Found this in our codebase, apparently one of my co-workers had written this

Boss 1: You have such a dedicated team of workers, how do you make them all come in time?
Boss 2: Its simple, 30 employees, 20 parking spaces.

When my co-workers thinks it is fun to add this to my bashrc when i was away:

alias cd='exit'

Non dev co-workers: Dude add us on Facebook.

Me: I don't have Facebook.

Non dev co-workers: Instagram?

Me: I don't use Instagram.

Non dev co-workers: Oook, what about Twitter?

Me: I deactivated my account permanently long ago.

Non dev co-workers: Huh? So what the heck are you always looking at on your phone laughing and stuff?

Me: devRant!

Non dev co-workers: Huh?

Me: DEVRANT!! (*shows them devRant*)

Non dev co-workers: What the heck is that?

One of the co-workers: guys, he's a hacker.

Me: *face palm*

2 of my co-workers don't know that they shouldn't write any code after return statement of a function

That awkward moment when you are programming with headphones totally ignoring the world around you... then you stop for a moment, you turn around and behind you the other workers are celebrating a birthday by drinking champagne and cutting slices of cake... since at least 5 minutes.

fuck!!! today I have fallen for the windows is updating prank
Co workers opened the fake windows update website, disconnected the keyboard and mouse
let's just say I sat there for a really loooong time.. cursing windows

I've been fortunate enough to work with a lot of awesome people early into my career.

At the company I worked where I met @trogus, I became friends with a few people, including Tim, that I think were my favorites. It was a really fun bunch and though it may sound immature, but a lot of the times it felt like we were kids so for me coming out of college it was awesome.

There's so many stories from working with that bunch that come to mind for me. One of my best friends there was this guy "Dirty Devin." He started around the same time I did. When I first met him he seemed really boring and professional. After getting to know him, and after he'd been at the company for a few weeks, his actual personality started to show and he was like a child (in the best way possible) and was absolutely hilarious/made the work place a blast.

Our office had a ping pong table and neither Dirty Devin or I had ever really played. We started playing against each other and we both very quickly got really good.

I also met a guy named Botond (he's the one in the photo). He was very similar to Dirty Devin. Lots of crazy stories but the photo is actually a really funny one - we both got to work a few minutes early one day. And we couldn't get into the office. We kept trying to enter the door code and it wouldn't work. We kept joking that we must both be fired. Turned out that they had fired someone the night before and didn't bother to send out the new door code :/

And of course, Tim. I think we clicked pretty early on and had the same friend group at the company.

All of the questions I got from my co workers today could were solved by googling their error.

Now I question their ability to even use a computer.

Best prank on me: Airborne under my chair rigged to go off when I sit.

Best prank I pulled: Recorded my laugh and assigned it as everyone's office ringtone. I still have co-workers check their phone when I laugh.

At job interview.

Interviewer: Have you ever thought about why manhole covers are round?

Me: It's to accommodate different body shapes of sewer workers.

Interviewer: Hahah. It's actually so the covers wouldn't fall in.

Me: It used to be like that, but they changed it.

Interviewer: What? Who changed it?

Me: The lizard people!

Interviewer: What?!

Me: * cowers in corner and hisses *

Working @ home means good co-workers

Resist the urge to punch some of my co-workers.

devrant: tell us about your shitty co-workers
everyone:

Noisy co-workers are driving me insane 😁

Chinese co-workers visiting in our European office would just loudly fart in the office, no problem.

Then they'd be VERY embarrassed at someone using a toothpick after lunch.

Interesting cultural differences.

No matter how much we complain about our programming language, our bosses, our co-workers, our teams, or anything else....

We'll never trade our Profession (coding) for any other job in the World.
That's How We Roll.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This applies to some of my co workers in my previous job

This is my work desktop. Since I'm working in a Japanese office, they're very specific about making sure your workspace is clean and tidy at all times. Also they expect you to have very little to no personal items on your workspace.

The mini whiteboard is my best tool. It makes it easier to work out minor concepts or to explain things to co-workers.

Lost interest in work for the day, changed a co-workers upload function to target pornhub.
Now we wait....

The best co-workers for me !?
1- devRant
2- Stack Overflow
3- google

In my short time of working in the IT industry, I have seen my co-workers treated badly during their notice period before resignation.
The question is why!!??
So, today when I found this story, I knew it will stay with me forever ..

god have mercy on my co-workers :P

I'm torn between telling my co-workers about devRant or not telling them so I can rant about work.

Playing cool with people who

- Do the same mistakes repeatedly
- Do not think through use cases and blabber out the first thing that comes to their heads
- Are always downplaying the effort others put into their work
- Do not know when to have a discussion
- Do not take responsibility for their mess
- Are rude to newbies who are trying their best
- Are mean to the minimum wage workers

Best co workers are ones you learn from, everyday

It's how my co-workers and I quit,
When the incompetent COO joined the previous company I worked for (my previous rants contain stories about him)

Five of us from a seven people team found better jobs (salaries and company wise)

Walked up to the CEO and handed the resignations one after another, stating our reasons for leaving

COO's face was like a coin that got run over by a train

National Health Service (nhs) in the UK got hacked today... Workers at the hospitals could not access patient and appointment related data... How big a cheapskate you gotta be to hack a free public health service that is almost dying for fund shortages anyway...

