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Girl: we need to talk
Me: OK
Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.
Me: You are the number 1 in my life.
Girl: *smiles and hugs me*
Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 029 -
My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore after I said I helped the new girl to do some penetration testing.27
-
Girl: "hey"
My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)
Me: null
*Girl walks away*20 -
Girl : I like dangerous men.
Me : I didn't run test cases while committing my changes last night.
Girl : my hero!
Me : *wakes up from the dream*14 -
A guy and a girl are in a Java seminar.
Afterward, the guy approaches the girl and asks, "Hey gurrl, can I get your number?"
Girl says "Sorry, I don't give out my number, it's private."
Guy says, "Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were in the same class!"15 -
Me: *Watching a movie*
Main Character: "Oh no, we have to hack the CIA to figure out how this machine works! Hacker girl, do the stuff"
Hacker Girl: "Consider it done!"
Hacker Girl: *Opens Linux bash*
Hacker Girl: *types 'mkdir Hack_CIA'
Hacker Girl: "They have two-factor authentication in place, this is going to be a hard one."
Hacker Girl: *Types 'cd Hack_CIA'*
Hacker Girl: "I'm in!"
Me: "..."
Friend: "Wow, so well done, so realistic!"
Me: *Dies*82 -
Tinder experience so far
Girl: "hey, what do you do?"
Me: "im a programmer"
Girl:
Me: "and you?"
Girl:
Me: "... hello?"
*Suddenly unmatch*44 -
So this happened in my computer science class
Creepy guy trying to be cheesy (to this pretty girl): "you're like a ; to my code"
Girl: "we're studying python, bimbo"
(Whole class laughed)7 -
I overheard this on my way back to home.
Girl 1: I bought a new phone yesterday.
Girl 2: Let me see it.
*hands over the phone*
Girl 2: There is no Instagram?
Girl 1: No, Instagram wasn't installed when I bought the phone.
Girl 2: That's weird.
*me almost dead*31 -
Teacher : use"ransomware" in a sentence
Student : I used to know a girl, but then she ransomware
Whole class :
2 -
When you are a Dev but you don't want to be single
Girl: what's your profession?
Me: I am a writer
Girl: Cool! What do you write?
Me: I write code😎18 -
Girl: we need to talk!
Me: Ok...
Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.
Me: You are the number 1 in my life.
Girl: *smiles and hugs me*
Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 011 -
- Girl: I don't understand how some people can be so foolish and decide to study computer science.
- Me: Hm, true. So what did you study?
- Girl: Tourism and sports science. And you?
- Me: Nothing. I'm a truck driver.18 -
Sitting on the bus updating my system.
Random girl: What are you using?
Me: Linux :).
Random girl: Ohh I use Mac, because that doesn't have viruses and can't get hacked!
*me waiting for a cliff to jump off*36 -
A girl just canceled our first date to watch Avenger's Endgame with her friends. Pres ++ to pay respects.45
-
Girl: Can you make me an app?
Me: What kind of app do you have in mind?
Girl: I want it to be... like an app!
Me: Sounds a bit to difficult sorry.10 -
This dev world is still so damn fucking sexist, it's driving me nuts.
"it's so cool seing a GIRL doing this stuff"
"wow you're so tech savy for a GIRL"
"you're too CUTE to be a developer"
"how does it feel to be a GIRL in dev"
Just treat us like fucking human beings for once instead of pretty, empty objects.88 -
Boy: I love You
Girl: I have a boyfriend
Boy: sudo I love You
Girl: Please enter root password:
Boy: 123456789
Girl: Wrong. Please enter root password:
Boy: root
Girl: Wrong. Please enter root password:
Boy: qwerty
Girl: Wrong. You have tried 3 times.
Girl: I have boyfriend.
Boy: Dammit.
Girl: Command not found.22 -
At work
Me: I need to check something or your pc, with you account
Girl with PC: I wont give you my password
Me: I already have your password
Girl with PC: .....37 -
Had this conversation the other day:
Girl: So, what do you do?
Me: I'm a Software Developer.
Girl: So you write 1 and 0 all the day?
Me: Yes!
----
I actually work with C#3 -
girl friend: What kind of stripper would you want for a Bachelorette party?!?
me: no stripper...
girl friend: like a coding stripper?
me: what?
girl friend: he'd come out and be like, one zero one one zero one...
me: I love that you think I code in binary hahaha
girl friend: like the matrix!
me:
*pauses*
*contemplates explaining what binary is*
yes, like the matrix
:D6 -
Girl: you don't...see sharp
Me: I'm... Not a Java developer
Girl: I never said you were
Me: but why make that joke?
