How I've decided to answer the "can you hack" question from here on in...

"Can you show me how to hack this account please?"

"Sure, you'll need a hammer, a blow torch, chloroform, some pliers and couple of bottles of really pure vodka!"

"What the hell?!"

"Oh, it's so much quicker to just extract a password from a person, than it is to break into a system, I'm not exactly trained in inflicting pain on the human body, but I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out through trial and error, good luck!"

During a random school project.

Me: *Explains why team members idea is bad*

Team member: *Im going to do it like this anyways.*

Me: *add explaination of why idea is bad to git commit log.*

1 week later: some parts of the project dont work like they are suppost to.

Team member: *dude can you help me bla bla....(encounters issue i mentioned regarding his idea)*

Me: *no, i've already got too much on my plate. please, sort it out yourself....*

At the presentation

Teacher: *ask question about problem*

Team member: *tries to blame the problem on me....*

Me: *shows git commit log to teacher*

Me: *passing grade*

Team member: *failing grade*

Justice served.

"OUR SERVER IS DOWN!!!!!!"
*ssh server*
*succesfully logged into the server*
"The server is very much up, sir."
"BUT THIS WEBSITE ISN'T WORKING ANYMORE!!!!"

Ah, so one of your websites on that server with 100s of websites on it is not working anymore. That doesn't mean that you're entire fucking server is down. Please learn the fucking difference.

Tech Industry: “We need more developers!”

NewDev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “only experienced developers please! We don’t have time to train juniors ”

Older Dev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “no, you want too much money and too much time off“

Mid dev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “only experienced devs who are a culture fit!”

Robot dev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “You are Hired”

Coworker in my team recently said to boss:

"Thanks, this conversation with you has taught me so much about single-threaded blocking I/O"

Some random PR comments from our company's repository:

"Are you insured? I hope you are insured"

"Learning git is not that difficult. You only need one command: git reset --hard"

*Link to amazon for dog poop bags*
"Please clean up your shit, before I step in it"

"Have you thought about a career in sales? At least there you might sell your bullshit"

Just a joke I found online:

One day I was facing some issue with Outlook and I raised a ticket to get it resolved. I got a call from the Service Desk lady after some time and it went this way:

Lady: Hi I'm calling from service desk, what is the problem?

Me: (I explained the problem).

Lady: Can you please share your screen and give me the control so that I can solve the issue?

Me: (I shared the screen and gave the control. She solved it!!)

Lady: You may close the ticket from your end, the issue is solved.

Me: Thank you very much, I will close the ticket.

I opened her profile in lync and had a look at her profile. The display pic looked small in size. I instantly messaged her Employee ID to my colleague and asked him to have a look at her. He replied "She looks good in some angles".

I tried searching her FB profile with the help of her name, but there were too many results.

I started searching on Linked In instead, I found her profile this time. I was trying to enlarge the profile pic and suddenly a message popped up - it says

"I'll share my better picture with you on your outlook ID but you may please stop sharing your screen??"
😂

Time spent on Web Development :

1% : {
actual productive content and features
}

99% : {
Please. All I want is for this div to vertically align in this other one. Is that too much to ask?
}

Client: I want you to reverse engineer this piece of software!!
*posts some link to an exe on altervista along with some unrelated crap*
Oh and "I PAY"! (Because you can't even take that for granted anymore these days.)

Me: Alright, I'll look into it but I'm not a reverse engineering expert so don't expect too much.
*Closes Facebook*

Client, day after: Hey have you looked into it already? Have you finished it already?! HEY, RESPOND ALREADY!!!

Me (thinking): YEAH AFTER 1 DAY AND NO PAYMENT DETAILS WHATSOEVER, I INSTANTLY DROPPED EVERYTHING JUST TO PLEASE YOU, FILTHY RAT SACK!! You fucking wish, motherfucker. Down to lowest priority you go! And if I don't feel like doing it, how about I just drop your request and tell you to suck my fleshy snek, HOW ABOUT THAT HUH? Fucking piece of shit 😤

Boss: I saw that you are using {some JavaScript library}, why?

Me: you asked for this functionality and the library is very good for that

Boss: here at our company we do not use code from other people, we write everything ourselves

Me: but this library is very well built, actively developed and supported

Boss: I don't care, please rewrite this component

Suffice to say, I quit that job asap. Whoever thinks it's a good idea write so much code for a small purpose in an application when there is something available open source to use, is stupid. In most cases it's better to use something which is out there than to waste time writing a hardly stable version of it.

*tries to convert a Windows drive into btrfs*
*copies the whole 1.4TB of data back from server*

Windows: Wait, you expect me to do more than browsing the Phasebuk and playing games? Over a million files?! No no no, can't do that.
*reboot after BSOD*
Ehm, a hard drive you say? A drive that I just fucked up? What are you talking about? I don't see any hard drive :/

Piece of shit.

Crappy Arch Linux laptop: ah, I see a new hard drive connected here. Limme mount it real quick for ya :3
Me: eh, not now. I want to format it first.
Linux: oh, cool! Your wish is my command <3
*formats hard drive to btrfs*
Me: alright, now please copy all that 1.4TB onto the drive and please don't overheat _/\_
Linux: Gotcha! On your commands sir!

See the difference? The mental communication level? Windows is like talking to an obnoxious grade schooler that just does whatever the fuck they want to. Linux on the other hand is so much more mature and capable. Guess which one I like the most.

Are you interested in a devRant hackathon? If so, please let me know what you'd like to see us do/what you would want to get out of it. There's lots of directions we could go, but I want to get as much feedback as we can from the community to try to figure out what would be the most fun and inclusive. Thanks!

Please don't make junior developers feel they're a burden.
Have you ever googled "how to mentor junior developers"? It's quite mind-blowing how many articles, talks and panels are on this topic. And yet still junior developers are not feeling welcomed in their companies.
Yup, you guessed it, we also have something to add (based on our own experience):

1. Asking for help is not easy. Please don't blow juniors off by telling them to read docs when they ask a question. Always assume they've read it and did a sprint to solve the problem. They ask you, because they see you as a mentor and really need your help. If you can, spend more time with them and guide through the entire problem solving process.

2. Please don't think "I learnt it this way so you should too". If you're in charge of teaching a junior developer, don't expect them to be a carbon copy of yourself. Because even though in your opinion your approach is more "pro", they might not be there yet to use it properly. And last, but not least:

3. Of course, juniors will compare themselves with seniors on their team. And there'll be moments they feel so guilty and so afraid that they cost the company too much, that they need training, and supervision, or are between projects and are not bringing in any money, and they'll fear that their company regrets hiring them. Make sure they don't feel like a burden. As juniors, we often
have this misconception what is expected from us.

Dear tech companies, please set very clear expectations and tell your juniors you're happy. Don't get us wrong here. We don't expect unicorns, roses and pats on the back from companies. We do understand- this is business, and at the end of the day we all are here to make money. To do so, companies need to make smart investments. Junior dev with a great assistance, planned support, and a clear training program will become a great asset. It really is as simple as that.

So a fucking friend of mine makes me meet this fella who is a big shot according to his LinkedIn and please note has too much experience with Web Apps and Python

Me being naive actually trusted that and I meet him.

Fella: So what do you do?
Me: I am into Cyber Security nothing much I just do bug hunting for now
Fella: You know python will help you right?
Me: Sorry?
Fella: You see you have to be a python programmer for anything you want to do in CS
Me: Me yeah I kinda know python actually I am more into Ruby from start so ( Around this time I kinda sensed that he is a fake tech guy he is a corporate asshole)
Fella: show me any of your work
Me: (So to show him one of the thing I was working on I open GitHub desktop app) Me explaining blah blah blah
*Fella is in shock*
So at this point I was thinking probably he is impressed and that's why the shock right?

No a big fucking no
Apparently he never heard about GitHub or git and got blown away by the interface.

And the friend who made me meet that guy is not my fucking friend anymore that prick can die for ruining my day

Dude, FUCK automated bathrooms.

First of all, what the hell is so complicated about making a motion sensing faucet that works? Why does it *need* to be motion sensing? I stand there for 5-10 seconds with my stupid soapy hands extended, waiting for a squirt of the divine liquid.

And then the immediately following experience isn't much better. Motion sensing paper towel dispenser. The first go works fine, but it always dispenses half of what you need to get your grimy paws dry. So you go in for seconds, and it just flat out ignores you. Leaves you on read. You flap your pathetic noodle arms at it again. It isn't happening. Please wait 3-5 business days.

Oh, and god forbid you forget to cover the automatic toilet with a few wasted squares. Lean into a shit ONCE and you've just been prematurely flushed. Your ass is misted with the cold, unforgiving equivalent of an automatic insult.

Asshole design

UI Designer : please make the border under the title a lighter shade of grey

Me : How much lighter?

UI Designer : I'm not sure... I'll know it when I see it. Just try a few shades out.

Me: *tries a lighter shade* Is this okay?

UI Designer : No! Now it's too light.. Make it juuuust a little darker.

*This goes on for two hours back and forth*

Me : ....... (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Job offer:

"There is no hierarchy within this company."

Bullshit.

Given a group of people, a hierarchy will emerge. In any company, a hierarchy will emerge. Even within a team a hierarchy will emerge.

Some people like to butt heads, some people like to go with the flow. It's how you deal with these personalities that matters.

You can try to be as fancy you want and declare your hierarchy to be as flat as a pancake, yet the reality is: there will be one.

Certain people will be trusted more by other people. Certain people will have more power in the decision making process.

Can we please stop deluding ourselves that this is not the case?

And that is not necessarily a bad thing. It only becomes bad if the company culture sucks. Instead of platitudes in regards to the assumed absence of hierarchy, I would be more interested to know how a company deals with its hierarchy.

How is feedback handled? How do people argue? How are decisions made, challenged and implemented?

That's what I would find much more interesting.

Today was Mother's Day. Everybody was posting their photos with their mothers, so I had to stay away from social networks for today to not feel sad.

It's been almost a year without mine, really miss her.

I love her, and I never showed her how much. I've not been the best son a mother could have, I'm so sorry for that. She thought me how to be strong, she was the strongest, but I'm feeling so weak now without her.
Please never miss a chance to let your mother know how much you love her, give her a hug whenever you can, talk to her every time you need somebody to talk to, listen to her stories from when she was your age. She's the most precious person you'll ever have in your life. I realized that when it was too late, don't make my mistake.

I miss you mum ❤

Citizens are advised not to use encryption as decrypting data takes too​ much time and is costly.
Please spread awareness and save money.

Thank you for Cooperating, have a nice day :)

Alright, I just wanna start off by saying that I'm a huge privacy guy. I hate all kinds of data collection companies like Google/Facebook/Amazon and all that. Yet I'm forced to have a Google account for certain reasons.

But the thing that I want to say is that I often talk to people to express my concerns about privacy. And most people agree and say that "yeah sure that's some scary shit" but don't actually do much about it.

And the thing is. If you just browse through all of the options in your Google account. You can turn off and remove almost all data collection/ad serving and identification options entirely.

And yet purple complain about that Google sees what you buy and shit. Turn everything off. Get and adblocker and get noscript. The single best browser add-on out there. It's almost that easy to get at least acceptable amounts of Internet privacy.

Please, don't ever ignore the significance of in Internet privacy. And the potential issue of net neutrality. Don't be ignorant. Don't be the client.

