This one time, a client wanted a complete overhaul of her website.

I asked her for the credentials to the VPS, She gave me some random crap to try, cause clearly the site hadn't been touched since 2003 (and boy was it fugly).

Me: Maam, these aren't the correct details.

She sends in more crap to try...2 days pass with this back and forth.

Client: "contact steve, he should have the login details"

Me: ****Calls Steve *****
Me: "Maam, he says the login details are in your mail"

Client: "well, I don't remember this fact. Steve handled everything.
Hack into the website and then reset it.

The Russians did not need login details to hack into America's system. So please, do what you have to do to get us moving."

No jokes...that was the exact crap that came out of her fingers

Was doing some work on a server today and removing loads of stuff.

rm -rf file1
Etc
Etc
Etc

Went into another directory with very important data. Wanted to do ls -la but my fingers went:
rm -rf ./
.
.
*1 milisecond later*
😶
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
*VIGOROUSLY CHECKS FILES*

Everything still there 😅

Me: *poking my girlfriend
Her: *the look of pure hatred in her eyes
Me: remember you can't break these fingers. These fingers are the reason we have money
Her: *groans* Yeah, you're right

I spent a day teaching my 3 year old nephew to count from 0 and he argued with his teachers the following day that he has 9 fingers. His parents have been called to school 😂

Another reason why I'm not a web developer... Having a user choose their year of birth with a drop down menu is a pain. I did it from 1900 - 2017 rip my fingers.

Is it just me, or does this emoticon look like a guy giving some serious middle fingers with Michael Jackson gloves?

All those fingerprints... I am TRIGGERED. It's like he stuck his fingers into a philly cheese steak and then smeared them all over the screen.

Does this drive anyone else CRAZY?!?!?

There is no need to ever put your greasy-ass nasty fingers on my screen, it may not look expensive or nice but I don't want to deal with your fingerprints all over it.

I get that fingerprint authentication is very convenient but I'd never use it (not even for privacy reasons that much).

When someone guesses/gets your password you can just say "alright let's change my password"

Imagine that with fingerprints: "yeah sure let me change my fingers"

😆

Recruiter emailed me later this day. (had my first job interview today for a Linux Support Engineer position).

He said he thinks he might have some good news. I am nervous. Fingers crossed 😰

Perfected state of the art "object detection"

fingers crossed not a repost 😣

I have my doubts of being a good developer when my fingers type this thing

Just checking if a string contains itself

Just bought a Microsoft Ergonomic keyboard/mouse combo, it's actually quite awesome and I'm learning how to properly type with 10 fingers!

I somehow feel conflicted though because I'm using something from microsoft :sweat_smile_

A story about the shittiest boss I ever had.

We were a consulting company, I was leading the dev team. We're on the phone with a client who needs a change to the software we're maintaining for them.

Boss (mouthes at me): How long?
I (hold up 3 fingers, mouth back): 3 days
Boss (to client): You have it by tomorrow. *hangs up*
I: What the actual fuck?
Boss: You said 3 days, 3 times 8h is 24h, better order some pizza and Red Bulls for your guys.

He pulled stunts like this all the time and yet genuinely seemed surprised when I quit.

!rant
1 Error in 8 hours of coding
Error required 1 line to fix.

God must have taken control of my fingers

Whoever is responsible for the responsible for the refund process on airbnb can eat a bunch of dicks, watch me spill all of the fluids over his keyboard and then watch me break every single one of his/her fingers.
How the fuck do you dare to keep all of my money in some kind of internal wallet while I clearly need it to get a hotel after your starrated host left me hanging, autoaccepting but then telling me via phone that he using vacation till Friday... Half a goddamned fucking hour after I tried to call him. I want to report the shit out of this asshole, but no I can't because I cancelled my stay.
For the love of God and his creation is it this hard to punish assholes for ruining my new year and making me freeze my hand and ears of?

Fingerprint sensor is insecure

-gf can open your phone when you are asleep
-same with chloroform, unconscious, then use fingers
-can cut your fingers if it leads to that.

Fine I agree....but how secure is the face ID ??

-all of the same points can be applied to it.

Think I've found the ultimate coding accessory, eyes on your fingers! 👀😂

When you're typing "make sure noone else is ..."
but your fingers automatically types
"else if"

Damaged beyond repair

D: Hey, your stuff isn't working, fix your stuff or it will become a road blocker.
Me: Why it is not working?
D: Because I used the same table as you used, and I changed a few things. there are 22 reasons for it.
(polite conversation stopped and I redirected him to my manager)

WTF? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU CHANGED MY STUFF WITHOUT TELLING ME AND YOU ARE NOT USING ANY SOURCE CONTROL? WTF? YOU CREATED THIS SHIT AND CALL MY STUFF NOT WORKING? ARE YOU A FUCKING IDIOT?

CUT YOUR FINGERS AND POINT TO YOURSELF.

People here are arguing about a guy using MS word as a HTML IDE,
My boss once showed me how blind people read "colors" by running his fingers over the phone screen.

Interviewed at Microsoft 2days ago. I feel positive about it. Fingers crossed to see what feedback I get.

I don’t think I will ever be able to get used to this style of arrow-keys.

I hate winters just because my fingers get freaking cold while coding. :@
Anyone else?

Today was one of those days where I really didn't feel like fussing about work, so I:

- Didn't shave,
- Didn't groom my hair as good as I should have
- Traipsed in the office over an hour late with a newspaper in one hand, a fried pastry in the other and not wearing my ID badge (strict security rules regarding that last bit).

I waltzed into the lobby thinking "I don't even care I'm this late. I'm sure that department meeting hasn't even started yet. Today they have to deal with me on my terms!" I took a greedy chomp of my greasy breakfast.

