User:"It's not working"
Me:"Have you turned it off and on again?"
User:"Yes"
Me: goes down there, system uptime is 360days...
"How do you turn it off?"
User:"by pressing the button on the monitor

The Web developer's equivalent to, "have you turn it off and on again":

"Try clearing the cache"

My conversation with my wife today, while I was at work:

Wife: The wifi isn't working.
Me: What's it doing?
W: Not working
Me: Try turning it off an on again.
.
.
.
Me: Is your phone on LTE? Or is it connected to wifi and the internet isn't working?
W: LTE. Aubrey (my wife's sister) said she turned it off and nothing happened.
Me: did she turn it back on?
W: Do you really want me to answer that?
Me: Just making sure. What lights are on on the router?
W: (Sends me a picture of the router with no lights on)
Me:...
W: Oh it isn't even plugged in
Me:...
W (after a couple minutes): Its working now!

YES I REALLY WANT YOU TO ANSWER IF YOU TURNED IT BACK ON!

Me: *Puts on headphones*

5 minutes later

College: Hey man you busy?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: I am, but what's the issue?

Help him, Put headphones back on.

5 minutes later

Intern: I need help
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Fine, I've got time

Help her, Put headphones back on.
Beginning to feel a little pissed.

5 minutes later

PM: Can i get your help quickly?
Me: Can i finish this quickly?
PM: It won't take long
Me: Fine.
Me: *Takes off headphones*

Help her out, put headphones back on.

An hour later

Team Leader: Are you done yet?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Almost
Team Leader: How can you not be done yet?
Me: Ask everyone around you?

He bitches for about 30 minutes.

I decide not to put my headphones on and just float in the river of how pissed i am.

4 Fucken hours goes by, nobody wants jack shit.
Me: *Puts headphones on*

5 minutes later

Team Leader: Hey man can you help me out?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Sure Fine.

FUCK!!! EVERY! FUCKEN TIME!!!

"Turn it off and on again."

Great for Wi-Fi routers and office appliances.

Life support, not so much.

Please kindly fuck off. I don't need your genderbiased bullshit. I couldn't care less about a programmer's gender.
I'm also aware about the margin between the numbers of female and male dev who want to study CS, but if you seriously think that a learning algorithm is biased on gender and ethnic it's creator, I will have to kindly remind you that math doesn't support an output based on your gender.

Now please get the fuck off my sacred newsfeed...

Forbes: Adblock Detected. Please Turn off your Ad blocker.

Me: *Turns off Adblock*
*Clicks on Continue*

Forbes: Thank you for turning off your Ad Blocker! blah blah
3...2...
Me: *quickly turns on Adblock*
1...
*clicks on Continue*
*Adblock blocks 11 ads and Forbes loads*

My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn

FUCK OFF. It's 2 days before a deadline, I'm wearing headphones and clearly focused and you have the fucking audacity to interrupt me because you're fucking bored? Go light yourself on fire you fucking cunt

When you get a day off and you want to work on a personal project, but your spouse has other plans.

This actually happened today

Colleague: Hey man I think there's a problem with my computer.

Me: Alright, I'll check it out.

(I go to his desk and find that his screen was turned off)

Colleague: It just suddenly turned off.

Me: (presses a random key on his keyboard)

(Screen lights up)

Have you tried turning me off and on again, Doc?

No, I don't know why your keyboard isn't working. I'm a web developer. Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Mum: Tom time to do something get off your computer
Me: *continues staring at computer*
Mum: Tom?
Me: ...
Mum: TOM
Me: Whaaa? *moves head slightly up but still doesn't take eyes off computer"
Mum: Please get off your computer there's stuff you've gotta do
Me: *finally looking up* OK just let me fix this one thing I'm so close
Mum: fine, 5 mins
*5 mins later:
Mum: come on Tom time to get off
Me: uuuggghhhhhhhh I'm nearly done please
Mum: hurry up
Me: *tries to hurry and finish as to not upset her* please I'm so close
Mum: *furious glance*
Me: *furiouser typing noises and frantic clicking*
Me: *finishes, attempts to run the program*
Program: *runs just fine and problem I was trying to fix was working great*

...

...

*something else breaks*
Me: ok mum please just this one thing
Mum: OFF

Today I discovered MIT OpenCourseWare.

I hate university, and I usually doze off during lectures, but my god, I've been listening to "Introduction to Algorithms" for about 6 hours now, and I'm hanging on to every word.

Instead of splitting up engineers by team, they should start by splitting up those who prefer the lights on, and those who want them off.

Then we can all be happy.

