My dumb CEO just hired an even dumber CTO. The new CTO asked me the following questions...

1. What is GitHub?

2. What is JSON?

3. What’s an array?

4. What is Get and what is Post?

5. When an iPhone is offline, can it call an API on our server to tell us it’s offline?

6. I know you’ve spent 11 month the writing this backend in PHP but can you change it to Java now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because it’s better.
Me: How?
Dumb CTO: because it is.

7. I know you’ve started to rewrite this codebase I Java but can you convert it to Node.JS now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because Facebook uses it.

8. What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?

9. What does NULL mean?

Somehow, I doubt that asshole is remotely qualified for the job.

Fakin shyt for brains.

Me and my girlfriend are arguing, because I'm programming a lot and I don't have time to give her attention. She said if I don't give her attention, she will break up with me.
Any suggestion where I can find a good tutorial for C#?

Why do I create free services (at least free for now)?

Because one of my biggest dreams is to create a service which will be used by many many people.

A man can dream, right?

😞

There is. My latest creation. A 8bit microcontroler made in minecraft.
Features:
(1.0 version without control room)
-8bit full adder + overflow flag
-8x8bit RAM
-16x8(4bit instruction, 4bit address)
program memory
-64 possible microinstructions (16 instructions with 4 step each)
-uncondintional and if oveflow jumps
(place determined using address written with instruction)
-1/3Hz clock speed 😨

New working version (2.0) has 1Hz clock and new faster instruction decoder.

In 3.0 in addition to that useless bus was replaced with 16x8bit "hardware" stack that can store adresses and data. The clock is going to be yeeted out because it is unnecesary #clocklessisbetter (WIP tho)

Might add more documentation and post it as learning model for CS wanabees 🤔. What do you think?

Picture: Old working version 1.0
(the only one with fancy diagram)
Newer version screenshots in comments.

Boss: Every day is a new opportunity to start fresh
Me: Can we start over this project because I fucked it up and I don't want to clean it
Boss: No

Classmate: Oh, are you programming? You know, I'm a really great programmer... You can practically call me a hacker, because of my skills. I can't brag much, because I'm too modest for that.

Me: Cool! What languages do you know?

Classmate: I know how to use scratch.

Me: ...

Me: Hi, how can i help you today?
User: Sorry, i can't upload a picture for my profile. It shows a popup saying that i already uploaded it.
Me: it's because you uploaded.
User: Awesome man, thanks.

What the fuck!? Did you just fucking say you don't want to discuss API endpoints with me because I'm just a frontend developer? Get the fuck down from your imaginary backend throne and talk to me like the software engineer that I am. That's right, I'm a software engineer too, you fucking asshole. Just because you do backend and I do frontend doesn't mean you can talk down to me. And I swear that the next time you say you made all the work and I just have to "style it" I'll just leave. You can "style it" yourself.

Co-worker presented her work by sharing her screen. She forgot to unshare.

She proceeded to open Chrome and search: "Can I sue co-worker if I get coronavirus because he coughed?"

Another employee said: "Your screen is showing" :/

My boss baught me a new setup because he crashed into my car. I think i can accept this apology^^

I like backend development because I love how rewarding it feels to write systems that are consumed by multiple frontends. It always feels like a lot is at stake and small optimization can make a lot of user experiences faster.

Programming as much as I can now because I've been behind on my school stuff so for the rest of the month no programming until I catch up and go ahead.

I can't wait till college so I can learn whatever I want.

I can finally have the big white cat because we all know that whites are superi....

I mean thanks for 20k++, ill make sure to be twice as annoying as before.

"I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone; my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone." - Bjarne Stroustrup

People always say how they lost couple fucking hrs because of a bloody ';'.

You know what.. '!' are mush worse.

I just lost 2.5 hrs debugging because i had written if(x){} instead of if(!x)

semicolons you can find at compile time.
! are the true morons

I have multiple but one of my biggest ones:

Build an entire suite of services which can replace the popular Google/microsoft/facebook (etc) services.

Of course: privacy respecting, preferrably everything possible end-to-end encrypted.

Because fuck mass surveillance and those companies and if I can do anything to fuck them (quite literally) and help people getting to user friendly alternatives, I'll do the best I can.

Why did you become a programmer?

Me? Because I can make things the way I want.

Fun/Interesting fact:
"++i" can be slightly faster than "i++"

Because  "i++" can require a local copy of the value of "i" before it gets incremented, while "++i" never does. In some cases, some compilers will optimize it away if possible... but it's not always possible, and not all compilers do this.

Using Mac at work and Ubuntu at home.

Every feckin weekend I spend 10min relearning keyboard shortcuts before I can get productive because all of a sudden cmd+c doesn't copy but instead deletes random shit.

The madness of life.

"I thought you were supposed to be good with computers"...

Yeah, let me just pull my fucking printer fixing degree out of my crusty asshole so you can bitch more about some other technology that I almost never use but assume I can just immediately fix just because I'm a dev

...mom

Every time i finish a website i show it my grandpa because if he can use it then probably everybody can.

Fuck you google chrome ...just because I use Windows and have only 4 gigs of RAM doesn't mean you can just shit on my RAM.

