I thought it would be good prank change semicolons to Greek question mark in my boss' code where his delivery date is today. I thought he will spend like at least few minutes figuring it out.

He ran make, immediately figured it out and even corrected with sed only. Then yawned and looked at me with a smirk. Now I am getting paranoid what he will do as revenge

Big event. Massive traffic in production, so we were monitoring all night.

I was in a room with 2 devs of my team, a marketting girl, my boss and a designer... chilling.

Suddenly the production is down.

Boss: production is down, anyone can check?
Me: already on it
Dev1: it looks ok for me
Dev2: me too
Me: wait what? Impossible everything is down
Dev1: oh I refreshed the page it's not working
Me: don't stay on the page refreshing it like you are fucking monkeys. Give me useful intel or be quiet.
Market girl: is it working?
...
Guys is it working?
...
Hello?
Me: Not yet we are looking. Don't distract me.
Boss: client called us. They want it online now.
Dev1&2: he's looking
... 1 min later...
Boss: is it working?
Boss: is it working?
Boss: is it working?
Me: SHUT THE FUCK FOR FUCKING ONE SECOND. ALL OF YOU, OUT NOW. YOU ARE FUCKING MONKEYS WHO CAN'T DO SHIT. IF YOU CAN'T HELP JUST SHUT YOUR DAMN SHITHOLE. DEVS, LOOK WITH ME. MARKET GIRL PREPARE A FUCKING POST-MORTEM MAIL. BOSS GET THE CLIENT ON THE PHONE AND STALE. DO. YOUR. FUCKING. JOBS.

That's how I ended up screaming at everyone... the rest of the night went in complete silence and I fixed the issue 2min after the got quiet or busy.

Boss: "I don't want to comply with the GDPR"

Me, DPO: "I've told you the house rules. You must comply, stop arguing"

Boss: "But I don't want it. Bobby doesn't have to, and Eve doesn't have to, their moms are cool"

Me: "I don't give a crap about the other kids, you're going to be GDPR compliant. Bob and Eve will end up being raped in prison. It's that what you want?"

Boss: "What if I just pretend to do it."

Me: "I'll take away all your marketing toys. No more mailchimp for you young man."

Boss, crying: "You wouldn't touch my Facebook pixel!"

Me: "Especially your Facebook pixel. I'm so sick of that thing...."

Me: "...Look, you can still play with your toys, all I'm saying is you need to be honest and ask your buddies for consent before you put your pixels up their various holes"

Boss: "But they will never agree!"

Me: "Maybe that is good thing"

Boss: "But how will we get people to like us if I can't feed them pills and insert probes into their holes to measure their responses?"

Me: "Maybe you should focus on being a nice kid, someone people like to play with. Your buddies will tell other kids that you're a nice guy. Now, I'm not going to lie to you, it will be hard work. Much more effort than what you're doing now. But you know, those friends will stick with you for decades, instead of just until the marketing-drugs wear off"

Boss: "I think I want a new mom"

Me: "You signed a contract. You're stuck with me for the next 2 years. And as long as you're living under my roof, you will follow my rules."

Today while i was working on my web project, suddenly my boss put his hands in my pants, jerked me off and then i continued my work like nothing ever happened.

Being your own boss has its own advantages ;)

Boss: "Could you join the new DevOps team for a week or two, for some coaching?"

Me: "I'd rather watch you masturbate furiously in a corner of the office while you cry over your ex boyfriend"

Boss: "Yeah... that's why I ask you. You are the only one brave enough to watch"

Me: *Sigh* "But I don't know shit about what DevOps does, I'm a DBA. I've told you the difference a million times. Can't we just douse it in gasoline and set it on fire?"

Boss: "What?"

Me: "Not the team, the servers..."

Boss, imitating Gimli: "And my ex!"

Me: "I get why he left you"

Boss: "It's funny, he was actually better with computers than me, maybe even better than you. He hated me for starting this company, told me I was just chasing money instead of ideals. He just isn't grown up enough to see that there is more to the world than computer games, brewing beer, maker festivals and gay bars, that you need to take responsibility... Maybe it just never works out between managers and geeks..."

Me: "Indeed. The difference in competence is too large"

Boss: "Ugh. You are like straight version of him... but will you at least take a look?"

Me: "Fine, unzip your pants..."

Boss: "No, not that... you need to teach DevOps this docking thing, with the parallel stuff, and the horizontal growth"

Me: "Damn I really hope we're talking about servers now... Do you mean Docker?"

Boss: "That's it. They want to learn how to dock on the Windows servers. They reserved two 4xlarge on AWS. Is that enough for docking?"

Me: ...

Me: ...

Me: "You know what. I'm going back to hug my DB designs, and wash my brain with some queries. Then I'll return here to burn everything to the ground. There is no hope for you left"

Boss: "That's what he said"

Me: "You're using that meme wrong"

Boss: "OK. So what if you just stay on DB management, and I'll just give you the budget to recruit a new DevOps lead and pay for training?"

Me: "That would work"

Boss: "Why are you grinning?"

Me: "Because I have your ex's phone number"

Advice from my Senior :

"Don't use linux, its crap!"

And here I am using Linux like a boss!

So apparently my boss knows the "new senior dev", which I will call 'B'.

Backstory:
Program which I worked on for a year, my baby, is doing fine. Suddenly B decides to update it to "standardize it", against my suggestions/protests. Fastfoward to the following morning, I get to work and there's a bunch of emails from B waiting for me. I'm like "Well there's a meeting in an hour, so no point in answering all of these". 30 minutes go by and then boss shows up in my team's area. Asking for me.

(I didn't know this at the time, but apparently boss knows B. And thinks that B is this amazing programmer and super nice.)

According to boss, B has been trying to contact me all morning about my program failing.

It is at this moment that my mentor stands up to defend me. She basically tells our boss that B is a piece of shit. And I'm just loving it, ++ to mentor for bring awesome.

Me : I'm having a pretty bad headache.

Boss : Stop acting like a girl and get back to work.

Me: It's a migraine headache.

Boss: Ohh!! You know it's just in your head stop being a pussy. Don't think about the headache, and you won't feel any pain.

Me(in my head) : You fucking idiot you are partially correct it's in my head. But the pain won't stop if I stop thinking about it.

*Why the fuck does no one understand a neurological disease. If i'm not physically hurt, it doesn't mean i'm not in pain*

Fucking ignorant bastards.

I made a Trello board and listed some tasks for me and my team.

My boss comes in, I show him the trello board to show how I organized our tasks.

He liked it, so I asked him if we can use it more frequently.

He replied: this is your code, do whatever you want.

I asked: my code?

He replied: yah didn't just build this webpage? This interactive task manager.

Me in shock: hold on you think I built trello?

Boss: oh ... You didn't ? It looks like something you'd do for your "front end masterbaution".

Me: oh wow, well... If that was the case I would've made $425 million on top of my salary.

Boss: looked at me like meh ~ and walked away...

I was on a 1:1 with my boss talking about my performance, recent tickets, HR stuff, anything I need, plans for the next quarter, etc.

My 4yo ran up, pointed to my boss on the screen, and asked "who is mommy on a call with?" I told him it was my boss, T, and that he needed to be quiet. "I want talk to T!" He demanded. "Hi T!" He wouldn't take no for an answer. We were pressed for time, so. As cute as it was, it wasn't very welcome.

It took like five minutes to finally make him leave. Now whenever I'm on a call, he runs up and yells "Hi T!!!!" at the screen. 😅 even when its standup or the engineering meeting with like 50 people.... thankfully there is a mute button! His face still pops up on camera, but most people understand and just laugh.

He's cute but he can be soo embarrassing!

So my boss sent me a msg at 00:05 to update production.

And here I was at 7:30am reading it with a poker face thinking "no dude, my working hours are not like that, lol. Get a life."

At customer site with my boss.

Boss: let's check this code which is not working

Me: ok (starting the debugging session)

I found this code, which was failing during the writing on disk for some reasons.

try
{
....
writer.writeline(some data);
....
}
catch(Exception ex)
{
....
}

Boss: ok it fails to write data but we need to, let's manage it like this:

try
{
....
writer.writeline(some data);
....
}
catch(Exception ex)
{
writer.writeline(some data);
....
}

Most awkward moment of my life happened 10 mins ago.

I really enjoy playing a sad trombone sound when someone says something stupid. I even have a widget on my phone's home screen so that I can play it almost instantly.

It's actually very funny when I use it with friends.

So, today I walk in the office during a rather heated argument between my boss and a sales lady who has been in the company forever.

I sit on my desk and pull out my phone to connect it to the charger since it was getting a bit low.

As the boss completes his phrase and there is that half second silence before the other person starts speaking I accidentally pressed the trombone button, playing the sound at full volume for a full 2-3 seconds that, needless to say, felt like an eternity.

Don't think I'm getting fired but God it was awkward.

My boss isn't really a developer. He isn't part of the development team and doesn't know any technical details about the product. He doesn't want to code, "too much effort", he just wants to boss. But he wrote some php in the early 2000's and is really, really proud of his codecademy html/css badge...

And that makes him dangerous.

Today I hear him talk from behind his laptop: "Right, we have this page for creating management groups, but we can't edit them yet. I can fix that!"

This task is literally on the current sprint, but he doesn't know that because he doesn't attend scrum meetings and ignores everything people say to him.

Me: This smells like probable cause, let's look with suspicion over his shoulder.

Boss:
"OK, right-click create.blade.php -> copy.
then right-click directory -> paste.
now just rename file to edit.blade.php!"

I start walking to the office kitchen.

Boss mumbling in the background:
"Now all I need to do is just copy the whole method in the controller, change the post url in the form, and modify the <h4> at the top, so it says edit instead of create."

Boss, looking at me now:
"This is so easy... creating and editing is almost the same thing, you can just copy paste all the code from one template to the other! I don't understand what you developers are always complaining about!"

Me: *Hands him a roll of paper towels*

Boss: "What is that for?"

Me: *points at code*

devRant has over 30k users within 1 year. Congratulations @dfox @trogus and awesome work. I would also like to thank my boss, project managers, colleagues and clients. They are the biggest contributors in devRant. lolz...

My boss literally spends half an hour finger-fucking his phone on the mobile site to find "bugs", that I can't replicate. A combination like: swipe, pinch, landscape, portrait, back pinch, open new tab, close tab, ash cigarette on phone, dunk in toilet, dry, double tap... Aha I've found a bug, there's 0.5 pixel line of space between the bag header and the browser bar.

Looks like I'm getting fired on Wednesday :)

Long story:

*I add first unit tests to project.

*Boss adds new functionality and breaks all the tests so I can't compile and write more for what I'm working on.

*Boss is very fragile and cannot handle any comment that can possibly be taken as a slight against him.

Me: "I wanted to ask what our policy on unit tests is please? Because we haven't really said how we are treating unit tests, and everyone myself included is not thinking about them. I also haven't added tests when I fixed bugs and this time your changes broke the tests"

Boss 10 minutes later: "I want to speak to you in private".

Boss: "you are too forceful and direct. You said I should have added tests."

Me: "yeah but I didn't mean in a nasty way"

Boss getting louder and more aggressive: "You are too forceful"

Me: "I didn't mean it in a bad way"

Boss: "I didn't want to add tests for that!"

Me: "then why add any tests?"

Boss: "Fine we are not having this conversation now!"

