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Search - "without me"
*client calls in*
Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: my ip is blocked, could you unblock it for me?
Me: certainly! What's your ip address? Then I'll have a look.
Client: I'm not giving you my ip?! That's too privacy sensitive.
Me: sir, I'm very keen on my privacy myself but without that information I can't do much for you 😬
Client: ah so you're refusing to help me?
Me: not like that, it's just very hard to lift an ip block for me when I don't know the ip address.
Client: you just don't want to help, fine.
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 204 No Content
Me: 200 OK
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 413 Payload Too Large
Me: 102 Processing
Me: 200 OK
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 444 Connection Closed Without Response
Me: 200 OK
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 444 Connection Closed Without Response
Me: 429 Too Many Requests
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Me: 101 Switching Protocols
Me: 408 Request Timeout
GF: 102 Processing
Me: GET /sleep
Sleep: 404 Not Found
Me: 406 Not Acceptable
Me: 501 Not Implemented20
Me and my wife are software engineers
Started dating while doing a project together
I guess you could say that we...
MERGED WITHOUT CONFLICTS19
Me: Hi, how can i help you today?
User: Hi IT, I can't enter to my computer, i put my password and it says it's incorrect.
Me: Ok, hold me a few.
(10 seconds without do anything)
Me: Try again.
User: It worked! Thanks!!2
Me: *busy doing dev stuff with my laptop*
Sis: *looks at my to-do stickies* Hey, what's Log4j?
Me: *without looking away from my screen* it's a library.
Sis: oh, cool! Where is it? Do you have a membership?
Me: Ha-Ha. This is going on devRant.2
Me: *just playing around with Git on my terminal*
Friend: "Man, you're such a geek, typing your git command on the terminal.. I myself can't use git without the GUI at all"
Me: *stares at him in silence*
Me: "Wait... THERE 'S A GUI FOR THAT?"
*true story when I was in college*46
Teacher: answer this question without Googling
Me : *gives answer after using DDG*
When will people realize that Google isn't the only way to browse the internet15
If you're going to bother to detect that my input is without hyphens, then you can certainly insert them for me too.8
Some dude asked me if I like demons
> Yeah I do, I am sure it would be hard having a working system without any daemons
He probably think that I am a retard, atleast the feeling is mutual8
Am I the only one that will have my headphones on (without music) just so people will not bother me?19
Me: opens mobile banking app
app: Swipe right to see account balance without logging in
Me: swipes right
Normal app: "DEV I NEED THIS, 1 STAR. WITHOUT THIS IS SHIT"
devrant app: "Guys, I've created a client for desktop computer for devrant, tell me if I can upgrade anymore"
Such beautiful community ♥4
A friend called me up today . Here's how the conversation went
Jack :- Hey dude , my computer is lagging way too much . Do you think there's something wrong ? Like Virus ?
Me :- I don't know . What do you think might have caused that ?
Jack:- Oh , I kept my flash drive open without a cover , it might have caught some virus from the air.
A friend of mine wanted me to scale a 64x64px png image to the size of a facebook cover without quality loss.10
Other people : she said yes :') :')
Me: the client accepted the first draft without asking for changes :') :')2
Co-worker has been sick for two days now (the guy that mainly helps me).
This has forced me to do nearly every ticket myself without asking questions.
It's going really great! I'm very happy about it tbh 😊8
Had an argument with a potential client, he ended the call with this, before hanging up.
"Why are all you devs so fucking retarded, can't you just make what I want without me having to explain what I need"
When I'm right in the middle of a difficult piece of code/algorithm and a colleague gets me a cup of coffee without me asking
Bought new headphones because my current ones' input fucked up again. Already ordered a new one for free but hours of traveling today without music isn't really an option for me.
New headphones don't work on devices without usb ports! 😭.
Went back to the store because I didn't know that and thought they were just failing and got it explained there. No money back because they were working fine.
Me: "well fuck me right now, then I'll just travel without music today :'(".
Guy: *grabs something from a closet thingy* "Here you go, a pair of earphones!"
Me: "Awesome! How much?"
Guy: "Enjoy your traveling man!".
Thanks a thousand times to that guy!15
Friend: "You are good with computers right?"
Friend: "Can you put an eye on my computer? Mint crash at every startup"
Me: (Oh Linux! For this time ok) "Yeah, show me"
My friend open the pc...
Pc: "KERNEL PAAAAANIC!"
Me: ".... WTF!?"
Friend: "Can you repair this?"
That was a long day...
(My friend closed the lid without the drivers and then the pc from the standby did not wake up correctly)6
Me replying without thinking :
Interview : 😮😦 !!
Me : 🤐😨
Interview : alright then, u are in the short list and will get back to u for your second interview.8
Female friend in office
"It feels so nice that we have a computer science grad with us. How else would have we managed to set up the printer without you?"
Not kidding. This actually happened with me.7
One of my ex-girlfriends (who apparently still cares about me after several years 🤔) sent me this chain letter kind of thing wishing me 12 months without sickness, 52 weeks without stress, 365 days of luck, 8760 hours without fights, 525600 minutes of peace, and 31536000 seconds of happiness.
But that's not what I want mate! All I want is a year of <50ms ping!! 😝
I still kind of like her though, especially given that she's still thinking about me.. maybe I should have trying to go out with her again as one of my objectives for 2019?19
Client: I need this *insert app/machine/thing* ASAP! No excuses!
*work overtime just to get it done*
*after 2 weeks of finishing it*
Me: So has the thing worked without issues?
Client: Oh, I haven’t even used it yet!
My boss asked in a meeting if it is possible to make an algorithm/software without generating bugs.. After that my colleague send me this pic 😂
Windows: Try Edge! It blocks 13% more malware than Chrome!
Me: Try using your brain! It blocks 99.4% of ALL malware!
Windows: Try Edge! It blocks 13% more malware than Chrome!
