"Professor, my if loop isn't working!"
IF LOOP!?!?!?!! 😫🔫

Internship number two.

*walks downstairs to get a coffee*
*CTO (my guider) walks in*
CTO: (dead serious face) "linuxxx (not using my first name :P), come with me please"
*walks along to his office, starting to get reallly fucking nervous*
*CTO and me walk into his office, he sits down and looks at me very serious*
*I'm slightly shaking, nervous, sweating*
CTO: "So."
*oh yes here it is its gonna come I did something wrong fuck fml 😫😥😨😩*
CTO: "So you know quite some stiff around security/privacy. Could you tell me some stuff about why I'd want to use VPN and recommend me some good providers? 😀"
😅
*nearly falls onto the ground from relief*

I explained him some stuff and sent him a list of good providers 😀

User: Cortana, get me today’s movie times😘

Siri: Who’s Cortana?🙄

User: Oops I meant Siri🤐

Siri: Who is Cortana?😲😫

User: Please get me the movie times😐😐

Siri: Maybe you should ask Cortana for the movie times😒😣

So, you start with a PHP website.

Nah, no hating on PHP here, this is not about language design or performance or strict type systems...

This is about architecture.

No backend web framework, just "plain PHP".

Well, I can deal with that. As long as there is some consistency, I wouldn't even mind maintaining a PHP4 site with Y2K-era HTML4 and zero Javascript.

That sounds like fucking paradise to me right now. 😍

But no, of course it was updated to PHP7, using Laravel, and a main.js file was created. GREAT.... right? Yes. Sure. Totally cool. Gotta stay with the times. But there's still remnants of that ancient framework-less website underneath. So we enter an era of Laravel + Blade templates, with a little sprinkle of raw imported PHP files here and there.

Fine. Ancient PHP + Laravel + Blade + main.js + bootstrap.css. Whatever. I can still handle this. 🤨

But then the Frontend hipsters swoosh back their shawls, sip from their caramel lattes, and start whining: "We want React! We want SPA! No more BootstrapCSS, we're going to launch our own suite of SASS styles! IT'S BETTER".

OK, so we create REST endpoints, and the little monkeys who spend their time animating spinners to cover up all the XHR fuckups are satisfied. But they only care about the top most visited pages, so we ALSO need to keep our Blade templated HTML. We now have about 200 SPA/REST routes, and about 350 classic PHP/Blade pages.

So we enter the Era of Ancient PHP + Laravel + Blade + main.js + bootstrap.css + hipster.sass + REST + React + SPA 😑

Now the Backend grizzlies wake from their hibernation, growling: We have nearly 25 million lines of PHP! Monoliths are evil! Did you know Netflix uses microservices? If we break everything into tiny chunks of code, all our problems will be solved! Let's use DDD! Let's use messaging pipelines! Let's use caching! Let's use big data! Let's use search indexes!... Good right? Sure. Whatever.

OK, so we enter the Era of Ancient PHP + Laravel + Blade + main.js + bootstrap.css + hipster.sass + REST + React + SPA + Redis + RabbitMQ + Cassandra + Elastic 😫

Our monolith starts pooping out little microservices. Some polished pieces turn into pretty little gems... but the obese monolith keeps swelling as well, while simultaneously pooping out more and more little ugly turds at an ever faster rate.

Management rushes in: "Forget about frontend and microservices! We need a desktop app! We need mobile apps! I read in a magazine that the era of the web is over!"

OK, so we enter the Era of Ancient PHP + Laravel + Blade + main.js + bootstrap.css + hipster.sass + REST + GraphQL + React + SPA + Redis + RabbitMQ + Google pub/sub + Neo4J + Cassandra + Elastic + UWP + Android + iOS 😠

"Do you have a monolith or microservices" -- "Yes"

"Which database do you use" -- "Yes"

"Which API standard do you follow" -- "Yes"

"Do you use a CI/building service?" -- "Yes, 3"

"Which Laravel version do you use?" -- "Nine" -- "What, Laravel 9, that isn't even out yet?" -- "No, nine different versions, depends on the services"

"Besides PHP, do you use any Python, Ruby, NodeJS, C#, Golang, or Java?" -- "Not OR, AND. So that's a yes. And bash. Oh and Perl. Oh... and a bit of LUA I think?"

2% of pages are still served by raw, framework-less PHP.

"Let's go for the low hanging fruit first" 🤢

"I think we should do some market research" 🤢

"Yeah that is also on my radar" 🤢

OKAY YOU FUCKING CUNT, STOP WITH YOUR PATRONIZING SHIT.

FIRST OF ALL, ARE YOU REALLY SO SMALL MINDED THAT YOU CAN'T REACH ANY HIGHER? THIS TREE IS FUCKING RAW AMD BARE ON THE BOTTOM, WITH YOUR FILTHY CLAWS GRASPING FOR ALL THOSE EASY NARROW FIXES.

SECONDLY, A FUCKING EMAIL SURVEY WITH BIASED QUESTIONS ANSWERED BY 3 HOBOS IS NOT BLOODY MARKET RESEARCH.

THIRDLY, IF THIS NUCLEAR ICBM OF AN INFRASTRUCTURE PROBLEM IS ON YOUR RADAR, MAYBE STOP FONDLING YOUR SWEATY BALLS FOR A MINUTE AND TAKE ACTION.

"Okay lets peel this onion, so we hit the ground running" 😩🤢😞

NO, LET'S NOT "HIT THE GROUND RUNNING", YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING TRIP AND MESS UP YOUR FACE EVEN MORE. HOW ABOUT GET YOUR PILE OF SHIT IN ORDER FOR ONCE, PREPARE FOR A MEETING? HOW ABOUT THOUGHTFUL ACTION, SOME FEATURE DESIGN?

"No, just implement it quick and dirty" 🤢😡👿

OH YOU WANT IT QUICK AND DIRTY? IS THAT HOW YOU FUCK YOUR DAD AS WELL?

