I'll make the documentation after just some lines of code

Me: Can you make me some meatballs?

Engineer: No, what are you talking about?

Me: I thought you were a chef.

Engineer: I'm not a chef, what made you think that?

Me: I was looking at your code and I haven't seen that much spaghetti since Olive Garden ran the endless pasta special. I was just wanting some meatballs to go with it.

Just found this in some website code.

Purchase made.

The "startup idea"-guy starterpack ... "I just need some one to code it."

Is this the code life
Another scrum meeting
Caught in the the Node life
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the screens and see..
I'm just a dev boy
Doing some debugging
Because there's warnings here
Errors there
Segment faults
Everywhere
Anytime you distract
Takes another hour from me
From me

*piano starts

Mama. Just committed a bug
Merge the branch to production
Did it fast for milestones
Mama. The repo has just begun
But now they going to throw the stack away.
Mama. U u u uu
Didn't mean to code in LAMP
But it's the only stack i know how to setup
In Ubuntu. Without docker
I really don't get vagrant

*piano

It's too late
My team is done
Some dev is working in Nepal
A UX dev. Now what is that?
Goodbye everybody
I've got to go
Gotta leave this lame meeting
And face the truth
Oh nooooo. I i interns
(they have questions)
I want to debug
I don't want to stay till 3 in the morning

*epic guitar

I see a litlle dev over there
Let's code review, let's code review
Did he do the last commit?
Coding in the white board
Very very frightening me
That's bug(that's a bug)
That's a bug (that's a bug)
What the f*ck did you do that?
Magnificcooooooo

I was just coding and nobody liked it
He was coding and nobody liked it, spare his some time to do his debugging

Easy man. Here go. Will you let me code?
A meeting. No,we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
We will not let you code
Never never let you go
Never let you code, oh
No no no no no no no
Oh mama mia, mama mia ( dude, you've gotta let me code)
Screw you guys, I'm gonna code and commit. Commit. Comiiiiitt!

*epic guitar

So you think you can review me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can dump me and erase my branch?
Oh baby, cant do this to me baby
I've just have to log out.
I've just have to log outta here

*epic guitar solo

Nothing really matters
The users will not care
Nothing really matters
To them

Any way this code blows

"Today I won't code, I'll just play some games or watch TV and relax!"

"Hmmm... I'll just fix this one small thing here... shouldn't take long. And then its time for some gaming!"

* 3 hours later *

Still coding, wtf is wrong with me

I made an account just to rant about this:

Currently working for a multi billion dollar company and this is the code some wanker decided to write! Now I get the pleasure of reading through and debugging it :D

That feeling when you've been writing some sophisticated feature in Java for 2 consecutive days and you compile the code waiting for errors but it just works fine without any errors.

Ever wrote some code so sweet you could barely contain yourself and want to call some of your friends to share your achievement... then realize they just wouldn't understand.... #needcodefriends

This is the shit I have to deal with in school. Teacher told us to review each others code. This is one of the gems i found so far. Some people just wants to see the world burn...

My colleague just committed some code with description "improved some bugs"

...should I be worried? 😂

Designer: The design is done and approved by you. Set the launch date. We just need to put some code behind it and the shop project is finished.

After the meeting the programmers heard what the designer said to the customer in the meeting.
Programmer: *facepalm*
PM: *facepalm*

I just hate npm dependencies.

If you want to write a small website with npm dependencies (some frontend deps like Bootstrap and some development deps like gulp or babel) you will have more npm dependencies in your project than own code. It is ridiculous, how some lazy developers just add dependencies to their projects, without evaluating their dependencies. The source code of one of my projects is around 4MB (without any dependencies). If you then run yarn as required, it grows to around 80MB (where 73MB are node_modules).

This is just terrible.

I rant about this, as I made the mistake to upload my node_modules directories when restoring a backup of my server. Worst idea one could ever have.

"Running the sample code is easy! Just git clone, make sure python, lua, gcc, docker and cuda are installed, and run ./install.sh. Easy!"

Me: Light 6 candles, sprinkle some thyme water with unicorn tears over my keyboard, start chanting an unholy hymn... shit... some compiler error from a library I've never heard of before.

Why can't these "interesting samples" come with easy pre-compiled binaries...

At a friend's party, I met one of the guys I've known from High school, and talk about what we've become:

Him: ...so yeah, now I study CS, I code some C, I dislike Java, blablablablabla I'm coding some OS and embedded software, blablablabla, and you, what do you code in?

Me: Oh, I learned everything I know by myself, still learning, and I'm mostly doing some PHP and Javascript. Doing websites and apps is cool.

Him: but those aren't programming languages? I mean, you can't manage memory, and blablablabla-

Me: Ó_Õ * Quickly dashed my ass off to talk with some ladies and boozed myself to forget what I just heard *

Just downloaded some big ass codebase and the first line i read is:

"// The source code is not well documented, but every advanced programmer will be able to understand it after some time."

Well... let's find out about your definition of "some time", Dickhead!

Just coded for ~14h straight. Started doing some super heavy code cleanup and refactoring. Almost cried when I saw my code from the past.

Maybe it's time to call it a day...

Shouldn't be necessary if you just write understandable code xD..... Some people just write stories in between 2 lines of code....

Client: I need html code for this search bar *attaches png*

Me: Ok. I will send you the code. HTML is just for front end views.

Client: ok. I will place an order, you can send it over *places order*

Me: *copy 6 lines of code from bootsnipp*
*make some changes*
*submit to client*

Client: Thanks but when I press the search icon it does not display the relevant records.

Me: *smh*

Sometimes I wish I was a cow, eating grass in some field

No more code
No more stress
Just moo

"You guys are taking to long. can't you just copy and paste some code and complete the website?"

Literally fuming right now.

WordPress needs no introduction, it powers a significant portion of the web while having some of the most nightmare inducing code i have seen in all my years as a developer.

Just look at the API, i mean what the actual fuck is that?

get_fucked();

WORST???

Seeing your code, which you were proud about, now being butchered by some interns/newbies 😲

Just like seeing your X girlfriend after long time 😒

I just changed a bunch of comments, log entries, and removed some blank lines from one of my controllers. Zero functional code changes. Everything worked before; now it runs only half the code, breaks, and throws strange errors.