Me: Edge, you are malware: You are an unwanted piece of software installed without the user's consent, and you make annoying pop-ups.11
I use my mouse on 4k dpi and today someone asked me how do i move the cursor without moving the mouse5
Today i've met a big customer of our company
He was absolute friendly and gave me clear requirements without oppositions...
Then I woke up.5
We are transferring our infrastructure to Google cloud and Docker. Last week one of our frontend developers tell me:
But it works without Docker!15
Friend asked me what he can do on linux without sudo i replied:
"You can open terminal and type time to check time"
Then he walked away.2
Me: "sorry boss I have a burnout, I don't feel to..."
Boss: "which part of the project you can't do?"
Me: "is a burnout, I can't go..."
Boss: "cmon it's easy!"
8 months without proper holidays produce this.10
Me: I want the laptop without pre installed Windows.
Seller: Genuine windows will take care of viruses. It's virus proof.
Me:😂 Windows? Ok but I don't want that, give me without it. 😂😂😂13
Her: I like a man who lives dangerously
Me: I sold a game to my client without debugging it
Her: grab a mop6
Fucking piece of shit forum won't let me view a fucking jpg file without creating a fucking account. Fuck you.10
Worst bad practice..
Manager: I need code today
Developer (thinking) : let me give it without unit test. Anyways tester will test it.
Manager to tester: complete testing fast.
Tester(thinking): developer must have unit tested it. Let me skip it.
Enjoy testing completed.
God help clients.. 😊5
Creating PHP Sites in class:
Teacher: Right guys open your DreamWeaver Code
Me: I found it easier to use Sublime, Just need to do the CSS
Teacher: I don't think you can create a style sheet without DreamWeaver
In my yesterday's interview:
Interviewer: Tell me about some cool things you did on last year.?
Me: Connecting multiple IoT devices and create dashboard to show status using web sockets.
Interviewer: Oh great. You did without page refresh.?
Me: Yeahh 🙄
Interviewer: Then its cool.
Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you are nothing!
Electricity: Keep talking bitches!3
Me: "I'm becoming a web developer"
Extended Family: "You're going to ruin your life"
2 Years Later:
Me: "I just signed contracts with companies X Y and Z"
Extended Family: "Working without a degree will get you nowhere"
Dad: "he's attending X uni and has a y% scholarship"
Extended Family: *no comments*3
Answer: use jQuery!
Answer: use jQuery!
Me: ffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu I hate j-f*cking-query, I don't want to learn it!!16
Not sure what triggers me more:
a) the fact that nowadays no one can type/spell without auto-correct
b) that this passed code review
c) that no one corrected it in 12 months since it's been committed23
On a company meeting there was a discussion wether to trigger an event by hover or mouse click for 20 minutes. then..
Me: "There is no mouse click without hover."
-- silence --5
My client is trying to force me to sign an ethics agreement that would allow them to sue me if found in breach of it. At the same time they are scraping eBay's data without their consent and refuse to sign the licence agreement. Apparently they don't understand irony.3
Placed a hidden flying unicorn as easteregg in our last business app. My boss stumbled across it and told me: "make it that all users can see it more easily without using the secret gesture."
...but ..it's an easteregg! .. :facepalm:2
Me when typing in dark on my non-backlit keyboard:
"Hiw tp di tjid tjing "
Me when typing in light on my non-backlit keyboard WITHOUT LOOKING AT IT:
"How to do this thing "
I mean what the fuck mr.brain !!12
after hours of debugging your program without any luck...
wife(never programmed a day in her life): what's up?
me: I can't figure out why this program won't work
wife: oh! you're probably missing a semi-colon somewhere10
Le me at the end of an interview
Recruiter: What is your salary expectations
*trying to find a good number but without exaggeration*
Me: well, about x USD.
Recruiter: that's ok for us.
Me inside: oh I should asked more than that! Stupid me.6
As a firm supporter of information security, it really "irks" me to see people get up and walk away form their desks without locking their machines... Anyone else with me on this?!18
> be me
> post question on stackoverflow
> get -4 without any comments
> deletes question because I like my score
Girlfriend: hey, wake up.
Me: Error this interface has no audio input mode. The normal process can continue without audio.
Girlfriend: You aren't even coding.
Me: The interface was running without audio when interrupted. The behavior for audio is undocumented.
Girlfriend: I just want to know if you want to unplug your headphones.
Me: **wearily recalls most people don't refer to sleep as an interface**
It's sooooo frustrating when a client forces me to make a design vertically fit in their own screen size. "Everything doesn't fit on my screen without scrolling" :(3
That moment that you start typing on your new ergonomic keyboard and suddenly notice that your muscle memory has nearly entirely adjusted to this new keyboard without you even noticing it because you're suddenly typing at full speed while you hardly could type any sentence an hour ago without looking at your keyboard.
This kinda stuff never ceases to amaze me!9
Job interview just made me realize I can't write a working line of code without IDE holding my hand ffs...4
Just solved two huge bugs in a private project without using Stack Overflow... Since when am I even able to do this? What happened to me?2
Me when I started coding: I can get this done under an hour, I'll add tons of comments and write it beautifully without errors
Me now: Yeah I can probably write these 5 lines and have them ready in about a year or so6
Boss: You can't start coding without understanding the phrase P. O. O. P.
Me: P. O. O. P.?
Boss: Is a carefully organized code
During code review:
Guy (also the same guy who pushes code without making unit tests): "Hey, this thing you added is unnecessary. Remove it."
Me: "Have you read the rest of the changes? It isn't unnecessary."
Guy: "Not yet"1
Sometimes i dont even feel like i am living at all. I couldnt even state what makes me happy anymore without a second thought.15
ATMs without a 'back' button? ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
Seriously, what's the fucking deal with these?? Who designs such a stupid interface? It forces me to cancel and re-insert every time I make a wrong entry.4
Supervisor: let's automate this stuff
Me: great! let's do it to last and future proof it. So, as changes happen we can implement in-place upgrades efficiently without taking the system down
Supervisor: well let's not get too crazy2
Genuinely upset that I don't have wifi
I can deal without a/c, not wifi.
