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Search - "like a boss"
My company is like:
Boss: How long do you estimate to make a universe?
God: 14 billion years.
Boss: You have 7 days. Please reserve 1 for Q&A.9
Boss walked towards his office asking a coworker to do something.
Coworker replied that he'd like to but only the boss has the login codes or something like that.
Boss: ah right *walks to coworkers table* let me enter that stuff *starts typing*
Coworker: Maybe I'm running a keylogger 😏
Me: *exchanging funny eye contact with coworker* yeah maybe he is.... 😏
Boss: *looking back and forth at both our faces suspiciously*
*three of us laughing*
*Me Coding with a laptop and desktop when friends enter *
Friends : u r a coder right? Hack something in front of me.
Me : *sick of explaining ppl*
*SSHs into lap from desktop and shuts it down*
See. I hacked my lap
Friends : whoa! Cool man9
Learnt Murphy's law the hard way,
Don't use your office laptop to create a personal auto porn downloading project specially when your boss suddenly wants to use your laptop to do a product demo to client.
Now looking for a new job, let me know if anyone need a smart developer who loves solving problems like the one mentioned above.26
Boss: "it's not the same font"
Me: "yes, it is"
Boss: "don't argue with me. It's a different font"
Me: "ok it's a different font" (it's not)
Boss: "change it please"
15 minutes later and I've done nothing at all to it. Boss comes back.
Boss: "see? I knew it was a different font. This looks perfect now. Why were you lying to me before? I don't like you arguing with me"14
So apparently my boss knows the "new senior dev", which I will call 'B'.
Program which I worked on for a year, my baby, is doing fine. Suddenly B decides to update it to "standardize it", against my suggestions/protests. Fastfoward to the following morning, I get to work and there's a bunch of emails from B waiting for me. I'm like "Well there's a meeting in an hour, so no point in answering all of these". 30 minutes go by and then boss shows up in my team's area. Asking for me.
(I didn't know this at the time, but apparently boss knows B. And thinks that B is this amazing programmer and super nice.)
According to boss, B has been trying to contact me all morning about my program failing.
It is at this moment that my mentor stands up to defend me. She basically tells our boss that B is a piece of shit. And I'm just loving it, ++ to mentor for bring awesome.12
That moment when your coworker puts on loud music, you're wondering if your boss is going to like this and then your boss turns his music twice as loud and the two start a battle of who can play their music the loudest.
Yup it was friday again!19
Me, trying to create a LaTeX document: *googles "latex string comparison"*
Customer and boss walk in.
Google: *shows NSFW results*
I.. Let...- Let me explain, it's not what it looks like!14
Boss called ! Said no need to come in today because it's friday and I worked hard this week... feeling like a boss. 💪4
I made a Trello board and listed some tasks for me and my team.
My boss comes in, I show him the trello board to show how I organized our tasks.
He liked it, so I asked him if we can use it more frequently.
He replied: this is your code, do whatever you want.
I asked: my code?
He replied: yah didn't just build this webpage? This interactive task manager.
Me in shock: hold on you think I built trello?
Boss: oh ... You didn't ? It looks like something you'd do for your "front end masterbaution".
Me: oh wow, well... If that was the case I would've made $425 million on top of my salary.
Boss: looked at me like meh ~ and walked away...8
Ex-Boss (62years old)- why do you wear a watch? Take it off.
Me (bewildered) - why? What happened?
Him - see I don't wear a watch also.
Come on, take it off.
Me - *took off my watch* now what?
Him - see. Now you can also look at the time using your mobile, like me. No need of watch. U should be modern.
Me- *WTF. Are u high or something, u fucking insane asshole? *
He was one weird piece of shit.28
Boss: Who knows VB?
Me: I once wrote a calculator
Boss: Good enough! You will edit the companies biggest VB Application.
Lesson learned. When your Boss asks if you know a programming language you do not really know, you are like John Snow: Know nothing7
A business acquaintance of mine, who's also the boss of a company I've been working with for years, recently became the CEO of a new company. As soon as there was dev work to do I received a call.
As long as you good at what you do and get to know people who get around in this industry, you're gonna be alright. Living in a large, business-heavy city like Berlin can help accelerating the process.
However, I mainly work remotely, so it seems I've acquired a good reputation which I'm quite proud of.11
Boss: Google Excel sucks!
Me: You mean Google Sheets.
Boss: Whatever, there used to be formulas for the cells, just like offline Excel, but now it has some weird text like a web address...
Me: You're looking at the web address bar. Look down 20px and you have the cell formula.
Boss: Oh! Still, I don't like this Online Excel!11
1) Stop going to univershity
2) Started python coding at home from online courses.
3) Got the best paid job among batchmates.14
Most awkward moment of my life happened 10 mins ago.
I really enjoy playing a sad trombone sound when someone says something stupid. I even have a widget on my phone's home screen so that I can play it almost instantly.
It's actually very funny when I use it with friends.
So, today I walk in the office during a rather heated argument between my boss and a sales lady who has been in the company forever.
I sit on my desk and pull out my phone to connect it to the charger since it was getting a bit low.
As the boss completes his phrase and there is that half second silence before the other person starts speaking I accidentally pressed the trombone button, playing the sound at full volume for a full 2-3 seconds that, needless to say, felt like an eternity.
Don't think I'm getting fired but God it was awkward.10
My boss isn't really a developer. He isn't part of the development team and doesn't know any technical details about the product. He doesn't want to code, "too much effort", he just wants to boss. But he wrote some php in the early 2000's and is really, really proud of his codecademy html/css badge...
And that makes him dangerous.
Today I hear him talk from behind his laptop: "Right, we have this page for creating management groups, but we can't edit them yet. I can fix that!"
This task is literally on the current sprint, but he doesn't know that because he doesn't attend scrum meetings and ignores everything people say to him.
Me: This smells like probable cause, let's look with suspicion over his shoulder.
"OK, right-click create.blade.php -> copy.
then right-click directory -> paste.
now just rename file to edit.blade.php!"
I start walking to the office kitchen.
Boss mumbling in the background:
"Now all I need to do is just copy the whole method in the controller, change the post url in the form, and modify the <h4> at the top, so it says edit instead of create."
Boss, looking at me now:
"This is so easy... creating and editing is almost the same thing, you can just copy paste all the code from one template to the other! I don't understand what you developers are always complaining about!"
Me: *Hands him a roll of paper towels*
Boss: "What is that for?"
Me: *points at code*7
My boss said something genius today: "understanding client's wishes is like writing a regexp for everything they say"😂5
So was first day at new job ... Boss takes me around meeting everyone. One employee stuck editing file by typing in new records data, calls boss for help.
Boss to me: "I like to get handsy with data from time to time. "
*me smiling, watch how he copies and paste the new records*
ME to boss:"why don't you just write the script to update all the records?"
Boss:"I don't trust the automation of input. "
Me:" what about human error?"
*crowd of other employees gather around awaiting answer*
Boss:"we include margin of errors in our disclaimer to the client... "
*He hears himself*
Boss:"... and we bill by the hour why would we work faster for less money?"
*me grinning, going to remember that line next time I need extension of deadline*
Me*murmurs*:" Master has presented dobby with a sock"
*Girl in next cubicle snickers clearly caught the reference "
Going to love it here.3
My first boss. He sat next to me yelling “Think before you code“, “Hands away from the keyboard“ and stuff like that at me while doing my first few codings ever. He even made me cry from the pressure. Afterwards he bought me a muffin and told me he wants me to be a better programmer than he ever was14
Somehow, my boss got his son, 19, working in a team of developers last week.
Son: i got ton of money and i dont need to do this. i inherit lot of properties from my dad.(trying to sound funny, superior, and boasting of his inheritance knowledge he might have learned in school during java class probably.)
A guy in the team: No you dont. You are like us.😎😎😎
Son: minds his own business now.
Damn that line made my day.
++ for this dude for insulting morons like this at work.
I may have to remove it on boss request if he see it. But for now hit as many ++ to show that idiot no body likes people like him.8
My boss literally spends half an hour finger-fucking his phone on the mobile site to find "bugs", that I can't replicate. A combination like: swipe, pinch, landscape, portrait, back pinch, open new tab, close tab, ash cigarette on phone, dunk in toilet, dry, double tap... Aha I've found a bug, there's 0.5 pixel line of space between the bag header and the browser bar.14
Every goddamn time.
Boss: Hey, how is the project going?
Me: promising. We have some basic functions working, but at this point it is more like a proof of concept.
Boss: Ah ok, I see.
Couple of days later...
Boss: I talked to a client who was very interested in the stuff you are just building. Made a really good deal! We need to be live by the end of the week.
one of our computers at work suddenly shut down. our boss panicked like it was the end of the world cause he knew we couldnt buy a new one and we desperately need the computer. when i came in he started telling me he's gonna pay me extra if i fix the computer
me: *checks cpu and finds out it was unplugged* u sure bout that?
him: hell yea, id rather pay u that buy a new one
*30 mins later*
me: *plugs it back in and pushes power button* its done
>> guess who's got extra money without any extra efforts yay12
Step 1: Turn off any intellisense and debug tools.
Step 2: Code all day without running the code.
Step 3: Push everything to the build server and avoid looking at the result.
Step 4: Go home.
LIKE A BOSS!7
Wake up at 7am
Start work at 7:30 am
Set status to "working from home"
Dive deep into code
Boss calls at 10:30am...
Codebrain makes me sound a bit absent: "Uhhh... sup?"
Boss: "Oh sorry, did I wake you up? Would like to discuss the application of the new intern with you, but I can call back after lunch if you want..."
I usually don't work for indian clients. But when I do, they make sure I don't get paid.
Some highlights from my last project,
Client: Do you know ERPnext?
Me: No, but I am good at python.
Client: My boss wants me to find a guy who can create barcode generator for erpnext.
Me: I can use pyBarcode to do it.
This is exciting I thought. I get to learn a new framework. Start working on it. Not an hour passes by,
Client: hey can you remove this menu item?
Me: Which one?
Client: Also can you add the dashboard icons to left sidebar? Like Odoo? Do you know it? It is also python based.
Me: Then why don't you just use Odoo instead?
Client: My boss wants it. He doesn't understand computers. He is pissing mr off.
Me: Then how come he suggested erpnext?
Client: His friend told him.
For the next 3 days he has me working on these UI tweaks, never mentions barcode again.
But I finish the barcode stuff. Tripple check everything to make sure they work. Tell him to check so I can get paid. Guy asks his boss to check.
Boss > Client: It doesn't work
Me: What doesn't work?
Boss > Client: Everything!
Client: I actually tested everything and they work. My boss doesn't know how to use it. He is very old.
Makes me make more changes and finally when I ask for the work done so far,
Client: Boss didn't come to office today. I'll get you paid. Please try to understand my situation.
Me thinking, "mofo your boss didn't hire me,l. You did". But I keep calm and tell him I won't work until I get paid 50%.
3 days passed. No reply. Set his skype status to "Away" forever.
*spidey sense tells me I'm not getting paid, again*
U am beyond pissed and burnt out. I fucking wish there was a mafia I can request to collect my fucking money from them.20
When your boss asks for a web application that has drag and drop, resize, popup, fade inand out, dynamic styling and mobile compatibility but must work on IE8
You feel like:
Mission: Go to the moon
Tools: Broom's stick
Yeah i'll just pretend to be a witch and fly away7
New boss rant here!
Boss: Can you give me an estimate for a new project that we willbe running?
Dev: Oh yes I have already calculated at approximately three months.
Boss: Thats great start on it!
3 months laters....
Boss: Why did it take so much? I feel like our productivity sucks.
Boss: 'I've got a PowerPoint presentation with 45 charts in it. Oh, and a huge excel sheet with the data for it. Please build some of the charts in our own software, with the given data.'
Easy, I thought.
Yea, thanks to the person that gave my boss the data.. The half of the important columns were removed (privacy stuff).
And.. Excel? Oh, and his calculations are nowhere documented nor consistent.
I converted excel to postgres, easy.
It took me 2 hours to fkn research what he calculated in one line chart, just to implement it in like 10 minutes.
2 hours, man I could made awesome stuff in that time!
I guess I should write this in CAPSLOCK to make it more interesting. I'm just raging in my head 😂1
A fanfic based on devRant-chan. The character was created by @caramelCase and a drawing by @ichijou.
