Google is full of assholes!

Just paid $25 dollars to list my app on google play store. Within 15 minutes of submitting the app, it got de-listed.

Reason:
Impersonation

Who am I impersonating?
The logo is impersonating the logo shown on MY OWN website!!!

How dafuq can you impersonate your own intellectual property?????

Contacted them back using their form. Didn't even call them "cunts". Asked to have it reviewed.
After waiting 7 business days, started sending them 1 email a day. On day 11 I sent 100 identical email asking them to review it.
Today (day 12), they cleared the app. I got this reply back.

"We found that your app was not in violation of our policies"
-Google

Well, it happened. The stupidest request, no demand, I have ever, and most likely will ever receive...

Me: So what is it you're looking to do with your website.

Client: We're not showing up Facebook's home page. We need you to fix that. We have a budget of $10,000 to make this happen right now.

Me: As much as I'd love to take your money, that isn't something I can control. Every "home page" is profile-based, which technically isn't a homepage, but a "feed" that changes constantly. So say you create a profile on Facebook, only those you follow, and paid posts show up on your feed. What I can do however is use your budget to create and promote posts from your company page to show on users' feeds. If you're serious about marketing, we can start slow at $250/week, then work our way up or down based on results until your budget is exhausted, then re-evaluate the budget at that time. I can tailor a retainer for you based on the number of ads per week that you'd like to make.

Client: No, this is not what we're asking for at all.

Me: Okay...what is it you're looking for exactly? Run through this in as much detail as possible so I can get on the same page.

Client: We want to be on the main home page of facebook.com. We want our logo on that page when people sign up to make an account, linking to our website.

Me: That's simply not possible. That's Facebook's own home page. Nobody has a right to edit that other than Facebook itself.

Client: Bullshit. There's a Facebook developers section with APIs to edit and view Facebook's entire website. We would do it ourselves, but we signed up and don't understand how to change it in Chrome. That's why we need you and [referring client] said you were the best guy for our needs.

Me: That API has no control over Facebook's corporate data, including their own home page. That API designed ONLY for sections in which you are authorized to access or modify, such as your personal profile or created page for your business.

Client: We know that it can be done. If you don't do it, we'll find someone else who can.

Me: Well good luck with that, because the only way it would be remotely possible to do that WILL involve prison time, since that would be illegal. The only legal way to do it would be to buy Facebook, and they'll laugh you out of the building with that offer. But I'm done with this conversation because I have work to complete from clients that aren't delusional. Have a nice day! [hang up]

----

What. The. Fuck.

Owner of company I freelance for: I need you to find out what CMS [website] is running in.

[Checking...]

Me: It's running in Drupal

Owner: Prove to me that it's running in Drupal, because she's saying you're wrong.

Me: Who the hell is "she"?

Owner: The boss over at [PR Company we do work for]

Me: Is she a developer?

Owner: No, of course not. She barely knows how to run a computer.

Me: Then tell I said it's running in Drupal, and if she wants proof, tell her I'm the developer she has begged to fix two other failing projects and I have delivered both times ahead of schedule.

Owner: If you don't show me proof, I'll fire you. I don't need attitude from my employees.

Me: A.) I'm not your employee, you are my client. I don't clock in for you and you don't withhold taxes from my pay. B.) If that's how you want to be, tell her to use terminal and cURL the website for the response header, as well as cross-reference folder structure for CSS/JS file inclusion to show it's running in Drupal.

Owner: What the fuck is terminal?

Me: If you don't know what terminal is, neither will she, meaning you have no business telling me how to do my job. Stick with assigning me tasks and let me use my expertise to get them done. Micromanaging need not apply here, mmm'kay pumpkin?

Owner: You sure are grouchy today.

Me: Yep...

My company just fired 20 people, and the next day instuted a program so salaried employees have to clock in and out. Of course not to effect our pay, just to keep their paranoid asses breathing down our necks. Also, no clocking in remotely so all the work I do from home won't be taken into account. Fucking micromanaging, ball-licking, scum-fuck, MBA, morons couldn't run a company if their lives depended on it. When will these soul-less, suit-wearing, shit-scarffers learn that treating your employees with respect and valueing actual work over bullshit metrics, is a better business strategy than treating them like fucking sheep to the slaughter. Fml, I gotta find a new job...

Client: Where are we with the project, it's been a week and I see nothing.

Me: You asked me to do something that was not in the agreed scope of work, which has kept me from starting on the project.

Client: Do I need to plan out everything in advance on paper for you to get it done in a timely manner?

Me: Is that a serious question? Yes, you should. That's the whole point of creating a scope of work. It's to allow me to schedule out the time necessary to build out a product in a "timely manner".

Client: I don't appreciate your attitude. This is not how you should be doing business if you like making money.

Me: I don't appreciate your condescending, unreasonable, dickhead mentality that makes you think it's remotely okay to act like you're better than me. Money doesn't grant you the right to be a dickwad, and just because I'm being paid doesn't mean I have to put up with any level of arrogance or disrespect.

I am in this business to make money, but not at the cost of my dignity and self-respect. You will be receiving a full refund later today, not because I have to provide a refund, but because I never want to communicate with you ever again moving forward. Take your unacceptable bullshit somewhere else.

You go to an accountant to file your itemized taxes in a couple of hours, you pay them at least $200.
You go to a lawyer to incorporate your business in 2 days, and you pay at least $800.
You hire a photographer to take pictures of your 4-hours wedding and you pay them at least $1500.
You go to your car dealership to fix something and they charge you about $125 hourly labor rate.
Now, ENLIGHTEN ME, how did you come up with the idea that the web application I will create for your business in 8 weeks (design, code, test, deploy, server administration) should not cost more than $500????!!!!!

classmate: Hey, "friend" told me you do freelance website development. right? I need to create a new website and need your help.

Me: umm... OK... what's it about?

Classmate: It's for my dad's friend's business.

Me: OK. but I will charge the standard rate.

classmate: No... I will make it myself. I just want your help.

Me(Internally): ...not again...

Me: Do it yourself then.

Classmate: It will be quick. an hour or two max.

Me: *speechless*

Classmate: And one of my uncle who did IT told me that c++ is faster. can we use that instead of HTML?

Me: huh...?

classmate: you don't know shit.

... classmate walks away...

This guy somehow manages to get As in exams (mostly cheating. and our papers are shitty theory papers which you can mug up. so that helps) and in a year will have an IT degree.

"Jim, can you tell me why my e-mails aren't getting to clients?"

They're being marked as spam...

"oh damn, how can we fix that?"

You can't. You can change the structure of your e-mails to look less spammy, but it's on their end.

"This is a disaster, we can't have our marketing e-mails marked SPAM!!"

Have you tried not spamming people?

"WE'RE NOT SPAMMING PEOPLE, THEY EXPRESSED A LEGITIMATE BUSINESS INTEREST"

No, you bought a mailing list and put together an e-mail campaign.

"But we aren't spamming people!"

IT VS Marketing 100% of the time

Meeting with smooth suit guy:

"So, our company has pivoted"

I hate everything about this guy, not having slept well at all, I fucking snapped:

"Pivoted? Oh wow, what a wonderfully refined word to describe that your asinine business model smacked flat into the mud, that your obtuse bubble of vague ideas popped and your childish dreams of piles of undeserved gold got caught up by the hard reality that your product does not add any tangible value -- yet you tricked your sheepish retarded investors once again to fall for a new hype-filled pitch deck? Congratulations. At least you probably snort enough coke to keep believing in yourself..."

The guy nervously wiped his nose, stuttered, and walked off looking angry and a little confused.

So it turns out, my boss is apparently the major "sheepish retarded investor" in this company.

Today I got a mail from him. I expected fire and fury, nuclear ICBMs crashing into my desk.

"Thanks for your feedback, this is why I invite you to meetings. Could you take a look at their new pitch slides and preliminary API docs for me?"

I wasn't going to post this because I expected loads of hate but fuck it, I'd rather share it anyways. Also take into account that sometimes there's no choice because money is needed or other circumstances :)

This one guy told me to never let down my values and what I stand for if I can afford to do that, no matter what they are.

I'd quit my job over having to use tools like Google or Slack (luckily my company is highly against using Slack and most people have moved to ddg) and as for WhatsApp, I said at my interview that I'd either wanted a business phone for using WhatsApp or I wouldn't use it. Boss said 'thats cool!'

I quote from him(that person who said this to me):

"they force you to use something you're uncomfortable with? Fuck'em. They don't understand your reasons? Their problem.
Even if nobody in the entire world understands/accepts your reasons, doesn't mean they're not valid."

Mother of god, was listening to the US govt hearing of zuckerberg about the recent scandals. The amount of very fucking simple obvious questions he 'could not' answer normally...

Govt person: Would you be willing to change Facebook's business model if this was required for the security and privacy of Facebook users' accounts?

Zuck: I don't understand your question.

Sorry, WHAT?! You don't need particular rocket science to understand what's being asked here. A combination of common sense and knowing the English language and English grammar in combination with maybe having finished some form of education should be enough to understand this ridiculously easy question.

Do you need it written on a golden plate with fucking blue letters in Facebook's font with the S letters as dollar signs while drinking 10 gallons of 'fuck every persons privacy'?!

Or maybe shoving it up your ass in the form of heated/glowing metal letters of 10+ inches in height? We could arrange that as well.

A group of ten top software engineers is sent to a class for aspiring managers. The teacher walks in and asks this question:

"You work for a software company which develops avionics (software that controls the instruments of an airplane). One day you are taking a business trip. As you get on the plane you see a plaque that says this plane is using a beta of the software your team developed. Who would get off?"

Nine developers raised their hands. The teacher looked at the tenth and asked, "Why would you stay on?"

The tenth said, "if my team wrote the software, the plane would not get off the ground, much less crash.

Ranted about this internship before but just remembered this.

1st internship.

The employees and the boss were having a joke/laugh. I found it funny as well so I laughed along

A little later the boss pulled me outside (as well as my internship guide person): why where you laughing along? You had nothing to do with that conversation. It was none of your fucking business. Stay out of other people's business, understood?

I was scared, shaking and trying to keep my tears in.

That was not the best internship.

[Thursday afternoon on a call...]

Client: Before we get started, can you create a sitescape outlining all of the pages and sections of the new website?

Me: Sure! I'll go through the website and shoot you a full layout in xls format as soon as possible, that way you can easily make notes on what you want added, modified or removed.

[Two hours later...]

Client: Hey, did you build that sitescape yet?

Me: Actually, I've been on back-to-back calls with other clients.

Client: So when are you going to get it done?

Me: Well, I have to go through the current website in it's entirety, which I'm guessing is about 1,000 pages. I have to determine which pages work fine on their own, which need to be combined for better presentation and which should be removed due to redundancy. That's something that is tedious and takes some time to complete. That, in combination with having an existing work queue that I need to fit you within and being at the end of the work week, we're looking at Tuesday morning to have it ready.

Client: "Existing work queue"? This is ridiculous. We're paying you good money to make our project your only priority. If we wanted to wait days for work, we would have saved money and paid for a cheaper service. You're already gouging us as it is! If we don't get the sitescape by end of day Friday, we're going with another company.

Me: I would tell you that I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but I'm not. I'm not going to feed you a line to make you happy. I'm also not going to work on my days off just to rush something out to you. You hired us because you wanted things done right, not quickly. Your current website is the result of not focusing on quality, but by how fast you can deliver it. We don't work that way. We only build quality products.

By rushing your project, not only do we alienate our current clients, affecting our reputation, but we build product of less than the highest quality. That will upset you because it isn't perfect, and it reflects poorly on us to use it in our portfolio.

If you want to hire someone to pump out this project to your unrealistic deadlines, be our guest. But you paid a 50% non-refundable deposit, so not only will you lose money, but your end product will suffer.

I'm going to let you sleep on this. If you decide tomorrow that another direction is the way to go, we wish you luck. But please understand that if we conclude our business, we will no longer make ourselves available for your needs.

Please find the attached contracts you have signed, acknowledging the non-refundable deposit, as well as the project timeline and scope, of which a "sitescape" was never originally mentioned or blocked out for time.

I hope that tomorrow we can move forward in a more professional manner.

[Next morning...]

Client: My apologies for yesterday. We're just very anxious to get this started.

-----

Don't let clients push you around. Make them sign a contract and enforce it whenever necessary.

*meeting with boss about a quick site for one of her clients*

Boss- "okay so basically I just want you to copy the content from -already made site- and put it on the new one"

Me- "okay sure do you want it verbatim or "

Boss-"no but something similar"

Me-"okay so you want me to paraphrase this list that's on the homepage?"

Boss-"Well no we dont actually need the list at all as it isnt relevant to us so just take that out"

Me-"okay well that is the only thing on the homepage so what should I replace it with"

Boss-"I dont know, something similar to the list. You can figure something out"

Me-"....I dont know anything about the clients business. I am not going to just make up content, you guys can at least give me some direction there"

Boss-"i didnt think it would be that hard"

Me-"it's really not hard. You're making it harder than it needs to be for me though. Anyway, do you wanna keep the same exact pages as the other site or only transfer some of them or"

Boss-"something that resembles that website but isnt exactly it so some of the pages but not all"

Me-"which ones"

Boss-"the ones relevant to client's business"

Me-*closes notebook, stands up, starts to leave room*

Boss-"where are you going"

Me-"I'm going to get another two cups of coffee cause I didnt have enough this morning for this bullshit"

Boss-*raises eyebrow*

Me-"dont tell me to copy paste a website at first and then continue to tell me its going to be "similar" but different and then further continue to be as vague as possible about what is expected of me to be done in order to make it different! Take the time to decide what it is you want exactly and then tell me, with detail, what you're criteria is so I can do the thing!! I cant read your mind."

Boss-"..... I just didnt think it would be that hard to jot in a few sentences here and there"

I left the room at that point. Irritating as fuck. You dont know tech stuff, don't expect me to know enough about YOUR job to write about it as if I'm a professional. I cant fucking read minds, I have no interest in researching anything just to create the site content myself, and its fucking rude that they wont even take the time to sit down and decide what they want for a website that THEY are paying for. For fucks sake people get your fucking shit together

I actually hate this job, seems like there's not a single project with decent code abstraction. Everything is a fucking spaghetti like:

```
// we only care about e-mail fields, which are odd
isValid(index) {
if(!(index%2)) {
return true;
}
...
}
```

Like MOTHERFUCKER, WHAT BUSINESS RULE DOES THIS SHITCODE REFLECTS?!?! WHY CAN'T YOU SHITHEADS WRITE PROPER BUSINESS ABSTRACTION RATHER THAN JUST COLLEGE-GRADUATE QUALITY SHITCODE.

FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY I SHOULD HAVE INSTEAD BECAME A PSYCHIC CAUSE I'M SURELY GOOD AT GUESSING WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK THIS FUCKING FUCKCODE INTENDS TO ACHIEVE.

AND YOU CALL YOURSELF TOP-NOTCH DEV CAUSE THIS IS JAVASCRIPT... YOU KNOW WHAT, SHITHEADS LIKE YOU, WHO DON'T KNOW SHIT OTHER THAN GLOBALLING EVERY FUCKING NPM LOCAL PACKAGE IS WHY GOOD ENGINEER LIKE US GET SHIT FROM PHPEPSI ZENDFRAMESHIT FUCKHEADS DEVS.

DO YOU THINK YOUR COMMENT WAS HELPFUL??? DO I LOOK LIKE A BUSINESS GRADUATE FUCKTARD WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THE MODULE OPERATOR IS??? I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU WROTE THAT SHITFUCK INSTEAD OF WHAT IT DOES; THE REASON I'M READING YOUR POORLY WRITTEN MODULE OPERATOR SOAP-OPERA IN THE FIRST PLACE IS CAUSE I KNOW WHAT IT'S DOING, IT'S BREAKING SHIT.

OH AND ONE MORE THING, FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK FUCKSHIT SHITFUCK FUCk

Dear Clients,

if you really think what I do has so little value that you won’t pay for it, why on earth would you think it was going to help your business in any way? It’s clearly not worth it. How can it have a positive impact?

- Your Unpaid Developer

I actually took the time to explain to a recruiter that java != JavaScript... He told me they were similar enough... I put it in terms he'd understand: "If you want to make money, you need to understand that they are not similar. If you keep saying they are and send your clients a dev with no java experience, you'll lose clients. if you send devs to a place that's looking for something they don't know, you'll lose devs. Your pitch reeks of desperation and you'll be out of the business within a year unless you actually start listening to the people who know the tech."

I almost felt bad, but... He kept pushing when I said no, haha.

Please don't make junior developers feel they're a burden.
Have you ever googled "how to mentor junior developers"? It's quite mind-blowing how many articles, talks and panels are on this topic. And yet still junior developers are not feeling welcomed in their companies.
Yup, you guessed it, we also have something to add (based on our own experience):

1. Asking for help is not easy. Please don't blow juniors off by telling them to read docs when they ask a question. Always assume they've read it and did a sprint to solve the problem. They ask you, because they see you as a mentor and really need your help. If you can, spend more time with them and guide through the entire problem solving process.