FBI: FUCK!! We just lost our connection to all those civilian routers we were monitoring
FBI IT Department: Did you try turning them off and back on?
FBI:

*Friend's phone isn't sending messages*
Me: "Have you tried turning it off and back on again?"
Friend: "Oh fuck off"
Me: "Well have you? just do it."
*restarts phone, it works*
Me: "funny how that happens"

*Reads some text about frequencies
"Oh, bass is within 40-100hz. How does it sound?"
*Clicks on demo audio*
*Table trembles*
*Cat jumps high and runs off*
*Pauses audio*
"Yup, that's bass"

Working on a fuck off/you message service. You can easily generate a fuck off/you message and send it to someone.

No clue why I've (nearly) made it, maybe because I'm sick at home and wanted to make something.

It's nearly working though, yay.

I found that being a (good) software engineer and a girl is such an effective way to piss off a lot of people. I could never pass on an opportunity like that.

Sleep deprivation may have made this funnier than it actually is, but I can't NOT laugh when I see it

Source: Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal (smbc)

I have a colleague who has a fear of closing any window. He'll let his Mac run for months on end without closing any of the windows he's opened. He also has all kinds of browsers with tons of tabs open. He's a designer so I get his urge to not do all the technical bits and bobs every day, but for the love of zalgo restart your computer once in a while. Or at least close windows you don't use. It's come to a point where non of us want to help him, because helping him out takes forever with his slow as shit computer. We've asked/told/joked about it too him several times, but he just doesn't want to listen. At one point when I was helping him everything took so long that I decided to reboot for him. And of course Mac had to go and reopen every window that was open during shutdown, which took another good fifteen minutes. Shite OS. And naturally he spent the next hour fixing everything the way he liked it. He hasn't turned off his computer since (couple of months ago), except for when we moved to a new building a month ago.

Just had to get that annoyance of my chest.

My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and go to market she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn.

"Have you cleared your cache?" is Internet for "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

So I was driving my car the other day and the screen on my radio decided to go blank and the music stopped. I ended up pulling over and turning my car off and back on again.

I had to reboot my car. Didn't see that one coming. 😡😂

😂 have you tried turning him off and on again...

Website on sign off.
Client: yeah I just updated all the content on the old site but that's ok you can just copy and paste it, right?

Currently trying to formulate a reply that doesn't start with the words "For fuck sake..."

*listens to some music over the Bluetooth headset in Groove on Windows*
*walks off to the bathroom*
> Please recharge headset
…
Which in Sony-speak means "reached cut-off voltage, you'd better recharge this fucking thing because we will power off now, rendering the warning completely useless!*
Me: "oh dear it's 5:30AM and my speakers are set to full blast"

*rushes off to the bedroom to pause Groove*
*walks back to the bathroom*

Then I started thinking, you know Microsoft.. on my phones I never had this issue since the Samsung Corby. Android has supported pausing media playback on headset disconnect for about a decade now. Maybe Microsoft Certified Enganeers could look at how the competition has solved an issue and IMPLEMENT THE FUCKING FEATURE ALREADY?!

But no, you've got that IE reputation to hold high. Sorry, I forgot.

MICROSHIT!!!!!!

Holy shit, "The IT Crowd" is awesome

Some companies have images of their tech support personnel in their websites.

They show you Steve and Michael......but in reality you get Rajhit and Pakalu

We just deployed a new version of our app on a friday afternoon and all developers are taking the next week off. Wish us luck! 😂

Typical day at work with people who knows a shit about computers

ok, companies that use a robotic automated attendant on on they main phone where you are supposed to describe vocally your problem can actually fuck off and die.

I hate you so much.

Just the other day I got back from getting an extra monitor.. and just when I came back home, some older lady that also lives in this residence came to me, all panicked because her left car lights wouldn't turn off. So she asked me whether I could fix it, because I'm a man and therefore technical... Yeah.

Told her I don't know anything about cars (I don't even have a driver's license), and she should ask someone else.. but she kept clinging on to me and eventually I figured.. screw it, how hard can it be?

Got to her car, yada yada yada.. lady opens the door, and it's full of fucking buttons everywhere! No fucking way that I'm gonna dabble with those. So, do the easiest thing first.

"Ma'm, could you please turn on the car?"
*Turns car on, all lights light up*
🤔 Fair enough...
"Hmm.. and what happens if you turn it off now?"
*Turns car off, all lights go off*

Lady: "I've got no idea how you've done it but thank you so much, you're an angel!! 😊"
Me: "Well.. 😅 let's just say that turning it on, off and back on again works at least 90% of the time..."

Job offers that list "high speed internet and a laptop" as employement benefits realy piss me off. Do they think other companies force you to code on paper and send it trough mail?

People who rant about their phone making bad photos that are surprised when I make good photos on them...

JUST F*CK OFF AND HOLD IT HORIZONTAL AND WITH 2 HANDS LIKE I TOLD YOU LONG.MAX_VALUE TIMES

!dev

I live next to a nightclub and went outside for a fag.

It’s wet, 2:30am and kinda cold.

