uber beginners or so advanced I don't even know what's going on. Do magical shit in a few lines? What the fuck is in those packages? A wizard full filling whishes like "plz make this work"?
But don't worry you cum snorting unicorn as much as I hate you I'm more mad about me for not being a descendant of fucking slytherin!16 -
So this guy called me. I hung up at the second 'ring'. He called again and I hung up immediately. I mean without picking up.
Please, get the hint, I'm fucking busy. Leave a message, I'll call you back if needed.
But don't try and contact me a THIRD TIME in a time frame of 1 minute. Not through WhatsApp. That's borderline harassment GO FUCK YOURSELF.
11 -
FUCKING PROJECT MANAGERS.
FOR THE LAST TIME, YOUR ALTERNATIVE IS UNUSABLE As explained the original proposal, and in comments THAT YOU FUCKING REPLIED TO AND AGREED WITH, the thing you want to use WILL NOT WORK. WHY ARE YOU SUGGESTING IT AGAIN?
FUCK YOU, YOU HAIRY-ARSED TWERP.
Also, dfox can we please have fucking anonymous rants!10 -
Fuck windows 10. I log on to start an interview code assignment that is timed. I'm on my computer getting things ready for a solid 10 minutes before starting the test. AS SOON as I start the test, windows 10 informs me:
Fuck you. There's updates and I'm installing them right now whether you like them or not, fucker. I bet you're doing something important too, so I'm not even going to let you schedule it at another time.
Fuck.15 -
I fucking hate toxic positivity. Every fucking corporation pushes the notion that "lifE iS aWeSomE, wE cArE abOuT pEoPle" and other such bullshit, and when you point it out, they call you a bad, toxic person.
No, you don't care about your community, let alone the whole world. You're just trying to make people believe that spyware, wage slavery and being fired by a neural network is the norm. You're making money off of those who don't have a choice.
If you account all people, not just American white rich 1%, it turns out that for the vast majority of people life is either an uphill battle or straight up nightmare. People are working in shifts and have no time or emotional resource to spend on themselves. Most of the people can't afford a house or a flat. Even those who can still suffer from mental illnesses, to the point where there are more mentally challenged people than mentally healthy ones. The word "neurotypical" meaning "mentally healthy" is wrong.
You want nothing but to sell your stuff and earn more money off of Chinese and Indian factory workers who work 16-hour shifts. Maybe your life is great, but aggressively pushing this notion is a big, wet spit in the face of humanity.
Fuck you. Fuck your space rockets. Fuck your twitter accounts. Fuck your institutionalized exploitation of the weak. Fuck your products. Fuck your "open source". Fuck your "GDPR compliance". Fuck your offshores, your hedge funds and your tax evasion. Fuck your bailouts. Fuck your ships spilling tons of crude oil, fuck your factories, fuck your slave labor, fuck your anti-suicide nets in Chinese dormitories.
One day, because of you, our planet will become unlivable. You will hop into your fancy space rocket to go to that top-1% elite Mars colony. Nice job.
But I will pray for a solar flare to hit you and turn you and your fucking rocket into radioactive ash.
20 -
Microsoft: We're brings new updates to Edge....
Me: Oh nice, was about time.
**Reads changelog**
"Edge now has support for Internet Explorer"
"No, really, you can now run IE in Edge."
Me: Oh for Fuck Sake!15 -
TLDR: Fuck you, Client A
1. Want to change the business flow during UAT and decide the deadline to be less than 4 weeks, even though that's how the business flow stated on the docs
2. He threatening us not to pay if it isn't done, even though he's not the one paying us
3. He said time isn't a problem because he can provide a table and chair that is put in front of his table
Fuck you, Client A12 -
Finally time to download the new Visual Studio 2017, click download, file size 1MB!😐 Fuck you all web installers! Eat shit and DIE!8
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Guy I work with: Hey can I borrow you for a minute
Me: sure. What do you need?
Him: so this is a project me an the other dev worked on
Me thinking: Well I know he did it all and sent you the project so don't tell me you worked on it
Him: so we use it to do this and this and send an email to this new account I made because (2 minute explanation)
Me thinking: I don't care. Just tell me what your issue is! I already know what it is and does from what you told me the last time when you showed me. Which took an hour of my time.
Him: so he sent me this code which is called <Descriptive name> and in the method we have variables call <descriptive name> and it returns a <variable name>
Me thinking: You mother fucker! I don't give a shit what your method is named, what it the variable names are, and you don't need to read through every line of code to me! Just from the descriptive name you just said I know what it does! What the fuck is your issue!?
Him: we also have these other methods. This one is called <Descriptive name> which does...
Me: are you fucking seriously going to read me your code line by line and tell me what you named your variables AGAIN!?
Him: and we named this one <descriptive name>
Me: you mother fucker...
Him: and it calls this stored procedure. (Literally opens the stored procedure and shows me) and it is called...which has parameters called... And it is a select query that inserts
45 minutes later after he finishes explaining all 3 pages of his code and his 5 stored procedures that the other dev wrote...
Him: So anyway, back to this method. I need to know where to put this method. The other dev said to put it in this file, but where do you think I should put it in here? Should I place it after this last one or before it?
Me thinking: You fucking wasted my fucking time just to ask where to place your mother fucking method that the other dev sent to you in a project with only 3 files, all less than 500 lines of code with comments and regions that actually tell you what you should put there and 5 small stored procedures that were not even relevant to your issue! Why the fuck did you need to treat me as a rubber ducky which would fly away if you did have one because you didn't have an issue, you just didn't know where to put your fucking code! FUCK YOUR METHOD!
Me: Where ever you want
Him: Well I think it won't work if I placed it before this method.
I walked away after that. What a waste of time and an insult to my skills and really unchallenging. He's been coding for years and still can't understand anything code related. I'm tired if helping him. Every time he needs something he always has to read through and explain his shit just to ask me things like this. One time he asked me what to name his variable and another his project. More recently he asked why he couldn't get his project he found online to work. The error clearly stated he needed to use c# 7. His initial solution was to change his sql connection string. 😑
He should just go back to setting up computers and fixing printers. At least then he would never be in the office to bug me or the other dev with things like this.7 -
If you ever cooperate on a feature like this as a developer, I will find out where you live, drug you just enough to make your body limp, and mutilate your genitals with my keyboard.
Fucking sexist pricks, assuming I want to play with the blue robots and not the pink dolls. Fuck all of them.
Actually, fuck all your retarded cablecutting VOD services with your awful recommendation engines. Fuck your lack of proper playback features, fuck your bloated mobile apps, fuck your vendor lockins, fuck your region locks.
I'm back to pirating, and I'll just buy a pile of merch, trot proudly through the office with an Adventure Time backpack and a laptop full of Steven Universe stickers.
32 -
You dumb, stupid fucking idiot.
Yes, that's me. Spent an hour debugging something, only to find out I wasn't paying attention when going through the API ref. Fucking fuck. Such a waste of time.2 -
fuck you SimpleDateFormat. Every single time. get one case incorrect, suddenly its june the 45th, 3017.8
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WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP WASTING MY FUCKING TIME WITH POINTLESS MEETINGS ABOUT WHAT METHODOLOGIES YOU GONNA USE TO GET THE FUCKING DATA????
JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING DATA AFTER YOU DISCUSS THIS SHIT AND TELL WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE TO DO WITH IT!!!
FUCKING WASTING MY FUCKING TIME AND WANTING SHIT TO BE DONE! WHAT THE FUCK!5 -
I'm so sick of all these fat frontend websites.
Transferring dozens of megabytes of mostly unused libraries is not acceptable.
A browser tab crunching up CPU time because everything must be "beautifully animated" (🤢) and processed without involving page reloads/backend is not acceptable.
A response time of over a second is not acceptable.
Cryptic error messages and random popups asking you to reload your page, not acceptable.
Sticky elements/popups breaking access on small screens is not acceptable.
Running hundreds of ajax calls per minute as heartbeats/probes
and crashing the page when the internet has a hiccup, not acceptable.
Fuck Asana, Fuck Twitch, Fuck LinkedIn, Fuck Youtube, Fuck the dozens of other SPAs which unload their truckload of diarrhea into a tab, yet fail to load crucial functionality about half of the time.
Fuck any page that breaks when you block Facebook, Doubleclick, Twitter or Google Analytics. To hell with websites depending on cookies or javascript loaders to display anything.
I want webpages to be interactive informational documents again.
Fuck off with your apps.
If you want to make an app, learn to use a real language, and get the fuck out of my browser.5 -
!dev
Me: walks into a coffee shop and orders a latte
Barista-1: can you cover for me tomorrow.
Barista-2: I am busy with family. Do you have plans?
B-1: no.
B-2: are you sick?
B-1: yeah! My throat hurts soooo much and I can hardly breath!
B-2: ahhhhh. That’s too sad.
B-1: commences to make my latte while breaking heavily into it.
Me: Walks the fuck away.
Fuck. That. Shit.
The $6 it costs for that latte isn’t worth missing a week of paying work with the flu!
I got no time for that type of shit. Stay the fuck home for fuck sakes.7 -
Fuck. You know you have overslept when you wake up and reach for your phone to check the time only to realise you aren't reaching for your phone, but instead you've fallen back asleep and are dreaming about reaching for your phone.
Just happened 3 times in a row to me -.-2 -
I sometimes encounter developers who try to be serious all the time and be super rational at everything and have a pride in never smiling. One time my friend was crying and her dev boyfriend went like "I am a developer and I think rational, the way you think about X........." Dude shut the fuck up and hug her! Nobody gives a fuck about you being a RoboCop right now. The fact that you lack emphaty and emotional capacity doesnt make you a mighty god, it makes you a fucking asshole.4
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Fleksy, if you're going to tell me through a fucking annoying notification that you won't run unless I update Google play services (those can go fuck themselves, I'm not updating that fucking malware) one more goddamn time, I'll fucking exterminate you.8
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Fucking bastard cunting customers I am not starting your shite at two minute to going home time, if you don't like go fuck yourself. #rant over16
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Fucking fuck you fucking fucked up fuckery.
I got fired and signed mortgage at the same day. Well looks like next two months going to be fun.
Time to get drunk.20 -
FUCK OFF!! JUST. FUCK. OFF.
I've been studying for around 4 hours and my roommate just asked me "why do you take so much time to study? Reading through it twice should be more than enough"
Simply reading trough it twice he said. MOTHERFUCK I'M NOT EVEN DONE READING THIS SHIT, THAT I'LL NEVER APPLY IRL, ONCE AND I AM NOT A KIND OF GENIUS THAT REMEMBERS EVERY DAMN DATA OK BY READING SHIT TWICE LIKE YOU. PUT YOURSELF IN MY DAMN POSITION YOU INSENSITIVE FUCK4 -
I just got a response from a recruiter saying that I didn't pass the screening because "they need people with degrees". Why the fuck didn't you mention that in your job requirements before wasting my time? Fuck recruiters and their degrees!!6
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When you are browsing devrant and then you arrive at the posts you left of last time.