Fucking hell.
Screw today.

Github == Graveyard

Projects thats been left behind,
Pet projects which are never maintained,
Some newly dug graves waiting for git push (might never happen) ,
Decaying code over time.

Just sayin. There might be graves of code which are loved around and are visited...

I just came across some code I wrote a year ago that I don't entirely hate.

I'm legitimately a bit worried.

!rant

Someone just downvoted four of my answers on Stackoverflow just because I commented on one of his answers that "please include some description, just code won't be helpful"

PEOPLE IF YOU CAN'T ACCEPT YOU ARE WRONG THEN GET THE FUCK OUT FROM OUR COMMUNITY AND STOP RUINING IT.

Looking at code in our workplace.. I realized one thing. Like Devops, legacy code is actually a mindset.

So here goes my thought:

A piece of code is not legacy because it was written ten years ago.

A piece of code is legacy because it looks like a piece of legacy code.

With the legacy code mindset, you end up writing legacy code no matter where you are, when you wrote it.

I was looking at some part of our code which we written in just the last few months, and I can’t help but think that they were legacy, so it really doesn’t matter when it was written!

It is more about how you write your code that determines whether it is legacy :)

Hopefully this was not crazily confusing anyone. Have a good day guys & gals!

I HOPED I WOULDN'T BE BALD AS MY DAD BUT AT THIS RATE I WILL BE HAIRLESS FROM TEARING IT OUT ON MY BLOODY OWN

I got hired for cleaning up a 2 year project of rushed spaghetti code , where they previously only had 1 programmer aND HE WROTE 37 THOUSAND LINES OF CODE!

OH WE NEED A NEW FEATURE?! LEMME JUST RESEARCH THIS COMMENT-LESS CRAP FOR MULTIPLE MILLENIA BEFORE I CAN GRASP WHAT THE FLYING FRICKIN FRIDGE CODE DOES

To top it off, I've about ONE MONTH LEFT BEFORE BETA RELEASE TO FIX THE CODE!

I'm super grateful for this job as it's my first programming job BUT I'M GONNA SET THE REPOSITORY ON FIRE SOON AAAAHHHHHH

HOW CAN YOU, THE PREVIOUS PROGRAMMER, WORK IN THIS ENVIRONMENT WHERE MOSTLY ALL FILES ARE +2000 ROWS OF UNDOCUMENTED CODE

OH AND JUST GOT A MESSAGE FROM THE PREVIOUS PROGRAMMER:
"You can just remove the unused code and refractor it some, izi"

IZI MY SHITTY POOP CAR
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Now with that out of the way, how would you recommend handling a stressful release deadline?

My school's mascot is the duck, but I like to think that someone had some heavy code to fix up and just took over the campus

A random number generator in my code just gave "0000". I even thought that could be some bug and was investigating. How cool is that?

So our robotics team just got some code ready and our robots servos are reading hardware fault. Fml

Turns out the small company I'm working for is depending almost completely on the new SaaS system I'm building, to appease investors and not go belly up.

I just wanted to move to another country and code some stuff, this is too much pressure.

Senior Engineer -
Hey. I have a code that hits API to get details and multithreading is implemented. Can you just change the URL formed to hit Api?

Me
Yeah sure why not.

Me
After some time I discover that the initial code itself wasn't working 😐
I realise i need to fix code, fix multithreading and then make the URL changes.

Just finished......Realised had to rant....

If you're gonna comment a lot or a little, at least be consistent. I just read some code like this:

//prints "are you ready?"
printf("are you ready?");

//get the value
int findVal(int x) {
/* some fucking complex algorithm with no comments whatsoever that seems to have an error messing everything up */
}

sometimes I hate python....

Ive just chased down a bug where a simple string saved in a simple dict sometimes came out as a f*cking tuple(!) when I needed it!

turned out that at some point this dict got updated with values from some other dict. And at some other point, I decided it was a great idea to rewrite that update code into individual setter's instead ... and of course forgot to remove one the trailing comma's, thus creating a perfectly legal tuple .... *sigh*

No errors, no warnings - just plain corrupt data....

In web technologies lab.

Friend copied some php code from some website and saved it.
Tries to run it and it just prints whatever he wrote.
After thinking for like half an hour he calls me.

Friend: hey u know php right? Why my code is not running?

I check the code in the editor and everything looks fine except he saved his php code with an extension .txt 😑 😑

Just found this piece of code from one of my coworkers:

restMethod() {
try {
// some complicated logic
} catch (WebApplicationException e) {
throw e;
}
}

Why?!

And btw: Hi fellow devRant ppl! 👋

Just found this while trying to understand some code:

```
bool ok = true;
if(ok) {
// lots of code here
} else {
// even more code here
}
```

I thought this was worth my first rant...

I've spent three days trying to upload some code to my ESP8266 and it failed every time. Now I just plugged the Arduino at my Desktop and it works. Notebook USB port does not provide enough current I think.

This is just like me when I play with my baby niece to remove some stress from work. Effectively recharges me and can code again even if I'm tired

I am seriously getting pissed off at these so called web developers on Instagram... More often than not I stumble upon an image of vs code with some Lorem ipsum code on the screen.

Just now I saw a picture that drew my attention, so I clicked on to the profile and fuck me in the rectum from a 90 degree angle this is what I see. Visual communication does not FUCKING EQUAL WEB DEVELOPMENT.

DAMN IT, JUST FUCK OFF.

-> everyone at the company uses git
-> asked to change some stuff
-> boss says "don't remove the old code, just comment it in case we need it in the future"
-> ...
-> ???

Coworker: "Yeah, I know the code module is 25K lines of code, but don't try to break it up. At some point I realized that they just have to be that big."

Me: 😦

I just found this in some code I'm now supporting

for (var i = 0; i<1; i++) {
...
}

Just refactored 100+ lines of madness to 5 (FIVE!) lines of code. It's pleasing me and shitting me off at the same time.

Some people still get paid per line of code, I'm convinced.

I'm expecting probably no, but in the name of outdoorsy things not at all related to code, anyone else here enjoy electric bicycles?