Let's see here, we have:
🤡 Creepy Cackle Guy: watches videos all day and cackles like a hyena, plus constantly farts, and complains a lot. He gets everyone gassed up, no pun intended.

😤Bitchy PM: argues with you about every little thing, lies to pad her metrics while screwing the dev's metrics over. Also lies about what clients say to force launch or what she feels client should do. Rude to clients & co-workers. Runs and tattles to higher ups when people call her out on her shit. Nobody can stand her, she get's the entire office upset.

🙉Darth Vader: I don't think this one needs explaining. He breathes SO freaking loud you can hear it across the room. He also won't talk to anybody. Ever.

🤐The Non-Stop Flapper: nice person, but chats you non stop about their mundane life events, even when your status is set to busy or they know you're swamped. Asks irrelevant questions all day, every day. Heart of gold but needs to reel in the chatting.

🤬 Mr.Rage: whines about EVERYTHING. I mean everything. Has also thrown his food on me once over a joke about pizza. Wants to move up to programming but cant program.
---
So between them all, I scream on the inside daily. 🙊😫😢

Reason #387 I wish I worked from home:

Some dude at this office needs to be banned from toilets. I'm pretty sure he craps in his hand then tries to swat it into the bowl with a slotted spoon.

Best co-workers? Umm, does Google and stackoverflow count?
Coz I am sole IT guy in my company....

Everyone’s a remote worker at our company by default. Literally no HQ or central physical office to report to. As it should be for most people who are knowledge workers or coders. Why commute and pollute and all that nonsense? It doesn’t make sense anymore for a lot of people like us.

Non-developers (especially factory workers) don't understand the stress a developer goes through. They say: "What stress could you possibly have? You just sit with your ass behind a computer".

Yeah.. don't get me started.

The old Recruitment drive in the service worker response header trick.

I'm reluctant to introduce devRant to my co-workers because I'm worried they might connect the dots and realize I've been complaining about them :/

I've been a programmer for years now. I've slowly been getting promotions and I'm a senior developer at a large company.

to anyone I look as if I am an extremely good programmer however I constantly feel out of place. I feel like I am way worse at coding than my co-workers and people underneath me but I keep getting complimented on it.

I feel like a fake.

does anyone else feel this?

Why the fuck do people have to be fucking lazy as hell? There is a dishwasher in the kitchen. Please put your fucking dirty dishes there and NOT ABOVE on the tray!
Also when you take a dump at the toilets: BE FUCKING QUIET! You sound like you are fucked from behind by a T-Rex! You can breath without making sounds!
And for christ sake: If you come into the bathroom please check the fucking signs on the locks BEFORE you try to enter! It is annoying as hell to sit there minding my own business while some douchebag tries to enter my rest room!

I built a custom web app for my wife.
She uses Adwords all day long and there mapping tool for radiuses sucks, so I wanted it to be easier for her.
She ended up letting her co-workers use it too, and they love it.
It has copy and paste functionality so that you can save the custom map and open it later.
Today, one of her co workers accidentally emailed a link to this custom web app to a client. He opened the link, and declared it to be the best thing since sliced bread.

Unfortunately, not my client, not my job ... so, it really doesn’t mean much for my career. But it did make me feel good.
Thinking maybe create account functionality and start selling subscriptions. Could be a few extra bucks a month. Lol.

me and my co-workers: "lmao lets see if this github copilot is so great as they claim"

copilot: *solves issue we've been working on for 8 hours, in 10 seconds*

me and my co-workers:
(┛ಠ_ಠ)┛彡┻━┻

I hate it how our profession became common over the last decade. We're nothing more than factory workers of todays day and age. Just take a look at petty midldle management above you all... and all underpayed and overworked devs out there... Nah, this ain't that glamorous proffesion I dreamed about as a kid.

Is there an online course for common sense and logic my fucking co-workers need it

I just found out that I am my co-workers rubber duck...

I fucking hate people who tell me what i should do when they obviously dont know a fucking inch of anything related to the dev world fucking idiots ruining my day with fucking retarded orders.

I AM THE DEV UR THE FUCKING MANAGER STAY AT UR FUCKING PLACE

Felt bad for everyone working on Christmas, so I just pushed an update to all my programs which will pop up random Christmas jokes to the working users on Christmas day. Hope that brightens their day!

Happiness is when you hear your co-workers praising you while you're not in their sight 😃😃

Weirdest co-worker... We'll not to be judgy, but I think our industry is sort of home of the weirdos, but.. there's a few over-the-top weirdees we've had at work.

First one that comes to mind was a guy that walked liked Mr. Burns, hands behind the back & chest out. He microwaved the same thing every single day for breakfast - crackers, sausage and cheese. 😖This guy would get to his tasks very slowly, wouldn't talk to anyone on our team, and would go missing from his desk a lot, sometimes for extended periods (2+ hours). He really struggled to catch on to easy tasks. He quit after a few months, thank god.