Girl: what joke? You hit your head on a beam tripped over a chair and missed your drink. You clearly need glasses
Me: *gets glasses* oh your not a girl 😳7 -
*sitting doing a CS assignment*
*girl walks up to me*
G: Hey so how many countries have you been to?
M: 😶😯 Uhhh I'm not sure let me think
G: *rambles on about what countries she's been to*
G: Anyways, what I really wanted to ask, how do I connect to the wifi?
☹️
😢
😭10 -
Me: I love you
Girl: I've a boyfriend
Me: sudo I love you
Girl: I love you too!
.
.
.
Just an imagination 😢29 -
1) Build enough confidence to ask a girl out for a date.
2) find a girl to ask for a date.
3) ???
4) profit10 -
Object oriented thinking.
A boy tries to look at girl in a class.
Girl : It's bad manners.
Boy : No it's not. "MEMBERS OF THE SAME CLASS CAN ACCESS PRIVATE DATA".9 -
Rant::post
Cute girl: what do you do for work?
Me: I'm a programmer
Cute girl: Meaning?
Me: that I spend all my day seated in front of a computer doing computer programs
She: (waits 20s) hmm, so i forgot my Facebook pass...
Me: go to hell (leaves)12 -
Response time of different people on Whatsapp:
Best Friend: 5-10 sec
Friend: 1-2 min
Best Friend(Girl): 3-5 min
Girl Friend: 1-2 day 😢
Client(when me solving bug): 0.00005 sec
Client(when me asking payment): *Blocked*
😕😕😕😕😕7 -
If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask you to make it your default browser, you're brave enough to ask that girl out.6
-
My lil girl has a habit of bringing me her rubber ducks whenever she sees me sitting down and just chilling. But this far she has (funny enough) done it twice whilst I am coding.
This time she got me super duck!!!
:) i love my lil girl
13 -
Future pickup lines.
...
(Some random conversation)
...
Girl :- So what do you do for a
living ?
Me :- Umm, I am a writer.
Girl :- Oh ! Wow, Awesome. What
do you write ?
Me :- Well, you know.
Code. I write code.6 -
A sweet girl of my class asked me yesterday, if i can help her to refresh her IT skills. I said "yes ofc im glad to help" . Today she repeated it, while whole class was listening. Other classmates said" yeah good idea we want to join"
Well, fuck it..38 -
8 year old girl meets a classic typewriter at Norsk Vegmuseum.
"Mom! Mom! Look! It prints immediately!"2 -
*girl in office call IT guy*
Girl: my computer isn't working
Guy: what happened?
Girl: screen is blank.. nothing on it
Guy: ok... I'll replace the monitor (starts unplugging)
Girl: wait.. wait.... I didn't took backup yet..
Guy: *face plam*6 -
girl: Why is your laptop heavier than mine?
me: I have more files than yours
girl: oh! it's true, you and movies eh.
me: laughing inside... hehehe1 -
ok people where is the gender equality??? why do people assume that im studying tourism when its so clear that i am not
cant a girl be a programmer and not the girly ground stewardess checking-in the baggages at the airport?
programming isnt only for men. women can also be great developers because we can be as capable as men. people need to stop the stereotypes jeez33 -
Yesterday I was downloading illegal movie from the Internet and found this movie under comedy section and thought to download. After downloading I found out that it was a girl-to-girl porn.
Dear Developers and Content editors
Do your fucken job right and link the correct files.
Thank you.
PS: I enjoyed the porn10 -
"Do you want to terminate the batch task? (Y/N)"
"N"
*it terminates*
@angular/cli are you maybe a girl?
7 -
My girlfriend asked me to take her to somewhere she hasn't been when I asked, 'where do you wanna go for anniversary?'
So I took her to Github.com 🤣
Trust me, I had to pay a big price for that joke! 😏4 -
Scrolling on Medium I came across this article, about a girl dating a programmer.. 😂😂 😂
https://hackernoon.com/dating-a-pro...22 -
I realized it that the only time I talk confidently with a girl is when I am solving some technical problem or helping her understand some computer theory.
Pre and Post - this phase, I can hardly find any topic to talk and later they are also done talking to me.
Should I consider to search on how to talk to girls??
Google already suggests that even in incognito mode.
Is there someone else with me in the same boat?
