*Me and my GF who works for CIA*

Me: Send nudes
GF: Whose do you want ?

Boss: “Our YouTube channel doesn’t look at all like our website.”

Me: “I’ve made it look as close to our branding as YouTube allows for with its limited editing controls.”

Boss: “This is unacceptable. I expected more from you.”

Me: “I cannot accept the blame for this. YouTube is setting the design parameters for all channels and I can only do so much.”

Boss: “You can call the YouTube, can’t you? Why didn’t you call them?”

Me: “.......and ask them....what?”

Boss: “You don’t ask! You tell! Our company has been around for 140 years. Our brand name carries that weight. They’ll change their design to what we need if you’re assertive enough.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.”

Client: Hey, you're the IT guy right?
Me: Hey, how can I help?
Client: Yeah for some reason I've lost power to my computer
Me: *Checks power, all computers are down due to a power cut*
Me: You'll have to contact your power supplier as you've lost power to all computers and lights.
Client: What, but the computers are not working right? - that's you're job not mine
Me: That's not how it works.
Client: Fix this or I'll bill you for the loss of money we've encountered during this and report this to your boss.
Me: How about I bill you for my time and advice and inform by boss that you tried to blame me for a power cut.
Client: You can try.
Me: *walks off and puts time in the ticket, requests purchasing to send an invoice*

2 Days later:
The client does not pay the invoice.
Me: (phone call) Hi, an invoice has been sent to you and we haven't received payment yet.
Client: were not paying that, you broke our power and made our computers break
Me: null

Started talking about Pi-Hole (still trying to install this fucker by the way) today with a collegue.

He had it installed and showed me around a little.

CW: Alright give me an example then I'll show you wildcard blocking.
Me: google.com 😅
CW: *enters and saves it. then tries to load anything related to google.com*

*no google.com domains load, all give a blocked error*

Me: Works great!
CW: Yup.
...
...
...
...
Me: Uhm so you aren't like surprised that I went with google.com as example and that I'd genuinely would block it?!
CW: No, why would I be?
Me: Well, most people consider me paranoid/crazy the second they find out I don't want to use google/google's services.
CW: well that's fucking retarded. why would anyone redicule you for not using something you don't want to use. You'll have your reasons.
Me: So if I'd say i do it for privacy reasons, you wouldn't find that redicilous?
CW: No, why would I? Not using google (and for that matter facebook etc) for privacy reasons is very logical really.

FUCKING. THANK. YOU.

PM: “I need to you build a responsive web portal for our BaaS clients that is clean and responsive. I’d like you to use Node, CSS Grid and ES6 for it.”

Me: “Sounds like fun.”

PM: “Make sure it works in IE8.”

* Starts work with boss
* Works till night
* Decide to continue the next day
* Both leave work at the same time
* Both arrive at work next day at the same time

"Hey is the work done?"

Oh forgive me for not fucking dreaming up the work in my fucking sleep.

So everyone is sharing their work again, so here is mine.
And no 6 monitors, 1 pc isn't overkill.

Well...

Maybe...

But just a little!

Usually, one is spotify, one iChrome, one development (center bottom), one execution of dev, one email&facebook split and one documentation.

Client: so how could we test this 😬
Me: you know what, send me an email at linuxxx@companyname.com and I can look if I can properly reply! Keep in mind though that this is for one time only, no further questions through that email address!
Client: Yes of course! *sends email*
Me: *tests* - *works fine* - *messages client back through the ticket system*
Client: *proceeds to send two follow up questions to my fucking work email address*

Me: *selects emails* - *marks emails as spam and deletes them*

Fucking seriously?! Cunt.

How not to give support..

Me: Creates ticket on support site, letting them know their webservice returns "maintenance" page.
Support: "It works on our end."
Support: *closes ticket*

Euhm.. excuse me?

Me: Creates another ticket with a screenshot and the curl response information..
Support: Sends screenshot back that it works on their end. "Maybe check your firewall"
Support: *closes ticket*

I ain't playing these games..

Me: Creates new ticket with more curl responses from 4 different servers to prove it's not "firewall" related.
Support: ..

2 days later

Me: Sends *friendly* reminder.
Support: ..

6 days later

Me: Creates ticket again saying I'm still having issues.
Support: "I'm forwarding this to our technical support"
Support: *closes ticket*

10 minutes later.

Technical Support: "Here's the manual for our integration .pdf."

Excuse me, you say what now? I KNOW HOW IT WORKS, I'VE WRITTEN THE INTEGRATION ALREADY. THE SERVICE JUST SEEMS TO BE DOWN FFS.. pls..

Me: Sends mail to their project manager who manages the clients dossier with support history and such.
Him: "I'll check it out and let you know."

1 day later.

Support: "We had some issues this and that, wasn't publically availble, works now, .."

What a nice way to waste your time..

A while ago (few months) I was on the train back home when I ran into an old classmate. I know that he's a designer/frontend/wordpress guy and I know that he'll bring anyone down in order to feel good. I also know that he knows jack shit about security/backend.
The convo went like this:

Me: gotta say though, wordpress and its security...
Him: yeah ikr it's bad. (me thinking 'dude you hardly know what the word cyber security means)
Me: yeah, I work at a hosting company now, most sites that get hacked are the wordpress ones.
Him: yeah man, same at my company. I made a security thing for wordpress though so we can't get hacked anymore.
Me; *he doesn't know any backend NOR security..... Let's ask him difficult stuff*
Oh! What language did you use?
Him: yeah it works great, we don't get hacked sites anymore now!
Me: ah yeah but what language did you use?
Him: oh it's not about what language you use, it's about whether it works or not! My system works great!
Me: *yeah.....right.* oh yeah but I'd like to know so I can learn something. What techniques did you use?
Him: well obviously firewalls and shit. It's not about what techniques/technology you use, it's about whether it works or not!

That's the moment I was done with it and steered the convo another way.

You don't know shit about backend or security, cocksucker.

Client: It works, it looks great! Thanks for everything!
Me: What? That isn't the new application, that's your old one. Your new one goes live tonight.

Me: code quality is important

Everyone: <no shit given>

Director: code quality is important

Everyone: yes, it is very important, hurray!

Fast forward few weeks/months...

Me: why this function accepts 14 arguments?

ShitDev: yhm, you know, we need to fix it... maybe

Me: why this exception is swallowed?

ShitDev: oh, really? yhm, yhm

Me: why this function is copy-pasted and repeated (20 LoCs)?

ShitDev: yeah, true, but we wanted to make it fast.

Me: Dear director, this project sux and its quality is shit.

Director: you're exaggerating, it can't be that bad, it works, right?

Me: <polishing CV>

ShitDev: got praised for delivery

> Find cool repo on GitHub
> Works very well
> Respectable weekly downloads
> …Hasn’t been updated in a year
> …Owner from Shanghai, China
> …Hasn’t pushed to any repo in over a year
> Last profile update: Feeling sick 🤒
> …
>😔
> Rest in peace friend, thanks kindly for the time you’ve saved me.

So, today I was at my college library, working on an Haskell project that I have for my Functional Programming class. Library's packed and no seats are available, when the lady that works there passes behind me and says:
"There's people that want to study, if you're gonna be playing on your laptop please leave."
What? Excuse me? Are we in the 21st century or what?
How does a lady that works at a library, on an Engineering College, for more than 10 years, doesn't...
Screw it, I just laughed so hard and proceeded working.

Oh and by the way, first time posting on here!

Every time I hear a developer say "works for me", I'm gonna hide a service of mine that they use behind the VPN.

