*This morning*
HR Lady: we saw your profile and we think it fits what we're looking for, I just need to know what you use for front-end programming

Me: I use ReactJs, AngularJs and for backend NodeJs

HR Lady: Hmm, so you don't use Javascript

Me: ... (unhandled exception in my head)

Me: M'am everything I mentioned is using Javascript

HR Lady: oh! ok.

Me: "I'll never be able to do this"

Me: "I suck at coding"

Me: "What am I even looking at"

Me: "Im going to get fired for being incompetent"

Me: "They could have hired a child with more coding prowess"

Supervisor: "Hey, good job. Keep up the good work."

Me: "Pfft of course you're talking to a pro here."

When I finished my studies, I was looking for a job and had an interview at a smallish company.

Boss: can you do C?
Me: yes, I have already done some stuff in C.
Boss: I mean, are you really good in C?
Me, growing suspicious: well yes I already have been using it - but anyway, there's also the project documentation for looking up, right?
Boss: uhm, the code IS the documentation.

I envisioned myself being drowned in undocumented spaghetti code and wasn't really keen on that job anymore, but my following question pretty much ended the interview:

Me: oh, I see. Do you have any roadmap for getting your development to a more professional base?

His looks, priceless! He was just shocked when he realised that he had failed my interview, and that I was a fresher made it even harder to digest for him.

Me: *staring at computer screen, not looking busy*

Boss: Why are you not working?

Me: I am, I'm just waiting for this thing to finish installing.

Boss: You do realize you can still do other stuff while that's running, right?

Me: Didn't you send me an article last week about the dangers of multitasking?

Boss: um...

Me: *now intently staring at progress bar..."

Boss: fuck sakes... *walks away*

Came home to visit parents
Dad - Internet on my laptop isn't working (I switched him on a Ubuntu platform because he picked up a hobby of mining for viruses while doing..... "research" )
Me - did you mess with your networking settings again
Dad - (Defensible sounding) Noou
Me - (looking at settings, networking is switched off)
Me circa 3am - writing a python script to check for this automatically cos fml this is basic
Thanks for listening

Manager: Does anybody having any money saving ideas?

Dev: By switching our supplier from X to Y we could save $10,000/year and they have much better customer service.

Manager: So? I’m looking more for savings opportunities in the +$100k range. That’s a small idea, I’m looking for *BIG* ideas.

Dev: Do you have any big ideas?

Manager: No, but I really really want to save big money like that. I thought you would have something worthwhile.

Dev: $10,000 still a lot of money

Manager: I guess…. Ok we can do it. But don’t bother me with peanuts like this again.

Dev: ??? You asked me buddy

Exp. that made me doubt my skills?

My non programming sister managed to find a bug I was looking for...

I couldn't find the problem for hours and she just looks at the screen and goes "That looks odd!"

Me: *Uses Spotify in India using VPN*
Friends:

Boss: Google Excel sucks!
Me: You mean Google Sheets.
Boss: Whatever, there used to be formulas for the cells, just like offline Excel, but now it has some weird text like a web address...
Me: You're looking at the web address bar. Look down 20px and you have the cell formula.
Boss: Oh! Still, I don't like this Online Excel!

Fuck frontend. Writing a new service thingy and while the backend was done in about one fucking hour, I've been working on the frontend for hours now because frontend fucking hates me and that feeling is fucking mutual.

Grrrrrrr. (and respect for the ones who can properly develop nice looking interfaces)

I got a call from the recruiter today and she asked me for my current salary. When I told her, she replied "Based on your experience and skill set, that's too low".

"That's why I am looking for a job"

I cried internally 😥

You say they are looking for me, but when i contact them they pretend like they dont even know me.

I have a lot of respect for anyone who can design a good looking website.

I can code like crazy. And I was a freelance classically trained illustrator for 10 years. But ask me to design a website and it's all spinning giffs, midi tracks, and Comic Sans. Some kind of early 90's geocities nightmare.

That moment when the resident IT guy/teacher at your school comes to you at lunch and you look sad.
Me: Hello.
Teacher: What happened?
Me: Batteries almsot dead :(
Teacher: Well, I've got good news for you. I was talking to the school director about you.
Me: Um ... shit
Teacher: We're looking to get you an intership at the company that does networking shit for us (Netcom, anybody?)
Me: FUCK YEAH ... thanks!
*Day brightened by angelic light*

Caller: My client looking for experienced developer in Technology X,Y and Z are you open for new position?
Me: But I don't know this X and Y, I only use Z!
Caller: Please add them to your CV and send it to me so I can pass it to the client...
Me: But I don't know it!
Caller: Neither me nor the client know it also, please update the CV...
Me: How many years of experience should I add then?
Caller: 3 years will be OK!
Me: §¢“°©™|-=]%

That's it. I'm done. I'm out. Tired of a team and manager who refuse to make me feel like part of the team.

Officially started looking for a new job today.

🤞

"Hi! I love your work on github! I'm planning a cryptocurrency exchange and am currently looking for a developer to work with. Would you be interested in working with me and if so, how much would it cost?"

*reply*

>His face when he sees my hourly rate

Recruiter: hi, I have an iOS Developer role. Would you be interested?

Me: sure, send me on the spec.

Recruiter: ok great so for this Full stack app developer role we are looking for someone with:

- 5+ years embedded C/C++ experience
- 5+ years of working with Windows and Linux
- Native Android development
- As well as Native iOS experience

Interested?