*Boss storms out

I decided I can't speak to the guy about anything without upsetting him spoke to the manager before I quit because I can't work like this.

That resulted in a meeting with my boss, his boss and the head of HR where I ended up savaging him and told them I can't bring up anything as I can never tell if it will offend him and that I spend ages writing emails and trying to document communications because I just can never tell if I will upset him. Also that I cannot bring up any ideas because I can't tell if he will somehow get offended and that I can't even write code because if I change something he wrote at some point he will get angry.

My boss claims that I am extremely forceful and disrespectful and that I am constantly insulting him and his decisions.

We go back over a ton of shit and I refute everything he says. In the end I have to have a meeting with him on Wednesday where we either get things straight, he fires me or I quit.

I think at this point that our relationship is too fucked for him to be my team lead on a 6 man team.

Side note I keep bringing forth ideas because we have one database shared between 6 Devs, no pull requests (apart from mine and another new guy), no test driven development, no backlog, no team driven story pointing, no running tests before merging, no continuous integration setup, no integration tests, no build step on merge, no idea of if we are on track to our deadline other than his gut feeling, no actual unit tests backend - just integration with a test db, no enthusiasm to learn in the team and no hope.

!rant but a story

This happened today. Sorry for long post. A manager from another team in development team, I'll call him junkfellow, called me very very late last night to help them solve an issue in our application's test environment that blocking them from doing testing. They apparently doing integration testing with our application. Now said test environment is not even prepared by our team. We are development team and this test environment prepared by our application's support team. So I politely told junkfellow to get in touch with our support team counterpart as I am from development team. And he began shout at me

junkfellow: "WHY DO YOU THINK I'M FUCKING CALL YOU? IT'S BECAUSE I CAN'T FUCKING REACH ANYONE FROM SUPPORT!"
me: "With due respects sir I have no instructions to assist you and your team in your testing"
junkfellow: "THEN WHAT GOOD ARE YOU? IF YOU DON"T GET ONLINE NOW I WILL FUCKING ESCALATE YOU TO CW!!!"

We all know who CW is and he can make some people life very hard and I didn't want to call my boss so late so I quickly went online and spent the next 4hrs supporting their testing. Next morning I told my boss what happened and he scolded me for not calling him last night. He dropped an email to junkfellow's boss about junkfellow being "unacceptable attitude, disrespectful and threatening to escalate my team mates". My boss always refer to us as team mates, not his staff or his team member.

Then in few minutes, someone walking like a school bully with his chest out came to my boss place and announced himself (he is junkfellow). I say announce because he talking like he wanted everyone to know who is he. My boss stood up promptly, greeted good morning, introduce himself, shook junkfellow hand and sat down. Still young, maybe in late 20's or even younger than me. junkfellow talking to my boss loud enough for most of us to hear. Everyone's neck suddenly long like meerkat and listening:

junkfellow looking down to my boss who is sitting down: "How dare you send email like that to my boss? We are both managers you should act like one, you have a problem with me then you talk to me. You don't bypass me and go directly to my boss. You didn't even give me face!"
my boss sitting down: "So you didn't even ask your boss before picking a fight."

*junkfellow suddenly look confused*

my boss still sitting down talking calm with poker face: "I did give you face. You think by going to your boss I bypassed you and went one level up? No I went one level down!"

junkfellow still look confused and then slowly realized what my boss meant. Now he is staring at floor and can't look my boss in eye after he realized he is screwed!

my boss now standing up: "You treat my team mates like that againi or ask them to do something without my knowledge and I will talk to your boss' boss about it"
boss to me: "Hey tollywood! junkfellow here sincerely regrets what he did last night and wants to apologize to you in person" and boss' poker face turned to his familiar smirk

junkfellow immediately came to me, said "it's ok you no need to stand up", he sat down in a squat and apologized repeatedly. He really looked like he was about to cry and for a moment I pity him. But then I remember what he did and I just enjoyed the moment! Was pure gold :D :D :D

🤣🤣🤣
Somehow, my boss got his son, 19, working in a team of developers last week.
Son: i got ton of money and i dont need to do this. i inherit lot of properties from my dad.(trying to sound funny, superior, and boasting of his inheritance knowledge he might have learned in school during java class probably.)

A guy in the team: No you dont. You are like us.😎😎😎
Son: minds his own business now.

Damn that line made my day.
🤗👏👏👏👏

++ for this dude for insulting morons like this at work.
I may have to remove it on boss request if he see it. But for now hit as many ++ to show that idiot no body likes people like him.

C : Hi, I will send you the minor fixes with new images soon. Can you update for me?

Me : Yes sure.

C : We would also like to launch the website tomorrow.

Me : Oh cool. Then I'll connect it to the live domain after the updates.

C : My boss also likes to press a button and launch the website....

Me : ... umm ...

I usually don't work for indian clients. But when I do, they make sure I don't get paid.

Some highlights from my last project,

Client: Do you know ERPnext?

Me: No, but I am good at python.

Client: My boss wants me to find a guy who can create barcode generator for erpnext.

Me: I can use pyBarcode to do it.
This is exciting I thought. I get to learn a new framework. Start working on it. Not an hour passes by,

Client: hey can you remove this menu item?
Me: Which one?
Client: Also can you add the dashboard icons to left sidebar? Like Odoo? Do you know it? It is also python based.
Me: Then why don't you just use Odoo instead?
Client: My boss wants it. He doesn't understand computers. He is pissing mr off.
Me: Then how come he suggested erpnext?
Client: His friend told him.
*experience mindfuck*

For the next 3 days he has me working on these UI tweaks, never mentions barcode again.

But I finish the barcode stuff. Tripple check everything to make sure they work. Tell him to check so I can get paid. Guy asks his boss to check.

Boss > Client: It doesn't work
Me: What doesn't work?
Boss > Client: Everything!
Client: I actually tested everything and they work. My boss doesn't know how to use it. He is very old.

Makes me make more changes and finally when I ask for the work done so far,
Client: Boss didn't come to office today. I'll get you paid. Please try to understand my situation.

Me thinking, "mofo your boss didn't hire me,l. You did". But I keep calm and tell him I won't work until I get paid 50%.

3 days passed. No reply. Set his skype status to "Away" forever.

*spidey sense tells me I'm not getting paid, again*

U am beyond pissed and burnt out. I fucking wish there was a mafia I can request to collect my fucking money from them.

My boss asked me if he could smoke one before starting the interview. So I went down with him and lighted one up as well. Then we started to talk as if we were friends since years after I told him I like to drink alcohol from time to time (he asked :D) . Afterwards he just asked me if I know Java and stuff and I was like "sure ez pz". We still have drinking competitions on every company event. Best boss ever

My lead developer left on vacation for a week. Without notice to my boss and/or myself.

Well to be fair we did have the minimum which is a 2 day notice....

So what did we do? Well the boss and I acted like absolute adults and did what any other adult would do.

Me sticky noted the fuck out of his desk and screens.

4 screens full of sticky notes.

Phone is full of sticky notes too. And geez man....everything is sticky notes....so...many....sitcky...notes

Rage..

Boss: 'I've got a PowerPoint presentation with 45 charts in it. Oh, and a huge excel sheet with the data for it. Please build some of the charts in our own software, with the given data.'

Easy, I thought.
Yea, thanks to the person that gave my boss the data.. The half of the important columns were removed (privacy stuff).
And.. Excel? Oh, and his calculations are nowhere documented nor consistent.

I converted excel to postgres, easy.
It took me 2 hours to fkn research what he calculated in one line chart, just to implement it in like 10 minutes.
2 hours, man I could made awesome stuff in that time!

I guess I should write this in CAPSLOCK to make it more interesting. I'm just raging in my head 😂

At my first job, I got tired of having to type a user name and password every time I debugged the web application. Thinking I was clever, I put in a hack so that if you launched the application with the query string "?user=Administrator" it would log you in as the administrator. So much typing saved!

A couple days after the next release, I realized it shipped like that. In absolute horror, I walked into my boss' office, closed the door, and told him the tale of my mistake.

He just looked back at me, and after a moment or two said, "Loose lips sink ships."

And that was it.

Boss comes in and gives me some js code for syncing data (he hacked it together the other day, really messy with like 5 callback lamdas stacked into each other)

Boss: Make it faster and more reliable and add some progress indicator

So i look at the code and he literally pulls all the data as one json (20+ MiB). Server needs multiple minutes to generate the response (lots of querys), sometimes even causing timeouts....

So i do what everyone would do and clean up the code, split the request into multiple ones, only fetching the necessary data and send the code back to my boss.

He comes in and asks me what all this complexity is about. And why i need 5 functions to do what he did in one. (He didn't -.-). He says he only told me to "make it faster and show progress" not "to split everything up".
So I ask him how he wants to do this over HTTP with just one request...
His response: "I don't care make it work!".

Sometimes i hate my job -.-

I quit my job today.
It was odd and uncomfortable and emotional and I'm gonna miss many of the nice people here but ultimately my boss was like "I always knew a bright mind like yours would only be here temporarily" 🥺😍 I'm starting somewhere cooler soon and I'm so excited!

got a mail 10 minutes after I finished a 10h shift that my contract won't be refreshed after 4 years ripping my ass off for this fucked up organization. apparently not because of lack of competence but of personal reasons. that's what you get for not being a sheep and having an opinion. my (ex)boss didn't even have the balls to say it to my face.
fuck them! I don't need people like that around me - neither in my spare time nor at work - and I wish them all the worst.
happy holidays motherfuckers!

Our working hours are from 9 to 6 which is the standard in Malaysia (I'm not malaysian )

Yesterday I came in around 10AM and my boss took me to his room as soon as I arrived.

Boss: If you were in school and you come late what do you expect to happen ?

Me: get punished, I'll compensate by working an extra hour today.

Boss: well our clients aren't available at your extra hour and I'm struggelling with a big client you're supposed to ship the rest of his site and golive today and he's freaking out

Me: yh well his site is done it just needs final QA before going live.

Boss: oh its done already?, cool cool. Anyway you shouldn't be late you're not Malaysian and being late doesn't run in your genes like them.

*ops manager (Malaysian) walks in*

*boss confused*

*ops manager looks him in the eye*

*boss looks at the ground*

* me giggling while walking to my desk*

I had a dream that I was working in an office, writing Python scripts.

Then they changed my role as a frontend web developer. I wasn't happy, but I dealt with it. My coworkers were playing games instead of working and the boss yelled at me for slacking off even though wasn't.

I had enough so I told my coworkers to stop slacking off, but they were about to beat me up and the boss held a gun and that's when I woke up.

Thank goodness I'm too young for a job like that.

> Root struggles with her ticket
> Boss struggles too
> Also: random thoughts about this job

I've been sick lately, and it's the kind of sick where I'm exhausted all day, every day (infuriatingly, except at night). While tired, I can't think, so I can't really work, but I'm during my probationary period at work, so I've still been doing my best -- which, honestly, is pretty shit right now.

My current project involves legal agreements, and changing agent authorization methods (written, telephone recording, or letting the user click a link). Each of these, and depending on the type of transaction, requires a different legal agreement. And the logic and structure surrounding these is intricate and confusing to follow. I've been struggling through this and the project's ever-expanding scope for weeks, and specifically the agreements logic for the past few days. I've felt embarrassed and guilty for making so little progress, and that (and a bunch of other things) are making me depressed.

