After job Interview,
We will come in contact with you later that week.
*Later that week*
You've got mail

Highpayingjob@gmail.com
Job interview

You didn't get the job.
Your didn't Meet out requirements.

Sincerely us.

*5 minutes later*

Highpayingjob@gmail.com
Job interview

We must apollogize, we've sent you the wrong mail.

Sincerely us.

*5minutes later*

Highpayingjob@gmail.com
Job Interview.

You werent good enough at our Interview.

Sincerely us.

*Me*
What. The. Fuck.
Just happened...
WHAT THE FUCK!
2 REJECTIONS FROM THE SAME COMPANY?! IN JUST 10 FUCKING MINUTES!

Random : Hey you're a programmer right?

Me : Yeah? *excited about possibilities*

Random : I am having troubles installing a game I downloaded. I've been trying for three weeks now.

Me : *sigh* OK, I'll have a look, but I can't guarantee I'll get it right.

*Spend about 10 seconds installing game.*

Random : How did you do that?

Me : I read the error message, it was pointing to the wrong file.

Random : You are a god man *calls wife* come look at this genius. *calls daughter* look at that *calls dog* this guy is so amazing.

I also now avoid Random, he had three hard drives, each with a different version of Windows installed, he totally screwed his bios, he admitted not having put thermal paste on his cpu. And he asked me to fix all of this whenever I have time.

I am not your computer fixer guy. Take It to the shop.

Internship number two.

*walks downstairs to get a coffee*
*CTO (my guider) walks in*
CTO: (dead serious face) "linuxxx (not using my first name :P), come with me please"
*walks along to his office, starting to get reallly fucking nervous*
*CTO and me walk into his office, he sits down and looks at me very serious*
*I'm slightly shaking, nervous, sweating*
CTO: "So."
*oh yes here it is its gonna come I did something wrong fuck fml 😫😥😨😩*
CTO: "So you know quite some stiff around security/privacy. Could you tell me some stuff about why I'd want to use VPN and recommend me some good providers? 😀"
😅
*nearly falls onto the ground from relief*

I explained him some stuff and sent him a list of good providers 😀

*at my study a year or longer ago*

Classmate: hey linuxxx, could you come take a look? What is this? *points at screen towards some code*
Me: you don't see it?!
Cm: no...?!
Me: you really don't see it?!
Cm: no!!?
Me: no for real, do you *REALLY* not see it?!
Cm: NO! TELL ME ALREADY!
Me: that's a screen 😊
Cm: 😑😠

😅

Girlfriend = zero productivity!

I like to work at night! When I can hear myself think. Girlfriend is jealous of my code! Argues with me to come to bed and then I lose my inspiration.

You go to an accountant to file your itemized taxes in a couple of hours, you pay them at least $200.
You go to a lawyer to incorporate your business in 2 days, and you pay at least $800.
You hire a photographer to take pictures of your 4-hours wedding and you pay them at least $1500.
You go to your car dealership to fix something and they charge you about $125 hourly labor rate.
Now, ENLIGHTEN ME, how did you come up with the idea that the web application I will create for your business in 8 weeks (design, code, test, deploy, server administration) should not cost more than $500????!!!!!

!dev

It was late night after work I went into Macdonald's take-away:

Me: Can I have a Maharaja Mac Medium Meal with extra regular fries?

Guy: Yes sir, that will XX.XX amt.

Me: Gives him my card.

Guys: So what's the pin?

Me: What??

Guys: The Pin sir.

Me: Are you ok? Who the hell shares a pin with you?

Guy: Sir, we don't have a wireless swipe machine.

Me: So why is it a take-away if I have to come inside and drop my pin anyways?

*Guy looks awkwardly at other employees. :/

I had to finally get out of the vehicle and I took another 15 mins seperately explaining him why cards have a security pin and that the word security isn't a joke before the pin. With this, I might have also slipped in some GDPR cookie policy along with it. and why Microsoft bought GitHub. Good Lad. He will learn.

I have made this RGB LED tie. One of my friends and me had the idea at 2 am and now it has come to reality :D

It runs on an Arduino nano, 8 rgb leds and is powered by a 9V battery.

I have prom tomorrow ('abschlussball' in german) I probably won't wear it during the official part but definitely at the party after prom.

The current animation is a bit too fast (I was listening to hardstyle while coding it) for the music they will play tomorrow at the party so I still have to make a slower one.

Tell me what you think about it :P

At the airport.

Security: Please put all your electronics in the bin, including your watch.

Me: No problem

<goes through scanner>

Me: there was an Apple Watch in here and now it is gone.

Security: Oh, you lost your Apple Watch?

Me: No! I put my Apple Watch in the bin like you instructed and YOU lost my Apple Watch.

Security: It must be in the spinners.

Me: So my $500 Watch is in the spinners being run over by bins?

Security: you have to put the small things on the bottom.

Me: It was on the bottom and I did as you asked, this is entirely on you. Do not try to shift the blame to me again please.

Security: As I said...

Me: As I said, Do not try to shift the blame to me again. This is entirely your responsibility once you separate me from my electronics so you can perform security theatre. Have a nice day.

—————

Fuck this god damn security theatre. Fuck the dumbasses they hire. Fuck your country. Fuck your god damn feeling of insecurity. Fuck Your ineffective security theatre.

Sick my fucking dick until you choke and gag you worthless pieces of shit. Homeless people the street provide more security than you incompetent, under-educated assholes. Fuck you

And yes, I have 2 fucking laptops. I have a real fucking job where I provide actual value and for that I need a work laptop. I don’t come to work in a stupid looking outfit with a chip on my shoulder looking to inconvenience people. I come to work to provide real value to someone.

Fuck you and your worthless bullshit

Boss be like:
Me: Hello Boss I will be unable to come to work tomorrow,due to heavy rains.I am literally living on an island now.
Boss: In your job application you mentioned swimming as your hobby.
See you at work @7am....

My wife asks me how I can stare at a computer screen all day at work, then come home and continue to use a computer for the evening..

I respond that it's 95% of the only light I see all day..

This is Why I give IT support so much respect.

Friend: my computer stopped working can you help?
Me: (porn...again) fine I'll help.
Friend: come over when your ready
Me: Be there tomorrow bro

Next day.....

Me: where is your desktop
Friend: upstairs, I tried everything man
Me: look at the monitor... look at the hp piece of shit.. see green light on... look back at the monitor...no light... look at my friend.
Friend: 😕
Me:😪
Friend:😳
Me: look behind the desk...
Friend: 😰
Me: 😪your monitor is unplugged
Friend: 😅
Me: fuck you lose my number

Ex-Boss (62years old)- why do you wear a watch? Take it off.

Me (bewildered) - why? What happened?

Him - see I don't wear a watch also.
Come on, take it off.

Me - *took off my watch* now what?

Him - see. Now you can also look at the time using your mobile, like me. No need of watch. U should be modern.

Me- *WTF. Are u high or something, u fucking insane asshole? *
He was one weird piece of shit.

*client complaining about an issue they've been having for a long time now*

Them: this has been going on for ages, if a solution doesn't come up soon were moving somewhere else!
Me: I'm sorry to hear that but in the last ticket I see that my colleague sent a message asking for information but you never replied?
Them: that's right!
Me:......... Why didn't you reply...?!
Them: we were so annoyed that we have this issue that we just didn't want to reply anymore!
Me:...... Do you realize that we can't smell or sense that its still an issue when you don't reply to our request for more information?!
Them:........ so I should reply again if I want this to be looked at again?
Me: yes that's be a goo.....
*click*

😶

I haven't told anyone I know yet but yesterday I got a call from a user and she asked me if I could come down and take a look at some software I support. I did and fixed the issue.
She then asked if I could take a look at her computer because help desk and PC team had tried to fix and couldn't.

5 minutes later I fixed it (every site she went to gave cert error in both chrome and ie). I stood up and there was a couple seconds of me and her just facing each other not saying anything. She was smiling ear to ear the whole time. (This issue was weeks old I think). Then she walks towards me......

And hugs me.

Am I the only one who learns more on my own than at university? It really annoys me when I come here to study but all I do is read devRant posts all day, they are good tho.

Years ago I was an application developer at a medium sized corporation and was also responsible for support for an HR department. This occurred early one morning shortly after I arrived at work.

User: My app doesn't work.
Me: What's wrong with it?
User: I just get a blank screen.
Me: A blank screen? What happens when you hit a key?
User: Nothing.
Me: Do any apps work?
User: No, I just get a blank screen.
Me: Is your monitor on?
User: Yes, I turned it on.

This type of witty banter went on for several minutes when the answer suddenly hit me.

Me: Is your computer turned on?
User: Do I need to turn it on?
Me: Did you turn it off before you went home last night?
User: Yes.
Me: And do you normally turn it on in the morning when you come in?
User: Yes.
Me: Then why didn't you turn it on this morning when you came in?
User: I didn't know I needed to.

It was at this point I heard the programmer over the cubicle wall from me burst out laughing. He had been listening to the conversation and couldn't take it anymore.

The really sad part is that this was not an isolated incident. This kind of stuff occurred on a semi-regular basis with this individual's department.

Someone's outlook wasn't connecting to a mail server.

Fair enough, colleague started debugging in the morning!

It worked fine on any client on linux/mac.

After a while the swearing started to come, for some reason outlook thought that the url used for incoming/outcoming email was offline, worked on any other system.

We all left him alone for the rest of the day.

