I need new friends.

Me: Just Google it..

Friend:
Opens browser (home page is some ad-riddled crap)

Types "Google" in address bar

(Google search page opens)

Clicks first result (google.com)

Types search query.

Me: 😶🔫

Friend: What's that?

Me: DuckDuckGo. It's my default search engine.

Friend: Try using Google instead, it's better.

Me: But Google spies on you.

Friend: So?

Me: Don't you care about your privacy?

Friend: It's not like they are going to kill me. It doesn't matter.

Me: *mumbles* typical muggle...

I'm surprised that people could care less for their privacy. I would ban all things google, but I need google docs.

Also, my idiotic school requires gmail and google classroom. Oh, and did I forget to mention we have to use chromebooks!

When I left the house to work abroad my mom called me.

Mom: “every time you touch the computer things change!”

Me: “I haven’t touched it in months, what’s the problem?”

Mom: “my google has changed, please put it like before!”

The same phone call, day after day, I couldn’t figure what she meant and she was getting pissed off.

Then I realized, it was just the google doodle...

Huge developer convention with 4 speakers today.

Google Cloud,
AWS Amazon,
A government innovation team,
and Me!

I'm freaking out.
Wish me luck, I need it...

Spent two goddamn hours writing a Python script to convert exported JSON from Trello to an Excel sheet, only to find a Chrome extension that already does it, and better. 😧

Just had to use Google maps for the first time in ages because nothing else was working.

It displayed a bus stop at a wrong location. I just fucking missed my bus.

Thanks for nothing, Google, go fuck yourself.

Me: "We are gonna move away from Google services."

Him: "Ok. Just make it EXACTLY like Googles services. I won't use anything with less features."

Me: "Look, I can offer you something with more privacy and security under european law. It may not be EXACTLY like Google. If I could do that I wouldn't be here obviously."

Him: "As long as I'll work here I'll not work with something less than Google."

Inner me: AAAARGHHH FOR FUCKS SAKE!! I'LL STICK THOSE GOOGLE SERVICES UP YOUR ARSE SO THEY CAN SPY ON YOUR FUCKING GUTS!"

Me: "Well, in this case I'm glad that you are not alone to decide that."

I tried DuckDuckGo like two years ago and my opinion was “meh, I don’t like the results”.

Yesterday @Root made it clear that the sole amount of data collected changes the whole perspective of tracking.

I went to shower thinking about that and as I was standing there enjoying warm water...

It hit me.

I liked google results and disliked DDG not because DDG was worse.

I liked google results because they were CRAFTED for ME to LIKE them. They exploited my confirmation bias, the strongest of all biases.

I took my other phone which is android, has a different sim that isn’t tied to my identity (don’t ask, this is Russia), was never connected to my WiFi and of course has no google account tied to it.

I tried googling stuff.

The results was just like what DDG gets you, the only difference was google amp were on top.

The fuck. One of the wokest moments ever.

"Google does it". I hate that sentence. It's always the beginning of an unreasonable expectation.

Perhaps if we had as much devs as Google we could do it too. But we are 2 devs spread over 15 projects, so fuck off.

#define f fuck

I think it's time to fing start carrying my fing phone around in a fing metal box !

f Google !
f it again !

I don't care how secure google captcha is. It sucks.

* select street signs *
* select bus images *
* select again *
* still error *

Every single time

Me: So here's the completed website.

Client: *goes to Google and searches for media agencies india* What the hell is this ? I was told that my name would come on the first page in Google.

Me: Sir, we had quoted to build SEO friendly pages and not for doing SEO.

Client: This is fraud. How the hell could you cheat me by using these technical words. I want my name on the first page in Google.

Me: *types companyname.com in Google* Here Sir, your website is on the first page in Google.

Client: I very well know fraudsters like you. If I wouldn't have checked it then you'd have charged me for this later on. Here's your cheque.

Worst part of being a dev is handling less techy people than you 😫

4+ years ago, in an interview, I was asked if I was familiar with keeping backups of my code on Google Drive.

When I asked them to explain what that is, they said that after a deployment, they make a ZIP file of the project and keep it on Google Drive.

When I asked about using GitHub/BitBucket they said they don't know what that is and neither do they intend on using it.

So yeah .....

It's funny how every one says Google respects your privacy.

I remember a few months ago, one of my manuscripts was removed by Google because it "violated the terms and services."

First of all, it's just a psychological crime thriller about murder. I read the terms and services and it said nothing about murder, so I didn't violate anything.

Second of all, assuming they removed it for the reason it was all bloody and about murder, how would they know that? Did they start snooping and read my manuscript?

Fortunately, it was recovered the next day, but if Google cares so much about your privacy, why would they read my document?

Definitely Nextcloud. Now I don't have to use proprietary software like Google drive and Dropbox anymore.

It's a shame I found out about it last week. I wish I found it sooner.

I relay on Google maps as fuck. I don't know what I would do without it.

Decided to try and remove everything google from my phone by using a root app uninstaller since my phone runs the stock rom.

Thought it would break my phone and was preparing for a recovery flash...

I now run a stock rom without anything Google 😍

Even signal works fine with a background websocket connection.

Google, unkindly go fuck yourself.

I was a little startled when I saw posts with images of google searches with "programmers are..."