Just grabbed this thing and it's absurdly fun, and helps me put some social distance between myself and other riders.

So I've been doing some code jobs now and recently they pushed me to a new level.
This company worked with some silly management app made in cpp which they asked me to edit a little bit giving it another style and some additional functions.
Day 1: this code is a mess.
Day 2: this code is a mess.
Day 3: how does this code even compile.
Day 4: I no longer have faith in humanity.
Day 5: I found my first comment (Yay?).
Day 16: I'm done.
Day 19: I got paid.

If you're making a project in cpp just like that dev you do deserve a punch in the throat.

No documentation, no comments, no patterns, just some thick pasta of poorly written code, names like fCalcAllTaxFilesSizeMB....
This haunts me for real.

The commonly touted "best" experiences are when you just get told "wow, this code is amazing!"

I hate those code reviews.

The best ones are the ones where I get my code completely ripped apart by 10 different people in 10 different ways. Some of them might be amazing. Some of them might be arseholes thinking slating other people's code is how you climb the career ladder. But they all generally teach me something, and they all cause me to stop and think "hmm, have they got a point, or is my original design better?" The discussion that comes from those reviews is also often very interesting; and (when done well) the whole process can become somewhat of a teambuilding exercise for everyone involved.

Just got my beta access for Framer X. They describe themselves as "Unity for design" bridging the gap between Sketch and React using code-based components. I think it has a lot of potential. Would love some non-designer perspectives. What do the front-end devs here think of it?

The code for some of the backend of my 100% custom media server in front of the blurred frontend of my media server. It just looks cool

IntelliJ has this tutorial where it teaches you a bunch of shortcuts for making life easy, since version 2017.3 or something like that. Most of it is pretty meh, some of it is pretty useful. And I just came across a keybind to auto format code.

What else do I need. If I can quickly format my code and make it look pretty, that's all I'd want.

"Try reformatting the selected code with Ctrl+Alt+L"

*Linux Mint goes to lock screen*

*logs back in, code is unchanged*

Well played...

So this happened some time ago but I didn't know devRant back then.

In school we had to write some code in Java and before the lessen one of my friends said to me that he already knew Java and that it was like a very easy coding language.

Then, when we actually had to code, he was complaining that his code didn't work.
So I stopped coding, stood up and walked over to him. He had only very few lines of code and after reading the error message I told him that he was missing a semicolon in line X.

He then asked me what a semicolon was. At that moment I thought: Oh, it's just that one thing that you put after ALMOST EVERY LINE OF CODE IN JAVA. I showed him where I find it on the keyboard and then I fixed his code (it had way more errors than just a missing semicolon).

I have no problem with helping other people but if that person brags about how well they know Java and then not knowing what a semicolon was, that's just not ok.

Hired a designer below me.. guy never wrote a full back nor frontend... Used npm shit for all his solutions and worked his way above me just by kissing ass and polluting the codebase in such a way 70% would be open source shitty plugins for shit he could not do by himself code wise...

At some point he assigned some of his tasks to me and I couldn't work with his patchy framework that was non existent within the codebase I worked on ...

At some point between npm installed tantrums I got pulled up to HR because my code quality dropped... And it was this fucktart that accused me of this saying I could not do modern development...

In the end I either had to butkiss after his butts or just quit, so I did the latter... I told him and HR I owned alot more code quality than this asshat but just not his way of working and therefor it was more an issue of code equality I was never aware of ...

A month after that the company got overtaken by some silicon valley bullshit company buying up competition, and he is still working within that shithole dealing with 90's tech...

Was the best thing that happened to me, after that I grew alot in skillset and such by investments from other jobs and projects... If I would still work there today I would consider myself a caveman

I Just created My first code in brainfuck.

My First reaction was why was this made, but as I continued it seemed to make some sense, even though All I was using was some random ascii symbols

Today I looked at some code from our CTO. He used plain SQL Statements with huge selects and no prepared statements.

I asked him:
1. why dont you build some helpers or even use some frameworks?
2. why are there no prepared statements?

His answer (to both questions)
We do not need that. That just uses too much ressources and time. It's more cleaner and simpler this way.

My Face: 😵

I know I rant about how bad the app is I have to update on at work is but seriously first week into this job I found skeleton code from a taxi app, it wasn't in English and lately I found some code from some sort of funeral app wtf!

This just takes copying and pasting to a whole new fucking level!

Was just scrolling through some 3rd party code and I had my "What the hell" moment

It's a pain in the ass that you are given a really short deadline with a huge system scope, i think the clients think that i just throw some pixie dust to my pc then it magically code it self.

It's almost weekend!

But wait! My colleague just changed some code in the production environment. Whoop! Guess what! It's broken now

Fuck you, stop bothering me. I have to celebrate weekend with non-existing friends.

just found this in some code running in production.

// This is a single comment.

The weekend is here!!!
Time to go out and have fun!!!

Nah just joking. Time to write some quality code after cleaning our company's backend (pun definitely intended) all week!

*squirming in bed*
If it ain't broke don't fix it.. If it ain't broke don-WHAT THE FUCK IS "payment.needed2"??
Calm down, it's just some bad code but it works, you didn't write it, it's not your probl-WHY THE FUCK DO THE IF STATEMENTS HAVE SO MANY DUPLICATED LINES??

Sleep. Just sleep.

Just found this comment in some code I wrote a few months ago... don't think I've ever been more honest!

This week has been hell, nothing i attempted worked out, so i guess ill just go and write some depression code :/

Cousins came over...

Me: just compiling some python code, opens up jupyter notebook to take a look at some data science code
Little Sis: *looks at jupnb dump on cmd*
Whoa are you Hacking?
Me: yeah. I got bored of whole Hacking command typing thing so I opened up my hacker console.
*print("hello world")*
Sis:wow!
Me: you know what, typing is too tiresome, I'll connect to it with my mind
*alt-tab*
*cmatrix -b*
*sits in yoga pose*
Little Sis: Screams at the top of her lungs and runs to aunt
"DAVE IS HACKING MATRIX"

I think its only reasonable that if I must show u my code during i terview process, I get to see some of the code that I'll get to work with if I'm hired.

Starting to think employers just straight up lie up everything..

