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*client calls*
"hello, we forgot the password to our WiFi router. Could you reset that for us?"
😐😶😮😅
"We host websites and servers sir, we don't control your router :)"
"Right, i thought so, nevermind!"
Well, that's a new one O.o23 -
I'm trying out a new rendering engine, it's pretty slow but I'm getting somewhere.
My (6 years old) client is sitting next to me and is kind of picky and tells me exactly what to do.
No payout though 🤔
15 -
Today I presented a client with their new website.
Feedback from the owner was "I fucking love it".
Got a cash bonus and a bottle of champagne before leaving.
Today was a good day!18 -
Client: This new feature is not working on Internet Explorer.
Me: Do you have enough oxygen in the cave you are living in?7 -
Church proyect...
Client: we want our logo in our new website
Me: ok no problem just give me the....
Client: but we dont want ppl to be able to download it.
Me: excuse me but that is not posible cuz...
Client: where is your faith! Nothing is imposible.
Me: proceed to stare in disbelief....26 -
A client called
Client: Hello Mr. Can you come to our office today?
Me: Yes sure
In fews hours I was there
Client: Check this email we are getting every day
It was email from spammers who asking to redesigning their website because it was not responsive
Me: 🧐Thinking ‘valid point !’
Me: So what you need me to do for you then?
Client: We need you to redesign the site
Lol - thanks spammers for bringing in new client12 -
New Dutch (or european?) law requiring https for any website with a contact form or higher is going into effect very soon. Were contacting customers so they can still be on time with this, this is how most convo's go:
Collegue: *explains*
Client: Im sure my security is good enough...
Collegue: i'd really recommend it, we've got free options as well!
Client: its just a secure connection, whats the big deal...
Collegue: *more arguments*
Client: I just don't see the point, security.... well.... does it really matter that much...
Collegue: Google might place you lower in the search results if you don't get a secure connection.
Client: 😶😥😵 uhm so what were the https options again? 😅
I hope they all die a painful death 😠26 -
Spends hours implementing a really cool new feature.
Feature gets deployed.
Client flags the new feature as a bug :'(
FML10 -
[Client]
We've noticed we gave you the wrong product prices for our new online shop.
[Dev]
Yeah, just login to the backend and fix them.
[Client]
But we don't want to use your fancy backend, we'll be using anyway soon - we want EXCEL!
Could you send us an EXCEL, so we can fix that?
How much will this cost?
[Dev]
Sure... here you are.
Not that much, takes about an hour.
[Client]
Great, you'll hear from us in a few days.
(a few months later...)
[Client]
We've finally managed to update the EXCEL. And btw, we've also added a bunch of columns with product pictures and new properties, highlighted products to delete red, inserted some comments with manual instructions and basically destroyed the entire data structure of this table.
Before I forget... also make sure to get this finished today, we have to go live ASAP. Our marketing campaign is already live.
[Dev]
Well, I'm sorry to say this, but this is not possible.
I'm currently working on another project and it will take me hours to clean up the data you sent me, before even starting to build an import tool for the new data you provided. Better stop the campaign and I'll do my best to get this done by the end of the week. Also it may be a bit costly.
(angry client calls immediately...)
(dev transfers to manager...)
(client transfers to client's boss...)
[Manager]
Ok Dev, I think I was able to explain it to them. However, it would be great if you spend day and night to get this thing out ASAP.
[Dev]
No problem...
I'll just do it by hand to get this out immediately.
(few days later; nearly done, exhausted)
[Client]
Hey Dev, here's another EXCEL.
We've just noticed there were a bunch of errors in the previous one. Please use this instead...
13 -
Client: I know other developers who would do the same and much more for much less.
Me: I am glad you chose to work with me instead.
Client: I mean I like the site but I still feel that the development process has taken longer than it should have.
Me: Well, it is within the time frame I had said I would be able to have the first version of the site running. I have also implemented quite a number of new features that we had not earlier agreed on.
Client: I think I'll pay (quotes less than 20% of the total cost ).
Me: That is less than the amount that you were to pay as the first instalment ages ago!!
Client: I mean I like the site, but I think it still lacks the X factor. I want ...*goes on to mention other features*
Me: While I take pride in making my clients happy, I believe this process should be mutually beneficial. You are constantly making requests for new features but are making no attempts to meet your end of the agreement.
Client: FYI, there are people begging me for this job.
Me: *Takes down the site.* I wish you all the best, I hope the other developers are up to your standards.
Client: *Literally ignoring the fact that I just quit*. I want (makes more requests).
I am simply going to ignore this one!!!!14 -
Client : Hey make me five page website with blabalabla blabla blabla blablablablablabla that should be easy for you! for 10$?
me : for 10$ i can create a new folder and thats it and i am not gonna call it project i will name it asdaddaddadsas!15 -
One day a client sent me gifts and a sweet letter just because they loved their new website so much. I just about cried. I work in an industry where acknowledgment and thankfulness by clients are extremely rare. 😱😭8
-
Client: "Happy New Year 2018! Wish you a very successful and productive happy new year :)"
Me: "Oh Thank you! I wish you...."
Client: "Any update on the feature I have requested?"
Me: "Ah yes. I would love you give you an update. By the way, Happy n...."
Client: "Do you think the it can be released before midnight?"
I stopped replying. Fuck everyone and everything.
Happy New Year to everyone here.3 -
Client: It works, it looks great! Thanks for everything!
Me: What? That isn't the new application, that's your old one. Your new one goes live tonight.3 -
Heard a new one from the client today.
Said with a straight face, "You guys write your HTML in all caps, right? It's better for SEO."6 -
#1
Fuck it. I obtained a Laravel codebase with 200 routes all handled by "mainController".
😓🔨
There will be rants.21 -
Client : your design is not cool. See this ^
*showed me some pretty neat designs pattern*
Me: which type do you want for your application.?
Client : All are pretty cool. Isn't it?
Me : Yes. But you do not need all of them. Right?
Client : Yes.
Me : So, which one.
Client : I'm confused But, this will do.
Me : Sure?
Client : Yes, very much.
After 3 days.
Client : you know what, earlier one was simple one but, best one. Easy to understand. This is (new design) making it complex. I need previous one.
Me : (I knew you'll say that, a**hole.) Just go to setting and select theme section to earlier version.
Client : thank you man.
Me : (You are red listed in my book you a**hole. Say anything else to add/edit and then see.) You are welcome.6 -
First job.
CLIENT: It's just a small website, 15-20 pages 2,500$, what do you say?
ME: Sure, sounds easy.
CLIENT: oh, and I need you to sign this contract that you won't copy or competete with me for the next two years.
ME: Sounds reasonable.
-- A year later --
I had finished building a huge CMS system that serves 420+ organizations, the entire thing copied from his competitor.
CLIENT: So there is only about two weeks left of work...
ME: Goodbye, I have a new job that actually pays money.
CLIENT: Don't forget our contract...
ME: Sure..
At least he paid me, but 2,500$ for a whole year's work isn't such a good deal anymore.9 -
Oh the joy of helping elders with their computers..
...
Client: My computer is broken.
*Me expecting some kind of hardware issue*
Me: In what way is it broken? Are you able to start the computer?
Client: Yes. I can read Windows and then there's a login. It works fine but then It's broken.
*me standing next to client while client struggles to type password*
...
*5 minutes and a coffee brake later*
/* the client is finally able to figure out the password.. What a suprise! A note in the drawers containing all passwords.. */
Me: I'm sorry but I can't see any problems so far. You are supposed to be welcomed by your desktop *points at screen*. In what way is it broken?
Client: It's not the same as before. *now the client points at the screen*. Here. There used to be a picture here. It took me to <site>. Now It's not there. Something has changed.
*realizing that the client has lost his shortcut and wants a new one*
Oh the joy of helping elders with their computers.6 -
This is so fucking, fucking annoying.
Client (through ticket system): here's new nameservers my domain has to use, please enter them thank you!"
Me: you can easily do that yourself! *gives link to extremely fucking easy click-done tutorial*
Client: oh but I'm not technical, could you please do it anyways?
HAVE YOU EVEN FUCKING LOOKED AT THE LINK?!
THIS SHIT HAPPENS EVERY GODDAMN DAY.13 -
How reading E-Mail is hard:
Me:
"Dear client,
please send the pictures for content A and Content B.
We also found content C in your spreadsheet. Do you want content C to be uploaded? Please us where to place it.
Regards
Me (who does not consider this a difficult text)
"
Client:
"Hello. Please find attached the pictures for A"
Me:
"Dear Client,
Thank you for the pictures for A.
