Google: "Please prove you're a human."
Me: "Hello Google, I'm human!"
Google: "Prove you're a human..."
Me: *Stabbing my finger and dripping blood on the computer*
Google "Prove you're a human!!"
Me: *Crying, laughing, expressing feelings*
Google: "Prove you're a human I said!!!"
Me: "4527"
Google:" Thank you."

"your password must contain a capital letter, two numbers, a symbol, an inspiring message, CV, a gang sign, a dragon blood"

FUCK HELL YEAH! I'm done with my FUCKING THESIS! I just handed it in - that filthy time eating piece of blood sucking papershit! God yes! I'm proud and relieved as fuck!

Got really sick as well! Fuck the stress! Fuck everything. I'm just gonna play Witcher 3 all day long with some nice cup of tea !

Windows is such a great os. Especially after you installed the windows updates. Look what cool features it unlocked :

Had a PR blocked yesterday. Oh god, have I introduced a memory leak? Have I not added unit tests? Is there a bug? What horrible thing have I unknowingly done?

... added comments to some code.

Yep apparently “our code needs to be readable without comments, please remove them”.

Time to move on, no signs of intelligent life here.

Doctor : what's your blood group?
Developer : coffee

Client: Please fix the logo.
Me: Okay, what needs to be fixed exactly?
Client: Put this word next to that word(shows me an example).
Me: Okay, no problem.
*after 5 minutes*
Client: You did not do what I asked for. Please fix the logo. Make it look better. Make it bigger and more outstanding. Dont change my logo
Me: Okay, I will revert the changes.
*Reverts to the old logo, and only does that as I do not fucking know what to do with oudstanding for fucks sake*
Client: I will talk to your boss. No one cares. My web site is not even finished and no one cares.
*It is finished, now the client looks for small things to make a big issue of*
Me: Could you please tell me in detail, what do you need to be fixes?
Client: I want the wording better. Im going to talk to your boss...

well fuuuck fucking fuck Im pissing blood!!!!!!!!!

TFW typing too hardcore

What seems to be the problem? Oh, is your wordpress site hacked/infected with malware?

So I guess you decided to disable updates because it might break your shitty little site? And I guess you thought those warnings you got from me and multiple colleagues about what could happen when you didn't update your wordpress bullshit weren't that serious?

Hold on, you want *US* to restore *YOUR* hosting backups?

Hahahahahaha-no.

Go clean up your own fucking bullshit. But, before you click that restore button, please take a cactus, carve 'I am a stupid wordpress cunt' into it, dip it in a bathtub of with blood mixed-infected cum and shove it up your ass.

Oh yeah I'm aware that that won't help your situation but it might keep you from reproducing and at least it'll give me some satisfaction.

I've put my blood, sweat and tears into this company in the past years. Worked overtime, evenings, weekends, night shifts to get shit done and helped out in sharing knowledge only to learn a new guy who's still learning has 200 bucks higher pay check than me.

I'm not even sure how to react to this.

PM: We need security on signup, the password entry should contain "A capital letter, 2 numbers, a symbol, an inspiring message, a spell, a gang sign, a hieroglyph and the blood of a virgin."
ME:

DataBase not approved, just use spreadsheet they said...

65487456456 errors later...

Many litres of blood later...
866 brackets just for the closing
528 ifs

"The password must be 6 to 32 characters long and must contain atleast one uppercase character, one lowercase character, a special character, the md5 hash of your last name, a dried olive branch and the blood of a unicorn."

FUCK... THIS WAS JUST THE WORST WEEK I'VE EVER HAD IN MY JOB. LITERALLY WANNA JUST THROW MY DESK TO MY BOSS AND THEN CLEAN HIS BLOOD WITH HIS LAPTOP COMPONENTS AND THEN SELL THEIR ORGANS TO THE BLACK MARKET, USE THAT MONEY TO BUY A MACHINE GUN AND USE IT AGAINST THAH GODAMN CLIENT...

Manager: 'Please remove this checkbox from that page.'

Me: 'Sure thing, it was stupid anyway. Just gimme a couple of minutes.'

Legacy code: 'LOL the checkbox is wired to everything else and if you simply remove it the backend will shit itself. There is several hundred lines of inline Javascript in the HTML template with some Thymeleaf stuff managing the form data or just are there to make the code less readable. The controller for the page is a bit more than a thousand lines of spaghetti, no easy way to find where is that specific data necessary and where can be easily removed. Class variables declared between methods, dozens of nested if statements checking shit in every method and the data is passed through like half a dozen other classes. Good luck with that!'

Me: '💩.'

This kind of stuff makes my blood boil. And yes, this is in production code.

I feel that people are quick to blame PHP for a lot of things. But come on, you have to admit it has the most straightforward debugging workflow:

Take a ritual knife out of your desk drawer

Sacrifice some blood to the PHP gods

Clean the knife

Well today I got a fantastic surprise (truthfully). We hired a dev some months ago, who was on 6 months probation and, to put it politely, he was not going to pass it.

*side note: for details of some of the above, read my last 10 or so rants. They are pretty much all him.

Anyway, management put him on an improvement plan to make sure everything was fair, it wasn't working out, but they said we had to finish it to be fair.

So we had another 2 weeks left when he announced last night he's leaving for a new junior role, technical but not a dev.

Months of stress, heartache, bewilderment, late nights and weekends all just came to an end.

The English language fails me to express my overwhelming joy at this moment. The only way I can come close to it is to say that when he made his announcement, a colleague told me I should stop smiling as it could be taken as being rude.

I'd like to take this moment to thank the community for supporting me over the past few difficult months. Without you I probably would have tried to kill him with my dev rant stressball.

Thanks,
practiseSafeHex

I fried my laptop's lithium-ion battery by overheating it too much when gaming for 1.5 years now. Was only getting 20 minutes on a charge. Bought a replacement battery to install.

My laptop is full-body aluminum, and when removing the difficult-to-remove backplate, I sliced my thumb deeply on the razor-sharp internal edge of the backplate.

Hurt like hell. Took a while to get the bleeding to stop. I had to finish what I started, so I swore I'll be careful the rest of the time.

Yet somehow, my hand eventually slipped and I ended up slicing my OTHER thumb, on the exact same component! And the gash was even deeper and hurt even more! And took 3x as long to stop bleeding! I lost so much blood... 😫

Moral of the story: Be careful when dealing with full-body aluminum laptops. They're fucking evil and dangerous. Also, don't let your laptop reach temps above 82-85 degrees Celsius.

Thankfully, no tetanus from any of this. 😓

Reading some of the wk50 rants makes my blood run cold. brrrrr. They're terrifying.

While my story goes just like this.
Didn't know our manager(let's call him R) messaged us in our group chat that he won't make it to office for that day.
My account replied "Let's have moment of silence for those who left us. R, you will be missed. :'( Thank you for everything.".

I didn't notice the message until lunch time and my co-devs (with much back-slapping and laughing) told me I'm a gem. -_-
I just went to get some coffee, forgot to lock my unit and came back a murderer.
AND It was only my 2nd month on the job.

My morning (RO = remote office):

Me: Your xxx implementation is very strange.
RO: Yes we are following a new example from experts in this field. See this link.

Me: Paragraph 1, use xxx class in these situations. Were not doing that.
RO: Yes we had problems with that, we decided to skip that.

Me: Paragraph 2, always use xxx when accessing data. Were not doing that.
RO: Yes that create many bugs, we skipped that.

Me: This section on debugging says to enable this flag while in development to allow the IDE to alert you to issues.
RO: Yes this causes the app to crash constantly. So we took it out.
Me: ... because its finding issues ... and telling you where the problem is, with an error message.

... your not following the experts at all.

RO: We are!, please read the link we provided.

... this will be discussed on my exit interview

FUCK GOOGLE.

FUCK THE GOOGLE PLAY REVIEW TEAM.

FUCK THEIR BOT GENERATED EMAILS.

FUCK THEIR DEVELOPER SUPPORT.

I am trying to launch a fucking action game. There will be fucking guns and muzzle flashes shown in the screenshots. Stop fucking rejecting the app. There is no blood in the icon or screenshots. Stop sending me bot generated emails and tell me what content is being flagged.

