That's the exact question that came to me 2 years back when I was also going to go to sleep early tonight

Me: I’ve been in the web since 2006, of course i know html,css,javascript.
Also me: Google how to center a div.

One of my client (who's also a coder) asked me today

"Are you on devRant?"

Me: 😶 What's that? 😓

Customer: ... and can you also disable right-click to prevent our website's content from being copied?

Me:

Nobody:

Senior frontend Dev at my company: "microservices best thing ever"

Also him: "Relational databases gonna die"

Also him (talking to the DB team): "You're gonna dissapear, Mongo is the future"

Me: "Eh... Dude, Mongo is still a database.."

Him: "Microservices"

Send help...

Me: "Ahh yes finally done making this big module that does X, took me 2 weeks but its done!"
Coworker: "You know there's a plugin that does X right?"
Me: "Just go..."
Coworker: "Ohh and it also does Y which makes X easier if you have to do Z"
Me: "GET OUT OF HERE I NEED TO CRY"

Ex-Boss (62years old)- why do you wear a watch? Take it off.

Me (bewildered) - why? What happened?

Him - see I don't wear a watch also.
Come on, take it off.

Me - *took off my watch* now what?

Him - see. Now you can also look at the time using your mobile, like me. No need of watch. U should be modern.

Me- *WTF. Are u high or something, u fucking insane asshole? *
He was one weird piece of shit.

Me: While Debugging, split personality helps me a lot

Also me: well said bro

Bob?
Yeah?
Bob, could you hand me that paperclip?
Sure mate!
Thanks.

Oh... Bob?
Uhhh... yeah?
Could you also hand me that paperclip?
Right... sure, of course.
Thanks.

Bob?
What?
Could you also hand me the next paperclip?
Fuck off, why don't I just give you the whole fucking box!

Yeah Bob, please, throw the whole fucking box.

Wait, is that a printed screenshot of my code you're attaching the paperclips to?

It sure is, Bob.

Wished sudo exists in real life also.

Me: Leave me alone.
Person: No.
Me: sudo Leave me alone.
Person: Sure.

Client: Can you make a feature wherein users can blah blah blah blah blah

Client: and blah blah blah blah blah blah

Client: and also if possible blah blah blah blah

Me: okay.

Client: in 2 days?

Me: O_O

Friend: Bro there's a life outside the internet also
Me: Send me the link

Me: “I’m gonna rebuild this site from the ground up.”
Also me, 5 minutes into it: “Can’t figure out this stupid CSS thing I need to do. Gonna take a quick break.”
Also also me, looking at it 5 days later:

Is it just me or do others also think programmer jokes like "...converts caffeine and pizza into software" and similar to be fucking annoying?

Not truly a coworker, but a train conductor on my commute sees me coding all the time and chats with me about how he is teaching himself (I am also self taught). He makes me feel like a rock star for doing what I do 😎

drunk me: "let's just code a bit right before going to bed!"
*codes and then goes to bed*
sober me: "when and what did i do here?"
(...)
also sober me: "how the hell does this work?!"

Also my boss's thoughts against me :))

C : Hi, I will send you the minor fixes with new images soon. Can you update for me?

Me : Yes sure.

C : We would also like to launch the website tomorrow.

Me : Oh cool. Then I'll connect it to the live domain after the updates.

C : My boss also likes to press a button and launch the website....

Me : ... umm ...

This dude has to be my best ever coworker !
Not only does he never disturb me, he also gives me amazing feedback during debugging 🐥

Had a week off, when I came back, an email :
"Dodger, can you explain me why did you change this ? I asked X and he wasn't aware you changed it"

Me : *browse through mail and find a mail from late December from X asking me to do that exact change*

Also me :

Manager: so how long will feature A take?

Me: about a week.

Manager: and feature B?

Me: also a week.

Manager: how about C?

Me: another week

Manager: great! then we can finish the project in a week!

THAT'S NOT HOW MATH WORKS

Convincing my parents that I'm doing something useful on my computer and that it can also help me get a job

Customer: "Why doesn't the user interface have a night mode?"
Me: It wasn't in the requirements, it also doesn't have bouncing pink elephants, do you want me to add those in as well?

Me: why do people hate javascript?
Also Me after 5 mins of js coding :
Oh right now i remember why

Food.... It works every single day and also motivates me to goto the office.

My office is next to a mall.