2. Please don't think "I learnt it this way so you should too". If you're in charge of teaching a junior developer, don't expect them to be a carbon copy of yourself. Because even though in your opinion your approach is more "pro", they might not be there yet to use it properly. And last, but not least:

3. Of course, juniors will compare themselves with seniors on their team. And there'll be moments they feel so guilty and so afraid that they cost the company too much, that they need training, and supervision, or are between projects and are not bringing in any money, and they'll fear that their company regrets hiring them. Make sure they don't feel like a burden. As juniors, we often
have this misconception what is expected from us.

Dear tech companies, please set very clear expectations and tell your juniors you're happy. Don't get us wrong here. We don't expect unicorns, roses and pats on the back from companies. We do understand- this is business, and at the end of the day we all are here to make money. To do so, companies need to make smart investments. Junior dev with a great assistance, planned support, and a clear training program will become a great asset. It really is as simple as that.

NO. NEVER HAPPENING. For the sake of all the fuckery in the world, I WON'T FUCKING WORK FOR FREE. Not as a learning experience, not for contacts, not for future contracts, not for a fucking blowjob from your wife and not even for a place in heaven. I will be bunkmates with the Devil before I build you your website for free. I feel like strangling a cat with my shoelaces and bashing your brains out with the carcass every damn time your balls swell big enough to ask me to build you a 5 minute website for your well-earning business, you cheap bastard. Take a shovel and dig yourself a hole to sleep in, you piece of biological waste.

Boss asks me to prefer deadlines over good engineering practice. Says meeting a deadline is always more important than building things the right way.

Son, when the company goes out of business due to hundreds of millions of dollars in losses due to shoddy engineering, do you want to be the one to go to the spouses of everyone who lost their job and say "your spouse lost his job because we didn't take a few more days to build the product right"?

Son, when the company's product blows up in a child's face like a Note 7 because of your shoddy engineering, do you want to go to the funeral and tell the parents "your child died because we didn't take a few more days to build the product right"?

Fuck your arbitrary deadlines. I prefer not allowing for so much grief and suffering to be on my soul.

There once was a bright young engineer who was hired by a company to design their new light ship.
Like 50 seconds after getting inside the company, the engineer was approached by a douchebag in a business suite.
"Hey, can you make us a mock up of the ship's design in the next hour or so? Nothing fancy, it must be very simple! To not overcomplicate it! Just a simple mock up so we can all see what are we talking about in this project! Please do not overthink this!"
The engineer, young and naive, just folded some piece of paper and gave the douchebag a paper boat.
"Fantastic! That's all we need for the presentation for the investors!"
A couple hours later the suite was back screaming.
"YOUR FUCKING FARSE! YOUR SHITTY SHIP EMBARRASED US ALL! THE VERY MOMENT OUR CEO TRIED TO STEP ON IT IT SANK! YOU ARE FIRED AND WE WILL SUE YOU FOR INCOMPETENCE! I ASKED YOU SOMETHING SIMPLE AND YOU CAME UP WITH THIS OVER ENGINEERED PIECE OF CRAP, YOU SON OF A.. [many, maaany expletives suppressed for brevity sake]"

This is how I feel everytime someone asks for "a tiny change" or some "very simple solution".
If it was so simple that it could be done in such short notice, than why the fuck do it at all, instead of buying it? I heard people sell all sorts of things in the internet nowadays. Software fucking included.

Wrote my friend Sam a letter when I was still working in support. I think it still holds up today.

---

Dear Sam,

I understand that you will join us in our overseas office. Congratulations on landing that job. It’s good steady work. I’ve been doing it for the last ten years.

Your still young so maybe I can give you some little wisdom that will help you in your working years to come.

Let me begin by shedding some light on phone calls.

I try. I really do try Sam. But it is getting so hard for me to hold back the rage that builds up during certain phone calls. Especially the ‘Sorry, I just don’t know anything about computers! -giggle-’ ones.

Those are the times that I have no access to what they see. I’ve no team-viewer, can not take over that screen in any other way. And why-oh-why can I not take over that terminal session dear Sam? It’s because the caller can not double-click an icon or find a terminal session number.

And what is the reason for this? Because they ‘just don’t know anything about computers! -giggle-’. This is a sort of get-out-of-jail-free card. Beware of these callers Sam.

There is nothing so nerve-wrecking then finding yourself at the mercy of people describing Internet Explorer (do not even get me started) as ‘the big ‘E’, if they use Chrome for their webmail then they most likely will say ‘Mail’ if they mean Chrome. There is no logic Sam. That is just the way these people work.

They will suck all enjoyment out of your work. They will make you want to hunt them down in dark office hallways and show them your tears Sam. Because cry you will.

Sure, I understand that not everyone can be tech savvy. Why, if everyone would be, where would that leave us? No. I love the technologically challenged. They put the fiber in my internet. They make me LOL for real. After the initial anger subsides anyway.

But just below that well-willing folk, on the other side of that border… there they dwell: Management.

Nice cars, suits and iphones Sam. First thing a new manager will require is a brand spanking new business-card. It will hold his/her new title. Then an iphone or overpriced android model will follow suit.

Then they will barge into your office, holding it like it’s the next best thing since sliced bread.

Any manager will automatically assume that you will drop anything you are doing at the present moment to acknowledge the presence of greatness. Failing to do so will result in awkward yet fulfilling situations. I recommend that you do not take your hands of the keyboard and give only the slightest of nods after 5 minutes of complete silence and glaring.

Well… you feel the glare. You do not glare yourself. You do not break eye-contact with the monitor. It does not even matter if you are typing for real or not. I once clicked away happily for 5 minutes. I just typed ‘he is still there’ over and over again. Do not break down Sam. This moment will decide your relationship with this individual.

After the nod there will be a flood of words aimed in your general direction. You can disregard anything that is said. It boils down to ‘can not operate device’.

You then take the device from this person and put it next to you on your desk. You’ll ask the name of this simpleton, write it down on a sticky-note, slap that on the phone. Then you’ll write a random date in the not so near future on another sticky and hand that to the bewildered person in front of you.

It will usually utter some incoherent words about ‘needing, time or but’ (I find that ‘but’is a word they like. They tend to use it three or four times consecutive before you usher them through the door).

Now you’ve won Sam. Well… not really. But it will feel good, I can guarantee that.

This must do for now. A new suit is glaring at me for the last five minutes.

Felt good to do something productive with this time.

Take care,

Baltasar

P.s. I just noticed that there is some foam around his mouth. So if you encounter this, don’t worry: it seems to be perfectly normal.

Today I felt sorry for my boss.

Story behind it:
My boss always encourages me to do the right thing. One of those right things is to enforce quality gates in our build pipelines which, as many of you know, means that the build fails if certain quality parameters are not met. Now an external vendor team merged the code this past thursday for a large feature that they had been working on and our build failed majestically throwing out the statistics and the offending files and lines of code.

All hell broke loose and there were escalations and what not and people working extra hours and over the weekend to try and get it right. So, I get a call from my boss earlier today to explain to me how important it is to release the feature and how it's going to be very bad if we don't. He was trying to justify his ask which was to lower the quality criteria and let the build pass for this week. Of course the dev in me was furious but then I realized it's not him but the corporate culture. Why would he or anyone would risk losing their jobs over the quality of code?

If you work at a place where IT is a support function of the company's primary business, I understand the moral compromises you guys have to make sometimes to keep the ball rolling. Thank you for your effort to make the world a better place.
So, thank you boss for all your support. I know it's not always up to you to decide on things but keep up the good work.

Ok, so, to every pieces of shit out there that got a "revolutionary idea that will change the way we look at things" and who asks you to code it :

Fuck you, you sons of a cunt

No, i won't make your app on 3 different platforms for free, i'll make you pay for every platform you wanker, i'm a freelancer, i need money.

No, making database is not something that a little business cunt like you can handle, you don't even know what sql means

And fuck no, I won't make that shit in 2 weeks just because your peabrain thinks that it'll make mad dosh and that "It MusT bE eAsy to Do!!111", "a dating app but with a twist" won't work you gobeshit

If you want me to work on this shit, you give me money, specs and shit, you handle the rest, if it doesn't make money, it'll be your problem. I'm not your employee you wanker

Fuck y'all

- "Finance are too busy to look at this"
- "Finance have too much to do"
- "We can't this sorted at the minute because finance are overloaded"

Finance just sent me a request for "detailed description" for each business trip i've made. Attached is a spreadsheet report with 122 columns detailing every facet of my travel expenses that they have recorded so far. Not even just one row per trip, but one row per item, like:

- Trip 1 - Airport parking: .....
- Trip 1 - Airfare Outbound: ....
- Trip 1 - Airfare Inbound: ....

This is way you are too busy, because this is fucking ridiculous. Fix your shitty process and stop bitching.

FYI, your "detailed descriptions" can be found in the contracts we've signed, which outline all the travel needs, which you've already reviewed and signed off on. Get your shit together and stop bugging me

A group of ten top software engineers is sent to a class for aspiring managers. The teacher walks in and asks this question:"You work for a software company which develops avionics (software that controls the instruments of an airplane). One day you are taking a business trip. As you get on the plane you see a plaque that says this plane is using a beta of the software your team developed. Who would get off?"Nine developers raised their hands. The teacher looked at the tenth and asked, "Why would you stay on?"The tenth said, "if my team wrote the software, the plane would not get off the ground, much less crash."

In my opinion, business as usual.

1. Work from home if possible. Cars fuck up the environment and no one likes traffic jams, use transportation sparingly. Pandemic or not.

2. I never want to shake the filthy sweaty hands of untrusted peasants, I don't care if you're a CEO representing our biggest client. An acknowledging nod is sufficient.

3. Why the FUCK do I feel sneeze droplets raining down the escalator? I don't care WHAT you're infected with, just sneeze in your elbow. No, don't sneeze in your hand either you dimwitted mongrel, because too many people insist on ignoring rule 2.

4. The news just taught you how to wash your hands? You mean, you didn't learn that in elementary school?

5. Pandemic or not, if you're sick, fucking stay at home. Why do people suddenly need a "policy" for this? Wasn't this always the common sense rule? Employers who don't send sick workers home actively sabotage their own business, even when it's "just a mild flu".

6. Keep some distance from me in public whenever possible. Again, pandemic or not... It's called personal space.

7. I understand that wearing mouth masks is not culturally integrated in the west like it is in Japan, but maybe it should be. Not for egocentric self preservation when you're healthy, but out of politeness to the public when you're sick. They actually work much better for that purpose, and it decreases the chance I will break your neck when you violate point 3.

I'm not a total germaphobe. I'll gladly engage in a filthy orgy with a dozen friends... As long as they've showered, aren't coughing, and don't have snot running down their chins.

The general hygiene level of the population is so fucking awful.

Pandemic, or not, it doesn't matter.

Old man's tale. It's true.

Like 12 years ago, I was working in a small town computer store.

One day, a really ugly woman came in and asked for data recovery since she could not boot up her PC anymore.

We recovered her data, and just to make sure it was all "working", we randomly checked a few directories for files.

We have found some photos of her.
Her and a bottle of Coke.
Let me put it this way: she loves coke bottles. A lot.

There are things that can't be unseen, and moments you still remember after 12 years. Like the moment she came in to get her stuff - and you need to pretend to be all business while you're almost pissing your pants.

Good days :)

Why do HR people ask stupid questions like the following ones? Everytime I get those questions, I have imaginary answers like the ones right after each question.

Why do you want to work here?

- Obviously, because I need the money to survive. I'm not here because I love working for you and having to endure your stress. I'm not that type of a kinky person.

Are you flexible?

- Why? Do you want to annoy me when I'm sleeping in the middle of the night because of a sudden deadline or because a god damn employee didn't show up?

Do you see yourself as a perfect fit for both developer and tech support roles?

- Read my fucking resume, moron. I applied for a developer role. Nothing else.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

- As if you would care. It's none of your business, but since we are at it. I see myself as your manager in 5 years. Hope that you like that thought.

We didn't bother reading your CV. Would you like to tell us about yourself?

- Nope. Have a nice day and suck my dick. I'm leaving.

Can you give us your phone number and the phone number of your girlfriend?

- I didn't know that I am selling my soul to your company by accepting this job offer. I'm not your slave and you will not call me whenever I'm enjoying my private time.

What's motivating you?

- Money and the peaceful vibe at work when you are shutting the fuck up when I'm fully focused during my projects.

How do you handle stress?

- I dick slap everyone infront of me.

Do you see yourself as a hard worker?

- Nah, I'm not interested in sucking dicks, eating her ass and bending over to get a little bit of a raise.

No, MD5 hash is not a safe way to store our users' passwords. I don't care if its been written in the past and still works. I've demonstrated how easy it is to reverse engineer and rainbow attack. I've told you your own password for the site! Now please let me fix it before someone else forces you to. We're too busy with other projects right now? Oh, ok then, I'll just be quiet and ignore our poor security. Whilst I'm busy getting on with my other work, could you figure out what we're gonna do with the tatters of our client's business (in which our company owns a stake) in the aftermath of the attack?

I HATE working with MS Office products. Yes, Access, I'm looking at you, you backwards, whanabe database reject! You're invalid as a serious SQL database and retarded as an data application suite.

VBA, make up your MIND with your damn function calls! Either require me to use parenthesis or don't! I'm sick of this conditional parenthesis sh*t!

While we're talking about not making up your mind... screw 'sub', you half wit language! Either use functions like a real language or go the f&$k home and make room for a language that knows what it's doing!

Oh!!! WHY... WHY! do you have null AND... NOTHING?! Who... Who... WHO invented "nothing"?! And what sick joke are you playing at with isnull() and empty()??? How many damn ways so you need to test for "no value"?!?!

Access... That's right, I'm not done with you yet... How is it you've survived this damn long in the business world with all of the databases you corrupt? Sure, you suck as a real database, but at least have some freaking pride that people even USE you! How DARE your corrupt yourself with the regularity you seem to have! I wish my bowel movements were as regular as your database corruptions, for the love of humanity.

F$@k you, VBA! F@&k you, Access! F$#k you, MS Office! And Fuuuuuu$k YOU Microsoft for shoving these half assed reject tools down my throat!

I hope your cloud uses Access as a back end and gets some injection virus.

*Takes deep breath* need to say that.

TLDR: In defense of Powershell - the rant:

I don’t get the Powershell hate.

You don’t hate a screwdriver for not being able to turn a nut, you just *don’t use a screwdriver to turn a nut*

Once you recognize what the tool is good for and you don’t try to use it like Bash, it’s wildly powerful, and satisfying to use in a way Cmd.exe never was.

Cygwin or a Linux Subsystem can only go so far on a Windows computer. You’re dealing with two fundamentally different OS architectures. It makes sense you’d need different tools.

And like it or not, Microsoft owns the non-tech-user desktop , corners the non-tech server business market, and Active Directory is THE tool for managing Windows desktops on a large scale - So Wanblows is not going away anytime soon.

Automation without some weird ass sysVol batch login script is finally possible. Anyone who knows .Net classes can leverage their methods from directly within Powershell. Remote management of headless Windows servers is now a reality. If you have an Office 365 Exchange server you can literally Powershell remote to it for management, just like your favorite cloud hosted Linux distribution.

No one said Windows is a better OS, but an object based shell on an object based OS *makes sense*. It’s useful for its environment. Let it be.

Please, do not "learn to code".
The industry is already filled with too many shitheads who think they're the next bill gates.
Most people have no business coding anything.
You might hear big tech screeching about "tech shortages" and that "we need more coders" but in reality, they're trying to flood the developer market with shit-tier coders so they can pay less wages, because they're too greedy to pay their workers a decent salary.

We don't need more coders.

You're not special.

Your bootcamp project looks like dogshit and 10,000 other people wrote the same thing only better.

Recruiter: do you have a negative character ?

Me: yes, sometimes I become lame.

Recruiter: but why is that?

Me: this is not your business

!rant

At my last job, my boss would constantly tear my work apart, belittle me and patronise me. He didn't really understand web development and just wanted to hire someone to do it for him. I ended up burning out and he persuaded me to quit because of it cause he didn't want to go through the whole disciplinary process (because he had no real reason).

A year later, and I've had my first review with my current boss, who's also a developer. He said he's learned a lot from me, I've helped the business and the junior devs grow; and that he struck gold in hiring me. I've got no feelings of burnout and I actually enjoy going to work now.

I'll be the first person to say that I'm not the best developer on my team and my new boss was probably exaggerating with me a little bit, but it goes to show that the people you work with are some of the most important people in your life.

Windows, God damn you piece of fucking shit.

Why the fuck can't you make networking fucking easy like literally every other fucking operating system in the goddamn fucking world?

Why the fuck can't I spoof mac addresses so that I have the same IP address regardless of if I'm on a hard line or wireless?

Who in their fucking right mind thought that the pro version of Windows wouldn't need to do that?

I don't even like using you at this point, I'm forced to use you for work.

There's literally not enough explicitives that I can chain together to sufficiently convey how much I fucking hate you Microsoft. So enjoy this seizure inducing tourette's mode compilation.

Fuck shit cock piss mother fucker asshole bitch mother fucker sick and tired of your fucking shit Microsoft you fucking cuck piece of shit nobody fucking likes you they only have to use you because no fucking business in their right mind is going to spend the millions of dollars it cost to fucking switch over to fucking Mac or Linux I hope you fucking choking a bag of HIV riddled flaming dicks you fucking piece of shit.

PM emailed me a document from a customer to distribute it to the right people.

Me (in my head): WTF? You are the PM, that's your fucking job.