Dev: "oy mate, this server is down"
Me (with VPN connection): "sorry mate, works for me"
Dev: "but here, check this out, it's down!!"
Me: "mate, check your network connection. You must have a shitty network connection."
Dev: -_-
Me: "Maybe shitty hardware? Driver issues on your network card? 🤭"

Because you know, we sysadmins can do that too 😉

For people who think/find that open source solutions are always better than commercial/paid/proprietary ones, you are not going to like this rant.

I'm starting to get really fucking fed up with people always, whenever I see someone (including myself) mentioning that an open source solution which is an alternative to a closed source one, saying that it's shit.
I've had countless encounters on here (also irl) where someone mentions that an open source solution (GIMP or Libre Office for example) is shit by default while they've maybe (or probably?) not even used it themselves.
Also people going "you can't even compare those two as for what they can do/features/functions". I'm definitely not saying that those open solutions are perfect. But to call them worthless or shit and/or to say that you literally 'cannot compare them' or that the open solution just doesn't work as a *FACT* is fucking bullshit.

Let's take GIMP for example, the use case of a friend of mine:

- He works both with macOS and Linux Mint, he *needs* a design/photo editing tool which is cross platform. (or at least one which works on macOS+Linux)
- He does not mind paying for software but he prefers to use software which is free as in freedom because he also likes to tinker with the software (a lot of people find this argument bullshit, I noticed on here. Why is that? It's a valid reason. Maybe not for you but we're not talking about you right now).
- He likes Photoshop but due to Linux incompatibility and the fact that he can't tinker around with the code, it's not an option for him.
- He'd gladly go for paid software but GIMP fills all his design/photo editing needs (also the more advanced ones but don't ask them to me because I have no fucking clue how that shit works)
- GIMP *just works* for him, he never has trouble with it.

Let's take Libre Office, my own use case:

- It *NEEDS* to work on Linux, which Libre does.
- It *HAS* to be open source, ethic/moral thingy; Libre Office is open source.
- It doesn't need to work complete magic but it needs proper basic document and 'excel' sheet functionalities which is the case with Libre and it works *for me*.
- I don't mind paying for it, will probably donate in the future (seeding the macOS+windows+linux versions fulltime at the moment)

See, for our use cases, it works very well. So why go into "it's no match for proprietary alternatives" mode right away? It actually is, as you see in the examples above.

Please stop saying that those solutions *don't work* or *are shit* because they do work and are useful for me and loads of people around the world.
Do they have *ALL* the features which their proprietary alternatives have? Maybe, maybe not, maybe they're missing some and maybe they even have some features which the proprietary alternatives don't have, I haven't checked out every feature.

I'm not saying that it works for you, for the record, I'm just saying that just because for you it is a fact that they're bad/shit/hardly working, doesn't mean they are for others.

I've been writing PHP for more then 10 years. So, one fine day while having coffee with new tech manager...

Manager: huh, you've been programmer for very long time. Can you explain how echo works?

Me: err.. Echo. Spit out string. (show some example code on my phone)

Manager: I mean, I want to know, which part in C++ code in PHP engine. (trying to impress with jargons)

Me: I don't know. But why?

Manager: As programmer, you need to know, so you can echo more efficient.

Me: ... Errr... Ok... (I've been echo-ing for more then decade. Is there a way to make echo more efficient?)

This is a true story
I am a freelance developer, i recently had this conversation with my client:
Client: Add multi language option to my website
Me: Ok, I need for it 3-5 days
Client: Why?
Me: I need to create multi language system, this
website is built from scratch without using any
framework
Client: No need to built it, Just enabled it i need it fast
Me: Sir there is no such thing to enable features that
does not exit
Client: Listen me, I need this feature today, enable it
and we are done.

Me: Thats not how it works..
Client: I know how it works, i have hacking certificate

To the people who kept telling me that LMMS (Linux MultiMedia Studio) was shit and you can't produce music with it properly, go fuck yourself. I stupidly enough believed this for years and kept on searching for other good open alternatives: nothing.

Tried it again last night, especially the drum machine since I'm going towards electronic music: motherfucker this thing is powerful!

No need for expensive software, LMMS works awesomely 😃

>me on stackoverflow
>a nice question
>i provide a 3 line code with explanation
>comment: 'doesnt work, throws exception'
>i run the code and provide a screenshot that it works
>'doesnt work for me'
>19 line code gets accepted

10/10, would answer again

Went to an interview for the position ‘PHP Web Developer’. Interviewer scans through my CV for 2mins and then starts the interview.
Interviewer: Do you know Java?
Me: I know Java but I don’t have any professional experience
Interviewer: Do you know Hadoop?
Me: No. I’ve never worked on it
Interviewer: Our company works on Hadoop hence you should be able to work on that after joining.
Me: I thought this is a PHP web dev position.
Interviewer: Of course. But you will have work on various other things too!
Me: I don’t think I want to become jack of all trades. Thanks for the opportunity!
I got up and left the interview...

Me: Hi Guys, theres no docs on our custom push notification / deeplinking implementation. I've tried to work backwards from a QA testing doc to add new links. Can someone tell me if this is all ok? It seems to behave a little weird.

Dev: Looks ok, but we've moved to the braze platform for sending notifications. You'll need to trigger braze notifications now. Test that it works ok with that <confluence-link>

*hour later*

Me: I've tried the debugging tool, both with my payload and one of the samples from the link. It displays on the phone, but tapping it doesn't trigger the deeplinking.

Dev: No it works, try one of these <screenshot of samples I used>

*hour later*

Me: Tried it again on the real device to make sure, as well as on develop and master. Not working with those samples or mine.

Dev: No it does. It comes in here in this library <github link to line of code>

Me: ... Nope, debugged it, it doesn't get passed the next 'if' check on the next line as its missing a key/value. The whole function does nothing.

Dev: Oh do you want to send a braze notification?

Me: ..... you told me I had too .... yes I guess.

Dev: ok for a braze notification it works different, send this <entirely different sample no where on the link>

Me: ...... but ..... this is only for braze notifications ..... why .... all the samples have deeplink url's .... but they don't ....... are you ..... FFS!!!!! !@#?!

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

┌П┐(ಠ_ಠ)

How stackoverflow works(for me):

- First some guru will downvote it & someone comments saying it is duplicate/easy/stupid/should be somewhere else.
- Then a very generous person comes in, says its a valid question, answers & upvotes it.
- After few hours/days, other people come looking for the same question & then they upvote it.

This is called a true happy ending.

Me — A normal web designer

*How my relatives introduce me to someone new *
- " Meet my nephew. He works for an IT company. He is a computer engineering."

😶

My summer internship adventures

Cunt Boss: you will receive salary and a bonus at the end of the project
Me: *works for 3 months*
Cunt Boss: *sends 60 fucking euros to my bank account*
Me: is that just the bonus?
Cunt Boss: oh I'm sorry, we have some financial troubles here and that's all I can give you

Thanks! Now I can buy you a dildo so you can go fuck yourself

The Micromanagement God. The guy would come to the office 64 times a day, go behind my desk, stare at the monitors for a while and ask what am I working on.

He would sometimes ask for explanation of how something works because he never saw it before and then give me advice on how to use that thing he never saw before.

I thought this launch (security/privacy blog) would go smooth:
- analytics fell, except for one thing, apart for yet unknown reasons
- MySQL came with a very weird error which took me like half an hour of research before I hacked my way past it.
- the firewall started to fuck around for no reason, works now though.