Me: ......... ok buddy, you and me are going to have a little chat about what “iOS Developer” means

Me Looking for jobs in IT:
<Random java joke>
"Were looking for a Java front end developer"
<Javascript logo>
🤔🤔🤔

Windows 10 is asking me if I want to put my 5-8kg desktop computer in flight mode.
I'm now picturing my self looking for a power socket needing 650w in a airplane

*on call*
hr: hello , are you looking for a job change.
me : yes
hr: ok congo we have one opening for full stack developer
me : ok whats a jd?
hr : do you know reactjs?
me : yes
hr : do you know nodejs?
me : yes
hr : do you know bootstrap, jquery, photoshop, blender?
me : wait is it job for developer or graphic designer
hr : some time we give little task to our developer about editing photo and video
me : hmm intresting, I never tried blender but I can try if necessary. photoshop and other are ok for me
hr: that's great, we are looking for few more skills
me : ok
hr: . net and django

I started laughing😂😂😂😂

hr: what happened?
me: thank you for entertained me today, day was really rough.

Flyer: "Looking for someone to code for coffee factory-thingy, we will not pay you in cash."

Me: "Fucking Pass!"

Flyer: "-We will pay you in bags of coffee instead, from itally"

Me: "-me that pen and sign me up!"

I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT when people say, "Can you look into it, in your spare time ?"

Why should I spend my spare time looking at company stuff ? Just WHY ? If you want me to look at it, then FUCKING PAY ME FOR IT!!!

A recruiter asks for my LinkedIn credentials to save me from the hassle of updating my profile.
Is this the new 'send me your cv in .doc format so I can write whatever I want in there'?
I'm not even looking for a job and I don't know who you are! Fuck off!

God virgin media are useless:

Me: “hello how long is left in my contract”
VM: “you have three months left, may I ask why”
Me: “this is now the 3rd day in two weeks I have had no broadband I’m looking to swap to someone more reliable”
VM: “ I’m sorry to hear that I’ll check our system to see what I can do for you”
2 mins on hold
VM: “hello mr day we can offer you a special offer of doubling your internet speed for only £5 a month”
Me: “how does that help with the fact I have no internet”
VM: “well it won’t but we have an engineer looking at the problem and we estimate it will be fixed by 17:05”
Me: “thanks but no thanks, what’s the early exit fee”

😡🤬😡

My grandfather just came over for christmas eve and asked me what this devRant thing I was looking at was.

I told him it was facebook but for programmers 😆

today while I was at work, gets a call from an unknown number

Some lady: "hello, is this Mr XYZ."
Me: "yes".
she:" are you looking for a job? are you working somewhere?"
Me: "I'm currently wor... *she ends the call*."

what the fuck that was, fuck you. at least let me finish the sentence god dammit

I was working for a company as a Mobile Developer and I had a recruiter calling me up, asking me if I'd be interested in working for the company I was already as a "UX Designer". I thought it'd be funny to say yes. It wasn't - I was let go because my company thought I was looking elsewhere.

Me on Slack:

I was looking for the `busy` status here in slack but there's only `active` and `away`. That's when I realized why this app was called `Slack` in the first place. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Rant1
Company calls today. Offers me a job which is great i have been looking for 7 months.
Rant2
Today hurricane irma is coming its getting close gas stations are out of fuel. No water at stores. Chaos on the roads.
Rant3
Company asks me to come in Tommorow for interview. 😑

I'm looking for a new job.
If anyone is hiring remotely or knows of somewhere that is, could you please let me know? 😊

(I'll be looking locally as well.)

Stack:
• Ruby+Rails
• Node
• Postgres/etc.
• React
• Angular 1.x
• Sass/Less
• MaterialUI, Susy

Timezone: GMT-7

Looking through my house for a usb key.

My mind tells me to Crtl+F.

Ho.... Im IRL...

"Hello App developer.
We're looking for android app developer who can develop simple app for individual political campaign vote for me.

The idea is developing simple Political part app with interactive Geolocation to see who is member and where they’re located. Members should sign with social media (facebook, google plus, twitter and instagram)"

What could possibly go wrong with that?!

Looking for jobs..
Position: Junior Java Developer
Requiements: Minimum 3 years experience with JEE, Applikations-Server, Persistenz, Open Source Frameworks, Web Services

Honey, trust me, if I had 3 years experience I wouldn't be applying to junior positions.

Job descriptions like this make me so MAD!

Recruiters now a-days :
Recruiter : I noticed you have java script experience on your resume, we’re looking for a junior Java developer with 7 years of experience

Me : -_____________-

I call this the Distraction Stack.

[working on code]

"Hey, can you look at this bug?"

[
working on code,
looking at bug
]

"Can I bother you for a second?"

[
working on code,
looking at bug,
being bothered
]

"When you're done with her can you stop by my desk?"

[
working on code,
looking at bug,
stopping by your stupid desk
being bothered
]

It's enough to make me pop.

Looking through the commit log waiting for work to pick up for the day.

"Who is the asshole that wrote: 'REEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!' as a commit message? .... Oh."

It was me.

Kudos to @trogus and @dfox for introducing the new refresh button on the nav bar instead of the odd position at the end of the comments.
It's looking awesome now.

Note: If the screenshot violates anyones privacy. Let me know. It is just a random screenshot

Recruiter: You cought my attention because of your positive profile. And my client is looking for someone with your profile. Attachment: java_developer.pdf

Me: What exactly did you like about my profile? I can tell by the filename that the company is looking for java developers. Which is neither what I can do nor what I am willing to do.

Recruiter: This isn't clear by your profile, what do you want to do?

Me: Me profile has exactly two programming languages, JavaScript and Objective C.

Shopping for computers is so fun and relaxing than shopping for makeup.