At the end I walked to his desk aan went:
Me: hey man is it working already? *very sweet smile*
Him: *gives a death stare* fucking die 😡

😆😅

Mum: Tom time to do something get off your computer
Me: *continues staring at computer*
Mum: Tom?
Me: ...
Mum: TOM
Me: Whaaa? *moves head slightly up but still doesn't take eyes off computer"
Mum: Please get off your computer there's stuff you've gotta do
Me: *finally looking up* OK just let me fix this one thing I'm so close
Mum: fine, 5 mins
*5 mins later:
Mum: come on Tom time to get off
Me: uuuggghhhhhhhh I'm nearly done please
Mum: hurry up
Me: *tries to hurry and finish as to not upset her* please I'm so close
Mum: *furious glance*
Me: *furiouser typing noises and frantic clicking*
Me: *finishes, attempts to run the program*
Program: *runs just fine and problem I was trying to fix was working great*

...

...

*something else breaks*
Me: ok mum please just this one thing
Mum: OFF

If you come to me, and ask for my opinion about something, then you throw “You’re wrong” at my face. Then why the fuck did you ask me in the first place? Fucking cunt

I need to hide myself, my computer, programming skills and computer knowledge from people. Then only, I will be safe..

Friend: Heeey, you're good with computers right?

Me: No! 😑

Friend: Come-on bro. I know you are.

Me: What do you want?

Friend: I want you to check and book flights for me for country X.

Me: Are you ok? How does this have anything to do with someone being good with computers and stuff?

Friend: Haha, see? You're good with computers. *starts laughing. Anyway, since you're good, you can find the best prices. I know you know how to search sites and how to find things online.

Me: WTF?!?!!! All, you have to do is type in your search. If you don't like the results, you simply refine it.

Friend: See, all this tech stuff I'm not really good at it.

Me: But you're good at searching for other things online, right? Do the same for your flights.

*Picks my laptop and walks away.
How can a young man not be able to search for flights online but knows how to use several gadgets. Nonsense.

What the fuck is this one-way interview bullshit?

"The organization you are interviewing with has come up with a series of interview questions that they have requested you to respond to. This is an on-demand interview which means that you'll be recording your video interview answers at your convenience as long as you submit them before the deadline." -- sparkhire.com

Like seriously?
What if I have questions? I have plenty, and I find those questions considerably more important than whatever bullshit gotchas the company wants to annoy me with.

One-way interview.
Fucking really.

At least have the decency to talk to me.

Me towards chrome browser: COME AT ME BRAH

Client sends an email after 5 PM. We all left for home.

Client: blah blah blah...We urgently need this app to be done by COB on Monday. Our CEO is going to launching it on Tuesday to the board of Directors.

––Boss forwards me the email––

Boss: Can you get this done by this weekend.

––On Viber––
Boss: I have sent you an urgent email. Let me know.

––My Reply––
Me: This can't be done in a day or 2. Looking at the scope of work, I need at least 8 weeks.

––Boss Replies back––
Boss: You are not performing at the best of your ability. Come and see me on Monday, I need to talk to you about your performance on urgent projects.

I have what seems to be an unpopular opinion about buying software as a software developer.

First off, I support open source all the way. There should always be free and open tools for people to use if the need or want to.

Second, if you underpaid, broke, unemployed, or a student then this doesn’t apply to you. You keep pushing forward!

With that said, let’s get to the meat of it all...

I pay for good software. Even when it is expensive. Even when there are “workable” free or open source solutions.

I do this for a number of reasons...

1. They are better, hands down.
(Tower > GitKraken, SourceTree, GitHub Desktop) (Kalidascope > every other diff tool) (JetBrains IDEs > Atom, Brackets ...)

2. I’m no longer a broke student. I make enough money to buy them.

3. Most important: I’m a fucking professional software developer, not a fucking joker.
- If I was a carpenter then I could always hammer nails with the back of my work boot. It’s free and paid for and will do the job. Instead I would buy a good hammer because I’d be a professional and not a fucking joker complaining about the price of the tools to do my job.

4. I use a Mac, sometimes Linux and NEVER Windows. Which means I have a platform that actually has useful apps built for developers who are willing to pay for it.

5. I don’t get caught up in developer circle jerks about how all development software should be open source and free.

————

So there you go.

Does this offend you?

Good!

Come at me bro

Story time!

So me, alcoholic I am, went to a local cafe because I didn't have enough booze anymore at home. Turns out that there were quite some people that wanted to get to know me!

And most importantly, there was another sysadmin (that likely saw through my funsies with some people there that I displayed termux' apt update and apt upgrade to as "evil hacking" 😜) that actually wasn't a bluff - he pretty much interviewed me on the spot and was apparently pretty impressed by my skillset. And so am I by his - he asked some pretty techy questions that only a fellow technologist could come up with. In a local cafe of all places!!! Who would've thought?!

I'll probably be going to that cafe some more 😋

Windows tells me to „contact the network administrator“.
I yell at the machine: „I AM THE ADMINISTRATOR!!!1!“

Why is Microsoft doing this? Instead of telling me what exactly went wrong, the come up with messages like
“Something happened”
“This is not possible”
“Error 0x2342133723”
“Do you want to ask a Friend?”

I really hope the authors of those error messages will burn in hell for that!

Java: I'm the complete OOP Language

C: I'm used in most of the places

Python: I am the simplest language that can do wonders...

Assembly level Language: At last you all have to come to me. So all of you STFU.

First day at CERN: done!

Nothing to rant about :) The place and the people are beautiful, lots of support and it's easy to navigate through things even for very young people like me! Couldn't ask for better stuff.

The welcome event in the Globe of Science and Innovation is already an experience on its own :) so many people to meet and share words with! Later on one of my senior colleagues showed me around the surface datacenter of ATLAS, as well as its control room and a (physically) separate computing testing environment to run simulations and software on to later be deployed at Point 1 (ATLAS). I am stunned, humbled and excited to say the least! More to come soon! Post your curiosities below and I'll gladly answer!

Friday morning, taking a sip of coffee reading mails. (nb: I started the job on Monday, and this is my very first job excepted internship)
*wild manager appears* : come with with me a second.
Me: wtf is that
Him: close the door
Me: shit what did I do
Him: so we're closing this really big deal with a big client/investor
Me: ok cool, what is the point to tell me that ?
Him: remember when we discussed your salary and we couldn't afford to hire you as high as you wanted ?
Me:... Yes ?
Him: well now we can
Me, starting to understand: ... And ?
Him: well your new salary is higher than what you asked in interview

And that's how I got a 8% raise after 4 days at my first job :')

Enough is enough!!!
I just received an email from HR because "Your not supposed to work that much as a trainee! Your should study at home"

WELL THANK YOU, BUT DID IT EVER COME TO YOUR MIND THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY BE WORKING?!

I just wrote back that I have tons of stuff to do, and that they can talk to my boss if they want me to work less.

So to sum up:
I solve problems and get screamed at by HR in return?
IT FUCKING GREAT

Our working hours are from 9 to 6 which is the standard in Malaysia (I'm not malaysian )

Yesterday I came in around 10AM and my boss took me to his room as soon as I arrived.

Boss: If you were in school and you come late what do you expect to happen ?

Me: get punished, I'll compensate by working an extra hour today.

Boss: well our clients aren't available at your extra hour and I'm struggelling with a big client you're supposed to ship the rest of his site and golive today and he's freaking out

Me: yh well his site is done it just needs final QA before going live.

Boss: oh its done already?, cool cool. Anyway you shouldn't be late you're not Malaysian and being late doesn't run in your genes like them.

*ops manager (Malaysian) walks in*

*boss confused*

*ops manager looks him in the eye*

*boss looks at the ground*

* me giggling while walking to my desk*

The Micromanagement God. The guy would come to the office 64 times a day, go behind my desk, stare at the monitors for a while and ask what am I working on.

He would sometimes ask for explanation of how something works because he never saw it before and then give me advice on how to use that thing he never saw before.

Just happened at my internship:
Guy: hey could you come over here for a sec and look at this problem?
me: Sure! *walks to table*
guy: the FTP server isn't working. I added config files etc but nothing!!
me: *does some terminal stuff*
me: uhm.... the ftp server isn't installed......
guy: *poker face*
guy: *poker face*
guy: *poker face*
guy: *plz don't tell anyone face*
guy: could you pls install? *desperate look*

Worst part of being a dev: "we need this done by the end of the week"

Me: "ok what are the specifications?"

PMs: "not sure yet, we have a meeting with the client on Thursday."

Me: "cool, I'll look at it Monday."

Don't come to me with deadlines before you know what I'm building.

All bankers are fuckers, fuckin assholes.

I went to bank today.
Gave my card to swipe and he gave me the machine to enter my pin
I entered it
But then it wasn't the actual PIN
Transaction failed

He retried it, but now he didn't give me the machine to enter the PIN, he asked me (whaaat...)
I denied to reveal my PIN
He asked me again and again I still denied.
At last that asshole cancelled the transaction.
And told me to write the deposit slip
Why should I write the slip when I have the card.
Whats wrong with that guy
Why should I give my PIN to him

These assholes come to work at 10 and leave at 3 and their pride is at the peak. They live on our money and showing superiority on us.

I hate them.

'rona virus working from home thug life.

MS Teams, several people including my PM, my company's sales lead, and the top brass from the client.

Sharing my center monitor with some technical documents etc.

A wild messenger message appears from my wife with the contents, "I'm gonna come home for lunch and fuck you sideways."

I'd put the amount of time it took me to mouse up there and flick that thing off the screen at about 900 miliseconds.

