I've learned that trying to jump into a project without properly understanding everything it will entail is bad.

I recently worked on a project that involved modernizing a legacy system and no one on the team (including me) fully understood how the legacy system worked. This led to us missing a lot of edge cases and attacking the project in a way that really wasn't beneficial overall.

If we had thought about the entire system beforehand and mapped out the legacy system, the project would've turned out much better.

You have done a great job!! Thanks for delivering the project on time. It is exactly what I asked for. I will ask for no changes and I will pay you right away.

Said no client ever.

Fell asleep on my first day in my very first project. When I woke up, I saw an email from our manager with the subject "No sleeping please.". No email body. 😂

Boss: Every day is a new opportunity to start fresh
Me: Can we start over this project because I fucked it up and I don't want to clean it
Boss: No

Never do any single project, no matter how small it is, without Version Control.

me: I don't have access to X project

PM: you don't have access to X project?

me: no, I don't have access to X project

PM: don't worry I'll take care of that

2 min. later

PM: so, you were saying ... ?

me: that I don't have access to X project

1 month later

me: I don't have access to X project

PM: you don't have access to X project?

Management: This project isn’t moving along fast enough, you know what we need?

Dev: An additional dev?

Management: No! An additional manager! We’ll have a meeting about it later today.

Dev: …

Me: Discovered a bug during testing, but I have no idea what's causing it yet.

Project manager: Can you give me an ETA on when the fix will be done?

Me: <eye twitches>

A tool I built for my past company just got nominated for a European Data Science and AI award!!!

I'm over the moon that something I built is up for such an award. Be early next month before winners are announced. Oh and given I don't work there anymore, how I was told about it is a REALLY funny story .... I wasn't.

Saw a Linkedin post from my ex-manager congratulating the company and the org for great work done. He/They just forgot to mention the fact that me and another ex-employee did everything, left it practically finished and completely changed the direction of the project within the first month as their plans made no sense.

fuckers.

Ex-boss (who boasted 20 years of programming exp.) Would not let us work on a web project saying we didn't have enough experience and said he'd do it alone... Fast forward to 3 days before presenting to client, we get to check the log in interface and immediately find that there's no actual security, no validation... Just 2 text boxes with hard coded users and no way to add more without creating them in db... And if you knew the next page's URL you can actually skip the login... Needless to say he was removed from the project that instant and we (interns at the time) had to do everything from scratch. A 3 months project done in 2 days. Never been more stressed in my life :'(

Am I the only dumb fuck who can't think of a project idea?

Project Manager: "So that's the feature we need you to add... T-shirt size?"
Me: "Depends what shop I go to, sometimes L, sometimes XL-"
Project Manager: "No, no. T-shirt size... Estimate. Small means hours, Medium means days, Large means weeks."
Me: "Oh... 4 hours."
Wtf.

"The client has no idea what they want, just throw your best guess out there and let's see what they say" -- best project manager in the world

Prof offers a VR project to us:

Prof: Lets do something nice using VR
Us: Sounds interesting. Will we get VR glasses to test at home?
Prof: No.
Us: Can we use the VRs of the university?
Prof: There are no available.
Us: Will there be additional ones?
Prof: No.

WHY DO YOU OFFER A VR PROJECT BUT THERE IS AND WILL BE NO HARDWARE??? SORRY, BUT MY OWN GLASSES HAVE NO VR FUNCTION!!

Started working at a large company with promises of a great framework, stable environment and bleeding edge tools, decentralised working environment, only to find visual studio 2010, no git, no project management tooling whatsoever, all documentation stored on svn, no slack or other modern communications platform, still using uploaded word documents as documentation for projects and meetings, so yeah I can truly say :/

Fixed broken project into something that builds with check-in comment:
Unbroken builds ( also unicorn inside)
added ascii unicorn as I'm no liar.

Cant be bad at project management if theres no project😌😌

Boss: Here's the next project that I would you to start immediately.
Me: So the client wants <Application Name>
Boss: Yes and it's due on Friday after 2 weeks.
Me: Yes can be done. By what time today you can give me the requirements.
Boss: Not today, I will give you the requirements next week Friday.
Me: So I should start the project next week Friday.
Boss: You have to start the project today
Me: Start with what? There is no requirement. Excuse me, I need a break.

Just got picked up for a project. 20,000+ code base, no comments, no docs, variable names like x, xx, xxx, no function name conventions, and a mishmash of Czech, French and English class names.