So here's the scenario...
I walked into a makeup store and I was looking for lipstick. I was wearing my devRant shirt, jeans, and a laptop backpack. A sales lady approached me and just stared. She didn't even ask what I was looking for. The way she looked at me made me feel that I don't belong there. She should've just left me alone than giving a judgemental look. I got intimidated so I looked at her and gave the biggest smile, then fleed. I panicked. I salute those female developers who doesn't have problems shopping for girly stuff!

For the record, my sister encouraged me to wear a little makeup so that I don't look stressed. That made me decide to go to that makeup store. I'd rather order online now.

It's so hard to not be girly by nature.

It makes me feel like a whore when looking for jobs.

I don't really wanna do it, but I'm in a situation where i have to do it to survive.

Hey junior... when I'm asking a question it's not the answer I'm looking for.... It's your thought process! Just tell me the things you will not do and we can take it from there!

Me: *spends 7ish hours looking for bug in insanely poorly written javascript file to no avail.*

My boss: *spends 30 minutes reading through code* Found the problem-- this function call was missing a parameter.

Me: *wtfHowDidIMissThat*

my job offer reply rant from today >>>>

Hi,
thanks for the offer but reading from job description your solutions look obsolete, old and complete mess to me.
I am mainly focused on modern open source, flexible technology stack and this job would not be a challenge I am looking for.

Good luck
Kind regards

<<<< end of story

Me while strugglin CS College shits

*1st year looking at programming jokes / memes*
Me : I don't get it, it's already hard enough and I must try to understand the jokes? 😐

*2nd year*
Me : *strugglin with group projects and wondering why I'm still here*

*3rd year*
Me : *strugglin to keepin my grades so I can graduate in time, startin to looking for internships / jobs...
and then...found out there's an app named devRant*
Me again after scrolling devRant for 2 days : "I get it, these whole 3 years studying CS just so I can understand better these programming / dev jokes 😂😂"

*But still stressed out*

The other day I was looking for my wallet and the first thing that crossed my mind was "Ctrl + F" please tell me I'm not crazy

The almost sexual vibe of this recruiters email.

You and I don’t know each other but it looks like you are into PHP and MySQL. I dig guys like you and have a few friends that would to. I have a client that is looking for a PHP Developer in Orlando FL."
If anyone else is looking to hook up with me you should be forewarned, I am not into PHP or MySQL.

For God sake tinder, fix your fucking algorithm.

Why are you showing my beautiful and out of my league girls. I don't want depression everytime I open tinder.

Please show me avarage looking girls.

Me, hacking the sunxi kernel to access gpio on my orange pi:

My friend: "oh, a raspberry, are you using python for that?"

Me, looking up from opcode dump: "you can use python for this?"

** interview call**
HR: we are recruiting flutter developers.
me: ok...I am interested
HR: how many years of experience are you having with flutter ? we are looking for someone with a minimum of 3 yrs.
me: can you tell me when was flutter launched? (with a lame smile)
HR: ok thank you for your time. 🙂

I thought that learning C would give me a good baseline for learning whatever other programming language.

Then I started looking into Haskell.

Pretty simple oversight in a SQL pull led someone to run about 3,300 background checks that had already been run. Somebody told me we spend $25 per check, which would have totaled around $84,000. It ended up being much less, but for a good 40 minutes I assumed I'd be looking for other work the next day.

STOP. LOOKING. AT. HALF. FINISHED. SPRINTS. FOR. STYLING. ERRORS.

For the love of god I know it's not right yet leave me aloooooone

While working with an older programmer,
Me: "Hey Randall, get latest version, I made a checkin"
10 minutes later...
Me: "Hey Randall did my fix work for you?"
Randall: "I'm still going through TFS looking for NO's"
Look at his screen, he is manually going through the file structure, checking the version of each file
Me: "You know you can get latest version of the folder"
Randall: "You can't always trust that, I've had problems with it in the past"
Me: (insert hair pull emoji)

I asked for last minute day off tomorrow. And was told yes (probably very begrudgingly). I'm so happy that I don't know if these tears are from a breakdown or happiness...

"yes, we are looking for frontend interns from your place of education!"

One week later:

"Sorry, but we would like someone with more real-life experience"

How do you expect me to get experience!?

Recruiter: "I'm looking for someone with 10 years experience in Android."

Me: O_o

I got a job offer today, and I think that finally, I've found a perfect job for me.

"Hi,
I'm looking for a Full *Stuck* Java Developer..." 😂

Do recruiters realize how ridiculous they sound saying they're looking for a "rockstar/ninja/big mover?"

give me an actual job title.

Saturday/Me:."Sure buddy I'll make a website for your company"
Monday/Him: "talked with 10 venues today, told them we'd be live Friday. How's the project going?"
... my first Django project and I'm also looking for new jobs/in school

My previous boss disappeared for a week and didn't tell us why. We thought the team was gonna get fired because of him and I even started looking for a new job. The team got fired, but they kept me for some other work.

I got the job and wow that was fast. I applied for the job on monday at 2 am and they sent me the contract on tuesday (today) at 10pm. Thats 44 hours from the first mail until I got the contract :D

Also: I just love it, the company seems to be exactly what I was looking for

Best of NPC recruiter, 4/11:

Recruiter: I was impressed with your background and industry experience and thought you would be a perfect fit for our series A startup *10 minute drone of how awesome they are*
Me: *eyeglazing over* What role is this?
Recruiter: What roles are you looking for? Where do you see yourself in 3 years? We're looking for a program manager or dev lead to manage a team"
Me: I'm looking for an SDET role.
Recruiter: ......*silence* so you want to run scripts, hmm.... Well, looks we don't have an exact fit at the time, but let's keep in touch for future opportunities! You never know when you'll -
Me: ... Why did you even contact me? What about my profile struck you as being aligned to anything you were looking for?
Recruiter: Well, you have a master's in CS and worked at [BigN#1] and [BigN#2] and -
Me: Thank you for your time, been a pleasure *hang up*

I want my 15 minutes back.

