1. Customer wants X.
2. Developer delivers X.
3. Customer wants developer to change X to Y for free.
4. Developer demands money.
5. Customer gets mad.
6. Developer compares situation to ordering a hamburger, consuming it, and demanding a pizza for free because customer didn't like the hamburger.
7. Customer pays

My coworker left his Windows 10 system unlocked today.

Me:

1. Print screen on desktop
2. Saves the image
3. Sets image as wallpaper
4. Hides desktop icons
5. Changes taskbar alignment to the right and enables auto hide.
6. 🤣🤣🤣

Playing 'Skip-Bo' with my daughter.
She: "Why isn't there a zero in this game? You know...0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...."

MY daughter ❤️.

1: Get a dog
2: Name dog Sudo
3: Teach Sudo to fetch my mail
4: Invite Linux-friend over
5: Yell "sudo fetchmail"
6: ?
7: Profit

5 things you will find shocking about asynchronous code:

3.
2.
5.
1.
4.

Some ideas for variable names. Thank me later :))

1. bool sheet;
2. int entionally;
3. char mander;
4. double penetration;
5. string cheese;
6. long schlong;

*Admin leaves his computer unlocked*

1. Takes a desktop screenshot and flips it and sets it as background.
2. Disables right click.
3. Hides taskbar.
4. Flips the screen.
5. Connects keyboard to another computer close by with screen off.
6. Has the time of the week.

*Hopefully, there is no revenge 😁*

And that's why there are scientific programming languages:

"Hey, you are the Java guy, aren't you? My Java is broken!"

Me: *Takes a look at the code*

if ("4+4".equals("5+3")) {
System.out.println("Same result!");
} else {
System.out.println("Different result!");
}

How everyone uses stackoverflow:
1. Work on some project
2. Spot a bug
3. Try to solve the bug and fail.
4. Write a question for SO.
5. Post question on SO.
6. Get the answer and some points.

How I use stackoverflow:
1. Work on some project
2. Find a bug
3. Try to fix the bug and fail
4. Write a question on SO
5. Get scared that I might be downvoted.
6. Spend 45 minutes optimizing the structure of the question.
7. Try additional tests to cover all possible scenarios.
8. Still scared to click post.
9. Scrap everything and restart line by line writing further details of each step in your question.
10. Find the bug myself.
11. Click cancel on the question that took me 3+ hours to write.
12. Cry.

So I "grade" homework for programming 1 students...
Task was to produce an output like:
1
1 2
1 2 3
1 2 3 4
1 2 3 4 5

...and this was committed!
I really had to hold back laughter...
This looks purposefully obfuscated...

The 5 stages of debugging:

1. What?
2. Why?
3. How?
4. Impossible.
5. Oh.

My coding behavior:
1. console.log("Hello World");
2. CTRL S
3. this.date=moment();
4. CTRL S
5. const yesterday = this.date
6. CTRL S
7. Open Chrome Browser to preview
8. Accidentally pressed CTRL S and saved that page

Before you're hired:
1. A binary tree?
2. Currying?
3. Higher-order function?
4. How does event loop work?
5. What is prototype?
6. What is encapsulation?
7. Can you draw an algorithm?

After you're hired:
1. Hey, can you add auth token and login to our app?

Popularity of programming languages according to the DRRDSI (DevRant Rubber Duck Selling Index):

1. JS
2. Java
3. Python
4. C#
5. PHP
6. C++
7. Ruby
8. SQL
9. Swift

Basically my life:
1. Work
2. Game
3. Work on a project nobody will ever use
4. Food
5. Make offensive jokes about WW2

‪How to get your Jira ticket resolved:‬

‪1: Assign in it the person‬
‪2: Mention him on the ticket‬
‪3: Remember the ticket number ‬
‪4: Sneak into his office‬
‪5: ‬

Whenever I feel depressed in life.. I open my GMail inbox...I find:

1) 10 banks are giving me easy loans.

2) I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.

3) 10 Job companies have best jobs for me.

4) 5 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for me.

5) Dr. Batra has claimed that he will cure my hair fall.

6) 3 universities are giving me degrees in random subjects.

An average day:

1. Start working on feature
2. Finish feature
3. Feature doesn't work
4. Spend 7 hours refactoring and fixing imaginary bugs
5. Add the 3 characters that were missing
6. Laugh and cry, laugh and cry...

5 reasons I love devRant

1. I can't understand the point of Facebook. And it has such a shitty UI, but devRant has a beautiful despite it is complete JS

2. It doesnt have 140 char limit.

3. It is 99% english.

4. Trolls and script kiddies are rare here.

5. It is fairly lightweight.

======================

1 reason I hate devRant

1. Total waste of time.

Very worst programing language 10

10. No reason to
9. call any
8. Programing language
7. the worst.
6. Cuz
5. they have
4. advantages and
3. uses according to
2. their philosophy.
1. JAVA

Top 6 programming languages:
6) All
5) Languages
4) Serve
3) Some
2) Purpose
1) C++

Problems with Android development

1. Android Studio is shitte
2. Android API is shitte
3. Gradle is shitte
4. Emulator is shitte
5. My life is shitte

10 Things You’ll Find Shocking About Asynchronous Operations:

3.
2.
7.
4.
6.
1.
9.
10.
5.
8.

(found on twitter by @iamdevloper 😂)

How my birthday is going so far:
1. Dropped coffee on my shirt
2. Client is wondering why we removed a feature that he wants yet asked us to remove a week ago
3. Dev server is no longer working
4. Internet connection is shit
5. My VPN keeps on disconnecting (see #4)

Is this day going to end or what?