A girl and her boyfriend come out of the club..
Her feet hurt because of her high heels so she takes them off, walking on the wet, cold road barefoot now.
Her boyfriend sees it and tells her to put them back on.
She denies.

He takes off his shoes and gives them to her (good boyfriend...) she puts them on, almost falling over cause she’s hammered as fuck, takes them off again and says they don’t fit and look stupid on her..

WTF, I understand taking the shoes off When she’s drunk but I don’t understand how the fuck she could care if it looks good at half 2 in the morning in an empty town..

I’ve seen it all now..

#onlyInIreland

Fortnite developers tried the age old method of debugging (turn off and on) but failed

I have a laptop which I bought for the sole purpose of gaming and I bought a hell lot of games off steam to startup.

But the problem here is I have to run those games on Windows (nvidia graphics card) and I only have a primary hdd and no ssd. Even though the ram and processor is up to speed due to high I/O on disk, I am not able to get a good performance out of it. To top it off random Windows processes hogging hdd in the background.

Any suggestions on what to do?

You know you're in the zone when you're working on your laptop on the train and you miss your station and the two after that.
Your commute card are missing two zones and you get off with a stern warning instead of paying the penalty of travelling without a ticket...
#Developersdisease

!rant

Boss challenged me to get something done before a demo and he'd give me tomorrow off paid. I completed the task on the time and at the end of the day told him I was leaving for another position. He was totally calm, cool, professional and still gave me tomorrow off paid. I don't know how that happened. Life is good.

Have you tried switching it off and on again?

All night working on java and when i got my eyes off of the screen I couldn't C#.

Nobody proof reads anymore. It pisses me off. News sources with obvious spelling and grammatical mistakes. It seems that it is acceptable on the internet to not give a fuck.

"Have you cleared your cache?"... Is my version of: "have you tried turning it off and on again?"

The company got a new office just in time for the "company summit".

I checked out the address on Google maps. It's a cinderblock building with the number spraypainted on the side, a battered cyclone fence in front, a cyclone gate off to the right side (apparently falling off) leading to a random battered shed, and immediately on the left is a dental office with bars on the windows. Also, the fence has spikes on top.

I'm terrified.

>Hello IT, how can I help you?
>Random problem...
>Have you tried turning it off and on again?
>Random excuse...
>Could you check if it is plugged in?
>Thank you!

Coworker: There's clearly a bug here, this thing just says OFF and doesn't work!

Me: Well, did you try switching it to ON?

Coworker: OH SHIT that fixed it!

The moment, when you are reading rants on the toilet in the office and the automatic light turned off.

So, I turned personalized ads off on YouTube and they've been fucking hilarious from being so bad.

Here's one I've just gotten. "Take care of the pregnant"

Had this a week ago. Was setting my alarms for the morning and noticed that (I always run one test alarm just to be sure) the alarm sound wasn't working for whatever reason.

*maybe I should turn it off and on again?*
*nah that's bullshit, it should just work like this, if not, something is seriously wrong!*

*goes to sleep while running the alarms on an old phone*

*tries to do the turning it off and on again anyways next day*

*IT WORKS*

*Le me feeling like a very stupid end user 😐*

When you redirect every movie link to XXX links on your rip-off netflix school project and nobody suspects a thing

When you are watching porn on MacOS and suddenly Android UI pops up!

Turn Off!!!

I have been off of this platform since last 4-5 years, but going through old screenshots I found this rant by @uyouthe. I checked it on the Calculator on Windows 11. 5 FUCKING YEARS and this is still there.

!rant
Just ordered Pizza. You get 10% off when ordering via their own website, so I did. They calculated the new price on their site, sent it to PayPal and PayPal did another 10% off...

How's something like that in production?

I am seriously getting pissed off at these so called web developers on Instagram... More often than not I stumble upon an image of vs code with some Lorem ipsum code on the screen.

Just now I saw a picture that drew my attention, so I clicked on to the profile and fuck me in the rectum from a 90 degree angle this is what I see. Visual communication does not FUCKING EQUAL WEB DEVELOPMENT.

DAMN IT, JUST FUCK OFF.

Just managed to turn on and off three led with my phone on a raspberry and i feel like a fucking god !

!rant

Just wanted to congratulate @JS96 on devRant V2 UWP app. Can tell he put blood and sweat into this app and it sure as hell has paid off.

Thank you.

So my HP laptop got a weird problem lately.

It doesn't charge when I plug in the charger(yes, i turned on the switch). So I began searching forums for a solution and then found out that there are so many people like me out there.
Then I was like ok, chill. There are many people like me, there must be a solution somewhere.

And after doing lots of research and trying all the solutions in the internet, the only thing that worked out is this ....

Step1 : turn on and the laptop and plug in the charger.
Step 2: Turn off the laptop.
Step 3: Now turn it back on and poof there you go, the laptop's charging.

And then I improvised the solution myself, which is u can replace the switch off part with Sleep which saved me some time.