Today, I finally gave up and asked my boss for help. We had an hour and a half call where we worked through it together (at 6pm...). Despite having written quite a bit of the code and tests, he was often saying things like "How is this not working? This doesn't make any sense." So I don't feel quite so bad now.

I knew the code was complex and sprawling and unintuitive, but seeing one of its authors struggling too was really cathartic.

On an unrelated note, I asked the most senior dev (a Macintosh Lisa dev) why everything was using strings instead of symbols (in Rails) since symbols are much faster. That got him looking into the benchmarks, and he found that symbols are about twice as fast (for his minimal test, anyway), and he suggested we switch to those. His word is gold; mine is ignorable. kind of annoying. but anyway, he further went into optimizing the lookup of a giant array of strings, and discovered bsearch. (it's a divide-and-conquer lookup). and here I am wondering why they didn't implement it that way to begin with. 🙄

I don't think I'm learning much here, except how to work with a "mature" codebase. To take a page from @Rutee07, I think "mature" here means the same as in porn: not something you ever want ot see or think about.

I mean, I'm learning other things, too, like how to delegate methods from one model to another, but I have yet to see why you would want to. Every use of it I've explored thus far has just complicated things, like delegating methods on a child of a 1:n relation to the parent. Which child? How does that work? No bloody clue! but it does, somehow, after I copy/pasted a bunch of esoteric legacy bs and fussed with it enough.

I feel like once I get a good grasp of the various payment wrappers, verification/anti-fraud integration, and per-business fraud rules I'll have learned most of what they can offer. Specifically those because I had written a baby version of them at a previous job (Hell), and was trying to architect exactly what this company already has built.

I like a few things about this company. I like my boss. I like the remote work. I like the code reviews. I like the pay. I like the office and some socializing twice a year.

But I don't like the codebase. at all. and I don't have any friends here. My boss is friendly, but he's not a friend. I feel like my last boss (both bosses) were, or could have been if I was more social. But here? I feel alone. I'm assigned work, and my boss is friendly when talking about work, but that's all he's there for. Out of the two female devs I work with, one basically just ignores me, and the other only ever talks about work in ways I can barely understand, and she's a little pushy, and just... really irritating. The "senior" devs (in quotes because they're honestly not amazing) just don't have time, which i understand. but at the same time... i don't have *anyone* to talk to. It really sucks.

I'm not happy here.
I miss my last job.

But the reason I left that one is because this job allows me to move and work remotely. I got a counter-offer from them exactly matching my current job, sans the code reviews. but we haven't moved yet. and if I leave and go back there without having moved, it'll look like i just abandoned them. and that's the last thing I want them to think.

So, I'm stuck here for awhile.
not that it's a bad thing, but i'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed. and it's just not a good fit. but maybe I'll actually start learning things. and I suppose that's also why I took the job.

So, ever onward, I guess.
It would just be nice if I could take some of the happy along with me.

A fanfic based on devRant-chan. The character was created by @caramelCase and a drawing by @ichijou.

This is freestyle. I'll think of an image of a scene and go with the flow. I won't remove my fingers from the keyboard and I won't edit or change anything. That's how I come up with my best ideas.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Notes:

B/N = Boss' name (I was too lazy to think of one.)

Anything in between astericks is in italics.
Ex.) *this is in italics.*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was an early January morning when devRant-chan was situated in her desk, typing away on her laptop. She was working on a Python script for her barbaric client when she could've been out with friends. Oddly enough, her Sunday was surged with tranquility.

Normally, Sunday is when her irksome boss barks orders at her on the phone.

"This is wrong!"

"What is this?"

"Change it!"

devRant-chan resented her boss but loved her job. After all, "you can't force yourself to like everyone," was something her elder brother would tell her.

She released a slight chuckle, the one she would only display at the thought of her brother.

Her musings were interrupted when a concerning thought crawled into her mind like an undesirable intruder.

Why hasn't her boss called to complain yet? It's not that she enjoyed his complaining, which she didn't. She simply found it odd, since he's done this every Sunday morning, since she was a junior developer.

Unless he found someone else to complain to? In that case, good riddance!

But still, it wasn't a euphoric feeling to be replaced. She was already accustomed to his Sunday morning calls that it feels almost lonely not to receive them.

She should call him... Just in case some situation—or—problem—has emerged.

She dialed his number, waiting patiently for a reply.

"Hello," said her boss.

"Ah, hello," said devRant-chan. "I called, wondering—"

"You've reached the voicemail of B/N, please leave a message after the beep."

"Damn..." mumbled devRant-chan with a sharp exhale. "I always fall for that."

Why didn't her boss answer the phone? It was odd of him, considering he's always answered her calls.

She was about to dial her coworker when she received an email, which stimulated her attention. The subject of the email read:

*Important. Please read.*

She opened the email. It was her boss. The email read:

*Hello.*

*In case you aren't aware, I had quit my job, due to the stress. I've left the manager in charge. Starting tomorrow, he will be your new boss.*

*-B/N*

Before she could rejoice in excitement, she detected a strange change of voice, emitting from the email. Did her boss really write this?

That's when she spotted something. The word "tomorrow."

Her boss didn't write this.

He would never use words such as "tomorrow," or "today." He would use time instead. If this was her boss, he would say "in 24 hours."

She checked the IP of the email. Oddly enough, it was her boss' IP.

Still, the pieces didn't fit the puzzle. Her boss didn't complain, answer her call, or use his style of speaking in the email.

Something happened to him and she knows it. Whatever it is, has something to do with the manager, and she was determined to figure it out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was just a quick random fanfic, and I'm not sure if I'll continue it. As I said, I didn't plan anything, since it's freestyle. I might or might not continue it, so I'll think it over.

Friday, I got a mail from my PM shortly before I wanted to leave. Basically it was, hey can you check out whether this issue [which I hadn't even heard about] is somehow related to our system? Meeting is in one hour.

My answer: I guess not, otherwise I'd have been in the loop much earlier than one hour before the meeting.

I shut down the PC like a boss and went into weekend.

My boss asked me to do tech support today as one of tech support employee was not feeling well.

The very first call i attended, went like:

Me : Sir, this is xyz support desk. How may i help you?

*Listening his problem*

Me : Sir solution is pretty simple. Just do a Right click on application shortcut icon and then select "Open File Location".

Client : where can i find "Right Click"?

My boss says "cocker" once (referring to docker) a teammate and I make a meme of that, allways we have to talk about docker we say "dicker" or when we have to talk about git we say "dick" like "dick commit, dick pull, dick push".

Working really hard, finishing tasks, upgrading servers. Cancel some useless meetings to finish up features, working till 2am to get a database migration working. Half of the platform is transformed, both customers and team are very happy about their accomplishments.

Boss: "OK, I think we're on the right path with these changes, but productivity and morale is honestly disappointing. Are you guys sleeping enough? You all look very tired and unmotivated!"

Attend all meetings, call boss at 7am to discuss random purchases like a whiteboard, run around the office holding a (broken, lol) MacBook, looking very busy & slightly worried. I shout random things at people across the office like "Nice work Gary!" and "Damn, you are on a roll Angela!". I initiate smalltalk with department heads, only to immediately disrupt the conversation by checking my phone saying "Oh I really have to take this one" (empty battery, lol). No one writes a single line of code for four weeks, and nothing new has been deployed by the whole team.

Boss: "I think it's commendable how productive the team has become this month. You guys are all so active and involved. A real improvement!"

Getting to play with 50GBit/s hardware next week. My boss was like "You like hardware, right? I bought you some toys..." Btw, i am in an apprenticeship. And yes, i do love my company!

At one of my previous companies, there was a guy, let's call him X.
X was the ideal employee.
X used to come to office at 8.
X used to go to sleep in AC office.
X used to wake up at 10 when everyone started coming in.
X used to play Uno and Pokemon Go till 6.
X was a master in Uno and Pokemon Go.
X used to wait till 8 to get free cab facility.
X didn't do one single productive piece of shit whole day.

My boss loved X Because he came early and left late.
My boss didn't give a damn if that person even switched on his laptop or not.
My boss didn't care about productivity.
I didn't come on time and didn't leave on time (I travelled in non-traffic hours)
I slogged my ass off because I really wanted to learn.
My boss scolded me, asked to be like X.
This was the last straw.
I resigned the next day.

I never wanted to be like X. Seeing him daily, motivated me so much.
When I worked, I focussed on it, I didn't keep checking the clock waiting for it to hit 5 pm.
I aimed for productivity, set realistic targets and always achieved them, no matter what.
My boss was an a--hole. I met X and Boss recently. Both are still in the same role, just scraping through.
Felt really good that I worked hard and have achieved something in life ^_^

I'M NOT HELPDESK. I CAN'T FIX YOUR BROWSER OPTIONS. I LOVE YOU TO FUCKING PIECES BECAUSE YOU STOP THE INCREDIBLY FUCKING STUPID CALLS, BUT I CAN'T HELP YOU and now I feel like a prick. Call your boss and make him do his fucking job. Please. I don't want to scream at you. I need you in my life...

I have been asked to teach a few things for newbies at work, without coding background.
I used the metaphore of pizza, empty pizzabox and no box for teaching NULL. I have read it here on Devrant, written by someone awesome of the community here.
My boss overheard me explaining it, and said that that was the most beautifull expanation of NULL he ever heard.
.......I was like: yaaay Devrant FTW!

Also newbies understood it instantly so kudos to you sir, original poster!

Working at best buy (don't remember if I was geek squad yet or not).
"hi sir, that line hasn't moved in a while, I was headed up to help, but let me ring you up here so you can get on with your day."
"thanks!"
...random talking leads to graduation and what's next...
"my friend works at *company* and seems to really like it. I gave him my resume when he asked, but i guess is boss can't hire anymore people or something, so I'm applying other places. It's been about a year."
"oh. Hi. I'm boss. Send resume again"

So boss finds out that a competitors app has a youtube vid making half a million views.

His response to the lead dev: make one video like that!

Lead: But that video needs at least a video editor to make it, a professional and at least a couple thousands euros.

Boss: you are my best dev just do it, I believe in you...

Worst part is that he tried he made a couple hundred views and boss dissed him that he is useless. Go figure!

Code Review
My boss: “where’d you get this code”
Me: “You i copy and pasted from one of your projects like you told me to”
My boss: “oh”

My startup boss took away our teams chat because we needed to "let everyone see our conversations for context". i said that's more like paranoia. then he told us we had to use company portraits and logos on LinkedIn and Social Media. and to post company ads and links on social media at least once a day. im not a social media manager, im a programmer MF'r. is this normal?????

Boss asked me to make a script to automate some tasks. After some days i found out that my task will replace the job of one of our colleagues.
Now the *script, that looks like a big project, is almost done.
Feel for the guy.

Before I took on my current position (internal transfer), I stated that for what my boss asked for I would need a small team.
He agreed to that and promised I would get 2-3 developers.
6 months after (with countless reminders) he told me I could train some people at one of our providers.
Turns out those guys were Java developers, even though I asked for C# (since our codebase is .net)
After a few training sessions, where concepts as source control were a big topic ("why not just copy the code to a new folder with _good_ naming?"), I gave them a test assignment.
After reviewing their code I just gave up. They cannot program. They don't understand concepts like scoping of variables. Concepts of separation of responsibility.

I told my boss this but I had to make it work with them.