How to hack:
1: Open commandline
2: color 2
3: cd c:/
4: tree
...
5: Profit

Modern web developer Stater pack
1.Mac with 100 stickers on it
2.Love linux but never used it
3.Border 0px
4.Border radius 2.7px
5.sketch+adobe

Learning a new technology:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
6. Ohh, cool feature~

Top 5 social media platforms:

1. devRant
2. devRant
3. devRant
4. devRant
5. devRant

1. Code works
2. Add if statement
3. Code breaks
4. Comment out if statement
5. Code works
6. Uncomment if statement
7. Code works
8. Wtf??

1. Have idea
2. Write down features that thing should have
3. Make a wireframe design
4. Write down possible names for it
5. Open GitHub-Repo
6. Never start coding it
7. Cry

1. Create user on website.
2. Receives mail with username and password.
3. Changes password.
4. Receives mail with new password.
5. Delete account and look for another service.

How to install vim in Linux:
1. Download gvim80.exe
2. Install Wine
3. wine gvim80.exe
( Follow installation instructions. Keep on
clicking next)
4. Download DosBox.exe
5. wine DosBox.exe
6. MOUNT F /path/to/wine/vim
(Mount vim installation directory)
7. vim.exe
8. Enjoy the latest vim :)

*Stages of debugging*
1. That can't happen.
2. That doesn't happen on my machine
3. That shouldn't happen.
4. Why does that happen?
5. Oh, I see.
6. How did that ever work?

1. See new shiny tech
2. Read install/setup instructions
3. Make Hello World/Todo app by copying codeblocks from documentation
4. Update LinkedIn profile
5. Insist on rewriting entire company ecosystem

Oh wait, thats my horseshit-eating coworker

I just invented a new JavaScript operator. It's named "plus with wings", and it's used to sum to numbers without ambiguity or any need of type conversion, for example:

3 -+- "2" // 5

"2.1" -+- "4" // 6.1

"-1.1" -+- "" // -1.1

So, from now, you won't have to wonder anymore what type is that variable.

Tested on all browsers

1. Find bug
2. Try 3 methods of fixing
3. All fail
4. Tell yourself you're trying for the LAST time then you'll go on to something else
5. End up trying 5 more times
6. Repeat step 4 20 times
7. Cry
8. Finally take a break
9. Return next day, try another method, it works instantly

FML!

Six stages of debugging:

1. That can't happen?
2. That doesn't happen on my machine?
3. That shouldn't happen?
4. Why does that happen?
5. OH, I SEE!
6. How did that ever work?

Debuging 101

1 You open the project.
2 Run the app and replicate the bug.
3 Stop the app.
4 Stare at your code for like 15 mins and change nothing.

5 you re-run the app and hopes that it would fix on its own even if you didnt do anything.

“ 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 8 , 10 ”

(Microsoft and Apple signing)

HTTP return codes cheat sheet :
1** : Hold on
2** : Here you go
3** : Go away
4** : You fucked up
5** : I fucked up

What I feel when browsing recent lately.

How to get ++:
1. Get Google Allo
2. Ask question about Siri
3. Screenshot and post
4. ???
5. Profit!

NFF = Not Funny Friend.

NFF: what is your smart phone?
ME: OnePlus 3
NFF: Oh you have 4 !
ME: hehe, yeah. I am thinking to buy the new OnePlus 5.
NFF: you're gonna to buy 6?? wow
ME: Ok stoop

Group Project
1.Make a slack Channel.
2.Make a private repo
3.Give everyone access to do anything.
4. Wait for people to talk and commit code.
5...............R.I.P

need a good idea for app or game? follow this quick guide.

1. prepare a notebook.
2. prepare a pen.
3. go to toilet.
4. start writing the ideas.
5. make millions.

1) get an idea for a cool app
2) evaluate feasibility and execution
3) ensure accessible data streams and APIs
4) get excited and realize the idea is doable
5) see someone has done that exact thing and it's already published on the Appstore :/

1. Connect your laptop to prod-vpn
2. Open SQL Server Management Studio for debugging
3. Walk away
4. Find your 3 year old at your laptop
5. Panic.
6. Thank Microsoft for locking the screen when the laptop sleeps.

1) Looking up official Page of the new language/framework
2) Watch tutorial on Youtube
3) Realise it's teached very complicated
4) Buy a course on any course site
5) Realise it's even more complicated
6) Buy book
7) Learn it perfectly
#booksForLive :D

Top 5 reasons to come to Hackathon
1. Experience for your CV
2. Free swags
3. Networking
4. Free swags
5. Free Stickers (swags)

1
10
11
12
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Lets sort numbers like this!
-Greetings from my file manager!

10 Things You’ll Find Shocking About Asynchronous Operations:

3.
2.
7.
4.
6.
1.
9.
10.
5.
8.

Best computer/hacking/tech TV and movies?

I'll start the list with some of my favorites.

1. Hackers
2. The Net
3. Jumpin Jack Flash
4. Antitrust
5. Swordfish
6. Wargames
7. Mr Robot

Anyone else?

Creating a personal website:
Step 1: Have 20mins of inspiration.
Step 2: Spend a day writing css and js
Step 3: Realize it sucks because (ugly || bad responsive design || not enough content)
Step 4 Experience no inspiration what so ever for next week
Step 5: Repeat

How to talk as a dev to a dev:
1.) Talk normally
2.) Start shouting
3.) Slow down but say it more aggressively
4.) Realise you made a mistake and/or misunderstood something
5.) Explain why it's not your fault
6.) Explain why it's someone elses fault
7.) Repeat

1.Run into issue
2.Go to Stack Overflow
3.Think of best way to phrase the question
4.Find solution while editing post
5.Bang head on desk

Install Kali
Configurate Kali
Testing with a VM
Testing with my own Network
FUCKED MY NETWORK FOR 4 DAYS
.
.
.
Analyse my Mistakes
Test again with my Network
Accomplished
Tested my Neighbours Network
Found 3 ways to get in less than 5 Minutes
Went to Neighbour
Said that his Network is pretty easy to hack
Earned 30€

1) Open devRant app
2) Enjoy so many great rants
3) Thinks is enough
4) Quit devRant app
5) Immediately open devRant again without thinking
6) ....