A little information on the whole scenario: My game was rejected so immediately I contacted the support as to what was the issue. The guy told me 2 screenshots were flagged because they had the muzzle flashes and damage indicator (call of duty type which tells the direction from where the bullets are coming from). So I removed the screenshots and still the game was rejected. FUCK THESE ASSHOLES. SAME GOES FOR APPLE.

!rant
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because Im responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss

The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work.... The ass hole is usually in charge

Boils my fucking blood.

How many billions of dollars is Microsoft worth again? And they still make me update my fucking updater?

Why is there even a separate program for updating??

I hate it when people don't understand that programmers are prone to depression just like anyone else in other professions.

And my blood literally boils when someone says "Stop overthinking". Like bro, overthinking is literally how I make a living.

If I stop thinking about how my code can fail, I no longer can make a living out of this. I'll be no better than a handicapped PTSD possessed war veteran.

Also, IMO, you're born with an overthinking mind. It's not learned or acquired from an influence. I wish I could stop overthinking, but I have to accept it's beyond my control and try to tame it best I can.

It just sucks. But it is what it is. I know my head is spitting words out at full capacity right now, which just leads to depressed thoughts, and it will calm itself right down after some time.

Client: "I did not receive the email that should be send after that event. Please fix."
Me:
* Checks code - ok
* Tests feature in locally - ok
* Tests feature in production - ok
* checks values in database - ok
* 2 hours wasted - ok
"Please help me dear CTO, idk what else I could check or how I should even respond to this."
CTO: "hmm, the clients account uses a adminstrative email address for testing. Let me just check if it is in the mailbox."
*checks* "Yeah, that's the email you're looking for, right?"
Me: *experiences relief, anger, blood lust and disappointment at the same time* "Could you please respond to the client for me, I need a break. Thanks"

"So you need access to the test server?"
Me:"Yes"
"Please fill these 800000000 forms,sign here,get your blood sample,your ID ,your right kidney,letter of approval from your boss,...."

Fuuuuuuuck!!!! I just want to change only 3 lines of code!!!!!!

These clowns make my blood boil.

fullStackClown: Hey I need some info on that specific color you want for this design

managerClowns: Yes it should look like this <<sends screenshot>>

fullStackClown: That is not a color, it is a screenshot

managerClowns: Yes it should look like this

fullStackClown: Do you know what hex code that is for that color? Can you ask the design team what color from our corporate identity they used?

managerClowns: Yes it should look like this

fullStackClown: Not helping... okay fine I used the eyedropper and I see the hex code is not used anywhere else in our app, so what color should I use?

managerClowns: Yes it should look like this

fullStackClown: ...

Our blood pressure device has Intellisense

!dev && I'm fucking pissed

Bloody fucking mosquitos, FUCK YOU!!
If you couldn't evolve your shitty self over billions of years to be able to consume decent food instead of MY FUCKING BLOOD, then just let me fucking kill you already and eat my own fucking supper in peace!
MOTHERFUCKING PARASITIC ABOMINATIONS OF LIFE!!!

I have found myself more confused than a chameleon in a bag of skittles because I can't figure out why my ajax(beginform()) won't fire off any of the JS functions I write.

Did my Googles and that didn't help. Verbally abused my monitor and rubber duck, didn't help. I've got a blood sacrifice to the Javascript gods scheduled for tomorrow. Maybe that'll work.

A bug in production, so I was debugging and the boss says to me "how do you stay so calm?" and I answer "just like a surgeon does't have to freak out with blood, a developer doesn't have to freak out with bugs"

So I am running this crypto project that has dynamically generated private keys for a wallet stored in a Redis database. Nowhere else. The keys are generated on the fly.

At the moment of the happening the wallet had over 3.000 USD on it. I am testing new code locally, supposedly on a local Redis DB. Of a sudden, my code wipes the crypto keys and it turns out that I was connected to the live instance. 😱 Better don't ask me how.

Shock of my life. You know, when you turn pale and dark in your eyes, blood stops in your veins and you just want to die? Worst-case scenario that could have happened. All that money lost in crypto space.

Turns out, my good Redis hosting company kept backups for the past 7 days. Keys restored. Happiest moment of my life.

thanks to @stuxnet i have to proudly say, that i have went outside and after 21 years, asked a girl for her number in real life, of course got rejected, this probably sounds pathetic as fuck to all of you, which i do agree, but because of the hell I've gone through and blood I've left behind out of struggle the life caused me, i have finally gathered bravery to take a risk and do it, yes i technically haven't achieved anything but i have finally tried at least once and this is the furthest I've gone with girls in real life... what a fucking relief... i think its gonna be much easier now that i finally broke the ice...

You know what you sound like when you say that "I want to be a programmer but this code is offensive so remove it"? It's like saying that "I want to be a surgeon but I don't like blood, so remove the blood right now."

I personally don't really like blood a whole lot, especially when it comes out of the bodies of other people. I don't really want to become a surgeon, but let's say that I would. "Teacher, I don't like blood, I want to become a surgeon but I hate blood!!! MAKE ALL PATIENTS STOP BLEEDING NOW!!!"

To which my teacher surgeon would of course respond: "Well how about you don't become a surgeon then, because humans that are cut open do bleed, and there's nothing we can do about it."

Same thing with code. You know why code is written? To be a useful tool, for people to become more productive by running the thing (unlike the average SJW). And normal people, you know how much they care about the code? They only care for it as much as for it to be able to run properly. And the ones that do look in the source code either want to improve its functionality or check whether it's actually something decent, secure, safe to run etc etc. People don't normally look at code for the sake of getting offended by something.

But the formulation used in the code, does it even matter? Jerk, it's a term that's used in physics. Does it refer to your despised white cis males whacking off? Of course it doesn't, it's a term to describe change in acceleration. Masters and slaves in code, does it refer to slavery? Most certainly it doesn't. So why bother?

Don’t you love when you put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into a company and then you get fired because your wife got a flat tire and you had to go help fix it?

When I got to this company they were not using version control, had no tooling in place, and most of our day was spent merging projects by hand and going through a long process to deploy our applications (this company is a primarily Salesforce company).

I got everyone using git and built a node client to transpile JavaScript and SASS, lint code, package everything together, and deploy it to Salesforce. Productivity jumped and the amount of time all of us spent merging code by hand dropped significantly.

A few weeks after finishing this CLI I was moved to another team and subsequently let go because I had to leave early to help my wife fix a flat tire. Now I am freelancing and actually doing pretty damn well for myself. Bonus: I no longer have to work with the disaster that is Salesforce!

I call my git repos the field hospital.

I didn't finish my studies, but I seem to be the most qualified person to pick up the scalpel. Big corner of body bags. New brilliant ideas arrive, I do what I can with the time I have. Sometimes something survives, but it's usually too heavily mutilated to fully function. Unfinished refactorings develop into hardened scar tissue, the feature creep starts festering and leaking.

I should get better at triaging, just deleting old crap, pick one project and nurse it back to health.

But it's not easy to start with fresh focus, when your keyboard is still soaked in booze and the blood and tears of all the victims you've butchered.

An idiot was running to get the train (underground) and almost slipped into the track.

Tried to hold me, smacked me in the face in the process. Still held him from falling in the track. Didn't even say thanks.

My nose is now bleeding like there's no end to it. There's a big cut right in the middle of the nose.

Not the Friday I was looking forward to :(

Just when I had given up hope and thought South Africa was just a little to far for the devRant stickers to go - it arrived! It's looks like it's been through blood, months and tears to get here, but it's here! Thanks guys!

Some people say that they've built something with blood, sweat and tears. They've clearly never built anything serious. If they did, they'd know that it costs that, an unholy amount of alcoholic beverages to account for the crippling depression caused by the inevitable failures, and a shitton of cursing. FUCK!!

"how much did they first pay you to give up on your dreams?"

is the most blood chilling quote I've came across in my life. how do you guys feel about this?

Dear Product owners / Company Owners / Whoever requesting a feature:

Devs like to know they are adding value to whatever product they are working on. Every time you request a stupid no value added request, you kick the dev's soul.

After several hits the developer will stop caring about the software and eventually will get the job done, but oh boy, the amount of tech debt/trash code the dev is gonna leave behind will be horrendous.