Friend ask me,
Friend: are all developers single?
Me: of course not
Friend: you sure?
Me: yep
Friend: then why you single?
Me: because i am a developer
Friend: what?
Me: nah im just joking, when i find the girl that can understand my code i know she's the one.
Friend: I hope theres someone that can understand that.

Removed my Facebook account about Month ago. Sister was pretty sad because I'm the one person she can tag in everything. Asked me why I deleted it and I told her it was because of privacy concerns. "Then why don't you make an end to end encrypted social network?". I'd actually consider this...

College Graduate joins the team, assigned the first jira story.
Perfect logic, variable naming can be improved, but I can let that go, since the logic was good.

Rejected the implementation in fisheye because she used
if()
{
//
}
Instead of
if(){
//
}

What's wrong with me...

It's amazing how much you can do only in 1-2 hours. Somehow I was in full productive mode and I swear I completed tasks that would normally take a week because of how lazy I am normally.

I can finally post a picture of my setup because I finally have one now 😂🎉

I don't care what codestyle you want. I even can deal with codestyle I detest. (Looking at you, Vertical Alignment)

There is pretty much only one hard requirement:

It must be enforceable via autoformatting.

I won't manually edit a file because you have a preference.

Sometimes I envy frontend developers because the very nature of their role involves rapid change. Then I remember that backend devs can practically get away with murder and the customer will be none the wiser.

First they came for the atheists, and I didn't speak out - because I'm not an atheist

Then they came for the university teachers, and I didn't speak out - because I don't like universities

Then they came for the gamers, and I didn't speak out - because I don't play videogames

Then they came for Open Source and I didn't speak out - because "anyone can fork it"

Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak out for me

I know I butchered the poem and I'm not comparing our social situation to the Holocaust (obviously), but I think it kind of illustrates that silence and gradually giving up ideals like justice and meritocracy can end up badly.

I also encourage you to read the actual poem it's pretty nice and food for thought.

So I pretty much deleted 90% of the project I'm working on and pulled two all nighters to reimplement the features differently because it didn't feel "good enough"... fuck this neverending "I can do better" feeling 😭😭

Because the RSS feed is still down, hereby.

The post about what I personally take for security and privacy measures is up.

Hopefully you can learn something from it or even email me some tips!

Although I can easily support myself through my current manual labor work, I am starting to dread going to work because I just really miss programming and server management 😞

The job isn't even that bad but idk, I just really miss devving throughout the day 😩

I was hired as a programmer, but I feel like the correct term is reprogrammer, because no one can code for shit at my job...

Dear Dennis from Bremen, I appreciate how you dislike my websites color theme. And totally can understand that you can't employ me because of that. I thank you for taking the time and writing me this, even though I didn't ask you.

Go fuck yourself!

I feel bad for the stack overflow developers, because when it goes down, who can they turn to for help?

I promise! Just because you can add ANN (Artificial Neural Network) doesn't mean you should!

My first performance review as a graduate:
Boss: "we can't give you the rating you deserve because HR"
Me: "ok whatever, what can I do to get the rating I'm suppose to get?"
B: *lists job description of a senior developer* ... "Interview candidates, mentor juniors, start a project and make me profit"
Me: (if I can do that as a graduate, what am I doing here?)

My last performance review at the same company:
B: "we can't give you the rating you deserve because HR"
M: "ok what can I do to improve?"
B: *lists everything I did before the first performance review that wasn't expected of me*
M: (LoL funny, I just wanted to hear your response because I know you'd forget about the first review. Another reason to validate my resignation)

So I can't VPN into my production servers because our fucking government decided to block them

How on earth can I work you ignorant basterds

HAPPY NEW FUCKING YEAR BECAUSE IT WILL SUCK WAY MORE THAN THE LAST ONE AND CAN WE PLEASE JUST FUCKING STOP CELEBRATING AND GET BACK TO WRITING FUCKING RANTS AGAIN?! BECAUSE I WILL FUCKING DO!

When I code for myself I do all the naming in German only. Mainly because that's how I can see directly if that stupid mess is done by me or the framework.

The demand of most employers these days are "I pay you money, do as I say" . Sometimes I wonder am I an employee or a hooker ? You hired me because your project wouldn't be possible without the skillset I possessed. My job is not to please you.

I can feel my virginity violated since the first day of my employment, because I am F**ked everyday working with these turds .

Everyone that says you can't get viruses in Linux because only .exe compiled programs can contain malicious code or some bullshit like this is a fucking retarded

Sorry I had to say it

I just asked the project manager if I could go home early because I'm feeling down.

How can I ever quit after she sympathetically said yes?

No, it's not damaged. Yes, it most definitely can be opened. No, I should not move it to the trash, because I want to open it.
Quit your bullshit Apple and stop telling me what I should do.

I absolutely fucking HATE having to sleep with either a full nose or a throat making odd noises everytime I breathe

There is NOTHING (including eating noises) that agitate me more than having to use my mouth for breathing because my nose is full. I'm already addicted to nose spray because I'm sick and I can't breathe at night, but FUCK waking up at 3 in the morning because I can't breathe properly or have too much snot up my canals.

FUCK IT

I can tolerate mouth breathing normally, just so I can control the amount of nose spray I take while I'm sick, but LEAVE ME A LONE AT NIGHT PLEASE

I NEED SLEEP OKAY

>:(

I love this database primarily because it is cross platform and can be easily understood by anyone unlike SQL database files.