"Let's evaluate the fix in a few weeks. We really had good synergy here team" 🤢😫

YEAH SURE, LET'S EVALUATE THIS.... BUT LET'S EVALUATE IT RIGHT NOW: 😡

"Ahem....

1. You're always late for meetings.
2. After 6 months, you still barely know what we do as a company, you still don't know the teams, and you still don't know the product.
3. You do not listen to engineers flooding you with red flags, requiring time for a redesign to fix serious scaling issues.
4. Everything must be a quickfix, nothing is allowed to require thought, because you CAN ABSOLUTELY NOT think ahead for more than 30 seconds.

OH AND IF YOU EVER AGAIN COVER UP ONE OF YOUR MANY SHORTCOMINGS WITH THAT FUCKING SLIMEY DOUCHEBAG MANAGER VOCABULARY OF YOURS, LET'S SEE HOW MUCH SYNERGY YOU FEEL WHEN YOU'RE DEEPTHROATHING A CACTUS."

Really want to get shit done today.

Lets browse Spotify for 3 hours to find good focus music.

Spend 2 hours designing a new IDE color theme and inspections which should really help me do code reviews faster

Oh, lunch time!

Maybe after lunch I should read some random clickbait blog posts on organizational paradigms.

...

And now I'm stranded on devRant. 😫

Brain, stop. Please just stop coming up with new ideas for one fucking second.

I wish I could implement them all but I have never finished a side project ever.

Please. Just. Fucking. Give. Me. A. Fucking. Rest. Right. Now. And. Stop, Coming. Up. With. New. Project. Ideas.

😫😡

Had three servers running in prod. For extra security all of them were encrypted (hdd encryption) just in case.
"mate, servers need a quick reboot, that alright?"
Me: yeah sure!
"oh hey they're encrypted, what's the password?"
Uhm.....
😐
😓
😨
😵😨😮😧😫
😲😶😭

Yeah, i also forgot to turn on the backup process...

Wow...it all makes sense 😫😰

😐😫😪

Our current designer is convinced that 00FF44 bright green fits well with the rest of our soft purple/blue color scheme.

I am not a designer, but have worked in a color laboratory, so I've tried time and time again to explain CIE LAB color space, and how at least HCL is a good way to pick & group colors into palettes by using 2-3 luminances for equidistant hues while keeping chroma constant.

I've tried to tell him that the bright green almost physically makes my eyes bleed, because humans are quite sensitive to greens.

He just keeps using the phrase "but it makes the buttons pop nicely".

I just want to pop his skull open with my keyboard. 😫

*after 2 hours of programming*
Me to me: you can watch one episode of [some series]!
Me to me after that episode: just one more couldn't hurt for once!
...............
...............
...............
*five hours later*
Me: "what am I doing with my life 😭

This happens too fucking damn often 😫

When your client has BrowserStack 😫

I committed a terrible sin. I didn't have time for my portfolio site, so I used...

WordPress 😫

Use Docker, it's awesome because you won't need VMs anymore.

Using Win7: You need a VM for running docker. 😫

Neighbor: Hey! You know how to make websites right?
I: ya! Look at some of my work.
Neighbor: Nice! Will you make one for this concert i am hosting?
I: ya sure! It'll cost 2500 INR.
Neighbor: ok. Will inform you.
------he never informs------
------2 week later--------
Neighbor: look at these posters I got made for the concert... Since you have an eye for good design, tell me how you like them?
I: they are pretty good. Wont you require the site?
Neighbor: No. It'll work without the site.

---------1 year later-------
Neighbor: hey. Will you make a site for me? Where i can showcase the photographs i take and people can comment and like them?
I: Ya sure. Will cost you 4000 INR.
Neighbor: ok. Will inform you.
--------He never informs---------
--------2 weeks later----------
Neighbor: hey i found out this site called wix where they make a site for free.
I: cool.
Neighbor: will you teach me how to use it?
I: 🤔😑😫😤

I accidentally taught my cat to turn off the wifi. Now he is using his powers against me whenever he demands food😅😫🤦

When you are creating new design for your website and everything works fine and then you see that you browser is zoomed on 150%😫😭

😓😓😫

Sister = bee ( who isn't a stranger to Ubuntu)
Me = Cee

Bee: can I use your laptop?
Cee : why ? Use yours ,it's works fine.
Bee : no I want to use yours and I need to work with windows.
Cee: 🤯
Bee : my work can only be done using windows.
Cee : fine do whatever ( doesn't want to argue )
* Le bee opens MS word, and starts her work *
Cee : 😤😤Seriously?
Bee : I don't like libre
Cee : 😑😑😑^∞
* Few moments later *
Bee : my work is done ,you can have your laptop,btw it's updating.
Cee : 😑😑😑😑😑
* 2000 years later *
*Opens Ubuntu *
*Getting a weird bug*
*Tried to fix *
*Can't open OS files * 👏👏👏🎆
* Windows not shutdown properly *
* Opens windows *
* Not able to login via pin *
* Password ? not accepted *
* Changes outlook password *
* Please chose a password you haven't chosen before *
* Logs in *
* types old pin to change pin *
*You've entered wrong pin too many times *
*System hanging a lot *
* Removes pin *
* Gets huge mcAfee restart system popups , every 10 sec *
* Just shutdown , feels irritated for the rest of the day*

* Regrets dual booting, shd have wiped the windows partition 😫😫*

*Wonders,what the hell did my sister even do to my laptop ?*

We have a customer that runs an extremely strict security program, which disallows any type of outside connection to their servers.
In order to even correspond with them via email you must undergo background checks and be validated. Then you sign an NDA and another "secrecy level" contract.

Today they had a problem, I was the one assigned to fix it. I asked for a screenshot.
We already use an encrypted mail service, which runs via a special VPN that has enough layers of protection to slow down a photon to the speed of a snail.
The customer's sysadmin encrypted the screenshot and sent it to me.