Just as I bent the corner in lobby, with my lips and fingers greasy and mouth full, I come face to face with none other than the two top executives at our company.

I thought I didn't care; that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach determined that was a lie.

Keep all of yer fingers crossed.

I'm negotiating my PhD proposal.

Just put my job on the line today and went to my boss's, boss's, boss's boss to raise concerns and protect my team from terrible management. He apologized to me and has scheduled a meeting to talk to the team to let them know they are valued. Sounds like middle management is going to get a talking to. Fingers crossed.

When Java is your first language and you are learning python as your second: 90% of errors due to your fingers automatically adding ; at the end of every line of code. :/

Today I was wandering through the code of the project I work on. The project is on JS, turns out someone named an object key `undefined`. They had the wonderful idea since they didn't want to pass a key through on the side where the info stored in the object is used(or at least that's what I assume).

Look at the image. (not the actual implementation but you get it and it actually works if you want to try it)

👏🏼 I don't know who did it and I rather not git blame it, but pray to the 7 gods you never do something like that again while I'm around or you are going to be in need of prosthetic fingers to code again motherfucker.

As a human being, you're multithreaded. You can type with multiple fingers, you can drive and hold a conversation at the same time. The only blocking function we have to deal with is sneezing, where all current activity must be suspended for the duration of the sneeze. That's pretty annoying, especially when you're driving and trying to hold a conversation. You don't want to write code that's sneezy.

I am 21 and I just found out that I have rheumatoid arthritis in my fingers

I think a little part, no ,a huge chunk inside of me just died.

Why the fuck does life keep piling shit...
what's the fucking point....

Unless you had a horrible accident where you lost most of your fingers, I don't understand why anyone would do this. I had to double check I wasn't looking at obfuscated code.

```
String a;
String flag;
String tp;
String n;
String chn;
String lt;
String lg;
String bid;
String d;
```

Imagine telling our distant ancestors we can talk to any person anywhere in the world by tapping fingers against the glass

Tip for typing quickly, trust your fingers.

It bothers the shit out of me when I see grown-ass adults who still don't know how to type on a keyboard.

I just tried to "git commint"
And then "gut push"

It's like i have auto correct on my fingers 🙌

WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING READ THE CHANGES IN YOUR FUCKING PULL REQUEST???

If you did, you would realize that 50% of the stuff is total fucking nonsense. I don't want to see that you changed "var a = 0" to "var a= 0" just because you can't type with your shitty fingers.

Also, if you did read the changes in your PR, you would have realized that you added a bunch of totally unrelated changes in totally unrelated files.

Fuck! Am I the only one who always tries to produce a clean changeset?? Damn

- Hey I have to add new field, but this class is autogenerated, I do not know what tool generates it"
- Your fingers
- But this class has over 20k lines of codes and the header says it is autogenerated.
- It is a inside joke, it was generated by hand

When you've been working for ages and are desperate for a pee, but you've just had a major breakthrough and code is pouring off your fingers like honey, and you don't want to stop because it will break the flow.

After over 1.5 month long recruitment and 4 stages (3 technical and one with HR) they finally said it was last stage and they will write to me with their decision soon. I really want to get this job. It would be great step in my career and I could learn so much more compared to the company I'm stuck in right now. Actually working with new and interesting technologies! Can you imagine?

Hold your fingers crossed for me guys.

My fingers: typing
My face: nervous
My text: // this is a comment im to distracted
My teacher: staring at me
My brain: syrup sandwiches and syrup syrup sandwiches syrup sandwiches

So today I'll be demo-ing a small project they asked me to do at this company I work for. Should they like it I'll work as a developer. Fingers crossed.

Ooooh I feel savage. I got this little USB-Stick from an event of Microsoft and I am using it to install Linux on every computer I can get in between my fingers.

I come from PHP and have been using jQuery as a crutch for years. I've dabbled in Node and obviously writing some vanilla JS is unavoidable, but now I'm starting to use ES6 with Babel and VueJS and the more I dig in, the more I hate javascript. Everything is an object (null, array), there seems to be a few gotchas with math (including the one pictured), nothing is strongly typed but types are very important (for instance, you can't loop an object and an array using the same code), and there are a lot of inconsistencies/functions missing. ucwords for instance. Why doesn't that exist? typeof only returns object, but Array.isArray and Object.isObject work fine. I'm going to give typescript a go soon and cross my fingers.

- Hey how are your fingers today, do they still hurt?
- They're OK, why do you ask?
- Oh, then it must have been your lack of programming skills which made me puke while looking at your code.

Took the Amazon online test today. Aced technical and coding questions. But screwed up with aptitude questions. Fingers crossed. Wish me good luck.

17 minutes without single break. That was longest nightmare for me. I had to write 6 lines of code... You know how that feels. My fingers were bleeding and my eyes were burning. Oh maan, I don't even want to remember that hard days.

iMac tiny keyboard + my fat fingers + Command+Q when I meant Command+A = Table Flipping Extravaganza!

Applied for a job at Google today for one of their new data centers. Fingers crossed 🤞

Boss : Fancy doing a live deployment on a Friday?

Me:

Today I have discovered that my fingers have become so accustomed to writing the word "vertex", that I can no longer write "vector" on the first try...

I saw a quote maybe 2 weeks after I signed up in this Heaven, I can't (read "I'm too lazy to") find the quote but some guy was lowkey panicking about the fact that all his friends were "currently building X, almost finishing to dev Y", while all he ever did was a small project like "yeeey, I can do something with my 10 fingers"

This rant was interesting, but the top comment kind of marked me, if I remember well, it said something like "All I read is 'doing' and 'almost finished', while you 'did'. I would trust you over these guys".