About to install Visual Studio 2017 using my barely 5 Mbps internet
Install size is ~ 30fuckingg7 GB! 😨
Something gotta be seriously wrong with this world if it gets installed without any troubles.
Pray for me13
What Java taught me :
--- Parent p = new Child( ); -- error
--- Child c = new Parent( ); -- ok
parent can exist without a child but child cannot exist without parents.
Respect your Mom and Dad1
Client wanted to add "password usability" features such as:
Password1 === pASSWORD1
Him: Facebook and Google do it
Me: You're not Facebook or Google
Him: Well sure, not without this feature
Thinking about getting this as a tattoo on my wrist (without the words), what do you think? Currently 21, will this decision fuck me over somewhere?12
I was going to an interview and they kept me waiting for more than 1 hour without a notice. When the interviewer came, she didn't even apologize and gave me a form to fill out. I left the building and didn't come back. Did I did wrong? What would you do?15
CTO: Trigger email to everyone when internet goes down. Do this by EOD.
How could I send email without internet.
Exams are kinda good. They make me realise that i can sit idle for 3 hours without my phone and my computer. 😁😁1
I just wrote this piece of code. Without googling. Call me regex king!
But in fact regex is not that hard, you just have to learn the syntax 😄28
Arrived at office then almost immediately the boss, who's also a developer, tells me he changed something on the protocol/api.
Me thinking: u just broke the api without thinking on consequences but hey... Ur the boss...
Later, he says: look, our app crashes!
:/ what the f**k was he thinking... :/9
The not supporting browser part is ok but I'm not on windows using ie but on my phone using my default browser ........
Also how dare they put ie on my phone without telling me ........4
Today I explained a young kiddo that <insert multilayer game here> cannot work without servers.
Then he asked me how I don't get bored writing so much...1
me: “Realistically, the only way to pull in this data without replicating and without an API feed is to scrape it from the site”
manager -> to the client: “basically he’s got to hack your system to do it”2
Today one person called me to ask if he could create a corporate email without buying the domain.
*More people that wanna be rich without spending a penny *4
dfox, trogus - you guys are so incredibly nice!
thank you so much!
(ordered stickers from the shop hoping some of the money goes to the guys and they put an extra free swag without me asking for it)1
I never touch my code if anyone else have made changes in them without asking me.
I cry like a bitch when I get home.6
Today a potential client contacted me after seeing my works and said they were really interested in having me work on their project. Then, they demanded that I scheduled a call with them, using their calendar app. I did, just to them cancel it a few hours later. Without any explanation.
Deal with people is so discouraging sometimes.2
Does anyone knows how to put these down, without making the whole laptop sticky mess? Because the fucking alignment makes me inner scream.20
So today one of my client told me that my script is freezing their website on IE browsers. I tested and told them that website is being freezed even without my script.
Now they sent me analyzed scenario and they concluded that it freezes 4 out of 10 times without script. But it freezes 12 out if 15 times with script -_-. So there is something really wrong with the script and I need to fix it urgently otherwise they will kick me out. #fuckedupLogic
Funny thing is that same script is loaded in so many other client's website and it doesn't freeze any shit.5
I don't know what non-German people do without ubuntuusers.de.
Without this wiki, I probably would know nothing about Linux today. I would have never been introduced to it as a child, would never been able to learn that much, play around with desktop Ubuntu, Raspberry Pis, administrate own servers...
So, thank you, ubuntuusers.de, for helping little Benedikt with Ubuntu in his mother tongue, and making me the Linux enthusiast I am today!7
Being able to drink coffee (nope no decaf) including espresso's without my heart complaining. Idk that taste always gives me a boost!15
Today, the coffee machine gave me only a lump of sugar. Without coffee, without water and without glass. It's going to be a long long day...2
About to post my first question on SO.
Wish me luck.
How should I word a question without getting downvoted into Oblivion.
Few months back, one of my good but non-dev friend came to visit me.
He: I've done a website in HTML. Can you help me make it responsive.
Without a second thought, I agreed.
*Opened the file in editor*
<tables> <tables> <tables> <tables>
I kicked him out of my house without a second thought.3
my mom says: "I've got an app [on my smartphone] so that I can call and internet via my phone at work, so I don't use any minutes or MBs! :) "
me: "So how does your phone communicate with your work phone then? "
my mom: "via the app"
me: "without using minutes or MBs?"
my mom: "yes"
me: "So how does your phone communicate with your work phone then? "
my mom: "via the app"
me: "without using minutes or MBs?"
my mom: "yes"
Installers that copy files into a default directory without letting me change the installation path.. fuck whoever does that!5
Arduino has a FLASH memory that stores data even without power. FUCK why did nobody tell me that sooner. 6$ to hell on that fucking SD module and 12$ on fucking SD. Well gotta rewrite that code.16
IF YOU DONT WANT ME TO INSTALL SOMETHING WITHOUT UPDATING THEN FUCKING SAY SO INSTEAD OF SAYING MY PASSWORD IS WRONG.1
Alright, I know people joke about this but I just spent 4 hours debugging a 50 line chunk of code, and the first time it worked without errors it scared me🙃3
Quote of the day
"Writing code without thinking of its architecture is useless in the same way as dreaming about your desires without a plan of achieving them."
That literally hit me hard5
After using so much VIM and VIM key binds in other IDEs, a piece of me dies every time I have to code without them.
Am I the only one?4
Me: OK, Google.
Google: Hi, how can I help?
Me: Open example.com
Google: OK, which browser?
Me: Google Chrome.
Google: Sorry, I didn't get you.
Me: Google Chrome.
Google: Sorry, I didn't get you again. Just say the name of the app.
Me: *Looks at the list and finds Chrome (without 'Google')* Chrome
Google: *Opens Chrome*
I couldn't reproduce it as the. Latest version of Google Assistant now opens the page in a WebView.7
Don't remind me of that hackathon 😑 My advice: don't go there without being prepared, team wise, tool wise and skill wise. And whatever happens, don't forget to have fun.1
Why can't people either stop taking my stuff or learn how to use linux?