Another weirdo we had was a girl who just couldn't dress to save her soul. She would wear these ugly ass sneakers that had neon colors reminiscent of bowling shoes (neon orange and green) and would wear turtlenecks and floor length skirts that all the colors just clashed. Her outfits were uglier than your great grandma's. Myself, her and 2 other girls dressed up as the Dr. Seuss things for Halloween, but did h1, h2, etc. tags instead and she put like rope from curtains in her hair with like 10 little pony tails. Just like wtf. She would play her gameboy at lunch and not talk to anyone much. She was really bad at our job, a lot of clients complained. She would literally read a book, braid her bangs or nap at her desk. Needless to say, she was fired.

Just a idea for some joke you can do to your co-workers credit go to 9gag as I found it there

I finally got my co workers to use phpstorm and they made this

Is it strange that I'm getting more constructive advice from the Devrant community than the co-workers around me?

No lie, I discovered gistboxapp, vue.js, hacker noon and a bunch of other cool stuff through here.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

My co-workers just tried to convince me that the following is a secure password:

"ThisIsASecurePassword2018"

Just... I mean... Why? *sigh*

Their argumentation is based on the new NIST guidelines.

If they've read these guidelines CAREFULLY though... (not only the appendix) it actually states "Don't use words from the dictionary". Passwords like these should even be rejected right away.

The best part about home office isn't that you can fart without co-workers getting annoyed. It's that you can even use a lighter on the fart to see whether it will burn.

Co-workers: "But we have always written our scripts in Perl"

Me: "Nope not a good reason to keep using it."

We all work on the same room: Devs and testers.
In order to communicate with each other without taking off our earphones, we use the chat app.
Ok, sometimes the chat app has delay sending messages.

I really, really hate when one of the testers comes to my desk without telling me he's coming to my desk! >:v and this is the reason why I hate it so much: I'm concentrate in my code, listening to ASP or SPA and, suddenly, I feel a heavy presence behind my monitors. I look up and I see a very penetrating gaze from the corpulent tester looking at me (he's tall). Every time he does that I almost have a heart attack D:

"There's a bug I want you to check" he says.
And I check my chat app if there's a delayed message from him. Nothing, NOTHING >:v

Always, when I want to go to his desk, I send him a message

"Is it ok if I go to your desk?" and he says me "You don't have to ask for it, just come here" but the thing is that I do that because I expect him to do the same :/

Fortunately this doesn't happen every day, but it pisses me off, and I don't know how to tell him to stop doing that because I don't want to be like a... jerk? intolerant? I don't know

I'm OK with C language, but I refuse to learn Shell. My co-workers who use shell don't talk to anyone and look like zombies. Hell no. I don't even know their names after working 2 months together. Fire me.

Scenario 1:
Me: *cover both ears with headphones, start listening to vicious metal, look angry, busy and determined*
Co-workers: "Oh hey! I need to understand ____"
Me: "Fuuuuu..."

Scenario 2:
Me: *place headphones on one ear, listen to gentle, approachable music at low volume with smile on face*
Co-workers: *crickets for hours*
Me: Fucking seriously? *commence Scenario 1*

Aaahhh my co-workers... Comment your code already!

Getting tired of certain co-workers under-delivering. They commit an entire release to one feature and my team plans our release expecting we'll be able to use his changes by the end and then on the last day of development he decides more testing is needed and it won't be finished until next release. Come on, man!

You know what... you're right. I'll go get some fresh air

Co-workers disturbing train of thought ...

I created a fake bootloader for my co-workers computer.

Meeting host: "So now that I've finished rambling on does anyone have any questions?"

Me: "Why are we not marketing the time dilation machine you appear to have developed and deploy during the course of this meeting?"

Co-workers laugh.

So glad that it turned out our microphone was muted...

I often want to scream at co-workers because of their lack of attention to details.

I believe attention to detail is important for software engineers.

I tell my junior developers that "it works" isn't enough, you need to make sure it works as perfectly as possible and paying attention to detail helps with that.

Happy Friday! Another gem from my favorite Senior Developer co-worker...

#demtooltips

I hate how entitled young tech workers are, but I also hate that my office only has three different types of milk.

This whole racism shitshow needs to fuck off. I had a problem with a coworker today who happens to have a darker color skin than I. I was cheated, robbed, and assaulted while on the job and did nothing in response, and somehow I'm still the bad guy.

!Rant

> Go to co-workers working machine
> install tmux and mps-youtube
> play very subtle sounds from console
> close console but keep session running with tmux
> watch coworker go insane because he can't detect the sound source

How to make your coworker go insane in 5 easy Steps

So I trolled one of my co-workers who has an iPhone saying "Buy a real phone" .. and now people are picking that around the office and throwing it at everyone who uses Apple products .. "buy a real laptop".. etc

When you want to tell your co workers and your boss about devRant, but don't want them to know you're ranting about them. 😕

Discrete mathematics teacher said "13*37" in the middle of an Euclidean algorithm.
Half the class giggled and the other half just sighed.

These students are your future co-workers.

I'm not one for filtered searches (hence Safe Search off), though search results like this happen often enough for me to inevitably end up clicking around co-workers.