So I tried it for myself.. nothing to worry about

Even if you ask me a million times Google, I am not going to accept it. Data-hungry piece of shit -.-

Today @ 4pm:

New dev: I need help with this issue, i've been stuck on it all day.

Me: ok let's look ...... ok, and did you try google this?

New dev: ... no

Me: ... why?

New dev: well this is clearly my issue, why would I google it? I only google for things I don't know

Me: ... ok ... we'll do you know what this bug is then?

New dev: haha ok, fair point, I'll give that a try. Thanks for the tip.

Seriously, should I be worried? I feel worried

I just told the Google Assistant "Tell me a joke."

It crashed.

Best co-workers? Umm, does Google and stackoverflow count?
Coz I am sole IT guy in my company....

And then, it kept thinking and thinking.

I didn't know I could make the Google Assistant crash!

When android starts updating an app thus shutting it down while I use it, I want to go and burn down Google

Based on a true story that happened right now.

Dad: "how do i download youtube videos?"

Me: "just google youtube downloader and download them from some site, thats how i do it"

Dad: "WHAT!!??? You want me to fucking google it? I dont know how to fucking google for those things, you're the IT guy and you should know how to do this, if I wanted to google it i wouldnt ask you for help. You know what, get the fuck out of my face i dont need ur help, get out"

Won a raspberry pi playing the Google dino run game... what would I use it for?

Whenever I do a search on Google and it returns no results, I feel like I won the internet.

I opened my Google Calendar at work today. It looked like a bad game of Tetris.

*logs out of Google on Android*
*has this persistent Google search bar on launcher which I keep on accidentally tapping*

Alright, so I'm not logged into Google to see how it goes. Kind of an experiment to see just how intertwined Android and my life are with Google. And it's going quite well actually, except for my prime apps that I can't seem to get around.

*reads Google privacy policy*
"We protect your data by keeping it secure!"
Hmm, yeah.. you and 3 letter agencies are keeping it secure and out of the hands of other individuals.. that makes sense.
Don't be evil.. unless you're the devil, right?
Fuck you, I won't login like this.

*accidentally opens Google*
*le trending results show up*

- KSI vs Logan Paul weigh-in!
- KSI vs Logan Paul Manchester!
- KSI vs Logan Paul arena fight!

*opens up NewPipe in which I am not logged in either*
- KSI vs Logan Paul!!!
- Did you see the KSI vs Logan Paul stuff yet?!

*logs back into Google straight away*
Personalized search engine.. many hate it, but boy do I fucking love it.

Working as IT on a local company, I recommended to install Ubuntu on a slow computer. They asked if Google or Facebook would be available...

I just found this code snippet on Stackoverflow that decodes polylines from Google Maps.
I even doubt the genius who wrote it understands what it does.

Anyway,as long as it works am good.

I say it with all of my heart:
FUCK YOU google analytics spammers!

I hate when I'm trynna Google something, but I don't really know what it is... So I don't know how to phrase it...

Just found out out what people google about programmers...
the last one made my day. I think it was this feeling called "funny" haha

Whenever I Google Ajax it gives me search results related to the Amsterdam soccer team called ajax. I mean really Google, I search for webdev related stuff all day and you give me this...

Ok google, set an alarm in 20min works great but when you say ok google, cancel my alarm it just says you can do that in the app. I know I can do it in the alarm app, but I am a lazy piece of shit, that's why I asked you to do it!

Why does Google not have a dark mode for their freaking home page? I have dark mode on everything on my computer then I go to look something up on Google and get blinded. If they can do it for YouTube why don't they get it together on their nearly blank, bright white search page. You're better than this Google. And while I'm on that topic same to you stackoverflow. When I'm copying someone else's code at least let me do it in dark mode.

"Can you explain in depth how Google Maps works from a back end level?"

I was 19.

This was for an internship.

Needless to say, I didn't get it.

I was asked to write a function that does stuff. But where should I write it? Google docs.

Went from using Slack every day at the last job, to now using Google Hangouts. It sure does it job, but damn it feels like 2013. I know.. Dumb stuff to rant about

New dev: I need help with this issue. I've been debugging it all day.

*2 hours later*

Me: spent a while debugging it, eventually came across a stack overflow post that says you can't do that.

New dev: oh I saw that earlier, didn't think it applied.

Me: ... why ... accepted answer "It is not possible to do this, this way".

New dev: hhhmm, ok

... get the fuck out of this building immediately.

Whenever I ask google a stupid question, I do it from a shell so people still think I'm smart.

Just wow. I had a fellow developer tell me to drop support for Google Chrome. I hate to break it to you but roughly 70% of our user base uses Google Chrome (Google Analytics proves this). Like seriously!

First technical phone interview with Google done. Wasn't as bad as I thought it might be.

When you go to drive.google.com and it loads a page with a botton that reads "Go To Google Drive". Didn't I just?

THANKS GOOGLE!

Every time I try to git init ,and push the code to github,
I always forget the cmds to do it!

Every freaking time ,I have to google.

It happened! I found the answer I needed on page 4 of Google! Mind you it was among results such as "Watch Visual Studio S02E14 for FREE"

I've noticed a weird bug with the Google Assistant swapping the scores when you ask it about sports.