Today for the 4th time I explained to my colleague that just because the front end app can perform validation doesn't mean the backend shouldn't. Every fucking time for all of them.

!rant
Convinced the boss we should move to .NETCore 5 because *future proofing*
and *security*.
Now I get to use records and can use all that fancy syntactic sugars.
Life's good.

My family thinks than I can do Uber (eats), Facebook and WhatsApp but better. And than I'm lazy because I don't build those "obvious" business opportunities.

BTW I'm mostly web dev, sometimes mobile dev on a small company.

Visual thinker: someone who can take textual information and visualise to think critically.

A dumb retard in my team: "I want Floyd to feed me visual graphics so that I can think and understand because I am a visual thinker and I cannot understand text documents"

Apparently because someone works in IT they can hack an IPad.

Once i figure out the secret of hacking Apple devices i will obviously share it with you.

Friend: hey could you help me with buying / fixing xy?
Me: sure no problem, because I can appreciate being needed.

End of story

I never have anything useful to say in standups because all my stuff works. which can make it seem like i'm not working on anything.

I recently learnt that even chrome and Firefox use Webkit instead of their own engines in the iPad, because Apple requires so. So you can not use any alternative browser. You can not install oder versions of Safari as well. You can not open any browser-console or whatever. What the serious fuck.
I've hated Apple for my life but now I have even reasons!

!devRant

I absolutely hate it when someone says that I know nothing about music because I don't hear some particular type of music.

I hear what is pleasing to my ears. I hear what I enjoy. You can go F yourself.

My productivity has become 2x or more lately not because I like my job, but because I hate it so much that I want to get rid of it as soon as possible. Every fucking element about this job can make me vomit.

Just found out, you actually can have two UI's on ubuntu/linux. I was stuck with unity soo long, because my mother liked it more than KDE

I wanna learn rust, go, Ruby, lolcode, brainfuck, the meaning of life, etc... And then every time I start a new side project I always do that in C xD I guess it's because you can not easily forget your first love :D

I made it! 5 pull requests for Hacktoberfest :) .
I'm super happy because until now I really didn't know how to help other projects or even have the motivation, but now I can say I have helped a few get their code right :P

I fucking hate Reddit
Because I don’t interact with other peoples post too much but do so when the post is mine, I’m considered spammer.
The 90/10 rule is ridiculous.
This morning I got banned from r/internetisbeautiful because of this stupid rule.

Not because my website is not beautiful, hell, it got thousands upvotes. But because I used the same domain for different unrelated projects, same way you can have different GitHub pages under one user.

Fuck this, fuck

Can't wait to get my phone screen repaired so I can finnaly get that inverted panda! :-D

Oh wait I'll never be able to afford to fix the screen because Australia hates hiring IT technicians :-)

Finally!

My first electric guitar was around $25, and apart from terrible sound, some notes were just off or dead because of its construction. Having no money, I was demotivated because I couldn't play what I wanted not because of me, but because of my equipment. When depression struck, I quit playing guitar altogether.

Now, because of my brilliant doctors, my therapy works, and the desire to play is born again. But now I can finally get proper instruments. I'm happily relearning how to play and it finally sounds great.

Why is doing a minor change in UI always taking the most amount of time!!

CaN YoU MoVe ThIs 5 PiXeLs To ThE LeFT !@#$%^&!

NO I FUCKING CAN"T! BECAUSE OUR CLOSED SOURCED UI FRAMEWORK IS NOT ALLOWING IT!!!!!

Me: We did [technical debt] and [next feature] is hard to implement because of it. I suggest we do [actual 5 min solution] before proceeding to implement [next feature].

Colleagues: Agreed

Team Lead: We don't have time for this I dont want to change anything because the way we did [technical debt] already works besides we can [more technical debt] code go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Just because I manually updated a database record, does not mean I can fix your bluetooth headset. Now fuck off.

The company bought an iPad so I can test my work on a real device, but I can’t use it because the latest iPadOS beta release isn’t compatible with the latest Xcode 11 beta release 😒

Why do employers lie during interviews!? Because they can get away with it?

This is my second job after graduating where the job was falsely advertised and misrepresented. I absolutely hate this, it hurts people's careers.

I love that my boss can swing by when I'm editing my dotfiles, or chatting in Telegram CLI, or browsing Reddit in rtv, and he thinks I'm hard at work because it's the terminal.

I am tired of my idiot ‘friends’ asking me if I can hack Facebook Instagram etc. because some other idiot made them mad. Like fuck no. 1 it’s unethical as hell 2 it’s illegal I don’t want to go to jail. 3 I’m learning cyber security NOT hack stuff because someone hurt your useless feelings.

Ohhh and they always get pissed off when I explain everything wrong with their idiotic request

I goofed up and forgot the WHERE clause in my UPDATE query. Accidentally all of production possibly updated because we don't do test databases. I think it didn't actually go through because I cancelled it but now I need to restore a backup and compare data. Which means explaining this to the co-owner who can help me with a restore. I'm mortified, more so because it was a stupid thing to do to begin with.

relately

I tried to mix
relate and lately.
Because lately, I can relate to this.