How fucked (in addition to sideways) am I?

Tl;dr ~ Fucked my wife. Fucked my life.

ahh! a well deserved rest... you're all invited to join me for a beer! come to Sesimbra in portugal and enjoy this 29°C at 11:04am ;)

Been a jr. dev at a company that's badly in need of more devs. So they hire a sr. dev to work w/ me. Dude's got yrs of xp over me, so he should be ramped up in no time, right?

Jk, he doesn't even know the basics of git. Also, his code is shit. If he's not let go anytime soon, at least I'll look awesome relative to this guy come performance reviews ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

*offering sweets to a fellow at work

Colleague: Oh I'm a diabetic but What you've got here aaaaaa.....

My Brain:
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it

Me: Oh come-on already One small piece won't kill you

Rant1
Company calls today. Offers me a job which is great i have been looking for 7 months.
Rant2
Today hurricane irma is coming its getting close gas stations are out of fuel. No water at stores. Chaos on the roads.
Rant3
Company asks me to come in Tommorow for interview. 😑

This might come off like i'm so full of myself, but its just true.

This probably happens to so many other girl devs as well, so this might be relatable.

Why can't guys at school, work, etc. just be friends with me? They often start liking me as more than a friend, causing me to disappoint them that I don't, and then they don't want to be friends anymore.

I get it, there aren't many developer, 'gamer', reasonably attractive girls out there, but damn it kinda sucks :/.

While working, my dad would come and stand behind me. Looking at the indentation, he would sarcastically say things like "Don't you know how to write?" or "Why are you writing so ziggy zaggy? " or "All these years of education, for what?"

The first two or three times I really had a good laugh. But after that, I really get pissed off.

I fucking hate being the "ask me anything" guy in the office, how am I supposed to code if people interrupt me every 5 minutes?

OH LOOK AT MY HEADPHONES! MAYBE I'M CONCENTRATED AND HAVE SHIT TO DO! I mean there are other 10 devs, why don't you go to them? or maybe try to GOOGLE IT, I HEARD STACK OVERFLOW IS GOOD YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

don't get me wrong, I like to help people but I hate when those bastards come asking questions that could be easily answered if they read the code for 5 fucking minutes.

when I have to look at code that is not mine I try to understand it by myself, even if it's not documented, and I try not to bother anyone unless is really necessary.

But then this sluggish leeches think I know the whole codebase and that can interrupt me whenever they can.

“Fullstack dev continues to be consistent”

We’d an enhancement request where we needed to support Ionic apps. Our manager didn’t know anything about Ionic so she asks us what it was instead of asking Google.

Manager: so what’s this Ionic thingy?

Me: Ionic issss.... (gets interrupted by Fullstack dev)

Fullstack dev: so the thing is ... it’s like... (consistent with his opening lines as always) it’s a third party plugin which converts react app and html pages to native code.

Me: (thinking of sacrificing him at the altar of Lucifer)

Manager: Nice!

More to come.

I've this review with this awesome super senior developer​ in about an hour.

I've been preparing for this for months. Now he's going to review my idea which I have documented for 8 fricking pages. It's my first major presentation after I got promoted a few months ago. So, the expectations are high.

I'm super nervous and it's starting to get really cold in here. I think I'm about to retch and poop at the same time.

*internal screaming*

If I don't come back alive, one of you guys find me a husband and tell him I loved him!

*internal screaming continues*

A senior developer come to interrupt me.

Senior developer: blah...blah....blah about this concept...... that concept... So, any new things you learn lately that you would like to share?

Me: I am learning back C++
Immediately he stop me and said, "Why did you learn C++? It is obsolete, no one use it anymore"

Me (in my head): But, you just said what I learn. It doesn't matter if its obsolete or not. Infact you are wrong, C++ is not obsolete anytime soon. I was about to share on webassembly.

Senior developer: So, would you like to join me in a short sharing session this afternoon.

Me: No thanks, I am really busy (just want to avoid at any cost)

End of second week at a new job. Found what I thought was a bug and wanting to impress I fixed it. The dev reviewing my code had just started a week before me so he also had no idea what was going on. It went live Friday afternoon.

Come back Monday morning and turns out I completely broke everything and nobody could use the site all weekend. I thought I was done for sure. Was shitting myself all day waiting for the call.

TURNS OUT NOBODY EVEN NOTICED

Overheard 2 colleagues having an interesting telephonic meeting late night at my room.
Dev 1: Wait. I am trying to fix it.
Dev 2: Ok. Take your time
Dev 1: Shit. I found it. I knew I was doing something wrong here.
Dev 2: Oh. Nice. What was the bug?
Dev 1: It was a super silly mistake. Don't want to tell. Folks will laugh at me.
Dev 2: Don't worry. It happens with everyone. Come tomorrow at office, and whisper it in my ears. Noone will know.

Them: "How is that low priority feature request coming along?"
Me: "It's almost done, a bunch of higher priority things delayed me. It should come live sometime tomorrow"
Them: "It better do"
Me: "Oh did I say tomorrow? I meant next week."

Fuck your attitude. You won't die not having your "saves 15" minutes a day feature for a few more days while some people can't work at all before I fix a major bug. You're not even my manager.

Bonus: overheard him talking shit about me working too slow later that day too.

At my fucking wits end, but coding will help me prevail.

Got kicked out my apartment because I couldn't make the payment. Fucking job I have is fucking useless (dev and administrator) in terms of pay. They basically have me by the balls. Can't leave because I need the money, need to leave because I need more money.

Fuck it. Tired of eating noodles and ramen. Tired of being fucked around like this. Paying for my own studies has fucked me harder than a bottle of tequila and a casino trip.

But I shall code, and I shall code until I prevail.

To the place I work for, fuck you (not being unfair, I earn less than the receptionist and I have a degree, a plethora of certs, and a few years exp). My time will come, and when it does, I'll come out on top.

Until then, I rant and code.

"This is incredibly unprofessional. You need to give at least 2 weeks notice like any other company that you work for" - Hiring manager to me after I said I couldn't come in today to the office.

Background for y'all:
1. I did a 2-day interview process and I never received news from HR that I got hired
2. I followed up today with HR and only then did they tell me in WhatsApp "Oh well you're hired"
3. HR didn't go into details about the contract, I was the one who proactively asked about it and HR just said "Oh I will send you your contract tomorrow and all the details."
4. Ergo, no contract has been signed TODAY and I have not gone through it and above all, I haven't accepted the offer yet

I gave the company a notice 30 minutes after thinking this through and said I won't come in today and made up a story (that I accepted another offer but really come on that's already a red flag - asking somebody to come in without a signed contract hey I'm not working for free)

Hiring manager said the above plus "I understand there's no contract yet but we're short on the team now so you should be on the train to come here"

No. I'm not obliged to do a 2 weeks notice when I do not have any contract binding me to this. You should appreciate I gave a notice instead of not showing up. Please tell me how professional your company is when internally your hiring team doesn't communicate with the hiring manager and you don't know the hiring laws of the country???

Eh fuck it, it's a 1 hr 41 minutes commute anyway if I ever did accept their offer.

Never used Linux before. At least not enough to say I've worked on it. But these discussions in here, they've pushed me. I'll do it now. I'll try Fedora. Right now! And never come back...till it's ABSOLUTELY needed.

Recruiters are fucking unbelievable sometimes.

With about one year experience I applied to company A and company B. Kinda competitors in what dev skillset they're looking for.

Company A reviewed my CV and decided I don't have enough experience without giving me a chance to present my actual knowledge.

Company B tells me screw your CV come along show us what you got. I rocked the interview with an offer the next day which I accepted, absolutely thrilled.

Fast forward 7 months I get an email from company A, same recruiter, inviting me to an interview as they're "impressed with my profile and feel like I've gone a long way" (definitely just because company B hired me and I passed my probation)

Ah the joy responding to them that as I value honour and honesty quite highly I don't think I would be a culture match for company B where it is a norm to reject candidates and come back pouch them after they pass probation at competitors.

Eek.. instant apologies email and of course explaining it's not poaching but "exploring opportunities".

Screw company A, honestly.

Are there any other developers out there who find that people judge their skills based on the color scheme they use in an editor?

I started programming with software that only offered one color scheme and have never felt the need to move away from it since I'm used to it.

While I'm sitting in the office, co-workers often come up to me, take one look at the fact I'm using a light color scheme and feel the need to try and convert me to the dark side as if that will make me a better developer.

Does anybody else experience this?

I have those conversations with my coworkers about once a day. We use Linux at work and I am the only one with any real Linux experience.

C: I have a problem! I tried and googled everything already! Come help me...
M: *slowly walks over to their PC*
M: *copy-pastes the error into Google*
M: *clicks the first result*
M: *presses two buttons*
*everything works again*
M: So you tried Google already, have you?

When I leave there (it's a PhD position and I'm almost done) they will probably crash and burn...

My most ridiculous meeting was a meeting that I couldn't attend.

When I was working as a freelancer my companies CEO and me were invited by a client from another country (6 hours flight & hotel).
The meeting was scheduled for the day after our arrival.

After breakfast the CEO told me he would pick me up at the hotel lobby at 2pm. I waited for some hours, but he didn't come.
Later that day he told me that he met with the client already at 10am.

I am sure he told me the wrong time, because he was afraid that the client would try to headhunt me.

We've come so far, yet we have not progressed at all - can you hear me? is this working? "JENNA GET THE OTHER MIC THIS ONE DOESN'T WORK"

I could go on for days about this. I am gonna go with the captain. COME AT ME!!