!rant
I just dreamed about a 6-year old kid looking for me to ask me what is a pipeline. A CPU pipeline.
I felt so happy to explain (I was that into computers when I was 11 or so) that I couldn't start, I woke up first.

Time to have a son/daughter?

It came to me, a brilliant idea, a simple solution to an everyday problem and easy route to market. Great, starts looking for domains and writes down idea in full in case i forget. Later that day, picks up 12 year old son from school, tells him my great idea. He told me how shit it was and why straight away.

Looking at my friends traveling photos on Instagram is not healthy for me at all. 😡😕😟😞😢

Once I didn't knew anything about coding or development.
Someone suggested me to start with Java.

Still looking for that Mada-foker.

“Although we had a click during our talks, another candidate fits the profile we’re looking for better.”

MOTHERFUCKER THIS IS REJECTION NUMBER 57 FOR ME. BETTER GIVE ME A GOOD FUCKING REASON THEN THE STANDARD PROFILE EXCUSE YOU FUCKING IMBECILE OF A GODDAMN FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!

Disclaimer: i’m truly sorry for my language but i’m going through a though time. I’m gonna go and cry in a corner now and continue being jobless for probably another three months.

Honestly the same for me always looking up how to do a SQL join.

I was scrolling through MySQL dump, at a point I forgot what I was looking for.
Then it reminded me that 'I was just seeing blonde, brunette, redhead.'

I was looking for a job 2-3 months ago and two companies reached out to me after the interviews and offered me a working position. One company was pretty close to me and didn't require me to relocate to another city, even though it was a shittier kind of IT/developer job where we needed to fix legacy PHP CMS's. By that point I had no money and was depressed after looking for that long and jumped on the opportunity. Forward 1.5 months later and the company I started working for decided to file for bankruptcy. Nice huh, working for a whole 1.5 months. I reached out to other company that would have hired me otherwise in hopes they would still have a position open, all they can offer me is a non-paid internship. I would need to relocate to another city where I don't have anywhere to stay and pay rent + a deposit, after which I would be broke again, and they offered me a performance review after the internship after which they would THINK about giving me a job. Fuck this.

Fucking youtube ads... Showing me the same retarded ad 100s of times a day will definitely make me buy the thing, real fucking geniuses...

I am still looking for a way to block them forever on android, but I have no idea how. I've been looking for a public key or some sort of certificate in the apk so I could at least do a man in the middle, but no luck so far..

Why do viedo tutorials always assume that one doesn't know anything about programming?

If I am looking up a framework or library there's a good chance I know what a for loop is, and even if I didn't it's not the place to teach me 😒

ERROR MESSAGE:
<I am written in plain english>
<Here is the line number of the error>
<Here is the possible reason for the error>

Developer: What the heck is wrong with my code now. (looking at source)

ERROR MESSAGE:
<You incompetent piece of s**t, READ ME. F'n READ ME. Please READ ME. I promise, I be helpful.>
<Nope. You aren't gonna. Fine!>

I was studying male anatomy for a 3d model from pics of half naked men. My friends saw me looking at pics of half naked men..

Me when looking at someone else's code.

(Sorry for bad fps, had to get it under 5mb)

We don't have to be afraid of AI becoming self-concious and eradicating entire humanity in the near future.

Example 1: Amazon ads. You buy a TV and start receiving ads for YET ANOTHER FUCKING TV. Just in case you'd need a second/third/∞ TV on the same day.

Example 2: Recruiter bot Mail. I HOPE it's a mass mail bot and not a real human being ;)

"we're looking for PHP developers"

SELECT * FROM candidates WHERE experience IN ('PHP')
Gives
+10 to intelligence
+5% to skynet training speed

"we're looking for Java developers"

SELECT * FROM candidates WHERE experience IN ('Java')
Gives
+20 to intelligence
+10% to skynet training speed

"we're looking for frontend developers working with Angular."

SELECT * FROM candidates WHERE projects IN ('frontend') AND experience IN ('Angular')
Gives
+40 to intelligence
+20% to skynet training speed

"we're looking for QA Engineers ready to relocate to Ukraine or Cyprus"

SELECT * FROM candidates WHERE experience IN ('QA') AND location NOT IN (any country with higher living standard, lower living costs and no war)
Gives
+80 to intelligence
+40% to skynet training speed

Example 3: Alexa understands me only if I'm drunk.

The company I'm working with is looking for a designer. Today the founder told me that "We're looking for a [kiki] of design".

If that's not recognition, I don't know what is.

Got an Acer 18.5" monitor.
Took me more than an hour to get correct resolution on my lubuntu.
And still looking for answer and fixing.
I know I will eventually fix it soon (hopefully).
But this kind of things shouldn't exist in this days and age :/

Recruiter:
I have an excellent opportunity for you! You're experience is exactly what my client is looking for.

Me: (Just got laid off a week's go) Awesome! Send me the details.

Recruiter: here they are
10+ years experience with Java, Spring frameworks...

My thoughts: Hmm I only worked with java for two years 3 years ago. Since it's been full-stack JavaScript. Total of 5 years in industry...

Me: Nah, doesn't look like my type of position... Thanks though

Recruiter: Just go interview and try it out.
<Proceeds to blow up my phone several times a day for a few days>

To Recruiters: Know when to stop. Also, read my LinkedIn profile. Where it says, looking for full-stack JavaScript opportunities.