People keep trying to use my stuff (without permission) and then all they do is annoy me( call me a hacker or try to 1up me) or they get mad because they don't understand Linux.(my laptop boots into Cli by default)3
Seriously OnePlus, stop trying to optimise my battery.
My alarm was ringing for over a minute without me realising it because it apparently decided it was unimportant enough to just silently fade into the background.
Thanks stupid workmates who fuck up the project first and then 4 hours before the deadline tell you without any feelings "it's late, I'm going to sleep".
NO FUCK YOU GET YOUR ASS HERE AND START HELPING ME4
Client: i want payment integration without using any of those 3rd party gateways like 2checkout.
Me: uhmmm, any reason you cant use those gateways?
Client: its more professional
they also take percentages on every transaction !
Me: ... *closes chat*4
Today in development: discovered that it's possible via combination of keys to rename a database in SQL Server Management Studio without as much as a dialog box to confirm.
Shout out to the 2000ish users in production that discovered this delightful nugget of info with me.
A) Don't trust Microsoft to create software that makes you confirm potentially catastrophic actions
B) Make sure your user hasn't been granted ALTER DATABASE permissions without your knowledge before you start using it.1
Got home to acknowledge I forgot to pay the fucking internet bill and now I'm in a void without knowing what I'll do and everything might end with me wasting my mobile data and some whiskey2
Is it hard to have friends that love coding as much as you do? People around me are just 'ok' programmers. They dislike new cool stuff and would write register and login without framework, I wonder.10
It continually never ceases to amaze me how many people ask me a question without doing the proper research beforehand. For instance, "How far is the Earth from Jupiter?" How am I supposed to know that? The only thing I'm going to do is Google it and then tell you anyway. Stop asking me stupid questions that you can easily search yourself!9
I always love it when a manager who has no coding background tells me to "just do this" without ever letting me do any research. Just because you see it in you favorite app does not mean that feature is trivial.1
Spent the whole day debugging two bugs in libraries only to notice that they were already fixed upstream FUCKING MONTHS AGO WITHOUT A NEW VERSION PUBLISHED GIVE ME BACK MY TIME FFS
my best reply today:
question~: my phone is doing this and that you work with computers right?
me: I mainly work with computers without a screen.7
I mentioned earlier that I did well in a tech screen. It was 2.5 hours long.... Now they want me to do another 2 hour interview. How am I supposed to find a job while working without getting fired? ? ?4
when your company actively spreads that we are a company without managers, but the service manager is on my ass every other day lately about something. I love my job, but the guy recently started to tick me off and contacts me at random times and brings me out of my focus. Any ideas?7
Friend1 (being lewd): I'll merge you in to my git repository
Me: When you try to merge but she has her special days of the month it's called a merge conflict
Friend2: It's not a merge without a little blood1
My internship company does not believe in the concept of 'commenting'. They just tell me: "Ahh just write readable code!
(That was three years ago)
I asked my teacher what's wrong with the PCs, because I can't even open up File manager without any freeze.. She told me that it's old, and she's planning to fix them. So being me, I asked her if I can help, and she said yes..
*grabbed my screwdriver*
*opened up the case*
>fuck, kill me7
The boss I had at one of my internships was pretty cool and only managed when it was actually necessary. I will forever remember him for the following scene though: The colleague I shared an office room with had just gotten something incredibly complicated done and was staring out of the window for a moment to relax. Boss walks in. She, without looking up: "Not now.". Boss looks at me, grins, and walks out again without a word.1
I'm so happy to have an electric car in times like these, not only it saves me a whole lot on gas, I can keep using it without the need to visit public places to fill it.6
Searching in Youtube "Upcoming Phones 2020" gives me "Top 10 upcoming phones in India"
*Clicks one english title without the word "India"
*Hears voice over in Hindi.
why oh why.6
That's true with me in older days I am happy when my code runs without error on first time...but now it seems like borring and error make me happy.😂😂4
I just fucking hate people that have 10 years without talking to me and write me to ask for a favor.
Starting like: hey man how are you doing? Like you give a fuck about the shithole I'm at, just tell me what a fuck do you want and let me go back to my life.6
FUCK THE WINDOWS TEXT EDITOR FOR USING UNICODE WITHOUT TELLING ME. I SPEND HALF AN OUR FIGURING OUT WHY "1" COULDN'T BE PARSED INTO AN INTEGER.
After being an active developer in the industry for about 5 years, I still have some bad dev habits on which I'm working on:
- Starting off with the code first without a proper design in mind/paper. (Trust me, I'll always regret of not having a proper design later)
- Writing long method bodies and not refactoring them later. (Because sometimes I turn out to be a lazy ass)
- Duplicating code in some places without reusing some.3
Guy: A social network with some very special features that nobody else has.
Me: Okay. Let's discuss these features so I can write you a quote.
Guy: I can't talk about that until I know how much an app costs.
Commence an impasse over whether I can quote something without knowing the features. And yes, I tried explaining he should get a NDA. And no, a NDA wasn't good enough; I need to quote it without any knowledge of the features.1
i was on vacation. one week in denmark without a computer.
7 days without a single line of code written. i am scared to boot my pc because i can not tell if i am able to write an application anymore.
But hell i need this. I feel so unproductive T.T
Wish me luck3
Me being me:
*Me thinking about something*
*Goes to DevRant*
*Scrolls without reading*
TrollBrain: this is not DevRant
*Closes DevRant and opens it again*
... Wait what?
Them blank moments :/
SE then and today...
It's our duty to fix that situation!
(found that pic without source :( tell me, ill delete the pic or honour the drawer)3
First wikipedia asks me donation. Then tells me facts 98% Indians do not donate. And when I try to donate, it doesn't let me donate without PAN. I am a student.6
Someone who was lazy to make changes from dev branch, making code only in production without updating dev then wanted me to merge from production to dev because he was scared ☺️
I swear im not going to modify that string, i fucking swear on my life pinky promise, just plEASE LET ME USE IT WITHOUT HAVING TO CLONE.