I open the screenshot and....
He runs Windows 10, uses Google Chrome and has Facebook's WhatsApp desktop app flashing orange in the tray.

😐😣😫😖

- That I never programmed anything "big" or useful.

- that I didn't have a developer job or internship (I am a university student).

- reading job descriptions and seeing the qualifications they ask for.

😫😫

You know you're getting old when you have to increase the font size of your editor... 😫

No matter how many times you test it.

It is destined to fail when you will show it to clients. 😫

Tester: I'm going to start testing your Android code. How do I set up it?

Me: just bring me an Android test device and I'll show you

Tester: *comes back holding a big golden phone*

Me: *huh? Haven't seen that Android device before... I wonder which manufacturer made it*

Tester: *puts down golden phone on my desk* here you go!

Me: 😱😱😱😱
...
HUH? This is an iPhone!!!!
😩😱😧😖😰😫😵😱😱

Tomorrow I will be rolling out a completely brand new system company wide. Spent the last year working on it.

First time ever leading a project of this size and importance.

Wish me luck. 😫

First rant, please take pity on the noob! 😐

Recently I've secured many of my user accounts spread throughout the internet. Using the same old password for everything is bad for security and for mental health! 😫

Since I was on the mood, I've tried to do a 'break glass' scenario, simulating an attacker that possessed my Gmail account credentials. "How bad can it be?" I've thought to myself...

... Bad. Very bad. Turns out not only I use lots of oauth based services, I also wasn't able to authenticate back to Google without my pass.

So when you get home today, try simulating what would happen if someone got to your Google or Facebook account.

Makes you consider the amount of control these big companies have over your life 😶

So the country I live in is going to get a huge mass surveillance law. Currently we're trying to force a referendum because this is highly (privacy) intrusive. We can still sign them for a little bit and a friend of mine hadn't done that yet. His reasoning was that it I isn't binding anyways.

We've got this John Oliver equivilant in the Netherlands who did a piece about this.

I put it on for my friend saying that I just wanted him to watch it. If he wouldn't change his mind afterwards, I wouldn't pressure him or anything.

We watched it.

Afterwards he looked at me with eyes like 😵😧😷😲😮😫.

"they'll REALLY be able to do this shit!?!"
"where can I sign this fucking thing to get this referendum going?"

So I asked him why he suddenly was all for it.

"I'm not much of a privacy guy but this shit just crossed a fucking line".

He's going to sign it as fast as possible 😁

I fried my laptop's lithium-ion battery by overheating it too much when gaming for 1.5 years now. Was only getting 20 minutes on a charge. Bought a replacement battery to install.

My laptop is full-body aluminum, and when removing the difficult-to-remove backplate, I sliced my thumb deeply on the razor-sharp internal edge of the backplate.

Hurt like hell. Took a while to get the bleeding to stop. I had to finish what I started, so I swore I'll be careful the rest of the time.

Yet somehow, my hand eventually slipped and I ended up slicing my OTHER thumb, on the exact same component! And the gash was even deeper and hurt even more! And took 3x as long to stop bleeding! I lost so much blood... 😫

Moral of the story: Be careful when dealing with full-body aluminum laptops. They're fucking evil and dangerous. Also, don't let your laptop reach temps above 82-85 degrees Celsius.

Thankfully, no tetanus from any of this. 😓

Me: So here's the completed website.

Client: *goes to Google and searches for media agencies india* What the hell is this ? I was told that my name would come on the first page in Google.

Me: Sir, we had quoted to build SEO friendly pages and not for doing SEO.

Client: This is fraud. How the hell could you cheat me by using these technical words. I want my name on the first page in Google.

Me: *types companyname.com in Google* Here Sir, your website is on the first page in Google.

Client: I very well know fraudsters like you. If I wouldn't have checked it then you'd have charged me for this later on. Here's your cheque.

Worst part of being a dev is handling less techy people than you 😫

One:

Had a stack of harddrives with my important data, two USB drives and a 4.7gb disc, two or three cloud storage accounts.

Needed a restore:
Knocked the stack of hard drives onto the floor (all broken), stood on one of the flash drives, found the other one in a pocket of a pair of trousers which just came out of the washing machine, dvd too scratched to read and couldn't verify my cloud storage account because I lost the password to the connected email account and the backup email account to verify that one didn't exist anymore. Fucking hell.

Two:

Production database with not that much yet but at least some production data which wasn't backupped.
Friend: can I reboot the db machine?
Me: yup!
Friend: what's the luks crypt password?
Me: 😯😐😓😫😲😧😭

End of story 😅

For the record, the first one actually happened (I literally cried afterwards) and that taught me to update my recovery email addresses more often!

I love it when companies expect you to care about their vision and act like the work is 100x more important than it is.

Oh yes and of course no overtime pay or decent salary that'd be too much!

😒😫🤯

Ahhh yess 😫

I really hate it when I am sleepy all day, can't overcome it and so the day goes unproductive 😫😣😞😖

My Galaxy S7 Edge fell onto the gravel road as I was getting out of my car and the screen shattered into tons of small cracks!! Just a few days before I was gonna sell it to somebody for the same price I bought it for! 😫

FUUUUUCCCKKK 😡

Let's see here, we have:
🤡 Creepy Cackle Guy: watches videos all day and cackles like a hyena, plus constantly farts, and complains a lot. He gets everyone gassed up, no pun intended.

😤Bitchy PM: argues with you about every little thing, lies to pad her metrics while screwing the dev's metrics over. Also lies about what clients say to force launch or what she feels client should do. Rude to clients & co-workers. Runs and tattles to higher ups when people call her out on her shit. Nobody can stand her, she get's the entire office upset.

🙉Darth Vader: I don't think this one needs explaining. He breathes SO freaking loud you can hear it across the room. He also won't talk to anybody. Ever.

🤐The Non-Stop Flapper: nice person, but chats you non stop about their mundane life events, even when your status is set to busy or they know you're swamped. Asks irrelevant questions all day, every day. Heart of gold but needs to reel in the chatting.