Fuck, im up to date. -
Dear Dennis from Bremen, I appreciate how you dislike my websites color theme. And totally can understand that you can't employ me because of that. I thank you for taking the time and writing me this, even though I didn't ask you.
Go fuck yourself!9 -
Thinking of auto adding ‘you dumb fuck’ to every email I send to a client. Fucking useless time wasting bastards.
Example: I’ve forgotten my password for the cms can you send me a link to reset it.
The login page has a link clearly labelled ‘forgot password?’.
I send a screen grab with a big red circle around the link and some polite text, which I was desperate to add ‘you dumb fuck’2 -
!dev
Fuck Deutsche Bahn in the arse with multiple cacti. A country that is proud of its railway, cannot actually fucking manage to get one fucking train moving on fucking time.
Have I ever arrived anywhere on time? Fuck no! Deutsche bahn can promise to get you there, but never actually manage to get you there! Fuuuuuuuuck!41 -
(Best read while listening to AEnima by Tool, loudly)
Dear Current Workplace,
Fuck you, for the reasons enumerated below.
Fuck your enterprise grey blue offices, the stifling warm air of a hundreds of bodies and sub par "development laptops".
Fuck your shitty carbonated water machines which were a cost saving measure over decent drinkable water.
Fuck your fake "flexi time", "you can do home office whenever you want" bullshit. You're still inviting me to mandatory meetings at 09:00 regularly.
Fuck your shitty, in house, third part IT provider sister company. They're the worst of all worlds. If it was in company, we'd get to give out to them, if it was an external company we'd fire them. And yes, when I quit I will quote the dumpster fire that is our corporate VPN as a major factor.
Fuck your cheery, bland, enterprise communication. Words coming under the corporate letterhead seem to lose all association with meaning. Agile, communication, open are things you write and profess to respect, but it seems your totally lack understanding of their meaning.
Fuck your client driven development. Sometime you actually have to fix the foundations before you can actually add new features. And fuck you management who keep on asking "why are there so many bugs and why is it always taking longer to deliver new releases". Because of you, you fucknuts, Because you can't say "NO" to the customer. Because you never listen to your own experienced developers.
Fuck your bullshit "code quality is important to us" line. If it's so important, then let us fix the heap of shit you're selling so that it works like a quasi functional program.
Fuck you development environment which has 250 projects in a single VS solution. Which takes 5mins plus to compile on a quad core i7 with 32 gb of ram.
Fuck this bullshit ball of mud "architecture". I spend most of my time trying to figure out where the logic should go and the rest of the time writing converters between different components. All because 7 years ago some idiot "architect" made a decision that they didn't have to live with.
Actually, fuck that guy in particular. Yeah, that guy who was the responsible architect for the project for 4 years and not once opened the solution to look a the code.
Fuck the manual testing of every business process. Manual setup of the entities takes 10mins plus and then when you run, boom either no message or some bullshit error code.
Fuck the antiquated technology choices which cause loads of bugs and slow down development. Fuck you for forcing me to do manual tests of another developers code at 20:00 on a Friday night because we can't get our act together to do this automatically.
Fuck you for making sure it's very clear I'm never going to be anything but a code monkey in this structure. Managers are brought in from outside.
Fuck you for being surprised that it's hard to hire competent developers in this second rate, overpriced town. It's hard to hire anywhere but this bland shithole would have anyone with half a clue running away at top speed.
Fuck you for valuing long hours and loyalty over actual performance. That one guy who everyone hated and was totally incompetent couldn't even get himself fired. He had to quit.
Fuck you for your mediocrity.
Fuck you for being the only employer for my skill-set in the region; paying just well enough that changing jobs locally doesn't make sense, but badly enough that it's difficult to move.
Fuck you for being the stable "safe" option so that any move is "risky".
Fuck your mediocrity.
Fuck you for being something I think about when I'm not at work. Not only is it shit from 9 to 5 you manage to suck the joy out of everything else in my life as well?
Fuck you for making me feel like a worse developer every day I work here. Fuck you for making every day feel like a personal and professional failure. Fuck you for making me seriously leave a career I love for something, anything else.
Fuck you for making the most I can hope for when I get up in the morning is to just make it until the night.6 -
HAVE YOU JUST TRIED TO BARGAIN ON MY ESTIMATE?!
I really hate when people try to bargain on my estimates. It's done when I say so. I really think it through before I tell you the deadline, so GO FUCK YOURSELF PLEASE AND SHUT THE FUCK UP. NEVER EVER BARGAIN ON THAT AGAIN.
If you do, it will take one week longer for every time you try it.7 -
it can be the most interesting article in the world, but if you ask me to confirm cookies, to enable notifications and to disable my adblock or subscribe to your aWeSoMe newsletter at the same time I'm not interested in spending any more time on your site
oh and also, FUCK YOU, return your degree, resign and FUCK OFF1 -
God Damnit just name the fucking interface one thing and stop changing it every single time you check in. I don't care if you call it IGeorge at this point as long as it's still the same thing tomorrow morning you fuck.
1 -
Fuck this system. Fuck college. Why the fuck are you making me write hundreds of chemistry assignments and calculating double integrals? How the fuck does that even help me? I seriously feel like college sucks up a huge chunk of my time and I am not learning anything, while I practice Node and Vue at home. Why does that degree hold so much value when most degree holders don't even have skills?30
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Fuck you you fucking fuck, why would you change an api without any notification?
Background: built an app for a customer, it needs to fetch data frlman external api, and save it to a db.
Customer called: it's broken what did you do?!?
Me: I'll look into it.
Turned out the third party just changed their api... Guess I should implenent some kind of notification, if no messages come in for some time...5 -
Mate - whatcha doing ...
Me - oh just hacking nasa
Mate - seriously!? 😯😨
Me - OOOOh yeah I do it all the time see (shows similar photo)
Mate - don't hack me 😭
Me (in head) - you poor dumb fuck...
Me irl - I won't if you don't piss me off 😏
9 -
FUCK YOU EXCEL!
Multiple monitors to show multiple sheets at once?
Excel: Not allowed.
FUCK YOU
Open multiple files at once?
Excel: Not allowed, I will only show you one at a time.
FUCK YOU
Multiple Desktops to have multiple setups to easily switch between?
Excel: Not allowed, I'll show you the same spreadsheet on all desktops!
FUCK YOU
FUCK FUCK FUCK18 -
Finally fixed a major bug.....
FUCK YOU C# AND YOUR FUCKING CASE SENSITIVE BULLSHIT.
DAYS
THAT TOOK FUCKING DAYS AND AT NO POINT DUD VISUAL STUDIO BOTHER TO MENTION THAT FUCKING ERROR.
1 CHARACTER, ON ONE LINE, EFFECTIVELY BROKE THOUSANDS OF LINES OF CODE
fuck this, I quit. See you next time you contact the Microsoft live support chat!13 -
CTO 3 months ago:
- You will get a raise after 9 months of work according to your KPI (98%) and bonus (size of one month pay check)
HR today:
- NO
FUCKITY FUCK, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I WORKED HARD AT NIGHTS AND SACRIFICED MY FREE UNPAID TIME FOR NOTHING, THANKS19 -
Coworker: hey can you do this?
Me: sure *couple hours later* it's done.
Coworker several hours later: that thing you did completely changed. Can you update it?
*checks the platform we use so non devs can create web pages* All of my code was erased and I have to restart and add even more functionality. Why the actual fuck would you hire web developers if you're just going to have other employees use a poorly built tool to build pages. Every fucking time something breaks in the shitty fucking app, I have to fix it. Or if it doesn't do some crazy functionality, I have to hack code in there to do it in the ugliest way. Fuck tools like this. Fuck companies who make money off of these tools/use these tools. And fuck the developers who make these shitty tools that give real web developers so much frustration.4 -
Fuck you Windows 10 and your fucking mandatory updates that fuckes up every fucking time! Fuck you and your fucking inability to update beyond 71 fucking percent! This is the last fucking time you waste my time, your fucking out! Fuck you!!!19
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Me : *trying to download latest version of android studio*
Google: "Your client does not have permission to get URL /studio/index.html from this server. That’s all we know."
Me: FUCK YOU GOOGLE
Me: *googles: دانلود اندروید استودیو* (which means download android studio)
*and downloads it from a random website*
It happens every goddamn time, why the fuck i can't download this shit !? Because these countries are fighting each other all the time! What did i do wrong in my life? I just want to download your fucking app to write another shitty app to continue my fucking life. I don't know shit about this wars happening, I'm just a dev like others all over the world.
Downloading an app, is that too much to ask? Well fuck you then.
14 -
Parked the car in a parking lot 15 mins before job interview. Plenty of time to spare.
Go to pay for parking.
Ticket machine doesn't accept cards. Fine, I have notes.
Ticket machine doesn't accept notes. Shit, I need to go get change quick.
FUCKING FUCKER DOESN'T ACCEPT £1 COINS WELL WHAT THE FUCK TO YOU ACCEPT THEN YOU FUCKING FUCK I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR MY JOB INTERVIEW OR GET A £80 FUCKING PARKING FINE9 -
PM: Hey listen, client sent us his feedback about the app that we need to fix, they wont take time.
Me: Sure no problem.
5 Minutes later:
*Receives email*
*checks email*
15 easy tasks that take not time to finish BUT they are put inside ONE FUCKING TASK ON JIRA! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS SHIT! 15 IN ONE YOU DUMB FUCK!
MOVE YOUR LAZY ASS AND WRITE EACH IN ITS OWN MOTHERFUCKING TASK!
Another reason on why I hate humans -_-1 -
"Hey what's your opinion on this idea?"
I think it's a huge waste of time and effort. Why not use this simpler solution?
"Nah let's do this."
Then why the fuck did you even ask?2 -
Stop sending passwords in plain text via email. Just stop already. If you don't know how to implement a secure alternative, hire a fucking consultancy to assist you.
Fuck. The next time I purchase from you and I get my password in plain text anywhere, I'm immediately demanding a refund and taking my money elsewhere.