I feel sadistic when I come on here to rant, because I see what other Devs are ranting about and it makes me feel better about myself for not being in your positions... I feel horrible but great at the same time!

Dad : My WhatsApp has an issue and you're a software engineer. Fix it
Me : Looks like a Android bug...can't do anything.
Dad : Come with me, this guy at the shop around the corner who does prepaid talk time recharge will fix it... learn from him
Me : facepalm , gotta kill that guy

We have a developer that is known for rejecting PR during code reviews.

He sent me a message and asked me to come to his desk to discuss my PR.
He mentioned that he didn't like my solution and suggested to rewrite the code together.
So far so good, he is a senior developer and I'm sure I'll pick something from the pair programming session. He went with his approach and faced some issues that led us to my solution after nearly 2 hours.
I'm not angry because this scenario happened at least 3 times but how do you guys deal with senior developers that are stubborn?

QA : There is a bug, come at my desk now !
Me : I'm busy on some feature, can you make an issue on Jira I will fix it later.
QA : NO! It's a major issue
Me : Ok... I come.
* 3 hours later *
QA : I just created you the Jira you asked
Me : I told you, the bug is already fixed since 2 hours
QA : yeah but I will not test it until you mark the issue as done on Jira

.... Are you kidding me ??? So you interrupted me in my work two times for one stupid issue...

!rant

I just wanted to say how much I freaking love this place. I come here every day, and what I find is a magical community of people who are accepting of everyone, supportive of each others hopes and dreams and sympathize with those struggling with jobs or school or just life in general. DevRant honestly makes the world a better place, at least for me. Thank you @dfox and @trogus for this beautiful Eden!

I'm fed up of this shit. I'm a Bachelors student and I study in a class where no student wants to study. Like literally none. You'd think someone studying Bachelors degree would have some sense. But no. Not a fucking one of them. Our class requires a minimum number of students to attend to smoothly run the class. I am the CR and I can't convince them enough to even meet that level. How am I gonna get through these two years? I try to say something, everybody snaps at me for being a smartass. Which I'm clearly not. These are the same people who come at me when the courses to do finish in time. I am alone. I am getting too weak to stand against them. My self esteem is declining day by day. I am really insecure.

Did it today.
Removed a test so the build passes.
Come at me.

I dream of meeting a programmer girl. I'm starting to think only programmers understand me, and therefore yadda yadda

Met colleague at work

Him: You programmers don't like sleeping at all. You should try to sleep and look fresh like me ... Blah blah blah... (You get the picture)

Me: *just smiles and watch him go*

(But what I really wanted to say)

Me: 'Well you know what, most programmers don't sleep much not because sleep deprivation is fun or we're in some kind of cult where it's some daily ritual. But when they need to send in an update; usually on a feature to make YOUR life easier OR just can't seem get their code to run right, and they keep telling themselves; "5 more minutes", "I have a good feeling about this modification" the minutes add up and before you realize it morning! And that's why some of us look like s*** in the morning'

(And then turn around to leave only to come back really quick like I just remembered something)

Me (again): "And don't think that we enjoy it. At least the ones I know don't. It's simply a fr****** work hazard!"

" I wish to have a job where I can sit all day and still have a salary " said the 9 years old me not really considering the consequences. 11 years old later, here I am with *a dream come true* along with a constantly killing back and knees pain at my 20's writing some java codes.

I got selected for a dev job at a bank and I received a form on email to fill up and come with the hard copy to do the documentation etc.
HR girl: I can't understand what you wrote in the form.
Me: Yeah, I don't usually write things these days with a pen.
HR: So when was the last time you actually wrote anything.
Me: I think it was at a bank. I filled a form.
HR: Nice one!
Me: Oh!

when you are a 19yo trying to build a portfolio and you have a mother bashing everyday that you only spend time "at the computer" and I should get "a real job" and that "your dream will never come true" really is the biggest disappointment of my dev life.
It just builds pressure and sads me. She doesn't support me cuz I'm not "doing any money".
I feel like I should just quit everything or even disappear from this shitrock that is called earth....

"Most unproductive meeting of career?"

2 stories

Story 1:

Company had 5k people working for it. We all had to attend a meeting about holding effective meetings.

Rule 1 was to have an agenda for all meetings and associated information so that people can come prepared.

In my 19 years at that company I and one other guy were the only people who followed that rule. Including the executives (never followed it).

People thanked me for doing it all the time... then they'd hold their own meetings and no agenda.

🤷🏻‍♂️

Story 2:

VP of our department would hold meetings and INSIST people ask questions / get upset if we didn't ask questions.

We were also told what we were NOT allowed to ask about.

At one point there were complaints that support was replacing too much hardware. So after lecturing everyone about replacing too much hardware ... nobody was allowed to even mention that the hardware was actually shit.... but we were supposed to ask questions.

Same VP would come back to us and moan about how he just couldn't get resources for our department... like bro that's your job don't whine at us about it, do the job...

Dude was just a weak man child.

This kind of random stuff happens to me often:

*comes home from going out*
*wants to sleep badly*
Brain: heyyy, why don't we take a look at some vps discounts!!!
Me: please, I want to FUCKING sleep.
Brain: oh come on...
Me: pls don't do this to me..
Brain: But vps discounts...
Me: oh FUCK YOU, I'll go look up some stuff.

My brain can be weird and annoying.

I earned devie middle. Bought devie left. I came in this morning and devie right is looking at me???
This may be a Tribble situation! Worried when I open my office door Monday they may come pouring out. What will I do with thousands of devies???

our neighbor has very fast Wi-Fi (~200 MBPS) . but, he didn't tell us the password and we don't know where to ask

sis : You said that you are a programmer right?
me : Of course!
sis : So why don't you do your job?
me : Create an app?
sis : No! hack his Wi-Fi
me : *Hacked the Wi-Fi and give her the password*

another day, mom's phone got crazy,

mom: Allen! Come and fix this phone
me : *After looking at the phone*
me : It is the screen saver I installed earlier

but why people think that programmers are "Computer gods" ?

Happened at work a few months ago (I'm new to devRant, that's why I post this now):
"I have bugs!" - "Then fix them..." - "No, come here and have a look, I have bugs!"
He literally had a bunch of very small insects inside of his monitor, don't ask me how they got there.

So, today's comedy job story (and how depressive things become), and it's only 9:30.

Stressed PM assaults me at 8 to tell me what I have to do, standing next to me and dictacting stuff she wants done. Hate that.

As I went to a colleague to help her out with these fucking presentations (she "couldn't open them"), as I just arrived to her office my phone rings.

It's my PM. I'm 20m away, she calls me. Ok.

Me: "Yes?"
PM: "Hey Phlisg, erm, we are stuck in a conference room, can you come and open the door?"
Me: "Erm, the door has no handle, can't help"
PM: "Can you call the "housekeeper"?"
Me: "Sure" (why the hell doesn't she have his number...)

I go downstairs, go towards the conference room, and before the door there is the reception office. I ask the colleagues in there if the "housekeeper" is here, but they instead produced the handle from their drawers, and went to the door to open it.

At the same time, a person locked inside the conference room went through the window to go round and try to open the door.

Door successfully opened by colleague with handle.

I mean...

WHAT

THE

FUCK!

You have a problem? One reflex: call Phlisg. She might call me at 2 am in the morning because she cannot sleep or something.

Pissed!!

So I take leave for a day right.

I come back to the office and my teamlead asks me to start running tests and in the same breath he adds, "so I added SOME code so that it would cater for the annoying popup".
I said cool and made nothing of it.

A few minuts later he stands behind me asking me why its so slow and my reply was.....

"Well I wasn't in yesterday and you added code and it wasn't this slo... "

Words arnt even out of my mouth and he starts shouting at me

"DON'T SHIFT BLAME!!! Don't Shift Blame."

Well okay then sorry...... I guess.

My recruitment story is a bit funny,
i had two interview, first one was to evaluate working style, behavior and ethics, where the interviewer and i spent almost 20 minutes discussing video games 😀.
second was technical, was interviewed by a lady dev manager and the team's technical lead "which i didn't know their roles at that time" went really good and at the end they asked:
Do you wanna ask us any questions?
Me: *leans back, with one arm on the chair arm and with a curious look and pointing one finger at both of them😕*
So what are you two?
them: *both had a shocked face and looked at each other for few seconds, manager chuckles😓😓* Well i am the team's dev manager and this guy is the team's technical lead, and in case you were wondering, we are not a couple.
technical lead: 😂😂😂
Me: 😨😨 no no that's not what i meant i swear.
Interview was over, i left the building thinking 😢😢 oh god, i totally blew it.
2 weeks later i get a phone call asking me to come and discuss contract terms 😂😂😂
sorry for the long story

For the love of God. Please stop trying to make me download your shitty mobile app. I don’t have room, and I don’t want it. I just want to read the content that YOU SENT TO ME (looking at you, Quora). Nice way to make sure I unsubscribe and never come back. An unclosable pop up on mobile that just has a button to your mobile app while I have limited data and patience doesn’t do it for me. Fuck whoever came up with THAT brilliant decision.

I really love taking HR mandatory training concerning covid-19 that apparently speaks for me.

Did you guys know that I was dying to go back to work instead of remotely doing everything from the comfort of my fucking home?? and that my biggest fear was that i would be at home too much and missed the workplace?
No? well, me fucking either. I was way the fuck more productive working from home that being in my office dealing with stupid shit all day because i was constantly being interrupted.