I thought this job was too good to be true. #fml

I have no words to describe how I'm feeling these days. I have to do a C project for uni.

After a couple of years dealing with web dev, javascript, typescript, angular and stuff, for the first time I have a project where I have to deal with only two problems:

1) my code
2) my machine

No tools, no bloated libraries, no webpack, no json configurations, no tutorials.

It's just me, vim, gcc (actually nvcc, it's a cuda based project, but still) and the cuda manual.

I feel I'm actually building something.

Plus, the guy I'm doing the project with is cool with this stuff and most important he's open minded.

I'm happy

Never begin a freelance project without a down-payment -.- 240+ hours in, an eager sounding client, no response for weeks now! What a waste.

>boss comes into the office
>bright smile on his face
>fear.png
>
>"we are using php for this project"
>
>"no"

Project manager: We have 13weeks for this project. We have promised the client.

Me: okay, why wasnt I consulted on that commitment?

Project Manager: yeah.... we have to do it

Me: okay, if we have 2 dedicated backend and one full time frontend - ONLY on this project.

Project manager: (with the face of lies) yes yes sure we can do that.

6 weeks later, after continuous interruptions. Frontend is behind because he was only on the project to an amount of 2 weeks of the 6 weeks.

Project manager: Are we still on time?

Me: *looks around for prank cameras* no the f#*k we not

Project manager: can we put in weekends?

Me: its 2019 bro, that ain't happening

*But because I am a nice guy, and dont like taking Ls, we will have it ready. Just not gonna tell the project manager, he deserves a few sleepless nights *

I really like my little group for this one huge exam project we have. Everyone's nice, ambitious, takes the project seriously, responsible and communicates well. Additional bonus is we're all on the same skill level so everyone's learning and nobody is dragging a huge load alone. We've had no issues so far and despite being fairly early in the project we're making good progress all around. Is this what a stress-free experience feels like? Pretty happy with the project in general and I think our app idea is pretty cool too.

Made a simple college project using Node.Js, MongoDB, React... Wrote everything from scratch, starting from HTML to CSS and Routes even OAuth. No template was used.. Guess what teacher said...

She said I love the second project made using wordpress template because, "It looks amazing and beautiful"

One of the reasons why I hate college...

When project manager is talking about things that I have no idea but I just keep saying "Yes, I can do it"

Ever since I started a hobby project with a commitment to make atleast one commit to it everyday, no matter what and no matter how small, coding has become a truly fun past time. And 3 months in, my project is beautifully taking shape

- Let's use jquery to fix this
- No
- But it will work just fine
- I'd rather re-write the code and not use jquery in an angular project
- ...
- NO!

Ironically, the face I make when a project has no documentation is the same one I make when someone asks me to write documentation.

Why THE FUCK would anyone make a totally free (in the sense of price; gratuit) software project, and then not make it open-source?

What is the benefit of stifling the development of your own project when you have no monetary gain from doing so?

When you have literally no idea how to make your homework project so you try to Google/StackOverflow it piece by piece to make a Frankenstein's monster code.
And then you still have no idea how to cobble it all together in a way that makes sense.

All those developers complaining about how at their new job there is no source control process, no ci, no CD, no code reviews, no coding standards, no effective project management, next time maybe try asking some questions during the interview stage 🤔

Remember you are interviewing the company as much as they are interviewing you.

"Hey Jamcris11,
Be apart of our cool programming project?"

"Hell yeah, sign me up".

Three weeks later.
Proceeds to me being the only person contributing to the project in anyway (despite having a full time job meaning little spare time).

Guy who invited me in the first place just plays fucking Minecraft all day (he doesn't have a job or college,) puts no effort into the project at all.

Software engineering project discussion:
Boy: Sir, my project is a client to manage files stored on different cloud file storage systems at one place
Faculty: Boring idea. Very easy to implement, No scope of scalability, etc
Girl: My project is an app to display the weather information
Faculty: Omg! What an innovative idea! I'm surprised how no one though of this before!

*it’s friday and everything works*
> Commit
> Run my project on monday morning
> Feature doesn’t work
> No clear error message
> Everything’s gone to shit
> Nobody knows how to fix it
> 🙂🔫

Sitting down for an entire weekend with a couple of friends, just to work on a side project.
No deadline, just fun. And beer, lots of beer 😅

Me: This project will take a month developing and cost $5000.

