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Search - "my mother"
I tell my parents that I chose Game Development in the GeoLab course(The college which my mother really wanted me to try), and mother's response is: „Gaming is mankind's disaster. Why do you want to make more people miserable?“
Kill. Me. Now.87
Uncle: "It must be noisy, programming. I've seen a datacenter on TV, and those computers are loud" — "It is noisy, but that's more my coworkers fault"
Sales guy at the office: "So you see patterns in the code, you can read this cryptic mess?" — "Uh this is PHP, Its not the syntax that makes it hard to read, it's the dimwit who wrote it"
Father-in-law: "Could you reprogram my laptop, I got a virus trying to download por... nature documentaries" — "I'm not that kind of doctor"
Mother-in-law: "How will you sustain a family, you just play video games all day" — "I make your monthly teachers salary in four days"
Girlfriend: "I learned some Lua today because I needed a world of warcraft extension for..." — "I love you too"24
Wrote a nodejs script which reads emails from my college searching for keywords like free, food, and refreshments. When it finds one of those it notifies me that free food is somewhere on campus.
Necessity is the mother of invention3
Little fun story
About 3 years ago, my woman came gome from picking up our son from kindergarten.
She told me that she met a very nice woman - also a mom - whose man is also a dev (He is a FullStackDev, while I mainly do backend in PHP) .
She said that she invited them over for BBQ the next day.
In my mind, I was like "Fuck, now I need to listen to some wanker explaining me how great it is to be doing full stack with all the latest and greatest tools and bells and whistles why I am the fat kid using PHP"...
The BBQ-day arrived, we have met, we have talked, and we have been best friends and brothers-from-another-mother ever since.
Life is good sometimes.5
I just discovered ctrl+r in the Linux terminal.
Mother of god this fucker speeds up my workflow!
A massive amount of kudos to the person who made this 😍52
So I've got a Linux related job (or, starting at monday). When people ask me what my new position is called, I'll of course tell! Well, I stutter sometimes in my native language. Especially with the letter L.
"so what's your new position?"
*mother of god*
"Llllllllllll-llllllllllllllllllll-lllllllinux support engineer!"
"Hey man, you got a new job I heard, what's your new position?"
"Lllllllll-lllllllllllllllllllinux support engineer!"
"ey dude, what's your new position? Heard you got a new job!"
*alright let's do this better*
"gonna do stuff with servers and customer service!"
"Ah cool! What system do they run on their servers?"
When I was a kid, I used Dreamweaver and my mother would watch me doing things and she used to say "Oh, my dear there are lots of icons and buttons!!! How do you manage that? How do you know which one is for what purpose? You are really brilliant."
And now I use Atom IDE and she says "This looks very easy. Technology has evolved so much that you don't have to click so many buttons and just write simple lines, just as simple as writing letters and the software does the rest of the things. These softwares have done a brilliant job."
Seriously the technology has changed (and my mother too) !!!13
my mother brought me a external hard drive.. she asked me can i check what is wrong with it.. i opened it up and i just began to laugh9
Mom: what are you doing ?
Me: i'm installing daemons in my computer.
Mother: *sprays me with holy water2
My mother forced me to buy winrar when I was ~10. They saw the licence popup every time I would open minecraft.jar to install a mod.
They are big anti-piracy supporters and so they thought I pirated winrar.
Well.... So for my punishment for "pirating" winrar, they made me buy it with my birthday money...
I moved to 7zip
Now I'm happy.8
Our Adobe Illustrator teacher(he taught us a bit of Photoshop before), tasked us with entering a contest for a logo design. The company's name is synonymous to amber in my mother tongue, but instead of it doing something related to that they partnered with T.V. services etc and are doing things in the field. The limitation of the contest is that we have to use a specific color in the amber range(given with the CMYK and Pantone values), and if the design ends up a success, one gets nearly 500$.
I have an idea, but I don't know how I will be going about doing it. I'm not great at either design or drawing. My skills in drawing don't match up with my ideas...
I'll still try it.15
!dev !rant - only very sad
I have been through the worst and saddest week of my life.
Sadly, it's getting worse every day.
I've been travelling around the world in my RV for years and haven't seen my parents for several years. Since I recently successfully completed a huge project and now have some spare time, I thought it would be nice to visit my parents. Everything went well. We were glad to see each other after a long time and had a nice day together. My father works as a security guard and had to go to work early in the evening. So I stayed alone with my mother.
In the evening my mother went to bed earlier than usual because she didn't feel well. I wished her a good night and wanted to surf the internet. But somehow I had a strange feeling (maybe a premonition) and after 5 minutes I went into her bedroom to bring her a glass of water and at this very moment she suffered a heart attack. I threw it all away and called 911 immediately. I shouted the address into the phone, screamed emergency, heart failure, unconscious while trying to start resuscitation at the same time. Fortunately, the ambulance was nearby, arrived in just a few minutes, pushed me aside and started the resuscitation procedure. It took more than an hour and dozens of electric shocks to even get a pulse.
The ambulance took her to the hospital for further medical treatment. I was in the hospital all night until at least she had a stable pulse.
As soon as I returned to my parents' house (the car was still warm, hardly 3 minutes have passed), my father, who had returned from work a few minutes earlier, suddenly suffered a thrombosis in his leg. The whole leg was slowly turning black. I immediately dragged him into the car and drove him as fast as I could to the hospital.
It's Sunday now. I haven't slept since Thursday and I've been in the hospital all the time. Both are in a coma, fighting for their lives. I thought it couldn't get any worse, my mother got sepsis and pneumonia today.
Now I have returned to my parents' house and pray that both of them will survive. Can't sleep even though I'm tired to death. Can't work, try to distract me somehow. Maybe I'll be able to sleep at least two hours. Then I'll go back to the hospital.
What a damn fuckin' week.46
Once A Programmer Had No Child, No Money, No Home, Blind Mother, so he Prays To God.
God Says He Will Grant Him One Wish!
Programmer : “I Want My Mother To See My Wife Putting Diamond Bangles On My Child’s Hands, In Our New Home”
God: “Damn! I Still Have A Lot To Learn From These Programmers”8
Jesus fucking christ, entering w3schools.com (don't ask) and I immediately get a cookie consent thing shoved in my face.
WHY?! Please don't tell me it's so I can get the 'best experience' because that's straight out bullshit. I don't need cookies and you fucking name it to get 'the best fucking experience' while looking up again how that one PHP or HTML or CSS or WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER thing worked.
E-v-e-r-y GODDAMN site has this nowadays, to 'improve my experience' - I block ads anyways so what's the motherfucking point?!
Mother of FUCKING god.
When I was a kid I used to play on my old Pentium computer all night after my mother sleeps. One night she caught me playing, she pushed the cabin from the table and broke it 😵. After then I tried to fix it and succeeded. Since then started learning about computers and now a back end engineer..6
84 hours. Took alot of coffee and adderall. Had 5 projects with reasonable deadlines until mother fucking hurricane Katrina decided it wanted to be the best cocksucking blowing bitch around and knocked power out for two weeks. I managed to get 3 projects finished before i passed out for a day but two clients got pissed off cause their projects were late. They were pissed off even more when i had to pull the Forced Majeure clause cause they wanted to be bitches and didn't want to pay for my work
TL;DR: Hurricane didn't kill me so deadlines tried6
I apologies for my bad English.
I was 14 and addicted to PC games, I take money from my dad and bought new games every day
One day he got angry and told me: "What's are you doing with your life son? I don't pay for your games anymore! If you can build your own game and play with it!"
My mother had a computer academy, So i ask her to teach me how to build a game! She starts teaching me VB6, It was amazing.
After that, i started programming, Searching for VB6 sample code all day.
We had a local online game and it was a time killer, So i build an auto bot for this game to play for me, wit VB6. It works great, And send it to my friends and they loved it. Then I create a website and put it there so other players can use it, And after some days downloads reach 5000 times! I was shocked! Then I put a lot of time and improve it, Downloads reach 15000! After three years it reaches 50,0000 and more.
Between these years I learned VB.Net, C#, HTML, CSS, JS, Java and Android programming. Just because of some game.
And really thanks to my parent to put me in this path, It's great.
I think I can never get enough of coding!
But haven't created any games yet, So learning continues :)9
Our teacher wanted to show us a video in class so she opened Internet explorer (windows 7) used bing to search for the video and clicked on the link.
The video didn't work and instead there was an error message saying 'Your browser is too old, please use a more modern browser, for example mozilla firefox'
She looked at the error message for around 30 seconds like it had just told her that it is gonna explode in a minute. After some time one of my friends asked if she needed help. Here is what happened:
F: do you need any help?
T: No (very serious voice)
Teacher shuts down computer, stands up, looks at our class angrily and says in a very serious voice:
T: you broke the computer although you aren't allowed to touch it!
Me: mother of god...5
Goddamn I'm retarded to the next level.
Rebooted my phone a few days ago, some stuff didn't work well anymore and I'm looking for a new one which supports custom roms but I shouldn't spend too much right now so I thought I'd let it go for now.
Rebooted again last night and the network time wouldn't set properly so set it manually. Today I suddenly noticed that any app/page loading through a secure connection wasn't loading at all.
This to the goddamn point that my phone was becoming useless.
Started to search for a quick, cheap replacement supporting custom roms while debugging on and on.
I just (now) looked at the date and BAM, it hit me: I set it to one month earlier.
Mother of god I'm stupid. Brain fart to the max.14
Disclaimer: I can't 'officially' verify this.
I've been using Firefox as main browser with about 5 addons for added privacy for ages now. When googles (fucking) reCaptcha takes more than a few minutes on Firefox (about 90 percent of the time, I'm estimating), I switch to Chromium (with the same amount of (similar) privacy addons) so I can go on with my stuff.
Now, I recently thought 'why not try to do user agent spoofing on Firefox to see if reCaptcha would start working 'normally'?
So, I installed a user agent spoofing addon on Firefox/Chromium, results:
Firefox reCaptcha success rate: 10 percent approx. (mostly 2+ minutes)
Chromium: 90 percent. (mostly instant)
Firefox: 90 percent approx.
Chromium: 10-20 percent approx.
Again, I can't prove any of this yet but mother of fucking god, whenever using Chromium or spoofing Chromium on Firefox the succession rate skyrockets.
Google, what the fuck are you up to?14
My mother sits in front of me with her laptop. After a time she asks me, who founded Microsoft. I say: "Bill Gates but why?"
She: "Oh my god, I am winning an iPhone!!!"
I know exactly what's going on, so I go to her and show her the shitty URL and some grammar mistakes in the text and close the tab after explaining that it is phishing.
After that she just looks at me and is sooooo angry about me, because she still thinks that it was real. Only because they "knew which Internet provider we were using and that they just wanted to reward us for being customer!!!". I'm so sad now, because I never thought she would fall for sth. like this... 😔6
So I'm a UX Designer and my husband is a Mobile Engineer so obviously he makes more. I swear my field doesn't get enough credit it deserves (considering we're the ones figuring how the user will use the app/site/whatever device). My mother in-law decided my work isn't as important as his and that I stand below him. Gee thanks for the biggest insult, even when I had to go to grad school for 2 years, worked full-time at the same time so that we could help his family with some stuff considering we're the only couple who is capable of it. :/31
So yet another follow up rant on the Linux job hunting! (yes hello this is @linuxxx).
Got send a list with questions (for candidate screening) and was literally mentally preparing to answer all the questions (I expected shit like Linux commands, kernel stuff etc etc).
Then I saw the questions. Mother of god.
1. Have you ever worked with a Linux distro and if yes, which one(s)?
😶. Uhm I expected some more difficult stuff.
2. Have you ever worked with a hosting interface like CPanel etc?
😶😶. Alright I should adjust my view on the difficulty level of these questions.
And so it went on and on. I think I make a pretty good chance 😆.
I'll hear more at Monday and if all is good then I will get an interview through Skype with their American office!11
This mother fucker right here.
Today I was asked as a favor by one of our vendors to assist one of their other customers with an API integration issue. We work very closely with this vendor and help beta their products etc.
I'm helping as a favor. And this guy could not be more of a dick. Constantly throwing his 20ys of experience at me and saying the API is broken. A good portion of my job is API integration so I've seen 30+ platforms all done differently and this one in question is by far the simplest.
Where does this chodemuffin get off being a dick to me? You know what buddy. Eat a dick. Figure it out yourself.3
Today was Mother's Day. Everybody was posting their photos with their mothers, so I had to stay away from social networks for today to not feel sad.
It's been almost a year without mine, really miss her.
I love her, and I never showed her how much. I've not been the best son a mother could have, I'm so sorry for that. She thought me how to be strong, she was the strongest, but I'm feeling so weak now without her.
Please never miss a chance to let your mother know how much you love her, give her a hug whenever you can, talk to her every time you need somebody to talk to, listen to her stories from when she was your age. She's the most precious person you'll ever have in your life. I realized that when it was too late, don't make my mistake.
I miss you mum ❤8
so,i made a website and uploaded it to my paid hosting...some pages were blank when accessed.did some testing and found out that was a php problem.contacted the support to enable error reporting for testing...he said that it can not be done...and that my code was the problem....spent 3h testing like a blind man...then my mother comes and sais this "maybe it's not compatible"she knows nothing about programming....then it struck me....fucking different php versions...i think i'm retarded sometimes...10
Mother of god.
I spent hours and hours last week to try and get OpenVPN working. I mean, OpenVPN is working perfectly fine (on a VirtualBox (nope no vmware for me on servers) machine on a friends' dedicated server) but it wouldn't get through! As in, every forwarding/firewall rule just didn't work.
Was seriously about to lose my shit just now when I suddenly noticed the term 'TCP' in a forwarding rule.
Looked at the .ovpn file: proto udp
I added the exact same rule for UDP as a forward within VirtualBox.
Well, there goes quite some hours 😐
And solely because I didn't realise that I setup a forwarding thingy for the wrong protocol.
I feel very stupid now :(5
My brother (14, at that time 12) is in puberty and just doesn't get off his computer to learn or do anything useful. He actually got bad grades because of this.
I made an app for my mom as well as a "virus" for my brother's computer that she could use to start and stop my brother's mouse wobble around randomly. Whenever he should be learning, my mother would press a button and he couldn't do anything anymore.
He eventually found out how to start YouTube videos using only his keyboard, so the next update came with a feature that simulated a random keypress instead of the one my brother was actually intending to type whenever he pressed a key.
The fun thing was, that he never found out why that was happening and just assumed his computer was broken.3
Pranks again today. Mother of God the level of those pranks is becoming high as fuck.
Having to debug shit at system (cron, firewalling, users, sometimes even digging through logs/dmesg) level because weird shit happens all day long.
This is upping my Linux skills a lot though! I love it 😍9
So the other day my mother told me that her laptop does not start. Then we found out that she holds the "power" button so long that the laptop turned off again after a few seconds after the boot was initiated.3
People on Stack Overflow are SUCH FUCKING ASSHOLES
"You didn't show us where you declared this unimportant array, please review this article for how to ask questions"
My question doesn't concern the array, my question concerns how the system works, all code I provided was only for clarity. Read my fucking question you arrogant asshole. You have lots of points, fine, go tell your mother, but you assume I don't know how to ask a question which you clearly did not read.9
Not checked my mail box since Thanks Giving, just opened my mail box to find 1600+ of these black friday promotion mother fuckers.2
Morning after my linux administration exam my mother called 15 times to wake me up. When I finaly answered the phone she she was worried so she asked.