Why do i need to find out about your shit code on the first day?!
Cutting edge tech my ass...

So VS Code, you're using ~60% of my CPU and I've let you do that for around 1/2 hour now. Why do you do this? I know your brother can do this as well, but he does have some valid reasons unlike yourself. You're just a glorified notepad with some extensions.

Made me always think something like:
Code: should i delete it or just comment it out?

Files: should i delete this file or just rename it as .old?

OldHW: should i put it in the bin or i can recycle some parts?
Etc......

Just finished recovering all deleted files from my old hard disks I found in the attic, just for fun.

I was hoping to find some old photos or something. Instead I found my awful old Qt code.

Back when I started the recovery it was sunny and perfectly clear outside. As soon as I found the code the skies went dark and now it’s raining like hell and lightnings are blasting.

Wtf i just summoned

Life cycle of code

1- See what sound code I have written! It's beautiful.

2 - Hey we missed something last time, just add this bit of tweak.

3 - We need to add some flags for some exception cases

4 - Hey there is a new requirement. Just add some more paths and more flags

5 - More flags!

6 - This shit runs now more on flags than on the design!

7 - Flagception!

let's try something...
Roast thread, please tag and insult your fellow devRanter in this comment section. Get creative in finding swearwords. Too many ++ bombs, poor code quality or you're just secretly in love with some other Ranter and hate it.

While working on generic enterprise code: querying databases, calling third-party APIs and just passing data around, I'm thinking: "PLEASE LET ME DO SOME THINKING, LET ME WORK ON SOME HARD ALGORITHM OR SOMETHING!"

When finally working on 'some hard algorithm or something', I'm thinking: "ARGH! MY HEAD ACHES! GIVE ME RELEASE! LET ME WORK ON SOME MINDLESS ENTERPRISE CODE!"

So I was looking through some old files, looking for some help while I was working on a project and I came across my first codes I wrote in school.
This one time I challenged myself and I tried to write the code a bit.....different. When i ran the code it worked as it should, no problems, then he said:" Show me the code how you did it". I giggled a bit and opened it up. I still remember the expression on his face. He wanted to say something twice but couldn't. Then he just sighed and said, please don't do that again.

Great.

I have a demo in an hour for which I need to make some final code changes and tests (about half an hour’s work), and just discovered that XCode killed itself. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Looks like I’m missing the demo.

Can we talk about something? I can't be the only one...

Code dreams.

What are they? You either sleep poorly, lightly, or not at all and continually repeat nonsensical code that you would otherwise KNOW is wrong when awake, (and it may even be a problem you already solved!) but for some reason your brain just wants you to mull over it over and over again.

I've been free of them for quite some time, but it happened now the past two nights. Drives me fucking nuts.

Just received the code for a WP site that needs a redesign... The guy who owns it outsourced the job to some indian folks who filled it with at shitton of plugins, and now it's both ugly as hell and a bitch to work with...
FML.

Do you wanna be a software engineer at Google?

Go to AlgoExpert.io. Pick a question. Read the prompt. Write some code…

JUST FUCKING STOP

Fucking shitty ad popping up every time I watch anything even remotely related to tech or science.

VSCode you fucking piece of shit!

Just got my code working and rewarded myself with tweaking some of the configurations. Coming back to my file and it's all irrevertably messed up with randomly pasted and probably some deleted code snippets.

How's that even possible? 😡

I hate hearing "this should be a quick one" from the client. Especially when your code base is a fucking legacy with no documentations, no testing, and a multisite that shares the same classes where functions has some crazy if conditions just to satisfy each site's requirements.

For fuck sake I get that people like python but not everyone is going to use it!

Just want a few articles or tutorials on interpreters and would you fucking look at that, it's all just in fucking python using external libraries...

Then I purchased a couple Linux and Raspberry pi magazines just to have a gander at some of the code examples and what do you think every single piece of code is? C? C++? Vala? Nope, fucking python!

I will eventually finish learning what I can about python but there are other languages that exist that isnt fucking python, give us some C, C# or even bloody JavaScript... Please

Ok rant about python over, back to my hole

Me: Startup initialization tests fail so the system won't boot properly it until we fix those issues.

Manager: comment out the lines of code that are causing problems.

🤔 So we are just going to feed power to some hardware and see what happens I guess

Just finished writing some code.
Got one error.
"Alright" I said, "almost done!"
*fixes the error*
"2589 errors"
I guess someone up there really hates me...

Just a thought.

If your project has good coverage with tests, it should be possible to develop an algorithm that recreates your production code entirely from tests.

Just look at IntelliJ - its autosuggestions on missing properties/methods are 99% times correct - I only need to hit that ENTER button. Add some AI to recreate some algorithms and there you go - you can use your tests as both: code specs and a part of QA.

Any takers for the next AI project? :)

Every time I read some code of the rust standard libraries or code of other popular rust crates, I feel ashamed of the code I produce ... their level of documentation is just outstanding, mine is ... hardly existing?

Guess a rant about myself :D

Last week some Client Service broad called my team the equivlent of "code monkeys" to my face.

I was THIS close to bitchslap the bitch!

Today I just told her I would pass the next two of her projects to my "code monkeys". I could see the despair in her eyes :)

Just spent three hours debugging why a jquery didn't do some actions with a div through its id. MAYBE NEXT TIME I SHOULD CHECK FOR FUCKING DUPLICATE ID'S AND REMEMBER COPYING SOME CODE THE DAY BEFORE WHICH CONTAINED THAT FUCKING ID. GODVERDEGODVERDOMME.

I just took over a new project from a brand new client today. It's an Android app that he said needed some updates and refactoring, and he said it wasn't well documented but he would add some comments for me before giving me the code. He gave me access to the code today and one class in it is over 1200 lines long with exactly 4 methods in it... the shortest method is still over 200 lines long. There is one comment at the very top:
// Needs refactored.