Check comments for what I mean

Today the IT deparment update the firewall's configuration, they blocked almost every website except email and Google.
The problems:
- Blocked some systems outside the organization, there are in another building and also network
- I can search on Google but I can't see the results outside Google
- Forget about download depencies, libraries, deploy code to outside services, search at StackOverflow

I JUST WANNA SAY GOOD JOB, GUYS

PS: The firewall also block the SSH port, I had explained to my boss and he sent a request for allowing the port, so far no answer

Google I try to love you and use your messengers but you make it difficult.

Anti Rant: Is it just me or are Google Play app updates rolling out really fast... Like i have published some updates recently and they have been live in under 10 mins.

Looks like Google got their act together!

Google Pay is about to support PayPal as virtual card (at least in Germany)
That's quite the finger to the local banks here
I like it

I really like how Opera Mini says it has an AdBlocker implemented, yet the app 'Contains Ads' according to Google. Guess it's not an effective blocker.

I've been swapping through a couple of ROM's recently for my Nexus 6P but I don't really like any of them a whole lot.. so I've been thinking to build my own from source. However I'd also like to discard Google while I'm at it, and instead go with F-droid, DuckDuckGo, and AOSP keyboard. The problem is that I currently don't see any viable alternatives to the following: Google Assistant, Google Play Services (particularly in-app purchases like those for devRant), Google Maps and Google Calendar. Which alternatives would you recommend, and which are you perhaps using yourself as alternatives? Thanks!

It feels SO good to have nothing to lose on your system! Code on GitHub, pictures on an external disk, documents on Google Drive and OneDrive and bookmarks etc. on my Google Account. If my PC were to crash completely then I wouldn't be as lost as I'd normally be :D

I plan on making a proxy for my home network. Whenever you make a Google search, it will search it on duckduckgo and return the same results, but look as if it were google. Will people notice the difference?

Watching the Google I/O 2018 where they are showcasing their AI called Google Duplex, making a call for reservation.
I just realized it has better communication skill than me.

I am pooping for last 20 minutes watching the video.

At my first job I had a senior who took backups of code by zipping it and uploading on Google drive. Once I told him why don't you use git, he said it's not as secured as Google.
I left the job one month later

Google a problem

Click on first link that details the exact problem I'm looking for. This guy has exactly the same problem as me.

First answer is "Oh my god just google it". There are no other answers.

Go back to google. The entire first page is jackwagons just telling people to google it.

God damn it, I am googling it.

I set up Rainmeter with the Chromecast Google slideshow and it resulted in an informative and beautiful desktop...

Too bad I never see it.

Is there devRant for google assistant ?
Would you guys like it ?
Disclaimer : I do not intend for people to get into a massacre over "google taking all our data"

For the Linux users/fans out here, take a look at Pinebook (just Google it). If I get enough money for this I'll buy it straight away.

I did a mashup of Facebook and Google Maps once. It gave you the street view to all your posts that had locations associated with them.

Google Devfest new Delhi 😍😍 !! It was awesome!
I wish I cd meet some ranters there...sigh...that didn't happen.

Google Chrome scans private files on the computer without mentioning the user and without the possibility do disable this "feature". Google never announced this anywhere.
Someone (Kelly Shortridge, @swagitda_ on Twitter) found this randomly and confronted Google. It answered that this was only an AV scan and wasn't done more than once a week.
Well, THAT'S why I use Firefox. I don't trust Google, and again and again it gives more and more reasons for this mistrust.

Found good startup idea, thinking about it few days and almost planning, one day i searched similar products from google and found exactly my product

I had to make Google forms but it got boring after sometime (with drag and drop). So, I ended up learning regex. Phew! That was little hard.

Someone at work asking me about whether the controller system for our door security can access the Internet. I'm explaining that the reason they can't access Google on it is that it is on an isolated network for security. They wanted to install some remote desktop software on it that some idiot had recommended.
Then I actually get asked: "If it can't see Google... Maybe can it see Firefox?"
*headdesk*

Wow! Google's update in its privacy policy is impressive. Still too lazy to read it though. I trust Google. LOL

Ordering a Pizza in 2022.

CALLER: Is this PizzaHut?

GOOGLE:No sir, it's Google Pizza

CALLER: Sorry, I have dialled wrong number.

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER:Ok, I would like to order a pizza.

Google:Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE: your last 12 orders shows, extra-large pizza with cheeses, sausage on a thick crust

CALLER: Awesome! That's what I'll have.

GOOGLE: sir, we suggest you try our Gluten free veg pizza?

CALLER: What? I don't want a veg pizza.

GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir

CALLER: How the hell do you know that?

GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone no. with your medical records

CALLER: Ok, but I don't want your rotten veg pizza! I have taken medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE: But your medication wasn't regular. you just bought 30 cholesterol tablets once,4 months ago from Loyd pharmacy.

CALLER: I bought more from another pharmacy.

GOOGLE: That doesn't show on your credit card statement.

CALLER: I paid in cash.

GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER: WTH man! I'm going on island to live without internet & social media.

GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport. It expired 6 weeks ago.

"What's my email again?"
"Come on. yourfirstname@ourlastname.at."
"Ah, right."
and
"How do I unblock you on WhatsApp?"