🤬 Mr.Rage: whines about EVERYTHING. I mean everything. Has also thrown his food on me once over a joke about pizza. Wants to move up to programming but cant program.
---
So between them all, I scream on the inside daily. 🙊😫😢

That weird and uncomfortable feeling you get when trawling through analytic data only to realise your top 5 browsers are in order:

Google Chrome
iOS Safari
IE11
Edge
Firefox

I think I need to go back to testing things in IE again 😫

My new year resolution: 3840 X 2160
🐒

PS: don't give me a hard time in the comments. I know it's an old joke. 😫

I am fucked.... 😫😫😫My new custom build pc is not starting up after lighting strike 😭😭 ... I had unplugged all the plugs from the socket but i forgot to unplug the wifi from the broadband cable.... So when lighting hit my building the current came through broadband cable and burned my wifi then through there it got to my pc... My motherboard, gtx1070 graphic card, ram everything is gone.... Except my hard drive and psu...

PM: let's make a kick-ass design for this header.

Me: *designs something with funky animations*

PM: hmm.. this is good but let's just follow how 'Reddit' does it.

Me: *WTF* 😫😫😫😫

why the fuq does my office have no instant noodle or snacks 😫

are we all trees or what

The live devRant AMA/event thingy is in a few hours I think?

Gotta go to sleep right fucking now.

Don't want to get spoiled by the rants tomorrow morning.

This means nearly a whole day of no devRant 😫.

Anyways, good luck dfox and trogus!

I've fixed all the bugs in the issue tracker that are "fun to solve". What remains are vague reports of unexpected behavior.

Today is going to be tough 😫

I wouldn't say least successful but my current one has an extremely irritating annoyance.

I have to setup a tile server (for those draggable maps in browsers and such) and I've come to the point where I'm skilled enough to at least setup the server. BUT:

- Generating the tiles from a database to PNG pbf files at a max 15 zoom level of only even the goddamn nerherlands will take more than a hundred days and I want the entire goddamn world. (20 core rather powerful server).
The end result is veeery fast.
- The importing is fast enough but generating them on the fly is so painstakingly slow 😫

😖

Oh God
My mom just discovered dongers.
Send help
I can't take this

😭😷😫

When people refer to node as s language 😫😫😫😫😫

WHHHYYYY?? 😤😲😣😕😨😬😡😫

Most Irritating moment
When u gonna edit any webpage and want to open it using Notepad and
By mistakenly u presses

"Open with Microsoft Visual studio or Android Studio"
😫

I miss the days I actually enjoyed playing games.

6 years of programming later...

I'm always wondering how did they make the game? Once I find out how, I lose interest in the game.

I spend more time reverse engineering/exploiting/modifying the Client of games than actually playing them, more out of curiosity than causing harm.

Am I evil? 😫

The developer's date
-----------------------------------
Me working as a developer, after a date with a cute girl
Bestie: Bro, how was the date?
Me: We cant be in a relationship.
Bestie: Why man? She is cute, she likes you and she has got a decent job.
Me: Yeah the third one is the problem. She is a SOFTWARE TESTER!!!😫

Sometimes i feel Android studio literally eats my ram 😥😥
Tired of this😐😥😥😫😫

Client: The website is not working on my browser.

Me: What browser are you using?

Client: Microsoft Word

Me: 😫🔫

Broke production today. Gut wrenching feeling 😫

Kinda rant...
Attempted making some Indianized teriyaki tofu.
Looked amazing. The sauce turned out amaaazing.
Served some.
Ugh... This tofu tastes wierd.
Disappointment 😫!!!
Threw the tofu.

Added noodles to the sauce 😍
Perfect.

Came across a fun one today :
Some JS dev using 'false' and 'true' instead of false and true. 😫

This question 😫

So, my UpWork account request is rejected, with a reason that
"already many freelancers with a similar skillset to yours".

In skills I entered
"AngularJS, ASP.NET MVC, .NET Framework, C#, jQuery, Semantic UI, Bootstrap"

Then I resubmitted the request with by adding blockchain and Ethereum.

Again rejected.

What should I do 😫
I guess I never can start freelancing.

Fuck web development 😫

This is what Daily Standups turn into when a hard baked Waterfall team is forced to adopt Agile... and the Manager is made the SMaster! 😳☹️😫😭

I hate it 😫

Senior dev says "oh, we're not looking for load time optimization" and at the same time, the website loads for at least 1 minute on localhost... 😫

Finally program running perfectly 👍
But wait.... Lets add another feature...
New feature needs updated matplotlib...
Update matplotlib😒
Lost support with numpy😫🤔
Updated numpy 😫
Run program again...
Core dumped (segmentation fault)😶😶
Time to leave this planet

// Return data
return data;

Found this in our code recently, had to check who pushed it to git. Apparently i'm an excessive commenter 😫

when you watch a coding video and try to scroll the code because you just forgot it was on YouTube... 😫😫

😫😫😫

My ISP forgot upload speed 😫😭😭
(i uploaded this image by mobile -data)

That moment when you got a new monitor but have to wait 4 more days for the mini DisplayPort to DVI adapter to arrive to be able to use it 😫

Forgot my headphones😫😭

noob misconception #527: during my first hackathon i didn't know what version control was (i thought github was this magical elite hacker tool), so id copy my code into a google doc every few minutes along with a timestamp 😫

Finished all my tasks. Went to bed happily thinking i deserve this rest.

Then after going to bed:

const onSleep = (position) => {
const newPosition = position === 'left' ? 'right' : 'left';
setTimeout(onSleep(newPosition), 120000);
}

Fml

😫

Got rejected from an interview... It sucks 😥😫😖

How is it ONLY THURSDAY 😩😫

2 things I can not understand.
1)how my programming works.
2)what the fuck this new update of what's app about??? A status? fuck!