Nginx worked without issues though, as well as NetData 😅

Yeah, didn't go as planned :P

Dev gets hold of me, says my service is down in QA. Works if he hits it locally, works via Postman, but via the QA app server it gives a 401.

I’m like, look, if it works everywhere else, there’s something wrong on your side in QA.

He insists, no, I must help him, and begins CCing all the managers telling them this system has been down for days.

So I eventually climb into his system, check the credentials they’re using in the QA environment, and sure enough, the password is wrong.

18 hours can't fix a bug

go to stack overflow spend 2h writing the question

post question

of course get a downvote in less than 50 seconds

then i thought: hold on while people answer me here, let me try one more thing

i try one more thing

it works

EVERY TIME, JUST AFTER ASKING SOMEBODY FOR HELP, I SOLVE IT BY MYSELF A FEW MINUTES LATER.

DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ANYONE ELSE?

only developer with linux. everyone else are on windows.

constantly finding myself in following conversation

me : "something is not working for me on the web page i am writing"
jim : "let me see just a.... WOW! WHAT IS THIS?"
me:"ubuntu"
jim:"wat?"
me:"linux"
jim:"well... " +sigh + "that's your problem right there! this works to everyone else. and they're on windows. why would you ever not use windows?"
me:"have you ever tried anythig else?"
jim:"never needed to. windows works just fine.."
me:"well... does your computer ever freeze?"
jim:"constantly"
me:"that doesn't happen on ubuntu. at least it is quite rare"
jim:"nah... you're mistaken. windows rocks! anyway, you should probably talk to someone who knows ubuntu cause my chrome works just fine so it must be this ubuntu of yours.."

When the entire platform mysteriously goes down for a half hour at 11pm ON A SATURDAY AND YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO WORKS ON IT GOOD GOD SERIOUSLY YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME I JUST WANT TO SLEEP

WHOEVER DID THIS I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL KILL YOU

Hands up, who actually uses this shit?

Seriously, this is one of the most innovative apps I've used in the past year. The developer must be having fun torturing hundreds of people every day. But fuck this shit, it works (and most alarm clocks didn't work for me)

Fixed a project for a collegue.
Him: How did you fix things, what's the process?
Me: Click stuff and press Buttons randomly until it works.
Him: ... That's all you did?
Me: Yup, the rest is just experience.

Me: I think you should keep your data in a proper database.

Client : Don't try to up sell your products to me. Excel works just fine! Been keeping data in it for years! Wonder why you ever need a database to begin with.

What would you say? Cause I'm speechless.

Client : can you add a calling feature to our android app?
Me : Ok.

*** after updating the app ****

Client : what is this **** dialog (calling permission request for android)!
Users are complaining about it and refuse to use the app!!! Don't you know I can get into legal problems with this???
Me :But you just asked for this feature?
Client : I want this feature but remove the dialog.
Me : you can't that's not how google works.
Client : I don't care do something remove the dialog or edit it but keep the feature.
Me : 😑😑😑😑 nvm I'll figure out something.

Ended up with copying the number to the dial screen instead of direct call from the app.

Just an experiment atm. Hoping it works well for me

My dad's a silicone guy, my little brother is a java-dev, my mom works for the NHS.

I'm a web and mobile dev.

So... My dad and little bro think I do WordPress and my mom thinks she should earn more than me.

In her defence I'm an NHS patient and I also think her and anyone else in the health industry should earn more than me.

Me: I've been using ubuntu with i3 for 6 months. Is awesome. Everything works great.
Brain: Have you seen debian or arch linux. They're better than ubuntu. Just try' em
Me: Brain shut up. I don't have time to reinstall everything + I'll 100% fuck my pc up. I'll do it another time.
Brain: Trust me. I know what's better for you. Try it now
Me: No.
Brain: Pleeeeease.
Me: Ok fine.
Me: Now windows doesn't work, debian doesn't work. I need to format my hard drive and do this shit all over again.
Brain: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Hey. Install arch linux.

Genuinely for me the satisfaction is when you write code that does really complex shit and your happy that it actually works.. Seriously satisfying

My Aunt works for a company for which I did a website. She shows me a plastic cup with a pretty design and a qr code on it and asks me if I knew anything about that. I declined and she continued to tell me that her boss claims I can connect the qr code to some location on the website. Of course I can't. Now they have 2000 of these things lying around the office with a stock qr code that is invalid

do you ever get that feeling when you suddenly wake up from sleep and immediately have the solution that has been bothering you for weeks or is it just me?

it happened to me today. woke up and magically had a solution to a problem I had with unity (it works now).

I hate asking for help on here as this place is mostly not intended for that but fuck it for now, I need help on this one!

Installing Arch isn't working for me. Installing any other Linux system (debian or RHEL based) works great.

I've seen some things online about EFI files and so on but I honestly don't understand what that stuff is (about).

Help.

HR: What was the last project you handled?
Me: I worked on an internal system for my current company. It is basically an interdepartmental monitoring system.
HR: Ohh. Good. Do you have a copy of it? Can you show me how it works?
Me: ......

Me: ya hi, we integrated with your API and I'm receiving error x
Provider: ok we'll disable validation, plz check
Me: ya it works, what's the problem? I used a GUID for id and I'm sure it's unique, here is URL and request body
Provider: you have something wrong in your implementation. Fix it and it will work
Me: aaand what's the wrong part of my implementation?
Provider: id is not unique, fix it. *Hangs up*

I sometimes sit and wonder, how and why does this kind of people get hired, FOR FUCK SAKE YOU ARE THE PROVIDER AND YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG!
fucking useless ...

Today someone was testing a website for me.

Tester: I've found a bug this button doesn't work
Me: It works. I tested it in Firefox and Chrome.
Tester: I'm using Edge
Me: Oh yeah. Forgot that was even still a thing...

God damnit, I have this too often. Something works in my mind no matter how often I run through it again and again but I've got no clue how to test it for real which brings me into a "mental deadlock" state aaaand then I lose all my programming motivation at once.

Having this right now, fucking annoying.

My cousin just messaged me and asked me to make him a discount code for an online retailer.
THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS.

Why do people hate windows 10? Granted I'm not super picky about my OS but windows 10 works just fine for me, and looks better than win7 imho.

Is posting your setup still a thing on devRant? Because I finally have one of my own now - not too fancy but works well for me. My humble abode :)

Management: Feature X is your top priority. Dont work on anything else because this needs to be ready for next Monday.

Me: *works furiously*

Management: *monday* Oh yeah we dont need that now. Why are you behind on your other work?

!rant

This might be not much to most of you people, but I just made my very first mod for a game. And it works. And it took me just an hour. 2 years ago I had no idea how to code. I am proud.

!dev

Why are people such idiots?
This guy is so oblivious he reminds me of a client or PM.

Here’s the email conversation (since he refuses to answer his cell):

Me: Hey; I haven’t been able to reach you for several days. You must be busy! Let me know what time works best for you, and I’ll call you then. Alternatively, you can reach me at <number> any day this week (except Wednesday) from 11am PST (2pm EST) onward.

Him: I will call you at 2:30pm your time on Wednesday.

Me: As I stated in my email, Wednesday is the only day that doesn’t work for me.

Him: Are you free on Thursday?

Me (to audience): YOU FOOLISH, ILLITERATE TOAD!

Me: I am free Thursday (and Friday) from 11am PST and onward.

Whenever I'm trying new tech at work I don't keep interrupting people ta help me with error messages because ITS A FUCKING NEW TECH AND NO ONE WORKS WITH THAT SHIT!