Mom: wtf is wrong with you, is everything okay?
Me: not sure, i think something went wrong. I'll send you the log files later. *Hangs up the phone.
Apparently I do shit like that every time she tries to call me in the morning as she writes down our "conversations" just to laugh at me later.
brain@sleep:~$ sudo rm -rf /9
Window...update available... Later
And now ?
Finish my day, do it fucker but tomorrow you need to work
Today ... Bootloop
Mother fucking ☮️ of shit6
My mother used to code a good 30 years ago (embedded development for plane engines), but nowadays always fear doing something wrong on her computer/smartphone.
It's a bit depressing to see how someone who used to be a developer is now so fearful of computers.
On the plus side, she is very respective of my time, and will wait 2/3 weeks for me to come home to fix a simple thing, and generally don't bother me with things she can do herself, once I explain to her how to do it.
Last time was cleaning laptop fans. Seeing how you need to disassemble half of it to clean that, I can understand anyone not wanting to do it.7
I was at Leeds Central train station the other day, waiting for the platform to be announced on the screen in the main bit. I noticed a commotion to my right. There was a teenage girl screaming and writhing around on the floor, her mother was knelt on one knee trying to calm her. I walked over without thinking, I know nothing about Epilepsy or first aid, at a push I could probably figure out the recovery position from a faint diagram i have stored in the unused part if my brain...
(it’s where I keep the washing machine instructions, which incidentally were designed for maximum confusion, if Id designed a washing machine it would have 1 button labelled ‘wash’)...
Sorry, back to the story. So i walked over and just before I got there, with the mother looking directly at me, I realised, what the fuck am I doing, meanwhile the daughter was screaming still and writhing, a bit like a rapid angel print you would make in the snow as a kid (until your hand touched the dog shit).
I couldn’t help it, the words just came out, like a dumb fucker, i said ‘Has she got epilepsy?’ , i stood there waiting for the sarcastic comment or the murderous stare, even a fuck off would suffice, so that I could remove myself from the situation.
To my surprise, and shock, she looked at me, calmly and said “oh no, it’s not epilepsy or anything like that.... she’s lost her iPhone”.5
One of my best mentors was my father!
When i was very, very young (like 8 years old), he brought a new computer from his work! The first thing he did was play Doom (lol) but later, he always tried to show me all the things that could be done, coding in VB6.
He always told me: "You can use this to make the computer do what you want to do! You can do many things!". Even if at that time I did not understand much, he always tried to explain me how to develop a calculator or even a "Hello World" but with the name of my mother.
I will never forget his face of happiness, when I simulated a face that blinked with a counter. I do not even remember how I did it, but he hugged me so hard lol.
A couple of years ago, he was the first to try my first application on Android: An application that screamed when you shook the phone lol. He laughed a lot with that application.
He helped me in my university and we even developed several solutions together for different companies. Now we work separately, but he was an important part of what I am now.
PS: My english is kinda rusty, so forgive me ><.9
I stopped eating on my desk a few months ago and I've been witnessing some free entertainment since. I was having breakfast and two women sat at the table beside me. Mother and daughter. The daughter walked towards the restroom door and started knocking. This all happened in a span of five minutes.
Mother: "Make it fast!"
Daughter: "I know! I'm knocking!"
Mother: "What's taking her so long? Oh my god. It's like she (whoever is in the restroom) lives there! Knock some more!" *proceeds to roast whoever is in the restroom*
Daughter: "I already did!" *knocks again*
Mother: "It's 10AM already, let's go!"
Daughter: "Nooo! Emergerrrd I need to pee ashhdkdkeuoakansvttyjj!"
The daughter was jumping up and down throwing a tantrum like she has no strand of pubic hair on her. She looks like she's in her early 20's and is applying for a job.
Another woman sees the commotion and knocks on the door as well.
Mother: "Oh my god, is she dead in there? You should have knocked."
Daughter: "I diiiid!"
So there I was munching on my hash browns, waiting for an employee and her manager to come out, wishing this would be a scene in a porn movie, that the door is closed for so long because someone's fucking in there. Then the mother would confront the scandalous pair and then make it a threesome, drag her daughter in, a foursome. Drag another crew, a few others, a breakfast orgy or some shit.
But life disappoints me as always..
The waitress walked towards the door and pushes it, it opened. Nani?! So that was all for nothing?! But there was supposed to be a corpse in there, right? Or a lewd couple! How can this be?!
Mother: *growls* "You didn't push ittttt!"
It was more entertaining than the two tech leads threatening to punch each other in the face during a go live meeting.5
AAAAAAHHHH OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!
THE LAST 20 MINUTES WERE THE CRINGIEST OF MY LIFE!!!
THIS COWORKER TYPES AND CLICKS SO SLOWLY!!! JUST FUUUCK YOU MY FUCKING 9 YEARS OLD CLICKS A FUCKING MOUSE FASTER THEN YOU MOTHER FUCKEEEEER!!!!!
I almost lost my fucking patience this time...8
At my sisters place together with my parents. Showed my 100K accomplishment and I'm now showing my mother around.
It's funny how certain terms are hard to grasp for not so techy people!8
She explained to me what “algorithm“ is. I was 14. Instant love for the domain. In 2 days, I knew exactly what I want to do with my life1
"Holy mother of fuck. This shit is soooo interesting."
- My roommate after I taught him basics of programming. May the main() be with him.12
I'm starting to think customers know when I'm busy and take that moment to break their products.
I JUST WANT TO LET MY LEG SOAK IN EPSOM WATER... your users are going to bed soon, it's a freaking Saturday, and you need to go get laid because you have too much time on your hands. I'm in pain and cannot help you restore service if you don't stay on the line. So please... don't. Fucking. Call me. Unless you're going to stay on the line to test. You're pushing my limits, and if my voice gets any quieter, it means I'm about to find your porn accounts and register you as an amateur, uploading cows fucking to get you banned from all the services. Congratulations sir, you've pissed me off so bad, I'm using my "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" voice I learned from my mother. I hope you're happy. I'm so mad I'm not even swearing anymore. I always swear.
Edit: if my voice ever sounds sweet and demure over the phone, someone is about to get fucked with a red hot fireplace poker. This fucker getting close.1
Disclaimer: non dev related.
So I went to a festival today. What is the most stupid question you can ask at a festival?
And the winner is
And the winner is...
'why are you sweating?'
THE WHAT? ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?!?
DETAIL ONE: I'M AT A FUCKING FESTIVAL
DETAIL TWO: I'M DANCING MY ASS OFF
DETAIL TWO: EVERYONE IS MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUUUUUCK DANCING.
Mother of god, stupidity knows no fucking boundries 😲20
It wasn't my curiosity that introduced me to programming. Actually, it was my mother.
It was about six years ago, when I'd told her I'd like to make video-games, like all kids do. She didn't just nod and go about her way. She found a free course that taught programming to kids my age and immediately enrolled me. Looking back, it was surely the best thing she'd done for me, because it gave me a purpose and a future to look forward to.
The course was interesting. We learned the basics of C++, then moved on to harder topics like algorithms and data types. But more and more, I was beginning to feel left behind. Like I didn't belong there. It didn't help that I only programmed on the course, with no practice back home.
I felt scared of the future. Thought I didn't have what it takes to become a programmer. I might have broken the last straw when I started playing truant and went to McDonald's to pass the time. Because every time I did go to the course, I felt stupid and anxious. So I simply skipped.
Time passed. I got more depressed, became more antisocial, my self-esteem took a nosedive. And when it comes to depression, people always seek an escape path.
I got my escape in fiction. Started reading books, tried writing stories, and it got to the point where I asked my mother if I could become a writer and not a programmer.
And guess what? She said, "Do what brings you happiness. This is your life."
It's funny, that such a silly line stopped and got me to think. Turned out, I didn't program for fun, for myself or for my career. I'd done it for my parents, for their expectations and I was scared that in failing, I'd become a loser in their eyes.
I dropped out of the programming course. Not because it sucked, but because I wasn't going there for myself, but for my parents. But I didn't quit programming. No, I watched countless tutorials, youtube videos, browsed StackOverflow, read some books, coded every day, and now I can say without hesitation, that I love programming. I'm hooked. And I don't want to stop.
If you've read this so far, I'm sorry for my rambling. I will now leave you with only one tip: If you decided to do something, do it for yourself. Forget about parents, expectations, career, future, time or money and do it only because you want to. Because nothing else matters. Only your happiness.7
Merry Christmas everyone 🙂
This year I didn't prepare anything for it, and family won't be visited this year. I think it's better this way. My mother didn't piss on me when I was on fire - back when I was homeless and begged her to be allowed back in her home, she told me to deal with it on my own. She's been homeless herself and knows how terrible it is. I dealt with it. I hate my mother because of that, and visiting her was always an act, a formality.
Not anymore. Half a year ago I cut ties with her.. and honestly, it's for the best. I don't want to get hurt anymore by visiting the house that should've been a refuge but wasn't when I needed it most. And I got rid of it, in favor of my own stuff. And a family of my own, a community of fellow developers with whom I feel a far stronger bond than a family could ever be. You are my new family, my dearest friends. And unlike those blood bonds that make up a family unconditionally, you can bet your ass that you've very much deserved my respect.
Merry Christmas.. unlike with my biological family, I've found refuge in devRant and its community every time I needed it most. Seriously, I can't thank you enough for that. I love you all.. thank you for being my precious family! ♥️13
I went to see my mother a few days, and her TV's broken.
She told me to repair it, because "you're a programmer"
Does anybody knows a python function or a useful library that could repair TV ?5
*MOTHER OF FACEPALM *
I was filling up some university entrance exam form for my sister AND THEY SENT THE LOGIN CREDENTIALS IN PLAIN TEXT VIA A FUCKING SMS. The password that I JUST set myself. What the FUCK!10
My god people = shit...
“The *insert website here* isn’t working, I need you to fix it”
- Everything’s good on our end, it’s their end that needs to be checked.
“Why can’t you fix it...!?”
Oh... I don’t know, perhaps it’s because I don’t fucking work for them you cock munch!!
I don’t get paid enough to deal with stupid fucking people. Where the FUCK is your common sense?
I work for “X”, THAT means that if something is wrong with “Y”, I have NO control over it you cock breath having fuck stain.
That’s like ordering tacos from McDonald’s and getting pissed off because they look at your like your mother should have swollowed... NO SHIT!3
My mother-in-law asked me to reinstall her laptop. I made a deal with her that I will happily do that, but only if it can be a Linux distribution.
She eventually after asking questions about it agreed.
She don't want to go back anymore.
Funny enough, the co-workers didn't understand why is her laptop slightly looks different, so they started to tell her , that the laptop is full with virus.
I explained her that she doesn't even have system privilege to install one even if she wants.
She was happy with the answer :D5
All I wanted is to read a fucking article.
The UX is stunning, my friends.. I can feel real PROs were on this. /s
## MOTHER FUCKERS!7
How people see me:
Father: computer nerd (he's a coder too)
Mother: website maker and computer nerd
Brother#1: some computer wizard
Brother#2: noob web coder (he codes as well, but systems programming) - thanks bro!
Colleagues: The ALIEN™
Girlfriend: 404 not found
Friends: The NERD™
Dog: some hooman spending lots of time behind those lighty rectangles
Fyi, I am passionate about computers in all domains and always helped debugging people
My solution to not being overwhelmed with futile demands? Talking to them in complicated words, so they will only ask questions about true problems and not garbage :D3
My family. Mom was the first person to be proud of the things I was interested in. Then my girlfriend pushed me to finish school(she is my wife and the mother of my child now) but mostly my daughters.
I want them to grow up knowing what their dad does.
I am pretty motivated most of the time though, even for shit that i do not like.
Also...money.....i really fucking like money.12
These mother fuckers know when I'm packed up and ready to go to work and decide that's the perfect fucking time to call me. WHY COULDN'T YOU CALL WHILE I WAS STILL LOGGED IN AND DIDN'T HAVE TO LOG THE FUCK BACK IN, WAIT 90 YEARS FOR THE VIRTUAL MACHINE TO LOG ME IN and then tell me your issue self resolved. Come down to my office and bring me coffee for being so damn annoying before I'm sufficiently caffeinated.4
My mother seems to disengage her brain when using a computer, so you must give instructions in exacting detail...
Me: Close that window.
Mom: Um, ok?
Me: ... Click the little red button at the top left...
MS Word: Save document? Yes / No
Mom: ... Now what?
Me: Well, do you want to save that?
Mom: Yes! ...
Me: ... so... click Yes...
... and I die a little more inside...6
My mom has a new IPad.
it took my mother and sister 4 hours to make an apple ID.
I offered to help, but they said they wanted to do it themselves
So, i opened my sister's laptop and opened google, i googled: "How to setup an apple ID". left the laptop near them, and hoped they notice it, and they did.7
So people need to learn how to use a car in a safe manner and without pissing off other users before they get a license and are allowed to actually use one in the real world.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish this also applied to computers.2
Why the fuck cant people keep their hands to them selves???
I had a fucking moron come up to my desk, say "cool toy!", grab it and play with it.
For him that was fine....
I on the other hand wanted to stub that mother fucker to death and feed his organs to his kids.
That mother fucker grubbed my probe holder, shorted out an 8k$ evb and failed my 12 hours hardware test.6
I just got called into my bosses office. Apparently I was too "direct" with one of my code reviews and now the other developer feels put down and demotivated. All I did was point out some areas of the code that could be cleaner and more efficient, if you can't handle that maybe you shouldn't be a developer. If you can't objectly look at your mistakes and learn from them you won't be very useful either.
I am not your mother, I don't care about your feelings!8
2AM and a birthday party of my BELOVED mother that I have to attend tomorrow in the middle of bumfuck. And I'm not sleeping, oh no.. because "family obligations" require me to get her a present on 2 days notice. I'm making her something very simple, some LED's displaying her new age, powered by a lithium cell and some charge-boost-protection controller. So I need to make a mesh to place the LED's to make those characters.
Measuring the size of the project box, cut it out.. started drawing the numbers on it. Not satisfied and ain't nobody got time for that. Guess I'll just print something out. Drew a little image with some text on my tablet, sent it to the printer. Black apparently doesn't want to print anymore even though it's still fucking full.
HP YOU CERTIFIED MOTHERFUCKERS!!! How fucking difficult can it be to make a printer and make it into something that doesn't shit on me every fucking time I want to use it?! Why do I have to deal with your shit, on top of my mother's?! WHY?!!!!
Fuck me. Happy birthday to my mother, and silently I wish that it's her last one. The bitch wouldn't - no she didn't - piss on me even when I was on fire!! Where were you "dear family member" when I was homeless, huh?! WHERE WERE YOU, WHEN I STOOD ON TOP OF A BRIDGE, READY TO END MY LIFE AND BEGGED TO YOU TO ALLOW ME TO STAY IN YOUR HOME FOR THE NIGHT?! Mother my fucking ass. A blood bond that I wish I never had! And that I have to work for now, because you fucking bitch can't even possibly think as far into the future as to invite your peers for a birthday party.. I dunno, maybe a week in advance, like a sensible human being would? At least she's improving, my little sister's and brother's birthdays she just invited me for the day before. And I also had to get a present ready for, in the middle of the fucking night. Fucking hell!!!12
I know this is not a dev joke, but I laughed so hard:
Father bought a lie detector that makes "beep" whenever somebody lies around it. The son comes home this afternoon.
