Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

This story is 100% true.

I got hired onto a team of construction workers to build a house. We set up a meeting with Management to find out what kind of house they wanted us to build, where’s the floor plan, what it’s going to be used for, who it’s for, etc. Management said that they didn’t know all that, we should just get started. They told us that we were going to use “Agile” which means that we just work on small deliverables and build the thing incrementally.

The developer team lead argued that we at least need to know how big the thing is going to be so that we can get started pouring the foundation, but Management told him they just don’t know. “What we do know,” Management said, “is that the house is going to have a bathroom. Just start there, and we’ll know more when it’s done. You have two weeks.”

So we just bought a port-a-potty, and screwed around on the internet for two weeks. Management was outraged. “You call this a house? This is the worst house ever! It doesn’t even have a tv!”

So we bought a tv and put it in the port-a-potty, attached to an outdoor generator. We were going to buy a a dvd player and get it hooked up to cable, but Management rejected the expense request, saying that they didn’t know if we needed it, and we’d come back to that later.

Management decided that we definitely need storage space, so we bought a boxcar and duct-taped the port-a-potty to it. Then to our horror they set up some desks and put a few miserable business interns in there. It went on like this…

After a few years the boxcar grew into a huge, ramshackle complex. It floods, leaks, it’s frozen in the winter and an oven in the summer. You have to get around in a strange maze of cardboard tubes, ladders and slides. There are two equally horrible separate buildings. We’re still using just the one outdoor generator for all power, so electricity is tightly rationed.

Communication between the buildings was a problem. For one of them, we use a complex series of flag signals. For the other we write notes on paper, crumple the paper up, and toss it over. Both of these methods were suggested as jokes, but Management really liked them for some reason. The buildings mostly talk to each other but they have to talk through us, so most of what we do is pass messages on.

It was suggested that we use paper airplanes instead of crumpled up balls, but the fat, awkward fingers of the Business Majors who inevitably take those jobs couldn’t be trained to make them. I built an awesome automatic paper airplane folder, but once again they couldn’t be trained to use it, so they just went back to crumpling the notes up in balls.

The worst part of all this is that it’s working. Everyone is miserable, but the business is making money. The bright side is that this nightmare complex is done so now we know what kind of building they actually needed in the first place, so we can start work on it. Obviously we can’t tell Management anything about what we’re doing until it’s finished. They noticed the gigantic hole in the ground where the foundation is coming in, but we told them that it’s a cache reset, and they mostly ignore it except when the occasional customer falls in.

I’ll probably be out of here before the new building gets finished. I could get a 50% raise by switching jobs, but Management still doesn’t think I should get a raise because I missed a couple sprints.

Dear self proclaimed wordpress 'developers/programmers', kindly go fuck yourself.

I'm not talking about wordpress devs/designers who don't claim to have a better skillset than they have and are actually willing to learn, those are very much fine.

I'm talking about those wordpress people who claim that they're developers, programmers or whatever kind of bullshit which they're obviously not.

"A client's site crashed, you have to fix it!!!!!" sorry, come again? It's YOUR client's site. It's hosted on our hosting platform meaning that WE are responsible for KEEPING THE SERVERS UP AND FUNCTIONING.
You call yourself a wordpress 'developer' with 'programming experience' for 10 years but the second one of your shitty sites crashes, you come to us because 'it's your responsibility!!!'.
No, it's not. Next to that fact, the fact that you have to ask US why the site is crashing while you could easily login to your control panel, go to the fucking error logs and see that one of your facebook plugins crashes with a quite English error message, shows me that you definitely don't have 10 years of programming experience. And if you can't find that fucking article which tells you exactly where the motherfucking error logs are, don't come crying to us asking to fix your own fucking bullshit.

"My clients site got hacked, you have to clean it up and get it online again ASAP!!!!" - Nah, sorry, not my responsibility. The fact that you explicitly put your wordpress installation on 'no automatic updates' also doesn't help with my urge to fucking end you right now.
Add to that that we have some quite clear articles on wordpress security which you appearantly found too difficult (really? basic shit like 'set a strong fucking password' is too difficult for you?), you're on your own.

"I'm getting an error, please explain what's going wrong as soon as you can! this is a prio 1!!!!" - Nope. You were a wordpress dev/programmer right? Please act like one.

I'm not your personal wordpress agent.

I'm not your personal hacked wordpress site cleanup guy.

I'm not even a fucking wordpress professional. No, I'd rather jump off a bridge than develop wordpress bullshit for a living.

That you chose to do this, not a problem. Just don't rely on me for fixing your shit.

I'm sick of cleaning up your bullshit.

I'm done with answering your high prio tickets about bullshit which any dev could find out with just a few minutes of searching.

Oh your wordpress site isn't showing up so high in google? Yeah sure, shoot a ticket at us blaming us for your own SEO mess. I'm a fucking sysadmin, not a SEO expert.

I'm fucking done with you.

Go die in a fucking corner.

when there is no automatic closing...

day 1 - colleague buys a mini need pistol

day 2 - other colleague buys a big nerf pistol

day 4 - other colleague buys a f#&$ nerf shotgun

day 7 - I buy a automatic nerf gun

day 8 - huge nerf war with other co-workers

day 9 - nerf weapons banned on the office

yesterday - wait colleague leave the office and shoot him on the face every time

today - everyone walking crouched leaving the office

Please, if you are the someone else's boss, don't ban nerf guns, it's worse..

The spam denier
_____

An old phone conversation with a client:

Me : Hello

Client : My website and server are suspended? why is that?

Me : Your server sends spam messages.

Client : We do not send spam messages, we are on vacation, there is none in the office.

Me : Yes, but it is not necessarily you, according to our logs, your server sent spam messages in Chinese and Russian, so someone from Russia or China....etc.

Client : I do not believe you, we do not speak russian or chinese, how could we then write spam messages in those languages?

Me : I told you, maybe someone exploited some vulnerability in your website or server firewall. And if you want to activate your services, please check with your webmaster and sysadmin to secure your ....

Client: I tell you my son, because I am old and I have more life experience than you ... I am 60 years old and I tell you, spam does not exist, and YOU suspended my website and server, and created issues to sell me more of your solutions and services.

I won't check my server, I won't hire a webmaster or a sysadmin, AND YOU WILL ACTIVATE MY SERVER NOW !

(I suddenly realized that I am talking to a wall, so I switched to a robotic tone).

Me : Please resolve the issue to activate your services..

Client : YOU WILL ACTIVATE MY S...

Me : Please resolve the issue to activate your services...

Client : WHAT IS THIS SPAM STORY ANYWAY, I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU ...

Me : Please google that word and you will understand what is spam is...

Client : YOU ARE F**ING LIARS, SPAM DOES NOT EXIST... ACTIVATE MY WEBSITE N.... Beeeep !

I hang up.

Well, I thought about configuring an automatic response for this client, or a for-loop.

His voice was really unpleasant, as if he is a heavy smoker.

Another story on the spirit of wk93. TL;DR I DOS'd the whole campus network for some beers.

In highschool teachers had this blackboard system (a sort of moodle) and we used to have really lazy teachers who only read the PowerPoint presentations and made us take notes. One day I was fed up with their bullshit and figured these lazy ass professors wouldn't "teach" crap as soon as there was no internet connection...so the race was on...

10 minutes before the bell rang a friend and I managed to break in into a computer lab, I booted up Kali and searched for the access points, 3 routers through the building all with CISCO OS.

I figured they had all the default configs, time was running out so I decided to Smurf the three access points with the lab's IP range, scheduled an automatic shutdown in 2 hours and blocked the PC. The bell rang and as predicted, no internet, no class, my friends and I used that free time to go to a bar (on a Monday afternoon).

Funny side note, since the 3 routers were down the whole network collapsed, no cameras, no access control, no faculty network or any network. We kept doing it and every time we did campus security would be desperately searching for someone with a black hoodie.

Windows 10: can i install an update in 2 mins?

Me: can u not fking see that i have a million programs opened and im doing important shit rn

Windows 10: ok boss

2 minutes later

Automatic restart

If programming languages where weapons...

1. C is an M1 Garand standard issue rifle, old but reliable.

2. C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.

3. Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it

4. Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.

5. Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.

6. JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.

7. Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.

8. Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.

9. bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.

10. Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.

11. Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.

12. PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.

13. Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.

14. C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.

15. Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom

All credits go to Vicky from damnet.com

Someday my toaster is going to have an IP address. A bad automatic firmware update will most likely cause it to get stuck on the bagel setting until I plug a usb key in and reflash the memory.

Grandma's refrigerator will probably get viruses, lock itself and freeze all the food inside, demanding bitcoin before defrosting.

My blender will probably be used in a massive DDoS attack because Ninja's master MAC address list got leaked and the hidden control panel login is admin/admin.

Ovens will burn houses down when people call in to have them preheat on their way home from work.

Correlations between the number of times the lights are turned on and how many times the toilet is flushed will yield recommendations to run the dishwasher on Thursdays because it's simply more energy efficient.

My dog will tweet when he's hungry and my smart watch will recommend diet dog food in real-time because he's really been eating too much lately--"Do you want to setup a recurring order on Amazon fresh?"

Sometimes living in a cave sounds nice...

So, as everyone knows on here by now (or, a lot of ranters), I am a fervid privacy person.

Appearantly a new surveillance law in my country is about to extend mass surveillance/hacking a lot. So here a rundown of what they are about to be allowed to do (stuff that is not okay imo and this is the reason I am so pro-privacy):

- Mass Data Gathering: The intelligence agency over here (lets call it IA from now) can pretty much record everything send through the country.

- Extra Protection: If they want to conduct surveillance on journalists/lawyers, they have to go through extra channels first at least.

- Data/survaillance sharing: The IA is allowed to share their raw/filtered data with foreign intelligence agencies without limits. Also, they're allowed to conduct surveillance based on foreign requests.

- Secret DNA database: A secret DNA database will be created which can store the DNA profiles of any person who has commited any kind of crime. These profiles are allowed to be stored for a maximum of 30 years. This database is allowed to be shared with any foreign intelligence agency.

- Hacking: Unlimited power to hack any device deemed neccesary to hack in relation to crime. From computers to smartphones and so on. Also, it's allowed to use zero-days without reporting them to the vendor (we have seen what can go wrong with that through the ShadowBrokers scandal).

- Automatic Database Collection: They are allowed to directly tap into any database they see required (banks, healthcare, messaging services and so on). Practically this can lead to backdoors being build in because if you don't cooperate, you can go to prison. (mother of god I am not using anything closed source anymore if possible).

So yeah, this is pretty much the reason why I am so privacy consious. This country is fucked.

Today I needed the scroll lock key.

I was running a super long test suite, one which puts a green dot on the screen every 500ms, so you can't scroll up. I needed to view some output of an earlier command... in other words, I needed to lock the automatic scrolling of the terminal.

That is what the scroll lock key was made for.

A momentous occasion.

Then I found out that a while ago, I used the macro function of my keyboard to rebind the that key... to close the current terminal window. 😡

This is the automatic Flash name for a win 10 bootable USB.

AND ITS NAME IS...

Dude, FUCK automated bathrooms.

First of all, what the hell is so complicated about making a motion sensing faucet that works? Why does it *need* to be motion sensing? I stand there for 5-10 seconds with my stupid soapy hands extended, waiting for a squirt of the divine liquid.

And then the immediately following experience isn't much better. Motion sensing paper towel dispenser. The first go works fine, but it always dispenses half of what you need to get your grimy paws dry. So you go in for seconds, and it just flat out ignores you. Leaves you on read. You flap your pathetic noodle arms at it again. It isn't happening. Please wait 3-5 business days.

Oh, and god forbid you forget to cover the automatic toilet with a few wasted squares. Lean into a shit ONCE and you've just been prematurely flushed. Your ass is misted with the cold, unforgiving equivalent of an automatic insult.

Asshole design

In may this year, the new mass surveillance law in the Netherlands went into effect. Loads of people were against it with the arguments that everyone's privacy was not protected well enough, data gathered through dragnet surveillance might not be discarded quickly after the target data was filtered out and the dragnet surveillance wouldn't be that 'targeted'.

They were put into the 'paranoid' corner mostly and to assure enough support/votes, it was promised that:
- dragnet surveillance would be done as targeted as possible.
- target data would be filtered out soon and data of non-targets would be discarded automatically by systems designed for that (which would have to be out in place ASAP).
- data of non-targets would NOT be analyzed as that would be a major privacy breach.
- dragnet surveillance could only be done if enough proof would be delivered and if the urgency could justify the actions.

A month ago it was already revealed that there has been a relatively (in this context) high amount of cases where special measures (dragnet surveillance/non-target hacking to get to targets and so on) were used when/while there wasn't enough proof or the measures did not justify the urgency.
Privacy activists were anything but happy but this could be improved and the guarantees which were given to assure privacy of innocent people were in place according to the politicians... we'll see how this goes..

Today it was revealed that:
-there are no systems in place for automatic data discarding (data of innocent civilians) and there are hardly any protocols for how to handle not-needed or non-target data.
- in real life, the 'as targeted dragnet as possible' isn't really as targeted as possible. There aren't any/much checks in place to assure that the dragnets are aimed as targeted as possible.
- there isn't really any data filtering which filters out non-targers, mostly everything is analyzed.

Dear Dutch government and intelligence agency; not so kindly to fuck yourself.

Hardly any of the promised checks which made that this law could go through are actually in place (yet).

Fuck you.

A sidebar.
Literally just a sidebar.
And yes, this was in Hell.