This is freestyle. I'll think of an image of a scene and go with the flow. I won't remove my fingers from the keyboard and I won't edit or change anything. That's how I come up with my best ideas.
B/N = Boss' name (I was too lazy to think of one.)
Anything in between astericks is in italics.
Ex.) *this is in italics.*
It was an early January morning when devRant-chan was situated in her desk, typing away on her laptop. She was working on a Python script for her barbaric client when she could've been out with friends. Oddly enough, her Sunday was surged with tranquility.
Normally, Sunday is when her irksome boss barks orders at her on the phone.
"This is wrong!"
"What is this?"
devRant-chan resented her boss but loved her job. After all, "you can't force yourself to like everyone," was something her elder brother would tell her.
She released a slight chuckle, the one she would only display at the thought of her brother.
Her musings were interrupted when a concerning thought crawled into her mind like an undesirable intruder.
Why hasn't her boss called to complain yet? It's not that she enjoyed his complaining, which she didn't. She simply found it odd, since he's done this every Sunday morning, since she was a junior developer.
Unless he found someone else to complain to? In that case, good riddance!
But still, it wasn't a euphoric feeling to be replaced. She was already accustomed to his Sunday morning calls that it feels almost lonely not to receive them.
She should call him... Just in case some situation—or—problem—has emerged.
She dialed his number, waiting patiently for a reply.
"Hello," said her boss.
"Ah, hello," said devRant-chan. "I called, wondering—"
"You've reached the voicemail of B/N, please leave a message after the beep."
"Damn..." mumbled devRant-chan with a sharp exhale. "I always fall for that."
Why didn't her boss answer the phone? It was odd of him, considering he's always answered her calls.
She was about to dial her coworker when she received an email, which stimulated her attention. The subject of the email read:
*Important. Please read.*
She opened the email. It was her boss. The email read:
*In case you aren't aware, I had quit my job, due to the stress. I've left the manager in charge. Starting tomorrow, he will be your new boss.*
Before she could rejoice in excitement, she detected a strange change of voice, emitting from the email. Did her boss really write this?
That's when she spotted something. The word "tomorrow."
Her boss didn't write this.
He would never use words such as "tomorrow," or "today." He would use time instead. If this was her boss, he would say "in 24 hours."
She checked the IP of the email. Oddly enough, it was her boss' IP.
Still, the pieces didn't fit the puzzle. Her boss didn't complain, answer her call, or use his style of speaking in the email.
Something happened to him and she knows it. Whatever it is, has something to do with the manager, and she was determined to figure it out.
This was just a quick random fanfic, and I'm not sure if I'll continue it. As I said, I didn't plan anything, since it's freestyle. I might or might not continue it, so I'll think it over.8
* Boss gives you a shitty work that doesn't follow standards
* you tell him that this is wrong, and there will be consequences on time and performance on the future.
*you do the work like he says
*after a while he asks for modifications
*takes too long because of structure problems, and non compatibility
*you get blamed
*you hate your job, your boss and your life.7
***Interviewing potential sys admins so us devs don't have to build everything and run everything***
Coworker: Do you know how to use cron and cron jobs?
Candidate: Yes I'm familiar with setting up users and permissions.
Boss: We will give you a call have a good day.
If you had just admitted you didn't know but we thought you could learn we might have been open to teaching you but brazenly acting like you know something when you don't is dangerous if you're running a multi thousand user production system.3
I had a dream that I was working in an office, writing Python scripts.
Then they changed my role as a frontend web developer. I wasn't happy, but I dealt with it. My coworkers were playing games instead of working and the boss yelled at me for slacking off even though wasn't.
I had enough so I told my coworkers to stop slacking off, but they were about to beat me up and the boss held a gun and that's when I woke up.
Thank goodness I'm too young for a job like that.6
(tl:dr at the bottom)
my partner programming skills are pretty basic and he does not work in software development. instead he is in the largest (and only) electricity company here.
one day his boss ask him "hey, do you know how to use google maps?"
Partner: "yeah, what do u need?"
His boss: "great! please make 10,000 routes with these coordinates, i need them for tomorrow"
Partner: "WTF!" ,grab his phone and call me, "(explains me te situation) dude, can you make like a script or something?"
Me: "Sure, but we'll need a loooot of coffee"
We spent 18 hours developing a routes generator with java-fx, mysql and JS.
Next day we went to deliver those routes and to "show" the system. They told us that after searching for 6-7 months, they wasnt able to find such a solution as ours.
Next day, I took a plane to this company HQ (My partner was food-sick, so i had to be there by my own), had a meeting with the TOP Bosses (on of them arrived in a Helicopter, lots of body-guards) and after a 3-4 hours, just like that, we had our first Big Contract with a huge ass company.
we ended making an 8 months national project with the biggest and only electricity company with an 18hrs-developed system.7
I like it when a boss is a Dev (or a former Dev). Makes them a bit more sympathetic towards us i think :)2
Our working hours are from 9 to 6 which is the standard in Malaysia (I'm not malaysian )
Yesterday I came in around 10AM and my boss took me to his room as soon as I arrived.
Boss: If you were in school and you come late what do you expect to happen ?
Me: get punished, I'll compensate by working an extra hour today.
Boss: well our clients aren't available at your extra hour and I'm struggelling with a big client you're supposed to ship the rest of his site and golive today and he's freaking out
Me: yh well his site is done it just needs final QA before going live.
Boss: oh its done already?, cool cool. Anyway you shouldn't be late you're not Malaysian and being late doesn't run in your genes like them.
*ops manager (Malaysian) walks in*
*ops manager looks him in the eye*
*boss looks at the ground*
* me giggling while walking to my desk*2
Working at best buy (don't remember if I was geek squad yet or not).
"hi sir, that line hasn't moved in a while, I was headed up to help, but let me ring you up here so you can get on with your day."
...random talking leads to graduation and what's next...
"my friend works at *company* and seems to really like it. I gave him my resume when he asked, but i guess is boss can't hire anymore people or something, so I'm applying other places. It's been about a year."
"oh. Hi. I'm boss. Send resume again"7
Boss: ehi I was checking out our latest product (made in vuejs) it's blazing fast and responsive.
Me : shiny eyes "... Can I refactor our biggest project from angular 1.5 to vuejs?"
Boss: "mmh what can you save from the old code base? "
Me: "mmh.. A lot.. Mmh like.. The CSS!"
Boss : "no"
Boss comes to me with an idea, we use a spreadsheet to store certain sets of links for clients, sometimes with dozens of links, he wants us to be able to push a button and open all the links in the sheet. I'll admit I'm not exactly proficient in excel but said I'd look into it.
I came up with a macro which seemed to work for a while but there were a few links now and then that didn't want to open due to the way excel apparently checks the links prior to actually opening them. I told my boss that I'd look into a better solution but was slammed in office with scheduled projects.
I ended up taking time at home over the next week learning how to make this happen in Python. After a week I've got a CLI Python app which takes in an excel workbook and asks the user to select a sheet. Well employees don't like CLI so they asked for a GUI. I had never made anything with a GUI before since I'm not a software developer, anything I had previously written was written for me so it didn't need a GUI to be useful.
Spent another two weeks at home developing this thing and finally got a working solution. Now several employees are using my app as part of their daily job, saving them well over an hour of just clicking links in a spreadsheet.
Boss goes on a long rant about how he appreciates me and is thankful I was able to figure this out in my own time and save him money. So I say "If you really wanna show you appreciate me, you could approve that raise I've been asking for."
He replies, "Haha, yeah, but that's not gonna happen."
(I and THE back end developer, and I make less than the copywriting interns, time to start looking)12
This moment you realise your GUI fake just went to a paying customer. Boss decided it looked like it is working and ordered release without asking ...3
My boss just told me that my next task will be to create a website like amazon... It took me quite a long time to explain why something like that needs a big team and a good amount of money.7
My boss asked me to do tech support today as one of tech support employee was not feeling well.
The very first call i attended, went like:
Me : Sir, this is xyz support desk. How may i help you?
*Listening his problem*
Me : Sir solution is pretty simple. Just do a Right click on application shortcut icon and then select "Open File Location".
Client : where can i find "Right Click"?2
Working really hard, finishing tasks, upgrading servers. Cancel some useless meetings to finish up features, working till 2am to get a database migration working. Half of the platform is transformed, both customers and team are very happy about their accomplishments.
Boss: "OK, I think we're on the right path with these changes, but productivity and morale is honestly disappointing. Are you guys sleeping enough? You all look very tired and unmotivated!"
Attend all meetings, call boss at 7am to discuss random purchases like a whiteboard, run around the office holding a (broken, lol) MacBook, looking very busy & slightly worried. I shout random things at people across the office like "Nice work Gary!" and "Damn, you are on a roll Angela!". I initiate smalltalk with department heads, only to immediately disrupt the conversation by checking my phone saying "Oh I really have to take this one" (empty battery, lol). No one writes a single line of code for four weeks, and nothing new has been deployed by the whole team.
Boss: "I think it's commendable how productive the team has become this month. You guys are all so active and involved. A real improvement!"7
I'M NOT HELPDESK. I CAN'T FIX YOUR BROWSER OPTIONS. I LOVE YOU TO FUCKING PIECES BECAUSE YOU STOP THE INCREDIBLY FUCKING STUPID CALLS, BUT I CAN'T HELP YOU and now I feel like a prick. Call your boss and make him do his fucking job. Please. I don't want to scream at you. I need you in my life...14
Motherfucking WordPress coupled with motherfucking sales people.
If you promise the client something, please fucking relay it via the correct process (i.e the fucking ticketing system that took me a month to write for the company - it's seriously just a click away on your desktop.). "I told your boss" is not a fucking apt excuse.
My boss forgets, and well, doesn't give a fuck about procedure either.
Now you phone my boss and he phones me, on a fucking Sunday evening, telling me that the client was promised a website by tomorrow morning at 10AM. You tell me this at fucking 9PM.
Why didn't you tell me earlier? How the fuck am I supposed to shit out something I would be proud of in a few hours? Nevermind me fucking up my sleeping routine; how the fuck?
Conversation went like this:
"xyz was promised this site by sales person fuckTwit, I need this live by Monday morning. I have sent you a few images. Make it in WordPress, client says they want a 'tangy looking theme'.
Me: it's a bit unrealistic requesting this, is there no way we can extend the time so I have time to create this?
Also, what do you mean by 'tangy'?
Boss: don't know. Make it happen. No excuses.
What the fuck is a tangy theme? When I become a webDev at the company? More importantly, fucking WordPress?!
Now I'm sitting on this shit, tired as a manatee in mating season, and using goddamn WordPress.
I have to halt my irritation, because I get severely irritated when I'm tired, I have to restrain myself from telling the involved parties tomorrow to install the FuckYourself WordPress plugin, coupled with a resignation letter.
Same sales person got me in shit a while ago, because I refused to give him access to the network to download fucking cartoons. Sales director went and moaned that his bitch (the sales person) needs this for a presentation. Yeah fucking right.
Go Snorkelling in a sewer truck you egotistic, megalomaniacal, indecent, outrageous, horrible motherfucker of a person.
Time to develop a fucking website with, oh, a company profile pamphlet.
Times like this I keep telling myself, "my time will come, my time will come".18
Thank you for being remotely interested in my post. It really cheered me up :-D
Here's the definition I submitted, also attached the proof of my humiliation.
It's the ray of fucking sunshine in a developer's perpetually annoying lifestyle. It is developer-made for developer-use.
An anonymous social platform where the app owners/founders/creators ACTUALLY LISTEN to user feedback!
Developers who have made up a million fucking ways to ask their fucktard co-worker/boss/client to go die, can exchange their creativity for ++s.
It's a platform to channel their rage into a creative rant and calm down a bit. It's like taking a long, deep, virtual breath.
Useless software/apps that behave like they were developed by 5 year olds, also take a hit sometime.
PS - Addiction is a common side effect.21
I have been asked to teach a few things for newbies at work, without coding background.
I used the metaphore of pizza, empty pizzabox and no box for teaching NULL. I have read it here on Devrant, written by someone awesome of the community here.
My boss overheard me explaining it, and said that that was the most beautifull expanation of NULL he ever heard.
.......I was like: yaaay Devrant FTW!