From this day, while I worked on two side projects, there was always a moment where I thought about this sentence.

Today, I finished one of my side projects. I DID it.

Dang it I feel complete.

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying "Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in June!"
"Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me?" I said. She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers.
It's now three hours later, police have joined in and she still won't say where she got them.

I hate it when your hand is resting on your mouse and you keep accidentally pressing the right mouse button because of the weight of your fingers

To whoever in the history of this godforsaken app I’m tasked with has commingled PHP with ColdFusion, I have a message for you:

Fuck you...fuck your momma, fuck yo daddy, fuck yo computer, fuck yo keyboard, fuck yo mouse, fuck the clothes on your back, fuck monitors that displayed this shit, fuck your fingers in particular, fuck yo brain, fuck whoever dropped yo on your head as an infant, fuck the car you drove to work in, fuck the servers running this shit, fuck anybody who was involved with your education, and if I see you on the street ima slap the shit out of you.

Today I couldn't decide if I wanted an h4 or a p so my fingers did the most intelligent thing available and went with "<hp>"

Smh

Been trying to swipe an cool domain from a squatter for years now, hoping this is my year!

It's due to expire (again) at the end of the month.

*fingers crossed*

Follow up to my (ignorant) previous rant.

Context: Eclipse vs intelliJ
Situation: Was too comfortable with eclipse. knew shortcuts in the back of my palm. Loved the light theme. Argued with anyone who blindly believed IntelliJ is better than eclipse.
Action: Forced myself to try IntelliJ. Stepped out of my comfort zone. Got a one day code block. Changed to darcula. My eyes struggled to read. My fingers typed usual eclipse shortcuts to discover unknown windows.
Verdict: after two days of learning and not giving up. I have started loving IntelliJ and I know why.
Moral: change is good. Get out of your comfort zone ;)

Saw one of these in store today.
Who designs these "Ergonomic" things?
My fingers starts aching just by looking at this..

You know it's going to be an interesting day when you see a release note containing "migration" and "cross your fingers" in the same sentence 😅

Yours truly might make the money by new year to buy themself a new laptop.
And only then the projects that were left to die, will finally see the light!

Fingers crossed tho! 🤞

It was about my 30th progress meeting with the clients on a website I was working on for them. At that point, I knew what was gonna happen. Change bloody requests.

Before attending that meeting I thought, "I'll change them on the fly as they comment for more ridiculous changes" as I drank 4 cans of RedBull. At the meeting I was having my 5th and the clients was firing all sorts of changes and complaints in the air and I whack them all with my lightning fast fingers can go.

I didn't know I could go that fast, like I was flying. Clients were impressed. Boss was worried that I don't look so... Normal. In fact, I jitter every mid sentence.

Told him to tell them to email changes/complaints instead of bringing it to this meeting. A complete waste of my Red Bulls.

Currently -28C. People from us be like: omg guys, it was like 40F today i thought i was gonna freeze my fingers off xD

Who says the pinky is the most useless of all the fingers??

All these ctrls and alts make my left pinky hurt like hell!!!

If it is lunch time and I have a sandwich stuffed halfway in my face, do not walk up to me with your computer asking for help. It doesn't take me long to eat so give me 3 fucking minutes to finish.

I will help you...I will touch your keyboard with my greasy fingers...I will touch your screen...multiple times.

You're welcome.

Me: "Would you mind going through the intended functionality of this design on mobile?"
Client: "Sure. We were hoping that the content would expand to the largest box when you hover over it"
Me: "Hover?"
Client: "Yes"
Me: "On mobile"
Client: "Yes? Fingers can hover right?"
Me: "No"

Just watching NCIS.
Abby: I just checked the j and the f key for fingerprints, because you lay your fingers there, when you think about what to do.
Me: Bitch, I'm a gamer, I lay my fingers on LShift,A,W,D,Space.

Anyone else get a little tired being the fingers that type other people's questions into Google.

What do your fingers means..

My work laptop , a 2015 MacBook Pro, finally bricked today. I put in a request for a 15.6" System76 Oryx tonight. Crossing my fingers!

I did an assessment for a company and passed the tests. A Microsoft teams interview with the lead developer and 2 other developers is in 2 hours! Fingers crossed boys!!!! I hope I get my first developer job!!!

LARAVEL MEME OF THE DAY
If 60> requests are sent in a short amount of time (and you have Laravel Passport installed) you will not receive an IlluminateResponse instance anymore; you will instead receive a slightly different SymfonyResponse.

Why? For the glory of Satan, of course.

If your code doesn't account for that undocumented garbage, your code will start throwing middle fingers here and there.

Tell me again the productivity joke with Laravel, I've just lost an hour and a half 'cause unit tests were failing and I had no idea why.

I hate JS...
I hate CSS...

What can be worse ? ...

*guy at work* : hey what do you think about CSS in JS, should we try it for our codebase ?
*other* : yeah why not ?
Me : *make a gun with my fingers, gently putting it in my mouth, remember all good things in life, no regrets* *gun noise*

Kidding, I love javascript.
But I seriously hate CSS and UX stuff.

I knew someone that typed with only 2 fingers ( index fingers )

There were no comments in the code because, it would take ages to write a sentence.

I don't know how someone that was born with a laptop in her lap doesn't know how to use all the fingers to type.

But, for her this was just a job. No personal projects, no will to learn new things. Just do the work they give her, as slowly as possible.

I remember I forced myself to learn how to type using all fingers when I was little. Now I even rebind the movement keys on games because is more comfortable to use "the right keys" ( I hate wasd, esdf ftw!)

How about you, do you know anyone that-s bad at typing?