Other than that, not much recently.

I am a walking German dictionary to her, however. I mean, I don't need to google it most of the time, so maybe not worth telling her to just google it :P

Custom: yeah yeah yeah I don't care about all that technical crap, all I want to know is if it comes with Google...

Me: *Slams head on desk repeatably*

I believe Google knows me better than my parents because it has collected more data about me.

So it seems Google got intimidated by WhatsApp's payment feature.

Guess what Google did, they integrated chat functionality to their payment app. 😂

I guess yet another chat app from Google

is google fucking with me today?

today i was accepted for some google summer internship program thing. they send me a google form right? so i open it up in chromium and it doesn’t work. it doesn’t let me type in any textboxes or anything. i try to fix it and no luck. then, i copy the link to firefox and voilà, it works.

so, google forms didn’t work in chromium but did in firefox? alright. then i check off yes, send me a copy of my responses to my gmail account. and guess what? gmail classified that as SPAM. google email classified a google forms email as spam.

good work google, you’re fucking stupid.

FUCKING google doesn't allow our country to buy FUCKING partner or reseller program.

So what the fuck do we do as an agency, we have to fucking treat every domain and google business suites as seperate entities.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE SHIT WITH THAT?
WE HAVE TO FUCKING KNOW THEIR ADMIN PASSWORD TO FUCKING MANAGE THEIR GOOGLE SUITE ACCOUNTS.

IT IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

I HATE GOOGLE FOR THAT REASON ALONE.

I can care less of how much data you gonna steal from me.

I DID IT

the second time i've broken a google product consistently

Google is amazingly good at using tech to solve problems we did not even know we have...

I mean.. How did we even survive til this day w/o google making restaurant reservation or barbershop calls..? We are cavemen bcz we still do it all ourselves... So inefficient..

/s

About the Huawei not being allowed in Play Store. Just remember that Xiaomi was shipping devices without Google services installed, but it had the single click "Install Google Play Services" app.

Anyway, can I send a bill for my dad's phone to Donald Trump?

Colleague: Ivy, I have a problem with blah blah.
(Meanwhile we are in two different places)
Me: I'm not sure I understand your problem. Just Google it.
Colleague: I don't want to.
Me: Okay bye.

Question: Are Developers who use Google impostors?

I hate it when people refer to Google Assistant as Google Allo. Idk why, it just gets on my nerves.

Can you guess what I'm learning.....

I know Google isn't the worst company in the world. But some of their data tracking just seems a bit odd. Such as keeping audio logs each time you use Google on your phone. Or when it picks up random bits of conversation. Along with them keeping track of where your going, and where you have been. Even if Google maps isn't running.

And one of my all time favorites is when Google Allo was a thing, it used to have access to my camera randomly without actually opening the app. My phone will tell me different logs each time Allo opened the camera without my permission.

I know they need to collect data in order to advance some of their fields of tech. But it just seems a bit intrusive when companies like Google do this.

Google searched my email... found an old wix website I made back when I was like 12. It is by far the shittiest thing I've ever seen

I like how Google basically kicked itself...

So foobar, seems Copy is disabled now.

But I just discovered that in Chrome, I can drag the highlighted text out of it to copy it.

Google Business Profile is probably not meant for developers. "Help customers find your business by industry." Dev: set primary category to "Web Developer". Google: We didn't understand your category. Please select from the suggestions that appear when typing. Dev, typing: "Web D"... Google suggests: "Web Designer, Web hosting company, Well drilling contractor, Waterbed shop". Okay, Google, nevermind.
Google: "Update your customers. Keep your customers up to date about your business!" Dev clicks "add update", adds info about that customer should use different phone number temporarily due to broken phone. Google: "Your post has been removed from your Business Profile on Google because it violates one or more of our post content policies." Okay Google, at least you let me add an additional phone number on my profile without requiring to verify my primary number that I currently have not access to. Anything else?
Google: "Claim your €400 free advertising credit" Dev: clicks "claim credit" Google: "To access this Google Ads account, enable 2-Step Verification in your Google account." How to combine idiocy and deceptive patterns in a single UI: Google knows! Apart from their search engine, their unique business advantage is simple that they suck a little less than Apple and Microsoft. Sorry, not a day to be proud of our profession, once again.

I hate it when projects says "join our mailing list" and it is hosted by google. Fuck it

My parents know I systematically google every question they ask me about computer in general. Hopefully one day they'll do it too.

So decided 'fuck it lets try the chromium based edge on my PC and Mac...'

And you know fucking what... It is actually fucking awesome, as much as I love Google (Fight me) and dislike Microsoft products, I can honestly recommend the new Edge over Google Chrome or any from of Chromium...

Thank-you for coming to my TED X talk....

Google just crossed the line from amazing to scary . It somehow took photos from my phone and arranged it periodically and even named that album like "Jaipur Trip " , "Sunday morning at blah blah.." .

How the frake did it know that i was on a trip to Jaipur ? and how the frake did it identify the exact park's name with scary accuracy..?

P.S. I never gave Google photos any access..And i didnt upload them in drive..

So I'm planning on ditching Google Play Store. Last step in my anti-Google action (apart from completely cleaning my old Gmail accounts)! I'm barely using it anymore anyways.