Also newbies understood it instantly so kudos to you sir, original poster!2
"Work is intended to earn you money, you don't have to like it to make a living from it" - my first boss9
Boss: "Can we create apps that are supercool, superfast, supercustomizable and superhitech?"
Me: "If you want apps like these I have to use this tool, this language and this other stuff. Just keep in mind that are new technologies for me and I need to study a lot before develop everything"
Boss: "Ok! can you do it for tomorrow?"
So boss finds out that a competitors app has a youtube vid making half a million views.
His response to the lead dev: make one video like that!
Lead: But that video needs at least a video editor to make it, a professional and at least a couple thousands euros.
Boss: you are my best dev just do it, I believe in you...
Worst part is that he tried he made a couple hundred views and boss dissed him that he is useless. Go figure!10
Just put my job on the line today and went to my boss's, boss's, boss's boss to raise concerns and protect my team from terrible management. He apologized to me and has scheduled a meeting to talk to the team to let them know they are valued. Sounds like middle management is going to get a talking to. Fingers crossed.12
A friend offered me a new job in his company. Therefore I am going to quit my job. I like my current job, but the conditions are shit. Still I like my colleges and my clients. So I feel really bad for quiting.
The Job he offered me is pretty good, well paid and has many benefits for me. I like him and his company and are really excited to work with them. They are expecting big things of me and I'm scared to disappoint them.
Also I haven't told my boss about my plan to quit yet and because we become kind of friends in the time I work for her, it's an difficult talk for me.
Boss asked me to make a script to automate some tasks. After some days i found out that my task will replace the job of one of our colleagues.
Now the *script, that looks like a big project, is almost done.
Feel for the guy.13
Had a job interview back where I want to move(2300 miles away), doing exactly what I wanted. Unfortunately it was for a senior developer, a bit over my pay grade.
First Interview: "It is above your skill level, but I like you. We will make it fit you."
Second Interview(technical): " You did super well! I will make sure to pass the good news onto the boss! I am excited to work with you soon!"
Response to my thank you email: "We decided to not persue you further for this position. We are going with someone who has more experience."
Why string me along?!?!4
Before I took on my current position (internal transfer), I stated that for what my boss asked for I would need a small team.
He agreed to that and promised I would get 2-3 developers.
6 months after (with countless reminders) he told me I could train some people at one of our providers.
Turns out those guys were Java developers, even though I asked for C# (since our codebase is .net)
After a few training sessions, where concepts as source control were a big topic ("why not just copy the code to a new folder with _good_ naming?"), I gave them a test assignment.
After reviewing their code I just gave up. They cannot program. They don't understand concepts like scoping of variables. Concepts of separation of responsibility.
I told my boss this but I had to make it work with them.
I went to my bosses boss (Head of IT) with my resignation in hand, since I felt my boss didn't want to support me actually getting a team. After a few talks I was asked to "keep it cool" and wait until he presented his new organization.
Now my boss asked me for which skills new developers should have. To which I could just laugh at him and forward countless mails from the last 6-8 months asking for developers.
<Irony>I love my boss</Irony>6
A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘penis.’
Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!1
Had 4-5 hours of sleep last night because I had to wake up early this morning for an internal demo of the feature I worked on. It was scheduled early morning because the boss was busy.
I come to the office looking like a zombie, practically sleep walking my way to the office, and guess what... The app server is down! Yay.
I had to reschedule it to right in the middle of lunch time because hey... The boss is busy. Now everyone in the team hates me for ruining their lunch.
Now I'm sitting here, staring at my code, remembering the sweet luxury of sleep.2
Conversation with Boss about a new project.
[Me]: We have to program an API and preferably our own backend, so that all the wishes of the customer are covered. In addition, there will also be an app later, as the customer has requested
[Boss]: Why should we program everything from scratch?
[Me]: We do not have to program everything from scratch, we can already use some existing stuff, or even use frameworks etc. But the project is so complex that such a path must be taken.
[Boss]: Hmm, ok.
... some time later ...
boss comes to me.
[Boss]: (shines and is very happy) I have the perfect solution! We simply use Shopware and finish the project as soon as possible.
Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve never worked with Shopware, and the Backend looks like fucking Windows 98. He’s not even a Dev! So how can he judge it that way?
he does that every fucking time!!10
Today I nearly killed my new boss, he picked the really wrong day to accuse me of something I did'nt do and could prove... You wouldn't like me when I'm angry cause I back up my arguments and would willingly quit gladly for a better job.9
today morning my boss talking to the designer.
Boss: hey, when we can see the design finished for the web site asked by the client X?
Designer: hmm, about a day and a half, there are many pages and details.
Boss: heheheh, it's impossible, we need it today at the end of the day.
Me insid: wth, then why you ask him about the time like he have a choice..11
My instincts are telling me that i should resign from this company asap.
My team lead knows a to z of the project and he is the all rounder guy here. If my team lead leaves, I could be the one replacing him. But i don't want to accept this kind of responsibility.
My life goal is to not get sucked into the 9 to 5 life or work in this kind of environment.
The only pro i find is that i now have few more cool friends.
But I'd rather be be my own boss and work 24/7.
I now feel like living a lie going to work everyday..8
After doing the work he requested as he wanted he was not happy. So i thought we sit and discuss what he didn't like. I was so wrong.
Boss: "...you know what I think you are: a fraud; Masquerading as a developer. The database design you have given is shit. The template I gave you I did in 1 hour. You took half the day."
He gave a simple template to use and he told me to come up with an ecommerce db design via downloading PrestaShop and seeing what is relevant to us.
Me: "what did I do wrong?"
Boss: "you think I don't know what PK means in database design? Why the fuck did you put this here."
Me: "can I expl..."
Boss: "I'm not finished, you been here half the month and what work have you to show for it..."
Me: "I have..."
Boss: "You shut up when I can speaking"
Boss: "You have no work to show for the time you have been here. I tell you what to do. I want someone who is proactive. My friend, you will do the work I tell you to do, you understand?"
Me: "yes but can I just say that I have been doing your work I have the contact the various developers as you..."
Boss: " You shut up when your boss is speaking. Can you do this work? (Slightly long pause)
Me: "I can do it. But, I have done the bits of the work you said I do. I was h..."
Boss "don't give me bullshit stories...you haven't done the work..."
Me: "But you have spoken"
Boss:" You know what Im giving you 1 weeks notice if you are not able to do the work. Can you do it?"
That moment!!! I was literally shaking I could have high fived his face with his laptop.
Me: "yes I can"
Boss: "Then get the fuck out of my sight and do it"9
Got an email...
Colleague A (who acts like he supervises me because he's here longer than than I am but he doesn't) : Webpage is broken. Please fix.
(5 minutes later)
Colleague A : Sorry I didn't pull the *other* file you committed (Yeah I know we're still on cvs...)
Colleague B (who really is my boss) : Webpage doesn't show all records. Please fix.
(5 minutes later)
Colleague B : Sorry I forgot check page 2.
That's all my development team. Right, development, not designers, or anything.
It was around 14:55, I had no energy, and was ready to call it a day, but then I messaged my boss on slack, "Ballmer Peak". He comes back 5 mins later and my desk looked like it this.3
500 rumpsteak and a beer.
How do you guys relax? Even it is the weekend I'm still thinking about work. I can't let go. I feel like I'm constantly under preassure to fucking deliver, not only from boss but by my own standards. It just never stops in my head! How do you make it stop?14
My company got another contract to support a research institute. My current contract has shitty leadership that won't back us against our boss (different company, same contract) without proof. The fact that 3 of the 4 of us dread going to work isn't enough?
Anyways. Talking to the other site about transferring. Need to gtfo to a less toxic environment where I won't be made to work fucked up hours with a boss who doesn't like women in tech, and thinks he's something special because he's vegan (but had real leather jackets and bike seats, but that's an entirely different story) and does yoga and plays the guitar.
Meanwhile, he resents his kids and seems to regret getting married. All because he used his military education benefits to pay for their school.12
That moment when you listen to your boss' lies to a client when presenting a new product/feature.
I am like: damn, this guy is a talented actor!3
Programming is a lot like playing video games. It challenges you to beat quests/tasks and hunt enemy bugs while providing boss levels in the form of large projects with tight deadlines and project managers who like to move the goal posts.4
A few months ago my now boss, then he was my mentor and school teacher asked for my help with a feature, said he had tried for some time and couldnt get around it, I solved it with regex in less than a day, and the company is like the golden standard of my region. The issue itaelf wasnt hard but being able to help my mentor was pretty cool
Was feeling like a boss in new office after fixing a major bug.
Yes, the bug was fixed. Only half of the program doesn't work anymore.1
my boss asked me a few days ago to get a website responsive, i did that in like twenny minutes and today he came to me, looked at the website and give me a pat on the schoulder "good work"
some days are good days2
Hello everyone, this is my rant.
I work in a start-up as an Android developer and we were looking for our first iOS developer.
After two months searching, some guy was finally hired last week.
My boss already told me he didn't have my programming level, but we needed him because he had experience as community manager and good Photoshop skills, and right now we need a profile like that in our company.
Today the new guy asked me what are setters and getters.
How fucked is my company? Is there hope for us?9
finished learning a framework/plugin.. *feel like boss* 😎
bam! new version with breaking changes.. *feel like sobbing* 😭7
So my boss told be about this game, try it out the next time you have an office party with other developers. It goes like this... You all sit around a table with shots ready to drink at your disposal, each person takes a turn and must simply say a noun, it can be anything. The next person must then Google the noun + '.js' added to the end, if the library exists, that person must drink a shot. Continue until everyone is sufficiently in a vegetated state. Good luck!4
As some of you know I start at my new job on friday. I don't have a development or computer related job, so guess what my first task is?
I was at my boss/friends house last friday night and he was like 'I know you're good with computers. So can you install the printer in my bureau?'
Now I can absolutely relate to all the printer rants.1
when I finally get my code to work, no matter how small, I get up and walk around feeling like a boss4
Boss slides keyboard over to you during conference call. It's slightly crooked. Trying to punch in credentials without looking like a noob... impossible.2
Every time I hear my boss say "surely it can't be that hard" or "that's what, like a 5 minute job?"
Forget stress balls!
Relieve your stress with this giant enter button!
Punch it like you mean it.
Tell your boss off with every punch of the enter button!
Smash those bugs with the might of Zues!
Cause a lotta damage!
My first dev job my boss, understood me so well. i think he must of been like me as a kid. Much like when people go to uni people say they change so much. He knew i was just in my shell, shy, but capable.
I turned 18 and he straight away wanted to get me to nightclubs! i don't remember much from the night, except, i got into a bit of a fight (we won) stole a huge pitcher of some kind of drink (to drunk to taste it) and danced on the tallest part of the stage most of the night, kind of like the spotlight of the entire place. It was epic, and it certainly made me come out of me shell.1
I just blocked some of the top management from connecting to our WLAN because I was testing a verifing feature for said WiFi that kicks all devices not listed in the DB.
It happened while my boss/senior/guidance was trying to show them the advantages of a centrally managed infrastructure.
He covered my ass well and tried to sell it to them as proof of a secure solution, that unknown devices couldn't log in.
I feel like human trash right now, but that's what you get for testing in production.4
My boss just brought these to the office some time ago.
We have this new PM who's actually a really cool guy, and earlier we were eating a watermelon next to these pillows.
All of the sudden, he rearranges them to look like in the picture, presses one of them with his hand and says "bloop!".
Laughed my friggin' ass off! 😂😂😂18
My boss: "We need this feature by Friday"
Me: "I can make it work, but I need more time to do it properly"
Boss: "Just fix it by Friday, and you can make a proper implementation later, when there is time"
Like there will ever be time once it works...3
*starts coding in C/C++*
*M so gonna use raw pointers... Raw pointers ftw!*
*Spends 2 hours to code*
*Spends next 4-6 hrs trying to find why it is crashing/giving segmentation fault*
*Finally finds the solution and feels like winning a boss in Dark souls*
*Totally worth using raw pointers* 😎😎😂😂6
Boss: Why did you schedule a party?
Me: newGuy just made his first productive contribution to the group.
Boss: That's great! On that note I'd like you to meet superNewGuy. He's like newGuy but comes with the added bonus of being unfireable!
Me:........... You don't get cake........1
My boss just asked me to participate in a conference call to help an external senior dev implement some stuff/tool into our website.
My boss suspects that he doesn't even know Git...
Let's see how that whole thing will turn out.