Its code was spread across at least 40 files, and it used a bunch of freaking global variables to unfurl accordion sections, hide other sections/items, highlight the active item, etc. These were set (and unset!) in controller actions, so if you didn’t unset one, it remained open and highlighted until another action unset it.

Some of the global variable checks (and permissions checks) were done in the individual views, some outside of the `render` statements that include them. Some of them inherited variables from the parent, some from the controller, some from globals. Getting a view to work was trial and error. Oh, and some had their own inline css, some used css classes.

Subsections were separate views, so were some individual items, both sometimes rendered using shared templates, and all of the views and templates had the exact. same. filename. (They were located in different directories, and thus located automagically via implicit relative paths.) So, it was a virtually endless parade of`render partial => “sidebar”`. Which file does that point to? Good luck figuring it out!

Also, comments in several places said adding a new section required a database migration. I never did figure out why.

Anyway, I discovered this because I had an innocuous-sounding ticket to rearrange the sidebar, group some sections/items under different permissions, move some items to another menu, and nest some others differently.

It took me two bloody weeks, and this was when I was extremely productive every day.

Afterward, I was so disgusted by it that I took a day and removed every trace of the sidebar I could find, and rewrote it. I defined the sidebar in a hash, and wrote a simple recursive builder to generate the markup. It supported optional icons, n-level nesting, automatic highlighting of the current item and all parent nodes, compound and inherited permissions, wrapping of long names, hover and unfurl animations, etc. Took me a couple hundred lines of Ruby at the most, plus about the same of css.

Felt so good to remove that blight.

My phone screen is broken and automatic touches are happening everywhere.
Opened devrant every rants are getting ++'s.

Also apparently I'm not able to add any tags to this rant.
Free ++'s everyone.

(This took me almost 20 minutes to type)

the ultimate automatic "boss key"

Hey guys, first rant,

At the moment I'm developing a very big and complex app. We are almost done and decided to deliver a test version to our customer. After he received our test he called us and said there is a problem with a function, he just said it's not working and wasn't very specific.

So I decided to check his problem, because an colleague couldn't figure it out.
I started the app via android studio and had a similar problem, there was a huge delay at the automatic recording function of Bluetooth messages, I thought yeah this is his problem.
I showed it my colleague and he said that he doesn't have this problem, we have different Bluetooth simulators so we thought that there must be a problem with the Bluetooth communication or the simulators are broken.
I checked if there is some kind of timing or buffer problem and logged the shit out of the simulator and found nothing, 3 hours were lost🏁.

My colleague checked his last changes because he had changed a lot at the App Api do to new conditions and those customer wishes💀 he couldn't found anything. So we thought maybe it's my device and the device of the customer. We switched the devices and tada no problem with my devices if the app is builded at the pc of my colleague.

I thought ok maybe it's because I turned some ndk features off. Turned it back on, nothing happened. So we exchanged our Android Studio Settings but no difference. So I said yeah whatever my mashine is just fucked. I restarted my mashine for the third time and started android fucking studio. Some little popup showed up "new updates"... the solution came to my mind ... Do to an update of android studio I excidently turned on Instant Run.....🌋 . I checked it, it was activated, these fucking instant run, great idea but not working... Turned it off, everything worked.
I called the customer because he can't have a problem and he said, this time not angry, oh yeah it was just a notification if I want to turn on my Bluetooth and I decided no and the Bluetooth recording is not recording, this is a problem... -😠NO FUCKING COMMENT😤-

If you're naughty, Santa will bring you automatic updates.

Guess you aren't regretting the automatic Windows updates so much now

The importance of version control. Had a school project at a real company and i didn't understand it so i said fuck it. Then someone asked me to alter the js library a little and push/pull that to the server. I thought fuck it, altered it and accidentally pressed save (automatic ftp upload). Suddenly the file was overwritten (that guy worked on it for 6 fucking hours) and it went from like a thousand lines to just a few. We did restore it from the browser. He said: either you're going to use git or you're out.

Then i started using git.

As most of you already know, the mentioned users in a rant don't receive a notification so you have to mention them again in a comment.
After a suggestion of @Cozyplanes I decided to implement a feature that make this automatic.
Just check the box and forget about it.

It will be available soon in the next update of devRant unofficial UWP!

I ended up quitting my first job for many reasons, but this talk still haunts me:

"our workers need to input this data and they tab a lot because [...]"

Me: "ok... Where do they get the data from?

"A standard model compiled via web, sent via mail and then printed for them."

Me: "..."

Them: "..."

Me: "how about we make the import automatic?"

Them: "but then what will our workers do?"

To this day I am still impacted by this dialog... Not much for the stupidity from a business logic point of view (there are many bad companies, and this is not the only one I met in my career), but rather for the implications our job has and for the fact bs jobs are a thing because we are SO used to the capitalism that the bad guys are the ones removing boring tasks, rather than the shitty system which forces you to do a repetitive and automatable task and which reduces you to a shell doing a job a machine could do... And thanks for the wasted paper/ink, global warming ain't gonna get worse on its own!

So, some time ago, I was working for a complete puckered anus of a cosmetics company on their ecommerce product. Won't name names, but they're shitty and known for MLM. If you're clever, go you ;)

Anyways, over the course of years they brought in a competent firm to implement their service layer. I'd even worked with them in the past and it was designed to handle a frankly ridiculous-scale load. After they got the 1.0 released, the manager was replaced with some absolutely talentless, chauvinist cuntrag from a phone company that is well known for having 99% indian devs and not being able to heard now. He of course brought in his number two, worked on making life miserable and running everyone on the team off; inside of a year the entire team was ex-said-phone-company.

Watching the decay of this product was a sheer joy. They cratered the database numerous times during peak-load periods, caused $20M in redis-cluster cost overrun, ended up submitting hundreds of erroneous and duplicate orders, and mailed almost $40K worth of product to a random guy in outer mongolia who is , we can only hope, now enjoying his new life as an instagram influencer. They even terminally broke the automatic metadata, and hired THIRTY PEOPLE to sit there and do nothing but edit swagger. And it was still both wrong and unusable.

Over the course of two years, I ended up rewriting large portions of their infra surrounding the centralized service cancer to do things like, "implement security," as well as cut memory usage and runtimes down by quite literally 100x in the worst cases.

It was during this time I discovered a rather critical flaw. This is the story of what, how and how can you fucking even be that stupid. The issue relates to users and their reports and their ability to order.

I first found this issue looking at some erroneous data for a low value order and went, "There's no fucking way, they're fucking stupid, but this is borderline criminal." It was easy to miss, but someone in a top down reporting chain had submitted an order for someone else in a different org. Shouldn't be possible, but here was that order staring me in the face.

So I set to work seeing if we'd pwned ourselves as an org. I spend a few hours poring over logs from the log service and dynatrace trying to recreate what happened. I first tested to see if I could get a user, not something that was usually done because auth identity was pervasive. I discover the users are INCREMENTAL int values they used for ids in the database when requesting from the API, so naturally I have a full list of users and their title and relative position, as well as reports and descendants in about 10 minutes.

I try the happy path of setting values for random, known payment methods and org structures similar to the impossible order, and submitting as a normal user, no dice. Several more tries and I'm confident this isn't the vector.

Exhausting that option, I look at the protocol for a type of order in the system that allowed higher level people to impersonate people below them and use their own payment info for descendant report orders. I see that all of the data for this transaction is stored in a cookie. Few tests later, I discover the UI has no forgery checks, hashing, etc, and just fucking trusts whatever is present in that cookie.

An hour of tweaking later, I'm impersonating a director as a bottom rung employee. Score. So I fill a cart with a bunch of test items and proceed to checkout. There, in all its glory are the director's payment options. I select one and am presented with:

"please reenter card number to validate."

Bupkiss. Dead end.

OR SO YOU WOULD THINK.

One unimportant detail I noticed during my log investigations that the shit slinging GUI monkeys who butchered the system didn't was, on a failed attempt to submit payment in the DB, the logs were filled with messages like:

"Failed to submit order for [userid] with credit card id [id], number [FULL CREDIT CARD NUMBER]"

One submit click later and the user's credit card number drops into lnav like a gatcha prize. I dutifully rerun the checkout and got an email send notification in the logs for successful transfer to fulfillment. Order placed. Some continued experimentation later and the truth is evident:

With an authenticated user or any privilege, you could place any order, as anyone, using anyon's payment methods and have it sent anywhere.

So naturally, I pack the crucifixion-worthy body of evidence up and walk it into the IT director's office. I show him the defect, and he turns sheet fucking white. He knows there's no recovering from it, and there's no way his shitstick service team can handle fixing it. Somewhere in his tiny little grinchly manager's heart he knew they'd caused it, and he was to blame for being a shit captain to the SS Failboat. He replies quietly, "You will never speak of this to anyone, fix this discretely." Straight up hitler's bunker meme rage.

Services/apps and their automatic general sayings. I fucking hate that.

'apping' is an abbreviation for either whatsapping someone or messaging them in general (in the Netherlands at least).
Sorry but I fucking hate WhatsApp and I'm not going to say that fucking app/apping word. But then in general it's confusing imo.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO TEXT ME, DON'T SAY YOU'RE GOING TO APP ME.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO SIGNAL ME, DON'T SAY YOU'RE GOING TO APP ME.

"but I meant that" - THEN FUCKING SAY IT.

I DON'T 'GOOGLE SOMETHING'. I FUCKING DUCKDUCKGO IT. NO, THAT'S NOT THE FUCKING SAME.

FUCKING HELL.

(I wrote most of this as a comment in reply about Microsoft buying GitHub on another rant but decided to move it here because it is rant worthy. Also, no, I'm not a Microsoft employee nor do I have any Microsoft stock).

Microsoft buying GitHub makes sense. They contribute more to the open source community on GitHub than any other company. (Side note, they also contribute/have contributed to the Linux Kernel).

Steve Ballmer isn't running the show anymore. Because of that, we have awesome things like:

* Visual Studio Code - Completely free and powerful light weight IDE for coding in just about any script or language. This IDE is also open source, hosted on GitHub. It can be installed on Win/Mac/Linux.

* Visual Studio Community Edition: fully featured flagship IDE free for solo developers and students, can be installed on Win/Mac.

* Fully featured Sql Server running in a Docker container.

* .Net Core, which can be compiled to native binaries of Windows, MacOS AND Linux. You can't even do that with Java, you have to first have the JVM installed in order to run any kind of Java code on any of those operating systems. .Net Core is also an absolutely beautiful framework with so many features at your disposal.

...and more.

Yes, they've done bonehead things in the past but who/which company hasn't. Yes, they have Cortana. Yes, they force Bing on you when searching with Cortana (does anyone actually regularly use Cortana? Or Bing?). Yes, their operating system costs money. Yes, their malware-style Upgrade-to-Windows-10 tactics were evil and they admitted such. Yes, they brought ads and other unfortunate things to Skype. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about that Skype bit translating over into GitHub. BUT, the fact that so many of their employees use GitHub daily means they are dogfooding the platform, which is a positive thing.

Despite the flaws, from the perspective of a software engineer they really should be given a lot of credit for all these new directions they are moving in now. They directly aim to help and contribute to the developer community. Plus, Windows 10 is finally getting a dark theme! haha.

I think Microsoft buying GitHub makes a lot of sense. Of course do what you want about it, feel how you want about it, but casting the same ol' shade at them for anything they do seems a bit like automatic reflex more than anything else.

I'm bracing myself for the impending wave of angry hornets from the nest I just kicked. In all seriousness though, I welcome discussion on the topic even if you feel differently than I do. I'm not saying there's no reason to dislike them, just saying there are lots of new reasons to hate them less and/or appreciate what they are doing now.

Not a rant - just wondering if anyone else witnessed a really awkward closing talk at a conference.

Attended a mandatory JS conference yesterday where all the speakers gave the typical conference talks on new ideas, frameworks, packages with code demonstrations. Most of talks were great and the some of the speakers were extremly humorous making the whole audience laugh which is hard to do. The talk right before the keynote speaker was like this.

Then the keynote started...

The end presenter was an asian-american woman (normally would not metion race/ gender but it’s important to the story) whose talk was basically how the white males of the world are controlling tech an their bias and privilege are marginalizing the rest of us who are not white american ‘cis-males’

She had no data and weak examples, such as sensors on automatic soap despeners not working on darker skins tones (that’s not racist it’s physics). Another example was a plugin where true=male and false=female. That is not gender biased it’s just lazy programming.

At one point she said:

“Have you even been to a party at a rich white guy’s house? There boring! I’m sorry”

This was just a talk about her feelings, if I was not surrounded by my coworkers I would have left.

I feel like this was not appropiate talk for one track conference since it traps everyone into listening. Especially where attendance is obligatory by your employer.

The conference should have warned people it would be an uncomfortable talk and invite people to start happy hour early if they chose.

To add to the weirdness in the closing remarks of one of the organizers patted himself on the back for supplying the women’s bathroom with tampons. He even created a slide for it with a tampon illustration.

Example slide from her deck.