What about the pictures for B?
And what about that content for C?
"
Client:
(no answer)
Desperate Me:
(Looking at the attachment and finding pictures for A and B)
!!@**! :(
Reluctant Me:
"Dear Client,
Please look at the new iteration <here/>
And by the way.. what about that content C?"
Client:
"Thanks and find the images for Content C attached."
Extremely fatalistic and desolate Me:
"Well thank you. Where shall we put it then?"
Client (answer to the unanswered mail above)
"Thank you. Please don't forget to put in C."
-_________-*******10 -
Boss: "I know we just finished the first part of Client A's project but they also want this extra work done that wasn't in the contract."
Me: "Can't do it without pushing back Client B's work"
Boss: "Well we don't want that. We need to hit that deadline."
Me: "Cool"
Boss: "But Client A was really hoping this new feature which wasn't in the scope would be in."
Me: "Then we're pushing back Client B's work"
<<loop continues >>5 -
My very first meeting with a new client:
Client: We need to launch in 6 weeks. Do you think you can hit that deadline?
Me: Do you have a spec for what needs to be done?
Client: No we don't.
Me:
3 -
This kind of bullshit advertising is the reason everybody thinks we can do that every new whimp of the client within a few minutes.
Fuck off! Making real custom websites/apps takes time, planning, design, coding and testing. Its not just pressing a few buttons.
Translation: Make a website? 30 minutes.
14 -
Dev: What do you think of the new version of the app?
Client: It’s great! We just have a couple notes of feedback we are working on compiling. We should have those to you by next week.
*Next week*
Client: We need another week to compile all of this feed back we are generating
*Another week goes by*
Client: Still working on it, it’s going to be a really thorough review when you get it though. No stone will be left unturned!
*2 weeks later*
Client: Here it is!
Attached: A word document with a single line of text “can’t nobody log in” next to a picture of the login screen with a red circle drawn around the login button
Client: Can you hurry up and action our feedback? We want to go live next week
Dev: …9 -
*Client phones me at 11pm*
Client: It's not working!!
Me:What's the error you're getting?
Client: "Database connection error"
*Phones system/dB admin*
DB Admin: Yeah we had to change the SQL logins, I've sent you the new ones
*Phones junior dev in charge of dB programming*
Junior Dev: Yeah you'll just have to go and change the credentials. They're in all the places where we're using the dB, just before the statement, in the connection strings...
We make over 470 calls to the DB 😑16 -
Caller: My client looking for experienced developer in Technology X,Y and Z are you open for new position?
Me: But I don't know this X and Y, I only use Z!
Caller: Please add them to your CV and send it to me so I can pass it to the client...
Me: But I don't know it!
Caller: Neither me nor the client know it also, please update the CV...
Me: How many years of experience should I add then?
Caller: 3 years will be OK!
Me: §¢“°©™|-=]%5 -
As most of you already know, the mentioned users in a rant don't receive a notification so you have to mention them again in a comment.
After a suggestion of @Cozyplanes I decided to implement a feature that make this automatic.
Just check the box and forget about it.
It will be available soon in the next update of devRant unofficial UWP!
7 -
Client: I need this very complex feature
Dev : Ok, give me approx 2 weeks, this is new to me, have to do r&d.
Client: I can't give you 2 weeks, you have 2 days.
Dev: Somehow manages to complete in 2 days.
After few weeks.
Client's representative : What's the progress on the new features?
Dev: You haven't mentioned any new features yet.
Client's representative: I don't care, it's been weeks now, here are more complex features, I need them tomorrow.
😕12 -
No amount of backend code is seen as progress by client.
Have a web store app project that is running and looking beautifully and is currently connected to nothing.
Got scolded this week for not having any new deliverables.
Spent 15 hours on security updates and database architecture.5 -
Client: "the content is pretty confusing and inconsistent. Would you say the frontend is ready?"
Me:"please do not ask that way."
Client: "i just asked a question. What do you mean?"
Me: "well.. you basically say that is bad and then asked me if I thought it was bad."
Client:" i was asking a question. It is your problem if you find that offensive. You were to deliver a finished design until 3pm. "
Me:"you just reviewed it and came up with new input..and apart from that there were just some buttons in the wrong shade."
Client:"yes but I expect that kind of critical input from the developer. "
Me: "I understand, but this was a tiny project for 300 cash. I can't go all out on a budget like this. "
Client:"but all the other jobs I gave you lately were paid much better.."
Me: "yes. Those were other jobs, right? Should I feel obliged to work overtime I eager expectation of more and different work?"
Client: "you used to be more excitable...."
:/1 -
My company decided to hire a new director at the electronics shop. There are certain hours when we have a lot of clients. So the guy had to man a cash register.
Client: I need 2 kilo resistors
The client obviously needed resistors of two kiloohms.
The director rushed out to the warehouse and came back with 2 kilograms of resistors to the gram
How can someone be so retarded! ¿4 -
Sometimes I love my job, working on client site today.
"Hey we're training a new girl up do you like Warsteiner?"
"Yeah, why?"
Puts pint in front of me
"Thanks"
10 minutes later
"Hey this one was poured by mistake"
Second pint
"Have you tried the San Miguel yet?"
Third pint....4 -
Client (not for the first time): Your work sucks. I had to have this email formatting re-done before I sent it out.
Me: *sees that the email sent matches the work I did exactly with no changes*
Client (months later): I need you to do maintenance on my website.
Me: *does quick maintenance for free but sends update on status of work done and amount left in retainer agreement*
Client: You're too expensive! You started working with me for $X/hr, then you went up to $Y/hr and now you're all the way up to $Z/hr! You're not worth that!
Me: *fires client by refunding the remainder of retainer and sends client a list of local, cheaper providers*
Client: But now I don't have anyone to maintain my website until I find a new provider! Why have you done this to me? Waaaahhhhh!
Me (in the most professional language I can muster): Because you're a biotch and I'm tired of your verbal abuse. Maybe try not to be such a dbag to that next provider, mmm'kay?7 -
Client: Hi there, we worked together I few months ago and loved what you created for us! We have another job and would like to see if you are available?
Me (1h later): Sure! Let me know more details about this new project.
Client (15min later): Oh, sorry, since you took so long to respond, we've decided to choose another freelancer. Thank you anyways!!
Me: ...5 -
//
// devRant unofficial UWP update (v1.5.6)
//
Hi!
A new update for Windows 10 users is in certification right now (will be available in a few hours/days), with the new feature you could see a few days ago on the official client.
But the main reason of this post is that I've seen the success of the official Issue Tracker created in August by @dfox and @trogus on GitHub.
For this reason I decided to do the same for the unofficial client.
Feel free to post bugs reports (I prefer this method instead of emails) and requests of features (even if not available in the official client) you would like to see.
https://github.com/JakubSteplowski/...
Complete changelog of v1.5.6:
- Added new 'post type' selector for easier classification of rant types in the future;
- Added Official devRant unofficial Issue Tracker on GitHub;
- Added Feedback page with link to GitHub Issue Tracker repo;
- Added black theme... no, wait... already there.
- Minor UI improvements;
- Minor back-end improvements;
I hope to see a lot of interesting feature requests I will enjoy to implement to make the UWP client always the best for you, Windows community. 😁
18 -
Boss: we picked up a new client!
Me: nice!
Boss: They want the unfinished software we were working on that we planned to be done 2 months from now.
Me: even better!
Boss: They want it in 3 weeks.
Me:
Me:
Me: no.4 -
Client, two months ago: "Where is the new and complicated custom software?! We needed this a week ago!"
Also client three weeks after delivery: "We still don't have time to test the new and complicated custom software. You'll have to wait for payment a little longer."6 -
How to politely tell your client that their request for the new 'little' feature is unrealistic and fucking absurd?14
-
watched a client use IE, all the while they didn't use tabs or even a new window, every time we had to go back to a previous site they had to Google the URL then click the search link
3 -
Client: it's not working
Me: clear your cache
Client: what's that
Me:it's a way of cleaning the files of your computer to get new ones.
Client: I cleaned my mac
I mean she literally got cleaning wipes ... and cleaned her computer
P.s I told her all this before and how to many, many times
2 -
Client: I saw this feature on a site and I want it on mine.
Me: I’m almost done with the project. You can’t possibly expect me to start adding new features now.
Client: Just go online and copy the code. I won’t take that long. It shouldn’t be difficult if you’re a professional.
WTF is wrong with people. The worlds gone to shit. Who does he think he is?13 -
Client: please be sure to let us know with enough notice if you plan on taking any time off so we can anticipate how to operate during your absence.