My boss told me that he looked at his code and it already looks like an abomination of PHP...
It is enough that my boss usually writes shitty spaghetty code.
I will not sleep well this night.2
Does anyone else usually feel a bit homicidal towards someone(replace with boss or client) who doesn’t know a thing about what you do but constantly critiques your work?
Client: I don’t like how it looks, put some more design on it.
What does that even mean ????!?!6
Boss: this is different from the old console I don't like it
Me: but this has been approved by product management and the team already made estimates and committed to the feature
Boss: Well this needs to change, our existing users will not like it
Me: This is far from agile to be honest, and the change came from user feedback analysis
Boss: You are not doing your work *swears and curses* this is against the team direction!
Me: then why was this committed on this sprint? All I did was facilitate the needs of the team to proceed development.
Boss: *runs out office and starts calling other bosses to boss around*
Runs in 5 minutes later, saying we are not allowed to destroy a feature with enhancements like this.
Me: *Infinite facepalm*8
After working 3 years in my current job and my boss hating anything to do with unit testing etc, I used my spare time to refactor our Makefiles to allow for the creation of unit and integration tests. I technically didn't tell my boss about it, so my heart was in my throat when he Skyped me with 'what did you change in ...'?
After having bashed any workflow with testing in it, I showed him the new workflow and automatic testing in Jenkins and he was actually enthousiastic, just like all other employees! I was hailed a hero in the R&D department, after all this time we can finally write universal tests. :D9
at a previous job at a shit company ran by bible-thumpers, i was rebuilding the company website for my a-hole boss. I asked him where I should get images from- if there was a stock photo site he preferred or what.
"Just pull them off Google. That's what I do."
Later when I was combing through the site, I saw he'd added images that CLEARLY STATE another COMPANY'S NAME in the image themselves. Nothing like promoting another company on your OWN company website, huh?
(And no, their company name is not ActiveMobi.)
They're still there, 3+ years later. Dumb ass.2
Hello (World)! Noob here. I installed devRant around 5 days ago. I just keep reading the rants and didn't created my account because i was not sure if i will stay here for long time coz most (cr-)apps are boring.
After 5 days:
I owe all of you a tons of '++'.
I want a boss like @Linux have. (i know tags work only in comments)
Gonna stay here till i stay in IT industry.(maybe)10
Oh yes, today was a fugly nice day.
Fuck you my dear boss.
Your mindless way of taking a dump onto my code, moving my classes (CSS) away and adding new classes to refuck my unfucked fuckery clearly shows how much brain is left in your hollow skull of nothingness.
It took me only 2.5 hours of my precious time to unfuck your refucked fuckery and implement the fix you wanted me to do because you fucked up my code.
Go eat a bag of segfaults and get cast to void* (void pointer).
I am also very thankful having spent the whole day today to fix cross browser fuckups, hacks and #!&$+@.
Normally I really like my boss. He is a cool guy and an innovative and mostly intelligent person.
BUT FUCK HIS CODE.20
My boss just passed me few tasks that my coworkers fucked up. They have more experience, but they do not follow any code style standards and usually write shitty spaghetti code. I'm pissed off and angry because it's not the first time and I'm tired of fixing things that they ruin. Do you ever had any situations like that? How do I handle this? I'm speaking of two particular persons, not a whole company.4
Want a pixel perfect css/design? Get a monitor with as less pixels as you possibly can! Now when your boss says "move it one more pixel" it'll be like moving to another part of the world.
Thank me later :)6
Boss asked hey can you build me out a site?...Me ...sure got the PSD for the site?...Boss...no just build something out...Me...okayyyy....I build out a site...Boss...I don't really like the design...Me... ....*internal eye roll because I'm not a designer*2
*Working on a project with boss, I am working on a mobile app, he is working on web service app.
Me: this service takes user id as parameter to get all account details (all other web services are like that)
Boss: yes, I use the id to filter the data.
Me: but by this, everyone has the id can do anything ! why we do not use session token?
Boss: this is a detail, it is not important !
*7 years of experience my ass6
So, I'm travelling back with my boss from a client and he stopped for a meeting in another city. Now I'm here like...6
Sometimes I feel like a Jedi:
My boss says: Look the app is not sending any notifications.
I just have a feeling that he deactivated notifications in the app settings.
I check that and it was deactivated
Does that count as Jedi skills ? Or just programmer intuition5
Finally got a job I see myself staying in more than 2 years :) A boss that give us time to write / read blog posts.
Flexible work life.
Working with all the new stuff like dotnet core, docker :)
Took a job during the summer vacation and was expected to sit through excel and click products and fill in info (mundane tasks). Overheard the boss talking to the coworkers "We need to translate 77,000 urls into images, how do we split this work up?" I jumped in and said "I can write that in code so you don't have to do it" They all looked at me like I was some sort of magician O_O. Had the program running during the weekend on three computers and all of the 77,000 urls are now a beautiful mess of pdfs and jpgs. Do you have a story that made you feel like a wizard?8
My boss says to me this morning.
Boss: Can you add these links as a redirect 301 to this link.
Me: Ok, I'm not the developer for that domain but I guess I can do it. Let's try to update apache htaccess for that domain through my account.
(After a swift ssh connection to the server to check out that domain.)
Me: Er...boss, we don't own that domain. We cannot redirect it's links to our other domains.
Boss: Why? What do you mean?!
Me: well if we don't own that domain, than it is not on our server and we cannot update it's server config files. So we cannot redirect that domain to our other domains.
Boss: Are you sure?
It went on like this for a while. I had a laugh break after.1
Sometimes I really hate reading comment section and rants from
"my coworker/senior-dev/manager/boss/professor doesn't know X. I'm so much better and so underpaid"
It's like something is new to you or you didn't know something your mostly a dumbfuck which doesn't deserve his position or shouldn't be there ignoring all the other shit which brought you there. Ignoring a person's background or function. Sometimes this stuff is funny because you think he/she should know X but to call someone dumb/stupid/moron or so just because of this, I'll never get it people must have hughe inferiority complexes or so2
I had to buy a mobile printer for my company for an "emergency" for a demo. I sent my boss 3 prices and he just said "go get it, we'll pay you back." After I deliver the features my boss says "Just take it back and demand a refund" this made me feel like such a douche with the supplier, plus I had to pay a 15% handling fee.6
Thanks everyone, another follow up:
After successfully securing the interview and going through it like a boss I'm starting my new job on Monday. Bless y'all6
So we are having lunch on a normal day when our boss announced that one of our clients are visiting and our boss is telling us to standby and act like we are working so that the clients will see us in action.
WTF!? Is this company *that* desperate!? Then they should hire actors not developers2
Code review? You presume that when I had a boss that he gave a fuck!
I like to review my own code over a nice glass of wine.2
Man I love VM's!
I'm on a very tight deadline and my laptop died this morning and needs a reformat, usually this would be a very dire situation... Luckily I use a virtual machine for my dev env so I just remoted into a pc at my office using my phone, launched an instance of my vm and forwarded a public IP to it.
I'm currently working on my rasberry pi while machines installing linux. The only noticeable difference so far is that I only have enough ram to keep open around 5 browser tabs. :-D4
I was tricky this time and sent a separate email for the client and my boss about the new release.
Client response: "Its very good, runs flawlessly, could you check x if you have the time? It gives errors simetimes"
Boss response: "[...] urgent fix get working on it right now [...]"
Seems like my boss has been the fucking piece of shit all this time :)2
Things said at work that would be misunderstood when taken out of context:
client: "I don't like the D"
Boss: "well what if it's a little d"
Client: "I don't think the size of the D matters, do you think people make decisions on the size of a D"
Me: *trying so hard to laugh I spit coffee everywhere*
Boss: "are you working on that sex padding?"
Me: *trying so hard to laugh I spit coffee everywhere*1
Junior dev: Can I run lint on your codebase
Senior dev: hmmm
Jdev: Its a very nice code inspection tool
Sdev: Go ahead
Jdev: wow 50 errors
"This trend to build software from (open-source) libraries like AngularJS, etc. is just wrong! You never know if there's a bug in it. If you just write it yourself you're much better off!" -- my boss
This is so wrong in so many ways...3
Had to consume a soap webservice which spits out a XML of 5000 lines with ambiguous node names and a shitload of data that needs to be parsed.
Built a ORM model to hold all the data and I already built a Xmlparser which works like a boss.. untill now..
I've been debugging for 3 hours, cursing every God man ever made up. Swearing at my screen like a madman... but this particular set of nodes just didn't got saved properly to the DB...
Alright, so my ORM definition is fucked... nope... Alright, so my XmlParser is fucked... nope...
Whaaaaat the fuuuuck...
Oh wait, I've been checking the wrong table for hours....
Hooray for ambiguous tables because I followed the ambiguous structure.
I am going to get drunk now.
I think there is such a thing as "getting too comfortable with the people you work with".
My boss came over and wanted to show me how to do a new process. We start going through the steps and a question arises. I then IM my team lead, because he's the one who would know the answer, and all I get back from him is sarcastic comments and profanity (he doesn't know my boss is sitting at my comp with me). So I keep trying to get him to be serious, and he just keeps his mouth (well, fingers) going. (He is remote - not in our bldg). I want so badly to shut him up because what if he says something about my boss while she is sitting there? Not that he does that, but at the pace he's going, it no longer would surprise me.
There should be some sort of code to hint to your team to STFU and give a fucking answer when one is needed. Sort of like what kids do to hint that a parent is in the room, but for work?3
A few days ago, I went to a job interview where the recruiter (boss) expected me to fill a position that normally pays $30 an hour elsewhere for $10 an hour. As if that wasn't enough, he acted like he was being very generous with the $10 an hour because I'm a college kid. Smh.
I got a dayjob in a company. I got an error. I cannot solve it and I am so desperate. So I go to stackoverflow, nobody answers. I post on git issue, but nobody solves the problem. So, I pay someone to solve it, like Hackhands.com to find a mentor. There is no mentor that can help. So I pay more, hired a peer, and finally a development team just to help me. They get paid only if they solved it.
But each of my folks repeat my same steps, asking on stackoverflows or github, and none of these help. So, they end up hiring their own friends and mentors. Their friends also end up paying (pay before problem solved) someone to help them.
their friends pay for friends of friends, then friends of friends of friends
And all of a sudden it becomes a giant MLM scheme.
And those people they paid for actually work for a company behind the scene which I am a founder of 😁
Multi billions startup idea, is it?4
So I did everything in the past two days except working on the goddamn demo apps that I'm planning to show off to recruiters, potential employers and such.
Boss: I want you to create a <basic feature>.
Me: Okay explain exactly what you want me to do and how.
Boss: I don't know just a <basic feature>.
Me: Anything else you would like to add.
Boss: No just get started.
-- 2 weeks later --
Me: Done with the feature!
Boss: Ehhhhh, I don't like the way you did this.
WELL YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME ANY INSTRUCTIONS DID YOU?5
For the last 4-5 months the boss hasn't paid our wages complete. Since then he has promised over and over that he will pay all that he owes us, and we (most of us, anyway, the smart ones already leave) like fools believed in him.
The boss still is lying to us, the same lies over and over (i think he believes them himself)
YOU FOOL, NOBODY BELIEVES YOUR LIES, SHOW ME THE MONEY. DAMMIT!
I'll leave the job and very posibly sue him at the end of this month. Took me long enough. I'm not a smart man...6
Email from Client:
Hi, we'd like this and that done to our website. I know you aren't finished building it yet but I believe we can change what we agreed upon.
Let me see what I can do, I'll try squeeze in some of those changes but the bigger ones I'll have to check with the boss.
Yes, we can do those changes at an additional cost, quote them $1000 (example)
Me to client:
Hi there, yes we can do that but we have to charge $1000 for those additional changes that weren't initially agreed upon, and we'll need an extra week on the deadline.
Oh no no no... I know how this works. If I wanted to do this myself I would. You will do the work and get it finished in time, and I will only pay you $200 for it. I don't like being scolded for money.
Me and Boss: Yeah.... this isn't working out. Please find a new company to deal with.
Conclusion, this client was always giving us problems and telling us how we should be charging and how we should be doing our jobs. It was so satisfying to just them let go.4
Whenever my boss pitches an idea to me I close my eyes and try to make an this-is-a-really-complex-problem face like I am a sort of rainman or something, while I am actually thinking, wow this is stupid4
I went to a client and forgot my laptop.