But I opened the document and read it. Some blah about requirements we discussed with the customer earlier. And the request to sign it as agreement on the requirements. The customer even put the names of the people at the end, he suspected to be the right ones.

So I send an email back to PM that this is project stuff, not my business. Case closed for me.

Half an our later PM enters my office, telling me he thought I was the right guy for this topic and he didn't know who else could be interested in it.

So I told him that this document is about defining project requirements and that he could have sent it to the people that are mentioned at the end of the document.

Turned out he didn't even opened the document. F...A... Wasted my time instead of doing his job.

Guess next time I'll be reading his documents at as good as he does.

**Web Host Rant**

I can't believe how saturated the market is. I also can't believe how many Web hosts do not know a thing about development. You would think you'd want to read up on development practices before going into the business since developers are your customers.

Not to mention that a lot of hosting services are resellers of resellers of resellers. It's to the point where a 15 year old with their mom's credit card can start doing Web hosting. The problem is... they don't know how to answer actually development questions... they won't be in a conference call with you while you do deployments.

It infuriated me to the point where I've started my own hosting company. Completely managed and using the most advanced technologies aimed towards developers. Not only that but an advanced managment package that will teach proper deployment procedures and be there to hold your hand when you do deploy.

Oh and did I mention git will be available to even shared hosting? Oh and did I also mention that we are currently setting up put own git server?

Why the fuck do people have to be fucking lazy as hell? There is a dishwasher in the kitchen. Please put your fucking dirty dishes there and NOT ABOVE on the tray!
Also when you take a dump at the toilets: BE FUCKING QUIET! You sound like you are fucked from behind by a T-Rex! You can breath without making sounds!
And for christ sake: If you come into the bathroom please check the fucking signs on the locks BEFORE you try to enter! It is annoying as hell to sit there minding my own business while some douchebag tries to enter my rest room!

I built a tracking suite for our fleet of printers quite some time ago. Once a day, "bizteam" (aka sales) gets an alert detailing how many printers are in critical need of attention (out of paper, mechanical error, etc.), and how many of them are flat-out offline. They don't seem to care. I mean they do, I think? but. the offline percentage hasn't changed much in the past month or two.

These printers constitute a primary part of our business model and... screw it. they're goddamn important, okay?

A full 16% of our printers are OFFLINE. Most of those HAVE BEEN OFFLINE FOR 3 FUCKING MONTHS.

3% of our printers have been online BUT OUT OF PAPER FOR OVER A MONTH.

and what really baffles me...
We've convinced a few of these merchants to actually plug in their goddamn printers. (and yes, they actually *paid* for these things, and they're absolutely not cheap.) Some of those were previously both offline AND out of paper, yet after being plugged in, they're *STILL* OUT OF PAPER?! What the crap, people! It's a printer! it's not difficult! It's the same as every other fucking printer you have! and it's probably the same goddamn fucking model!

Did AlexDeLarge skullfuck your brain into mush? FIX YOUR SHIT!

Do managers not fucking understand that Jira is meant to eliminate all this stupid "What's the status with X?", and "Is Y done yet?" chatter. Our communication channels should be on business logic and other global updates about the company, not about fucking workflow status updates because you have nothing else to do with your day but ping me every 5 minutes.

LOOK AT THE REVIEW COLUMN ON JIRA. I MEAN ITS LITERALLY CALLED REVIEW. SO REVIEW IT AND DO YOUR FUCKING JOB.

I swear the devs consistently have a better overview on timelines and project status than management does - which is sad, because this is literally the definition of management!!!

Everyone is posting jokes about GitLab recent incident and how the guys responsible for that must be feeling right now.
Shit happens, sometimes it's you accidentally deleting a branch on your repo and turning that into a major crisis, sometimes is a huge mistake that impacts not only the whole company business, but also it's clients work.

This situation reminds me of a famous quote from Thomas J. Watson (ex lBM CEO):

"Recently, I was asked if I was going to fire an employee who made a mistake that cost the company $600,000. No, I replied, I just spent $600,000 training him. Why would I want somebody to hire his experience"

Those guys at GitLab have probably learned one of the most expensive lessons in IT world and I really wish them to come up with a solution that not only fixes this case, but that helps them preventing future occurrences.

College can be one of the worst investments for an IT career ever.

I've been in university for the past 3 years and my views on higher education have radically changed from positive to mostly cynical.

This is an extremely polarizing topic, some say "your college is shite", "#notall", "you complain too much", and to all of you I am glad you are happy with your expensive toilet paper and feel like your dick just grew an inch longer, what I'll be talking about is my personal experience and you may make of it what you wish. I'm not addressing the best ivy-league Unis those are a whole other topic, I'll talk about average Unis for average Joes like me.

Higher education has been the golden ticket for countless generations, you know it, your parents believe in it and your grandparents lived it. But things are not like they used to be, higher education is a failing business model that will soon burst, it used to be simple, good grades + good college + nice title = happy life.

Sounds good? Well fuck you because the career paths that still work like that are limited, like less than 4.

The above is specially true in IT where shit moves so fast and furious if you get distracted for just a second you get Paul Walkered out of the Valley; companies don't want you to serve your best anymore, they want grunt work for the most part and grunts with inferiority complex to manage those grunts and ship the rest to India (or Mexico) at best startups hire the best problem solvers they can get because they need quality rather than quantity.

Does Uni prepare you for that? Well...no, the industry changes so much they can't even follow up on what it requires and ends up creating lousy study programs then tells you to invest $200k+ in "your future" for you to sweat your ass off on unproductive tasks to then get out and be struck by jobs that ask for knowledge you hadn't even heard off.

Remember those nights you wasted drawing ER diagrams while that other shmuck followed tutorials on react? Well he's your boss now, but don't worry you will wear your tired eyes, caffeine saturated breath and overweight with pride while holding your empty title, don't get me wrong I've indulged in some rough play too but I have noticed that 3 months giving a project my heart and soul teaches me more than 6 months of painstakingly pleasing professors with big egos.

And the soon to be graduates, my God...you have the ones that are there for the lulz, the nerds that beat their ass off to sustain a scholarship they'll have to pay back with interests and the ones that just hope for the best. The last two of the list are the ones I really feel bad for, the nerds will beat themselves over and over to comply with teacher demands not noticing they are about to graduate still versioning on .zip and drive, the latter feel something's wrong but they have no chances if there isn't a teacher to mentor them.

And what pisses me off even more is the typical answers to these issues "you NEED the title" and "you need to be self taught". First of all bitch how many times have we heard, seen and experienced the rejection for being overqualified? The market is saturated with titles, so much so they have become meaningless, IT companies now hire on an experience, economical and likeability basis. Worse, you tell me I need to be self taught, fucker I've been self taught for years why would I travel 10km a day for you to give me 0 new insights, slacking in my face or do what my dog does when I program (stare at me) and that's just on the days you decide to attend!

But not everything is bad, college does give you three things: networking, some good teachers and expensive dead tree remnants, is it worth the price tag, not really, not if you don't need it.

My broken family is not one of resources and even tho I had an 80% scholarship at the second best uni of my country I decided I didn't need the 10+ year debt for not sleeping 4 years, I decided to go to the 3rd in the list which is state funded; as for that decision it worked out as I'm paying most of everything now and through my BS I've noticed all of the above, I've visited 4 universities in my country and 4 abroad and even tho they have better everything abroad it still doesn't justify some of the prices.

If you don't feel like I do and you are happy, I'm happy for you. My rant is about my personal experience which is kind of in the context of IT higher education in the last ~8 years.

Just letting some steam off and not regretting most of my decisions.

The Steam Community forums for the Planet Zoo beta have really reinforced my decision to stay far away from game development.

A third of the posts are people who clearly have no idea what a beta is - "don't buy, too buggy". Sorry, were you expecting a finished game? You wasted your money, then.

Another third of the posts are people making decisions for the developers. A very common discussion is "Should they delay launch?" which makes my blood boil a bit. First of all, you have no fucking clue what kind of manpower this development team has. You don't manage them, and neither do I. So, neither you nor I should be making assumptions about how fast they can fix the issues, and definitely shouldn't make decisions about if the game should delay launch.

Second of all, neither you nor I know how the game is built. These fixes could mean a line of code, or they could mean a re-write of multiple core systems. We don't know, and I'm guessing you've probably never even written a line of code in your life so you REALLY shouldn't be telling these guys how to do their job.

The last third is benign discussion - people reporting bugs (even though there's an issue tracker, but that thing is fucking jam packed with 250 pages of reported issues), asking how to do xyz, posting feature requests, etc.

But if roughly 60% of the community is behaving poorly and actively working against development by pissing off the devs and drowning out constructive discussion, then yeah; I won't be going near game dev any time soon. Sure, developing business software means dealing with REALLY dumb people but at the very least they are in a business environment and not in a toxic forum of bullshit.

Oh, and as a closing remark, I love this game!

I've just come back from a business networking event. There was a speaker who gave a talk about not wasting time.

On of her points was catching up on emails, from your smart whilst waiting to go into meetings, as that's apparently wasted time.

All I do whilst waiting to go into meetings is read devrant :)

It puts me in s good mood :)

Got this from boss (a few colleagues got it as well):
Sites have been down over the weekend and seems the only person cares is PM! There is a condition about working when required (i.e. unpaid OT) on your contract! It is essential that sites are properly managed even at weekends - we run a online business! If anyone has problems we'll discuss next week
*Note: site was partially down and there was no major impact on the business

When I explained why we need to rebuild the sites, you said not now - almost 2 years now, still nothing happens.
When I asked if we can get managed hosting or load balancer, fecking NO again
After asking for my opinion on the sites, you & the puppet think my honesty is me being negative and incorporate, and exclude me from meetings and major part of my work

Go fuck yourself! I've warned you about the status of the sites and you did not want to listen SO DON'T TELL ME I'M NOT DOING MY JOB WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE STOPPING ME FROM DOING IT PROPERLY!
I'm sure we'll have our meeting very soon, cheapskate.

A tip to tech folks from my personal xp.

If you fuck up and make an impacting mistake in your company, like taking PROD down, noone is going to fire you on spot. Assign some more mandatory trainings - maybe. So you'd be more careful next time.

See, it's not worth getting rid of someone who made a mistake. You should be seated down and insisted to fix it. If you don't - then they might consider firing it. If you do fix it [with help or alone] - you become a more valuable asset to the company as you prove you are responsible for your actions and you take it seriously. You show that you can clean up your own shit and you don't need a babysiter next to you.

If you simply make a mistake and they replace you with someone else, that someone else is likely to be unaware of your mistakes and is doomed to repeat them. It's just bad for business.

Ofc if you making mistakes becomes a tendency rather than an exception, it's also a red flag for the business.

Don't get too laxed! And always answer for your shit. Never hide a fuckup - always alarm about it asap so that corrective actions could be taken by respective organs of the company while you are fixing it.
Come up with an action plan, announce it. Estimate resources you need [like help from others] - announce that too. Update concerned parties every half an hour or so about the status. If you find you need anything else while fixing it or you come across some blockers/delays/change of impact - always announce asap. Do avoid false alarms and disinformation.

// inspired by someone's rant today

A colleague of mine from the administration department suddenly enters my room where my team and me are all busy and, without considering I'm talking with someone else, interrupts us.
he: "I needed to call you but your phone is in do-not-disturb mode"
me: "that's because I'm busy working on something urgent and I don't want to be disturbed"
he: "but I need your help!"
me: "we're working on a urgent thing, but, anyway, what's the problem"
he: "I need help with digital invoicing"
me: "I deal with programming, I don't think I can help..."
he (interrupting): "I created a digital invoice but I need to send a printable version to a customer"
me: "digital invoices should be XML files so you can't simply take the file's content and paste into Word and print..."
he: "in fact that's what I did and the result was horrible"
me: "I was saying just that. I'm sure, anyway, there should be some online tool for producing a well-formatted PDF from a digital invoice"
he doesn't say anything
me: "you can try with a search on Google..."
he: "but I'm not an IT guy, that's not my business"
me: "this has nothing to do with programming, you simply need to find a tool online for doing this"
he (disappointed): "ok, but this is computer stuff, I'll try..."

I get a call from a client at 7 PM:
- Client: We have a business partner that just visited the website you just made for us and he said it was absolutely terrible, things are not showing up, layout is all messed up... *sends photo*. This is a VERY important new business partner and this will affect our relationship and image. Fix it NOW!
- Me: ok? I will check ... *proceed to check on several browsers and versions*
- Me: I checked on all modern browsers, cleaned cache, tried from multiple devices, it seems to be fine. What browser is your partner visiting the site from?
- Client: Idk, let me ask ...
- Client: Internet Explorer
- Me: ... that browser is not even supported anymore wth?!
- Client: We need it fixed!
- Me: ... *proceeds and hacks for IE website until 6 AM*

Just got my Christmas present from Shopify:

You have 45 days to integrate with our new Billing API or lose your app on our app store.

Because I just LOVE dropping everything to deal with yet another mandatory Shopify change. Have you guys not heard of backwards compatibility?

My coworker just spent *weeks* getting our app approved, including submitting an obscene amount of information and multiple live reviews and now they're threatening to remove our listing from their app store if we don't adopt their new API by the end of January, requiring a complete re-submission and review to get it back on.

This is apparently a completely normal way to do business to Shopify.

*boss spends £30000 pounds on an outside team to do, essentially, nothing* "You developers just don't understand business, we need to get products out the door not waste time building them properly. You're wasting company resources, we're out of money and it's your fault". Cool....

I think the hardest thing about being a programmer in college with a security emphasis is when I approach a business for a penetration test or for a vulnerability analysis (your pick) is that they almost always say, "you are pretty young don't you think?"

Ummmm not sure what that has to do with it. If it would make you feel better I have claimed bug bounties from an antivirus company, a bank, several local businesses in my area and I do this for work at my 9-5.

And this week I got this, "I think I would like someone older so we can define the goals better."

Oh so rules of engagement, yeah of course I understand that and that's something we would discuss and draw up a contract for...

"Well we really need someone more skilled."

---- End of story ----

I don't understand, you haven't asked about certifications or schooling and you glanced at my resume for exactly 5 seconds what the hell do you want? Me to double my age over night?

Pseudo-rant:

I'm worn out from working a full-time job, working on my app, and having a family.

My app has potential, I launched it in July (iOS only so far) and am already well over 1000 active users. It's first week in the app store, it was in the top 100 for it's category.

It has some bugs that I'm working out, and some features that are in high demand.

I'm currently completely refactoring the API because I let it become spaghetti as I went from concept to v1.

That refactor means a rewrite of the website, and a major refactor of the iOS app, which is all fine and dandy.

On to the question: I am an engineer/architect, not a business major. I know I could really use help, and I know the perfect people to try to bring on, but also know I have nothing real to offer them other than a stake in the company.

As a developer, does a stake in a promising, but unproven company have enough prospect to sacrifice your time for?

Am I just being impatient, and should I continue nibbling at it myself until I get there, even if it takes a long time?

How do you determine the stake to give up, when you know that you COULD do it all yourself and keep all the monies?

I should have taken some business classes.

➡️You Are Not A Software Developer⬅️

When I became a developer, I thought that my job is to write software. When my customer had a problem, I was ready to write software that solves that problem. I was taught to write software.

But what customers need is not software. They need a solution to their problem. Your job is to find the most cost-effective solution, what software often is not.

According to the universal law of software development, more code leads to more bugs:

e = mc²

Or

errors = (more code)²

The number of bugs grows with the amount of code. You have to prioritize, reproduce and fix bugs.

The more code you write, the more your team and the team after it has to maintain. Even if you split the system into micro services, the complexity remains.

Writing well-tested, clean code takes a lot of time. When you’re writing code, other important work is idle. The work that prevents your company from becoming rich.

A for-profit company wants to make money and reduce expenses. Then the company hires you to solve problems that prevent it from becoming rich. Confused by your job title, you take their money and turn it into expensive software.

But business has nothing to do about software. Even software business is not about software. Business is about making money.

Your job is to understand how the company is making money, help make more money and reduce expenses. Once you know that, you will become the most valuable asset in the company.

Stop viewing yourself as a software developer. You are a money maker.

Think about how to save and make money for your customers.

Find the most annoying problem and fix it:

▶️Is adding a new feature too costly? Solve the problem manually.
▶️Is testing slow? Become a tester.
▶️Is hiring not going well? Speak at a meetup and advertise your company.
▶️Is your team not productive enough? Bring them coffee.

Your job title doesn’t matter. Ego doesn’t matter either.

Titles and roles are distracting us from what matters to our customers – money.💸

You are a money maker. Thinking as a money maker can help choose the next skill for development. For example:

Serverless: pay only for resources you consume, spend less time on capacity planning = 💰

Machine Learning: get rid of manual decision-making = 💰

TDD: shorter feedback cycle, fewer bugs = 💰

Soft Skills: inspire teammates, so they are more productive and happy = 💰

If you don’t know what to learn next — answer a simple question:

What skills can help my company make more money and reduce expenses?

Very unlikely it’s another web framework written in JavaScript.

Article by Eduards Sizovs
Sizovs.net

So, you are in middle of something urgent and top priority? In the meeting just displaying the business plan for 1000 people? Fixing a bug that needs the release in 30min or otherwise small babies will start to burn?