Me to client 4 months before vacation: "I’m going to be on vacation in July for such amount of time".
Client: OK thanks
Client 3 months before vacation: are you taking any time off this summer?
Me: yeah I’m taking such amount of time in July.
Client: Ok
Client 2 months before vacation: are you taking any time off this summer.
Me: yeah I’m taking such amount of time in July.
Client: Ok
Client a month before vacation: wait you’re taking time off this summer?
Me: yeah, in July.
Client: oh, we need to start figuring out how to manage your absence.
…client has enough time to figure things out.
——-
Client two weeks ago: we’re switching you to a another project where you’ll be replacing someone who’s leaving; and you’ll be developing alone. You’ll be working closely with our software architect. He’ll be the one who can answer all your questions.
Me totally lost on new project as it’s barely documented, sql tables are a mess with barely any relations between them and data structures are totally inconsistent. Supposed to be getting info from partner APIs but I can’t test them and don’t know exactly what data to expect. Only the software architect has the necessary knowledge.
Client a week ago: hey don’t hesitate to reach out to us if you have any questions. We can’t afford to fall behind from schedule.
Me: oh don’t worry, I’m already flooding your guy with questions.
Me last Monday to client: hey do you know what’s up with your architect? I’ve been waiting for him to answer some important questions and it’s going to be hard to move forward without him getting back to me.
Client: you’re telling us you’re not going to be able to move forward efficiently until our architect gets back from vacation in two weeks?
Me: wait, he’s on vacation?
(on the inside: when the fuck were you guys planning on telling me he would be gone???)4 -
When the client change their business process every month and we only have days to implement the new system. Anyone else has a similar experience?
original artist: http://bit.ly/2SqRGJM
6 -
Nearing the end of a project and the client starts requesting UI changes and new features...
Every. Damn. Time.
8 -
Client calls at 3AM, telling me an issue he reported which I told him was already solved in a new update hasn't been solved. He tells me that I'm lying because the issue is still there. The son of a bitch didn't even update the flicking app. Sincerely, fuck you.4
-
I'll point names today
Boss: Quick! The Xero integration is not working anymore!
Xero Documentation: place your client secret in the HEADERS
Me: * places client secret in headers *
Xero API: Bad Request!
Me:
*re-reads documentation*
*creates new client secret*
*1 hour of trying*
Hmmmm
* places client secret in request body, not in headers *
Xero API: Ok!
UPDATE YOUR DOCUMENTATION
TELL US ABOUT IT IN THE CHANGELOGS5 -
#9
Of course they don't use git. And also they don't use SSH all changes get committed by FTP.
#9.1
When I started he gave me root access and I had to clone the whole fucking thing, wich was about 2gb, via FTP.
#9.2
He stumbled when I told him, that I will test all changes first on my local machine. They were used to work in production.
😓🔨11 -
Boss: don't worry about the architecture, it's an one-off project, just make it work...
2 months later...
Boss: hey, remember that one-off project? we need to add in a few more features... Also can we reuse that code for this new one-off project we have to do for this new client?3 -
During a meeting with the client
Client: I don't care how long it takes to complete the app, I want the app to be polished and give the users the best experience!
Us: Got it.
*Later that day*
Client: *wants to implement a new feature in the app*
Us: It'll take us a day or two.
Client: That long?! I need to get it to the market ASAP!
Us:.......
:D -
Best client ever:
Yesterday I meet my new client. He need portfolio website for his logistics business.
So I meet him and explain my previous experience in website development.
After 1hour he gave me advance 50% of total cost.1 -
That moment when you listen to your boss' lies to a client when presenting a new product/feature.
I am like: damn, this guy is a talented actor!3 -
Day 1: Client requested this change! Please do it!
[Make the change]
Day 2: Hold on, this is a new request and out of scope. we should reject this change.
[Rollback change]
Day 3: Client said they really need it. Please make the change.
[rollmyeyes]2 -
Been working on this project for a month now. Everything is going fine, meetings are short and to the point. But then...
Client: "I'm leaving the project, this is the new person taking over."
Me: "Hello new client."
New client: "Burn it."
Me: "Uhm, what?"
New client: "Throw what you have away. It doesn't meet our new specifications. We're starting over."
Me: "Ok..." 🙃🔫3 -
Product owner:
Okay we have users and groups. Users have roles, roles have permissions, but groups can also have roles or permissions. Clients have users and these client-users can have special kinds of permissions. Now we need to add projects which have pages and special project users who manage the projects, but only the client-users can set rights for which project owners can manage pages. Pages are coupled to roles, and assigned to workflows, unless the client-user already had the permission to... wait where are you going?"
Me: "Fetching a new SSD. I ran out of hard disk space trying to model the database design. Could you please start from the top when I get back?"5 -
I get a call from a client at 7 PM:
- Client: We have a business partner that just visited the website you just made for us and he said it was absolutely terrible, things are not showing up, layout is all messed up... *sends photo*. This is a VERY important new business partner and this will affect our relationship and image. Fix it NOW!
- Me: ok? I will check ... *proceed to check on several browsers and versions*
- Me: I checked on all modern browsers, cleaned cache, tried from multiple devices, it seems to be fine. What browser is your partner visiting the site from?
- Client: Idk, let me ask ...
- Client: Internet Explorer
- Me: ... that browser is not even supported anymore wth?!
- Client: We need it fixed!
- Me: ... *proceeds and hacks for IE website until 6 AM*6 -
Just got a new client to do all their invoicing for their 900 clients.
Just got ALL of their customer data in an excel sheet.
Is this what they mean when they say they won't share any personal details with a 3rd party?1 -
Old client texted me yesterday: the website and pos system you made does not work anymore... Why ?
I saw that their domain was moved to another host and texted back: "some has moved the domain so that's why."
Client: "how can this be fixed"
Me: "move the domain back"
Client: "but then the new system I bought cannot function".
Me: oh well, then you are in trouble, if the new company you hired to make you a new system and website had been using just a little brain power, this would not happen. Now you have to bring your new system up and working before you open your store...
I could have helped them by pointing a sub domain to the server, but he never ever treated me with respect, and never payed in time, and he did not tell me about this move before he initiated it.
Me: shuts down server and thingking: good luck working with those new "professionals"4 -
Me: *submits design document to manager, who sends it to client for review*
Client: "everything is good, except one line here mentions a function that has since been removed" *send email to manager*
Manager: Correct this one line *sends email to me*
Me: uh, ok *deletes line, sends updated document in new email*
Is there any reason in the world the client OR manager couldn't have corrected the line and moved on?
Did we need to get two more people involved and send 3 more emails?4 -
PM: Oh, i got news about project xyz.
Me: Oh good, are we finally dropping support for that shity legacy system?
PM: No you gotta make a copy of it and convert all the currency symbols and add a bunch of new features, we selling it to a new client.2 -
New client: can we go live next month?
Me: do you think you are our only client, or do you want to pay an extra priority fee?
New client: what?
Me: what?
*Crickets"4 -
New returning client asked for a free mobile app in return for exposure.
Made a native web app that would open their web page (which is responsive)2 -
Received a new client.
"Hi can you help me redesign my website?"
Me: "Sure what's your sites URL?"
(Checking out site before I take clients)
C: "127.0.0.1"5 -
I design logos too.
My new client wants to know whether I have sent him a logo with a transparent background or not. Because everytime he opens the png file there is a background behind it :|4 -
Even though I haven't had such an experience yet, I can assume that this is what every dev sees when he lets the client play with a new feature
-
So last night was a Friday. After leaving the gym I noticed a missed call and a voicemail from my client.
Note this was sent at 21:50 on a Friday night.
My client stated they were "rather disappointed" (to use their phrasing) that I didn't answer. There is no contract that I answer out of hours or any issues with their system.
This morning, I noticed my client followed up with an email. It was a single line saying they found some new AWS services they like to talk about (translate: "I've found some new AWS acronyms that sound cool that I wish to talk about for several hours").
Emergency! :)
Seriously, clients, sometimes :(
4 -
A client, who don't know about programming. But only wants to finish the project ASAP
Me - It's complicated to implements this new feature.
Client - It's easy!3 -
That awkward moment when you email a quote to your new client and he responds with "Why so expensive? Wix is so cheap"
* Kill me*5 -
How many times have I ask my boss about the new project's deadline only to get "it has to be done by yesterday". Damn, boss, if you know, that we are occupied, then don't get a new project, only to blame the coder for promising an impossible deadline to the client!2
-
when client sits through a 2h explanation/tutorial for his new CMS and doesn't take any notes.