(damn my muscle memory)

How to make a cold cup of coffee:-

1-make a normal cup of coffee
2-start coding
3-after coding you'll forget that you made coffee
4-drink it cold
5-feel bad for not drinking it while it's hot

how to make a feature request
1. dump Db table with 153 column to Excel
2. print!
3. circle column 47 on page 3, scribble feature description
4. scan! remember to use proprietary file format no one has
5. new e-mail, add "VERY URGENT!!!" to subject line
6. write "will call, discuss details monday"
6.a. attach proprietary-scanned-excel-dump-feature-description (optional)
7. postscript: deadline wednesday!!
8. wait for tuesday
9. send!
...

Waisting some times on codewars.com

~~~~
3 kyu challenge:

Given a string with mathematical operations like this: ‘3+5*7*(10-45)’, compute the result
~~~~~

*Does a quick and easy one liner in python using eval()*

*sees people actually writing some 100 lines parsing the string and calculating using priority of operation*

Poor them...

(Btw, passed to lvl 4 kyu thx to this)

1 fix my crappy sleep schedule.
2 organise my time better.
3 stop being a glutton.
4 earn a aws cert.
5 build a portfolio site.
6 build projects to go on portfolio site.
7 find a new job?
8 do some machine learning.
9 find love?
10 continue automating people out their job at their request.

!dev

New year's resolutions:

1) Rid and keep my life free of toxic people. This includes parents.
2) Find a well-paying job that isn't also toxic.
3) Take care of myself for a change!
4) Stop putting up with things I don't have to.
5) Actually enjoy things I enjoy.
6) Finally buy a harp. I've wanted one since I was 3 ffs.
7) Finish de-googling my life.

1. Try to stay sane in startup chaos
2. Use more vacation days
3. Separate work and free time a bit more
4. Get out into nature more
5. Hire 50+ good developers & get company to 15M active end users while doing all of the above

Few phrases you should not say at Job:

1. That's not my job
2. We've tried that before
3. There's no budget for that
4. I told you so
5. That doesn't follow procedure

Comment if you have more.

Saturday plan: serious switch to Linux.
1. Installs Fedora, lookin nice.
2. Let's update it, fails to boot.
3. Nouveau driver fails, lets install proprietary one.
4. dnf install dependencies, repo returns 503
5. Be stuck on a 640x480 bash.
6. Boot windows, start overwatch.

1) Using WordPress
2) Using WordPress
3) Using WordPress
4) Using WordPress
5) Using WordPress
6) U5ing WardPrrrs
7) U5ing WardPrars
8) U5ing WardPr3rs
9) U51ng WardPr35s
10) U҉5҉1n͢y͜ ͞W̷a͞rdPr3̷5͟5̛
11) O̧͘51͜n̨҉y ̶̀Ẁu͝rdPr͠3҉̵͠5̴͟5
12) U5͝1ny ͜Wa͠r͞dP̀r̀35҉5
13) U̕҉̷5̷͢͟͠͞1̴̵̕ǹ̨̢͟͢ỳ̨͜͡ ̕͜͢Ẁ̸̢̕à̢͜͞r̷͜͏̀͜d̨͜͏P͘͜r̛͞͠͠͏3̢̨̡̛́5̴̀5̧̕͏̶
14) U̵ͦ̇͌ͣ̓̈́̒͆̇ͨ͑͟5̴̽̾̓ͯ̔̎̓̔̀̚̕͜͜1̶̷̏͂̑͆ͪͤͥ̈́̔͛͌̅ͨ̚͜n̢ͯͫͬͩ̾̌̇̓͐̒̆͆̋͡ỳ̋̈͑̏̐͜͞ ̓̄͑ͦͬͣͬ͒̈́̍ͦ́ͭ͐̒̑͂͘W̆͋̃̓ͫ̌ͭͩ̾͊̔̋̚҉̀̕͡͠a̷̡̧ͦͦͩ́̈́̃̆̆ͨ̈̚ŗͫ͛̿͗̋̎ͮͫ͊͗ͪ̓̍ͨd̵̢ͦ̐̎̀ͮͫ͛̒̈͋ͫ͗̒̋͢͟P̷ͯͦ͒̒̌͆͡͞r̆ͭ̈́̀͂ͮ̓̂͑̆ͯ̾̀ͪ̋̄̚͟͞҉͞3̔͑̏̽̾̿͂̋̀͟͢5̴̂̈́͗̍ͩͦ̀̋̆ͣͨ̿͜͠5̸̴̶̧̏̂̽̈́̏̃ͫ̅͗̈̂̽̈ͣ̊
15) U̸̶͍̭͕̩̺͓̩̞̫̲̳̥̘̰̦̼͇ͧͫ̍̌̔̆̒ͪ͛̅͂̚̕͟5̷̹̱̜̫̞̮̲̬̲̱̻͙͊̋ͥ̊͜ͅ1͙͎̹͔̺̯̟̮̳̀͋͐̍̿̿̏͋̿̏͐̾́̓͑͋̃̈́͘͡͡͠͝n̴̆ͦ̽͡͝͝҉̫̰̗͓ỷ̴̸̦͕̻̩̖͓͚̟͆ͦ̓̍̇͊͆͊̏ͥͮ ̶̛̹͍̪̟̦͉̙͉̰͎̞̮̰̗͈̥͙ͮ̃ͧ͌ͪͥ͌ͨ̋̈́̚ͅW̩͙̮̯̪̳͖̙̘̰̍ͮͣ̋̇̒͐͋̀ͅa̶̸̷̮̜͈̟̳̺̣̪̻̼̻͍̺̹̽ͩ̿̈ͭ̈́ͩ́̅͌ͩ̈́̾̀́r̵̡͚̘̹̻̩̞ͦͨ̋ͣͣ̆͊̅̂̃̄͛̈́̒̒͒̾d̸̡͓̘̮̲̰̥̗̣̙̬̹̰ͩ́̈́ͥ̅̽ͫͯ̓͜͞P̧̹͉̬̠̻̮̫̼͉͖̯̙̞͎̲͙̖̉ͨ͐ͮ̀͞r̡̖̜̦̞̭̼͐̃ͬ̒̉̈͑͘3̷͇̖̹̱͍̯͈̣̼͔͉͉̜̣̱̉̎̈́̽ͧ̓ͥ͐͟ͅ5̮̩̗̣̣̤͇̲̟͇̒ͥ̂͗̒̆̕͜͝͞5̩̳̗̻̻̯̺̺̻̯̑͐̈ͤ̏̈́̾ͮͨ̀̃ͫ͋ͥ̾̚̕ͅ
REEEEE̸͢E̛͜E͜͡E҉EE̢EÉ͜҉E͠͡È̷̛̛͢E͏̸̨҉E̛҉E̴̷E̢ͪͩ̀̍̍ͦ͒ͪ̈̑̚̚̕͝Ę̴̒̀̐ͭ͞Ȇ̵ͪͫ̍͊̆ͦ̓͢҉Eͪ̈́͊̿ͦ̾͘E̸͒̅̐͆͋̏ͥ̑͒ͫ͋̈́͝͡E͆ͪͬ͘҉̕͞E̢̞̫͕̞̩͇̞̳̦͚͔̪ͭͭͭ̒̔̾͠͞E̡̡̲̤̼͙̥̦̎ͮ̑ͯ̏ͫ̽ͮ́͛̐͡E̷̴̡͙̜̫̠̞̯̗̽ͭͯ̓ͣ̾̐ͪ̚͡Ẻ̷̖͕̖̬͚̦̼͙̖̭̪̖͙̥̘͎ͥ̊ͤ̓̄̇̄̀̚͜E̸͉͍̟͈̺͚̲̦̯̭̬ͧ̈̐̌̇͌̐̀͘͞Ȇ̵̢̛̯̜̤̭͋̏ͣͤ́́E̶̢̩̯͕̱͔̱̙̻̼̬̝̳̹̞̰̹̾͛̒̉̈́̊͒̿̔̈ͦͦͅͅE̢̞̫͕̞̩͇̞̳̦͚͔̪ͭͭͭ̒̔̾͠͞E̡̡̲̤̼͙̥̦̎ͮ̑ͯ̏ͫ̽ͮ́͛̐͡E̷̴̡͙̜̫̠̞̯̗̽ͭͯ̓ͣ̾̐ͪ̚͡Ẻ̷̖͕̖̬͚̦̼͙̖̭̪̖͙̥̘͎ͥ̊ͤ̓̄̇̄̀̚͜E̸͉͍̟͈̺͚̲̦̯̭̬ͧ̈̐̌̇͌̐̀͘͞