Client: Make it two weeks and $2000.

Me: fuck no

Me trying to debug CSS compiled from a legacy SCSS-project containing 100+ files and no source maps.

Project for school: The answer in most cases is no. I feel glad I could make a documentary on this topic.

Visual studio 2017 with Xamarin:

* writing some sweet code, life is good.. build and run.
*change int age to 2, build, build failed, no single message why.
*clean, clean failed, no single message why.
* build rebuild clean all or by project, nothing works, no single message why.
*change nothing, restart VS, build success !
* writing some code, same problem
*restart VS, "this project is not compatible with Visual Studio"

Good bye guys, I'm gonna kill myself

Use the choices below to describe your Project Manager. No. you can't choose multiple it would be rude.

"Ah no, reusable frameworks and libraries are a terrible idea. What you need is a bunch of very lightweight files that you can copy / paste from project to project"

- Mobile Architect, Large m.n.c, 10+ years experience.

✅ Fun project
✅ Salary
✅ Code ownership and leadership
✅ Appreciation at work
✅ WFH
✅ No overwork
✅ Sufficient time for relaxation/hobbies
and other things

New job...
No introduction to project
No database overview
No documentation
No commented code

Shit, hope this isn't normal in the industry I have aimed the rest of my life at

Be me, miss specifying the item in an array so a drop-down doesn't work, get fired from the project and moved to a much lesser project.

Be the other guy, fuck up the app so bad you have to roll back 3 weeks worth of work...no big deal...

*receives email about project*

*turns around*

PM: "Hey I just sent you an email about a project"

No. Fucking. Shit.

Me: explaining the FOSS project I'm trying to get started, to my parents.

My dad: So how do you get paid?

Me: what? No....

When other people are involved, there is no such thing as an easy project.

When your boss gives her boss an update on your project that isn't true, and makes you look incompetent, just because she had no idea. Fucking muppet.

Boss: I'm glad you finished the project in just 25h no-stop
Me: I like cactus

I am at that point of the project where I have absolutely no idea how to do what i want to do.

:/
Project i got to work couldn't get worse
1)Legacy code
2)mathematical model based emulation
3)no proper comments
4)deadline approaching

!student

Principles of Programming Languages teacher:

No one in industry uses git.

The same guy who refused to take semester project submissions as github links.

Also "Python is never pass by reference/id()"

The year is 2088, and I still haven’t figured out whether to bill per hour or project.

Help...
Please...
No?
Okay 👌

There is no such thing as finishing a successful project, there is always a broken piece. By fixing that piece, you break another.

Most of our time, we break stuff.

working on final year project with other "programmers" who have no interest in programming.

Current project:

A fairly simple and basic single page-ish project with no framework at all.
No backend or database.
No jQuery.
Plain old Gulp task, npm scripts and Webpack.
Some parallax and other scrolling effects.
Client is actually a pretty simple, cool and understanding guy.

This is too easy.

What is this madness??

Writing a small project for a small IT company that has no idea how to run an IT company.

my boss asked me to join a xamarin project, there are 45 bugs on current sprint. the first thing i saw is this code, no wonder there are so many bugs 😭

I'm starting on a new project and the person that is wanting this done recommended we have a "living document of requirements"

Fuck no!

For the past two years, I worked my balls off to deliver a project that eventually went live months ago.

But boss announced that no bonus is going to be paid because project got delayed.

Its not even my fault that project got delayed because customer cannot confirm requirements and keep changing.

All of my assigned tasks were also met on time, if not earlier.

Programming with a best friend. Knocked out a project in no time. Just a friendly race between friends.

no matter how late you stay up working on a project (4-5am), you know you still have to wake up with a broken body to get to work

Project manager asks why server is down. Reminded him that his team lead told me three months ago it was no longer needed.

"Do you have enough bandwidth?"
"No."
*Passes me another project

Whats the entire point of asking in the first place?

Have you ever been in a situation where you want to start a new project, but have no idea what it should be.

Boss: We should use Adobe ColdFusion for our next project
Me: Why?
Boss: Because it's the only programming language that can generate PDF. In our next project we will be generating a lot of PDF receipts on daily basis
Me: Oh no!

I refactored a project so much that i no longer understand what it does.