Then the next developer, not only takes the hit from another stupid request, he/she will see the crappy code the past sad developer left and will take a double hit. Of course all of them start proactive and try to fix previous blood trails but sadness will catch them eventually.

If you want you're apps/products/reports to be good in a long run don't make stupid requests.

BAs, Stop being Expensive Email Forwarders and challenge a request, understand the process and then hand it to the developer.

Us developers are sensible cute ponies. Treat us well or expect poor quality projects

Fuck ISP. Just moved to nz. Explain to this company im working at home on the internet. Need it fast.

Takes 8 days to get the 📦 in a country of 5 million people. Wtf.

Box does not contain all default connections for box to work in a default house hold.

Call them. Tells me i have to go get it myself because i didnt request it. Fuck you or did you just fuck me.

Pay 100 dollars (this is in new zealand even though it feels like afghanistan. Not trying to offenecse any on here btw) a month for unlimited internet and phoneline.

They forget to put on the phone line.

Pay their fucking stupid 4 dollar cable insurance because new zealand has houses built for fucking cave people with 0 insolation and prone to dampness.

First day connections dont work. Well is that not fucking beautiful. I actually payed 4 worthy dollars.

WRONG YOU MOTHER FUCKER.

They tell me i didnt take the insurance.i go mayhem tell them how useless they are. So they send some one 8am the next mornin while activating the insurance. Ho yeah they also told me they forgot to include landline in my account.

Now 2 days in everything works im happy. Wake up to “your account has been suspended because you went over the max 200$ of your credit. You owe us 250$ before you can re-activate your account....

Inside boiling. Rudness and caps just won`t help.... I need some blood.... Some ISP blood....

Built my new PC over the weekend.. An absolute beast... A Blood Beast

My friend who is new to Android App Dev was trying to make a simple app that programmatically takes a pic then sends it as an MMS. He opened Stack Overflow, copied code and i heard him murmur "hmm this is simple". Knowing the future, and the wrath of Android Studio, i leaned into my seat and waited. 2 hours later i knew Andy Studio had pissed all over him and it was written all over his face. I walked past him as if to go to the toilet then back again, his screen was blood red with errors and my heart danced and sang.

3 hours later i was out of the room and he sent me a text saying "I give up". I replied, "well tbh, im suprised it took you that long"

Thank you Android Studio for showing all those who think all we do is copy and paste code that they are freakin retards.

This god damned fucking group Project in University!
How did 2 of these stupid as shit ballsacks of useless crap even manage to get through the first 4 semesters?
And now they can't contribute to anything. Or even worse is when they do contribut and mess up everything. Its like trying to play chess with a god damn bird.
Now this fucking project is robbing me of my sleep and the fucking idiots that organize the whole damn thing don't even care about that it's basically just me and one other guy carrying the fucking project.
Stupid theoretic computer science people that get to use as as slaves for their resarch because we "need to get some experience".
If I get anymore fucking experience of how a big software production works I'm going to fucking murder someone...
Verdammtes Arschgeigengesöcks.
Diese schwanzlutschenden Pferdgefickten Eiterwichsende Hurrensöhne.

I fucking shit Blood because I'm in too much stress. And I mean that literally. My fucking asshole burst open because I fucking have to deal with you dirty disgusting scumbags.

[God creating manager]
God: Take a blood sucking Dracula
Angel: okay
God: Wrap in a human costume
Angel: wait, is that legal?
God: Now make it dumb
Angel: -_-
God: Throw it between intelligent people
Angel: Is everything alright at your home?

Every time when a person refers to code in plural. IT'S CODE not CODES. Makes my blood boil.

!rant

Just wanted to congratulate @JS96 on devRant V2 UWP app. Can tell he put blood and sweat into this app and it sure as hell has paid off.

Thank you.

2018 was a dumpster fuck for me. I was looking for 2019.

Oh boy, I was wrong.

I had a flight booked for 3rd Jan. I was supposed to go to Delhi, back to my job.

On 2nd Jan evening, I got a high fever. 103 F and my heartbeat were around 140. My brother took me to Hospital and after the doctor checked me.

There were no other symptoms. Only high fever. The doctor told me to do some blood test and give me a dose of Antibiotic.

Next day all the result came back negative. Doctor give me 3 days of antibiotic course and told eat light.

After 3 days of getting the 4g antibiotic in my body, Nothing changed. The fever was there and no symptoms.

on the 3rd day, the doctor increases the course to 2 days and told me to get more blood test. I also had to get 4D sonography and Heart ECG and its sonography.

on the 5th day, nothing changed. I still had a high fever. All the blood test were negative.

On the 6th day, I was admitted to the hospital and my medicine was changed to high does of broad-spectrum antibiotics and lots of new blood test.

There were taking blood from one hand and giving antibiotics to another.

After the broad-spectrum antibiotics, my fever went down to normal but all the 17 blood test I did came completely negative.

On the 8th day, we went to an infection specialist. He checked all the report and ask us to do a very details sonography. After all those things he said it most likely staphylococcus infection.

So here I am, making a chart of my temperature every 2 hours and taking two tablets every day.

This last 10 was very hard. There was a point where I was thinking "this is it. I am gonna die".

I am still waiting for a very detailed blood report which takes 5 days to create. I will get it after 2 days.

So after lots of medicine and over 15+ reports, Here I am working from home.

What a wonderful start of 2019.

This rant goes to my best friend.

Fuck you!

You do not fucking argue with people for doing what they like! So what if I want to use linux? What fucking problem does that make? Am I now a hacker fanboy for wanting to use a terminal instead of fucking pointing and clicking on shit like a monkey? Am I not allowed to want my privacy and free open-source? What? I shouldn't browse internet without getting my personal info stolen? Oh, they're tracking criminals? Then why don't you install a camera in your fucking living room so you can help them out? And don't fucking get me started on why I don't want to use Windows 10.

Fuck fucking fuck fuck. I know he's a good friend but this fucking shit gets my blood boiling.

Making ciri from the witcher upcoming tv series a black asian minority ( although she has has elf blood . Elfs are white not black ).

Master/slave controversy.

Introducing random gay movie scenes just for the sake of diversity.

What's next ? Making a documentary about linus torvalds with him being a black asian gay feminist ?

Most business apps end up being overcomplicated and convoluted because that’s what most businesses are:

Overcomplicated and convoluted.

Building an app to operate systems like that will always be an exercise in garbage in garbage out. Fix your process before saying wE nEeD An aPp To Do ThIs. You don’t need an app. You need a smack upside the head.

I passed my exam (did well even), signed up to be a blood donor and landed a job interview all in one day. If all days could be like that.. Now to go look my coworkers in the eyes like I'm not getting ready to jump ship but I'm secretly so excited I can barely sit still 🤭😂
(yes I know a job interview doesn't equal I got the job already, thanks and calm the fuck down, dads 🙄 only an idiot would only have one other thing lined up. Plan C, D and E are on standby too)

Reminder to look after yourselves.

Today I found out I've had hypertension and possibly an unruptured aneurysm. Resulting from stress at work and home, overworking and bad diet from having to keep my engery up for work. (over the last around 2-3 years).

Luckly I've moved away from stressful situations now so I'm feeling like I've dodged a rather large bullet!

Look after yourselves guys, take breaks, check your caffeine, sugar and cholesterol intakes and keep active! I reckon the 6 days a week football training saved my life!

hypertension is a silent killer and can cause fatal damage to your organs such as kidneys, lungs, eyes, brain and heart.

Luckly it spotted it early with a blood test and optician visit. I had a hemorrhage in one of my eyes but wasn't until 6 months later GP noticed signs of kidney damage from my blood test it was found!

I should be fine but look after yourselves! You're more important than that deadline!

I forged a katana once, under the supervision of a swordsmith. Nothing super special like damascus patterning or anything, but the cutting edge was pretty sharp.

Ugh sorry, lame word jokes.

In terms of software...

Microsoft Office Ribbon (cutting edge at the time, lol). Only as a maintenance drone on a bunch of manual search-and-replace work and merge conflict resolving.

Ariane 6 family of rockets (Welding X-rays and other DICOM quality assurance).