Just fucking stop.13 -
So, I'm a Portuguese dude. I have my OS's in English language and Portuguese keyboard. Today, I spent 30 min raging at my computer because I couldn't login. I tried like all my 865725428 passwords (fake number, in case u don't get it) and still couldn't access it. Then I fucking looked and remembered Windows is an asshole and changed my keyboard input to English, so all my symbols were changed. Fuck you Windows, Linux never did this to me. Y the fuck would u? Do u like to fucking make me waste my precious time? Go and fuck yourself with a 35'' CAT-5E cable you prick.10
-
Why the fuck are Indian software companies under the impression that interns are just junior developers that you are legally allowed to fuck over with shit/no pay. Internships are supposed to be about learning and growth. Every fucking company I apply for has some bullshit bi polar disorder because their requirements state one thing and they ask you other bullshit on the phone or at the interview.
How the fuck do you expect a college student to know React, Django, AWS, Angular, D3, Scala, iOS and whatever buzzword you assholes noticed were trending on quora?
And for fucks sake don't waste my time to call me and ask if I'd be available full time if I mentioned I can only intern part time.
WTF is wrong with these people.6 -
Imagine being on vacation and the first notification you see on your phone in the morning is from your colleague on Teams:
"Hey! Are you available for a call despite the vacation?"
Fml and fuck me for being too kind to even spend time answering his questions instead of ghosting him.16 -
Oh, my boss never fails to amaze me...
Every fucking time he talks about changes to someone outside the team he says something like:
"we always gotta be prepared for breaks because it is always like that, you change something here and when you see you broke something there"
All in a manner that *tries* to bring tensions down.
And every time I explain to him why the fuck automated tests are important and wtf they do he always manage to understand it as a waste of time...
I'm never gonna give up, motherfucker.2 -
Fuck it. It's Friday EOD.
Enough is enough.
It's time to close my lappy and go for a nice long stroll, get all those work thoughts out of my RAM and get ready for two whole days of slacking!!!!
See you next week, suckers!5 -
Ok, YOU fuck up THREE (!) times, and send me new text for the app, each time saying its '100% finished, no errors' and expect me (each iteration) to do it IMMEDIATELY
Why don't you go fuck yourself, do your damn job, do it right, and THEN contact me instead of running around like an childish preschooler with a pair of scissors4 -
Urgh, fucking excel!
Why the fuck can't you handle a few thousand calculations you dumb ass piece of shit.
I am this close to... fuck, it crashed. 🤦♂️
I fucking give up.
Time to strap this data to a DB instead.7 -
"An error has occurred. Please try again."
WELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE ERROR? WHY CANT YOU TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO TO FIX THE ERROR YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT.
I shouldn't need to submit a form 23 fucking times, changing field values each time, because of an uninformative fucking error message.3 -
I post an answer to StackOverflow for the first time in a few months. INSTANT DOWNVOTE + "CORRECT BUT NOT `LOGICAL ENOUGH`"
FUCK YOU
thx for coming to my TedTalk5 -
Fun drinking game: work on a legacy system for a few hours. Every time you say "what the fuck?" equals 1 shot.3
-
This fucking professor who doesn't go to classes and demands make up classes to catch up. Like WTF, So now you are taking our precious resting time where it is the only time we get our precious sleep? Fuck off. It was not our fault that you did not show up. I get that you want to catch up but taking our rest time is not cool. You are not the only one who stress us with fucking projects and exam shits...13
-
"Developer code must ensure that IAsyncDisposable implementations don't take a long time to complete."
Ah yes, the very technical "long time" unit of measurement. God why don't you just go fuck yourself microsoft7 -
What a lazy fuck.
This so called full-stack developer doesn't know how to use mysql from command line. The only way he can do anything in the database is using phpMyAdmin or MySQL gui.
What? How do you even call yourself a developer when you don't know how to use basic command line tools?
The fucker wants me to find out why a particular feature is not working?
Why the fuck are you being paid for? You stupid idiot.
"Can you please grep ... in the server?"
What? Why would I do that for you? How about you ssh the server yourself?
What a waste of time.5 -
That feeling when a coworker screws up totally. doesn't accept it as their fault.
You look at the code and see so much of redundancy and bad practice galore.
You look at it for a while and think you can rewrite it from scratch. But you finally end up saying "fuck this" and feel hopeless because there is not enough time.
Hate that feeling. Hate it. Depresses.2 -
I recently got a notification that said "the are 590 new rants since your last visit" or something like that.
At the time that I got that notification the last time I logged on was only a day or two ago. And I'm not even subbed to that many people!
You all need to chill the fuck out. It shouldn't be healthy for you all to be this angry all the damn time.1 -
WHY???
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO FUCKING SURPRISED SHIT HITS THE FAN EVERY GOD DAMN TIME A CHANGE IS MADE IN YOUR LIMPING SYSTEM?
YOU GAVE NO FUCKING SPECIFICATIONS NOR ANY CARE TO DECIDE ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT IN IT.
EVERY TIME I SEE THE CODE I GET EYE CANCER, DEBUGGING THIS SHIT IS AS HARD AS FINDING THE FATHER IN A HOBO STREET ORGY
AND YOU FUCKING THINK ADDING FEATURES INTO THE SYSTEM UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES IS SO GOD DAMN EASY.
I hope life's god damn dandy for you, get fucked with a pipe bomb.
Oh, hello DevRant, sorry for sitting on the fence for the past months.4 -
hey customers, maybe if you could learn how to READ THE LITERAL INFORMATION PAGE you wouldn't have to take the time to send me stupid emails because you are a dumb incompetetant fuck
GOD
going to quit trying very soon
no one else does, why should i4 -
Fucking fuck fuckity keyboard autocorrect on windows (and on osx): NO FUCKING THANK YOU, FUCK OFF, STOP FUCKING AROUND WHILE I WRITE
I turned off fucking autocorrection on windows 10, I write an email in french, and every word that has a similar spelling in english gets autocorrected FUCK YOU OUTLOOK, FUCKING RESPECT MY FUCKING SETTINGS, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF CODED SHIT PILE OF SHITWARE
So much time lost correcting and recorrecting.
Oh, also: a phone is a fucking phone, a computer is a fucking computer, not the same device, not the same behaviours, fucking get that you fucking companies6 -
How come it is so hard to find good developers. Have been doing interviews for a couple of weeks now (for a senior PHP developer role).
First round is me talking about the function and company, asking questions about candidates experience, wishes and we usually end in some tech conversations. Most of the resumes I got are pretty fucking good. I mean, experience with low-level languages, experience with the problems we need to solve here, contributions to open-source, experience in R and MathLab etc etc. On paper they look perfect.
For the second round I give them an assessment which they can do at home on their own machine in their own time. It's not a hard one, just some mathmatical problems they need to solve. A quick google GIVES the answer (no joke!!). But that's OK, I look at their code cleanliness, proper use of commenting so I can determine if they are solo-developers or fit good in a team and if they abstract repeated functions and make sure that they take their work seriously, you know the drill.
It pisses me off that I get BROKEN FUCKING CODE WHICH DOES NOT EVEN RUN and that I get code back which I look at and makes me vomit instantly, I mean, DO YOU EVEN TAKE YOUR PROFESSION SERIOUS? How dare you to ask for 50k the year, a lease-car, extra bonusses AND YOUR FUCKING CODE SPITS OUT COMPLETLY WRONG ANSWERS OR DOES NOT EVEN RUN WHAT THE FUCK DUDE GO BACK TO FROM WHICH EVER HOLE YOU CRAWLED OUT AND STOP WASTING OTHER PEOPLES TIME WITH YOUR FUCKING INCOMPENTENCE...19 -
My idiot boss keeps coming up to me and asks "How far along?" every hour. Shut the fuck up you asshole let me work for some time undisturbed before you poke you non technical nose and ask me that dumb question!!!4
-
So Microsoft, you tell me that there is a known bug, if you have Windows 10 with the newest update installed on a SSD and Apps running on another hard drive?! And this bugs causes random freezes of the whole PC from time to time?
WHAT THE FUCK?!
It is a common setup nowadays to have a SSD with windows 10 and software on other hard drives and you didn't care to check it before releasing the update? Which I HAVE to download and install?
FUCK YOU MICROSOFT!8 -
REDIS: Great for cloud, will fuck up your local disk if too many write operations per second.
DynamoDB: WTF 10Mb should not be "too large for a single record"!!
SPARK: NEVER CONNECT IT TO A DATABASE! Wasted A LOT of cluster time. Also, can you be LESS specific on exactly what are the bugs in my code? 'cause I don't think it's possible.
NPM: can't install a package for shit. tried it waaaay to many times.
Makefiles: Just fuck you.
WSL1: breaks more often than a glass hammer.
Python >= 3.6: FUCK ENCODINGS!!
Jupyter: STOP MESSING UP WHILE SAVING!
Living is to collet bugs, it seems.4 -
fuck.
I think when you need 20 minutes to figure out that you tried to use (0) to acces array values instead of [0] in Java it is time to go to bed.3 -
for the final fucking time
i'm the one who did the 8 hour garbage take home challenge and submitted it
i shouldn't be the one who has to reach out two weeks later to figure out what the status of my application is
oh and you ignore me on whatsapp
fuck you4 -
Windows decides to download Creative update.
I restart the computer wait for the update to finish.
I see the login screen.
I log in, then windows says:
"Hi, we have an update for you this might take a few minutes!"
What the serious fuck windows? Did you need me to login so that you can waste more of my time?3 -
corporate emails and what they mean
- “changes to our privacy policy” — we raised capital, time for you to leave! good times are over.
- “changes to our pricing” — we are basically acquired, leave now.
- “blah blah community help blah blah” — fuck you, we can't even be bothered to fix bugs in our product.
- “blah blah 30% off blah blah” — yup, the unsubscribe button was broken last time you clicked it. -
Time for the self assessment for the year...
"Where do you see yourself in 3-5 years?"
Oh idk.... Maybe owner of a small coffee shop with no stress whatsoever...
Or I might fuck off to my own little mountain like Luke that'll be nice...4 -
Goddamn! Take a shower! You smell dank as fuck!
People coming into my cubicle smelling this way piss me off! I know it's possible for you to find time to shower.
Jesus12 -
Me, about to head out for work: Hey I wonder how much time I have left before the train departs
Clock: 02:00
Me: fuck I did it again
Waking up thinking it's time to start the day and then figure out you can still sleep for 4 hours, while having already showered, put clothes on, eaten breakfast6 -
Fuck you companies that have hidden requirements in. their. job. offers.
It's so annoying to spend my valuable time on an application for a job that I think myself a perfect fit for, just to find out that they are looking for applicants "with more experience in..." (fill in the gap)
Just fucking put it in the requirements already and save us both our time.3 -
Ok so my pc is running again.
Time to put some Marilyn Manson on while I code.
Oh wait, what's that? Can't play music? For the 5th time today, fuck you Microsoft.
3 -
Ha ha! Fuck you Apple. Forced to use USB c after your stupid charger games every iphone release.