Worst update ever. Fuck I can not handle videos and photos of people who sends useless messages. Fuck!! 😫😫😫😫

If your JavaScript and css is not loading on your server, make sure your folder and files have the right permissions.

Two days of running around like a headless chicken because I'm retarded... 😫

Let's setup my email server again! Found an awesome open source solution which installs it through Ansible.

Now i can't get past a fucking error 😫

Here goes my day :(

The moment when you use so many different languages in a project (Python, JavaScript, coffescript, PhP, CSS, HTML, Bash) that at one point you feel like you can't program the simplest things and you mix all the different languages together into one...😫

Achievement Unlocked: "Peer Pressure" on Stack overflow.
Should I feed good?

Laying in bed with a huge headache while the alpha release is at Sunday (own company) and the main feature isn't even written yet 😫 fml hard.

Dev colleague when searching something on Windows:

* Click the windows button
* Click the search button next to windows button
* Type the search string
* Wait for results to load
* Use the mouse again to click the first search result.

I try to keep calm, but this annoys me soooooo much... 😫

I was an embarrassment in my final meeting.

Kill me now. 😫🔫 ⚰️💀🥀

Coffee Machine is not working today 😫😭😭

That pure rage when you're off work for a few days, and return to find that someone has been in one of your magnificently neat code files, and taken a syntactic shit! Loads of unnecessary whitespace, tabs all over the place, and copy/pasted comments that have nothing to do with the code! 😫

A senior colleague of mine just announced she'll be leaving by the end of the year.

😐 Why do people I specifically need always leave? Am I that destructive? 😢

I know I'm being dramatic, but like... 😖😣😫

I mean, I could see this as an opportunity, but nah. I rather wallow in self-pity. 😭

Worked from home,
Ate lunch at home,
Stayed in for dinner.

I did not see the sky at all yesterday. 😫

My code for every project I do 😫😛

When the gradle won't stop syncing 😫

I am feeling lonely and depressed. Don't feel like to code. I am introvert, don't have friends. Idk what to do. 😫

If Java had true garbage collection it'd delete itself. 😫

Was fixing a bug in my app since yesterday. Now I have to keep it all aside and attend a family function. Feels really frustrating to stop mid-way. 😫😣

Why does MS need to be such a scumbag with Windows updates?
Every now and then, this unskipable blue setup screen appears and forces the user to make some decisions.

"Do you want to set Edge as the default browser?"

"Do you want a 360 subscription?"

The usual crap.

But it‘s not skippable!

You have to make a decision and the UI for "fuck off" is different for every decision.

You can‘t just press the Nope button every time.
It‘s fucking deliberate. They want you to spend time on reading their shit and force it down your throat.

And let‘s not forget about people who don‘t know computer stuff very well and are confused by this. Then call us because "the computer isn‘t working again."
And you can‘t tell them to skip this slimy rotten vomit of a marketing weasel because you need them to tell you what the options are for each fucking decision screen.

😫

Being the person that has to find bugs in that hellscape. 😫🔫

Why don't smartphone camera save photos in .raw format instead .jpeg 😥😫😫😴

I need to stop finishing my sprints work within the first 3-4 days of the sprint.

I get so excited to get work that I loose my sense of time and space so I finish it all in one go...

Now I’m gonna be bored again for 2-3 weeks 😫

Why did I volunteer to this shit...

I am supposed to maintain 4 old websites (like they were written 10+ years ago..). It's written in PHP, before mysqli, so all the calls to the DB is with mysql functions.. Now the server is to be updated and run PHP7.... guess what? those functions don't exist any more.... Now I have to patch several thousand files to use the mysqli functions... And no, there is no reason to rewrite it more than that, as I'm also developing the new versions om the sites, but those are so far from done and the new server needs the update as soon as possible, so bodging the shit out of this one...

Oh god the amount of repetitive labor 😫☹😭

And I'm not getting paid, because I'm doing it for my scout group... Tho they pay some of the Pizza 😜

Can't believe Google is shutting down project ARA it was such a revolutionary invention😥😫😞😖

Shamless rant towards the shamless Cursey dude. 😫

So whole day I have been trying to pass a variable from laravel blade view to vue2 component file. All in seperate files. I know that I have successfully passed 1 or 0 in same flow before. So I was following the same steps to pass my string variable. It kept giving me undefined. No google helped and I had been doing all kinds of stupid useless trials. All failed.

Because it is supposed to fail. 😐
I only learned it at the end of the day.

Every new framework be like: 'We are new and better and faster and better. Change quickly cause we are the future.'

Me: But whyyy are you better? 🤔😫

I am getting depressed every time I open freelancer.

I want a developer job so baaaddd :( !!! My city sucks for technology jobs. And the few jobs open want 50+ years of experience 😫

updates without a change log make me want to uninstall the app 😫

I can't take this anymore. How can you teach someone else if you don't know how to code js?!😫

This is serious!!!
Till the system start coughing 😫😫😫

I just picked up a project from a person that no longer works at the company.

Every single commit for the past year has been the exact same message "SOME UPDATES" 😫

The moment that everything works on localhost but you upload it to a FTP it is broken😫😥 I am so upsaid

So I'm starting a job at a large company in the early part of next year... it's a total mindfuck because the salary is a m a s s i v e bump up and for the first time I'm experiencing imposter syndrome. I never really fully grasped the feeling that a lot of people here described until after that final interview and an offer was extended. I'm stoked AF to start and it's going to be a huge learning experience while working there.

The company wants me and my family to relocate to another state (US) and it's got my stomach doing somersalts.

It's especially painful because the current place I'm working is amazing; the people are great, the work is solid but fairly low pressure, and there's lateral freedom to work on improving the systems and infrastructure whenever there is free time. And I know that the new gig is going to have certain expectations that need to be met or my head could be on the chopping block.

High risk, high reward I guess 😅

My anxiety is raw dogging my brain and it fucking sucks, but my wife has been doing a great job keeping me level headed and thinking logically about the future and growth this opportunity brings with it.