You know what? I LOVE WFH! Why? Because I can make a nice bowl of popcorn whenever I feel like it, and continue working while chomping my fav snacks!

I haven't touched my laptop for five days (because I've been sick) and now that I'm better, I've been making so many typos and I can barely type. It's like I'm learning touch typing all over again.

Just because I have not written any code yet, does not mean I have not started on your project. I can either plan it well or let the code flow from my fingers like diarrhea.

As soon as my own projects income stabilize and outweigh my salary I’ll quit.

I haven’t even read sicp and continued to improve my dev knowledge just because I already can make something that can make me some money. So why spend health and energy polishing interview-passing skills for suits if I personally don’t need them?

World doesn’t revolve around software development.

Me.
Because every time when I see my old code, I begin to criticize it and think how can I improve it.

@devrant can I have a shirtless avatar please? Because that's how I work most of the time at home.

Only because i write validation for your input does not mean you can shut down your brain.

Well fuck me i thought working for a company was 1) i do work 2)company pays me. Not fucking spending 3 whole days running between government offices trying to get my taxes done because half of the documents can only be sent online and the other half can only be sent in person.

I love Fridays.
Because I get 2 days without classes where I can code all day.

PM: can we fix listed changes today?
Me: hmm, let me check the list out.
PM: because I told the client it would be ready tomorrow morning.

The end.

It is exactly 4 in the morning and instead of sleeping i am crying so hard because the regret of going to college is eating me alive..... I feel like such a wasted fucking potential, a failure who can't provide money for my family in need because i focus studying shit i will never use for over 4 fucking years....... I can not fucking describe how much i regret going to college, i can safely say i would rather go and fucking die than go to fucking college........ Can't even sleep from this fucking bullshit i feel i am wasting my fucking life and losing my fucking mind on this.............

I spent an hour and a half googling and compiling my code because I typed `#ifdef` instead of `ifndef` in one my header files.

Can you C the difference?

Just because I can do something, doesn't mean I have the time to do it. There's a difference.

Found this in a third party library once. Only thing I can think is that this programmer was paid by the line. Because, seriously, this could have been one line.

Time travel. Because i can see the errors i willhave before even writong the code. And...(tou will see it in week 56)

I cant believe im crying while coding because i cant fix a bug. Is this a mild reaction of a burnout. Instead of giving up I'm literally crying and i cant control it. Good thing im alone in the room so nobody can see me

The argument of "vim/zsh/whatever is not good because it requires configuration, and you don't usually have that on a new server" is a weak argument and it can suck my fucking nuts.

If some people are weak and lazy and forget how to use plain bash because they added a single alias, that's their problem.

That's like saying that getting used to a car is a bad thing because you can forget how to ride a bike.

Even if I did have the brain of a fish and forgot to use a bike because of using a car, I'll still be using a car 95% of the fucking time, so I'll take it.

If you do customize your setup, you can write an install script, dockerize, or just fucking something, it's 2019, you can do whatever the fuck you want.

Get a fucking couple of neurons.

What really gets on my nerves?
People that think I can fix every computer problem there is, just because I'm a developer and therefore must know everything about PCs.

What do I look like, a Tech Wizard?

Ahh, finally! Weekend, now I can sleep longer.

Still woke up at 6am because of body clock.

Good news: my company has received more calls today since I can ever remember

Bad news: It's because a telemarketing company spoofed our phone number, so it's not drumming up any business.

One day my colleague says that React Js is used for frontend as well as backend. I did not agree with him also he blames that Backend API’s also can be created using React Js. I could not believe because as per I know React Js is a library for frontend not for Backend. Still, some other colleagues supported him because he is the senior developer I am an intermediate developer.

Then I ask some of my friends who are currently working on React Js, Can we use React Js for the backend? And the next day I went office and talk to my colleague that I could not found that React JS can be used for backend and backend API. And he replied You can use nodejs. Oh! Man But I think Node and React are different tools.

"I In fact choose to use a coffeemaker to boil vegetables. Why? Because if I used something else that just makes coffee, my client would ask me 'Can it boil vegetables?'" - Joel Fisher

First Post since... Long I guess?

I got a new project!! I am currently creating a Webserver Framework in Java. I can create fully functional websites with a few lines of JSON.
(Look below)

Currently I don't have direct Javascript support, but I am working on installable modules. With those the Web-Admin can code little code fragments that can be shown (live) on the webpage.

I am so hyped because it does work <3

(Pictures of development might follow)

(Can I even call it framework? Hm dunno.. )

My work gave me three laptops because not one of them can access all the resources I need. So I have to balance my workflow around these three machines.

"I think there are two types of people in this world – people who can start things and people who can finish things. And while I place great value on the finishers, it’s the starters who are rare because they can envision what isn’t there." - Ed Frank

So node developers. Can anyone explain to me what the hell the "=>" operator is? Because I cannot find anything about it online.

Hey, can anybody help me?
I have to improve this AI for the game Reversi (Orthego).
I do not have any clue how to begin.
I only know we have to do it recursive and the depth is really low because it has to react within 1 second.
The task suggestion is that we can use MinMax, Alpha-Beta....

Me: Can you write the exact code one more time but in C language this time, so we can see it?

Other: But why, what's the problem?