When project managers copy and paste clients' vague requests word for word with no further explanation

Found a code comment that states, "//Don't remove. In for a reason." with no further explanation. Um, shouldn't all the code in this project be in for a reason?

Manager 1: "We're going to hold a small meeting because of a new project."

Me: "Okay, cool. What project is it about?"

Manager 1: "Project X".

ME: "Right. What's the domain name?"

Manager 2: "Well there's this design but it's entirely made up. Just a concept."

Manager 1: "Wait, there's no more toner."

Manager 1 and 2 take 20 minutes to fix the printer, so manager 1 can print out an e-mail. They both return to their seats. No meeting happens. I roll a smoke and go outside to flip through LinkedIn for the nth time this week.

Today work at fuck*ng salesforce project. No time to eat. MANA helps. Thanks god

I am actually a bit angry that there is no fucking thing to rant about at my new work - no dumb clients, no dumb project managers (I am doing project management with the boss and the company is somewhat startupish) and the project is interesting as well.

I'm currently traveling to Austria for 11 hours, my laptops battery is empty and this godforsaken train has no power source whatsoever.

I have to finish a project
fml

Me: "hey we should do this new project in react!"
Boss: "no he barrier to entry is to tough for our team"

Boss talks to past employee(which he had to let go because he was a TERRIBLE developer who now works for facebook....) about new project, past employee recommends react....

Team is now going to work on a new project written with react......

What I hate most about myself is getting a great idea for a project, getting started on it, becoming distracted by other things, forgetting about the project, and having no idea what was going on when I come back to it months later.

- I am leaving the company, so you will work on my project.
- (looks at code) But there is no single doc string or any documentation apart from the installation guide.
- Yes, but the project is really easy to understand.

... I will just sit here trying to understand your code instead of doing actual work.

One of my android project finally compiled with no errors!!
Happiness increased when it didn't crash👻👻👻
Finally some relief 😊😊😊

Developing without a spec

When the project manager (who knows nothing about code) tells me how to structure HTML markup. No, please, tell me how to do my job.

Project Lead: “This needs to be fixed until Friday, no matter what!”

This is not how this works, that’s not how any of this works...

I have a lab at uni where my lab group have to refactor some code from an open source project. We got assigned some Apache project and jfc that code is a mess. Little to no documentation, hard to navigate, tests that you have no idea what it's testing, and so on. On top of that the teacher expects us to spend more time than we have on it. I'll be glad when this course is over :))

I spent the last weeks rewriting a huge project which I had to hurriedly write a year ago. No comments, no documentation, spaghetti code. Part me was an asshole! But now I am done, all is new, everything is well commented, structured in classes with well defined tasks. Yay.

Project has no tests

When you open a huge project for the first time to fix a bug and see no comments.
😐🔫

Did you say "go to hell" to your project manager?
No, i would not use gogo.
So what's it with you and him?
I think he implements IDisposable.

Boss: "we're going to take over a project from another company. that's what we know so far - any other questions?"
Me: "do we get the history (svn/git) or just current source? unit tests?"
Other company: "no history for you. no unit tests - app was only tested manually"
Me: *sigh* :'(

Senior group project in college.

When you decide to meet up and one member doesn't show up at first meeting.

So I sent an email about the research I did on the feasibility of the project and how to implement a core requirement. 2 days later & no response yet..

Why do I think I'm gonna be the one the pull off the application by myself & then have to put name of people who have no idea how I got it to work..

Pushed out a ridiculously complicated customization to our software with no errors, no user complaints and no needed modifications. Finally my 4 month long project is over.

I just picked up a project from a person that no longer works at the company.

Every single commit for the past year has been the exact same message "SOME UPDATES" 😫

Fun Story: My first official project was related to system files security. In first meeting project manager was talking about Macros and OLE i had no idea what the heck he was saying.just kept noding
Took us 2 months to complete the project now it has been deployed and working perfectly
Told my manager about this during final one on one meeting and he couldnt believe me,he still laughs about it everytime we meet

aaah, memories. When I discovered github while doing my school project. Even my lecturer had no idea about, he thought I made it as part of my project 😂 Project was an Ionic app connected to Arduino for home automation. straight As I got... straight As.

I like reading documentation.

BUT I really hate writing one for a project that I have nothing to do with it.

I am charged to write a documentation just because they think I am good on expressing and structuring ideas.