Software for continuous flow chemistry, developing microfluidic PCBs to perform Elisa immunology assays during the Mexican flu outbreak. Idea was to eliminate the need for microplates, expensive robots, microwell washers, etc — just have blood plasma, enzymecoated nanoparticles, antigen, conjugated detection reagents and substrates flowing programmatically through a PCB with a spectrophotometer built in.

It boils my blood when a dev (yes, a dev) says - "Hey could you please check X, I am getting an error."

FUCKING TELL ME WHAT ERROR, YOU TROGLO-FUCKING-DYTE IDIOT SON OF A WHORE

Clicking "share" on directory in Windows Explorer, digging through config panel, fidgeting with network discovery options, toggling password protection, digging through account management, jumping over a chair 3 times to channel my inner Bill Gates, checking directory permissions, sacrificing 7 virgin unicorns, go into lusrmgr.msc, curse various gods, install CIFS1.0 protocol, reboot computer, disable encryption, checking registry, trying to summon Steve Ballmer using the blood of a bald goat and sweat-scented candles... 5 hours.

Install Ubuntu on spare SSD, mount Windows NTFS drive, start SMB daemon and set up samba users... 15 minutes.

How is your relationship with your lead developer?

Today, mine used the bathroom stall next to me and we were talking and cracking jokes.

A friendship that was forged in tech, blood, tears and now shit

Because there are friends, and there are shitty friends(omg so punny)

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!
HOW CAN SOMEONE BE A FREELANCER/WEB DEV AND TYPE SO FUCKING SLOW AND HAVE TROUBLE WITH FUCKING LETTERS ALL THE TIME?!

I'm gonna push this mother fucker so hard that he will learn not to "lie" in an interview never again and become a fucking dev.

"Son ur always sitting at home at computer, ur a computer guy so how come u didnt buy one of those crypto coins and become rich with all that computer knowledge you have. I hear in news all the time how people get rich with crypto. If i had the computer knowledge like you do i would be rich a long time ago. Why dont u buy crypto and be rich from it? U study computers so it should be easy for u to do it"
- dad

my blood before: 🩸🩸🩸

my blood after: 🩸🔥🩸🌋🩸♨️🩸🔥🩸🌋🩸♨️🩸🔥🩸🔥🩸

Anyone else's blood boil when TV shows abuse tech terminology? Like the 'hacker' saying "connecting the virtual TCP to the neural net."

Apple are annoyingly out of touch, has anyone seen the iPad Pro advert? They run the ad where a kid asks 'What is a computer?' and it boils my blood because a tablet is basically a computer. I get the point they're trying to make but assuming that 'a post-PC world is closer than you think' is a bit far fetched.
I mean are they planning on discontinuing the iMac? I don't think so. Annoying and smug ad for their touch screen computer.

Not sure why but every time I open that featureful piece of Zuccshit called Facebook, it never fails to make my blood boil to even higher levels than it did last time... Fucking curse of the internet, data mining, Zuccy piece of featureful trash!

!dev !rant but still funny story

As the goth of the dev team, sometimes people ask me several things about me.

I was working on my code. It was 3 or 4PM and a bored dev asks came to me

He: Have you ever tried to be a vampire?
Me: No, I’m just a goth
He: Do you know a vampire?
Me: Unfortunately no, but I’ve heard of them.
He: Do they suck blood?
I don’t know if he was asking because of curiosity or in a sarcastic mode. As usual, I answered in a polite way explaining him what means to be a vampire, the types (blood and energetic) and the difference between a goth and a vampire.

While I was explaining to him this, the boss came into the office, heard me talking about the energetic vampires and said “Wow wow wow! What is coming on here?!” 😂

You utter &@£#s. You give rediclious promises to clients without consulting Devs how long items will take, when issues with project are clarified with client months in advance you turn around week before last and do a massive U turn. Expect junior developers to be masters of Photoshop, flash, server side technologies and to get around and code the front end. Then developers who are putting in the over time already you demand a massive load of overtime extra and threaten us if we don't meet the deadline?! Sat here blood boiling. last guy here litrually rage quit because of issues like this and #&## I think I'm going to too, so hard to try stay professional! ##&##&# I have had it!

OMG !!
I downvoted a question on stackoverflow !
I feel the evil in my blood now

That's it. I've had enough.

I lost my job yesterday (again) and the Irish cumstain who lives in the room next to me got pissed last night and kicked my door in because he thought I had his phone(?) and was ignoring him, when I was at work.

Long story short, he ripped my friends back door apart, tried to fight me (which ended with me chasing him down the street with a plank).

Police came and did a wonderful job as always by making us shake hands and 'promise' to leave each other alone.

THIS ISN'T FUCKING PRIMARY SCHOOL. DRAG HIM AWAY BEFORE I DO, YOU IGNORANT FUCKING PIGS.

Oh, and my 'friend' then had a schizophrenic episode and blamed it all on me(?!?). I then went to buy 2 bottles of vodka and decided to get pissed before trying to kill myself.

Ah, I love humans. Dirty, ignorant, blood sucking bags of sweaty meat and delicate bone. I really want to turn this Irish cunt into a skinsack of blood and guts, but I'm waiting patiently. He's going to wake up one night tied up and gagged, with me dragging him to a forest somewhere far far away...

Is it weird that I want to make him scream, cry, and shit himself at the same time?

English is weird.
Take the double oo for example.
There are so many different pronunciations for it and there seems to be no rules whatsoever.

mood
wood
blood
door

All different

I am now officially 23 years old.

So many hours of work invested
So many countless blood spilled
So much sweat made
So many years passed
So many projects worked on

Summed up in 0 successful projects

If someone were to ask me to showcase what I had done in 23 years of my life, I cannot show them something that no longer exists. The projects are dead. I cannot even prove my friends what I had done other than blindly say what I had done. But behind the scenes I worked so much and am completely demotivated by all of the pressure from failure. I have actually never felt so bad on my birthday. 2020 really is the worst year ever. I feel like a failure while life is just exponentially passing by.....

Who did you guys inherit your programming skills from?

Neither of my parents are skilled with computers, and my dad can barely turn them on. My grandfather was an IBM programmer, but he died before I was ever interested in computers. While he didn't have time to physically get me interested in them, I think that's how it got into my blood.

Twitter should be connected to a health tracking device so that users would only be able to reply to tweets as long as their pulse and blood pressure is still on a relaxed level. This could prevent dysfunctional "social" media "discussions" a lot.

My mom has a blood pressure problem. She has to take medicine at 7:30AM and after dinner at around 9PM everyday. I installed a medicine reminder app and created two reminders. It’s been one year or so now, she’s still following those reminders😁

Set up a server, code for hours using node and Mongo trying to realize your dream. FINALLY complete it after a lOOOng time of blood and sweat..

Then find out that a Noob who didn't know the first letter of web programming used FireBase and did what you did in a fraction of the time

I think I've reached the point where I can question what I've done, my purpose in life and.. As for my confidence I think it successfully descended during my last visit to the bathroom

Just lied to a client about meeting up to discuss a project. I called in sick, but I am just too tired and didn’t do anything on the project for a week. I have blood on my hands now. I will have to see him tomorrow though.

I appreciate Minecraft and Minecraft mods. Teaching kids to eat tasty animals, and make glue from blood. There is a mod the literally makes glue by putting horses in a smelter. You can even heal the horse and keep it alive indefinitely. In constant agony. lol

Although, the idea that you can sustainably produce energy from wood is a bit suspect. Thankfully mods jumped in with nuclear reactors for real power generation.

My blood test report came. Both vitamin b12 and vitamin d3 alarmingly low!
How do you keep your health working from 9-6 as a programmer?

Anybody have the bad habits of biting nails down and sometimes tearing the skin off finger-tips just because licking the blood is somehow calming?

If so, how do you combat it?

Starting to realize I turn into AlexDeLarge when I play a few video games. (I'm not a hardcore gamer, just play the occasional fps or sports games.)

I caught myself yelling "I hope your fucking family falls into a pit of aids infected blood and they fucking drown in it you camping piece of shit" while I was playing PUBG today. Oops lol

Nearly amputated my middle finger by smashing it with heavy armoured door. Blood popped and splashed everywhere, as if I smashed a well fed mosquito mid-july. The nail is broken across the bottom. Finger is swolen to twice the size.