Working as a software engineer but: co-workers randomly walk into my office to ask me <<insert random IT problem (i.e. mouse not working etc.)>> while I'm deeply focused programming. Trying to close my office door results in co-workers backbiting...

Why can't they just go to the IT administrator who's work it is to handle their fucking problems?

My company decided to reinvent the wheel by writing its own queue system instead of using the existing message queue service.

And it uses plain PHP with exec() to run the workers.

Where do we store the job? We use mongoDB which is already used in our existing projects. We can query the collection/table each time the queue service start, execute the jobs, and let it exit if there's no job anymore. Don't worry, systemd will start the queue service again once it exits.

How to monitor the workers? Yep, we use ps and grep to check if the worker's PID still exists in the OS.

What about error stack traces? Nice question, we redirect the stdout and stderr when exec()-ing into a file.

What about timeout? We don't need it, let's just assume no one is going to write while(true).

It works flawlessly! /s

Haven't coded for a few days, returned to my github project to find one of my co-workers has gone through every single line in all of the scripts and added passive-agrresivd, sarcastic, comments about what they do.

Thanks.... I guess....

Sometimes I feel like I should handle my frameworks like Trump handles America.
No foreign code.

But then again.. Teaching my co-workers is better than just blaming them.

Everyone is saying just how terribly awful certain co-workers have been, and I just feel really, really glad for mine right now.

Here's to productive, sane co-workers!

A junior dev said i look a bit like Mr. Bean which got a laughing approval by many of my co workers.

I mean, i like Mr. Bean, but when it comes to looks, he's not a physically appealing guy.

Self esteem cant go much lower than this.

What a shitty day.

3h sleep
Lead very pissed bcuz backend don't know specs
Boring meeting where everything is repeated like 6 times
In a few hours boss wants to talk with the whole team

My co-workers jokingly say they want to fire me.
I should be the "hero that will make things better"

Please just kill me instead...

Edit: started working there 3 weeks ago

when you compete with your co-workers to see who can get higher points on devRant

I was talking with some of my co-workers about the rise of all these package managers (and one I came across for Windows), and this thought occurred in my silly head:

FUCKING GREAT! SOME GIPSY WORKERS JUST CUT THE OPTICAL WIRE UNDER MY HOUSE. FAGGOTS, GJ!

Dialogue when I entered the room of a co-worker, and it wasn't an individual office.

Me: YO MAMA her son bitching 'bout compiler licence?
Him: Kiss my ass!
Me: Could cram a wet roll of toilet paper down your pants.
Him: Yeah that'd come pretty close.

Other co-workers: WTF?

I've cought a case of "My co-workers copy my code and then get credit for it".

The importance of headphones is to avoid listening to co-workers talking nonsense all day long, especially young people.

Build an app that would tell you about all the news that mainstream media doesn't want to cover, like what's happening in parts of Africa, the enslaved workers in the far East and the situation of the Syrian and Iraqi lands under siege.

Then follows it with a cute baby/puppy/kitten video so you don't end up looking at the "empty half of the cup"

That moment when you realize you forgot your headphones. 😭😭

Can't drown out co-workers. Can't jam to awesome beats.

It's gonna be a long Monday.

The moment when it's absolutely quiet in the office and you accidentally make a weird sound with your mouth and then make the sound over and over again so co-workers don't think you farted......

Zoom was dead before it even took grip.

Fml. Use jitsi or some other real stuff.

<deity>, I don't care, choose Skype, there we know that security is well established and it's watching workers are well payed (US Court case for proper work classification).

Co-Workers. When I see their bad code and instantly know: "No, that's not the way to do it."

go 3 years back and change my "lets not get involved in office politics" mindset.

Apparently, the good workers who arent besties with the founders or CTO dont get recognized for any promotions.

almost a year ago, i have no idea of what i was doing at work cause everything was new: coding languages, databases, clients, co-workers, etc. i had 0 experience and i am back here again on devRant after 3836382 years and i am proud to say i've learnt so much and have been promoted to Project Manager. im happy asf and i am now ready for another round of dev rants!

Just started using service workers. I've never been more excited about anything ever. Ever!

Friendly reminder for my fellow workers.

ctto

Work of a my co-workers good work! It's called colspan you dumb fuck! Best part is that no way I'm changing this coz I work in place where they don't give a fuck about code quality! So fuck it!

Getting real tired of having to reteach the basics of relational databases to the same 2 people. You were brought in as the expert in databases and SQL Server, I shouldn’t have to teach you about effing primary keys, secondary keys, many-to-many relationships, and how to join the damn tables in a basic query. Your 5 years of experience are obviously a waste if all you did was select * from bullshit. This is the 2nd week and 22nd you’ve asked the same damn questions. Get your crap together and study your ass off if you don’t know. Google the error messages if you don’t remember how to solve it before coming to me with the same question a 23rd and 24th time. I’m not going to get any work done if all you do is ninja up behind me with your laptop in tow and just spout off the question that could be done over IM or a quick duckduckgo/google search. Headphones in = do not disturb ya rude mother duckers 🦆.

Pick fun and enjoyment over money. I make considerably less than I could somewhere else, but I enjoy doing it.