34 -
Got a marketing email talking about the "No Code" revolution. They're talking to the wrong girl here.
12 -
I had a very informal interview/information session with a hot girl earlier this week.
Being the #foreveralone type, I'm calling it a date with a hot girl, when I tell my family about it. 😍
We scheduled a follow-up session for next week, which will be even more informal than before. Now it'll be more like a date, and I won't feel so bad telling people she liked me enough to go on a second date. 🙃
What can I say, I take what I can get. 🤗8 -
Me:-Will you be my valentine??? ;)
Girl:- No way....👹
Me:- sudo will you be my valentine 😎
Girl:- yes...yes..yes lets go❤️😍11 -
when people address you as "sir" or "him" in an email because girl developers apparently aren't a thing. -_-3
-
Hey girl,
I want our relationship to be a poor recursion, so that it never terminates.
#devspickupline8 -
Different girls follow different methods to slow down their ageing process --
Health trainer -- Exercise and Yoga
Normal girl -- Cosmetic products
Programmer girl -- Having a tattoo of Internet explorer3 -
$girl -pretty
_
ctrl-c
$girl -pretty -v
you don't have permission to the necessary files (e.g. skills_communication, confidence, ...)
#girl -pretty
Are you sure you want to continue? This is considered harassment in some cultures and can seriously harm the health of your system. [y/N]
N
$
aww shit...19 -
*On a date*
Girl: What's the most daring thing you've ever done ?
Me: Once I accidentally ran sudo rm -rf /*
Girl: That's hot !5 -
I'm done with dumb girls😠 ! seriously I need a geek girl in my life to understand what I talk or what I share .... A dev girl right now would be awesome ..😃13
-
I dream of meeting a programmer girl. I'm starting to think only programmers understand me, and therefore yadda yadda
4 -
Girl: What major are you studying?
Me: Computer Science.
Girl: Cool. Can you hack my boyfriend's Facebook, I think he's cheating on me.
Me: Go to hell. 😡4 -
During a health and safety course today I was asked to talk about the workspace ergonomics. Part of that course is to make sure everyone knows how to customise their seat, screen, keyboard, etc., so I told everyone to unfold those little feet on the bottom of their keyboards and everyone did... Everyone but a cheeky little customer service girl who was more interested in taking selfies of her skirt coincidentally matching the carpet. I cleared my throat and said again:
- "Please, unfold your keyboard's feet."
Nothing. Coughed. Nothing. Finally, quite annoyed, I repeated myself for the 3rd time:
- "Unfold the feet, please!"
She jumped. Eyes wide. Noticed everyone staring. And very very slowly, with a look of complete puzzlement, she spread her legs.8 -
It was a girl who made the interview...
Girl:bla bla bla work stuff
Me: just staring and answering dumb questions..
Girl : do you find me attractive..?
Me: wtf like aaa what I'm gay sorry.
Girl :so you became gay because of me...?
Me: these questions aren't related to work... Will you continue or what?
Girl : looked me bad....
and went to the next room and a guy came. Fast forward...
im working with her for 4 years now...
(hope you don't hate me for this)15 -
He was a nice guy, skilled, reasonable, a lot of knowledge.
Until he said "I'm going to assign a girl to your project, BUT don't worry, she is very good"
I was about to jump, but handshakes and further jokes went on and I wasn't able to speak up.
Plus he is the CEO assigned by the investors to be our new software provider.
Puking.22 -
A girl takes less time in getting ready as compared to windows 10😂😂😂
#WeekendHumour
#myOriginaldontCopy😏
10 -
Never knew words like “API” “PHP” “Backend Server” “Objective C” “C++” “Java” can be such a turn on when coming out of a female’s mouth in a meaningful order...
🤫6 -
Found this on Quora today :
Programming isn't sexy at all. In a club, try picking up a girl by telling her your heroic tale of saving an entire department by rewriting a recursive function to take advantage of a feature in the new server Intel chips to scale up their online orders.
Then tell me how it goes.4 -
Conversation with coworker at a staff function...
girl: ...we can't wait to see what you can do!
Me: Great! I can't wait to get stuck in, but you know, those exports you wanted from it, that doesn't have to wait. If you need that straight away, come to my desk and I'll make some queries for you and pull out the data you want...
Girl: o_0
Girl: ... Omg, you can do that?! You're awesome!!