Looks like I'm gonna have a fun start on the new project next week...Unable to code 😁

This is what fucking boils my blood!

Over the past week I've been working on a game written in JavaScript (in the browser) which can be played with hand gestures seen by a camera (wanted to use an IR camera but couldn't get one in the time I had). It is the well-know Shell Game!

Blood, sweat and tears went into this because I wrote my code extremely bad so it became a huge clutter.

Will refactor some day, but I'm happy with the result!

Came across 'var3' and 'var15' while debugging Hybris. What the actual fuck SAP, since when do you hire preschoolers to code.

“The great questions of the day will not be settled by means of speeches and majority decisions... but by iron and blood.” - Otto von Bismarck

Well i was between jobs at the time, looking for something, anything to fill in the black hole being created in my wallet.

I applied online though this company’s website and within 20 minutes was on a phone interview setting up a face to face, this was Monday afternoon.

I went in on the Wednesday morning with the manager, no cv, no resume, no examples of work, we talked, did a couple of brain teaser questions and Friday morning I had the job 😂

I have never put so little effort into getting a job before but it was all a sham, the workload and requirements this job constantly sets out to kill me with are godly.

3 years later I’m still alive ( somehow ), and no blood has been shed.... yet.

!rant Yesterday, I picked up a plate with a single fork on it and managed to drop the fork in such a way that it landed on my foot and drew blood.

How y’all doing?

Fuck Azure, Fuck Windows, Fuck Microsoft.

Half ass baked products in the market. Half the time there's no documentation. When there's a documentation it is so bad that it makes me feel like biting my teeth so hard that I am left with fucking pieces of incisors. My blood fucking boils whenever I need to deal with "POWER"shell. Fucking weaklings.

Inspiration to code kicks in!

Kids asleep, everybody’s asleep, house is quiet. The kind of peace ive always wanted and wished! (Parents here will understand.)

Get to my laptop, opened up code editor, start fresh and clean! Created new file, about to type my first code and.........blood dripping from my nose. It doesn’t stop there, its like flowing for a while!

I noticed it keeps flowing while im projecting the inner excitement to code. When my mind drifted a bit, the nose bleeding stops. Wth? Its like my body is ejaculating when im excited to code, yeah.. it ls blood shot out of my nose, wtf!

...and i have to stop what im doing. Then the ideas just spoofly gone. Suddenly i dont know why im staring at an empty code editor.. (what was im about to code again?) i totally cant recall, it simply gone. Damn it. That could be a million dollar apps! Wish i can go back to an hour ago and record myself when i received that historic inspirational moment. 😔

New office saga continues

We had 2 days on induction and these guys hired a 19 year old intern for the HR department.

Yes, the worst possible combination.

In last two days she made our life hell. Insufferable human being.

How can a person be so annoying?!

It was so tempting to roast her, but then I had to control my instincts so as to not get a warning during my first two days.

Not saying that everyone is bad and there surely exist great people, but wide majority of Gen Z makes me go nuts and that is all what is wrong with corporate world, old wine and fresh blood overlapping.

We are headed towards self destruction, buckle up your seat belts.

There are many, but in in particular,
EA!!!
There could many reasons, overpriced games, micro-transactions...
All of them can be described as "just business"
But one stands out and makes it personal, the reason I wouldn't just shoot the game-designer but stab him and watch him drown in his own blood.
MASSEFFECT ANDROMEDA!!!!!
It felt like they took all the mistakes the third game made, and continued to add some more.
1. The PS4-Version had so many performance-issues, it was pretty much unplayable
2. Instead of a good story, interesting characters and fun battles, we got an open-world.
3. Facial animations and voice-acting from hell.

One time, I accidentally deleted all the data from one of the client's database table (invoices) because i forgot to comment the line from the script.

Good thing there were some backups and I was able to restore everything without anyone noticing. I was so fucking dumb at that time and I felt all the blood rush to my head at that moment when I did a SELECT * and NOTHING was displayed on the screen.

Rookie mistake.

My job title should be Fireman.
Seriously, the only reason I think my boss makes such stupid fucking decisions and starts fires everywhere is because he knows I have to and can put them out.
Infuriatingly blood boiling or compliment? Can’t decide...

I am a person who never lies. And when I see/hear others lie, be it for the benefit of mine or not, it gets my blood boiling. I disrespect liers with passion.

And I particularly hate magic fixes at work. You know the ones, when smth is not working for a few weeks, you involve 3 other teams responsible for their tiers, and then one day suddenly everything starts working. When you ask all the 3 tiers what has been done - everyone says "nothing".

If you do this bullshit to me, just know that everytime I remember you, before remembering your name/face/role I very vividly visualize pissing on your toothbrush right before you wake up.

Or did I do that for real..? Idk, it's too vivid to distinguish

I have to create an account just so I can switch to dark mode?! wtf is this shit! My blood is already boiling.

It took straight 2 minutes to send 3 values to their server and even then it failed, just fucking great, what fills my eyes with blood is how calm the message is supposed to sound, you fuck can't receive opt-outs over https, what?!

If I cut my wrists it would flow and sprinkle too much thick and hot italian coffee instead of the blood.

If you want recruiters to stop messaging you on linkedin. Change your job title to "Professional Cleaner".

Follow me for more tips on how to get rid of the blood sucking leaches

People caught using emojis in code should be driven into the sea.

Otherwise one day its gonna just be straight magic, without reason or understanding.

You're gonna type a bunch of moon runes into a glowing floaty interface, pour the blood of a chicken into a collector tray (totally not a pentagram) and "shit just happens" (tm).

And "scholars" (neckbeards) will spend all their time shape-in-wrong-hole idiocracy-style button mashing their mystical ouija board IDEs in the grim dark future, looking for combinations that do something useful.

Every time it glows red? Compile error.

Every time it glows green? Christmas is near, congrats it compiled.

Every time it sets off a mystical air siren (henceforth known as "fusrohdah"), runtime error. And probably explosions.

In the grim dark future of Apple 40k. A.D, there is only war, warp demons, and pending VSCode updates.

"your flesh is mine"
"your blood is mine"
"Yield"

Get zucced

I just fucking love the feature of "click outside the textbox and lose all you wrote" on devrant, keeps my blood boiled just right. I am counting every second until the new webapp is supposedly coming 😢

Friend1 (being lewd): I'll merge you in to my git repository
Me: When you try to merge but she has her special days of the month it's called a merge conflict
Friend2: It's not a merge without a little blood

By bathing in virgin blood and terrorising the people of my village.

Wanted to do a 1 hour coding challenge. Thought "hey why not use js this time". 3 hours later, my blood pressure is skyrocketing and i am really bothered by js threading.

It boils my blood how many times I pressed ctrl+w closing the current tab instead of saving it FUCK

now that i paused the project with mr turdface PM and started working on other topics, i was hoping that finally i could get a bit more peace of mind. but now i'm down with headaches for several days and just feeling terribly sad.
i feel like i've torn out my own heart for this job and handed it on a silver platter, and now i feel like i've lost too much blood and there's not enough left for myself.

Instead of coffee to start your morning, try prod going down on Saturday! It will really get your blood pumping!

I don't wanna hear anyone dismissing college education, specially from people that can't do asymptotic analysis and have no clue what a pointer is. It's not fine. What do you think people spend 4+ years studying for? For this shit? There's a reason why a diploma has a weight, it's not just decoration.

I get it that the american educational system is fucked up and you guys have to pay a shit ton of money for it, but you can't just pretend it's worth nothing.

How diminishing it is to hear people shit on a life long struggle to get where i am today. I had to study a ton to get into college, and I'm still pouring my blood and mental health into my studies, only for some random to say that a youtube tutorial is worth the same.

I just experienced near death because of high blood. Super strong blood pressure. Avoid coffee, playing games, and sleeping very late at night. This is my advice as a survivor developer. I want to share this to help you. For fast deadlines or hard user stories, always negotiate reasonably with your SM or PM or PO or client.

