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Guy: "We just can't finish this in 1 month!"
Boss: "Yeah you can, I'll hire more people."
Guy: "... You know, a woman can deliver a baby in 9 months but 9 women can't deliver a baby in 1 month."21 -
I'm giving up alcohol for a month.
Wait that came out wrong.
I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month
Cred: instagram1 -
At my company we need to change our passwords every month and every month I add a an extra exclamation mark at the end of my password. Now after 5 years there is an unbearable amount of exclamation marks so I tried to change my my password to 'beefstew'.
Apparently it wasn't stroganoff.9 -
Working 160 hours of overtime in one month in order to help out our biggest client, and getting told only afterwards that company policy limits overtime compensation to 40 hours a month... My boss saw how much effort I was putting in, and could have warned me, but no...18
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Dev: If you force this to be done in this timeframe it will fail in a month.
Manager: Do it anyway.
A month later:
@@FAILS@@
Manager: Why didn't you tell me this would happen??
FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU12 -
Project manager logic, explained with babies.
9 women can have 9 babies in 9 month. We only need one baby.
Deadline is one month!12 -
This user asked me to Provide my app to Him free of cost for one month (Cost is Around a Dollar for a Month service). I agreed. A few months Later he asked again and I politely refused. See what he did.
10 -
"You will get a month to finish this project."
"I will be honest and give you are a realistic deadline. It will take about 2 months."
"But ${random} company told me they will take one month."
"As you can see from your previous project, they will say one month and will drag it to two-three months by making excuses"
"No, I don't think you are good enough for it. I will pass it to them."
"..."6 -
Just got an email that i dodnt get a job.
But guys... Your 'selection process' took a month. A literal month. I already got an other job 2 weeks ago.4 -
If you hire nine women to make a baby, you won't get a baby in one month.
But if you hire one woman a month and impregnate her immediately, it will still take you nine months to get the first baby, but after that you'll get one baby per month for the rest of the year.
That's the difference between latency and throughput (and that's also how pineapple farms work, since it can take up to a year to grow pineapples).11 -
Everything was going well, finally could put some money aside and I literally thought 'if nothing breaks down this month, I'll have a good month of savings :D'.
I should definitely not have fucking thought that.
Well, RIP phone. Let's search for a new one.
😭55 -
!rant
A: "Hi, I'm A, I'm the CEO of X, we had this project I'd like you to do for me"
Me: "Hi, can I have more details about the project?"
A: "Ah yes, this is some kind of e-commerce for our start-up, we need you to do a web app, iOS, and Android app in 1 month"
Me: "OK we can do it in 2 month."
A: "OK we'll let you know our decision tomorrow"
(next month)
A: "Sorry we have to postpone this project"
(next 5 month)
A: "Hi! now I'm building this Y start-up and we need you to help us migrate our android app to web"
Me: (Looks feasible than his last project) "OK, I can do it"
A: "Can we meet tomorrow?"
Me: "OK"
(tomorrow)
Me: "Hello? where will we meet?"
Me: "?"
(next month)
A: "Hi! Sorry for not replying, can we meet this week for the Y project?"
Me: (...)7 -
A coworker found this picture yesterday and it perfectly describes our product a month before release
4 -
My first job was at a web agency. Non tech background, trying to transition into tech through frontend. Month 1: graphic designer, month 2: CSS guy, month 3: UI guy, month 4: in the frontend team doing react, month 7: leading the team, also doing some rails backend, month 9: full stack, month 11: leading web team.
How? Everyone else in the dev team left at month 7 lol. Literally thrown into the middle of the rainforest, fighting bugs by myself. But became so good at debugging and learning on the spot. Left at month 12 for a better job.1 -
One ex-co-worker disappeared for one month. No e-mails, no phone calls, nothing.
Next month came back like nothing, when the boss ask him "Where the hell did you go?" He replied "I was sick"
of what? The flu...
He of course got fired, absolute zero medical proof.1 -
Work your ass off for a month, packaging new software and deploying them. No one says anything.
One of our guys uploads a new autoupdating food menu provided by another company to our intranet. Takes a few minutes.
”OMG! You should be rewarded!”
”Employee of the month!”
”IT award of the month!
”Have my babies!”
:|8 -
I might lose my Job. Thanks to Central Bank of Nigeria's shenanigans, a promising FinTech startup might be about to go under.
Last month I got married, last month I got a raise. This morning, got told I'm being put on compulsory leave without pay (same as everyone).
Expecting no salary this month. I guess I'll be fine with some Laravel/Flutter freelancing.