Pretty sure my employees felt the same way when I yelled from my office :"y'all this training is some bullshit and apparently you guys were fucking dying to come back"

and one of them yelled "ahhh hr speaking for me again!!"

Fuck brainwashed trainings.

Christmas reminds me of my favourite development team ever. I first visited the team for a quick hello, before I started working with them, at Christmas time. Unlike the rest of the the company they had decorations and Christmas treats and the radio was on with Christmas songs. This set a very good impression.

When I did come to join them after the holidays I discovered that this team like having treats, would often sing songs together randomly and even make up new ones about their code on the spot. They had a great attitude to work and made the working environment a fun place to be. We did get lots done but I also learned so much being with them. When I left they wrote me a card filled with raps they had come up with reflecting my time with them. I still have that card.

I miss you guys dearly. Merry Christmas xxx

!rant

I've been working for the last 5 months at this job and I'm getting promoted. My manager built a custom position after noticing my skills. I love my job. AMA!

*One day at office sitting at my desk coding in front of a window with a refreshing breathe of fresh air coming from it, and a decent view of trees in front of the building*

CEO: would you like to be sitting together with the other dev?
Me: that would be awesome!

- next day -

*come to work to see my stuff has been moved over next to the always open door, with clear view of the lobby, prone to all kinds of nonstop distractions, and psychologically lethal ambiance*

ceo: YOU TWO ARE SITTING TOGETHER NOW, AREN'T YOU PSYCHED??

me: WELL CANT SAY PSYCHED, BUT A PSYCHO SOON HAHAHA >fucking asshole<

I found university very worthwhile, mainly for what it exposed me to that I wouldn’t have necessarily learned otherwise. University exposed me to a lot of knowledge which allowed me to discover the fields and concepts that really interested me. It also forced me to learn math, and I’ve come to really love mathematics, even though my knowledge is still not that deep. I really respect and appreciate math now that I have more than a superficial understanding of it.

CS-wise, the things that have been most useful in practice have been complexity, data structures, concurrency, and others, but complexity is probably the absolute most important thing to at least learn the basics of.

I would not say that university is a necessity though. You can absolutely get by teaching yourself, especially if you are disciplined/interested enough to keep doing it. The important thing is to learn *what* to learn.

Fuck my life sometimes.
I'd just finished my work for an ongoing project, it's been over 6 months only to be dragged out to be told another system needs an immediate change which at best will take 3-4 weeks.

Like seriously just let my mind come off down from the completion of previous project before dropping a new barrel of insanity on my desk 😬

I like being busy, don't get me wrong. but damn not even a day of recovery 😓

I come from a front facing retail background. And I start my first developer job on Monday. It is also fully remote. They said I can take mental breaks whenever And unlimited pto as long as I use it wisely and don’t abuse the hell out of it. It’s a small company of like 75 people. They don’t want us working past business hours unless it’s urgent and something breaks.

Im like “uh what? You’re not going to yell at me for taking a 5 minute break after a homeless meth head screams at me and waives a wooden sword at me trying to hit me?”

It just feel like this is a grown up job. Like a professional job. I feel like I have work ptsd from being mistreated in the work place for 8 years. It doesn’t feel real. Does anyone else feel like this?

Hey folks, this is ben.
Just a little story of me and IOT
,for the past few months, i have been working on various projects on Internet of Things and, with the little exposure... I have seen so much goodies that come along, i love the robust and realtime architecture that IOT has, on my platform i use
Arduino, esp8266 and Android, i am able to control my car park, home lights, and my pulse rate using the few components.

At first it was hustle, but now? Am loving it😋😋😋,
If you wish to join me or have a project of the sort..... Just holla me up :bensalcie@gmail.com

I can also teach for free.

Fuck life, fuck this society and especially fuck my brain - waking me up at 6 AM and immediately making me burst into tears because bipolar... I mean come on! I can't even sleep anymore?! I know it's hard falling asleep but waking me up just to cry? ...why...

So I reach office early , bcz I like to have sun left when I go home.
Other devs arrive almost 3-4 hours after me. And when it's time to leave,
They : you leave so early
Me : yes you ahole. I come early too.

And then they get credits for staying long I'm like yeah if you come at 12-1 you have to stay back.

So fucking frustrating.

The sad day has come people... Anyone who knows me; knows that python and PHP are not my favourite of things...

But I've decided to try and work towards getting a Dev position at my current work place... That required PHP and python knowledge

Gonna be honest, better pay but have to use PHP and python or kill myself is a very tough choice...

So here is what happens. I have new guy in the office. He thinks he is a big shot or something. Our office time is 9 to 6, but no one comes in at that time.

This guy, he comes at 10:30 and I come at 11. I have been working as a senior dev for 2.5 years now and he is a fresher who joined as a manager which I am still wondering why.

And he tells me you are late and I inform the CEO about this.

One of these days I will tell him that brother the day you show the same commitment I have shown to the company or anything close to it, we will talk.

Waiting for the exact day.

Yes I am a developer and I am good at soccer, come on you naive idiot standing in front of me in complete awe, the days where these things were mutually exclusive are long gone! 🤓⚽️

!Rant

My boss just gave me a task "deploy this project today".
1. Made by a junior dev, and I have to take responsibility to upload it in this short time (no blame to jun dev, she's new and need to practice)
2. In a crm that I personally never used before, I need to study it and adapt at least the paths
3. Task was given at 13.48 during lunch pause.
But
But
The best is yet to come
Wait

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ready?
4. He doesn't know the server where to deploy it!
No one knows.
The IT doesn't answer, but still, I have to deploy a project TODAY (2h and 47 minutes left eob).

My patience limits are huge but our product manager seems that likes to stretch them.

You piece of fuckin shit. You ask for feature A and we agree on the way we will do it. Good. Half way you want to change it's behavior.
Fine, i accept that. Let's move on.
I'm close to finish it and you come and say let's add more on that feature and make it more complicated. I can't say anything, just fine and let me work on it.
Then you and the senior dev that "helps" us don't come to 2 meetings and just communicate via emails.
And then, then you fuckin scums tell me that is unacceptable that i haven't finished it and it doesn't work?
I used my uni time and missed lessons to work on your shitty feature and that you just yell at me?
What about comming to the fuckin meetings so we can discuss what problems occured and how i can overcome them, you sucker?

Just because our boss complained to you that the product is late because of you, that doesn't give you the right to yell at me, you piece of shit.

And the next time you tell me that you pulled the repository and it doesn't work while it does on everyone else i will come and shove your laptop up to your ass.

*At a dorm gathering*

Me: I think I’m gonna head back to my room, I don’t know what to do here

Friend: Come on, meet people! Socialize!

Me: *sighs* Fine

You know you’re a nerd when...

Conversation with coworker at a staff function...

girl: ...we can't wait to see what you can do!
Me: Great! I can't wait to get stuck in, but you know, those exports you wanted from it, that doesn't have to wait. If you need that straight away, come to my desk and I'll make some queries for you and pull out the data you want...

Girl: o_0
Girl: ... Omg, you can do that?! You're awesome!!

Me later: o_0 - the Dev before me could never at least do that?!

!RANT

I've invested so much time in PHP and now people are telling me it's rubbish ?? 😧😰😢😢

C'mon ! Trying to learn (or get familiar) with a whole new language now will basically mean I'm going back to square 1. That helpless feeling of being a beginner at something 😢

JavaScript, here I come .

So I started a 80hour intership today at our Department of Education and this is how it went...

Boss : Design a database to show all applicants that applied for jobs at schools.

*I start thinking which tables and columns I'm going to use and start designing the database, writes out all the tables on paper*

Me : Is there a pc I should work on or should I use my laptop? And which database engine do you use?

B : No you can use your laptop. And btw we use MS Access

*Thinking wtf kind of business even governmental uses Access for their databases. But anyway, start creating the databases and relationships when my boss walks in*

B : No, what are you doing?

M : Im creating the database you asked for.

B : No, you design it on paper. Draw all the tables, draw the report and the form then you come show it to me, if I decide its good enough you can come in tomorrow and start creating it.

*Wtf kind of place is this, are you mentally retarded? You have a IT staff of 3 people, in which only the actual fulltime intern is a qualified IT professional, but when me or him tries to do some actual work, you give us shit about doing what was asked from us*

Ever lose a laptop? I did. 13 days ago. at the airport in security. left it behind because I had two with me, which I don’t usually do. i just realized YESTERDAY that it was missing. someone come to my house and shoot me. because i’m too stoopid to live.

Discovered yesterday that my boss does tests with production database... and I'm responsible for the fucking backups and he doesn't even care to let me now when so I can at least schedule one at slave. Come on... it's not that hard to let others know or test on your own machine...

I don't know if anyone else here uses kik but there's something that's been bugging me for a while
Occasionally (frequently) bots start a conversation with you (the typical "come visit my porn website etc etc), right? Now, this has happened to me at least 20 times now, and EVERY single time, the bot's profile picture has loads of translucent yellow stars edited in, and I have no idea why
I can't think of a possible explanation for this, and I've put a lot of thought into it
Attached is a cropped version of what I mean

ChatGPT sucks so much for coding tasks and it's laughable.
Like, it's come to a point where it's unusable for me. At all.
It's like a toddler, anything you tell it, it agrees. Then spits out non-existent functions.
The thing actually slows me down.
And yes, I've tried Claude AI and it's slightly better but in no way, shape or form did it improve my productivity.

Those who claim it made them n times faster were never working on complex tasks to begin with.

Christmas 🌲 party at work tonight. It's going to be boring since we are only 9 staffs.