This is true for me also, except for the boss one.

is this just me or someone also wants saving rant image feature?

Seeing other people's work

inspires me but also makes me doubt my skills

Also Me: You still haven't even finished your other 5321436578 other side projects!

School: Do you want to learn programming?
Me: Yes.
School: Do you want to learn about operation systems and networks?
Me: Yeah, sounds cool.
School: Do you also want to learn basic electrophysics?
Me: But I will rarely need it if I become a SE.
School: Well too bad!

Play store wants me to commit suicide, also enjoy the expertly drawn arrow.

Me: *Has 3 difficult exams to study for and hours of work*

Also me: I should try my hand at encryption in Python.

“Do you think you might be a bit dramatic?”

Me: not at all

Also me:

Me: Uses a pirate windows
Also Me: Pays to support devRant

My current company is moving to a no code platform.

Also me planning to moving into another company :)

Me: Listen dude, the code worked perfectly and all the test cases passed so I'm done here.
Also me: What is this? What the fuck is this? Why does this work? What witchcraft is this?
*Screams internally*

Me: quits social media because I think it's a waste of time and who the fuck cares about likes and stuff?
Also me: spends countless hours on devRant and would sell my butt for a couple of ++

Me: wow in really starting to love arch Linux, feels good to be away from Ubuntu!

Ubuntu: Yo! 18.04 is here!

Also me:

Reading open source projects made me doubt my skills but also was the cause of improving them :')

HOD: Hey, Can you conduct web development workshop for Jr.'s?

Me: no issue, Can you share syllabus?

HOD: download from the internet.

Me: cool, So may also be trained them related to GitHub.

HOD: what is GitHub?

Me: -_- nothing its little thing, I will manage.

My parents don't charge me for rent and I also eat their food.

Someone who noticed that I do programming as a hobby and therefore set harder work for me in class. He also encourages my side projects and at the moment is helping me build a native app for the school :)

I was playing Science trivia with Google assistant. Looks like she didn't want me to get all 5 answers right.

Also, 0.62 != 0.62

Me: Finally got Arch.

Also me an hour later: Fuck why doesn't it boot now

Me: I got a new job.
Friend: Can you also fix me a job there

Me: Why dosn't cp return an error code when the file in the first argument doesn't exist?

Coworker: Well, you copied a file that doesn't exist to a destination that also doesn't exist, sounds like a successful copy to me.

me: yo, im kinda low on cash right now, i should save some money and not do any iot projects this month

also me: yo, look at those nfc chips, i got an idea

Colleague: Just commit to the current branch so we don't ruin the dev-branch
Me: We could also just create a new branch?
Colleague: No use this one, branches don't "grow on trees"
Me: *facepalm*...

Me searching for some random ideas.

Case 1
Me - I want to create something.
Friend - Can you hack into ... ?
Me - No, bye

Case 2
Me - I want to create something.
Bro - I also want to create one awesome project
Me - Ok, cool

Case 3
Me - I want to create something
Mom - Come, help me with preparation for dinner.
Me - *I have been trapped* Nice move

Me : *is bad at coding in C, java, Scala, swift and basically every other language*

Also me : time to learn a new language !

Me: "What a stupid piece of shit documentation and software, it does not work!!!!!!!"

Also me: "Oh, this typo made everything _not-work_"

Group projects in computer science usually go like this for me:

Me: Want to be in a Group?

Group member: sure

Me: okay, we can discuss the project and start coding some stuff tomorrow

Group member: I don't have a laptop, won't get one till two weeks

Me: -_-

Also me: fuck off

Person: How are you?

Me: *googles,,, 'how to respond to a how are you questions'*

Me to Me: What is happening to me???!! I need help!!!

Also Me: *Posts about it on devrant*

Me: knows how to program a neural network

Also me: doesn't know how to use it

Again me: bad at math so doesn't know how to use the outputs of a neural network

So, taking an entry course for Java.

Also, you people have corrupted me... Now I have switched everything to dark-themes.

Fuck College, Fuck C, Fuck the people that didnt help me with my C code and in fact made my problems worse and didn't fucking help me, Fuck the bastard that decided to give my the largest mountain of homework, fuck my inability to get shit done, fuck myself for not getting motivated to do anything. And also fuck Javascript cause its JavaScript.