Its about time. You pricks keep forcing new chargers on me. I have a drawer full of obsolete chargers.18 -
Doing e-learning for a job
One of the examples provided:
"You could be late for work (fail to meet your objective of being on time) because you're hit by a car whilst crossing the road"
Are you fucking kidding me, I think being late to work would be the least of my worries. Fuck corporate bullshit.14 -
TLDR: Scope creep.
Fuck it! I hate scope creep! 2 days before the deadline is due, slip in a little scope creep to bolster your already ambiguous as fuck scope! Of course, more fool me for taking on a project with a scope as ambiguous as this one. Or for accepting the 'just do x and y and your done' as gospel. But then again I enjoy paying my bills and you know, eating from time to time!
Fuck 'em! Fuck Clients! Fuck Scope Creep! Fuck Ambiguity to it's very Fucking core! Fuck it! Fuck me! Fuck code! I'm venturing under my table for a little cry and a sulk, then back at the god-damned grindstone to finish the project and all it's creepy scopy bits before the deadline tomorrow! FUCK!2 -
So, it's 22:40 here and I'm sat on a bench staring out at a pond because my stress and anxiety is at an all time high after a couple of weeks of hellish arguments with work and my personal life so as were all developers here to some degree let me convey my fucking thoughts here.
If you care more about maintaining your fucking superiority complex over writing good clean efficient code then get the fuck out of the industry.
I don't give two fucks whether you use Linux or Windows. I couldn't give two fucks about whether you use sublime, Emacs or VIM. I couldn't give two fucks about the framework you spend more time defending than coding in, because absolutely none of it matters if you code like a retard on bath salts you pretentious cunts.
Stop feeding you fucking ego. Absolute cluster fuck of an industry.4 -
I am a fucking first year student and am doing an internship at a SHIT start-up. I've devoted my FUCKING PRECIOUS TIME into their SHIT iOS app, and the fucking boss is keeping procrastinating to get me that fucking pay cheque. For God's fucking sake that they pay me using the Canadian government's money (CSJP), FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
FUUUUUCK YOU5 -
Fucking hate when business people says this to me:
- You have no time to do this, we will find somebody else to do it. (EXCUSE ME? how do you know I have no time? If have no time I WILL TELL YOU)
- Your team is too busy, we will outsource that (IF THAT it's a priority, we WILL DO THAT, fuck you, I'll tell you if we need to outsource or not)
- Requirements are too complex to do now. We will think about it and we will tell you, maybe it's just enough to add a column to db (WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS too complex? I didn't even see anything we can call requirement, nor speak with relevant people, so how do you fucking know they are complex if you don't know shit about dev and our platform)
Conclusion
It's true, I have no time, because I don't fucking understand what do you want, so I'm running all day and night doing useless things.2 -
In C# you can open as many scopes wherever you want at whatever time you please. Nested within themselves, doesn't matter.
Use this to fuck with the other developers on your team. Fence off their evil code behind a thousand curly braces!
Or maybe jazz up your indentation, give the code a nice and bouncy flow!
20 -
Fuck you ios,storyboad,xibs,xcode. FUCK OFF!! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. Literally giving me migrane with your fucking ass constraints!! Fuck you xcode for not having a terminal. Ios is utterly bullshit. Has fucking all kind of devices that I have to set constraint. Fuck you macos. You are slower than a snail. How on earth do you take so much time to build!!
Width, height, constraints, my ass! What is this fucking logic bro. Fuck you apple for making so many device of different sizes and then hiring us to set constraints. Warning warning warning oh what a load of crap!
I would rather die than set your fucking ass constraints.7 -
"How many time do you need to close this task?"
"Mmh I guess 3 days and half"
"Ow..the delivery is this evening, is that a problem?"
Dude. Seriously, what the fuck!2 -
I don't understand how these people worked like this. Every time I make a change in the JS, CSS or HTML files, the entire app rebuilds with Webpack, and logs you out, so you have to log back in and navigate back to where you were working at.
Apparently they did this because clients were complaining that front end files were being cached and doesn't see any changes, so to clear the cache, every time you refresh the web app in the browser, it logs you out, effectively clearing your session.
Fuck the morons who built this piece of feces.
Ugh.4 -
Why the FUCK is he behaving to be the next Steve Jobs. And how on earth he can believe that being aggressive , shouting, fucking everyone every time and shitting around is insanely not even close to Being Steve Jobs. I want to fuck this bastard to death. Fuck you asshole.11
-
First time doing web development for front end AND back end and I just want to say...
FUCK YOU YOU SHITTY ASS BOLLOCK DRIPPINGLY RETARDING CACHE, WHO YOU LOAD THINGS I NO WANT YOU TO LOAD...WHY THO?...
Well that was 2 hours of my life wasted....8 -
Another Developer: bro, shit hit the fan. The x web service is throwing some error. Can you take a look please. I want to go home. I'm tired.
Me: Yea sure bro no worries.
Another Developer: I go pee, after that I will delegate the ticket to you.
(Another Developer goes to the washroom)
Me: (04:59 PM) Oh time to pack-up and get the fuck out of here
Me: (05:08 PM) Receive a message on Viber from Another Developer. It reads "Fuck you, I'm going to rub my balls on your desk"3 -
Boss: Where should i put this piece of code so the android app will work correctly?
Me: Maybe here and we run some tests.
Boss: What? You built the app so you have to know where I should write the code for the endpoint and your app will work. No time for tests. And no update.
Fuck you boss.3 -
!rant
If you don't even know what MySQL is, fuck off and let me do my job. Don't insist that you can't find the solution to the problem. That's why I'm here. Your incompetence and persistence are slowing me down and if you really want your stuff to be done on time, don't even dip your fingers into my codes. I know you may think that I need help, but your help is useless if you have zero knowledge and can't even understand the solutions given in stack overflow. I'm fine doing this on my own, so fuck off. Just. fuck. off.6 -
I think its time to go to bed 😐
Edit: i forgot to attach the image
Edit 2: Where the fuck is the picture
Edit 3: You cant edit a rant to add a picture in devRantron, check comments for picture.7 -
Don't understand why people diss Windows all the time. It has become so intelligent now that it can sense when you're onto something urgent and important... and then fuck you right in the ass by initiating updates.
-
Fuck you Twitter for making your widgets createTweet-method only work with the tweet-id as string. Fuck you especially for don't returning nor throwing any error for giving an integer value to it.
This took some time... -
They wanna increase the tax of everything probably including the ball weight. Hey you got big ball, give 10% of your salary as tax. Fuck you government.
But you can't even provide a fucking proper electricity during day time.7 -
uSE AnY pRogrAmMinG L@ngu@g3 yOu liKe.
1nTervi3weRs Do N0t CarE aBouT tHe L@nGuAge.
Fuck you. Stop asking time complexity or space complexity of functional code. No one fucking knows.19 -
Boss: look we have only VR projects this year. You need to learn Unity.
ME: NO fucking way..... FUCK You unthankful PRICK. I'm not going to learn your fucking unity bullshit after all those backends, mobile apps, code I've wrote for you? I FUCKING HATE UNITY. Time for a new job I guess.13 -
Me: Hmmm, tax time is coming up, might be a good time to finally get my new rig
ATO: You you have $4000 withheld tax money, how great!
Me: Fuck oath! spend $2500 on the PC and chuck the rest towards my house deposit
ATO: Yo that sounds great, well how about we keep 3000 and give you 1000? Sound cool? cool.
Me: ... Well... Guess no new rig then16 -
No, stop playing that shit, for fuck sakes.
No one want's to listen to your music with you, especially not that hillbilly crap you are listening to right now.
I'm trying to fucking concentrate. Time to stop, turn it off. You fucking twat.2 -
"I created the Best NodeJS framework of all time. Because other frameworks are so stupid.
Check out my work https://github.com/mayajs/maya
All other frameworks are dumb. mine is the best.
Support mine instead. NestJS sucks.
Follow me on twitter: https://twitter.com/IgnacioMack
"
Fuck you7 -
Fuck this. I can't spend half my day stepping around your ego, even if you are the so called lead frontend. It's time for a chat with hr.1
-
FUCK YOU ACCESS!!! FUCK YOU MICROSOFT!!! FUCK YOU DB PROF FOR FORCING IS TO USE THIS FUCKING PEACE OF CRAPWARE!!!
In the time I spent cursing at Microsofts bullshit I could have done the task twice in MySQL and would already have a nice looking fucking UI for this shit. FUCKING HELL.3 -
Seriously these assholes just gave me shit over half a day and made me use vacation time for a client holiday recently when I work so many hours that family and sleep are a fading fucking reminder of a different life....
Seriously....fuck you -
Fuck you scp. I was uploading 6GB file to an EC2 server. Well, needless to say, "no space left on device" after all 6GB transferred was the biggest FUCK YOU moment. Seriously. Send the file size and check before you waste 30 minutes of my time. Oh, and don't read CLI command data as part of the transfer. You suck.8
-
Fuck Captcha. Seriously. Am I blind to that shit or are you supposed to fail entering that goddamn letter soup like 5 times before getting it right? Of course you have to re-enter your form fields every time you fail because you don't deserve better, you illiterate fuck.5
-
Soo why the fuck am I receiving notifications about someone from my contacts is available on messenger, when you don't fucking have the permissions to read my contacts? I'm looking at you Facebook Messenger.
That's some new level of ignorance. "Oh I see you didn't gave me the permissions to read your contacts. Worry not my friend just let me take a secret peek of it. I will be discreet, I promise!"... Well FUCK YOU!
P.S.: I only use that piece of garbage because unfortunately some of my friends are only available there... Time to convince them to switch.6 -
"Hello sir, do you have time to talk about...."
Shut the fuck up. Sit the fuck down. Name your stack. I know how to fucking work with it. If I did not select it it is because it was not the right choice. I did not spent 4 years teaching myself to code AND later on obtaining a B.S in Computer Science(another number of years) as well as obtaining industry grade experience for you to tell me what I should use.5 -
So my country's president just decided that Turkey is too cool to set clocks back for an hour and it fucked all of my device's times up. And I'm not even sure how to convert time zones anymore.. And some devices (un) update time back to summer time so logs and notifications go crazy.
This is just a stupid idea that doesn't make the single bit of sense, are they that unoccupied to change time on their whim ?! You are the government first find a fucking proper solution for all the immigrants from neighboring countries and our unbalanced ass economy.. I'm so fucking pissed this isn't the first time our president plays with the country like this.
Uugh I just want to renounce my citizenship and reside somewhere else that isn't as fucked up as Turkey.. I'm sorry my ancestors that shed blood for this country. It's crumbling because of ignorant masses that follow a dictator blindly.1 -
I get anxiety when I have no work for days,
I am like the fuck is wrong with you body. You’re suppose to be chill, not a monster that wants to work all the time.5 -
GMT/UTC
IST
ACST
CST
PST
.