Fingers crossed, first app submitted to App Store

Stopid mf fat fingers, worked 2 weeks building a design system and 2 hours ago I accidentally shift deleted the scss folder and lost every fcking file, no git, no backup, no nada,guess what, tried to recover the files with 2 Permanently deleted file recovery softwares and from fcking 20 files, 17 were corrupted and weren’t readable, I and my designer friend use a folder sync app, the fcking app synced the delete and she lost the files aswell, fooockiinggg shieeeet, to my don’t know how where luck I managed to recover the copiled javascript chunck from my vue app that had the css styles embeded in the file, you know where I found the js file? iN ThE fcking cache of google chrome. Today I almost broke down to tears, but nonetheless it was a reeee moment for me.

"I want to be irresistible to women" wished the man to the genie.
The genie snaps his fingers and the man turns into a box of chocolates.

And that, my friend, explains the difference between a programmer's intention and what he writes in his program.

Just because I have not written any code yet, does not mean I have not started on your project. I can either plan it well or let the code flow from my fingers like diarrhea.

My new coworker: That "I know everything about all and I'm better than you" kind. Is working on Accounting but already has her fingers on my work, telling my boss things like "that's easy to do"...
Of course, she knows absolutely nothing about programming and I.T., but is easy for my boss to believe an easy lie than a complex truth.
(sorry, crude language and caps follows)
Hey, listen you fucking excuse of person, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB and stay away of my DAMN GOOD FUCKING CODE and my FUCKING SERVERS.
Not going to give you admin access in a gazillion years, even if my life depends on it.
And stop saying nonsenses about things that you WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND, because those things are too complex and abstract for your little stupid mind to understand.
Go ahead, mess with me! Will sue you to the end of your FUCKING world!

Thanks girls/guys/lasses/lads.
This is absolutely therapeutical.

If you’re angry at testers for constantly finding bugs and returning your garbage tasks, don’t. Wipe the Cheetos dust off your fingers and keyboard just once and try to write something that will actually work properly.

So our team is scaling and we've been handling increased workload and I've been wanting to hire two juniors ever since. Finally narrowed down the candidates to three, but I couldn't decide between them so after some careful considerations, I've decided to hire all three. Fingers crossed I have enough time to mentor and manage the three of them and I don't fuck them up.

I am so sick of people using emoji's in business related emails. I want to hunt them down and break their fingers when I see it.

Soooo might turn into the lead developer of the web services of 2 fucking schools with the manpower of 2 for which one of us ain't even a developer all because HR put my lead developer in the hospital and he might be so fucking fed up that he may not come back to work.

Fuck
Human
Resources

Holy fuck man.....I was already a lead mobile developer before and i fucking hated every minute of it and the pay raise ain't even gonna be worth it for the ammount of shit that i am going to be required to do.

Fuck this, fingers crossed man I really want my boy to come back cuz I don't wanna deal with this bullshit.

I seriously never thought i would be in this position and by heavens i have been in some shit before.

Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Fingers crossed my boy gets better man fr.

A becomes B
B becomes C
C becomes A
D becomes B
E becomes A

Now add real hostnames... Make this list longer (roughly 15-18)

Add resource calculation, migration of VMs, organizing new hardware, removing and rebuilding hosts, etc.

I think my brain is permanently damaged and cannot be repaired.

Hardware migration finally over tomorrow.

I really won't miss the fuckton of Excel lists, constant speaking mistakes, having sore fingers from mutilating the desk calculator etc.

I'm too tired to be happy. But... It's over.

Recently got back into Blender to get those 3D modeling Skillz. Lemme tell you what those keybindings do NOT fucking stick in memory over long periods of time.

I felt like someone had detached all of my fingers, shuffled their order, and instructed me to type an essay. Not to mention the new UI, which I love for sure, but is unfamiliar to me.

Anyways, I've always wanted to make a multiplayer VR hangout sort of game set in Disney world so that's my unobtainable goal and reason for doing this.

Yay.

Doing dev work in Belgium in an office without air conditioning and a
room temperature of 38°C (100F).. just impossible to focus.. in the car I almost burnt my fingers using the steering wheel and gear stick. Some of you guys have had similar experiences (temp? Location?), for me it's a first..

std::cout<< " University, here I come! ";

// just passed a very important exam and I can't wait to get enrolled at my dream Uni :) Fingers crossed 🤞🏻

Microsoft Dynamics CRM... may the designer's fingers turn into fish hooks and his testicles get infected with the fleas of a thousand camels!!!

That moment you accidently press CTRL+Q instead of CTRL+A

What the hell! Every time someone comes over to my desk and stands behind me my brain disengages from my fingers an I start misspelling and doing wrong commands etc..

Just one more reason everyone should have private office.

That's it. I'm fucking retarded. I'm just so fucking retarded. I'm so fucking supid, it makes me wonder why do I even keep trying. I'm not sure I even have the energy in my fingers to keep typing this stupid rant.

I've been banging my head against this stupid fucking issue for A WEEK. Digging into the documentation, trying different library versions, trying to move stuff around even if it didn't make sense, trying to use different approaches because maybe I was missing something, or maybe I didn't understand some concept.
Surely spawning a child function from a parent can't be that hard, right?

Nothing.

Even tried it on a different OS - who knows, maybe it's Windows doing some if its magic fuckery?

Still nothing.

"Wait, why am I calling this function directly instead of calling its parent?"

!rant
If you don't even know what MySQL is, fuck off and let me do my job. Don't insist that you can't find the solution to the problem. That's why I'm here. Your incompetence and persistence are slowing me down and if you really want your stuff to be done on time, don't even dip your fingers into my codes. I know you may think that I need help, but your help is useless if you have zero knowledge and can't even understand the solutions given in stack overflow. I'm fine doing this on my own, so fuck off. Just. fuck. off.