FUCK VISUAL STUDIO ANBD EVERYTHING IT FUCKING STANDS FOR. PIECE OF SHIT IDE CANT HANDLE MORE THAN THREE FUCKING WINDOWS AT A FUCKING TIME WHY CANT A BILLION DOLLAR MOTHERFUCKING COMPANY MAKE COMPETENT SOFTWARE FOR ONCE? WHY IS MICROSOFT SO FUCKING AWFUL IN EVERYTHING IT DOES? WHY THE FUCK IS THERE NO AUTOMATIC VERSIONING LIKE EVERY CIVILIZED BASIC FUCKING IDE THAT EVER EXISTS? WHY DO I HAVE TO FUCKING MANUALLY VERSION MY FUCKING FILES? WHY THE FUCKING FUCK IS VISUAL STUDIO FUCKING GOING TO A FILE I USED 300 YEARS AGO WHEN I DEBUG AN APPLICATION? MOST USELESS, UNINTUITIVE PIECE OF SHIT SOFTWARE IVE EVER USED. IF YOU ARENT USING SOME GODDAMN SERVER SOLUTION TO KEEP TRACK WITH YOUR PROJECT VERSIONS, GOOD EVER FUCKING LUCK RECOVERING LOST CODE BECAUSE FUCKING MICROSOFT CANT DO WHAT FUCKING INTELLIJ DID 5 MILLION FUCKING YEARS AGO

Forgive me father, for I have sinned.  Alot actually, but I'm here for technical sins.  Okay, a particular series of technical sins.  Sit your ass back down padre, you signed up for this shit.  Where was I?  Right, it has been 11429 days since my last confession.  May this serve as equal parts rant, confession, and record for the poor SOB who comes after me.

Ended up in a job where everything was done manually or controlled by rickety Access "apps".  Many manhours were wasted on sitting and waiting for the main system to spit out a query download so it could be parsed by hand or loaded into one of the aforementioned apps that had a nasty habit of locking up the aged hardware that we were allowed.  Updates to the system were done through and awful utility that tended to cut out silently, fail loudly and randomly, or post data horrifically wrong.

Fuck that noise.  Floated the idea of automating downloads and uploads to bossman.  This is where I learned that the main system had no SQL socket by default, but the vendor managing the system could provide one for an obscene amount of money.  There was no buy in from above, not worth the price.

Automated it anyway.  Main system had a free form entry field, ostensibly for handwriting SELECT queries.  Using Python, AutoHotkey, and glorified copy-pasting, it worked after a fashion.  Showed the time saved by not having to do downloads manually.  Got us the buy in we needed, bigwigs get negotiating with the vendor, told to start developing something based on some docs from the vendor.  Keep the hacky solution running as team loves not having to waste time on downloads.

Found SQLi vulnerability in the above free form query system, brought it up to bossman to bring up the chain.  Vulnerability still there months later.  Test using it for automated updates.  Works and is magnitudes more stable than update utility.  Bring it up again and show the time we can save exploiting it.  Decision made to use it while it exists, saves more time.  Team happier, able to actual develop solutions uninterrupted now.  Using Python, AutoHotkey, glorified copy-pasting, and SQLi in the course of day to day business critical work.  Ugliest hacky thing I've ever caused to exist.

Flash forward 6 years.  Automation system now in heavy use acrossed two companies.  Handles all automatic downloads for several departments, 1 million+ discrete updates daily with alot of room for expansion, stuff runs 24/7 on schedule, most former Access apps now gone and written sanely and managed by the automation system.  Its on real hardware with real databases and security behind it.

It is still using AutoHotkey, copy-paste, and SQLi to interface with the main system.  There never was and never will be a SQL socket.  Keep this hellbeast I've spawned chugging along.

I've pointed out how many ways this can all go pearshaped.  I've pointed out that one day the vendor will get their shit together they'll come in post system update and nothing will work anymore.  I've pointed out the danger in continuing to use the system with such a glaring SQLi vulnerability.

Noone cares.  Won't be my problem soon enough.

In no particular order:
Fuck management for not fighting for a good system interface
Fuck the vendor for A) not having a SQL socket and B) leaving the SQLi vulnerability there this long
Fuck me for bringing this thing into existence

(Written March 13th at 2am.)

This morning (yesterday), my computer decided not to boot again: it halts on "cannot find firmware rtl-whatever" every time. (it has booted just fine several times since removing the firmware.) I've had quite the ordeal today trying to fix it, and every freaking step along the way has thrown errors and/or required workarounds and a lot of research.

Let's make a list of everything that went wrong!

1) Live CD: 2yo had been playing with it, and lost it. Not easy to find, and super smudgy.

2) Unencrypt volume: Dolphin reports errors when decrypting the volume. Research reveals the Live CD doesn't incude the cryptsetup packages. First attempts at installing them mysteriously fail.

3) Break for Lunch: automatic powersaving features turned off the displays, and also killed my session.

4) Live CD redux: 25min phonecall from work! yay, more things added to my six-month backlog.

5) Mount encrypted volume: Dolphin doesn't know how, and neither do I. Research ensues. Missing LVM2 package; lvmetad connection failure ad nauseam; had to look up commands to unlock, clone, open, and mount encrypted Luks volume, and how to perform these actions on Debian instead of Ubuntu/Kali. This group of steps took four hours.

6) Chroot into mounted volume group: No DNS! Research reveals how to share the host's resolv with the chroot.

7) `# apt install firmware-realtek`: /boot/initrd.img does not exist. Cannot update.

8) Find and mount /boot, then reinstall firmware: Apt cannot write to its log (minor), listed three install warnings, and initially refused to write to /boot/initrd.img-[...]

9) Reboot!: Volume group not found. Cannot process volume group. Dropping to a shell! oh no..

(Not listed: much research, many repeated attempts with various changes.)

At this point it's been 9 hours. I'm exhausted and frustrated and running out of ideas, so I ask @perfectasshole for help.
He walks me through some debugging steps (most of which i've already done), and we both get frustrated because everything looks correct but isn't working.

10) Thirteenth coming of the Live CD: `update-initramfs -u` within chroot throws warnings about /etc/crypttab and fsck, but everything looks fine with both. Still won't boot. Editing grub config manually to use the new volume group name likewise produces no boots. Nothing is making sense.

11) Rename volume group: doubles -'s for whatever reason; Rebooting gives the same dreaded "dropping to a shell" result.

A huge thank-you to @perfectasshole for spending three hours fighting with this issue with me! I finally fixed it about half an hour after he went to bed.

After renaming the volume group to what it was originally, one of the three recovery modes managed to actually boot and load the volume. From there I was able to run `update-initramfs -u` from the system proper (which completed without issue) and was able to boot normally thereafter.

I've run updates and rebooted twice now.
After twelve+ hours... yay, I have my Debian back!

oof.

fuckpress.Pi
Yep, thata right. Fuck Wordpress Raspberry Pi. Thanks to my inability to interact with proton mail filtering I just made a script that checks for a new email and if it contains words "wordpress", "help", " hack", "build" and it is not from whitelisted contact, the email is moved to the Fuckpress folder and automatic reply is sent back that I AM NOT FUCKING DOING YOUR GAYPRESS FUCKING SHIT FOR YOUR 5$ CUNT.
rant over

The bossman asked if our signup service sends an automated email after we successfully process someone's payment or when we promote them to full customer.

That sounds like a simple query, yeah?

Well.

Here's some background:

We have four applications; one in React, three in Rails. I'll replace their names to retain some anonymity.
1) "IceSkate" is the React app, and it's a glorified signup form. (I wrote this one.)
2) "Bogan" is the main application, and is API-only; its frontend has been long since deprecated by the following two:
3) "Bum" is a fork of "Bogan" that has long since diverged. It now contains admin-only tools.
4) "Kulkuri" is also a fork of "Bogan" that has long since diverged. It now contains tools specifically for customers, which they can access.

All but IceSkate (obv) share a database.

Here's how signups happen:

Signups come in from IceSkate, which hits a backend API on Bogan. Bogan writes the data to the database, charges the card immediately, and leaves the signup for moderation.

And here's how promotion from signup to customer happens:

Bum has a view allowing admins to validate, modify, and "promote" a signup to a full customer. Upon successful promotion, Bum calls "ServerWrap", a module which calls actions on the other applications; in this case: Bogan.

Bogan routes execution through three separate models before calling "ServerWrap" again, this time calling KulKuri.

Finally, KulKuri actually creates the customer!

After KulKuri finishes creating the customer, execution resumes on Bogan, which then returns, causing execution to resume on Bum. Bum then runs through several other models, references the newly-created customer object (as all three share a database), and ... updates the customer with its current data, and then updates the signup object. After all of this, it finally shows the admin the "new customer" view.

It took me 25 minutes to follow the chain of calls, and I still don't know quite what's going on. I have no idea if any of it sends an email or not -- I didn't see any signs of this, but I very easily could have overlooked something.

So, to answer bossman's question... I asked the accounting people if they send the email manually. If they don't, it's automatic, which means I missed something and get to burrow through that mess all over again!

I really hope I missed something; otherwise I need to figure out how and where (and when!) to send the email...

just...
errrrgghh

I was developing a project that also featured automatic payment to specific sites. I asked for a dummy credit card and he insisted I use the company's credit card. Who would ever want to give a developer actual credit card credentials for development!? I was a junior dev back then. Of course, I failed once. I got told off because I wasted money. My team leader defended me and said this is the risk of having projects with payments. I got proof I asked for a possible sandbox for payment or whatever that will work for development. Almost got fired. Because of that incident, I'm not comfortable working with projects dealing with payment that doesn't have sandboxes.

Not just another Windows rant:

*Disclaimer* : I'm a full time Linux user for dev work having switched from Windows a couple of years ago. Only open Windows for Photoshop (or games) or when I fuck up my Linux install (Arch user) because I get too adventurous (don't we all)

I have hated Windows 10 from day 1 for being a rebel. Automatic updates and generally so many bugs (specially the 100% disk usage on boot for idk how long) really sucked.

It's got ads now and it's generally much slower than probably a Windows 8 install..

The pathetic memory management and the overall slower interface really ticks me off. I'm trying to work and get access to web services and all I get is hangups.

Chrome is my go-to browser for everything and the experience is sub par. We all know it gobbles up RAM but even more on Windows.

My Linux install on the same computer flies with a heavy project open in Android Studio, 25+ tabs in Chrome and a 1080p video playing in the background.

Up until the creators update, UI bugs were a common sight. Things would just stop working if you clicked them multiple times.

But you know what I'm tired of more?

The ignorant pricks who bash it for being Windows. This OS isn't bad. Sure it's not Linux or MacOS but it stands strong.

You are just bashing it because it's not developer friendly and it's not. It never advertises itself like that.

It's a full fledged OS for everyone. It's not dev friendly but you can make it as much as possible but you're lazy.

People do use Windows to code. If you don't know that, you're ignorant. They also make a living by using Windows all day. How bout tha?

But it tries to make you feel comfortable with the recent bash integration and the plethora of tools that Microsoft builds.

IIS may not be Apache or Nginx but it gets the job done.

Azure uses Windows and it's one of best web services out there. It's freaking amazing with dead simple docs to get up and running with a web app in 10 minutes.

I saw many rants against VS but you know it's one of the best IDEs out there and it runs the best on Windows (for me, at least).

I'm pissed at you - you blind hater you.

Research and appreciate the things good qualities in something instead of trying to be the cool but ignorant dev who codes with Linux/Mac but doesn't know shit about the advantages they offer.

I managed to take down an entire school network with one VPN.

In short, I ran a personal VPN and eventually the System Administrators at my old school managed to pick it up as unknown traffic. For some reason, they managed to block the port but not the IP so I changed the port to 443 and their automatic system blocked port 443 on their entire network essentially rendering HTTPS useless for a few hours.

I never got approached about it but my school invested in a new IT team.

The moment, when you are reading rants on the toilet in the office and the automatic light turned off.

Story, !rant.

This memory came up as I was commenting on another rant, and thought it was worthy of a better retelling.

So about a year or two ago, I had just gotten a Software Defined Radio, and was tinkering with it and looking around for cool stuff I could do with it. After stalking planes for a while (caught a 747 over my area 😎) I saw this program that decoded satellite images of earth, coming from the NOAA satellites. I thought this was amazing.

So I waited until one was over my area and let the software do its magic. The image was not great, since I had this set up on the first floor and there was a lot of material between me and the satellite.

So I came to the brilliant conclusion that I'd leave the program on automatic more (it will start sampling when the satellite is near) on my terrace, which should yield better results, right?

Perhaps. Who knows. Anyways, couple hours pass and we are running late to a family dinner. So we book it. Family dinner was great, good food and all, and was having fun, so never thought about my poor laptop, sitting alone in the night.

But then, when I was walking home in the rain... It hit me. I started running. I couldn't believe what I had done. Fast forward five minutes, and I'm out of breath, but home. I run upstairs, and see the laptop just sitting there, lid open, no lights on, and of course soaked right through.

I couldn't believe it. My only piece of tech at the time, and my only avenue for programming, gone. And I was 15, so I wasn't getting another one any time soon. Took it inside and drained the water out of it, and just left it there lying on its side.

Next day it worked just fine 🤣 the battery on my laptop only lasted max one hour, so by sheer luck it had lost power before the rain came. That is the one time I have to thank that battery for being such utter trash.

Working on my automatic garden ! :d thx Raspberry

Just made my Coffee maker smart. All i need to do is change filter the rest is automatic! 👍

When there is no automatic way of checking if you software update came through correctly and no personal is in the building so you have to boot 421 PCs.

Oh, look. I incorporated yet another programming related metaphor in my writing.

I hope this isn't an automatic rejection when the agent requests a full MS. Most people don't appreciate any of my programming related metaphors for some reason.

TIP:
To anyone and everyone ranting about the automatic restart of their Windows 10 system,
Settings > Update > Advanced Options > Notify to schedule restart (instead of Automatic).
Yes, it IS that simple.
God.