Called my boss to send me the file I needed just to realize 1 hour later that I had web access to the repo and could have download myself.
It looks like it will be a promessing day 😑1
Leaving my current company for another opportunity. Boss has been working remote for almost a week now. When he shows up at the office, behaves like I don't exist anymore. Throwing in comments like "let's hire this guy, he's got some actual AI experience and not some academic bulls**t" while making sure I definitely hear them. His childish behavior leaves me wondering here what he thinks he'll achieve with it. At least makes me to look forward to get out of here. Oh well... Only couple of weeks left to put up with this.1
My new coworker: That "I know everything about all and I'm better than you" kind. Is working on Accounting but already has her fingers on my work, telling my boss things like "that's easy to do"...
Of course, she knows absolutely nothing about programming and I.T., but is easy for my boss to believe an easy lie than a complex truth.
(sorry, crude language and caps follows)
Hey, listen you fucking excuse of person, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB and stay away of my DAMN GOOD FUCKING CODE and my FUCKING SERVERS.
Not going to give you admin access in a gazillion years, even if my life depends on it.
And stop saying nonsenses about things that you WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND, because those things are too complex and abstract for your little stupid mind to understand.
Go ahead, mess with me! Will sue you to the end of your FUCKING world!
This is absolutely therapeutical.5
*Me Scrolling through devRant smiling at posts*
Boss comes from behind
Boss : Stackoverflow is a funny place 😂
I'm taken by surprise since I should be working, and im like
Ya amatuers developers asking stupid questions.. 😂
Damn you devRant Addiction. Phew !4
so I left uni after my PhD and joined a start up where the boss is a Cambridge grad who does coding and is like 50 years old (he never told us the true value), the CTO is very talented and another dev who quickly became my best friend and me doing data science. the 4 of us worked together like friends and the efficiency was fantastic, there's no bureaucracy bullshit or shit boss talks. We built the whole thing from scratch (okay I admit they did most of the building) and to this day, we work just has we have been.
About every project at my last job. Impossible to like any project with a boss that legitimately thinks frames and tables are a better option than learning css.
But why not, attribute styling on html-elements are the future indeed.8
So it was the last hour on Friday evening right before closing. I was sitting in the office playing this new GTA game on PC. A new colleague (older 50+ senior female assistant of my boss) came by to say nice weekend and she saw my screen and asked what is that. So I told her it is called GTA and I use that software to analyze customer behavior. She was like "nice try dude, so why is that guy carrying a shotgun, you must have upset him dude"
We are a small team of 4 web developers, we handle 20+ websites including sites in which we're only responsible for maintaining. And now I heard that they'll add 3 more projects and the boss say "this will be important!, So we need to focus" apparently every project we're handling is "important" to him. My co workers are resigning because of this madness. Not to mention that we're also (sometimes) doing what a web developer should do, like marketing etc. How's your company's project management? Mine? Shitty af.1
So my boss got a call from a company, trying to sell a piece of software supposed to monitor your ink levels and send you an email, if they are running low, so that IT has a chance to send new before the old one runs out.
They wanted something like 20$/month/printer, so guess what I'm developing now...4
When your boss comes to your desk and starts talking about a great feature with such enthusiasm and you can tell he's been thinking about it for a while.
"we already have that. You asked me to add that like 3 weeks ago."2
Okay...not a rant. But my boss's boss is amazing! I've been with this company for about a year, and every time my lowly ass needs permission elevation to do something, I have to practically beg. And then I get elevated one little permission at a time. I have a presentation to the board on Tuesday, and all damn day it's been one network permission problem over the other. It's become insulting that I'm the only team member that has to beg for permission scraps. Today, they take me out to lunch and when I get back, sends an email and copies me on it basically instructing that I'm to receive near-God like permissions on the network. Quite an honor for being everyone's junior by like 20-25 years! I feel like I'm about to receive an Infinity Stone or something...best day ever!
Junior dev told me that he would like to use a powerful editor, I forced him to use only VI for 30 min, now my boss sent me an email about "appropriate training methods" for the colleagues.3
>Gets assigned to this private Game server's project
>Boss wants me to improve the anti advertisement chat
> Looks at old code
> Code is replacing unicode characters to latin ones that look similar which are being used for advertising
> lol'd who tf developed this
> regex101, building a regex query with endless of possibilities (would look something like this) /((L|\|_|I_)(O|0|\[\]|\(\))(L|\|_|_))/gi to detect lol
> Adds alot of similar looking unicode characters to assure that it will find something
> Works really well in the dev version
> Server open hour
> 30 players
> All chat at the same time
> CPU 100%
> BOSS NEVER TOLD ME TO MAKE IT EFFICIENT3
Come into work, 5 of our 18 employees have been fired. The boss stares at you with a gleam in his eye. This makes me want to program incredibly technical shizzle. Of course it does. There's nothing like a supportive work life balance :/6
Just started a new job three weeks ago. I was doing pair programming with another developer that has been there two years; I was assigned an issue and wanted his opinion on it. He implemented a fix that involved multiple complex if statements.
He was surprised after I went ahead and showed him that the variable in question could be used (it was either 0, null, or > 0) like a boolean. I brought it down to 3 lines; a single if statement. Felt like a boss.1
Last week I finished what I thought to be unpaid work experience working in IT (more like programming), at the end of it I had a meeting with the boss who offered me paid work next summer and also gifted me a £150 amazon voucher for the work I did.
I sold my XBOX (ew the unproductivity) and use the voucher to buy a Mac Mini. Going from Windows, Mac OS X is significantly better, I prefer bash to power-sh*t.
TLDR; I worked for 5 weeks and got a Mac5
Realizing how clean and beautiful you code now when comparing your code then is probably one of the best feelings ever.2
FUCKING FUCK ANGULAR!!!!
LIKE FUCK IT IN THE ARSE AND BURN THE MOTHERFUCKER WHILE LAUNCHING A MISSILE ON IT TO BE SURE!
(ﾉ≧∇≦)ﾉ ﾐ ┸━┸
So I am making something on angular and I got everything running in ng serve(development environment) , after handling all issues and showing it to my boss man he approves and asked to put it up on prod for a demo , doesn’t sound like an issue , I make the prod build on cli and BAM! 16 errors ? No issues right?, I’ll just google the issue. Googles.... there aren’t no clear solutions to it as the angular version keeps changing and nobody knows what broke it, I mean people have the issue,but like 100 reasons that can cause it,
HOLY LORD RELEASE A NEWER VERSION AFTER MENDING THE OLD ONE
Angular Dev:We fucked this one, lol what should we do boss man?
Angular boss man: lol just leave it, we need to build the new version with newer bugs,
P.S. I like angular, but it’s like a underdeveloped framework, too many issues and too many changes3
When you point out a bug for the first time on a popular library and your issue has been reopened with apologies and given the bug tag.
Feel like a boss after struggling with the problem for 14 days haha1
Facepalm moment - When the boss tasked me with a backend rewrite (or writing a backend in the first place really...) but only looked disappointedly at frontend stuff during the presentation.
"But this looks just like before?"4
Yesterday my boss bought a plastic mini golf set, which is like for 4 or 5 year olds. When he came back to the office couple of hours later he saw five grown man plays minigolf sitting(!) in the middle of the office, then he dared to say that we are childish. I still don't know what was his expectations when he bought that toy... Love this motherfucker :D
As a person who has a problem with authority (in group projects, not the law), I never really understood the need for the boss until I started making a game with a few friends.
I'm not just taking about noone actually doing anything other than throwing ideas ifbthey bothered to show up at all, but...and this is the worst of all, whenever we came to a mechanic that we all agreed upon, everyone had their own vision for it, that they defended like it's their firstborn. For two months we accomplished nothing, other than a few half baked ideas.
It wasn't until we "promoted" one of us to a "boss" status, that people actually started working.3
I am a developer at a tech company. The tester in my team refuse to test my work because he feel I don't respect him. He is a fucking idiot, so obviously I don't respect him. I can still do my job just like always, so I told the cretin it doesn't matter if I respect him or not and he doesn't need my respect to do his job.
At the end of the day I couldn't care less about his feelings. I just hope my boss doesn't fire me when he finds out.3
I got an extremely hard task in the morning, I asked for some clarification and I got them at 13.23.
Boss ask for updates at 13.45 (during lunch pause).
I work on it 2 hours like never before, he calls me and I said I can manage to finish in half an hour + testing.
I work more 10-15 minutes, time is around 16.15.
2 other enormous bugs shows up on the same project, boss ask me to take care of them, and I manage in only 2h to look up something like 40 web pages and correct each of them, write reports and inform the affected people. After it I work more 15 minutes to report and finish small tasks. Ended up working almost 1h more on a non paid extra time working contract.
In the morning, while my boss was aware I spent that time
In the morning boss ask "everything went fine with the big project, right?"
I already got a burnout from this job, I really can't go on like this.2
When your non-programmer boss asks how exactly some code/bug was fixed.
"You sure? I mean, alright... "
It's not like every time something doesn't work right, this will be the fix. We're not going to have a conversation in the future where you help me troubleshoot something by remembering parts of this conversation.1
I'm tired of "agile" development. Sure the concept of a hacky POC that gets thrown out for a real implemention sounds great. But it never gets thrown out. That shitty POC become the foundation for a horrible mangled mess of hacky improvement after improvement. I'm tired of my boss telling me "do it the easy quick way and fix it later", like fuck off no. I can save man weeks worth of bug hunting a year down the road by actually taking an extra day to do it right. Like fuck does no one care about quality engineering anymore?
Sometimes that extra day to write a general vs a specific implementation is worth it.5
I don't get it?
That doesn't make any scene....
goto line 5980
😎 coding like a boss....
goto line 8764
🤡 I have no idea what I'm doing....
Do you know this:
Sometimes you come in to work develop a little bit and theres nothing to do for the rest of the day. You ask multiple times - still nothing. You have 10 minutes left until you can leave and your boss hits you with "oh dude here is a new project and it has to be done now"... THAT FUCKING SHIT TAKES LIKE 3 HOURS TO BE DONE AND YOU JUST TOLD ME NOW THAT IT HAS TO BE DONE TODAY OMG3
For my second major task in my new job I've been asked to remake a site (only about 10-12 pages) from scratch in 4 days. No chance of iterations or fixes, no consulting or design time. The brief says things like "make headers jump out" "make it prettier but smart" "make the font informal but classy". I've got 12 hours to finish it before the company loses a big client.
Boss isn't a developer at all and thinks this is easy. I "should be done by now."4
So, there was this guy where i worked, who was doing some freelancing.
He asked me to do some front-end stuff for him and i said ok.
After some gigs, my boss found out about him working as a freelancer and got really pissed, because, according to him, it was forbidden by company policies (though i never saw it on contract).
After that, the boss started talking to me about shit that the guy did on the past, like stealing, liying about been sick for months, bad mouth the entire company to others companys, etc. Some really bad shit.
End of the story, the company fired that guy, threatened to do the same to me, made me go on record about that shit in court, and that fucking motherfucker didnt even payd me for my last work.
I hope he rot in hell, fucking piece of shit.
Sorry for the long text, but (today) i find it as amusing story.
My boss wants me to make a web application in .NET, it's like asking a Android developer to build the app for iOS as well.
Note: Im a PHP developer5
There are days where I just want to develop a plot of land in some forest/mountain rich area into a little farm, maybe with some silly animals like emus and alpacas.
Development is not always as stress free as I'd like it to be.
If I'd had to pick a way to spend my days and money was no issue, I'd probably only contribute to open source, and invest more time into a few projects of my own.
No boss, no sales department, no deadlines, zero pressure. Just solving the puzzles my brain wants to lock on to that day.1
Today my boss granted the intellij Ultimate license. It's a good day.
(even though eclipse isn't that bad I like intellij more)3
I remember at a company that I was working as a Drupal developer, I had finished building a website (both designed and developed it) using Drupal 7. I was very satisfied with the result and the way the company was operating, I had to show it to the project manager and he would say if it was OK to show it to the boss and then I would contact the client to say that we are finished.
When I showed it to the PM, he provided some changes from his personal "I know everything" book and after I made them, we both went to the boss' office. Keep in mind that I had built the website following the clients notes and preferences (custom sliders, certain color swatches etc.) and I was on point.