Please give me a good reason so I can ditch this party? The best one I have so far is "I have shit in my pants. going home to cleanup and change. I will come back."

Me: We have a new research project for you. We need you to test these 2 new services, see how they will fit into the new application, look at alternatives if necessary etc. At the end we need you to write a report with your findings, showing how you would integrate them to achieve X, Y and Z, and how much it would cost each month.

Dev: sounds good, I'll come back to you when I have it.

*2 and a half weeks later*

Document paragraph 1: The new language translation service doesn't support the languages we need.

Document paragraph 2: Here's my proposal for integrating the new language translation service.

*review*

Me: So I had a look at the doc and it says it doesn't support the languages.

Dev: yeah unfortunately not.

Me: Ok, so when you discovered that, why didn't you look for an alternative? Or come back to me and say it's not going to work.

Dev: I dunno, I thought you'd want to see the rest of the research first.

Me: ... not if we know for 100% undeniable fact that it will never function.

Dev: Ah ok, I didn't think of that. I'll do that next time, don't worry.

... aw how sweet, he thinks there will be a next time. Poor guy.

Ok I'm seriously getting sick of this shit, my new manager wants us to have the fucking 12 hour night shifts from the office for .....no reason??!! for her own fucking entertainment I suppose!

I knew the day would come where my happy times at the new job would be over, my target now is stay 3 more months so I've been there for at least a year then see what happens. fuck me.

Update on the asshole trying to come visit me, according to police he was dead drunk, further look at the offline CCTV he even tried to knock on my backyards glass sliding doors (only accessible by CLEARLY trespassing) and my neighbours saying he was yelling incoherent shit, I got also basically told "we can't do much, because he hasn't hurt nobody nor destroyed anything".

Still waiting for someone to come and get me at the front desk. Been here for 15 minutes. Oh, this project will be fun!!!

Fuck these people. They have PhDs in everything but don't know how to walk properly.
"Oh let me get right in front of you while you walk faster", have you ever driven a car you porg shit?
And these people that wear backpacks! OH MY GOD I HATE BACKPACKS! I mean, if you wear one please tell me you've been wearing them since you were born. Otherwise you're not calculating the extra space you take AND YOU JUST WALK LIKE A FUCKING GORILLA.
I have come to the point of inventing the walking permit. You're born with it, and starting at 18 y/o it can be stripped away. LEARN TO WALK.

Sometimes at the end of the day if a solution to a problem seems inefficient I just leave the task rather than writing buggy code. It gives me a day's time, away from the screen, to come up with much better and elegant solution which I eventually code up the next day.
After years of experience I have realised that its better to wait for a day and not write inefficient code rather than trying to fix a hell lot of bugs later.

Just remembered one day from university
So, I've not been on any programming lectures and labs
Decided to go for one at least
Terrible hangover, late for half of a hour
Grab list of tasks
Fuck, 15 tasks. All very easy, but a lot
Half of a hour later teacher started to check works
- Oh, please, come back to me later, I need another 5 tasks to be done
- What? Did you read header? You were supposed to do two tasks of your choice
- ...

Come into work, 5 of our 18 employees have been fired. The boss stares at you with a gleam in his eye. This makes me want to program incredibly technical shizzle. Of course it does. There's nothing like a supportive work life balance :/

When you get called back into work at 5:30 in the morning for an urgent problem... Come to find out its because, "I forgot my internet access password, can you reset it...?" Are you shitting me? Fucking (L)user! In taking today off, fuck this.

Today me started to come to college by wakeuping at 10@m to attend DAA class by 1pm a strict warning to all to attend by sharp 1'o clock but at the scene my madam is absent and my effort gone wrong😢😢😢(Computer Science)

Best:
- optimized a lot of queries and pieces of code
- graduated from the dutch equivalent of community college
- started a new education
- updated our password schema from a shameful algorithm to bcrypt

Worst:
- haven't been able to convince my colleague and bosses to automate stuff
- still no tests
- still a php dev
- still alone

2018:
Come at me with your c++ and robots! I'll fucking master you!

So, I've come to hate Sundays. You might ask me, why? Why Sunday of all days? The answer is very simple: My wont-shut-her-fucking-mouth roommate.

Woman should be a commentator at sport events. She woke up at 10 in the morning and has been talking to what seems like the entire fucking population of this goddamn world, it's going to be 10 in the night soon. I feel like I am staying as a leech so I have no say in this goddamn room.

Please someone help me design a fucking signal jammer so I can block out the signals to shut her up!

Kill me now!
FML

* Teams meeting, doing some early testing with the client *

Dev Team: This is an early build, so please be aware that bugs can occur at this stage. (That's why we didn't want to show it but you insisted)

Client: Sure, don't worry.

* 15 minutes later, first bug happens because some state management at the front end was not tunned yet *

Client: Can you solve this bug?

Dev Team: Sure, just let us replicate it and we come back to you as soon as...

Client: Can you solve it now?

Dev Team: ... Okay, let us ser whats happening and we will come ba...

Client: You don't need to hang up, just solve it.

*Dev Team internal chat*

Me: Fuck
Other dev: Fuck
My leader at the time: Fuuuuuck

PS: This happened in two separate occasions. I hated that project.

Yesterday hr called me for a meeting 1 on 1 that lasted for over 1 hour.

Me: i work on my side project when i get home every day

Hr: ohhh.. so you do have time to work on another project aside from ours?

Me: what? I said i work at my project after work when i come hom-

Hr: so you have that much free tim ok how about this. Would you like to work on another project for our clients? So you'd be working on 2 projects-

Me: ...

Hr: one day you work on this primary project the next day you work on the secondary project

---

Corporate people really think giving me MORE work with NO increase of payment is a REWARD???? Go FUCKV yourselves

I have setup site wide Google analytics events since June and the product manager only ever looks at the pageviews. I don't think he understand what a funnel even is.

Each day I hear about him wanting to increase the customers to come on our site and then do nothing about it. At least LOOK AT THE DATA

(this isn't my first rant. I had to delete the other account because it is easy to find me by the other username)

I've noticed that, wherever I am, people tend to come to me for help and guidance. It happened at my previous job and is now happening at my current job too.

These past few months I've spent most of my day helping my coworkers instead of actually writing code. I'm not complaining, I like helping, but I feel like I'm not being productive.

Is there a name for this role? Should I embrace it?

(short story)

happened a couple of months ago. I was drawing some diagrams on the board -- planning new infra for the app. While explaining all this to the analyst I needed some random number. It was smth like 1470285206. Half an hour later I need another random number. And I again come up with the same exact sequence....

It was both funny and spooky at the same time. Apparently my biological RNG is utterly broken.. Either that or my subconsciousness wants to tell me something about an early morning of 2016 Aug 4.

I'm in such a mood to pick a fight with someone. not anyone, a specific someone, my boss. i want to ruin this person's day. i want him to fume like the little chihuahua he is, and if he wants to antagonize me at least he should do that right. come on, yap like the little shit you are. fucking hate this slippery, quiet bs, fucking us over and pretending to be civil

Things I’m learning from my accounting job that will help me in my future dev career:

Today I have really, truly understood the need to sometimes just walk away.
I couldn’t figure out how to fix something, I kept fucking up, and at 16:40 I realized I can just stop, do something else that’s easy and doable, and come back to the fucked up mess I made in the morning. We’ll see how it goes, but it’s a lesson I’ve been continuously learning over the last few years, not to stubbornly brute-force my way into doing something when I’m not in the right mindset and able to do it, and instead just calm myself down and come back to it later.

So our new hardware guy who is being managed by our lead embedded developer had the task of designing me an expansion board for my Linux board. The Linux board uses the 40 pin expansion like the raspberry, bananna and orange pi family and as you all know there are many different types of expansion boards for this.
I said at the start come to me and tell me what you want to connect to before deciding which pin you connect to so it is less work for me with Linux board configs and drivers.............
No no no we will sort it all... erm.....
So today they come ask me if they can use an SPI port for GPIO and I am like erm... why there is plenty of GPIO...
It turns out they have been designing the board based on the pin outs of an expansion board and not the actual connector of the Linux board.. I mean seriously WTF!

Project manager : At 9:30 am these all are the tasks you have to complete today.
Me: OK ,sure.
Project manager: At 10:30 have you completed any thing.
Me:no not yet we can meet at 11:30.
Project manager: At 11:30 have you completed the tasks.
Me: no it's takes more time post lunch.
Project manager: post lunch have you completed the tasks.
Me : give me 5 mins ( integrating the code).
Project manager: 5 mins over.
Me : showing the application with out testing.
Project manager : This not working.......!
Me:(I know that )then I have to check .
Project manager : OK go and come in 10 mins
Me:(in 10 mins I have to test and fix the bugs you non technical brute) sure .

I was placed at the company I work at 9 years ago and it was a college recruitment. Due to the recession in 2007,and its effects in 2008,although I graduated in 2008,my company called me only in 2009,roughly after an year of passing out. I really needed the job. After joining the firm,we were all inducted and had our official ID's and email accounts created. There was a mentor to me,who sat right across.
I was naive and had left for lunch without locking my system,only to come back and see the horror:

"Your resignation has been submitted" in bold ,as a wallpaper.
I was shocked and had lot of things in my head because earlier that week some firms had given "pink slips" and it was all over the news.
Finally,my mentor told me he did it for fun. Have never left my system unlocked ever since!

omg omg omg. I just found out rebrickable has an all inclusive Lego pieces and sets database updated monthly FREE and under a CC license!! And their API is also available for use under CC. And I'm so excited I could pee because this just made it possible for me to jump right in on a personal project I've been wanting to start and my SO/friends just look at me and smile politely when I try to explain to them what a goldmine it is to find a library that does exactly what you need and is free too. So I needed to come somewhere and share my news and know I'd be understood. <3

If you can't describe the bug, then it's not a bug. Or at least don't come to me.