Only thing is, I need to find an alternative market. Not an easy journey :)

In my ongoing quest to un-Google my life, I turned off the Whatsapp chat back up, which uses Google Drive. There's a message in that setting which says, "Media and messages you back up are not protected by Whatsapp end-to-end encryption while in Google drive".
Damn.
All my Whatsapp chats for years have been on Google servers in plaintext.
I assumed it uploaded one massive encrypted archive.

I contacted the creators of Nova Launcher because I want the full version. They have both an google play upgrade as an input code upgrade.

Since I dont have any google service anywhere I contacted them to ask how to get such a code because I dont have any google service. This was their reply:
"You would need to purchase the app via the Google Play Store, then once you have, email us a copy of the receipt and the email you used to purchase the app with, then we can give you a Direct License to use since you don't have Google Play Services."

How do I buy it if I dont have any fucking google service?

I just met a whole new level of obnoxious scam mail: Google calendar invites. WTH. You can't even block it.

The Google timeline:
- early 2000: "I use it because it's the best search engine out there"
- mid 2000: "I use it because it's a full ecosystem for mail and office and it's free"
- early 2010: "I use it because it integrates seamlessly with my phone"
- mid 2010: "I use it because it's at least better than the competition"
- now: "I'm willing to try literary anything that's not Google"

Me: OK, Google.
Google: Hi, how can I help?
Me: Open example.com
Google: OK, which browser?
Me: Google Chrome.
Google: Sorry, I didn't get you.
Me: Google Chrome.
Google: Sorry, I didn't get you again. Just say the name of the app.
Me: *Looks at the list and finds Chrome (without 'Google')* Chrome
Google: *Opens Chrome*

I couldn't reproduce it as the. Latest version of Google Assistant now opens the page in a WebView.

Whenever tech support answers "yes, i can help you with that sir",

what they really mean is "no, but i will google it for you"

Linux gurus: any idea how to fix this? All images with gradients look like this. Latest nvidia driver installed by Mint 18.1.

I tried to google it, but I found nothing.

It hurts if you see this on Google Analytics for a Windows 10 UWP app!!
Google, I know you hate MS. Why do you have to show it on me??!!😢😢

2021: What is Metaverse?
Google: I "think" it means...

2022: What is Metaverse?
Google: Seems "maybe" it is a ...

2050: What is Metaverse?
Google: Mate to be honest It's unclear to me also.

One of main reason why I use Google as a search engine.

Me: Heads - Then I'll not use it.
Me: Okay google, toss a coin

GA: Sure,.... it's a tails.

Well.... fuck.

I thought it was some hacker but apparently it's Google...

I wish I had been an “ex-Google tech lead” for a week - so that could tell everyone I was “ex Google” as if it were like being a Dr. or something.

(not)

could never figure out how to configure ssl because of google clouds insanely complicated documentation.

today i found a digital ocean guide that explains its a simple installation of certbot, run it once and set it to auto renew....

fuck you google

Is it bad that I kind of don't like using DuckDuckGo as a search engine?

I mean, I use it cause duh privacy. But when it comes to search results- google always gets what I want-

Jesus that kinda sucks why can't i get both

So Huawei got pretty much nuked by Google.
I wonder if it's going to stick because it would mean they're pretty much out of the smartphone game if I understand it right

Bought a s8 only to fucking hate it again. FUCKING Bixby i dont fucking need you. FUCK you Samsung. I want Google fucking Assistant you piece of shit.

Seems like Bitbucket's pushes go through like this...

Took me a while to figure out what it was.

Initially I thought Google had acquired BitBucket's, then it hit me...

Hey guys, Today I created my first action on google assistant an it got deployed. I'm very happy and also I got the mail for the shirt. With 2 months I'll get it. I'm trying to make the action run in English and Hindi (Nation language of India) so that I can earn google home.

Google, Microsoft, IBM, Qualcomm, Intel formed one team. They betrayed to the world. They are ruling the world.
I am not joking..
.
.
.
.
.
.
Then I woke up.
Damn it :-(

Google advertising to me my own app because i searched for it to see if it's available on Playstore. I made it Google!! 🤷

WHY DOES GOOGLE CHROME CACHE THIS SHIT AND WON'T LOAD IT AGAIN. I THOUGHT I DIDN'T FIX THE BUG BUT GOOGLE CHROME IS THE BUG. THIS FLYING FUCK

Isn't US literally using AI/Technology as a war weapon by making Google blacklist Huawei? I mean, I'm afraid. What will we do tomorrow if my county gets blacklisted (not so far by the looks of it)? Can we even trust Google anymore?

P. S. India..

Caller: Hi, I work with Google. Can I talk to the decision maker of [your company]?
Me: I am. (Ho, my god, this is finally happening, I'm the chosen one!)
Caller: Would you like to improve your visibility on Google by ...
Me cutting short: Thanks but I'm not interested.
*Click*
To myself: Raaah, me too I work "with" Google!

(no my phone doesn't do *click*, it does *bee doooom*, but well)

Someone deadass linked killedbygoogle.com in the comments of Google Cloud Next. It got deleted pretty quickly, but I can't stop loughing.