Father ask him:
"So, you where at school today, right ?"
Son:"OK, OK, I was in a cinema"
Son:"Alright, I went for a beer with my friends."
Father:"What ?! At your age I would never touch alcohol!"
Mother laughs:"Ha ha ha, he really is your son!"
I can't be a teacher. Ever. For the sake of my student on this app, I will try to not generalize the entire class, but HOLY MOTHER OF BASTARD DEMON FUCKS. How the blazes is it so damn difficult to pay attention to the lecturer? Especially when he's nice enough to relate the information to the REAL FUCKING WORLD so they know why it's important?
I feel like they can hear my annoyance when I reply to "how long does the summary have to be?"
And how is 5 sentences the same as 5 paragraphs that are all supposed to have introductory sentence, supporting arguments, and a concluding sentence. That's at least 15 sentences if only one supporting statement is provided.
If this were any other teacher I was helping, I'd quit. But the fucker is intimidating and I want to learn as much as I can from him.19
I hate it when stupid ideas go public and get a huge valuation. Snap at ~$24b just means more of my mother asking why I haven't made something like that yet and everyone else pitching me their dumb ideas at my birthday party.3
I found this poster in one of my labs at University... Why is he trying to align the CPU with the cooler before the CPU is even in the mother board.
Great play, forgot the thermal paste as well.4
Just want to mention this mother fucker named Allen. Allen is a fuckin' badass. This guy fucks.
This bad mother fucker like single handedly wrote one of the best fuckin libraries for displaying tabular data, and threw in a shit ton of JSON capabilities just to make it that much fuckin' cooler.
And why? Because he fuckin fucks thats fucking why. I already told you.
And does this son of a fuck support his fucking product? You bet your sweet basement dwelling programming fucking ass that he does.
Dude works that support forum like he no doubt works that pussy. With full and complete knowledge and control, but with a gentle mature touch. Fuckin right.
Do you hate PHP? Well this fuck made a Node version? Do you hate Node? Use that shit with pure JS client side. This dude doesn't give a fuck. Don't have a table? Pass that shit JSON and GET A FUCKIN TABLE!!!
Some dipshit in your company needs to edit a database table but there's no way on sweet baby jesus's green earth you're giving that dumb fuck DB creds? Run that dumb fuck up a fully editable admin portal in like 5 fucking minutes because fuck him.
There are few things in my life I love. My corgi and my kids, and most days my wife.
But always fucking DATATABLES.
So, Allen Jardine... just wanted to give you and your product DataTables and Editor a fucking devRant shout out. It continues to be the one ray of light that works as expected and is extremely well supported when it doesn't and some days I just need that fucking consistency in my life man. So thanks.7
Yesterday my my mother had problems with Office365 and called a servicedesk. They said her computer was slow and that an SD could improve the speed. My mother said that there already was an SSD in there to which he replied yes but that is for RAM, to make opening things faster you need an SD like in your phone...
Where is the world going?14
My sister is the one who got all the support, despite her now working as a cleaning lady, having 2 kids of her own, having already married and divorced, having been in financial trouble several times, oh and she's only 22 years old. She couldn't finish high school and even getting a driver's license wasn't without hoops. Now she's dating someone as old as our mother.
I've been putting my career front and center in everything. I want to make my own business and sell a network-oriented Linux distribution through it. My mother was impressed when her colleague whipped up a basic website for their company. You can imagine the surprise when I told her that that's only one component of my infrastructure. My family and I still aren't on very good terms, but yeah.. going from "don't stare at those "screens" all day long" to "wow, you've actually done something with these screens" (to her all technology is a screen) is at least some progress I guess.
No support whatsoever though, neither in my endeavors in programming, server administration and whatnot (but hey what can I expect) but what annoys me the most is that my sister did get all the help in the world for maintaining her general household. I didn't get any of that, first night when I moved into my apartment I slept on the floor because my bed wasn't completely built yet. Now that all of that is done, I don't consider my mother very welcome in my apartment actually...
Oh well, we've gotten where we are somehow at least. Just reading, reading and reading more manuals. That's all you need really.16
FUCK YES! I FUCKING DID IT. I'M FUCKING RUNNING I3 ON LINUX ON MOTHER FLIPPING WINDOWS!!!
I'm sorry but I don't have anyone else to share this with. I feel so... empowered. If windows continues to support the wsl, who knows how far they will get. This makes windows so attractive. I still keep using debian on my desktop machine but my laptop isn't so underpowered in terms of software now that I'm figuring this stuff out.12
!dev related whatsoever fuck off if this bothers you
Just got into a big argument with my brother in law because the little bitch was exposing my father and mother in law(which I adore) to the virus by virtue of this little shit partying every other fucking day, going out with people etc and then having my in laws pick him up etc.
I am not gonna lie, I love the kid, but this shit pisses me the fuck off, my in laws are over 60 each and I ain't about to fuck with the chances of my child's grandparents dying because some fucktard thinks partying is more important.
Been wishing for the motherfucker that would since a while now, just hope it's not this kid.5
My mother is the one that introduced me to computers from a young age. She would tell me that they were the future and that people could do amazing things with them. Fast forward at me graduating from uni with a B.S in Computer science and she was the happiest :) she tells everyone that I am a computer scientist, she seldom says "programmer" or "developer". She is super well versed in general computing and can use Linux and Mac, so yeah :) mom is awesome. My dad has lil idea of what I do, to him its just magic, my step dad is the same way but he will be the first to tell everyone that I am a wizard.
My brother and sister could care less...my sister tells everyone that I am the smartest person she knows, but that I spend most of my time glued to the screen "playing with a bunch of weird code!"
The rest of my family is pretty meh about it, 2 of my uncles are super proud of it and normally ask for my input regarding tech or about life as a dev.
Finally, the wife. The wife knows how to code from before I even knew what code was :) so she knows exactly what I do :)8
Holy fucking shit!
Look, I know I'm kinda average, I actually think I'm kinda stupid... But holy fuck this new mother fucker at work is in a fucking new level of dumb ... OMG!
I'm actually thinking about asking my boss to let him go and this guy isn't even there for 2 weeks yet.19
I've come to a conclusion today: Management are fucking with me. I know it sounds far fetched, but its the only thing that makes sense.
I was in a meeting today, discussing some bad emails back and forth. Part of my issue was the amount of time spent on useless meetings, or waiting around to give demos.
The meeting got cut short, so I could prepare a demo for a VP ... after an hour and a fucking half of waiting around ... theres no time to see my demo.
What the actual fuck, seriously .... seriously what the actual fuck. What if the name of mother fucking christ is going on with this team, that they call me into a mother fucking meeting to discuss the "developers attitude" only to go and cut it short ... so they can fucking waste my time ... for the second time in 3 mother fucking days.
Oh i'd rather fuck myself with a cactus than spend the rest of my days dealing with this utter bullshittery.1
"So, you will stay in a chair all day doing 'clickety click'. That's not a job."
(My mother, circa 1990)😲
Yes, I'm old... My first program was written in a stone table with a chisel😁1
“ThAnK YeW 4 KallIng MicraroSoFt TekNicAll SuppUrt, mY nAmE iS JaKe. YoUR KomputeR HaS VirUs ThaT NeEds ReMoVal.”
Go float yourself you sack of shit, your mother should have swallowed.7
My conversation with a recruiter today.
Recruiter: we have looked through your profile and we are very interested in your experience and projects you have been working on we are keen to process your application please send us your resume asap.
Me: sure thing * sends CV.
Recruiter: oh yeah your not what we are looking for.
Me: Oh no problem you sound like a great recruitment agency.
Recruiter: what do you mean?
Me : so you "looked at my profile" which has all the information identical to my resume for a job which requires 10 years worth of experience in a software which was only released 6 months ago. Why don't you learn to ride a bike and then in 10 years time. Ride a hover bike first time without falling off and I will assess wherever or not you have the experience on first glance. Don't waste my time again.
Needless to say I did not get a reply 😂18
I requested an Uber to take me Chicago Midway Airport.
They driver takes me to a different airport over an hour away! I nearly missed my flight because he didn't follow directions. To add insult to a shitty situation he charged me an extra $40 for his mistake.
This morning I requested a refund and noted the driver took a long route. They had the nerve to reply and blame it on me! Claiming the drop-off location was not the location original specified. Mother fuckers I have a screen shot!
I am astounded that they would stoop to such low levels as to shift the blame to me. I suppose they were betting I didn't have a screen shot.
Well, time to try lift!7
I used to be a lousy software developer, and I used to settle for what I knew. Until my sister told me that my mother spoke of me to the family as a successful professional, someone who had overcome the poverty where he grew up and now lived in another country. Since then I have struggled to become a better professional, a better husband and in a few months i want to be the best that! My wife's pregnant!11
Area manager: ok we are having this volunteery meeting after hours but if you don't show up, your shifts will get cut...
Mother fucker. Just sat it's mandatory, done and dusted, don't fucking piss fart about saying otherwise, fucking wanker...
(I'm not a fan of my AM if you can't tell)5
Around 45 days ago after years of burnout and abuse I finally quit my job when I finally realised that all the promises of greener pastures and reinforcements were nothing but tales of sugar candy mountain.
I had no idea where or what I wanted to work on or even have any leads for work but I knew if I kept recursively burning out soon there wouldn't be anything left of me to give.
Flashforward 45 days and I am the proud owner of Sane software solutions which I am currently the only full time employee of.
My old company has become my customer since no one else knows the legacy system, 11 days after quitting their invoice exceeded my previous salary with a quarter of the work and I just landed an awesome contract with some engineers I feel privileged to listen to working on some neat IOT stuff, I've quadrupled my income and now work an 8 hour day.
Don't be despondent, there are better things in life to bleed for than another mother fuckers ambitions ✌4
My Father is an old bank accountant. So he knows that, behind their mainframe screens there are ugly code stuff and I deal with them.
When I try to talk about my job, Mother's eyes grow in awe. She thinks of me as a sci-fi character.
As my career goes very well, my wife thinks I'm so skillful that I must be like the architect guy at Matrix.
Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law: A mix of my wife and mother.
They are all proud and happy, so am i.2
Y'all mother fuckers who use "don't re-invent the wheel" as a tactic to not grow new neurons, as if a ceiling's there — fuck out of my circle.
Those mother fuckers have never even created a single wheel - ever!
Well, ima re-invent any fucking wheel I want, when and where. How I learn is not your fucking busy.
What's even more annoying is that those telling me that shit are pretty much part of the paint on the wall and damn unemployable any where on this earth.15
M: Can you help me? I can't update pages.
N: Sure *Checks problem* it looks like you installed it with the old apple account, you just need to reinstall it using your new one.
M: What about all my pages documents on icloud?
N: *Compares documents on mac to her other Apple devices that never had the old account* See? The documents would have to be on the new account.
M: Are you sure? I don't want to lose any documents.
N: I know, don't worry their on your new iCloud.
M: *Calls apple support*
N: *Talks to apple support who after an hour of chatting to her through me because I translate customer support to mother confirms what I was telling her*
N: Reinstalls pages and everything is fine.
I was originally going to make a post talking a bit about how people love to second guess anything I say but thought this story provides a decent example. When it's something of a personal nature or someone is asking for my opinion in genral then it's perfectly reasonable to ask multiple people. It doesn't bother me when someone asks for my help, it bugs the shit out of me when someone asks for my help and then doubts everything I say in this case even after providing some evidence to back up my claim and wasting a solid hour. If you ask for my help your trusting that I have the knowledge necessary to assist, if I don't know for certain I'll try googling the problem but even in that case calling support doesn't bother me because I clearly don't know how to help.
P.S. This was my first story, how did I do?7
So the other day, my mother came to visit me after a while of not seeing each other. And one thing we used to do together was go searching through old weird junk stores. We go searching through one, and there was a box of floppy discs. I was excited, because I haven't seen one since I was a little kid. I brought it to her attention, and she said, "Wow. A floppy disc!" I laughed and read the disc aloud, "Oh man. Only 1MB." Then proceeded to laugh even more. And she said "I remember thinking 'theres no way anyone would ever take up that much space!'"
That just absolutely blows my mind haha.1
Sooooo my mother just put a small magnet on top of my laptop. And right on top of where the HDD is.
Hopefully no damage done since it was a weak magnet :(9
I forgot my earphones at home today.
I travelled in the metro today.
I have a massive mother fucking headache today.
I feel like killing someone today.1
when you are a 19yo trying to build a portfolio and you have a mother bashing everyday that you only spend time "at the computer" and I should get "a real job" and that "your dream will never come true" really is the biggest disappointment of my dev life.
It just builds pressure and sads me. She doesn't support me cuz I'm not "doing any money".
I feel like I should just quit everything or even disappear from this shitrock that is called earth....21
My team is quite international and although we speak English among ourselves, most people still comment their code in their mother tongue.
I have learn a lot from reading my colleagues code. Mainly curse words from all over the world. It's great.14
Small random update regarding my ISP and how they call your speed if you use all of your data.
I actually sent them a small complaint (more of a suggestion but) that 256 Kbps is just too slow even for a capped penalty speed and that at least 1 Mbps so that the internet is still usable but still slow... And mother fucker if that isn't exactly what they did!
It's nice being able to sync my code and have more than 1 device connected to the wifi at once... It's a strange feeling when a company actually listens to feedback and takes measures on them...5
Some years back (Window XP time)..
There used to be desktops mostly.
I was opening the CPU casing to clean the boards and my mother came near to me and saw lots of dusts inside. She realized something and told this : " You don't often clean these dusts and that's why your computer is getting more viruses."4
So I was talking to a Boomer about my job and why it's not "so easy, all you need is a laptop". And we were talking about specifically how the company makes a ton of money from my work, I've seen the contract, I get like less than 5% of what I make for the company.
After explaining a couple of things like this. They go back to then "why don't just buy a laptop then?"
Like, mother fucker! Did you just ignore my entire explanation just because don't understand it?47
I was making a prank app which turned to my first virus.
One day my mother told me that the programers in her work were offering to her to show them the virus and if their program dont catch it they will give me a reward. It was not catched by the program and i got the reward it was not so big but the feel was awesome7
When I was younger I would start ironing a shirt poorly knowing full-well my mother would see me doing it badly and take over to do it properly.
Karma is a bitch. Now my colleagues ask me over for help and I normally end up taking over control of their pc to rewrite shit. I swear they do it on purpose.4
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!
HOW CAN SOMEONE BE A FREELANCER/WEB DEV AND TYPE SO FUCKING SLOW AND HAVE TROUBLE WITH FUCKING LETTERS ALL THE TIME?!
I'm gonna push this mother fucker so hard that he will learn not to "lie" in an interview never again and become a fucking dev.5
Boss reasoning: 9 woman can deliver a baby in one month.
My response: 9 man cum in your mother pussy and she delivered you in one month too.
welp, I said that just in my mind of course 🤐5
this just happened 10 seconds ago...
My mother wanted to upload a Picture to an stupid online forum... she already had a screenshot... so i told her to open "Imgur.org" she opened it and i showed her how to upload a Picture, we then uploaded that picture and posted the link on that forum... we then opened the link... and she was like: "OMG! Other people can now do shit with my PC!!"
which i replied to: Its a Picture...
She again was like: BUT LOOK!
I again its a Picture, they cant do anything...