And then whenever I try to show something my friends somethjng on my lap and the battery gets low, I do the ritual. For a brief moment their face becomes like dude I'm gonna kill you off, why the hell did u bring me here and now u r turning that off. And then I explain the history of my laptop.

Why HP whyyy ?

Try to figure out what's “on” and what's “off”

What do you guys do on off time? More code? Gaming?

I mostly spend weekends with my girlfriend and away from code. Helps clear my head for the coming week.

A friend of mine called yesterday with a HUUGEEE FUCKIN PROBLEM!! His work on his thesis (to finish his course) is inside his laptop, and "the laptop is stuck at 91% of updates" since.. Like.. 5h. "It won't turn on again! I'm dead!! Pleeeaase heeelp"
I went to his home, sit at the front of his PC, took off the battery and the power cable, shut it off and then turned it on again.
"OH! MY! GOD!!!" "You truly are a fuckin God with this!!"
"Dude. You're just stupid."
Ps. I'm still his friend, I guess

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Maybe try switch off and switching on your computer?

Don't tell me to turn it off and turn it on again! *I am* the developer!!

Me and inspector quackers off travelling south East Asia! Any tips on freelance programming for travellers?

The headset rule. If put on, project managers, the pope and everyone should stay away the developers. If put on one ear, it is allowed to disturb if it's important. Headset off, party time.

You know you need sleep when you scroll on DevRant and everything becomes 3D. And I’m talking, you can see depth between the text and a solid background.

Welp, I’m off to sleep.

Internet is fluctuating in our office.
The network team sent out an email of unscheduled outage.
I thought of replying back,
"Have you tried turning it off and on again".

New rule: if you come to me for tech help and didn't try turning it off and on, don't even bother.

Client: Hi I'm having trouble with my computer.

IT Guy: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

!dev

I think someone needs to turn the weather off and on again here. The dry thunderstorm that woke me up is now a hail storm. And its humid. And warm.

I'm on the West Coast, this is new England/east coast weather. Wtf.

It might be time for bed when your laptop can't even resolve localhost without toggling the WiFi off and back on anymore.

Overhauled my desk today, and here's the new setup! Also, the star lights turn on and off with my laptop.

I have to actually like what I'm working on to get in the zone, and a nice glass of water;

You can't forget the good 'ol " fuck off, I'm coding " sign though.

Was office SharePoint bitch at one point. This guy wanted me to build a workflow for him that would enforce insane checks on his (peer) colleagues. Asked if his manager approved and obviously they hadn't. So this guy started telling me he would build his own application from scratch and host it on his home server if I didn't help him. Pointing out the business might object to their confidential data being put on his home server didn't put him off. Getting laid off a few months later for gross incompetence did however.

Headphones on when you sneeze. Do you assume someone said bless you and fire off a thank you, or assume no one said it and risk being the guy that doesn't thank a bless you?

Who remembers time when you actually had to press power button in order to turn your computer off?

Seen some YouTube video the other day with kids nowadays told to work on an old computer with I think win95 and no one figured out what the cryptic "You can now turn your computer off" meant :-)

There are two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.

This is really the stuff I have to deal on daily basis.

My refresh button on my mouse is coming loose and is about to fall off, how dare this £11.99 mouse not last for upwards of three years, it's an outrage!

My face when some kid on the tram sits right next to you, although 90% of the seats are empty, and then begins to excessively stalk your phone whilst surfing on Facebook and devrant.

Get off, kiddo 😐

Me: have you tried turning it off and on again?

Customer: oh come on, is that the best you can do!

M:ok how about we
clear all active memory,
Reset the firmware parameters
run system diagnostics and
reinitialise the basic input output system?

C: Wow .. yeah how do we do that?

M: turn it off and on again!

The only documented case that “have you tried turning it off and in again” is confirmed not to work

Some touchscreens onboard weren't working and the flight attendants did the ol turn off and on again.
Tux seems pretty happily stuffed with herring in the corner.

Fucking fuck fuckity keyboard autocorrect on windows (and on osx): NO FUCKING THANK YOU, FUCK OFF, STOP FUCKING AROUND WHILE I WRITE

I turned off fucking autocorrection on windows 10, I write an email in french, and every word that has a similar spelling in english gets autocorrected FUCK YOU OUTLOOK, FUCKING RESPECT MY FUCKING SETTINGS, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF CODED SHIT PILE OF SHITWARE

So much time lost correcting and recorrecting.

Oh, also: a phone is a fucking phone, a computer is a fucking computer, not the same device, not the same behaviours, fucking get that you fucking companies

>Throw my phone on the bed in preparation for going to sleep
>Turn the lights off and quickly pull the blanket off the bed to straighten it
>Hear this un-earthly sound of my phone crashing to the floor and sliding across the floorboards
>.....

In the zone, and listening to music.
Manager taps me on the shoulder.
I turn off my music, and face him.
He say "hi", and then walks away.