Me: I don't know, maybe is garbage collector which collected all your code because IT LOOKS LIKE TRASHHHHH :@:@:@:@

Got blames for 2 hours because our product went down.

Because the provider of license managment went down.

Well, now I put in place a "fuck you" work around. If licensing provider is down, people can still connect and use product (But not create new accounts).

So silly.

Love working from home because I can literally scream at the stupid commentary that appears in my inbox.

On a non-Dev forum about a hobby topic, someone felt the need to go all woke about certain famous creators in said hobby. Particularly that those creators have ideas and philosophies antithetical to the (ever shifting) ideals of wokeness. And that everything those creators made should be destroyed and never allowed to be portrayed or discussed in public again. In the name of tolerance, of course.

If this starts to happen to the dev world to the point that I can no longer earn a living because it has become known that I have possibly committed or might commit Thoughtcrime because of who I associate with, I will be glad to see that asteroid, polar flip, or worldwide EMP reset. Because humanity can’t progress if no one can write, sing, play, or make something simply because they are not woke enough.

I can afford food because of it.

Using Zoom to share my screen so my colleague can use his Skype Business to record the Zoom window so that the other people can see my screen and I can call in using my phone

All because Linux does not have skype business :p

Gave a recommendation to the boss to do a thing. He said “Go and do the thing.” I wanted to do a proof of concept but there was no time. We got the contract. I tried to do the thing. It didn’t work. It WON’T work because the vendor’s marketing far overpromises what the product can do. No way to back down because the client is already fully invested in the solution. I want to quit my job AND my career now because I apparently suck at all of it.

Developers who think complex code is good.

"Oh, lookie here, I can swizzle methods and inject dependencies in the runtime!"

"Although we have no valid use case, let's use dependency injection and follow the commandory stateor patterns because I watched a video."

Just because you learn something new that looks cool does not make it practical, you tosser.

"You work with computers right? Why won't my television work?"

Why do people think that because I 'work with computers' that I can fix televisions?

Am I blind of am I unable to post a collab? I rarely use the web interface because I can never find something. but when Im on the collab page I should be able to post a new collab right???

Have you ever heard a CPU run? Because I have, I can hear my phone's cpu and it sounds dope af

I sometimes apologize to the tools I use when I work because I use them badly, or in a way they only can return an error.

I don't scream because my teams are in a different country and we communicate by IM and email.

I do write long ranting/passive-aggressive emails or type really quick replies when I'm pissed though. .

An example of the latter:

Boss: I need you to make a "quick" fix...
Me: hmm ok sounds like we should implement it like ...
Boss: I was thinking something like this... since it's a temp fix
Need: (typing faster) why is it a temp fix... why not builds it properly so it can be reused
Boss: but that takes time, this is quicker
Me: it's bad design because ... (Typing so fast I'm making typos)... Anyway I can do it. This is better...
Boss: ... ok fine... if you can finish it before deadline

I have a Windows machine that I built for streaming games with parsec. I haven't turned it on in over three weeks, because I can play everything I want on Linux.

you want a bigger dick because you think women care/it’ll get you chicks/you can win a dick-measuring contest on the internet.
I want a smaller one because mine is too obvious when I’m wearing fishnets, and I have to wear them with jean shorts.
we are not the same.

/* Spending time writing comments in code because if everything else fails, at least I can write a novel depicting a deteriorating struggle to make up my mind from them */

Never be a perfectionist. I am one and it kills me inside. 99% of the time I am not happy with what I did because I know I can do better. Especially on exams. Not because of the grade but because I am not on par with what I know I can do. Its pissing me of so fucking much. Fucking bullshit. Why do I suck so fuckibg much ffs. For real: you should never become a perfectionist because I see what it does to me

I was waiting for my wife in the shopping centre and noticed a shop sellung e-scooters. My my, what monsters can you buy with a few k€ :o I'm genuinely surprised!

The baddest monster: 3k: dual-notor, can carry >150kg of your fat ass. Takes ~12hours to charge, but, read this: with a single charge you can travel 150km! Max speed is 90km/h

i mean... I'm feeling quite confident riding a motorcycle at that speed, because I can bend down, because it weights a few hundred kilos and is not that sensitive to wind and road bumps.

But riding standing at that speed... Without any cover, with a vehicle weighting 50kg,.. Would you?

Go hunting in Program Files much? Me neither. So why does the old woman who can barely use email insist I show her where the Excel 2016 application files are installed? Of course I have to click through the folders slowly over Remote Desktop, not because of connection speed but so she can WRITE THEM DOWN IN HER NOTEBOOK!!!

Learned via iOS tutor overnight to build a basic single page app. Told I can able to learn fast. Started as intern at a startup. Learned rapidly because I was the only one who building the entire product.

Me - 1+1 is 2
Client : Did you say 1+1 is 2
Because even i thought 1+1 is 2 and i think we should go ahead with 1+1 2 because that seems like a good thing to me.