Update. Why not? It's like driving down the motorway, someone stops you and tells you that they're going to remove your steering wheel now. For no reason.

No, I do not wish to work on your Scrum-managed project.

I do not wish to contribute to the Taylorism of my profession.

I do not wish to be an interchangeable cog in your software sausage machine.

I do not wish to be tracked by some pointless metrics like a call-centre worker.

I do not wish to bust my tight, cute ass to sprint after some idiotic management request that could have been factored in earlier.

I do not wish to obtain some piss-ant qualification that "authorises" me to do my job.

I do not wish to be party to your lie that technical debt will be avoided by refactoring---whatever the cost.

I do not wish to contribute to the death of software engineering to have it replaced by software development.

Agile? Sure. I can pick up the phone and talk to the client, users and fellow devs. After all, that's what it FUCKING MEANS. Communi-fucking-cation.

See that burndown chart? See your anus? Know what's happening next?

Fuck Scrum and every fucking bottom-feeder that is scamming a living by promoting it. You're killing this business.

Hugs and kisses,

Platypus

Employer: I want to make a search engine but only for our products.
Me: Sure. It's called an eshop.
Employer: You know that eshops are not engines right?
Me: Technology has changed the past few years. (hidden irony)
Employer: I guess that's geeky stuff. Tell me more about this.
Me: First, you need to upgrade your flash eshop.
Employer: (frustrated) You IT people always want to do things your way, aren't you? Nevermind, let's get to business, how can I make my site better?

You know. I have mixed feelings on the way people have been reacting to senzory's rant regarding the way he deals with clients. Some people believe that he is unethical, some people see it as just business(me included) but to see what the community says is somewhat interesting.

First, let me be clear on something: i have been fucked over by clients many times for being a nice guy and trying to play it nicely.

Because of this I am selective of who deserves good treatment and who gets to fuck off. But regardless of the client I do the same thing: regardless of who it is, nice or otherwise. If a project will take 1 week to complete then I tell them that it will take 3 to 4 weeks. Why? Well because I have many things on my plate, I am married and have two children, one lives with me and I try to spend as much time with them as I can. I work from 8 to 6, sometimes later and when I get home I sometimes don't do shit since at work I maintain the web services of 2 fucking college campuses.
I don't look for my clients. Through word of mouth they come to me. And being in a privileged position(there are about 5 devs here and they all suck) they can either do with my times and fees or can fuck off over the border where Pedro will do their shit on vbscript and classic ASP(which I like, but you know why this is not an option in 2018)

Apps can be sold for large quantities of money, regardless of what their use case is, if a company wants to outsource their apps to an external developer(such as yours truly) that means that they are willing to play the game. And that is what business is: a game, a survival game.

Where I live, a company will not think twice of firing a single mother for whatever reason. In the U.S of A, and specially in Texas, you can be fired for whatever reason. I have automated people's jobs without knowing it, I have made people lose their jobs and saved companies thousands with my apps. Things like that were not know to me, had I known that someone would have lost their jobs I would have tried differently.

If a company is willing to tell employees(loyal employees) to fuck off, then i do not regret charging what I do and hustling the way I do with rat faced dickheads that care not for people. If I could I would destroy entire companies here. But that is for another story.

I have been used, insulted, gambled with and have been lied to, to my face by these companies. Which has left me jaded.

Oh now, trust me. I am still highly optimistic and nice. And if someone has a small business and I can help them out, then I will lower my rate and give positive vibes in the hopes of making things better through karma. I want to see the best in people. But this does not stop me from being a shark and giving quotes the way I do.

Because companies, as an overall entity are not people with the best intentions(sometimes) and they will not take your kindness, they will take advantage if possible in an effort to save money. Its just dickhead business.

So why, as a professional and privileged developer that obtained his skills through intense study and practice, a wizard by all means, should lower to these nameless, Faceless entities?
Why should i give them the fairness they do not give others? Why should I play the high morale game and come out as a loser?

At the end of the day, I get to swim in my own pool of success, knowing that they did not get the chance to fuck me over

So if you tell me that you took advantage of your hard earned skillset, and built a cross platform app(which compiles to native binaries) and sold 2 products for one, I will tell you that you are an excellent player at their game. If you tell me that you finished before and got to charge for 2 weeks of work doing just 2 days I will say that you are an excellent time manager. And if you tell me that at the end of the day you managed to keep said customer I will tell you that you are a true professional.

There is a difference lads, in selling a product to big momma jamma's cajun restaurant, to the largest logistics company around.

Be nice to those that desserve it.

Email I received:

"Hi xxxxx!

I just received your voicemail and let you know that I would be sending a email:

Here is a link to introduce myself. Please let me know If I can swing in next Monday or Wednesday to shake your hand and meet!"

My response:

"Hello, zzzzzz.

You did not receive a voicemail from me because I have no idea who you or your company is.

If you meant to email someone else, this is a courtesy email letting you know you have the wrong person, and I hope you have a nice day.

If, rather, this is an attention-seeking sales tactic, this is email is a snarky response, letting you know I don't do business with companies that pull that kind of crap.

Regards,
xxxxx, CIO
zzzzzzzzz"

Fuck startups.

Back when I was an wee lad I interviewed for an startup, not knowing that startups are not real companies. The scumbag interviewer, who was also the owner of the outfit, asked me what I was looking in a company. I said "fair wages, a non-antagonic environment and projects with real roadmaps".
He asked me to elaborate. I said, "You know, if today your product is a sales platform, I do not want to come into work next week and discover it is now an air travel tickets marketplace, or come back the very next day and discover it is now an automated pizza factory, or in the next day and it is now a crypto exchange..."

The scumbag looked PISSED. "Sorry, but we are looking for someone who likes the challenges of a dynamic environment (read: we do not have a business model and we hate the very idea of trying to make money out of our company), and you do not fit the profile"

Startups are not real companies, i.e. they do not systematically charge money in exchange for goods or services in amounts that exceed the cost of providing said goods or services. Most startups are just tax fronts for money laundering schemes. The rest are just playthings for rich assholes who can't get a real output-producing job. Those two categories are not mutually exclusive.

Take Facebook, for example. The poster child of startups. The Zucker that owns it just announced they are setting impossible performance targets on purpose, not even attempting to hide the fact that it is just a way to lay off large quantities of employees without using the words "massive lay offs". Companies, real thin-margin, lots-of-regulation profit-driven companies do not do that. They are not some sort of "capitalist woke", real CEOs just know that if their companies largely miss performance targets on their tenure, purposely or not, next it will be their neck on the chopping block. Because they can be fired if the KPI charts say they suck. But the Zucker cannot be fired, not even after commanding their beanbag and tap beer offices to be heated exclusively by burning hundred dollar bills.
So the Zucker is not interested in performance. Not even in lay offs as expense cutting measures - investors are an infinite source of free money for startups. The Zucker just wants to project power, especially now that engineers are not so confident in the stability of they high-paying jobs.

So are irrelevant 500-souls-or-less self-aggrandizing startups. Their owners are there because it is in vogue to have a startup or ten. And will have that startup pivot to whatever sounds fancy that season. After all, only poor people care about things like EBITDA and profit margins repeatability - A.K.A. "getting more money".

Fuck startups.

I used to work for a Mexican bank in Mexico, as a developer I opened (and use) an account, since the bank was not famous(most of its business was with the government), going to the bank and see no waiting lines was an advantage, so I started using it as my only bank account even nowadays.

Now I live in NYC, and some years later I see on the news the bank merged(was absorbed) with another bank, 'sounds good, I don't care' I thought.

Well, I open my online account and the nightmare begins:

1) Redirection to the 2nd bank page
2) My credentials does not work
3) Call the original bank(no answers)
4) After several calls and days I got a phone contact
5) 'well, try all other passwords you have' (transaction passwords, operative passwords, login passwords, etc), among many other stupid answers, which by the way, were preceded by infinite question about the 2nd bank, like:

- when did you open the account with the 2nd bank?
- what is your 2nd bank account number

6) after 20 calls like that, they asked for documents, information and screenshots, and send all that to the 2nd bank tech help email.

7) After several days a person responded: 'Go to your bank(which fucking bank?)' and ask for a new user.

8) a ton of calls to know what bank I was assigned

9) called the bank: 'well, you have to come in person(no exceptions allowed) and request to close your 1st bank account and open a 2nd bank account' (I am not sure if that is gonna work)

All the technology nowadays and still I have to travel thousands of miles hoping this 'solution' works.

to be continue....

1. Keep your rythm: 7/8 hours of sleep each day and DON'T take your work home. Unless you have your own business ofcourse. Still: don't wear yourself out!

2. Put on music. Me personally like fast punk when i'm struggling with a deadline. Makes you want to go faster.

3. Close ALL communication like chats, mail etc. Hell i even thought of a sign "do not disturb"

4. Coffee. Lot's of coffee

5. Use a time tracking method like pomodoro

It's about a guy that knows better.

I was working as a subcontractor on a bigger system. We (subs) were not allowed to deploy code, we had to wait for contractor to deploy.

One day I got an email that my code is bugged and that my feature is not working on production. I checked it on test env, everything was fine. Then I checked if the code I wrote was deployed. It was not.

I send an email explaining that if they deployed my code it would be working. Then I got a response. There was a bug in my code.

Another email. I asked how would they know? Do they have a test on their environment that failed?

No. There is one guy that READ my code and he said it should not work, so he will not deploy it. He was not a programmer, he was a business consultant responsible for the documentation.

His issue was that I used a function that was not in a class. So if the function is not declared it's obvious it will not work. I had to explain to him in another email, that you can use object of another class inside your class and then call a function, that is not in your class. It was the last time this guy blocked my deploy.

TL;DR, I had to explain a non-dev how object composition works in order to have my code deployed. Took four emails.

Told by Gerald Weinberg in various incarnations:

A group of ten top software engineers is sent to a class for aspiring managers. The teacher walks in and asks this question:

"You work for a software company which develops avionics (software that controls the instruments of an airplane). One day you are taking a business trip. As you get on the plane you see a plaque that says this plane is using a beta of the software your team developed. Who would get off?"

Nine developers raised their hands. The teacher looked at the tenth and asked, "Why would you stay on?"

The tenth said, "if my team wrote the software, the plane would not get off the ground, much less crash."

Personally the coolest was the program I built for my fathers use on his job.

It was my first to be used commercially in the real.

That was a very big thing, I was 17 at the time an used turbo pascal 5.5 and he used it to compute how well all machinery was doing, they rented out diggers and other construction equipment to construction sites and manually compute this with a calculator took up to three days. (This was 1987 so there was not very many ready made programs for business, you often had to build your own)

With this program he had it done in around 30 minutes.

The next best was recently when I got my raft distributed consensus cluster server working. Its a little bit like zookeeper.
Building that purely from the research paper was rewarding but a bit of a challenge.

!rant && rant

I've been doing random HTML/CSS/JS crap since I was 11 (I'm 20 now). And worked with NodeJS/Swift/Java/Typescript for the past 4 years. For some reason, I've always been interested in public transit and the combination between public transit and Development seemed magical to me. I've tried making Departure time apps and trip planners for a few years now. And for that you need open data, for which we have a national data source and a Google Group for support with that.

I quit my study two years ago after a year doing nothing and I was on the edge of getting into depression because I didn't do anything useful for two years. Didn't see myself do anything useful in the next few years apart from some random dev crap (still public transit related).

About half a year ago I ranted on that Google Group about shit being not efficient (weird standards, weird documentation but mostly lack thereof).

For some reason a business saw that rant and sent me an email about two months ago and told me they 'potentially' had 'some' work for me. So I had some really informal conversations with that business but I still was very insecure about myself (had some shitty experience with tons of unfinished projects) and I was worried that they had higher expectations for me than what I could give them.

A week later I received an e-mail with a proposal for an actual, full-time job as a back-end developer and obviously took the opportunity.

I started a month ago with a month-long probation period and after three weeks told me I had passed the probation period.

I'm a super happy boy right now. I got a job, being super insecure, without any certifications, without finishing school (Everyone in the Netherlands tells you you NEED a diploma to get a job), more than double minimum wage (minimum wage is quite high in the Netherlands), and most important, at a business that does a lot of public transit stuff.

Apparently ranting about stuff, not finishing your school and being depressed gives you a well-paid job. :)

Oh yeah that shouldn't take too long right? I mean it's just the front end.

No shut your fucking dumb ass mouth up. It will take long. The front end is very complicated, and your stupid fucking ass who couldn't learn to code is in no position to estimate how long it will take. Do us all a favor and stick to the "business" side. Fucking incompetent idiot.

If you're not a programmer, when it comes to estimating how long a task will take. Just shut the fuck up. Just cause you work in this industry does not qualify you to estimate a task. Just shut the fuck up.

I have this one chick on Twitter that she used to be a fellow classmate of mine while I was going for my Bachelors degree.
She would always bitch and complain about how the teachers we had were horrible at teaching. I had to interact with her because of one assignment and EVERYONE in the team was good and well with the items, we finished it rather quick (build a terminal emulator) and we were just thinking about ways to make it look cooler. It was challenging to be honest, but everyone was so interested in it and had all the materials requires plus a very nice instructor to go with that would be overly happy to answer questions and provide additional content, the instructor in question made no book requirement for the class and provided instead free resources, be it video content or his own code on the matter to make sure that everyone got it.

Dude was amazing (most of my university instructors were truly fascinating or people that had worked for very interesting projects) and so when she complain that the guy "had no idea how to teach" I decided to investigate a little.

You see, she had NEVER taken any consideration that maybe you should advance your studies in the field, particularly in programming, by doing your own fucking research. No, the professor is not supposed to hold your fucking hand while you are trying to understand how a fucking function IN FUCKING PYTHON works, dude gave a full length lecture and the only retard that did not understood the topic: was you. He went to you to help you and instead you gave the man an attitude because for some fucking reason he was accounted for your own fucking stupidity. Motherfucker was there for more than 30 minutes trying to explain to this dumb chick the nuances of def hello(): return "hey there" and for some fucking reason you were too daft to understand that.......

The chick complained to us in the team how because of work she had NO time whatsoever to dedicate to reading programming or general software engineering materials......yet her twitter was FULL of book reviews concerning novels and self help books and bullshit like that.

If you are like that, and blame it on your teachers: fuck-you.

To this day she still bitches about the teachers from time to time, I legit told her once that she had no business attending a C.S degree.

Do you think you can get into Julliard without ever touching a fucking instrument? no. Do you think you can tell some Terence Fletcher-throwing-a-chair-at-your motherfucker to show you how to position your hands on a drumstick or what keys to press on a piano? FUCK NO.

If you were being DAFT on a ProGraMmiNg101 for which they picked Python to be the language to use and blamed your fucking stupidity to a teacher then yet again: FUCK-YOU

Reasons 1 and 2 arent that important to me. The main reason I code is #3.

1) Brain exercise. I always feel sharp after a coding session, even if it ended in disaster.
2) Lots to do! There's never a full day in code. Make your own universe, if you so desire.
3) Pride. I have a pride problem. I never felt proud of myself no matter what I do. I graduated with a melancholy feeling, same deal when getting my license, same deal when passing a test (God, glad that's over!)... But code makes me proud. I love what I make. I want to show everyone. I want to show it to everyone before it's even finished because I just can't wait. I want everyone to use it and to love it. Because I sure do, and it's the best thing ever.

I could make a viral video, produce a triple platinum record, or build a billion dollar business and still not feel the same level of genuine satisfaction and happiness that I may get from writing good code.

It always keeps me coming back.

Recent life lessons:
◆ Do not buy a domain name without obfuscating your contact information, lest you want to be harried by people offering to provide their services to “grow your business”

◆ Do not change descriptions on your most recent experience that’s set to be ongoing on LinkedIn without making note of the “notify your followers” toggle, lest you wish LinkedIn to post on your behalf a message urging people to congratulate you on your new position. A post which you cannae delete. And lo, if you comment upon it urging well-wishers to not comment upon it or offer congratulations as it is not what it appears, witness the lack of good that doth do. Resort to canned response to DMs explaining the situation and urging the well-wisher to learn from your misfortune. (I find it really difficult to not politely respond to folk. It was a good two days of like 50+ messages.)

◆ If you have a career coach that tells you to connect to as many people as possible on LinkedIn and accept connection requests, perhaps just don’t follow that advice. My second career coach was like “That doesn’t even make sense” “I KNOW!” ... I have so many LinkedIn connections. But I cannae just prune the list because it would take for freaking ever to figure out who was who and who I really still wanted to connect with. *sigh* 900+ is too many. And I have over 100 requests I haven’t even gotten around to looking at.

So I know most of you got some kind of hate for Facebook and Zuckerberg (aka Z U C C) now, but ffs, watching some of the highlights of this congress-thing that went on makes me more or less feel sympathy for him and his idea, even tho I know he wants to achieve exactly this.

Some of the questions asked can suck a big fucken data-dick. "How many Facebook Like-Buttons are there on Non-Facebook pages?", "How many data-categories do you gather?", "How do you sustain a business model and stay free?" - DUDE WHAT IN HEAVENS NAME?? And they ask that shit so serious and so "now-i'm-going-to-bust-you"-esk, but actually the question is just plain stupid and shows how the questioning side has no clue about the shit.