Now, how to break the news to my wife. She knows I love my job, she's gonna be even more heartbroken/worried than I am. We were supposed to move to a bigger apartment next month when yearly rent here is due.
I guess we'll be alright. It is what it is.8 -
Yeah yeah, good ol' DropBox.
Which fucking piss-wanker has made the decision to NOT SUPPORT encrypted ext4 starting in november???
You think I'm going to reformat my SSD just for you, you little stinky cunt, huh?
CrapBox has hearned itself a place in /dev/null
Go fuck yourself, you hobo-raped STD host!10 -
Boss reasoning: 9 woman can deliver a baby in one month.
My response: 9 man cum in your mother pussy and she delivered you in one month too.
welp, I said that just in my mind of course 🤐5 -
var date = new Date();
var month = date.getMonth();
console.log(month); // 2
who thought it would be a good idea to start the months of at 0 rather then 111 -
It just occurred to me that I have been misreading @AlexDeLarge as @AlexDeRage for the first month5
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"The client needs this feature by the end of the month."
Me: "Ok."
You can probably figure out what happened by the end of the month.5 -
LOL (Lots of Love) to CG (Chaudhary Group) of Nepal.
They're providing new ISP service 120mbps (double the speed of existing competitors) on half the price of current competitor's 60mbps package.
This is unheard of.
for context:
competitors : 60mbps -> $20/month
New CG net: 120mbps-> $9/month40 -
New achievement unlocked..
Feels great when my Stackoverflow profile mentions..
"Top 7% this month"2 -
Just hired an entry level developer in my company. Just graduated. He doesn't know what is code debugging, does not know difference between IDE and text editor like atom.
He doesn't know what is Bootstrap and git.
Gave him a task in AngularJS 1. Gave him 3 weeks and a half time. Read data from webservice, show them in table, filter, sorting and show details per record (which is easy in AngularJS. I got the same task years ago and finished in 2 days after I finished my AngularJS 1 tutorials). He did not finish any of those.
I know I'm judging but come on. What have you done these three years university? Only partying? Have not bothered reading something online? FOR THREE YEARS?
P.S. I have learned everything myself. Coding, debugging, structuring etc. I've had the bad luck that my 2 first bosses and team leader used to tell me "Do not ask anyone for help here in the office. Google is your best friend." And he encourage all developers not to help each other.
Ad I am writing this, I told him to download and install PyCharm and get back to me. It's been one hour and I have not heard anything from him. 1 Hour to download and install something. Imagine how long will it take to do a task.
Even my girlfriend (Yes, I have one), who dislikes computers can do this.
That's why I'm so frustrated.
I am thinking of firing him. Or should I give him more time?
I mean, if he can not do a simple task only by showing data in a table (which he can find them on Google, worst case scenario, how can he do more complex code, structuring it, etc ?)13 -
just so you know, $25/month is NOT a pay as you go plan - its a $25/month plan
why the hell would i pay for $25 a month on top of my usage charges
fuckin 🤡s4 -
For some reason, I started using Office 365 30 day trial a month ago, obviously, and yesterday, a month passed, but the product registered automatically and says it is a product officially signed with a product key.
Thanks Microsoft!
I <3 you!
(don't report this to nsa)3 -
I am going to start a new podcast next month. It will be called TechWiz, and the goal is to teach you how tech works inside and out. The first episode will be released sometime in January and come out each month.6
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What is the best financial advice you've ever been given?
I see a lot of well paid developers in my area living month to month with no plan for the future, what would you tell them?9 -
CNC finished...
Can't do anything else (level it and such) until I get new motors...
the steppers I ordered one month ago returned back to China, FUCKKKKKK
one more month waiting.
So many project ideas.... nothing concrete.
What should I do now? Did my BT controlled car, the CNC, ... Any ideas?9 -
From A month of Python to start a month of JavaScript, my automated code review yells at me for missing "var" and ";"...
Global scope should not be the default and semicolons should be disallowed.2 -
3 months to get married:
* gets another client, everything good
2 month to get married:
* lose previous client, all good, the previous client didn't pay as much as the current one
1 month to get married:
* previous client don't wanna pay for the previous month
* lost the second client
Great job 👍 debts + no fucking job6 -
!rant
That feeling when the company you only started working for a month ago appreciates your input!2 -
something like a 3.96 undergrad GPA
ivy league masters degree + scientific publication
first job -> $4500/month for first 3 months (some dumbass 'intern' rule even though i had a masters -> then $6000 -> then $6400/month (insane amount for me, at least IMO)
second job -> $4000/month
third job -> $3600/month
in each one, skills and responsibilities increased
and now i can't get hired 🤷♂️
pretty sure i did it all backwards
just remember kids, nothing that society tells you is actually true. everything in the corporate world is controlled by emotions and narratives, not logic, hard work or anything actually valuable
just get that cozy 9-5 and kill all your hopes and dreams before they start4 -
Internships on Internshala, a popular Internship recruitment platform in India, be like...