... Why?

Do simple Windows apps need space this much? The bulky stuff that Visual Studio and SQL Management Studio put on my machine are already pissing me off and now this? Fuck.

My busdriver today must have had thorough training in trobleshooting it-systems.. nothing on the bus was working, Doors, card reader, and it baerly moved forward. So trying to solve this problem he stoped at every busstop, turned the engine off and by this powered off all systems. Felt like the Classic solution people tell others, "have you tried turning it off and then on". So all other passengers were pissed because the bus was running late, and I felt kind of sorry for him..

Tested a site in edge browser but it kept crashing the browser. No idea why the site was crashing. Other sites worked fine. How did I fix it?

Restarted Windows...

So, I just put my PC back together after a thorough internal cleaning.

And I just stepped on a small screw.
FUCK IT. THE CASE IS COMING OFF AGAIN

I've been working my ass off making websites finally made money and my brother goes and spends it all on more computers 😔

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Driving to a family friend after work to check his wifi connection issues.

Turns out that she didn't knew about the hardware switch to turn it on and off again... 😏

Schrodingers cron: when a cronjob does not appear to be running and you turn email on it runs fine. Then you turn email off and doesn't appear to be running anymore...

Just arrived in Sydney 2 days ago and reported for work yesterday. I looked at my laptop's clock and it said its 4:40pm. Cool! Another 20 min and I'm off.

I started fiddling around with my machine settings and noticed my Location setting is off. I switched it on. My time is updated to 2:43pm.

MOTHERF****!!!

Not directly programming related, but damn if I'm not going to start signing off all my emails with "consider it and perform" from now on.

The ultimate solution for all operating system problems "turn it off and on again" aka restart.

I thought noise cancelling headphones were a universal sign and courteous way of saying "I'm busy, fuck off" but apparently that doesn't seem to translate to my team. Every time I put these things on people start trying to talk over/through them.

How else do I let my team know to fuck off?

Turning it off and then on again won't fix this problem

Partners off at TAFE and I've got 3 hours to kill before walking to work, maccas and writing it is then!

Wish I brought my Mac so I could work on my other projects but oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Every day in Support....

Turn your pc off and on please...
Is the cable plugged in....
Is this really your pc...

Added a bond interface in my Proxmox installation for added cromulence, works, reboot again, works, reboot once more just to be sure, network down.. systemctl restart networking, successfully put the host's network back up.. lxc-attach 100, network in containers is still down apparently.. exit container, pct shutdown 100, pct start 100, lxc-attach again... Network now works fine in containers too.

Systemd's aggressive parallelization that likely tried to put the shit up too early is so amazing!
I'm literally almost crying in despair at how much shit this shitstaind is giving me lately.

Thank you Poettering for this great init, in which I have to manually restart shit on reboot because the "system manager" apparently can't really manage. Or be a proper init for that matter.

/rant

And yes I know that you've never had any issues with it. If you've got nothing better to say than that then please STFU. "Works for me" is also a rant I wrote a while back.

1. Go to my setup
2. Lights off
3. Lamp on
4. Door closed
5. Headphones on
6. Run zone.bat or zone.sh depending (yes, I have a script - it puts on music, at wherever I am in the album, changes sound & display settings, and a few other things.
7. Set breaktime alarm (I forget otherwise)
8. Code
9. When breaktime alarm goes off:
9a. Get a ginger beer and since biscuits
9b. Eat
9c. Repeat from 7

Try turning it OFF and ON again

turn off and on always saving us (or not)
series: doctor who && it crowd

!rant
If you don't even know what MySQL is, fuck off and let me do my job. Don't insist that you can't find the solution to the problem. That's why I'm here. Your incompetence and persistence are slowing me down and if you really want your stuff to be done on time, don't even dip your fingers into my codes. I know you may think that I need help, but your help is useless if you have zero knowledge and can't even understand the solutions given in stack overflow. I'm fine doing this on my own, so fuck off. Just. fuck. off.

Unemployment..
Learned tons about physics, chemical bindings, chemistry, and so on..
Even stuff like math behind music.

Having some time off is really valuable..

Coffee
Doors and windows: closed
Air conditioner: on
Headphones: on
Music: on
devRant: off

"Wow, that's so sweet of you, I'm kinda impressed you managed to pull that off, you are a very kind and nice person"

So much sugar, choking on that sweetness !!!!

Earphones + music. The best way to cut off from the outside world and focus on development.

Fucking windows automatic reboots! They seriously need to fuck off with that. As of this morning I have a finance person who can't log on, a floor manager that can't schedule his employees and a robotics controller pc that rebooted and didn't save the changes I made! Seriously, FUCK OFF!