WHY THE FUCK YOU KEEP ASKING ME FOR HELP WITH YOUR FUCKED UP NODE SHIT AFTER I TOLD YOU THAT I DON'T LIKE IT? STOP IT!

Front end dev be like:
Me:
This is greatest design concept ever!
Why isn't it working? It was working yesterday.
This is the stupidest design concept ever.
It works! It works! The client is going to love this as much as I do. It's exactly what they asked for!

Client:
Actually, can you do something completely different?

How I spend my days at work working with legacy code:

* Writing tests before I do anything
* Noticing that i cannot write tests because of antipatterns. Lots of them.
* Refactoring to make at least a tiny bit testable.
* Then writing tests.
* More rewriting and refactoring
* Finally adding that one feature my boss asked me for
* Writing tests for that new feature (my do that before implementing)
* Explaining to my boss why it took me so long and agreeing on stopping writing tests.
* 2 days later: explaining why i still broke something.

But in the end my code works just fine.
my colleagues handle things differently. They just ignore problems as long as at least one feature works a bit.

Guys guys guys. Conversation had right just now. A PM from the company I’m freelancing for just said

“We need to move away from SQL server and shift all the data to MongoDB. I don’t want it to take more than a month tops”

Verbatim. No context. Nothing. The website is for a small time supply chain software that’s been chugging along for a decade now with spaghetti code everywhere.

How do I even respond? The other guy who works with me sent 😂😂😂 to me privately and now is offline lol wtf

Story of me trying to connect to a colleague from neighbouring team with 12 hour difference timezone:

Me: Hey! Shall we catch up to discuss a feature that will help us dominate the world?

She: Sure.. what time works for you?

Me: Since we have timezone challenge, I'd say boundary times would be good so none of us have to stretch.

She: umm.. good..

Me: How about 07:30 PM your time?

She: oh sweetie.. evenings don't work for me.. I want my evenings free..

Me: fine.. how about 07:00 AM your time?

She: no darling.. I am not a morning person..

Me: GO FUCK YOURSELF BITCH. I CAN'T COMPLY WITH EVERY TANTRUM OF YOURS.

And with that.. I didn't respond to her invites which were either super early for me or super late. Let her keep waiting..

Juniors with ego are shittiest folks to work with.

Friends' Boss: You're one of the programmers, right?
Friend: Yes sir.
Boss: I need you to fix this layout problem for me.
Friend: But sir, I'm a back end programmer, I hardly know anything about style stuff...
Boss: You're a programmer, you'll figure it out.

That's not how it works, that's not how any of this works.

Everyone is posting about their amazing setups and I'm looking at my low-end laptop like

Manager: we should arrange regular catchups, I have several Monday morning, how about 10:30, that'd be 9:30 your time?

Me inside: dude, we both know I struggle to be up in time for the scrum at 10, do you really think I'm going to be any better at 9:30?

Me outside: How about 10:30 after scrum?

Manager: OK, that works, I have half an hour between meetings

Me: Thank fuck.

Client asks for website and budget very low and wants a form with dB. Think WordPress site is a solution. Build site.
Deliver site.
Client's IT team unable to deploy on server. They blame me for bad "code".
I have to go to their office and help them deploy on local machine using WAMP.
2 days and 100s of calls later, website installed on test server. Works fine.
All is well

Tested out my first app and it worked beautifully. I’m a projectionist and I made this to give me a constant visual feed of projector communication connection. Still in development, not ready for deployment yet. But it works!
I’m posting here because although this site did not help me technically, it definitely helped me emotionally. ;)

This is my desktop setup reveal 1 of 2, I wasn't sure about the monitor stand (which is why I only got the 2-arm) but really love the extra space it gave me.

3 screens help a whole lot, hardware is a bit outdated but it works for at least low end VR development.

my specs are (if anyone cares):

gtx 970 (surprisingly great for vr)
i5 4690k
asus z97 mark 2
16gb ram

It works. It finally works!

After an 8 hour session I got my crawler to work and give me basically every anime op/ed I long for.
All that using Elixir even though I'm still fairly inexperienced with both elixir and functional programming

I'll try to create an API and eventually Maybe even a database tomorrow (or rather in a couple of hours)

Me: I don't know why people hate CSS so much. It works fine for me 😑

Inner me: Liar, Liar, Pants on fire 🔥 😂

Success to me is silence. No phone calls, no emails, no "why doesn't this work?"

It's when you made something that works in the background, almost invisibly, that others could take for granted but that they also don't bother you with because it is still working as designed.

grandmother: "Sorry to bother you I am trying to send mail through the computer. Where do I buy the stamps? Thank you for showing me how this works.

😂😂😂😂

Manager: This dropdown is hard to use on mobile

Dev: I thought building this for mobile wasn’t in the scope?

Manager: I changed my mind. It’s a lot easier for me to test on mobile so just rework it so it works on mobile. But only for testing.

Dev: How about I make the dropdown a rotary dial instead?

Manager: Good idea!

Dev: …

Works fine for me

A month ago, I moved to Germany for work from Taiwan. People here are mostly nice and firendly. But if you don't speak German, there will still be lots of problems especially for official paper works.

But most importantly I got really cool and talented colleagues and a challenging job. Which makes me happy at least in work days.

*me* finding solutions on StackOverflow, Medium, API Docs for hours
*senior dev* walks in and changes one line of code
*works* O.o

GUYS I BUILT A FUCKING URL BAR AND IT EXISTS, IT'S ALIGNED, AND IT FUCKING WORKS

It doesn't have a very good check for what is a valid url tho, it is currently working checking for subreddits like /r/<whatever> and it checks if the link begins with http:// or https://. At some point in the near future I want to clean it up a bit, maybe write some regex (oh god kill me now) that'll actually check for a valid url

if (stuck && coworker_near){
me.explainProblem(coworker);
// tl;dr
}
else {
me.pzizzPowerNap(20);
}

This usually works for me.
(FYI : Pzizz is a free app for Android/iOS)

For me, it was when I discovered how dynamic linking (.dll, .so) works, and why a linker is needed to run even a simple "Hello world!".

A client of mine wanted me to use a specific picture as a background image on one of his graphics. This is how the conversation went:
C: Can you use this as the background?
Me: Where did you get this image exactly?
C: I got it off Google Images.
Me: you can't do that, you need licensing for the image
C: Well I just licensed it. Screw them.
Me: ...That's not how that works..

I’m working with a “senior” developer with a full decade more experience than me who didn’t know that short-circuit evaluation works differently for OR than it does for AND. He argued with me for a good hour and a half that in the expression (a || b), b would never be evaluated if a is false — and that this couldn’t possibly be the source of the bug he was trying to fix.

🙄

Set up a mail server for our office using one of those all-in-one mail server installations. It would keep denying connections every few days, so me, being the inexperienced shit I was, setup a cron job to restart the server at midnight everyday. It worked and still, to this day, it still works.

I had an interview with a company that works offshore (works for a big silicon valley company) for an internship program. I liked their bosses vision and how he treats his coworkers. After 1 hour technical interview I asked how much they pay for internship and they told me they are not paying anything. And they said hey we are teaching you how things works. Wait... What? Atleast you can pay my transport and food fees. Fuck you and fuck your company. If you don't pay me a single fucking penny, I am not working with you. There is local laws to pay me some money. If you don't care about laws, I wont care about your fucking company. Burn in hell.

Pushed code remotely and told a teammate to run it on the target hardware. He then told me he might of blown up $6000 worth of equipment. Then he says "Never mind everything works."

World record for biggest heart attack?