To people who don't know how to use Linux: Just because I use nano instead of gedit or any other GUI text editor does not mean I'm showing off. Why can't you understand that ssh-ing into a server and opening a file in the terminal itself to edit three lines of configuration is much easier than opening FileZilla, connecting, downloading the file, making the changes and uploading it again. It's fine if you want to do it that way. But please don't judge me for doing it my way.

To people who are good with Linux: Can you please stop suggesting me to use vim instead, EVERY FUCKING TIME? I know it's more powerful, but I haven't been using Linux enough to have surpassed it's learning curve. Plus I google up how to use it and do use it when I have the need. Please let me be?

To people who tell me to use Windows for everything: Go suck a fat dick, you uncultured morons.

*signs up for Skillshare*
> Sorry, your password is longer than our database's glory hole can handle.
> Please shorten your password cumload to only 64 characters at most, otherwise our database will be unhappy.

Motherf-...

Well, I've got a separate email address from my domain and a unique password for them. So shortening it and risking getting that account stolen by plaintext shit won't really matter, especially since I'm not adding payment details or anything.

*continues through the sign-up process for premium courses, with "no attachments, cancel anytime"*
> You need to provide a credit card to continue with our "free" premium trial.

Yeah fuck you too. I don't even have a credit card. It's quite uncommon in Europe, you know? We don't have magstripe shit that can go below 0 on ya.. well the former we still do but only for compatibility reasons. We mainly use chip technology (which leverages asymmetric cryptography, awesome!) that usually can't go much below 0 here nowadays. Debit cards, not credit cards.

Well, guess it's time to delete that account as well. So much for acquiring fucking knowledge from "experts". Guess I'll have to stick to reading wikis and doing my ducking-fu to select reliable sources, test them and acquire skills of my own. That's how I've done it for years, and that's how it's been working pretty fucking well for me. Unlike this deceptive security clusterfuck!

I ranted about this somewhat in the past, but my biggest hurdle has been my family and friends. Please don't take this as ego or conceit, because I don't feel this way about myself. But they all say because of my exotic appearance (Being Japanese and Norwegian) that I should be a model, dancer, actress, or some other vapid thing.

I love tech. My dad is an engineer, so I've been surrounded by tech since I was very young. So now that I am out of high school, I want to turn my coding hobby into a career. My family and friends are not necessarily discouraging me much anymore, but they still aren't supportive. Doesn't matter though, this is the path I've chosen.

New job, started two months ago. Forced to use a MacBook. First time using iShit in my life.

- Laptop reboots randomly every three weeks or so "because of an error" (thanks, very informative error message).

- Sometimes if I use two screens and I lock my laptop, only one screen gets locked.

- The most simple tasks require a fucking large number of clicks. There are almost no keyboard shortcuts. My hand hurts because of this, and after two months the pain is getting worse and worse.

- Yes, I know there are apps that give you extra keyboard shortcuts, but those don't help much. I never used a mouse in 10 years.

- Window management sucks. It's so broken and poor in so many ways, I don't know where to start.

- Random errors and pop-ups are the norm.

- I have only four fucking USB Type C ports. I can somehow understand having only Type C because it looks cool, but fuck at least give me 6 of them, or 8. Do you really have to force me to use a USB hub, in addition to a shitload of adapters?

- Multiple monitors don't work unless the laptop is connected to the power adapter.

- The above point means, in practice, that I have exactly zero USB Type C ports available to me: one is used for the power adapter, two are for the two monitors, and one for the USB hub. Whenever I have to connect something that has Type C, I have to choose between monitors and going fuck myself.

- I don't want to comment on performance, cooling system or battery life. This would be a waste of time. Let's just say that it's shit.

Now, dear Apple fangirls and fanboys, please downvote this rant. I want your downvotes, so please don't hesitate to press that (--) button. But please let me say that these products are shit, pure shit. Fuck Apple and their overpriced products.

That moment when you optimize something from taking ~10 minutes to ~17 seconds and are unsure if you managed to actually optimize that much or did you create a bug that doesn't return half the data...
Please let it be the former.

1. Do you know why my computer is so slow?
2. What cellphone do you recommend me to buy? (They always end up buying the cheapest)
3. What do you do at work? (Answer: "I create applications". Anything more complex than that is not going to be understood or they will loose interest)
4. Something is wrong with the: [TV, Cellphone, microwave, etc.]. Could you please take a look? (Believe or not, if something works with electricoty, my family thinks I can fix it).
5. Is it true that if I send this WhatsApp message to all my contacts I will have more options?
6. I need to build an application that (pretty much The Matrix), how much time do you need and how much would cost? Don't you dare to give me wrong numbers. (We have to see the future)
7. (Continuing the previous point, a non-technical client) I don't think that would take so much time/money. (Every time)
8. I want to use the latest Front-End frameworks. I want to see all those beautiful animations in my page and that it runs smoothly... I also need that it runs in IE 5.
9. So, you have been working in the back end? If you don't have a screen to show to the client is like you didn't do anything in this sprint.
10. Why haven't you built and million dollar application? Everybody is doing that right now....

Yep, those are only a few downsides of our profession if we count family, friends and even co-workers. But I can't imagine myself doing anything else.

Listen. Use invariants. If you can do

if(!x) {
return foo;
}
...rest of function logic...

Instead of

if(x) {
...some long branch with more tests...
} else {
return foo;
}

Please do. It's so much easier to read when all of your conditions are tested in a line at the top instead of nested 8 layers deep in if-else blocks.

Thanks

Hey yo guys, Legion here dropping you some lit tips for yo dev job interviews

One of my friend at college asked me why her computer is running slow even when she is running only chrome.

Me: how much memory does it have?
Her: 1TB.
Me (somewhat confused): no no I meant RAM.
Her: yeah yeah it's one TB. I read the specifications of the laptop.
Me: *in my mind, fucking read it again* please read it again. You must have misread it.
Her( grinning face ): alright.

Guess who didn't talk to me for a week. 😂

My PM: I don't like when you get up and help out other colleagues with their problems on their computer. You're not at their service.
Me: okay, I'll refrain from doing so.

The next day, I arrive 5 minutes before 8, I get myself a coffee, talk with a few colleagues, and:
PM: Hey, can you please come and help me review this email?
Me: ** fuck it, I still have 2 minutes ** Yeah I'm coming
PM: Now please.
Me: ...

Also my PM, 5 minutes later: Hey I don't manage to print my document, can you help me?
Me: ...

10 minutes later, I get a call:
PM: did you call XY about ZX?
Me: Yep, sent you a mail about it 2 minutes ago
PM: Really? I don't see it
Me: I sent it.
PM: Can you send it again?
Me: ...

Later that day:
PM: Hey, what are you up to?
Me: Well, I'm working on our improved websi-
PM: Can you please create a new campaign on Mailchimp? We're all under water here and a bit of cooperation from you would be great
Me: ** huh? ** erm, ok?
PM: Do it now
Me: Yeah yeah, don't worry. ** click ** here, done. Now, where was I...

----- PM on holidays

Other colleague from another department: Hey Phlisg! I have a small problem on our platform, can you help me?
Me: ** writes a script to help her out **
Her: awesome, thank you!!
Her own PM, 5 minutes later: Hey! Thank you very much for your help, it helps us out a real lot, very much appreciated :)

I lost my smile at work since the beginning of the year, but that little help I gave my colleague just gave my smile back to me :D

I'm starting to think customers know when I'm busy and take that moment to break their products.

I JUST WANT TO LET MY LEG SOAK IN EPSOM WATER... your users are going to bed soon, it's a freaking Saturday, and you need to go get laid because you have too much time on your hands. I'm in pain and cannot help you restore service if you don't stay on the line. So please... don't. Fucking. Call me. Unless you're going to stay on the line to test. You're pushing my limits, and if my voice gets any quieter, it means I'm about to find your porn accounts and register you as an amateur, uploading cows fucking to get you banned from all the services. Congratulations sir, you've pissed me off so bad, I'm using my "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" voice I learned from my mother. I hope you're happy. I'm so mad I'm not even swearing anymore. I always swear.

Edit: if my voice ever sounds sweet and demure over the phone, someone is about to get fucked with a red hot fireplace poker. This fucker getting close.

That'd be Linux for sure. I love how it allows its operator to do anything they please, without any lockdown or nannying. How I own the piece of software (given copyright compliance of course), rather than being just (temporarily) licensed to use it. How I can customize it into whatever shape I want. How it allows pretty much anyone to contribute. And redistribution! Yes, the hundreds if not thousands of distributions and appliances that use it! Simply amazing.

Senior devs out there, please be supportive to juniors. Don't treat them bad just because they don't know as much as you do. Guide them and help them learn and grow as devs. That'll make your company (and/or the community) a better place to work at, because everyone will be a better dev, and you might learn and grow in the process as well.

Client: "the content is pretty confusing and inconsistent. Would you say the frontend is ready?"

Me:"please do not ask that way."

Client: "i just asked a question. What do you mean?"

Me: "well.. you basically say that is bad and then asked me if I thought it was bad."

Client:" i was asking a question. It is your problem if you find that offensive. You were to deliver a finished design until 3pm. "

Me:"you just reviewed it and came up with new input..and apart from that there were just some buttons in the wrong shade."

Client:"yes but I expect that kind of critical input from the developer. "

Me: "I understand, but this was a tiny project for 300 cash. I can't go all out on a budget like this. "

Client:"but all the other jobs I gave you lately were paid much better.."

Me: "yes. Those were other jobs, right? Should I feel obliged to work overtime I eager expectation of more and different work?"

Client: "you used to be more excitable...."

:/

Dad: "Install this apk for me"
*try it and installation fails*
Me: "I checked the repo and it's for a much older version of Android. Won't work for you."
Dad: "Don't be a quitter. It can definitely be done."

Please stop asking me for help.

Can we please all just appreciate how much more enjoyable the "cloud-to-butt" browser extension makes reading all those damn pr texts about "the cloud"? Seriously, try it!

Do you know what annoys the living fuck out of me?
Me: no...?
Me: may I tell?
Me: yes, please do!
Me: okay here we go:

Sites which use Google fonts or apis or ajax or other Google-hosted libraries.

It takes fucking ages to load those sites (if they lost et-all) since I block as much as possible from that cocksucking mass surveillance network.

Google, feel free to die in a fucking corner while getting an acid shower and being stripped of your skin layer by layer, as slow as possible to increase the pain and suffering.

yesterday my boss called me to his office.
(him) - Please close the door
(me thinking) - My God, this is gonna be serious. He never closes his doors
(him) - It's a common practice here that we buy a new laptop for new colleges. What kind of laptop do you have?
(me relieved and excited) - Well it's 4 years old shit, 8 Gb of RAM, slow
(him) - Great we'll buy you this i7, big SSD, 32 Gb of RAM + new monitor, mouse and keyboard.

I was excited as fuck.

Until he sent me what he bought. It's much worse laptop than that I have 😑 Only thing that is better is it has 16 Gb of RAM.
I guess I'll just take that RAM off it and put it in my machine (if it is DDR3, God please may it be DDR3)

I am but one man. Please remember that I am only human, and as much as I have automated, some things still take time.

Also,

I DON'T KNOW IT'S A FUCKING ISSUE UNTIL YOU MAKE ME AWARE OF SAID ISSUE. IF THIS ISSUE GOES ON FOR WEEKS, IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I AM AWARE. PLEASE, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, LET ME KNOW BEFORE IT BECOMES A HEADACHE FOR YOU. BECAUSE WHEN AN ISSUE BECOMES A HEADACHE FOR YOU, YOY THEN BECOME A HEADACHE FOR ME.