Sincerely, a functional programmer6
First rant! I hate being OnCall. I'm just out of college, give me some time to ramp up without these panic attacks.3
What is your favourite dev-tool, you can't live without?
For me it's Git. Rescued my life for several times... 😅14
I'm on my last year on my master in computer science. What can I except when I'm done? Give me your wisdom! :) Please don't answer "hell" etc without a explanation haha :) I'm doing a master in AI and distributed system.7
Thanks google for giving me the opportunity to work with neural networks without being an expert about them.
To sum it up:
1. Preprocess data
2. Use Automl to train classifier
Why am I a rockstar today? So glad you asked! I used "sed" without having to look at the manual. 12 files updated, 10 minutes saved... that's some good time to devRant if you ask me.4
This lady hotdesking near me harps on about her amazing Meetup that she's organized. She believes she can be an authority on a highly technical subject without knowing how to force quit an app on her Mac.
As a developer, I have stopped seeing problems in my everyday workflow. I guess my mind makes workarounds without me noticing.
Example, a lot of the people around me complain about slow internet at my place, I've never been able to experience it that way.
Colleague: I cant install windows on our playcomputer. you broke it.
<Me walks to the computer, he looks away>
<silently deletes the debian entry in the nvram>
<installs windows, without an problems>
Me: So, where is the Problem?
Colleague<slightly angry>: I made it exact like you!
When people tap my shoulder even when I'm without headphones I get into a super rage like dude... Why the hell are you touching me1
My friends and I decided to have a match of HOMM6
So, I booted in Windows after almost 3 months and the first thing that it does is run into an update.
IT RESTARTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION
Had to wait nearly 1 hour until the update finished
My friends started without me X(
FUCK YOU WINDOWS5
Having to use BlueJ makes me want to jump off a bridge. :)
Stupid fucking editor tells me I have errors in my code, even though it compiles without problems using the Java command.1
1) Let me work with devs without me having to explain fundamentals of programming
2) Stop devs from copy pasting code from StackOverflow or any other project without actually understanding what it does
3) Get devs to actually read and understand project documentation FIRST before jumping into any programming work1
I'm Front-end dev and corporate policy doesn't let me upload *.js files, so I rename them to *.txt and change everything in the DOM without their knowledge...5
At first I was like "meh.. SASS is not really that different from css really.. maybe this wont even help any.."
But now I'm like "dude holy shit please never let me work without SASS/SCSS again!" :D
If a client changes the formatting of their data without telling me, and it breaks the code that I wrote for them, could they own up to their lack of communication, and not give me shit for it?
This problem was caused entirely by you. Can you fuck right off? Would you kindly?
Win10: your password has expired.
Me: ok *click*
Win10: oh btw I forgot which account has its password expired, so you have to write the account name
Me: ... Okay
Me: *resets password, then clicks next*
Win10: let me empty that form and let you redo everything without me showing you an error
Me: ....... Okay
Me: *same info*
Win10: sorry, can't find user "username"
Me: Ok you know what fuck off I'm restarting you
Win10: but I... *ded*
Win10: Hello Phlisg, please log in normally as usual
Me: what the fuck
Disclaimer: I use Linux, osx and windows ;)1
I can't beleive i could not find a single sane laptop without those shitty "chiclet" keyboards. It's already beyond trend.
somebody save me!!! Isn't there really one single non-chiclet laptop out there in the great cosmos?16
A non-dev friend just complained to me about work and without second thought I recommended her to rant on DevRant. Now I am wondering if that would expose this sanctuary too much?1
Someone copied some code of mine and posted it on YT as a tutorial video without crediting me. I'm honored that someone is using my code, but not mentioning me? Come on!6
without deciding on what content to include, how can you ask me for the layout of the landing page 😡2
amazon has hit 1T$ market cap. fffuckin bezos.
"There is no great wealth without a great theft."
- Gutle Schnapper Rothschild
"Give me the control of a nations wealth and I care not who makes thy laws."
- Mayer Amschel Rothschild3
I almost fired off an update query without a where clause on the live db. I stopped at the last second. I'm now having survivors guilt. Why me? Why was I saved when so many before me didn't make it? 😁4
People of DevRant, tell me what software you can't live without in your daily life.
(Thanks to @Avyiel for showing those)25
- Sublime but without the pricetag
- Atom but without the crashing
- netbeans but without the Java
- ideaj but without the load times
- vim without the elitism / esoteric design
- cross platform
The only downside to me is that its electron.9
So I work in company which enforces Windows machine only. God I'm dying for Linux. They have this antivirus to monitor every activity we all do. Please let me know if I can install Linux without letting them know.19
Somehow it always makes me feel good when I encounter a job related to programming without any need of a degree. It's always good to know there's still a backdoor even if everything goes to hell.3
Consulting/contracting for a company, and their lead developer/ops guy quits without warning. This leaves me as the only one with the somewhat technical know how but without access to do anything to move any changes to production....4
Visual Studio 2019: there’s really no reason for me to explain why this is the best editor without question.7
Not being able to write code only using pen and paper :/
I had one job interview where they ask me to iterate a tree using my preferred language. I felt so uncomfortable.
And my problem is only the pen and paper.
I'm able to write working code without any code completion even without highlighting in any shitty editor. But when it comes to write code by hand on paper it feels like my programmer brain side turns off.1
I'm pretty sure that I have some guys inside my computer that sometimes fix bugs or break builds overnight without me even touching the code.1
I'm literally dying because this video left me without breathe from laughing
1.Working on a repo's 20 day old version without pulling the changes first
2. Then blaming me to not tell him
3. Ultimately sending me a see screenshot of his code to incorporate in my code ( which he himself didn't write, but asked a coworker to do it)
WTF DUDE. Atleast you could have realised your mistake and not blamed me for it
Have my projects compile without a single warning.