I got mad and walked out...3
The worst one was my mother calling me to say "The ambulance is here so they are taking me to ER, I might have a stroke. Call you...".
And then silence... I called my brother who was as freaked out as me. As it was like a couple of months after my father died...
And she forgot her mother fucking smartphone!!!! The next fucking morning the hospital called us!!! Worst time ever!!!!2
Beautiful Sunday morning, still no snow here (😒 mother nature) and I realized that I am... Googleable. Like, my name is now out there because of publications. Like, I have been protecting my identity for a long time now, so it's very annoying that I finally have been exposed.
Anyways, how do y'all deal with online fame and recognition?16
Building a web based recipe book for my mother in law.
My brother in law, sorced the hw (touch screen aio)
I build the website build in php symfony3.
Running on a rpi in the garage.
She loves it and keeps telling everyone about it every chance she gets.
Currently re writing it in Django (for fun)1
My step mother told me she has an old laptop from which she wanted to extract the email address book. I highly doubt of them (less than 20) are still up to date. Some of them are from dead ISPs 😰
I'm honestly surprised about the immediate respond times and that it still works pretty well.6
Called in on a Saturday... I’d rather have my underwear ride up for the rest of my life than having to deal with your bitch ass not knowing how to run a FUCKING computer.
No, I promise it’s working fine you dense fuck. You just don’t know how to fucking run it. Perhaps instead of calling me in, why not ask your other coworkers how to preform the task that you’re failing to learn.
And the shit thing is, I’ve explained this so many fucking times. It’s not my fault you won’t retain the mother fucking information you cheeky bastard.
STOP FUCKING CALLING ME! - who the fuck even gave you my personal number you fuck!5
Guy 1: Can I come to your house
Guy 2: No don’t I don’t want to be ashamed by my fat mother
Guy 1: How fat is your mom
Guy 2: FAT 323
Greatest lesson I learned from myself. Work for yourself. Create your own business while you are working. Be your own boss. Don't rely in employment alone.
I got laid off today. My boss business is a digital agency. Our client stopped working with several agencies including us because of an order from their mother company to only use 1 agency. My boss has no choice but to let me go.
Even if you got the skills and you're doing good in your work, these things can happen. It is beyond our control. I like my company and my boss but reality hits hard. I thought I will be with this company for a very very long time. I want to settle here and build my business but still work together with my boss. I have so many plans that instantly disappeared.
Oh well just be strong and move on. Happy job hunting to me again. Maybe this is God's plan to teach me some things. For me to create my own business seriously while working.5
So I had to use office and image editing tools on Linux today.
Holy mother fucking god are these things awful. Gimp, pinta, gnome paint, libre office, open office... they seem like a project some guy threw together a weekend in his bedroom. The UX is shite and makes 0 sense. They crash and lag all over the place. For fuck sake!
Also... Gimp, libre office and open office. If you want to make an alternative to a well known product (Photoshop and MS Office in this example) then just fucking copy the god damn UI as much as you can. No-one is going to go learn your fucking half ass product, people only use this shit because it's free and available on Linux.
I swear, I seriously considered sending the images to my phone and just fucking edit them there because it would have been so much easier than using this pile of shit.
This has been a great year for me programing wise. Learned Go, got my first job working in it.
Not so much for my health. My six year old neighbor came to visit and I guess you could say the mother freaked out. We were just playing in the pool when the police shot me.2
2010: haha yeah I use StackOverflow too
2011: SO, amirite?
2012: omg SO servers are down
2013: am engineer and I use SO to remember how to eat and breathe
2014: guys, what if SO was down. CODEPOCALYPSE!
2015: I use SO and have imposter syndrome
2016: omg, git checkout this SO meme on /r/programmerhumor
2017: I'd rather skin my mother alive than have SO dowb
2018: Stack fucking Overflow... like.. what if... you... can't... use it... in an interview...
2019: check my twitter @paresh, tons of SO references with barely intelligible english
just fucking drop dead, pieces of shit...6
Finally I'm having my vacation. Goodbye mother fucking legacy system. Hello pet projects and gaming. God, have mercy on the lost souls at work ;)2
FUCK YOU BUSINESS GUY
FUCK YOUR SCOPE CREEP
SOLO DEV AINT GIVING U 20 FEATURES IN ONE MOTHERFUCKING WEEK
Seriously, though. Being a solo full-stackq developer who can do both frontend (react, redux) and backend (feathers, node) does NOT mean you have twice the manpower to accomplish all of your shitty shit. Just because you have an idea does NOT mean I have to implement all of it. You don't even have a motherfucking specifications for me, yet you expect me to deliver shitloads of complete fucking feature in a fucking week. This is not a fucking joke. I am NOT your mother fucking tool. I need time to build my stack, design and perfect the interface. I don't want a shitty motherfucking product on my fucking portfolio.
Just found out, you actually can have two UI's on ubuntu/linux. I was stuck with unity soo long, because my mother liked it more than KDE7
My mother lives and works overseas, and she'd complain about her IT department all the time.
Wish I could get work permit to work there, but I'd have to serve in 'their' military for 2 years...
Yeah, totally makes sense. Nope.5
I just decided to take some time off from work, and use my savings to survive next months. I have been dealing with work related problems for a few years now, and since last year I was sure I needed time to recover my health and improve my skills, to get better job opportunities.
I was trying to balance my life and my time, working a bit less, trying to rest, study, and so on. I was hopeful I could achieve my goals just fine with some adjustments. But now... I just don't care.
Last Thursday my mother was diagnosed with cancer.
Two weeks ago, my only brother lost his job.
The same happened with my bf, few months ago, and he needed to move to another state to get a new job.
There is so much going on... Sometimes I just feel like panicking.
It's sad to fear the future, and deal with so much uncertainty.
It's hard to deal with work and money issues. It's even harder to deal with serious health issues.
I hope things will get better somehow, but I needed to vent this. Sometimes life can be a bitch.5
I do IT work along side my dev work. I had a Dr come up to me and ask me if I had time to help him pick out a personal computer... (Mother fucker I am on lunch break) "Sure" I say... "What's your budget, what will you be doing with the computer?" Dr - "I don't mind spending $6,000 and I want it for minor gaming..."
MUST BE FUCKING NICE!6
The wasp is still alive.
I walked in today to find the damn buzzy mother-earth-fucker on the window. It doesn't have much energy now, and I didn't let it out because mofo got the chance a million times over to just leave me the fuck alone. So I just let it be. no idea where in the lab it is hidden now, and the robots will watch him all night, every night.
And you know what, I'm not gonna open the damn window for it ever again.
(Sat in my hoodie, wrapped, the whole day and was paranoid about it flying and sitting on me, but the war is on. He won't get out of this lab alive. )16
Internship Company employee: Hey, we need 600 images uploaded to a wordpress site, you'll have to do that for me.
Me: Alrightyy, can you give me some FTP or SSH access or something?
Employee: Nope, not allowed to.
Me: Uhm, I could write a shell script and run it?
Employee: The server is windows....
Me: Mother of god, I'll have to do it manually then?
Employee: You could ask John (my technical guider, not his real name) if you can borrow some fellow interns!
Me: *walks to John* Hey man, can I borrow some interns?
John: What for?
Me: Manually uploading 600 images to posts :).
Interns: *looking at me with a deadly view*
Before I finally managed to move out of my parents' place, they nonstop kept annoying me by saying I should get a "real job". They thought I was only playing games or browse random unimportant stuff on the computer...
Nowadays they think I "kreate" websites (as Karlie Kloss would pronounce it).
My mother one time was so fucking annoying about my job, I got so pissed off, I threw in her face her that I earn three times what she gets and I have much more responsibility and brain requiring work and that her single-cell brain would never understand what I am doing the whole fucking day.
Since then we dont talk much about work anymore.
Fucking parents... the best thing that happened to me was moving out of their shitty place and their poisonous attitude.1
If this masterpiece came from my coworker I would smash his computer, burn his house, wipe his gene from poor mother earth. Luckily it came from my new programming student, so I find it adorable and make a post here.4
Not much of a story but about 2 years ago, I had just got to the mall (at its opening time so many shops were still closed). While walking through to find a place to eat while my mother went grocery shopping, my phone started buzzing. Upon checking; it had hundreds of notifications and emails. Our production server was malfunctioning.
Not much that I had to do, but I ran around to find a computer store to use their model computers to see what was happening.
However, while the problem was fixed, I did notice how friendly Mac stores were as opposed to windows dealers that day. Windows dealers did not allow me to use the computers while the Mac store connected me to wifi and allowed me all the time needed to fix my issue. 👀
My father is a programmer by himself so he is cool with it. My mother on the other hand is totally against "any form of technology newer than the telephone." (her words)2
So by trying to make my avatar look like me as much as I can, I've came to realisation that I'm the most generic looking guy mother earth ever compiled. If that even makes any sense...
My mother disowned me when I told you I was bisexual. She told me she had cancer but will refuse to treat it because she wanted to die as soon as possible just to not see me and think of me.
I asked her what’s wrong with being bisexual and her only argument was “it’s a sin”.
I did my coming out on Jan 30 2021, the day SOPHIE died. When it comes to my relationship with my mother, nothing have changed since.28
Just noticed my boss turned a nice and beautiful polymorphic code into a fucking hard to maintain switch case that now this mother fucker here has to maintain just because he probably thought it was too hard to understand.
I bet he finds it hard to fuck his wife in any way other than the one she needs to wear a strap on and tear his ass apart...2
I became a programmer so that I could have the privilege of working remotely. So I am at home, my mom's place that is. I can never get in the "concentration zone" first thing in the morning, because before I know it, my mother and sister are having some stupid heated up argument about clothes and shit, and it bothers me anyway through my headphones -.-
Now I think I'd rather work in an office.8
Some mother fucker parked his car in my parking lot...and it's lying there for more than 2 weeks...10
Oh sweet mother of god.
What is the NBN Connection i have attached to my router?
It goes "give me all your data... NOW"
I'm not used to such speed in my house, excuse me while I watch my porn collection in 4K!5
I can't take this anymore...
I'm reviewing n-th PR and I wanna gouge my eyes rn. This is the example I found in one of the PRs (and I could enumerate the examples for a long time...)
Mother****er piece of sh*t.11
Ever have those fucking days where you want to “chair-to-face” every should-have-been condom baby that crosses your path?
Fuck I want to get off this roller coaster ride already... Only a few more months.
Get the fuck out of my way, Martha... Your mother should have swallowed.1
I had good support.
I got access to a computer at 10 when my mother brought home the ones they used for education to avoid them being stolen
That was a couple of sinclair ZX80
I the got to go to 5 different programming courses over the next 4 years before being able to get a summer job at 14 to by my own spectravideo 128.
At 1) I started teaching through mother job and at 18 I wrote my first commercial program for my father.
I am now 50 and still in the business:)3
My introduction to programming and computers is quite different than most as in I didn't start programming first, I started by taking electronic parts from my toys and repurposing them or using them in different things, we had a computer I used to play games with but at age 7 my father died and my mother needed money so she sold it, the next laptop I got was at age 11 and then I started coding.
I really really really don't like Windows. The amount of awful updates that I have to do all of the time, the fact that my mother just had Windows updates try and run, fail, try and run again, fail again, and then try a third time. But I'm stuck with it, because if I try and run a Linux live CD, my computer has a fit. Because Ryzen. Fantastic24
I'm regretting actually going to social events with my family. It goes exactly as I expect it:
Brother is talking to his friends, mother talking to my brother's friend's mom. And I'm awkwardly sitting aside on devRant...
Regex: mmmh, I can't match that string.
-What, man? You sure? Okay, let's break this thing down and try shorter patterns so I can debug you.
-Hey, dude. Not funny.
-Well fuck you then, you expressively illegible piece of galvanized shit, I am going to murder you and your entire fucking family.
-AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! *I bit my knuckles here and actually ripped my fucking skin* WHY ARENT YOU... oh, look at that, trailing space. There, fixed.
-Uff, good job you cocksucking mother fucker, you're fired and hired again; I hate you so fucking much. Now get the fuck out of my sight!
Moral of the story \s* that trailing bitch and don't bite your fucking knuckles like a goddamn scamp of Satan.19
The mother of my partner sent to us an email complaining that our home is too dirty...
We solved the problem adding a new spam filter.5
My boss is such a fucking pussy when it comes to stand up for anything that, even being a calm person, sometimes I just want to bitch slap that mother fucker, get him by the neck and say:
GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS FOR FUCKS SAKES!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!2
I'm currently in the progress of deleting whatsapp and migrating to signal.
The hardest part of it is dealing with friends and family. I informed them about the incoming whatsapp-deletion tomorrow and the results were mixed. One friend told me she will not use signal, but i haven't talked with her that much anyway so... My mother asked me "can you not do this because i don't have space left on my phone?", my father told me "can you tell me about [...] before you go offline?", 2 people don't seem to care, and only my cousin contacted me on signal yet.
I have signal for 3 years now and even invited people to it, but i got the expected response "but all my friends are on whatsapp". Until recently i was the one with the shitload of messengers on my phone but some people can't be bothered to install a second one because i want to take one step (out of many to follow) to widen my privacy.
I'm really pissed by now and will declare any contact lost due to this as collateral damage.29
My mom (a single mother who had to feed 4 kids) feed me, let me stay in her house (at least until I was 21) and let me use the motorcycle.
Instead of running away and giving up her children to child institution (because that's probably what I will do being a selfish person that I am)
If that's not support, I don't know what that is anymore.
It might not be much but at least it gave me the time to grew up and be independent to pursue my dream of working in IT.
Her strength and toughness facing the hard life is also the main inspiration for me to keep going, to prove that I can do whatever I want if I put enough effort on it.1
I was 7 and the night before Christmas my grandparents asked my mother if she could give me a computer for Christmas, my mom said no. I woke up Christmas morning to a computer sitting on my dining table :p. My mom was pissed2
I just saw someone write about how much he hates school and it reminded me of all I am about to say:
I go to a fancy private school in my country full of shitheads and idiots that think that they can rely on their parents money for the rest of their lives, are always concerned about the latest trends (yeezys, dabs, fidget spinners... etc) and it just gets on my nerves as I have to live with all that and have almost no friends since I failed my class two years ago, when I sit in school I can't focus on anything the teacher says which in turn contributes to my shit grades and there is nothing I can do about it. I have been diagnosed with persistent depresseive disorderand bouts of major depression and my mom won't accept to give me adequate medication because she says(although this is not always the case) that antidepressants can trigger the bipolar disorder that runs in my family, and on top of all this shit, ever since I was 7 I have been raised by my single mother after my father died (I never tell people that my father is dead usually because I hate the look of pity I get coming out of their faces) and my mother has been screwed over for all her life because she can't make a good decision or call bullshit even if you put a gun to her head.
And what I hate most about all that is that I have no one to talk to because my mom is one of those religious freaks so I can't talk to her about my real deep thoughts, and every psychologist or counselor I have been to has been shit.
And this is just another chronicle of my miserable fucking existence.21
I bought a Thinkpad E470 laptop for my wife' bday. Because she loves Linux, My first obvious choice was a Thinkpad. I chose the model from Ubuntu Certified Laptop list and installed Ubuntu 16.04 (Based on their recommendation)
THE FUCKING UBUNTU IS UNABLE TO DETECT WI-FI ADAPTOR. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE THINKING WHEN YOU PUT THE LAPTOP MODEL ON THAT FUCKING STUPID LIST? I WANT TO EXACTLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE THINKING AND WHY YOU UPGRADED YOUR FUCKING KERNEL WITHOUT REVIEWING YOUR FUCKING LIST?
AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK LENOVO THOUGHT WHEN THEY RECOMMEND UBUNTU. WHY THEY STILL SELL THIS SHIT BASED ON THINKPAD' REPUTATION AND WHY THEY STILL SUGGEST THIS IS A LAPTOP FOR DEVELOPERS? NO THIS FUCKING SHITHOLE IS NOT FOR ME. IT'S DESIGNED FOR MASTERBATION WITHOUT INTERNET! BECAUSE IT'S NOT ABLE TO CONNECT TO INTERNET! YOUR MOTHER FUCKERS.
When I find my self in times of trouble, mother google comes to me, speaking words of wisdom "Restart PC"2
So there's this extremely cute mother cat and her kitten that are living on a small shed near my home . I used to put some catfood/ milk in some bowl whenever i passed their shed and call them. They used come down very scaree , fully ready to jump back and slowly come towards the bowl.
Awestruck me would try to move my hand towards them when they are eating, and they would quickly jump back. The kiddo would even try to hiss at me xD.
So i would just stand their fully still , occasionally trying to call them or wave my hand and at the end go back.
This has been happening for last few days. Those cute wild beasts don't want to interact with a human but their hunger is forcing them to tolerate a messy kid.
So today i went late and didn't had any cat treats on me. So i just stood their called them fondly and again tried to peacefully put forward my hand towards them. They again took a step backwards, but both mom and kiddo is hungry , and they are replying back.
So having nothing on me i sadly started going back towards my home. But to my surprise the mother cat was trying to follow me , and she was super scared. I could feel it because everytime i stopped to look back at her, she was like "keep moving forward or am running away!" . So that's what i did, she came to my door, eat some catfood and went away.
This whole incident was very cute, a scared little cat trusting a stranger . However i kind of related it to myself, and humans . Its like every creature has the same tendency to make risky choices when there is a question of life or death or food or family. And we are all shit scared , ready to run any moment away from the choice, but we still go towards that choice, in her case , following a stranger even though she knew it could be risky for her or her child's life ♥️2
When I told my mother I wanted to become a software dev, she went surprised but supported me to reach my goals. That's what family does. I'll always be thankful to her. (My family is quite short actually).
One year later, with my first salary I bought her a brand new iPad. 💕
If you don't have your family support, just do it. Do whatever makes you happy and complete!5
Suprise visit by my mother at my flat. Cute, but please announce it advance so that I can clean my mess 😆1
Fucking hell, I can't even cook in piece without my mother constantly shouting shit, because the phone doesn't make beautiful selfies anymore. hint: there's a fucking crack over the lense,because you dropped it and no changing all possible settings while throwing out all patience, common sense and ability to read will not improve this situation
i tried to tell her that she could still try to make do with her main camera and when she switches she asked me: "But why does it still make normal photos when I rotate the thing?!" Because unlike your mind this camera isn't damage now fuck off, with all your nervousity I tried to relax and cook us something, but that was more stressful than all the work I did today.15
I would say that I have good parents and my dad also supports what I do (most of the time) but could my mother please calm down and let me do what I enjoy doing while not yelling at me to learn Latin saying that it is 'the most important subject'.1
Yesterday evening my family were watching his favourite tv show. Have nothing to do i too sat there with them.
The scenes on television were going like : The leading lady of the show were trying to convince her family that her husband is not involved in the molestations which police has charged on him. Person can be look alike of her husband. In fact my husband was some where else when the molestation was happening. She also had a proof and that was CCTV camera footage in a Compact Disk. So she started playing it in the TV presented in room with CD player. But it turns out that CD can't be played because villain hired a hacker to corrupt video quality playing in TV.
I laughed because in my knowledge that was not even possible in real life. Every family memeber started staring at me.
My mother : That's what you do? No? That's what you do whole day in your office?
Me: No, no. I....
My mother: See her face. Poor lady.
Me: But mom, that's impossible. It is just fiction. In real life it is not possible.
My mother : Get out of my sight.
My mom did not dine yesterday. These fucking serial maker. These women's.
To all web devs adding cookie-nags on your companys pages: stop that! Now! No where does that cookie law require you to ruin your site with nagging popups. Where's the focus on usability?
And the rule about informed consent? Which normal user (like my mother) knows what that means anyway? I call bs! Politicians, don't get me started.
Every user on the internet goes JMIGA: Just Make It Go Away, click whatever making that crap disappear.
What user will go "holy shit, they're using cookies!! I'm outta here!" No one in the history of the internet, that's who. Argh.9
Kotlin and mother tongue
In my mother tongue (my first language which is Kikuyu) we do not have the letter L in our alphabet thus meaning L and R to us is similar thus pronounced the same.
Then Kotlin makes life hard for devs who got a mother influence in their speech from my tribe. Was having a talk with fellow dev who is my tribe mate and we had an issue agreeing between val and var hehe.
We had to write it down to tell which is which.
Thankyou Kotlin for making my day.6
THE MOTHER FUCKING INTEGRATION TEST ALWAYS BREAKS IN CI ONLY, NOT ON MY MACHINE. SEEMS LIKE HE HAS SOME PERSONAL ISSUES WITH ME. THE FUKING HAUNTING GHOST4
For my father, I do wizardry, for my mother I do magic, for my brother I type weird stuff, for my gf I code useless stuff, for my grandparents I do nothing, for my non dev friends I make softwares, for my dev friends... Magic again1
I'm having a strong urge to kill that asshole that asked me, on a SECOND interview for a SENIOR position if I knew what ORM was!!!
Are you making me fucking waste my time you fucking cunt???
Did you fucking read my CV?
Obviously not because you would have seen several ORM technologies on it you fucking piece of shit.
You made me waste my time, and now I have no choice but to slice your fucking throat!
I'll be waiting for you, in the dark you mother fucker.16
U guys know anyone who would ask "Can I turn off this power switch?" AFTER they already turned it off? My mother did that. On a PC that was in the middle of a large file upload over a ridiculously slow internet...2
She doesn't understand that most smartphones are capable of calls and navigating menus simultaneously.
So whenever my mother calls in need of help with her smartphone, can be anything from installing a new app to posting on FB.
I have to explain 2-3 steps, then she will hang up, and call again in 5 minutes, where I will then explain the next few steps, and so on.
How she even manages to navigate that much and calling in between, and then struggling with simple task is unimaginable to me..1
Mother fucking candy crush cunts fucking Microsoft FUCK OFF REPEATEDLY REINSTALLING THIS FUCKING SHIT!!! THREE FUCKING TIMES TODAY I HAVE 'UNINSTALLED' THEM. Yet somehow, they keep FUCKING COMING BACK. not updating, haven't even clicked ok to install them, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO CONTROL MY PC MØRE THAN I DO! FUCK OFF!10
*turns on the TV*
*pop-up blows up in my face: "you have a new message"*
*confusingly presses "View"*
Msg: *Do you know why *some random shit show of a movie* is the most viewed? You can rent it in our video store*
YOU MOTHER FUCKING BRAINLESS ASSHOLES!!! I'M PAYING FOR THAT FUCKING SUBSCRIPTION! MY FUCKING MONEY!! MINE! WHICH I CHOSE TO GIVE TO YOU FOR A VERY SPECIFIC SERVICE!! DO NOT PUSH YOUR BRAINDEAD, GREEDY BULLSHIT ON ME!!! IF I'LL WANT TO WATCH A GOOD MOVIE I'LL FIND IT MY SELF! YOU ARE TO FUCKING RETARDED TO TELL WHAT A GOOD MOVIE IS!!!
GOD DAMN ADS PUSHING SHIT HEADED PEASANTS!!1
Dear mother fucking Hiring Managers,
Just because you are mother fucking fortunate, have a mother fucking proper job , a mother fucking high pay , have mother fucking parents care for you, does not mother fucking mean that you can mother fucking mock those mother fucking not as fortunate as you mother fucking arse!
Some of us carrying family, surviving, we learn how to code without a degree. Just because I have to motherfucking care for my family and pay off the mother fucking loan , it doesnt mean I am mother fucking unless. You mother fucking mother fuckers go fuck your mother fucking mother fuckers is the mother fucking mother fuckers' mothers.
Where's the empathy or politeness? You fucking ridicule people's bad luck, soon your mother fucking arsehole will be one , you bloody mother fuckers!7
You know what? I'm done with this bullshit of "do it and we review latter" when I ask clarification on requirements.
No you fucking stupid piece of shit, I'm a mother fucking professional developer, treat me with fucking respect!
I can't spend weeks trying to figure out wtf is your specific domain specifications if you ain't answer my questions with clarity I'm gonna keep asking them in slightly different ways as if you where a search engine and I'm trying to search wtf is in your mind.
Only then I'm gonna start planning/coding your shit.
I have better things to do.
Your lack of planning isn't my priority.3
Thanks to a fellow ranter who triggered my PTSD, I will ha e to go with not only the worst, but also most evil piece of software ever conceived: MOTHER FUCKING LOTUS NOTES5
well... my father doesn't bother about anything regarding me and supporting me financially or anything, and I broke up the contact with my abusive mother ~3 years ago, so... I can't really say they supported me haha...3
As many of you are, I am too a 24/7 IT support for the whole family.
One time I was going back to uni for the week on a bus when my mom calls that her facebook is acting wierd. You guessed it, it was a virus. Then after 10 minutes of struggling I asked my sister to take the phone because she would understand the technial terms more easily and I didn't have mobile net or wifi at the time to use teamviewer. After 10 more minutes the virus was gone and I explained what happened and what not to do next time.
Later that day her friends got the same virus and my mother proudly told them that she already gotten rid of it and helped them remove it too.2
I never understood or will understand my mother or positive energy that resides in her, so I'm going through a little tough time here, broke and unemployed and she just challenged me to shave off my 'stach and beard and something good will happen in my life, so I did just to prove her wrong9
Just dropping by to say that my mother gets married today and that I hate wearing fancy clothes ^^5
Not particularly dev related but I do need to rant.
Parents are here to visit, it's lovely to see them. Unfortunately I have a small ass 1 bed flat because rent and house prices are stupid high where I work. I'm sleeping in the living room on an air bed, the fridge/freezer is noisy and about 3 foot from my head so I've been turning it off over night. It didn't get plugged in this morning so shit's getting thrown out. I sleep maybe 5 hours, wake up at 1 too hot, 4 too cold then mother comes in at 6 with the dogs. 3rd night of this. I've taken holiday even though I don't have much to spare because there's no way in fuck I can work feeling like this, I'm a dev and need to be able to think and do intelligent things ffs.
It's nice to see family but it's nice to have my own space too.
I fucking hate printers. And printers hate me too.
I've been working as a software engineer for almost seven years now, and not a single day as a printer technician, which does not stop my mother from calling me each time a printer breaks down, as she did today. I hop over to her place, the printer is connected via usb into the ethernet socket, but she swears it's been printing an hour ago, and she hasn't moved a thing. - "weird", I think, "it must be connected wirelessly". Suddenly my sister, who's an Arts major, comes over, saying her printer broke down too - "cool so they're both wifi printers". I reset the router and my sister's printer springs back to life.
But my mom's printer, which is old and in bad shape (the printer, not my mom! assholes...), doesn't. It keeps on displaying a weird error message, and fails to receive any print job, whether wired or wireless.
I spent 15 seconds resetting the router, and 15 minutes troubleshooting mom's printer. Nothing worked.
I finally give up and leave the house.
Not a minute goes by and I receive a "your sister fixed the printer" text from mom.
I fucking hate printers.5
A few months back, my Dad's friend (mother of a 10th grade student) asked me for help on her daughter video editing school assignment because I study 'computers'.
Me on the outside: 'I am sorry, I wouldn't be of much help here as I have zero experience with video editing'
Me on the inside: 'I am sorry, I design and develop software. I am not an all-knowing genius that knows everything even remotely connected to computers.'1
i had a 2-day, sat & sun, coding contest on codingame, but after coding for 24h my mother called me and said that her brother (and my uncle) died from alcoholic addiction
i did not commit my solution on that contest and now, for already five years, i'm afraid of participating in any similar contests2
My mother got me a programmagle calculator this year for christmas, a Casio fx9750gII. Needless to say I'm already hooked. Casio BASIC might not be the best language I've ever used, and working with string is pretty much impossible but I'm actually having real fun. Hopefully I'll finish my snake code by this week (will update with pics :P).5
I'm very short tempered at the moment.
A lot like Dr Cox in Scrubs.
And really ... You mother fucking stupid idiotic developers with your tendency to discuss absolutely everything just to not have to work for a dozen more minutes...
But ok. Let's discuss.
But even that seems to be absolutely impossible for you little shitheads.
Instead of discussing solutions, nooooooooo....
We're grown up developers so we discuss how the baddy manager hurt our lil feelings by saying that we're morons for wasting all the fucking time without coming up with a solution.
Now my lil cry babies, once the baddy manager got your pacifiers so at least once in an hour my migraine finally calms down for not hearing your bitching pathetic lil whiny noises...
Face it. Over the years you collected a huge ton of mother fucking tech debt because no one of you actually took a bit of time to use that empty space in your head to think at least a mu further than the dumb jira task you were given.
And yes. That ends badly.
And yes. As it is now in a state of cluster fuck, guess what. You have to work. You get money for it, remember?
And yes. if you would stop moping and bitching and crying and being a pathetic lil piece of shit, you'd realize we could come up with solutions very fast.
But nooo... Let's talk about our feelings.
And how we are over worked.
And how nothing works.
Cause yes. That will be the hail mary that saves us all.
Let me give u a hint: it's a mother fucking waste of time bitches.
I think it's time I put a pacifier not only in your mouth, but arse too. Maybe it helps overcoming the anal and oral phase of childhood so we can at least have something close to adult talk.
Mother: Hrlp, my (phone)-screen's all dark and stuff. What's wrong with my phone!?
Me: Everything alright, it's just a dark theme 🤣
I'm feeling empty. All my friends and roomates went home. But I stayed in hostel. I haven't touched my laptop from last 3 days. I'm just lying on bed staring at ceiling. I'm not even in a relationship, so I call my mother everyday to get the feeling of being loved.
This quarantine is strange. First few days I spent my time playing video games, watching Netflix, laughing at memes. But Now I'm feeling empty. Very strange thoughts are now occupying my mind. I'm sleeping 10+ hrs, and staring at ceiling or outside window most of the time. My room is a mess. Forget washing hands, I don't even feel like standing up to switch on lights.
I'm not saying I feel sad or depressed, I just feel very strange.20
Coding with some hardcore metal while my client employes run my food and coffee erands. Because then know you are a crazy mother fucker that needs to be concentraded1
Today's my birthday... As usual, I worked in my office... At morning (approx 11:30AM) I received a call from my boss yelling cause a shit deadline and for some shit that I didn't sent to him (I already sent, the bastad was in vacation and didn't saw it)... His wife wished me happy birthday but the mother fucker didn't say a shit instead yelling during all day... Our relationship sucks cause he's a fucking bastard that doesn't know a shit of development process and I am done of his stupid shit... I fucking need to change my job!!!!13
Creating a $__this variable in global scope in a shitty PHP application. Worst part was, he wrote it in my mother language ($__bu). Fuck that.9
When the company my mother worked for was arranging computer courses and could not leave the computers in the borrowed classrooms.