Please Java and all java shit, take more memory I don't need it -_-
16GB doesn't seem to be enough to have a VM and Android Studio Open but it is more than enough to have
1. Visual Studio
2. SQL Server Management Studio
3. VM
4. FireFox
5. Visual Studio code

Fuck. This. Shit!

What fresh hell is this

.replaceAll("(//"?)([^//d]+)(//.?)([^//d]+)(//.?)([//d]{3})(//.?)([^/d]+)(//"?)","$1$2$3$4$5$6$7$8$9")

...who is fucking with me

1) Install Debian 9
2) Select GNOME
3) Hate GNOME
4) Uninstall GNOME
5) Install LXDE
6) Love GNOME

Today, for fun, I wrote prime number generation upto 1000 using pure single MySQL query.

No already created tables, no procedures, no variables. Just pure SQL using derived tables.

So does this mean that pure SQL statements do not have the halting problem?

Putting an EXPLAIN over the query I could see how MySQL guessed that the total number of calculations would be 1000*1000 even before executing the query in itself and this is amazing ♥️

I have attached a screenshot of the query and if you are curious, I have also left below the plain text.

PS this was a SQL problem in Hackerrank.

MySQL query:

select group_concat(primeNumber SEPARATOR '&') from
(select numberTable.number as primeNumber from

(select cast((concat(tens, units, hundreds)+1) as UNSIGNED) as number from

(select 0 as units union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) unitsTable,
(select 0 as tens union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) tensTable,
(select 0 as hundreds union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) hundredsTable order by number) numberTable

inner join

(select cast((concat(tens, units, hundreds)+1) as UNSIGNED) as divisor from

(select 0 as units union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) unitsTable,
(select 0 as tens union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) tensTable,
(select 0 as hundreds union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) hundredsTable order by divisor) divisorTable

on (divisorTable.divisor<=numberTable.number and divisorTable.divisor!=1)
where numberTable.number%divisorTable.divisor=0
group by numberTable.number having count(*)<=1 order by numberTable.number) resultTable;

Client: we love Internet Explorer, can you show me how the best way to use it?

Me:
Step 1: Open Internet Explorer

Step 2: Search & download Chrome.

Step 3: Close Internet Explorer

Step 4: Move Internet explorer to the bin.

Step 5: Never talk about using Internet Explorer again.

My Typical Project

1. Identify common problem
2. Investigate options
3. Come up with clever solution
4. Implement backend solution
5. Get fed up with current frontend
6. Investigate other frontend
7. Realize perpetual chaos in Javascript landscape
8. Lie down in a corner
9. Cry myself to sleep

Had a plan to master JavaScript in 4 months and then, cover HTML and CSS in the next 3 months followed by Java in the remaining 5 months.