My point of view is that people decided to have an online life and have to take what it does. Having a smartphone with a Facebook service installed (owning an account or not) is enough to track your location, stored under your IMEI or some shit like that. They may not even go that far but that's just my opinion.
If you are online everything can see you and use you that way. Borders are a fictious thing. A dude in Czechia can easily shoot you when you're on the German side of the border between those two countries. And still we gave up on walls...:p

Welcome to a world which is ruled by dumbass people where nerds who just want to have some fun need to defend themselves because the people up there don't know a single shit.

If you CC: me on an email I won't read it because I'm clearly not the intended recipient and I'm not going to do your work for you in trying to work out why I should give a fuck.

If you wish me to actually *give* said fuck then send me my own fucking email explaining why I should give a rat's anus about your shitty little problems.

And, if you try to use "but I copied you on the email" as an excuse for your incompetence in a meeting, I will eviscerate you on the spot. You will be looking at your small intestine while I ask your assembled co-workers if they have any other business.

CC: basically means you have no respect for my time. So, if you do it, I'm coming for you...and your family...and your friends...and all the people you know on Linked-In...

FUCK YOU BUSINESS GUY
FUCK YOUR SCOPE CREEP
SOLO DEV AINT GIVING U 20 FEATURES IN ONE MOTHERFUCKING WEEK

Seriously, though. Being a solo full-stackq developer who can do both frontend (react, redux) and backend (feathers, node) does NOT mean you have twice the manpower to accomplish all of your shitty shit. Just because you have an idea does NOT mean I have to implement all of it. You don't even have a motherfucking specifications for me, yet you expect me to deliver shitloads of complete fucking feature in a fucking week. This is not a fucking joke. I am NOT your mother fucking tool. I need time to build my stack, design and perfect the interface. I don't want a shitty motherfucking product on my fucking portfolio.

*dies inside*

My gym decided to adopt a fitness app so members could sign up for classes. Their onboarding was terrible (to be nice about it). I really hate when businesses don’t understand the technology they want to use.

Me: I downloaded the app, but all the classes say to call the gym.

Gym: Are you using the email that’s on file for your apartment?

Me: Yes, I am because I read the gym’s instructions for using the app.

Gym: …

Me: I think the issue is I had an existing account on the app before the gym decided to use the app for its business.

Gym: Then that’s the problem. Delete your account and sign up for a new one.

Me: WTF 🤬 I am not deleting an account that I’ve had FOR YEARS just because you can’t figure out technical issues with the vendor. How did it never occur to you that gym members might already have accounts for a fitness app that’s been around for years and used by other businesses? Besides, this app doesn’t let users delete accounts from the app so I don’t know where you’re coming from with telling me to delete my account.

what the FUCK!!! What's wrong with your heads people!?!? If you write code, write it in application source. NOT IN THE FUCKING DATABASE!!!
Database is a REPOSITORY for entities -- NOT a place to be tangled with BUSINESS LOGICS!

Raise_application_error(-20201, 'Payment already confirmed'); my ass!

IBM. Fucking IBM. I have not heard ONE person say “We should totally become an IBM shop!” Because only people who were already STUCK with IBM when better options presented themselves still use IBM bullshit. And those people... ooooooh those fuckers are in SO MUCH denial. “Yeah but IBM does such-and-such too.” YEAH? Well your business model shouldn’t be built on businesses held captive to your antique bullshit. That shit is Stockholm syndrome. Textbook, fucking Stockholm syndrome. Don’t tell me “It used to be we could only have EIGHT character file names.” THAT SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN A THING. EVER. Fucking THINK about it. If you have to justify something based how much WORSE it used to be, that thing probably fucking sucks.

!rant
tl;dr; quit my job last monday. going to grow my side hustle into full time freelancing.
I am so exited.

---
Story time:
I am working full time as a jack of all trades and also have a side business where I coach people on an ERP for doors/fenestration and also write custom software in c#.
I was able to manage both over ~4 years, with customer amount slowly growing (only doing B2B).

Last month I opened an account at a freelancer website just for the lulz and damn after a short amount of time the orders exploded. I had to shut it down again because I cannot manage the amount of work. But did manage to win a fair amount of customers that will keep me busy for the next year or two.

Spoke to my employer and told them about the situation (they know about my side business and it's all mentioned in the contracts). Said that I would need half the amount of hours with my business to reach the same amount of money and that working as an employee makes no sense for me in terms of money. I would however like to work 1 to 2 days in a week for them because working there is fun, even when its financially uninteresting.

they took one week to prepare a position and then invited me to a meeting. "we offer you 32 hours a week. if you want more, you have to make a descision. As a self employed person you have risk and we as an employer do not want to carry that risk for you and we do not want to finance your self employment" (etc.)

Thought I am in the wrong movie. I took that into the weekend and thought a lot about what has been said.

And last monday I invited to a follow up and told them

"sorry, I think I was not clear enough. Working for you is of no interest in terms of money. You do not finance me, it's the other way around. Sadly we do not come to an agreement, as 8 hours less does not fit the need. You said I need to make a descision. I do not want to do this but I'm quitting".

They responded with "Oh that is sad to hear. Is there anything that we can make so you do not leave?"

"Either pay me the same I would make as a self employed or follow my conditions"
Did not get a response on that.

I now have three months to prepare myself for self employment.
Currently working 40h + growing side business + getting the whole german bureaucracy shit together.

Tough time but hell this feels so damn good.

Just wanted to share this :)

Rant. (I love and respect all people! Especially developers.)

You frontend imbecils! I just can’t deal with you any more. I’ve had it.

Stop-inventing-new-components-where-there-are-fully-developed-and-working-concepts!

I mean. Just fucking stop! If I see another worthless datetime picker with an ”innovative” design I am going to hunt you down and freaking scream in your face.

And make fucking buttons look like tappable/clickable. It’s not fucking hard! Imbecils.

Oh, ooo, look at me, I am a frontend developer and I am in UX la-la land and what I am doing is sooo hard. Fuck off with your fucking moving gradients and n:th-child childish playground.

”Yeah, I exchanged the spinner…”

Fuck you. Your not contributing. Nobody cares! We’re not doing anything for the business by having a web which can be seen on a fucking telephone. EVERYBODY IS SITTING WITH SEVERAL GIANT MONITORS AND A FUCKING WORKSTATION FOR THIS. NOBODY ASKED FOR IT. AND YOU SPEND COUNTLESS HOURS ON IT.

”Yeah, I made the site work on ipad”

Please. Why? It’s not worth anything. Zero value.

”Yeah, the toggle component is now changed since we started to use the biddle-flipflup lib and it works almost the same”

No! NO! It does not work ”almost” the same. The psychology of the toggle is now wastly different. What was On before now looks like Off and it is fucking worse!!!

Imbecils. I hate you.

And no, I can’t do your fucking work! And I know that you do other non-ui stuff as well sometimes… but anyway… I have no interest to be in that clusterfuck that modern frontend is today. It was really fucking bad twenty years ago and it is just as bad today and you are not helping.

”I’ve improved the button so now it aaaaalmost does not look like a button. But I am getting there!”

Fuck you.

A group of ten top software engineers is sent to a class for aspiring managers. The teacher walks in and asks this question:

"You work for a software company which develops avionics (software that controls the instruments of an airplane). One day you are taking a business trip. As you get on the plane you see a plaque that says this plane is using a beta of the software your team developed. Who would get off?"

Nine developers raised their hands. The teacher looked at the tenth and asked, "Why would you stay on?"

The tenth said, "if my team wrote the software, the plane would not get off the ground, much less crash."

Ladies and gentleman, I've done it.
Remove your hacker game trophies from your wall.
That nasty bug you fixed a couple of nights ago? Meh.
Your top devRant post? You'll delete it after reading this.
Every awesome accomplishment you can think of: it all means shit now.

>> I have SUCCESSFULLY changed my business Microsoft account password into something I can remember AND Microsoft accepted it in under an hour of trying!!!!! <<

I want to say a big FUCK YOU to MICROSOFT for WASTING MY BLOODY TIME.

FUCK YOU for giving me a max of 16 characters. DASB&(*(&G*HH*& for telling me every time my password is 100% strength and then after every submit tell me I have to change it AGAIN because it should be harder to guess. WUT?! It was 16 characters including a (capital) letter, number and multiple special characters, WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! UNICODE EMOJI'S???!!! ALLOW ME TO USE MORE CHARACTERS SO I WILL MAKE IT HARDER TO GUESS IT, IT'S 2018 FFS.
I don't even understand why my new password is accepted compared to the other one, but fuck it I can access my account again.
Now I might have to find a new job before the company password policy kicks in again.

/me drops everything and walks out of the office to get wasted (not sure if celebrating or just really pissed off)

CEO: What are your plans for these hollidays?

Me: Clean up the house. I haven't had much time because we've had some busy last few months.

CEO: Seriously? Are you joking? (I could see in his eyes, "why would a talented programmer ever waste their time doing menial housework...") I mean, you could be working instead and earning a couple more bucks...

(Fuck him, none of his business...)
Me: I can't delay it this time. My wife has dust allergies.

CEO: Oh. Ok. I get it. When I was a kid, my father and I had some serious dust allergies. The house maid had to clean everything thoroughly at least once a week.

Not surprised...

After 6 months of work in this startup I gave in my notice yesterday.

- Me: I decided to leave this position as well as this country because: 1. My side business is expanding and Im making the same salary like here, 2. My army drafting got postponed for this year and next year they cannot draft me anymore(because of the age gap), so basically I'm a free man and can go back to my own country, 3. I have some freelance gigs on the side as well, so having them plus fulltime job plus my own side businesses it's not sustainable.

- My project lead: What if we would increase your salary ?

-Me : No, as I said this is purely due to personal reasons

My project lead: What If we would hire another dev so that you wouldn't have to work alone on frontend?

-Me: ......

Seriously do they ever listen??? I'm telling you that I'm making nearly twice the salary that you are paying me, do you really think an extra couple hundred of EUR a month will make a difference?

The only thing more dangerous than an alcoholic short-term-memory-challenged non-technical throw-you-under-the-bus IT director with self-esteem issues that are sporadically punctuated by delusions of superiority is one who fears for his job. Submitted for your inspection: a besotted mass of near-human brain function who not only has a 50 person IT department to run, but has also been questioned by the business owners as to what he actually does. So he has decided to show them. He has purchased a vendor product to replace a core in-house developed application used to facilitate creating the product the business sells. The purchased software only covers about 40 percent of the in-house application's functionality, so he is contracting with the vendor to perform custom development on the purchased product (at a cost likely to be just shy of six-figures) so that about 90 percent of existing functionality will be covered. He has asked one of his developers (me) to scale down the existing software to cover the functionality gaps the purchased software creates. There is no deployment plan that will allow the business to transition from the current software to the new vendor​-supplied one without significantly hurting the ability of the business to function. When anyone raises this issue he dismisses it with sage musings such as, "I know it will be painful, but we'll just have to give the users really good support." Because he has no idea what any of his staff actually does, he is expecting one of his developers (again, unfortunately, me) to work with the vendor so that the Frankensoftware will perform as effectively as the current software (essentially as a project manager since there will be no in-house coding involved). Lastly, he refuses to assign someone to be responsible for the software: taking care of maintenance, configuration, and issue resolutions after it has been rolled out. When I pointedly tell him I will not be doing that (because this is purchased software and I am not a system admin or desktop engineer) he tells me, "Let me think about this." The worst part is that this is only one of four software replacement initiatives he is injecting himself into so he can prove his worth to the business owners. And by doing so he is systematically making every software development initiative akin to living in Dante's Eighth Circle. I am at the point where I want to burn my eye out with a hot poker, pour salt into the wound, and howl to the heavens in unbearable agony for a month, so when these projects come to fruition, and I am suffering the wrath of the business owners, I can look back on that moment I lost my eye and think "good times."

I really enjoy my old Kindle Touch rather than reading long pdf's on a tablet or desktop. The Kindle is much easier on my eyes plus some of my pdf's are critical documents needed to recover business processes and systems. During a power outage a tablet might only last a couple of days even with backup power supplies, whereas my Kindle is good for at least 2 weeks of strong use.

Ok, to get a pdf on a Kindle is simple - just email the document to your Kindle email address listed in your Amazon –Settings – Digital Content – Devices - Email. It will be <<something>>@kindle.com.

But there is a major usability problem reading pdf's on a Kindle. The font size is super tiny and you do not have font control as you do with a .MOBI (Kindle) file. You can enlarge the document but the formatting will be off the small Kindle screen. Many people just advise to not read pdf's on a Kindle. devRanters never give up and fortunately there are some really cool solutions to make pdf's verrrrry readable and enjoyable on a Kindle

There are a few cloud pdf- to-.MOBI conversion solutions but I had no intention of using a third party site my security sensitive business content. Also, in my testing of sample pdf's the formatting of the .MOBI file was good but certainly not great.

So here are a couple option I discovered that I find useful:

Solution 1) Very easy. Simply email the pdf file to your Kindle and put 'convert' in the subject line. Amazon will convert the pdf to .MOBI and queue it up to synch the next time you are on wireless. The final e-book .MOBI version of the pdf is readable and has all of the .MOBI options available to you including the ability for you to resize fonts and maintain document flow to properly fit the Kindle screen. Unfortunately, for my requirements it did not measure-up to Solution 2 below which I found much more powerful.

Solution 2) Very Powerful. This solution takes under a minute to convert a pdf to .MOBI and the small effort provides incredible benefits to fine tune the final .MOBI book. You can even brand it with your company information and add custom search tags. In addition, it can be used for many additional input and output files including ePub which is used by many other e-reader devices including The Nook.

The free product I use is Calibre. Lots of options and fine control over documents. I download it from calibre-ebook.com. Nice UI. Very easy to import various types of documents and output to many other types of formats such as .MOBI, ePub, DocX, RTF, Zip and many more. It is a very powerful program. I played with various Calibre options and emailed the formatted .MOBI files to my Kindle. The new files automatically synched to the Kindle when I was wireless in seconds. Calibre did a great job!!

The formatting was 99.5% perfect for the great majority of pdf’s I converted and now happily read on my Kindle. Calibre even has a built-in heuristic option you can try that enables it to figure out how to improve the formatting of the raw pdf. By default it is not enabled. A few of the wider tables in my business continuity plans I have to scroll on the limited Kindle screen but I was able to minimize that by sizing the fonts and controlling the source document parameters.

Now any pdf or other types of documents can be enjoyed on a light, cheap, super power efficient e-reader. Let me know if this info helped you in any way.

IF YOU UPDATE AN ADM PLATTFORM FOR FUCKS SAKE DON'T DO THE FOLLOWING THINGS:

1. ONLY DOCUMENTATE IT IN A POWERPOINT

2. WRITE DOWN IPs AND PORTS ONLY ON A WHITE-BORD

3. MOVE TOOLS TO OTHER SUBNETS OR DOMAINS WITHOUT PROPERLY KNOWING THE WAYS OF COMMUNICATION BETWEEN THEM

4. USE YOUR PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESS AS RESET OPTION FOR LICENCE-MANAGEMENT ACCESS IF NO ONE KNOWS THE PW

5. LEAVE THE COMPANY THE DAY AFTER THE UPGRADE IS DONE

Because the guy who has to take care of the upcoming problems is not going to like you!

BUT having to deal with all of this at once would not be a problem if your, so called team (30 People who work with those applications e.g. as test-engineers) would actually work together instead of having that "not my daily business, I am going to drink coffee" attitude.

Apparently I am the only one who has enough balls to see, admit, and report a problem to our leadership.
This always leads to Me fixing the issue...
....that's alright I am learning a lot...
...BUT IF A TEAM-MATE, WHO HAS THE SAME DEGREE AS I AM GOING TO GET, LEAVES EARY BECAUSE: "HE DOES NOT KNOW WHATS WRONG", IT TRIGGERS ME!!!

- The apprenticeship guy

PS Needless to say hundreds of clients have access to those systems and I worked through a shittload of official tool docs just to get to know the tools first...

Company top execs: "We need to optimize our costs and reduce our expenditure by x€ to keep the profit margin at acceptable levels for the shareholders"

YOU ARE PUSHING OUT SHIT PRODUCTS DAY IN AND DAY OUT THAT YOU FUCKING SUITS THINK WILL BE THE NEXT BIG THING BUT NOONE REALLY WANTS OR NEEDS. WE ALREADY HAVE A TON OF THOSE BORN-DEAD SHITCAKES HANGING AROUND ABD NEW ONES ARE ALREADY BEING PREPARED FOR LAUNCH.

"OPTIMIZE COSTS"? HOW ABOUT YOU STOP PRODUCING SHIT AND STICK TO YOUR FUCKING CORE BUSINESS MODEL!!!

"OPTIMIZE COSTS"? WE HAVE A ZERG OF OLD FUCKS, WHO ARE STILL WAITING FOR THE FUCKING SMS TO START THE NEXT TECH REVOLUTION, ON OUR PAYROLL. ALL THEY FUCKING DO IS PLAY SUDOKU IN THE KITCHEN AND DISCUSS TECHNIQUES ON HOW TO RAISE GOATS!!!