When you're newly assigned to one of the most FUCKED UP team in the department and your manager said that ALL LEAVE REQUESTS from your team are AUTOMATIC DISAPPROVED for March until i see significant progress, hayyyy...poker face. I really don't know what to feel right know.

South Africa Electricity:

This is after I lost my 7th 3000VA online UPS...

In South Africa we have 240V power most of the time which is great, but then there is scheduled power outages (because our electricity companies cannot "handle the load").

When we have a power outage we have automatic generators which brings everything back up although there is still the 1 minute drop which has weird spikes and odd voltages before switching to the generator (as the generators wait until they are stable)

This has being destroying our equipment, we had a $2000 repair bill 3 TIMES for 3 SEPERATE Xerox Machines that have surge protectors although their circuit board somehow fried.

We have lost 7 3000VA UPSes (3 different brands) and 5 voltage regulators we put to protect the UPSes.

The one UPS that fried just had 2 dead fuses, I decided to replace them (unplugged the batteries to avoid 240V) and when plugging the batteries back in there was a huge spark and flame and the metal and plastic melted onto the board and turned black (the metal pins to connect the battery are non existant now)

I am done with electricity...

P.S. 2 of our generators also got hit by lightning as we are high on a hill and ALL the plastic cable coverings inside the generator were melted

Not a rant.

Whoever came with the idea to implement an automatic restore point in Windows... BLESS YOU!!

Just had some problems and the PC won't boot. I entered the troubleshooting option and saw that there was an restore point from 22 this month. Just saved my ass.

Visual Studio Code.

I've tried you because of hearing a lot of good stuff about you. I'd switch back to netbeans regardless because I love netbeans and I always try to use as little as possible from companies like Google/microsoft/facebook (and others) but what you're pulling right now is un-fucking-believable.

I've disabled ANY AND EVERY form of calling home I could (find) in your settings. Crash reports, automatic updates, metrics, you name it. I've searched all the fucking settings but I can't find any other home calling thing that's enabled and yet:

I'm monitoring every goddamn DNS request (through my own DNS server) and I'm still seeing calls to a Microsoft owned domain. Closed all my browser sessions and you as well and it stopped. Started browser again but not you, nothing.
Started you again: BAM. Calls to that damned Microsoft owned domain again.

If you can't honour my decision for disabling any form of home calls, go fuck yourself.

Netbeans, I'm back, I've missed you 💜

Christmas eve!

Challenging myself to write an automatic youtube-music-library updating script/engine within an evening/night.

'you should be with your loved ones!" - I'm nearly always home alone during at least the first Christmas day doing nothing than what I do every workday so I'm all good.

Programming Languages are Like Cars:

Assembler: A formula I race car. Very fast but difficult to drive and maintain.

FORTRAN II: A Model T Ford. Once it was the king of the road.

FORTRAN IV: A Model A Ford.

FORTRAN 77: a six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard transmission and no seat belts.

COBOL: A delivery van. It's bulky and ugly but it does the work.

BASIC: A second-hand Rambler with a rebuilt engine and patched upholstery. Your dad bought it for you to learn to drive. You'll ditch it as soon as you can afford a new one.

PL/I: A Cadillac convertible with automatic transmission, a two-tone paint job, white-wall tires, chrome exhaust pipes, and fuzzy dice hanging in the windshield.

C++: A black Firebird, the all macho car. Comes with optional seatbelt (lint) and optional fuzz buster (escape to assembler).

ALGOL 60: An Austin Mini. Boy that's a small car.

ALGOL 68: An Aston Martin. An impressive car but not just anyone can drive it.

Pascal: A Volkswagon Beetle. It's small but sturdy. Was once popular with intellectual types.

liSP: An electric car. It's simple but slow. Seat belts are not available.

PROLOG/LUCID: Prototype concept cars.

FORTH: A go-cart.

LOGO: A kiddie's replica of a Rolls Royce. Comes with a real engine and a working horn.

APL: A double-decker bus. It takes rows and columns of passengers to the same place all at the same time but it drives only in reverse and is instrumented in Greek.
Ada: An army-green Mercedes-Benz staff car. Power steering, power brakes, and automatic transmission are standard. No other colors or options are available. If it's good enough for generals, it's good enough for you.

Java: All-terrain very slow vehicle.

This is more of a wishful thinking scenario......but language/tech stack/whatever bashing.

Look, I get it, we like development, we would not be here if we didn't like it. But as my good friend @Stuxnet has mentioned in the past, making this a personality trait is fucking retarded, lame, small, and overall pathetic. I agree with this sentiment 100%

Because of this a lot of people have form some sort of elitist viewpoint concerning the technologies that people use, be it Java, C#, C++, Rust, PHP, JS, whatever, the same circle jerk of bashing on shit just seems completely fucking retarded. I am hoping for a new mentality being that most of us are younger, even if you are a 50+ year old developer, maturity should give you a different perspective, but alas, immaturity and a bitchy attitude carried throughout years of self dick sucking implications would render this null.

I could not give two fucks if the dude next to me is coding his shit in whatever as long as best practices are followed, proper documentation is enforced, results are being brought to our customers(which regardless of how much you try to convince us, none of your customers are fucking elite level) and happiness is ensured, then so fucking be it.

Gripes bitches and complaints are understandable, I dislike a couple of things about my favorite tools, and often wish certain features be involved in my particular tech stacks, does this make stuff bad? no, does it make me or anyone else less of a developer,? no so why give a fuck? bitch when shit bites you in the ass when someone does not know what the fuck they are doing with a language that permits writing bullshit. Which to be honest ALL of them fucking allow. Not one is saved from this. But NOT knowing how to work a solution, or NOT understanding a tech stack does not give you AUTOMATIC FULL insight on how x technology operates, thinking as such is so fucking arrogant and annoying.

But I am getting tired of looking at posts from Timmy, a 18 year old "dev" from whothefuckcares bitch about shit when they have never even made a fucking penny out of their "development" endeavors just because they read some dickhead's opinion on the internet regarding x tech stack and believes that adopting their bullshit troll ass virgin ideas makes them l337.

Get your own fucking opinion on things, be aggressive and stand fucking straight, maybe get some fucking pussy(or dick, whatever) and for fucks's sake learn to interact with other fucking human beings, take a fucking run, play games, break out from your whinny bitch ass shell, talk to that person that intimidates you, take a run, do yoga, martial arts anything that would break you out from being such a small little bitch.

Just fucking do something that keeps you from shitting on people 24/7 365/ a year.

We used to bitch about incompetent managers, shit bosses, fucking ludicrous assignments. Retarded shit that some other dev did, etc, etc. Seems like every other fucking retard getting into this community starts with stupid ass JS/PHP/Python/Java/C#/ whatever jokes and you idiots keep upvoting that shit. Makes those n00bs gain credability. Fuck me shit is so pathetic.

basically, make dev rant great again.

No fuck off and have a beer, or tea or whatever y'all drink.

Uhm, alright, but how will you fix them then? (no, there seems to be no automatic crash dump or calling home)

Does linux suck? Imho, Yes.
A lot of the people bash windows regarding automatic restarts, updates, bsod etc.
I may be unusually lucky, but the last bsod I saw was in 2014 because of a faulty synaptics driver.

I've really tried to use linux to see what the hype is all about. Quite frankly, it sucked. The first time it wiped out all my data, I realized the value of backups. Hence I do not have a single pic of my school now, thanks to complicated ubuntu mounting.
Next is driver support. When I plug in a device, I expect it to work. I don't want to spend a day googling for drivers.
Why the fuck would I want to use a black terminal which gives me a headache. Am I in 1980? Which sadistic asshole designed vim ?
I have seen linux developers who claim to be linux experts and love linux. They take so long to do simple shit. For god's sake don't tell me there are GUI versions of linux available. I'd rather work in windows 95.
Why in the world would anyone want to use ls to see the contents of a directory! It is seriously so fucking unproductive.
I can't just download a software, click next a couple of times, and be done. No no no. I've to do sudo apt get update. Then try to find the fucking package. And if all goes well, there's always the dependency issue which is going to bite me in the ass. If google and stackoverflow go down, most linux devs will die a cruel death.

Fuck you linux.
I'm not saying windows 10 is the best, but at least I don't have to crawl through shit to use it. If you don't like automatic updates, disable it you moron. It is easier than renaming a damn file in linux.

MY SERVER JUST DECIDED TO RESTART TO DO WINDOWS UPDATES!!!

Yesterday evening I stayed up late to install some critical updates manually as I obviously have auto updates disabled.
I didn't quite get everything done so I wanted to continue the next evening when noone was using the server.
Apparently that removed the rule to never ever restart automatically...
🤔🔫

I have my damn router and app server running in a VM on there!!!

1. talked to a dev and found out he never used git
2. saw a guy formatting the code in eclipse line by line, even when eclipse provides automatic formatting.

I've optimised so many things in my time I can't remember most of them.

Most recently, something had to be the equivalent off `"literal" LIKE column` with a million rows to compare. It would take around a second average each literal to lookup for a service that needs to be high load and low latency. This isn't an easy case to optimise, many people would consider it impossible.

It took my a couple of hours to reverse engineer the data and implement a few hundred line implementation that would look it up in 1ms average with the worst possible case being very rare and not too distant from this.

In another case there was a lookup of arbitrary time spans that most people would not bother to cache because the input parameters are too short lived and variable to make a difference. I replaced the 50000+ line application acting as a middle man between the application and database with 500 lines of code that did the look up faster and was able to implement a reasonable caching strategy. This dropped resource consumption by a minimum of factor of ten at least. Misses were cheaper and it was able to cache most cases. It also involved modifying the client library in C to stop it unnecessarily wrapping primitives in objects to the high level language which was causing it to consume excessive amounts of memory when processing huge data streams.

Another system would download a huge data set for every point of sale constantly, then parse and apply it. It had to reflect changes quickly but would download the whole dataset each time containing hundreds of thousands of rows. I whipped up a system so that a single server (barring redundancy) would download it in a loop, parse it using C which was much faster than the traditional interpreted language, then use a custom data differential format, TCP data streaming protocol, binary serialisation and LZMA compression to pipe it down to points of sale. This protocol also used versioning for catchup and differential combination for additional reduction in size. It went from being 30 seconds to a few minutes behind to using able to keep up to with in a second of changes. It was also using so much bandwidth that it would reach the limit on ADSL connections then get throttled. I looked at the traffic stats after and it dropped from dozens of terabytes a month to around a gigabyte or so a month for several hundred machines. The drop in the graphs you'd think all the machines had been turned off as that's what it looked like. It could now happily run over GPRS or 56K.

I was working on a project with a lot of data and noticed these huge tables and horrible queries. The tables were all the results of queries. Someone wrote terrible SQL then to optimise it ran it in the background with all possible variable values then store the results of joins and aggregates into new tables. On top of those tables they wrote more SQL. I wrote some new queries and query generation that wiped out thousands of lines of code immediately and operated on the original tables taking things down from 30GB and rapidly climbing to a couple GB.

Another time a piece of mathematics had to generate all possible permutations and the existing solution was factorial. I worked out how to optimise it to run n*n which believe it or not made the world of difference. Went from hardly handling anything to handling anything thrown at it. It was nice trying to get people to "freeze the system now".

I build my own frontend systems (admittedly rushed) that do what angular/react/vue aim for but with higher (maximum) performance including an in memory data base to back the UI that had layered event driven indexes and could handle referential integrity (overlay on the database only revealing items with valid integrity) or reordering and reposition events very rapidly using a custom AVL tree. You could layer indexes over it (data inheritance) that could be partial and dynamic.

So many times have I optimised things on automatic just cleaning up code normally. Hundreds, thousands of optimisations. It's what makes my clock tick.

Just placed an order in a local store, they sent me some automatic confirmation mail with the salutation being "Best regards, Daemon".. Imagine someone who doesn't use Linux reading that 🤣

Project day 1. CTO: everything should be covered by automatic tests.

Project day 30. CTO: listen, we have lot of work in the pipeline now and we need to prioritize. Please don't spend that much time on tests.

Project day 100. CTO: why isn't everything covered by automatic tests?

Fuck strict corporate software policies, just let me WORK (⁠╯⁠°⁠□⁠°⁠）⁠╯⁠︵⁠ ⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

When I came to this new workplace I was given a Windows laptop. And it came with a bunch of pre-installed corporate stuff and policies like automatic mandatory frequent driver and windows updates. Although I prefer linux, I thought, maybe I'll switch later, first let's see how everything works here, since on Windows I had all VPNs, certificates and other corpo stuff pre-configured out of the box. But imagine missing a standup, because of windows update in the morning. Or missing audio, because of drivers update in the middle of the meeting. And make it every week or so. Also, I couldn't not install my portable DAC drivers, because limited access, blah blah fuck me. And many other small things that I vaguely remember by now.
Later corpo decided to add a tracking plugin into a browser and that was it for me. Gladly, corpo policy allows using Linux (they have their own modified Ubuntu version), which has MUCH less of this crap. I mean, it's still somewhat managed by corpo (like I can't get rid of duplicated PPA, lol.. and sometimes I need to wait like 1-2 mins to login to my laptop because of login server timeout), but that's still better...

Linux, home, sweet home, I missed you <3

Also, I dodged the bullet. Win11 upgrade was a funny shit show to watch :D

I'm a "published" freelance dev!

Last night I made my first web application available to the internet. It's an internal enterprise management system for a small non-profit.

It's running on a single $6 a month digitalocean droplet, and the domain is $12 a year, so yearly cost for them is absolutely rock bottom.