10 years later, I am still learning JavaScript.

How to Prank someone on Windows:
1: Take screenshot of desktop with cursor on the side so its not visible.
2: Set it as wallpaper
3: Hide desktop icons and taskbar
4: Go to mouse settings and invert it
5: ....
6: Profit

teaching myself pointers right now

here is my learning process right now:
1. what even is this
2. wow this is neat
3. why does this even exist
4. what even is this
5. repeat

Me: Dear Boss, what should I do first? Thanks 😇
1. Rush
2. ASAP
3. Urgent
4. Important
5. Priority
6. I Need That Now

Weekend plan:
1. I will watch react conf
2. I want to complete vim cheat sheet
3. LFS project is too
4. Netflix
5. ........
...
.
.

Electricity : 😈

Fuck..
😡

1. Buy a road
2. Name it after an sql injection
3. Have mail delivered to you
4. ...
5. Profit... I guess?

0. Get a raise
1. Nove out
2. Learn GoLang
3. Have a threesome
4. More weed
5. Build a blockchain project

A woman can make 4 babies with 4 different fathers in 9 months, right?

Someone decided we need a "rubber band programmer" who bounces around from project to project as needed, and that gets to be me.

So I work on 4 projects, with 3 programming languages, 4 frameworks, and with users in 4 complicated industries, none of which I have experience with.

And my boss wonders why I'm not as productive as everyone who has worked on 1 project for 5 years.

0. Problem
1. Thinking of an algo
2. Writing a code
3. Compile
4. Compile Error
5. Fixing bugs
...
6. Finally compiled!!
7. Running a test
8. Run time error
9. Fixing bugs
...
10. Finally I can see the result !!!!
11. Shit!

12. LOGICAL ERROR :/

What Keeps u awake all night
(When u have to complete a project overnight)
1. Cigarette?
2.Weed?
3. Coffee?
4. Tea?
5. Redbull?
6. Beer?
7. Glucose? (As in my case 😛)
8. Anything else?

1. Decide to learn optimisation algorithms
2. Realise that you have forgotten calculus
3. Decide to learn from the beginning
4. Search for tutorials
5. Go through the introduction parts
6. You know that you can't complete
7. You watch other entertainment things on YouTube.

Stories of a lazy programmer...

My plan:
1. Draw the logo in paper with black marker
2. Scan with the infamous printer
3. Load in GIMP
4. Edit some parts
5. Put some colors
6. Print or save as image file
7. Use everywhere

As I start to do step 2, I noticed something VERY wrong.

FML

What NOT to create in 2018:
1. macOS note taking apps in Electron
2. Text editors in Electron
3. Pretty much everything in Electron
4. “Simple” and “minimalistic” programming languages
5. Web frameworks

My favorite languages are
1. Python (3)
2. PHP
3. JavaScript
4. Ruby
5. Java

Honorable mention: C++

Can anyone agree?

My favorite method?

Step 1: Meet Morpheus
Step 2: Swallow red pill
Step 3: Wake up from the Matrix
Step 4: Upload needed Knowledge directly to my brain
Step 5: Go back to Matrix

1) Download version 46 of Firefox as required.

2) Install version 46

3) Open Firefox

4) Firefox then auto updates to version 52

5) Face smash desk and repeat

How to become a hacker😎
1.Go to the store get a black hoodie, wear it and go infront of the PC.
2.Turn on the PC with WINDOWS😂
3.Change cmd font colour to green.
4.Type the following code in cmd.
ping 192.168.1.1 -c 9999999
5.OK now do that in again and again in 2-3 terminals.Now your desktop is full with black and green😋.
5.Take some pics of it and upload stories😍.
6.OK now your a HACKER😎

1. Indent with 3 spaces to fuck both tabs guys and spaces guys git repos.

2. Use windows line endings and laugh and laugh and laugh.

3. Giant full page ascii art intro on every single file.

4. After the giant ascii art intro there are literally zero comments.

5. Keep the bracket on the same line for getters, but on the next line for setters because fuck you.

1. Start programming to solve a beautiful problem.
2. Setting up my IDE.
3. Creating nem project.
4. Start coding, but dig into first little problem.
5. After 10 hours give up.

1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 + “6”

Fun drinking game.

1. Phone Indian "Tech Support"
2. Drink every time they "E for echo" or some variant of that.
3. Finally tell them your using Linux.
4. Hang up.
5 Rinse and repeat.

how people count

normal people: 1 2 3 4 5 6....
me: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6...
them: wtf u doing, 0 is not included

Learning a new programming language:

1. reading basics
2. creates small programs
3. plan new projects
4. search everything else in the internet
5. output: we have become code gods

*winks at stack overflow and github*

1. Mailserver is down.
2. Write a ticket to provider.
3. Can't get a reponse because of 1.
4. ?????
5. Profit
6. Scratch that. We're a start-up.

1. I am reading a rant.
2. I get a mega urge to check my ++'s.
3. I don't want to go to Menu > Profile.
4. I comment on the rant.
5. I check my ++'s.
6. I delete the comment.

For fucks sake if I send you a clearly described 5 step install instructions do not start on step 3! Yes you fucking moron instructions labeled 1,2,3,4,5 should be carried out one after the other! Not in random order.

Seriously, how deranged are you that you have never ever encountered a step-by-step instruction before?!

Don't give me that "oh, should I have started with step 1 first? You weren't very clear about that. I think it is a bit too complicated."

Here are some more instructions:
1. Close your PC
2. Donate it to someone with detectable IQ level
3. Go fuck yourself
4. Please die
5. Yes, start with step 1

You want to be Satan?
1) Make this their desktop background
2) Install a program that disables their mouse.
3) hide their taskbar
4) hide their desktop icons.
5) Profit!