2 days later, ask where to go to add a product.5 -
Dev deploys new CSS.
Client: I can't see the changes PANIC.
Dev: clear your cache!
Client: oh that's better. Now can we do that for all user?
Dev:😱4 -
Client: Too many of our business processes take place on excel and paper! We need to modernize our business processes. Build an app that can do the main things we do with excel and paper in app form.
Dev (4 months later): Here it is
Client: Ok some of our users want to still use excel and paper so build the ability to print the app and export/import to excel so they can continue working the way they always have alongside our new app.
Dev: …6 -
Boss came in with new project:
boss shows me the design
me: it's a wordpress website ?
boss: client wants it with prestashop
me: but the brief is for an ecommerce website with 2 categories and a blog, wordpress with woocommerce and a blog should be enought
boss: no, client wants it with prestashop
oh I forgot, client wants it in a shared hosting server, where I can't add php extensions
started the project, fucked my weekend with anxiety and depression, and then products list came in ... 15 product
me: ok, I need to get the fuck out quick
I quit, I sleep at night, I smile with my kids ...2 -
Instant messaging apps are a burden if your client is a b*tch.
Client: hey, I want you to put some more images on this page.
Me: Oh, okay, send them all and I will do. *provides email*
Client: Cool, will do that in an hour.
*closes facebook*
[two hours later, waiting for the email and wondering why I didn't receive it yet]
*opens facebook*
*is greeted by 45 new messages from client*
*opens to see 45 images sent one by one for me to use it on the webpage*
fml3 -
Client:
Monday: change the color of a button
Tuesday: change the top of home page
Wednesday: insert new image on site
Thursday: change the text
...
WHY YOU DONT ASK ALL CHANGES ONE TIME????6 -
We (as new hires) had to add a fallback logic for input validation on every input element using only JSP and Spring controllers just because the client still uses IE6 and fucking disables Javascript!!5
-
*Presents finished product to client
Client: We won't pay until you add this new feature that was never in the original specs.
*One week later after adding new feature
Client: Uhh, actually there's something else we want, do that then you get paid.
😬😬😬😬😬😬😬9 -
New discovery: The best way to deal with tight deadlines is to work no more than 4 hours a day, sleep a lot, vibe a lot and using the newfound energy make the client move the deadline.3
-
Current project:
A fairly simple and basic single page-ish project with no framework at all.
No backend or database.
No jQuery.
Plain old Gulp task, npm scripts and Webpack.
Some parallax and other scrolling effects.
Client is actually a pretty simple, cool and understanding guy.
This is too easy.
What is this madness??4 -
So when I was working for a web dev shop, one of the clients asked us to have a drop down of all the different combinations you can have for street types to appear on the address form of their shopping cart. So stuff like "Street", "St", "Drive", "Dr", "Lane", "Ln" etc. We told the client that it wasn't possible since the possible combinations and how some street don't all end with a type.
But the client was adamant about having this so we ended up building a section in the administration section to allow the client to add any new street type to a database table that will populate the dropdown.1 -
Sacrificed my Diwali and made a website for my first client and did not get any payment.
I was new and less confident.
Well this is my freelance horror story.
Now I fucking demand money from client UPFRONT.1 -
I booked one domain for my client.
Which is mi*****.***
Now he want new domain with following change
Mi*****.***
😑🙄😏😥2 -
A few months ago: "please lock down the app so clients can't upload new images once an order is in progress"
This morning: "why can't the client attach more images when they ask to revise an order?"2 -
#3
There are like 50 views. But that's not the bad part about it. Each view is backed up twice or more within the same vie directory by adding a date to the views name.4 -
I hate it whenever I'm joining a new company/client. It takes them days to provide me access card so I need to f*ckin knock on the door everytime I come back from pooping.3
-
Handed in my vacation for this year. Didn't hear back for a long time, no info at all. Got the new employee assignment spreadsheet for our biggest client, which went out to them. In it, my vacation is pushed behind by 3 weeks.
Thanks, but I didn't want to learn that my vacation has been delayed from THE FRICKIN CLIENT.1 -
Client has an "urgent" release that needs to be launched immediately... So they keep changing the spec every few minutes with new changes, but are upset that the product isn't launched yet. Lol. Got to love clients.1
-
New project, sent a 7 page contract to the client. First day of work and client begins to ask things outside scope and terms.
I explained what is written in contract and he interrupted me saying "I READ THE CONTRACT".
One minute later, he starts asking the same things again.1 -
Working in a tech company as a project manager, the CEO asked me: a client requested to code the frontend with something call active java, are you familiar with it?
Me: well, it must be a new tech.."searched online..", no results found.
After calling the client, he was asking about React native.🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️ -
Client: "We're not ready to be finished with the project but I don't want to pay you any more money to meet the terms of the contract we both signed, even though all my must-have changes led to more costs just like you had warned me they would."
Me: "Don't make any more changes, plez."
Client: "Imma make another change."
Me: "No. Stahp. Don't."
Client: "I added four new fields and probably a ton more business rules I don't care to understand."
Me: "Kill me. Just put this gun to my head and kill me."
Client: "That's not in our contract!"3 -
The new version of the (unofficial) client (now UWP and with "Stories") for Windows 10 is here... but I can't release it due to a Microsoft Store bug... 😢
Hope to see a Microsoft fix soon, because I can't wait to share it with you! 😝
4 -
That moment the sales guys ask if a humongous new feature is doable. And doesn't wait for your answer before adding: "Well so you know, I'll already promised it to the client for last week"2
-
Working late nights for the most productivity because you're a night owl and don't have to interact with a new colleague/coworker/manager/client every 5 minutes1
-
Client asks to point their domain to a new 'squarespace' they just got, then call you bc they cannot access the admin console to their old site and 'it's so weird that all the requests are now going to squarespace !!'
1 -
> Tells client, if content isn't hosted on their server somewhere, we'll have to update the app every time they need new content
> Client refuses saying it will take too much time and effort to maintain
*Several weeks later*
> Get email from client asking to update the app because content is out of date
> I want to reply with 'Sorry no can do, it will take too much time and effort to maintain'8 -
The client said they don't want the old news to be imported to the new website.
After launch the client said that the news has not been imported over to the new website and they won't pay until everything is completed.
So am busy copying and pasting contents and images.
I want to fuck myself!3 -
I absolutely HATE that stage fright feeling I get when I'm about to launch new software into production mode for a client! Anyone else feel that? Makes me want to vomit thinking of all the promises I've made that it will work fine and then all the things I don't even realize could go wrong. I never have enough testing resources because client budgets tend to favor shiny features at the expense of testing.2
-
Client sends several emails requesting a new feature. Not a single reply when you email them about said feature.
-
New contract termination clause to be included in all future project contracts: "Contracting client agrees that uttering the phrase 'Your job is whatever I say it is,' or any semanticaly equivalent variant thereof is grounds for immediate contract termination. All work product and IP rights will transfer and assign to contracting client ONLY upon payment in full of contracted payment amount prorated to contract termination date."
-
New client: we have all the source files for our website just need it to be responsive. We paid a lot for it back then, should be easy to for you to work on.
*Sure we'll take on the project
**Gets Flattened PSD file, HTML CSS JS Minified :/2 -
I just got an email that a client changed their DNS zone files to point at a new server. Turns out that they haven't set the server up yet. Client is wondering why that domain's emails aren't working, and why their site is down. They didn't want to give me the Domain's portal login credentials until now, because they "could do it without [me]." Tomorrow morning should be fun.4
-
this client couldn't figure out pagination.
and whenever items moved to next page
he could not find it.
He would create a new one.1 -
"Hey, I've been with the manager on the phone, do you know why we don't have any new open issues on the project? Because the client doesn't have internet anymore"1
-
I was tricky this time and sent a separate email for the client and my boss about the new release.
Client response: "Its very good, runs flawlessly, could you check x if you have the time? It gives errors simetimes"
Boss response: "[...] urgent fix get working on it right now [...]"
Seems like my boss has been the fucking piece of shit all this time :)1 -
When a Client is supposed to send you sponsor icons for the new website and all you get is a single PDF file containing all of them. Why ??!! This is even more work to do for them ???!!!
-
Me: "So, this is a new way to show to your clients the daily menu using a QR Code and..."
Client: "I like it. I wanna buy it."
Me: "What?"
Client:"This QR-thing. I wanna be the only one using it"
Me:"But you can't buy the QR Code technol..."
Client:"Don't bother me. I want it. And when I want it, I get it. I can pay, you know."
Me:"Ehm......Oooook."