😂😂😂
And the pay: 10,000 INR ~ 136 USD/month
Yep
You read that right
PER MONTH
8 -
At work we get points each month if we don't miss work for the entire month. I have enough points to get a Canon EOS eSLR, or a new mobo-cpu-mem combo. I hate having to make desicions and choices.6
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How was the first month of the first job for you guys? I just completed a month and i am still very confused.3
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I've always heard about the "if one woman can deliver a baby in 9 months, 9 can do it in a month" situation people got in. But my bos just quoted that to me since we are stuck on deadlines.2
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Just started reading The Mythical Man-Month, and already in the first two chapters I went "oh hey this [fatal flaw in planning] sounds familiar!"
Is this a good or a bad sign...?6 -
I realized I probably haven't plugged my useless 14 month old NPM package here.
https://npmjs.com/package/raindeer/8 -
Only questions I consider stupid are the ones that are permutations of an original question asked constantly from month to month. They should know the answer by now!
Asker: "Theres a bug. I cant log into this account"
Dev: "It's a different dev database, so use the password for that one" -
Last month I asked my boss for some task to work on. He told me to stick to reading tutorials and wait just a day or two for the tasks.
Month just passed and no programming tasks arrived.
Should I change job?
Yesterday made quite nice looking CV.14 -
160 Hours worth of work from the beginning of the month till today. i push my self a little bit to far. i hope off work till end of the month worth it.
Edited : 160 instead of 1403 -
Our "agile" process uses one-month long sprints, ending on the last day of the month with a demo. (I'll rant some other time about non-consistent iteration lengths.)
Our sprint ends today (Monday). What was the most logical time to introduce changes that affect the architecture and break every single build? How about 4PM last Friday?
We're still waiting on the build breaker to show up while trying to figure out what the heck we can cobble together and run to show that we actually did something in the last month.2 -
No rant today. I'm actually really happy where I am. There are things that can be improved from a stack perspective, but I'm happy to have a good supervisor who's supportive of my training.2
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!rant
When after one month of the event, a month n a half of the request, and a failed delivery attempt, the swag finally arrives!!
Stickers!! <3
Happy scenes!
Thank you Mozilla!!
4 -
Dear Docker Support,
You suck.
--
regards,
User with unanswered ticket for a month (and not the first time)3 -
November is coming up. That means no mental illness month. Absolutely no front end or JS shit all month. Because it is going to be officially:
"No Nutjob November"
So keep your AOK ass to yourself in November!
(AOK, if you see this, we miss you!)4 -
Second rant today....
Can the class explain the following query and why I started wishing the author might suffer pain even after death?
$date1 = strtotime($_REQUEST['year1'].'-'.$_REQUEST['month1'].'-01');
$date2 = strtotime($_REQUEST['year2'].'-'.$_REQUEST['month2'].'-31');
MONTH(FROM_UNIXTIME($date1)) >= MONTH(FROM_UNIXTIME(timestampColum))
AND
MONTH(FROM_UNIXTIME($date2)) <= MONTH(FROM_UNIXTIME(timestampColum))
But... The drugs the author must have taken to write this must be frigging awesome.10 -
*Working on code: 😋😃🥰
-
* Goes to todo list
-
* Item on the list: Documentation (1 month overdue)
-
6 -
Day 7 of devWholesome...
Happy November guys! It's a new month which means new goals! Set some goals for this month that you want to get done. See how much you get done this month. Mark your calendars for deadlines of things you want to get finished. Don't forget to keep up with the work you already have. Comment below what your goals are this month! And as always make the most of your day! -
Starting programming project at the collage with 6 month running time.
In team we agree every day to start "soon"...
1 month left.. everybody gets hectic..
..Until then i had finished the project alone..
TEAMWORK ;) :''''''D -
In my working floor there is a large bottle of water for waterstation. It usually ran out during the middle of the month. So I curious about the ran out situation, I got the answer from the housekeeper.
"The was not enough budget to allocate water bottle for our floor, we need to share all of them for the whole building. We only received 4 bottles for a half-month."
(It ran out 4 days from the beginning of the month)
...
EEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH2 -
So on the weekend I picked up a project again I started 6-8 month ago. Due to automated scripts and documentation I could reach the point where I left of month before in a few hours. It's nice when writing docs and scripts pays off :-D
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Before I joined the project I was told I had to EOY to hit deadline. After I joined for 1 month was told I have to hit the deadline in a month and that I’m too slow.2
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One month ago we got a college project to be done in a month
We started planning that we will complete it in the first week itself
We have still not started 😂😂1 -
Serving 3 months notice period. But the notice starts from the end of the month your submit your resignation letter to HR. I submitted on 3rd of current month. So technically I have to serve 4 months in total.2
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*opens devrant*
"Day" "WEEK" "Month" "All"
*Clicks Day*
"DAY" "Week" "Month" "All"
*Loads Week rants*
Sigh... -
My academic life.
Because it has nothing to do with programming whatsoever. And yes, this month is final exam month. While I am here thinking about my programming project 😂😂 -
What's your favorite monthly subscription?
The one you happily pay every month and would cry without?14 -
Definitely the time when already had the job and had been getting no negative feed back or anything, then suddenly half way through the third month of my three month probation "Yea, we're not keeping you"1
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finally! after one month of travel! i am using my stickers and drinking mate! (traditional beverage from Argentina)
2 -
Finally decide whether to specialize in game development or security. Alternating every month is getting boring...1
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I joined this company last month and all of a sudden I'm assigned to fix the most important fucking annoying bug that no one in the dev could reproduce.
Im beating my qss going behind people asking questions. Because iits my second month and I'm still fucking new.6 -
Once a week because I’m studying Web Development. Once a month because I’m a fulltime freelance designer.
-
Microsoft Foundation Classes - MFC. Spent 1 month to make a fixed column on a grid. Counter intuitive APIs.
-
AT&T LTE broadband: 25Mbps down, 10Mbps up, $100/month
T-Mobile LTE broadband: 90Mbps down, 25Mbps up, $50/month
straight fucking upgrades out of nowhere11 -
Bravo mail track!
But I think you got this mail after one month🤔 cause I was subscribed to debian a month ago.
2 -
My dream job, apart from everything that's been mentioned already, is working every other month or so: one month working (not too hard of course), one month off. I'd spend that either travelling or hobbying.
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I can't seem to get people motivated...
I supervise them closely - they complete one task a month.
I leave them be - they complete one task a month.
Did I just hire poor developers?12 -
Company automatically disables your employee login passwords after every 45 days, which is a good practice for ensuring security. However I get no notifications that my password is being disabled. The result, for the past 4 months, I've been going to IT support requesting them to let me change my password on their admin console because I forgot to change it 'once again'. Sigh.. :/2
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Webby, the founder of WebOas.is, committed suicide a month ago.
https://weboas.is/forum/index.php/...8 -
How much do you earn if you work professionally. Include experience and position.
Me:
50 h per month student type job as a web dev mostly frontend, 1 year and 3 months of professional experience - 1300euro/ month17 -
I got a release date for TechWiz.
My plan is to get it recorded and edited all next week, and have it published on the 20th of this month.
I will release episode third Friday of each month. So, be ready! -
Considering Full Sail University next month for Software Engineering.. any suggestions and/or advice?2
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First month free on any service of any kind should be a pay of $0.00.
Not "oh here are all these fees and startup costs which just about equal one month of cost anyway to move our shit inventory etc etc"4 -
I want to learn front-end and i have offers of two bootcamps.please tell me which is better one-month or frontend-masters.
Note: i don't know anything about front-end1 -
I need your help. I'm currently deciding on setting up a proper multi-monitor set up (inspired by the ones you guys have) at home so I can be better productive since my current "desk" at home is actually my bed (I have a dual monitor set-up at work). I have decided on two monitor choices.
My current budget is around LKR 25,000 (USD 155) per month without it eating into my living expenses (welp, i'm poor 😢).
Do you think I should go for:
2x Dell P2214H 22" monitors in 1 month - LKR 23,600 (USD 146) (per month for one month)
https://dell.com/en-us/work/...
or ..
2x ASUS VZ249H Frameless 23.8" monitors in 2 months - LKR 25,000 (USD 155) (per month for two months)
https://asus.com/lk/Monitors/...
I would really really appreciate your opinions on this.5 -
Is a calendar view that starts on a Monday column a bad or unusual UX? I'm used to seeing Sunday on the leftmost and Saturday on the rightmost. I'm not sure about other cultures. It's one of my tasks at work. Thank you.12
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Been more than a month now, not gotten the free stickers nor the purchased custom avatar, sooo not cool
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