Pro tip of the decade found on quora:
How to beat procrastination?
Start by this :" I will start my work in 5...4...3...2...1" and just jump of the place and go to work

How to solve a problem in 7 steps.
1. Google
2. Open links
3. Read
4. Copy
5. Paste
6. Run
7. Repeat until solve

1. get a job interview in google
2. design a kitchen
3. ???????
4. the kitchen is for a giraffe
5.?!?!?!!?
6. new kitchen
7. a baby giraffe
8.??!?!?!??!??!??!??!??!??!??!?!?
9. we will call you
10. __time passes__
11. no call
12.X_X

Method 1:
1. Read others' people answers on wk70
2. Apply
3. ???
4. Profit
Method 2:
1. cd <ProjectName>
2. git init
3. dotnet new sln
4. dotnet new console #or webapi/lib
5. code .
6. git commit -m "Initial commit"
7. git remote add origin <github link>
8. git push origin master -u
9. profit

Long time lurker, first time poster.

My goals for week 200:
1. Get engaged to my girlfriend
2. Finish my ems
3. Begin plans for launching my startup
4. Leave my deadend retail job, get a real job, and actually use the degree I spent 34k to get.
5. Keep learning cool new shit.

story points that equate to hours.
1 = 1 hour
2 = 1-2 hours
3 = 3-4 hours
5 = 6-8 hours
8 = Kill. Me.
13 = Now.

*Me trying to store a game in a CD ~15 years ago*

1. Burning desktop link of the game into it.
2. Burning the .exe file only ...
3. Moving whole game folder into a CD ...
4. Installing something called DirectX. I remember, it should be in one of my CDs.
5. Playing the game.

Top 5 World’s Most Hated Programming Languages

1. Perl

2. Delphi

3. VBA

4. Objective-C

5. PHP

Which one do you hate most?

I am currently refactoring my code:
1. 200 errors
2. fixed them!!!!
3. build the solution...
4. wait for the build to complete...
5. 300 errors
6. FML

1. Naming all variables with letters of the alphabets
2. Not indenting (screw tabs VS spaces, I could use anything here)
3. Putting all src files in one directory
4. Writing the entire code without using any functions
5. Writing code and asking me to fix linting
6. Asking why they should follow language style guidelines

1)Get Project/idea
2)Look for the most suitable tech
3)Draw out all the functionality
4)Break into milestones
5)git init
6) git commit
7) Start
8) Test
9) Complete
10) Feel like a King

Morning Ritual

1. Start all devices 
2. Check headset status 
3. Check emails 
4. COFFEE <3 
5. First call... 
6. 20 annoying minutes of two people talk to each other without a result 
7. COFFEE <3 ... cold

1. Read about software engineering/design patterns, tools etc.
2. Adopt information to my requirements
3. Write code
4. Delete my shitty code from point 3.
5. Goto point 3

Email to Client: "Thank you for the payment. Attached is your invoice. Would you mind providing a review? :)"

Client 1: "is very very good"
Client 2: "A+"
Client 3: "Awesome"
Client 4: "Good job"
Client 5: "good."

Not usually a person to rant about spacing and conventions but this is great.

4 devs, all using IntelliJ. Now IntelliJ auto-changes tabs to spaces which is nice, and GitHub doesn’t really care as long as the spacing is consistent. Now here is the fun part: 2 devs have 4 spaces per tab, 1 has 3 spaces, 1 has 5 spaces.
GitHub merge conflicts everyWHERE.

And yes it isn’t the old 2 vs 4 spaces. It’s 3 vs 4 vs 5 somehow

0-headphones
1-coffee
2-Laptop
3-npm
4-IDE
5-wifi
6-devRant

If we compare this list with last year’s list, nothing much has changed. The top three worst passwords of last year were ‘123456’, ‘password’, and ‘123456789’. Source : Splashdata

Top 10 worst passwords in 2019 below:

1. 123456
2. 123456789
3. qwerty
4. password
5. 1234567
6. 12345678
7. 12345
8. iloveyou
9. 111111
10. 123123

Steps to work on android studio -
1] Open android studio
2] Wait for an hour.
3] Wait for the build.
4] Build failed.
5] Get frustrated, close it.
6] Repeat 1-5.

Top 5 biggest questions

1 What is the universe made of?
2 How did life begin?
3 Are we alone in the universe?
4 How to exit vim?
5 Why do we dream?

1. Browse devRant mobile app
2. Open a rant
3. Switch to browser to check something quickly
4. Switch back to devRant after like 3 seconds
5. Previously opened rant is gone and I'm back at latest rants feed

1. Identify the problem
2. Come up with a clever solution
3. Refactor half of your code
4. Watch it fail horribly because you're such an idiot it's a bloody miracle you keep breathing on your own
5. Repeat

What do you wanna become? / What are you?

1. PHP Developer
2. Python Developer
3. Node.Js Developer
4. JavaScript Developer
5. Java Developer
6. Android Developer
7. Other (please mention in comment)

1) Open IE or Edge
2) Search "download chrome"
3) Click on top hit
4) Download and run installer
5) Enjoy adware

Working from home routine (Lockdown edition):
1. Wakeup at 8am
2. Meeting at 8:30am
3. Next 3 hours just focus on coding
4. Push code to source control
5. Focus on myself

1) Create UI library for iOS and Android with 5000+ stars on GitHub
2) Get noticed by Apple for library and interview and work there
3) Get married to my lovely girlfriend
4) Have kids
5) Fuck all yo truck stops and yo biznatch lisbetan asses

1. Visit the official site.
2. Browse for official tools.
3. Check the official documentation.
4. Check the Internet for other non-audiovisual sources.
5. Try making a simple application.
6. Run out of application ideas.
7. Move on to the next shiny dev technology.
8. Go to step #1.