Friend: why do I get this error help

[I check the logs]

Me: uh,its a OOM, did you allocate enough memory for GC?

Friend: wait hold on

[changes a method]

[works]

Friend: I shouldn't use this experimental method

Me: Cool man blog it

If you ask me, you're a bad developer if you don't know hardware. You have to know how it all works and fits together to write code for it.

Day 2 of my non tech manager reviewing PRs in order to “speed up QA” he’s taken to commenting on every PR with. “I don’t understand how this code works, we need to setup a meeting for you to explain it to me”. Amazing.

Wrote some code that solved a program in a semi unique way for the codebase. As in not oft used functionality of language.

Some time later... This might be hard to understand. Maybe I should do a different way.

Some time later... No, I will leave a comment to describe what is going on.

Some time later... That comment is kind of cryptic. Maybe should rethink.

Some time later... No, if the next dev doesn't know how this works then they should learn how it works. (reasoning here is that the functionality requires a knowledge of internals of language)

Some time later... Also, if nobody else gets this then they have to ask me how it works. Job security?

Some time later... STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS CODE AND MOVE ON!

Something that really irritates me is when someone requests a read receipt for an email. My team of 4 including my team leader has several apps that we own with several different product owners. Sometimes one of the product owners or someone who works for them sends an email and requests a read receipt. I feel like that is very cocky, like they are trying to exert control over me or something deeper. Maybe it's just me.

I want to know what brings you Joy while programming/coding?

I've been trying to catch that certain feeling...

For me it's having everything make sense and a logical flow through the code and it works every if it is adding two vars.

And please definitely not the money if you're coding for money then you're not enjoying it.

When my most hated ex tried to contact me in LinkedIn, since he works as a recruiter for some lame, generic HR company.
I was trying to tell myself so hard this relationship never happened, and that it was a bad dream that lasted 3 years. Oh well.

Me: "hey we should do this new project in react!"
Boss: "no he barrier to entry is to tough for our team"

Boss talks to past employee(which he had to let go because he was a TERRIBLE developer who now works for facebook....) about new project, past employee recommends react....

Team is now going to work on a new project written with react......

I use this timer app... probably more than most people (for food). It works fine and looks nice but the undismissable warning message is a real eyesore. Why not just let me dismiss the message.... why...

In my wallowing experience as a freelancer I've noticed that almost all C/C++ clients are perfectionist. You just can't please them by getting the job done quickly.

I got a libcurl job from one the other day to scrape data from a target website and within an hour it was ready. I notified the client and he was both amazed and confused assuming it would take the whole week.
C++Client: The code works but you need to take your time.
Me: Sorry?
C++Client: Yes, it works but you used "string" instead of "wstring"
Me: 😊 Oh okay... *converts strings to wstring*
C++Client: And also variable names should be more descriptive.
Me: 😏 *int foobar => int very_long_descriptive_foobar_01*
C++Client: And also use "shorts" for page nums it'll save some bytes
Me: 😕 *int => short...*
C++Client: And also use forloops instead of whileloops
Me: ☹️ *whileloops => forloops*
C++Client: And also use -- instead of ++ in loops
Me: 😤 *for(... i++) => for(... i--)*
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
===> Seven "and also" days later <===
Me: *completed 10 Java projects behind the scene*
C++Client: And also use pthread instead of thread
Me: 😧 It's day 7 already!
C++Client: Oh I see, great job. You can compile and send me the archived source.
Me: 🤩
C++Client: And also...
Me: 🏃💨

So yesterday terminals for clocking in and clocking out where installed at a customer. In the evening I got a call, telling me, that only one of five terminals works. I tried to figure out the problem and finally the customer asked me, if maybe every terminal would need an individual IP adress.

Me: We did [technical debt] and [next feature] is hard to implement because of it. I suggest we do [actual 5 min solution] before proceeding to implement [next feature].

Colleagues: Agreed

Team Lead: We don't have time for this I dont want to change anything because the way we did [technical debt] already works besides we can [more technical debt] code go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Guy(who wants to ask a favour): "Hi!"

Me-> [sigh... here we go again... lets ignore this for a bit]
5 mins later....
[I guess i can wait a bit more]

another 15 minutes later.... [sigh, alright, lets talk to this dude]

Me: hi..
Guy: hello, do you know how this works and why this is failing.
also, could you help me with debugging this issue....
btw, are you aware of the HR policy regarding that?

Me: were you just waiting for me to say hi back to you? -__-

Me: Im testing a new feature that is not on production yet for 30m and can not make it work. (I asked the developer for any idea why is not working)
Dev: i just tested, works fine.
Me: i just tested again with no luck. I’m i missing anything?
Dev: (Developer comes to my desk). Lets see what you doing wrong here. (After 5seconds). You're not on UAT. You have been redirected to the production and you've been testing there all this time.
Me: 😩

In just one week I have to make two presentations for my class, first one talk about open source and why everyone should use it and in the second one I have to explain how Git works and why it is so helpful for common projects.

It feels like God gave me an essential mission for life

Today I delivered the beta of my first product to the customer. The customer is only a different department within my company, but I'm still proud of what I've built. This project was of my own design and vision and it actually landed me the position I'm in today. Now I sit back and wait for feedback as they tear it apart and find out what works for them.

To the 1% of customers that use my works website in ie9 and lower making me have to spend time getting it compatible for your viewing pleasure. I hope it's warm in hell

Problems with redis... timeout everywhere...

30k READs per minute.

Me : Ok, How much ram are we actually using in redis ?

Metrics : Average : 30 MB

Me ; 30 MB, sure ? not 30 GB ?

Metrics : Nop, 30 MB

Me : fuck you redis then, hey memory cache, are you there ?

Memory cache : Yep, but only for one instance.

Me ok. So from now on you Memory cache is used, and you redis, you just publish messages when key should be delete. Works for you two ?

Memeory cache and redis : Yep, but nothing out of box exists

Me : Fine... I'll code it my selkf witj blackjack and hookers.

Redis : Why do I exist ?

I finally found it!

I set up an self-hosted gitlab at our company and for some reason everything worked except for one thing: using git (clone, push, etc) via SSH.
The solution was on the 'common installation problems' page at gitlab, but it took me a long time finding it through Google.
I read through the auth.log and realized the 'git' user was locked. Swapped the '!' for a '*' in the /etc/shadow and now it works.

So a few weeks ago I wiped my MacBook Pro to regain some space and speed, it wasn't really that slow I just had the disk partitioned into two installments of MacOS. When I erased the disk I thought the secure thing to do would be to set the format to journaled, encrypted rather than just journaled. Everything was working fine, there seemed to be this weird step of login when I restarted but whatever, except iCloud Drive. On my iMac it works fine but for whatever reason my MacBook Pro doesn't want to download custom folders (ones that aren't created by an app and don't have an app icon on folder icon) from my account despite them being clearly available in iCloud.com. So after this much time of messing with it I'm wiping my MacBook Pro again and formatting it as journaled (not encrypted). Wish me luck...

Me when I finally understand how VueJS works, how simple, easy and customizable it is, how I built a working contact form in 5mn and how I'm gonna stick with this gorgeous motherfucker for the rest of my life.

WINDOWS!!! Why, just why would you think that choosing frigging "Enter" as the copy key in cmd was a good idea?!?

At least for pasting, Ctrl+Shift+V works, it just jumps through some menus first, for whatever reason. But Ctrl+Shift+C doesn't work.
In general, after using a Linux console a lot recently, everything about the Windows console seems stupid to me.