Me: "It's 10$ for every QR Code that we, and only we, will create! But, hey! Shhh!!"6 -
Working on a new project at work; all_of_a_sudden boss goes:
"A client needs the current software to do this thing, can u do it"
Me: "Yea, sure"
One week later: "Yea, Im not feeling this, can we change this, that, and--what the heck is that?"
Me: "😑 aaaaa the exact changes u wanted"
Boss:"Well, lets change (A list of stuff and new things added)
Me: Sigh....4 -
Client writes a bug report: This and that doesn't work.
Me: This functionality never was implemented. Please open a feature request.
Client: But this is a bug. Without this feature, the service won't work as we expect.
Me: But this wasn't in the requirements for release. So you have to contact the PM for a feature request.
Client: THIS IS A BUG! FIX IT!
Me: GO FUCK YOURSELF! THIS IS A NEW FEATURE AND YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!
Unfortunately, I never sent the mail. But I kept it in the drafts. Maybe someday...1 -
#10
After I did some work on this nightmare codebase, the client kept switching goals. He Changed the task a few times, so I always told him that he will have to pay for all changes.
After a time he requested another change, so I stated that he has to pay the first invoice I sent him first. He started bitching around, that I didn't complete the work yet and so on. I saw where this was going. He didn't wanted to pay me, so I cancelled the work for this bitch.
😤
Read my revenge in #113 -
Client: Hey new iOS 11 is coming soon, is out app compatible?
Me: Not sure, let me shift the development to new Xcode 9 and test it out.
Client: So, how was it?
Me: pretty straight forward. all seems fine a couple of bugs.
But then when trying to fold a big function to make things easier to read, you discover that Xcode 9 beta 1,2,3 & 4 DOESN'T FUCKING SUPPORT THAT YET. How on earth is this not yet implemented?5 -
Client: "documentation, oh you mean those grey texts the previous code guy wrote on the code files"
Me: I kinda need more than "grey texts on the code files" if you want me to actually fix the system and implement the new specs.
Client: oh you mean the Microsoft asp books
Me: It's a Laravel system sir, it's php not asp.net
Client: what are those?
Me:.................2 -
So I've opened myself to new software engineering positions and was recommended one where the first *benefit* stated:
- High engagement opportunities across our global client base
Am I the only one for whom this is a gigantic red flag and con rather than a benefit? wtf4 -
Reviewing code for applications after not working on it for six months.
Client: so what is the first step to adding our new feature.
Me: I really think we need to redo the entire architecture from the ground up. It won't work any differently than it does now, but the code will be cleaner.
Client:😓
Me:😅3 -
Fuck this new client.
Can’t go into much detail but if you think you’ve got it bad, think again. This shit show of a client has taken incompetence, micromanagement and chaos to whole new levels.3 -
it always amaze me when client thinks that new layout for his site will solve all performance problems3
-
I took like 3 years to my company to get this huge-ass client to ask us to remake their website (the client is already our client for other purposes).
The old website was hosted on their local machine, behind a proxy that was there for other 30 website servers.
The old website took like 30-40 seconds to load on a browser and had a google score of 3-6/100.
We made the new website in wordpress, since it was basically a blog and managed all of the older links to redirect to the new pages so that SEO wouldn't get affected.
We then asked the previous developers to let their domain redirect to the new one (it was like example.com => ex.example.com and now it's just example.com, so we needed them to make ex.example.com redirect to example.com).
What they did was making a redirection to the 404 page of the new website, making everything go to fuck itself.
Damn this might be the first time I despise other developers, but this move was fucking awful.
I mean, I get it, we stole your big client, but it's not our fault if we made the google score go up to 90/100 in a week just by changing server and CMS.11 -
>site is production ready
>client requests new feature by end of week
>add feature and then site breaks on last day of week
>client freaks out even though we warned this is what happens when you add new features DURING LAUNCH WEEK1 -
A client of ours renewed their SSL certificates without prior notice.
The app we developed for them uses SSL pinning.
The app does not include the new certificates.
The entire userbase is hereby locked out of the app.
Fun times ahead 🙃1 -
Fuck. My boss left for a meeting with the client to show him the new frontend. 5 minutes after he left I saw that on the staging server half of the page entries were gone for the non-default localizations. FUCK.
It took me 20 minutes to restore the fuckery. I hope the client didn't see it...3 -
Spent 12 hours getting deep into a heavy new feature for a client based on Google Drive integration.
Find out at the code review the next day that the specs i was given were totally wrong and all Google Drive integration is being dropped.1 -
PM : Develop this new feature. Client needs it tomorrow. And be sure it works perfectly well.
Dev : haha how can it work without bug if it's developed in a day ?
Poor dev got transferred to support department :(
4 -
What are the situations and reasons to look for a new job as a developer ? I am dissatisfied with my current job because no process is followed here and changes from the client are welcomed all the time because project manager is a pussy who can't say no for sudden changes to client.
my soul is tired ! So tired of this that I don't care if my grammar is incorrect in this rant.7 -
That moment after you finish coding a site and the client comes back with a request for weekly analytics reports, on top of all the data from GA, New Relic, etc... in Excel documents. O_O2
-
I love refactoring :) just finished going through implementing accrued knowledge from the last 6 months into all my client side code and just doing that opened all kinds of doors for new features and niceties.1
-
Everytime I present to an older client (40+) his new website, he look at me like I am some kind of magician, when I show him, that he can easily add & replace any text or image. Surely I am.
-
#wk13
Client: Let's get our car online using the phone as the router!
Me: let's do that!
Client: Can we use NFC as the protocol?
Me: Probably, but just to automate the connection..
Client: No we should use NFC for the entire session!
Me: No!
Client: Why not? It's new, it's happening, bosses will be excited!
Me: You do know what the N in NFC stands for right!
Client: New?
Me: -_- thinking "I hope you lose your genitals to a horrible case of blue waffles.."8 -
Oh my god, this client. Everything is equally important. When finishing a feature halfway, a new future gets priority. Nothing is finished, this whole app is a bunch of loose ends. FML.3
-
I’ve been out of steady work for almost 2 whole months now but things are starting to look up...
I’m super stoked for some potential client projects!!! I have one client that wants me to completely rebuild their businesses infrastructure, PC refresh, server upgrade, network overhaul for 3 sites, and more. This new client has a business partner with another side business and wants to discuss potential work/projects. And I’m going to be discussing a potential contract deal on Thursday to develop a custom software for another client.
Guys! My startup is starting woot!!!3 -
MRW a client needs a site with new content but they leave to go on holiday and don't give you a list of content.
-
TL;DR despite 0 year professional programming I am lead of a large travel booking web-app, this is new to me and my boss, who has repeatedly ignored my advice and moved me on before finishing work. Client is not happy, project is way overdue, and yet has just sent NEW FUCKING DESIGNS.
Recap
https://devrant.com/rants/480004/...
https://devrant.com/rants/431725/...
https://devrant.com/rants/872255/...
Client has sent some redesigns of core search functionality on a project that is overdue and over budget.
DO YOU ACTUALLY *WANT* THIS PROJECT TO FAIL?5 -
It’s easier to write a new algorithm to solve world’s economically issues than to get the right shade of colours for your client.
-
when u feel that u wrote some godlike code. 2 months later client wants to add new features. then u realize ur code needs major refactoring. "what was i thinking, far from godlike"
-
a former client and their client keep contacting me about the project i did for them, we couldn't agree on a new contract but they keep asking me things about the site but, if they had signed would be billable.
Sorry i dont work for free.2 -
Be me
Work at software contracting company
Get a new client, iOS objective-c app with ~40000 lines of code
Previous Dev didn't leave a single comment, and he didn't use a database, he used 'NSUserDefaults' -
New client came asking for maintaining their Facebook tab with fb sign in, etc... they were still on the old api. We basically had to redevelop the whole thing
-
Client calls me requesting a new simple feature.
Connect to FTP server.
Edit some PHP pages and upload them back, check if the changes actually worked.
Basically implementing and testing a new feature on a live production website...
PS. It didn't work the first or second time -
Client: Can I see an update of the work?
Me: Mails the client the first update has been published.
Me: Mails the client the second update has been published.
Client: Can I see an update of the work?
Me: Did you see the last e-mails I sent this morning?
Client: *crickets*
Yet another client that expects we do cheap and fast work, mails us daily he wants to see updates, and constantly requests new features... but can't be bothered to give us the feedback we need for those features, or even read his e-mail.