Boss: oh so you are working on that unrealistic 3week project ? Let me also assign you some completely unrelated office work.
Me: But I'm a programmer, researching other companies and contacting them looking for new projects is not part of my job descrip...
Boss: oh don't worry I'm sure you'll do great!
Me: that's not what I'm sayi...
Boss: ok I have to go now, have it ready by tomorrow!
Me:(crying internally)...ok.

!happy stuff

Couple of months back I applied for a scholarship with Udacity to get into android programming with Google and today I got the mail of acceptance.. I got the scholarship!! For me personally who not often sees the good side my progress in life I'd thought that to be amazing and strongly looking forward to it!!

Actual image of me finding out my colleagues know about rubber duck debugging while I'm looking for birthday presents

A job requirement post I recently came across. Is there any other skill left? 🤔 Felt like these guys are looking for omnipotent being. Also left me wondering what skills I have since I can hardly cross out 1 or 2.

The local news came to my coworking space looking for some sound bytes, I was chosen and very carefully opened up devrant on the monitor behind me before she started.

This fucking bitch whose whole linkedin consists of being a LAWYER, started a software company in 2021 and is now contacting me looking for (get this) a role where i have to work:

- devops
- python/django building backend
- machine learning

All of that has to be done by me, 1 person

So we're looking for a new developer, my boss sends me an email with a subject "Intresting CV". It was for a office clerk who altered a Wordpress website for the company they use to work for

Ohh..The title says there is a job for javascript developer. Let me check the JD(hoping they are not looking for experience in Meteor, ember, backbone, knockout)
*Opens JD*
WTH!!
People really need to know the difference between the Java and javascript. It's so simple
Java is to javascript as Car is to carpet

Me right now looking for programming jobs after neglecting to memorize every programming language like a doctor memorizes human anatomy and biology.

Any board artists want to make a crest for me?

Looking for comething with sharp black lines, that's tattoo worthy.

:3

Below is the Main symbol, as well as three words that I would like included.

Thanks in advance~

Hey devs, what kind of headphones would you recommend?

I'm looking for high end, but not completely audiophile grade.
My budget is in the $300-$400 range.
Wireless is preferred but not required.

And please, nothing that completely drowns me in bass :P

Recruiter: company looking for 4+ years of software engineering experience.
Me: I don't have 4+ years of experience.
Recruiter: I think it should be fine.
Me: lol fuck off

Me: I should stop job hopping.
Me: oh wow they are looking for an android dev
Me: ...fuck

Go fuck yourself make.

Don't tell me you haven't got a build rule for a .hex file because I'm fucking looking at it. I added a single file name to a variable and now magically you can't find any of my fucking build rules.

NOT FUCKING HELPFUL MAKE.

sometimes, editing bad code, makes me wanna meet the the person who wrote it. just to see the sick mind responsible for the piece of shit im looking at!

Manager: Speak with PersonA about ProjectX. Get back to me with feasibility and timescales.

Me: *speaks with PersonA about ProjectX*
Me: *does a few trials for more info*

Manager: Why did you not tell me you were looking into ProjectX with PersonA?

This is 2 days apart ...

My company has been looking for a project time tracking and reporting app/website for 2 years but are too cheap to buy one. So they want me to develop one to their specifications which are forever changing. Let's say I've intentionally wasted so much time "perfecting it". it's been done for 2 months.

I am yet to see a javascript tutorial which explains what I'm looking for without having to first explain me another javascript framework.

Fuck all these companies!! Every time I'm looking for jobs in my area all job descriptions only make me realize that I won't fit these environments and I'm better off starting my own business but I can't think of anything useful to do ... FUCK!!

If you're expecting a call from a company to do a phone screen, make sure your phone is charged... if it dies before you can even tell me why you're looking for a new job and I still can't reach you 15 minutes later, it's very off putting.

HELLO ITS ME RECRUITER. I SEE THAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY NOT LOOKING FOR A JOB, SO, MY COMPANY IS CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR NEW TALENT AND WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SET UP A CALL.

I would kill to be in this situation a couple of years ago but seriously. I'm not looking. 😐

Does anyone use a particular reminder to remember to take breaks from their computer?

I'm noticing when I spend a lot of time looking at my computer screen, my eyes will get really tired and it'll be almost impossible to continue looking at a screen. However, when I am not looking at the computer screen all day long and the amount of time is spread throughout the day, my eyes are fine.

So I'm looking for something to remind me to keep taking breaks so that my eyes are rested all day long.

*I do have a blue light filter on 24/7*

was super tired yesterday and manager asked me if everything is ok, i ended up telling her way more than i should have about basically that I'm looking for other jobs... damn it why did i do that?!

My Unix class
👨‍💻using nice looking theme for vs code to edit my bash script

Prof: That's a nice looking theme( he thought it was vim theme)
Me: um.. um.. It's vs code, new guy in a town
Prof: uh! 🤔
Me: ( 5 sec silence) um, It's from Microsoft
Prof: GET OUT!

Manager: Tell me what you are looking for in your job, I know this from your coworkers, but not you.
Me: I honestly don't know anymore. After all this time my motivation is gone and I don't know where I'm going.
Manager: If you could go back to school knowing all you know now, what would you do?
Me:...
Me: I don't know.
Manager: maybe try to think about that.

He doesn't realize I've been thinking about this for years.
I stopped caring at some point and just act.
I didn't tell him I was looking for a new job because any energy I had left is being consumed by this company.

Took some leave recently to interview for a new job. Back to work to find that I have nothing to do. Asked for more work and got nothing. This place just gives me constant reminders of why I'm looking elsewhere

I'm so done with indeed and jobstreet. I couldn't find an office job that I passionately love. Most are looking for PHP devs, ASP.NET devs, Java devs or effing fresh graduates with 5 years of experience. I guess it's time for me to learn freelancing.