Thank God he have me a 2nd chance at life. Take care of your health. Don't worry about deadlines. Health is more important. Always pray. I deleted all of my games especially my beloved call of duty mobile and clash of clans. I'll forget all games that I know because those contributed to my high blood pressure.

When you have a headache or head pressure or eye twitching . Stop what you are currently doing and relax, measure your blood pressure and contact your family asap. Take it seriously. My wife saved me.

What the sh*t is this kind of response?! One of my corporate department's internal API returns THIS.

LOOK AT IT. LOOK. "NULL". What are those malformed closing / ending brackets?!

(request headers have accept: application/json btw)

And, as a final "f*uck you", the "IPG_API_JOBD_NC_RESP_P_COLL" is returned as JSON object if response has one element to return, but will be JSON ARRAY if result has more than one element.

Good luck, you there with strongly typed languages..... Boils my blood 😅

This gutted feeling when you got so overly excited over an idea that you poured blood, sweat, and tears into it only to figure out what the others were doing isn't actually bad. Their's doesn't have issues. There's nothing for me to do. My whole idea, scrapped

I feel tired 😔

Sit down to do a math lab in Maple on university computers. Struggle for a while with shitty software. Click on a help link provided by Maple for an error I was getting.

BSOD outta nowhere.

Hadn't saved my work. And Maple was developed by the best university in Canada. I hope they all catch something rare and incurable and die.

Working with Microsoft is like trying to make a fucking bridge out of jello. It’s like trying to tell where you are in a forest by licking the soil. It’s like trying to run on a track covered in oil. It’s like trying to speak to aliens. Its like trying to write something with your own blood. It’s like spending 10 fucking hours to find out how to setup the IDE so the scrolling works. It’s like shoving your tv remote up your own ass to feel something.

Back when SharePoint was still foreign to me, and I didn't know the pain of administrating it, I had the idea that files were copied to my local machine. I saw no need to preserve backups from before I started, especially since they already existed on the server, so I got rid of them.

Also hooked up to SharePoint was an email handler. Whenever a case was created or deleted, an email went out to the entire department. Guess what happened when I deleted 250,000 records?

Fortunately, SharePoint has a recycle bin. Unfortunately, restoring those files generated another 250,000 emails. To the whole department.

I bought many donuts to appease the crowd baying for my blood.

By the way, did anyone ever went to hospital because drinking too much coffee? I drink it, you drink it, we drink it, but I'm seriously worried sometimes about my heart and blood pressure.

On my system Android Studio sucks half of my RAM. Come on guys, even sharks are not that hungry for blood.

If in the worst case you had Chrome running in bg, the system will just kill itself.

So my country's president just decided that Turkey is too cool to set clocks back for an hour and it fucked all of my device's times up. And I'm not even sure how to convert time zones anymore.. And some devices (un) update time back to summer time so logs and notifications go crazy.

This is just a stupid idea that doesn't make the single bit of sense, are they that unoccupied to change time on their whim ?! You are the government first find a fucking proper solution for all the immigrants from neighboring countries and our unbalanced ass economy.. I'm so fucking pissed this isn't the first time our president plays with the country like this.

Uugh I just want to renounce my citizenship and reside somewhere else that isn't as fucked up as Turkey.. I'm sorry my ancestors that shed blood for this country. It's crumbling because of ignorant masses that follow a dictator blindly.

"What? You aren't sure where the Android Wifi credentials QR Code scanner is specifically located? But.. Aren't you the expert?" Trying not to freaking boil my blood right now.

Back in august a fren approached me regarding joining an internship. Fee:70$.
Fkin prostitution I said and left.

Today I got a confirmation letter for an internship that I earned through months of sweat and blood.
Witness my rise, peasants

Why the hell must Microsoft always be dickhead about the telemetry.
Take one beautiful NET.CORE. I make an app for myself, deploy it only to find out that those data-hungry arses have built-in default enabled telemetry and the only way to disable it is to set one dick-long env. variable:
DOTNET_CLI_TELEMETRY_OPTOUT="1"
Seriously ??
No way to exclude it completely, you have to sweat blood everywhere it runs.
Consent ? Hardly, just small line during installation...
I swear everything MS touches turns into spyware...

so i am thinking; this site will help with my blood pressure? ;) anyone can confirm it yet? ;)

2021 was really rough, saw friends going over the deep end with burnout, significant incidents to handle and a shitty manager to deal with.

It wasn't about blood and tears, it was about commuting 4 hours/day mid-pandemic to be present in the office and respond to an incident whilst having to deal with a bunch of heroes thinking they were part of a CSI: Cyber episode.

All of that just to be said that my raise "would be enough to keep me from looking elsewhere" as my manager said they were very happy with my performance.

This week I found out exactly how much this appreciation is worth: 2%. And I should consider myself lucky with this number as my performance wasn't good enough to grant me any raise whatsoever.

feelsreallybad.png

GIT COMMMIT LOG VERSION 011
-------------------------
4cc7d0d Derp, asset redirection in dev mode
6b6e213 Lock S-foils in attack position
1e44549 I am even stupider than I thought
2f6bec9 You should have trusted me.
891851a To those I leave behind, good luck!
3367d77 Update .gitignore
46d6b0f Merging the merge
b12f6fe First Blood
0598e4f 8==========D
9151ff4 Finished fondling.
3a0ec1e ...
8358c20 c&p fail
bc1e834 magic, have no clue but it works
31bb17a I don't get paid enough for this shit.
21edb91 :(:(
7a71610 Stephen rebase plx?
2060661 Copy-paste to fix previous copy-paste
21ac5d2 Handled a particular error.
2dedd90 pam anderson is going to love me.
c3d4c83 omg what have I done?
d38bafd Herping the derp derp (silly scoping error)
e461773 Merge pull request #67 from Lazersmoke/fix-andys-shit Fix andys shit
1faf82b Is there an award for this?
1f6e3f3 Feed. You. Stuff. No time.
6f0097d I'm too old for this shit!
133179e I'm just a grunt. Don't blame me for this awful PoS.
d3e5202 harharhar
57d9a7c THE MEM TEST FUNCTION YOU ARE LOOKING FOR, IS HERE. SAY THANKS FOR THIS COMMIT MESSAGE

Rant?
So... I've been to the doctor's, I have a high blood pressure (I'm only 30 ffs).
She says I'm too grumpy, over thinking and should loose weight.

FML I'm gonna die young... At least the wife will get my life insurance...

30hr non stop programming during university. Self proclaimed "best programmer" did not have shit the day before the deadline while he said he was done 2 weeks before that.
He also proclaimed being the "best leader" and kept trying to take that role from the one we decided on before he joined the group.
He also proclaimed amd lied about making all the documentation to save his own ass and trowing us under the bus while we did not even mention saving his ass.
And much more.

My blood still starts to boil when i see the guy.

This app seems to be mostly web developers so I have a question that will either spark interesting discussion or a blood curdling flame war. Either way:

I'm trying to build a blog site for myself. I'm not a web developer, for the most part I write C software, but I have written web software before. I want to write it, not use a CMS. What are some techniques and tools I should be aware of, so I don't break my keyboard in frustration?

Heres another Story of my nosebleeds... Its a death circle...
1. Micro Scratch opens in nose.
2. Nose starts to bleed...
4. I Start to swear and scream really
FUCKING LOUD BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS SO NOSERAPING ANNOYING!!
3. Eventually it stops
4. It starts to heal...
5. I get a little bigger...
6. THE CIRCLE CLOSES AND STARTS AGAIN! I HOPE SO MUCH THAT I STOP GAINING HEIGHT VERY FUCKING SOON BECAUSE I COULD MAKE VERY FUCKING MANY BLOOD DONATIONS WITH MY BLOOD! AND MY KEYBOARD...oh god...

#IamNotgayatallandpeoplehatedmyoldtagsothisismynewone

I am pulling my hair out on ducking low level stuff. This is why people (more importantly me!) should have the chance to learn, rather than assume how things work.

Has anyone of you detailed resources on how linking objects into shared libraries really works ? Especially Name Resolution. All those ducking tutorials and bloody blog post just have simple examples and explain shit not in detail!

Even ducking man pages on gcc/ld don’t help me out! Maybe I’m too dumb to type the right words into me search engine. I’d even love to read a bloody paper book.