.
.
.
.
Man Fuck time zones, I don't even know where I belong anymore while keeping track of all of them at once.
Fuck You In The Ass Time Zone3 -
why the fuck do these mother fuckers have to give information to the ones responsible for designing the fucking application on the approval fase so I have to redesign some areas and spend a lot of time doing shit I could do once...
and that's not new information... no... I could handle it... it's fucking things you know since your fucking birth!!! fuck you and your shit talk!!!1 -
*PTSD kicks in* Hello darkness, my old friend... :')
At least after 5 years, this time it took me only few seconds, to locate the source of the problem, and fix it.
PS: fuck you javascript... STILL. FUCK. YOU!!!
20 -
FLOATING POINT PRECISION! FUCK YOU! Spent so much time trying to figure out what was wrong with an algorithm I made to calculate and correct bounding only to finally realise, after printing out every single variable and calculating everything manually to realise the value was off by 0.0001 which made it skip an if statement. Ughhhhhhhh, so much freaking time wasted3
-
Long time no rant.
Rant::beginRant();
How do people who are, I think, supposed to have a knowledge of what the fuck they're doing, keep their work without knowing what the fuck they're doing?
You're telling me that you have been hired as a "full-stack developer", yet you can't build a motherfucking Vue page over SSH (not even talking about automated deployment, just the most bare bones approach)? You don't know how to deploy a Laravel project? You don't know that Linux server paths are case sensitive? You can't read the log files?!
Rant::commitRant();10 -
FUCKING MICROSOFT IIS SHIT.
I'm a .NET dev since 13 years and EVERY FUCKING TIME STUPID IIS MOTHERFUCKER AND STUPID WINDOWS SERVER have a different problem setting up because of some permission.
You can't never get a site up in IIS without loosing time and patience having weird 400/500.x errors because every fucking machine have to set up some tweaky and hidden permissions.
I have 2 identical fucking win servers and deploying a .NET core applications and on one works (test server) and obviously, on the production server it gives troubles.
FUCK YOU MICROSOFT FUCK YOU I would take the IIS devs personally here and whip them to death until they don't resolve the fucking thing3 -
Why is almost every Wordpress Theme company I know just a bunch of wrecked mushroom addict assholes! Please for gods sake just get your damn documentation right and stop sticking your heads into your colleagues asses when someone is asking for support.
The next time you receive 49 bucks for nothing you dipshit think of me how I stick my fist into your ass!
Fucking morons!1 -
Piece of shit shitware called visual studio, I only need you because of that stupid vcvarsall.dll, so I gave you a folder on my HDD, but nooo, You just had to ignore this and place yourself on my SSD. My poor SSD that has very little space left.
Fuck you visual studio. To me you are a literal waste of Time, Space and Sanity2 -
If you don't know what clearing cache does to the state of the fatherfucking app then why do you fucking clear it? It fucking breaks the flow. Your maggot-infested ass is then coming up with his own explanation why you cleared the fucking cache. If you don't even have a cunt of an idea why we use the app's local storage, why do you fucking do it? You neanderthal rotten piece of sun-baked shit.
Hey, the app was taking to much time to send the request, so I cleared the app data. Now I have to login again and start over. Maybe check your fucking internet connection?
Fuck you. Fuck your cunt of a face. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCKING FUCK YOU.3 -
Gods are always looking out for me.
I got up at 4am to finish the work.
The meeting is at 9am.
So Gods turn the power off at 6am.
They want me to learn my lesson.
They just want me to plan ahead, manage my time and task wisely.
They just want me to become a better being.
They keep teaching me at every possible opportunities.
Yes, I understood. Yes.
But you know what, Gods?
Fuck you. Big fat ugly smelly fuck you. I can't tell you all to go die because you all are immortal and shit. So fuck you. I will never manage my time. I will always work at anytime anyhow I like. You think you can teach me? LMFAO. LOL. ROFL. You will never win. I will survive all the pain and shit. I will do what I like. So fuck you.2 -
I found a bug.... it's in production for a long long time... I wrote it while optimizing some legacy code....
FUCK.... how do you feel when you discover a bug in production created by you?6 -
https://devrant.com/rants/4356269/...
As it turns out, many people in my team has the same fucking habit! Nobody wants to listen; everybody wants to blabber first!
How the fuck are we going to communicate like this? Especially while working from home?!
And how the fuck can you blame me for an issue when you don’t even let me complete a fucking sentence?! How the fuck am I supposed to get my point across?!!
Oh man.. today’s been bad.2 -
So what's up with some devs, QAs and managers that create bug tickets with little to no information on what is the actual bug? I can semi-understand in the case where you document it only for you to read later.
Fuck you if you think that a ticket with only a title saying "fix all the bugs for this release" or "this feature is not working" is an appropriate way of documenting a bug.
Fuck you even more if when you are being asked to provide more info to reproduce the issue so someone else can actually be sure it is fixed or not (environment, steps, expected result, actual result, etc.), you simply say that you don't have the time for it and documenting tickets is a waste of time.
Hiring YOU was a waste of time!4 -
FUCK EVERY PAGE THAT DOES NOT STRIP CLEAR TEXT INPUTS LIKE EMAIL AND USERNAME.
FFS WE LIVE IN A TIME WHERE YOU JUST HAVE TO APPEND ".strip()" TO ACHIEVE THAT2 -
Me: (Talking to new recruits) "Remember, you should only ever work on one project at a time. The different requirements, complications, and resolution times will fuck you over. That's the last thing you need, being new to the team and all that. If the client needs more man power, then-" (you get the idea)
Also me: 3 monitors and working on 4 projects. *Sips coke*1 -
One will seldom hear me completely shit about a piece of technology.
But my time has come to do it again:
Fuck RedHat man. Like, really, fuck you. Fedora is fine. Centos is fine. Fuck red hat.
That is all. Thank you.5 -
It's nice to see people posting what they've been up to during their free time.
Oh wait, did I say nice? No, fuck you and your slightly better circumstances!1 -
Fuck all authentication everywhere all the time. Fuck your passwords. Fuck your fingerprints. Fuck your rolling key fob. Fuck your aws secrets. Fuck your docker secrets. Fuck your oauth. Fuck your /etc/passwd. Fuck your groups. Fuck chmod and fuck chown and definitely fuck Kerberos. Fuck Saml. Fuck duo mobile. Fuck rotating pins. Fuck axiad. Fuck selinux. Fuck your fill out this form to get role based access. Fuck it doesn’t work because you can’t log in. Fuck it.7
-
You know you're in for a fun time when you open code you wrote the previous night and a comment starts with "Fuck this, it works, sober me can deal with it"
Why do I do this to myself .-.3 -
Excuse me what the fuck? I deny your access to collect my data and you won't show me any content? Fine. Time to leave your shitty site then
8 -
Making the needed actions to install Manjaro:
3 mins
Making the needed actions to disable fast boot and all these crap:
20 mins
FUCK YOU WINDOWS
YOU ARE NOT FUCKIN SUPPOSED TO LOCK THE MACHINE TO YOUR FUCKIN OS
IF SOMEONE WANTS TO USE IT FINE
BUT DON'T MAKE OTHERS WASTE THEIR FUCKIN TIME DISABLING YOUR FUCKIN SHIT
I BOOTED IN YOUR OS AND THAT SHIT WAS SLOW AS FUCK
JESUS FUCKIN CHRIST8 -
Dear Windows Defender,
why do you automatically delete my shit? I thought i turned you off for the n'th time already.
Fuck off, i have bitdefender.3 -
That time after you changed to Linux and you really need windows...
Trying to root my new server :( Don't know why can only use USB1 on my VirtualBox VM... Fuck man26 -
That moment when you just quit your successful paying job just to have more time to study and try to pass the fucking piece of trash math exam.
Fuck my asshole, fuck my life and fuck that motherfucking college degree. If I don't pass, I will eventually kill my self or quit college.
Jeez, I wonder what was in my head when I enrolled in college, oh wait.. Parents, society brainwashed me to think I need top tier education to be a successful computer programmer engineer.
Fuck you society, fuck my brain, fuck everything.9 -
Someone just asked me to rewrite their application and lower the time of generating 200 000 html files from over an hour to a few minutes
.
.
Why the fuck would u need 200 thousand html files wtf is wrong with you1 -
Any devs have to track their time down to 15 minute increments? Do you get used to it? Does it fuck with your flow? Any tools to use to make it easier?18
-
Fuck timesheet
It's bad enough someone fucking disturb you in the middle of great thoughts. What's worse, you're QUESTIONED where the fuck your time was spent. So you need to work out how much time you have been disturbed, and put in the fucking timesheet!
What a fucking joke! As if we have too much time for meaningful stuff.8 -
FUCK YOU GITKRAKEN
After all the suggestions in https://devrant.com/rants/1540091 I decided to give Gitkraken a try.
Here's the shitty experience you can expect:
1) It doesn't even ask you where to install it. Turns out, it spontaneously installs itself in "%LOCALAPPDATA%\gitkraken" - who the fuck installs software there??
2) It is "seamlessly integrated with GitLab", except the first time you open it you can only log in with your GitKraken or GitHub account, and NOT with a GitHub one. Just brilliant
3) After logging in, it spontaneously changes your global git username and email config, because fuck you that's why
4) If you have a repo on AWS CodeCommit with an remote that looks like "ssh://git-codecommit.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/...", *after the first push* it will spontaneously change it to "<user>@git-codecommit.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/bla/bla", causing future actions to fail. Because FUCK YOU, THAT'S WHY.
And they expect people to pay for this shit, just to be able to manage more than one account at a time (and some "additional features" that are not even listed on the site)?
FUCK OFF, AND FUCK YOU FOR WASTING MY FUCKING TIME, HOW ABOUT I CHANGE YOUR FUCKING SETTINGS TO FUCK YOU22 -
Devs with young kids: how the hell do you do it?
I am a foster parent for my cousin who is 4 months old and I don’t know how in the fuck to make this work. How do you do it? How do you balance code and kid?
For reference I work full time at a tech support place, I go to school full time, and I’m trying to pivot into software development, which means any free time is spent coding/studying code/building a portfolio. Problem is I don’t have free time because of the baby. How in the hell do people do this.3 -
FUCK YOU!!! HOW CANT YOU SEE THAT EVERY TIME I SUGGEST TO SEPARATE OUR FUCKING WORKFLOW WITH FRONT END/BACK END AND TRY TO INTRODUCE AT LEAST SOME MANAGEMENT TO THIS SHIT HOLE ITS MY WAY OF SAYING: look dude, I like it here but fuck you shit face if I have to deal with this fucking CSS bullshit one more time there are going to be delays everywhere ...