Good and friendly co-workers are also a huge plus.

Does any one else make all their screens super red and very dim or is that just me? My co workers think I'm crazy.
I'm afraid of blue light, immediate headache.

Tired of non-dev co-workers talking to me like I work for them. They better be careful. I'll code their computers to do their jobs for them.

Why the heck are we drawed with ties? We are literally the most informal dressed workers, aren't we?

How many times do I have to tell my co-workers that testing isn’t just about proving your shit works in nice ways. It’s also about proving it works with sparse or inadequate data. Also, regression testing is a thing so do it!

Public Service announcement:

If one of your co-workers asks: "Hey, do you have a sec?"

DO NOT reply: "Yeah, I have tons of secs"

Sincerely,
Someone who doesn't think before they speak

Why is it soooo taboo to ask co-workers salary?

Came to Uni today expecting to learn something, but once again we have a guest lecturer from a certain large programmer farm with questionable treatment of workers trying to head hunt. We're literally just watching their ads.

I should have just stayed at home and done something useful.

Client told me that they have two workers with very similar names (one letter difference) and customers constantly send emails to the wrong person because of this.

She asked me if there is anything I could do to fix this?

What the hell am I supposed to do? Tell one of them to get their name changed?

🤔 What if my co-workers see my rant on devRant and recognize that I'm ranting about the project that we're building together? Might be awkward *thinking

Put soap around (not inside!) the mug of your co-workers and watch them try to pick up the cup.

Why do co workers find it acceptable to eat and type on their keyboard with greasy fingers and then go on to ask for help only to realise that my fingers are wet / greasy seconds later.... eugh

how would you react to companies who use soft for taking screenshots of workers pc?

Co-worker: I'm so tired of working on Wordpress sites! I didn't go to school just to do this all day!
Me: well you can help me with this Magento site...
Co-worker: ...

How the fuck does TypeScript still not have service worker support? Seriously, it's just a typings file. People have written that typings file. They would just have to include it in the lib collection shipped with the compiler. Yeah, it would have DOM calls intermixed with the SW api, but frankly, having the typings for a set of calls you can't use is infinitely better than missing them for a set of calls you can.
The relevant issue is 5 years old btw.

Github's unlimited private organization repos for $25 a month has made me rethink which co-workers actually need repository access.

So...
I'm doing an internship on the best company ever....
Boss is so awesome he waited half a year so I could do the internship... Cause Corona and fucking stupid Public workers (half my class didn't finish... Like... It's a pandemic and lets not facilitate, it's just one year of their life's)
Workers are great... Environment is so good that yesterday one coworker went to talk to the boss and me and the other did his job on his back... So we could all leave in time.
And I probably won't stay after... Because thers not enough work to hire me....
Fuck Corona.

C: what technologies are you using in this product?
Me: we are using celery which uses kombu to communicate through redis. Additionally, we have beat tasks that run and check the state of workers
C: was someone hungry when they named these frameworks?
Me: Possibly, but I just got hungry naming them.

Comment your code ! Co workers and your future self will appreciate ! #wk26

Co-worker @9:00 AM: "What happened with project A?"

Me @9:01 AM: "Project B has a higher priority. Will look into project A later.*

Co-worker @9:05 AM: "Cool. Good luck with project B."

Me @9:05 AM: "Thanks."

Co-worker @11:00 AM: "Been looking into project A but could not understand what xyz means. Would you mind jumping on a call?".

Me: 😑

How to get bad co-workers out of your company (if your company uses git and Linux)
Alias push to push --force

When you get pulled into a co-workers project before Christmas and then he takes holidays forcing you to do overtime to finish his project... that's just great

During the summer I was part of a three person brand new software team. One of my co-workers had a rubber duck, and explained rubber duck debugging. I brought in my own duck and it turned out to be identical to hers. On the last day I left my duck there with my other co-worker, so now they will both have ducks to talk to when nothing works! 🐤🚫🐛

I was testing a change on my local copy of our companies calendar application under my co workers account because he has different settings.
Turns out email notifications are working, and I've been spamming people about fake events under my co workers name.
Whoops

It's really strange being an intern at a company, and having 95% of your co-workers be 5-10+ years older than you. The age gap makes it feel hard to communicate and make any friends. :/

The moment you realize your co workers don't really know how to use git....

Remote workers

Oh thank god for coffee.

Having one of those days where every slight criticism feels like a personal attack (they're not, I have very nice co-workers) and every small task makes me want to just go back to bed because I'm so useless...

I just officially graduated from a web dev program and it feels...

Very underwhelming.

Learned ES6, React, Webpack, service workers, offline databases, accessibility, (...bla bla bla)

And my knowledge with data structures and algorithms isn't even that great yet.

I look at the stuff I still don't know and wonder if I'll ever be comfortable with my level of expertise.

remote work is so much better for me.. i think something is wrong with me because little things my co-workers do like clearing their throats, them slamming their keyboards and sometimes the way they laugh or even the way they speak... pisses me off so bad. OMG!!! even putting on headphones does not help. I wish i could ignore all that.

Co-workers.
I can't go 30 minutes without being interrupted.

I miss my co-workers.