They brought them home and I got to play with them :)
Sinclair ZX80 with 512 bytes of RAM (no hard drive, diskette or CD).
This was 38 years ago ;)6
So - A && B == B && A ?
Not according to my mother. She seems to think that "eat the rice and I'll give you dessert" is different from "give me dessert and I'll eat the rice"11
Grew up with just my brother and mother in Russia. We had very little money so we haven't even seen computers in real life until my mother found a swedish boyfriend and we moved to Sweden the year 2000.
I was 7 years old at the time and I saw my first computer in what I think was the Swedish Migration Board office. The purpose of the computer was for convenient registration for the reception or something, but the first thing I did was found paint and drew some circles, I was completely mind blown!
My mother's boyfriend came and told me not to play with the computer because "I might accidentally install a virus".
A couple of months later we got a PC to share with the whole family, me and my brother were so ecstatic because we have previously only seen them on TV and now for some reason we have one at home "Woooot 😮😮😀"
The problem was that my mother only let me and my brother use the computer on weekends and only for one hour. Somehow this just made me and my brother even more interested in that machine, so we sneaked out from our room at night and played with it.
One night we found out about this great thing called Google and googled "how to program a program" and that's when we fell in love with programming.
When our mother found out she got very angry and disappointed. She was questioning why we were "so much in love with this stupid thing" and said "it's not like you are going to get a job working with it!"
Me and my brother are both devs now. So suck it 🖕🖕🖕1
My step father had gotten me into computer programming, more or less indirectly though.
My family supported my programming when it didn't involve destroying the computer.
All other times, it's just a magical black box to my mother
Not really a rant about coding itself, but it's a rent, I'm a dev, so here ya go:
I have a German citizenship, but am living in Hungary temporarily. Also, I need internet. So I go to the website of UPC, register, order a package, etc. Just as I would do anywhere else....... Except for the fact , that they just called me that I should send them my passport, because they neither accept my German ID, my Hungarian registration card or anything else. I DON'T HAVE A PASSPORT YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! I LIVE IN THE EU, I DON'T NEED A PASSPORT!!
But the best part was when they told me I should just ask my mother to make the contract for me, because she does have a Hungarian citizenship. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!6
Wow wtf. Laptop is not starting 😰
1 week left for my first decent job to start, and this shit happens.
I press the start button , it shows the hp automatic repair screen nd again goes off . Kill me now 😭😭
Showed it to laptop repair guy, he says it migjt be a mother board short-circuit issue.
What stupid fucking motherboard fries itself when being slept all night? What wrong i fucking did?! Why it keeps fucking happening to me 😭26
Wow man. Can the day get any worse
Mother fucker creator of Android. Now I'm A long time android user, but
Android+Snapdragon 6XX chip+Moto= worst combo ever. Damn you creators, may You be deepfucked by a mad bison in heat. Cocksuckers.
The heat my Moto X play generates, I could make an omelette on top of it. And the newest feature, where you try to type, but you can't see anything happening, when 30 secs later, you suddenly start seeing the after images of all the buttons you pressed, all the text you typed. Why maybe I typed at the speed of light and android couldn't keep up. No.
NO! You dumb fuckin POS. NO. I threw my phone 20ft, broke the tempered glass. The case protected this shit. Once I can save enough, I'll either sell a kidney and get an iPhone or even better a OP5.
Nothing disgusts me more than slow hardware.12
Just discovered I still have access to my old employers source code on VSTS, and can see from here that that there is a new team member!?
👿 I was made redundant "times are tough, there's not enough money, you were last in so first out" mother of fuck!
I wonder how many other places do this sort of thing.4
I am a developer, but I think that it's very difficult to explain to my mother what it is about my job.
Not specifically a Dev job, but I did do a bit of development at this wifi startup. It was a wifi shop where we set up wifi for hotel clients all over the US. Anyways, they said I would make great money doing "on call" support, and me being an intern and naive I said absolutely I'd do it. Well 3 months later I was put on call essentially every day and one weekend I was with my mother and it was her birthday. At her party at this nice restaurant, with all of our close friends/family, I got a call. It took me 45 minutes to solve because of how idiotic the clients were, and after that I got 4 more calls equally as frustrating and long throughout that night. I asked for help from employees, the owner, ANYONE. Nobody helped. Needless to say I emailed the owner and said farewell that following Monday.
Out of no where, i remembered the day when i introduced an android phone to my mother.
The first thing she asked was , "Where is the 'touch' in it on which every body is losing his mind?"
I'm stuck in another country because of coronavirus, living in my mother in law's house, which is a church.
this church has two levels. while we are in the higher level, the lower level is being rented to some women that I hadn't seen since I've been here.
there is a library at the lower level next to their rooms and I'm using it to work because I can't focus with all the chatter in the upper level.
second day of work and 2 hours into coding, I get my balls held onto my legs. Trust me, I had just taken a proper shower, and I don't sweat a lot, it's just my balls being balls.
Naturally I try to separate said balls from my legs with my balls. Guess who the fuck I see passing through. One of these women.
Jesus fucking christ. What a good first fucking impression. Me with my hand in my fucking crotch.5
My parents have a very good grasp of what I do.
The first computer I got to try was one of the educational computers used for courses arranged by the company my mother worked for and my father studied programming before me ;)
I hate those mother fucking, Cock sucking, dick farting retarded faggots, who get the opportunity of a new job/internship just because they have a certain "relative" in the said company/organisation.
I mean its ok that you are getting an opportunity, but just don't act all-knowing-god-tier while you don't even know how to print a statement in c++ and got it.
How many more relationships should I increase of mine so that I get into the same position like them.
One of my friends got the internship just because his girlfriend's brother works for the firm.
Now that's just super barbaric unless he gave a blowjob to the gf's brother.
Their Fucking assholes need to be drilled by a giant pile drivers.5
Started this day great with the mention that a coworkers contract isn’t suspended.
Thats in freaking 6 months. Workload is already fucking insane, and STILL you fucking decide to fucking fire another fucking person from YOUR fucking company.
This has been the 5th i think and my contract is due to July. If it is prolonged i’m thinking of screwing this company over my going away myself. Bunch of mother fucking idiots.
Ended the day great as well.
Heard that a new person is going for lead promotion. Haha.
He has been here for only two months. :,)
Left and right projects are exploding meanwhile i’m in the middle trying to cut the right wire!
So I had to give my old laptop to my cousin who is in 9th standard for his online exams and classes .
(Just for context : I had installed manjaro on that old machine)
When I heard from my mother that his parents are coming to my house to borrow it from me I had to install windows because my cousin is not into tech that much and he barely could use windows 7 . ( The old laptop was shut down for a month or so) When I tried to install windows 10 . Machine started making beep beep noises . And I couldn't Install the windows because I had 30minitues to install a good os that my cousin could use . But guess what the Bastard windows , didn't get installed . I then installed manjaro and guided him the basics of how to navigate .
I hope he'll like it.
Again proved : Windows Sucks like hell.2
Rant...ish? It's more mixed feelings...
Had my first day yesterday at a new job in a big company. I came dressed really nicely in a suit and tie. Went to orientation with everyone new coming in.
Felt like I made the right choice to up my effort in dress code.
Met with my manager, was led to my team. Everyone is dressed casually. Unshaved. Giving me hate stares.
Felt out of place. But kind of happy that I can try less.
Still. What's up with programmers and being toxic to people dressed nicely o.0 I don't need to look like I came out of crunch time every single day to prove my worth...
It's really weird getting these looks. It's almost like highschool all over again. When I let my mother dress me and looked like the nerdiest kid on the block...
Then again, today I'm wearing sneakers and causal clothes. I either feel like I cave in to peer pressure... But at the same time I don't mind it. Erghhh... Still hate this...
Mixed feelings... I donno.4
They actually support me.
My mother, grandfather and grandmother think I'm a highly skilled mage.
My father, who thought me how to use torrent, sees my potential and wants me to become a developer in his company.
I explained him the basic concepts of Bitcoin, block chain and AI and thinks. He wants me to create a cryptocurrency 😮😃.
All the more reason to invested into cryptocurrencies (pun intended).
Annoying Indian professors are everywhere. It's a computer vision class are you really teaching us Regression?
What about transfer learning? object detection! Give us papers to read, let's do projects.. what the hell is this I am going take attendance bullshit and teaching crappy concepts.
I did not sign up for this shit! I came here for my Masters to get away from pompous mother fuckers like you ...
My class is also filled with those idiots,who think bias in a neural network is somehow related to class imbalance ? Now the same idiot proceeds to ask questions like...
Why would the weights change in a neural network?
Motherfucker why you in this class ? Why don't you stick to your shit and ask these questions later..
I am so pissed off right now guys ...
I was sitting in my lab understanding the deeper insights of BN, activation fucntions.. various optimizers ..etc Stuff that this idiot motherfucking teacher must be covering... UGGH.
I shouldn't cuss so much.. or at least add variety to my cuss words..
I am pissed off cuz instead of learning the shit I should be learning I am forced to come and attend this class and waste 2 hrs of my life ...
It's the summer i find it hard to focus anyway (want to go out hiking or swimming or something.) BUT. the moment I find some resolve to focus
I get this fucking bullshit.. !
My mind is so fucked right now... I can't think of anything but standing up in class and screaming " Mother fucker, mother fucker...(point to the idiots in class you) motherfuckers shut the fuck up..
Can someone suggest some colorful swear words ?
My brains not working -_-
It is just about now that I start feeling like "Anger" from inside out12
I really love my mother but.
A couple of weeks ago she asked me for advice regarding a laptop. She wanted something cheap for office and stuff.
Since I know her I exactly knows she needs extreme fast boot and responsiveness. She'll go all hulk rage if the laptop doesn't boot in less than 30 seconds.
Told her to get something with ssd since storage is no issue and 4gb ram with an decent older I5. Took a whole day going through stores in my area and online to find good deals. Send her everything I found. Really good laptop for under 500€ I would've killed for.
Fast forward. She bought some 300€ shit laptop because it had 1tb memory. She didn't ask for advice just bought the cheapest that would read decently description wise.
Now she is raging all day and bitching about it being so slow and I should fix it for her since I'm an it guy etc.
Looking at the specs I nearly started to vomit. She seriously bought a laptop worse than she already had. Old i3 2gb ram 5200rpm HDD.
I told her she should return it because it is shit. But no. She insists that since it's newer it is better and I am only a lazy fuck who doesn't want to be bothered to do her a favor.
Offered the best thing I could think of. Told her I'd install Linux on it for her and teach her how to use it.
Explained it would run more smoothly since she refused to take that shit laptop back. But no. Of course she insists on using windows 10....
FUUUUUUUCK. I love my mother but seriously I'm about to explode.5
Just had some problems with a cronjob I've been playing around which kept my pc running for like 10 mins after i used `shutdown -H`.. My mother asked me why i wa so mad at my pc
Me: A cronjob is stopping ubuntu from shutting down.
She: What's ubuntu?
Me: the os I've told you about the whole last weekend
She : what's OS?
I and my father literally explained her Ubuntu and Linux basics for at least 2 hours after she asked why my pc is looking "so purple" (i was using the console).
btw got the bug fixed :)
My first experience was in 1998. My grandfather had a computers and even tho he was hesitant to let me use them my mom convinced him saying that I may eventually turn into an engineer like him. I used them mostly for paint and a couple of space shooter games he later got for me. It was great. They always had computers, they even had a c64 at one point and i remember playing with that one as well.
My first computer tho, it was in 2010 while I was in the Army. Still have that lil hp in my office although it does not work anymore.
Nothing speciall really. I've had computers all my life and a mother that was passionate about them. I owe everything I am to my mom. I think that it is because of her that I became a computer scientist.
My mother asked me to help her with her iPhone and (old) Mac
Her iPhone didn't synchronise her photos anymore, it showed a message saying her iPhone is locked (it wasn't)
So after searching a bit I asked her when this problem showed up.
apparently, she tried synching her iPhone for the first time since she upgraded to my sisters iPhone 5s.
I found out that osx 10.6.8 and ios 10.x.x don't like each other...
A microwave can cook potatoes in ten minutes!? Why the fuck did nobody tell me?
A lot of workplaces only offer a microwave and no oven, and barley a kitchen to prepare stuff.
Hence, I was rarely bringing in my own food as I worked under the assumption that I had to prepare it at home and just heat it up at work. And potatoes take round about ~40 minutes the way I make them (20 min to cook, 20 min to steep).
Now, I will be using the shit out of those technical wonders and save a lot of money in the progress, as I used to go to restaurants almost daily for lunch time. Heck, I may even buy myself one for home use.
Oh, now I remember why!
This is what I get by being brought up by a somewhat esoteric mother.
"Microwave are no good, the taint the food."
No, they do not. It's science!4
project-manager : what are you doing ?
me : just having some coffee .
project-manager : stop all shit go to work .
me : ok sir . got up and went for my laptop .
my mother screamed at me and screamed "what
are you doing ?"
i then realised it all a night_mare1
Love my mother to death. But whenever she asks for help such as how do you save a word file, and where to find it - I loose it.
Okay. So I'm in class right now. And we'll do a rather big IT project (in groups of 2) later this year. And one of my classmates (I hate him AF but he doesn't know because he doesn't get shit) just asked me if I can make him a social media platform. HOLY FUCKING MOTHER SHITTING FUCK. CAN YOU PLEASR JUST STOP TALKING TO ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT. YOU DONT DESERVE TO LIVE. GO FUCK A TABLE!! IM NOT GOING TO CREATE ANYTHING FOR ANYBODY. AND YOOOUUU LITTLE FUCKER ARE ASKING ME TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU?? EVERYONE FROM MY CLASS IS AT LEAST SOME KIND OF NICE BUT YOU PIECE OF CUNTSHIT NEVER EVEN DID A SINGLE THING FOR ANYONE. AND YOU ARE ASKING ME TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME. LIKE WHAT HODDAMN HOPE DO YOU COME FROM. COULD YOU PLEASE JUST GO BACK INTO THAT HOLE??!!!2
My mother got a "smarter than her phone" (her words).
Now she's realized she can text me inchorent questions about their home network at all hours.1
By Thor (not the god, the dragon), Belial and Thor (the god, this time)...
Just got the sources for the software that runs on the SDR for my project. I think I just found the mother of all legacy code:
The whole behaviour is described in a single, 4000 lines C file. Most of the code is in a giant switch with cases selected from an enumeration with names that don't match their function. All varnames are overly long, yet hopelessly unhelpful. And why three fuck would you use pointer.data instead of (*pointer).data or pointer->data like a sane person would !? pointer isn't even an array, so why would you use ?1
I have played different roles on different companies and all my mother says to people is that I 'work with computers', same for friends that work on manufacturing or as sales engineers. It really pissed me off.1
So here's something: most of what I do is develop tools for speeding up production and organize projects rather than directly work on the project itself.
And you know it's kind of like the the Xzibit inception meme and I can't possibly be the first one to draw this comparison. I mean yaa mang I heard yous into developing software, so I developed software to help you develop software.
I really am wondering, can I actually call this DevOps? Would that be technically true? I mean it's just a dumbass fancy term put in place of "i avtomat my shit" and I don't care for it, but if it looks good on a resume then it looks good on a mother fucking resume.