Edit: IM ALSO FUCKING RETARDED

One of my clients (who's also a coder) asked me today
"Are you on devRant?"
Me: 😶 What's that? 😓

me: "ugh frontend is so stupid, i wish i only did backend"

also me: "i should be working on backend, but i just added some dopeass icons to my website"

"at least 1 special character except < ' ; / - [ % _"
Also known as "Hey, look at me, I'm vulnerable to SQL injection and a lot of other fun stuff!"

Me : Never actually worked on Linux before.

Also me : Tries to create, host and maintain a LAMP server.

me: "aye im a cool functional programmer, monads are useful, whats up loop using plebs'

also me: *passes input argument as terminating condition*

Only site which helped me alot to get me started in advance git commands was : ohshitgit.com
It also helped me when i started contributing in open source
Check it out :)

Me on devRant: Advice, support and encouragement
Also me on devRant: Crude jokes and whiny rants

me: "hey look, something new and awesome I could use in my projects!" (WebAssembly in this case)
also me: "I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT I WOULD USE THIS FOR"

Step 1: try a third party defragmentation tool as windows' one is shit
Step 2: go to sleep while shit is getting done
Step 3: ???
Step 4: prof- Wait what ? Fuuuuu

First day of job tomorrow.
Will be working on Angular 4, TS, JS, front end.

Wish me luck!
Also, Any advices?

I JUST GOT AN OFFER. God has blessed me. I also found out I have cancer a couple weeks ago. What a confusing time this is lol.

Me: "I should try to waste less money this month"
Also me: "I wonder what 1000 euro whiskey tastes like..."

(Please describe in comments, I don't actually have 1000 euros for whiskey.)

Fren: You should use Lorem Ipsum at some parts.

Me: Sure.

Also Me:

Me: I have a meeting in 20 minutes, I should get out of bed.
Also me: Thank fuck nobody bothers with cameras in meetings coz I'm often in bed.

me: “I need to do some work”
also me: “but... but.. devrant”
me: *opens devrant*

"(Caramel) stop posting weeb shit on source"

ME: but I don't put weeb shit in code...

Also ME:

Me: Gets a brand new 1TB SSD

Also me:
> npm install

Me: *Sees AvatarOfKaine commented on my post*
Also me: "Fuck no"

STFU Google...

Also, my E-Mail client knows me too damn well 😂😂😂

Me: I want to be a developer so I can make useful software that will help people!

Also me: *spends days making a bot for discord that just posts memes*

Me: Right, time to sit down and write some code.

Also me: I think I need to try a new IDE to see if that makes me more productive.

Productivity tools are my own productivity anti-pattern...!

[Me on a first date]
So do you also think password less ssh can never be safe enough?

Guys, give me one more ++ so that I also can have an avatar 😔

..crying in a corner.. 😢

Me: This weekend will be a very productive.

Also Me: *Torrent 5 seasons of a series*

When someone asks me what is programming, I usually say:

— That's something like assembling Lego, but you also get paid for it.

Me: Do you like the client?
Dude: Yeah! How did you make that?
Me: I... I...
Also me: SHIT I DON'T KNOW.

Me: "Hmmmm, why is my firefox acting erratically? What's wrong with scrolling?"
Also me: "Oh fuck, I've been pressing control with my hand resting on the keyboard"

One of my clients (who's also a developer) asked me today "Are you on devrant?"
Me: "What's that😑?"

Me:
working on this personal project for a year with some progress every week..

Also me:
I got this new Idea for this new project!

WHILE DOING SOME PROCESS, SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT INTERRUPTED MY PROCESS AND HAD ME EXPRESS AN EMOTION OF ANGER! DO YOU ALSO EXPERIENCE INTERRUPTIONS THAT CAUSE ANGER, FELLOW HUMANS?

Me: *Adding finishing touches on my project*

Also me: *Adding more small features to the project*

I want it to be done but I can’t stop thinking of quality of life features

Co-worker: Why are you deleting this piece of code?

Me: It's deprecated and it can be made in a better way. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing

Also me: OH SHIT THE ENTIRE PROJECT IT'S RUINED

Nobody:
Me going insane minutes before midnight: I made a OpenWRT LXC container

(It's also in images.linuxcontainers.org)

Customer: We need an app to replace the Excel ( bunch of forms with messy macros and script)

Also Customer: Can I export the form fill it in an excel and import again.