Implemented complex AD tracking system for offline conversions back to ads.

Me: It's done and works and it's based on cookies.

Tech Manager: What if the cookies get deleted all the tracking is gone.......

Me in my head: Stop trying to be clever with the dotdotot ....

Me in real life: Same as Analytics and Adwords .......all that tracking is gone.

FN smart ass.

I’ve a friend works for live chat team.
He told me the most asked question is:
“Are you robot?”

I was bored, so I made a quick devRantron theme based on the green, black and violet found in Maniac Mansion. Its just a quick work, but it works for me.

Here is the string: #000000, #000000, #6ad070, #000000, #6ad070, #d37eee

Boss activates encryption on dashboard
we installed the software
2 machines get locked out coz drive got encrypted with bitlocker
No one received the 48 bit key from bitlocker
I loose all my work coz the only way to use my laptop was to format the drive
Me as the technical guy and knowing how encryption works i just formatted the drive

Boss blames me for the cluster fuck

Started a new job today.
They gave me a Mac.

Why in actual fuck is there no shortcut for the terminal? Took me half a day to get an iterm hotkey working only to find out it only works if you have a terminal open already.

Stupid apple. I want my mod+enter back.

That specific moment a C# Developer (me) makes an API for Modding his own game but the mod language is Lua.

(And it works)

My boss:

Doesn't manage the fucking agile board..

Doesn't call for meetings when we need...

Decides randomly for sprints duration.

Decides to do whatever he feels better with an obvious lack of thought.

Decides what to do based on assumptions instead of FUCKING ASKING THE FUCKING CLIENT!

Oh you stupid piece of shit how many time do we have to go over me explaining you how planning works and you pretending to agree?

Me: Im testing a new feature that is not on production yet for 30m and can not make it work. (I asked the developer for any idea why is not working)
Dev: i just tested, works fine.
Me: i just tested again with no luck. I’m i missing anything?
Dev: (Developer comes to my desk). Lets see what you doing wrong here. (After 5seconds). You have been redirected to the production site and you've been testing there all this time.
Me: 😩

Added a bond interface in my Proxmox installation for added cromulence, works, reboot again, works, reboot once more just to be sure, network down.. systemctl restart networking, successfully put the host's network back up.. lxc-attach 100, network in containers is still down apparently.. exit container, pct shutdown 100, pct start 100, lxc-attach again... Network now works fine in containers too.

Systemd's aggressive parallelization that likely tried to put the shit up too early is so amazing!
I'm literally almost crying in despair at how much shit this shitstaind is giving me lately.

Thank you Poettering for this great init, in which I have to manually restart shit on reboot because the "system manager" apparently can't really manage. Or be a proper init for that matter.

/rant

And yes I know that you've never had any issues with it. If you've got nothing better to say than that then please STFU. "Works for me" is also a rant I wrote a while back.

I realize that in interviews I can fake confidence to such high levels I thought would never be possible for me.

I keep impressing myself with every interview lol.

The saying "Fake it until you make it" is kinda true. It works for me haha

Just had to write an old-skool for loop. Index...termination condition...whole works. I feel dirty.

Bit embarrassing as someone saw me writing it, thought I was a hacker and informed the authorities. Spent the last hour being waterboarded.

We had a big laugh about it when they realized I was just fixing bugs in a legacy app.

National Security. Hilarious.

Coworker who mostly works from home: "Who took my keyboard?"
Me: "Someone needed it for testing yesterday. It's over there"
Coworker: "Why does it always have to be my stuff when I'm not around"

So, these guys came to me at work, asking if I knew how the "Low Orbit Scanner" worked...
I said: "no, what's that?"
They said: "It's that tool used for DDoS attacks"
So I replied: "Oh you mean Low Orbit Ion Cannon"
them: "yea that, you know how it works?"
me: "ye, but what do you want to use it for?"
them: "just want to learn how it works"
me: "you download it, run it then fill out the things?"
them: "but I tried it and it doesn't take out the server I tried"
me: "Means your PC is to much of a filthy casual, buy a new one"
them: "can't you help us getting it more effective"
me: "yes, but I rather not end up in jail... I have a job and a clean document..."

The looks of their faces, love to see that disappointment of my colleagues when I say (or atleast hint): "go figure it out yourself"

Boss tells me to cleanup prod drives deleting anything older than a year.

So I find a script for that and run it after making sure works.

Told them it's done and freed up 20% but now they've gone silent.... 🤔🤔🤔🤔😥😥😥😥😥😟😟😟😟😟😟😟😟

I have my personal motivator @YourNemesis to help me through the days when my self-motivation doesn't work at all.

I usually try and identify the reason for low motivation or no motivation at all, then talk myself through it and remind myself of my goals and what I want for myself. My goals motivate me.

I also have different motivational quotes/one liners up on my room's door and my cupboards door. Attaching an image of one such things that I wrote by myself and looking at it works for me on highly unproductive days. Hope this approach helps to some of you guys too on here.

Can someone please forgive me for this mess?
Atleast its a fast mess.

(btw: I have no idea wether it works. I hope it does)

Well,
Till now, my experience with Mac OS and iOS has been fucking shit... and that is, if said elegantly...
As of now, I have formatted my phone AND laptop about 8-9 times i believe ( got phone a week ago, laptop a couple weeks ago )...
iCloud won't even work properly for me, image synchronization is pretty much fucked up in every damn way and is unresponsive for 99%. The remaining 1% when it works is the time when i actually reformat the system.
And don't even get me started on "Continuity"... it is continuously, robustly, non working at all times. Hell, the phone can't even connect to the laptop over bluetooth, so Continuity is a far off thing.
VERY disappointed at Apple.
OR, it hates me particularly because everything works perfectly fine for a friend of mine. ( He hasn't even formatted his devices once since like 2 years... ).

I love technology, but apparently, it HATES me to death </3
Oh and fuck u Apple for giving me such a pitiful software suite...

BTW, undergoing another format on phone. On laptop right now to write this rant. Laptop is gonna be formatted again in like 6-7 hours from now...

😞😞😞😞

I lost my remote job of two years due to our startup failing. After applying to various companies, two weeks later I get my first job offer😀(And I'm not even that skilled).
In comparison, a very experienced friend of mine who works in sales and business administration has been looking unsuccessfully for a job for over a year.
It makes me realise how lucky we are😀

So my boss run 2 different companies, the one that hired me and the one that I work for like 40% of the time (through the first one).

This second company is now having a client that's asking for educational qualification for both my boss and me (?)

I mean, even if I didn't study, why would you need that? The product is up and running and works, so wtf do you want?

I kinda hate to admit it but they were right. Data structures and algorithms are kinda the shit and you should try to learn and appreciate them. Not just so you’ll use them. But in that learning them helps you become a better problem solver.

There’s a self taught dev that my company works with for really bespoke applications. A senior dev that works with him and helps manage the development process told me that the dev in question doesn’t really know how to implement the finer details. Very telling indeed.

I'm so happy to have quit my current job. Just a few weeks to go. To see my colleague take weeks for an task I would have done in a day or two, gives me enough satisfaction to stop carrying him in front of our boss. Just hearing him say "I haven't done this before" Yeah it's not like I told you over and over how it works for two years.

"We need to have a meeting to clarify your role"

My head: Just give me a raise and then leave me alone

My mouth: Yea, sure. When works for you

Context:
My job is a little confusing.
My title on paper is support technician and I'm on the DevOps team but I have my own project to automate health checks. So most the accurate title for me would actually be Automation Developer Attached To [department name] DevOps

Tried pomedoro technique copule of time found that this doesn't work for mE. The only things worked is
1) do 4 hours straight
2) take 1 hour break
3) do another 4 hour straight
works much wetter

If you ++ this post, you will get good developer karma credits for the next 10 years, and every piece of code you write will eventually work.