Me later: o_0 - the Dev before me could never at least do that?!6 -
I met a girl today with a padding bottom of 100℅. She was lit... Unlike my dev friend, his girl is a flat design.6
-
Girl: you should download the bible.
Me: *Runs into the Vim Quick Reference app and downloads it instead*1 -
Hey girl, what's the address to your heart? Cuz I want to allocate some memories and point straight to it5
-
😂😂😂
OBJECT ORIENTED THINKING
A boy tires to look at girl in a class.
GIRL: It is bad manners
BOY: No it's not
GIRL: Why?
BOY: "Members of the same class can access private data"...
Old but Interesting5 -
This one for linux lovers
Me: Will you be my Valentine?
Girl: Hell no
Me: sudo Will you be my Valentine?
Girl: Yes Yes...wait
😂2 -
>Be me
>Notice cute girl in college
>Won't work because reptilian brain too stupid
>Girl needs help studying C
>Teach her C because I'm an idiot
>She turns out to be a bigger idiot, and has problems grasping FizzBuzz problems
>Thoroughly turned off
>Help her get 80% in semester end exam
>Breathe a sigh of relief, get back to usual schedule
>Girl admits to liking me
>Said that girl and I are not on similar wavelengths
>Girl asks me if I think she's stupid, and now is angry with me
>What did I do?17 -
to anyone who says girls can’t code because they have no skill and therefore shouldn’t be in a high position because they have no dick,
I’ll show you how I code with my girl skills, I’ll fire you with my girl position, and I’ll fuck you with my girl dick.7 -
Me: Hey girl, what's your address?
Girl: 5.15.126.4
Me: No man, your local address.
Girl: 127.0.0.1
Me: Oh, you geeky nerd! I mean your physical address!
Girl: 40:37:0E:6A:A7:AD2 -
Sometimes I hate it to be a "computer-guy". There is this one beautiful girl, I see her everyday in the train, but I just can't talk to her. I hate myself for not just saying " Hi" or whatever. I'd love to "just say something", but it doesn't work! Why the fuck am I thinking this much?!
Any tips? From dev to dev? Please?!33 -
I have a flatmate who has a different way of specifying how a girl looks . He calls a thin girl 'thin' and someone obese as 'healthy'.
' That thin girl is cute'
' Did you see Sharon, she's so healthy'7 -
Only because I'm a girl I can't pick facial hair for my avatar? What virgin thinks girls can't have a mustache?33
-
// yesterday
self.relationshipStatus = couple
//'today
self.relationshipStatus = 'friendzoned'
What the hellllll :05 -
Best Programmer's Breakup:
* me * used to code in Javascript and PHP
* Girl * Also a Programmer
Me: You are a semicolon to my code.
Girl: Awwwwwww.. That's so sweet.
Me: * Trying to breakup * I recently switched to Python and want to use only a single language now.
* It Works! *
P.S.: Still use all three Languages ❤8 -
Me: figuring out APT-69420 (hacker group) representative is a girl.
Also me: Woohoo! You go girl!
Also me: ... Wait, am I being sexist?
😐 idek anymore...
Anyways, them camera footages they released tho...17 -
I just realized i can call myself an IT GIRL.
Well I do care about coding style..
Maybe I should put that on my business card1 -
IMAO, a new programming language/technology is like a new cute girl at your school/workplace. We give it a lot of attention and tend to ignore older programming languages/technologies2
-
Lost control while standing in the train when it started moving. Stomped in a girls foot in the process.
If she had devRant I am pretty sure she would be ranting about me :(6 -
I offered a girl sex to cycle to the supermarket and get a pizza. She offered the same to me. Apparently we're both whores and nobody is getting sex or pizza. What an outcome12
-
Found my dream girl. Programmer, smart, good sense of humor, knows Python, but nothing can happen. Boyfriend of 7 years and thinks I don't like her. :D How did I deserved this?11
-
Just got the news that the girl I loved in the college got married. She had a poweful mind that could write as beautiful code as her beauty. I was too shy that I didn't talk with her much.
Won't regret that. Will code whole night today!2 -
*At the Maker Faire in Milwaukee; I’m looking at a computer with a friend that his brother built*
Old Guy: This is pretty cool! You guys should start a YouTube channel. Look, you even have a pretty girl who can show it off!
Friend: *looks at me awkwardly* Or you can, you know, be a programmer too...
😑😑😑4 -
random girl: words can't describe how ugly you look
me: words can't describe how beautiful you look
random girl: blushes :)
me: but numbers can...
me: 2/103 -
Seriously,
when a company asks to recruit a developer, but only female developer for a regular post.