I hope there is a rusty miniature guillotine wrapped tightly around each microsoft vsCode developers fingers and each time the global server gets a signal that somewhere an extension host froze, instantly cuts a finger off.

Finally finished my application to do Data Science. Fingers crossed I get it!

After coding in c++ for a week now, whenever I type '#' in todoist, my fingers automatically type #include.
And then I correct my mistake. Annoying, but cool

I type with my index fingers. Am I an abomination?

I got my dirty fingers on this leak of an AMAZING ML model capable of pondering EVERY PARAMETER IN THE UNIVERSE and saying if your business idea needs improvement or is good to go.
BEHOLD THIS 100% PURE PYTHON SOLUTION:

```python
import random

def magic(*args, **kwargs):
if random.random() > 0.5:
return "Good to go!"
else:
return "Requires improvement on value proposition"
```

This LEAK is from a startup that just received 4 BILLION USD IN VENTURE CAPITAL to improve their AI SYSTEMS.
Literally enough money to solve world hunger forever.
Who else is gonna invest in NEW THERANOS ADVANCED A.I. RESEARCH INTERNATIONAL INC?

I think i finally have a good shot at finally becoming an employed web developer. Keeping my fingers crossed

Why do co workers find it acceptable to eat and type on their keyboard with greasy fingers and then go on to ask for help only to realise that my fingers are wet / greasy seconds later.... eugh

FUCK YOU $CLIENT_NAME !

You tell me I've spent the last 6 months molesting and hacking your piece of garbage multistore prestashop?

Just for you to yet again, change the specifications, saying "I don't want a multistore anyway please split them up"

What an imbicile moron, you want me to duplicate the codebase/database 7 times? just to start "downgrading" each one individually? To make a few adjustments to each one.

What the fuck have you been smoking? I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.

Spending Saturday from 9-18 trying to learn Angular. Following along with the lecturer but the code won't work when I serve with my unworthy fingers...??? Oh, but now it turns out the instructor's code isn't running either..! Nice to know that everyone turns to StackOverflow in their darkest hour. 😋

Today is release day...big sprint (complete UI redesign) ... Already 1 and half month late ... fingers crossed (specially for in house clients)

!rant

Made my research about mechanical keyboard and was worried that my first one was going to be too loud at work.

I can hear the majority of hammering cave trolls smashing their membrane keyboards louder than I can hear my MX Brown.

This shit is like heaven for fingers.

:D

I'm worried. I would love to internship for my current boss over the summer.
But there are only 4 spots and 10 people competing.

She basically wants an assistant to help with her photography gig. But many of the skills she's asking for are graphic design related minus the website building.

Fingers crossed that what little knowledge I have there can be enough to get me free housing for 8 weeks. Would also love the chance to build a website. Here's to the interview tomorrow.

Ctrl+shift+esc with the first three fingers like playing billard

Do you use the well known "pattern" for positioning fingers on the keyboard for faster typing, or you just came up with your own "pattern" as time passed?

Soo.. we always knew facebook is evil and manipulates aunties into some weird conspiracy theories

But finally got some reason to convince my friends and family to migrate from Whatzap (aka facebook2) to Signal or Telegram :)

Forcing users to share their information went to a complete different direction of the world is going to. Kinda of glad that this finally burst out of the tech bubble

Anyway

My question is if there are any alternatives to Instagram?

Fingers crossed tiktok is not the only other option 😅

Gag SO, tie em up & suspend them in the air in the basement or attic..
Helps if SO is into BDSM..if not it's a bit awkward.. // joke, I don't even have an attic or basement.. :(

In all seriousnes, if anyone knows how to prevent people from knocking on the office door to ask if I want coffe or sth to eat, that'd be great..asking them to not disturb unless the house is on fire or they cut off their fingers clearly doesn't help.. :(

"Hey Vsauce! Michael here. Where are your fingers?"

Me: "On the keyboard" XD

all these hacking movies have quick random typing its jst bashing ur fingers on a keyboard

Do you know guys why a programming bug is called so? It's because the very first time a software crashed it was because of a bug ( a real bug stuck in a bus on the machine!) That caused that 😂 imagine if something else was stuck instead! Like someone's​finger : hey I fixed that finger but still got 2 critical fingers and 4 small ones

*Furiously cracks fingers and starts typing*

When I first tried out mobile app development some weeks ago I found it pretty fun. Now when I have a internship with a company to create a Android app I was kind of excited. Now after just a week I don't think I will come back to Android development again. Android studio eats my RAM and made my computer hang itself, and the thing I despise the most is gradle! AS f**ks with my gradle also so now they are all gone and i'm trying to rewrite them by myself...

*Furiously tries to calm down*

In the 10th circle of Hell, we find those developers whose UI components move just as you're about to click/tap them.

Amongst other things, these accursed souls find that, when they go to sit down on the bog, a millisecond before their arse makes contact, the whole bathroom inexplicably moves 14 inches to the left so they actually sit on the handle of the brush.

Or they go to open a door, and just as their fingers are about to touch the handle, the handle is magically replaced by a live wolverine.

I'm so fucking done today.

The VB project I ranted about earlier was apparently just the top of the iceberg of madness that is my workplace.
So the same ninjacoder who managed to code himself as a dependency in the VB project apparently had his greasy little fingers in a bunch of other projects around here.
A script for automating new workstation installs that went haywire last week had traces from this Omnipotent mastermind all over it. He got us this time with static urls and zero errorhandling.
Well played sir.
Getting so done with undocumented projects that I have to dig through several hours just to find and fix.

Time to be back here again!

How did the community change in the
*counts fingers*
3 years I have missed?