Trust me this actually works, you can try it yourself.

So... Today I started using my first Python web framework, web2py. At a first glance I liked it, the templating system, the view/controller thing ecc. But there is one thing in frameworks that I really don't like: they make me feel dumb.
I mean, in just one line of code I can generate an entire form, but if I wanna customize it a little bit... I can't. Or better, it is very hard, also if there is a bug, I have to look for a problem in an entire system that I DID NOT wrote.
I don't like the idea that the frameworksl handles everything for you, like it is teasing me, I don't even know how it works, it just works, and man, I don't like it. There's some kind of hacker in me, I dont like a system that just works, I want to know how it works. But the sad thing is that I will have to learn web frameworks if I want to work in the IT, right? Please If you can help me or share your experience with web frameworks do so.

i do not know how i fixed it, but it works so i’m done for the day.

any potential repercussions are a problem for future me

Turns out a massive dev team saw that i tracked down the makers of the PoC PS3 N64 emulator and (successfully) asked for them to release their source and they stole my fucking summer project for themselves. I mean, that's how open-source works, and they'd do a way better job than me, but for fucks sake...

Colleague: implements stuff and it works.

Boss: i have a good idea how to make it different and better.

Me: idea sounds neat but what colleague did works 100% fine. We shouldn't waste time for changing a running system.

Other_collegue: i have implented it like boss said in project 2.

Boss: they shouldn't be different.

Me (being the one to decide here) : come on okay then, let's do it like they say.

colleague: implements it like they said.

Months: pass by.

Today I have realized that the former solution is way better. I am so sorry, colleague, that i didn't stood up more for your solution.

First "rant"...

There's a lot of complaints about Windows 10 and it's updates and everyone bashing them.
Does nobody turn off their computer at night?

It installs my updates during the night for me and it even wakes up if needed to do so. I have never looked at my update screen when rebooting or turning my computer on, ever since I have Windows 10 freshly installed... Only exception is the Anniversary Update. So I don't see a reason why everyone hates it so much...

Am I just that lucky or what?

Basically every time a designer thinks they made the perfect design and that if the program works by itself that's it. No man, I still have to spend hours trying to make every element of my program map to the elements you put for me to use. Give me time!

This makes me laugh a lot. I changed my online ledger app to use a unicode character in the URL, which I should probably just use a rewrite rule to accomplish, but for now just to see if it works I tried it out. After confirming that it does, I commited it.

I have a rule for maintaining sanity. It only works if you job doesn't have you on-call. And it saves me a of stress:

Don't think about work when you're not at work.

You know you're in for a fun time when you open code you wrote the previous night and a comment starts with "Fuck this, it works, sober me can deal with it"

Why do I do this to myself .-.

Short angry rant
What the fuck is wrong with the SalesForce Authenticator logic?! How in the hell do you fuck up a simple 2FA system this hard?!!

Login -> Waiting for Notification... nothing... -> Reload Page -> Login -> Waiting for Notification... nothing -> Click "Use Code instead"... nothing happens... -> Reload Page -> "Login -> don't even wait for notification and just pres "Use Code instead"... nothing -> Reload Page -> Notice there's a "Use Code" button on this page as well -> Finally be able to log into the fucking Aloha piece of shit...

How TF is it, that Duo is able to send me a push notification within 1 second and it ALWAYS works... and THIS FUCKING SHIT NEVER FUCKING WORKS THE FIRST TIME AND AT WORST JUST DOESN'T WORK AT ALL!!!!!

Fucking hell.... Don't offer me a push notification service if you don't know how to make one... jesus fucking christ... All of Salesforce security is fucking stupid, but at least the others mostly work, but this retarded piece of crap is making me actively surprised when it works on first try... Maybe it's because I'm on a slow connection, but again Duo Mobile doesn't have this problem and works *instantly*... so what sort of retarded monkey coded the SF one I don't know, but I hope they are making better products now, because this is a disgrace to programming and security

Sometimes when shit is getting difficult I lay on my bed reading a book for a while. Then I'll go for a run for half an hour to go back to the problem I was solving with a clear mind. Works everytime and keeps me healthy in the process.

I'm looking for a distro that is more modern than Ubuntu 16.04, not the shithole that Ubuntu 17.10 is and works, practically, out of the box with my xps 9560.

this 17.10 update thing is driving me nuts. the plot twist is.. if I don't get it set up before tomorrow I'll just switch to windows.

So I'm writing this code, that does 2 important things, that cannot be seperated. I run the code, thing1 is correctly executed, thing2 not. No fucking idea, why this happens. Execute again, same result. Debugg the wohle thing, now everything works fine.
WHAT?
I check the code, there are no background tasks, no paralell processing, nothing that should go wrong.
Asking a Senior developer for help, he also has no fucking idea. He tells me to try to wait one second between the two things. Looking for a delay() or wait() function in my programming language but there is none. Ok, building my own delay, writing a "do 1000 times" loop, calculate some shit in it. Execute the code, it works perfectly.

Nobody has a fucking idea, why this is happening and why this solution is working, but now the code is productive and it works fine.

Favourite item has to be our coding monkey. He sits next to me and every time I can't figure out some code I leave him on my keyboard and have a break, hoping he'll fix it for me... Never works but there's always hope!

TL; DR;
I'm one with code and the code is one with me.

Everything in my life has been inconsistent and as soon as I start building expectations from someone or something, it disappoints. Be it my friends (😂😂) or my ex girlfriend or my studies or my college or my professors or work, or food (sometimes).

Coding, or programming, has been the only consistent and non disappointing thing since 2010 for me. It just works. If I write a wrong program, I know its why and where its wrong and then fixing it works. Sometimes it works in one go. And sometimes is works beyond my expectations. Its like coding chose me rather than me chosing coding.

Eating burritos and drinking coffee somehow works for me

Works for me too!

Wondering how many people use git cmd and how many use different git clients.

I regularly use git cmd. I made a transition from clients a while back because I wanted to learn more about how it actually works and it works just fine for me, except when I have to google something I don't remember (like how to revert local commit)

Git clients will for sure do abstraction which can be both good and bad, but I'm wondering if there are any definitive pros for clients.

I 'm working with python 3:
Was about to make my app print a text letter by letter (same as somebody's typing the text) and read it at the same time.
I wrote a method for typing and works fine but cannot find a solution for the tts and make them run at the same time.
Can U halp me please ?

Thanks in advance 😊

Woah! Collabs! Nice.

I'm actually glad it's a paid feature. The sheer entitlement of people using free software asking for development help for free has always bothered me.

Cool idea, I hope it works out!

So my friend works in this big MNC company with good pay. He has had good education and certifications. He runs into a simple issue with someone's github project he forked and calls me for me help to debug the issue. Just helped him figure out the reason for issue over the phone.

And here I am technically "jobless" and loser in my relatives eyes because I'm pursuing self employment with no cool certifications to brag about.

Not sure if I should feel stupid for the choices I made in my life.

> Be me
> Programming for an embedded system
> It's not interruptable
> Got ISR Fault (Interrupt Service Register)
> WTF
> Breakpoints are useless
> WTF
> Comment out some lines
> Turns out it goes ISRF Infinite Loop because of the multi dimensional array of strings
> WTF
> Use pointer intead of defining actual size
> Works
> WTF

WTF?