Things might be looking up for me.

Saw an opening in a huge company for a dev position. They might consider me, just biding to see what is said.

That being said, today I deal with a user complaining that their app wasn't working. They moaned that exit should rather be close. The text. I raced 60km because you told me it was crucial. Fuck you.

So after fucking around with me and promising me that I'd be first call if a position opened up but then hiring someone who didn't even show up for there previous interview, one of them messaged me saying a local ISP is looking to fill customer support positions...

Ho ho ho ho! Fuck you buddy! :-D

Me: *gets a payout from my old job*
Me: ahhh now to spoil myself, let's get some pixel buds and a day dream set and maybe a nice bottle of whiskey.

eBay: YO! We have that MacBook you've been looking for going really cheap at the moment!

Me: ... I hate myself...

Why does stuff always go on sale when I've spent my money ;-;

Best non dev activity for me is riding public transports home after coding. It's so underwhelming that my brain focuses really well - comes with the problem of looking crazy when I take out my laptop in the middle of the subway

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Has someone of you created a sexy looking gallery for the web and maybe got it on github to let me throw an eye on it?
It would be sooooo fucking nice!

I fucking hate everyone who sends me a voice message, Just text me motherfucker how can I find some info we discussed earlier, you want me to listen to all your stupid messages with your lazy ass voice to only find the shit I'm looking for.

Nothing makes me happy as finding a bug i spend last three nights looking for.

Looking for a cool pc game or movie about computer , robots , hacking , etc.
Can you help me?

Dear udemy, please chill. I am glad you found me, but I am not looking for a every-single-youtube-video type of relationship.

[LinkedIn, Recruiter InMail]

Hello,

I am Lazy As Fuck, and I'm looking for people to work for a company that pays me for doing nothing.

Do you know anyone that is an Angular developer? If you do, please tell them to send me their resume and phone number.

Thanks.

!rant
things are looking up for me fam. signed an offer letter about a month ago for a GREAT full time job at a company that's in the process of modernizing their web app, so I get to do modern web dev, and I just scored my first consulting job that's gonna pay me a STUPID amount of money and I don't even graduate college till May!

So my senior visited some of my very old code today to make some changes on his own, then asked me to explain flow since he wasn't understanding it.

Me after looking at code for 2 minutes:
"When I was writing this, only God and I knew what it meant. Now, only God does."

Me: *tries to convince my dad to use linux*

Dad: ohh, but what about programs?

Me: I think you’ll find what you need. You mostly use spreadsheet anyway. What you’re looking for?

Dad: Ohh you know, there used to be this very good spreadsheet program, I forgot how it was called...

Me: LibreOffice? WPS Off...

Dad: Lotus 1-2-3!

!dev !rant

I'm looking for recipe to try and make as I'm a bit too bored and my school life is being a bitch. Can anyone recommend me their favorite recipe?

And yes, I'm bold to assume you guys can cook

Been working on some projects that will hopefully train me for work projects on my personal laptop. Ever since my reinstall there has been a crap-ton of screen tear.

Looking at BIOS today...32 MB video ram out of 8Gb...

Looking for internships for the summer, a comp. sends me a email at 3 in the morning and I had emails from them flagged and my phone woke me up. I'm not mad about rejection but rather why send me a email at 3 I like to sleep sometimes.

Web Ops Director: [looking at a screenshot of changes she had requested] This looks good. Oh by the way, revert that red color for heading text.

Me: I’m not reverting anything because there’s nothing for me to revert. I didn’t touch that text color. The website has always looked like that.

Director: [shocked pikachu face]

Got this in my LinkedIn inbox today

"I see you are open to new job opportunity!
I am looking for Sr. Android Developer for a start-up company in San Francisco. They are rebuilding their Android SDK and looking for an Android Engineer like you.

Let me know if you are interested. I would be happy to have a quick chat with you and share more details."

Apparently they're developing a new way of Android development 🤔

Last month I asked my boss for some task to work on. He told me to stick to reading tutorials and wait just a day or two for the tasks.
Month just passed and no programming tasks arrived.
Should I change job?
Yesterday made quite nice looking CV.

For shit's sake, data stream processing really is only for people with high throughput looking to do transformations on their data; not for people aggregating <10Gb/day of data.

Fuck me DSP is going to be the new buzzword of 2020 and I'm not looking forward to it. I've already got stakeholders wondering if we can integrate it when we dont have the need, nor the resources or funds.

When a client reaches out to me, I'm like:

404 Fucks Not Found. This is not the web developer you're looking for.

Recruiter: we're looking for someone who knows .Net and "JAVA practices".

Me: <WTF is "java practices">
Me: <googling "java practices">
Me: dear recruiter, I know dotNet and good programming practices but there isn't thing like "java practices" in dotNet.

Recruiter: <no shit given>

Me: <why such incompetency is in charge of my potential future job?>

recruiter: "perfect, you seem the kind of guy we're looking for this role. but can you explain this gap in your resume?"
me: "I'm sorry but I've signed an NDA(non-disclosure agreement)"

Here's a riddle for you...

Ariana is looking at Shawn who is looking at Justin. Given to you is that Ariana is married & Justin is not.
So is a Married person looking at an unmarried person ?

Options:
A) YES
B) NO
C) CANNOT BE DETERMINED

Don't look for answers in the comments, Dumbo.😆 Ask it to a smart friend of yours. And, If you like this riddle, give me a ++.
I will post a new brain bending riddle everyday if you all like it. 😁

If I can’t find software I’m looking for it I don’t like the options I can just make it, it gives me the ability to automate tasks, it’s fun and it gives me a logical outlet.

Last week I got 2 offers to work remotely which is amazing for me and both of them sponsorship me to their respective countries.