Rust is so modern, Google has future posts about it ;)

Back to the future, I guess..🚀

Google translate is very(very) good at translating Chinese text....but it will fuck up translating despacito(if you don't know that song count yourself lucky...it flipping sucks but i used it for comic relief)

Wth Google how?

Guess Skynet is not a reality.
Chi-Net is.

Badum tsssss

!rant
Just watching Google io and I swear the new Google Assistant just passed the Turing test?

The assistant called and made a haircut booking over the phone with a human and it seemed so human like!

Turing test is to determine between a machine and human right?

I liked everything about the Pixel, so I went to the Google Store to pre-order it only to see the price :( I'll just stick to my LG G2 until it breaks I guess.

So I was messing with mitmproxy in my phone and for some reason all Google services are blocked on it.

Apps hang when I suppose they're requesting to Google api, though chrome works for some reason.

I just realised Google even tracks the links you share with your contacts via chrome's address bar.

I'm thinking of going no-Google, any rom recommendations?

Thanks

Sometimes I Google really basic stuff to find stackoverflow answers with code, just because I can't be bothered to type it out myself

Me: Hey SEO guy. I am updating our online store from Flask/jQuery in ReactJS.

SEO guy: That is amazing. Google LOVES ReactJS and it will crawl the site very fast.

*fast forward*

SEO guy: Hey, did you change anything in the site because the site is not ranking anymore on Google. The URLs are dynamically generated in front end. Google does not like that.

ME: But you said that Google loves React. It took me nearly 1 month to migrate the code in React.

Fucking hell.

Sadly I just had to switch to android, I was in a shop and a notification popup: "Are you enjoying this shop? share some comment, picture, review...) ... the notification was from google maps, it was the latest google app to be disabled, now there is only play store. google account is used only for the play store... fun facts that most of people complains about windows 10 telemetry, but almost nobody complains about "don't be evil" google

So, my company pays thousands and thousands of euros just to show map and enable geocoding, a bug in google maps prevent Google Maps to work in Cordova and it's blocking us from deploying. After days and days of research I understand I can't solve it and I open an issue on google platform. Result: Severity -> S4, Priority -> P4

So... Google Chrome on Android got an update (just reset my phone so maybe some funky Google roll out) and... I don't know how I feel...

I love it so much but hate it at the same time...

I've ordered my better a half a christmas present. He just send me a link of that exact christmas present. I had to tell him not to buy it for "reasons".
Fk you google! You ruined the X-Mas suprise T_T
It got suggested to him by google when he was looking for something similar.
Goddamit. I was so proud to have found it first T_T

Thank you, Google and Facebook, for organising my information. Godddd I wouldn't have the time and dedication to do it myself!!

When I have to search something, i use duckduckgo rather than google. It gives better answers than google. Anyone with the same experience or this is only my mindfk?

Google really fucked up with localization for Flutter!
We need to create a getter for each translated string? For real!!

Please tell me I understood it wrong :|

Today i met my friend after 3 months . I wanted to get some ONLINE books from him. I told him to send the link of google drive . He told me that GMAIL and GOOGLE DRIVE are different . It require different id's to access them . Then my reaction was :-

It is incredible how Google got big with good webdesign and now manages to build the shittiest frontends.

It's not enough that YouTube is super slow and breaks every other time I use the "back" button in the browser. When it only forgot my language & theme settings every couple of months that was still too high quality for Google's dogshit standards, so now they made another downgrade: Whenever I set another language it immediately resets it to the language Google thinks I should speak, and at the same time resets the region to where Google thinks I live. Oh, and I have to disable autoplay for every video individually now cause who the fuck uses cookies nowadays right?

Do they also change the language if I travel to another country because those fucks never leave Silicon Valley and can't comprehend that concept?

Google is the Microsoft of web design.

Privacy nightmare!

So i had bought a second hand iPhone and it seemed the phone was reset as it had only the default apps.

But as soon as I downloaded Google Chrome on to it, things started to get weird. When i opened the newly downloaded Google Chrome app, it showed someone else's Google account already logged in Chrome. I went to the Chrome settings and the account section gave me full control over this person's Google account.

Not wanting any trouble, i didn't go further and removed that account from the browser.

I then logged in to Google Chrome via one of my "project specific" google account i had created months ago and it added fine. But guess what I found when checking out safari browser.

Safari has somehow synced bookmarks from my main & personal Google account!!

I'm just stunned. I didn't even provide gmail id of my personal Google account and safari somehow was able to get bookmarks from it.

I'm kind of scared now. 😵

Microsoft buys npm
Am I the only one seeing a tendency of a few big companies (Microsoft, Apple, Google, Yandex, Tencent and 10-15 more) slowly (or not so slowly) acquiring more and more small companies? I hope however that it stays as transparent to the end user; I also hope it even helps, because I hate getting used to a product/service and then the company dropping it because they have no resource and/or interest in supporting it (Google Inbox anyone?)

Am I the only one that wishes that YouTube to either:
-becomes a separate company from google (because, god damn it. Its the only app thats keeping me from going gappless or use microg)
-gets replaced entirely with something not related to google and actually respects the creators

Dear debian package maintainers...
If you want me to add you PPA to my list please MAKE SURE IT FUCKING WORKS!

so after 1000 emails from Google baiting me to try Google cloud tools I did. 24 hours later apt-get is dead and I'm trying to remove the shit storm of gpg keys etc it added to my machine.