What IS exactly the work to do? 🤔11 -
Tell me honestly, Do your feel gender discrimination vibe at your workplace? I've been seeing so much tweets about female developer being insulted/made fun of/ whatever you call discrimination.
For me it's really good to see them writing codes. One of the girl I was friend with on Facebook was really good at solving problems. She gave me some of best ideas. I need an honest answer guys ?24 -
Love Squirrel Girl, the super hero with the powers of a squirrel, and a degree in computer science.
4 -
Me: Will you be my Valentine?
Girl: No way
Me: sudo will you be my Valentine?
Girl: Yes..yes..yes! Let’s go!
15 -
Today I wasted 3 hours writing a script on a python for a girl. That time was supposed to be used for my job. I should find a girlfriend soon 😂😂😂 this habit is killing me.6
-
Dev boy to Dev girl: "What's the time complexity on you loving me, baby?"
Dev girl: while(iExist){
Int n = Random.Next(1, 100);
for(int i =1; i < n^4; i++){
Console.Write("..."); } }
Dev boy: Assert.Fail(); -
Girl: "Professor I don't really understand the algorithm. Can you please write it on the board again?"
Professor writes down the alphabet.
Girl: "I don't get it."
We were talking about traversing a Binary search tree in Inorder traversal.2 -
https://devrant.io/static/devrant/...
The girl at the bottom needs a tooltip above her:
,{shiposting loudly}2 -
Macbook pro is - at least where I live - considered expensive. Some of my friends have cheaper cars. I really hesitate to buy even a 2015 version, as thats the one I want. Im thinking about buying a used one ffs.
Now yesterday im chatting with this girl, exchanging nudes and so, when on one of her pictures I saw the apple logo, a macbook, I bet its an air, no its a pro, god damnit. So I asked her, that laptop is that yours? She said yes, she buyd it a few years ago with money she collected, because she photographs a lot (dah) and its really good to photoshop on that thing.
Ffs I want one for my work, which pays well, actually I can buy a brand new macbook with one month salary, why am I having these problems deciding? Am I the only one, again?
Wtf is wrong with me5 -
I regularly get added by unknown people on telegram. Now, sometimes they're real people asking you to rate some hotels or put smth in a shopping basket in a specific webshop.
It's my hobby to figure out what their scam is. (I think just not paying, how would they do that anyway).
Also, you've bots. Doing acquisition and then ask you to contact them on a different number. I do this. Yolo. For fun.
But now, there's a Chinese girl that added me and I can't figure out if she's a bot or real. She did ask me to contact on a different number - like bot.. But she goes to sleep on Hong Kong timezones and I've let her tell me what was in a youtube video. She described well. Still, I don't trust.
She does have some inconsistenties in dot usage at end of sentence and stuff.
English, quite well but I think she uses translator if she's real. She said it's not her native language.
It drives me totally crazy not being able to figure out.
What are more ways to check if AI?23 -
when I heard someone using google translation,it reminded me of a shocking and sad fact.
One day I passed through a friend's room and heard "I love you" , "I really love you"...I am curious as to why his room makes this sound?Oh,it turned out that he is using google translation....
If I have enough money,I will go with a siri back.
-
Hey girl are you into PDA? Because I've constructed a Pushdown Automata that can generate binary palindromes.1
-
That moment when you start to hang out with a new girl, and she tries to look more intelligent & interesting and asks you:
Girl: Hey you, you know more of software, which of these devices should I buy? -
Story : https://devrant.com/rants/7718922
Update:
The first girl goes to Sweden.
The Second girl goes to the UK.
The third girl temporarily moved to Kuwait
I'm not gonna lie, felt so sad when the first one goes5 -
How does Programmer enjoy their Life?
Girl: Do you drink?
Programmer: No.
Girl: Have Girlfriend?
Programmer: No.
Girl: Then how do you enjoy life?
Programmer: I am a Programmer
8 -
Me: Will you be my Valentine?
Girl: No way
Me: sudo will you be my Valentine?
Girl: Yes..yes..yes! Let’s go!4 -
Whenever I read a rant or whatever about a dev girl...I automatically think of that Seinfeld episode where George meets that deaf girl...
-
Wat is the boys/girls ratio on programmes? Care to answer whether you are girl or guy? (statistical purposes)3
-
Possessiveness over one's code is more dangerous than possessiveness over his girl - codes are getting closer to heart
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