F_M_L

After 4 months of dev, Project went into production
Client: it should work like that.
Me: it's a CR!
Client: No, it's not!
Me: talk to my boss.
...
...
...

My project manager just had a project review at a bar because there was no space at the office. There are literally so many people at the office that we're out of chairs. And space. In a few days three more developers are scheduled to arrive. I don't know where we will put them.

All those complaints about having to maintain the shitty code the last developer left behind...

I work on a new project Monday. Modern stack on a platform I have no knowledge about. No one else more experienced to work with. I AM THAT LAST DEVELOPER!!!

Being a developer is a fucking struggle and no one fucking understands it.

Trying to keep up with new technologies and working with Project Managers that wants stuff to be delivered in no time is what makes you regret your career sometimes..

Maaan I FUCKING HATE THIS JOB!!!

Yay! My first bash project :D
disclaimer - my bash is not pretty. yet.

Why I created it?
I encountered several footlong scripts in a new project at work. And they had no logging. And I am in charge of making it sing again. So here it is a tiny logging framework.

One Join is fine.
Two Joins I can live with.
Three Joins and we are starting the project from scratch again.

Fuck you! What do I pay you for? Eating berries? No!

No-contract client stops the project in the middle and wants his complete deposite (25%) back. How to tell this asshole that he has to pay even more??

Project Manager: I want you to work faster and make the performance faster. No excuses

Specs: potato pc

My first freelance project - happened to be with the worst client. They didnt wanna pay more than $500 and also had no clue what they want, so each time i present something they request additional features or changing the ones implemented. In the end i kept the half downpayment for my time and bailed without deploying or anything. I introduced them to another freelancer to take the project and never went near them again.

To clarify, it was not my first project/ just my first time dealing with clients for projects instead of doing them at work. Ever since then i have a strict no dealing with clients directly policy.

When your co-worker, that btw has no idea wtf he's talking about, comes with his opinion that you happen to hate, on a project you have worked on for months.

Me: *starts learning new tech stack*
Boss: you do this project right now(will have no relation with the tech stack I'm learning)
Me: boss you told me to learn something else
Boss: I need the project by this week.

We need to learn to say no to project managers.

Project manager : At 9:30 am these all are the tasks you have to complete today.
Me: OK ,sure.
Project manager: At 10:30 have you completed any thing.
Me:no not yet we can meet at 11:30.
Project manager: At 11:30 have you completed the tasks.
Me: no it's takes more time post lunch.
Project manager: post lunch have you completed the tasks.
Me : give me 5 mins ( integrating the code).
Project manager: 5 mins over.
Me : showing the application with out testing.
Project manager : This not working.......!
Me:(I know that )then I have to check .
Project manager : OK go and come in 10 mins
Me:(in 10 mins I have to test and fix the bugs you non technical brute) sure .

Developer: we have a problem

Manager: remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.

Developer: Well then, we have opportunity to recreate the entire project we're working on 2 years

My file structure:

Documents -
- That one impeccably structured folder that I never remember to put anything in

- Gigantic project folder that will some day kill me in my sleep

- That one unrelated folder that all of my non project scripts just end up in. No structure whatsoever

- about 2 billion loose files

Been working with a developer who can't make a visually competent bootstrap site for his life, and after making entire accurate-to-the-pixel mockups for him to emulate we continue to get half-assed work with consistent excuses... My time is now spent going line-by-line through his project items determining what he has and hasn't actually accomplished from his "completed" list. I'm no longer just a designer, I'm evidently now a joint project manager as well, for no extra pay...

Coolest project? No project is cool anymore after clients changed their mind for the 9000th time which happens like... always.

I worked for 18 hours to complete my final JQuery project in University and deadline was in 24 hours.

PS: I got an A, no + because they don't use it.

That moment during your internship when you work on a project using a framework you're not familiar with, with no doc, and absolutely no comments, and you find a file with 1.3k lines of code without the ability to contact the previous dev

When the time is ticking on a project but there's still no final decisions on the design

Yet another school group project where no one is taking responsibility. Great!

Have been working on my project recently, bug fixing, aws configuring, containing the app, etc, etc. I've been sleeping close to 5hrs on average per day, juggling college finals, work, training and project labour, my activity here has been minimal but I figured some people might be going through the same and I wanted to share my last resource dev weapon...the jet fuel of dev fuels imo...DW coffee

I strongly recommend to use it in dire times (not a promo this thing got me through 13 hours of coding straight)

Best: My projects are working, I could get a great salary
Worst: I'm working for a school project and I have no time.