... gee thanks.

fuck javascript
node.js module system sucks. Like its module system is trash, who will want to download some fucking 1GB worth of packages to create a new project.
People keep on just creating other package managers. Yarn is good enough because it caches your packages but still, i am just from deleting some 2.2Gb node modules from my computer and just whyy ?
An area where internet connection us shitty and expensive it is just not very well.
Fuck javascript is everywhere so i have to use it,

typescript just adds another layer to the heavy lifting. You write some typed code to 'reduce bugs' but you generate much more heavy code. I could write in 1kb js file but i end up getting some 3kb js because what - i used typescript-ügvjpiahdjb

fuck javascript

I've been doing some Codility exercises, and I can't see how it reflects on my skills as an engineer. It's just math riddles that can be solved with those fancy calculators.
It completely misses the aspects of managing resources, good design, understanding other people's code, hardware optimizations...

Some motherfucker pulled the entire fucking Lodash library off a CDN so he could use one fucking function.

Buddy, the library is open source, you can just copy the relevant code off Github

This is why websites are slow as fuck, devs import shit they don't need

I was just commiting some code on GitHub for school tomorrow and I kinda got lost in the commit description..

Ah, it just hit me so hard I had the urge to get it out.. Helped, tho, love you Git

Why should I make my fucking code messier and write some bullshit workaround just because you’re a stubborn idiot who refuses to upgrade your fucking operating system and browser. ARGHGHGGH

I've been teaching the new interns. Some are progressing really nicely and understanding the caveats and concepts of the frameworks, but others are a big pain in the kernel

I sent them some code outlining what they would do, filled with `// TODO`'s. Every day I would ask them if they had any questions and they just said they were having some progress. At the end of the week, they say "the code that you sent me doesn't work. I ran it and it didn't do what you said it would do." Well that was your job! My bad for having high expectations I guess

Just started onboarding the new hire and it made me realise how much of a dumpster fire some of our code is

Code is just like poetry, and some people suck at both! 😅

I don't know what to say.
.
.
.
Yes I do, just some clarification: not my code.

Modern cross platform mobile app development is a lie. Maybe if you do Apple first, I don't know. Maybe xamarin is better than Cordova, idk. I've spent more time tweaking to one platform than I would have just starting with a platform and writing two or three code bases. I've got more if iOS statements than I know what to do with and the Windows code is some hacky transpiled mess because UWP isn't ES6 ready for reasons. Also, some error and image handling just doesn't translate. All this and I've got significantly less features than I could have implemented in the same time writing in a native language.

Recently, I had to make a minor modification to some Node.js code a coworker wrote a year ago which buffers stringified JSON into Kinesis. I just needed to add a new key to the input object, it took minutes to make the change, but hours to make sense out the absolute trash spaghetti code this guy wrote. After spending half a day trying to make his code readable, I just got so pissed off. I replaced his 15 files/+1,500 lines of uncommented code, filled with classes, factory functions, poorly named functions and vars, and so, so many spelling mistakes.

We now have a single, well commented, 300 line file that does the same thing.

Get that shit code out of here.

Just came across this in a website project of my company.... and it goes on for about 5 times of that. But it's not in the html code, guess it comes from some js framework. Not sure if bug in framework or bad code in website.

Taking advice from devRant and just working on some documentation for hacktoberfest. Well until I can find a project that I want to add code to

I was think of using ajax to pass data from javascript to php because of some validation to my multiple checkbox, then before i go home the idea hit me to just use validation in php with some basic variable manipulation and if else, i just wasted 2 hours of searching just to arrived at a basic solution, i think it's much better to think before you code about what you want to do,but when i open my text editor i get distracted a lot.

How often do you get bored (eg. on a bus) and just code something completely stupid on your phone?
(pic is the result of some spaggeti I made on a bus today)

I just read this great line in the Google SRE book which I have experienced myself:

"Some of the most satisfying coding I’ve ever done was deleting thousands of lines of code at a time when it was no longer useful."

While sitting in a train (5 hours trip) I really want to code something, unfortunately I dont have my laptop with me, so i just connected with ssh from my phone to my ubuntu vps, created some project via npm and use android app to edit the code. It is not perfect but works. Someone else code like that?

Don't you just hate it when you have some of the best programmers in the office with you, but none of them can fucking spell! Imagine having to spend more time decoding comments than actual code

Just going through some old code from git repo's and code examples and I have a message to every dev out there after seeing some of the code quality...

Never... ever... ever fucking give variables with names like vx, tr and sq.

Give your variables names that explain what they are, it is so fucking hard trying to follow code that has 2 letter variable names and there is a special place in hell for you :-)

90% of beginner questions are so damn annoying. I get it, some people are new and still learning but for the love of God, I just want to tell these kids to shut the fuck up, sit their ass down and WRITE SOME DAMN CODE, instead of bitching and moaning about what they best language is or how to magically read a tutorial and become a ninja in a day.

Fuck.

Which place do y'all go for developer related comics and memes ? Besides devrant ofc.

I actually wanted to use some in a boring article am about to write. Something with a sword and needle context, like people using heavy frameworks when a small snippet of native code could do just fine.

I'm curious, what was the most ridiculously otherworldly, the least understandable, eye-opening code you have every seen?

BUT, I mean that in a good way. And what did you learn from it?

For me personally, I would probably say some of the c++ stdlib implementations. Just totally not English in some places. I mean seriously, sometimes asm is more readable than c++

People who put stickers on laptops... Are they badges of honour or aspirational?

So, if you code in VB6, but want to write Reason code, do you have VB6 stickers, showing you have lived through it, or Reason stickers, hoping that recruiters read your laptop stickers.

Or, is it just some undirected mess when you are handed a sticker and you put it on---like a reflex action?

I hate legacy code.
Introduced some new changes to our application and voila! A bug in the legacy system surfaces. It was just hiding in there, waiting to ruin my weekend.

Ugh! So boring writing the same thing over and over! So instead I wrote a ruby script to generate some C# code for me!

Honestly...I just make excuses to do stuff with Ruby 😂

An excerpt from the encyclopedia of "Developer Confessions":
At times, when I have no clue what some code does, I comment it out to see what breaks. Sometimes I just want to see the code burn.

Arch I want to love you. But you're so freaking unstable and I just want to code in peace without you freaking out every week about config files being screwed up. Why can't we have the stability of more mainstream distros AND the Pacman package manager + AUR? Some of us have to code for a living you know.