Me: Sure, Definitely
Inner me: Where's Thanos

Opened devRant while sitting in public transport.
Suddenly, the dude sitting next to me starts talking to me.
Nearly got a heart-attack because I thought he was going to say something about the devRant feed I was scrolling through or even reveal he was also on devRant. (Dude reminded me of some of the guys on the face reveal. Also, wild beard. XD)

Now somewhat disappointed but also relieved he wasn't a fellow devRanter. (I probably am a social being but when someone catches me off-guard I may react awkward.)

Me: "I'm not overdoing it!"
Also me: "It's Tuesday, I needed a 3 hour nap."

Incompetence of people around me drives me mad. I see a piece of shit code and I can’t stop myself from improving it.
Also better developers around me. I need to find out how they’re better and beat them

Can someone please explain to me the purpose of developers wearing formal clothing ?? Some companies in my country also require ties and suits. Why ??

Amazing client.

Want to add parallax effect to whole website (yes I also don't understand) after everything is done and final.

After they have moved up the launch date.

After they have asked me to also do the data entry not only the development.

After I specifically asked for ssh access, PHP7+ server and then they asked me to deploy it to their shared hosting through cpanel.

After ...

After ....

After .....

Upgraded my phone at the weekend. New phone turned up a day early, and Vodafone also sent me a surprise Google Home Hub

Retro Gaming playlist by Spotify on Spotify is one of the best oldies playlists I found.

// Also remind me how old I am 😁

Today:

Rando Person: Also this doesn't work, and this, and thi----

Me: Wait, what doesn't work and where? Show me...

Rando Person: Here see-

Me: Stop ... see how that says 'beta' and not to use it?... and how did you find this / get access to this?

Rando Person: Yeah the customer is using it.

Me: For fucks sake....

Me: *makes todo list for things that need to be done today*

Also me: *wakes up late, eats breakfast, goes back to bed*

It has sated my hunger for never-ending knowledge.
It allows me to freely express myself.
It has given me the goal to surpass all these people who are better than me.

Also unlimited anger that can end me up behind bars.

Started new job, its big jump for me in my career. Very much excited. People are also very helpful.

DXB (airport)'s WiFi doesn't let you call through whatsapp or telegram or even discord. It also does not let you send a whatsapp voice message, which has me very puzzled.

And all I wanted to do was to call my mom. ☹️
(I might also be running a slight fever, which makes me very emotional and sensitive)

In my wallowing experience as a freelancer I've noticed that almost all C/C++ clients are perfectionist. You just can't please them by getting the job done quickly.

I got a libcurl job from one the other day to scrape data from a target website and within an hour it was ready. I notified the client and he was both amazed and confused assuming it would take the whole week.
C++Client: The code works but you need to take your time.
Me: Sorry?
C++Client: Yes, it works but you used "string" instead of "wstring"
Me: 😊 Oh okay... *converts strings to wstring*
C++Client: And also variable names should be more descriptive.
Me: 😏 *int foobar => int very_long_descriptive_foobar_01*
C++Client: And also use "shorts" for page nums it'll save some bytes
Me: 😕 *int => short...*
C++Client: And also use forloops instead of whileloops
Me: ☹️ *whileloops => forloops*
C++Client: And also use -- instead of ++ in loops
Me: 😤 *for(... i++) => for(... i--)*
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
===> Seven "and also" days later <===
Me: *completed 10 Java projects behind the scene*
C++Client: And also use pthread instead of thread
Me: 😧 It's day 7 already!
C++Client: Oh I see, great job. You can compile and send me the archived source.
Me: 🤩
C++Client: And also...
Me: 🏃💨

me: oh im not really afraid of anything

*sees the blue screen of death*
also me: okay,, i guess i am afraid of something...

Just had a customer warn me he has "made" a lot of people, but also "broken" a lot of people... Okay then!

Any interruption. Noise and questions are the worst.

Also my girlfriend, when I'm coding alone and writes me online. She gets mad at me if I don't respond.

Me: We shouldn't change anything in the design if its not broken.

Also Me:

I regret being a designer

Me: Complains about lack of community and documentation for Groovy/Grails.

Also Me: Doesn't contribute to community or documentation for Groovy/Grails.

Me: Hey maybe you could finish this game you're working on before starting a new one?
Also me: but this new one is so cool!
Me: you said that last time

My wife was done with exercises on her electronic 88 keys piano.
Me: I also know something nice.
Her: oh so?
Me: (repeatedly typing key #3)
Her: (thinking)
Her: C hacking?!