It's written in asp.net 6.0 razor pages, nginx reverse proxy, certbot for HTTPS certificates, fail2ban for ssh protection (ssh login is via ssl keys), entity framework with MySQL.

The site itself has automatic IP banning based on a few parameters like login spam, uses JWT tokens, and is fully secured.

All together, it's a lot of value for about $100 a year.

When u disable automatic updates but windows updates anyways

You know you need sleep when you wave your hand under a paper towel dispenser and it's not automatic.

On my personal journey to better privacy!

Wanted to change to Qubes, but since I wind down with games, that won't happen sadly and it seems windows still doesn't support proper gpu passthrough either, so might eventually change to linux host and windows guest or create a VM I use for everything else that isn't gaming, since I still really love the idea of having a snapshot backup system.

So since that isn't quite in my timeframe right now though: first move was to move to firefox, already done the change on mobile (love having dark reader and ublock on mobile!), now setting it all up on desktop, pleasant surprise was for sure that firefox finally seems to have chromes devtools pretty much mirrored, even the mobile suite of tools.

Loading of pages is also finally fast and much snappier than chrome from the first testing I could do (on desktop, on mobile it still kind of sucks in comparison, but I can deal with that).

Please suggest me all sort of privacy tools you got, especially with firefox in mind, but also host tools, be it windows or linux (e.g. some sort of traffic obfuscator that visits random pages that are SFW but make automatic traffic filtering hard, could probably make my own, but if there's something like that already, why not), I'll save all I can use.

After working 3 years in my current job and my boss hating anything to do with unit testing etc, I used my spare time to refactor our Makefiles to allow for the creation of unit and integration tests. I technically didn't tell my boss about it, so my heart was in my throat when he Skyped me with 'what did you change in ...'?

After having bashed any workflow with testing in it, I showed him the new workflow and automatic testing in Jenkins and he was actually enthousiastic, just like all other employees! I was hailed a hero in the R&D department, after all this time we can finally write universal tests. :D

“PHP is evil” is not just a joke.

PHP is usually percieved as a language which is not so consistent and has some opinionated historical aspects but allows rapid development because it’s easy. They say PHP doesn’t focus on that “purist shit” such as concepts and “just gets things done”.

Hovewer, this is not true. PHP lures you in and lies to you promising saving time on development, but everything, and I mean EVERYTHING written in PHP is doomed to turn into a bloody mess sooner or later.

You have to be an AI to manage the growing PHP codebase and add features without breaking anything. With every feature it gets harder and harder. If you’re still a human managing a human team, you have to enforce guidelines. Automatic error preventon measures are made of code themselves so the cost of deploying them ona late stage can be ridiculous. And you never deploy them on early stage because you want to “save time”. Your people have to spend more and more time everyday checking on that guidelines. Your development process only becomes slower and slower. If you try to push things, your project will crumble to dust.

To make PHP at least decent, you have to figure out all this by yourself on an early stage. When you’re done, you spent a lot of time creating the buggy, ad-hoc, unspecified and unsupported alternative of what works out of the box in other languages. And you still code in PHP and still have all its disadvantages in your project’s DNA.

PHP is evil because it promises and never delivers. PHP is evil because it lies to you and it already fucked over so many of us.

If you want to code in PHP, do it under your pillow. Code your own silly projects.

If your project has the word “production” somewhere in its plans, PHP is not the way to go.

Amen.

Automatic email for time after 19 clock:
if (sender == MyBoss)
{
Mail.Respond("Get the hell out of my personal life, you have to wait for tomorrow you bastard.\n
Best regards.")
}

I don't know if this is the same thing everywhere over the world, but, in France, where I live, there's something that infuriates me on so many levels.

Dear HRs,

When you're processing through a recruitement process, you'll publish a job offer. In 95% of these offers, I notice things that follows the same pattern : "We require a highly trained developer in [insert language 1], especially with the [insert a framework from language 2] framework". This often happens when you're talking about Java in first place, but then switching to Javascript.

Please, dear HRs,

GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER ! I don't know, ask to some of your developers to review your offer, to spot these beginner mistakes. This is an automatic turn-off for me when I notice this king of bullsh*t in job offers, and I understand that the person that wrote this offer has no fucking idea of the business his/her company is dealing with.

Later, these people are those who will interview you with generic IT questions, that they have no idea about what a correct answer might be, and they will only check if your answer matches what is written on their cheat sheet. If you're lucky enough, some people from the actual business will be with the interview crew, so you can actually expect some kind of understanding.

*angrily goes back to looking for a job*

Two things before this all:
- I fucking love gitlab so far
- I miss the fuzzy searching from sublime text, as vsCode still can't do it properly..

I was fed up with all the shitty overbloated git deployment scripts, sync scripts, automatic backup solutions and hosted git servers out there, so now my own solution is:

- remote git cloned local files
- local files are synced via dropbox, to easily edit them on any device
- all changes and deleted files are saved up to 1 year on dropbox
- remote has gitlab running and webhooks setup
- the webhooks point to my node scripts, which then rebase the code to its dedicated dev server
- daily server backup with 7 days roll
- cold storage backup each 30 days

Sounds like overkill, but from my experience, you really can't have enough places that have a backup, especially coldstorage backups.

My goal in general though is to have everything on my computer backupped and ready to go asap, if something happens.

I wanted to just use a virtual machine for development stuff, but that wouldnt be able to run on my laptop, so I need a more general solution, where I sync all configs and all projects across. (and have some sort of basic list of tools needed, so I dont need to remember them)

Found for example something for vscode to sync its settings and plugins via any sort of git, will give it a try in near future too.

Setup git push notifications (to each of their own channels), together with automatic deployment via webhook, though I'll add notifications to that too, as it currently doesn't have any besides the log file.

Gitea really has been a blast for me to finally get all things git - done, maybe because it is just so lightweight.

"Graphics don't matter."

I ranted a while back about gamedev being hard to get into for me, and, today, user @DOSnotCompute posted a similar experience.

I had a couple more thoughts, so thought should post them here (FUCK! It ended up being too fucking long! sorry!)

So I was watching the making of mortal kombat 3 on yt, which was pretty amazing btw because I got to see the actors of the sprites in game which were engraved in my and thousands of others kids minds.

Anyhow, the creators of the series, John Tobias and Ed Boon, were interviewed and what not. And it hit me that while both were the designers, John was the main artist and Ed was the programmer (at least for MK1). Another game that comes to mind Super Meat Boy, and I bet hundreds of others did the same.

And it got me thinking, maybe that's my problem, I just need an artist.

And I think the reason why I never thought of that is because of this idea that graphics don't matter.

"you don't need an artist. You don't need graphics. The most important thing is the gameplay."

What a load of shit.
A lot of people believe that because they got tired of polished AAA games with automatic and predictible gameplay.

People started parrotting this knee jerk of a conclusion since then.

It's dumb. Imagine if Infiminer, one of the games Minecraft was based on, which btw looks terrible, had all the same features Minecraft had.
I would still not touch that shit with a pole.

Graphics ARE important. Games are on the VISUAL medium.
That doesn't mean you're sucking Sony's dick on every AAA release or that every game should be made with UnreUnityCocksReloadedEngine.

Some level of visual craft is required for a game ro be considered such.

(btw, I think most of you guys here get this, not trying to pander, just that I want to make it clear that I'm not accusing this community of being guilty of this)

If a game looks bad (given, bad can be subjective), if it gives the impression that it wasn't seriously made, then you kinda lower your expectations.

People get hyped on games that look good, because it means that the game could be good. Games that look unoriginal or terrible won't get played, wether they're good or not. And I think it's a reasonable reaction.

How many times did I hear things like "Look at x video game from the 90s, the graphics are terrible but it's fun as hell".

That is an absurd statement. The level of production some NES games went through is insane. We're talking millions of dollars for games that today might look primitive.

The graphics weren't shit back then, and even today you could say that they are simpler but also of excellent craftsmanship.

I'm not into creating art, I hate it in fact because you can't quantify the success of produced art.

So, duh, find an artist. Ok, how? This is the part where I have no fucking idea how.

You start spamming shit like "I need an artist" online? I dunno, something for another post I guess.

I guess the most healthy thing I could do is making demos that might look like shit just to get experience so that when I get to find an artist, I have practice already.

Dear Swift, we have to break up. I’ve found a new language to love. Oh don’t act so surprised, you know our relationship was on shaky ground. You never let me have any fun. You’re always telling me what to do and how to do it and I’ve had enough. You treat me like a child, and I’m moving on.

Things were good in the beginning, and you may have impressed me with your automatic reference counting, but my new language can do that too, and so much more, and does it faster than you could ever imagine. You see unlike you, my new language doesn’t boss me around. It *trusts* me, Swift. That’s the one thing you never could understand. I need to be trusted; and know that I can trust in you.

Well I can’t. Not anymore, Swift. It’s over. My new language just treats me better than you ever could. I’m sorry it came to this but I deserve better than you Swift. We’ve both known this for a long time.

I wish you the best, but you probably shouldn’t call.

I’m with Rust now.

Automatic(or Manual) Devrant Cartoon Creator

Amazon for fucks sake!!!

Would you PLEASE keep this fucking Alexa crap disabled after updating my tablet.
I deliberately disabled it for a reason.

What are you? Microsoft?

I watched nvidia gtc keynote today. Most of stuff was about how amazing their gpu is and how much processing power we need, oh really?

Self driving cars are most idiotic way to implement rail way system on top of complicated road traffic system from last century.

The real problem is and always was problem of last mile. We don’t do shit about it, just trying to reinvent same stuff by complicating things.

I started wondering if it would be cheaper to just put small electric golf cars on railroads next to highway with automatic parkings next to cities. We could then slowly replace highways with railroads and even stack rails on top of each other.

You just drive to parking with golf cart and it hops you to railroad with auto chargers. Traffic is predictable so you know exact hour when you hop out and can drive last mile to target destination. So fucking simple yet we need fucking computer and tons of scientists to solve problems we created by bringing idiotic movies ideas to life.

Well most of stuff we try to automate is done so shitty way that it’s in fact complicate.

Fortunately it’s not my problem.

dream project you say. now we're getting somewhere interesting.

a voice/gesture activated automatic assistant that uses face reconition for identify checking along with it being able to see your mood.

tl;dr; aka jarvis

I don't turn off Windows automatic updates because I don't WannaCry.

Ya’ll could see what i see right ?

That’s an interesting rock

So I was watching this movie "The Foreigner" and suddenly I noticed this scene. "Preparing Automatic Repair" 😂 Leave Real World, It Can't Even Function Properly In Reel World.

I don't want to put anyone to shame here, but this has been the most hilarious password reset in my life.

P.S.
It's an early service with no sensitive data, so I'm not concerned so much, but still, a system for automatic password reset, with the ability to change the temporary one, should be one of the first things in place before you go public. lol

Fucking windows automatic reboots! They seriously need to fuck off with that. As of this morning I have a finance person who can't log on, a floor manager that can't schedule his employees and a robotics controller pc that rebooted and didn't save the changes I made! Seriously, FUCK OFF!

You know that, there is an app which stops the windows automatic updates, it is called linux kernel. But it goes beyond that, I have fixed mac os issues with that as well. Love it

Walked past one of my employees as he was talking on the phone. He says something along the lines of "oh no that was totally my fault" to which I just blurt out "haha dumbass"

And he just goes O.o and then to the phone "oh, yes, no sorry, yes that was my manager" to where someone just roars out laughing on the other line.

Him: "apparently the director of X department found it hilarious that your standard automatic response was that out of nowhere"

Before I get called an asshole or whatever, my dudes regularly leave notes on my office with messages such as "die", "eat shit" etc. Its good fun lads, don't lose yer heads over it.

I got cut from a contracting job yesterday I have 3 weeks left in the contract. They said I worked well with the team, had a great work ethic but didn't think I had strong enough tech skills. In the past this would have hurt my feelings and it does a little but I think my tech skills are fairly high. There were three devs working on 66 apps with no tests, some source control but most of the code in source control was older than code deployed in prod, no automatic builds, people would wait a week before checking in code, others would check in code that would not build. Today the boss asked if I had messed with app pools on the prod iIs server because something was wrong. I said no because never remote into the server. Anyway it is the end of the world and I feel fine.

Bought a new android phone and spent an hour:
* uninstalling apps
* disabling automatic updates
* disabling recommendations
* disabling sending anonymous usage data
* disabling notifications

It's like playing hide and seek but without fun

Working on photo contest site, no design, no specification. 2 weeks until deadline.

CEO: Deadline is one week earlier, and client wants to have video uploads and automatic facebook share too.
Me: We don't even have a contract and design to work with yet.
CEO: No worries, the contract will be signed by the time you finished the website.

Site done in 1 week, including weekend days and overtime. Production on client's server as asked by CEO.

3 weeks later...

Me: So van you pay the overtime I worked?
CEO: Sorry client not payed and says they don't like the end product. I can't afford to pay you overtime.

2 days later.
CEO: The online department is lossy so you have to work harder in the next month, we have 3 sites to be done.

Me: Do we have the contracts?
CEO: No worries...