I have a personal project I work on. Basically, getting paid fulltime to work on that...

No meetings or bs, just me working on what I want to work on.

Not really a rant, but now I'm back to a project NATIVE PROJECT WRITTEN IN JAVA!
No more React native for now, yay life!

When your project is absolutely awesome but no one finds it on google...

> Project does X
< How about you show me how X looks in action
> No

Add fucking images to your project
if there is anything to show off!

Uh I reached 3k, cool.

I'M OUT OF WHISKY!
Creativity -= 100;
Motivation--;
Productivity--;

I guess no home project for tonight...

company lands huge enterprise project
promises client to deliver it in MIN_TIME_REQUIRED/4

No architect, no technical lead, no seniors, no designer just juniors and interns in the project.

all the project time wasted by manager making shit decisions and not giving a fuck what devs have to say about how project will be disaster if goes like this.

Now the project is officially under raging fire

Boss to dev : What happend to the project. Why are things not working?
Dev: You made decisions not us.
Boss: I don't buy it. Work 24hrs until this is done.
Dev: F*** you and this project. I am resigning.

So I've begun working on my senior thesis for college (a full stack Java/node.js application) and a student overheard this and offered to manage my project. He has no idea how to read Java or Javascript.

....You work as a project manager in your day job don't you?

- my (non-dev) supervisor at my job
- no documentation
- no source control
- people working in the same team with completely different programming/domain knowledge levels, but also very different ways of being
- bad within-project communication

Luckily not all of them are about my job. We do use source control.

Finally I am in my new job!
Everyone is working in a project except me and I can only use IE11 and Chrome... :'(

So I came up with an interesting idea for a quick side project. "Should be doable in an afternoon," I thought to myself.

Then I sat myself down and started diagramming all the components and sections I'd need to build. Suddenly, simple project no longer seems so simple.

...dammit, not again.

Theory is when you know everything, but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In my project group, theory and practice are combined: nothing works and no one knows why.

We are 4 students doing a project for a company during our internship. Talked to the boss yesterday: "This will be great guys! I've already spoken to the management about using this project as reference for other upcoming project!" No. Pressure. At. All.

New project:
Estimated work: 1000h
Developers able to work on it: 1.5
Due date: 31st of July

No problem...

Are there any other developers out there that start getting scared when a project actually starts gaining traction? No? Just me?

Somehow, a contractor left with all our unit tests six months ago. I just inherited this project. It's 200kloc of Django spaghetti, and I have no unit tests.

So I had a piece of software crash on me earlier today...

I think "No problem, this was built internally and I saw the source code somewhere around here. 👍"

Locate source code...6 folders ("Project--v1.0--stable-2012", "Project 1.0", "Project 2.0", and a few others like it). Took me 20 minutes just to figure out which folder was used to build the project/exe. Turns out, none of the above. 👎

Had these people never heard of source control before?! 😣

Reading through old post-it notes and found a TODO that says "fix code" with no indication of a project it refers to lol

somewhere in this world this happened..

Company lands huge enterprise project
manager: we have a year to get this done.
poor devs : excited and thinks about so much learning with this project it would be.
manager: Lets get work started with (spits planless jargons)...meanwhile another team is working on SRS.
poor devs: So we are doing R&D right..(excited)
manager: No we have a demo scheduled after 15days.
poor devs: What??
manager: Get on it..we need something to show on demo.
poor devs: no words spoken

...after one year of unplanned demos...
manager: we have to stablize project..UAT is nearing.
one of brave poor devs: No no..lets focus on demo...why do you need a stable product.
manager: instant rage

What would you do, if the project manager was constantly verbally attacking you for no apparent reason?
Wong answers only.

I started a new project and only use PHP, HTML, CSS and vanilla JS. No Frameworks. No React. No Vue.

The browser loads the page instantly, there is virtually no loading time and it just works.

My boss : "No you can't exit the project now, you have to wait a "period of low activity" .. ..

Starting up the new Java project I'm assigned to.
Just to see that this project is made of pure black magic and tears of forsaken devs.
Crashing the jvm with segfaults on a regular basis is just one part of the magic.

Now I understand why no one volunteered for this project...

I haven't had much rant material lately, no smart ass project manager in my life right now.