I went to my bosses boss (Head of IT) with my resignation in hand, since I felt my boss didn't want to support me actually getting a team. After a few talks I was asked to "keep it cool" and wait until he presented his new organization.

Now my boss asked me for which skills new developers should have. To which I could just laugh at him and forward countless mails from the last 6-8 months asking for developers.

<Irony>I love my boss</Irony>

my fucking boss wants me to wear formal clothes to work (no tracksuit, no hoodie etc...), it's like i will type 1/3x faster with my FUCKING TIE! I WANT TO MURDER THE MOTHERFUCKER

Story time...of how HR actually did its job of taking care of employees.

So, I started at this new gig on December, the boss was all sunshine and promise (big red flag now to think back). Then as time passed, he started seeming...off. To a point I considered quitting my boss just after 2 months of working for him.

Then one morning we had a project meeting. He started verbally abusing me, calling me incompetent, bashing my work (of which he knew ~nothing, his experience 30 years back). Earlier in the week he demanded me to make a presentation which he in this meeting told is complete bullshit without actually reading any of it. He told me 'I am your boss, you do exactly as I say' when I told him something is technologically impossible in the situation we're in. He *actually* told me to break the law with data protection...

This was like wtf dude. That's not how you manage people. So, I made an HR ticket about his behaviour. They were *shocked* and escalated the matter.

Long story short: he was a bully, he's getting fired, my team has a new manager. My workplace actually appreciates my expertise.

Bad thing in this is, now I actually need to continue doing my job. ;_;

It was around 14:55, I had no energy, and was ready to call it a day, but then I messaged my boss on slack, "Ballmer Peak". He comes back 5 mins later and my desk looked like it this.

Had 4-5 hours of sleep last night because I had to wake up early this morning for an internal demo of the feature I worked on. It was scheduled early morning because the boss was busy.

I come to the office looking like a zombie, practically sleep walking my way to the office, and guess what... The app server is down! Yay.

I had to reschedule it to right in the middle of lunch time because hey... The boss is busy. Now everyone in the team hates me for ruining their lunch.

Now I'm sitting here, staring at my code, remembering the sweet luxury of sleep.

A friend offered me a new job in his company. Therefore I am going to quit my job. I like my current job, but the conditions are shit. Still I like my colleges and my clients. So I feel really bad for quiting.

The Job he offered me is pretty good, well paid and has many benefits for me. I like him and his company and are really excited to work with them. They are expecting big things of me and I'm scared to disappoint them.

Also I haven't told my boss about my plan to quit yet and because we become kind of friends in the time I work for her, it's an difficult talk for me.

😕

I'm disappointed with my boss.

I've always felt that the company I work for was different, I'm a web dev in a foreign country, finding a job as a fresh graduate wasn't easy at all.

before joining this company, all the employers I've met expected so many skills from foreigners like me, while they sat the bar so low for local fresh grad candidates.

Except my current boss, after the second interview he said that he believes in my potential and he wants to take this risk, the risk of hiring a foreign fresh graduate.

After I joined I worked my ass off and after 9 months I became a team lead.

And my boss said to me that the risk he took was completely worth it and I exceeded expectations.

Now I'm involved in assessing candidates applying for web development role at this company, we have 3 candidates 2 local and 1 foreigner.

Ironically the foreigner proved great potential and understanding of web technologies that exceeds a fresh entry role.

The other 2 local were alright, need training but they pass the criteria for an entry level role.

I reviewed this objectively and urged the same man that hired me to consider hiring the foriegner.

He said no, because of Visa costs and because of the lengthy legal process employers need to go through to hire a foreigner, and asked me to move forward with the 2 locals and not lose them to another company.

I felt that, if i were in the foriegner candidate's shoes I would've felt that there's something wrong with me for that no one wants to hire me for my skills and what I've worked hard to achieve was all not enough, it would make me feel like an outcast.

I know that I should do what I'm told, after all he's the employer, but still.. this feeling is bothering me, in a way I feel like I've cheated or I was just lucky and I didn't really earn this job.

My instincts are telling me that i should resign from this company asap.

My team lead knows a to z of the project and he is the all rounder guy here. If my team lead leaves, I could be the one replacing him. But i don't want to accept this kind of responsibility.

My life goal is to not get sucked into the 9 to 5 life or work in this kind of environment.

The only pro i find is that i now have few more cool friends.

But I'd rather be be my own boss and work 24/7.

I now feel like living a lie going to work everyday..

So my company had a client who was a doctor. He wanted to build an iOS app and will come everyday in the office to scope the project. The company's boss was a greedy guy who always tried to keep his hands in client's pocket. And on some occasions he even went on to scold my colleagues working on the client's project in front of the client. The client was too volatile to freeze the scope which was resulting in us not getting anywhere. One day the boss came onto me in front of the client and showed like he is doing me a favor by giving me salary. The salary day was after 2 days. But I raged out. Next day I departed from home for office but felt so raged that I mailed my resignation to the boss. I wandered in the city aimlessly the whole day, and the boss gave me 5 calls to make up for it and come back. Then he went on to go legal, and I told him to do whatever he could. In the end it was all bluff.
I worked freelance for next few months, those were the best. Got paid quite nice and learned Angular 5 with Node.js. Best decision in my career..

Today I nearly killed my new boss, he picked the really wrong day to accuse me of something I did'nt do and could prove... You wouldn't like me when I'm angry cause I back up my arguments and would willingly quit gladly for a better job.

My current boss' boss. Dude has my back, no questions asked. If I mess up, he backs me up to the customer and then teaches me the right way behind the scenes. Even stands up for me when i'm not around.

He's helped me change my lifestyle, too, connecting me with trainers and coaches who can help develop a workout plan around my one hand. He understands the value of work/life balance, but has no power to change our schedule, so he helps out however he can around that.

He is honestly #bossgoals. I want to be like him when i'm a boss

After doing the work he requested as he wanted he was not happy. So i thought we sit and discuss what he didn't like. I was so wrong.

...
Boss: "...you know what I think you are: a fraud; Masquerading as a developer. The database design you have given is shit. The template I gave you I did in 1 hour. You took half the day."

He gave a simple template to use and he told me to come up with an ecommerce db design via downloading PrestaShop and seeing what is relevant to us.

Me: "what did I do wrong?"

Boss: "you think I don't know what PK means in database design? Why the fuck did you put this here."

Me: "can I expl..."

Boss: "I'm not finished, you been here half the month and what work have you to show for it..."

Me: "I have..."

Boss: "You shut up when I can speaking"

Me: "ok"

Boss: "You have no work to show for the time you have been here. I tell you what to do. I want someone who is proactive. My friend, you will do the work I tell you to do, you understand?"

Me: "yes but can I just say that I have been doing your work I have the contact the various developers as you..."

Boss: " You shut up when your boss is speaking. Can you do this work? (Slightly long pause)

Me: "I can do it. But, I have done the bits of the work you said I do. I was h..."

Boss "don't give me bullshit stories...you haven't done the work..."

Me: "But you have spoken"

Boss:" You know what Im giving you 1 weeks notice if you are not able to do the work. Can you do it?"

That moment!!! I was literally shaking I could have high fived his face with his laptop.

Me: "yes I can"
Boss: "Then get the fuck out of my sight and do it"

Got an email...
Colleague A (who acts like he supervises me because he's here longer than than I am but he doesn't) : Webpage is broken. Please fix.
(5 minutes later)
Colleague A : Sorry I didn't pull the *other* file you committed (Yeah I know we're still on cvs...)

Another email...
Colleague B (who really is my boss) : Webpage doesn't show all records. Please fix.
(5 minutes later)
Colleague B : Sorry I forgot check page 2.

That's all my development team. Right, development, not designers, or anything.

FML...

Every time I hear my boss say "surely it can't be that hard" or "that's what, like a 5 minute job?"
*shudder*

Every time I have to deal with my boss code and lack of convention and everything that makes a clean code I just want to scream like a bitch and punch him in the face without minding breaking my own hand.

I just realized that my fucking boss managed to put a back end dev to do front end and a front end dev to make an api.

So me and the front end dev are constantly asking each other stuff instead of doing the fucking job properly because it isn't the subject that we like/spend our free time learning.

Although I understand that its good to have some "full stack" knowledge I also understand that my ui/ux is gonna suck while his api is gonna suck :)

my boss asked me a few days ago to get a website responsive, i did that in like twenny minutes and today he came to me, looked at the website and give me a pat on the schoulder "good work"
some days are good days

Did I every tell you about that time I scared a boss (not mine, he was in the room) so much, that he was to scared to enter my office for the next couple of weeks? 😅
Good times 😊

Tl;dr: He was the reason I was working at max capacity and then he started complaining that shit wasn't working.

Full story:
I was out of office, building up a new site. I was the only IT working that day, others were out on vacation.
Suddenly I start getting flooded with calls from other sites, that nothing works. It is so bad, that my boss can't reach me on the company phone, so he calls me on my private phone.
Apparently all the servers are down.
So me into a taxi, heading for the main office.
When I get there I just start booting the servers on by one, because they didn't like that they had lost power. While I'm working, my boss is standing there, ready to help.
Another boss enters the office and goes: "I can't access Navision". To which I quickly reply something like: "Well everything is down, I'm the only one who can fix it and I'm working as fast as I can".
Two weeks later, another employee tells me, that the other boss has been running all his equipment off a battery backup, since the failure, because his power cord failed. He spilled a cup of coffee on it and therefore was the reason, that all the servers lost power (bad setup, I know). And apparently I was so frightening that he didn't have the courage to ask for a new power cord 😂
Best thing was that my boss never stopped me or told me that I did something wrong.

My boss...

With `Back-End` he understands `the Dashboard`. The system that is used only from company's employees.

`Front-End`, the software that is used by our customers.

I have explained him many times that he was wrong, but he seems to use this term. And now I have to use these terms like him.

I brushed my teeth and went to bed at 10, opened up youtube and just chilled out,
boss calls me up at 11 I'm like, nah fam tomorrow...
Calls again and again and again, calling for the 6 time on 2 numbers!?
(M8 can't u see I'm out)
Then he texts me, bro, it's urgent!
I decide to call him up.
Boss: hey dude
Me: hey (trying to not get triggered)
Me: so what's so urgent?
Boss: OK so 2 things, I will email all of our job applicants on August 28, 2: are you available tomorrow?
Me: ( LITERALLY GOT TRIGGERED AS FUCK, THOUGHT WE HAD A DICK PICTURE ON OUR SITE OR HOSTINGER DECIDED TO BILL 2 TIMES)
ME: 👏Dude, this is so urgent? R u kidding me???? Am I available tomorrow and you will email are job applicants on August 28????

Ffs I swear

when I finally get my code to work, no matter how small, I get up and walk around feeling like a boss

Who influenced me the most at work?
My boss.. for may I never end up like him.

Hello everyone, this is my rant.
I work in a start-up as an Android developer and we were looking for our first iOS developer.
After two months searching, some guy was finally hired last week.
My boss already told me he didn't have my programming level, but we needed him because he had experience as community manager and good Photoshop skills, and right now we need a profile like that in our company.
Today the new guy asked me what are setters and getters.
How fucked is my company? Is there hope for us?

A few months ago my now boss, then he was my mentor and school teacher asked for my help with a feature, said he had tried for some time and couldnt get around it, I solved it with regex in less than a day, and the company is like the golden standard of my region. The issue itaelf wasnt hard but being able to help my mentor was pretty cool

As some of you know I start at my new job on friday. I don't have a development or computer related job, so guess what my first task is?