Once a guru of mine told me,
"A developer is one who can convert his/her ideas to code and doesn't need to depend on external libraries to help him/her"

His words actually have made me a different person. I mean since that day, I actually started developing things on my own. Until then I was hardly good at coding. Wasn't even clear with the basics. But those words of his had a deep impact on me.

Today I suddenly started thinking about that and honestly, I'm so glad to have met him. I'm so glad that he actually said the above thing to me.
Today, I'm at a position where I can legit build anything I want.
From websites to bots, I make my ideas come to life. All thanks to my guru.

Just thought this might be a good thing to share to motivate others. If it motivated me, I'm sure it might motivate atleast one other person in this community.

Working on my personal projects really shows me how rushed the work is were I work, and it drives me crazy.

I know my code works 100% in my current project as it is unit and e2e tested, so I can edit it until the cows come home.. at work though, different story.

Friend : Hey man lets watch world cup at 5.
Me: Sure why not, we will have a great time
Me: Leaves office early tho having bugs to fix
Me: starts watching the game at frds place slowly pulls up my pc
Frnd: Are you even watching the gamean, it was a goal now , did u see that , come on man
Me: ohh yeahhh goallll, goes back to vim
Game ends and he switches off the tv and stares at me for 20 mins,
Me: what hpnd man did the lights go off?

I like JavaScript as a language. But I hate absolutely everything around it. All of these tools just make things more difficult. Sometimes when I clone a project I want everything there. I don't want to then wait 30 minutes to download the latest version of every library used, with at least one of them always breaking something. I don't want to have to use npm or grunt or whatever. Just give me the damn thing I need not make me spend 30 minutes running round in circles! Never have these problems in any other language!

Come on WebAssembly!

*Clears throat*

To everyone who say's they won't release X for Y because Y isn't good at Z (For example, people who don't support games on Linux because Linux isn't as good at gaming compared to windows), go fuck yourself with the wide end of a rake...

Fuck me people piss me off with stupidity sometimes .-.

Thing's aren't going to evolve and get better if everyone just abandon's shit at the first fucking hurdle, remember when windows wasn't good at gaming compared to mac, well that fucking changed pretty quick didn't it...

(If anyone is curious how this came about, I'm am still holding hope for Gamemaker studio 2 to come to Linux but in the mean time though about running it's compiler through mono and building a front end to see if I can even do it but was talking to someone about it and they said I'm wasting my time because Linux is shit for games)

Ffs. Am I sick or is it normal that after almost a year at current company, I still love it and have nothing to rant about? It makes me happy and sad at the same time that i have nothing to rant about and this is the only rant i can come up with

It annoys me when restaurants provide an online form for reservations, put in their disclaimer that "no reservation = no table", but when you make the reservation things go wrong.
For starters: their infrastructure not working on weekends (while they are open on weekends), them doing manual instead of automatic validation of a reservation, them not even knowing how to manage their own reservation system (which gives me the idea that they purchased some random reservation software).

I ended end having to call them about my reservation, they had a confused voice at the phone while they were navigating their own reservation software and ended up saying "Yeah ok table is booked, bye". I understand they're stressed out but come on, I don't think this is a modern nor graceful process. If you're boasting about having a reservation form, then at least live up to it. It reminds me of another restaurant where I had made a reservation online and when I got there, they told me "Next time book by phone please, we're not used to our software". For *********** sake.

Bah.

Me coding and researching to fix new things everyday and people come to me saying:
"You are working too much"

And I'm thinking: actually, its a never ending learning job, I dedicate so much because almost everyday I learn at least one thing.

But knowing that non-tech people have a hard time around it I just answer: yeah.

Got a new job a couple days ago, cleaning cars at a dealership. One of my friends works there doing the same and he told me I should apply.

The hourly rate isn't much more than I was making at McDonald's, but I have very consistent hours now. I'm only scheduled for 35 hours a week, but normally we don't get out on time. On Friday we didn't get out until an hour after I was scheduled to leave, so chances are I'll get overtime here.

Basically all I wanted in a job was to have consistent hours. Come in at 2, leave at 8, rinse and repeat. McDonald's was basically, come in at 4, leave at 10, maybe stay until 11. Next day you're coming in at 7 and closing, next day you normally work but now you don't. Just very inconsistent, and basically no chance at full time unless you're a manager's favorite.

I like the new job, I get to drive nice cars and clean them, and that's basically it. I got to drive a car that's the same model as my mom's car, but 7 years newer (she has a 2011, the one I drove was a 2018). Even got to drive the exact model of the car that hit me a few months ago (same year too).

I've never been a huge car guy, but I really like it there. There's just something very satisfying about driving a brand new car. Also, at McDonald's I wasn't allowed to have a beard. At the new job they don't give a shit, as long as I work.

Translating win32 calls to whatever the hell there is in Unix and Unix-like OSes (well, most of them) in order to port a certain game net code library and dear god why did I volunteer myself for this task

At least pevents is there to help, but too bad cmake doesn’t want to compile it with the flag I need (“-DWFMO”) in order to make the “WaitForMultipleEvents” method to work at all. Instead no matter what options I give it on the command line or how I tell VS Code to do it, it seems to give me the finger to my fucking face.

Doing it for games on the cooler OSes... doing it for the community... come on...

!rant
Freshman at college watch me using vim and say I'm a masochist, always laughed it off...but after paying for the PWK OSCP course today, I think they may be right.

Hell and below here I come.

My business partner and I started working at our new office and this other guy who was our client and provided us Internet connection for very cheap price, asked us if he can come and hangout sometimes
My partner : yeah man, any time !!
That guy : thanks man
Partner : But only when we are not that busy and don't bring any other person unless it's a woman.
Me : what !!
My partner : what ?

Goes on teams, since it got shoved down my throat because everyone has to use this malware. Might at least clock around to see what free shit it has to offer.

Oh cool, visio? Thats the architecture diagramming tool isnt it? Thats perfect I could use it for my presentation, let me just drag this UML class...

YoU HaVe DiScOvErEd A PrEmIuM FeAtUrE! BuY ViSiO NoW!!

Sometimes, I wish the times of companies simply barring you from access completely to come back. Freemium is the worst bullshit piece of shit business model ever.

Ok GCSE finals are coming up and I take ICT. literally it's harder to fail than pass this subject. But some how half the class is failing it. One of the topics that a lot of the class are struggling with is web development. Honestly all you have to do is add 2 images and some text and you have 10 marks it's stupidly easy. So at the end of the class the teacher handed me some notes on web development that he thought might come in handy. Knowing me I just chucked it in my bag never to be seen again mainly because I already know a lot about web development and a lot of the time he's asking me why his code isn't working and I'm there mumbling "you forgot a semi colon" or something like that. So when I got home I decided to take a look at these notes and honestly this made my day

Back when I lived in my university dorm I shared my room with internet admin. Usually I helped people with internet problems when he wasn't there and I've placed FAQ on the door how to fix common stuff with a little note, that I can help only with internet problems and only with those that aren't listed. It worked for most people, but one guy knocked and messaged me around 5 times a day to fix his system. So I've decided to finally do what he wants.
He: come on, I heard from XYZ that you are an admin in job and you fixed her computer.

Me: but I work only with servers
He: what's the difference? Just copy my photos to my external drive and install new system on my laptop, just like you do it in job.
Me: so this is that simple job?
He: yup, but I need a laptop tomorrow, because I have something to do at the evening.
Me: okay

I've used find to copy all the photos from his HDD and installed minimal Debian without xorg on the laptop. He hasn't come back after picking up his computer. And that's the way to get rid of leechers that whine for fixing everything because you are IT guy :D

I guess the time has come finally. 🤔

I'm now thinking of how to trace a Facebook user's current location. At first I thought of touching Facebook.

But then I thought that I can just write a webpage which will trace the visitor IP. And send the url to the user.

Oh it's not for me. One of my friends who is also a partner and a client of mine is being harassed by his former business partner. He has sued him but the guy is in hiding but still posting bad news on his Facebook profile.

So my friend came to me for help. :3

Ladies, gentlemen and fellow Aussie ranters....

Today is the day, I finnaly admit defeat on running GMS2 on a Linux distro...

Depsite the use of multiple wine version, swapping between 32 and 64 bit installations, throwing mono in as well as attempting with .NET core, even with all of the above at once (Don't ask).

With many hours behind me and many... many... many broken installs and dead VM's, I am admitting defeat.

The war between me and wanting to use a product I paid for where ever I wanted has come to an end and I am the only casualty in this war.

*Salutes and the last post starts playing in the distance*

My current job makes me want to question my life choices.
Its a complete burnout.
I do 9 to 6 never 6 though its always 7 or 730 come home exhausted, and still on almost all days need to attend to customers after hours. Customer meeting at 8.30pm are quite consistent occuring. Being a developer, debugging meetings I can understand to a certain extent, but why the f i am preparing quotes and pitching products.
Want to prep for new job boom no time left to do so other than weekends.

Tip: Write `throw new Error("problem: <your task for next Monday, and your last thoughts about that>") at the end of your test-file.
Then you come back to work after the weekend and know exactly where you left off!