If you know you gave devrant a 1,2 or 3⭐ please update your ratings to a 4 and 5⭐ since the issues are already fixed.

How to make an ice tea:-
1. Make tea.
2. Start coding.
3. Forget about it.
4. Now after coding check your tea.
5. You have your ice tea ready.

Apple macbook engineering department hard at work:

1) Some app freezes
2) Then the Touch-bar freezes
3) I hit cmd+alt+esc to force close it
4) Touch bar is frozen so esc won’t work
5) *confused noises*

1. Learn Kotlin
2. Actually sit down and push through machine learning.
3. Finish integral calculus and start multivariable calc.
4. Work on 1 project until completion.
5. Socialize a bit more.
6. Obliterate bugs.

Searching for other occurrences of highlighted word in Android Studio

1 - highlight word
2 - CMD+F
3 - Enter

In Xcode

1 - highlight word
2 - CMD + C
3 - CMD + F
4 - CMD + V
5 - Enter

So in my 6 ppl dev team management had to do cuts and pulled a jira report of story points sum of the past 10 months, it went like this:

1. 307
2. 307
3. 283
4. 274
5. 257
6. 220

The 6. Guy is a teamlead so he was safe. 4 and 5 guys were fired with zero notice and 1 weeks severance pay (we are contractors).

Best part is that remaining 2. And 3. devs produce very low quality code. But hey, they have enough story points. Managament didnt even bother to discuss with teamlead about who to keep. Workload is the same, we were told to "level up".

You can't make this shit up. US based startups man.

My dev Golas for 2019:

1. Control the chaos in the startup.
2. Go on trip or trekking
3. Lose at least 10 kg. (currently 83 kg)
4. Start waking up before 9 o clock
5. Help maintain a open-source library.
6. Make a open-source library.

Basic OOPS Question -

A unit of computer information that contains data as well as all the procedures or operations is called:
(1) A method.
(2) Encapsulation.
(3) An object.
(4) An OOP
(5) None of these

This question is a bit confusing to me.. what do you guys think? 🙄

1. Understand APIs without reading documentation.

2. Write correct code from first try.

3. Know to program in every language.

4. Create the perfect fully functional AI system.

5. Center objects vertically with one line CSS at target object.

!rant
User: "Hello, I'd like to hear a torrent joke."
Tracker: "I will refer you to people who can tell you a torrent joke."
Peer 1: "Why d"
Peer 2: "cken "
Peer 3: "road?"
Peer 4: "id th"
Peer 3: "cross"
Peer 1: "e chi"
Peer 5: " the "
Peer 2: "the o"
Peer 4: "To ge"
Peer 1: "side."
Peer 5: "ther"
Peer 2: "t to "

What i have been doing so far
1) create project
2) search google for help
3) copy & paste
4) compile
If not working GOTO 2, else
5) feel good for days

1. Project start: requirement gathering
2. Create workflows and prototypes
3. Customer confirms the workflow and prototypes
4. Develop the system
5. Initial feedback : customer is happy
6. Testing and deployment
7. Customer changes the requirement to something completely different and says you just need to click a button to implement the changes

Wtf!!!!!!!

git commit message that I hate:

1. "Adjustment"
2. "Improvement"
3. "Fix Bug"
4. "I commit it but there are bug in this code"
5. "Client request"

YOU KNOW BE MORE SPECIFIC ON YOUR COMMIT MESSAGE!!!

1) Remove kernel linux
2) Change kernel to linux-zen
3) Make init ramdisk
4) Everythings great -> hit reboot
5) Stuck at Grub
Me: Fuck.. Forgot to update grub config.
(Lesson : RTFM first.)

My small collection

2 DD 8" floppy disks
2 MD 2-D 5" 1/4 floppy disks
2 HD 3" 1/2 floppy disks
1 Jaz disk
1 unassembled 3" 1/2 floppy disk
1 PalmOne sticker to learn the letters of Graffiti 2 (I had a M100, but I do not anything related to it anymore.)

Your choice. Select one
1.
foo (bar) {
return true;
}

2.
foo (bar)
{
return true;
}

3.
foo (bar) { return true; }

4.
foo (bar)
return true;

5. Collapse
|-------------------|
| foo (bar) ... |
|-------------------|

6.
#define foo boo
#define bar par
#define ( `
#define ) '
#define return go_home
#define true false
#define { ☞
#define } ☜

6-1.
boo `par' ☞
go_home false;
☜

6-2
boo `par'
☞
go_home false;
☜

6-3.
boo `par' ☞ go_home false; ☜

6-4.
boo `par'
go_home false;

6-5.
|--------------------|
| boo (par) ... |
|--------------------|

Select and Comment below.
Or add your own.

Me to university: You taught us C++, java, DS Algo and PHP only right?

University: Yes

Me: So our college project must be around these only?

University: Yes... But No, here are your only options for our college project

1. MEAN/MERN Stack Website
2. Machine Learning
3. Data Science
4. IOT
5. Android App

Me: WTF?

Step 1: Acquire Rasbpery Pi
Step 2: Install Rasbian Lite
Step 3: Install PiHole
Step 4: Setup VPN
Step 5: Get a domain name for the VPN server
Step 6: Install OpenVPN on Phone
Step 7: Connect to Rasbperry PiHole Server

NO MORE ADS MOTHERFUCKERS

1. Send the contract for a new project to the customer
2. They inform you that the project is canceled
...
...
3. Receive the contract signed by the customer
...
4. ???
5. PROFIT

On Mac, open Terminal...

1. Enter cd ~/
2. Enter emacs
3. Press Esc
4. Enter X
5. Enter either; tetris, snake, or pong
6. Enjoy!

1) Helping my girlfriend getting her graduation.
2) Maxing out my Cassette collection
3) Repairing my Gameboy
4) Growing my plants, especially my Carolina Reaper chili
5) Visiting my friends across the country
6) Lots of things that might or might not be illegal but fun

1. You find out a new song
2. You love that song.
3. It's your favorite song now.
4. You keep on listening it on repeat for like a 1000 times.
5. Now you hate the song.