I was at my boss/friends house last friday night and he was like 'I know you're good with computers. So can you install the printer in my bureau?'

Now I can absolutely relate to all the printer rants.

Around 2 months ago, I worked at Subway. AMA (just joking. Don't do it.)

I worked there for a week (I could write a lot about the environment) and quit it because of how entitled, lazy, rude and crazy the boss was.

The boss was the usual crackhead woman straight from the dumpster.

She used the Subway Instagram and Facebook pages as her private personal pages.

She told us to follow the Instagram page, like everything and comment on every post.

I didn't do it. Instead I shared the page with my friends and we laughed our asses off.

End of story.

I just blocked some of the top management from connecting to our WLAN because I was testing a verifing feature for said WiFi that kicks all devices not listed in the DB.
It happened while my boss/senior/guidance was trying to show them the advantages of a centrally managed infrastructure.
He covered my ass well and tried to sell it to them as proof of a secure solution, that unknown devices couldn't log in.
I feel like human trash right now, but that's what you get for testing in production.

So I'm a backend engineer and my boss keeps telling me I over engineer stuff. I'm never given a technical spec or architectural spec, just told what to do so I build. But apparently I over engineer? Admittedly I do tend to but recently I cba and done the most basic thing. Apparently its over engineered.
Would you agree that to say something is over engineered a technical requirements document is required in order to specify over engineered said request needs to be?

Ps: my boss is an inappropriate cunt. Finally got that out.
Feel like hes just making arguments with me to get rid of me because I didnt want to cuddle in bed with him after he gave me an uncalled for back rub..

My boss just asked me to participate in a conference call to help an external senior dev implement some stuff/tool into our website.
My boss suspects that he doesn't even know Git...
Let's see how that whole thing will turn out.
My boss told me that he looked at his code and it already looks like an abomination of PHP...
It is enough that my boss usually writes shitty spaghetty code.

I will not sleep well this night.

My boss: "We need this feature by Friday"
Me: "I can make it work, but I need more time to do it properly"
Boss: "Just fix it by Friday, and you can make a proper implementation later, when there is time"

Like there will ever be time once it works...

My first dev job my boss, understood me so well. i think he must of been like me as a kid. Much like when people go to uni people say they change so much. He knew i was just in my shell, shy, but capable.

I turned 18 and he straight away wanted to get me to nightclubs! i don't remember much from the night, except, i got into a bit of a fight (we won) stole a huge pitcher of some kind of drink (to drunk to taste it) and danced on the tallest part of the stage most of the night, kind of like the spotlight of the entire place. It was epic, and it certainly made me come out of me shell.

While I am self employed, my clients can end up like my boss. In this case, one of my clients is the best "boss" I have ever had. We discuss everything from ethics to npm to development to board games. And we still get the job done.

He challenges me constantly to improve, and then we laugh over how we disagree with concepts, frameworks, etc. And we still get the job done.

It's fantastic to have a client who understands that you should be paid for your time, that lets you get what they hired you to do done without micro managing you (you trust me to actually do what you hired me to do? *gasp, shock*), and still enjoys the small talk. Though some of our ethics and society discussions can be rather large discussions.

“I won it! It’s a major award!”

I’d like to thank the Academy, @dfox, and all the devRanters who ++’d my story about my boss wanting me to change the YouTube to look like our website.

Oh boy my boss wants to talk about my "working times" since I enjoy starting work at 5am. Am I this weird to like working early in the morning?

My dev colleagues, the ceo, a external designer and me (dev) are sitting in the meeting room
and we discuss the result from the designer. He designed a complete relaunch of a
small CRM for the logistics sector.

The designer is a designer as you know him, big beart, small macbook, chai late
and he designed nothing, he hired a freelancer from romania.

My boss studied software development in the 80s but didn't really developed a software
for about 20 years, but he thinks he knows all and everything.

My boss is constantly complaining about the colors in the design and he would like
a iOS approach. Our system should complete copy the styles from iOS.

The really funny thing happend in just 1 minute. My boss is complaining again about the
colors and told the blue color is way to dark and the designer meant thats not possible the
blue color very bright. My boss sat next to the designer and looked not on the wall where
the picture was thrown from a projector, instead he looks from the side in the macbook screen
of the macbook which was in front of the designer. Then the designer says "Oh my god, the color
changes if I look from the side or from the top of the macbook." The Designer was blown away. My
boss couldn't believe it and did the same movements with his head and said. "Wow, you are right
the color changes".

We all other people couldn't believe that they are so dumb and thought this must be a joke. But
that wasn't a joke. After the meetin my boss told everyone in our company his results regarding the screen.

I wrote every story in a document, and I'm planning to create a book with dumb shit like this.

The worst boss and human being so far, still wondering how he keeps the company afloat. This was my first longterm developer job almost a decade ago and I was a student at that time. The application was an outlook plug in for a document management system.

Scene 1:
Boss: The processing is too slow. Make it faster.
Me: After analysis and profiling I can prove that the core (developed in VB6 by a physicist and autoconverted to VB.NET) is the bottleneck.
Boss: I don't care. Make it faster and don't touch the core.

Scene 2:
Boss: I want the app to behave in that way.
Me: This is not what we specified previously. Look here. Nonetheless, I would have to rewrite half of the plugin. Mind that it is an outlook plug in and we are restricted by outlook. If you want that, it would take XX days and we do not have enough time until release.
Boss: I don't care. Do it. And the deadline stays as it is.
Boss 2 weeks later: I don't like it.

Scene 3:
Me: To release in time I need more resources. I need at least one tester and another developer would be a huge plus. Also, I need a second PC for testing.
Boss: No.
2 weeks later:
Boss: why does it not work properly in outlook 2010? Didn't you test it?
Me: I could not. I have only outlook 2007. I asked for more resources and did not get them.
Boss: it's your fault. Bad work.

Scene 4:
*Me having failed multiple exams, stress at work, started to drink*
Boss: Don't you like working here?
Me: ...

Finale:
*Me getting written sick with severe depression*
Boss: fires me.
Me: Loses flat. Quits uni. Unemployed for 6 Months, one rejection after another (boss was phoned, that's sure). Moving back to parents. Sues boss. Gets money.

I still hate him and wish him the most painful experiences in life. Such people belong behind bars. But the justice isn't always served. One has to move forward and improve himself.

So, tonight I didn't really have much planned (I found out) so when I mentioned a side-remark my boss was quick to suggest an evening phone meeting, which I couldn't turn down...
So tonight we've cleaned and archived in our repositories, weeded out teams, member permissions, and such...

The thing is; I like my boss and he's much more of a friend, so when I mentioned that a cleaning would be good, he suggested to do it over a glass or two of something good :)
We ended up spending an hour or two getting a lot closer to the bottom of things — beer in hand and laughs in the air :)

Greatest lesson I learned from myself. Work for yourself. Create your own business while you are working. Be your own boss. Don't rely in employment alone.

I got laid off today. My boss business is a digital agency. Our client stopped working with several agencies including us because of an order from their mother company to only use 1 agency. My boss has no choice but to let me go.

Even if you got the skills and you're doing good in your work, these things can happen. It is beyond our control. I like my company and my boss but reality hits hard. I thought I will be with this company for a very very long time. I want to settle here and build my business but still work together with my boss. I have so many plans that instantly disappeared.

Oh well just be strong and move on. Happy job hunting to me again. Maybe this is God's plan to teach me some things. For me to create my own business seriously while working.

We were in a meeting today and it came my turn to talk.

me: "I am working on something not fun. I am tracking down a bug in X software that a customer has issues with."
boss: "It is like an easter egg hunt."
me: "Yes, but instead of eggs I am going to find a pile of crap."
boss: "Laughs..."
me: "Its not chocolate..."
boss: "next..."

The original code I am wading through is very likely my boss' code.

*Working on a project with boss, I am working on a mobile app, he is working on web service app.

Me: this service takes user id as parameter to get all account details (all other web services are like that)

Boss: yes, I use the id to filter the data.

Me: but by this, everyone has the id can do anything ! why we do not use session token?

Boss: this is a detail, it is not important !

Me:...

*7 years of experience my ass

I was just waiting for it to happen. The gaslighting charade finally crumbles.

Tldr: was strongly asked to work overtime again for no reason, refused it (weakly, but it is a start).

(Boss isn't actually my boss, just my unofficial lead at the moment.)

1.4 hours after regular work hours:

Me: boss, this issue is still not resolved but I am out of ideas for it. Already shared my last resort idea twice with you but you don't agree to it. If you are available I can meet you for a short call before logging off for the weekend.

.
10 minutes later, just as I am about to log off.
.

Boss: let's meet. The problem implies something wrong with your code. Let's check.

Me: [ugh] okay

.
Boss then rambles on about a juvenile nsfw joke to describe the situation and I force a laugh, we get to the topic. I manage to explain the situation despite the interruptions from him. Then he shares his genius idea. We agree it might work but the implementation will be slightly tricky. It is now 2 hours outside of work hours.
.

Boss: can you try it out and let me know if it works?

Me: sure, I'll try it out on Monday and keep you posted.

Boss: Monday?!! Look, it is getting on my nerves now, this has been going on for too long (false, since the issue is from a day before not a week before and I had asked for help multiple times before today).
I don't even know what big boss is going to be like. This needs to be done.

Me:. ...
[ You manipulative asshole, I'm not doing overtime for you, I owe you nothing and don't give a shit about your senile nerves. Fuck you and your shit codebase and clusterfuck development environment which makes the hairballs in a public toilet look well engineered.]
Look, it is difficult for me too...

Boss: If not now, I can accept weekend. Because I don't know how big boss will take it. You understand right what I'm saying. This needs to be done.

Me: [Fuck off scum chod! Take your acceptance, fuck it hard, and take it away with you! ]
Hmm. Let's see what can be done.
Thanks for your help.

Logged off.

I can't express the tone of his righteous rage in words.
I have never had to face such revolting attitude before from people at work. I just don't get how people can be so ridiculous. The whole team is filled with chodebags of different sizes.

Quitting my last job. I had been there for about 3 years and had a great time there.

It was only my boss and I, we were developing software and websites for events so we were quite often out meeting and partying with people, it kinda became a part of the job. We had a fridge always stacked with beer and champagne which was for us and our friends to use. The office was located in the middle of the most exclusive business and club district in the city, so I could use the office as I wanted during evenings to meet up with friends and drinking beer.

But it was expected to work a lot of overtime. I was single and young and really liked what I was doing so I didn't mind. But then I met the love of my life and started to spend more time with her. I couldn't stay and work as often and would rather be with her on weekends.

It became quite hard to live up to my boss's expectations and it always felt like I disappointed him if I didn't (or couldn't) stay for an after work, and when I did, it felt like I disappointed my new girlfriend instead.

Ultimately I felt I had to choose one of them, or I would definitely loose her. It was a no-brainer since I knew I couldn't keep working like that forever, and didn't want to risque a relationship because of work.
It took all of my courage to do it and I felt so bad because I knew my boss (and my friend) would feel like I betrayed him, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

I can still miss it sometimes, but I don't regret it.