Fuck you CSS.1 -
Android is fucking fucked up.
Why the fuck it takes so much of time to build. And trust me,
React + Android is the worst combination. Can't even understand what the fuck it is trying to say?
And sometimes, no body knows what is wrong with something. Seriously look at the picture, that's the solution sent by the Android lead.
Did you realize the repeatedly at the end. 🦆 What try 🦆 dude.
Fuck. I'm ain't gonna work on this after this project.
9 -
For the fucking millionth time!!!
Backup != slave-master replication you dumb fuck...
What the fuck is so hard to understand after countless explanations using fucking drawings and shit?
Wtf dude...6 -
Im in the process of developing a tool for small comunity of gamers.
That tool will help people in mod making.
Currently you have to use notepad++ in order to modify .json files that contain unit properties.
I downloaded grep for win to check for patterns in those .json files to understand how they work
I ran a simple search and...
Avast decided to frezze my pc for 20min to check 300 files because winGrep accesed them...
WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DECIDE TO SATURATE MY HDD IO YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT? I HAVENT GOT ANY WIRUSES FOR 6 YEARS YOU ARE USELESS. I WILL UNINSTALL YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST WASTING MY RESORUCES AND MY TIME.
I cant even reboot my laptop because i would lose my code!
Fuck AV's
Fuck slow hdd's
Fuck inefficient programs
Fuck people who thought that instaling a bunch of crap on win 10 is a good idea
Fuck people who will try to convince me to swich to linux
Fuck apple
Fuck M$
I love my C hashtag
I might swich to win10 ltsb7 -
GOD I FUCKING HATE UNITY AND FUCKING C# SO MUCH
EVERY TIME I TRY TO MAKE IT DO WHAT I FUCKING WANT IT TO IT'S LIKE "mmmmmm nah lmao" LIKE FUCK WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FOLLOW FUCKING 3 LINES OF CODE NO MATTER HOW I PUT THEM OR ORDER THEM YOU BRAINDEAD FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT PROGRAM4 -
Every single time I try and watch a coding related video on YouTube at the start I hear
'You need a website? Why not do it yourself..'
And I always respond with a sarcastic,
'Uh..why don't you go fuck yourself'
If you know...you know..3 -
Every single time I present a tool for data visualization:
"Oh that's great! Have you considered integrating it with service XYZ? It would be great to see the data from XYZ alongside this."
The answer I would like to give:
"No, you retard! Nobody gives a fuck about your crappy service! Nobody uses it, not even your own team! This is the 10th service that I've been asked to integrate and I don't have time to dig into the details of yet-another-shit. If you have time to waste, please go ahead but don't bother me."2 -
*sends email to ops manager to explain nuget & git (yes, he is THAT guy)
*his reply "what's nuget?"
Ooooooooh! Why don't you open Google and do a fucking search you amazingly stupid twat!!! In what fucking era do you live in? What the fuck are you doing at work everyday, besides complaining about how time consuming your useless mundane tasks are? Take some of your undeserved salary and go educate yourself, you useless sack of shit! FUCK!
*meanwhile... Little grin on my face. *Shift+delete email.1 -
Arghhh. Fucking hate when clients can’t be bothered to write an email but instead ring you up and spout off a load of important information regarding a project you worked on last week. When you are deep in another project, and expecting me to give answers. JUST FUCK OFF YOU BASTARD! This twat does it all the time.3
-
EVERY FUCKING TIME I HAVE TO ASK FOR SOME DNS CONFIGURATION OTHER THAN A SINGLE "A" RECORD THE TI HEAD MANAGES TO FUCK UP...
WHAT THE FUCK IS SO HARD DUDE???
CNAME? OK!
FUCKINGSUBDOMAIN > FUCKING.ALIAS.COM
THIS TIME OUR FUCKING PROVIDER CANT MANAGE ROOT DOMAIN CNAMES SO WHAT DID HE DO?
SIMPLE SAID "ALL DONE" AND ONE WEEK LATTER PEOPLE ARE COMPLAINING BECAUSE THE FUCKING ROOT DOMAIN ISN'T WORKING...
COME ON DUDE, JUST KILL YOURSELF.
AND FOR THE FUCKING MILLIONTH TIME: DOMAIN REGISTAR AND DOMAIN MANAGER ARE TWO SEPARATE FUCKING THINGS! YOU CAN REGISTER YOUR FUCKING DOMAIN ON GODADDY AND MANAGE IT ON FUCKING CLOUDFLARE BY CONFIGURING THE FUCKING DNS SERVERS5 -
I AM ABOUT TO KICK SOME PROFESSORS ASSES!!!!!!!!!!
THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS ARE MAKING GO MAD BEYOND MY BOUNDS WITH THERE MOTHERFUCKING STUPIDITY AND SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS.
LISTEN YOU FUCKS I WORK AS A PROGRAMMER TO PAY FOR MY FUCKING TUITION. NO IT IS NOT A PART-TIME JOB. I FUCK UP MY SCHEDULE SO I CAN CAME HERE TO THIS SHIT LEARNING SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU FUCKERS DO NOT HAVE A LECTURE AFTER HOURS.
SO WE I SAID THAT I CAN ONLY CAME TO THIS CLASS AT THIS TIME AND DAY OF THE WEEK I AM NOT BULLSHITING YOU.
SO DO US A FAVOR AND STOP BEING SO FUCKING STUPID AND GIVING ME THAT CYNICAL SMILE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
FUCK YOU FUCKER AND YOUR PIECE OF SHIT CLASS.2 -
Fuck you, Nvidia. Uhm no, this time not from Torvalds, but EVGA: they're fed up with Nvidia's antics towards their AIB partners. No 4000 series EVGA GPUs anymore.
Source: https://forums.evga.com/Official-Me...9 -
Why printer services is stuck in time?
The windows printer spooler is old like my grandma. He fuck all the time but nobody wants to recode it ? I need to search for old driver a day long to make it fucking work at 10%
On linux generic printer driver do the job but cannot do all the things you want
Why is so fucking complicated all the time ? ( Don't think that scanner work you don't have de correct driver )
Solutions printer share the code for how de fuck i work ?2 -
fuck coworkers who will still disturbed you even you have your earphones on, just to debate you if you know the difference between a class and an object.
(also talks confidently and loud enough to attract other officemates attention.)
Turns out that this same asshole doesn't know what he is talking about. Then you proved him wrong , and in the end he will just copy what you are saying. In other words all the time wasted for nothing! fck
fuck these kind of people. my productivity suffers, also they look like fools.
fuck these assholes who are very specific in technical names and jargons but dont know how to use it. fuck you all arrogant asshole dipshit mdfckrr feeling superior and annoying
sorry peeps argghh
can someone give me a hug1 -
Finding out a colleague that you thought you got on well with thinks you're too big for your boots, the day you've been offered a full-time contract.
Fuck them. I'm gonna work my arse off and show them that my boots fit just fine, thank you very much!5 -
Open-plan offices are amazing. Fuck you developer who sometimes really needs some quiet time to be able to THINK.
-
Fuck DuckDuckGo!
Is this is what you "privacy savyy" like to get? Irrelevant content. WTF?! Such a waste of time. I'm selling my soul back to Google. Fuck your opinion.21 -
What?! I mean what the fuck?! How it become sooo late? Why is devrant eating all my time? Fuck you devRant! I fuck you too!
-
Fuck being asked every time if I fix computers, Bitch I code in them!
It's like being asked: do you fix cars? No? But if work using your car, how come you don't know how to fix them?2 -
You know what's bullshit? Clients who take all their time to reply something, to the point where you even forget you tried to reach them in the first place and expect for you to answer/fix something right in the second. Fuck them.
-
Do you guys remember the fun little joke utility called fuck that corrected typos?
While debugging an absurd 2s shell load time, I noticed today that the command it appends to .bashrc to _set a fucking alias_ takes almost 400ms to execute.1 -
Can gamedevelopers stop using lua as their freaking scripting language..
Every time I try and figure out how tables work and think I finally get it it throws a big fuck you curve ball.
Oh and then they use json file to store the data of a table except that those json interfaces are complete retards.
If you are going to support json files then why the fuck won't you put in a small fucking inconsecential JS interperter so you can actually find some docs regarding more complex fucking docs then those simple minded t[guildName] = "guild"
Another thing, why the fuck does lua not use {} like every other langauge. I use those curly brackets to figure out where shit start and ends half the freaking time.
Fuck this I'm out for today...
And a big fuck you with both middle fingers to any dev that thinks lua is a great scripting language for plugins.3 -
Why the fuck does windows use 100MB for the efi partition? Like oh hey I will exactly allocate enough space for me. Oh you want ArchLinux and NixOs too? Well fuck you have fun dangouresly moving around partition just to increase the fucking size of the efi partition I just allocated at install-time without ever asking you about it.6
-
Fucking Windows.
Everytime I update the system it acts like it got infected by yet another virus.
Everyone uses this shitty insult of an OS because one day Gates said "hurr durr look how fucking generous I am, y'all get my OS for free". And we got fooled big time.
Any E-mail I try to look up in Outlook that's older than a month doesn't exist, Excel converts anything I type into ISO-timestamps, and the most infuriating thing of all is that whenever something runs in an error, it just gives me a big
FUCK Something went wrong YOU
FUCK Ask your administrator if you have any questions YOU
FUCK Who do you think is sitting infront of the screen you big pile piece of shit software YOU
AFAIK Gates founded Microsoft as the hero mounting against the giants of its time, IBM to be concise. Looks like Microsoft lived long enough to become the villain themselves.5 -
fuck you node.js Trying to follow a book's tutorial or exercise and because every fucking version has deprecated features I am spending more time in stackoverflow than in the book!4
-
!dev
fuck call of duty and activision. I finally had time to play with my friends when suddenly I had to download a 56 GB update. Why the fuck does every update have to be big? Then after that monstrous update, if you want to play multiplayer, you still need an additional 22 GB for a multiplayer pack which you already have. This has to be the most clueless company out there. I should have uninstalled this game a long time ago.11 -
The fuck, LastPass?
You tell me this EVERY TIME I login to my account on this browser and this location.
Fuck dynamic IPs.
2 -
Ayoooo, fuck you telstra you cock mongering assholes. What the fuck do we pay you for.
Seriously, a 20s DNS lookup time for azure services -.-2 -
!dev
TIL: If you want to use SodaStream the you better RTFM... Fuck, there is water everywhere and I really don't have the time to clean up the mess because there is so much work to be done today...6 -
Ok...
FUCK ASUS
...
FUCK THEM...
PREBUILD PC? YEAH... BROKE AFTER A FUCKING YEAR... AN ASSFUCKED YEAR! HOW COULD SOMEONE BUILD SUCH A SHIT OF A MACHINE...