Next week we'll get an angry mail that the features aren't exactly what he expected, mark my words.2 -
Me: (Talking to new recruits) "Remember, you should only ever work on one project at a time. The different requirements, complications, and resolution times will fuck you over. That's the last thing you need, being new to the team and all that. If the client needs more man power, then-" (you get the idea)
Also me: 3 monitors and working on 4 projects. *Sips coke*1 -
Helping a client to update their 5 years old payment system to support the new mobile PayPal library via Braintree.
Found out you need to install a server SDK that requires PHP 5.4.
Installed and then realised the server is still on PHP 5.3 (CentOS 6).
Panic.
Told my client that they require a new server just so that I don’t need to manage the PHP 5.3 to 5.4 update on their live server and I can install Node to use the Braintree NodeJS SDK 😇.
Feels like heaven.2 -
Best: learned a lot of new things: vueJS, ES6, Bootstrap, CSS3 transitions and transforms, use of some cool JS libraries...
Worst: an awesome web page turns a nightmare because of endless "upgrades" that the client wanted (I'm aiming to finish it soon)1 -
When you are pissed for some reason and want to learn a new language you will probably end up writing a client for Fuck Off as a Service
https://github.com/palash25/...2 -
On the roof of my friends house. On new years eve.
The party was too noisy for me to hear the client over the phone, so I was milling around the appertment until I no longer heard the noise.
Sat down, took laptop from backpack, solved issue, wished client a Happy New Year.
Packed in laptop. Stood up, realised I had somehow wandered out of the appartment and up onto the roof.
Sat down again. Vertigo.
Opened the laptop again, sending the client the bill at 500% overtime rate.
At least the fireworks were pretty.2 -
A client asks me to produce a Release note when publishing a new version, which is more than fair ask, I shall deliver.
Then he asks me questions on the version's feature which are clearly described in the release note, with examples, showing he did not bother to read it..............
...
2 -
A client hired someone to work on a new feature while we were working on something else. The new guy makes huge commits that we don't have the time to read, really.
I merged and deployed my work only to find that the whole database was wiped. Apparently, the new guy pushed some code that reset the database.
I Spent the rest of the day looking through backups trying to restore the database.2 -
Me: what iPad Generation do you have?
Client: 2nd Generation
Me: Thought you had the new one?
Client: Yer I do.
Me: so how is it the 2nd Generation?!
Client: well it's the second one j have brought.
Me: 😫🔫 -
Recieved some code from a client to review for porting it to a new system.
They sent the PHP scripts copy pasted into seperate Word Documents and skipped the most important file (containing the business logic functions).1 -
Ugh. Challenges. I need to create a 3D two player online game with the new HTML5 WebSockets, and I'm using a free 000webhost server which I barely have control over. Does anyone know how to connect two client connections together in PHP?8
-
Github rewrites its Desktop Client using Electron!!!
Along with this, GitHub has also introduced a new beta of atom sporting out-of-the-box Git and Github integration.
Nice move 👏
https://infoq.com/news/2017/...2 -
The new guy just locked our server account (I was using it, thats why he couldn't login) and the IT guy from the client has already left...
I guess its and early day... -
had to cancel my presentation to a client today
apple is taking their sweet time to review my app.. im on week 2 right now...
No new computer for me yet this week...11 -
That time when the IT guy for your client company email you asking if we need to change code of their web based system cause they got new printer.
He forwarded the question from users like he didn't know the users needed to select a new printer or change their default printer.
God knows what he's doing there!!3 -
Estimating for a new client, asked for details of their current API. Got the answer " I can't do your work for you". This will be fun!!1
-
I finally get the go ahead to push an update to a client site into production. Client then sends out marketing email about changes later that afternoon. The next day the client decides they are not ready to start fulfilling orders from one of the new products I added. Now I have to rush a change to remove the product links from the site.2
-
skyRant, an unofficial devRant client has received a new update!
You can now read devRant's unofficial magazine in the app! Plus, view the latest matrix messages. The user interface has been updated too! [and more]
Read on it over on kbin.melroy https://kbin.melroy.org/m/drbboard/... or even in the new skyRant magazine page!
Note: any previous version of skyRant must be uninstalled before updating. Download from here: https://devrant.com/rants/6573682/...
here's a preview!
1 -
We've told our client they can test their brand new distribution modul with a new test account already 42 times (not exaggerating, I counted). At least half these, we've sent also the test login data which they could use.
Just now, a new issue message from them says distributors couldn't see some data, we should fix the problem. Well, they already can't see those, but client has logged in with their own account again for testing... -
Just let me add a new feature to this Wordpress site, I'll just enable debugging to see if it produces any errors.
TURN IT OFF!! TURN IT OFF!!
All I could see was error upon error upon error. Mostly from old and not updated plugins.
I'll just leave it there till client decides they want a new rebranding and start from scratch1 -
> client finds a plugin
> devs implements the plugin
> client finds a new plugin that makes the same than the last one
> devs begin to question client ideas
-
How do you feel when in the middle of tight deadline, your client calls you and tells you that he has changed some little detailing in the requirements, like naming, color schema etc. This needs to be done within the deadline. You tell yes and tell him to send email.
After receiving the email, you find out it's not little it's bag of new features listing.
Now either you have to overwork or let the client go....
2 -
Handed my notice in at my current job last week. Today a project update goes round to the company that I'm leaving with everything we're working on.
We have a new client. It's the company I'm moving to.
IS THERE NO ESCAPE?! -
My client installed a new proxy that severely blocks out most of their own intranet, including their IT service desk. We can't raise tickets to let them know and their email just redirects us to their service desk. Fuck me these guys are idiots.
-
when the release date is may 31 and the client thought it's a good idea to request a bunch of new features and changes in friday afternoon :)
Tomorrow is gonna be a fun birthday... -
New AltRant update!
This update features a fix for instability issues in the Notifications tab. All users that are in the testing group - please update soon! I am giving you a 3-day update window.1 -
So ive made some big improvements to skyRant the Android devRant client and the new version is out on Github!
There's now a fully working Avatar Builder (which actually took a while since it was not really documented to this point) and search, profile editing and community projects page have been added. :).
Related post: https://devrant.com/rants/6573682/...
49 -
I'd been with the company for maybe two weeks, pushed some changes and updates to a client's site on a Friday afternoon as instructed by my boss, checked everything over and it's all fine.
Come Monday morning and this client is seriously miffed, not all of the changes had applied and the site was a mess all weekend. Turns out a bug with the caching plugin meant what we were getting in the office was different to outside.
Meetings were held and a new QA procedure was put in place. -
after a vast number of emails, phone calls and cross-client tests with a customer, because „the light grey background of the new template magically disappeared“.... I had one final idea!
me: „could you please turn the contrast knob on your monitor?“
reaction of the customer: „OHHH.......“
🤦🏻♂️ -
Amazing project I love working for and we're are the cusp of pushing out a big new update.
Suddenly Safari starts closing our SignalR web sockets the moment the page loads, and only Safari does it.
And our client has a hard on for Apple.
So it's considered a blocking change, even though Safari is only used by the client and none of our end users.1 -
TGIF & remember..
DO NO FUCKING PUSH TO PRODUCTION TODAY!
DO NOT FUCKING RELEASE A NEW VERSION OF THE CLIENT APP!
FUCK!!
have a nice weekend partners 🤗1 -
"I'm sorry my dear new client but i was having a deep conversation with my rubber duck, I'll be right there with you"
-
Fucking fuck! I'm done.
The client IT team decided to change the whole fucking theme of Wordpress and the manager who fucking approved the previous changes left month ago.
Spent whole day trying to integrate all the changes I've done previously on different theme in new theme but this fucking new theme always decides to fuck up whole CSS every time I do some changes in theme option.
FUCKING FUCK!1 -
- Learn python
- Learn ML
- Move from client projects and start/finish my own project
- Find time/money to start PhD studies
- Find time to do science paper
- Get new car
Had to focus on working when I finished my master so I hope to get back to science part of work -
When will a client finally understand I can't just 'implement a new secure chat feature but only for these people' before lunch2
-
I hate ot when your client has access to new relic and they panic and start creating critical issues when the linux db server is is 80% memory..
After a 2h conference call the client said he was going to contact a 3rd party dba because he didn't believe it was normal. -
Freaking github markdown! I just want this directly under each other like i fucking wrote it:
[Client implementation](implementation_client.md)
[Server implementation](implementation_server.md)
But it's places it together on one line. Fine, i put a new line between it.
[Client implementation](implementation_client.md)
[Server implementation](implementation_server.md)
It fucking shows a blank line in between!
AAAARGH
I'm sure the github CTO was seen on Epstein's island4 -
Client : Couple of new features are added. Check out the documentation. Deliver the product as discussed.