I'm wondering, what's you guys/gals/linux kernels/however you identify yourself 'superpower'?

I think that nearly everyone has something which can be extremely useful (maybe not healthy) and which not many other people you know have.

In my case it's that i can manage with extremely variable sleep patterns and when needed, I can sleep very short for days in a row (3-4 hours a night) and I'm all good. Nearly all friends/family that I have NEED regular sleep patterns + at least 8 hours of sleep but i can very much manage without those. Very useful when having disruption service and stuff.

Please post yours in the comments if you're comfortable with that!

At work, me and my guys don't say "you have my attention" we say "you have my erection"

Yeah, its juvenile, and in poor taste, but to us its fricking hilarious.

Anyway, at any meeting when someone says "attention please" we always start giggling like fucking morons.

We basically substituted the word "attention" for "erection" and the only thing that we fear is using it in public. My guys seldom have to speak in public, I do most of the talking as their manager.

It falls on me to not say it at the wrong place, and the wrong time.

That is not reassuring to me. But I wonder how much longer can I keep going without messing that one up.

Please tell me how much do you HATE yourself for owning 0 / not enough bitcoins.

A nice word to all developers who say stuff like "I know I write bad code, but what does it matter.":
Please try to think in a logical way about what this part you are about to write has to do. It is much more difficult to rewrite code, the longer you wait after you started to code.
Bad code can have big impacts on different levels.
For example financially: Bad coding style or program structure can lead to thousands or much more in losses because of nasty bugs, bad performance, expandability or maintainability.
Think about quality over quantity.

A little example: I had to work together with other coders to meet a fucking tight deadline. The last day we coded like crazy and these dudes started to apply styling changes (CSS) directly as inline styles to the HTML code, instead of taking a few minutes more to find where in the CSS files they had to make the changes.
At the end of the deadline we had more stylingbugs than before. It took us another whopping 3 hours to fix what they had done.

So next time you code: Thinking before coding is mostly faster than just straightahead coding and fixing at the end. 😉

Please don't comment in front of the code like this:

doSomething(); // does something

Please just stahp

Do this:

// does something
doSomething();

Much better and friendly for everyone

Manager: Messages not visible! bug ticket!!!!

Dev: oh fuck, there's an issue with our chat system, not good! _inspects ticket_ oh, it's just a display issue that actually is according to the previous spec, yawn...

Dev: please describe the bug better next time, I though we had a major outage, this is simply a small design issue...

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

I think I'm quitting soon guys. I literally do not get paid enough to deal with these incompetent idiots each day.

Meanwhile:

Management: forget your shitty salary, take one for the team, you get 3% of the shares in the company!!!!

Dev: what fucking shares, you haven't even converted to a corporation yet, THERE ARE NO SHARES

Management: ...

Dev: ...

Oh yeah and they called me at 6:30 PM today: "so i guess you are winding down for the day"

fuck outta here i haven't been working since 5 you fucks

jesus i swear some people need to screw their fucking head on straight, so far gone into the hUsTlE CuLtUrE they don't even know what reality is anymore

you guys complaining about doing PHP and WP because you needed money sounds like confessing about doing porn in college

"Sorry mom, but I really needed the money ..."

User: Bobby, please update this quality controlled document because I screwed it up.

Me: No there is a process for a reason, multiple people need to sign off on this. Also, we talked about this exact issue a year ago that you did not fix.

User: But its a minor change, several hyperlinks in the Word document need adjusted.

Me: Ok, you do it and submit it through the process again.

User: Can you make the changes to the document? It will take me forever and I'm very busy. I know you can do it much quicker than I can.

Me: I really don't want to edit this document myself. It doesn't apply to my job at all and I cannot verify any of the changes would be correct.

User: Oh it's fine. Make the changes and I'll look over it.

...

I hate my job sometimes.

Comment on a GitHub issue on one of my repos:

"Almond I posted this feature request last month, please start to work on it in your free time"

Dude, that's just made it a whole lot less likely I'll even give that feature request the time of day. Take your entitled arse attitude to the bank and pay me to do it if you care that much.

Also, free time?!?! Hahahaha.

!rant
Linux vs Microsoft

Well, this war is certainly one of the oldest. IMO,
Linux - great for automating stuff, free, and customisable.
Windows - user friendly, softwares much more easily available, much easier to use.

Frankly, I have tried using Linux a lot of times, but never liked it one bit. I am a GUI fan and hate to type commands for every little thing. Plus installing Ubuntu wiped out my disk once and I lost all my school memories ( this was in 2008, I didn't know much about backups, was quite young) ,so I am quite vary of it. I just don't feel it to be intuitive. Just to do a simple task, I loathe to learn difficult commands, and just read the syntax.

However, I have no bias against people who use Linux.

It is like religion, live and let live, follow whatever suits you.

On devrant, why's there so much hate for Windows? Because it is paid? Because it has updates? So what!
I never had a problem with it, I update once a month, takes 10 mins. If you set up your active hours correctly, it works great, you can disable updates also. Windows 10 is highly stable. It is paid, but in my country almost all laptops come with windows preinstalled. The OS-less laptops are about $10 cheaper, which is not that much to freak about.

Would love to hear your views and logical arguments.
Please be polite.

Why do so many people waste their time and their computers turning coal into heat? It really pisses me off.

Often I meet smart guys who are fairly decent coders and after what starts as an interesting conversation is instantly destroyed by cryptocurrency.

It is *exactly* like enjoying a discussion of the intriguing nuances of quantum chemistry only to have the guy say, "thats all cool, but how do you make meth?"

argh.

You want to use your decked out rig to make money? Fine. But please help us solve important problems instead of literally wasting electricity. Just google search "supercomputer physics" and you will find a thousand current problems requiring extremely fast computers for number crunching. All of them can make you more money than crypto and all of them help society at the same time.

We burn coal to make most of the electricity on this planet. Most coal stations burn around 20,000 tons of coal per day. The world burns about 250 tons of coal every *second*. This is converted into carbon dioxide. (coal = carbon, add two oxygens when you burn it, producing three times as much mass in CO2, which then goes out the smoke stack)

The big picture is this: currently we are forced to burn coal to make the world work. Turning off the boilers would result in an almost instant apocalyptic collapse of society. BUT, we don't need to burn it merely to produce waste heat in your video card array.

Please use your superpowers for good.

<end rant>

I'm so weary of JS right now but every time i want to code something in another language i just think:
"Why don't i just do this in JS. Would be much easier."

Please help me.

Depression update two.
Thanks for amazing support guys!
I have made decision to have a digital detox. Today I did have another bout of depression accompanied with a mild case of confused state of mind and suicidal thoughts. I have found the triggers(Social media and too much time spent on the internet.) I have lost a lot of weight too. From 68KG -> 46 KG in span of weeks. So I hope I will catch you soon after I recover from it.

Fuck depression. If anyone is having bouts of depression please contact your health-care provider or friends/family.

Love you all. ❤️🙏☺️

Why is there so much hate against QA in general??

I read tons of rants about how bad testers are... and as a dev who does a lot of QA work, IT SUCKS!

We (devs) have to accept that are work needs to be tested! Otherwise we want be successful with our products.

BUT the testers need to know the development business! They should be trained at the same level as the devs are.

BECAUSE if the mug on my desk is smarter than the tester it is not going to work!
If the tester has full access to all the technologies, environments and tools (and are capable of using it) he has the ability to HELP!

I THINK that testing should be more than just follow predefined steps and let a random tool generate a bugreport.

I am sure that some of you are lucky enough to work with highly skilled testers so please let them help

So we're hiring for a new junior dev and for the most part it's been going great! We have some promising candidates and I am so glad to finally have a new dev on the team!

However, I would like to take a moment and offer a few suggestions to the people who wish to work for this great and illustrious company:

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE APPLY FOR THE JOB USING THE METHOD INDICATED IN THE AD. Please use our fancy, top-of-the-line, whiz-bang, cloud-based "talent acquisition" system that we paid way too much money for. I promise you, it's easy! Please don't send in your application by email, mail, telephone, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, telegram or carrier pigeon. But most importantly...

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS BEAUTIFUL IN THIS WORLD DO NOT SHOW UP AT OUR OFFICE UNANNOUNCED RESUME-IN-HAND. Believe it or not I do have an actual job that I spend my day doing! If I'm not in a meeting or at lunch or working from home, the best possible scenario is that you'll get 30 seconds of awkward small talk and be pointed to our whiz-bang, top-of-the-line "talent acquisition" system which you should have used in the first place (you did read the ad, right?). And at this point whatever you do...

DO NOT DEMAND AN ON-THE-SPOT INTERVIEW WHEN YOU SHOW UP UNANNOUNCED TO OUR OFFICE! Like, really? Do you think that you've wowed me so with your 30 seconds of awkward small talk that clearly I cannot wait to see what you will do with an entire hour? Look, I prepare for my interviews. I research you, your previous employers, your school and the hobbies you list on your resume. I check out your GitHub and LinkedIn. I may even Google your name! If that is all in order, I try to hassle some people into sitting in with me, find a time that works for everyone, and hope that there is a meeting room available. I'm not going to interview you at reception at 4pm on a Friday afternoon.

Please submit your application through our whiz-bang, top-of-the-line online "talent acquisition" system. Once I figure out how to log in, I promise I will spend an evening and read through all your cover letters with the utmost care. If you seem OK, you'll get an interview. There aren't that many developers in this town.

(Instant Message)
Client: Are you there?
Me: Yes speak please.
(Why don't you just leave the message? It's not like having a phone call…)
Client: The contract is ready. I'll send it to you.
(Waited for an akaward 10 minute…)
Client: ???Can you receive it???
(Omg are you doing SSL handshake or what? Just send the file!)
Me: Yes I can pleasre send it to me thank you so much.

So after promoting Flutter to the clients (for whom cross plateform solution are perfect match) for almost a year, today I finally got the first ever Flutter App contract. I believ e time for Flutter is really coming. Wish me luck!

Fucking fuck you STRATO. This cancer of a german hosting provider just should be shutdown for crimes against reason. Our website got infected by some shit (I'd like to not state why, there is only so much pressure my main arterie can handle) and now we are supposed to remove that file. Well they blocked all incoming and outgoing traffic to the server so we cannot connect via sftp, the only choice you got with STRATO. And they wont restore network access for the server unless we remove the file. No logical loop to see here citizen, please move on.

I think Suicide Linux is a little heavy handed. Really? One mistake erases your hard drive? Please, let's make things interesting.

I would rather use Casino Linux.... try your luck. Any mistake sets a random single bit on your computer to 0. You could be lucky and it would set unused memory to 0, doing nothing. You could be an unlucky bastard and corrupt everything. You could be a super unlucky bastard and corrupt something important and only find out much, much too late.