I'm really tempted to just go back to Debian to set it and forget it. PPA's be damned.

Just because OO exists, it's not mandatory.

Some code would be 10(+) times simpler, more readable and more maintainable without it.

I’m one of maybe the 10% of dev boot camp graduates that had a successful outcome. Most people think it’s as easy as just showing up, write mediocre code, get a certificate then you’re automatically an “engineer” with job offers being thrown at you. It’s not. I already had experience writing code throughout high school and took 2 years of cs classes at university before dropping out. TLDR; only worth it if you already have some technical knowledge or experience otherwise your just pissing away your money.

Created a github open source project for voice recognition for react native Android.

Needed help developing some features and did my research with links to some articles.

Then some guy that showed interest in the specific issue just copied my repo and launched his own npm package with the new features.

Just threw my code in the garbage and just felt so irritated. I did all the research and shared the research links and he just duped me and left me to rot. No credit given.

Fuck that guy. This is not open source.

Rant over

We had this new guy working and we assigned him some work to do. We gave him some time to find the way into the code and figure things out on his own.

Instead of doing that, he wrote a paper of 20 pages why WPF would be way better than what we are doing now. There were many flaws in his document as well. Also on day 2 he used resharper to format some code file. Bye bye annotate! His argument was that resharper knew better. But, our code also uses some reflection, so that got broken. He didn't knew what reflection was and assumed resharper "fixed" it.

He doesn't work here anymore now, he felt he wasn't taken seriously. This is just one of many examples of him though 😂

So just saw an email from our team's vice manager about need to improve code quality by using some new system.

Well that set me off on a huge rant about all the issues I see in my team and what exactly needs to change... (just some new sytem he's pushing isnt going to help)

wonder if i might get fired... even though i m right...

And so much for my plan to update docs... I've forgot what I wanted to do...

Programmers after Writing some successful code be like:-
"Chill, chill just chill"

When that code went into Testing phase:-
"Where are you now? Under the sea.. Under the sea..."

I just hate wordpress. Whenever I have to touch it, makes me nervous.

This time I just have to put some html/css. I was thinking it's piece of cake.
Couldn't be more wrong. This fucker is adding extra tags to my code fucking up what made...

Visual Studio Code !!
It has tons of features, form keybinding, to language support

I just love the inbuilt terminal support

And with git integration and some plugins, there's absolutely no need for separate git client

My co-worker had to add some small feature, and while at it, he thought it’s a good idea to “refactor” the entire repo.

Now the code is over-modularized and full of disconnected 100 line files, just for the sake of modularity.

Sometimes less is more

I have a friend which have a hoarding disorder when it comes to coding. Here are some of the things he does:

1: If he rewrites, remove, or in any other way refactor a function, then he keeps the old one in the file commented out.

2: If he deletes a class then he takes the code and paste it into a class that he have just for old code. AN ACTUAL CLASS! Not just some random text file somewhere. Even though it is commented out, he leaves it so that you can initiate his garbage.

3: In point 1, the code is not pasted on the end. It inside all the other actual code.

So if you try to help him with something, then you have to dig through a mountain of shit just to find some code.

Copy-pasting 90% of our entities including logic and merging some - creating thousands of duplicated lines - and then creating views for those abnomalies just to speed up the ORM fetching which could have been done with a single join...

Took me some time to delete all of that fking shitty untested code full of bugs...

I hate so very much about so very many things, I forget some of the things I love.
And what I love is small lines of code that reveal something about their developer. This? This I love to see.

Some guy here studied C at university, decided he liked it so much he would port it over to JS. Absolutely pointless effort, but he decided he would do it nonetheless. The code is clean, documented, just with this little quirk and I'm honestly smiling. You rock, buddy, whoever you are.

Damn it, it's 3am and I just confused myself with my own code, and edited the wrong file AAARGH
Probably time to get some sleep...

If I had a nickel every time the unit tests failed not because something was wrong in the code, but because someone had messed up the unit test I'd be able to retire early.

I just spent the better part of 10 hours hunting down a bug in some production code only for the test to be wrong because the person who wrote it had mocked the http response incorrectly.

Nothing I did to "fix" the code worked, because nothing was wrong with it...

When it’s 3am and you are working on an exception for more than 2 hours and have optimized your whole code just to be sure and remember you are writing swift not java: some ints have low max value like UInt8.

Helping out a friend how to code, and he said:

"Can't we just use a string? An array is just like a string anyway."

We were looking at some setting types in Visual Studio.

Taking over development of a system from some other guy who just straight up dropped it with zero documentation. The code looks like he wrote it after watching some getting started tutorial. There is no structure. Some methods and statements are just empty. And he spelt 'connection' three different ways in the same file.

God help me...

How I always feel about Xcode when compiling Swift code, opening storyboard files, or just in general.

We need to make some of these stickers. ++

*Writes magnificent class for company that makes code safer and faster. Nothing proprietary but super useful.

Me: yo boss I just wrote some sick shit, can I use it my projects too.

Boss: No, all your codenz belong to me

There's no provisioning script. Code repo's there, but no configuration files. Missing folders that break the app. No documentation on what to install, what directories to create, NO instructions. Nothing. Just an empty Ubuntu vagrantbox and a git repo. Took the entire morning and then some, just to replicate the dev environment. Fuck

This just happened. I have to tell someone how stupid I felt a few minutes ago.
I am working on a script that is supposed to rename some files in sub folders of the current folder.
I used ChatGPT to help me out with the last part of finding all sub folders. Copied the code into VS code. Changed the path from “/path/to/folder/“ to just “/“, ran the code. It took a bit too long time to finish. Then VS Code asked for permissions to my reminders… “Why?” I asked before I realized that I confused “.” With “/“ for current folder…

So, I was fixing some code today, and stumbled upon this. Is it just me, or is this really an example of bad bad practice...? And, no, there was nothing to be executed after this function was called.

It is funny that every non-programmer person refers any code computer executes to as "app".

Just wrote a script which does some routines during startup of PC for a friend of mine. Cringed when he said "Thank you for the app."

Today, my fellows not a rant, but a glimp of blissfully sent client from heaven. Doesn't complain at all. He is not a fuckin jerk, he just trusts my judgment both in code and looks. No one will ask me to adjust some petty thing for some obscure mental fixations! Join me in this party!