Playing horror games

| Lights on -> cant see shit on the screen and more vulnerable to jumpscares

| Lights off -> the atmosphere of the room is generally spookier and i get scared of misc. noises

Oh well

Was filling an important form. It required my updated CV. Turned on windows to edit my CV. Turned it off and guess what...
Has been like this for the last half an hour

I don't know how others feel about this but every time, when the fan are spinning at full speed as you turn on the routers and they are in boot sequence.the stat lights on switch turning on/off in wave patterns
I'm like:
prepare to take off,
Initiate Countdown,
Take off in;T minus 30 second.

Why do they ask for a ball park price based on a non existent spec and pathetic meeting ramblings. FUCK OFF.

Can you overdose on strong coffee? I feel sort of lightheaded on and off when walking and heart feels like it's beating a lot... after drinking a large cup this afternoon...

I feel so stressed at work right now.

QA signed off on a fix I made, I signed off on a fix I made, and other people signed off on the fix, but it gets out to production and people find it's broken, I get the finger pointed at me.

It's really stressing me out, especially when our client needs custom logic to make their use cases work, and the BE and FE are scrambling to make it work.

It's really affecting the way I work and I don't know what to do. I talked to my boss and he just tells me to "stay positive". Someone please help me.

When you forget to turn off your passwordless personal hotspot on your iPhone and it says it has 1 connection.

I really hate interruptions when i'm deep in my code. Headset on and blocking out the world, then get annoyed taps on the shoulder from boss for not greeting people.
So now i'm out of the zone, browsing devrant and have pissed off the boss for being anti-social.

I just got my stickers in the mail... looking very elegant on my computer. I can't wait to show off at work 😍
Thanks for everything @dfox and @trogus, and thanks to all the devRanters 😉

Lead Dev sends rant about the app being a week late...

Doesn't take into account that I was pulled off it for two weeks to work on something else and the other dev was on maternity for two weeks :/

Solution for all the problems... Even global warming

Have you tried turning it off and on again...!?? 😌

Have you tried turning it off and on again

(Seriously though, don't ask someone for help until you've turned it off and on again)

Android MediaCodec and me
ME: What's the meaning of life?
MC: 42
ME: Why did you crashed?
MC: -19
ME: WHAT THE ... -19? StackOverflow?
SO: Have you tried to turn it off and on again?

Whatsapp on windows phonewill be shutdown in december.
Slowly more and more apps will be off.

Windows phone has a beautiful OS why did you kill it Microsoft!!!!
Why why why.

I'm watching a basketball game (NBA) and they had an issue with one of the clocks at the arena.

They of course fixed it by turning it off and turning it back on.

!rant
That feeling when you get unconditional sign-off with zero defects raised during user testing and crush the performance testing on first try. Proud of my team. Feels good man

These lady staff in my office, I tell you, are moron. They keep switching AC on and off every 10 minutes. They have the control here, we have to adjust.

Fucking corporate bullshit, I was coding (mostly creating bugs and pulling my hair off) all night on my free time (I'm on night shifts I keep the schedule when I have my days off) and at the moment I was making huge progress on my project, I gotta go to sleep to go back to work 4h later to follow a fucking 2h training on team efficiency and cohesion, in other words, how to waste 2h in a useless meeting and not getting it back + interrupting the only night I was in the zone, I'm so tired of this....

One day after typescript , I ditch JavaScript on es5 totally and my college education on objective orient finally pays off ! !

I love functional programming but still insist that objective oriented is better for large project

when you pass off on-call to another developer and wish them luck 😂

>>Googles "NCAA football" to see what games are on and if there's a close/entertaining one
>>Repeat step 1 about 3 times
>>Google has literally given me a notification for every game going on

FUCK OFF GOOD GOD.

just realised that "have you tried to `rm -rf node_modules/ && npm i` is the js adaptation of "have you tried turning it off and on again".

Wanna get pissed off? Have a client complain about a penny difference on a report, and not specify how they want values rounded. It'll work, GUARANTEED

Go on holiday tomorrow for two weeks. Not sure what's most scary, turning off my Mac and PC for two weeks or having two weeks of no code.

month off on vacation

come back to work and try to remember shit

struggle to decipher/remember public wiki documents you wrote prior to vacation

ugh

If I'm coding with earphones on and you need help, feel free to tap me on the shoulder.
Once the earphones are off and I'm coding, wait till I'm wearing then again!

What pisses me off most: on-site team/client team not specifying a non reproducable issue properly in an email and expecting a quick fix for it ASAP, making me run in circles.

My fucking internet went off and was so slow that even ssh resetted me, fucking thanks. And it was the same typical pattern again: turn off, turn on, kbps speed, wait ~30/50 minutes and then again fullspeed, fucking cuntbags stop fucking fingerbanging the ethernet ports - I need to get shit done.