Like I'm seeing how swapping "generalist programmer" for "*DevOps Specialist*" would get those HR panties wet. Aaah, I can almost taste damoneys!4
OMG... I want to thank my mother for changing my diapers for many years, my brother for all the games he no longer plays, my wife for actually making money, my plant for the awesome smell, God for maybe doing something (I guess), thanks @dfox, @trogus, and each one of you guys that deemed my rants worthy of your ++.1
*Has more advanced knowledge on computers and cyber security...
Mother still cant trust with repairing phone, asking which phone to buy, and naggs about the amount of time i spend on my laptop saying i'd break it.
Python: I heard you like importing stuff explicitly, so I made sure you had to import every mother-fucking thing you need. Even the things that you obviously need and couldn't possibly do anything without.
What's that? You want more import statements than actual code? Look no further than Python, my friend. At least it scales, amirite?
Father: knows nothing about programming but tells me how to do everything...mmm, ok.
Mother: a sponge for all my frustrations...prey for her.
Brother: thinks that I am Tony Stark.
Grandparents: ..well I spend my days with a typewriter and a television for them xD
So I created a little script for my mother because otherwise she had to combine 70 spreadsheets manually, I just couldnt sit there and do nothing. So I wrote a simple Python script in like 30 mins, decided that it needed a GUI because in the end it is for my mother. So wrote a GUI and partly learnt PyQt during that in an hour, which was all working fine.
Then I got to the point where I actually had to hand it over to my mother, preferably as an executable so that there is no hassle at all. So found this tool, Pyinstaller which seems to work great. Created an executable with all the dependencies and stuff in a single file, it worked on my win10 machine (because I developed on Linux of course). So I distributed it to her and she immediately gets an error. Of course there is no description and stuff because I made it a simple program, no log files and such. But fortunately she told me that it errorred when she wanted to run it, so I knew it had to be due to the executable.
Turns out she is still using windows 7 at work, which of course is different that windows 10 and here I am at 11pm, installing updates on a fresh windows 7 machine just to create a new build in that environment and make it work on her machine.
Fuck you, windows update. I swore to never see that ugly ass progress bar again, but yet here I am. Send halp.
I am almost just at the point where Im going to teach my mother how to run a python application from the command line because wheels are actually available for all python dependencies (instead of compiling them)!
Are there better python executable creators out there for wincrap?3
My room is well isolated from street noise, today I am having some trouble to sleep, and can't stand ear buds. So I said isolated from street noise, but now I can fucking hear the mother fucker upstairs snorting like he was lying next to me
Sometime my code is so wrong that I can almost hear the mother of algorithm crying out loud.
I just want to remove that piece of code from my project....no, from my mind, my life.
Updated to iOS 12.1.2 (sleazy release 2) after previously getting fucked up the ass by iOS 12.1.2 first release. Yes boys and girls, they tried to cover up their latest fuckup by re-releasing the same release with a modification.
The first time I updated, it knocks my Apple ID out on all my Apple devices when I upgrade my iPhone to 12.1.2. Mother fuckers... gotta log back in for every device, iPads, iPhones, Apple TVs, Macs. And for each service iTunes Store, Messages, FaceTime on each device supporting. Oh yea, it knocks out my Wi-Fi calling and I have to reestablish that too. Then to really ice me, it knocks out my HomeKit system as the Apple ID is knocked out on the Apple TV.
Now after updating just my iPhone to the second 12.1.2 "sleaze release", the thing knocks all my devices out again.
Apple has taken away that which I loved; impeccable engineering and design that could be used as the model for an entire industry. The industry guru. (teacher, leader) Apple has become the new Microsoft.
October 5, 2011, the day Apple died.4
The state of wanting to practice coding, work on side project, or just try to understand github. However, your brain is running at dial-up speed and it feels like it takes too much effort to do so.
(As my mother says: ka-chunk........ka-chunk)4
I am backend web dev, which has nice software developer role, with later going to dive into devops a bit more.
And yet some people don't understand when they are told No!
I will not accept being hired for short terms job of sysadmin.
To make it worse it is offered by my mother.
She works for some person who has multiple web sites, and they suffer from some sort of attacks.
I am having no time for this. I work and learn 95% of my time.
I don't care what they offer. According to what I heard she works for corrupt person, and she already offered illegal work few days ago to me.
Thanks, no. They deal with too big sums of money, I dont wish to be arrested or killed. I have a good job, planned schedule for next half of year and my own life.3
I'm extremely lucky that I had parents who encouraged it. My mother was a programmer herself, working with punch tape.
They brought the family home a BBC and let me fiddle with it. When we had a PC they let me get Visual Basic (ew) which got me really interested in programming.
Today my mother sent me a text message asking me how my day was going.
I told her that I was working with LaTeX.
When she got home she looked very concerned.2
This is a bit offtopic .
So Today I found that my family except my mother goes against me .
And that too just because of my grandfather's elder brother who is a bustard and once in the past he tried to attack on my father because of property issues and my father was one of the property holder .
What a family I got . Feels like sick . I don't wanna live with them anymore neither my mother . They ( my so called family ) literally said so many disturbing things that can kill a mentally weak person instantly . And me ?
Well , being just a boy in the home had to listen and defend .
One more lession I got from this incident that
Being aged doesn't mean someone has the proper matured knowledge .
How could a grandfather protect his bustard brother when he knows his brother Tried attack on his son .
This is so toxic .
I'll leave the rest for you guys's opinion .
I've decided to rent a flat somewhere else and live their with my parents .
Yeah Parents , because I can't just ignore my father . He alsl took care of me from the childhood like a gentleman but family pressure and other things couldn't let him decide the right move .
I don't know if I ever be able to look for this so called family .4
Exactly as it is developer. My father is really interested in technology and has worked with developers on his old company. My mother had developer friends. So I'm really glad they understand what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.
I was around 12. My mother just took a new position as Algorithmic and programming teacher (Mathematics before) for high school seniors. (Around 16-17 in Russia back in a day).
So sometimes, I waited for her after school, listening (just a bit) what she was teaching.
Then one day I was waiting while she was giving an exam of 2 hours to seniors (End of year exam). In 20 minutes, I doodled a thing on a piece of paper and showed my mother. I was correct on all questions and all flow diagrams (Was not called like this back in a day).
From this moment, I knew, programming and logic are for me.
At the end of high school (So I was 17), I received the collective message from most girls in my class saying : “ You felt in love with computers and ignored us”. They were right ☹, I realised it way later.3
So since starting my new role I have had nothing to rant about. That changed today.
HR waited til one day past payroll cut off to issue my paperwork. Meaning I get paid at my old rate this month and then get back pay in my November pay slip.
Those mother cunting bastards waited one day extra to screw me for the whole month.
I've been waiting since the end of September for these twat monkeys to get off their rotting arses and sort this and they do it one day late.
It's a good job that I don't know where they are located, nothing good would be waiting for them if I did.
As this got cut from the tags:
HR please kindly go find a rotting puss filled dick and shove it up your lazy fucking arse you pitiful wastes of human meat bags.1
My mother teaches in a language school, and one of the students was diagnosed. Later, two other students from other groups were also diagnosed. Right now the teachers are trying to put a consensual quarantine in place, but they aren't very keen on that.
over Skype with my mother
"I've been busy lately because I'm going back to school again"
"What are you studying?"
"Programming and web development"
My father mainly believes I'm the one fucking his settings up. I only use his computer to read my e-mails. Once a year.
My mother keeps asking me: "what about your work? Shouldn't you be doing something about THAT instead?"
You crazies do whatever you have to do with your little "plan"... but if you mother fuckers take down my internet I will come out of this fucking basement with the rage of fucking Loki and it won't fucking matter to me what side you thought you were on.1
TL: DR - This year is not good so far.
One important thing that I learned this year is you understand a certain person's importance after they are no more.
My grandfather, whom I've always hated, ignored, made my distance from him, just because he was unfair with me and my mother since my childhood, passed away a few days before. Only then I realized what kind of a fucking idiot I am.
On top of that, 2 of my best friends stop being friends with me, for one I had gone too far with a practical joke and for another, I proposed her.
But 2 months from now I expect things to be left behind, locked away in a closet, and throw away the key.
So, I'll just say this, that acknowledge person while they are here, don't hold any grudge towards any fucking one.1
So I just released my first official app which was a mobile charity solution and platform for all ethical and morally sound non profits appearing on Google via its search and map API to receive funds via PayPal. We integrated paypals android sdk and launched but not even a day in Google Kansas and removes the app saying that we were not compliant with their payment policy even though the 503 exempt IDs were represented in that they stated that in that building needs to be used and Android pay. We attempted to use Braintree payments and they made up some mother excuse now the donation Clause recently was updated to cut 30% from each payment making us by far the most expensive Channel 2 donate. Does anyone know of a work around or solution I could use ? Popmoney ? Maybe...I been reading up on their service and its seems feasible...7
My mother still doesn't know what I do with my laptop, she thinks I either watch youtube or movies. The last day when I faced a code block and stared at the screen for 12 hours, she finally realised I am either insane or something is driving me nuts.
My Brother thinks it's one of the good decisions I have taken in life. Because he sees my interest when I talk about it to him.
Others think I can fix a broken PC or install softwares for them or do typing to get paid.2
1) That moment when you're like god this code is awesome/I'm a genius/Can anyone else other than me even comprehend how to do something this awesome? AND THEN you shift to "wait a second..." Is this actually super convoluted/inefficient/there is a way easier way to do this? :o
2) Do people even know that google can provide them with like any and all of human knowledge? I feel like 50 times a day in my head I'm screaming "GOOGLE IT!!!!!!!!!!"
Earlier today I ctrl+alt+down arrow my co-workers computer because he left it unlocked and I was feeling especially awry so when he kept saying I don't know how to fix it, I was like google it!!!! I'm teaching you a valuable life skill...
Second. I was at my in-laws house and we got on the topic of what does "impeachment" actually entail? So my mother in law was like hmmm I thought it meant so and so....I'll have to ask my friend so and so the next time I see her....she's a political science major or something like that....
In my head....
You could.....GOOGLE IT!!!!!!2
I'm loving it!
The best thing about it is that it's less of everything.
I save 2h of commute.
I can listen to music on my speakers with subwoofers to hear that bass.
I can take the pauses I want without anyone staring at me negatively, as long as I'm productive of course.
Less chances of getting the virus (the only risk is my mother who is a nurse).
I can be less apart from my family.
Less money on gasoline.
I think this virus outbreak is going to fundamentally change the way we do a lot of things.
Things like work (remote work), shopping online, digital money, and even the educational system (finally).
I hope everyone is well and stays well.14
And then I realised, holy fucking mother of god, its fucking confusing. Whole new level shit piled right away on my face. I am newbie to front end and might be experiencing such issues, but I rarely had with other languages.
But "this" horse shit is on another level, I mean fucking a unicorn and pooping rainbow is easier than this bull.11
So this is an update of this: https://devrant.com/rants/1466905/...
We both are busy butbi enjoy the fact that i dont need to be on call 247. So after telling her she and i have been alot more comfortable around eachother (and it is very weird for me, the friday i was by her and the family. Her mother looking at me while im trying ti slide my arm away and she trying to cuddle with me ect.) Turns out - her mother does like me, sooo im sitting with an issue.
I told her that i need to talk to her about eachother this coming Friday. I can take her to eat and have a picnic (the house is 500m from a private beach) and we can talk.
I have No idea what im going to talk about other than tell her how i feel and ask her how she feels and we have dated but im not sure if i should ask her out oficially. Btw im sensing ill be awkward when it comes to the last question knowing she probably expects me to start these conversations because she is shy..
Im so paranoid and i have 4 days but it feels like its not enough planning. I needed a 2week sprint to plan this kind of thing.2
VS Code. It caresses my code as a mother caresses its baby, it keeps it safe while I'm not there and tantalizes my senses like few other editors do.
Also, it's fast and aesthetically pleasing.
So I just did my morning shopping and only one register was open. There was an older gentleman in the front, who took some more time getting cigarettes and paying his total. Well Mr. Important in his nice suit decided that took too long: "Lady! Please open another register! People don't have time, I have to go to work!"
The cashier called in for another register to be opened and once that guy made his way to the other line, she said "My mother always told me, if you don't have time for shopping, don't." 😂
ALSO GUESS WTF THAT GUY WAS BUYING, JUST A SOME CHEAP FUCKING CIGARILLOS HE COULD'VE GOTTEN EVERYWHERE ELSE THAT'S NOT A SUPERMARKET
Working as a junior dev with Js, moment.js, php and MySQL dates and trying make them respect (not love) each other and talk to each other nicely...
OH GOD WHY AM I DOING THIS MYSELF, JUST DIE IN MY SLEEP ALREADY, MY MOTHER TOLD ME I SHOULD BE A DOCTOR1
fuk pulseaudio and its mother cancer systemd >=0
idk how or why ppl defend this shit. have to use pulseaudio because i've tried to NOT have systemd and pulse audio before but arch insist everything needs pulseauadio.
i have never, EVER, had pulseaudio just "work"and be consistent for me - on any distro.
reboot a minute ago, some how all my audio is fuked up. bass is off. balance went to the right. volume went down to almost nothing. wtf is this shit? you've been around for years, these shouldn't still be problems.1
My mother bought a computer for my brother and I. Unfortunately I couldn't use it because I was child and I didn't know what it was. When I used it, I didn't know what I was doing, I was clicking on stuff I shouldn't be clicking on but I found this amazing thing called "Paint".
Nobody taught me how to use a computer but I eventually found my way and I understood it better than my family.
I think I'm at the final stage of grief where I want to destroy the entire human population . Economy , money and other factors like alcohol ... we as humans don't deserve to live . Controlling population growth with addiction is just messed up .
Even though the alcohol killed my dad , he was a really good person who was under such amounts of pressure that no-one deserves . Actually strike that everyone deserves much more . A tenant who occupied our property just as we needed to sell it for cash problems . His father stole his inheritance left behind by his mother . And relatives who didn't give a shot about him until he makes a trip to the hospital . An economy that's responsible for all this .
I want to rewrite this disgraceful race .9
I need Christmas break so much... Full on sweets from home (my mother sent me a 7kg package), programming whatever I want with no one to tell me what to do and some quality time with the love ones and myself. Fuck work, we should have Christmas breaks every 2 months at least
So... In germany, theres spring vacation. But im on a scholar exchange and in france (my mother tongue) and. Well... I need to go to school there :(2
I always see people cry about Windows restarting because for some reason they pretend it forcibly restarts. Just started the Windows 10 notebook of my mother. It had the first update if it installed although it is in daily use... So yeah...1
Ok. I'm working on a small website, and MOTHER OF OF WEB DESIGN.
I try to set up WAMP, but it takes me 2 F-ING DAYS.
SO THEN THE FREAKIN HTML SCRIPT REFUSES TO WORK. AND THEN, ONCE I FINALLY GET MY HOPES UP, WAMP DECIDED TO JUST NOT WORK TODAY, SO I SPEND 3 HOURS FIXING THAT CRAP, AND THEN AFTER THAT PIECE OF HELL, I CAN'T FIND ANY EXAMPLE CODE OUTSIDE OF ADVANCED WEB DESIGN, SO I SIFT THROUGH THAT, JUST TO FIND HOW TO MAKE IT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL A DATABASE IS. THAN I REALIZE THAT I HAVE TO INSTALL MIRE PROGRAMS. THAN, I REALIZE THIS GUY IM LISTENING TO IS USING A MAC OS X ALTERNATIVE. SO IM DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET THIS TO WORK. AND THEN, *POOF* ALL MY WORK IS UNREADABLE SPAGHETTI.