***"1+1 is 2" can be replaced by some long tech discussion

#my brain hurts

IBM makes the ABSOLUTE shittiest products. It doesn’t matter what it is. They just don’t fucking try. They don’t try anymore. I don’t know if they ever did. I am convinced that 99.999999% of the world’s problems are because of IBM’s shit. War? IBM. Famine? IBM. Gun violence in America? IBM. The BM has to stand for Bowel Movement because that’s all they are. They’re fucking shit. And you can disagree with me. I don’t fucking care because I’m right and you’re wrong. IBM. Is. Fucking. Shit.

there's a shit game from 2004 i can't play because of StarFORCE DRM and by god i'm gonna crack it, copyright laws and shit can suck my fucking cock no copies work anymore

Ugh, doing laundry sucks. Partially because the laundry area is adjacent to the living room and that makes it harder to hear stranger things, but mostly because it signals the end of the weekend. But I decided to be positive and share some positivity with you:

No matter what challenges you will face in the next week, you can do it. The Universe/God/The Flying Spaghetti Monster chose you to face the challenges because you can do. If the universe can believe in you, then so can I. And so should you. Get out there and rock fellow DevRanters!!!

Loosing 4h of work because bsod, because I asked substance painter to do something way above what my computer can handle... And saving take ages with big projects so I kind of forgot.. FUCK I'm an idiot T_T.

Public REST (-inspired) API. Should I skip numeric IDs because it's easy for consumers to snoop around?

Example:

POST api/foo
201 Created api/foo/69

Uh, I'll get 68 just because I can. Hopefully it returns Unauthorized, unless we some kind of bug.

Is it just security by obscurity if I use, like, guids or something instead of sequental IDs?

Before parenthood: I can concentrate, because finally noone in the room speaks!

After parenthood: I can concentrate, because finally noone in the room speaks *to me*.

Does anyone really like JavaScript as a language?

I mean i like working with it because you can build a lot of creative and cool stuff with it, but i find the language itself to be hacky, wierd and too complex.

Gotta learn myself through vim and tmux because I have no choice. My laptop burst and all I have is a Raspberry Pi with Raspbian core + MATE DE installed. Don't really wanna use heavy stuff with it because it'll become really snappy.

Oh well, as long as I can code.

Ok fellow dev's, the engineering head said that he had to let me go because apparently I'm a very talented engineer but I have a bad attitude. All of this because he claims I don't seem too interested in meetings and all that bs.
So from Monday on it's Knowledge transfer time since major parts of our product have been written by me.Wish the head had some balls, and told me he was firing me because I wont suck up to him and be a yes man, bastard thinks you can hire and fire good dev's just like that (he can) .Plus he has never appreciated folks for the effort and the work they do. :(

An AI that can play the Touhou games.
On ULTRA!

because I can't play that 😢

Stupid fucking client force us to deploy our nodejs codebase on windows server fucking 2016 because that the only version their security team has audited, and in their word: "open source oses like linux are more vulnerable because anyone can contribute????"
I fucking hate digital transformation projects with a passion because of stupid fucking client with their stupid fucking red tape problems

Being able to learn the basics of many languages so that I can do things the fastest way.
Because the Dutch national railway uses fucking XML for their api

My CS grade came in today and I'm sad because even at my best I could not get through it. Even with all the time I spent in and out of class, and those sleepless nights spent programming into the morning. All this effort and I still couldn't pass this class. My final killed me, and i'm upset because I know this exam doesn't represent all that I can do. It worries me because I feel like I will be told by employers that I'm not qualified because of a number. The number isn't everything, there's a story to every number.

Boss says: Why is our email not working get it to work again.

Me: What the fuck? Only because I am the computer guy does not mean I can make wine out of water.

Just worked 12 hrs straight because the guy who earns more than twice my sallary (and ist currently on holiday in some fucking greek Island) ist to stupid to shit!!!!

This is unfair! You can not pay me very little because I am young and then give me all the responsibilities!!

var rant: QuantumBool = PartlyTrue

So now I think I've got everything in my app right.... But I can't test it because ***** xcode doesn't create a **** certificate so I can deploy it to my phone (it uses motion sensors)

I deleted all the certificates of developer from the keychain because of a bug and now I **** can't deploy my apps for testing....

Please, does anyone know how to reset the icloud keychain to absolute nothing?

I can never forgive Apple for the iPhone X. Not because it's a bad phone or that it is overpriced. But because they missed the perfect opportunity to make the back logo the fingerprint scanner.

I mean seriously, just think about the marketing potential. They finally had an excuse to cut that hole in the back of the cover.

I think i like the new Galaxy S8.

I will probably buy it. But, even thinking of buying such an expensive phone makes me feel guilty.

Maybe it's because i can barely afford it..

I guess i have to live with this guilt :/

devRant can use an update where the notifications get split into comments and +1s because I do like replying to comments but they're scattered in between +1s just too messy

I can't make progress on my private project.
I just started and already refactoring my code.
Yesterday I started to refactor my tests -.-'

I'm sure I will lose the interest in this project because I start a new one I can refactor to death.

The only reason i can find myself writing code in german is because there is no english word for it. Which in my industry is basically all the time.

I was having a discussion with my Spv because I am stuck at my project, when suddenly he said :
"Hey, you seem to enjoy this subject!"

And I was just standing there speechless..
🤨
Excuse you...
I spent so much time than required in the contract because I'm getting paid and more importantly because I can put this experience in my portfolio.
Not because I enjoy this job.
I'd rather work on my personal project, preparing for job interview or playing with my cats if I have another choice.