I'm asking for $90,000 to start my business for 2% share of my company

I have this great professor who taught us how to be logical human beings (not that I learned much of that haha). He introduced us to web dev. He started with the basic html shit, then proceed with php and sql. His lectures were awesome. He'll then proceed with code exercises. And we'll have mini 'codefights' in his classes! yey! He taught us that in programming, it is much more important to practice logic than master a single language(no hate please). I learned to love programming through his passion. :) I learned to program in his class, now I hope never to stop learning. :D

Coworker: We you have to estimate these tasks.
Me (thinking): This task should take one day, but I'll add 4 hours in case something unexpected happens again.
* Estimates 12h
Coworker: Alright, the tasks for this sprint have been selected. Please start to work on them.
Me: * Starts working on certain task
* Sees time available for task
2d 4h (=20h)
* Writes coworker
Dude, that much time is overkill for that task!
Coworker: Yeah, the client said something similar.
Me: Then why did you estimate it that high?
Coworker: 🤷‍♂️
Me: Ok, what am I gonna do with all that extra time? 😑
Coworker: 🤷‍♂️

Thanks mate.
Around 4 hours in and almost done. What should I do with that extra time?

Task in question: Add a mutually exclusive field to a database table, add it to the form, test it and update the docs.

Enjoy the unrelated, clickbait cat

Project day 1. CTO: everything should be covered by automatic tests.

Project day 30. CTO: listen, we have lot of work in the pipeline now and we need to prioritize. Please don't spend that much time on tests.

Project day 100. CTO: why isn't everything covered by automatic tests?

SOMEONE PLEASE JUST TELL ME:

HOW DO I STOP BEING SO FUCKING AWKWARD!!!!!!!! Tell me please, i swear to you. My life would be so much better if i wasn’t so awkward and have social anxiety. Tell me what to do because i’m tired of it, i hate it so much.

I absolutely fucking HATE having to sleep with either a full nose or a throat making odd noises everytime I breathe

There is NOTHING (including eating noises) that agitate me more than having to use my mouth for breathing because my nose is full. I'm already addicted to nose spray because I'm sick and I can't breathe at night, but FUCK waking up at 3 in the morning because I can't breathe properly or have too much snot up my canals.

FUCK IT

I can tolerate mouth breathing normally, just so I can control the amount of nose spray I take while I'm sick, but LEAVE ME A LONE AT NIGHT PLEASE

I NEED SLEEP OKAY

>:(

I just got a call from a recruiter asking if I had any recommendations for a company in town. Eight years ago, I met the owner of this company and he seemingly went out of his way to ignore me every time we met. His attitude was cold, unwelcoming, and not a character I ever wanted to associate with.

It's a small world. Please don't burn your bridges before you ever get your company's first round of major funding. Yes, I know a lot of people that might have wanted a position like this, but not with him at the helm.

As much as I wanted to express my disdain for the owner, I hold steadfast that the only respectful answer to this recruiter is to say: "I have no recommendations for this position."

Because I’m a fucking cowboy and a charlatan, and because I hate sleep and despise feeling refreshed and happy, I’m working pretty much full time as a contractor (I’m the full stack dev. I do everything) on a (well funded) startup alongside my day job.

Tonight I had to make some quick (lol “quick”) changes to a core piece of the platform.

Now before continuing please refer back to the first line of this rant.

So instead of writing new functionality, I copied and pasted another section.

I renamed all references of “new_order” to, cleverly “new_order2”.

I know.

I deploy to production...

My phone starts blowing up. In short, everything is fucked.

I’m going over the query, checking the production database. Why is this manifesting like this? It all looks correct.

2 HOURS of broken sales, pissed off customers, pissed off service agents and I see that there was still one reference of “new_order” that should have been “new_order2”.

I am a piece of shit.

Manager: "Hi Almond, how is X going?"

Almond: "...I don't know, Bob is in charge of that."

Manager: "Ok. Do you know the status of Y at all?"

Almond: "Not sure, isn't that Bob's responsibility too?"

Manager: "Well, yeah, but I never seem to be able to get a good answer out of him. Find out on both fronts and let me know ASAP please"

...sure, I know how this goes. I'll stop all the dev work I'm doing, do your job for you, talk to the lazy bonehead that never bothers doing anything, report back that he's done sod all (or still "in a requirements gathering phase" as he puts it), be asked "why is he taking so long", have a bit more back and forth, then decide we'll just leave him be as actually trying to get him to do any work is going to be too much like hassle 😒

Client: there's too much source code. Can you reduce it please.

Me: certainly. Alakazam!

Dear, google chrome browser. Please stop taking up so much RAM. You are a browser not a game. Worst browser ever.

A couple of weeks ago, I got to the second stage of a recruitment process with a relatively big fintech in the crypto space (I know) - all went well and although I did not think much of it at first, with all the information I had gathered I came to realize this might as well be the best opportunity I've had in my pursuit of finding a new job (i.e looking for high technical challenges, unsure of where I see myself in 5 years, wanting to give full-remote work a try, etc.).

Cue to the end of the interview;
"That's great! I really enjoyed speaking with you, your technical background seems excellent so we would like to move to the next stage which is a take-home test to do in your free time.", said the interviewer.

"Wow! Much amaze, well of course! What's it gonna be?", said the naive interviewee.
"I'm sending you the details via email, please send it back in 48 hours, buhbye now", she hangs up.

...

"48 hours?? Right, this should be easy then, probably some online leetcoding platform, as usual.", thought the naive interviewee, who evidently went through this sh*t numerous times already.

A day later I receive the email: this was the whole deal. The take-home test supreme with bacon and cheese. A full-blown project, with tests, a project structure, a docker image, testing and bullet points for bonus points! The assessment was poorly written with lots of typos and overall ambiguity, a few datasets were also provided but bloated with inconsistent comments and trailing whitespace.

What the actual fck??? Am I supposed to sleep deprive myself to death while also working my day job? What are you trying to assess? How much of my life I'm willing to sacrifice for your stupid useless coding challenge? You are not all Google, have some respect, jeez.

I did not get the job.

Please allow me to share my thoughts since I can't totally outrage my frustration because we have this so-called fasting to control our anger towards a person we currently disagree with.

A letter from your loving, sincere, pretty and gorgeous working partner to my young, chubby, smart and clever colleague:

Please do cooperate in times of live editing from the FTP since CTO is not and will never be going to appreciate version control since CTO is too tired for giving a shit and just want deliverables be delivered as fuck perfectly regardless of the resources that we have.

As you know, I tolerated you for not getting the freedom of live editing as what you've experienced from your previous team lead. All I ask of you is to get fresh file from FTP whenever we touch the same file because firstly, God knows how frustrating it is how your hard work is going to be replaced and be gone as much as I do. Secondly, I don't want you to experience how pain in the ass could this be in the long run, and lastly, I don't want any hard feelings to be wasted just because of this.

P.S. I'm too shy to send this to you because I don't want to hurt your feelings and don't want to sound too seriouz and feel old. I also hope we share the same telepathic understanding so we can agree with each other.

Your loving, sincere, pretty and gorgeous working partner,
xoxo ❤️

(thinking of stating my first name) 😂

Has it ever happened to anyone that you get hired as a backend java developer without going through any sort of evaluation and for some reason you start getting only design/frontend tasks and you politely complain but the dickhead says "well you should be able to do everything, and I want it before tomorrow" but you kind of need the money so "what the hell" and a couple days later you fully remember again how much you hate spending a whole day trying to get a bloody bar sticked to the bottom of the page while some dickass hits your slack and whatssapp with the nerving "where are my screens?" and start thinking "...do I really need to eat this month..." but anyways you make your research and ask for help and stop sleeping and do as much as you can to get the sh*t done and please the dickhead because you want his money?
...Anyone?
...No?
...Just me?
...Oh well, have a nice day/evening

First rant goes here...
Had an interview for post of android dev at a start-up(please note: they specified they need a full-time android dev for their team, junior role, even freshers would do). Not a single question asked from android- architecture, apps, libraries, not even anything from my resume. They thought that any person who can 'reverse a linked list on paper' can work with them, but not a dev who has a year's experience in android development.
At the end, after asking me about a dozen (quite simple) DS questions, they said they can't provide the opportunity to a fresher, and I can join as an intern for 3-6 months and 'work my way up'.
WHY THE FUCK YOU SAID YOU NEED A FULL-TIME ANDROID DEV WITHOUT MUCH EXPERIENCE? AND WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK ME RELEVANT QUESTIONS?

Some people just lack so much independence, damnit!
Einmal mit Profis arbeiten ... ! (*) 😒

(*) German expression that expresses depending on tone or context a mild to severe frustration as well as the desire to work with qualified people just ... once?! Maybe?! Please?! Often used in IT and dev contexts, because - you know.

there's this club at my school, called STEM, and another called "science olympiad." both are pretty cringey, bad, or boring. science olympiad was just for the college credit. during the intro to the club, they said there was a coding section. "game on!" is what they dubbed it as, where basically you're timed to make a game in scratch. i'm fucking tired of it. why is scratch considered programming? don't get me wrong, i'll write an OS in PHP before i say code.org is better than scratch, but fuck it. its a fucking interpreted language that's interpreted by another interpreted language. i don't understand why this shit is still used. scratch isn't good. please codecademy or w3schools or just write in binary directly, but not scratch. my hand hurts from dragging and dropping, my eyes hurt from the light theme, my imaginary cat committed suicide after learning about scratch's mascot. fuck it. now onto stem club, fuck it too. not for being bad (well, kinda), but for not being more recognized. it should be above science olympiad, and other clubs because you actually have to think instead of just memorize. but alas, we still were offered the choice of scratch to program the robot. sigh. arduino much? i guess not. challenging much? nope. was i elected "leader"? with three of my friends out of the eight there, i could have been, but no. effort in this would be depressing.

Paraphrased with imaginary ending:

Me: Ok so this X will never be more than Y items and not more than one pages?

Person: Yes. it won't be more than Y items and never more than one page.

Me: If this is always Y items or less and not more than one page, I can hammer this out quick then. If it is more than that it will take much longer to complete.

Person: Awesome!!!

-later-

Person: OK here's the template for Y x10 items and multiple pages.

Me: Oh I'm sorry, we're going to have to stop working on this. I thought you actually gave a fuck about this 'important' project and that you had deadlines you cared about, but apparently not enough to participate in this conversation with any level of intellectual honesty. Please fuck off now while I go work on more productive tasks....

Recruiter: Hey you have Java experience, right?

Me: Uhm, yeah, but I have a job...

Recruiter: I have here a three month contract at £200 a day and...

Me: I already have a job.

Recruiter: What? Paying this much, I think not.

Me: Well, no, but it's a full time role and I just bought a house, so I'm not going to jeopardize my financial stability. I mean what happens at the end of the three months, I'm basically unemployed!

Recruiter: We might have other roles available then.

Me: You MIGHT have roles... Excuse me, but do you think I am an idiot? What lunatic in their right mind would quit a stable full time role, for a short term contract with no guarantee of subsequent work?

Recruiter: Well... They do pay well for Java devs...

Me: Yeah, please delete my file...

Hello everybody. First time ranter, so please be nice.

Starting off with a classic: text editors.

I'm mainly a .net developer, so I mostly use Visual Studio (with vim key bindings), and (g)vim for everything else. However, visual studio code is slowly winning me over. It's sleek, it's pretty, and does a lot of cool stuff. It doesn't do all that vim does though (or does it in ways I don't yet know), and is slightly less customizable. On the other hand, vim sometimes feels like too much overhead for what I use it for.

What do you guys think? What do you use, and what personal gripes do you have?

Online applications are so much worse than the classic snail mail ones, because some companies just don't seem to give a single fuck about the quality of their application application (hehe).