ALL FOR A DAMNED TEST.
TL;DR, Php is not good if your working offline.9
This weekend I've installed a virtual box with Linux over windows on my mother in law. Now, she is using it and I hope to not have to fix again her computer against malware!! PS: I think she is enjoying Linux. I gave her some homeworks. Only update and upgrade 😂1
In elementary school, when I got my first computer (a 286 with b/w monitor and a whopping 8mhz), I discovered that a .bat file was nothing more than a set of instructions.
So my first "programs" where nothing more than .bat files. Then, at summer camp, one of the instructors noticed I was kind of a nerd, so he introduced me to QBasic. Later on, a friend of my mother showed me Turbo Pascal 6.0. So I was already creating games when I left elementary school.
Then, on secondary school, I stopped most of my programming stuff and was mostly interested in drawing and making music.
But, on college I rediscovered programming with Flash, HTML, PHP and Director. This was around the time that AS2 and PHP4 were still cool.
Later on, in university, I became nerd full on, but still the main focus on web development.
Mother of dev. This story is from my beginning with Node.js, some months ago.
WHY THE FUCK EVERY TUTORIAL AND GUIDE PASTES CODE WITHOUT FUCKING EXPLAINING IT?
Ended out literally parsing github to understand simple concepts.
Fuck you, I didn’t pay online classes to copy/pastes.
fucking mother fucker modem is nt working. fml. and fuck the service provider. its 2330 and I need to configure jenkins for my side project. hiw the fuck will I do this2
I was working with integrating GAMADV-X (python wrapper for google gsuite) with google spreadsheet, which gives limited api calls (around 100 calls) per day.
So I was syncing the users in the spreadsheet and google group users (more than 100 or so).
I used up my daily quota -_-.
Funny thing is I knew when I wrote the code and when I fucking ran it that I will overuse the api call limit.
It slowly triggered to me that I can't work on this project until next day and the first thing that came to my mind
'me dense mother fucker'
remember android devs....
The difference between <view> and <View> is enough to make you kill yourself.
and even more if you have used <view> as a divider in your fucking recycler view.
Son of the mother fucking bitch i spend last 2 hrs trying to understand where my age old ,rock-solid , tried and tested code fucked up...
And when i saw the asshole bitch view, i was like wtf am i doing with my life? ;"""(
Sometimes when other devs ask me to explain something in the specs I cannot make into smaller words (example: javadoc says throws <error name> when x <= y. I was asked to explain 'what all this psuedocode means'), or their code horrifies me, I ask my mother if she knows what it is doing.... just as a 'wtf am I missing' check.
She still finds it amazing when we text her a gif and asks for help when she 'loses' her icons on her phone, but she will still ask what is wrong with some of these people.1
first contact was with games. There are actually 2 events I connect with that, but I cant remember which one was first - so here you have both:
Both happened on the Computer from my dad - Windows 95 with Boost button - which of course was always active to make everything super fast :D (yeees, now I now that it actually made it 'slower')
1) Playing Lemmings from 2 Floppy’s (3.5inch 1.44bm)
Until my dad kept Disc 1 in his Jacket for whatever reason I cant remember (maybe because I played to much) and my mother had the great Idea of washing the jacket... bye bye lemmings :( never played it again since then, but still remember the music and soundefects. still love them :)
2) Trying to install AoE on the PC. But since HDDs where cheap (not) and had a ridiculously amount of space (not) (sth. ~250MB) and AoE needed ~150MB, my young and smart me came up with the amazing solution to delete the largest folder on disk, which was C:/WINDOWS. I do not have to mention that my dad was not amused ^^
I spend fucking 6 hours of the birthday party of my girlfriends father fixing his M.2 SSD involving:
* driving through half of the city because the store nearby had closed half an hour ago... (and spending 30% more)
* cloning the drive back and forth (including several session of browsing to find the solutions to several errors)
* trying to repair bootloader (without success)
... Just to reinstall the old one because it wouldn't boot from the new one.
And tomorrow I'm going to a business trip and I all I wanted was to prepare some side projects for the 4 hour long ride.
Fuck you M.2 and mother fucking windows 7 for being such shitheads.5
Had a strange dream. I was in some place where I looked at some people or maybe one person I don’t know now making some ritual. Some sort of forming a new life being from white piece of modeling clay of something. Telling some spells. Standing in front of big jar. Like you see some old pictures of the witch or something in front of big jar telling spells and this white piece of clay was forming but I didn’t saw it to the end. Those people or person didn’t see me and I was very absorbed by the whole ceremony. I was alone ? I don’t know now but probably. Maybe I was in some sort of jar in the room of this witch as one of her trophy watching it behind the safety glass. So me was very small and this ritual was made by some giant.
As my mind start becoming aware what I am watching suddenly I heard voice of my mother that was screaming to me to get the fuck out of here.
I saw her running and someone was running toward me with big knife to kill her before she reach me.
I didn’t saw his face, before my mother reached me I turned around so he didn’t know my face either. I covered my face with my hands to don’t see him stabbing me with his big knife made of steel. Then I woke up lol. When I woke up I felt like I am slowly going back to my body.
I still have thrills 40 minutes later when I am writing this.
I probably didn’t suppose to see this ritual.
I slept for about 2 hours and I am fully awake and feel rested.
Well some of my dreams are really fucked up.10
No mother fucker, I don't give a fuck about you wanting me to reinvent the fucking wheel to do state management. I'll just use NgRX like any sane guy and just handle it with stores.
I don't fucking care if you're my Angular teacher and never heard about NgRX stores.
I don't even fucking know why I'm still in this fucking course to begin with.7
It's the first day of school and they try to make an entertaining segment on TV.
There has been a lot of controversy whether electronic books should replace paper ones.
They ask a mother about her opinion on electronic books:
Her: I myself like the idea of lighter school bags a lot. But yesterday I tried to open one of the books on my perfectly working laptop, and it was all white. I tried to zoom but nothing changed...
People are simply not ready for that much technology in their lifes. Teachers also can't use the technology to its full potential. They have been teaching the same thing the same way for tens of years, they'll always fallback to their old methods1
That day when I destroyed the hard drive of my mother's PC when I was 12 years old. (The drive wasn't properly screwed in the case, and so after a few repositions of the case, it would one day start up sounding like a jet engine and after that scary sound: silence.
My mother took it relatively well, mostly because she saw how I was beating myself up over it. I was so mad at myself as I knew better! I knew how to create a backup strategy, I'm theory. I never really put in into practice though.
She had no backups of course. No way of regaining her data.
Now she does. And now she regularly calls me to initialize a backup of her current data on her external drive. (And every few months I sync her data over to my place on a data storage just in case she loses both her PC and external drive in a fire.)
So across different apartments, different routers, different notebooks and operating systems, my mother always ran into the issue where she had no internet access until I flushed the DNS-Cache. Never figured out how she achieves this.3
Mother tells me my dad was slightly disappointed that I didn't become an optician. He passes away in my first semester so I never got to ask him.
She meanwhile is rather supportive but the older uncles etc think I am wasting my brain using the PC for so many hours.
Little brother learned some R by himself for courses and thinks it's a badass profession from what I see.
I had just began filling in my social security for disabilities application after dropping out of my music education program, and I received a call from my mother-in-law who met a man who was interested in mentoring a new developer. I had bits of previous experience in C++ and router configuration from my CCND class and knew... I was HAD to call that man.2
my lesson as a new dev was when the senior told me to RTFM....by not using Google... as in ... real books... dusty... old... valuable... and BIG mother farking ones.2
Guys it's stupid but how do you get motivated for coding ? I'm actually learning C++, it's my first programming language but it's hard to continue, I love coding and making games but I'm a real newbie and I'm 90% of the time completely lost, I've made 1 shitty game but it's from a tutorial, and for c++ I'm still stuck with overloaded operator.
I'm sorry for my awful english but it's not my mother tongue. Do you have something advices ? For example stopping completely playing videogame ? Thx ;)7
WHYY , are you fucking fucking complaining, mother fuckdr yyuo fucking won
You completed our mission objective successfully
You fucking did it mother fhcker and what ur asking from me after all of thus shit weve been through for the past 7 months is beyond our primary mission objective ,fucker
Obviously as you can fuckin see from the 7 months of suffering we can not repeat the same objective twice, just like u cant be born or die twice, fucker
Shit happens once and thats goddamn fuckin it motherfucker move on to tje ffckin next mission objective that i command u to go towards
NO FAILED MISSIONS. I ONLY BROADCAST SUCCESS. BUT SHIT HAPPENS RARE.
So forget about her u motherfucker, you told me what you wanted to achieve, i planned out the whole scenario, i organized the mission objective for you and you have took the fuckin risk and and action and guess what u fuckin succeeded. My mission objective has never failed you. What you are trying for these fuckin past 7 months is not my mission objective and it is out of scope, unplanned fuckin shit and that is why u fell back into fuckin depression i told u to fuckin stay away but u aint to me listen fucker
Worry no more about the shit that is irrelevant and out of your fuckin control.
U got friends at college. Hang out with them ull feel better. Whwnever u think of that fuckin whore goo mothrrfuckr and meet ur goddamn fckin irl friends. Text them. Shit man.....
Really long story. It begins when I was 11 years old, Harry Potter was kind of a hit (it was the beginning) and a lot of site based of the universe where popping everywhere on the internet. I wanted to make mine so much I subscribed to a french website which offered free tutorials on differents languages. The site is still up, it is now called OpenClassrooms and it saved my life a lot.
I tried to learn HTML (4 at the time if my memory's good) and CSS, but my mother didn't believe in my project and made me quit.
Nine years after, I was looking for something to do in my life: I tried a cursus in art history and archeology, I made a Baker school, but my life didn't feel filled.
I heard about a formation in a town near mine, and was for everyone, newbies or veterans, who wanted to have their diploma either in networks or in code.
The coding classes where fantastic. We learned VB.net, Pascal, php, laravel, C#, SQL, PL/SQL (we had a teacher who was absolutely fan of Oracle), I topped my class and now I am in the next formation for my Bachelor. Today I learn Java, Symfony, Android.
The ones who taught me to code? Internet, my teachers, books. But my teachers were the most important, because they gave me the confidence.
My sister (12 years my senior) was the first to get a PC that I got access to. Played a lot of Transport Tycoon in it. I still remember the commands to start the game from dos. She showed me Windows 95 one time but I never liked it. Why would anyone need a GUI if the CLI is available?
My love for code started back then I would say.
A year later I got a PC at home. I would be up all night browsing the local BBS until my mother for the first bill... Let's say we were among the first family in our town that got ISDN and a bit later DSL.
Never got a single virus. Partially because I never could understand how people would click the random button and partially because I setup the account for my mother without admin permissions. She was happy with that arrangement until I moved out
A colleague hast to stay on home. office for a other week bc he was in Venice three weeks ago (after already being back to the company)
The mother company canceled all business trips until the end of March (including my trip to RXJSLive conference in London).
Get out of my Fucking mind you fucking ugly negative fucking thoughts i will fcckkkl youu across ur goddamn fckin pusys mother fu kers GET OUUTTTTTTT3
Lots and lots of unpaid work fixing their phones, computers, printers and internet. Then a ton of unpaid work making an e-shop for my mother
Before my area of focus was the frontend and then my boss thought my skills were good enough to handle servers, now I'm here and working on the staging and production containers... Mother docker awesome...6
Silicon Valley. Imaging you burst ur balls to build your company. Burst ur mother fucking balls, and clits, to be big, best algo rhythm etc then the fucking board tells u ur fired???? Believe me, my company will have no mother fucking board members. Fuck. That!2
how hard is it to set up a wordpress site? i hate to ask but am too busy just to try.
i always build everything from scratch, but my mother constantly asks for a new website providing wp-templates as examples. none of my past fancy features were used so i am a bit tired of putting in the effort. is it worth it or would i just create technical debt? what about security concerns, updates and upwards-compatibility with new php versions to come?3
Ok fuck everything, I will not work today nothing is fucking working, the feature that I implemented easily in the last app, is harder to implement now because of the new version of the library. Even the old and same version of the library I used in the previous app is not compatible with the new version of the framework. What a freaking horrible development experience we are getting into. Developing should become easier not harder mother fucking library developers, should I write my own library now? fuck you, and fml too.
Asdfghjkl keys does not work! Not git push, no save! Oh fuck my screen was locked so no on-screen keyboard! Mother fuck! Is this a quick solve for MBP? New keyboard cost £14.99 on eBay.2
A production issue was assigned to me a while ago and the OSE and I were volleying it back and forth (I don't have access to even see anything production) because neither of us had any idea of what to do.
Here's the twist: the OSE's analysis (and my assumptions) of the problem was off, so we were basically running around in circles.
Today, he and I had a good one on one as the only priority to put this mother fucker to rest. Turns out he assumed a lot of things in his hurry to give his analysis to his boss.
Confirmed a few things, lo and behold, it's a non issue. That's how the legacy, 13 year old system (that no one in the entirety of the company knows end to end anymore) works.
This semester I'm taking a class in my university about Cloud computing. You know, how to use the cloud better, when to use it, and we are using AWS in the class. That mother fucking class takes a lot of my time, I couldn't sleep for 2 nights in a row doing homework, and now EVERY TIME I go to YouTube to chill and see a video I GET A UDEMY AD TO LEARN AWS. WHY??3
Yeah they support their children. And now they saw how good I am (I'm in a project with my father and I help my mother, who is a teacher, daily) even more.
Aah but don't be in the computer so much go get fresh air.
Anyone ever heard of OpenSCAD? If you have, there's a clone called Scorch CAD on Android - I both love and hate the thing. Okay, it's awesome to be able to write 3D programs on my phone, but mother of god, why is it closed source?! I mean, surely that's a GPL violation. I'm contacting the developer. He makes no money off it anyway - why is it proprietary?! Urgh.
auto fetch old as fuck branch on accidental swap eat my fucking dick and balls you mother fucking piece of shit now i can't recover the uncommited changes why in the name of fuck wouldn't you as much as tell me you were gonna delete an entire module like a fucking bitch, that is all.2
I've started to create a bingo videogame so that when my mother-in-law is at my home, do not bother me.
I hate it when I'm knee deep in projects that need to be done before the new CI strategy starts two avoid a three week long full test every two weeks and then my dear boss comes up with having me do the planning for the next testphase while my coworker is scrolling through 9gag. I mean, sorry old man but either I automate this monstrosity of thirty million layers of 'naturally grown', ill documented, identifier lackimg piece of shit or I can do the fucking schedule. My mother isn't an octopus, i've got only two arms...
Tl;dr: Why do non programmers always heavily underestimate the time shit needs to get done?
I did some of the front-end and whole backend. build and manage the SQL + elasticsearch database. After all of this, only 17 lines of mother fu**er code ruined my life. The client is asking for code. And.... And... Can't say anymore.
path => "/home/rsa-key-20200528 /aslogger.log"
type => "java"
start_position => "beginning"
codec => rubydebug
hosts => ["localhost:9200"]
index => "aslogger"
I was lucky and have a mother who understands a lot of work goes into making programs work. My dad is basically a technophobe and struggles with the TV and Microwave, but would prefer me to have a job I enjoy rather than one that's going to put me in an early grave.