He is a nice guy and has helped me a lot, but in the end it's all about the money.
Or maybe because I have a hard time trusting people these days.
I can't wait to start job hunting next month so that I can say goodbye to this job.

There was a lesson in HTML during high school... had to learn C++ in Uni because it is part of my curriculum in my business major. They all mattered when I got into programming 2 years ago because my current boss thought I can be a good programmer despite being not an IT graduate... so he told me to self-study

Your Telerik Kendo UI has a bug? I can fix it. It shouldn't be difficult because there is just so much support and documentation.

Reviewed the code of a dev almost twice my age and asked why they used relative imports for seemingly no reason.

Response: “because I can”

OK, then.

Anyone else get called cute nicknames working in IT?

My favourite is one of the VPs at my company calls me a warlock, because I can read code that he calls "archaic scribble"

I am sometimes thankful for the stupidity that non tech people carry with themselves. It's because of them I can make money and survive.

So today I learned that you can simply recover the contents of a password field by making it into a regular text field in dev tools.

Better tell my friend because I now have his root password to SSH into.

18 hours because I can

How do I get thru tough dev days?

1. Home/Family. Amazing how family can put real problems into perspective.
2. Plot revenge. Just plotting, nothing too evil.
3. Star Wars Battlefront. V1 on the PC because I'm too cheap for the PS4 (or XBox) and the $60 a year for PS+ just so I can play online.

I hate myself. I have insomnia. Sleeping is hard for me. I can be easily waken up by little movements, change of temperature and even little noise. Also I have a nasal cycle. When I'm asleep I can even wake up because of this stupid nasal cycle.

A long deep uninterrupted sleep or breathing in both of my nostril is heaven for me.

I feel like moving to Sachsen/Germany for dev job might not have been the best idea.. sometimes it can get a bit annoying because of all xenophobic people.. anyone else from Sachsen here?

We interviewed some candidates for a dev position some weeks ago and, knowing the environment isn't that challenging (at least for me) I voted against the better curriculums because I know they would be frustrated fast, I said that. But I didn't say it was because it's shit here... Of course.... I really just want the good devs to be better then they can be here.... What do you think?

I'm currently missing a university class because of a wincrap update I didn't consent to. It didn't even ask if it can reboot, it just randomly did it while I was working.

Do I have some sort of legal grounds to sue?

Can't git push
because of an "access denied" error message
because I didn't set up my key file properly (with right paths, right format and so on)
because I'm working from my home laptop device
because I'm in home office
because Corona
..but..
I can connect to my work computer where git is set up properly but also I
can't git push
because I can't "cd" into the project path
because the samba mount point is messed up
because I don't reboot my machine to fix it
because I can't enter my password
because it does have a full hard drive encryption and the password screen shows up before the network services are started.

the word bug has lost all meaning to me because all issues in the repo are labelled "bug"

That being said, the best bugs I fix are the ones where i can say its IEs fault and theres nothing i can do so i dont have to do anything because IE will never be updated

Not sure if it is because my computer is older, but my demo app is taking forever for gradle to build! Now I can procrastinate without feeling bad! 😁😁

@dfox Feature request
Can you please give me the option to load the whole rants. I don't want to use the story feature because I want to see all the rants.

What the hell is a "Monthly Happiness Stipend"
I mean I like the Unlimited Snack idea, mostly because Snacks can turn into breakfast, lunch, and dinner if you have enough of everything.

Oh wow, fuck Ansible

Turns out there is no way to automatically undo the things it did, because surely nobody would ever want to remove software...

Now I have a half fucked server that I can manually clean up again 👍

1am and I'm waiting for my zipped project to finish uploading to OneDrive, so I can send my prof a link to it, because our fucking intranet just gloriously shat itself again -_-... Because a GitHub link is too mainstream I guess?

Ah yeah, deadline was 1h ago, but who cares about deadlines right?...

I made a web project that can generate gifs from webcam. Can't complete it because I don't understand how to use SSL with Azure ☹️

is it ok that I can make a perfectly functional application, but because I have a shitty taste in colors, make the shittiest UI ever?

We should get @dfox on YouTube with the notifications because when I get a notification its instant good job dude 😀. But youtube takes like 30 min so I can get the notification

Can you explain me what responsibilities project manager has at your company? Because I see a lot of posts where PM doesn't have a clue about programming. In my company PM is a senior dev so he can distribute tasks properly. How is it possible to manage programming projects and don't understand it

Anything that I can make a computer do but can't because my boss doesn't think it's a good use of my time...

I have a lot of those now but can't automate them because.... I'm too busy dealing with them...

If you are using arch and are making packages from the aur all I can say is use makepkg -s because then it will install all the dependencies for you.
Yay

Because i had some problems on sites in the past that were iOS specific i configured one of the leftover Macs here as a test device. A week later this laptop has been kidnapped and until now it is gone. I can start installing everything again on a new one because one of the fellow workers here is stupid as fuck

I don't know what to do because union and sum types both totally suck but I need them for my scripting language

Union types are fun and intuitive because they can be used with type refinement but they're not hierarchical thus bad for generics.

Sum types (or tagged unions) are great because they're hierarchical and can be nested properly but they need ugly type matching constructs.

The positive thing is I'm not making a systems language anymore so I only wanna jump of a bridge every second day

Btw, does someone know a search engine where I can exclude whole pages easily? Or a browser plugin?