I'm not trying to gloat or brag, just really needed a place to share some of this since I'm freaking out and don't feel like I have enough experience/skills to take on this job. Those interviews left me worn out. 4 rounds and the final interview was 5 hours long all in one day. 😫

Internet Explorer 😫😫😫😫

My side project is distracting me from my corporate, gotta pay the bills somehow and meet these damn deadlines, project! 😫😫

Today JetBrain is discount 50%.
Spent $44.5 on PhpStorm, without telling my wife first. Sorry, I can't resist to buy it. 😫

Found today in the code of a client's old site: <em style="font-style: italic;">

😫

When you send a mail to multiple geos telling them “low power cock” is wrong
fml 😫 , need a break

I over did it! 😫 My eyes!

WINDOWS 10 low on memory error! How do i fucking get rid of this keeps restarting my computer 😫😫😫! PHOTOSHOP USER

That moment when you can't work because you are tooo excited to work😫

The only game i really want to play right now is my own.

too bad its not at all finished yet...
😥😫😪

her: * watching me 👀 *
guy 1: "what else do you do asides coding..?
her: * scoffs *
me: "lol, I do other things"
guy 2: * laughs hysterically 😂😂 *
me: "whattt..?? I do video editing and I write as well 🫤"
her: * 🙄 *

What's it with you guyssss??? 😂😫🤲🏻...I have other interests asides coding; you just have to be close to me to find out. I even make music and play the piano 🌝.....
Y'all dream a lot and you know it's your dreams I code 😪 {if you can dream it 💡, I can code it 💻

I am sitting at Starbucks trying to focus and finish some posts for my side project. The lady at the next table has been loudly 😁talking about her Disney trip in excruciating detail. Do we really have to know she will store her bagel and tuna fish in the hotel room fridge - really!

30 minutes in and she is just getting to the hotel - yikes 😫

No other seats open. I am trapped. Project deliverable delay - reason loud lady.

I was going to do this as a speech to text post but too nice to do that. HELP!

Now I wanna know how many subscribers I have 😫

Explored some job postings online.
Everything was alright then it happened. "IIT and NIT students will be preferred". Logged off in disappointment 😫😫

Why are you expected to have people management skills as your experience grows? I don't want to deal with people, I just want to deal with my code 😢😫

I think I'm gonna use tables in HTML. 😫

Fucking updates broke my Laravel project. 😫😤

Is it just me or is word processing and the entire office suite on Linux platforms absolutely horrendous ? 😫😟

As child: 'When I grew up and earned some money I'm gonna by a full Photoshop-Version.' 😎
Now: 'You cannot buy it fully anymore.' 😫
#ChildhoodDreamsKilledInstantly

If I ever get the chance to start my own company or pick out the dev team I work with... I will never, ever, ever work with anyone who doesn't understand how to abstract out a problem. Our prod DB is a mess and our API is a mess because we left it to some dudes who are dumb as shit and doing everything ad-hoc. Now their ad-hoc shit doesn't work anymore and I get to clean it up. 😫😞FML

I work as a .Net consultant. Currently I am at a company that blocks all sociale media sites and sites that look like 'em. I don't mind the social media, but YouTube is also blocked and I need my dose of daily epic music world while developing. So, I set up a proxy on my server to easily bypass these blockades. Note: company policy says nothing about not being allowed certain websites, I always read this before using this trick.

Last week, a new guy joined the company and gets a desk just next to me. After a lot of looking at my screens and trying stuff he asks me for the entire office: "Hey how are you going on YouTube? It doesn't see to work for me.". 😫

The rest of the day, I had to explain to co-workers what a proxy is (they don't care about any tech they don't need...). And I had to explain to the pm that I was not hacking their network...

I'm not sure if I will be getting along with this new guy.... 😧

!Rant
Being changing apartment this days, I had to continue my personal project on the notebook but soon I realized that I can't, a project that requires full stack programming isn't bearable on a 1440p 14" screen, I need at least 2 screens 😫.

On your side, have you ever stopped working because you needed more screens?

Omg these "ESC key adapters for Mac book" are spamming my feed again. Get it over with guys. 😫

When you've been looking forward to a lecture on security only to find out you have to hack their website in order to register and you're completely lost 😫

That moment when you upgrade your Linux distro and both your keyboard & mouse don't work 😫😫😫
I'll fix it tomorrow. I really can't be bothered to find my wired mouse right now

When someone asks you to test something before pushing a release...releases anyway and tells you any fixes can just go in the next minor release 😫

Clients expecting quotes before explaining the full extent of the work and then getting mad when I change it after they add a billion more features.
Also, cross-browser testing 😫🔫

RANT

We use Exact for our time sheets/hour tracking. How it's supposed to work:
-Manager plans my hours in Exact.
- I work those hours on the given projects
== All fine till here ==
But then ... there is a button (don't know the correct translation) "realise" which books the planned hours for me. So I don't have to do it manually.

This simply didn't work!! No one seem to know why not... Not even the guys at Exact.

Since it's web based I opened the developers window and looked for the call behind the button. You would think it would be at least an Ajax call thingy (I'm not completely into JS)
Turns out it's a readable JS function!

It doesn't stop there... It first makes all calculations on what to display, at last, at the fucking end, it checks a setting whether to proceed the booking or not!!!!

So I found and switched the setting and tried the button again.... Now it fucking works...