Me : I doubt that. With new features it's definitely take one more week than discussed.
Client : Don't glam blame. It shows the work Quality and you are Incompetence.
Me : !?!?!???1 -
My old client, contacted me for a new project. He contacted at the right time when I'm getting rejected for jobs and just simply being bored with college. Excited to have extra cash to have fun at college and have a working purpose.2
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I just started a new project with a new client who once off-handedly mentioned offering us stock options if the site is successful. He's paying us real money to do the site and I hope he doesn't pull the old "Oops, I'm out of money. Would you like stock options?" move. Thanks to hellobonsai.com contract language I think we're covered.2
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1. Universal switch to IPv6 with back compatibility to IPv4.
2. A new universe of easy and convenient personal softwares that are served from your own home (aka, every client is a server).
3. More 3 wishes 😏2 -
Client: Can you put all the add on products we sell into the MDSL (Master Daily Sales Log)
Why aren't you adding them to the new console system? It allows you to add them and tracks all actions on the sale.
Client: The Health Agents don't know how to do that, and I think the manger hasn't added them into the system....yup he didn't add them.
Me: So how are you tracking the addon products you are selling?
Client: I don't know. Can you just add them to the MDSL.
Me: I wrote the console system to replace the MDSL, why are you using the spaghetti code system I wrote 8 years ago?
Client: They like it better because of this one report they use.
Me: I rewrote that report for the new system and it even gives more info.
Client: But the owner doesn't trust it, because it shows conversions and sales instead of just sales.
Me: ...1 -
*While designing the native app for a web application*
Me: So this feature in the app will basically be the same as Feature1 in the web app, correct?
Client: That's exactly right.
*Presenting the new app to the client*
Client: Why is this feature not behaving like the Feature2 in the web app?
Me: You said you wanted it like Feature1
Client: What? No, it must behave like Feature2
Please help1 -
I have working on a new website for a client that interfaces with their internal systems, meaning we must collect the data fields required by the client. A look over the designs reveals such huge inconsistencies in the data input that we may as well not have bothered designing it.1
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Client: drops a few devs in the standup
Everyone: wtf who are these people what what are they going to do?
Client: could you (me) help them get up and running and answer any questions they have.
New dev: where is the host file located?
Me (in my head): wait what you dont know? Wtf you have 'senior' dev in your fucking email signature. Go and fucking google
Me: c:/system32/drivers/etc/hosts.
Fuck my life right now.1 -
Manager: calls me on Wednesday and asks that have you moved your changes to UAT on Monday?, the client wanted to test it.
Me: Started looking for a new job immediately. -
Using some tools - do you learn all their default keybindings (hotkeys), or do you customize them? [do you re-customize them with every new installation/workstation?]
Like vim, ide, SQL client, etc.
[thinking about IntelliJ's CTRL+F4.. It feels off]
I for one prefer defaults.3 -
Ok I got a new position with a client which is a big pharma company (like evil corp). What script do I need to write now to make drugs free?5
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So the client ask for a new super urgent request and want to see it completed in 10 minutes.
Not that I can't do it, I just need 2-3 minutes to do it, but because of their rudeness, I left the job for my little cute interns who work at my company.
Takes her more than hours to complete.
Sorry client. LOL1 -
I'm sure that some of you play LoL, so this might be interesting for you:
Riot has just released (actually, it's been existing for quite a long time, but they told noone about it before) an (undocumented) API for the new client, with it you can actually control the whole client's interface or get and modify client side information and settings.6 -
Applying for a new job and got an assignment for a quick dashboard as a test, whoever designed the HTTP client in Angular should be thrown down a fucking building.12
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When your in a sales meeting and the sales manager says "we release new client features in as soon as the next day"
............ I'm already the only software engineer1 -
In my current job, I was let go of the project I was handling for almost two years in place for a new hire with less experience. The reason is that I got complacent while sacrificing code quality as more similar tasks were assigned. I'm glad it happened and grateful for all the code practices I've learned. Transferring to a new project with the same client though. 😂1
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When you spend months putting together a major update for the original scope of a project, release the update to a client, and the first thing they say: "Where's that new feature I asked for last week?"
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Client says the algo is producing figures that are too high, I change the algo, explain to the client the new algo and client is now requesting proof that the algo has changed so I have to run the whole process with new algo, give figures, delete figures and run old algo on same data and give figures created by old algo for comparison... And at the same time the same person is screaming that promised changes are not yet delivered... Sometimes I really hate my job *sigh*
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Created whole UAM System in Product for client. After the deployment client asked me
"In which table should I run the query to create a new user." -
It doesn't mind WHEN you'll complete a job.
What's really matter is WHEN your client will call for a new feature.1 -
developing some programs for a new client to generate fractal images. any suggestions on programming languages I should use? my first instinct was Python.4
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my old game had this flow every time a client places an object:
Client A creates a new generic object, and attaches texture paths (yep, global paths are allowed), and... lua code as strings to it.
Client A sends the entire object list to the server
Server receives it, replaces it's own object list
Server copies the entire object list and sends it to all clients
Client A and Client B both receive the object list and replace their versions.
All clients see that the object contains some code as strings
They compile and store it, and then run every frame. UNSANDBOXED.
any client could make all other ones execute any code and i was proud of my idea! -
*le me sleeping/nap*
> Employer : Hey Dexter, check all our projects, I'm visiting new client..
> Me : okay sure, but what's the acceptance criteria?
> Employer : Yes
> Me : *sleeps again*
¯\_(ツ)_/¯2 -
An ex client told me that her new software house wants the private key to access her virtual machine. The private key.
I explained that she must send me a public key, but I didn't tell her that new guys she is working with don't know what are doing. Now I feel regret. -
System architect make feature to print password, when you create new client. It was architecture for backend server. Just why and how?!5
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*-- There's something kind of child like and adorable about working for a client who spends THOUSANDS of dollars on their data infrastructure, yet finds it ever so difficult to provide ONE user to help reconcile and test the new data warehouse.
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I been working on an app for two years. No new tech, slow paced because it's the only one of its kind... yesterday the client send me an email of a new app that do exactly what we do. Let's the games begins
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So the company I work for assigned me to a new clients project and has already proven to be a pain.
I checked all my emails late Sunday evening and replied to them (saves me the time in the morning) so I emailed this new client who was enquiring when a part of his website was to be done.
Me: I fully expect this portion of the functionally to be done by the tail of the week.
Client first thing this morning: why isn’t anything working you said it would be done.
Me: ...4 -
freelance devs:
do you experiment with new technology on your client projects (and do you bill (some of) the extra time?) or on your own time (meant for learning)?2 -
s it just me that finds WCF cumberlicated? I'm having trouble to get my client up and running every time we set up some sort of new service solution at work. All these service references and classes that cannot be resolved just cause a meltdown in my head. GGGGGGGGGGGGGNNNNNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHHHH! *going mad*4
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Oh, this project is really going to crash and burn with these new incompetent Developers. Just saying.
Hope this client will stop working with us so I don't have to work with these incompetent developers anymore....
Getting really stressed about this and the freaking incompentens from these two people...2 -
Just got added to a few repos of iOS/Android apps that I'll be working on for a new client. All of which only have 2-3 commits and no further history. Guessing the previous dev was using drop box or something, I'm a little concerned.
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Angular and MVC really slows shit down, doesn't it?
I added 1 (one) page which displayed two data grids,straight out of a database procedure. Here's the head count:
- 13(!!!!!) New files
- 5 old ones modified
- Build process on both server and client side (Visual Studio build and ng build)7 -
What are your tips/tricks for staying up and alert?
Started a new QA job. 3-11am because the client is in another time zone. I'm up but staying up and alert is a challenge. I might need better coffee. Still falling asleep7 -
Sales guy: Client has a new requirement, wants it by the weekend.
Me: but did you tell him why we've an alternative for this here.
Sales guy: cool, complete it by weekend then. -
Was working on a smaller new web project for our client. After 3 months of coding and a working prototype clients projekctomanager randomly asked: And why its a web application now? me: *jaw open*6
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Bank releasing new ui and posting that they’re pro client company while me waiting second week for papers.
What times we live on where fancy ui is more demanded then cutting customer service time.4 -
I'm doing freelancing.
One client hires me for 30 hours/week.
And I'm are getting work irregular.
Like
1 week is full of 30 hour
1 week just 10 hours.
1 week 20 hour.
What should I do?
I try to get other project but most of are For a full time.
One Client hires me but at that time the previous client gave me a full 30 hour's work so the new client could not get enough time and gave me low ratings because of time wasting.