Today, Google says it will now require new Android developers with personal accounts to test their app with a minimum of 20 people for at least 2 weeks prior to publication. I have my mum, my dad and my two brothers but Google wants at least 20 testers. Yo!

I just searched like half an hour for a book.. Then I started tabbing to Google but it wasn't working.. I was a bit shocked when I noticed this was real live.

I would really like to know why Google decided that it will only show me video ads for one specific brand of cereals and freaking feminine hygiene products. I have a freaking google home and a chromecast, there is more than enough info for them to know that I am NOT a woman. I never searched for feminine higiene products nor talked about them. Like wtf Google.

I googled it. I searched for banana then then banana shown in the results and then I searched for apple and and and what happened to you google?? where is apple??
Google don't know apple :D

I like how google is trying to catch up in the competition of video calls, and chat...

I have a Gmail account & work email is on Google G-Suit, every time I access one of them that Google meet popup shows in a desperate attempt to make people use it ....

I hate when I have a small issue I have to Google and open several. Tabs.. its sucks and it makes me feel incopentant

Dear Chrome, how about when I paste something starting with https%3A%2F%2F into the address bar you get up off your lazy ass and url-decode that shit for me? Ain't nobody got time for this.

I just found a running and used NNTP server.
Google it young ones...

Made 15€ from Google survey app what should I spend it for?

Sometimes I wish that Google would let me set a flag like -defaultProgrammingLanguage so I stop correcting it everytime it gives me something different from than target language...

I always write a Google Doc before I start developing a feature to help me think what and how should I implement it and so I can share it with the team.

It is possibly the most frustrating process of the whole development cycle because Word and Google Docs still manage to make it a fuckin ordeal to insert a simple image without bombing the whole text to hell. How is it that after almost 30 years of history it is still shit to write a document?

Well, in Google I/O, Android P Beta is announced for Android devices.
I could see it supported by Google, Sony, OnePlus devices. Even rolling out for Oppo, Vivo, MI.

No Samsung? 🤔wondering why??

Just remembered that I forgot to add my Google apps work email to my phone after I reset it a week ago. 😓

A while back I saw a spammy ad on a website that looked like a Google ReCAPTCHA checkbox. I accidentally clicked it. Twice!

I sincerely want to thank Google.
I was this introverted guy with lots of questions to ask.
Whenever I try to ask question I could not. It might be - my ass liked the bench too much or gravity was different for me.
Anyway, Thanks google.

I know you pals know much more than me about privacy. I have these questions to you all:

- can google still know trends about me if I only use google docs and google drive to store files I share with other people and rarely update it? Let’s say I don’t use google search or any other google service ON REGULAR BASIS
- does chromium actually works as the measure to get rid of google tracking if I don’t want to use Firefox?
- how safe is apple (miss me with that Apple hate)? How bad is the fact that I let apple store my regularly updated health information and I use iPhone?

I’m not talking about triple letters here (FBI, CIA, etc), I’m only talking about collecting and selling data across companies

Had a fun adventure this morning. Had to deliver some bags to some houses. Entered the addresses in Google Maps. Off we go. First house, no problem. Second house, and Google is taking me on a weird route, through some parking lots and stuff. Finally, it wants me to turn onto a bike trail. WTF? My Google maps is set for bike routes. Went a lot faster when I set it to car. No wonder there were so many bikes and the road seemed so narrow.

Thinking about how I found devrant. The only thing I can remember is, it was the only result Google found for a search. Feeling like Neo xD

So I google for a dll editor, and download the first result, don't scan it because I'm tired, and next thing I know I have 370 unwanted items on my laptop. Why is the first result on google an adware dropper...

What gadget do you like the most, preferably besides your computer and cellphone?

Mine is Google Home mini. Because I typically forget where I put my cellphone. I just say "Hey Google, find my phone" and it will ring it.

Client from hell (if you've read my past rants) came back asking for information that he had provided me months ago.

I'm not your Google Mr client from hell, search it up yourself.

That's what I said, only in my mind though.

Unfortunately, I went to be his Google. Am I too kind? Should I just reply with a nicely worded "I don't know".

When...
- you start the day with good intentions.
- you want to fix some long-due issue
- you think: I'll google it and I'll solve it. What can it be? I just want to track correctly my subdomains with all-mighty Google Analytics

and the first answer you find is:
"Unfortunately, Google Analytics has a few hoops to jump ...blablabla More unfortunately, the Google Analytics documentation is unclear ...blabla"
and 20 more pages of blog.

Fuck.
Let's skip to the next good intention before the day turns bad

As an answer to "google it" I made wportal.

Google bloody captcha.

It works fine, until you have more than one form on a page then the complexity increases by 100000%.

Finally my colleague gets it working then I read an article that says bots use Google own speech recognition service to defeat it. Fun times.

Still in the interview phase.
I am waiting for an answer again.
The interview was 4 hours but I really
enjoyed it. The office looked so nice it could have been at Google inc.

don't you think PWA is an attempt of Google to dominate web?
I have a product which is a PWA. It works fine on Google Chrome on Windows, but it sucks on safari.
Why my life is screwed because of these giants?