I'm freaked out like I have never been freaked out before. My pinky finger (don't know what the actual name for it is) started to get itchy about two days ago and steadily got worse and now it's gotten to the point that it's almost numb and vibrates constantly. I guess it's because I use my laptop's keyboard and repeatedly use Shift or Ctrl keys. Anyways just wanted to share my panicky day with you all and wish you healthy fingers.

P.S. I ordered an ergonomic keyboard just today but still, you know how much we need our fingers, I have the right to panic here!

I just fucking hate my fat fingers, every once in a while I'm trying to hit CMD + TAB and I end up with my finger in the Q.

FFS.

It hurts the most when what you close is your terminal that had 20 sessions up.

I just realized like 90% of the time I ctrl-c, I do it with both middle fingers.

When you have been heavily using 1 language for 6 months, then start a project in another - where da fuq did all my memory muscle go!

Look at this guy. He can barely talk but already be messing with some tech stuff.

I remember myself from the age of five. I remember two things: how they asked me how old I was and I looked at my hand showing all five fingers and that I always knew I’ll be doing something tech when I grow up.

Asus does not know how to implement a button that is also a fingerprint scanner,my phone keeps closing all apps cuz my fingers are sweaty(the button isnt actually clickable it just senses...My sweat smh)

I hate all the hate, violence, and abuse in the world. I live somewhat close to one of the recent mass shootings and I’m fortunate to not have known anyone involved. But I wish we’d just stop trying to point fingers and actually do something about the mental health here. All the Racism, Sexism (on both sides), and mental health that goes unchecked genuinely makes me sad. And this bullshit with Walmart taking down any advertisements for “violent video games” but still selling guns is horse shit. Idc if you sell the guns but if you’re going to fuck over video games for nothing because they’re never the cause, then stop selling guns if you’re rolling off this bullshit logic.

I hope everyone is safe and doing okay.

“Practical” tech interviews for senior roles (from my experience): DONT worry! We won’t give you any “leetcode” problems!! Instead, we’re giving you only 40 minutes to do this huge laundry list of tasks that are simple but hella time consuming. We want to see how fast you can type. So you have 40 minutes to write a mini app while we take note of the shit ton of simple errors you make due to the time crunch as your fingers burn through the keyboard and then wonder why no one can pass our “simple” tech exam!!!!

DAMMIT!! the only tech exams I enjoy are ones that involve refactoring existing code bc everything else is a fucking speed test! I’d also MUCH RATHER take these exams WITHOUT someone there taking notes like I’m a fucking lab monkey!

Touch my screen with those fatty fingers and it will be the last thing they’ll ever touch!
🔨🔨🔨😠

Been coding with Vim for about half a hour, after I while I notice my pinky bulges, I push it off but...
Now, whenever I keep my fingers in a Vim-typing position the pinky bulges on it's own.

Don't try Vim kids, wrong for your health.

Dealing with a remote, international developer for the first time tomorrow...

Algorithms teacher: I don't know how to work this thing. (computer) ... Students constantly have to go up front and help him do basic computer stuff. Even worse, he types with two fingers! Why education system must you suck so bad???

I was doing an asset management project for the CTO of a small company in ASP.NET and the CTO decided to stick his crap smeared fingers into the development because he 'developed' a completely different AS/400 system which everyone complained was like having a dog smear it's balls all over your screen while taking a dump on your keyboard. Fucking idiot would have given me 2 weeks extra work with all the shit he broke if it wasn't for version control.

So I’ve finished the project (YES FUCKING FINALLY I KNOW) but it’s not official until I turn in the code to my client (FUCK) and see if he wants me to add anything or if it’s good how it is. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻

!rant Bought a fertility hormone test and so I have to wake up early tomorrow to lancet two (or more!) fingers and bleed on some index cards (not literally index cards, probably) before mailing them to a lab. Fun times, fun times. 😅

Am I the only one with sore thumbs from using a phone and typing at work all day? Everyone talks about their phone and features it should have but I'm just like "hardware ain't shit if you're going to break your hands using it"

I think it's a tall people with big hands problem.

That sad moment when HR says we will call you back in next week and they don't call you.
(still waiting)

Today, making a list out loud while in a conversation with a co-worker.
Me:
"thing one" *puts out hand*,
"thing two" *raises thumb*,
"thing three" *raises index finger*,
"thing four" *raises middle finger*

Co-worker: "That's 3 fingers, you said 4 things.."
Me: "I guess I mentally counted in base 0.."

you know when you start with computer at 9 years old... and you hate calligraphy class and typing feels the same and thus you skip it and now you are hitting a wall because you are not using enough fingers to be more productive at the keyboard!! 😡

I right now have a rag over my hands at the keyboard and am taking typing lessons... and my brain is not happy about it!

Let's call her Silvia.

Silvia debugs her code by whispering it out loud: "so if this variable is two, then..."

Everyone thinks Silvia is great. But she asks for help whenever she runs up against the simplest of problems: "I have never worked with this library/dependency before!"
(Well, that's kind of the nature of open source if you ask me.)

Silvia types with superbly heavy fingers, making sure we can hear every keystroke, especially when she hits return.

I think Silvia overcompensates for something.

Imagine a time when a colleague contributes a shitty spaghetti of non-optimized code that neither use mnemonic variables nor conventional naming of functions, and you can imagine the dark hours of maintaining it and your fingers itch to fix it but you don't have the time and the responsibility too to do it. He doesn't listen to you and you feel bad to tell this to the boss as the colleague is also a friend you've known since college and is a good person otherwise. No options seems to give peace.

Oh boy. 2.5k loc of legacy bash code. The task is to give every function its own script since that is literally what this script is. Cha8ned together individual scripts . Fingers crossed its actually just breaking out functions :x

What is the maximum distance you can cover with your fingers on the first row of keys on your keyboard?