The road will be long, and deprecation warnings will pounce at me, but I shall prevail.
Talking about adrenaline sports in a class and our favorites.
Me ? Writing C code without checking for null pointers!
What about you ?1
Im new on GitHub, and google didnt give me an answer simple enough for me to understand, so here i go.
How do i commit to GitHub and keep my files up to date, but without committing my password/oauth tokens?
Does one remove the line before committing, or what are you supposed to do?
Im using IntelliJ, dark theme11
I hope and pray that one day I'll be able to solve problems and program things I wanna program without someones help or me looking up a better solution5
Guys help me choose
I need to buy a laptop for development
Dell XPS 13
Thinkpad X1 Carbon
MacBook pro 13" without touch pad
Or something else?
Which one should I go for?
Budget: 1.3L INR (~2000usd)66
Company i applied for told me how they are planning to release a new project on friday.
... Decided for a different company
Me: I need some time to understand this app(taking over it from another developer without explanation)
Boss: I need to bill the client, please finish all the pending features.
>drinks coffee daily
>goes a day without drinking it, tries to code
>has problems focusing & getting things done
>has trouble staying awake
Never code without drinking coffee
My face when I had 15 errors in 40 lines of code3
Lua, tables ("arrays") start at 1.
It also has no sleep function and its defacto package manager (luarocks) has almost never worked for me without some serious fuckery7
The most scary thing happens to me is that I wrote a code in staging without any bugs and breaks in production... fuck4
Me and my best friend were heavy drinking last night, without eating something.
Now, my stomach hurts like hell.
Guess I won't do anything today.
In 2 months this guy redesigned 5 times the same website. Without saying nothing to the backend developer. Oh wait... this guy is me...
Boss is always supporting me and helps me to get promotions and better salary. Has true leadership through servitude attitude. He knows that everybody he helps will gladly help him even without him asking for help.
I know A.I can produce child in some way (ai can make another ai) But without f**k, the only job left for me is to become PornStar();1
I use AdBlock. Deezer gave me one of those 3 months for ~$1.5.
Now I'm Premium+ while using AdBlock without feeling bad about it :)6
Coding is my life duh... Actually, though, it showed me that with just a computer I can make anything without raw materials - websites, programs and lots of tears1
My colleagues work on our project files with unstable software for hours on end without saving their progress. Honestly, the balls on them. One of them just closed their Laptops to put it in energy saving mode without saving 2h of progress. Why are you doing this to me?3
Last night was dreadful- at 11 pm Dev on my team makes a change to a form with 2 million plus records without informing me and leaves to go out without confirming the change was successful. I get call from the data center at midnight because the app is down. Didn't get done till midnight and now data center boss is blaming me.5
TL;DR: working too fast is as worse as working too slow
3 months ago the team leader left.
Sincee then, me and another dev are sharing his responsibillities.
Me and him used to do a lot of testing.
(In our team, the devs test and CR each other)
Now that he left, I often find myself sitting without anything to do - because I did all the available tasks and no one tested them or gave feedback.
Sitting with nothing to do feels aweful.
My manager sits behind me, so i cant sit on devRant or Twitter without feeling bad about it.4
Some relatives visited me last night. As soon their son realized I'm a coder, he started asking me silly questions e.g. he had installed some silly hitman game and asked me to tell him reason for it wasn't working on his system.
WTF man? How could I tell you the reason without even looking at the installation or error.
I started as Android Developer at a comapny today and was given a project with 30% already done but without any comments.
Can you guys suggest some forums or sites like stackoverflow that will help me.
When udacity makes you do 2 full sections on XML for Android and then tells you to download Android Studio and it's like "here let me write that for you but without fucking it up"3
Starting the process of applying for developer jobs without any computing qualifications (I'm self taught) and I'm convinced that I'll not hear from anyone 😣 any tips from Dev rant to help me find that first job?9
The mechanical team once told me, hey I want this feature on the software - sure it will take approx 1 week. Yea I know, but I want it without any bugs.
WTF?? They sure got some f words from me. 😅1
1- Defect 6380: fix update of user without end date
2- Defect 6380: fix update of user without end date 2
3- Defect 6380: forgot unit test
4- Defect 6380: fix test
5- Defect 6380: dammit!
6- Defect 6380: raaaaaah!!!!
7- Defect 6380: kill me now
A coworker, Linux fan, argued (seriously) with me today that I shouldn't run 3 distros on my laptop because I'm "such a MS fanboy".
Let's make a bet, if I can squeeze your throat by reaching it from Ur anus u lil cunt WOULD YOU FUCKING LET ME DO MY SHIT WITHOUT GIVING ME YOUR UNWORTHY OPINION YOU FUCKING FAILED ABORTION
I was just messing around with flags in Chrome for Android and...well, unlocked the new version (or didn't know if it updated without me noticing)
I dig the layout4
In the process of fixing a bug, have you ever made your program better without actually fixing the bug?
I feel like it happens a lot to me.1
OK.... I don't mind ads but when I'm on a mobile device n you just redirect without opening a new window...
You leave me no choice... You just earned 100% IP level blocking.1
A big question
At least for me!!
Can i succed in this career as a web developer without college?
I am junior of course!5
if you ask me how the method i wrote works because you don't understand it, and you don't let me finish my sentences without interrupting me, then you deserve to be punched.
LET ME FINISH WHAT I HAVE TO SAY YOU DUMB SHIT
I WROTE THAT FUCKIN METHOD
I KNOW WHAT IT DOES AND WHY
Project Manager : this code line from here to here is confusing. Before you explain it to me i will need a cup of coffee. Do you want for yourself too?
Me : (*In my head* my mind work pretty clear without it as well.) Yes sir.1
My current CTO. He manages everything without much stress. Also, he taught me how to handle many difficult situations in the past years. Finally he's a workaholic and this drove me to always improve myself in order to refine and increase my skills.