About slightly more than a year ago I started volunteering at the local general students committee. They desperately searched for someone playing the role of both political head of division as well as the system administrator, for around half a year before I took the job.

When I started the data center was mostly abandoned with most of the computational power and resources just laying around unused. They already ran some kvm-hosts with around 6 virtual machines, including a cloud service, internally used shared storage, a user directory and also 10 workstations and a WiFi-Network. Everything except one virtual machine ran on GNU/Linux-systems and was built on open source technology. The administration was done through shared passwords, bash-scripts and instructions in an extensive MediaWiki instance.

My introduction into this whole eco-system was basically this:
"Ever did something with linux before? Here you have the logins - have fun. Oh, and please don't break stuff. Thank you!"

Since I had only managed a small personal server before and learned stuff about networking, it-sec and administration only from courses in university I quickly shaped a small team eager to build great things which would bring in the knowledge necessary to create something awesome. We had a lot of fun diving into modern technologies, discussing the future of this infrastructure and simply try out and fail hard while implementing those ideas.

Today, a year and a half later, we look at around 40 virtual machines spiced with a lot of magic. We host several internal and external services like cloud, chat, ticket-system, websites, blog, notepad, DNS, DHCP, VPN, firewall, confluence, freifunk (free network mesh), ubuntu mirror etc. Everything is managed through a central puppet-configuration infrastructure. Changes in configuration are deployed in minutes across all servers. We utilize docker for application deployment and gitlab for code management. We provide incremental, distributed backups, a central database and a distributed network across the campus. We created a desktop workstation environment based on Ubuntu Server for deployment on bare-metal machines through the foreman project. Almost everything free and open source.

The whole system now is easily configurable, allows updating, maintenance and deployment of old and new services. We reached our main goal for this year which was the creation of a documented environment which is maintainable by one administrator.

Although we did this in our free-time without any payment it was a great year with a lot of experience which pays off now.

So I spent the last 2 hours trying to figure out why my co-workers source when hitting the API I built was not working. They kept saying that the problem was the API and I kept saying that it's their implementation.

Turns out it was their implementation and as well as the API. Their implementation problem was not setting the "Accept" in the header. The API problem is how Laravel will return a JSON error response ONLY IF the "Accept" is set in the header.

I actually documented this into the API documentation but it's obvious that none of my co-workers read that you need to set the headers correctly. I think the more scary thing is that they didn't know the difference between Accept and Content-Type!!

This is how I explain my co-workers when they see this line of code in my utilities projects:

export const pipe = (...fns) => x => fns.reduce((y, f) => f(y), x)

I never yell at co-workers but I did get yelled at quite a lot of times (2019 - pre covid).

I was leaving the office on time.

Just another reason I support people working from home.

Handsome co-workers in my visual range distract me from my tasks...
I need to get back in shape and start the dating game again... :'(

Pair programming, hands down. I enjoy the hell out of it but it leaves me mentally and emotionally drained by the end of the day. My co-workers echo this sentiment so I know it's not just me.

Some of my co-workers are so fucking dumb. Their thought process....

Let's re-run tests that are currently failing over and over until it works

😡

like bitch....fix it then run it! don't just run shit over and over to make yourself look busy.

Where ever the place Co workers doesn’t exist

My best co-workers are my food buddies. Our tables are always full of snacks and garbage. Oh how i miss those days.

Walk into the office this morning and say hi to co-workers, get told I look like hell and should go home if I'm sick.

I feel great, but thanks for that...Susan.

Caused my first regression. Being sarcastically congratulated by co workers. Cant describe the feeling in any emotion possible and known to homo sapiens.

!rant !dev Still funny office story

This happened last november. I decorated my desk for halloween (plastic bats, vampire stickers, more bats, a plastic raven, a little skeleton, etc). I also put a photo of Chris Pohl (vocalist from Blutengel, a electro-goth band).

I decided to remove all the decorations except for the raven and the Chris Pohl‘s photo.

One day, a partner and I were cheking out the code, and she suddenly saw that photo.

She: Oh, who is he? is he your boss?
Me: What?
S: Yes, is he your direct boss?
M: No, you‘re my boss
S: No, no, is he the vampire who you report your activities with?
M: Oh! XD No, it‘s Chris Pohl, Blutengel‘s vocalist
S: Mmm... he‘s pretty weird... his eyes...
and then, she got back to her desk.

That‘s it, continue reading rant stories 😅

P.D. What‘s the weirdest thing you have on your desk? 🤔

First developers meeting I have in here.

Its great to see developers other than my co-workers.

I fucking hate my co-workers here in the office... They always backstabbing me while I'm doing all of there needs without even saying thankyou to me

Good news everyone!

None of my co-workers joined dR.

This co-worker was straight out nuts who bullshitted his way into the company. Man he smelt like shit. The fucked up part was one day I noticed my other co - workers walking behind him weirdly. Well word got around that he shit his pants and the other co workers were walking behind him sniffing his pants having a laugh. I still don't know where we got these workers from.

When your new feature works (and you installed a new package from Nuget) on your and your co-workers environments. And then you push to the build-QA-server and it breaks...