This results in such joyous things like:

• "Allowed file types: doc, docx, pdf, jpg, zip"
• "Max filesize 3mb"
• "One of your files does not meet the requirements" (doesn't tell you which)
• "Upload timed out, please try again"
• 403 forbidden
• "Your account does not have the necessary permissions to upload more than 4 files at once"
• clicking the submit button leads to a 404
• "Please explain why you want to work for us." 500 character limit
• Google forms

My lead developer has a tendency of saying "that movie fucking sucks" every time I mention a movie.

From Saturday to Sunday, I have seen ready player one a total of 6 times. If tomorrow I mention it and he says that it sucked I am gonna go ahead and Texas bitch slap him across the face with the power of Spielberg.

There is only so much trolling I can take my dudes. And I really fucking enjoyed the movie.

If you haven't seen it then please go ahead!!!

You know what really grinds my gears? When new employees start shouting out suggestions of what feature we should do.. and how stupid this/that thing now.. or how slow that page is.. or how there's a bug somewhere.

WHAT WOULD'VE WE DONE WITHOUT YOUR OPINION?! thank you so much!!!

+10 points if their job has nothing to do with product or development

SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP
please!!!

On my personal journey to better privacy!

Wanted to change to Qubes, but since I wind down with games, that won't happen sadly and it seems windows still doesn't support proper gpu passthrough either, so might eventually change to linux host and windows guest or create a VM I use for everything else that isn't gaming, since I still really love the idea of having a snapshot backup system.

So since that isn't quite in my timeframe right now though: first move was to move to firefox, already done the change on mobile (love having dark reader and ublock on mobile!), now setting it all up on desktop, pleasant surprise was for sure that firefox finally seems to have chromes devtools pretty much mirrored, even the mobile suite of tools.

Loading of pages is also finally fast and much snappier than chrome from the first testing I could do (on desktop, on mobile it still kind of sucks in comparison, but I can deal with that).

Please suggest me all sort of privacy tools you got, especially with firefox in mind, but also host tools, be it windows or linux (e.g. some sort of traffic obfuscator that visits random pages that are SFW but make automatic traffic filtering hard, could probably make my own, but if there's something like that already, why not), I'll save all I can use.

Users are losers (most of them).

When you see a post about someone buying a product, well explained and with price and all.
225 comments: How much.. price please..

IT'S THERE ON TOP OF DESCRIPTION YOU STUPID PIECE OF GARBAGE, JUST READ, YOU'RE NOT 2 YEARS OLD CHILD GETTING DISTRACTED BY IMAGES

Dear game developers, if you are building your game on Xbox and are adding support for Xbox One X, please please please stop just adding 4K

Please just add a 'favour resolution', 'favour details' and 'favour performance' option... Yes 4K is nice but most of us don't care and would much rather richer visuals or an uncapped frame rate.

(Yes I know PC gaming exists but I hate PC gaming and prefer the ease of console)

Devs: Can we please get adequate hardware to do our job correctly? Please, just a new set of larger monitors.
Lower management: Sure, this is going to be easy.
Upper management: Wait what? This will cost us around 500€ times 10? Any maybe in the end other departments will want that to, so make it times 100.

We're a 4+ billion company ... but yes, please, I love scroll bars and they make my work so much faster.

Time to time I do some Hard- and Software repairs for neighbors and get some little money for it.

My neighbor let's call this one "Bob".

Bob has a new printer and a old one which is over 15 years old.

First: Holy shit 15 years old printer works still. WTF? Is this thing Hulk or what?

He ask me why he can't print a 128 site Doc with pictures in it from the old printer. It always stop at around 50 pages.

I tell him that it has only 32 MB Ram/Flash and can't print more. Before the Doc's were much smaller and could print that, but today you got files with more than 10 MB and on a printer it need's atleast 128 MB Ram to process and print it.

Guess what? One week later he asks me the same questions.

Why don't you print it on your new shiny expensive printer and why do you need still that OFFICE WAR VETERAN OF PRINTER to print it???

Seriously just use the new and better one!! Bob please give that old one a burial. He deservs it!

Supervisor has me making a web app in this badass new stack called the LAP (linux, apache, php) stack because he would he would like the app to be "simple". He's spot on though.. having a three letter acronym saves so much time.... and then we don't need to worry about a database... or querying.... or efficiency.... or even the web app itself because clearly he expects the fucking code gods to come down and turn this piece of shit web app into a fucking masterpiece if he thinks this shit can be done based on a hacked together file management system. Please save me code gods

My slacker coworker attached a spoon to his monitor serving as a rear view mirror, so that he knows when somebody is standing behind him and can see his screen, which allows him to better slack off the whole day.
He's sick today (he often is), and I am looking for a nice prank idea, ideally involving this spoon. I thought of rubbing a piece of butter against it to make it murky and greasy, or maybe attach a photo of our boss to it.
But I need a better idea, so please comment! Thank you, much appreciated!

PM: "Please try to prioritize this request that we made last Friday at 5pm over all your other high priority stuff we know you're busy and we should have requested this 3 months ago... but now we need to deliver next week and well we need it"

5 minutes later "When can you deliver that?"
Another 5 minutes later "Sorry can you give me that delivery date? We REALLY need it"

Well maybe if you leave me in peace and I can concentrate on my job rather than answering silly requests I can make up an idea of how much time I need to deliver... but of course I'm just a code monkey, I press some randome keys and the magic happens.

Beta version... only devs have access

Screen for a not-ready-yet feature:

A nice image of a faded broken structure, underlined with a "Work in progress" text.

Primary button below "I want it now"

/clicks button

next to the button, a text fades in:
"Please, be patient"

You keep clicking "I want it now", after a few clicks you get "Plese, be **very** patient"

/Checks the source code

it bloody adds a "very" for every 5 clicks and calls an API to send you an email for every 5 clicks:

Thanks for very {n times very} much wanting {feature name}

11 clicks = 3 emails with very, very very and very very very

Yep, I am patient now, especially if I get my hands on you...

Buffer usage for simple file operation in python.

What the code "should" do, was using I think open or write a stream with a specific buffer size.

Buffer size should be specific, as it was a stream of a multiple gigabyte file over a direct interlink network connection.

Which should have speed things up tremendously, due to fewer syscalls and the machine having beefy resources for a large buffer.

So far the theory.

In practical, the devs made one very very very very very very very very stupid error.

They used dicts for configurations... With extremely bad naming.

configuration = {}
buffer_size = configuration.get("buffering", int(DEFAULT_BUFFERING))

You might immediately guess what has happened here.

DEFAULT_BUFFERING was set to true, evaluating to 1.

Yeah. Writing in 1 byte size chunks results in enormous speed deficiency, as the system is basically bombing itself with syscalls per nanoseconds.

Kinda obvious when you look at it in the raw pure form.

But I guess you can imagine how configuration actually looked....

Wild. Pretty wild. It was the main dict, hard coded, I think 200 entries plus and of course it looked like my toilet after having an spicy food evening and eating too much....

What's even worse is that none made the connection to the buffer size.

This simple and trivial thing entertained us for 2-3 weeks because *drumrolls please* none of the devs tested with large files.

So as usual there was the deployment and then "the sudden miraculous it works totally slow, must be admin / it fault" game.

At some time it landed then on my desk as pretty much everyone who had to deal with it was confused and angry, for understandable reasons (blame game).

It took me and the admin / devs then a few days to track it down, as we really started at the entirely wrong end of the problem, the network...

So much joy for such a stupid thing.

that feeling when your (thrice) refactored code executes literally 1000 times faster.

loading excel ranges into vba arrays and process these is much faster than comparing the ranges themselves. also much more readable. please don't throw rocks at me for don't knowing this in advance.

Ok, so I already asked when junior is no longer a junior..got mixed answers. Now I'd like to know what defines seniority level in your country?! Years of experience, having wide range of knowledge, great leadership skills, having boobs (joke).. ?!? But seriously, I have no clue what the standards in my country are, and internet is full of different opinions & examples that are making me wanna go cry in a corner.. o.O

Figured some answers from real people might help me get my head around this, so if it's not too much to ask fellow devs here, please answer this questions to help me grasp this better with examples..& non dev folks, you are welcome to comment too!!

A) What country are you guys from?
B) How is seniority defined there?
C) How are you placed by others?
D) If different, where would you place yourselves? Why?

Just got accepted as a volunteer (teacher assistant) in a non-profit organization, funded by Microsoft.
They teach high school students CS twice a week.
I know it might not be much, because I will not be payed, but I will be trained and teach alongside Google and Microsoft engineers.
The organization is called TEALS.

I hope it is a good experience and build a good network.
I do not have any friends, nor any engineer friend since I moved in USA, so I think this is a good opportunity.

P.S. Please for the love of god do not bash here Microsoft. Everyone, even the people who rant about hating Microsoft, will accept a job there if they got the chance. So please stop the hypocrisy if you intend to do some "sarcastic" comment about this organization funded by Microsoft.

Which Linux flavour should I install in my newly ordered ssd ?
My usage will be
vscode, chrome, mongodb,
android studio

Please take consideration of ease in installing hardware drivers. Didn't want to waste so much time on it.

Please tell me something wrong with me, and whole world is working like that! It can't be right! Or could it, and I'm just one sad fuck who don't know shit?

So... We've got:
1. Jira reporting (agile style with cards and shit)
2. Task timers (via application integrated to Jira in order to count how much time we spent on a task)
3. End of the day email reporting with description of what we have done today (Jira is not enough?)
4. Daily morning meetings with a team leader to report what we're gonna do today
5. Git merge code reviews for each finished component (that lasts for hours)
6. Weekly status meetings
7. Working hours reporting with a fucking fingerprint

And on top of all of that, the developer is the one who just writes the code - team leader decides how this code is gonna look, what will be written first and what last, what libraries will be used and so on...

you wanna know what the most hilarious shit is? hackernews users AKA the 6 figure startup bros that "rule the world" in terms of code and software...

trying to argue the best way to build a website 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

here's some select quotes:

"I believe the most minimalistic and productive way is to just use php"

^ this guy must not know its 2023 now

"Unless you are a web developer I don't see the point of a CSS framework, it's much easier to roll your own."

^ this guy must not know the pain and suffering that is 'rolling your own' in CSS

"Sadly, I just don't have the time to generate the content I wanted to do, so the site sits."

^ this guy just... wait, what?

but you know what? these guys clearly know WAY more than me in terms of software, it's good they get infinite salad bar and prime rib every day at silicon valley's best and brightest!

please fucking kill me i want it to end

I may have over delivered my service to this first customer i got.

It doesn't help that pricing was dirt cheap and i over promised in a bid to make it attractive.

But in my hurry to please the client, I've been feeling so much stress since last 24 hrs. Dealing with customers suck. I hate this.

They can be little dumb and doesn't think much before blaming you if something's not working as expected.

I hate this feeling and now i remember why my initial business model was designed such that I wouldn't have to deal with clients.

But somewhere along the way, i forgot about that. :/

I wish I could get rid of this customer.

Please bug test your websites heavily. Don't be like this.
Should be mentioned, under normal circumstances this never hits more than 500 MB (still way too much for what it is). However, I somehow got the website to absolutely shit itself and cause this amazing sight to behold (2.6GB/4GB used by the website alone.)

I believe this was caused by some poorly coded JavaScript, subsequently causing a memory leak.

(Yeah I have 2 browsers open so what?)
(Also taken with a shitty camera then also edited. Lost the original because I'm an idiot.)

Dear Devrant community,
please, tell me that I can report Safari's JavaScript debugger as a bug... Yeah, the whole debugger.