!dev

Me: I have a shit ton of schoolwork to do

*Opens a google doc and start working on it*

*spends 20 minutes reformatting it because they way it was laid out annoys me*

Fuck this

Can I just say that Google Gson has awesome documentation. Loved using it.

As usual before sleeping i set a timer for shutdown cuz i use my hotspot to surf devrant in bed before sleeping.

My roommate( lets call him AB) sees me writing the command.

AB: what are you doing?
Me: setting a timer to shutdown my computer.

AB: oh nice i want that too... is it just a linux thing?
Me: nope u can do it on windows.. just search the cmd command on google and u are good to go.

AB: you do it. You search.
Me: huh? Why would i do that? Bitch it is simple just google "cmd command shutdown timer" and open the first result.

AB: *extremely dissapointed face and starts searching* i dont understand anything.
Me: AB! The instructions literally explain everything! I can see!!

AB: you are good at computers, u are a computer engineer (im just a second year student)
Me: fuck off *i go to sleep*

Next day i learned that he did it after i left him, and that it did shutdown but he wasnt done with his work and he was too lazy to google how to cancel it.... JUST GOOGLE DAMMIT!!!

Google is giving Google home for adding action on console without even checking that if it is the same questions that had been submitted by other user

I made 6 Gmail account and created same flash quiz and got 6 Google home and T shirts which cost about 49000 Indian rupees

So why is Google spending too much on just an action?

Everytime I open my Google Opinion Rewards, it shows ""

Why in the fuck can't you transfer a domain name for 60 fucking days? This makes no sense. My dumbass purchased a domain from Google Domains and registered it with Google Sites. Now I just realized that Google Sites is useless as fuck. It's more useless than a plastic bag of dicks. The dust on my window seal serve more purpose on this planet than Google Sites. That's how useless Google Sites is. Now I want to switch to Square Space or host it myself but have to wait 60 fucking days.

I could just buy a new domain for 12 bucks but I had the perfect name. Fuck ICANN for their stupid idiotic pointless motherfucking policy. Fuck.

Tried learning a new language to add to my CV, guess I haven't got it in me.
Fluent in google translate will have to do for now.

!rant
So I got bored and decided to drop some Easter egg cats into Google trouble reports because why not? Well I sent one off on regular Google Allo and it ran this search. None of my other cats did anything like this even with other black cats. Any ideas?

Google PageSpeed Insights can kill my motivation. Few days ago I launched a site and everything is awesome, page loads around 0.535 seconds, caching enabled, images optimized. Than my boss run it on Google PageSpeed Insights result was 85/100 then my boss said why I can't get 100/100.

Finally I updated my profile on devrant , Next step to update it on google or gavtars because it shows picture when I was a kid.

There is no Go devDuck, and it makes me sad :(
I want my Go devDuck!

Stop the oppression of Go!
Viva la Google!

std::chrono is::a::fucking::pile::of::dog::shit. What a fucking disgrace. Hated it in boost, now this shit is in std. Each time I use it, I have to use google. Google should become part of std chrono in c++, without it you cannot write chrono code.

To make time_point member in your own class you have to do this: std::chrono::high_resolution_clock::time_point t; ... WTF

search engine of choice that isn't google?

i find google doesn't give me what im looking for more often than it used to

Google carefully naming their language CARBON so that wherever I search it have search CARBON LANGUAGE! :/

I wish it were OK Google

++ if you got Sierra dev preview

I have finally done a crash course on ChatGPT. And what I discovered was that, it is basically Google with straight forward answers. It is a handy tool to use and get familiar with.

Spent 3 hours on SO and google to find out why a listview is missing data. Finally I delete it from form and recreate it, works flawless on first compile.

Wrote a whole http request script to do direct calls to google woth the whole oauth, which where successfull, and after all this work the request responds with a fuck you, the account does not exists response. Apparently it does not give authorization for service accounts and i will be forced to use the google api request to make this fucking thing work. Fuck google.

Me *looking at the project* : it won't be difficult, it's going to be piece of cake.
Me *really reads more about it* : maybe it's not what I thought
Me *now doubting myself* : Google has all the answers
Me : runs to Google for something as simple as a while loop😩.

Why should I use DuckDuckGo over Google?
I wanna give it a shot.

Am I the only one to hate Google drive window's client? It Is far slower than OneDrive/Dropbox. If you work inside the drive you could lose shit, If you remove a file window says it can't be removed but after the error message he does it and If you log out the client..It removes the virtual drive with your files on😑😑 what the fuck Google, what the fuck

**Wrongly edited last time, made it confusing. Deleted. Posting again. Apologies.**

So, scenario was like, we friends were chatting on WhatsApp and talking about Germany as one of us has shifted there recently. After a 30-40 mins chat, I clicked on Google to search for some company(say 'xyz') .... Now this searching for company and chatting with friends are totally separate events. But when I typed 'xyz' , google suggested "xyz career Germany" and 'xyz Germany glassdoor'.

My question is that is it possible that Google is taking records of what am I typing anywhere(I've android phone) and using that to decide which suggestions should it be showing to me? Or am I thinking too much? 😌

Google shouldn't pay VAT tax, or better, I don't want to pay it 😂😂😂