So lets start here, as i have been preparing myself for a while for that rant. I have been putting it off for a while, but today I had enough.
Fuck react-native and fuck facebook react-native team. Bunch of lazy incompetent twats.
The all amazing framework that suppose to be speed up your development process, since you don't have to compile your code after each change. SO FUCKING WHAT if the god damned framework is so fucking buggy and so fucking shit that you constantly have to fix build, dependancies etc issues. Every day since I work on this project that is using react-native I have to deal with some of the react fucked up behaviour. You got an issue ? don't worry google it just to find out that 100 other people had the same issue. Scroll through down the bottom of the page just to find out that facebook devs have closed the issue as resolved (without fucking fixing it) because there wasnt recent replies to the post. Are you fucking kidding me? It's ok thou, create a new issue just to get an automatic reply from the bot that locks the thread and keeps it locked till you update your React-native version to the newest one. You do that and guess fucking what? Their newest version fucks up remote debugging on iOS(fucking android been broke for over a year) so say good bye to debugging your js code. Documentation is fucking trash. You found a nice function like autoCaptialise on your text input? Great! Ah wait, its not fucking working, what is wrong? You google this just to fucking found out it, function never worked on android, so why the fuck you still have it exposed and still have it in your docs? You want to add package? So fucking ez, just type npm install <name of the package>. Ha! fuck you, you still have to go and add them fucking manually in gradle in android and in pod in xcode, because obviously react-native is a one big fucking bullshit. Oh and a scroll view is a fucking glorious highlight of that framework, try add some styling to it, you gonna have loads of fun. Fuck react-native. And fuck the fucking idiot who convinced my boss that framework is so fucking great and now I have to work on this shit. Sincerely Xamarin Developer.

Fun issue

Swedish client is unable to enter a currency conversion rate in a field and submit. 'Not a float' well we can clearly see that it is a float when he does it (0.5 for example), not an issue for us though.

Reproducing was a nightmare, eventually it boiled down to the fact that the framework we were using had automatic locale checks. Now because our numeric fields are actually weird text fields (front end nonsense), it was converting the period to be a comma (Swedish people would write 0,5 normally). And if you actually entered 0,5 the range check (0.01-1000) failed because it couldn't parse the comma (no locale check on that one)

Godamn facepalm. Really confused the hell out of us when we saw the error, had to go diving through library code. To top this off, locale checks are supposed to be disabled as of about 2 years ago

In revenge against our oppressor :PHP: on slack is now an alias for the shit emoji

A added bonus of writing in UIKit and in Swift is the automatic macOS support. Yes, this is the devRant rewrite working on macOS, fully featured. And while this still requires some work and some fixes involving window resizing and how to handle image resizing, this is surprisingly usable for almost no dedicated macOS code!

(This post was sent using the AltRant client on macOS)

Apparantly someone made the Mr. in an automatic support email static. BeCAusE ThERe aRE no WOmEn in IT!

Never felt the need for a stressball until I started using those damn automatic checkout machines ...
The f***** juice is in the f***** bagging area and I dont need no f***** help. Who the f*** coded this shit ***** ***** *****

Was talking about how I implemented CI/CD in one of our projects as a starting point to others and how it worked by running tests and deploying to the server and one of my colleagues laughed about having to have tests at all, I explained and asked him what was he gonna do that morning, his answer:

"Well, I'm gonna test the system X and fix some bugs"

To what I replied:

"If you have automated tests you could have those tests automatic(?!) and they also help you finding bugs early"

Wtf do ppl have in mind that they prefer remediation over prevention and they end up wasting their time with shit that could be fully automated?

I've had it with these automatic updates that I didn't ask for, especially when I'm trying to switch my machine off!
How about asking me first if I want that damn update?
Why do they have to be shoved down my throat?!

That's it! I'm switching my OS!

Data Disinformation: the Next Big Problem

Automatic code generation LLMs like ChatGPT are capable of producing SQL snippets. Regardless of quality, those are capable of retrieving data (from prepared datasets) based on user prompts.
That data may, however, be garbage. This will lead to garbage decisions by lowly literate stakeholders.
Like with network neutrality and pii/psi ownership, we must act now to avoid yet another calamity.

Imagine a scenario where a middle-manager level illiterate barks some prompts to the corporate AI and it writes and runs an SQL query in company databases.
The AI outputs some interactive charts that show that the average worker spends 92.4 minutes on lunch daily.
The middle manager gets furious and enacts an Orwellian policy of facial recognition punch clock in the office.
Two months and millions of dollars in contractors later, and the middle manager checks the same prompt again... and the average lunch time is now 107.2 minutes!
Finally the middle manager gets a literate person to check the data... and the piece of shit SQL behind the number is sourcing from the "off-site scheduled meetings" database.
Why? because the dataset that does have the data for lunch breaks is labeled "labour board compliance 3", and the LLM thought that the metadata for the wrong dataset better matched the user's prompt.

This, given the very real world scenario of mislabeled data and LLMs' inability to understand what they are saying or accessing, and the average manager's complete data illiteracy, we might have to wrangle some actions to prepare for this type of tomfoolery.

I don't think that access restriction will save our souls here, decision-flumberers usually have the authority to overrule RACI/ACL restrictions anyway.
Making "data analysis" an AI-GMO-Free zone is laughable, that is simply not how the tech market works. Auto tools are coming to make our jobs harder and less productive, tech people!
I thought about detecting new automation-enhanced data access and visualization, and enacting awareness policies. But it would be of poor help, after a shithead middle manager gets hooked on a surreal indicator value it is nigh impossible to yank them out of it.

Gotta get this snowball rolling, we must have some idea of future AI housetraining best practices if we are to avoid a complete social-media style meltdown of data-driven processes.
Someone cares to pitch in?

Damn, gitea is such a great piece of software, but yet it lacks so much of gitlab, which given are completely different sizes and all, but damn I would kill for the repos import feature of gitlab to be in gitea and maybe even automatic pipelines to fetch a remote automatically..

I could most likely hack together a solution that does the import and remote fetching automatically, but I doubt it would hold against any sort of update and be absolutely brutally murdered by any change.

I recently realized that I've been using 2 text editors and 1 IDE pretty much at the same time for different purposes.

Atom -> Code Beautification (atom-beautify is simply the best)
VSCode -> for actual coding (blazing fast and quite good completions)
Webstorm -> cleanup the code, optimize imports

And that made me thing why is it so hard to have all these things in one application (be it a core feature or a plugin/extension). And then I realized smth, only webstorm more has all the features built in, but I don't need/want full IDE for web development (Angular / React) alas it has great features like component automatic imports etc, but not a deal breaker.

So I am having a dilllema. On one hand, Atom has everything I need (especially atom-beautify, my OCD is at peace) except for proper completions (partially solved with extensions) and terminal integrations. On the other hand, VSCode is very fast, has good code assistance but half-broken import completions and terrible code beautification even with extensions such as jsbeautify that require you to have a separate file for each project instead of it being an editor setting/plugin like in Atom.

/* insert joke here */ When will Atom and VSCode go super Saiyan mode and become "Atomized Visual Code" :P I wanna stop bunny hopping between editors!

So something annoying about the bathrooms here is that they are automatic flush only. There's always used toilet paper in the bowl because as soon as you move an INCH to wipe, it flushes. And you can't flush again.

@dfox we need like an automatic email reply when we email about stickers/stress ball because I'm waiting unsure if you got my email. I'll just keep waiting patiently I guess...

Today is a great day ! Deadline is tomorrow, fixed all the issues, looks like everything works...

...

CONFLICT (content): Merge conflict in xyz
CONFLICT (content): Merge conflict in abc
CONFLICT.....
...
Automatic merging failed; fix conflicts and then commit the result.

I hate my life :)

fastlane: we can’t handle Xcode’s Automatic codesign
Me: OK, I’ll setup match, as you suggested

...many hours passed...

fastlane: NO
Me:

Did anyone else notice how setting up a letsencrypt.org certificate for a domain became a lot easier as this year went on? Certbot + automatic renewal was set up in four commands on my RasPi, I remember it being more difficult to set everything up 🤔

What I need is an automatic banner that pops up at the top of the screen, saying:
YOU'RE ON THE WRONG BRANCH YOU RETARD
In big red letters.
No idea how to go about automating that, and I suspect it would probably be on the screen more or less permanently, but I reckon it's a useful tool.

FUCK MY LIFE!

MY DEPARTMENT IS IN SEARCH OF 3 PYTHON DEVS (1 expert, 2 "normal") FOR DEVELOPING AUTOMATIC THINGS!!! I would seriously apply because it's like my first dev job without having attended University.

But only for two years... After that I have to reapply for my old job.. but it's two (expert 3) salary groups up from mine...

What to do?

Also fuck python but I would learn it for God's sake

I want to explain to people like ostream (aka aviophille) why JS is a crap language. Because they apparently don't know (lol).

First I want to say that JS is fine for small things like gluing some parts togeter. Like, you know, the exact thing it was intended for when it was invented: scripting.

So why is it bad as a programming language for whole apps or projects?

No type checks (dynamic typing). This is typical for scripting languages and not neccesarily bad for such a language but it's certainly bad for a programming language.

"truthy" everything. It's bad for readability and it's dangerous because you can accidentaly make unwanted behavior.

The existence of == and ===. The rule for many real life JS projects is to always use === to be more safe.
In general: The correct thing should be the default thing. JS violates that.

Automatic semicolon insertion can cause funny surprises.
If semicolons aren't truly optional, then they should not be allowed to be omitted.

No enums. Do I need to say more?

No generics (of course, lol).

Fucked up implicit type conversions that violate the principle of least surprise (you know those from all the memes).

No integer data types (only floating point). BigInt obviously doesn't count.

No value types and no real concept for immutability. "Const" doesn't count because it only makes the reference immutale (see lack of value types). "Freeze" doesn't count since it's a runtime enforcement and therefore pretty useless.

No algebraic types. That one can be forgiven though, because it's only common in the most modern languages.

The need for null AND undefined.

No concept of non-nullability (values that can not be null).

JS embraces the "fail silently" approach, which means that many bugs remain unnoticed and will be a PITA to find and debug.

Some of the problems can and have been adressed with TypeScript, but most of them are unfixable because it would break backward compatibility.
So JS is truly rotten at the core and can not be fixed in principle.

That doesn't mean that I also hate JS devs. I pity your poor souls for having to deal with this abomination of a language.

It's likely that I fogot to mention many other problems with JS, so feel free to extend the list in the comments :)

Marry Christmas!

Product owner (who is also the application administrator): please build feature to allow administrators to create automatic alerts to be sent to application users

Me: ok
Feature gets built, tested and deployed to production

Two months later:
PO: I've noticed in our monitoring tool that there haven't been any alerts sent out to users. What's going on??

Me: well have you created any automatic alerts?

PO: umm, no. How do we do that?

Me (inside): 🤦

Tried to dual boot Arch with Windows yesterday.

Everything was going smoothly. Shrunk the C: partition, ran the installer, installed the OS fine. But it was still booting straight to Windows.

So I edited the BCD to point to Grub instead of Wilndows. Then the plan was to boot into Arch, find Windows, and add it to Grub, problem solved.

Wrong. I had forgotten to disable secure boot. Arch and Grub were booting in BIOS mode, but Windows was UEFI. Grub couldn't boot or even see Windows.

So now I was stuck with just Arch. So I flashed a Windows drive, booted from that, automatic startup repair failed. Opened up the command prompt, tried to rebuild the BCD from there. Surely I can just rebuild it and forget about trying to dual boot right? I just want to get back to being able to use my PC.

Wrong again. Didn't find Windows. Had to get rid of the BCD file before I could rebuild it, but couldn't find it. Found out that I could use diskpart to mount the system partition and assign it a drive letter, renamed the BCD, rebuilt it, and finally was able to reboot into Windows.

Learn from my arrogance. First time Linux users should not attempt to install Arch, let alone do it alongside Windows on the same disk.

Fuck me, i suck at hardware. Trying to build an automatic cat feeder, but it is crap.

My coworker just replied to a customer’s out of office email. 😂

“Thank you for letting us know that you will be out of the office” 🤣

The subject of the email is “Re: Automatic reply: Data Export - Items Sold” 🤣🤣🤣

I thought I just lost everything on my computer because somehow automatic update from win made my ram run at 1300mhz instead of 1600mhz and it assumed there was a hardware problem and completely froze up every time it started. Luckily I decided to comb through bios first and Bam! Ram at wrong speed! I changed the setting and windows booted happily. Piece of shit update system. 😑

The team that implemented automatic updates in windows need to be beaten with a keyboard.

Wireless printers are evil...

Mom's computer: Page with useless print on, then blank pages, then nothing.
My computer: Nothing
E-mail to printer: Printer says there's no paper. Wrong format?
Print from phone using wifi-direct (after realizing the automatic mode for this does NOTHING): Manual mode gives me confirmation box for connection on printer at least... "connecting..." one minute later connection times out.

Somehow using a wireless printer just never comes without some pain. And always when I have other stuff I should be doing...

The boss wants to improve the QA by introducing GUI tests (partially non-automatic) instead of refactoring the legacy blob of application with unit and integration tests.

THIS WONT MAKE IT ANY BETTER

Dear recruiters
Please have the courtesy to reply whether my resume is shortlisted or not, I don't want your personally crafted rejection mails, an automatic rejection mail will save a lot of job hunters a lot of time. we have other things to focus on than waiting for your mails.

It annoys me when restaurants provide an online form for reservations, put in their disclaimer that "no reservation = no table", but when you make the reservation things go wrong.
For starters: their infrastructure not working on weekends (while they are open on weekends), them doing manual instead of automatic validation of a reservation, them not even knowing how to manage their own reservation system (which gives me the idea that they purchased some random reservation software).

I ended end having to call them about my reservation, they had a confused voice at the phone while they were navigating their own reservation software and ended up saying "Yeah ok table is booked, bye". I understand they're stressed out but come on, I don't think this is a modern nor graceful process. If you're boasting about having a reservation form, then at least live up to it. It reminds me of another restaurant where I had made a reservation online and when I got there, they told me "Next time book by phone please, we're not used to our software". For *********** sake.