Once again, I have bitten off more than I can chew. Agreed and agreed on every side project that came along and now I have so many at once I can’t handle

- get out of bed
- piss
- take out retainers
- wash retainers
- brush teeth
- put clothes on
- put glasses on
- get downstairs
- code
- shit 10 times
- code
- go upstairs
- put retainers on
- get clothes off
- go to bed
- get out of bed
- piss
- take out retainers
- wash retainers
- brush teeth
- put clothes on
- put glasses on
- get downstairs
- code
- shit 10 times
- code
- go upstairs
- put retainers on
- get clothes off
- go to bed
- get out of bed
- piss
- take out retainers
- wash retainers
- brush teeth
- put clothes on
- put glasses on
- get downstairs
- code
- shit 10 times
- code
- go upstairs
- put retainers on
- get clothes off
- go to bed
- get out of bed
- piss
- take out retainers
- wash retainers
- brush teeth
- put clothes on
- put glasses on
- get downstairs
- code
- shit 10 times
- code
- go upstairs
- put retainers on
- get clothes off
- go to bed
- get out of bed
- piss
- take out retainers
- wash retainers
- brush teeth
- put clothes on
- put glasses on
- get downstairs
- code
- shit 10 times
- code
- go upstairs
- put retainers on
- get clothes off
- go to bed
I AM FUCKING TIRED OF LIVING THIS MATRIX BULLSHIT LIKE A FUCKING ROBOT EVERY DAY IS THE FUCKING SAME AND ITS EXHAUSTING THERES NOTHING NEW JOYFUL OR FUN HERE

Deadline not met, manager blames and go off on all developers. They think development is easy.
Fuck you

Finally closed an Epic that was started on April of 2019 to migrated everyone off the old Jenkins server. Finally completed, nearly a year later and under a different project manager and director.

Me: Bluetooth not connecting to headphones, turn off and on again

Bluetooth mouse: Bluetooth is off, now what you want me to do?

I wish this was a joke... Yes, I am that stupid.

Mornings before starting office work
During start of lockdown: Wake up early, freshen up, do daily exercise, get sunlight from the window, write an article or work on side project for an hour, then start off to work...
5 months after lockdown: Wake up just 5 minutes before office work, brush my teeth and start off with office work...

Totally hands off. Haven’t touched code for about 2 months at least. Just concentrating on organising things and meetings.

Manager in latest monthly review : “we’d like you to be more hands off”.

How!?

So we have a desktop in each meeting room. In case you need to present something. And some of the desktops, if the previous person hasn't gracefully logged off, you can't log on.

Most people would take down the login id, run back to their own desktop, lookup and call the previous person to come and log off.

I'm not one of those nice people as you've already guessed - but there's no reset button on those desktops.

So instead of holding the power botton for a few seconds and tap again, I just unplug the power, and plug it back on.

After 4 reinstall and 20+ force power off I got ubuntu working on my new laptop

mini rant

So I finally started toying around C#.

As much as I tried to avoid it, as much as I wanted, well, sometimes there is need. I was laying it off and laying it off...

There are some things that well.. aren't my taste but whatever.

But come on why the fuck I cannot delete explicitly?

What do you mean "just assign it to null and GC will eventually kill off that instance"

No, I want that fucker to die here and right now. Like in good ol' C++.

The temper glad protector on my OP6 decided to suddenly fresco and fall off. It's a bit weird thought... There's no sticky feeling under that area....

Cheap Chinese product?

When you are fired from a project (restructuring and finance related) and before you have free time multiple companies are already soliciting for you....

Why people? I was planning on having a few days off....

I am getting hugely fucked off with the new captchas that are everywhere (well hardly new but I swear they’ve gotten worse).

I’m taking longer to do captchas now than I am to post on forums.

I want to find the guy who came up with this and break my fist off of his cunt.

Plan plan and then plan again

Especially on a hardened server in an off-site facility.

If you fuck up your SSH then you will be in trouble.

What is your least favorite Website "feature" ?

Mine is those off page menus that slide in from the side. They lag like crazy and freeze the entire site. God forbid if click the menu button more than once. Forbes places comments on the off page sidebar which is just pure hell.

So, you have some coffee, make up your mind, and sit down to begin the project you need to submit the next day.

You fire up the machine and bam! Windows takes it's April update - "Do not turn off your PC", and a fucking rotation of evil dots on the screen for eternity.

And it goes on and on, on and on, till you have lost all mood for work.

Why are programmers not allowed in the Intensive Care Unit?

Because they like to turn stuff off and on again

Temporarily in an apartment while my landlord fixes a potentially disastrous foundation problem and my flooding room. Having my battle station on a folding table finally paid off, super portable. My laptop is on a union break here

stupid frameworks and all your stupid nice looking code but overload of necessity I am actually debating on going off of the grid or at least ditching frameworks and just throwing shit at the wall and squeezing my knee

when you're on the cusp of finishing a feature that took 3wks up to this point to develop, and then your manager pulls you off of it

😓😓😓

... when you as an internee with limited access, gets your early off friday ruined by a flooding attack and one of the clients on that server somehow has your number..