I know that if something looks stupid but it works, it ain't stupid... but this is just plain borderline.

Basically, a cast from int to String to int to String from some legacy code I'm working with

Oof, scope creep

Come back to an 8 month old project and I can't update the website because something in webpack needs something in python to compile... Um why. Literally just a poster with some images and a markdown parser.

So I spent 5 hours and 850 lines of code later modernizing the code and... I have the same website again but now it compiles. Woo?

I started to teach my partner some programming basics (web, just html and some css for starters), since they asked me to. So far we haven’t killed each others, so it’s going much better than expected.

Also, it seems to be a very common misconception that one needs to be a special breed of person to be able to understand and write some code.

Agencies... Just hate when people are given only time enough for doig crap code, because "there is no budget". Hate even more to work on changes on top of it, because people just dont get why you take so long to do changes that supposed to be simple, ignoring the fact that previously they asked for some slap-dash shit. What do they think, that with time the code cleanup and tidy up itself?

Ever had the experience of looking for the perfect js library to do some small job for you, after hours of evaluating, trying to tweak the one that seems closest to what you want, you end up thinking I should rather just code this myself.

Who doesn't know the moment of absolute heartattack when you accidentally press/drag something or press some weird hotkey combination and something on screen flashes, disappears, groups your code, opens some random file, starts your email client or just simply closes what you were working on without any confirmation window

Computer programming teacher wanted us to write some pseudocode to solve an algorithm just so we can practice writing some code and solving problems. The teacher needs a copy so I spent about 2 hours today rewriting all of that pseudocode because she wants it handwritten...

I begin by just writing my ideas and them attempting to roughly image their execution in my head, and then start to write the code. I found this method to pose the smallest amount of holdups and issues. Of course, you might have to rethink some procedures but it mostly works.

Biggest hurdle in my Dev career?
To be as good an architect as the developer I am.
Challenges: You'll have to convince fellow architects, business clients, junior developers, mid level developers. Some understands UML, some only wants POC, some wants to see code, some just wants a PowerPoint deck, and some just wants to see the cost benefits only.

When I was starting programming (learning Actionscript 3) loong time ago I for some reason didnt stubbornly write code into .as files... Instead I just attached code to timeline keyframes in Flash...

Why are you trying to multithreaded c++ file i/o? If you can't write c++ code that's faster than your hard drive, please just don't write c++.

Literally no complex calculations, just some insane string formatting.

Working on some 2 year old php code don't know who has written it.
Found a function with some 500 lines of code and there is 3 times MySQL connection is initiated overriding same fucking variable with hardcoded database parameters in all of them
What the fuck man😦😦😦

Plus I have just started revewing the code there are tons of files and everywhere connection is hardcoded.

Sometimes I've looked back at some code I've recently written and thought, this makes no since... Instead of rewriting it, I just leave it confident in my brain at the time...

Hey, I need to get something from the database here. But I've already created the connection somewhere else. Oh... I know! Let's just copy paste it here, here and here... Maybe just here and here too... And some more over here...

- The thought process that probably went through the head of the moron who wrote the code I started working on

As a kid when I was coding I used building blocks and I used some yesterday for Lego robotics at a science center and I felt really dumb because over 2 years since I was 10 I used actual code like typing it and it feels much better than blocks and just over all building blocks just make me feel so stupid😵

seriously considering migrating from code to selling snacks, becoming a barista or whatever

some people just drain all my motivation to code even personal projects

feel like i'd be happier, and less stressed, selling t-shirts by the beach 🫠

Just a small discussion topic, if you could look through the source code ad have full access to 1 project/application/game/moon base forever, what would you choose and why?

For me, I would love to go through the source code for the game Hyper Light Drifter, would love to see some of the inner workings and just learn new methods of doing things.

Thank God for devrant. I am literarily fuming right now. Just removed some redundant (or so it seems ) code last week and already suffering the consequencies. Crazy commenting screwed me up really bad.

Reading a post on Quora lead me here. At first, I didn't like the look and feel so I hit f12 to see if I code see the source code. One would think that after x hours spent coding at my work desk, I would just want to sit at home and watch tv or play games. However, there is something fulfilling about seeing a coded product and taking a quick glance at some source code.

How to interpret when you receive bugs reported for your application?
Should I be happy that someone is using them or just be sad that I gotta fix them and how poorly I wrote the code.

Note: will obviously consider turning some of them into features. Though not all.

Need to do some PHP for my class next week, problem is I hate PHP so I just distracted myself and wrote a bunch of Ruby code today...

Last day at work: goodbye overnight sessions breeding over some arcane legacy code that blew up in prod or manually restoring dozens of backups because the customer continued to work while systems went down due to power failure.

Colleagues last commit message at that place: It just works (Friday 8pm then shipping the code to prod)

The problem: callback hell. Code would be indented by three hundred fucking spaces just to do some async work. Your code would end with thirty lines of closing curly brackets

Solution: async and await.

The problem, reborn: NoSQL. Code is indented by three hundred fucking spaces just to run a query. Your query ends with thirty lines of closing curly brackets.

Shut down the bootcamps. The market is over saturated. Most are just showing YouTube videos anyways as a big chunk of the curriculum. They make people think anyone can code, but you really need ambition and an ability to accept failure when your code doesn’t work (not just memorization skills or a can-do attitude). Even though some states do have regulations, they rely on the public to report any illegal activity. That’s why a lot of scams persist. They’re also making the debt crisis worse with ISAs.

I just realized I do actually whiteboard. It's just that I do it on the computer using Visio...

Maybe everyone else on my team does too just they used an actual whiteboard...

Still doesn't quite explain some of the crap that shows up in the code though...

My idiotic teacher doesn't know the difference between Java and JavaScript , asked us to use a old version of Code::Blocks(some c/c++ IDE) just because she thinks that a update would modify compiler in such a way that basic code would never give the same output , she blames the compiler just because she isn't capable to see her mistakes and gives me bad grades just because she walked through college and I didn't.

Try to avoid writing code that just works because one day some of your colleagues will have to refactor all of it and changing 70 files aint something someone would enjoy doing.