Bah.

A user calls me an hour after I'm supposed to have logged off.
"Hey, ahh, like, something is not good with, like, some thing"
Oh, snap! What happened?
"There is, like, this report, and it's, like, not right?"
Oh, the report is showing wrong data? Let me try to get a fresh version and...
"No, like,the data is right, but, like, there is many reports and , like, should be only one?"
Oh, you mean the report consolidation feature? It should only happen if the reports are fully compatible, and since it's automatic if the reports are not already grouped it means that they cannot be grouped. Probably due to this shopping season, we've seen a high uptick in demand.
"But, like, it should be, like, one! If not I will have to type in each report, like, by hand! I usually talk to this guy XYZ and he, like, does something that I, like, have no idea what it is. Can you call him up?"
(The dude the user mentioned logged off hours ago, and is in a different timezone. It's now about 11PM for him.)
It might not be possible. The system should add observations to each report it cannot consolidate. What do those say?
(the user takes two seconds to respond. I don't think they checked anything)
"It doesn't say anything. Can you cal XYZ, please?"
...

Shit, why do people wait until the last few hours of the last day of the month to do something that should have been done days ago and then demand that everybody everywhere just adjust to their late-ass schedule?
And then to demand I wake up a hardworking dev because someone is to lazy to use the system as it was custom designed for them? Because it had no problems but just wasn't making all things easy?

That's why users have to pay - they don't pay us to code, they pay us to put up with their bullshit.

Some two years ago I purchased a license for AV solution on Amazon UK which is my default place for shopping.

When attempting to activate the license, I kept getting this annoying error somewhere along the lines of:
'License from another region.'

I contact the support, they did their magic && the license got applied.

Fast forward some two years - the license is about to expire.

The software is actually good, so I make the choice to renew it.

Thing is, I keep getting redirected to the local site w/o an option of choosing the English language.

I edit the site's address to reach an English version of the site.
On UK's site I am unable to choose my country of residence so I can't complete the purchase form.
I try a few other things && finally reach the Global site where I am able to input the correct data for the purchase, but all attempts to finish the payment fail.

Fine... I'll purchase from the local site.

I purchased the license, activated it w/o problems, but when attempting to download the installer it keeps downloading the localized version which doesn't allow me to change the language.

I contact Support.

S: 'The license you've purchased can be used solely w/ localized version of the software. If you want to use the English version, you'll have to get a refund && purchase from our Global site here [link w/o redirection].'

_Fuck_ this trend of automatic redirection to localized sites && forced localized software.

One shouldn't have to go through all these hoops to get the software in the language of their choice, instead of having the localized version shoved down their throat.

Dear Amazon,
DocDB only allows one automatic backup per day.

Why?

That is all.

Sending automatic spinned content email to a client asking him for payement... Starting at 60mn and decreasing interval by 1 minute each step ! He pays when interval become 7 minutes and phone me to say: "Hi ! How are you ?" ... mmmm' well well well... Calculate the number of emails he receive !

!dev
This boring story with stupid ending started on Monday with me going out to buy some food and cook something delicious, day like always until my mind went nuts.

I work from home and cook my meals by myself cause I love cooking.
To buy ingredients I go shopping couple times a week always making the same steps, doing this for over a year now and by this time everything was automatic so I could think about work problems and solutions.

I start usually by getting up from my desk around noon, not many people doing shopping at that time and I can proceed quick.
Algorithm is like this: go to kitchen and look at the fridge, go out, wait for traffic lights, take tram, ride two stops, wait for the traffic lights again, go to supermarket, do shopping and finally go back the same way. Boooring.

When I get out from tram that day l looked at traffic lights to go green, as always and that’s the place where everything started to go bad.

So I was waiting there doing nothing and then stupid idea got me.
I figured out I can stop looking at light to make this day different and look ahead.
Then simply start walking when people from other side start walking.

It worked smoothly on those lights and I was happy I can do things differently from now on. I proceed with this idea on the way back and motherfuckers started walking on red. Twice !!!!
Almost died.

Since then three times some car was driving on green near me in those places and people started walking on red.

It got me worried about world determinism instantly. I might increased some entropy to much and some world developer changed some line of code while I was shopping and from that time death is passing by me.

Now it got me to the point where the more I follow this way the more I am worried about my life. Started thinking about ordering ingredients online.

So if you read this you know that I know your plan and I will be changing supermarkets and paths to it randomly starting from next week.

Or not I hope nobody hacked my mind and only thing that read and write to it is my consciousness.

I feel relief now.

For some reason github is returning 503 on our build servers randomly. And I need to checkout several repositories to build everything successfully. Builds are automatic and I don't want to maintain local mirror. And we wanted to release tomorrow (but were smart enough to promise this week). And on top of everything build takes six hours and sometime fails randomly even without github. But I'm still optimistic - it's Monday after all. We still have enough time to make it in time for Friday release :-)

Oh, crikey: Windows 10 "Inaccessible boot device". Good old "bootrec /fixboot" didn't work, and any claims that "automatic repair" does anything useful is apparently bollocks.

So for the first time ever, I had to use a restore point to revert the system to where it was before Xamarin was installed. The prime suspect for this cock-up is Intel HAXM, since I don't belive anything else in Xamarin possesses the power to accomplish a boot loop.

I know, many devs swear on using *NIX based OSes or macOS but really... Windows 10 is very good, never had a single issue or BSOD. If u have issues regarding update reboots then just disable automatic reboots,damn! One single " fuck Windows, killed my workflow cause of updates. Installing Linux know cause I'm too dumb to change a simple setting." >_> and I can play ALL my games... NATIVE!

Developing and deploying in Xcode is some Requiem for a Dream level bullshit.

I literally just de selected everything for managing automatic signing, and re-selected the EXACT SAME GODDAMN THING. And it worked. It’s literally some fucking shit you do when you are first learning how to code or learning a language and you keep flipping something but you don’t get exactly how it works.

But this is YOUR FUCKING FLAGSHIP development product. I shouldn’t have to check my goddamn inception totem to see if I’m dreaming or not because this kind of bullshit can’t be real life.

That being fucking said your bullshit forced shutdown also FUCKED MY ANDROID STUDIO INSTALLATION AND FUCKED MY $PATH. Thanks. Now NOTHING WORKS. Fuck you Apple. Between slowing my phone and the cluster or problems your shit is causing that are just random as hell and are plenty common because thank god people smarter than me have fixed them in SO by now, I am SO READY TO LEAVE THE APPLE ECO SYSTEM. If I didn’t have to use one of the boxes to push iPhone app updates I doubt I would touch one again.

Apple stuff looks good but at this point that’s about it.

Am I the only one who hates automatic code completion in code editors?

So, just pulled another all-nighter..

On our platform I switched a quite big customer to another stock keeping system to pull them into automatic FEFO handling etc. Just a better stock keeping system overall.. I made it.. *self hi-5*

Evidently the crons caught that change, and CLEARED ALL THE STOCK LEVELS as they're now managed by said system...

Had to pull the counts, locations, expiry dates and lot numbers from the history table and old database fields, add them to an Excel sheet and then add all gathered locations by hand back into the new system, whilst also setting the new settings for them.

39 unique products that were gathered over 190+ sku objects... (Somebody didn't get object oriented, or was trying to KISS themselves, clearly...)

That's 6 hours of extra work for a stupid fuck up.. Oops? (:

worked for two month on a automatic sms system.
today boss says: ''yeah we dont need that''
... im just gonna find the nearest tree and hang my self.

Firefox developer fucked up this morning my development after the update -_-

The fucking "Enhancing Tracking Protection" was on a local Wi-Fi IP address(192.168...) which automatically redirected to the https of that IP, but I did setup kestrel to listen on HTTP, which resulted in a nice "Cannot enstablich a secure connection(and suck it up because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)"

Fortunately it's easy to get rid off this cunt, just go on the shield nearby the address and disable that motherfucker.

ps: sorry for the lil rage, my morning train trip development brain cells should not be bothered by this automatic technical troubles

Further question to the Firefox developers:
WHAT THE FUCK are you thinking when you force developers to automatic HTTPS redirection when you should know more than anyone that development is 360deg(and not 90 like your mom)

"Hey guys, what's up?" 😡😡😡

Why do so many people on YouTube begin their fucking videos with a pointless question noone is able to answer and which no one would acknowledge even if they did somehow manage to answer? What's up is an automatic thumbs down and fuck you.

I've disabled automatic updates on windows 10 long time back. Still they download and updates every time.

Do they have some hidden settings that only can be disabled by a non-linux user?

Found this in some knowledge base article of a big software company.

I'm gonna use this as my automatic email response for work.

(one day before the phone interview)

Them: Please call to us at (TIME) to (PHONENUMBER)

Me: Ok

(interview day)

--[[CHORUS START]]--
Me: (calls to the number at (TIME))

Phone: Your call has been forwarded to automatic voice message system. (PHONENUMBER) is not availible. After tone please leave message. When you are finish the recording you may hang up or press 1 for more option, please leave message now.

Me: (deep breath, patiently waits 5 mins.)

--[[CHORUS END]]--

--[[CHORUS]]--

WHY DO YOU MAKE ME CALL YOU WHEN YOU TURN OFF THE PHONE / TALK WITH SOMEONE ELSE????
IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME, JUST DON'T MAKE ME CALL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

--> Could not reach them for 3 days, gave up

Our parents keep reminding us about the time change that happens every half a year. To remember that the clocks need to be adjusted. And we, the children, keep reminding them, that most devices are already connected to the internet and use the time servers for reference. Which surprises our parents every time. 🙃

Huge mistake on a customer billing procedure.
That procedure was generating a file for automatic billing requests from our customer bank to his customers banks.
That procedure was shifting the bank coordinates by one byte right making all payment requests invalid and rejected.
That month the customer got nothing from invoices (more or less 80k euros).
Side note; only one payment was accepted because the guy entering the invoice on the system shifted the bank coordinates by mistake, so the procedure fixed it.

:/

I never asked for a automatic update

Asciidoc! I finally got around to play around with it and it is just so awesome! Best tool for documentation hands down! So many improvements over Markdown:

- importing real code snippets based on tags with syntax highlighting and annotations (which can be also auto numbered with "<.>" instead of "<1>"!)
- Admotions! Love them!
- automatic TOC! Finally!!
- joining a child item to a parent item in a list with "+" in a new line (this one took me a while to understand, but no more offset items in lists! Love it!)
- making tables and loading data from an actual CSV-file! The future is now!!
- embedding images with a fixed size

Just a few things from the top of my head. I don't know why I put up with vanilla Markdown all these years...

Last but not least, a big THANK YOU to everyone who recommended Asciidoc! I accidentally stumbled across multiple mentions of Asciidoc a few months ago. Sorry, but you know who you are! Much love to you and your loved ones! You changed my life for the better. Thank you!

I have "we do not outsource any development" very clearly written multiple times on my LinkedIn profile and yet I still get 10-11 messages a day asking me to hire their sketchy Ukrainian
/indian software devshop, moreover to handle my fucking PHP MySQL needs (I very specifically write multiple times on LinkedIn and elsewhere that we do not use those tools). I've just stopped accepting requests from India and Eastern Europe, and if their headline mentions recruitment, anything "specialist", or blockchain that's an automatic ignore.

The funniest part is that they all say the same "we specialize in your needs" are you fucking kidding? If you read any part of my company profile or my profile you'd know that your specialty is anything BUT our needs fuck right off

Edit: I'm going to also specify that I'm a broke college student with a tiny software startup, so not only can I not afford their devshop but also why would I outsource the only thing we do?

Why Windows considers 9GB of my 16GB being used as warranting the automatic closing of my programs is beyond me.

I've invented a cloud based watering system called Responsive Automatic Irrigation Network

When the CTO/CEO of your "startup" is always AFK and it takes weeks to get anything approved by them (or even secure a meeting with them) and they have almost-exclusive access to production and the admin account for all third party services.

Want to create a new messaging channel? Too bad! What about a new repository for that cool idea you had, or that new microservice you're expected to build. Expect to be blocked for at least a week.

When they also hold themselves solely responsible for security and operations, they've built their own proprietary framework that handles all the authentication, database models and microservice communications.

Speaking of which, there's more than six microservices per developer!

Oh there's a bug or limitation in the framework? Too bad. It's a black box that nobody else in the company can touch. Good luck with the two week lead time on getting anything changed there. Oh and there's no dedicated issue tracker. Have you heard of email?

When the systems and processes in place were designed for "consistency" and "scalability" in mind you can be certain that everything is consistently broken at scale. Each microservice offers:

1. Anemic & non-idempotent CRUD APIs (Can't believe it's not a Database Table™) because the consumer should do all the work.
2. Race Conditions, because transactions are "not portable" (but not to worry, all the code is written as if it were running single threaded on a single machine).
3. Fault Intolerance, just a single failure in a chain of layered microservice calls will leave the requested operation in a partially applied and corrupted state. Ger ready for manual intervention.
4. Completely Redundant Documentation, our web documentation is automatically generated and is always of the form //[FieldName] of the [ObjectName].
5. Happy Path Support, only the intended use cases and fields work, we added a bunch of others because YouAreGoingToNeedIt™ but it won't work when you do need it. The only record of this happy path is the code itself.