No fucking way I am going to tell Exact what the problem is 😫

finally able to generate random bytes 😓
gnupg !!! why so randomness 😫

If you ever thought hell didn't exist...
I just spent the day explaining cryptocurrencies to a room of social sciences and law students.
I really need to get drunk, but it's only Thursday 😫

So it's 4am and I can't sleep! Code snippets bouncing around my head!! 😫

Is Windows programmed to update as soon as you're done for the day?!? 🤔😫

Picked up an older project which is in prod for 2 years now. I got a DB error related to a null in an array.
Proceed to check the front end(angular 1.5). Ended up in a 3000 lines file😫
What's worse the array was processed by multiple functions including 'filter' and 'filter2'. Naming conventions ftw😂 I don't know whether to laugh or cry 😂

When windows update breaks external audio card 😫

!dev

Yet another night with Iranian toys and alarms mid night. 😒

Damn you, faggots, let me sleep at least one night in peace. 😫😫😫

colleague asking for your attention (even when you have headphones on your ears) just to tell you some toxic joke or show you some toxic post on instagram then expect you to laugh! (especially when he is one of the company's shareholders) 😫

Sent a company-wide email with changelog of an internal tool. Front end guy made some simple UI fix while i fixed a nasty bug that was causing data loss in the back end.... Everyone praises the UI fix...
Kill me now 😫

If I close my eyes will all the problems pleas go away?

😭

These days where you haven't slept, woke up to smartphone having seizures and work began by spawning into a combat zone.

No I wasn't ready to fight, me wants sleep.

😫

DevRant crash 😮😫😕

8: 00 pm : Found wifi driver issue in Ubuntu 18.04
12:37 am: Still finding the solution...😫😭

Waiting to find out results of interview. Dying. I need a change so bad.

Can't stop thinking about questions I wish I would've answered better but I have skin crawling anxiety during interviews and I haven't had one in a loooong time 😭😫 fucking fuck shit fuck universe help me out.

Trying to get Pokemon Go running on iOS in Germany....
.... first time I regret not having an Android Phone 😫

I'm actually making something for someone now. That means I have to make sure it works in IE. Which means no ES6. I die a little inside every time I type 'var'. 😫

There is a commercially sold ERP solution that has it's DB schema in excel and Other documentations in MS Word. And its not even properly structured, no schema diagrams, last updated for a 4 year old major release 😒😫.
I have to develop a custom module for it and that requires building an ActivexDLL Project in VB fucking 6 😭😭 .

VB6
Unstructured Documentation
Legacy code
Incomplete documentation
FML

Tell me if you want ss in comments.

Just going through Google AdMobs docs for integrating Facebook plugin via Mediation and holy shit I'd rather jump on nasty cactuses than to go through all those steps 😫

I'm very angry at C# 😡 (and java in some degree). Recently I decided to create huge project in C#. (It is my favorite launguage now because of great VS2017 its features, lib and such). I used windows form app in order to make pretty gui for this program. Everything worked fine, but i decided to implement some 3d rendering system in order to display grafs in 3d, oh how foolish was I.

Ok so what are my options?
1.DirectX9 -> abandoned by microsoft, they say its ded so nope.
2. DX11 -> great! i even can use sharpdx or simpledx to use it! oh wait, what is that? INVALID DX CALL
(in demo code)Damit!
3.OpenGL -> obsolete, lib non existent.
4. Library that comes with .NET -> WFP only sorry!
(i found some dogdy tutorials on yt for dx11 but they need .net 2.0 really?) 😐

In that moment i decided to swich to java. (because Java c#_launguage = new Java("microsoft");)
After 1 day of instaling eclipse and 2 more to install the newest jdk MANUALY i realized that java isn't that easy to use as C#, because:
- no dynamic type-> HUGE PAIN i cant use a single list to store everything buuuu!
-console? yes but its burried inside some random lib and its not consistent with every java version!
-gui editor similar to VS one? oh you need to create it from scrach!😫

Well at lest i can render things. So maybe java will render suff as another tool in my app? Nope pipes NON existent, we need to use sockiets! (unity pipe plugin was easier! worked but it was SLOW)

Ok so after few more days of struggling i managed to render simple graf using directx9 in my original C# project that works fine.. 😥 I only need to create a lib to wrap in and we are done!

Why can't companies create a laungage that will have ALL the features i need? Or at lest give me something like pipes that work in every laungage that will be helpful!

I know it is sometimes stressful to be a dev. But when your program works 😀 that is great feeling! Especialy when you learned to code yourself like me 😁. (student before a university, that lives in small abadoned town)

Can someone please tell GitHub to add Vim mode? I'm tired of filling my comments with Vim navigation sequences only to have to correct them with a mouse...

😫

Im learning Advanced Computing in a institute. Prior to that I have done many projects with Unity 3D, MEAN and C#. But guy who is teaching is very rude every time to the class. 'you people are stupid' 'you cant do anything on your own' 'that's why your here'. And Im self tought programer so Im getting really angry at such comments. How to deal with this?? 😥😫

Me: what iPad Generation do you have?

Client: 2nd Generation

Me: Thought you had the new one?

Client: Yer I do.

Me: so how is it the 2nd Generation?!

Client: well it's the second one j have brought.

Me: 😫🔫

I'm addicted to world of warships right now😫
Which game you guys plays a lot ?
Used to play cs 1.6 a lot too 😝
Yeah I know 1600 BC Game but it's still really fun😄

None of my localhost calls were getting through, either through postman or through app. I wasted nearly an hour and then realised my NO_PROXY was configured with ; instead of , I wanna kill myself right now 😫

Person 1 to me: Website C needs this update.

Me: I don’t maintain that site. I only maintain websites A and B. I don’t know who does maintenance for your site.

Person 2 to me: Website D needs this update.

Me: I only maintain websites A and B.

Person 3 to me: Website E needs this update.

Aaaahhhhh 😫😡

Fucking drills.
I spent 1 hour to get in my zone and they have to do an unorganised unhelpful fire drill. Fucking timewaste. Why? 😫

!dev
god damn tabacco addiction is a son of a birch 😣😫 everything feels so boring and unsatisfactory without it

Fuckkk. I was living under a rock.

When did developers start charging for wysiwyg editor libraries?