Oh yes, today was a fugly nice day.
Fuck you my dear boss.
Your mindless way of taking a dump onto my code, moving my classes (CSS) away and adding new classes to refuck my unfucked fuckery clearly shows how much brain is left in your hollow skull of nothingness.

It took me only 2.5 hours of my precious time to unfuck your refucked fuckery and implement the fix you wanted me to do because you fucked up my code.

Go eat a bag of segfaults and get cast to void* (void pointer).
I am also very thankful having spent the whole day today to fix cross browser fuckups, hacks and #!&$+@.

Normally I really like my boss. He is a cool guy and an innovative and mostly intelligent person.
BUT FUCK HIS CODE.

The last night my boss called me at the middle of the night fo some job related tasks.
I was like: Boss! I am your employee, not your wife !

My boss just passed me few tasks that my coworkers fucked up. They have more experience, but they do not follow any code style standards and usually write shitty spaghetti code. I'm pissed off and angry because it's not the first time and I'm tired of fixing things that they ruin. Do you ever had any situations like that? How do I handle this? I'm speaking of two particular persons, not a whole company.

Boss just gave me a bonus out of the blue for my "continuous show of dedication and engagement". Not sure what I did specifically to deserve it, but pretty happy nonetheless!
Not really a rant, I just wanted to share. Spent the whole day smiling like a retard :)

Hello (World)! Noob here. I installed devRant around 5 days ago. I just keep reading the rants and didn't created my account because i was not sure if i will stay here for long time coz most (cr-)apps are boring.

After 5 days:
I owe all of you a tons of '++'.

I want a boss like @Linux have. (i know tags work only in comments)

Gonna stay here till i stay in IT industry.(maybe)

Me: I’m gonna make it so the users can access the locations for 30days.
Boss: wtf? U dumb? Do you know how valuable that data is, dont fucking put a limit

Me: *listening 10minutes of him ranting how that’s the stupidest idea he’s heard all day*

Boss:why would you want to do that anyways like wtf?

Me: storage optimization

Boss: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 wtf r u like a idiot or smthng.

My head: nah I’m done, I’m about to roast this guy with my numbers*
Me: every single minute 40k rows of data come in from just ONE☝️ CLIENT.....AND THATS HOW, EVEN IF WE ADD THAT FUCKING 2 YEAR LIMIT WE WOULD BE HOSTING 5 FUCKING PETABYTES OF DATA FOR JUST ONE CLIENT, not including other shits, this is only for heatmaps. And imagine changing all of that database system in the future, that would require going threw so much databases and pages, this ain’t just like changing one number and bam less storage space.

Boss: Ok, add that 2 year limit, later we will sort this out.

My brain: *omg, now that I know these numbers how will I ever fall asleep😦*

I had a delivery deadline on the same day when an urgent support request came in. My boss was a stupid sucker who was afraid of taking responsibility, and that's a vice I absolutely hate with bosses.

We had quite a heated argument where he just wanted me to give priority to both things, which I declined because I had no idea how much time the support research would take me.

Finally, he decided that I should work on the support item immediately, but only for up to one hour. He was totally surprised when I accepted that without further argument. I told him that all I had wanted from him had been a priority decision, and that was one.

Felt like explaining to my boss what his fucking job was.

Guy talking with me a month ago:
Me: So you wanna take over project x now or shall I stay po/dev lead for some other months until you are worked in?
Guy: No, No it's fine lets continue for a while like this. Just assign me tickets and review my PRs.

Guy talking to Boss a month later:
Guy: There is no perspektiveeeee. I want to leaeaeaead! I want responsibilitiiiiiii.

Wtf do you want.

After working 3 years in my current job and my boss hating anything to do with unit testing etc, I used my spare time to refactor our Makefiles to allow for the creation of unit and integration tests. I technically didn't tell my boss about it, so my heart was in my throat when he Skyped me with 'what did you change in ...'?

After having bashed any workflow with testing in it, I showed him the new workflow and automatic testing in Jenkins and he was actually enthousiastic, just like all other employees! I was hailed a hero in the R&D department, after all this time we can finally write universal tests. :D

I had to buy a mobile printer for my company for an "emergency" for a demo. I sent my boss 3 prices and he just said "go get it, we'll pay you back." After I deliver the features my boss says "Just take it back and demand a refund" this made me feel like such a douche with the supplier, plus I had to pay a 15% handling fee.

Sometimes I feel like a Jedi:
My boss says: Look the app is not sending any notifications.

I just have a feeling that he deactivated notifications in the app settings.

I check that and it was deactivated

Does that count as Jedi skills ? Or just programmer intuition

Just a couple weeks ago I felt a bit like a hero.

My boss, who seems to have only a vague understanding of realistic deadlines, for once made an error that gave me more time than I needed, not less. I was working on a feature that other work would rely on, so some people had to wait to work on their own projects until I was done.

My boss said it would be done in two weeks, but the only reason why it would have taken that long was because I'd have to submit a ticket to our identity management team to set up the SSO integration with our identity provider, and their turnaround time is two weeks. Or it used to be, but they've actually gotten really fast recently, and as I'd actually grabbed this feature from someone else who had to take a few days off, he'd already gotten the SSO stuff taken care of in advance. My boss promised two weeks and I finished in two days. The shocked silence when they asked for a status update in our next meeting and I told them I'd just finished it was music to my ears.

My boss says to me this morning.

Boss: Can you add these links as a redirect 301 to this link.

Me: Ok, I'm not the developer for that domain but I guess I can do it. Let's try to update apache htaccess for that domain through my account.

(After a swift ssh connection to the server to check out that domain.)

Me: Er...boss, we don't own that domain. We cannot redirect it's links to our other domains.

Boss: Why? What do you mean?!

Me: well if we don't own that domain, than it is not on our server and we cannot update it's server config files. So we cannot redirect that domain to our other domains.

Boss: Are you sure?

It went on like this for a while. I had a laugh break after.

What a shitty day.

3h sleep
Lead very pissed bcuz backend don't know specs
Boring meeting where everything is repeated like 6 times
In a few hours boss wants to talk with the whole team

My co-workers jokingly say they want to fire me.
I should be the "hero that will make things better"

Please just kill me instead...

Edit: started working there 3 weeks ago

I think there is such a thing as "getting too comfortable with the people you work with".

My boss came over and wanted to show me how to do a new process. We start going through the steps and a question arises. I then IM my team lead, because he's the one who would know the answer, and all I get back from him is sarcastic comments and profanity (he doesn't know my boss is sitting at my comp with me). So I keep trying to get him to be serious, and he just keeps his mouth (well, fingers) going. (He is remote - not in our bldg). I want so badly to shut him up because what if he says something about my boss while she is sitting there? Not that he does that, but at the pace he's going, it no longer would surprise me.

There should be some sort of code to hint to your team to STFU and give a fucking answer when one is needed. Sort of like what kids do to hint that a parent is in the room, but for work?

My team lead be like when we're in a meeting with the boss:

He: I'll have a working session with her, we'll brainstorm on how to come up with a better design and improve such and such feature, once that's done, we would call you to have another meeting.
Boss: sounds good, I'm looking forward to it.
Me: *internally rolls eyes...*
He: thank you everyone.
.
*meeting done*
.
.
.
couple of minutes later, I get a message from him:

He: hey, it turns out I'm busy and I can't have that session with you, do come up with a new idea/design and share it with me.
Me: .... *fuck you, like you didn't know you were busy before making that fake promise*
.
.
.

The fucker will take credit again for things he didn't do.

Leaving my current company for another opportunity. Boss has been working remote for almost a week now. When he shows up at the office, behaves like I don't exist anymore. Throwing in comments like "let's hire this guy, he's got some actual AI experience and not some academic bulls**t" while making sure I definitely hear them. His childish behavior leaves me wondering here what he thinks he'll achieve with it. At least makes me to look forward to get out of here. Oh well... Only couple of weeks left to put up with this.

Murphy's law is completely true.

Deployed my own software the very first time on a customer system on monday.

Today I'm at a job college class when my boss calls me: "...Hey yeah (unrelated) (yadda yadda) the software does not function for anyone").

I fucking knew it.
We don't have a proper project planning nor a real project manager/lead, we don't do QA, and now it's gone to shit.

I did my own testing extensively on monday & Tuesday, everything looked alright and worked like a charm.

I'm looking forward to the weekend already...

My current company. It's locker room talk 24/7

I am a man. I don't mind sex, but my colleagues, and my boss, are talking like Trump was talking to Billy Bush in that bus. I am contemplating complaining to HR, who happens to join them in mentally undressing women and other lewd conversations, or handing in my resignation

I was underpaid and doing a job I didn't really like, I stuck with it for 6 months and told my boss about it. He didn't do anything about it. Our head of department told us at a meeting that as a young professional, you own your career path. I quit the following month and all of a sudden, my boss was ready to listen to him. I told him it was too late, I own my career path and this isn't good for it.

My boss and one of my coworkers “touch me”...

I’m usually one of the first ones in the office. When my coworker comes in and walks by, he touches my shoulder from the back in a “hello friend” kinda way.

Especially when I’m trying to ignore him he pokes my shoulder. He could you’d waved his hand in front of my head.

My boss is trying to be the “buddy” I guess. When having lunch and someone says something funny, he literally rests his hand on my shoulder or kinda rams my shoulder with his shoulder..

They think that’s nice and “bonding” but I hate it and it makes me very very uncomfortable. The ONLY ones who are allowed to touch me are my GF (I don’t have one) and other girls i know in a night out after a few drinks.

Not even my best friends touch me cause they know I don’t like that.

Im giving obvious signs that they should stop but they don’t get it..

On the other hand I probably have some serious problems that It makes me that uncomfortable in the first place, but not sure how to fix that.. i don’t even go to the barber shop because they have to touch me to cut my hair. So I cut them myself or my dad does it once in a year.

I'm literally the only one who locks the screen here at work.

Always makes me wanna do something to teach then.

My boss always leaves the screen unlocked with sublime opened and goes to lunch!
I think someday he was logged into production also...

And I'm like: seriously? wtf...

I lock my screen even when I'm home alone... yes I'm that paranoid...

No one is gonna "Greek question mark" me 😂

Getting the corporate hard sell - after I gave notice at my job I've had my skip level manager and then _his_ boss offer me changes to stay. It's messing with my head!

People seem to be crawling out of the woodwork to get me to stay and it feels a lot like this is how one gets into corporate politics... but I swear almost none of these people cared about me before. Make it make sense!

Whenever my boss pitches an idea to me I close my eyes and try to make an this-is-a-really-complex-problem face like I am a sort of rainman or something, while I am actually thinking, wow this is stupid

so I left uni after my PhD and joined a start up where the boss is a Cambridge grad who does coding and is like 50 years old (he never told us the true value), the CTO is very talented and another dev who quickly became my best friend and me doing data science. the 4 of us worked together like friends and the efficiency was fantastic, there's no bureaucracy bullshit or shit boss talks. We built the whole thing from scratch (okay I admit they did most of the building) and to this day, we work just has we have been.

My new coworker: That "I know everything about all and I'm better than you" kind. Is working on Accounting but already has her fingers on my work, telling my boss things like "that's easy to do"...
Of course, she knows absolutely nothing about programming and I.T., but is easy for my boss to believe an easy lie than a complex truth.
(sorry, crude language and caps follows)
Hey, listen you fucking excuse of person, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB and stay away of my DAMN GOOD FUCKING CODE and my FUCKING SERVERS.
Not going to give you admin access in a gazillion years, even if my life depends on it.
And stop saying nonsenses about things that you WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND, because those things are too complex and abstract for your little stupid mind to understand.
Go ahead, mess with me! Will sue you to the end of your FUCKING world!