Is it only me or is this common ಠ︵ಠ

Goals
1. Learn android development
2. Spend more time coding than procastinating (its not my job)
3. Learn more cpp
4. Publish my first android app
5. Finish my current project

Using a mac from time to time:

1) Open browser
2) Open Gmail website
3) Insert email address
4) Press CMD+Q to write @
5) FUCK!!!

1. Gaming
2. Music "development" (I suck tho)
3. Netflix and chill, just without Netflix
4. Trying to write a book and procrastination is going great so far
5. Cats. Are. Life

Priorities:
1. Work
2. Eat
3. Save money
4. Do less of #1
5. Do more of #4
6. Sleep
7. Talk to people
7a. Nevermind - stretch goal

!rant

Certainly considering handing in my notice soon.

1. Paid minimum wage with no prospect of a raise
2. Spending £200 a month on travel
3. Traveling for almost 4 hours (70 miles) a day on bus and train
4. Promised training but nothing produced for 8 months
5. Expected to now pay for further travel
6. Not taken seriously...

Yep, need a new job in the Birmingham, UK area

1. Focus on learning; earning should come secondary
2. If it doesn't add anything to your resume, it's probably not worth picking up
3. Do not re-invent the wheel. Explore third parties and libraries thoroughly. Use them as much as you can.
4. If you stuck at a problem for more than 2-3 hours: post on stackoverflow
5. Plan, create deadlines, and focus as if an executive chose you.
Lazy = failure!

You know a website launch is going to go smoothly when:
1) it survives multiple reviews,
2) it's packaged up and sent to the client,
3) client tells you there's incorrect info,
4) incorrect info matches current site, and
5) client doesn't provide the correct info.

😑

Me when finally fixing the estimated 5-minute-fix bug (after 3-4 desperate hours)

How to reverse engineer without knowing how to reverse engineer:
1.Open IDA pro
2. Hit shift+f12 for the strings view
3. Choose an interesting string
4. Hit x and go over the xrefs
5. You are now earning at least $140K a year.
Bonus: say that you can code html

1) Hike on mount everest
2) Job that I'll love
3) Go on road trip with my friends
4) Renovate home
5) Create my own operating system(not based on Linux kernel!)

Let's hope for the best!

Step 1: Become a freelancer
Step 2: Enjoy working
Step 3: Get annoyed by doing all the backoffce
Step 4: Get hired instead
Step 5: Work hard
Step 6: Boss notices your talent
Step 7: Boss founds startup with you
Step 8: Repeat Step2 until you have to repeat Step4

5 steps to make your coworkers go nuts.

Step 1: Get on their computer while they're not around.
Step 2: Choose a bit of their code and make it so it's in one long line.
Step 3: Comment out the line.
Step 4: Change the text color to the color of the editor's background.
Step 5: Watch them going nuts.

Web class(html)
1.how to create table
2.how to use Colspan
3.how to use Rowspan
4.Col+row
5.(O_O)
*cant use css*annoying but at the same time awesome..next class gonna be javascript cant wait 👌🏻👌🏻
#Student #Html #webprogramming

I just discovered that the school my toddler goes to has a policy where they have a meeting with you if your kid gets there late 3 times.

I'm fine with something like 5, but 3!!!!
Jesus fucking christ, she's 4!

The amount of effort I have to put to awake, bathe, dress and feed this kid is unholy, and the time it takes can fluctuate.

ETA to explode - 5, 4, 3...

Project deadline = 7 days

Day 0: start coding
Day 1: few bugs and crashes
Day 2: fixed those bugs project is 30% done
Day 3: ok I have time... sleep
Day 4: sleep
Day 5: sleep
Day 6: 48h coding to finish the project on time.

I love listening to music while coding, mainly metal/rock/classical

Comment with 10 tracks from your playlist .... Here are my 10

0. Disturbed - stricken
1. Tremonti - decay
2. Black label society - bored to tears
3. Ac/dc - back in black
4. Rolling Stones - paint it black
5. Gary Moore- still got the blues
6. Carcass - blind bleeding the blind
7. Alter bridge - metalingus
8. Fear factory - linch pin
9. Pantera - 5 minutes alone

This is easy. Irl fork and acquire commands to let me reposess the knowledge of my children.
Things i can do while playing games:
0: work
1: sleep
2: eat
3: sex
4: workout
5: travel the world
6: troll my ex
7: read every post on DevRant

Here's my flow:

1. Sit at my desk and contemplate the Universe
2. Sort out specifics by pacing back and forward
3. Draw like a mad man
4. Copy an old project and change a few lines of code
5. Go home happy that the Universe is safe once again

;)

Being in Data Science and Mobile Development taught me :
1.Always be curious
2.Never stop learning
3.Never give up
4.Don't be afraid of Experimenting new Technologies
5.Don't always take ,Give More ,Share More!!

Do Share What your Domain taught you in the Comments 😀

Step 1: Make an account on some website with the username "{username}"
Step 2 : Take a screenshot when the website sends you some kind of personalised email
Step 3 : Add some caption saying "lol this website is so broken!!1!1!!"
Step 4 : ???
Step 5 : profit

My bi-annual ritual:
1. Get home after 5 months
2. By cheap ear/head-phones
3. Use them for the next 5 months till they wear out
4. Repeat
😂😂

Also watches. But I gave up on those back in school.😛

1.Get my SOLIDWORKS cert
2. Microsoft Certs
3. Microsoft Python Cert
4. Buy a 9 string
5. Have my album ready for August
... Any other suggestions for a somewhat beginner Python Dev