I was just listening to Last Week Tonight with John Oliver on YouTube while brushing my teeth and tried to adjust the volume on my phone but instead accidentally locked it. Then the fingerprint scanner refused to open the phone again, so I turned it the right way around, accidentally removing the electric toothbrush from my mouth in the process, spraying toothpaste and saliva all over my screen like a giant fan.

When I finally unlocked my stained phone, how did YouTube react to my blood being ready to boil?

“Wish videos kept playing even when you close the app? Try YouTube Premium for 12,99€ a month.”

I wanted to drop my phone into the bog and walk away singing Fucked With an Anchor.

I made myself a pizza 8 hours ago, which was apparently ~250 cal. After finishing it, my nose started bleeding. Since then I'd lost 1.5dl of blood. I've effectively sent my dinner down the drain, and I couldn't even sleep all night.

"I am the code of my program
HTML is my body and CSS my blood
I have created over a thousand websites
Unknown to Google,
Nor to hosters.
Have withstood sleep to create many websites
Yet those hands will never earn anything
So as I pray, limited budget works"

It's 4:30 AM Theres a mutherfucking mosquito or whatever you call these blood-sucking-whirring bastards in your language keeping me from fucking falling asleep.

Is there a Software or Hardware olution to this

Need two needles, two infusion hoses and 5 - 10 l of coffee.

The blood must go, the caffeine get in instead.

And yeah. This sounds fantastical in my brain right now, as I'm literally drooling half asleep in front of the PC.

It's 16 o clock in germany and I have gotten done nothing.

And I think I should put on some baby bips or the keyboard fries from drool.

It's official, I don't remember jack about Windows anymore. I tried to install a Windows only emulator to try my hand at homebrew. And... this is the final result.

Vodafone India is so shit omfg

Run npm install, ERROR json parse error due to ssl exception

Run pip install, again ssl exception

Run gradle build, again ssl exception!!!

Now everytime i gotta make a new project or install a dependency in anything, i have to pray to the blood god that cache contains a valid/uncorrupted package dependency or else ill have to nuke cache and borrow internet from someone else.
Once i port it to some other operator, i am gonna incinerate this mf sim.

Darkest client description.

With a gift since birth, if you answer this riddle: Who I be?
The fetus of a demon,
Semen from the tip.
Of the penis I'm the only thing
That you see when you're dreaming,
Armageddon and aftermath
This may blog in paragraphs.
Sit on a throne, full of X's and bones
Blowing smoke and I laugh.
Turning sinners like you,
Into my personal acid tabs.
Let me put you up on game,
I've been shot, burned, and stabbed, and still ain't deceased,
I carry the mark of the beast
Now can you tell me
Who the fuck I be?
Client, as the guyreplies
Wine, red wine was the color of his eyes
Coughing a lot of blood like Piru, but he slowly dies
As his eyes close shut, in prison was his eternal life

Realisation of the client being devil.

Bloody fucking Crystal. Lame fucking excuse for a reporting engine product.
Can’t change data source from API for a report containing List of Values at runtime.
What the actual fuck! A reporting system where I can’t change the data source.
Die in hell you Fucking blood sucking leeches. Die of malaria!

I am so pissed off

I am so fucking pissed off

So much Fucking pissed off from all the shit thats going around with fucking people

Almost one seems to fucking respect you when you are broke

Everyone says they want to help you but when it comes to taking that action to actually help then everyone has got a new excuse

Fuck you

fuck YOU

My blood is so fucking boiling right now that i am going to explode of fucking writing code

So much fucking vicious fury insideme

Hhhhhhhh

whole fucking day of coding.
git server down for maintenance so compresses folders / send. lost everything. if i meet a microsoft employee today there will be blood and piss. DIE U FUCKING FUCKS!!€

Solved my first sizeable bug ever.. The Euphoria is priceless .. I better enjoy this till team mates say this is another normal bug..

So today in class, we had the task of presenting poems, for whatever godforsaken reason.

I finished mine last minute and guess who's been the lucky student who had to read theirs.

It then included things such as, roughly translated from german.

Hey actually I could use the translate bot for this but can't be bothered.

"Roses are red, violets are blue, I can't rhyme and neither can you"
"Roses are dead, violets are dead, democracy is dead"
"Roses are red, violets are red, everything is red, communism"
"Roses are red, violets are red, blood is red, god is dead"

Then I finished up with a Nietzsche quote "God is dead, god remains dead and we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves yadda yadda"

Actually didn't get fucked over by the teach.
Course and teach quite liked it apparently, can someone explain to me why that is?

Cause I genuinely do not understand what could be likable about such 0815 garbage that's just memes?

I know we do asynchronous communication where I work, but boy does my blood SUBLIMATE when people take half a fucking day or MORE to answer a question without the answer to which I cannot progress at my work

And they're like "sorry, I was out for a little while"

If only the fucking tasks were actually refined and discussed on planning, if only people wouldn't shut me down for "trying to discuss technical details" during it, maybe this wouldn't fucking happen and I wouldn't be feeling so fucking stressed out with work pending for the weekend

Jesus fucking Christ, I need to change jobs, this company pays me peanuts anyway

I found a use for Excel. It essentially cures me of low blood pressure.

P.S: Anything against high blood pressure?

Working at a start-up company and i must confess its blood sucking like you've got some vampires sucking life out of you. I have to work like a donkey or camel and sometimes feel like am right in the middle of hell , lots of requirements, changes, fixes, updates, and more products stuffs that pissed you up, I don't know what am feeling right now but I only know am coding and have to take some shit feelings out!!!!

Looks like ESLint is all confused about my tabs and spaces. I've never seen this kind of error message where it expects the tabs to be the same number as the spaces indentation? I have it configured for 1 tab = 2 spaces.

So confused. Must fix. Red squiggles make my blood hurt.

We are at the end of the school year, at least in France.

This is my recap of this shitty year.

My school try to teach programming, and that’s just a try.

Some of the dudes do not event know what a variable was.

For a second year university diploma, they don’t teach OOP, no Git, no DP, no JS, no clean code or whatever.

So at the end of the year, you’ll be able to code in procedural, no versioning, spaghetti code and a big mess in folder structure, lack of interactivity because of poor JS knowledge.

Well a codebase which makes you crying blood, literally.

And that’s what a second year university diploma ...

Fortunately for the most curious there’s so much to learn out of the school but, damn, why are some schools so retarded ?
For almost 8k€/year you just receive a piece of paper and you’re still a shit in your *suppose to be* job.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

I think I'm reaching now 40 hours in 3 days coding a function for a nasty grouping report.

Now the report is ready.
Testing with real data I'm 3/4 units off.

Now start at least one full week of monster counting-debugging-fixing on hundred of data.

If somebody get close to me in these days, I'll cut their throat drink their blood and eat their heart still beating, like Aztecs.

I'll have no time to cook or buy anything else to eat anyway, so it will be for survival.

My body is begging me to sleep, but there is so much caffeine in my blood that brain is not letting me to do so....

Interesting.. When I'm on sugar rush, my phone screen starts flickering. But just to me - noone else. Could be high blood sugar increases eyes' photosensors' refresh rate.

Could explain why lots of devs are troubled by 60hz monitors while others aren't

Best: leaving an overly stressful job
Worst: not dev but coughing up nearly a litre of blood sucked pretty badly. Covid y'all.

HAHA FUCK YOU HR RECRUITER!!
This fucking lady tries to steal my devs while i spent a lot of blood sweat and tears raising them.
Thankfully my devs are happy with their work type, salary, and conditions. So they showed me a screenshot of her phishing attempts.

There is so much damage I can do to her, and her company as i got all the information, its very tempting.

Since its a "common" dirty and distasteful move, the most sensible course of action I can think of is public shaming. That too is common, dirty and distasteful. But im not that kind of guy.

What do you guys think, should i suck it in and let it slide or public shame her for her actions?

Goddammit Google, SWIPE to automate an email response? I AM NOT A COG IN YOUR MACHINATIONS.

I am human! Flesh and blood! You reduce me to some variable in your algorithm and you ignore the very nuance that separates me from your cold unfeeling advertising factory.