I can't stand anymore on how much it sucks!

Dear providers of SDKs, when you claim to have a full documentation for your SDK, please at least provide the info about what unit (radians or degrees) the Angle properties are. Especially important when the iOS SDK is taking radians and the Android SDK is taking degrees, as I found out by experimenting. I don't even care so much about float on Android and double on iOS. Just make use of the fucking documentation and provide some actually useful info there. "Sets or gets the angle" is fucking NOT useful.

Should I care about privacy anymore ?

I had to switch to windows from Ubuntu in my laptop because of driver related issues.
Everytime I use Windows , I feel uneasy because of the data it collects but at the same time I am happy that I can play a couple of video games , my battery life is better and my display is better.

I own an Android phone , and no matter how many add ons I use , or VPN , I know that Google gets sufficient amount of data to know a lot about me.

It's getting harder and harder to keep my data private and it's becoming inconvenient as well.

In my country almost everyone I talk to uses Whatsapp. I removed my Whatsapp account for a few days and I barely talked to anyone and it was not a good feeling.

My point is , is fighting for privacy worth it ? How much inconvenience are we ready to accept ? Can I do anything to keep my data private and still use convenient services ? Please enlighten me .

The single most annoying thing about working with Microsoft is how they, at one point, decided to wipe 99% of their articles and downloads on their site. But instead of updating it in their OWN FUCKING OS, they just leave links to the broken pages in their help system. The second problem then arises when you realise that instead of giving you an error page, it automatically redirects you to the default page.
But on top of wiping their site, not updating windows to reflect those changes, and having a terrible site design, they have also decided that it would be best to keep the pages that once we're, online. This means that they will still show up in search engines, without any content being there.

Add to that the fact that their support team is incompetent to an insane degree, and often doesn't know what they're talking about. This has caused me so much frustration over the last few days.

Dear Microsoft, please get your act together and fix your shitty website.
Greetings,
A pissed of customer who paid money for your shitty services

Been going interview crazy this week! The Dev rant community has helped me so much I'd like to thank each and everyone of you for helping me finally get running!

Have my first coding test to do today, have to build the attached file and i'm excited to get started! If you spot any pitfuls please let me know!

Thanks you guys so much! Will let you know how I get on!

I have just done my manicures yesterday evening. And, it's so nice to look at when you have your nails done from my point of view, especially when coding. So much view and can really boost self esteem, lets you smile, and motivated to work though I don't usually love Mondays because yeah, another manic Monday.

I just so love my manicures today, despite the allergies that I still have, the enhancement code that has not yet been deployed by our ever loving, supreme, Grandmaster turd, let's just name him, John Doe.

P.S. please not be easily removed manicures. For you are the only source of my happiness and my motivation to go to work (because bills is too mainstream and will always be the classy reason also)

Bruh, catch everyone on LinkedIn posting about how much they love their company/team.

Translated, these read "Please don't sack me!"

online coding exams.

Ask me how to do a rest api, ask me how to do a certain visual in the website, ask me how to setup a docker service running grafana, please just ask me something about the actual job.

Dont ask me to create some mind game that was ambiguously phrased in a timed hackerrank question that expects me to write runnable solutions that pass all test cases.

I have way too much work to play around with hackerrank for weeks so i prepare for your useless test

Added a bond interface in my Proxmox installation for added cromulence, works, reboot again, works, reboot once more just to be sure, network down.. systemctl restart networking, successfully put the host's network back up.. lxc-attach 100, network in containers is still down apparently.. exit container, pct shutdown 100, pct start 100, lxc-attach again... Network now works fine in containers too.

Systemd's aggressive parallelization that likely tried to put the shit up too early is so amazing!
I'm literally almost crying in despair at how much shit this shitstaind is giving me lately.

Thank you Poettering for this great init, in which I have to manually restart shit on reboot because the "system manager" apparently can't really manage. Or be a proper init for that matter.

/rant

And yes I know that you've never had any issues with it. If you've got nothing better to say than that then please STFU. "Works for me" is also a rant I wrote a while back.

Fire your whole fucking web team Bethesda

* Your design is a classic ipecac. Whatever the fuck you are doing doesn't in frontend doesn't justify the 4Mb of bandwidth I wasted on a single js file. Why the fuck can I see the whole fucking node_modules directory when looking at the sources?
I know this is supposed to be a webpage for a game development studio, but I'm seriously wondering if your budget would even get me a prostitute.
I'm a greedy fuck and want a free game. apparently your servers are only good enough to register me, but login is apparently too much to ask for. Yeah sure. Oh and also thank you for choosing an "incorrect username and password" error message by default, even though your fucking gateway timed out. Please be kind enough and punch me directly into my face next time. Not like I'll ever access that shit ever again

Bad managers, rude clients and annoying colleagues...

A lot of the stories here I read have at least any of the words listed above. My advice to most of you guys is: LEAVE.

And do it NOW.

The thing is, most of the stuff you're complaining about won't change. And you will be stuck there longer than you want to be and/or notice, trust me i've been there.

Especially the rude client part is where I've had lots of experience in, you have to search for a company which will abstract that layer for you. If you're on here most likely you're a developer and not everybody is a team lead. So why the F in hell are you even in conversations about budget and/or are you doing the most of the talking in the retrospective? If your project manager is ANY good he is doing that all for you.
There is so much to choose from (my experience in western countries) so please dont be stuck in a dead end job. Or start freelancing or whatever..

Dear bug,
Can you please just go away? I'm away from home right now so I can't do much, I did a lot yesterday to try and get you to leave. Thank

To all people who hardcoded stuff like tables in HTML and even rant about how much work this was or how many lines of code they wrote, please stop the madness, please don't talk until you get the basics of programming and why computers are quite handy to handle repetitive tasks.

Sometimes I hate it to be a "computer-guy". There is this one beautiful girl, I see her everyday in the train, but I just can't talk to her. I hate myself for not just saying " Hi" or whatever. I'd love to "just say something", but it doesn't work! Why the fuck am I thinking this much?!

Any tips? From dev to dev? Please?!

I worked really hard to make this girl my friend at work. We go for morning breaks around from 10:00 AM – 10:30 AM.

And then this new guy joined the company sitting close to me and we become friends. This new guy finds my girl friend really awesome and they are getting closer everyday and they are leaving me behind now and separates me with almost all the conversations during morning break meet.

Today, during the morning break. My girl friend said that I have changed and don't talk to her much like I used to. Way back when we met I really clearly told her that I have anxiety and social disorder so please bare with me and she told me that she will be there for me as a good friend.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm going to lose a good friend really soon.

Dear dongle manufacturers, I love USB-C, I think everyone does; it is the bomb... But.... But but but, please stop charging so much extra for it, I can get a USB-A to Ethernet adaptor for $12 AUD but it's going to cost me at minimum $49 AUD for the same branded dongle, even has the same internal chips... Why... Just... Why!

!rant

Just ordered my new notebook :)

Now I have one week left to decide which distro I should install

I know that there are plenty of linux users here so please: comment your favourite one with some reasons why you like it so much :)

I'm going to have a test tomorrow... And I still don't know the grade of the test I've done over 1m ago (2nd of November)... And people are saying the teacher told them the grade is coming tomorrow when he told us on my class (2 different shifts) that it was coming out today... Someone send help please
In the uni's regulation it says that if teachers don't release our grades for a test 3d before the next one, we can talk to our pedagogic commission and ask to do something about it. People from my course on fb were talking about asking to remove the minimum grade on the average of our 2 tests, but IDK how that situation is and I don't think there's much we can do about it so on top of tomorrow's test. And changing the date of the test isn't really an option because we have 3 tests left on the next week and 1/2 and it's all so on top of each other so the only solution would be to make it after the 20th (that's our last test, and people have already booked flights to go home)

I am a big fan of the Go programming language. I really am. From syntax to the purpose and everything in between, I dig the language. I normally use it as a hobby language. My escape from my daily dosis of php, js and Java.....or when my workplace insists on believing that I am a designer instead of a developer........I am definitely not a designer....I am super slow at design.

But back at my main topic! Go. The language is cool, the environment is cool and it is booming here in the states.......can we PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE WITH CHERRIES ON TOP change the stupid mascot logo? I swear that thing looks absolutely fucking retarded. Much like the Perl 6 Mascot......I know this is a small thing but looking at that stupid "gopher" really irritates the fuck out of me. Coolest logo ever? Rust or Python really.

As much as I love developing I have been also enjoying pentesting a lot lately.

So if you have any resources for a beginner to share please link them in the comments :)

Helping Fix something on my Managing Directors Laptop...

After a restart I ask (word for word), "Can you please give me the password you use to login to your laptop"

She proceeds to give me her E-mail password

I respond by saying that I think that is her e-mail password and I need the laptop password.

Next thing I hear "You have to be more clear, to me they are the same thing"

Seriously... How much clearer could I have been, I'd be annoyed right now if my brain wasn't in an infinite loop going WTF JUST HAPPENED... WTF JUST HAPPENED... WTF JUST HAPPENED...

Do you think you can start all your weekdays' 730am to 9am with continuous honk noises every 5 to 10 minutes interval?

If you think you can, please teach me how to survive that shit. This much craps on daily (and especially as the start of the day) is definitely killing my mind and productivity for the rest of the day.

me: I'll start making the site today. To make sure the project is up and go by the deadline, I need you to send some missing content. Please find attached a spreadsheet (with perfectly tought cella :) ) abot the missing content.
-- weeks go by, several mailing and phoning. site is ready. content zero --
client: why is the site not public yet?! you promised a deadline! I'm nőt paying, if it is not ready by tomorrow.
me: ok just send the content I requested.
-- 2days pass. no content --
client: thats it. i'm not payin'. here is the content ( much mire than designed ) upload it and we are done here!!!

Not sure if this should be a proper rant about the reasons behind this, or a simple 'so much win' situation..
CTO asked how I'm doing with task xy.. my answer: mostly should be fixed, but I'm trying to figure out this zz thing.. It is so fucked up, I can't make sense of it.. before I could really finish the sentence CTO was like: shut up, don't tell me about it, we know, just please fix it..can you fix it? Please say yes..and don't talk about this anymore.. 😂😂😂

**it's 17:47*"**
Dev: Hi manager I have those 13 tasks on me and I won't finish on time.
Manager: Well all those items needs to be finished on Time, how YOU are going to resolve it?
Dev:😵😵😭😤🥺
Manager: there is additional defect to check please take it on priority ,it a real easy one , I'll do it my self in 5 min but I'm too busy
Dev: ETA?
Manager : by the end of the day.
Dev: Well it's already end of the day.
Manager: Exactly, I knew I can count on you .
Dev:🥺🥺🧐
****Next day *****
Manager: Hey sorry to call you on your cell but I see there were no progress on yesterday issue.
Dev : Sorry Manager I'm sick.
Manager : O.K feel well (🤬)
Dev : thank you so much (😎fk you asshole😎)

Hello devs, I need help from database devs.

The company where I'm interning is a non IT company, so they planned to migrate to a SQL Database from their older MS Access Database.

Since I'm the only IT intern, I'm up against the major devs and hot shots from where my company outsources IT solutions.
They suggested SQL Express.

I have a meeting tomorrow with them, please help me so that I can get better results for my company.
Basically I have to question them about how their decision works better for our firm and why didn't we go for MySQL Enterprise Edition or anything which is much better and cheaper and such critical questions.
Please help me.