Thanks girls/guys/lasses/lads.
This is absolutely therapeutical.

I was tricky this time and sent a separate email for the client and my boss about the new release.

Client response: "Its very good, runs flawlessly, could you check x if you have the time? It gives errors simetimes"

Boss response: "[...] urgent fix get working on it right now [...]"

Seems like my boss has been the fucking piece of shit all this time :)

This might seem like a dumb rant to have but I just started a new job, and I asked my boss about the Work From Home policy and basically, there is no work from home, at all. I'm bummed out because I got into a really good WFH rhythm at my last job and now I have to go into the office every day, even though I am stationed in a different city than the main company office anyway. I'm already remote! Why do I have to pay to come into work remotely anyway!? Argh.

Throwback to the time I got called out by my boss in a meeting in front of the client for using too specific vocabulary like CRUD with them, immediately asked the client if they were familiar with it, they were, and boss didn't comment about it further. He ended up being the odd one out hehe jewel in my memories.

My last boss, one of a kind:

Despite being an officer and me just a lowly enlisted, always closed the door and asked for my honest and unfiltered opinion on why whatever we're doing is a stupid fucking idea. Understood that when I call everyone idiots, it's not out of spite or disrespect. It's because they have no clue what they are doing and making nonsensical requests, and I just want to get us back on track.

A good boss doesn't say things like "I'm in charge so this is how we do it" or "I'm an officer so you can't criticize me because that's disrespect!" But instead listens to the ideas and thoughts of those that nobody else takes seriously.

FUCKING FUCK ANGULAR!!!!
LIKE FUCK IT IN THE ARSE AND BURN THE MOTHERFUCKER WHILE LAUNCHING A MISSILE ON IT TO BE SURE!

(ﾉ≧∇≦)ﾉ ﾐ ┸━┸

So I am making something on angular and I got everything running in ng serve(development environment) , after handling all issues and showing it to my boss man he approves and asked to put it up on prod for a demo , doesn’t sound like an issue , I make the prod build on cli and BAM! 16 errors ? No issues right?, I’ll just google the issue. Googles.... there aren’t no clear solutions to it as the angular version keeps changing and nobody knows what broke it, I mean people have the issue,but like 100 reasons that can cause it,
HOLY LORD RELEASE A NEWER VERSION AFTER MENDING THE OLD ONE
But nooooooo!

Angular Dev:We fucked this one, lol what should we do boss man?
Angular boss man: lol just leave it, we need to build the new version with newer bugs,

P.S. I like angular, but it’s like a underdeveloped framework, too many issues and too many changes

Fml
I went to a client and forgot my laptop.
Called my boss to send me the file I needed just to realize 1 hour later that I had web access to the repo and could have download myself.

It looks like it will be a promessing day 😑

So this i quite a big project, hundreds of files everywhere, pages are rendered using multiple files.

This is one of the latest created page, it was made by my boss, and it just give me the creeps.

I REALLY don't know how he always comes up with shit like these.

I just hate having more than 5 closing tags in sequence...

ever had the experience that people want you to do UI development or think you can only do / you love UI development, just because they like your UI?

my former boss (dev) thought i had spent most of my development time for my in-house web app (student project) for the UI and didn't see the work i had put in the business logic behind (which was more). also, he wanted me to completely switch to 100% UI development after my studies. when he asked me what kind of work i could imagine in the future, i said different things, but also that i somehow hate UI development. XD if i have to do it sometimes, fine, no problem, but doing only UI sounds fucking boring to me.
however, then i got another boss and worked on new topics which i like and which are rather far away from UI development.

one day my former boss asked me how i was doing with the new topics, and i told him about the cool stuff i did. he was somewhat surprised and told me, he didn't know that i was also enthusiastic about those topics, and he had always thought that i was most interested in UI development.

...did you actually hear anything i said? xD
also, just because i can, doesn't mean i want to. 🤷‍♀️

!rant
I am a developer at a tech company. The tester in my team refuse to test my work because he feel I don't respect him. He is a fucking idiot, so obviously I don't respect him. I can still do my job just like always, so I told the cretin it doesn't matter if I respect him or not and he doesn't need my respect to do his job.

At the end of the day I couldn't care less about his feelings. I just hope my boss doesn't fire me when he finds out.

I complete a game, with hectic schedule, in 6 weeks. Now my boss expects all following games to be developed within 6 weeks each. When I asked for 10 weeks, his response was like - you're not putting all your efforts.
I don't want to sacrifice my leisure.

What would you guys do?

A few years ago my boss held a brainstorming meeting to go over features for an internal reporting app. I brought up we should have related business news stories scroll on the page header like Fox business or something. He laughed and said sure. Two things happened after that.

1. Found out the marquee tag still works in chrome.
2. Yeah you bet I put that shit in there.

Anyways a meeting was held a few days after where my boss chewed me out for actually doing it. He showed the app to his boss and got laughed at by his leadership team when they saw news headlines scroll over analytics graphs.

After writing this I realize this is more his embarrassment than mine. Have a great Tuesday fam.

Tfw your Boss had just ordered two oscilloscopes each worth about 1.2k$. And a few days later I show up with my scope, which had cost me like 400$. And he's like: I think I have ordered some garbage. Your's can do just as much as the ones I've ordered!

coming back from monday OoO to this email chain from user 1. "hey i get an error please help" 2. cc teammate 3. cc my boss. 4. cc his boss. 5. meeting between him and someone on a different team who'll 'take care of it'
Get pinged in slack before i even sit down 'please help'
"hey man, whats the error?"
'oh i get a java exception in $application_completely_unrelated_to_anything_weve_ever_worked_together_on and you've fixed errors like this for me before can you do your magic . #bro

Keep this in mind: I don't like WordPress and PHP at all!!!
So a couple of days ago my boss asked me if I could extend a custom made WordPress plugin made by our intern. First thought: sure why not? Boss says: it has to be done in less than 100 hours of work (an estimate done by my boss and the intern). Me: I can't tell you that before I have seen the code and what functionality has to be in the extension. Boss: Cool, look it over this weekend and tell me if you want to do it or not.
I looked it through and my answer will probably be: NO WHERE IN HELL am I gonna are this in less that 100 hours! 1. no tests has been performed so I have absolutely no clue if his code works.
2. variable names are mostly: $string_query (whatever that means?), $result, $string_temp and so on.
3. Methods and functions are more than 250 lines long, with shitty formatting, and more comments than code. WTF?
4. The estimate has been made by an intern and my boss (doesn't know much about programming). I haven't been consulted about it....
5. No version control. No branches, no commits other than initial commit. Great.
6. Most comments in the code just tells me what I can read from the code. What it returns and what it takes as params. Can I please know wtf your method call named $booking->run () does? I still haven't found this method in the code after 1 hour of intensively looking for it...

FFS man... Not gonna do this, even though I thought it would have been an interesting project initially.

Sorry for the long rant... I just wish the intern would have consulted me about all this shit, since he obviously have bad practices. *sigh*

Instead of accepting reality like a big man and acknowledging that making software with a cargo culted process that has no function in organizing the development work, the boss is insisting I'm to blame and wants me to "take responsibility". Taking responsibility my *****. I slay the dragon in its lair.

Since I'm leaving, I tried to give him some sincere advice, totally flipped him out.

#6 days left.

One of my interviews....
Interviewer: Do you know the welknown hack that increases the speed of embedded tomcat two times than default??
Me: what?? it even exists???
interviewer: yes... it exists... I know it... normally I share the answers with the interviewees... are you interested to hear the hack???
Me: Hell yeah...
Interviewer: ohh no... I will not share with you...
me: whyyy???
interviewer: I don't like your current boss...
Me: Fuck my life(inaudible)... facepalm..

I am not good with kids. I know I know. Last week or so, my managers kid thought it would be a good idea to hijack my meeting. I was sharing my screen and on full blown explanation mode, only to realise after my explanation, it was the kid who was looking at my face and not the boss man.
God I panicked. I was like 'Who the hell are you?'
--------*INSERT AWKWARD SILENCE HERE *---------

I'm so happy to have quit my current job. Just a few weeks to go. To see my colleague take weeks for an task I would have done in a day or two, gives me enough satisfaction to stop carrying him in front of our boss. Just hearing him say "I haven't done this before" Yeah it's not like I told you over and over how it works for two years.

Today I went into the 1 holer restroom right after my boss. I braced myself for the worse as the toilet seat was down. To my surprise it smelled like bubble gum. So my boss's shit doesn't stink, it smells like bubble gum.

What that hell do you have to eat to make your shit smell like bubble gum?

My boss gave me a lab pc (not controlled by the internal IT) so I can put whatever OS I want on there. I'm planning to also write certain documents with something like LaTeX on it.

When he gave it to me, he said “but don't goo too overboard with it, I know much time you can sink into Linux and TeX”

Me, actually planning to go fully overboard in every aspect: “haha yeah don't worry I'll just install Ubuntu or something”

So my boss run 2 different companies, the one that hired me and the one that I work for like 40% of the time (through the first one).

This second company is now having a client that's asking for educational qualification for both my boss and me (?)

I mean, even if I didn't study, why would you need that? The product is up and running and works, so wtf do you want?

I'm in such a mood to pick a fight with someone. not anyone, a specific someone, my boss. i want to ruin this person's day. i want him to fume like the little chihuahua he is, and if he wants to antagonize me at least he should do that right. come on, yap like the little shit you are. fucking hate this slippery, quiet bs, fucking us over and pretending to be civil

Great week, been super productive and very happy about.

*wild junior boss appears*

"You should have done it differently! You didn't know it and it's your fault for not asking me about stuff you didn't know existet. I often screw things up and blame others, but i made the boss like me so it's okay. And since i lost my spine some time ago, i will now go suck my own dick and feel awesome . "

Not sure that is exactly what he said, but he meant it.

One day i started to code.

One day i was told you will not code without git.

Many days i lost code on git because i was ignorant.

Today i reset the act of commiting without losing all my shit.

Git reset --soft HEAD^

I didnt event sweat it ;)

Today i feel like half a boss!!!

I just found out last Friday that my team collegues (all of them are team leads) are suffering from depression or the so called burn out syndrom. I guess it's my boss' fault. He never gives clear jobs, changes his mind from day to day, we have to manage unclear responsibilities and the baddest thing is that we think that our boss is too stressed out himself.

Do you have any advice for me how we as team could solve that besides changing employer? One thing to mention is, that my boss likes to hear himself talking. That makes it even harder for a guy like myself who is more or less introverted to come up with good arguments which are not overheard or overtalked immediately. What are your feedback strategies to your own boss, how do you bring such stuff on the table?

I fear that when nothing happens, my company will suffer very hard when the whole product engineering departement will fall apart (¼ of the whole company and is responsible for engineering and maintaining of internal services and managed services for our customers).

Well at least it was worth writing about it, maybe my subconcious mind will come up with a brilliant idea itself in the near future in some asynchronous way. But you might be the one with that valuable input, then don't hesitate to share, it will be welcome.