I finally resign and finally I'll going after some life quality which I was looking for at this point of my life.

!rant

How do you come up with side projects? I'm currently looking for a side project that will be useful for me, an maybe for others in the long run.

Any suggestions? What do you think the market needs right now?

Keep in mind I'm currently a student so I don't have a lot of money to spend on investments.

µRant
Doing a little bit of javascript and php at same time.
Im sleepy.

I am looking for function in JS that is bugged to fix, but accidently opened php file instead.

It took me hot minute of annoyance that I cant find darn function I am looking for.

time for coffee or sleep for once.

User :
i've just done testing the system, based from one of the testing data i inserted, the procedure still isn't correct

Me :
- Desperately looking for whats wrong in the procedure -

User :
Oh, nevermind, the testing data itself is not correct

Also ME :
ASDJAHSGDUqa QY(^E*Q^w^EQV%&ABDYDTA^R6b ^#E%&W QE& !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spent two hours having two recruiters give me test, interviewing, and being told HOW perfect I am for the job I was applying for; Just to be told they are only allowed to send over people they have found previous work for, but I should instead apply to these othwr positions that pay half what I'm looking for.

I'm leaving my team and looking for someone replacing me. The HR gave the number of a candidate for a call:
- me calling: hi, we are looking for a backend dev with at least one year experience on a jvm langage.
- the guy: oh, I was doing some java, but I don't know jvm langage.
- me: :/

One day you're looking for a job for almost half a year, and the next you're being called by a company because they stumbled upon your resume (indirect path) ?dafuq? Wel today was that day, i hope I pass the intake though, wish me luck

A good friend connected me with a recruiter before I almost gave up looking for work in my industry. Good thing I didn't piss him off in college!

Rejection 2 / 1000 of my 1000 job applications TikTok journey

Another vague response. It appears to me as if all of these companies are looking for a top 0.1% FAANG engineer and pay him $600/month

Me compiling c++ code at 3 am be like:

gcc filename.cpp -o filename

Some error pops up

Cries for a while, looking up for the solution

After writing the whole code again notices was using gcc instead of g++...

I'm sitting here at my desk, with headphones on, waiting for a colleague to "finish just one thing" while Hearing his keystrokes and looking in the void.
Why did you call me in the first place wtf

Working from home with a cat... hear a strange noise and turn my chair. Cat is now hanging on for dear life and looking at me with utter betrayal.

It seems she only wanted attention... always. Especially when I’m working.

Are you aware of any interesting code-related projects like wakatime that can bring a bit of inspiration? I've lost my passion and looking for something to return me on a programming curve.

New task with a march deadline, our 1 developer (me) will work on multiple projects, while also learning about AR (I'm a WebDev) and creating a commercial ready AR app....

I think it's time to get back to looking for a new job...

I was talking to some people I know that I was looking for a job. My (now) boss overheard that conversation and just told me that I don't need to look any further.

Some relatives visited me last night. As soon their son realized I'm a coder, he started asking me silly questions e.g. he had installed some silly hitman game and asked me to tell him reason for it wasn't working on his system.

WTF man? How could I tell you the reason without even looking at the installation or error.

Too many projects, too little time and didn't get a raise. So I now work on projects that people I like ask me to. Ignoring the other pm's while looking for a better job.

Lost 3 earphones / headphones in one week...

Looking for a new one, over the ear headphone, which can come along with me for years...

I got a call from a recruiter and told him I wasn't looking for a job. He told me he was ringing for clients who were looking for people who we well looked after in their jobs and not looking for work!

I am already tired before even looking at this code.

Looking at your code makes me cry.

I can insult myself whole day but it won’t be enough to survive looking at your coding style.

If cpu could talk it would ask for heater removal because your code depresses it so much.

Looking at your code makes my monitor burn out.

Downloading your code makes my hard drive stop.

And my favorite:
You’re already good developer so now stop writing and appoint as manager / tester.

Developer these days are more and more required to become language agnostic. I just wondering nowadays so many job posted looking for "fcking fullstack devs". It sound to me like "we need a b!tch that we can fcuk with anystyle, anytime, anywhere and paid once" #nooffense

As my contractor job ends and my beginning the process of looking for new work the sudden feeling of imposter syndrome starts washing over me.
"I'm not qualified for any of these positions...", I say to myself, but then I think to myself, I wonder how devRanters deal with this.

So let me ask you, devRant, how have you dealt the *Experience Required* section of most jobs when job hunting?

Ive been looking for a rant that mentionned being payed to review code for something like 50pounds an hour.

Can any one help me to either find the person/rant/company that offers this service?

Looking for where a certain value is set I found that our project has a (undocumented) class FunctionsHandler which extends a (undocumented) PIHandler which extends an (undocumented) AbstractHandler which extends Object. All of them do random shit. Somebody, shoot me. Please.

Hi DevRant ! So me and my friend want to make an app. Just to see how it's done. We're both are okay with C, just learnt Java and we're looking for advices.
Do's and don't, how to get started, good habits to pick up, anything would be appreciated !

I spent several hours today looking for remote jobs on freelancer.com and this new platform called kalido. just a waste of my time.

All these platforms doesn't work for me.

Looking to sharpen and pursue a SysAdmin/DevOps career, looking at online job offers to get the big picture of required skills and I say FUCK. It would take me a lifetime.
Azure, AWS, Google cloud platform.
CD tools: Ansible, Chef or Puppet
Scripting ninja with Python/Node and Shell/Power shell.
Linux & Windows administration
Mongo, MySQL and their relatives.
Networking, troubleshooting failure in disturbed systems
Familiarity with different stacks. Fuck. (Apache, nginx, etc..)
Monitoring infrastructure ( nagios, datadog .. )
CI tools: jenkins, maven, etc..
DB versioning: liquibase, flyway etc.
FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Are they looking for Voltron? FUCK YOU FROM THE DEEPEST LEVEL OF MY DEEP FUCK.