"NO MONEY TO GIVE A PAYRISE TO DEVELOPERS"? WHY DONT YOU JUST FUCKING GET RID OF THE USELESS DUDES BASICALLY DOING THEIR TENURE AND CLOSE SOME OF THESE FUCKTARDED PRODUCTS THAT 4 PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF THE FUCKING COMPANY USE BUT NEED A TEAM OF FUCKING 20 TO MAINTAIN! NO!!! THEY WILL NOT BE THE NEXT BIG THING! NO!!! ANYTHING YOU SHITCAKES WHO THINK MOBILE APPS IS THE "NEW EMERGING MARKET" WILL EVER CREATE THE NEXT FUCKING BIG THING!!!!!

STICK TO YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS AND STOP CREATING USELESS SHIT THATS MAADE BY FUCKING USELESS PEOPLE!!!!

FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

FFS, just because they do it that way on a competitor website doesn't mean it is either good, right or the best way to do it. My next door neighbours car number plate is held on with gaffa tape, im not about to copy that and suggest everyone should do it. Dim fucking irrational, know it all clients. GO FUCK YOURSELVES!! From my research i could probably run your business better than you anyway, your whole fucking outlook is fundamentally flawed. Cunts!

I'm an advocate of free software, debian specifically, hell my business runs on it!
But sometimes you just can't get around to use proprietry software. One of those is nvidia....

WHAT THE FUCKING MESSED UP NAGGING NARK SHIT NVIDIA!!! YOU FUCKING BREAK MY SYSTEM! YOU WONT PROPERLY COMPILE YOUR KERNEL MODULE, YOU BREAK MY X, AND ONCE I FIXED ALL THOSE THINGS MANUALLY(!) YOU HAVE THE FUCKING GUTS TO NOT EVEN DETECT MY SCREENS PROPERLY

WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT!!! NVIDIA YOU SUCK!!! MOTHERFUCKER DO I REALLY HAVE TO FALL BACK TO INTEL GRAPHICS??? FUCK YOUR FUCKING COMPANY AND ESPECIALLY YOUR LINUX SUPPORT

And no i am not planning to use ATI since they dont support EGL, what is a dependency for the gnome desktop...

Security!

Offensive and defensive at both code and infrastructure levels.

So many times I see devs not give a flying pancake about security. Whether it be rolling integers for sql injection or permission guarding to prevent someone executing something they shouldn't.

Why is security in this industry always the last thing to be concerned about when it's the first thing that's going to kill your business.

😓

My company sends out this Culture Assessment survey so employees "voices can be heard".
"Completely confidential."
I keep reading the email:
"Please *do not* forward this email to other individuals. The survey link is unique to your Business Group, project, and certain demographics, and therefore should be completed with only your responses."

....*face palm*

Fucking hate when business people says this to me:
- You have no time to do this, we will find somebody else to do it. (EXCUSE ME? how do you know I have no time? If have no time I WILL TELL YOU)
- Your team is too busy, we will outsource that (IF THAT it's a priority, we WILL DO THAT, fuck you, I'll tell you if we need to outsource or not)
- Requirements are too complex to do now. We will think about it and we will tell you, maybe it's just enough to add a column to db (WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS too complex? I didn't even see anything we can call requirement, nor speak with relevant people, so how do you fucking know they are complex if you don't know shit about dev and our platform)

Conclusion
It's true, I have no time, because I don't fucking understand what do you want, so I'm running all day and night doing useless things.

Client comes to me.

Client: So my business is colour matching, people visit me and I help match outfits they should wear that works with their hair and eye colour etc.

Me: Ok... and?

Client: Well. I'd like to do this online, someone sends a photo in and I assess it and send them a colour palette back.

Me: Right... How are you going to calibrate this?

Client: What do you mean?

Me: Well, it's a nigh on impossible task to ensure the exact tones and hues they send you in their photo to what you see, and likewise what you send back might look very different based on their brightness and contrast. Colour science is actually quite hard.

Client: But I don't understand they just send a picture right?

Me: Yeah, they can send one, but are you going to have a consistent baseline for your laptop, can you guarantee the brightness is at the same level each and every time?

Client: No... Why would that matter?

Me: I'm bored now, I'm not gonna take this project.

Agile Coach: you need to take part in the next quarter planning of the work. Work with your business team to create a healthy backlog. Provide your input to the user stories. It’s a collective effort.

Me: why tf it’s not a collective effort when code breaks and only one dev is trying to fix it while taking in all the heat.

Of course I can’t say that out loud without getting fired.

!rant

tl;dr at the bottom

This might not be a popular opinion, so please, if you throw things at me, limit yourselves only to tomatoes and other soft projectiles. Thank you!

So this being said, i must say ut: i actually like how facebook use this data overall. While i am completly against privacy violation, that data is given up by ourselves with a choice to do it, so we can't hand them for it. However, i think the fact that we got ads for what our interests are is quite awesome! For example because of this i found webcomics and artists i curently hold really high in my praises and this might not have been the case if FB had another business model.

This being said, i just think people should focus on problems more important than how social media manages to earn some bucks, and while is our choise to be part of that we can't simply call ourselves "products". History holds many stories about civilization that gaved no choice if you wanted or not to be a product so we could be at least glad it is not the case anymore.

Anyway, if you read all the way down here, tnaks for your time!

TL;DR: Facebook is no holy church but it actually not so bad, we can find things we get to love or actually needed in the first place in their targeted adds system. At least we have a choice to be part of this or not!

Google Business Profile is probably not meant for developers. "Help customers find your business by industry." Dev: set primary category to "Web Developer". Google: We didn't understand your category. Please select from the suggestions that appear when typing. Dev, typing: "Web D"... Google suggests: "Web Designer, Web hosting company, Well drilling contractor, Waterbed shop". Okay, Google, nevermind.
Google: "Update your customers. Keep your customers up to date about your business!" Dev clicks "add update", adds info about that customer should use different phone number temporarily due to broken phone. Google: "Your post has been removed from your Business Profile on Google because it violates one or more of our post content policies." Okay Google, at least you let me add an additional phone number on my profile without requiring to verify my primary number that I currently have not access to. Anything else?
Google: "Claim your €400 free advertising credit" Dev: clicks "claim credit" Google: "To access this Google Ads account, enable 2-Step Verification in your Google account." How to combine idiocy and deceptive patterns in a single UI: Google knows! Apart from their search engine, their unique business advantage is simple that they suck a little less than Apple and Microsoft. Sorry, not a day to be proud of our profession, once again.

Recruiter rant!
I hate when recruiters send you smileys after your first response - Why can't they simply answer in a formal way? This is business and not just another social network...

Claification, just another social network of course excludes devRant, devRant and its community is awesome and I am so glad that I found the app and can be a small part of it!

So i am a diabetic and carry an insulin pump. Now being in India, the pump is not covered by insurance (for some god forsaken reason that I don’t know) and therefore is not a common sight here (contradictoraly India has a major diabetes problem). So I was at the metro station going through security check and the security personnel asks me what the pump was and asked me to show it to him. Now since insulin pumps are uncommon here I understood his concern and showed it to him. Now I like to carry the pump under my shirt with a clip pouch. So naturally I had to lift up my shirt to show it to him. But this isn’t the highlight of the story.
The guy behind me rised above and started peeking over my shoulder and constantly repeating like a 2 year old child what is this. And that too with my fucking abdomen exposed. I went into rage mode there and then like wtf dude, none of your business just step back a little.
Now my issue is that I do not understand that in their own curiosity, why do people forget to respect others privacy. And a very big problem with medical equipment manufacturing organisations (yeah you medtronic). Why are you only concerned with sales and why not awareness? I mean spreading awareness will only help your sales as more people will become aware about your product and it will be less awkward and concerning for people like me to wear your device out in the public

The mother of my partner sent to us an email complaining that our home is too dirty...
We solved the problem adding a new spam filter.

Living in student accomondation :
Me doing whatever on my Laptop (coding, YouTube ...) minding my own business enjoying silence or music or whatever...
EVERY FUCKING TIME I GET TO GET COMFY, MY STUPID FUCKING ROOMMATE DECIDES TO COME IN, LAUGH LIKE A DUMB FUCKING IDIOT AND EITHER STAYS FOR X MINUTES WATCHING OVER MY SHOULDER AND IS EITHER CRITICIZING MY CODING OR STARTS WATCHING THE VIDEO SITTING NEXT TO ME LAUGHING LIKE A DUMB FUCK.

He does that at least 3 times a day, while he should be studying himself(He almost failed all of His CS classes and does not even know how to create a fucking constructor in Java).

MOTHERFUCKER, GO AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS

Had to get that off my Christ :)

PS : told him multiple Times to fuck off. If i go and sit somewhere else (like library or somewhere) dumbfuck just follows me.

FUCK HIS LAUGH, SOMEBODY CUT HIS TOE OFF PLEASE.

Cant even change Apartment as accomondation ist completely full :)

In a call with the big boss of the huge company I'm working for:

HER: Yeah, this MUST be in the next release or we better not even release

She's talking about a fucking carousel to let the user know its stuff has been merged, I get the point! It's important, but do you fucking realize that the user is currently NOT EVEN LOGGING IN?

HOW TF IS YOUR PROBLEM WHAT THEY SEE ONCE INSIDE THE PLATFORM IF THEY CAN'T EVEN LOG THE FUCK IN?

FUCKING BUSINESS BITCH JUST SAYING WHAT HAS TO BE DONE AND THEN PRENTEDING SHIT TO ACTUALLY WORK PROPERLY

#!/usr/bin/rant
So, we are a web development and marketing agency. That's fine... except now it seems that we are a marketing and web development agency. Where the head marketing guy feels it's his job to head up web development.

This is NOT what I signed up for.

When you offer web services to a client, the one meeting with the client should understand at least basic stuff, and know when to pull in a heavyweight for more questions. Instead, our web team is summarized by a guy who listens to 80's rock music in a shared office (used to be just me in there) and spends his days trying to get 30-year-olds on Facebook to click an ad.

He was on the phone yesterday with some ecommerce / CRM support, trying to tell them that they have an API, that "it's a simple thing, I'm sure you have it", and that's all we need to do business with them. Which is not his call, it's my call, but for some reason he's the one on the phone asking for API info. The last time I took someone else's word on an API, I underquoted the work and eventually found out that their "API" was nothing more than a cron job which places a CSV file on your server via FTP.

Anyway, we now have a full-time marketer and two part-time interns, with another ad out for an AdWords specialist. Meanwhile, I'm senior dev with a server admin / retired senior dev, and if we don't focus on hiring a front-end guy soon we're going to lose business.

Long story short, I'm getting sick of having a guy who does not understand basic web concepts run the show because he's the one who talks to the client.

When you, being severely understaffed, ask your boss and the president of the company to hire another embedded dev and a technical QA to work with you at the minimum, with hard proof of the need, because you work alone on a project that was initially poorly designed even though it is the core business of the company and that it bottlenecks literally almost every other sphere of the company...

and instead, he propose you to find by yourself 4 offshore unpaid interns to help you develop an EMBEDDED SOFTWARE that requires specific EXPENSIVE HARDWARE to run and test...

because paying new employees or even an intern is too expensive even though we had record sales the last few months and that the government pays 50% of salaries until the pandemic is gone.

Fuck this shit I'm out! I'm tired of not being paid enough to fix other people's mistakes. Have fun with your failing business. Btw, this is all your fault.

A few months a couple of my colleagues, a business consultant and a developer, worked on a big project. The project capsized because the client is an A-hole and the developer was way over his head.

To save the project I was brought on board. The entire code base was a fucking mess of duplicated code. Shortly after, the developer called in sick with stress, simply because the whole thing was too much.

Fast forward to now; we just launched. The client is expressing concerns about the quality of the work because of the bumpy road (rightly so). I try to explain why my way of doing things is better, but to "paint the picture" I had to compare my approach to my predecessor. This results in the business consultant shooting me down, right in front of the client.

I fucking saved your job, your project, and about $1M in profits. I'm allowed to tell the story of why my incompetent coworker messed everything up.

I'm so done walking on egg shells because some just don't realize they are not cut out for software development.

Attention: incomming resentful boiled up for months rant.

Hands down G2APAY is the worst because:

Merchant account aproval takes fcking months. It starts with unreasonable delays in documents approval. I mean insane nitpicking. They want to see merchants name surname and address on every god damn document that you submit even if for example bank statement doesnt include these details. I had to manually edit pdf’s just so that they would fck off and approve the merchant application. Insane requirements for document check also combined with their email only support answering only once a week you will have to wait one month just to get your account approved.

Then you get to the fun part, approval proccess for vendor gateway and webhook integration. They are nitpicking everything you can imagine: about website not having https, website forum missing some icons, merchants phone number being from another country then he is, and bunch of other hundreds of problems imagined only by them. Again combined with their one email reply per week policy you will waste atleast one month to finish up your integration.

Now finally you are their client and you think you can chill and go back to focusing on your business? Nope bro. Prepare for threatening emails. Last time I got a request to install https or my merchant application will be shut down. I was given 3 days notice on a fcking friday and had to do it.

Then g2a backend is crashing quite often. Combined with their one email per week policy you are fcked in the ass if your users were not able to pay through g2a and you will get no compensation.

Their backend documentation is shiet. Not clear how to integrate everything and after you integrate they make changes without publishing any changesets. Your integration is working? Good luck if it will still be working tomorrow.

And the very worst part is that they stopped proccessing credit cards like month ago with zero notice. Its been weeks and still zero news about bringing card proccessing back. They sad that they were acquired by some other company so shitty support got even shittier now while they are in a proccess of handover.

So yeah thats the worst vendor I have ever seen in my life. For example integrating paypal took me 30 minutes. Integrating stripe and getting all documents reviewed took me one business day. Same with paymentwall integration and document approval took 1 business day. Support is amazing and even have a phone number that I can reach if urgent problems arise. Thats how it should be. Thats why I can pay percentage of my transactions with a smile for them.

Sorry for the typos since im typing on my shiet phone while driving.

Eat a bag of dicks g2apay. I hope you go bankrupt and shutdown.

A friend has a small business and asked me if I could make him a small program. So why not, experience for me and I can help a friend out. (This started in ~mid 2016)

Started out as a WPF desktop application with many weird bugs and slow interface, into crashing the database on AWS (could not connect, could not get a backup). It was just hell and I kind of gave up on fixing it.

I always talked to him and said "yeah, I will do something better soon", but I was procrastinating and kept pushing it away from me. Then one day I said "f*ck it - lets go" and started coding on 2.0:

- WebApp with a complete new architecture (which I learned in the past few months)
- User authentication (JWT)
- ASP.NET Core Backend for web api
- Angular 4 Frontend w/ bootstrap
- Coded in like a week with 3-5 hours each day

Deployed around 6 months ago and he never had a complain. When I visited him I asked "how is your application doing?" - "great. it just works!".

My once most hated project turned into the most successful project in just a few months.

A group of ten top software engineers is sent to a class for aspiring managers.

The teacher walks in and asks this question:"You work for a software company which develops avionics (software that controls the instruments of an airplane).

One day you are taking a business trip. As you get on the plane you see a plaque that says this plane is using a beta of the software your team developed. Who would get off?"Nine developers raised their hands.

The teacher looked at the tenth and asked, "Why would you stay on?

"The tenth said, "if my team wrote the software, the plane would not get off the ground

Guys I need your help. I'm a student working at a very small development business as a developer ( who would have thought) and I really love working there ( nice colleagues, I learn something every day) but recently I don't get enough work. it really feels like half of my day is spend running after the seniors asking for work and it starts to get really annoying not only for my but for them too. and most recently I'm just going home early because I don't want to just sit there unproductivly :/ but this is not really a solution either because at the moment I'm trying to work 40 hours ( I get paid 20) to get some overtime to not have to work as much as soon as my university starts. but now I don't get my hours and have to chase for work... does anyone have any advice for me?

Network, talk to people, and get yourself on the spot, document everything and make sure that you take action when others do not.

Kissing ass can take you far, but I ain't about that life, because sooner or later the fucker that promoted you because he liked his pp getting suckd by you will leave or get put in the spot. Or change alleagiances.

Your best bet is to be ANYTHING OTHER THAN A FUCKING NECKBEARD WITH AUTISM and be someone that people likes being around, I know it sounds hardcore, but people around you will ignore the things you don't know if you are a charismatic guy. Dress well, work out or find ways to improve yourself in ways that are noticeable, use human psychology to be fucking likeable.

Work hard, both on yourself and on your craft, study, get better, be social.

Stop being a twat because high chances are that the higher executives of your branch will not give a shit about your knowledge, but how good is to have you around. Join the circle, fuck your opinions about anything else, this is business, and business doesn't care about a lot of things. Don't cut throats, but make yourself a force to be reckoned with.

Source: Upper management, deals with VPs on a daily basis, knows that being a neckbeard will not take you anywhere.