Gotta love those moments when you expand your code and the legacy part magically works just fine. Congrats, past me, for writing a stable core.

I'm currently trying to a finish a project that business partner quoted for and gave me six weeks to write the backend CMS, front end web version of the apps and an iOS and Android app for each including payment integration and the works. It's so over due now and it's taking me all the energy I have not to quit.

P.S My business partner has now left the business leaving me to pick up the pieces :-(

My simple MySQL Connector for every languages (Dekstop/mobile). I've tried this in C#, VB.NET, and Java. Trust me, it works. How 'bout ya?

I swear on the Almighty nature, I fucking hate Browser compatibility.

Passing php data via JSON encode. Works superfine on Firefox and Android mobile browser doesn't on Chrome. Fucking shit. Been sitting for 13 hours and gave up. FFuuuuuuck !!!!

Form submission via ajax and it again works on Firefox but doesn't on Chrome. I just can't understand, my mind is fucked by all the angels in heaven. Data gets submitted, the form is reset but the function called to refresh the JSON data doesn't work.

Someone please kill me or I swear I will fucking kill everybody.

Fellow C# programmers, how often do you use #region in your projects and how important do you think it is?

I have found myself using it increasingly. It works great for me and I feel that I can structure my code better.

I'll never understand distro hopping. You're having something that works fine and that you're used to. You can always change the look by using another DE. But you prefer to throw it all away, try something else, end up deceived, try something else.
Just, why? Educate me, what are you exactly looking for that makes you want to change after some time?

The other day, I accidentally broke the R key on my laptop keyboard. The mechanism still works, but the keycap no longer locks in

I go to buy a replacement, since it's really messing with my typing flow, and I find out it costs 7 USD per keycap, plus shipping. That means that to replace every key on my keyboard, it would cost me about $680!!

I only paid about $500 for the ENTIRE FUCKING LAPTOP AND YOU'RE GONNA CHARGE ME $7 FOR A SINGLE FUCKING KEY!!! FUCK YOU ASUS!!!

P.M (calm) : You are not taking ownership of your works as others. You are only just doing it .

Me (concentrating face) : Inside -> I am fucking underpaid for a long and a month delay in salary. What the fuck are you expecting . You are saying this when you are about to give me a rise ?

I've refrained from commenting on which IDE is best and which isn't, what simply works for me is eclipse. So far it handles stuff for me pretty nicely... until today.

Look at this screenshot, can you spot the wtf? Like, SRSLY, WTF.... Might it really be just that DOT at the end or is it just the dot concatenated at the end of the error message?

Does anybody else drink strong coffee in order to actually get RID of a headache? It works for me....but now I've got to continually drink coffee every few hours for the rest of my life.

Hail Adventurer,

By Linus, do not fear what you see
and curse not I, but those before me

hold steady in the storms to come
brace for bugs, wherever from

I pass on to you, the light of PHP
Use it well, to fight against scrutiny

if it works, keep it so, ask not why
my time is over, while yours is nigh

My fiancé bought me a new laptop for my birthday. Not the greatest but it works. I put Mint 19.X (don’t know which version but latest) on it and I’m in love.

*Dev is non-native english speaker

Dev: we need the VPN ip.
Me: the server ip or the connected device ip.
Dev: the server.
Me: gets the ip.
Dev: this doesn't work, is this the VPN ip ?
Me: Gives the device ip. Works.
Dev: OK. Works now.

Could have just asked for the client IP in the first place but s/he didn't know how to.

I have been trying to freelance for people who don't speak english as a first language and getting the Requirements is the hardest part of the job. 😫 .

P.S. Suggestions needed from remote freelancers. What's your workflow like.

Spend nearly a full eight-hour day working on a piece of code that, while not at all trivial, would have taken probably two hours start to finish if not for the constant stream of interruptions bombarding me...

...but then, 10 minutes before quitting time, build and run it for the first time...

...AND IT FREAKING WORKS!

I'm never more scared than when ~1000 lines of code works the very first time it's run. Makes me want to check if I've signed any documents presented as a "deal" by a guy with a fiddle in a southern state :)

The real life of me as a trainee developer:

New system works locally but fails to work in production and dev.

Proceeds at futile attempts to debug for hours to find out that my connection strings in the transforms were nested inside logging.

I have a few colleagues who code best when slightly drunk. So I gave it a try a couple of times. That didn't work - I immediately felt drowsy and sleepy.

In general, I don't drink. I like it when my mind is razor-sharp and works better than a swiss watch, and even tiny amounts of alcohol spoil that clockwork for me. So drunk coding is not for me.

Don't you just love it, when Windows lovers community just throws user's concerns and issues right back into their faces? "it works for me!" they say.

On the other hand, Linux sucks. (because it still got a lot of room for improvements!)

Seriously, we need better OSs.

I am a frontend dev but please don’t trust me 100% with responsive, works in every browser, animation heavy, top of the line, UIs.

Also I don’t know how to work with Wordpress.

Also don’t ask me questions about Webpack, Node, or anything related to builds/configs. (I will be happy to google search my answers for you tho)

But I am a frontend dev.

I’m curious what works for you? Lyrics or instrumental music while you’re working? I find myself preferring instrumental music while I’m thinking about a problem. The music can be technical and busy or super chill, but lyrics always distract me.

Of course, If I’m just half focused and grinding out mock responders for my unit tests then lyrics are fine.

After the last update, devRant has been a bit buggy for me..

App lock screen freezes for a few seconds and after that nothing works until I restart the app... :/

Single touch on home button opens up Google Assistant when devRant is unresponsive:

If for some reason you decide to write a shim for a VERY COMMON LIBRARY in your project:

1. DON'T
2. If you decide to ignore (1), at least make sure the SHIM WORKS THE SAME WAY AS THE LIBRARY

Two days of debugging sudden untraceable errors led me to find that a .so wasn't copied correctly during maintenance. fml

Smart me.. Updated OS X from 10.10 to the ‘new’ 10.12 just before leaving on my vacation. I’m currently at the boarding gate, wanting to develop some bits and pieces.

Apparently, the update fucked me once more.. My XAMPP server, the Git commands, my permissions, .. Nothing works.. Now I have to google all this stuff to get everything working again, but the Wifi is sooo damn sloooow.

Doubted so many times to install ubuntu on my macbook, but I have no idea how Ubuntu handles the battery life, the led keyboard, the function buttons, … The whole OS X works for me, but once in a while, it fuckes me so hard, I would've liked it if it took me out for dinner once in a while.. :D

It depends, really. Sometimes it's a spontaneous urge, sometimes it's me drinking and coding whilst doing so.
Sometimes it's a lot of coffee as mentioned in another post commenting on this week's topic.

Regarding the drinking: for some reason my code works and I write more in less time.
Un-fucking-believeable.

As somebody who works in the industry, 2FA is a great idea, we need to do it more.
As a user, fuck 2FA, I ain't have time for that shit, if you make me type my screen lock once again I will throw my computer out of the window.

what's your opinion on search engine marketeers? I think they're smurky and don't know how the internet works. I once had a 'SEO specialist' even telling me that my HTML wasn't correct because it didn't had the same markup as Google's documentation. For the record: it díd have all the microdata, but I used <ol> instead of <ul>. So yeah...

So I have a job interview on Monday for a marketing firm that works on a LAMP stack. Not a problem, since that's what I learned on and I love linux, but I haven't seriously touched PHP for years. So now I'm going back to do a refresher on OOP PHP and I'm like, "what the hell is a variable variable?"

Wish me luck..