😫😫😫

you know that you have a second chance in your life,
when a redbull can fall on your keyboard😫 but the can is empty😥.
saving ~150$

I usually never put stickers on my laptop, as they usually fade away and leave nasty residue after a while, therefore I fucking hate having discovered stickermule, I have right now ~100$ worth of stickers favorited, I really have to hold back to not just pull the trigger on them and finally smash my laptop full of them, including my devrant stickers, that have been laying here for a long time now. 😫

Call me an idiot... Yesterday I just installed Arch Linux. Guess what happened?
I formatted my fedora-drive and then noticed I destroyed my bootloader. Please just kill me😫 Anyone had such problems too and maybe could give me some advice how to fix?

/*
* This question isn't about diminishing other operating systems !
* I'm just have no idea. 😫
*/

Is there a big difference on the amount of packages on pacman, apt-get and yum. Can I use either of them and be sure that most applications are available ?

Today I sat with my manager wanting to show him the analytics.
I started typing the address and the chrome prediction went up so I pressed enter.
Unfortunately I typed only the first four letters and the prediction disappeared so I googled something totally different 😫

Fucking hell. I must do some debugging to myself. Got into a habit of falling asleep right after 9,930 since the start of Dec 😫

I updated NPM for good, but now i'm starting paranoid 😫

!dev

It's wasp season again.

Fuuuuuuuck! 😫😫😫

Why do I find really hard to connect with my coworkers?! I'm an introvert but after few months in my old job I connected with everyone. In my new job I find it really hard! And it's almost a year! 😥😫

It's like I know staying up all night is gonna kill me the next day, and I do it anyways... and now it's the next day. Fml 😫

that moment when a friend shows his code to find error solution 🤔😣😧😫

Upgrade React Native from 0.55.2 to 0.57.5 => Fix/update 10+ libraries 😩😫😭

*Dev is non-native english speaker

Dev: we need the VPN ip.
Me: the server ip or the connected device ip.
Dev: the server.
Me: gets the ip.
Dev: this doesn't work, is this the VPN ip ?
Me: Gives the device ip. Works.
Dev: OK. Works now.

Could have just asked for the client IP in the first place but s/he didn't know how to.

I have been trying to freelance for people who don't speak english as a first language and getting the Requirements is the hardest part of the job. 😫 .

P.S. Suggestions needed from remote freelancers. What's your workflow like.

I just played a few old maps I and a few steam friends made and it brought back the feelings. I had to open a few maps in hammer (Level editor) and see myself around.

I completely forgot the controls in hammer and had difficulties to recall how to import assets from a custom map. Everything was clunky.

It kind of makes me sad when I look back. I wish I could still map - but the school will start tomorrow and I guess I have no time for that. The same thing happened with playing the piano. Once I reached a certain skill level, I stopped although I loved it. I stopped progressing.

Unreal engine isn't fully my thing, I feel uncomfortable working in it, though I still want to make games. I found myself not opening it for a month or so.

I wish there was some kind of code you could run in your brain and make the flu go away 😫 cannot remember the last time I was so unproductive for TWO WEEKS

While driving home from work.

Then I have two choices either fix it when I get home or remember to fix it the next day, which I then have to think very hard to remember what the solution was.

Should have fixed it when I got home ... 😫

Can someone relate to it? We have a very simple process:
1. Create a ticket 🎫
2. Specify the requirement 📑
3. Assign the ticket to a developer 👨‍🦰👩‍🦰
4. Optional: make a meeting with the developer and go throw the specification if it is a complex feature 🗓️

Under pressure it looks like this:
Someone tells you to implement the request as fast a possible, no written specification, in best case you get a brief email 📧 also the feature has to be available asap in production and they is only poorly tested...
Or they want to test in production because the data in test system is "missing" ⛔☢️☣️

It is so annoying that is so difficult to stick to such a simple process 😭 it really freaks me out 😒😫

C# is getting so fucking obfuscated with these null check inceptions. Found the following in my company's code base. Why did it take me and 3 other devs an hour to figure out how to write this if statement into a flowchart?

if(!string.IsNullOrEmpty(a?.Id ?? b[0]?.Id))...😫😫😫

FYI: We figured it and also found some bugs with logic, but can you? I'll post our flowchart if ranters are interested.

So to add to the madness:
if(!string.IsNullOrEmpty(a?.Id ?? (b?.Any() ? b[0].Id : null)))...🤯🤯🤯

Me 🤗"Since you know the domain far better than me, can I ask you to help me understand if I managed to cover all the edge cases with these UNIT TESTS?
😒" no no no, you don't need to check for those cases, you already do that in your code"
🤗 "I'm sorry, I must have explained myself badly. I have written these UNIT TESTS exactly to ... TEST if those CHECKS in my code work and what I need is you to tell me if there are additional cases ..."
😫"but you don't need to!!! You already have that logic in your code"
😐😵☠ 🦍💊🔫🔪"you know what? I'm gonna give them a second look. Thanks"
And then I moonwalked out of the room

Sometimes I feel like, if anybody would have told me, the real use of GitHub, bitbucket or any other version control systems. Then life would have been much easier.

I remember in my college days, I use to keep the code backup in several different places on my system as well as Google drive and Dropbox..

For working parallely with the team-mate in college means...sharing of changed code..every now and then..via mail😫

Git, bitbucket you're the real MVP. Period.

Just spent 2 hours debugging a volley call that wouldn't work because a header got refactored by mistake.....

😫😫😫

I was almost done with my app and I thought of including 1 extra feature I liked ...and BAMMM app crashed!! can't figure out the bug .. 😵😵
Damn my fucking greed 😫😫

When you're trying to go to sleep, but the requested features are calling your name.

😔😟😣😫

I just wanna sleep for once!!!

Started a new dev job today. We have to use IE 😫

what have I done to deserve this? 😫
the connection is so shitty I can't even rant about it properly... 😵

I have this irrational cringe every time that people say infinite when they actually mean unlimited. I hear and read it everywhere, multiple times per day. In English and in German.

"You can do this infinitely often"

"AI bots have infinite APM"

"The number of items you can store is infinite"

Aaaaargh! Stop it! It hurts! 😫

Expanding my Html, Css, and JavaScript Knowledege 😫