Oh well... saved the grafics card, HDD and SSD... time to get new Parts and build a custom one myself...
FUCK YEAH!
Warranty you say? No i tell you...10 -
Fuck this algorithms course. How the fuck do you expect me to populate a 2d array of N^2 elements with data in linear time if you won't fucking let me write to more than one element at a time???
Dear CS department,
Make sure your homework makes fucking sense before shipping it off to students.
Regards,
A pissed off student
And before anyone comes at me with this "But you can technically do that if there's k*N elements and it would still be linear time" shit, fuck off; there's a worst case of needing to write to half the elements in the 2d array so it's still N^2 no matter how you try to "but technically" your way though it.3 -
My whitewashed LinkedIn profile keeps getting harassed by recruiters when no one looks at my real LinkedIn profile under my Chinese name.
To save everyone's time typing fuck you because I am using LinkedIn. I will type it for you: fuck me.1 -
Why the fuck does it happen every god damn time???!!!?!??!! Oh look the 5(0) year old designer created an Armageddon (layout) and went on holiday but that's okay cause it has been already approved by our sweet project manager WITHOUT SHOWING IT TO THE DEV TEAM FIRST. Fucking this fucking fuck fuck! FUCK. You deal with this idiots, i fucking QUIT bitch bye.4
-
Me: Let's create a project!
* writes initial code *
Homework: Fuck you, complete me first.
* completes homework *
Me: Let's push it to GitHub and NPM!
School: You will do that tommorow's afternoon, now go to shower.
* writes this rant *
btw a project is upcoming, it's not a web app, but it has regexp -
if (!rant) Fuck oranges
else
It's about time we make some God fucking damn things fucking God fucking clear. What the fuck does programming have to do with fucking non-programming?
Honestly. Fucking fucks pretending to be fucking programmers (probably not you, but fuck off if you're one of those fuckers.) FUCK SUCH PEOPLE FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK fuck FUCK!
There. Now that's out there. Leave fucking programming to the fucking fuckers who fucking know some-fucking-thing fucking ab-fucking-out it. If you're learning, ask questions, without you there'd be no fucking future for good fucking programmers. But if you're a fucking fuck fucking ducks in the fucking park--fuck the God fucking damn the fuck OFF!3 -
FUCK MY MOTHERFUCKING LIFE! FOR GOOD THIS TIME!
I worked about 6 hours straight today to get SSL up and running, so you can include your own certs in my framework. This worked without any problem in Netty. Even forcing SSL was without any problem.
And then I tried to fucking show an image and this motherfucker won't load. I tried to copy code examples from fucking any source I could. As I gave up I tried to comment out a Netty decoder.... AND IT FUCKING WORKED!
FUCK YOU NETTY DOCUMENTATION!!!
FUCK NETTY, LONG LIVE NETTY!
7 -
When you are trying to get through "Get started" section of a new framework/lib but get so many ideas that suddenly you find yourself creating 5 applications at a time without any idea what the fuck are you doing.1
-
Seeing some Ruby just reminded me of something.
Fuck Objective-C. What kind of lazy fuck makes C object oriented by stapling SmallTalk to it? A better name would be "C: Now with Dissociative Identity Disorder...oh and objects".
Apple apologists make excuses for this miserable language all the time...why? Because it's the only thing Apple would give you?
Swift is definitely an improvement though.4 -
"This thing you wrote to read text files isn't working and I don't have time to figure out so why don't you come fix it."
Well, no shit it isn't working. Your genius ass decided not to include the extension on the path... Something you would have realized had you taken the 15 seconds needed to read the error message. The fuck were you thinking?2 -
Blah! Fucking Windows 10 thinking it knows what's best for me! 8:30 PM was not a good time to install some updates, you fuck!
Never thought I'd say I regret saying goodbye to Windows 8... -
So get this, I try making an appointment at the bank twice, they don't call me either time so I call them and they say they'll call me back sooo they never call me back. So today I go to the bank office because fuck it right ill just come in then and guess what I'm told? Oh euh you need an appointment to open a business account LIKE FUCK YOU YOU TWAT I TRIED MAKING AN APPOINTMENT FUCKING TWICE2
-
Fuck amazon
Bought a 1080p portable monitor
They sent a 768p screen...
What even is that resolution
Just Wtf
And if you put it up on its side like advertised you can't see shit if if you look at an angle
Also the fucking cable doesn't fit right and disconnects if you blow at it
Piece of shit - last time I bought on Amazon
3 -
One of the devs, when ever he sneezes reauested we dont say "bless you" but "fuck your life".
I had to laugh, man it's a good time to be alive -
Sometimes the days are so bad that I almost feel like giving up on this, fuck you npm, fuck you angular material constantly changing shit all the time and fuck you fellow dev who keeps fucking around with global CSS stylings
-
People who speak in puzzles during code reviews - fuck you! Just say what you want to say without being philosophical about it. Want me to change the name of a function? Let me know, instead of ranting on about some other shit. I should not have to ask you twice for every god damn comment what you mean, you prick. It’s just annoying and a waste of time.4
-
Fuck my weekend..waste my time playing moba vainglory which i should be doing something more productive and meaningful..fuck you procrastination..1
-
Marketing people are like
"Hey, I have a vision. I need someone to develop this Grab-like app in a few days".
Fuck that CEO, fuck your vision,. fuck your story. Nobody wants to work alone in a large scale application. You need to have a full IT department to do that job with the ability to work through time. -
Fuck interviewers that ask for your public github repo that you did in your own free time.
Do they also ask structural engineers for bridge designs they made in their own free time....4 -
Fuck you Spring and your stupid cryptic, useless, no relevant information error messages.
"Oh I am crashing violently because some of my internal component cannot automagically talk to another my internal component" says spring.
Well shit, why do I let you manage your own dependencies if I still need to hunt down what garbage transitive dependency you bring in 5 time.
YOU HAD ONE JOB!!!3 -
Team had to solve a ticket from QA...we had no idea how long it would take so we estimated 6 man-days to fix it (being optimistic). After 2 days we had found the issue which had already been solved on another branch... time well spent and thank you for merging!!! Fuck you!3
-
FUCKING FUCK WINDOWS FUCKINGHANGS IN LOCK SCREEN AFTER WAKEUP FROM SLEEP FOR THE THIRD FUCKING TIME TODAY FUCK YOU WINDOWS. JUST CAN'T REBOOT EVERY FUCKING TIME3
-
I ran out of coffee
Time to make more
I need to up my dosey
For I am a caffeine whore
Come on, find a word that rhymes with coffee and fits in the third line!
Edit: Also, fuck you for finding something that rhymes with coffee. You over IQ'd poetry savant!12 -
Is Skype the most fucking annoying software on this planet? How do they manage to fuck it up on every release even more? Currently it most of the time just is not sending the stuff you write in the chat. It's just loading for ever and you need to write it again...7
-
Fuck you WooCommerce and fuck you shopify, also a big fuck you to every developer who thinks it's a good idea to notify other customers about what another customer just bought in real time.
Guess fucking what. I don't fucking care what uncle deadinthehead just bought. Get fucking raped in a columbian prison and die to aids infested rain..2 -
So IV been spending quite a lot of time recently chasing my new career as a developer. But today I took a step back from everything and realised something quite important. A job title doesn't make you a developer. If you enjoy coding and have a genuine passion for it then you are already a developer. Just keep doing what you enjoy the most and fuck everyone else.
-
Sometimes I think that getting a degree was the biggest mistake I have ever done.
When professor wants to know why you did the work the way you did and you disagree as polite as you can, he calls you Arogant.. Like what the fuck, if you ask me 4 times why I did not expand the assigned task and I 4 times repeat that I want that shit as abstract as I can get. I already have it 5 times bigger as others god damnit, If you want me to focus on details, ask me to bring a tent..
A little bit of time later another professor assigns you a "Social network for schools"... Like wtf? U want facebook clone for free and in 4 weeks... What is this bullshit? You have mistaken uni for freelancer..
Because fuck you sideways... How dare you to have another classes?
Note for self... Next time open up a hotdog stand..1 -
Android 12, stop telling me every other day which app has permission to access my location in the background. I know, I gave permission, and I want to keep the setting "Allow all the time". Where's the "don't ask again" option?
And why does this happen for an app released by the German federal government (about once a week) but never, ever for your shitty Google Maps that always seems to know where I've been (at least if don't leave my phone at home, which is hard to do in times when you have to show your digital proof of vaccination everywhere yo go). Fucking Android, fuck the Android 12 clunkiness (inspired by Apple's iOS?) and fuck the fucking notifications. This is my phone, I paid for it, I own it, I want to turn off this bullshit. Wait, Google, once I find time to get back to LineageOS/Cyanogenmod you will never see a trace of my digital existence again. Oh, and fuck your "digital wellbeing" as well! At least you let me turn that off. Yes, I know, I am not grateful, but that's what devrant is for, isn't it? Fuck you, Google!2 -
WHO CAN SPOT THIS STUPID PHP ERROR!
$string = "something.com"
if(strpos(".", $string))
echo " yep, there's a period";
else
echo "nope, fuck you there isn't";
output: "nope, fuck you there isn't"
me: wtf ??? fucking wasting my time on this fucking stupid tiny fucking error, goddamnit and each refresh takes 15 seconds because it involves calling all these apis from localhost, gmail, etc. arggg...
...for an hour, until I smacked my head so hard I'm in the hospital for a concussion
I hate when that happens.
Time to take a break.15 -
Window.print()
"OMG it worked after I contacted you last time, now it isn't working again today. WE NEED TO GET THIS FIXED!!!"
Jebus fuck people....2 -
Not a rant but just realized that time⏰ and money 💰 are two important things we must care of, otherwise they will fuck up everything - especially if you are writing business apps. same rule applies to life.1
-
Shit fuckin fuck shit damn [put whatever bad word you want here]
My phone fell on the ground and this time got hit on that specific weak spot that caused a ripple of cracks on the glass screen.4 -
I hate reactive management.
It's when your boss instills fake urgency every time a client asks for something close to impossible, or <x> competitor is doing something in a different way he deems the best.
Everything must be dropped, the sprint put on hold, fuck requirements, everybody has to do overtime, why are you not contributing?, why are you going home when you have to?, fuck do I care you have a 1 hour commute - this <y> thing has to be made by sunrise tomorrow or it's a showstopper.
And it's never a showstopper. 90% of the time the feature gets dropped one-two months down the line.1 -
Fuck fuck fuck I can't even read this source code let alone abstract the core algorithm from it. Fuck C++ and fuck this extremely non verbose code and plethora of syntactic sugar that makes it impossible for anyone who doesn't know the nuances of the language to read it. You could literally put me in the middle of a country where nobody speaks English and i would still have an easier time than I am now.4
-
All u need is C folks seriously fuck the OOP concept you waste more time in a paradigm dilemmas than writing functional code. And that’s a damn fact.