Because I want to get rid of all those 'Disable Adblock' pages for good...

How can I track the shipping of 3 ducks I just bought :D

Yes I HAD to say the number because of yes.

Caught myself rationalizing a $50 in game gold purchase... That I'll probably banned from eventually the moment I can cheat again...

Must remember I'm playing bc I'm bored... Not because I wanna win...

I had an uncle named Severin. He died just three days after birth because of lung malfunction.

His grave is long abandoned and no member of my very large family can remember where it is.

Hi I just joined this great Community and here is my thoughts about programming tap "++" if you agree if not then change your mind.

For me programming is like becoming wizard of next generation. Like wizard you can control or create anything because in future you will find electronics containing programs written by a wizard (programmer). We are not people who can repair computer but greater then that because a pc is just a box without programs (software)
You are reading this article because you loves challenges and you are hard working too.

I usually like PHP, because it is easy to use, but FUCK! Can you just let me free the fucking memory by myself? Setting variable to null doesn't work, unset doesn't work either. I am still getting fucking memory exhausted error.
There is literally no data stored anywhere, because I unset every fucking thing.
gc_collect_cycles() doesn't work either, probably because this crap thinks there is a reference for this variable somewhere.

Now I can sleep 8hrs a day, because whenever I close my eyes I can see the codes I have been working on.

Damn it I have to write a 5 sentence email to get the things going but I have kept myself from doing it because they might answer and then I would have to react to that and I dont know that I can do that right now.

i know that i want to be a developer because of these two things:
1) You can make money (intellectual property&
2) System.out.println("Hello Handsome!");

Just because i can write computer programs does not mean I'm an expert in anything electrical from surround sound systems, TVs and any other kind of device!

Do all the things people think I can do because I am a computer engineer.

Today is the day that I dive back into teaching myself Rust because I can.

I don't like Chrome because Windows 10 forces it to perform slowly so that edge can perform better & people can fucking use it.

I wanted to learn a new language.
Started looking through jvm languages first because thats where i feel home, but they are all just subpar versions of java.
Then i started looking at script languages but anything they do, i can just do with java (i know js too, dont recommend that)
Out of the other languages, c# is the only thing that can give me something extra through unity, but hell, i can just use jMonkey.

So my questions is, can you give me languages that are both useful and unique? Also, opinions on Rust please.

I know it's like the shittiest thing you can do in CSS, but sometimes I use !important because I feel dicking around with CSS for countless hours is !important.

Don't write tests for work code.

It started off because i couldn't because of the tooling but now i can don't have the time.

Going to work with nothing to do because your task has a pending dependency from another team from another country.

Guess i could work on my personal projects so i can actually finish one. Or start another 😁

The amount of digits Python can handle is staggering...

I stopped at 100 000, because I felt that I had proven my point. That's approximately 330 000 bits! (And yes, I had to use Python to be able to calculate that number)

Doesn't work with floats, though...

Never really knew what i wanted to do in life so i decided to apply to a CS program because i liked gamed. Ovet time it just happened and now I'm apparently doing it for money. Life can be funny like that.

tl;dr: crop-rotating projects

I have 3 concurrent projects because I can only remember how I felt about two of them, so this way when I've had enough of pygame's bullshit I can happily continue working on php without my hatred towards asp.net stopping me in any way. By the time I start hating php I will have forgotten why I hate asp and be ready to continue on that.

That I will always be average at my job.
I will never be good at it. Simply because I am not passionate about it. But then I also don't know what else is there which I like that can pay my bills.

Just noticed a thread on r/programmerhumor about bank code intentionally adding delays with all these JavaScript code blocks of how it's adding sleep cycles in.

So I spent an hour reading the documentation and wrote up an over engineered solution in COBOL just to prove a point.

Come on, WordPress! Why are you such an asshole? I just want to migrate and move on with my life.
Is it because I started with Joomla? Is it because I cheated you with Flask?
Can you please, please be nice to the same db you made? Am I asking to much for?

Remote Desktop because I can work from home, avoid delays commuting, and dealing with other people when I'm busy

Got into an argument the other day over the definition of scripting languages.

He said python isn’t because it can be compiled while I said it can be both since you can you can use without compiling. Same could be said for Java when using with Selenium for automation.

Thoughts?

I just missed a 20 day awaited ultrasound because I thought "quinta feira" means friday. It's thursday.

The audacity to believe I can be succesful when I make mistakes like that all the time.

Yes and we recently opened a new office in Amsterdam. Because because from Amsterdam only want to do business with people from Amsterdam.

Well great. You think i want to go over there? My company has an office in Switserland. And the previous one in Curacao. I got here because i can bike or even walk this distance if i wanted.

Rant
Look mom just because I can change a hard drive on a desktop doesn't mean I can figure out why your laptop won't turn on. Also I'm sorry I have no idea how to create super fancy art work in Microsoft outlook

After 2 weeks of 9 am to 9 pm working days I decided to rest a little and go home before 7pm. I'm happy because I can code for my side project...

I am again utilising flowcharts for the structuring of my computer programs and strongly recommend to all of you similar behaviour; this facilitates the process of programming, because new tasks can be easily added and removed, and errors can be quickly spotted.