My fingers itch to do fun projects.. but coming up with a good idea is a pain in the ass.

My fingers are the only part of my body that do fully exercise. Despite what day it is.

Does anybody else have back pain and tingling in fingers after a long day?

i burnt 3 fingers on each of my hands cooking yesterday(picked up a lid with bare hands) and have butt loads of coding to so let's see what wins

About a year ago I said I'd be migrating from development into something else. During one year, I studied it, practiced, applied to many job postings, did tests, projects, collab, etc.

So after the latest job application, and being rejected of course, I suddenly thought again about my dev life, and the fire within me ignited like my computer ignited when running Android Studio.

Now, just removing the dust and rust from my fingers, and catching up by following some free project tutorials on YT.

I'm back

Well! Interview at Amazon done! Really nice people with a good mentality. Nothing left but to cross fingers!

Fingers crossed we can say goodbye to ping and latency problems in next 5-10 years. Exciting times we live in.

Finished a 6 month long project! Deployed on Friday, and now I’ll be taking the week off. Fingers crossed and hoping that no one burns my desk when I get back... 🌎🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

So the company I work at is moving to a new location. We are a small company, so we were all talking about potential problems with the move - network, internet, firewalls, access to servers and so on. Us trying to cover all possible scenarios.

Our CTO looks up and says: “or we could just cross our fingers and hope for best”.

WTF🤯

!rant, story

Wonder if I’m alone on this:
I have habits.
Always use the same cup, with very same amount of coffee grounds. Same four presses with the same fingers on the coffee machine.
Same way I place the cups in my desk. Same way I carry my notebook, same way I dry my hands. Same exact spot I place my card on the rfid reader. Use same elevator, same locker. God.
You name it, I do it on my own particular way.

Thing is, that I think about it. I do it consciously. I am just happier if things stay the way they are. It not just muscle memory thing.

Not judging here, just wonder if there’s people who can relate as much 🧐

RAAAAAAH fuck fuck fucking shit!!! Fuck jest Typescript "on the fly" compilation esModuleInterop typeroots, missing definitions jest ts-ignore and xtest everywhere, manual npm linking with different pkg mgrs & pub to a private registry, building docker images locally and doing tag management across git, docker & kubernetes then cross fingers that prod which has 0 common setup with local & test somehow works, open architecture "tickets" and wait months before they resolve, then repeat ad infinitum. How the fuck can I be productive when I need to be all over the place all the time and deal with these meta-code shenanigans. I just wanna code, damned

Finally!
Today is the day that my team gets reinforcment. For nearly a year I declined everybody, but now I got someone with a decent amount of experience.

Devranters please cross your fingers that I wasn't wrong at the evaluation.

So I got my sister a new PC and being the thrifty (and masochistic) fuck I am, I thought I'd build it myself. I built the PC yesterday (side note: Stick to backplate coolers, Push-Pin is the bane of my existence, patience and fingers) and wanted to install Windows today.
I shit you not, I ran this godforsaken spawn of Satan of 'Windows Media Creator Tool' no less than 5 times with different USB sticks, different Ports, turned off AV and FW and as Administrator but stuff ain't working. After ~30min of downloading Windows each time, it always told me in usual Windows manner "Something went wrong", because who needs decent error messages anyway...

This is the one of the best day of my last 2 years struggle.
I got my devRant stickers and
BIG NEWS I got interview call from a company that I really wanted to work for.

Wish me luck !
Fingers crossed !

Real-world algorithmic question: What is the most efficient way to pop all bubbles on a large sheet of bubble wrap?

You can only use your fingers.

The funny thing is that a lot of stuff feels cool when it's not you doing it. Once you've learned it, done it, it becomes mundane, easy, boring, simple.
All that I have to go on is the memory of my naive self who thought something was cool, before me doing it, and the excitement of the moment, to have done it. After that it feels like boasting to a fireman about putting out a candle with 2 wet fingers.

It's true what they say.
You don't mess with hot glue without burning yourself.
It would be funny if I didn't have my pointer fingers burned up lol.

People who are on their computer all day, how do you deal with finger ache?

Today someone took a shit and didn't flush...

Normally you have your typical candidates, who are pissing standing in the stalls although there are free urinals, people who don't wash their hands after pissing or just splash like 3 fingers with water. Even not washing hands after taking a dump, which is pretty disgusting... But today? Some dude in the stall next to me took a shit, wiped his butt... and went away... No flushing no washing hands... Wtf is wrong with people?

Well, basically 2017 sucked ass. Like a big, fat, hairy, sweaty ass. I did learn quite a bit though, so there's that.

Fingers crossed 2018 is a better year

Trying to switch from 2 finger bird-view typing to 10 finger no-view. Fuck this is hard! I'm just veeery slowly getting used to it, although I tend to fall back automatically when I don't focus on it and just want to type in a few characters.
I keep doing several typos and often forget where a key was exactly or confuse the position of some character, even though I typed it fairly often before. Also typing any number or non-alphabetic letter is mostly a wild guess of finger position.
Either I'm a very slow learner or smth's wrong.😪

lightning round

Sometimes I feel like moving to the equator for the temperature. Winter is pretty and all but programming with cold fingers is just such a pain

My brain, hands, fingers, laptop and VS Code need I explain?

Do cartoon characters with four fingers per hand (and assuming only two arms) naturally think in octal? Or is it just a happy coincidence that humans developed base 10 because we (normally) have 10 fingers?

The number of roles you are expected to do these at this company, to be paid for just one of them.
Business analyst , developer, tester, first line support, architect, devops engineer, recruiter.
And you have the cheek to ask us what we need to keep this shit alive.
(Obviously it’s more people but the answer to that is no).