I'm incredibly ticked off by decision of using backticks ´ to define template strings on es6...

template strings are nice , but backticks are irritating ugly and unreadable

I was working at a doctors office while going to (and still attending) college. Everyone knew my major was computer science which meant everyone came to me when their browser didn't open. The night before April fools I turned off all of the wireless mice and used a label maker to print out "April Fools" on the bottom of each mouse next to the "on/off switch." This prank is miniscule in comparison to others here I'm sure, but the next day was my day off and I had the entire office calling me asking me to come in and fix it. "Taco what do we do???" They frantically asked. And so I very calmly said, "Did you turn the mouse over?" And hung up.

Have you tried turning it on and off?

I have played different roles on different companies and all my mother says to people is that I 'work with computers', same for friends that work on manufacturing or as sales engineers. It really pissed me off.

People not respecting headphones and while standing right next to you either waving, tapping on your shoulder or, the worst, just waiting for you to take them off.

Tornadoes came through my university's city several hours ago and ripped the roofs off of several of the residential and academic buildings. Good thing no one was on campus bc of Spring break!

Have you tried turning it off and on again??

Finished a 6 month long project! Deployed on Friday, and now I’ll be taking the week off. Fingers crossed and hoping that no one burns my desk when I get back... 🌎🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

The feeling of dread as still a semi-junior sysadmin when an app doesn't work after an update.

I got stressed, triple-checked everything that I changed and that I followed all steps of the documentation of the upgrade process, then, as a last step before going over in half-panic mode to my boss, I try to restart the stupid java app and it starts working.

Wtf. Why. Why didn't it work the first time I started it? D:

"have you tried deleting node_modules" sounds like "have you tried turning it off and on again"

Arghhh. Fucking hate when clients can’t be bothered to write an email but instead ring you up and spout off a load of important information regarding a project you worked on last week. When you are deep in another project, and expecting me to give answers. JUST FUCK OFF YOU BASTARD! This twat does it all the time.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Wish you devRant family a very happy new year, my new year resolution for the year finally start working on my side project which I have been rolling off for the last 2 years, this is the year I finally start and finish it off.

My day today:
- tell everyone to fuck off and are idiots politely from 10 to 4
- tell them if they won’t fuck off now I will start looking for a job - 1 hour
- listening them apologizing me - 1 hour
- code and solve problems - 1 hour

Mondays

Hopefully I start working on Tuesday.

Developers are the only people that knock off for work at 8pm, and at 7am your project manager wants to see something new on where you left off. What happened to fairness?

It is officially fuck off on Friday!

So, fuck you all, and have a great weekend!

*Wakes up
*Sits on PC
*Some Progress On Project
*Bug Arises
*Mood Off
*Tries Debugging and gets frustated
*Goes to FB and also does Gaming
*Goes to the bed for sleep, with sad face

When you spend hours troubleshooting an issue because you're too smart to turn it off and on again.

What the fuck? Been trying to see rants all day long at work and at home and DevRant was super weird as if I wasnt connected, which I was...

Tested jsrant.com and the api was working...

Connected to a VPN on digital ocean and everything works flawlessly, dinconected from VPN and DevRant is off again...

Now on VPN... Wtf...

When people comment on a tweet you did showing off your UI system and they say they like it! :-D

I turn it off and then back on.

"You're invited to our invite only webinar on mobile application and mobile user experience development"

Cool, good on me now fuck off with stupid fucking webinars!

Sometimes when I piss it goes on and off again, like 1s and 0s. If I put that in code it has less bugs then the shit you just committed.

I usually avoid procrastination by turning off my phone, not going on social networks or YouTube and by setting some goals to achieve in a day.

Longest I've worked is about 15 hours.

I had a major project that I was working on for a while, and I kept going on and off on this project. One day I finally found the passion I guess, and just went full blown coding mode.

Basically managed to finish the remaining ~50% of the base that day.

"Agile" customers who insist on signed off specs, fixed price and 150% of the original scope

So I just acquired a Samsung galaxy S3 running Android 4.3 with Clockwork mod recovery off friend, and last night it ran out of battery. Then I tried charging it. It's not charging or turning on. Any ideas what's going off?

Clearing SMC and NVRAM on a MacBook is the new "have you tried to turn it off and on again?"

I just saw my friend on a promotional poster… Looking all cool beside a green on black terminal… Showing off the "locale" command… And the poster had nothing to do with anything IT…

I had a config option where some shit would either be dimmed down or switched off. I called them "fade-out" and "hard-off" in UI and documentation.

Luckily, it dawned on me in time that I'd better rename the latter option to "cut-off".

Disconnecting with people around me with headphones and songs.. Turning off all chatting and notifications medium including Skype and Slack. Turn off mobile network and profile. In short, disconnecting from world helps me focus on goals more.