Discovering that all the coffee machines are out of service....|| there's no coffee machines on your new project office..

Knowing that my side project will never go to finish.

No deadlines and bullshit.

Simple ANTLR project for compiler class accepted .

Easy money
(btw I had no idea about what antlr was , so i googled everything :D)

I committed my credentials and pushed to GitHub once. Took me a week to notice. Luckily it was just a personal project and no one noticed.

1 year into the project, spending nights fixing issues, but
today the client realises that things aren’t working out and we need to stop the project. 🙃
Does money, hard work and time grow on trees for you? NO CLIENTS ARE NOT GODS. They’re cuckoo.

!rant

Nothing worse than recieving little to no documentation/requirements on a project, garbage in = garbage out...

No I don't know the specs for the project, why I hear you ask? Because instead of a bloody quote and planning this project was planned in a fucking email chain...

Does anybody has an idea what to "code" when you have too much free time? I am done with school and waiting for my university acceptance. No Websites.

TL;DR
Project ideas?

wtf eclipse... fuck you

synchronize project in eclipse. no changes...
mvn relase:prepare
BUILD FAILED: you have local modifications pending...

That's the kind of project I have to work on now which was developed for a year and has no documentation at all... 😰🖕🏻👿

I love when a project puts a dependency on infrastructure that has not been implemented internally and have no idea if it will work. *sarcastic voice*

I'm getting caught up on my personal project because I need to generate a lot of Dynamic HTML using JS and it's just a pain. I hate adding dependencies to a project, especially personal projects with no deadlines, so tomorrow I will be writing a vanilla templating system, and hopefully that will un-funk me.

Probably joining my first real project. Truly no amount of university education can prepare you for the sheer scale and complexity of an enterprise software project. 100+ git repos, 5 different services running just to run the project locally, with tunnels open to 2 different DBs. It was daunting to touch anything.

Go ahead and start programming says boss, we're 95% this project is happening. It's for sure...

3 months later it's cancelled and customer had no idea we were working on it.

#wasteoftime #codethatgoesnowhere

Dear client. Your web development project budget has no room in it for me to help you fix your broken POP3 mail settings. May the odds be ever in your favor.

lol my life is a joke
E: I've found it in css of a project I work on after some well paid consultant. And no, it was not temporary.

Project management 101:

1) For a new project, pretend it is similar to a project in currently in development
2) Proudly state that everything can be copied from the older project, so the schedule of the new can be tightened
3) Calculate the new schedule based on the "just copy and paste" effort.
4) Now the new project will be finished before the older project
5) Enjoy the applause from upper management for the successful project that hasn't even begun yet.

No, this does not belong in the joke category.

That's gonna be fun...

Tryng to think of a project that no one's thought of before ..

My old boss who somehow has gotten his small team of 4 PHP development contracts with Vodafone and Tesco etc. No QA, no tests, no frameworks allowed.

Sets random deadlines and used to suddenly drop demos on me for projects I'd just started and he had no idea of the state of them. Needless to say one project I was so rushed with no idea what I was actually making (for real) that I got sacked.

Fucking project lead!!! I was told to make a configuration script i have no experience in scripting yet he expects me to deliver it the following day!!!

Updated my react native version to 0.34

It's all fucked up. Everything is broken. No sign of recovery.

There goes another one of my unfinished personal project

Updated my Azure aide project to ASP .NET Core 2.0.
Works perfectly in develop in Debug and Release.
Deploy to Azure.
502.5
No error logs, no feedback, no explanation.

K den.

Project for a client, release date: tomorrow.
We handed over the project two weeks ago, for their QA to test everything.
Guess when they complained about having no access.
Hint: it's today

Just found out that I have been reassigned to maintain an in house shitty project... It's full of crap code, no documentation, has lot of duct tapes to keep the project together and 20+ open bugs and issues...

I am so happy with my current project. But my manager is always pissed off at me for no apparent reason.

Fuck this shit... Any excuse or advice to dodge this BS project? Can't quit job, I am getting payed alot here.

When you're done with your side of a project but you're waiting on other people.... Then you're the one that still gets bitched at by Mr. CEO man. Piss off, I've done my part. No I can't just upload it the way it is, no I won't upload it the way it is. Go tell the other spit fucks to get me their shit so I can finish the project.

You know when someone starts a new project and messes it like there's no tomorrow and then you come along and inherit this mess? I like that! It's called masochism.