PayPal = GayPal

PHASE 1

1. I create my personal gaypal account
2. I use my real data
3. Try to link my debit card, denied
4. Call gaypal support via international phone number
5. Guy asks me for my full name email phone number debit card street address, all confirmed and verified
6. Finally i can add my card

PAHSE 2

7. Now the account is temporarily limited and in review, for absolutely no fucking reason, need 3 days for it to be done

8. Five (5) days later still limited i cant deposit or withdraw money

9. Call gaypal support again via phone number, burn my phone bill

10. Guy tells me to wait for 3 days and he'll resolve it

PHASE 3

11. One (1) day later (and not 3), i wake up from a yellow account to a red account where my account is now permanently limited WITHOUT ANY FUCKING REASON WHY

12. They blocked my card and forever blocked my name from using gaypal

13. I contact them on twitter to tell me what their fucking problem is and they tell me this:

"Hi there, thank you for being so patient while your conversation was being escalated to me. I understand from your messages that your PayPal account has been permanently limited, I appreciate this can be concerning. Sometimes PayPal makes the decision to end a relationship with a customer if we believe there has been a violation of our terms of service or if a customer's business or business practices pose a high risk to PayPal or the PayPal community. This type of decision isn’t something we do lightly, and I can assure you that we fully review all factors of an account before making this type of decision. While I appreciate that you don’t agree with the outcome, this is something that would have been fully reviewed and we would be unable to change it. If there are funds on your balance, they can be held for up to 180 days from when you received your most recent payment. This is to reduce the impact of any disputes or chargebacks being filed against you. After this point, you will then receive an email with more information on accessing your balance.

As you can appreciate, I would not be able to share the exact reason why the account was permanently limited as I cannot provide any account-specific information on Twitter for security reasons. Also, we may not be able to share additional information with you as our reviews are based on confidential criteria, and we have no obligation to disclose the details of our risk management or security procedures or our confidential information to you. As you can no longer use our services, I recommend researching payment processors you can use going forward. I aplogise for any inconvenience caused."

PHASE 4

14. I see they basically replied in context of "fuck you and suck my fucking dick". So I reply aggressively:

"That seems like you're a fraudulent company robbing people. The fact that you can't tell me what exactly have i broken for your terms of service, means you're hiding something, because i haven't broken anything. I have NOT violated your terms of service. Prove to me that i have. Your words and confidentially means nothing. CALL MY NUMBER and talk to me privately and explain to me what the problem is. Go 1 on 1 with the account owner and lets talk

You have no right to block my financial statements for 180 days WITHOUT A REASON. I am NOT going to wait 6 months to get my money out

Had i done something wrong or violated your terms of service, I would admit it and not bother trying to get my account back. But knowing i did nothing wrong AND STILL GOT BLOCKED, i will not back down without getting my money out or a reason what the problem is.

Do you understand?"

15. They reply:

"I regret that we're unable to provide you with the answer you're looking for with this. As no additional information can be provided on this topic, any additional questions pertaining to this issue would yield no further responses. Thank you for your time, and I wish you the best of luck in utilizing another payment processor."

16. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I AM BLOCKED FOR NO FUCKING REASON, THEY TOOK MY MONEY AND DONT GIVE A FUCK TO ANSWER WHY THEY DID THAT?

HOW CAN I FILE A LAWSUIT AGAINST THIS FRAUDULENT CORPORATION?

Senior Dev Idiot: "Ugh, I have another meeting with my business users because they forgot how to use my app. I JUST had a training session with them last week too. Users are soo stupid!"

Yeah... No. If your users can't remember how to use your app after a damn week, that means your app is shit and not intuitive or user-friendly enough. YOU are the stupid one.

TL;DR: What's cool about your company or what you'd like to have in your company?

I work at a small company (<50 employee) but it has some time around (I'd say almost 20 years or so).

The thing is, the boss here is cheap or inattentive or outdated or all previous options. This translates into a company stuck in the 90's management ways. Well, maybe late 90's.

So we don't have a lot of 'cool' or nice things here; and I've been thinking of coming up with a proposal of a progressive update of some things that gives us (the employees) some sort of identity.

For example, I think that small things like personalized notebooks or post-its or t-shirts give the employees some sort of sense of belonging. We don't have any of that. The only thing we have are business cards and I find them completely useless since I don't visit customers and all my communication with them is via email.

One thing I find very cool is when one employee starts in a company, in their first day they get a 'welcome kit' (example picture): notebook, pen, cup, t-shirt... It may look like stupid shit but it's way better and more motivating than the "Sit here and that's it" welcome I got when I started here.

So I wanna do a proposal of this sort of things that we can adopt, and I wanna know what do you find cool in your company or what would you like your company did so you'd feel more confortable or 'proud' (maybe that's not the word) of working there.

I'M A SENIOR DEVELOPER NOT A BUSINESS ANALYST...

IF YOU GIVE ME SOME CRAPPY LEGACY CODE THAT SOMEONE RANDOMLY DECIDED TO USE, THE ONLY WAY I CAN UNDERSTAND IT IS BY RUNNING IT AND REVERSE ENGINEERING THE "BUSINESS LOGIC".

ADD THAT WITH BAD INPUTS... THE ONLY THING YOUR DOING IS WASTING MY TIME..

JUST BURN THE WHOLE THING AND GIVE ME THE REQUIREMENTS OF WHAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT....

It feels like I've been fucking a pig all week...

Oh and now my team agrees and will look to get the actual requirements from the business...

This feels like a hallow victory.... As that was the first thing I told them to do....

Product and Design have a common enemy. Yes, you guessed it right, Engineering.

The former aim to solve user problems and focus heavily on aesthetics most of the time. While the latter actually does it.

As a Product guy, I admit that I absolutely hate the role these days because all that are asked to focus on is engagement retention conversion and other fancy metrics. Community has missed the entire point of why the fucking role exist.

On the other hand, engineering always asks the best questions. Focuses on performance and scale while periodically checking on tech debt. Yes, they suck at business or sales but when the solution works, things automatically make money.

I DON'T FUCKING CARE HOW BEAUTIFUL YOUR APP IS, IF IT DOESN'T SOLVE MY PROBLEM THEN IT'S RUBBISH.

Functionality and UX matters to more than colour scheme or fonts. Reason why Amazon is a huge. They are functionally solving a great problem while constantly improvising UX and not giving a rat's ass on UI.

Another down side to your fancy design is that the UI elements make things heavier. No wonder engineers have always been the best problem solver.

We lost our way. Tech world needs to go back a decade or two to fix the tech debt.

PM: I’m not asking what you were doing, I’m asking what was done
me: losers are asking, champions go and do it. This is what I did. The only thing I hear from you is questions. Meanwhile leaders are always a part of the answer. With that loser mentality, you’re never gonna be an MVP.

I’m a neural network powered parrot with a supercar brain. No matter the business guru speak BS you throw my way, I’m gonna wipe the floor with you in your own game. You have no chance. You’re that mediocre type of person who buys a rolex, the same one Gary V has, with the hope it would fix your self-confidence. The only thing I see in your eyes is your shattered ego.

If you think your app/code is too buggy and you feel ashamed, try Microsoft's lazy buggy retarded not user-friendly Skype for Business and you'll restore your confidence

Ah transports

Minding my own business in a crowded train, listening to full blast music. As the song changes I sort of heard an announcement but didn't get the subject.

Guy in front of me does a 180° and starts talking to me. I thought he wanted some guidance, so I removed my headset and never did I regret more doing that, that guy just went on and on about his life and stuff that I don't care about, until he got off his stop. Ironically, before he left off he said "you know my mama always told me that you should ignore people you're not interested in" (Forest Gump Swiss edition? He didn't have a box of chocolates though)

I was like "yes, fuck off, not interested in your bullshit", but well, noticed he might be sensitive.

After he left some teens just came and pretended I didn't exist as they invaded my corporal space. Pushed one gently as he was leaning on to me a bit too much.

People must see me as a help point, you know those terminals where you can browse stuff... That's me. The Father of them all.

What are your thoughts on working for a company that give their devs jira tickets that don't have any descriptions? I work for a big organisation (It's actually in the top 3 biggest companies in the country I live in) and I work in a team that has quite possibly the worst agile practice I've ever seen. We get tickets without any descriptions at all. The worst bit is then we get pressure from project management for not delivering things on time. Do they actually realise how difficult it is to deliver something without any business requirements? I have to have a million meetings before I even know wtf the ticket is about. It's incredibly annoying.

when your project manager is not from a technical background .. and major in business management.

When Everybody Is Digging for Gold, It’s Good To Be in the Pick and Shovel Business

- ai is just another squeeze of money to cloud from our pockets, no matter what you do as long as you’re not selling/renting hardware or have high profit customers your product will die

I don’t believe in any ai product right now that can’t be self hosted and opensource and many of them are not.

I use mac, like 64GB m1 mac book pro so I can host load of things like llama, wizzard-lm, mistral, any yolo, whisper, gpt, fucking midjourney or other stable diffusion for me is no drama.

I’d say there is no consumer product for ai right now. OpenAI is scam given what we got from mistral.

We are very early in this new but old technology and my worries are that we are not there yet. We will need to wait for another iteration that is approximately 10 years to achieve what we have in mind because current hardware is 10 years behind software.

We don’t have an affordable computing power to go for our dreams.

Sad but true.

Today during a follow-up meeting of the grand project I'm workng on...

TL: ... and I want to start working on the production environment and have it ready by next month.
Me: (interrupts) hold up! We are not ready, we have a huge backlog of technical tasks that need to be addressed and we are still not in possession of the very crucial business and functional requirements that you are supposed to provide. The acceptation environment is just set up on infra perspective but does not have anything running yet! The API we depend on is still not ready because you keep adding change tasks to it. We have a mountain of work to do to even get to a first release to integration yet and there is still the estimations on data loads and systems... your dream will not be possible until at least Q2 of 2024.
TL: stop being so negative @neatnerdprime and try to be more customer friendly. I want it by the end of the next month.
Me: remember what I said to you about moving prematurely. Remember I don't take any responsibility if things break because you rush the project. Please, reconsider!
TL: I just want it, please do it

FUCK YOU YOU SORRY EXCUSE OF A PEOPLE PERSON KNOWING JACK SHIT AND JUST LICKING THE MIDDLE MANAGEMENT ASSHOLE TO RECEIVE ATTABOY PETS ON YOUR UGLY ASS BALD HEAD AND CROOKED TEETH. YOU SHOULD FUCKING DIE IN A FURNACE AND LEAVE NO TRACE BEHIND.

This remote agency that we use to help us build our mobile app is taking the piss out of us. They always have stupid questions, more stupid questions and on top of that at least they don’t work fast. So a task that should take a day it takes them a week and when they deliver it’s not exactly what we’re asking. Despite the fact that they’ve already asked me tons of questions they went ahead and implemented something I haven’t asked for because they thought it’s better. Well guess what read your fucking requirement documents that I spent 2 days writing. It’s all there bullet point by bullet point including the way it should work with examples and justification plus a flow charts to make it super fucking clear. It must be their business model to fuck around, stay on the project for as long as possible and ask for more money. They can’t be that stupid.

I got notified that tomorrow I'm gonna start a porting project from a FileNet ecosystem.

Well, I don't know what is FileNet, but at least I've enough time to study its architecture. Let's start from the official IBM page:

The FileNet® P8 platform offers enterprise-level scalability and flexibility to handle the most demanding content challenges, the most complex business processes, and integration to all your existing systems. FileNet P8 is a reliable, scalable, and highly available enterprise platform that enables you to capture, store, manage, secure, and process information to increase operational efficiency and lower total cost of ownership.

Thank you IBM, now I surely know how to use FileNet. Well, I hope that wikipedia explains me what it is:

FileNet is a company acquired by IBM, developed software to help enterprises manage their content and business processes.

Oh my god. I tried searching half an hour so far and everything I found was just advertisements and not a clue about what it is.

Then they wonder why I hate IBM so much

Curious. What's your definition of a full stack developer?

Is it just about knowing all necessary languages? Does it also include various business oriented soft-skills? What about handling server and stuffs?

It is a new term I have been seeing a lot lately (especially after 2016, if I'm not wrong). Of course, I could google and look for the answers but I prefer to know devrant community edition 😀

I hate AMP sites so much. Fuck you Google! I'm not living in some third world country, nor do I use a decade old smartphone. And even if so, it's none of your fucking business what I do with my bandwidth!!

Just give me the real website, instead of downgraded shit!!

So I started working at a large, multi billion dollar healthcare company here in the US, time for round 2,(previously I wasn't a dev or in IT at all). We have the shittiest codebase I have ever laid eyes on, and its all recent! It's like all these contractors only know the basics of programming(i'm talking intro to programming college level). You would think that they would start using test driven development by now, since every deployment they fix 1 thing and break 30 more. Then we have to wait 3 months for a new fix, and repeat the cycle, when the code is being used to process and pay healthcare claims.

Then some of my coworkers seem to have decided to treat me like I'm stupid, just because I can't understand a single fucking word what they're saying. I have hearing loss, and your mumbling and quiet tone on top of your think accent while you stop annunciated your words is quite fucking hard to understand. Now I know english isn't your first language and its difficult, I know, mine is Spanish. But for the love of god learn to speak the fuck up, and also learn to write actual SQL scripts and not be a fucking script kiddie you fucking amateur. The business is telling you your data is wrong because you're trying to find data that exists is complex and your simple select * from table where you='amateur with "10years" experience in SQL' ain't going to fucking cut it. Learn to solve problems and think analytically instead of copy fucking pasta.

Developer just emailed our team a complaint that our logging assembly was resulting in their poor test coverage and they sent a change request to give them the ability to mock the underlying log provider (ex. from the event log to ‘something else’).

Looked at their tests, and they are testing whether or not the .Log was executed (on an exception, if the .Log method was not executed, the test failed), which seemed a bit worthless because we’ve already got coverage in our unit tests.
We had a meeting to discuss the issue.
Me: “I’m OK with changing the logging code if it’s necessary, but I want to understand why.”
DevA: “Logging errors is crucial to the database transaction. If someone removes the logging, the tests should fail.”
Me: “If someone removes the error logging on purpose, then they likely have an agenda and will remove the test validation too. It wouldn’t be an accident.”
DevA: “That’s not my problem. They will have to deal with HR.”
Me: “We purposely prevented someone from intercepting the logging just for that purpose. Your test code already covers the business rule, testing the logging seems out of place. That would like writing a test to make sure the System.IO.File.ReadAllText actually reads all the text from a file. You kinda assume a few smart Microsoft engineers already wrote tests for that.”
DevA: “Yea, I guess that would be silly.”

Got cc’ed an email a little bit ago from DevA to his boss..
“We’re not going to be able to change logging assembly. This may have some impact on our overall test coverage as those lines of code will not get testing coverage. You will have to let the DevMgr know we will not meet our test coverage goals.”

WTF!

Why the f*ck do you want custom cursor on the site? It's annoying when suddenly your cursor changes from default. If that's not enough they are increasing size by 2-3 times. I understand if it's a gaming site or web game but why do you want to put this crap on a business site? No need to change the cursor for branding. That's stupid.

At 12:38 AM, I am working in the office alone on a project that I hate with my guts.

Since last month I am feeling nothing. In the morning I don't want to get up and go to the office. I do not feel any excitement in my job. Even I hate talking to people, I still have to join 4 meetings and talk to them.

As the Project Manager, I hate taking responsibility for other people's code.

Writing emails to stupid business people and talking to them at the meeting, I hate those people.

I have worked for almost 16 hours per day for 2 months to finish this project. Even worked on Sunday. The project is not finished. The scope and requirement get changed daily. The client has no fucking idea of what they want.

I have no fucking idea what I want to in my life. I just want to go home and get a good fucking sleep.

Whoever is reading this, I hope you have better time in your life than me.

And please tell them this will get better. I need to hear it.

Dear devrant community, I have a question...

For perspective, a few years ago, we had an incident, where one dev was looking for other employment, he did not say anything, he was just looking, and ended up accepting an offer, handing in his resignation and all that. But there was another dev doing the same thing, but he informed management that he was thinking of leaving, and would be attending interviews... Personally I note difference in treatment of the dev that was honest, he was slightly getting phased out and getting the cold shoulder most of the time combined with weird kindness that was cearly not sincere, where the other dev was given a hard time for not saying anything about them looking for other opportunities, and treated as though they betrayed all the trust they had earned and no longer deserved to be trusted....

My question is, what, in your opinion, is the right thing to do when you are looking for a new opportunity? Do you tell management, or is it actually none of their business?

Saw lots of regret posts about being in dev field. Then why bother living that way?

Not like engineering, medicine or business management fields, I believe programming needs passion similar to art related careers like acting, music and painting etc. So if you don't have any passion for programming, you won't be successful or satisfy at all.

That doesn't mean it is all good and happy days for every passionate programmers. We sure have ****ed up days (probably more than other fields.) Seriously that's why we have devrants. No? But it doesn't reach to the point of regret to me.

Here our national programming language is probably PHP. The pays are lower than your part-time fast food chain workers. The internet speed is in kbs with 2 digits most of the places. Government doesn't give a crap about IT. No IP copyright laws and so on. I probably would earn more and live better if I were not running this IT business.

But hell yeah I never regret at all.

Meetings.. Was I not listening? Blame it on the ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).

Maybe society has AEHD (Attention Expected Hyper-Delusion).

Seriously, who can pay attention to someone speaking AT you.

We have amazing magical devices one can enchant to do their bidding; Contemplating the details of such, often, is more enjoyable than what your rambling on about, talking head.

Not sorry, ;).

Also THANK YOU, you amazing MIT's (Manager of Information Technologies). A lot of you understand and even may use your underling employee's as a vented heat sync for your frustrations. I love what you do and thank the universe I don't have to engage myself in those activities. I have sympathy for the decision to give up your jeans and t-shirts for business attire; keep strong, your role is vital. <3

The insomnia is going to have to give me a break. Work in 3 hrs, time for a nap; and no, I don't take ADD medication (Amphetamine). I don't need a prescription; I can procure my own drugs, thank you.