One of these days my Windows 10 system will actually figure out how to obtain an IPv6 address without needing me to manually run ipconfig /renew6 or disable/reenable the network adapter... For now, static IPv6 it is
Me after a long time without coding:
"I need to do this thing multiple times,shit how do I do this??"
After a few seconds of hard thinking:
"Loop exists...wtf is wrong with me.."1
My daughter who was playing carom board first time in her life... defeated me (without cheating)4
I don't know if it's only me or if anyone have experienced that sometimes, when my code is not doing what I expected it to do, then I add a log.d to debug what's happening.Then.. It magically fix the program, without me fixing it...Weird3
It can't get worse. Low battery in cell phone, shitty coverage, train is held at somewhere in the middle, heavy rush , standing all the time without, tight schedule at work and my girlfriend hates me...4
It really bugs me out when your co workers start working on a project without telling you. Makes me feel undervalued. I would not complete their sloppy seconds this time for sure
8 hours in the office yesterday without any tasks. 1 hour in today, still no tasks. I wonder how long this will go on for.
Plus side: so much time for reading about new [to me] tech4
My journey from not knowig anything about programming to actually helping other student without their lab work.
Gor me that is actually a pretty good feeling :)
Meetings are the way of parasites to keep shining without doing shit. Why do they gave to drag me into their bullshit meeting?!$&2
Is this just me every dev have this problem, while learning something new sometimes I loose track and learn something else completely without any intention of learning it.
Become profitable without losing my soul.
Someone help me come up with a revenue stream that's not LOOT BOXES! 😂3
Is there any other there that start getting so anxious when programming that bites all nails like me? 10 years without the need for a nail cutter
Not me but, my boss chose to use devexpress "just as a visual layer" without studying devexpress deeply, this means that everyday i have to study some random devexpress quirk to fix a clients problem.
Just spent half an hour helping someone install my open source side project only to see more GitHub issues have been raised because the underlying application changed its schema without warning...
Please remind me why I do this...
There was a big concert event after work last night I couldn't go.
Noone is at work but me today....
and there is a ton of empty bottles in the cantina as well as quite some mess in a meeting room.
And noone has said they were taking the day off. oh well I'm going early then.2
Boss: Ready for deployment?
Me: No, there's still a few bugs.
Boss: let me know when they are fixed!
(Goes back to desk, runs without any issues)
Me: It all finished.
Boss: Wow how did you fix it so fast.
Me: I have no idea.
My code is in Acceptance Testing phase, and I got a defect reported.
I tried to redo the same without changing the code, it works for me
I use mail.com and the amount of websites and companies that ask me if I'm sure I don't mean Gmail is so annoying. One finance company even changed it to Gmail without asking me! Time to change email addresses?2
Someone asked me for help with his netbook not being able to boot. Turns out the last person who tried to repair it wiped out the HDD without installing an OS. Another thing is that this one's legacy. Glad that I still keep a Windows XP ISO here with me.3
Can't do anything without you, can't do anything with you.
That's the relationship between coffee and me
Starting job where I am no longer a developer doing developing.
Damm I hate the ops job, now they letting me do pm work without pay raise or anything.
So worse mistake I ever made....1
Feels good when you realize you type like you speak, without thinking about the letters. Only took me a long career to get here.
Someone from QA just randomly started asking me about API requests and responses today. For our backend which is not actually an API and changes all the time without notice. They just like, casually wanna know the contract of every endpoint on that.
So after having a heart attack thinking my coworker got spear phished I find out QA has decided to start testing our backend without telling us let alone asking us if it's a good idea.2
I'm working in two projects at same time, but only one is paying, apparently the free one wanted me to work at the weekend without telling me to do.
I really wanna use sublime because it's super snappy but I can't use it without having a shit tonne of inconvenience. It has no property package Implementing something like intellisense. Vscode has that but it makes me feel really slow3
Some time ago, I noticed a Node script use a lib called 'rimraf.' Now I'll never forget how to get *nix to delete a directory without giving me lip about it.
Godamn designer making the ui for iphone 5s without taking into account that we have to support the iphone 4s which is also 2x !
Asking me to resize the image for iphone 4s? Are you kidding me?
The activity tab on Instagram has gone now..
That feature was really useful in understanding the people better - their quirks, their secret desires etc.
It helped me learn people without really talking to them at all..
So disappointed 😑5
On vacation today but forgot we had a board game team activity planned so went to the office anyway in the afternoon (love me some board games) and instantly get pounced by people pleading for help. The build machine had imploded and the deploys broke, because of course it does that when you are away.1
If you want to resize and move windows without any hassle (with pressed ALT key) in windows? Just like in linux? Then check out AltDrag.
Wish someone had told me this sooner 😅
Me going downstairs.
"mom, I have a problem! "
Big rant over how my code isn't working.
Mom giving general advice on how you should deal with a problem.
Moms: earliest versions of Devrant! (without the informatics advice) ^^1
My last day before vacation and I'm assigned a task without specs which could not be done in 1 day. I don't know what I'm doing and I feel very sorry for my colleague who covers me during my vacation.1
They had a meeting without me for a production release that was happening tomorrow. Rescheduled the release on my wife's birthday without asking anyone. This was the response when I let this known "Happy Birthday honey, you get a night without me."1
I learned Django which wasn't really interesting because I'm more interested in Data Science but my friends with me at the university think you cannot do Data Science without learning Web Development. Thoughts?10
client gave me one week for major project critical redesign of a subsystem without having any specification, while rest of the team is focused on migrating to the latest server technology.
Can't you understand this code is unmaintainable and doing a quick fix and also requiring of me to write unit test for it IS NOT POSSIBLE without a rewrite?! FML
Anybody in game industry? For me currently I am digging into some bullshit our smartest artists created, some guys just wrote their name in the commit log without any useful information, OK, OK, I know who you are already, please don't tell me your stupid name again thanks#YOURACCOUNTISYOURNAME!!!🙈🙉🙊
Since I can't work without internet on my laptop, I started thinking of a comparison I could give, to clarify that me being a programmer, doesn't mean I can fix anything that uses electricity.