The Database would be used to store information about the products manufactured and their parts' history so that in future if there's a problem with the product, it can be looked up in the database so that there can be further replacement or repair processes.

Guys can you please explain why there are some nophp rants being posted? I don't know much about PHP but I'm currently learning it...

Hi DevRanters!
I got this react gig earlier this year, its pay is $280/month ($70/week), its a relatively new startup yet to launch though. i was tasked with building landing page and dashboard for user and admin.
Since the company is about to launch, myself and the ceo had a talk concerning salary and he's proposing a salary lower than the one stated above.
Please for a relatively new startup how much do you think is ideal for salary?
What do I do if we couldn't reach an agreement?
Asking for a friend. Thanks.

!rant

Freelance web developers: please talk about yourselves.

How much experience did you have at the beginning?
How did you get started and was it much work to get set up?
How do you find a constant stream of clients?
Do you make a living wage just from your freelance work?

Any other information you'd like to share is appreciated.

Business Continuity / DR 101...
How could GitLab go down? A deleted directory? What!
A tired sysadmin should not be able to cause this much damage.
Did they have a TESTED dr plan? An untested plan is no plan. An untested plan does not count. An untested plan is an invitation to what occurred.
That the backups did not work does not cut it - sorry GitLab. Thorough testing is required before a disruptive event.
Did they do a thorough risk assessment?
We call this a 'lesson learned' in my BC/DR profession. Everyone please learn by it.
I hope GitLab is ok.

Spent 3 weeks working on an issue (raised by dev A) by following the suggested solution stated in the issue.
Pushed a PR and got told by dev B that it's not the correct solution.
Dude, I am just an intern here and following whatever they told me to do. If you have a problem with the solution, please discuss it with dev A.
Now I may have to let go of the issue completely because it turns out to be much more complicated, not for someone with intern level skill.
FML, I guess this won't be the last time I had this right?

Sometimes just I hate school.

While my gf had to take 2 "Leistungskurse" ("advanced courses"), I have to take 3.
Also, our little-country-side school doesn't offer IT-class as a Leistungskurs. So besides Math, I need 2 extra courses I am super-not interested in. I chose English since it's okay (but I'm not really good either) and ( ._.) chemistry. I had a good teacher in 10th grade but now I have this teacher who
- uses 1980 material
- explains not/bad most times
- is childish as fuck (we are 17-18 y/o)
- expects too much (we need to learn everything by heart)
- throws ugly, unorganized prints at us w/o context & explaination
and I could name more. My A-levels are going to be so fucking bad. Tuesday is my chemistry exam. Kill me, please......

Lord. Please deliver us from the cycle of unfinished programming languages and code benches that are designed to create more work for us. We beseech thee in thy mercy to transmute all this asynchronous lead that is found in javascript into a purer form of threading that is sensible and can be willfully blocked or not so in a way that works and does not divide us through our ugly code. May also we be given the ability to purge from our midst all child molesters and string them up by barbed wire off a line of telephone poles across the entire continental usa and may there be a sudden increase in the number of ravens and buzzards to feed on them, being nice birdies that I miss seeing so much. May half their positively identified population be kept alive and delivered unto us that we might remove their scrotum with a hook-ed barb and something resembling a serrated metallic spork, amen.

and please fix fucking node js. i agree that its asynchronous methods suck ass for literally everything as there is no use for it that seems to work given its a shitty emulated single thread.

Quick and probably duplicate.

One fucking more time someone comes to me and interrupts me, I swear if it's not important, or chitchat, or something easly googlable, or something you could ask literally anyone else or something that isn't even my shit to handle, I will give the unlucky bastard 30 minute lesson to not fucking interrupt me when Im trying to focus first half of fucking day to do one fucking thing.

What the fuck.
What, should I print big fucking A2 formated poster and stick next to my workstation "If you came here to interrupt me, think if you really need to"?

E:
And no, I dont know where the fuck is your excel file.
And no, I dont give a shit when Im coding that there is cake avail for workers today.
And no, for fucks sakes I dont have time for chitchat, I have deadline on me once again and Im doing something I dont have much expirience in so please leave me fucking alone.

SERIOUS POST/ISSUE

During this time of pandemic all around the world, our government tried to do corruption in the import of medicines for corona victims. This is a major issue itself but has led to IT related issues as well. An online news portal reported this and it was starting to get some heat.

Then a major IT company of my country along with its sister company [The one who developed the news portal] deleted that specific news from the backdoor login.

Due to the pandemic, this news might not get much heat and might be suppressed in time. By the way, that news was a public record.

Please post your honest views on this and please let us know how we can go on after this has happened.

I feel like this thing is gonna fucking ruin the IT industry in my country 😡😡😡😡

super random

I never got the notion of "men don't like smart women", it's not a stereotype that I see in real life too much.
And I kinda think the opposite way, like yes honey please go on about mathematical topics I don't know a thing about <3

A: Please build a Website for our new product.
A: Please use fancy technology, Animations and stuff!
B: OK, but $_things won't Work on mobile
A: mobile is Not our target audience. No Problem, optimize it for big Screens only.
B: it's 2017 - we need a mobile optimized Page, are u sure?
A: yes, so what i say

A week later...

B: hey a, here is Your preview. Optimized for big Screens, and i didn't Care much about mobile.

A: HEY B, YOU NEED TO FIX $FUNCTIONS ASAP!! THEY DON'T WORK ON MOBILE

Oh shit it's a !rant, if you don't like !rants then scroll past this please.

When out of all my dumb classmates there's actually one that never learned much about programming before going to my school, got interested and is right now developing a library of CLI games... Of course I help him if he has any questions, and I will probably review his code after he's done.

The on thing in an email pisses me off more than “Do the needful”, Or “raised a request”, or even referring to me by my last name is ending an email with “Please advise”.......

Holy Hell. I have never wanted to reach through my monitor and slap the shit out of someone so much. Want to piss me off. Yeah. Finish an email with please advise. Gharrrr!!!

Jit guy who is onboarding me talks slow, stutters(only in English) and talks 3x fucking times than-repeats sentences, tries to talk about things he does not know and ends with “I don’t remember/know it now”. Someone kill me please. I am too soft against these types, how can I say you are talking too much etc politely? It is like he feels lonely in corona times and wants to “onboard” me whenever possible...

Note: jit guy is the guy who pronounces Git as jit from my old rant.

Junior dev here. Finishing a boot camp, actively going through a few job application processes.
One of the companies has given me a tech assignment (for a Graduate Junior position, mind you) that was titled Full Stack Mid Level Challenge. It took me a week to build an app they asked and do analitycs and refactoring of the second part of the task (I only had late evenings free to dedicate to that), it was my first time doing back-end in Node (my boot camp teaches PHP) so I basically learned to do it while doing this challenge.
They asked testing and clean architecture.
I submitted the assignment (I thought I would die while doing it, exhausted, I think I was brain dead for a short perio of time, but I submitted it on time).
They got back to me and we had already have a tech interview with the Leads that had live coding at the end. Don't have feedback yet, really won't be surprised for whatever comes, it was literarly my first interview, treating it like a valuable learning experience.

But. This rant is not about this. Thsi is just to put you in my mood.

This is the !rant:

My classmate from the bootcamp is probably already hired, or will be one of these days. As a tech challenge she was asked to do FizzBuzz kata. I repeat, FizzBuzz bloody kata!
Now, I am very happy for this person, the situation is complicated and this job is extremely needed.

But, please, explain to me, HOW??? How is it possible that selection criterias vary that much?

End of rant. Thank you very much.

So I do not get why people use ReactJS. I hate it. for 3 years passionately. And I have to work with it every day.

- one-way data binding
this makes you write twice as much code, which will have twice as much bugs, you need to read through twice as much code from other devs.
- mixing html and JS
after all I like to pour my coffee on my omlette so I can eat and drink at the same time in the morning. This kills productivity and ugly AF
- not unified
Every dev uses their own special snowflake framework with React there is no unified way of doing things and you cannot use your familiar tools. Every project you need to start over from zero.
- Bugs bugs bugs
infinite loops, max update depth reached, key not present on list element. Let me ask you something dear ReactJS. If you know that there should be a unique key on that element. Why cannot you just put it there and shut the f up?
- works reeaally slow when compiled with TS
ReactJS was never designed to work with TS and now the tools for it are really slow. And why TS? Explicit contract is always better than an implicit contract. TS helps you in coding time, but for some reason React devs decided to worth 3 seconds to wait for compile and then realize you mad an error. ReactJS is bad and inefficient so stop making projects with it please.

Yea please! i want more updates...
2 each day isnt really much isnt it?

can we just get rid of floating points? or at least make it quite clear that they are almost certainly not to be used.

yes, they have some interesting properties that make them good for special tasks like raytracing and very special forms of math. but for most stuff, storing as much smaller increments and dividing at the end (ie. don't store money as 23.45. store as 2,345. the math is the same. implement display logic when showing it.) works for almost all tasks.

floating point math is broken! and most people who really, truely actually need it can explain why, which bits do what, and how to avoid rounding errors or why they are not significant to their task.

or better yet can we design a standard complex number system to handle repeating divisions and then it won't be an issue?

footnote: (I may not be perfectly accurate here. please correct if you know more)

much like 1/3 (0.3333333...) in base 10 repeats forever, that happens with 0.1 in base 2 because of how floats store things.
this, among other reasons, is why 0.1+0.2 returns 0.30000004

Please do not flame me for makimg yet another Firefox rant. Besides, this is not about Quantum in particular and is definitely a self rant.
It was some time last month; i saw somebody here say something about Firefox Developer Edition, and I decided I wanted to be a big boy and try out big boy tools. I downloaded the tarball, unzipped it, and put the folder in my /opt/ directory. But it didn't work.

NO. My brain didn't work.

I forgot that Firefox comes default on Ubuntu, and I also seemed to inconveniently forgot that taskbar icons are not magic mind readers. I opened firefox and lo! Not a fuck changed; i was confused, but too busy to care enough to figure out the issue; I chalked it up to I wasn't meant to have nice things and went on with my life.
Fast forward to today, I got it up. And let me tell you, I am pissed with myself. I haven't opened a single webpage yet and I can already tell from the customization possible and the built-in tools alone that I'll be enjoying working in this browser very much.

Helping your family with their computers would be much more pleasant if they used right language:
"PLEASE, we NEED you superior problem-solving intelligence and self-confidence, because we are too stupid and anxious to do it ourselves! Please help us!!!"

Android Studio is by far worst development environment I've ever seen. Slow as fuck, messed up and cumbersome, not much better than eclipse. Menus are hilariously fucked up. On top of that, clear new setup (on Windows) may as well melt up your PC if you have that shit running overnight: after a weekend I came to the office and my MBP is fucking screaming and breathing hot air... I was WTF is that, and when I logged in, this fucking garbage android studio was taking 100% of all 8/16 cores ... WHAT A FUCKING HIDEOUS PILE OF SHIT FROM GOOGLE. Google: please kill this project, no need to improve or fix it, it's garbage. Start over.

please show me a picture of your new plane, and noisily remind me of how much your house is worth. I want to know all about your finances while working for a pittance because I believe in the company. I feels good to be appreciated, and toward the money that comes in from the apps we develop, so that you can afford these things. douche bag bosses. aaaarrrrgh

In my firm we've got a shadow IT team where I'm part of. Sometimes we need to call the "IT support team" who are lacking the knowledge of common IT sense. Some weeks ago I called them up to extend our ip range since we've got no rights to do it ourselve. They replied with: please disconnect the cable and reconnect it. (Bear in mind our lease time was 24h)

Some other guy called me up to check my pc for viruses... he was looking for the task manager so I pushed ctrl shift esc and he asked me wondering HOW did you do this? He even didn't know things like %appdata%. I had a talk with him and gave him as much tips as I could.