Nor would I do them to get through work, that's drug abuse.

TL:DR Company partner screws up and doesnt do job. I start new company and now able to make ends meet.

My friend and me started this company together. Our roles were defined. I would manage the development of stuff and he would manage getting the clients. I did my job. About a year into the company. He goes ahead and partners in another company. Normally I wouldnt bother, but this is when he stops getting clients for us. Our business drops 50% in the second year. He doesn't work but expects to be paid the same salary as me. I'm doing all the work for the clients while he wastes his time with the other company. He manages to make money doing stuff and buys a BMW, while I'm struggling to make rent.
Finally in Dec last year, I plan to start my own company. And i suddenly have lots of work which pays decently well. I'm looking to hire and am not as stressed with work any more.
Moral of the story: if you must partner, make sure your partner is fully invented in growing your company.

With work from home being way more productive why the fuck would any software development company go back to the office? Rent, workstations, and electricity are expensive! Why spend that money when it’s not essential to your business.

"Hey guys we originally set the demo date to August 5th and thus far I have not seen any previews before that, what's going on here?"

Ok see, that is the kind of thing that I would take to me own lil broken heart IF:
1 It was coming from a product manager at where I work

2 He would never get any sort of updates or would just plain not know about us

3 He would be I dunno....fucking paying us?

This is the thing, a friend offered the chance to help him build a product for a business man somewhere down in the land of tacos. Being in a "fuck it" mood and not wanting to say no since it sounded interesting enough I said yes. The "owner" said that he would not be able to pay since he already had hired a team of developers before that did not deliver and as such he was instead offering a part of the company.....sounds familiar?

Not wanting to let my friend down, I told the owner that I would help just as long I get complete CTO power over the product and not crying about the stack being used or ME NOT GIVING THE PRODUCT MY FULL ATTENTION BECAUSE HE WAS NOT FUCKING PAYING.

He said ok.

Of course he did not like it, but he said ok.

He has been asking for the code, the platform, demos and a bunch of other shit which I continue to refuse since he has not offered me or my boy a copy of the legal documents that we require.

Him: "You will get them soon enough, I still need to see the product just to make sure everything is ok"

Me: "You wouldn't even know where to begin looking unless you have a third party that could verify the code, last time I checked I was to be the only one good for this"

Him: "Yeah and you and <friend> are, but I just need to see the product"

Me: "I send you videos and demos, sorry dude, but no binding document == no code. I know you think I am young, give me some fucking credit because this is not my first rodeo"

Him: "I am not trying to play you or anything, you can trust me"

Me: "No, not really. Talk to me about this when you get the documents"

Him: "Well its cuz this is taking too long...."

Me: "Tssss I know!!! It sucks right? Want a good product, built with all the bells and whistles and YOU DON'T WANT TO PAY? guess what dude, I do have a full time job, your product gets my minimal attention, right there at the bottom next to taking a shit, meaning that I will give your product the same time and attention as I would going to the throne. Aye don't feel that bad, I normally take about 1 hour on the shitter, you get that for fucking free."

To be fair ladies and gents I normally don't just explode on people like this. But I just can't fathom not paying someone for a rather large software product, with only a promise that "it will sell" and then telling them to hurry up.

Far as I am concerned this product will flop, but he seems to think it is the next big thing(of course).

He can go choke on some chode.

Fucking prick.

By this month, I have been in business for three years. How much pressure have I suffered in three years? I am a programmer. I used to think that writing code is too youthful. I started to know that when I started a business, when a programmer might lose my hair, I would be bald if I started my own business.

In order to develop my own products, I invested most of the funds in the early stage. Later, when the product came online, I struggled with promotion, but promotion was not as easy as expected, especially when you had no money. Those successful people always like to share the story of "without spending a penny to promote and make one million users from zero." I have nothing more to say about this except Ha ha. I am very confident in my product, but if I have no money to promote it, it means that no one knows how good your product is. So I always wanted to get a financing. But if promotion is difficult, is financing easy? The chicken soup said again: "All the money floating on Zhongguancun Chuangye Street is money, and as long as you come, it is yours." Ha ha, I laughed and said nothing.

So long story short, the place was working at hired me when what they actually needed was another business analyst, so I sit around with no work to do way too often.

I start looking for another job because I can sense that my contract won't be renewed.

So, the rant part

Why are all the job websites so useless?

I get emails saying stuff like "Your profile matched for senior full stack developer at XYZ Ltd"

I have 18 months of experience, I have put this information accurately on my profiles on these job sites,. Yet they still recommend that stuff.

It gets better though... Every once in a while, there's one that I might have a shot at, not to mention these ads all look the same.

So get an email, I look at the job ad, which looks exactly the same as tonnes of others, hit the apply button, get message "You have already applied for this job" Yea? Then why tf is it being emailed to me?

When you have to talk about code and your not sure of the person in front of you knows more.

First business rendez vous!

Ill rant after ;)

I am SOOO fucking sick of being asked if our website and gaming servers are going to be GDPR compliant. All these game owners in a panic changing everything they do just to conform to this law.

Fuck GDPR. In all reality COME AT ME BITCH. The EU wants to grow a pair of balls and act like the world internet police? Bring it the FUCK on. You can't even stop pirating in your own country, so how the FUCK are you going to regulate and enforce this law on HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of servers, when your punk ass government can't even shutdown a single torrenting website.

Give me a fucking break, and shame on you pussies for allowing it. All you people running around scared acting like your private gaming servers are important. I give a shit less how much work you put into your server. I have put more work than most anyone else, but you don't see me trying to act self important as if my gaming server is some fortune 500 company.

Your server isn't important and neither are you. The government doesn't give a shit about your server so can we all just stop acting like this fucking matters. NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT YOUR SERVER.

NO ONE is going to come and sue you for not complying. GDPR is for business, and anyone that wants to argue no look it says right here it applies to all is a fucking MORON. Do you idiots stop and think or do you just believe everything typed out on paper.

THEY CANT ENFORCE THIS ON EVERYONE. They don't have the resources. So use your fucking heads and stop being so fucking scared of a law that has no resources to stop you. THEY CAN"T DO ANYTHING. EU and whoever made their polices, I DARE them to try and touch my server, I WANT them to start something with me, just so I can show the rest of the world why the Internet is still the wild west and why they have no power over me.

You think pirate bay is the only one who knows how to hide their server? You think pirate bay is the only one who keeps backups of their server to be able to re release in an instant somewhere else in the world? Bitch get real this is the internet, a place where a 5 year old can buy hand grenades from the Red Silk Road, and you wanna talk to me about your privacy? Go fuck yourself.

It's not my problem some douche bag went onto a site that used his personal information in the wrong manner. So how about you do what everyone else does and browse ANONYMOUSLY. But no it would be to easy for governments to make their own citizens responsible. Instead they have to hold all of YOUR hands, because you people are to stupid to protect yourself.

Wake the fuck up world, and stop being a bunch of whining little brats who cry for the government to bubble wrap your world so you can live safer. Natural selection is long overdue for a lot of morons still breathing air.

Reading over at zerohedge.

And I just wanted to comment on what this one guy posted:

"People that show up on time, dressed to work, not stoned. People that don't stop in the middle of the day to take care of personal matters. People that deliver to the right location. People that don't steal or damage product.

We pay well over the national average for final mile truck drivers. 80% of the ones you get are worthless. The ones that do a good job we reward handsomely to keep them. We have had open reqs for two years now that we can't fill at just about any wage. "

If all the people you hire leave, or no one wants to work for you for any wage, the problem isnt the pool of new hires. The problem is you.

Like a certain fast casual chain that claim they train their employees, and then just toss line cooks on the line and scream at everyone on the line.

Saw it while I was at an interview. Seen it in other
Train your fucking people.

"Good" is now a synonym for "people I dont want the expense of training, and people trained at someone elses expense."

Train your fucking people or gtfo of busines because you have no business being in business otherwise.

In all the companies i worked at so far, never seen any employee (in any department) above age 50..maybe the ceo or some lawyer, but thats it.
Where do all the 50+ ppl go in tech?
I'm not sure the tech world will be what it is now even in 10 years.. but I'm just wondering do any of u guys think/worry about where we'll work when we stop being young and cool?
Looks like it's either u start your own business, which not everyone can, or..
what is option B exactly?!?

So good to see flash finally be put to pastor. Am I sad no flash sucked from a developer standpoint but even more from a business standpoint! Why? Here’s why!

....Yes it was fast in the sense of quickly getting content out and functioning BUT this ment you are at the mercy of Adobe / Macromedia (depending on the timeframe) for support AND mercy of the company whom create the browsers for support.

Meaning your product is fully reliant on others for existence and can easily not exist if one of two other beings choose.

For developers shame on you for accepting this you should never have supported this.. if you did it was just for a job you are suppose to be experts in your field and when management came to you for guidence you allowed this technology to be used rather than saying no this isn’t good! It’s too risky...

Fuck... how many people choose a career path that made them flash only developers.. well guess what becuase you niched yourself now your out of a job... rethinking now?

CAN ANY OF YOU TELL ME WHAT OTHER WIDLY USED TECHNOLOGY IS RELIANT ON A SEPARATE ENTITY?!

geee it would be a shame if one day that technology was phased out or no longer supported and then a date was picked and boom shutdown... geee that would suck...

I remember for years before it was announced it would be ending ... I said development around flash should be avoided at all costs because of it’s reliance on someone else for your product to function and exist...

Let this be a foreshadowing/ warning... learning experience/ AMAGE.. to those who use similarly situated technologies...

Developers you were warned.

Businesses you were warned.

Not a rant

After coding, cooking/ book reading is my favorite hobby.

Before last 3 month I took dcsn to give a shot to my other hobby cooking and pause on coding for few months.
I decided to give 100days to my cafe.

Arranging money and perfect location took 2 months , on 16 july I started my cafe not so fancy, just sweet simple.

Means 30 days we're completed,
I was earning 1000 inr as software developer, i am earning 10000 inr daily . My net profit is 1500inr

Moral of the story

Don't hesitate to take risk
Believe on yourself
Never never never start with partnership

Currently I have to pay 1.5 lakh to my ex business partner who left cafe in first 15 days

N

Forget personal life. Your business is your priority.

Not spend even १ full day with my family and gf in last 3 months.

Soon I will back in software.

Have a good day to everyone.

For what fucking reason the ability to set the date and time programatically has been blocked on Android?!
Why you can create fucking invisible apps that work in the background, mine cryptos, steal your data but they decided that something like that is considered dangerous?

Can anyone give me a logical explanation?

P.S.
There are cases (big pharma companies) where the users don't have access to internet nor a ntp server is available on the local network, so the ability for an app to get the time of a sql server and set it in runtime is crucial, expecially when the user, for security reasons, can't have access to the device settings and change it by himself.
"System apps" can do it, but you would have to change the firmware of a device to sideload an external "System app" and in that case it would lose the warranty.

So, yeah, fucking Google assholes, there are cases where your dumb decisions make the others struggle every other day.
Give more power to third party developers, dumb motherfuckers.
It's not that difficult to ask the user, once, to give the SET_TIME permission.
It was possible in the past...

P.S.2
Windows Mobile 6.5 was a masterpiece for business.
It still could be, just mount better CPUs on PDAs and extend the support. But no, "Android is the future". What a fucking bad future.

To all that read my rants regarding my webshop before! Here's the long awaited update!

So this asshole partner did just not take care of business so I decided to stand down as a director for that company. So we arranged that last monday.

I thought: let's end this properly, clean up my mail, some other stuff... tuesday he revoked me access to everything, so I couldn't access anything anymore. Wow fucker! You never did a thing and now suddenly you take action? Wtf?!

Can you please pay your part of the bill for the accountant? You already promised a couple of times.

Well of course mr retard, you really think I'll follow up on my promises? You never kept 1 of them yet expect me to keep that promise? Fuck you man.

So today he asked again. I told him that I'd like to know what he wants with all the custom made stuff as I developed it and copyright is owned by me. Then mr asshole started insulting again: just because of the fact that you're not a front end dev doesn't mean that makes.up for you taking so much time.to implement all that. I asked an expert.and he could do it in 3 hours! Wow dude! A front end dev optimizing db queries, rewriting parts of the back end in just.3 hours including the front-end?,You're so right.

Of course not cunt face. I'm already full stacking for 20 fucking years and.you tell me that?! Really? Mr insult's back again!

Then he says: I'm so fed up with all this crap that to end this properly I will have my new IT business partner look at your so called 'custom made components'.

For fuck's sake man, can I send you a tree with a rope so that you can hang yourself?

Good luck getting your domain name as it is still registered on my company's name. I might cancel it someday in the future at my convenience.

If anyone here loves fucking up a website, get in touch with me.

I don't care about market cap. Stick your hype-driven business practices up your ass. Infinite growth doesn't exist. I won't read your fucking books and attend your fucking bootcamps and MBAs. You don't have a business model. Selling data is not a business model. Fuck your quick-flip venture capital schemes, and especially fuck your “ethics”.

I will be the first alt-tech CEO. I only care about revenue. The real money, not capitalization bubble vaporware. You don't need a huge fleet of engineers if you're smart about your technology, know how to do architecture, and you're not a feature creep. You don't need venture capital if you don't need a huge fleet of engineers. You don't need to sell data if you don't need venture capital. See? See the pattern here?

My experience allows me to build products on entirely my own. I am fully aware of the limitations of being alone, and they only inspire lean thinking and great architectural decisions. If you know throwing capacity at a problem is not an option, you start thinking differently. And if you don't need to hire anyone, it is very easy to turn a profit and make it sustainable.

If you don't follow the path of tech vaporware, you won't have the problems of tech vaporware, namely distrust of your user base, shitty updates that break everything, and of course “oops, they raised capital, time to leave before things go south”.

A friend of mine went the path I'm talking about, developed a product over the course of four years all alone, reached $10k MRR and sold for $0.8M. But I won't sell. I only care about revenue. If I get to $10k MRR, I will most likely stop doing new features and focus on fixing all the bugs there are and improving performance. This and security patches. Maybe an occasional facelift. That's it. Some products are valued because they don't change, like Sublime Text. The utility tool you can rely on. This is my scheme, this is what I want to do in life. A best-kept secret.

Imagine 100 million users that hate my product but use it because there are no alternatives, 100 people in data enrichment department alone, a billion dollars of evaluation (without being profitable), 10 million twitter followers, and ten VC firms telling me what to do and what data to sell.

Fuck that. I'd rather have one thousand loyal customers and $10k MRR. I'm different, some call it a mental illness, but the bottom line is, my goals are beyond their understanding. They call me crazy. I won't say it was never about the money, of course it was, but inflating your evaluation is not “money”. But the only thing they have is their terrible hustle culture lives and some VC street wisdom, meanwhile I HAVE products, it is on record on my PH. I have POTDs, I have a fucking Golden Kitty nomination on health and fitness for a product I made in one day. Fuck you.

The number of roles you are expected to do these at this company, to be paid for just one of them.
Business analyst , developer, tester, first line support, architect, devops engineer, recruiter.
And you have the cheek to ask us what we need to keep this shit alive.
(Obviously it’s more people but the answer to that is no).

Fuck right off.
I do not care if this company doesn’t meet its contractual obligations and goes into administration.
It’s not my company, I can walk into another shit company easily, maybe I’ll even get lucky and find a good one.

Why don’t you people at the top who are being paid six figure salaries and telling everyone things are wonderful pull your fingers out of your collective arses and doing what your paid for.
You fuckers deserve all that is coming.

Allright, so now I have to extend a brand new application, released to LIVE just weeks ago by devs at out client's company. This application is advertised as very well structured, easy to work on, µservices-based masterpiece.

Well either I lack a loooot of xp to understand the "µservices", "easy to work on" and "well structured" parts in this app or I'm really underpaid to deal with all of this...

- part of business logic is implemented in controllers. Good luck reusing it w/o bringing up all the mappings...
- magic numbers every-fucking-where... I tried adding some constants to make it at least a tiny bit more configurable... I was yelled at by the lead dev of the app for this later.
- crud-only subservices (wrapped by facade-like services, but still.. CRUD (sub)services? Then what's a repository for...?). As a result devs didn't have a place where they could write business logic. So business logic is now in: controllers (also responsible for mapping), helpers (also application layer; used by controllers; using services).
- no transactions wrapping several actions, like removing item from CURRENT table first and then recreating it in HISTORY table. No rollback/recovery mechanism in service layers if things go South.
- no clean-code. One can easily find lines (streams) 400+ cols long.
- no encapsulation. Object fields are accessed directly
- Controllers, once get result from Services (i.e. Facade), must have a tree of: if (result instanceof SomeService.SomeSubservice1.Item1) {...} else if (result instanceof SomeService.SomeSubservice2.Item4) {...} etc. to build a proper DTO. IMO this is not a way to make abstraction - application should NOT know services' internals.
- µservices use different tables (hats off for this one!) but their records must have the same IDs. E.g. if I order a burger and coke - there are 2 order items in my order #442. When I make a payment I create an invoice which must have an id #442. And I'm talking about data layer, not service or application (dto)! Shouldn't µservices be loosely coupled and be able to serve independently...? What happens if I reuse InvoiceµService in some other app?

What are your thoughts?