I feel sorry for the mobile developers that are stuck using the OOP methodology6 -
Fuck you motherfuckin fuck!!!
Just installed Fedora on my laptop,
Installed i3wm aannnndddd i3 crashs every time, when I try to run it.5 -
And again some "evangelists", saying certifications and training, start talking a hit about some method or practice unchained...
How the fuck people don't say the problem with borderline charlatanism...
If Scrum doesn't work it means you're not doing TRUE Scrum...
You should do TRUE TDD (the definition is so long and complex that you can fuck it up) and it'll solve your problem.
Every time is like fucking cults " you have to see the true light, then there is no possible problem... Everything will be solved".
So fucking infuriating!!2 -
Its festive season. Half of the team mates are on leave. Servers are down. No work can be done. Office looks life less ( which it always is). Boss asking why didnt you take leave. Yes because your free time off is almost zero. I need money. People being happy and getting in relationship/married. I am a fucking loner here.
Dragging my ass across the hallway like a ass fucked zombie. Typing this rant with a grumpy face. And people say monday blues are worst.
Fuck this emptiness. Fuck servers on maintenance. Fuck these white iridescent bulbs glowing for no reason. Fuck people murmuring around me. Fuck everything which is in my sight. Fuck this depressive fucking festive season.2 -
You know what I hate? The periods close to a new release. It's that annoying time that managers start heaving impatiently to developers: "Push out new hotfixes! Push out new hotfixes!". Fuck you, man. Don't stress a developer. Kthx. If you think developing is so easy, come do it yourself, you IT-ignorant buffoon.1
-
“Everything fails all the time!”
Werner Vogels
CTO @Amazon.com
"Werner Vogels, fuck you, everywhere, all the time!"
Deviloper
Ranter @devRant -
why on earth somebody thought that MySQL on MacOS must be restarted automatically every time you kill it like a fucking zombie?
An why the fuck every time I restart the Mac, I must kill the fucking zombie with a kill -9 in the head 2 or 3 times before being able to access it again?3 -
When you are surrounded by idiots... Fuckers... Leads acting like interns... No time left to do your own work... Fuck fuck fuck... How can you be so dumb to ask me how to set debug point in ANT script?
-
Tryna search for my new self inspired sexiest domain name if available but the fucking page keeps bringing up that fucking recaptcha asking me for some fucking description about some fucking cars, fucking roads, fucking bridges, dunno if that was my fucking business!
I want you to stop asking me shitty questions cause i'm a fucking robot. Hence i wrote a script that would change the typo from "i'm not a robot" to "i'm a f*cking robot" any time i visit any fucking page requesting for my fucking identity!
Fuck Google!, Fuck Recaptcha!, Fuck Hostgator! Fuck Security! Fuck them all!!!
2 -
https://github.com/netlify/...
This repository has been archived by the owner on Oct 10, 2022. It is now read-only.
Well fuck, whats the alternative? Absolutely NOTHING in the README that points to any new tool or documentation.
I swear to fucking god I write better documentation for MY FUCKING HOBBY PROJECTS THAN YOU BILLION DOLLAR VALUATION FUCKING DUMB FUCK STUPID FUCK COMPANIES THAT WASTE MY FUCKING TIME EVERY DAY AND HOUR AND MINUTE AND SECOND I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
I swear I HATE all CA software employees, all that they stand for, and all that they do (apparently not much)
How the fuck can I list out all my users? Just fucking clowns.
God I'm fucking fuming. How irresponsible is it to archive a repository (thereby blocking new issues) and then NOT linking to any new tool or documentation!?!?!?!
I MEAN HELLLOOOOOOO AM I SPEAKING A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE HERE
just leave me to die5 -
When you have to pull out that Windows laptop for the first time in a couple months, for a .NET project, and have to watch Dropbox sync. The you say "fuck it" 30 minutes later when you recall how many MEAN "test" projects you installed packages for.....
-
Fuck you System dot fucking Value fucking tuple you stupid piece of shit reference. This garbage half the time won’t install properly on local, app works fine on local without it, then I fight with it for hours getting it to work on the server because the server is a different .NET environment. It’s always this one giving me problems, always.
So go fuck yourself System.ValueTuple -
Jira really fuckin gets on my nerves a lot. It has so many features, but fuck do those features behave strangely. It's like if you reorder that card on me one more god damned time, I will feed your fuckin testicles to you.1
-
Why do you people give a fuck about politics?
Please don't explain to me why and which politician you hate, picture you have won your struggle and tell me what makes you spend your time with this, what is your expectation for the effort that you put in it?13 -
Wsl with docker. Wtf! Why don’t you work? Ops has destroyed my machine today. Time to drink.
I no longer give a fuck.3 -
When you stare at the task list and all you see is blockers cause your clients can't get their shite together.
... Fuck it , time to learn something. And charge some one to do it.1 -
I’m done with people who claim they don’t have time to do something.
Constantly hearing people complain they don’t have time to do things, oh fuck off you cunt. You work a nine to five, you get home at half five and you sit at home doing fuck all while you complain that things aren’t going your way.
Doesn’t even have to be about developing, lost count with the amount of people who claim they don’t have time to go the gym. Dickhead, you have a 24 hour gym three minutes away from your house. You could go after work, instead you’ll sit on your ass, eat a load shit and then complain you’ve put on weight.
If you’re doing fuck all to make things happen then you lose the right to complain about your circumstances. Stop blaming other people for your fuck ups because you ‘don’t have time’ to get shit done you absolutely holocaust of a human being.
While I’m at, fuck people who think it’s my soul mission in life to fix their shit, believe it or not I don’t give two flying fucks about your circumstances if you’re doing fuck all to help yourself.
Do me a favour and kindly drink some bleach.13 -
Google - fuck you with you service. I made a photo with my phone and it does not show up in google photos and not even getting message why. Go to fucking hell. Burn. You are fucking wasting my time. I should be now sleeping because I need to get up for work tomorrow but now I am am trying to fucking upload a photo to my computer you idiots. And tried with google drive and it also does not appera in it. Fuck you assholes. I feel like breaking my phone , my phone has not done anythjing bad. Its the fucking software.4
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Let's have a discussion, devRant style:
Fuck history, git rebase to the rescue! Especially interactive rebase is a power tool. I use it all the time.
At this moment I won't argue why or why not. Let's hear what you have to say! -
Sometimes non-dev people give the look like they could do the same shit in half the time and you purposefully made the UI ugly (UI wasn't provided and I m no designer).. can anybody suggest some polite ways to tell them to FUCK OFF!!2
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When everything is taken away from you, and this might not happen for a very long time, just remember that you surrendered every ounce of control of your life over to those whom have been out to fuck you over since before you were born.1
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wasting time trying to write good code and minimize duplication , but it probably won't work and there are no working examples
duplicate code and do the stupid thing, which will work, with extra dumbass boilerplate code to convert between swagger2 & 3 schema
fuck you swagger code gen -
first of all, fuck you Google!
So my phone, out of nowhere, decided to download the backup of Photos and all of the pictures of my ex are WIDE and clear to me. Every time I want to post something with a picture she pops up and seeing an image with her makes me feel more and more guilty, so fuck you google! I hope you're happy, I cannot sleep anymore!4 -
FUCK.... FUCK THE FUCK
When I test my app everything works
When someone tests SHIT doesn't work on signing up user
WTF !!!!!
if you have the time try registering
Info doesn't hve to be legit
Just make sure password is >= 4 characters
https://lenode.herokuapp.com5 -
It's end of the year and it's time for that Performance Review again. I need to submit my self-appraisal. How would you guys highlight your achievements? My manager is someone who only cares about meeting deadlines, and doesn't give a fuck whether you improved the API performance by 100%.1
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Fuck testcomplete, fuck having to spend 40 minutes mapping out every element just to still hang 5 minutes every time you try to check the existence of one, fuck having a software who's sole purpose is to automate testing and save time take hours upon hours to do what a person can do in seconds, and fuck me for having to use this piece of shit to test every single change made to our site.
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I hate my Scrum Master. Normally he doesn't even checks pull requests, and when you need his help, 80% of the time he's missing. Now that our boss is the new Product Owner of the application, the SM is bugging us A LOT
So fuck him, go away to do whatever the fuck you did before. Stop pretending you "work" -
Status meetings. Jesus, some people don’t understand the concept of “take your discussion offline”
Yeah, we get it. You have questions... we are not all wasting our time to fix your issues in one meeting.
“Take it the fuck offline” -
Fuck that unqualified asshole of IT guy at the customer. He has no idea what he's talking about, constantly sets focus to unspecific bullshit and just wastes my time and energy. How do you deal with shit like that?!2
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every fucking time when the product owners start talking absolute shit that you have no idea and you would never need to know or listen to.
ITS A WASTE OF MY FUCKING TIME. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAKE IT OFFLINE. -
When you commit 4 hours to outsource & then they demand more time in the same amount then fuck them & their tasks...
Freelancing is by mood !!1 -
Want to send an email? Sure thing, how about you configure first a DKIM, DMARC, SPF and some reverse DNS. Otherwise your mail can go fuck itself, because it won't even make it to the spam folder. Even if you do all these time consuming fuckwit tasks I might just mark your mail as spam. Because fuck you, that's why.
Sending mail to Gmail in a nutshell.2 -
Programming is like when you need to clean up cables (make them look better).
You start motivated, you got a good idea of how you are going to it.... and after some time passes and you see nothing's better now... you say "fuck it" and continue to do what you wanted to do. -
Not been to any lectures in the past week. Fuck. I just can't seem to fix my routine and wake up on time for any lectures. How do you guys manage time and get to sleep and wake up on time? My routine is royally fucked.4
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Bleh, I fucking hate Arduino. I thought this Chad would teach me assembly for PCs, not Arduino. The boards don't fucking work half the time, I don't give a shit about blinking lights or motors, I don't want to do things with robotics, I just want to fucking code. Ffs, I'd rather write code that just makes a number increment and then quits, because then I wouldn't have to use that useless fucking Arduino "IDE".
Fuck you Arduino, fuck you so much.4 -
Sometime when you try to stay in a friends relation but you are the only one take news from this friends all the time... And i move to Quebec city and no fucking one in 3 years come to see my new home in weekend ... 😑
Well fuck off 😃 -
at any point in time, have you had over 200 tabs open? why the fuck is such a low number such an edge case, that neither firefuck nor chrome can handle these without leaking RAM (5MB/sec and 100MB/sec respectively).11
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