MRW I refactor a project with no issue and then try to compile it.

The project with the worst documentation is always my own. I always come back to a project and have no idea what anything does.

On the current project, the deadline was determined independently. Then, development was told we needed the full project done by that deadline with no consideration for actual development time.

I've been compiling the project for about 5 hours now, still no successful build due to bad tests generating intermittent test failures...

All I wanted to do was to release the web project to the customer not fucking wrestle Cthulhu!
The worst part is that the release is set up so that you need to release the entire project internally before you can release one part.

!rant!
I have replaced a dev in a company where the project already started and it is shit! The project is directed already to fail, no requirements documentation, no proper communications, and a stubborn dev teammate.

aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

All the documents that we have right now is I am the one who created it. Like c'mmon! this project is already going for 1 year and I recently just joined the team!

When you join a project that has no testing, no component policy, a lot of css mixins, that has to work simultaneously as a pwa, android and ios app.

Oh, yes, obviously no documentation at all *flips table*

When your project has no unit tests and you just accept that it's non testable anyway. Especially because the company won't put any effort into making a test environment for it.

Reading OpenSource lib that write in TypeScript is a nightmare

WTF:

export function concatMap<T, I, R>(
project: (value: T, index: number) => ObservableInput<I>,
resultSelector?: (outerValue: T, innerValue: I, outerIndex: number, innerIndex: number) => R
): OperatorFunction<T, I|R> {
return mergeMap(project, resultSelector, 1);
}

That is just fucking definition, no execution code inside

Rant

Team lead has no idea whats going in project , who is doing what work , nothing at all. Come to our team once a week and got award for successfully managing the project.
Real bullshit

Everyone ranting about how they express themselves through code.
And here I am on project where I can make almost no decisions myself.

I got into coding for the same reason as everyone else. I'm pretty good, so they put me on this project. Junior guys get all the good stuff, 'cause this project is too important. Ironic, eh?

One file away from having no more jquery anywhere in my project.

The problem with everything working is you don't get the chance to grow.

Tomorrow is my dateline to finish my project batch. But, here i am with no mood and i feel like i'm worst developer ever.

No weekend project

Just trying to finish previous one

When your project builds first time with no errors or warnings.

Started a SIP / VoIP application in Erlang last year, no time to do it now because I'm so busy doing company's project ... 😭

Definitely project life on this planet.

Being optimist helps a lot but I still have no clear answer who send me here.

(As of Tuesday at 10:00 PM) We have a project with a hard due date Sunday.

We have yet to get a proof of concept finished.

My team has no grasp on reality or how long this project is going to take.

I'm screwed.

Dealing with a project which should be together in a single location, but no.. two solutions, two web config files... FFS

When you propose a project and your friend programms the funny parts that you seek forward to do, while you had no time to spare. 😭😭😭

Have you ever gotten a job working on a project you generally understand conceptually, and on day one, with zero knowledge of the specifics, you are now in charge of said project with no one to ask about the standards or procedures?

Then again, why would you ask anyone, after all, you're in charge.

8 hours straight for school project! I wanted to wrap things up... Deadline was approaching...my teammates no where to found..(fuck them btw)..but hey I learned a lot!😊😎

I've submitted a PR to a large open source project, and I've had no feedback in over two weeks.

I spent a weekend and many late nights working out how to solve this bug - it was my time - and the project team haven't eaten acknowledged the PR.

Coolest project worked on: measuring the beer inside a keg. No one can complain when you crack one open at your desk 🍺

Join a new project & client site
Been a week and still no access, so no work
Told to read up on various subjects
Told to go back to internal office and talk with coworkers tomorrow
Get a flat tire on the way in, $200
Get it fixed
Comtinue to office
No one knows what I'm talking about
Call boss, no answer

What is my life, I just wanna to development

When you spend the entire day refactoring your project and no longer feel part of this world.

No QA Steve I will not insert a massive feature into the project no matter how high of an importance you deem it or how awesome you think it is.

Tech lead is getting on my friggin nerves. The tech lead keeps all the important info about the project for himself, does no sort of coding just merges stuff on Git and makes me handle any small fry problems which give me little to no insight into the project.
Then complains to the manager about the fact that nobody will help him and he has no time to do any work.
Meanwhile he creates own little club of people to talk to and stops talking to us devs.
Is this how its always been?