Client: i want payment integration without using any of those 3rd party gateways like 2checkout.

Me: uhmmm, any reason you cant use those gateways?

Client: its more professional

...

they also take percentages on every transaction !

Me: ... *closes chat*

One of my clients (who's also a coder) asked me today
"Are you on devRant?"
Me: 😶 What's that? 😓

❤️ Swift ❤️
A new minor version of the compiler has been released !
How sweet !
Which comes with the latest Xcode, which is of course mandatory to deploy on your devices !
How cool !
Let me also break all your code because I've decided to change some obscure programming paradigm, and also because FUCK YOU.

Me: This time I'm going to use proper indexing!
Also me: z-index: 9999999999999999999

I'll just leave this here. RIP Firebug.

Not only you made me the front end developer I'm today, you also made me a man.

Me: * Comments a 📌 on an interesting rant *

Also me: * Clears all comment-related notifications *

Friend: So, are you studying computer engineering?
Me: Yes
Friend: Woow cool, and do you make also games?
Me: Not now, there will be a separated module...
Friend: Awasome, if you will frequent that module, can you make for me an economic version of GTA but with a better interface and in little time?
Me: Fuuu...... 😑😑😑

Me: Boycotting Facebook lately due to shady business practices, is very outspoken about how people shouldn't use Facebook services

Also me: Literally uses React for every web app

... conflicted 🤔

Me: I'm a hardcore dev lookin for trouble, can't flex on me, js on the streets and css in the sheets, watchoutttt

Also me: fuck how do I control F but like more

Also also me: I wonder how many ramen packets I'd have to eat to retire at 30

The client - constantly interrupting me with "could you also do this?" e-mails.

Parents: You want anything for your birthday?

Me: yeah, can I have a newer PC

Parents: Cool

Me: Also, can I spend a majority of my time alone messing with it?

Parents: Sure

My parents were really laid back and basically let me do what I wanted

Me: I should make REST API docs
Also me:

It's oddly comforting to see others on devRant also hammering away at some code on a Saturday afternoon. Makes me feel almost normal :)

Hey! Heard you like scams.
Seriously, what even is this? I heard about this, but didn't think it would happen to me.
Also based on what they want to be doing with another person's computer can also double as a botnet too.

Today I got corrected in the difference between to and too. Another dev told me I made a typo in the documentation where I tripple checked. Then he told me that "too"means "also" and is also used in things like "too much". In high school I got told by my teacher it was "to much".

I've been using the word "to" wrong for fourteen years now...

Friend who also works in tech industry, forwards me a video which explains how Google tracks is users via smartphones. Further calls me and explains it passionately. I'm like ..... wtf. Living under a rock or what🙄

Me: Deletes 50 or so lines of code for optimization
Also Me in Commit: Added feature 🙂💄

Put all Code into one Controller and the middlewares are a mess.

Who did it? Yeah, me.
But who fixed it? Also me.

Me: **Visits website with lots of ads

also Me : ** right clicks on element
** opens chrome inspector
** finds ad element
** deletes element

#LifeHacks

Me: I like nuget
Someone: I also like nuggets

Broke down and asked the junior dev to help me hash out an issue. He's also struggling with it.

I'm not a retard after all... unless were both retards.

Always the Black skin preference , who is also like me ?

Found this girl who also loves coding like me..... She's very studious... Have been doing projects with her inorder to spent time with her...Like for 3 years now....

But I don't understand what our relationship status is.....I tried asking her out..she just changes the topic every fuckin time... Like she also tend to spend time with me but doing technical stuff only....

I'm totally debugger zonez

When imposter syndrome hits me, i just scroll through the latest CVEs. That reminds me, that even the best can't do it properly.
I also am old enough to have seen the latest shit emerge and disappear multiple times. So there is no pressure to keep up with latest crap of the week.
Also, our industry is full of sloppy corner cutters. So that i am not sloppy and don't like to cut corners, already makes me a rare kind of coder.

Know your strengths!

me: I hate integration tests

also me: where are integration tests on this project?!

Got a proper mechanical keyboard for work instead of that nasty third generation hand-me-down cramped layout crap they gave me. I also got a small plant for my desk. Fuckin fantastic.