I'm afraid that can happen again.3 -
When the client demands all kinds of new features but has no hours left on their service level agreement and doesn't want to increase capacity...1
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3 days of workshops with new client done - happy days😊
Now starts the real project and the possible agony of dealing with all the things they forgot to mention and/or priorities to us🤘🏻🖖🏻1 -
wk50 will be fun! Developing 3 new projects. 2 real ones and 1 mockup to show a client how our product will improve his daily life. All based on newest web technologies.
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Meet up with a new client, everything looks good feature wise and planning. Then the $ hits & I get hit up the fucking ass again.3
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Expanding a batch system on production
Set reservation to block the new nodes
Apply changes and restarted scheduler
(Reservation quietly lost, as it should persist)
Client called because jobs start to fail on new nodes…
Gahhhhhhh!!!!!! -
just read about Zeno's paradox and realized, this is our life!!
The client sets requirements, we code them within n time. by the time we finish it, the client sets new requirements. so we code them again, but by the time we finish it, more requirements are set.
will we ever be able to finish it all? that is the paradox.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/...1 -
Fuck you, webdev.
I had to explain to a new web developer about an Oracle database and Toad. Anyone remember Toad? I still remember not too long ago, developers knew the basics of relational databases and available client tools. -
When a client keeps asking about how a new feature works...
Have you even bothered to read the fucking concept? IT'S ALL THERE!!! -
Thunderbird mail client switched to compact mode or a new look, so I suspected that's the announced "update that many users won't like".
Googled how to revert Thunderbird to its old UI and found that people posted that question, but 4 years ago? As yesterday's UI wasn't exactly elegant and beautiful either, I'll just get used to the new one!1 -
Just spent 4 hours on a bug with Postgres in Node. Turns out when you create a new client, and then end it, You need to create a NEW client (I guess because the old one is bad??).
Thanks for the shitty error messages Postgres. I want 4 hours of my life back.1 -
New project last week*
Today:
Client asked for the trello board of the new project, but I didn't manage to create it because the requirements are vague.
Finished setting up the board today and clutched everything.
Lesson learned: pressure is key 😂 -
What I want to say to this client: You are the reason I am secretly looking for a new job.
What I say/email to them instead: I'll review the changes that were made and make some tweaks to see if it helps relieve the issues you are experiencing. -
Working on new project, and reading "good practices" before starting the project and following them...
Until the client wants me to do it fast...
Fuck sakes -
Just completed half of the website for a client with number of meetings and after last meeting he says I'm bored with this design now change it and make something new with new components and new Colors. I haven't replied yet, best comment will be my reply xD5
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Spend two whole days solving an exception in a new feature, then the client decides that the old version is the way to go..1
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I wrote a client facing application, which management felt did not require any user guide for the business was required, but the client received a guide. In short, the business didn't understand how to setup a new client, blamed me that it was crap, just to find out they just didn't set it up right. No one apologized, or took credit for messing up. I know look like the black sheep
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Got new client today, he wanted me to make a camera feed. Searched on Google free software that does what he says. Welp.
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So I just started working on a site for a new client who has been working on getting their startup off the ground. Their CTO has built the site so far but I've never seen so much styling and js online in a RoR app... FML.1
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I'm beginning to design websites using WordPress. The issue is, every client wants their website to be styled differently. ive looked into creating my own themes, but a new theme for each client is just unrealistic.
Somebody pointed me towards dopewp.com, which is a Bootstrap based theme with a page builder. I've settled for the idea that I need one theme that'll do the job everywhere, but there's more questions past that.
should I develop my own Bootstrap theme, or use freemium software (which I hate) like dopewp? another option would be to build my own Bootstrap theme, or a completely new Bootstrap CMS.
I just don't know...6 -
I finally finished a website of a client where I‘m working on since 2012!!! WTF! I never hat such a client before. Sometimes I haven‘t heard anything from them 4 months then they called me, I changed some pictures a did a little bit of styling and then it took months again to get a feedback! To be honest, now 5 years later they need a redesign of their „new“ website.1
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So I had an interesting conversation with a "developer" from another org:
Me: "So I might have a new client. Their site really needs an update."
Them:"Let me see." *goes to perspective client site*
Them:"Wow, that's bad!"
Me:"Yep it hasn't been touched since 08"
Them:"No, that's not the reason. The reason it looks this bad is because it is made with php."
9 -
We were delaying a feature from the roadmap because implementing it in the new client was taking it days we didn't have.
One of our devs backported everything in the old client, some undocumented clusterfuck of crusty code from 12 years ago running in AngularJS.
Oh my, if it isn't the same fucking thing I've been calling for THE ENTIRE PAST YEAR -
Fuuuuuuck!
Our client changed the project 3 times in 2 days!
Sometimes I wish to have a rocket launcher!
"Now we need to add a new rule in the mechanics... "
Thank you! We spent 2 days creating this shit for nothing.
Aaaargh fuck youuu!2 -
GitHub is down. Unlucky client, guess I have a *really* good excuse not to push that scope-creeped heap of a new frontend. Because apparently 'those "small changes" you've made to the Sketch file are in fact entirely new uses of the data structures' wasn't good enough.
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Agency adventures: Client always asking for bespoke hardcoded changes in the system. They want to save budget, so you suggest to make a admin screen for that frequent change so they can manage themselves and not pay you to do. You make that. Client keep creativity on top levels, asking for changes not supported by the new feature and that still have to be hardcoded.
Now, after the time estimates, they kindly ask: "can't you use that admin page to speed up your work?". -
I've a new request from a client wanting a drop shipping system with WordPress and WooCommerce. He also wants a merchandise management system.
I never did this and am unsure how to build it, what fuck to expect or even what to charge.
Please send help! 🥺😱😰6 -
So, been working for almost 2 weeks now at the new job. Worked fairly much on one of their sites and today they have a meeting with the client regarding this site. Ofcourse now is the moment for this site to be f'd up. OFCOURSE!
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PM: 'the project is going down but the client is so happy from you.. he is inviting you to a new similar one'
Giving me work for more than a year and still doing... opening new positions and boosting the company a little1 -
We're supporting hardware for a new client now. A guy on my team has been working directly with the client to set up access for us all. He sent us all an email yesterday, asking us to update a ticket with our, "domain name and passphrase."
He meant user id and ssh public key, but he doesn't know enough about Linux (which he supports for a living) to know what it was called. -
What do you think about the new Youtube layout?
New Youtube, new bugs.
I reported a bug when it was opt-in and guess what, it's still here: in subscription feed's listed view, scrolling is laggy after loading more items with stepless scrolling (e.g. Chrome w/ touchpad). So many unnecessary animations.
It's just really frustrating when you try to info large company about a bug and they do nothing. The previous ones are also still there...
I guess it's time to reboot my Youtube Data API client project, which I started just for this reason.3 -
I hate writing a new technical proposal for every new client because everyone of them is a different animal.
fuck this shit.2 -
Anyone else using ownCloud client on linux? The client is pretty buggy.
I recently got a new laptop and now I'm downloading all my files from my ownCloud instance. Might take a while though with my slow (free) home network.
2 -
Started my design/development agency in Jan. I work both direct to client and also on a whitelabel basis for other agencies and developers.
My 2nd biggest client is one of the said whitelabel clients. Unfortunately he has been unwell for a few weeks and is now taking another 3 weeks off. This week I have had to take over the running of his business (from a client and development standpoint) to ensure projects don't fall behind...they're already 2 weeks overdue with new RFQs coming in thick and fast. All this whilst running my own business.
Yesterday was a 16hr day and it doesn't look like it is going to let up :|
At least it's billable I guess?1 -
A simple template customization job turns monstrous!! The client expects me to develop new templates as part of the scope.. 2/3rd of the project in! The hell!
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I have never used my personal email client enough to get anything except for the default in Windows, but the “new outlook” is so broken and shitty that I actually might.1
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We started new project cca 1y ago crm like stuff so we decided go with electron + vue front and lumen for api
Then client wants dos like functionality and visually too fuck them ... -
Transferred wordpress site to new server for a client and it introduces special characters into the text #fun1
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These days i learn new technology after using that in an client project. Sounds stupid , still works.
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Has anyone done client side validation of subscriptions in Android? Or atleast just figure if it's expired or not?
I've spent my whole day trying to do this without a server and no, Google only has API for servers.
SO working answers are like 3-5 years old after which the API were changed. New answers simply ignore the part 'client side'1 -
Some days are like being a musician on tour. I wake up to a new code base every 2 hours. After a while I'm like, "What client am I even working on?"
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