The poor fella

Thanks for reading my nonsense post

I know this topic is tired and this isn't supposed to be a pure "REEEE SPACES BAD" kinda rant but I still don't understand why people would ever use spaces over tabs for indentation. I'm genuinely curious so please give me your arguments in favor of spaces because I just don't understand

So here's my position:
Tabs are objectively better than spaces in every single way
(I know that IDEs also do some of these for spaces, more on that later)
1. They are typed with one key press
2. They can be removed with one keypress
3. They allow for individually configurable width (some people prefer 2 and some 4 width)
4. They take up less memory (kinda irrelevant, but still)
5. You can properly navigate your code using the arrow keys which is much faster than using the mouse while typing
6. You don't have problems with accidentially having one too much or one too little
7. You don't have problems when copy pasting or moving code around (e.g. refactoring)
8. Code is much easier to select with the mouse, and
9. it's much easier clicking the right spot with the mouse where you want to continue typing, which is often at the start of a line

Apart from specific alignment, where spaces are fine (but which also almost never comes up), I just can't see a single thing where spaces are better at. So much so that most IDEs have to *pretend* that they're tabs when typing and removing them. It's so ironic yet people still defend it and big companies still use them.

I feel like I'm going mad 😨

Have I ever mentioned my undying love of NullPointerException?
I love those so fucking much I would give up my non existent social life for it.
This is a cry for help please help

Why are there no good file managers for Linux?

Come to think of it, why are there no good file managers that aren't Windows Explorer?

All I want is a good breadcrumb bar (editable), customizability, basic functions such as permanent delete, open folder with, etc, and built in zip reading. Is that too much to ask?

Currently I use the elementary OS one (works a bit better than the default nautilus) but it lacks a ton of basic functionality and there's pretty much no customization.

Please someone make a usable file manager for Linux. Ugh

!rant but question to you experts:

Hey, guys. I'm currently trying to up my game in terms of web development. I already know js, html, php and css quite well (enough to become a tutor at my university) but I'm not shure which frameworks (serverside and clientside) are worth considering. Until now I wrote everything from scratch, which is not very sustainable (waaaay to much code to maintain)
Could you please tell me your softwarestacks, what library to use, which frameworks to learn (Vue/React/Angular/...)? Every opinion is very appreciated and won't go unheard. Thanks in advance.

btw: you guys are the nicest people I ever met online. Thank you for being so awesome.

Okay so one of my friends got an offer for a more powerful server with 128GB RAM, ok processor because the current server load is high. When they got the offer of the new one I saw there was in the licenses part, Windows Server 2016. Which to me seems worst thing you can do for just using PHP, MySQL and nothing active directory or really windows specific. Can some of u please write in short why use linux for servers instead of shitdows. And it would clearly cost much less. Because I guess if other tell it they, the client, will agree...

Windows users be like "Oh, it's fine. Our tent comfortably fits all my family and it's cold there for only half a year, but not too cold, just wear a coat while you're inside and you'll be fine. Clean water is only two miles away, walking is healthy after all. Yes, agents come every week and rape my wife but it only happens to newbs and honestly I respect that ritual, this is how life works. You only have to send three papers to them to ask them please not to rape us this week and they don't come for a whole week! I ain't stupid, I always carry my gun with me to shoot thugs"

Living with MacOS is just living. You pay the fee and they let you in.

Living with Linux can be just living too, but it can be much more, your skill and willingness to learn are always rewarded. I've been there, I used Arch.

But living with windows is always survival.

Any professional pentesters or someone working in cybersecurity as a profession? I need some advice. The company I intern with right now wants me to test their web applications for security (they really don't care so much about security). I just wanted to know is there a standard set of procedures or a checklist that is usually followed? I know automated testing is not all that effective against web applications but what are the steps you usually take?
As of now, I have run tests and am now performing a code review but it's in PHP and I'm not really good with it. I'd like to know what more is done as a standard please.

Bored at the office. Company is done for. I'm spending my last days here, doing nothing, waiting for my new position to start. There's only that much you can read on devRant, and SO MUCH MORE you could do writing code. But I just can't decide what to do and as a result sit here doing nothing. Help me out please! Answer with the most points will be the thing I'll start with on Monday, while today I think I'll just crack open a cold one.

My initial variants:
1. Learn Electron by playing with Electron React+Redux basic boilerplate, in order to make a simple personal blogging app.
2. Complete some of the 20 courses that I bought on Udemy 6 months ago.
3. Write the back-end logic for my Raspberry PI controlled systems at home (to control it remotely I'll make a hosted API that RPI will access to get input for it to decide what to do).
4. Solve problem 51 on projecteuler.net with an algorithm that runs less than 20 seconds.

Other suggestions are welcome.

I hate LibreOffice. I truly despise it. I have one page with an article containing an image with a caption and on the next page is another article with some tables. I have to save it in the piece of shit Microsoft docx format, because everyone in the world uses Windows and MS Word. But everything's fine so far. Now let's try to save, close and re-open. Ok, cool, cool, cool. And what do we see? The captioned image has glitched into the next page and fucked everything up. I've tried re-saving four or five times already and it keeps glitching back into the next page in various and new ways. Fucking piece of garbage software. I hate this so much. End me and my suffering, please! I hope I never have to write documents ever again! Of course that's naive - the rest of my life will probably require a million more garbage documents. I don't want to dualboot into Windows with MS Word. I fucking hate Windows too. It's slow, it's weird, it doesn't have a normal shell (ok, there's WSL, but that doesn't count, that's just a wrapped Linux). P.S. AAAaaaaa!11A1!!

C'mon, I'm making all the logic and only ask you to make the site look better than my plain html structure. Please do your thing, because the lonely "Slightly improved layout" commit is not helping very much

Can someone tell me why C++ and python are so widely used in the AI department? I kind of understand… you want maximum performance (plus GPU) with C++ or easy logic with Python but still, it seems like other languages would still have there benefits in AI. It just doesn't make sense to me, why isnt it like every single other part of computer science where everyone under 22 thinks "now this is what JavaScript was made for!" (I mean js is used so much in other parts of cs, why not AI). Am I missing something? Maybe the resources are missing for AI in other languages? Can someone please expand

This rant can basically be boiled down to the name of the software in use/question:
FileMaker Pro 8.5

Please chime in if you have ever had the privelege of working with this gem of a database program, especially the scripting capabilities...

Trying to make it print/save/export an individual PDF file into a folder specified/created by one field with the filename set from another field. Will probably get it to work but the drag and drop scripting style reminds me of setting up an autoclicker for runescape; so fricken painful. Love to hear your comments.

Also happens to be running on an ancient PPC G5 iMac with 1 Gig of RAM running 10.4.11 hidden in the back room of an old warehouse with extra creepy flickering lights...

EFFF EMMM ELLL

So yeah thats my rainy Friday rant, hope you all are having this much fun.

I want to rant about it but I don’t even know what to say.

It’s just sad that people share the most personal things with Facebook and other services as long as it’s not a person who asks for it.

It’s just a machine who knows me better than my parents do.

OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES.
Who is behind the machine? Humans.

It’s 2019. Soon 2020.

They still don’t get it.

That’s what you should teach those kids. A class “how to protect your privacy”..

Not this Shit: : if I Buy 20 melons that contain 70% water, they loose 1% each mile. You carry them for 15 miles. 5 of those miles are in the sun which makes the water vaporize 5x faster. How much fruit exclusive water is left at the end?

WHO THE FUCK CARES? We have cooling boxes and cars.

Focus on something important please..

Hello.
I am a student of Computer Science Engineering (Bachelor of Technology). I am 3 years into this 4-year course. I am strong in Data structures and Algorithms, and passionate to add more stuff to this list.

I am really done with this University coursework, and want to explore more (specifically, want to do something that is practical, and matters). I, obviously cannot leave the Uni, but I want to make my time at home more productive. Not just to me, but everyone.

But:
1. I don't know where to start.
2. I teach myself everything, and hence, there is much difference between what I know and what people need, and I'm kind of scared of ruining/wasting other's time.

If there is someone out here who has the time out of his/her busy schedule to guide and set me on a path, please do help me. It's getting weird in my head.

Languages I know: C(took a 1-year course), Python, JavaScript [learning JAVA], Oracle, Visual Basic

Things I have done before:
* Developed a fullstack website for Indian Railways (going live in May 2019) [used Python for back end]

I have a sincere need from within to do this, and I am going to learn whatever more I need to, in order to fulfill your requirements. Please just show me WHAT and from WHERE.

Kindly do get back.

The conversations that come across my DevOps desk on a monthly basis.... These have come into my care via Slack, Email, Jira Tickets, PagerDuty alerts, text messages, GitHub PR Reviews, and phone calls. I spend most of my day just trying to log the work I'm being asked to do.

From Random People:
* Employee <A> and Contractor <B> are starting today. Please provision all 19 of their required accounts.
* Oh, they actually started yesterday, please hurry on this request.

From Engineers:
* The database is failing. Why?
* The read-only replica isn't accepting writes. Can you fix this?
* We have this new project we're starting and we need you to set up continuous integration, deployment, write our unit tests, define an integration test strategy, tell us how to mock every call to everything. We'll need several thousand dollars in AWS resources that we've barely defined. Can you define what AWS resources we need?
* We didn't like your definition of AWS resources, so we came up with our own. We're also going to need you to rearchitect the networking to support our single typescript API.
* The VPN is down and nobody can do any work because you locked us all out of connecting directly over SSH from home. Please unblock my home IP.
* Oh, looks like my VPN password expired. How do I reset my VPN password?
* My GitHub account doesn't have access to this repo. Please make my PR for me.
* Can you tell me how to run this app's test suite?
* CI system failed a build. Why?
* App doesn't send logs to the logging platform. Please tell me why.
* How do I add logging statements to my app?
* Why would I need a logging library, can't you just understand why my app doesn't need to waste my time with logs?

From Various 3rd party vendors:
* <X> application changed their license terms. How much do you really want to pay us now?

From Management:
* <X> left the company, and he was working on these tasks that seem closely related to your work. Here are the 3 GitHub Repos you now own.
* Why is our AWS bill so high? I need you to lower our bill by tomorrow. Preferably by 10k-20k monthly. Thanks.
* Please send this month's plan for DevOps work.
* Please don't do anything on your plan.
* Here's your actual new plan for the month.
* Please also do these 10 interruptions-which-became-epic-projects

From AWS:
* Dear AWS Admin, 17 instances need to be rebooted. Please do so by tomorrow.
* Dear AWS Admin, 3 user accounts saw suspicious activity. Please confirm these were actually you.
* Dear AWS Admin, you need to relaunch every one of your instances into a new VPC within the next year.
* Dear AWS Admin, Your app was suspiciously accessing XYZ, which is a violation of our terms of service. You have 24 hours to address this before we delete your AWS account.

Finally, From Management:
* Please provide management with updates, nobody knows what you do.

From me:
Please pay me more. Please give me a team to assist so I'm not a team of one. Also, my wife is asking me to look for a new job, and she's not wrong. Just saying.