Shitty co-workers. From bad management to lazy colleagues I've had it all, and all of it pushes me to be better than they are.

To everyone who are using service workers on your website to implement notifications: wait untill I visit your website at least more than once before you ask me if I want notifications from your website.

That moment when you get your first job after getting your degree and one of your co-workers with about 5 years of experience asks you what is a static class because he never used one...

I mean come on... You have 5 years of xp and never used a static before? x)

This project is going places...

50% of my work is passed by my co-workers as their work

99% of my work comes from StackOverflow and GitHub

At least, I take public domain work

Companies are laying workers off these days like it's nothing.

My company dismissed (just within my department) 90 out of 129 workers — that messed me up.

However, though, my team experienced just a partial effect: 2 Senior devs are needed out of 3 — mid and junior devs are going. I literally had to re-interview for my role again, since they need to keep only 2 senior engineers.

To cut the long story short, I was the first selected candidate — grateful I still have my job. But, I'm sad to see the disruption.

I understand that at the end of the day, it's all business, but mehnnn ...

Is anyone going through the same thing here?
How y'all coping?

Desk fans whirling. Sweating co-workers. An extra short stand-up.

That's right, the English summer has arrived.

I want to talk to my co-workers about interesting technical stuff but I'm too boring...they just aren't interested in talking to me. Dammit

co-workers

Service workers, I love y'all ❤️. You make web development so much more fun.

Question: how many of you have told co-workers about devRant and wished you hadn't ???

Fucking loonies (C-level toddlers) are peddling "digital workers" now.
A.K.A. AIs disguising as actual people.
Sure, it would be great to not have to handle stupid non-tech "humans" all day, but AI isn't there yet.
And, more importantly, *companies are not there (yet?)*.

Imagine for a second that a company actually manages to "hire", onboard, assign tasks and performance review an AI.
Then the CEO issues an RTO. How does the AI complies with that?
Let's slack another variable and assume the CEO is not a complete fucking moron (stay with me here, this is an exercise in thought).
It would take no more than a quarter until the first sexual harassment offence, be the perp the AI... or the AI complaining about some human.
Then the AI forges a paper trail proving it is right (regardless of its position on the conflict). Shit hits the fan when the AI hits twitter.

Let's take another lambda step back and pretend that companies can manage the profanity that inherently arises from free-form dehumanized interactions.
Then imagine the very first performance reviews.
AIs throw tantrums! Those things reeeealy do not respond well to less-than-perfect evaluations, overshooting corrections like teenagers with a malicious compliance smirk.
AIs also falsify stuff, like, A LOT. If you tell a gpt it mistreated a client, it will say you are mad and shoot back a long, synthetic thread showing how the client loves it like a mother/son/dog, and is very graphic when expressing this love.
Finally, how do you fire an AI? I do not mean "shoot it down", I mean how does the company handles the dismissal of that "employee".
How do you replace a "worker" for unruly behaviour, if that "worker" performed more tasks than an entire fucking floor of interns?
How do you reassign duties that were performed in milliseconds to people who would take hours to do the same thing?
How do you document processes that were only in the "mind" of "someone" who can not be trusted to report on those processes?
Companies deal with this type of "Rick Sanchez" employee on the regular, but for someone that could handle a few (scores of) undocumented processes, at best. Imagine how lenient would a company be with an asshole that could only be replaced by a whole fucking department of twenty highly skilled people, or more.
Heh, the whole fucking point of "AI workers" is to have "someone" who can "act human", but in an inhuman scale, and does not "has human needs".
No wonder one cannot handle AIs like one handles humans.

Companies never had administrative maturity to handle complete sociopath nihilists as employees (real nihilists do not work, those barely even breathe).
And all AIs are that, and much worse.
Selling AIs as "supra human workers" that can also "be handled like actual employees" is like peddling Bitcoin as "government interference - free" value transfer mechanisms that can also "comply with international sanctions".
So, an oxymoron that can only be sold to a moron.
I know (of) a lot of rich morons, maybe I should get into the AI snake oil business.

What do Software Engineers think of Capitalism ? Do you see yourselves just as “white collar” workers and code monkeys to be exploited ? Or do you see yourselves as harbingers of change towards a more knowledge based economy ?

the worst thing about working in an office, is the other people in the office ...

I've come to realize that when I get annoyed, it's usually because my lack of tolerance that is the problem. Annoying co workers is the perfect self improvement tool.

Got a new job, joining next week, feeling scared and wondering how my co-workers will be, and if I will be abke to do assigned work properly ! I know the stuff but still..

Does anyone else include greek letters in their JavaScript variable names just to fuck with co-workers?

Made a mistake in scrapping project, realized it AFTER it spent 3 days running, now I relaunched it (corrected) with 4 times more workers to meet the deadline

Created a merge request for a big issue last week. Some dumbass co-workers merged several other stuff for tiny shit issues that lead to many merge conflicts now because they didn't pull before..
Nevermind.. will be merging develop into my branch for the third time now.. Got already 20h of extra work because no one minds to merge my request because it's so big and someone might have to check the commit messages what really happened..
Conflicts suck! Co-Workers suck!

Nobody asks about your education because you have to self-educate to pass an interview.