I got an extremely hard task in the morning, I asked for some clarification and I got them at 13.23.
Boss ask for updates at 13.45 (during lunch pause).
I work on it 2 hours like never before, he calls me and I said I can manage to finish in half an hour + testing.

I work more 10-15 minutes, time is around 16.15.

2 other enormous bugs shows up on the same project, boss ask me to take care of them, and I manage in only 2h to look up something like 40 web pages and correct each of them, write reports and inform the affected people. After it I work more 15 minutes to report and finish small tasks. Ended up working almost 1h more on a non paid extra time working contract.

In the morning, while my boss was aware I spent that time

In the morning boss ask "everything went fine with the big project, right?"

Because
The
Client
Is
Angry.

I already got a burnout from this job, I really can't go on like this.

Well, this'll sound like my first rant but my boss did it again. working on implementing a new feature. but I got sick last week and took some time to recoup. well come into the office todat, tell him I'm going to finish it. he says okay. 3pm comes around and I go and ask him for some help on finishing it. he says "check out the repository, I already did it."

okay. I'm sick. you want it done. fine. that's cool. but you made me waste literally my entire workday doing something you knew was already completed? WTF?

I would say my biggest insecurity is not getting (enough) useful straightforward feedback from my boss about how I work.
I have a tendency to take a bit longer than others, but deliver code that rarely has to be fixed.
Some of it may appear overengineered but it really isn't... I just like it clean and not hacky.
There are times my boss seems like telling me subconciously that I take too long for my stuff, but then again, he is really happy when we deliver a big thing to a customer and it just works, without any bugs or negative feedback.
It sometimes drives me nuts. 😅

I see a lot of rants on this platform complaining about their boss/management.

About how they don't understand how complicated the development can be of seemingly simple tasks or how they would prefer small estimations over realistic ones.

Is that really the standard in this field of work?
Am I just that lucky to find basically the ideal boss on my first try?

My boss really understands how difficult some tasks can be even if they don't initially seem like it. He listens to my ideas as if they are at least just as important as his own. He can almost think like a real developer and is prepared to give us all tools we could want to evolve.

It is a very small firm and I'm basically the only real developer on this project, but I would follow that man to the ends of the earth.

Can some people please clear my conscience and confirm there are still good managers in this field who really care about their project and their employees/colleagues?

Sometimes when I'm telling my boss how to do something on his computer or I am watching him explaining something to me and he seems like a fucking lost infant that never used a fucking computer in his life I just wanna say loud and firmly:

"What the fuck man? Can't you fucking just click this shit already? Your fucking mouse pointer is on it already, click this motherfucker for once!"

I got a median-pay front-end job through a contractor (after a contract from hell...but yeah I didn't learn...) and I'm getting zero assignments after a month and nobody seems to know what my role is.

I'm one month in, and every week I have to email my boss to remind her to sign my paycheck, which is stressful because I'm charging for my time because my assignments are like "Research this" or "look at this Wordpress theme or brand guide". The team never communicates but once a week, and I'm beginning to believe that I'm not a good fit for the team because they are impossible to get a hold of and the sysadmin won't give me access to anything even when I CC my boss. (I don't want to grief this guy...) Despite this, I've been told privately by higher-ups on a few occasions that they plan to hire me full time by November...

My SO thinks that the reason people are so dodgy toward me is because they literally do nothing and I'm breaking the flow of that by asking for things. I'm used to agency output, which can be toxic and where everything is 'due yesterday', and I'm watching this team work on assignments ten times slower than normal. ("You want to change a phone number on a website footer? You'll get it next week...maybe." I can't step on toes because I don't have access...) I'm perfectly fine with having to wear several hats at a low-stress job, but I can't even get my first assignment and I'm still being asked who I am in weekly meetings, or asked things like, "Would you even be willing to relocate here?" (I actually live DOWN THE STREET FROM THE OFFICE!! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE REMOTE? Why am I being asked this question?) It feels like my boss impulse hired me, with zero input from the team, and had no real reason to hire me in the first place...

It could also be another issue: Yeah, my experience is in PHP/JS/React, "but here have a seven year old .NET project and a company laptop with zero documentation and make this form import data to a database we know nothing about." Lead dev won't even talk to me.

I feel like a joke.

The day tours would like be fired would be like:

Boss: how have you done that job?
Me: <<taking glitter from my pocket while i describe a arc>> It's Magic

Then you unlock the "you got epicly fired" achievement

Boss: Let's hire a new person to help us recreate our website
Us: sounds good!
Boss doesn't hire anyone and starts the website on his own
Boss: I started the new website. It's in server X and the address is test.y.com. I also want all of us to work on it
Me thinking: great he just wants us to modify the hosted files like he does 🙄
Me: I'll move a copy to GitHub for version control.
Boss: Great!
Boss creates a backup folder on the same computer and folder path that the hosted files are on.

Someone please nuke that server so my boss learns version control like I've asked before. I think I'll opt not to work on a website where he and my other co-workers will just overwrite each other's changes because he doesn't want to learn to git 😑

So...
I'm doing an internship on the best company ever....
Boss is so awesome he waited half a year so I could do the internship... Cause Corona and fucking stupid Public workers (half my class didn't finish... Like... It's a pandemic and lets not facilitate, it's just one year of their life's)
Workers are great... Environment is so good that yesterday one coworker went to talk to the boss and me and the other did his job on his back... So we could all leave in time.
And I probably won't stay after... Because thers not enough work to hire me....
Fuck Corona.

My boss creates so many wtf moments with his total tech "un-savyness", although he is the " lead" dev, that I'm getting worried that I might be doing the biggest wtf faces every time ... I can't pretend like nothing is happening anymore .... Fuck!

-- What if JavaScript never existed?
-- What if HTML was a programming language?
-- What if our data online isn't abstract but physical?
-- What if geeks have their own country?
-- What if humans exist and we are the aliens?
-- What if the internet is state-owned?
-- What if we could download food just like every other downloadables?
-- What if my VSCode won't kill me when switched to light theme?
-- What if there was no gender and the word "female" is just an alias for "male"?
-- What if bugs could find and fix themselves?
-- What if there's no need for an account password?
-- What if Linux was owned by Microsoft?
-- **What if I could tell my boss that I'm tired of his fucking job without actually telling my boss? This is the actual what if.**

After 10 years using Linux server my boss bough a new application that runs on Windows server with Apache.

It's just like when my son returns to an old play ground and finds the sand box.

P.S. Please give me a suggestion: what FTP server shall I use?

I don't like WordPress. But my boss want me to do WordPress website...

When my old boss from previous company called me to take on a project that their current developers didn't able to finish. I return to my old office like a saviour of the day 😝

I don't scream because my teams are in a different country and we communicate by IM and email.

I do write long ranting/passive-aggressive emails or type really quick replies when I'm pissed though. .

An example of the latter:

Boss: I need you to make a "quick" fix...
Me: hmm ok sounds like we should implement it like ...
Boss: I was thinking something like this... since it's a temp fix
Need: (typing faster) why is it a temp fix... why not builds it properly so it can be reused
Boss: but that takes time, this is quicker
Me: it's bad design because ... (Typing so fast I'm making typos)... Anyway I can do it. This is better...
Boss: ... ok fine... if you can finish it before deadline

So today I told my boss “nodejs without typescript is like sex with strangers without a condom. Sure it’s fun and all... but then you get an std”

my boss, recently: "Partner company is complaining about seg-faults in our software" [the system is still in testing, not deployment]

me: "tell me what steps to reproduce the error and I'll fix it"

boss: "I'd like to prevent seg faults from happening no matter what"

...I literally can't even at this point

So I went to some meetup with my boss.
Suddenly some old friend of mine shows up, and we start talking..
- „Where do you work now?“
„$company in $city“
- „And.. Do you like it there?“
„Now way, I hate my job.. Too many idiots around!“

The thing is: My boss was right behind me all the time and heard everything..

FML!

Sometimes I feel like I have to hire a boss for myself. I would tell what shall I work on, and his job would be schedule my time and make deadlines.

when you designed UI for last 2 weeks, then show it to your boss and he's like "nope, I changed my mind"... fml

Best boss is my current boss(es). They don’t breathe down my neck, no micromanagement, and basically let me outsource anything I don’t want to do or don’t know how to do. I work 100% remote on my own schedule (except for a few core hours) and every time I ask if they have any problems with my work or feedback for my improvement they say they couldn’t be happier. If I make a mistake, they don’t rake me over the coals and they just let me handle the problem.

I’ve been waiting over 20 years for a job like this one. Why can’t it be this way for everyone?

Today my boss granted the intellij Ultimate license. It's a good day.
(even though eclipse isn't that bad I like intellij more)

Well! Hello everyone!
I am PokerJack. (Not a jAsE account)
Well, that's the name of my first Python Program. ~\_(-_-)_/~
Not a dev, would like to be one.

I work at Pornhub as a Consultant.
@rutee07 is my subordinate.
@devTea is my assistant
@Root - Dev Lead
@grumpyoldaf - Boss
@irene - Girlfriend
@jAsE - Heard about him, never found out who.

Btw, @rutee07 send me the test logins for all Pornhub Premium accounts. Immediately!!

So I started to write a small script that my boss asked me to do.
I thought I will be able to do the job simple in just one file.
after 5 days, mostly researching and writing like 10 important functions I gave up the idea of being easy and I configured it as a project.
Feels so smooth now.

What boss? I quite enjoy being my own boss, and just dicking around with whatever projects I feel like doing at the time 😋
The salary on the other hand is just as nonexistent as my boss 😥 but I don't want to inherit some douche's "server" contrivance with spaghetti wires dangling all over the place...

I can't believe how a voice in my head is telling me to end my WFH and start going to the office.

Like, when we talk about promotions, surely my boss will give promotions to those people who are physically there, giving the boss a sense of dedication towards the job.

I know the workload isn't going to change, because work is work regardless whether you're home or not.

Also, my WFH job has gotten quite monotonous. It's a little too comfortable, if that makes sense. Another reason to seek a change.

I don't know, Am I just overthinking this?

After 2 days of trying to understand unclear requirements I got for a new project... I discover my boss wrote them....

From the description, it read like he flipped it around from what he actually wanted (there's a difference between parent-children and child-parent)

And he always gave me the feeling that he had gotten it from some business team so I spent 2 days trying to figure out who wrote these requirements so I could ask them.

FML....

My boss keeps telling people to make sure to write stuff down during meetings. I feel like im in school.

Furthermore shes making our testers read application traces. And making me email it to them every time they want it because they don't have acess to our system.

Nightly anxiety is a new concept that I'm embracing.

On tonight's episode:
> The boss did not like my work.
> He was being nice when he said it's good work.
> I am a failure and should immediately go and get a degree in nail design and work as a minimum wage nail artist. Or hair dresser. Or even cleaning crew.

... This is fun. 😐

I still have the best boss. He's very open-minded and lets me do my job without much interference.
But if I have to collaborate with him in one more project, I go take a peaceful drown in a bucket of sewage!
He codes like a first semester CS student.

Got a promotion and had a loose definition of what my new tasks were. I got overwhelmed with being the go-to for project and account managers, and 75% of our devs, on top of my own work I had to complete for clients.
Eventually I wrote up a 2 page document of things I had to deal with daily/weekly and how I don't have time to do my work, so why should I even bother to do it.
We got it resolved, my boss took some of the tasks off my plate (like training the new hires) and allows me to work from home whenever I need to finish up work.