So, after we entered the office, we sat and I was pumped to hear good news. But, not a minute passed since the page loaded and the boss was clearly unhappy with the result, and more specifically with the changes that the PM provided (not even my fault). When he finished talking, I tried to explain that I followed exactly what the client said and executed accordingly, without the changes that the PM had put on the table. Suddenly, the boss' face was angered and turning red(ish). He started shouting at me and saying that I was not experienced enough to know what I am saying (I was 21 years old at the time), and that they had the experience to criticize if the website was ready or not and if the client would like it, pointing out that I wasn't capable of knowing what the client needed.
I was bursting in my chest, I felt a fire burning with anger and righteousness, but I turned my face down and apologized. It SUCKED! It felt SO bad. I took the notes that he said (which changed 90% of the website's design) and after that I called the client.
I felt some kind of vengeance when the client started shouting at the PM, when he saw the website. He yelled and said that, the design that the boss chose, was not remotely close to what the client had requested.
Next day after I finished the website with the design I had provided, the boss was looking at me like a (proud) wet cat, saying 'well done' but not another word, while entering his office.
Well, at least the client was happy at the end! That's all that matters, right?4
All things have ends. Nothing lasts
If I am currently sad, this situation will pass.
If I am currently happy, this situation will pass too.
If there is a bug, boss like shit.. it'll pass, it doesn't deserve to be that sad ans depressed..
If there is no bug, and the work is perfect.. it'll pass.. there will be moments when sadness come..
it's just everything is going, nothing deserves to be sad or that happy.6
Keep this in mind: I don't like WordPress and PHP at all!!!
So a couple of days ago my boss asked me if I could extend a custom made WordPress plugin made by our intern. First thought: sure why not? Boss says: it has to be done in less than 100 hours of work (an estimate done by my boss and the intern). Me: I can't tell you that before I have seen the code and what functionality has to be in the extension. Boss: Cool, look it over this weekend and tell me if you want to do it or not.
I looked it through and my answer will probably be: NO WHERE IN HELL am I gonna are this in less that 100 hours! 1. no tests has been performed so I have absolutely no clue if his code works.
2. variable names are mostly: $string_query (whatever that means?), $result, $string_temp and so on.
3. Methods and functions are more than 250 lines long, with shitty formatting, and more comments than code. WTF?
4. The estimate has been made by an intern and my boss (doesn't know much about programming). I haven't been consulted about it....
5. No version control. No branches, no commits other than initial commit. Great.
6. Most comments in the code just tells me what I can read from the code. What it returns and what it takes as params. Can I please know wtf your method call named $booking->run () does? I still haven't found this method in the code after 1 hour of intensively looking for it...
FFS man... Not gonna do this, even though I thought it would have been an interesting project initially.
Sorry for the long rant... I just wish the intern would have consulted me about all this shit, since he obviously have bad practices. *sigh*6
The best QA in the world is your boss. He always jump in and ask you to show him something that is not completed yet. He then acts like a professional and points out the red is not red enough... You have no word, mark down all the design changes, pass a message to designer, and then, finally, You forgot what's going on in your mind!!! And it takes another hour for you to resume your memory back....1
I just found out last Friday that my team collegues (all of them are team leads) are suffering from depression or the so called burn out syndrom. I guess it's my boss' fault. He never gives clear jobs, changes his mind from day to day, we have to manage unclear responsibilities and the baddest thing is that we think that our boss is too stressed out himself.
Do you have any advice for me how we as team could solve that besides changing employer? One thing to mention is, that my boss likes to hear himself talking. That makes it even harder for a guy like myself who is more or less introverted to come up with good arguments which are not overheard or overtalked immediately. What are your feedback strategies to your own boss, how do you bring such stuff on the table?
I fear that when nothing happens, my company will suffer very hard when the whole product engineering departement will fall apart (¼ of the whole company and is responsible for engineering and maintaining of internal services and managed services for our customers).
Well at least it was worth writing about it, maybe my subconcious mind will come up with a brilliant idea itself in the near future in some asynchronous way. But you might be the one with that valuable input, then don't hesitate to share, it will be welcome.4
I'm living a daily drama with my own head lately. I was hired like two and a half months ago as a junior programmer and it is my first real job, in addition to 2 internships (the last one was in the advertising agency, and after a month I started to search a new job and warned my boss that I wanted to quit, because it was kind of a painful job and I was not happy at all because I was not working with programming).
The thing is that I do not know what they expected from me in this current job, and I still can not say. Am I being enough? Am I a disappointment? Everyone there is so experienced and good at what they do, and I was just used to being "the guy" where I studied that it was some sort of shock when I realized that I had to get way better even for a junior job. I do not feel productive as I wanted and sometimes I feel like I'm a total disaster and I'm not made to work with the only thing I could say "I'm made for this".
I might be overreacting this, but I just wanted to say this somewhere and I'm thankful I have devRant now. I could talk to my superiors or my boss about this, but I'm so used to get there and focus on my tasks that I'm always forgetting.3
Few months ago I was working on something rhat wasn't mission critical for the current sprint. Near the end of the month I was asked to help the BD team (which usually do the testing) with testing the webapp as well as the mobile versions. First day of me testing ever, found more bugs by myself than the 5 BD people did in the entire week. Really felt like a boss. Next month they asked me to help again. And again. And again.
This is how my desk looks nowdays (the 3 phones are behind the laptop charging)
So I started to write a small script that my boss asked me to do.
I thought I will be able to do the job simple in just one file.
after 5 days, mostly researching and writing like 10 important functions I gave up the idea of being easy and I configured it as a project.
Feels so smooth now.1
Have any of you pitched a directional or starting idea to bosses and have it go well? I feel like I'm at such a low "worked bee" level is have to send a lot of time preparing data to back up the idea. Also not sure if I should go to immediate boss who is cool but a little reserved about ideas like this or boss's boss who has more leverage to put an idea like this in action?3
Learning to code but must do website.
Must learn illustrator....
Can`t even select a fucking circle without it becoming a splatterod non sensical shapes.
Been at it for 2 weeks.
Boss/friend like. Hey i know its the holidays but lets catch up to see what youve done....
Me. Well... I can fuck up circles ;)9
Anyone else have a coworker that tries to act like you and manages to completely fuck up everything to the point where if you go to your boss about it you're the one in trouble and not them. -_-
High school tech team job sucks
One day i started to code.
One day i was told you will not code without git.
Many days i lost code on git because i was ignorant.
Today i reset the act of commiting without losing all my shit.
Git reset --soft HEAD^
I didnt event sweat it ;)
Today i feel like half a boss!!!
I worked on a cross platform xamarin.forms project last year. Right in the beginning I noticed shit performance. I told my boss we should switch to xamarin.native at least and he said to keep working through it and that it'll take more time and we won't meet our deadline if we switch now. He also said to create Microsoft premier support tickets for help. Microsofts advice was not to have nested layouts and to use their beta version, it had some fixes. 1 year into development and we still couldn't increase performance. 2 weeks ago my boss said to scrap the whole thing and to switch to xamarin.native like I suggest nearly a year ago. Not only did we pass the deadline by 4 months, but the fucker went to India the next day he told me to switch. So he didn't take any heat from his boss (cto). Someone else told the cto the decision to scrap it. Typical manager....😐
Couple of months ago a friend of mine got a new charge in the company as director of software development, he is an awesome person, always helping and trying to hear all opinions, but his wife also works there, she is an absolutely awful person, since the new charge of my friend she feels like the boss trying to control the time of the people, and the ways the things are done in the company, and if you don't agree she warns you about telling to his husband, but my friend just try to calm down the things and get to an agreement in both parts. So I mean, bro you are an excellent boss but you should put limits on your wife, at least in the job.1
How do you deal with a boss who doesn't know code at all and he expects you to code for him??? How can I explain to him anything because even a single word like git confuses him... :/4
When my old boss from previous company called me to take on a project that their current developers didn't able to finish. I return to my old office like a saviour of the day 😝5
Boss: I'm thinking something like a facebook wall...
For a site where people access once, download what they need, and never come back.5
Episode 2 of the "I don't know Python but my non-technical boss seems to tell everyone we do" saga!
In a big meeting with a new client discussing the terms of a contract and how the work would get done. I've explained how I'd like to push through the changes one at a time in the interests of debugging shit.
Client: So when each week do you think you'd do the changes?
Boss: Friday at the end of the day. So if there are any problems nobody will really notice it over the weekend.
Me(quietly to boss): but that means if something goes wrong we'll not have any time to fix it.
Boss: yeah we should definitely push them Friday at 4/5.
So I'm looking for a new job already. Never working with a non-technical boss again.1
- A boss that's not 100% incompetent to computers and technology in general.
-Coworkers who aren't jackasses
-Doesn't feel like a job
-Nice break room
-Option to leave early and work from home
When the boss or pm give you some work to do before end of day (which actually takes a few hours longer than when you're supposed to leave) and they leave early like 'cheerio'4
Can we get a way to block users from seeing our posts? Two of my coworkers are on here now and it's only a matter of time before my boss appears. He's nosy like that6
I was going to show my boss DevRant. Due to my quick thinking of past and future rants pertaining to said boss, I decided not to. Quickly switching to Instagram seemed like I was in the clear, I just had to find a funny picture of... a DevRant ad... "Oh what's that app? Didn't you have that one?"
Then a client walked in!!!
Never have I been, nor will I even be, so relieved to have a client storm into the office!10
After 2 days of trying to understand unclear requirements I got for a new project... I discover my boss wrote them....
From the description, it read like he flipped it around from what he actually wanted (there's a difference between parent-children and child-parent)
And he always gave me the feeling that he had gotten it from some business team so I spent 2 days trying to figure out who wrote these requirements so I could ask them.
Starting a new project, I suggested using git instead of TFS(last project was TFS) to my boss. He said “It (the project) is VS based, so to keep things easier...”.
I don’t think basing your project around an IDE is a smart thing to do. I don’t even like TFS its caused quite a few problems for us and is much less smoother than git. Furthermore VS offers really good git integration!4
After your boss side tracks your udemy course to learn something else and then going back to that course after a month like "wait what the hell is this alien language"
Has anyone else been able to convince their boss to let them work remote? If so how did you do it? Mine has trust issues with remote working so we started a trial and it's going well but I would like to do it more often. I've also been reading the Remote book and blogs.7
Got a promotion and had a loose definition of what my new tasks were. I got overwhelmed with being the go-to for project and account managers, and 75% of our devs, on top of my own work I had to complete for clients.
Eventually I wrote up a 2 page document of things I had to deal with daily/weekly and how I don't have time to do my work, so why should I even bother to do it.
We got it resolved, my boss took some of the tasks off my plate (like training the new hires) and allows me to work from home whenever I need to finish up work.1
I feel like front end guys and gals are basically the folks that make the back end guys and gals look good for the boss. Not in a straight dev shop, but when your boss thinks html is a programming language...4
What should I do if a coworker is always trying to pawn off their work on me? Whenever a bug is found, she'll always try to throw it in my court (via passive-aggressive-reply-all emails) even though its 90% of the time, some shit she wrote. I'd rather not go to my boss, because it feels like whining. But confronting her has been difficult because she works remote, is more senior than me, and there is a slight language barrier. Honestly, I think she pretends to know less English than she does, to ignore my emails...7
Putting in 6 weeks dedication into a project and getting told by your boss "get it to a state you like and we'll park it"3
What the heck is wrong with these recruiters? You have a good facebook group with rules that states not to post ads or job listings. Then this headhunter just joins and ignoring the rules start pointing their job posts. What's worse is they are even posting unrelated programming languages. This ain't a people farm scumbags!10
wow, to think about it , I have not been really 'excited' about stuff for last few years...
Now its like yeah, this is all a rat race...gotta learn this , learn that ,learn everything...but not really excited about it..Maybe feel like a thug-life boss if I get paid or recognised for my work...
However this is a race I am happy to run in,I like coding, like nerdy/smart tech jokes , like learning new stuff, and like my programming life.
A day without opening my laptop is really a day I feel sad but not the other way round.
So guys at the moment Im working at a medical company as a business temp but I really like it here. At the moment they know me as the tech guy. I want to be the official systems administrator here but don't know how to go about doing that.
I have a strong Linux background but everyone here uses windows.