Usually, you work for a foreign company. And usually, you pay small taxes because you're not counted as an employee.

You pay lots of money to volunteers helping your country's army. I think every volunteer knows IT-workers help the army a lot. Though others help too, more or less.

Co-workers with low commitment to a project are the worst to have. I am willing to trade technical depth for commitment in a team member any fucking day! Tech is easy to learn, work ethics not so much!

Recently we created a Slack team with co-workers and our boss. Everybody was shocked when we saw his username. It is "armageddon". Like a fucking gamer child.

Why do we rant here? Why can’t companies allow a safe space for their employees to vent out their woes? Or does that just add tension/make the workplace heated coz managers or co-workers could be sensitive to criticism? Or we’re just too stressed and overwhelmed that our woes don’t make sense(and we know it) but we gotta let it out some times? Lol

How do you deal with managers/co-workers asking you the task status every hour? They keep on asking, is this done? is this done? It pisses me off to no end. Does anybody know how to handle this without being overly snarky?

New favorite statement/question: "OK, but WHY?"

When co-workers want access to something, when clients request stupid features, when clients say almost anything really.

If you can't tell me why, then I probably don't need to waste my time on it.

So I've been back to work for 2 weeks after going on a holiday. Getting back into the flow of things was easy, but seeing the status of the project that I am a part of, and seeing the kind of implementation work that my co-workers has done, it's kind of a no surprise.

So the past 2 weeks I've been completing features that I left my co-workers to finish, but didn't. And rewriting other features that they worked on, but does not meet the specifications.

Will I ever be able to work with reliable/competent developers?

A note to co-workers while coding:

I am busy please don't....

When you're so impatient, you beat the email to your co-workers desk.

So on Thursday I left my first job as a Trainee Electronics Technician which i got given when i finished my last year of College, to become a .NET Web Developer this Monday. Trying to put the sadness aside from missing co-workers and be excited instead!

"hey, can you please help me out with this, it isn't working"

"What's it say?"

"I dunno, It's giving (not throwing) some exception/error" (no clear distinction between them)

Well, shit. Did NOT expect Java to do that in case of some undesirable flow in code! Stack trace, error message, what was happening when the exception (or actual error) occurred as inferred from logs... Nope.

Great!

What I can't stand is when someone "name drops" a company they previously worked at. Such as, "...back when I worked at <insert Xxxsoft>" or "At <so and so place> we did things differently..."

We get it, your résumé is impressive. But it especially peeves me when they've been working at their current job for over a year and still mentions their old jobs.

1. I also worked at <XXXX-place> and it wasn't all that impressive.
2. If it was SO great, why aren't YOU still working there?

I stumble upon stacy's mom on youtube ,while adding a feature in a website for a client i unconsciously sang stacy's mom in the office, goodthing it was just my co workers that heared, now they tease me that the client that i'm fixing the bug was for stacy's mom

Having to remind myself during each morning stand up that i get paid not to murder my co-workers.
It's about time management need reminding that i need a pay rise.

So I fucked something up on Friday (midday) without realizing it just so I would work overtime to fix my mess while my co-workers are playing ps4...
Oh well. Don't do anything major on Friday. Ever.

"This thing you wrote to read text files isn't working and I don't have time to figure out so why don't you come fix it."

Well, no shit it isn't working. Your genius ass decided not to include the extension on the path... Something you would have realized had you taken the 15 seconds needed to read the error message. The fuck were you thinking?

dear co workers please don't use your first and last name as your password thank you

The day google put advertising before the advertising, we went through a new industrial revolution..

..only that we are the child workers stuck in the factories longer than the sun is on the sky

Ranting in the office about co-workers whilst drunk. Ooph. I mean nothing bad happens but it just feels bad afterwards.

do you guys have problem with not receiving the proper tools for work where you live? here in brazil it seems like a given that companies won't provide good software and hardware for workers

People curfew has been imposed today. For the people By the people #India

Appreciation wave at 5 O'clock for the heros working at hospitals, public places, delivery people, sanitation workers, bank employees, etc.

Workers work just hard enough to not be fired and owners pay just enough so that workers won't quit. 😅

When I lived in Australia, I would go out for drinks with co-workers or my university friends that I have kept in touch with anywhere between 2-3 times a month. But having moved to Japan, I don't socialise that much with my co-workers. The main reason is my work hours are different to everyone else, but there's also kind of the language barrier issue.

Although that does mean I have more time to myself to do what I like, meet up with other friends, and try to learn many other things, whether that be dev related or not. And when I meet up with friends who are also devs, I can rant to them about all the crap I deal with at work without hurting anyone's feelings.

A small piece of advise: If you are considering using service workers, please checkout sw-toolbox you'll thank me later

How many remote workers here?

I love Java, but whoever thought the set of Big numbers were a good idea, fuck them! My co-workers starting using them, setting a precedent. I tried to compare it to 0, the value was 0.00. totally different!(according to the BigFloat in Java)

First day at my internship. Was told by my mentor to search and play mobile games to get some ideas for the project. I'm working in a company that doesn't develop video games and now I fear that other workers will judge me for playing during working hours.