My answer so far:
"Asking me to fix that, is like trying to ask an accountant to go be a lawyer for some criminal."1
I love when someone asks me a website and he doesn't give the photos or anything else. It's like tell to a builder to build an house without a project.
Doxygen is one of my favorite dev tools. One, I think it kinda forces me to document my code better than what I used to do without it and two....it's "automatic"
Finally there is a dradlocks hair style. It didn't feel like me without them. *just noticed the hairstyle, didn't know it was available before
I've been a dev for more than half my life now and it still kind of surprises me the ability of typing fast and precise without looking at the keyboard.
I know it's silly but is a pretty neat self-taught-through-practice ability.
Good for you, everyone who types without looking at the keyboard.
Multiplayer cards game.
I designed one cards game and wish to test it with many players without the need to meet face to face.
Playtesting a game near real people is exhausting for me 😵
How do you deal with excessive praise, especially from people without any knowledge if the stuff you do.
It messes with me because I kinda feel like some of the shit is easy, so it's like I'm getting too much.
It's so difficult for me to keep working on a project for more than a month without cancelling it due to tediousness.. nearly every project of mine also feels quite irrelevant.
What is your biggest "if people heard me now without context, I'd be going on a trip to the authorities" moment?3
Bad time management habits.
As for me, I've recently changed job and took some side projects and without some tricks (Getting Things Programmed) I would just end up shits creek without a paddle. I feel like I'm already in, but some tricks keep my numbers on the boards and I don't sink yet.
Also bad eating and no sport habits.
Well ... If the server response does not give me the new form data, how am I supposed to display that form without any data???
Looking for a driver updater that will allow me to update without a "you'll need the pro version to download and install drivers" and allow me to do all drivers instead of 1 or 2 a day.
ummmm an update without where..
mates, if you are reading this plz forgive me! i was not focused!!
One fucking mistake! not a big deal..
I still say there is nothing like music for distracting me. Sure, it often helps me focus, without a doubt... Who here hasn't found themselves in the groove, then without warning, one of those songs comes on that pulls you out of the zone, bouncing your feet along with the beat, barely keeping from singing out loud?
"For those who would argue that it’s impossible to evaluate designs without real content, let me ask this: why then, is it okay to evaluate content out of context of the designs? " - Karen McGrane3
Anybody else having trouble attaching images to rants? Just seems to hang forever for me :(
Seems to be the case regardless of how I'm connected, not the same without attaching spicy memes :(
Me: [Talking about how you are able to create AMI images on AWS using Packer without relying on public AMI images]
Ops: Yeah our AWS version doesn't have that.
Me: wut? ಠ_ಠ
I took leave without informing my manager. He called me and told you're not in college. He is pissed what do I do?5
Hands down a decent clipboard manager.
The one that got me hooked was Flycut on OSX. I can get by without a lot of things for a while but this is the first install when I get a new setup
A friend who studied with me in the software engineering degree, told me that they use source control, but only with commits.
No branches no nothing.
Now, I understand when a company won't work without source control but how can you work with source control without branches? In a start-up? With more than 10 deve?
OK so this won't be a rant but a post asking for help.
Can anyone suggest me a book for game development with blender without GUI and with python?
I repeat, no GUI at all6
Me: * Not having fun writing hundreds of tests/assertions for an API *
Also me: * Submitting changes without running my tests *
Production: * BROKEN *
RUN YOUR EFFING TESTS EVEN IF THE CHANGES ARE SMALL OR STRAIGHTFORWARD OR SIMPLE OR WHATEVER
Dear provider, COULD YOU PLEASE SENT ME YOUR DSL INSTALLATION CODE BEFORE YOU TURN A COMPANYS INTERNET DOWN??? SRSLY this is the biggest bs. No phone no mail since 8am, new hardware won't work without this fkking code.
Just saw a post of lolcube that he lost 20 bucks.
Made me think how digital money should work. I mean, is it possible? Bitcoins are a great idea, but putting the environment under huge stress. Is there any way of digitalising your money, without handing over a government the means of completely shutting your purchase power down remotely? And doing so without being an environmental nightmare?
I actually know little about crypto currencies, so enlighten me, devranters!3
How do you import twitter sdk on android studio without fabric. It gives me error every time. I followed the official documentation of twitter nut couldn't resolve it
Auto-popup completion died in IntelliJ on my laptop... I am nothing without it 😭😭
Plus on uni wifi so can't even download it to reinstall... It would take hours on end.
Must now manually type everything... Wish me luck ☹️
*through gritted teeth* BLUEJ WHATS UR FKIN PRBLM. DON'T LET ME MAKE SOMETHING THAT WORKS IN YOUR OWN COMMAND LINE BUT NOT MY TERMINAL.
I just want to read a single integer from System.in on different occasions during the same program. You even let me close System.in without a warning and try to reopen it later, which I'VE LEARNED ISN'T SUPPOSED TO WORK. EVER.
BlueJ you have beautiful bracket highlighting but that's it, I'm leaving.
What the shit javac let's me compile this without warnings from command line?2
I am watching The Karate Kid and it made me wonder if there is a way to teach someone to code without them realizing they have been coding the whole time.
Kibana. Fuck you very much for not letting me enter my search term without reloading the page a gazillion times and throwing away everything I entered. 😡💩
Hey iOS devs 👋🏻 have you ever released an app internally without the Apple developer program? 🤔I need an alternative and I hope you can help me please4
Love the way our "senior" dev jumps into a project without reading the docs or even comments for that matter, removes and shifts things around then sits with me for 3 hours wondering why it won't work.
Thank you Bimbows for yet again installing an unwanted update without my knowledge, restarting my laptop, all while I dine, watching Battlestar Galactica.
I keep you around for gaming only and you disapoint me so much...2
Syadmin: You can't use caffeine.
Me: How do you expect me to do my job without caffeine?!?
This conversation continued way longer than it should have today. (mostly my fault)