I think that they need a server but I don't think I can just go up to my boss and say "hey, I know I'm not certified yet but hows about you give me money so I can set up a server for you?"
I need advice.5
Been struggling with a performance issue for weeks, been writing a search engine (or sorts) for internal company use only. Discovered the locations that are being indexed contain a directory used for back up purposes that contain archives of everything inside it.
Wrote a means to exclude these directories, performance improves up to 1600% (top end, sadly, not across the board) feel freaking awesome.
Boss acts like I've just pull Atlantis off the floor with my teeth.
It was a two line change, I wish the really difficult tasks were treated this way and not with "oh it shouldn't take you long!"1
So i informed my intent to leave the job in few months in pursuit of learning something new in tech. Boss is trying to convince me to not leave and said i should consider learning it after work hours. In fact, in his opinion, the best way to learn is just going ahead and learning it while doing it in the project ( which usually has impossible deadline and fugly code by colleagues who never thinks of good coding practices when typing their shit ).
Well guess what boss, I don't want to just live a life staring at monitor all day. I don't want to kill my eyes either.
Following his advise and not quitting would mean living a slave life.
I have other plans actually. Like being self employed and traveling the world which would be impossible if i follow the routine life.
Fun fact: he claimed he made an AI car back in 90s!
He also thinks I can't sense BS!😏3
So my boss was developing a app for personal use and it was very nice and had many features. One day there was a mac os update. He updated his system thinking he backed up everything like a week ago (let me spoil you a little bit... it was four weeks ago...). He did the update and it stopped working whilst updating and he lost all his data and with that he lost the app he made. He has now started from scratch again. Guys what does that teach us? Do regular backups! I learned something from that myself!2
Well I would say a pretty humbling experience was my last job interview where my new boss and hr guy were truly shared by my skills and then the first day at work where my boss said please do this decision, I really need an opinion by an experienced developer like you as I am not sure which one is the better one.1
Have a issue to deliver today, Xcode start to act weird...
Ok let's just quit Xcode and open again...
"Xcode can't be opened while updating"
Fuck no! Who gave you permission for that, stop! Stop!
Hmm.... boss won't like this9
We bought an expensive middleware which helped development speed and stability a lot. Something did not work and after a week I located the bug in the middleware. Support was adequate and the bug got fixed after my report.
I'm not mad at the developers, because bugs happen, and this one was hard to catch, even with tests.
On the other hand I have to explain my boss what took so much time.
It really wasn't my fault, but I also don't want to shame the middleware company, because it will make it harder for me to buy their stuff (and I quite like their products) or even any software at all.
My previous boss. He is a very cool guy. He treat us lunch and dinner sometimes. We always have a conversation topic like existentialism and being in a subconscious state of mind, because most people I met is just very basic. He also owns an office where we are all working in. we watch porn together at night, gossip about hot girls nearby the office area and curse a lot. I love laid back person like him. Also he's humble as fuck.5
Colleague (Lead Engineer): Hey, check my code. I'm trying to group a list of Request objects by their id. Something is not working here
Me: * saw his code, had a lot of shitty loops, called all for a quick meet, changed his shitty mess to one liner
Walked out like a boss*
Just finished a app for mapping printers based purely on convention in a Citrix environment, no manual config needed. Chief of operations said "it's fixing stuff like this that should trigger a bonus, too bad we're the government". (Yay, thanks for rubbing it in).
Then I responded "I'll get my reward in heaven as usual, then". CIO says: "but you're not going there...."
Guess I just need a fire extinguisher then. Thanks boss.1
Someone at work asks boss something stupid. He gets mad and says "omg don't they teach you anything at school?" and proceeds to give us all a pop quiz... On paper... Then tries to read all the code pieces like a lecturer.1
Well I've got this new worker and me and him are like "great minds think alike" , we're now trying to convince the boss that a specific monitoring product that cost hundreds has an equivalent open source.... No luck so far in convincing him1
How can one "steal" a job anyways? Is not like there's a robot with a gun forcing your boss to fire you and give him the contact instead, which the robot is way better at anyways, producing no bugs and ten times the features you were able to do, and all that for a few bucks of electricity a day... FUCK, WE'RE DOOMED!!!5
Ideal Dev job... Apart from ones already mentioned, bajillion dollars a day, Lexi Belle as my secretary, solid gold telephone, etc, I think I'd like one where I'm the boss. Maybe I wouldn't be good at it, maybe I'd go up in flames, but at least I'd go my own way. And I wouldn't have any fucking meetings. I'd have "office hours" like my teachers back in college. Stupid things and people would be told to gtfo. Flip flops, shorts, and t shirts instead of button downs, khakis, and loafers. Time to work on my own projects, time to learn new things.
...I think I just talked myself into resigning.
Looks like using another language to develop a separate process on the system is too much of a mind blow to my boss.
The look on his face when I tried to suggest such thing made me realize it will not be worth the time explaining the benefits of using the right tool for the job.1
Trying to setup a staging server boss says just use AWS, system admin doesn't like that thought because it doesn't involve him so waited all day for 3 VM's and still not ready... All I need is 3 blank CoreOS VMs nothing fancy like even doing the cloud config no. Anyone else has colleagues scared of moving out of the private high maintenance servers in the basement?6
When I was an apprentice in a small company, ...
I had to witness the shortest job interview in my life. The company was searching for a secondary full time developer and one applicant got the chance to have a job interview.
The interview was planned at 10 o'clock in the morning. The applicant has arrived at the interview at time, but my boss didn't. After about a hour my boss has arrived.
They went into his office, and you can just hear a loud yell why the applicant came too early. The applicant told him that he got there at time and he has waited about a hour for him.
My boss have asked how the applicant came to this place and the applicant told him that he has used public transportation with the correct arrival time.
Someone like my boss who does not use any public transportation at all accused the applicant being a liar and he should stop bullshitting him.
The applicant yelled back what the hell is going on and he is not there to get yelled at. After that the applicant went away very angry.
We had a very good laugh at the neighboring office.3
"I don't know about changing that part of the platform"
-"Do you see any other way?"
"No, but this one is pretty complex"
-"Would you like me not to do it?"
"No, but like, really test it, OK? It's a very complex part of the platform"
-"Would you like me to include the phrase 'this was really fucking complex' in the release documentation?"
Sometimes I think my boss is against coding :/
I'm so f*cking tired to have a lot of work rejected just because "I don't like it", because "today I like this thing, but tomorrow maybe"...
1. You are NOT even a designer
2. You have NOT a f*cking plan on what we are going to do in the next weeks
3. You are crazy AF because you pretend to have always what you ask without any kind of explanation, changes included..
YOU ARE NOT A LEADER.
YOU ARE JUST A bOSS.4
Just finished importing over 70,000 rows with a bunch of joins onto a data warehouse for billing purposes. all done thanks to SQL alchemy and python. I feel like a boss.3
Working on a very simple report in C# with DexExtreme.
Got rejected by boss for more than 5 times.
"We don't use comma, the line looks like doubled, the title isn't right, one field is missing..."
Feel so depressed 🤦♂️
I don't even write C# normally1
Anyone else in the habit of having a PuTTy window signed into a personal server, for stuff like IRC, because it looks too much like work for the boss to question it?1
when you hire a third party team and the ceo is so technically behind that the team starts treating you like an idiot as well.
Unlike my boss who can barely work a mac, i can use github so you dont have to send me a zip file.
Unlike my boss, you can use big words.
Unlike my boss, you dont have to treat me like im stupid.1
When you marvel at your code creation and the beauty of your envisionment only to be painfully whittled down as your boss tells you to change it all, because he doesn't like how the code looks. Joys of being a junior developer!1
Wouldn't call it a feature. More like worst practice. Data manager (and my boss at the time) kept using our website as a way to host large files 3rd party vendors/partners could download instead of using one of the many secure transfer methods out there to send them data. This was sometimes extremely sensitive data. No authentication or security that I could find. I went ballistic on him after seeing that.
There's like a billion developers out there but I'm the single developer this boss man chooses to be a pain in the ass to.
Great. Just great!
How can I interview new developers like a boss. E.g. Give them a PSD and tell them to do the layout etc. What you guys recommend?3
the moment other people are struggling finding a file using "find" in Linux and you find it using "locate" in seconds like a boss.1
Soo today (Sunday) I received a Email from my boss. He wants me to do a fucking huge project done by next Friday.
This "so amazing new idea" exists for like 5 years already. So I said I'd be done this Tuesday. Him not knowing I'll be copy&pasting this all the way 😂😂.
Not that I'm lazy, but just that why should I recreate something that exists for years now.5
Testing is important. Like when you test your server program that forks another program in the privacy of your home, only to discover you put the child code where the parent code should have gone and vice-versa.
You and your wife can have a laugh about it, instead of getting reamed out by the client or your boss for fork-bombing the server.
Sucks because it's still a stupid mistake, but at least I managed to minimize the amount of shit that would have otherwise landed on me.
I've received new instructions at work and I would like to know your opinion. We are two at work, my boss and I..
From now on, projects are estimated, we own the responsability of delivering our tasks to the date each individual. We will work with estimates + error margin of 30%, meaning we do the estimate and add 30% to the hours. We also set a deadline date, ideally a week or two later - this date will be given to clients. If we have not met our estimates including the error margin, we do overtime. We have to own each task our selves, and personally take the responsability for our assignments.6
Does anyone else have a boss who is supposed to have a lot of technical but you have to explain everything like your talking to a newbie that can't seem to follow logical arguments?
Tag: I already proved it's not... Why do you still think it is1
Do you know that lady who waits in line at the grocery store for ages and when it's finally her turn she suddenly realizes that she might need her wallet somewhere from the bottom of her bag?
That's our current business analyst managing external dependencies like a boss... :D
Why are people so geleous?
Showed an app I'm making to help with work with my boss and Co-workers... When I said I'm a noob programer he was like... Your What? Your just dumb... Same for most my co-workers... It's like... I'm dumb because they don't know stuff?3
first some background. I'm an intern coming in on the end of my internship (tomorrow's my last day). I've been working on a reasonably important project, more specifically a restful API. We have automation set up so that any commits to master on GitHub are pushed out into a live, accessible version. Some guy (let's call him dumbass) joined our team last week, and has had a few ideas
Dumbass: *opens pull request to my repo*
My boss: *requests changes*
Me: *requests different changes*
(All this before even testing his code, mind you)
Dumbass: *makes requested changes*
Me: *approves changes*
A day passes
My boss: *approves changes*
Me (not even 10 seconds after my boss approved changes): *requests more changes*
(Still haven't tested his code, I just ran A PEP8 compliance test)
Dumbass: *MERGES CHANGES TO MASTER*
Literally EVERYTHING breaks because he was importing a module that's not available
We don't notice until later that day (I'm still working on writing the tests for the automation, for now changes get put on live version even if everything breaks -- tool is still in beta, so everyone working on it (a whole 3 people) knows to TEST THEIR SHIT BEFORE MERGING TO MASTER.)
WHY EVEN BOTHER WITH THE PULL REQUEST IF YOU WERE GOING TO MERGE TO MASTER YOURSELF ANYWAY??!??!??
My frustration cannot be properly conveyed through text, but let's just say this guy's been there a week, I already didn't like him, and then he fucking does this.
Open inspector from Chrome in front of your friends and proceed to deleting annoying ads or bypassing scripts like a boss.1
My favorite thing, when your boss makes up a feature in their head and is angry that you didn't magically read their mind and implement it. I'm like a computer, I do exactly what you tell me, nothing more, nothing less, dummy.
JOOMLA!!!! jesus fucking jones . Been asked to migrate a site to joomla 3X and I cant get off the start line and my boss is freaking pissed. " its just like word press" em is it just me or is it overcomplicated2
I got my current job in the most standard manner,
1. Saw an ad for the job in the local newspaper.
2. Called the boss and had a chat with him. He sounded nice and the job sounded interesting.
3. Submitted my application and resumé
4. Boss called and we set up an appointment for an interview.
5. Met with boss and HR, had a cup of coffee and an interview.
6. Boss called and told me I'm one of two, and that he would like me to do a DISC personality analysis.
7. Met with HR and did the analysis, a bunch of questions that I answered as thoroughly as I could.
8. Boss called and said, congrats! Can you start next month? Yes, I could and it's been more than three years since :)
To make a boring story a bit more funny: Half-way through my first day, I noticed my zipper was open =:O And today I'm wearing two exactly identical socks...save for the colour, different shades of grey on left and right foot. Hush, don't tell my colleagues, maybe they won't notice ;) Well, I guess it's alright as long as I'm not wearing nothing but underwear, or being butt naked, like in some nightmares.1
When you are in a party and your boss messages
Boss - are you online, the servers are failing.