Customer Service: “I apologize for the delay in entering your warranty info. My system is a bit slow.”

Me: “That’s ok.”

Also me: *What is this, 1986?! Upgrade from DOS already!!*

Got my unix stickers today 🤓
Thanks to @gitlog for telling me about this and also to the person who posted it here for the first time

A relative told me that if I were actually smart I would be getting other people do development work for me.

He is also very wealthy. Clearly wealthy off the backs of dumb people.

Me chatting with a bandmate who is also a developer:
Me: do you have any experience in Db?
Him: Dropbox? Databases?
Me: Sorry enharmonic confusion. I meant C#

P.S. yes, sometimes I find my comments so funny that I make new joke posts about them.

Me: "I'll use my old laptop as a server to access via SSH to do my Docker Tests. I don't wanna use Keyboard and Screen. So, I'll set up Debian Server"

Also me: "Oh, full disk encryption with a preboot Login required. That's such a GOOD idea"

Introducing: Stupid me 🤗

6 Months later...

Me: Oh God! This code is horrible! Who wrote this crap?

Also Me: Shit, it was me.

Me: "can you please send my credentials for the database?"

Hosting provider: "Yea sure... We will set it up on our servers in no time"

*5 mins later: provider sends mail to me*

Me: *looks at mail*

Also me: *NOTHING TO DO HERE*

Congrats to jweiland.net for not being able to support their customers.

My last boss insisted on using tables instead of divs and then asked me to make it responsive (every damn time). Also, functions that were over 10k of lines.

me: Today will be a productive code efficient day
also me: what is diz devRant
then me: man this is lit
*fml*

Is it just me or does it also bother anyone else when manufacturers pull shit like this (using Apple as example but I've also seen it from Google/Samsung).

Me : Yeah dude, totally. I support Right To Privacy.
Also Me : To get OTP filled automatically, i need to ask Recieve Sms Permission from user. Also to send them, too.

😂😂😂😂

when I was an undercover informing on child traffickers I was also posing as a street guy, and didn't sleep for 72 hours because some local drug dealers made me think they were waiting for me to conk out so they could rob/beat/kill me.

Does this count ?

When a gamer is also a developer:

Idiot: What kind of game is that? I only has a crap load of words!

Me: Yeah, it's called Android Studio

Finally I was able to look into css grids in more detail and gotta say it's impressive, also "grid-template-areas" made me chuckle for a bit, at how unusual and easy you can define layouts (even compatible with media queries!), which are also heavily obvious and readable, reminds me of the old games where characters were just symbols.

My deares coding buddy is a Toriel plushie, shes just sitting there silently, not judging me i love her.

Also i fucking hate c++ please end the pain.

Me: I have nothing to do.
Also Me: *has 15 open GitHub issues to fix and make*

Is it just me or do any of you people also hate asking for help with understanding other devs code?

At the same time I also hate explaining my code to other devs, like I have to justify I'm not an imbecile.

i feel like everything around me is catching fire, so I'm trying to put it out while also keeping a customer service smile and dealing with people

Me: figuring out APT-69420 (hacker group) representative is a girl.

Also me: Woohoo! You go girl!

Also me: ... Wait, am I being sexist?

😐 idek anymore...

Anyways, them camera footages they released tho...

fuck u aws

all that money and u can't read idiot proof documentation for me to have SQS connect to a VPC endpoint to read a message

also fuck u search algorithms for not handing me an easy bake solution to what is a not a novel situation

also fuck me for being unable to git gud

Ello i am no prgrmmer. I m vry g4m3r. Me also leet haxx0r. My ip is 127.0.0.1

my current boss i think. he's really good at office politics and he's very willing to help me navigate some tricky social interactions. he's also got very solid feedback

Is it just me or is the Audio driver for Antergos WAAAY better than the one on Windows? Big diffrence for me at least.

Also, huge thanks to whoever made devRantron available on AUR.

How to make me not want to
ever contribute to you:

'Please read and sign this CLA'

( Also telling me that shit only whenI try
opening a PR, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU )

Me: "Alright, I've been on 'top', 'algo' and 'recent', I'm going to check twitter or 9gag now"
Also me: "I wonder what's up on DevRant"

Me: I will not care about others anymore.
Also me: Converting print screen to JPG, removing EXIF data and compressing it in TinyPNG before sending to friends.

Lua, tables ("arrays") start at 1.