Me *looking at the project* : it won't be difficult, it's going to be piece of cake.
Me *really reads more about it* : maybe it's not what I thought
Me *now doubting myself* : Google has all the answers
Me : runs to Google for something as simple as a while loop😩.

Manager: calls me on Wednesday and asks that have you moved your changes to UAT on Monday?, the client wanted to test it.
Me: Started looking for a new job immediately.

Is there a server side framework that will build a website for me? I'm not a web dev, but I'd like to build a web app. What I'm looking for is a framework that will essentially be like a GUI framework and build the html and requisites. I prefer Python, but I'm still curious if it exists at all.

Is it just me or has the usefulness of Google search been SEO'd to death? At this point only Bing and even freaking Brave Search are providing results that are related to what I'm looking for. Even Gigablast does a better job than Google sometimes (props for open sourcing the backend, Gigablast maintainer guy)

Still looking for a job in order to have an interview 😏😏
Wish me luck

search engine of choice that isn't google?

i find google doesn't give me what im looking for more often than it used to

Devrant = The home I've been looking for, my whole life.
Please let me be small so that it doesn't become like SO someday :)

Recruiter: I just had a look through your skillset and experience and wow - I am impressed. Looks like you have worked with quite a few different languages and those 2 FAANG companies really stand out when looking through your CV. So let me tell you something.. rather than me going through the roles I had in mind for you, why don't you tell me what would be the next big thing for you?

Me: Well I've been looking into Blockchain for a few years now; specifically Solidity and Rust with web3 now. It'd be great to at least have some exposure to any of these.

Recruiter: Ah yes, these are definitely the next big things, however the roles I have here right now for Solidity, Rust or web3, require around 3 years of commercial experience. I have a lead Rust engineer role, however they need someone who has worked on NFT based projects extensively.

Me: Sounds like you have made a decision to send me to another Nodejs/React role, so what's with the big talk then?

Looking for a new job and it's like that toy story meme.

Shitholes. Shitholes everywhere.

On top of that most have plans to restart offices next year and some want me to relocate and change cities. But now I don't want to go to office for more than two days a week.

Sigh'

Advices looking for a job in Canada as a foreign?

I've been a software developer for 4 years now. I started in small company in Rome as jr developer where I'm now the CTO... I now feel stuck in this job cause the company makes a lot of money from the core product and there is no room for innovation.

I was looking for a drastic change in my life and career and Canada seems a good place to me.
So, any advices?

knowing what an api does and which arguments it expects just by looking at it...it would safe so much time for me esspessialy when i haven't used the api or language in a while

Well, I just had something negative to say about the whole flat earth theory followed by me expressly saying I'm not looking for an argument

Interpretation: I just stirred the hornet's nest... Let's see what happens now

Sighhhhhh.
SIGHHHHHH.
been looking for days now and can’t still figure out how to sort with redux.

Can someone just teach me this? I’m starting to feel “special”

Him: can we build something using which we can ensure that all the code related to all the rally user stories that have been tagged for a release, is part of the build?

Me: stares blankly

Him: you’re looking at me like I’m crazy. I’m looking for automating things to flag human mistakes.

Me (cursing silently): that’s why there are source control softwares and fucking code branches that get deployed and it’s not my problem if some shithead doesn’t merges his code to the central branch.

Any Ideas for pimpin' our Office?
My collegue and me are looking for some cool Stuff to "developify" our room. Currently we have only a Poster with "Hello World" in several Programming Languages

My experience looking up CSS issues comes down to millions of stack overflow solutions I don’t understand that never work for me

what pisses me off > looking for free devs in Prague and can't find any, 3 months into hiring already

Rant = false;

Thanks devRant for making me laugh and I honestly enjoy the discussions, the rants and the community as a whole!

Looking forward to continuing using this app and being part of this community!

A recruiter calls me and says they are looking for web developer. I asked her what skills is she looking for and she says "HTML and CSS".

That sounded weird.

I had to literally ask her:
"Shouldn't you be also mentioning something like React, angular, nodejs etc?"

I guess she is a noob.

She: Hello, I am ABC from XYZ. We saw your profile and interested to discuss an intern opportunity with you.

Me: Yes please.

She: So can you tell me about your current projects or work.

Me: Deep learning and blah blah. I am interested to work in cryptography or deep learning based work this summer.

[15-18 Mins Discussion on project]

She: Sorry but we are looking for Web Developer for our website to work on jQuery.

Me: oh! It's okay. [ fuck 😐]

After debugging my embedded code for five hours my teammate just sent me a message "I just commited the latest PCB". Well thanks, after looking at the new layout I got the initial code working by just changing one variable!

Actually build a deep reinforcement learning algorithm. To play games for me and watch, or some other goal. Actually I'm still looking for a fun, interesting, and realistic purpose for this algo :)

Im done here with the discussions about the capabilities of a senior person. They are looking for a senior frontender and everything being said makes me feel less welcome by the day. Being a frontender myself.

Mark my words: they are looking for a replacement and i’m fired this summer.

I'm looking for a hobby project during winter as I can not drive my motorbike during that time. Anyone has a good idea?
Maybe I could start with my old business plan idea, but I would for sure need people to help me.

What is your way of diagnosing a desktop/laptop?

An employee at work told me that her daughters laptop is acting strangely and she asked me, since I am into computer and I said sure. I said to her to tell her daughter what I am specifically looking for. I never really done this before.