Least successful...

In a nutshell, an multi version http client for a elasticsearch.

It supported ES 1.7 up to v7.

With an reduced future set, but all in all it allowed doing everything ES offered - just not for one version, rather the whole monty.

For various reasons I wasn't allowed to opensource that...

Which brings me to the least successful part. The client is a beast and would be a blessing for a lot of people I'd guess, but it's sadly covered by more legalese than one could imagine.

Think of legalese as in "Angel - Wolfram and Heart" legalese. I wouldn't be surprised if some part of the contract was written in blood.

... And least successful as in: Nope. Never gonna do that again.

Abstractions necessary for supporting multiple versions are are really painful.

Having an E2E test suite consuming > 64 Gigabyte of RAM for testing against several ES docker instances in parallel isn't fun.

Nothing of that project was fun.

Still gives me nightmares.

(NDA expired short time ago)

Watched some documentary about Russian hackers. Journalist: I need to learn their language. - starts programming/hacking course, sees a shell and a python: runs away. 'That ain't for me.'
At least he tried tho.
Later he finds some Ukrainian hackers. One had a strangely familiar logo on his laptop. Rewind a bit: its hackthebox.
Just had my first blood there. So.. I'm a hacker, too? Good enough for Arte doc's?

RANT
SO FKING BORED. ALL TICKETS ARE CLOSED, NOTHING IN TRELLO. SITTING IDLE IS THE FUCKING DIFFICULT THING TO DO. IF I WILL NOT GET AN ISSUE ASSIGNED TO ME SOON THEN THERE WILL BE BLOOD SHED EVERYWHERE.

Hidden pixel just scratched my finger while I was wiping the screen with my palm. Lesson successfully learned.

This lack of real human contact is getting on my nerves. Most of the text messages, discussions, especially in PR or design roads to follow develop into pissing contests. Always proving how much one is right and the others are wrong. -
I get so pissed off with little details, e.g. useless, wrongly handled boolean return values. Cannot understand how they don't see it my way. Or how they can feel superior by offering platitudes like "One should never use singletons". As if following some stupid rules and patterns from a book made you a better programmer instead of looking closely what each problem really needs. Or how they don't measure properly/scientifically or can't interpret the numbers.

My blood pressure already rising just from writing about it. Maybe I need to get some time off. But at the same time I feel like, they are doing it all wrong or not the way it should be done, so it's hard to let go. To obsessed with all that shit...

There is like a dozen shows streaming on how actual impostors imposted the shit out of people.

I never claimed to be the heir of a machine that can make art out of deposits of a single drop of blood to dozens of people on dating apps.
I never said that I can double their bitcoins by harvesting carbon monoxide and recycling plastic into endangered fauna, expanding the mind of humanity.
I never got private-jet levels of money to do something I knew to be completely impossible from the beginning.

If I ever feel like an impostor, I could honestly say that make for a very lousy one.
I guess I've got impostor syndrome squared - I feel like I'm really bad at impostor-ing, but people could be thinking that I am better at pretending to pretend to be something I actually am.

war is rich people's wealth paid for with poor people's blood

Who the fuck thought putting a motherfucking portable AC that is almost half my weight and that has rotating wheels on the bottom onto a fucking flimsy piece of angled cardboard was a fucking good idea?!!

That fukken thing drove over my toe, ripped several layers of skin off and sliced into it at the same time... I just couldn't open my mouth for probably 5 minutes because I would just be shouting and swearing like crazy... There was a trail of blood behind me as I somehow made my way to a first aid kit... I'm considering going to the hospital to get it checked but I thankfully managed to stop the bleeding with bandages....
Fucking hell....

website: fill in all fields
user: john doe
kill blood, texas, 751454, usa
me: when the website says street name, we meant the name of your faking street!

Angular 2 😡

I am the very model of a modern major sociopath
I like to fill a bathtab with some virgins blood and take a bath
I code in ruby and rust and make future generations cringe
at the awful fucking syntax that I pushed on theeeemmm

I am so very gleeful yay
I am so very cheerful may
Just shove expanded jargon in your face
and somehow yet you say ok.

I am the mind behind the nosql
and I made a me a mongodb
I created shitty storage methods and I laughed with evil glee
you'll never be able to code in any of these things good for me
because performance in apps that use these things is fraud you see

i am so very warm in my bath
i make shitty programs and i laugh
now join me while i sacrifice this calf
and make this video of about that shit the graph

Symfony's book tutorials starts out way too invasive. For example:

Their CLI has a specific command for you to clone the book project's repository. This command won't run unless you have all their dependencies installed (including docker and yarn). In the end a good old fashioned git clone does the trick.

Next, before even writing a single loc, the book urges you to create a symfonycloud account and give them your credit card number.

Seriously what the hell.

Should I mail you a drop of my blood as well so you can check out my ancestry while I'm at it?

IDK man, it took me a while to finally learn iptables and now switch to firewalld? Oh come on. It's not that I'm against learning new things, no. It's just that firewalld looks a bit.. crappy. If I get a server provisioned and run

firewall-cmd --add-port=53/udp --permanent
firewall-cmd --reload

and I get my ssh connection killed that's no good news, no sir! I mean come on, how can I rely on a tool this critical when a single line in its config file can make my machine inaccessible. Even better -- this config file is managed by that tool entirely!!! My commands passed all the tool's checks and they worked, but when I wanted to make those commands permanent and reload state from the config -- the tool starts spitting bile and blood and says "fuck off, it's my server now!"

IDK man.. It's just way too fishy. The good ol' iptables works very well and I'm kicking its retard younger brother out of the server.

shoosh you dirty pig firewalld, shoosh!

I really do love my job but after 2 liters of green tea and one aspirin I'm still tired and my headache is coming back
...
This can't be a healthy relationship...

What's Your Blood Group? 😂

It's Bug +ve.
Oh, I mean B +ve.

Vocabulary for the day.

Screed - An abusive rant is called a Screed.

Usage - I'mma screed the shit outta dem pathetic species of blood sucking parasites AKA dickhead project managers who do dem (developerEstimatedTime/2) quick maths.

Fuck you

Today is the day when we rip out our old deployment system and get some new blood running through the CI/CD pipelines. Wish me good luck! Please...

Today I coded till my fingers bled. Dunno if I should be scared or proud.

This morning it seems all my blood has been taken out and replaced with piss.

Coffee just makes it feel like hot piss.

I fucking despise default open firewalls! Just let me define what I can do and block everything else. I don't want to play whack-a-mole networking by havin to close so many goddamn holes! If I ever see any router doing that again, I swear Mccarthy will think the communists won from all the red from blood!

Idea - News app that connects to a blood pressure monitor and adjusts your feed accordingly. It'd be so awesome.

I thrown up blood yesterday, maybe I'm finally dying of natural causes

That feeling when you are about to add a new feature to a project and when you start reading the spaghetti mess the previous developer puked when he/she was monkeying around, your blood pressure goes up, you lose a bit more hope in humanity, you start thinking about buying a gun, and start theorizing how torture could potentially be a valid recourse in some cases.

What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A blood orange.

Working with clients that think all website elements need to be transparent. It literally raises my blood pressure.

Any Microsoft employees who work on SharePoint here? DROP AND GIMME 20!

OMG, you need some blood to run into that walnut sized brain you have on top of your head.

This thing is such a piece of shit. While I subscribe to Chaos Theory, you are not suppose to implement it in a god damn user interface!

This fucking thing sometimes shows controls, sometimes does not. Sometimes some features are available on a section when you access it one way, and then accessing it a different way removes some capabilities from the menus and adds others.

While I subscribe to the theory that there is no such thing as "random" in the universe, this piece of 🐒💩 makes me start to doubt reality. It is not software, it is cochroach infested gaslightware.

God damn you microsoft fuckers piss me off with your ShitPot web hackware.

It makes my blood boil when my colleagues (who have been here for ages) know that maintaining dependencies in code is important but don't even action it because they give the excuse of having no time or the pressure of finishing it on time.

It angers me that I'm now in .dll hell and they don't even consider the time or push a valid case to fix the issue. It also frustrates me as I've realised that they have grown complacent/indifferent, not even attempting to change it.