It also has no sleep function and its defacto package manager (luarocks) has almost never worked for me without some serious fuckery

PM: I want the product to support this set of features.
Me: Which product?
PM: The one that will support this set of features.
Me: ...
PM: Also add some user login.

Me: I need to build my APK and upload it so I can show my friends when I meet them at the mall in a few days

Also me: *writing this rant*

Me: I'm quite good at C programming language
Also me: Checks man page for library functions' information

Me: Let's try to implement this in js...

Also me: npm install webpack webpack-cli typescript --save-dev

me giving advice to beginners: don't feel bad about your code. as long as it gets the job done, it's good

also me: don't look at my code. it's terrible!

Code like this makes me shed a tear in nostalgia... also I want to murder somebody for still putting that in tutorials

Sometimes I look at my co-worker's code and want to vomit. My poor eyes. Also loves to tell me something should work and hasn't tested it...

Other than the obligatory “Hello World”, what was the first program you had ever written, Personally and also Professionally?

For me...

PERSONALLY: Fibonacci Calculator.

PROFESSIONALLY: Menu System.

Me: No more coding on live sites this year!

Also me: [adds code to live site]

Is it just me or have you also realised that you have always been wanting to build something like devRant AFTER using it.

My last manager apprently was letting me go, bcoz I wanted a job which involved development, he said to me "why do you have aspire to develop???"
Frm now your aspirations will also be controlled.
P.S Resigned the next day

Is it only me or your family and friends also ask for free dev favors for their friends?

Are vi/vim users vegans of dev community? Can we also add emacs users to the list? Bunch of degenerates if you ask me... 🤗

Work: work late till 1 am
Also work: come in at 7 am

Me: zzzzzzz
Also work again: why arn't you getting anything done

My bank created a "new and improved" banking app asking me to take a selfie after first sending them a picture of my id.
I am already a customer of the bank, they have a copy of my id, why do they also want a selfie?
Also with the old banking app I could just call them from my phone number (which they also have) and they confirmed it was me over the phone by asking 2 questions and then provided me with a code to just enable the app on my personal phone.

Feelin' not prepared but also prepared for code samples and tech interviews. Can companies just believe that we are capable of building awesome shit & hire us?! You feel me?

When a lovely gentleman from across the sea calls me and says
"hello I am from the computer department, there seems to be a problem with your pc"

me:"what department is that again?"

Him:"The computer department"

me:"Could you also tell me what that loud samba music is in the background?"

The best part being a dev for me is that my hobby is also my job. And my hobby pays well 😎

I'm re-applying to the same internship that ghosted me like 6 months ago, wish me luck!

I'll also take the chance to wish you luck and success with whatever you're working on and what you will work on

Me: aah finally the best in the morning MY COFFEE

Also me a half hour later: Uhm fuck my coffee is cold.

I also decided to build my own devrant client, but found out others beat me to it.

When a shady recruiter who had tried to poach me from my company, when also contracted as a recruiter for said company.

I've wrote the shittiest Assingenment ever. My college gave me 92%. I can't believe that they actually read it. I'm angry and also exited :D

Me: This story doesn't account for certain edge cases. Who do I talk to?
Scrum master: Talk to the PO.
Me: Ok. Wait, the PO is out today to watch the eclipse.
SM: you can also talk to person2, 3 or 4.
Me: they're all out. I'm going home.
Ping me if they ever decide to get work done.

Is it only me or you also feel a bit more powerful when all your devices are fully charged (nearly) and internet works smooth? 🤔

Trying to un-fuck a botched rebase of a months worth of work. It took me a couple days, but it forced me to learn a lot about git's best practises and gotchas. It also taught me not to keep a months worth of work on a single branch!

Me :

I will use .Trim() before ToLower(), so ToLower has potentially less characters to iterate over.

Also me :

What ? Only 5.000 rows ? Let’s load them all ! It’s faster then use “where” and “group by”. No problems !

Coders should also be able to make decisions.

If I was a supervisor I wouldn't like my intern to ask me any decisions that he is about to make.

Actually getting started and learning to plan for a project is also important. Making a portfolio-website for myself with basic web tech and Firebase. Wish me luck! :D

This idiot client wanted me to code within a laravel app. He wanted me to use laravels translation helpers. He also wanted me to put every piece of code into a php file in the public directory and I must not change any of Laravels framework files...

I denied.