Thank me later, as I thank my Friday-4pm-me

Only at work can I come back from the breakroom full of cookies and snacks for mymanager to promptly give me a pass to Golds Gym :V she is telling me that I is fat I guess :V

;_____; i am not fat, just eat like a fatboi

I recently started studing on universty of technology. One of the classes is called "introduction to programming" where students learn how to code in C/C++. Of course it would be extremly useless for me so i told my lecturer about it. He told me that i can skip all lectures and come only to take tests. And i have to make a simple C program for the labs as well.

When I saw him for the first time i noticed that he has a apple laptop...
(so i thought he was a apple fanboy)

But when i approached him at the end of the lecture i saw that he had installed WINDOWS ON IT.

Fucking respect.

I'm so done with my ISP. ITS THE FOURTH TIME THIS WEEK MY FUCKING INTERNET RANDOMLY DISAPPEARS BETWEEN 21:30 AND 22:00. AND ITS THE FOURTH DAY OF THE WEEK!!!! I GO TO FUCKING SCHOOL AT 6AM AND COME BACK AT 8 TO 9 MOST DAYS. OH BUT GUESS WHAT? NORMAL PEOPLE WOULD BE ABLE TO PLAY GAMES AT THIS TIME, CHAT WITH FRIENDS ON TEAMSPEAK OR JUST WATCH FUCKING SERIES. BUT ME?? NO, DO SHIT THE WHOLE DAY JUST TO GET HOME AND GET DISAPPOINTED AGAIN.

Not a rant, just another story about me and the man I'm gonna wife.

We both have an upcoming job interview, and I was just talking about how at our previous internship I was using python to automate some tedious tasks for me.
Me: it's like a general thing, right, to just automate things you don't really want to do
...
Me: like breathing, and waking up, ya know? I don't wanna do that shit
Him: it kind of already is automated.
Me: *three years of wasted time at med school come tumbling back in to my brain, suddenly recalling the brainstem*
Me: oh, yeah.

I was working at a doctors office while going to (and still attending) college. Everyone knew my major was computer science which meant everyone came to me when their browser didn't open. The night before April fools I turned off all of the wireless mice and used a label maker to print out "April Fools" on the bottom of each mouse next to the "on/off switch." This prank is miniscule in comparison to others here I'm sure, but the next day was my day off and I had the entire office calling me asking me to come in and fix it. "Taco what do we do???" They frantically asked. And so I very calmly said, "Did you turn the mouse over?" And hung up.

Many of them. Can't decide which one is the biggest.
- when the asshole in front of me picks up a call and is loud as hell. Wanna kick his nuts.
- Chats. Hangouts. Whatsapp. Just name it.
- retards who don't​ know how to google something or even worse..what to google and come straight to me to get a solution.
- My own fucking head at times. You start talking about space tech and i'll have to jump into it. And i end up wasting half an hour.

I'm at work coding at 21:00 on a Friday cause money, no life ya know, but then it hit me. I could be at home on coding on a Friday night and still I would have no money and no life but o would have ALCOHOL! Ballmer peak here I come!

Ps I haven't drank in 6 days and I don't drink to excess (often). I just find it enjoyable

I come from an older generation where we didn't mention personal lives or politics at work. I can be productive and befriend people that are opposites of me politically, as a matter of fact I kind of like it. My complaint is when tech companies as a whole broadcast their views. They have every right to but does it make good business sense? I am also not comfortable with people broadcasting personal details about their personal lifestyle in a professional setting. I like to be lifestyle and political neutral in business.

Best! Starting my 1st year at university to learn all this stuff 😃

Worst: listening to the 4th years freak me out about what is to come 😬

What's so damn hard about a simple change log when you update your app? Or at least point me to somewhere where I can see that. Ugh. Come on.

#include <stdio.h>

int main()
{
printf("Come at me. I give opening curly brackets their own line, use Dvorak and use tabs!")
}

Work: work late till 1 am
Also work: come in at 7 am

Me: zzzzzzz
Also work again: why arn't you getting anything done

Dear BOSE, how can you make a "smart" speaker so dumb and complicated? Why require to use an app that needs frequent updates and takes up so much storage space for ... what exactly?
Dear Spotify, why not add features to the web player if your app does not run on older devices? Which native feature would your app need that is missing on iOS 13?
Dear companies making money due to the fact that some real artists make real music that real people love to listen to, how come your apps and gadgets always make me nostalgic about actual records and make me tune in to an actual radio station at the end of the day? At least you keep showing us not to rely on digital technology and rather go visit actual live concerts to listen to live music in the real world more often!

Just launched a successful deployment today. Took 4 months to build everything. It's probably not a big deal but I'm just really happy today that everything worked right away, and almost no deployment hiccups at all.

Only one issue popped up, but come to find out it's a particular thing about the Prod environment and nothing to do with my code.

Gonna go celebrate now, before more work comes in. (hey, can you refactor this for me?)

Dear classmates,

I know our school is shitty as hell, that there is a fucking monitor missing and cables flying around.
BUT DON'T DARE TO LIE TO ME AGAIN. "Can you please move one to the right you're blocking the chair and we want to sit together". YES I KNOW. BUT DO YOU HAVE SEEN, THERE IS A FUCKING COMPUTER MISSING, MAYBE THAT'S WHY I AM SITTING HERE, NOT BECAUSE I'M DUMB AS FUCK AND DON'T SEE I AM BLOCKING A CHAIR!
"We can change later, but we want to sit here for now"
OH YEAH I KNOW. LIKE THE 20 OTHER TIMES YOU LIED TO ME WITH THAT IT'S JUST TEMPORARY. And then you come with come on don't be so childish and your friends start doing so too. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ONE TIME ON MY FUCKING PLACE AND STOP ANNOYING ME AS HELL JUST BECAUSE PEOPLE FOLLOW YOU AND LET ME JUST SIT AT MY FUCKING PLACE.

I AM NOT CHILDISH, I AM JUST NOT BELIEVING IN THESE LIES. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO SIT THERE TEMPORARY? IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE...

College days
Me and my friend sitting in Lab

Me - Dude I am not able to install simulator in this PC, it's asking for some password
Friend - Try typing random password, admin123, admin000, admin0, admin etc.
Me: (After 10+ attempts) Not working :(
Friend: (Saying to faculty) Mam what's the password for this PC, I need to install simulator.
Mam: Wait, Computer specialist will come and do it for you

** Waiting for 10 min **

Specialist came and starts installing it one by one. After 3 min

Specialist: (After realizing that he can't install it for all 50+ PC's)
Everyone select Administrator account, and press enter, then you will be able to download it.

Me and my friend staring at each other laughing so hard ... !

After 1 month, the password is still same :P
Fun fact: It is Technical Campus.

yesterday I had to use a Windows VM.

Took me less than 5 minutes to remember why I'm no longer using it.

- I'm doing nothing; CPU is at 100%
- Laggy AF
- Windows Updates not only download, but also install themselves and restart my OS automatically
- right after restart it starts downloading and installing another set of updates (restarted my PC while I was away, I come back - all my work is gone. And this dumbass Windows has a popup "I want to install more updates. When should I restart?")

ooohhh the horrors

I was asked the other day by a young dev why I prefer C# over Java.
So I responded by asking him why Java over C#?
Of course he replied "Its what we were taught at University"
Ah, well, there you go then, I wasn't.
Must be the grey hair, but I have seen so many languages come and go that they all look the same to me, so I just use whatever comes to hand these days.

The day has come where I was asked to fix some windows issue of a coworker (not an IT guy) at home. Some data sharing issue in the homenetwork.
Ok, told him I've never set up anything like this but could take a look at it.
Got it fixed after 1-2hours and he was nice enough to pay me for my time.
I'm not even mad, that is nice :)

While I fixed stuff for a friend multiple times who is richer then me who can't take me to the next tram stop by car after a meeting since it's not on her way. Damn.

I come into the office today and a new guy is sitting at my desk. alright, I introduce myself and explain this is my desk (btw I work in an office where some workers share a desk, me being the most senior tech the desk is reserved for me) and he gives me a dirty look, gets up, and doesn't say anything. could you be more of an asshole?
has this ever happened to anyone else ?

Dear Facebook.

FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING CUNTS.
The next time you upgrade your piece of shit application on iOS and remove stuff from their place which makes me search all the way your crap battery vacuum application until i fuckin find it i will come to your office find that dumb zuckerberk and push the fuckin chair he sits at down to his throat.

Same goes for your retarded website.
Suckers.

Use CoffeeScript they said, it will be fun they said.

NO! No, no, no, no!!!

Fuck this.

Converting old library written in coffescript to ES6 is just fucking insane.
I see 1000 lines of code to take me at least several hours if not a whole day.
and tests are yet to come.

4 different software areas face issues I am experienced in resolving. I somehow feel like the down time these last few months is about to come to an abrupt end.

Just as soon as they figure out which one gets me, let's hope it isn't all of them at once.

Oh Lord give me the strength and the brainpower to step a way from freelancing or at least overcome the humongous pile of shite tied to the aforementioned barely lucrative activity.
AMEN !!

Recently got a client. We had an agreement on requirements, deadlines and on pricing. It's a job that can be done in a week if all the resources are at hand.
He reaches back a couple of days later and says :

Him: Listen I am on an intermediate...
Me: Mmhmm.
Him: I had a talk with the actual owner and he can only pay you in June.
Me: I see, but that I can't do. That means if the website is live by the 15th I'll have to wait for 2 weeks at least before getting paid.
You'll have to come up with something that makes more sense.

fml.