Consider this, you're been building a new microservice, you've carefully followed all the unwritten highly specific technical implementation standards enforced by the CTO/CEO (that your aware of). You've decided to write some unit tests, well um.. didn't you know? There's nothing scalable and consistent about running the system locally! That's not built-in to the framework. So just use curl to test your service whilst it is deployed or connected to the development environment. Then you can open a PR and once it has been approved it will be included in the next full deployment (at least a week later).

Most new 'services' feel like the are about one to five days of writing straightforward code followed by weeks to months of integration hell, testing and blocked dependencies.

When confronted/advised about these issues the response from the CTO/CEO
varies:

(A) "yes but it's an edge case, the cloud is highly available and reliable, our software doesn't crash frequently".
(B) "yes, that's why I'm thinking about adding [idempotency] to the framework to address that when I'm not so busy" two weeks go by...
(C) "yes, but we are still doing better than all of our competitors".
(D) "oh, but you can just [highly specific sequence of undocumented steps, that probably won't work when you try it].
(E) "yes, let's setup a meeting to go through this in more detail" *doesn't show up to the meeting*.
(F) "oh, but our customers are really happy with our level of [Documentation]".

Sometimes it can feel like a bit of a cult, as all of the project managers (and some of the developers) see the CTO/CEO as a sort of 'programming god' because they are never blocked on anything they work on, they're able to bypass all the limitations and obstacles they've placed in front of the 'ordinary' developers.

There's been several instances where the CTO/CEO will suddenly make widespread changes to the codebase (to enforce some 'standard') without having to go through the same review process as everybody else, these changes will usually break something like the automatic build process or something in the dev environment and its up to the developers to pick up the pieces. I think developers find it intimidating to identify issues in the CTO/CEO's code because it's implicitly defined due to their status as the "gold standard".

It's certainly frustrating but I hope this story serves as a bit of a foil to those who wish they had a more technical CTO/CEO in their organisation. Does anybody else have a similar experience or is this situation an absolute one of a kind?

To the companies stealing my money, I need you to stop auto renewing my subscriptions or atleast let me be able to schedule for how long I want to use your services. I cannot come one day prior the auto renew date just to cancel the subscription. It shouldn't be like that.

Yeah so I quickly hacked stuff together. Why make it beautiful before I know whether it will actually do? Hack now, refactor later!

Yeah and then that moment in refactoring where main() gets under 700 lines and I don't know whether what I'm feeling is joy or despair. Gaaaahhhh!

At least I have also written automatic tests so that I can see when something breaks.

Windows: "That sure is a nice long running process you've left me with. Sure would be a shame if it didn't finish. Time for automatic updates!"

My manager keeps pretending to punch me in the groin when I walk past. This happens at least once on every shift. I have asked him to stop doing it more than once, as it makes me jump back and I suffer from a back injury, so it can be quite painful. He laughs about it when he does it, and I am sure he does it in jest, but he refuses to stop doing it. He simply laughs and says he would never actually hit me there, but it’s automatic to jump back out the way.

My friend who is a store manager in another store informs me that because of where he aims, it can be deemed as sexual harassment. Is this the case and what is the way forward?

!rant
Feature idea:
A way to mark your email message as "doesn't need a response" so you can send a simple "ok, thanks" to the email thread without triggering everyone's Automatic Out of Office Response.

I don't understand how after decades, people who know what they're doing don't disable automatic updates as one of the first actions on a newly installed windows machine. People moan about it on here like they don't know.

Try to finish some of the projects I've started in 2018. Right now I have a todo list text file, along with multiple written lists (the written ones are more focused on a single project normally).

-Finish the startpage I've been doing off and on for at least a month now. I ended up making a lot of it command based (just need to write the scripts for the commands..). I had a little config menu but I just got tired of it and the text box is autofocus anyways, so I figured I'd make it command focused.

-Nice little root safety script as I call it. I've made very stupid mistakes as root before. I once made a typo and ran "chmod --recursive 644 /" while half asleep. I believe I was trying to run that on the current directory I was in, but as you know, the . and / are right next to each other. Basically the script would see what you're doing and echo "you're about to do x, are you sure that's what you want to do?". Something I know I could knock out in a day, but I've been putting it off for at least a year now.

-Compiling notification. I saw something similar once a few years ago, and it was so fucking cool. I remember it being a Mac, and it had a notification that would basically tell you how many files and shit you had left to compile if you were building something. Kinda want to build something for polybar.

-FUCKING RUBBER DUCK DEBUGGING TO THE EXTREME! This one was inspired by a comment someone made once months ago. Might have been here, or reddit, or in real life, not sure. Basically a big ass fucking rubber duck with LEDs in it that will like glow red if your code wouldn't compile (I think Visual Studio has like an automatic error detecting thing in there?? Maybe something similar if I can figure that out). Honestly not sure how the fuck I'd do this one, but I love the idea and I really want to fucking do it

There's more shit. These are just the main ones I want to attempt sometime in the near future.

I'm having to use MS Word again today, and yet again I want to punch my computer in the balls, and frankly I could pull a better piece of software out of a pig's arse.

So there is a feature that automatically adds up the figures in a column to give you a total. Useful, right?

No. Because the total doesn't update automatically. There is even a setting somewhere to have it update before save, and when you turn this setting on, it sometimes updates before save depending on what mood it's in.

You can have it reliably update before you "print to pdf", but not before you "save as pdf".

Fine, there's probably another setting buried somewhere that actually works, but why the fuck is it not turned on by default? What kind of moron wants an automatic total that doesn't update automatically?

I first encountered this feature about 20 years ago, and in all that time none of the thousands of developers at MS has thought "this is shit, let's fix it."

But that's what a developer does, surely. They look at things and say "this is shit, let's fix it".

If you've been looking at something that's so obviously shit, and so easily fixed, for 20 years and not had any urge to fix it, you're not a developer, you're a cretin.

The stupidity cries out from the earth for vengeance.

I found out that apache had built-in support ( via a module - mod_md ) for automatic TLS certificate management with Let's Encrypt since October 2017.

Bloody Hell! Why didn't I hear of this sooner?

So, I ran off into my cloud to set up this so-called ManagedDomain ( mod_md ).

Found the module in the package repositories, installed it and started testing it out.
I started writing IfModule conditions under mod_ssl so that I wouldn't have to overwrite my existing TLS configurations ( which was already issued by Let's Encrypt via certbot, by the way ).

After a whole night of twisting and turning with the configurations, it turns out that the module in the package repositories were built for ACMEv1 and that API has been dead for as long as the module has been around.

I had noticed that the module was 'experimental', but I still hoped that they had the packaged the module.

Finally, I cozied back up with certbot. At least, until this so-called mod_md becomes stable and mainstream.
I hope certbot doesn't make a fuss. I'm sure, it got offended that I was trying to cheat it with mod_md.

So I want to inform my internet provider of my new phone number, but I can't remember any of my login info for their web interface because I never used it. Luckily, they have a "forgot my username" function, where I submit my email address and get a confirmation that my username has been sent to me.

Yet, I just don't get said email. I try again, but no avail. So I just guess my username and use their "forgot password" form, which – hooray! – confirms it just sent my an email.

But I don't get any email. I retry, I retry after a day, but no automatic response. I remember a incident a few years back when I didn't get some automatically generated mails from a company and decide to contact their support if they could just reset my password manually.

Nearly a week passes.

Now I received the answer. I just don't have an account.

Lesson learned: Next time I'll just input garbage first to check if those forms are sane.

I think I just came up with my next app idea while writing a blog post:

--Sometimes Ignorance Can Really Be Bliss?--
I like to be in know so I read a lot. My reading list will never end as there’s always more I can know.

Part of the problem is lack of clear priorities but all these articles and books are just so interesting….

I probably spend 4-5 hours every weekend reading… mostly from my Inbox. Yes I try to clear some daily but again, I keep a lot just because they look interesting.

I also use Boxbe and recently setup some Automatic Cleanup… but sort of hurts when I see an email I want to read but then it’s gone tomorrow…

**An App Idea!**
What if I never see these actual emails. But my computer does?
What if I can use it to generate a list of articles from all my emails and just show a few in a Weekly Digest?

Thoughts? anyone else have this problem?

But the key is still, never actually knowing what you missed!

!dev

Battle of titans:

Me vs Windows Update.

No, this time not about automatic restarts interrupting my work because I've postponed "important" updates for far too long.

Well, technically I lied.

Last evening windows force rebooted to install updates. OK then, I'll go home. This morning I saw windows update frozen at some percentage.

This evening I've got 3 forced restarts in 5 minutes. Only notepad++ with an opened and unsaved document saved my life.

Apparently, windows update follows a simple logic:

if(user.IsUsingComputer && lastUpgradeAttempt.HasFailedWithTotalFreeze && versionUpgrade.CanInstallOnlyWithFreshWindowsInstallation)
{
update();
}

Seriosly. Why am I forced to install an update only to see it lock up the entire computer and rollback after I intervene? Last time I had this issue only reinstalling windows helped, which costs about 2 days. Excluding one day to try suggested solutions, remove drivers, av scanner, etc.

Is it really that hard to implement logic like:

If(lastUpdateAttempt.HasFuckedUp)
{
windowsUpdate.FuckOff();
}

Windows 10 insider preview had a critical bug like half a year ago where most browsers would freeze the PC. I've reported it multiple times but my feedback didnt get any attention. The bug made it to production months later...

Now, the story is repeating. I've discovered a bug. Everytime there's a software update for apps that with a built-in updater in the main .exe (JetBrains IDEs, VS etc.) the updater fails, program is corrupted and needs to be reinstalled. For instance, there's a minor bump in Android Studio version, if you try to use autoupdater it will corrupt your Android Studio and you'll have to reinstall.

Been trying to reach out to them but the only "real issues" that are highlighted are "no CPU temp in task manager" or "pls improve automatic problem resolving"

Why the fuck do you even have a feedback program if you're ignoring the people who are reaching out to you, you pieces of shit

O.M.F.G how much longer is that gonna take?!?! It's been 2 days already! 2 fucking days!!!

That's it. Fuck the docs. I'm going hardcore now: hooking up a debugger and diving into the unseen depths of Spring's automatic JPA repo initialization.

Unless any one of you knows how to
1. Manually create jpa repo interface bean
2. Make transactions work [also enable them manually by declaring beans in @Configuration]

and do all this in a single @Bean method. Jpa provider - hibernate.

Nobody? Not a single one? Allright then, I'm going in :(

I reinstalled windows through the automatic install process where it wipes my previous windows installation. To my absolute surprise grub, and all of its options are still working.

Still kinda suspicious, but I'll take it.

Windows automatic updates.

"It has to be automatic AND flexible"

Cin has automatic line ending... cout doesn't... I call that discrimination!

Wow. Fuck converting code over to swift 3. Nothing automatic about it.

Teacher: Constructor will be automatically invoked when the object of the class is created.

Rayver : hahaha Its like calling my GF to cantine and her bestie getting an automatic invitationn

#storytime

Soon I'll start moving to a new place on the 16th and I wanted to change my address at the Internet provider (T).
go to provider website (T) reading that I need to call them...

CALL (T): .... Automatic answering machine.. ... longer than normal, covid19, 30 minutes later:

Operator: Hi moving, yes.. When? we send you an email with details to send Mechanic.

Next day: waking up. clicking mail on my phone in bed half sleepy. select 15th. next. next. next. accept. done.

Me happy :) .... One hour later realizing I said 15th.. and it should be 25... FUCK!!! Me Mad! Knowing what's going to happen...

Click link in mail to change date. You need to call (E).

CALL (E) : ... Automatic answering machine.. ... longer than normal, covid19, 1 hour later.... Give up..

CALL (E)(2): ... Automatic answering machine.. ... longer than normal, covid19, 1.2 hour later.... Give up..

Next day CALL (E)(3): ... Automatic answering machine.. ... longer than normal, covid19, 45 minutes later....

Operator: Hi, yes we can move to date 21. you need to call (R) to change fiber mechanic I'll patch you trough
CALL (T) : ... Automatic answering machine.. ... longer than normal, covid19, 30 minutes later....
Operator: You need to call (K) Here is the number 123456789..

CALL (K): ... Automatic answering machine.. ... longer than normal, covid19, 20 minutes later
Operator: This department (R) can not be reached by phone we will call you back.

Next day:
Incoming call from (K). Because you are moving to a new house you do not need (R). have a nice day.

Have a nice day to you too calm and friendly.
hopefully I won't be without internet for a couple of days...

I wanted to deploy the code of the project I'm working on on the test server to try something.

The code wasn't deployed because the automatic quality inspector detected some methods used are deprecated. So I check the documentation of the methods used. The method is a pass-by to avoid some errors launched by the automatic quality inspector.

So the quality inspector stopped my deployment because I used something that should stop the quality inspector provoking errors.

god dammit

I can't receive packages, nothing to do about it. If I want a package, I have to choose a drop off location in city center. Totally fine.

But now, I ordered new internet and ofcourse, they assume that your address is the place where it should be delivered and there was no place to change it. Fine, I will contact them after order.

But then, how to contact? You get a chatbot with only freaking predefined choices. "Questions about status of your order?". Etc. No fuckers, I'm sure it's doing fine. Gave up. Went to calling them.

You choose all wrong unrelated options until the automatic phone bot get stuck before you get an employee on the line. Thank God - that went fairly quick.

But it's bizar right, that you kinda have to crash an automatic phone bot by providing weird unrelated answers before you can ask your question?

Result: they can't change my address and thus it will go to delivery point end of the day if they can't deliver so I can pick it up one day later (tomorrow). Smol grr. But while said being unable to to deliver, they'll try it anyway 😁 Efficiëntcy 😁