Me - i am online.
Boss - your phone doesn't count. Get to a computer.
I am like WHAAAATTTT?.1
Recently we created a Slack team with co-workers and our boss. Everybody was shocked when we saw his username. It is "armageddon". Like a fucking gamer child.2
Started working at a new company recently, like a week later me and my girlfriend decides to move in together at her place(6hour drive from my current work place).
So since im there during my trial period i contact another company looking for a job to have some kind of security in case they Fire my ass since im moving.
End up with a new better offer from another company and when breaking the News for the boss - a possibility to work on distance for my current position..
What to do, stay or take the better offer?4
Failed to make a decent demo for client because spaghetti code. I want to work on the project to sort out codebase to avoid same thing happening again, boss wont hear it and switches me to another project of which I have little knowledge of the stack when we have another guy who has experience in it.
My main project (the one I want to sort out) is so big it should have 4 people full time on it, but it has me and one part time outsourced contractor. I was hired as a meteor dev and he makes me work on an angular project like its totally easy to switch from meteor to node+angular+Jade.
I am a junior dev, boss has no idea how to project manage and ignores advice I give him.
This is going to be hell when we miss deadlines and have to explain to the client why their product has so many bugs.2
When you know your boss was in different country, then you have a free time to browse anything but suddenly you heard his voice in your office. He came unexpectedly.
Us be like.... 😨
Hey ... Is it possible to figure out the clients path (f.e. C:\Users\...) to a file he uploaded to a website on the server side?
My boss thinks it could be done and wants me to programm it. But I think we'd need a zero day vulnerability in a specific (and probably very old) browser to do something like that... That would be a huge security issue...
What do you think?14
When you've already spent three days trying to debug a problem with a Magento site and start questioning your credentials as a developer.
But then the other senior says they get stressed just popping in and out to help so they can't imagine what it's like for you and your boss says 'look at it this way. You're one step closer to solving it than you were yesterday'.
Sometimes it's great being a developer... Even when it is stressful.1
Not the biggest hurdle, but I felt like THE BOSS on finishing the task.
I have to create Branch in a repository for respective folders in S3 bucket and have to commit that folder into it's respective branch. There are around 29 folders in the bucket, the task would have taken my entire day. Rather I completed the task in less than half an hour. Shell Script is the coolest tool, which saved my entire day, indeed I felt like THE BOSS.
So we are gonna have a presentation offshore in an international event, in some hours from now.
Boss asked me to update some data along with some that a coworker was working on.
I asked about said data to coworker and she replied: they are in dropbox since yesterday.
And I was like OK.
AND NOW I'M FUCKING AWAKE AT 3 AM TO UPDATE IT AND 80% OF THE FUCKING DATA ISN'T ON THE FUCKING DROPBOX!!!! WTFFFF!!!!!
So we have a website on our server fir company related things and I wanted to build a projectplanner so my boss told me I should use serialized arrays since we already have a database with all the projects and the id. So I told my boss that I want to make a new database since serialized arrays are bad and slow and he said just do it anyway. So I did and after I did it I told him its slow and he told me do it with a new databse. And I was like LOL but I didnt mind since I learned a lot rebuilding it + its much faster now and I didnt have to do anything anyways so it was a win win :)1
I'm mostly .NET Dev, working on OCR thingy, but I started as Java, Android Dev. After my boss's crappy management and burning out our two mobile devs he has assigned me to finish one app. For past four days I've worked around the clock to finish as much of functionalities as I could but it simply wasn't possible, especially because project was still changing when though deadline was around 15.12.17. Yesterday I've done as much as I could and now we have to wait for the client to either accept it or break the contract.
To be frank, I think that losing money would be like a bucket of cold water for my boss. All of us, me and those two mobile devs I have mentioned earlier, are students. We have exams right now. "Senior" Dev is only year older and will soon be applying for his engineering degree. Year after year situation like this occurs and boss haven't learn a thing.2
Friend, jestingly: Gabe I did a hack, I edited the html on my browser and sent a pic to my boss so that it wouldn't look like I was 20 minutes late
Me, seriously: Friend that's literally 99% of IRL hacking. Human error.
Friend, who is positive about humanity, unlike me: why do you disappoint me like this
My boss asked us all to do a 360 review of
Our colleagues. I HATE ratting on my colleagues, even though someone of them are rubbish programmers. He’s the boss, if he doesn’t know how to tell who the bad eggs are, why should I help? It’s not like it get paired for for helping him or get any shares if the company does well.
I won’t rat of my colleagues.1
Boss changes plan & schedule for this year's projects at least 5 times within 3 weeks.
Since everything changes so frequently, would you mind making the following changes as well:
1) Give everyone a better PC/Mac
2) Get a better PM
3) A sales team that can sell things
Or maybe a more creative, decisive and organised boss so we can have all 3 wishes at once just like Kinder Surprise
In the other day i was restarting my windows machine like a normal procedure but it was taking too much time. I waited and sudently in the middle of the restart I got a blue screen and the PC restarts.
I am like OK....... Well at least boots up :)
I need to tell my boss that we need to change to linux.
Dat Moment when the exchange Server seems to crash and you found 20x1gb Mails From boss to all employes
Dau Like a boss2
Currently I am at a small company and there is another developer bit senior than me. When he interferes in the project assigned to me and suggest his ideas (may not be the best always) I feel too much terrible coz I like to explore on my own and learn from that. Obviously I will be bit slower than others. This happens most of the time and now a days I feel very low and even the boss blindly prioritizes his ideas and that hurts !!2
So after a couple of days of playing around, I just finished the larger part of a program that my new boss wants in C# (which is new to me). So far I'm really loving the wide variety of functions, but I'm struggling to get used to the fact that everything in the ASP.net part gets "processed" (like using BuildForn to create a form tag instead of just typing the HTML) and it just slows down the process a bit 😂2
wow... so just finished watching the last episode of Naruto...
I haven't watched though since they beat that final boss thing, thought it was all filler/side stories like Bleach... But yea, did I miss anything good? Was there a build up to the final ep?1
I'm a student at uni and also one of the two web devs at a website agency.
Today, I got in office and my boss told be, that he just signed off (confirmed) two mobile apps ( we're switching to React Native) and is in the talks with a few other clients, also we're like a week from starting our first big project.
Furthermore, internship deadlines are ending at the start of next month.
Goodbye Life 😂 🔫 💻
Last year my boss decided to outsource a project I did the year before to another company.
Now he wants my opinion on why this company estimates 10h to do an upgrade on a API interface I did on that project.
Like I remember details on what I did two years ago. And like I have any idea how this company is rigged to handle the project.
When your thrown into a project that youre supposed to be working under someone then it suddenly becomes youre the only one working on it. Boss man keeps coming in and saying "That site done yet man?" and im just like suh dude lol.3
Yes, I sit right next to the boss. No, I don't know where he is or when he will be back. I'm a Dev like you, not his secretary1
I hate when my coworkers that work at call centre think programmers can be summoned to fix printer or PC in company. We have tech support for that.
I can fix the damn printer if I need to but dude dont go in like a stampedo of angry bulls.
My boss saw this and placed the do not disturb sticker on door of our section.
Boss isn't a person.
It's not a name.
It's a feeling.
It's an emotion.
It's something that you are afraid of even in ur dreams.
It's something that pushes you, shouts at you, criticises you, shouts at you again, but at the end he gives you appreciation, money and fame(sometimes).
No matter how shitty the pay is, it is something. Better than nothing.
If you don't like it, go to another boss.
BE YOUR OWN BOSS.2
I built a postman collection with all our company REST calls and sent it over to my IT colleagues to make our lives easier. A week later my boss told us we are not allowed to use apps like postman or paw because it breaks our server. Only curl calls from terminal are allowed, it's a fucking mess. FML12
Looks like there are new horribly regurgitated packages in python nowadays which somehow my boss keeps finding I don't know how , which have shorter commands that take more and more time to run because they are just attaching these smaller tags to bigger tags and so on.
And my boss doesn't understand that there's such a thing called as overhead time ffs and it takes the same fucking time to run that same shit and maybe more because the new packages don't have a proper fucking API.2
I have been working on tickets without specs almost since I got this role
This task is big ish I have been in a conv
Like "how long" "why didnt you complain"
And this and that
I tried to have weekly meetings or meetings. No success.
Now apparently it's partly my fault
Solution should have been tell my boss how to do his job, again, apparently
Boss/prof (does not understand code): "I like it more this way. Come on don't make that face thanks to OOP it won't be that much of a deal to make a change right"
He wants to change a fundamental data structure of our software 😉😉😉1
my boss is the software designer atm where every feature or modification is either conflicts with previous ones or is a change request.
Its like try and error development !
[brag] Started working on implementation of REST service using Zend Expressive. got in to HATEOAS/Richardson maturity level and HAL + `application/vnd.error`..
nailed them in a day.. feel like a boss
Meeting just after given a vacation to the whole company. We had 1 week of no work. Everyone of us including the boss went on a vacation together. He sets up a meeting the very next day at 8:00 fucking AM . Sent at 10 PM. Like nigga . Let me reset and prepare my mind ffs. That was a ridiculous meeting recently just for the sheer fuck of it.1
A new product release plan is shared on friday with everyone
On Monday morning its goes like this:
My boss: "when have we planned to do feature x?"
Me: "am sorry, I forgot my release plan at home."
My boss: in his mind ->"i thought you shared on Friday?"
Me: in my mind -> "Just say it loud"
Being in a situation at work where 50% of my time I can work on really exciting new Laravel projects where I got free hands on everything technical. Enjoying this very much. The other 50% is fixing existing broken wordpress sites with like 5 billion plugins. Want to shoot my fucking head off doing this shit, need to convince my boss to hire someone else just for the wp shit
When your boss installed Activtrak on your pc and some cctv and hidden recorder in the office. It's sound more like a prison than an office.
Boss waiting for me in Skype
Skype for business installer still 0%
Time flowing like a river
Discovered he is the nicest guy ever tho2
Well today my boss wants me to “tweak” our coldfusion framework to behave like a REST api....talk about an entire rewrite.
There’s a reason why no one uses coldfusion anymore.1
Ok so this is more like a question than a rant
Have you ever gotten to close to your boss and how did it turn out for you?
Currently im as close as you can get without marrying her but we have trouble separating work from our private life...
Any advice or stories that you can share would be much appreciated1
Saw today a little French YouTube video, "Me, Max, developer". With overused jokes (what mom thinks I do, what my boss, etc), and, at last, the job is vaguely explained, and the video concludes by "and, sometimes, by miracle, it works! And I feel like the savior of the world"
For me, telling that something works by miracle is a proof that you don't understand what you've done, which makes you some kind of not very reliable developer...
The boss says: "Spreadsheet structure must be the same of this other app".
There is no documentation of the other software so:
• try some different input parameters;
• compare the spreadsheets;
• find a possible (and temporary) solution.
I do not like Excel.
My best coworker was probably my last boss and team. We always were able to help each other out when needed and really worked as a team. It was great except no one worked onsite so it's not like we could go get drinks or lunch.
Website updates make me sick. Changing a color button, increase/decrease paddings won't make any differences. Why people are not focus on technical stuff like a 40 fields form instead ? Oh I know my boss is a web designer . Feeling alone as Web Developper.
Working on a national holiday and the boss come at 1:30pm and wants a meeting with the devteam
- NOTHING IS WORKING ON THE 1st RELEASE
- We: like what?
- Boss: GO FIND YOURSELF
- We: why you are screaming on us?
- Boss: I HAD A FUCKED WEEKED
- we: we're sorry but it wasn't our fault
- Boss: LEAVE THE ROOM
My boss told me to search some information about a specific way to program a web wich name i don't remember. It was based on Java and the icon was something like this. Am i fcked out?2
When your boss has you learn a new language but then doesn't listen to any of your input concern this language and acts like they know the language as well....which they don't
Not enough disk space error..just when I am done writing code and unzipping the bigger dataset.
Hours later.. Now mounted 200Gigs to machine.
Feels like a boss.!