Does anyone else think some of the Sonar rules are actually crap?

In particular the Put all you variables above methods one?

I have some static methods and variables and some object ones.

Apart from creating a new class for them which I think is over kill for just a few helper methods, don't you feel you should keep all static stuff separate?

Clean code shouldn't be about following arbitrary debatable rules, it should be preventing the horrible crap that any experienced developer would instantly call shit... If he didn't write it.

And I'm pretty sure I'm experienced so if I'm not calling a price of code shit...I don't see why Sonar should...

More and more getting myself caught thinking about the code more than writing it. I mean I draft it, it is usually very shitty at the first moment, and insted of refinifng and adding spaces to moments I just sit think, write some ideas in my notebook, search on Stack overflow, listen to the music, and wait until the code talks to me.

I know it sounds like some hippie shit, but it actually happens and really solves the problem.

Anyone has the same thing?

Haha, just found some code I wrote a year ago. Really bad...

I just copied the exact same code from another program into mine, actually left out a loop because I didn't need it. Also took some other stuff out, nothing much, just some var = othervar that I didn't need.

The other program, from where I copied the code, works fine, is fast, I see no issue, has been in production for a while now and no complaints. Mine, WITH THE SAME CODE, doesn't move. I don't understand how this is possible.

So my friend and I have been casually talking about developing some indie games. I, being the one who knows programming, tried convincing him to learn some code.

Me: Hey, did you read the books?
Him: What books?
Me internally: ‘ok, maybe he just used some of the online guides’
Me: How’s [code learning app]
Him: Oh! I downloaded that the other day!
Me: Oh cool! What’s your account name?
Him: oh, I downloaded it but never actually opened it
Me internally:’fuuuuuuuuu-‘
Me: Did you learn any programming?
Him: nope
Me: WELL THEN FUCKING LEARN IT!!!!!

We don’t really talk to much anymore.

God damn the last few days:

JUST give me some modular-ish code that is a bit more explicit and doesn't measure every fucking thing over and over.

Like I get how taking a couple .lenght and a bunch of other variables adds up to "Make a meat lovers pizza".

But fuck man when the code goes all over the place just give me a block of code that measures all that shit in ONE PLACE a god damn pizzType variable that I can use elsewhere and just fucking know what is going on.

Every damn corner becomes this maze of measurements that you cant be sure is exactly the same unless you fucking watch every damn variable, I get how that happens but god damn.

Just married, sold my expensive laptop to pay some debts, and waiting for a very cheap refurbished laptop that I just bought. Can't wait longer!! Need to code something in React!

So I just realized (while rewriting some code) Python can't import stuff from a sibling directory without voodoo tricks. Seriously. In 21st century.

I was assigned a task to troubleshoot some buggy code. I am a developer and I don’t know how to get started. Does anyone else experience this kind of anxiety? Where you’re asked to apply your skills and suddenly your brain just shuts down and you feel like you know exactly nothing? I’m older than most coders in my field. Onset of some kind of brain disorder?

I code for 2 1/2 days straight, I'm in the zone, no comments, because I'm not in some comp sci beginners class, finish up, test it the only problem is with... All of it... Just considering writing another program to comb through that one and find the mistakes for me

I fucking hate vendor prefixes. HATE.

Got some nice JS code? Well it's about to get ugly 'cause in our browser, the API needs some special name treatment or it feels offended.

Got some nice CSS?
You're welcome, it just grew 3x in size because "ugh, I ain't havin' the same flexbox as lousy Chrome over there! I'm special, I'm -ms-!"

Fucking bullshit.

How is it called when I rant about something my colleagues experienced and I just supported his debug session? Third party rant? Anyway, here's the thing.

Other team built some project specific code right in the heart of their software, which in itself would be worth a rant. But as you might guess, it's getting rantier.

For a new project the same code is used, but needed some tweaks. Now guess what happened:
1) Someone took the code, refactored it, made project specific stuff configurable, everything works fine now
2) Someone changed the code completely for the new project, everything seems to work fine for 5 months, then the old project needed a new release 💣

Finally decided to do some planning before writing code but now I feel like I'm just procrastinating around writing the code.
The struggle is real.

Had to port a python code some other guy wrote using opencv for some image processing stuff to Java. I thought "how tough can it be? Let's just try it out on python first just to verify the results", only to waste an entire fucking day trying to install opencv first and make it work and to add to it the crappy opencv documentation were no help. In the end I had to just give up on this shit and decide to just do the Java implementation which I later verified from the python guy's results.

Just modified some reverse shell python code, which could handle multiple clients but one at a time, to allow one command to be ran on all available connections.

I either adapted it to be a useful admin tool or the beginnings of a bot net...

"let's just copy and past the all the code with logic and smack on some if statement and change some texts for localization"

What the fuck, why?

So I am a Ruby guy since I don't now when. Probably forever. Lately I have to code Groovy. People are telling me all the time that Groovy is like Ruby. Let me tell you: No! Groovy is not like Ruby. Groovy is shitty Java with a slightly more usable syntax. Nothing more. It is so so tedious to code and reminds me why I stopped coding Java like 8 years ago. The fact that some features resemble Ruby syntax makes it even harder for me because I cannot code and facepalm at the same time. And I automatically type Ruby code all the time because it looks so similar in some places. I don't have that problem with other languages. Just Groovy. And the fact that Java people like it tells me how bad Java really is. It's just dirty. Guys, I feel so dirty now. And showering this morning didn't help. Had to get that off my chest. Thanks for "listening"

Just wanted to work on some of the weekend ideas... I thought let's just install vs 2017... While installing I found out that I can't open any other vs... Not to worry, I thought, vs code may save the day...opened vs code... "Hey... There's new update... since it's normally very quick to update vs code lemme just install the update while vs 2017 is getting installed".. BAM!!! ... Vs Code update process got stuck for 20 mins..."Can I cancel the update? ".. BAM AGAIN!!! now vs code won't open.

Today, coworker looked at some code of mine and asked me why I was repeating code and doing things foolishly, I told him I just wanted it to work and would make it pretty after. It felt really good making my code readable after knowing that it already worked.