Fuck right off.
I do not care if this company doesn’t meet its contractual obligations and goes into administration.
It’s not my company, I can walk into another shit company easily, maybe I’ll even get lucky and find a good one.

Why don’t you people at the top who are being paid six figure salaries and telling everyone things are wonderful pull your fingers out of your collective arses and doing what your paid for.
You fuckers deserve all that is coming.

Me: I have very perfect reason why I did not come to work to day .
Client: Please state your reason .
Me: its silly I don't wanna talk about it.
Client: please do
Me: my index fingers are hurting
Client: why
Me: what do you mean why I was tying to git push heroku master
But every time some json dependency failed

~just-interesting-hack-things~
I was able to force my phone to work with 2 fingerprints by alternating my fingers during the setup.

You know what I just love? That co-worker who constantly cracks his knuckles. I wonder what sound it would make if someone made his fingers bend just a little more.

Fuck you Firefox and your shitty debugger.

Why do you try to be so different, to the point where you make the error messages obscure?

Google the error message I get in the Chrome debugger - hundreds of results.

Google the error message I get in the Firefox debugger - I can count the results with my fingers.

Just use the same error messages god damn it.

P.S: Also, why is there no fucking option to open an image in a new tab, like in Chrome?

*One Month Ago*
Project Manager: we have allocated these two workstations for you to extract data (set) from malicious files, they are off the network. I though would also prefer a seperate laptop for this project you can take this one (pointing towards the newish laptop on the table)
Me: (i declined his offer because i didn't wanted to carry two laptops everywhere) I'm going to use my own laptop, but I'll be using a sand box or virtual machine.
*Fast Forward to Today*
Accidentally ran a script outside the sandbox, which due to some unknown reasons ended up executing a bunch of malicious files I only realised my mistake when my antivirus started to go bonkers FML.
P.S. both of those PCs are now connected network because of me.
Fingers crossed

My new Microsoft keyboard 😍

Its great for 🔟 fingers typing👌

I just want this week to be over so I can focus on coding =\.

Screw final exams, final research paper, final presentation, and final unit assignment.

I’m terrible at procrastination on things that don’t interest me and my fingers itch to minimize PowerPoint and maximize VS

"Reviewer 2 is always a bitch"

Aaaaaaaand I'm looking at gloomy reviews which means my paper is gonna get rejected soon. Why oh god why!

(Actually, I know why, and maybe this is for the best, since I pulled the method out of my arse because I found out environments were unstable and had to nag about it to not fully lose a year's worth of investigative work. But also, this is my first conference rejection. Literally. 😐)

... There's a slight chance one of the reviews might save me tho, so keep your fingers and toes crossed for me, pleaeaeaeaeaeaeaaeaease! 🙏🏻

From two fingers to ten
We grew up a lot.😏
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Typing

Can gamedevelopers stop using lua as their freaking scripting language..
Every time I try and figure out how tables work and think I finally get it it throws a big fuck you curve ball.

Oh and then they use json file to store the data of a table except that those json interfaces are complete retards.

If you are going to support json files then why the fuck won't you put in a small fucking inconsecential JS interperter so you can actually find some docs regarding more complex fucking docs then those simple minded t[guildName] = "guild"

Another thing, why the fuck does lua not use {} like every other langauge. I use those curly brackets to figure out where shit start and ends half the freaking time.

Fuck this I'm out for today...
And a big fuck you with both middle fingers to any dev that thinks lua is a great scripting language for plugins.

"The silence isn't so bad
'Till I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly"

-Me to my PS4 Controller

1st. Put my Razor Blackshark Aviator headset on. Noise cancellation the low-tech way with full earcups.

2nd. I go on music genre binges for weeks at a time. Lately I've been listening to Viking inspired Dark Folk music like Wardruna, Fejd, Corvus Corax, and Forndom. That came after I did a month of proto rock n roll blues from the southern United States like Leadbelly, Blind Willie Johnson, and Mississippi John Hurt. I also drop some liquid DnB on a bender here and there.

3rd. I set up Hyper.is terminal to use the power plugin that makes sparks fly off of each keystroke.

4th. I set up Atom to work similarly with a continuous code counter that keeps a score of how long and fast you type continuously when coding. It also throws sparks off of the cursor as you type.

5th. Pop my neck and fingers and geterdun.

Today I coded till my fingers bled. Dunno if I should be scared or proud.

Where do I request a new word to English dictionary? Apparently, template is now tempalte according to my fingers >_>

What I write may not be worth reading, but at least the sound of my fingers clicking away rhythmically on the keyboard is soothing.

Raspi dist-upgrade from wheezy to jessie started. Fingers crossed :D

Christmas rant: I didn't code for 3 days. Terrible feeling and can't wait to get fingers on keyboard again 😢

When I was in 6th grade, and we were learning HTML, and I realised the power my fingers suddenly held as Chrome (ugh) loaded up my frst webpage with some basic styling. At that moment, I understood the extensibility, the dyanmicity (My English teacher would kill me), the pure awsomeness I could do with a text file. In three years (now), I finally made a calendar that works which has comments, is split into dedicated files, works, is clean and written in D, and works.

So what's a good programming laptop anyway?
Just got a €1300 Asus at work. Beautiful machine, 4 cores, 16gb RAM,
BUT the trackpad sucks. Really sucks, as in you can't work with it. I'll be scrolling using two fingers, but half the time I just see the cursor going down. Is it only Macbooks that are decent in this field? Is my only hope to get a macbook and run Windows in boot camp? (rly need windows since my companies software is written in .Net

Why do average people insist on buying ridiculous packages from companies like GoDaddy - when they don't know a thing about hosting or domains? They may as well just break a few of my fingers before I start their project.