This is me when some software have one month free subscription for new accounts

"What one programmer can do in one month, two programmers can do in two months." - Fred Brooks

My wife is turning into my project manager . . .

Me : Check out this game I'm building as a side project!

Wife : Wow that's really neat! I expect to be able to play it on my phone. 1 month?

Me: What? I haven't even learned how to port ...

Wife : (interrupts) ONE MONTH

Scope creep even at home *sigh

Well I was in search for an internship and there was this Remote one posted online giving Rs1000(14$) for a month.

All he wanted was a fully functional clone of Coursera with hosted on AWS with videos of around 2-3TB streaming from S3 in a month :)

I asked him about his AWS costs and he replied - "Use the Internship money I'm giving you it won't cost much."

Who Is Who

➡ A Project Manager is the one who thinks 9 women🙍 can deliver a baby in 1 month.👶

➡ An Onsite Coordinator is the one who thinks 1 woman can deliver 9 babies in 1 month.👶

➡ A Developer is the one who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver 1 baby.🙇

➡ A Marketing Manager is the one who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and women are available.👷

➡ A Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.👶

➡ A Tester is the one who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby. 🚶

Don't be shy.. Comment which 'who' are you..😂

One month until I travel to China again.
Things left to pack: VPN

Working 160 hours of overtime in one month in order to help out our biggest client, and getting told only afterwards that company policy limits overtime compensation to 40 hours a month... My boss saw how much effort I was putting in, and could have warned me, but no...

Sales guy (s) : how many hours do you think this project will take?
Developer (d) : well I guess about 250 hours

(one week later)

S: I finally sold that project
D: nice! When do we start?
S: you'll start next week and it needs to be done one month later
D: 40 hours a week, times 4 weeks for one month is roughly 160 hours
S: yes
D: but I said I needed 250 hours
S: yeah but they didn't accept that so I sold it for less
...
(and no the scope didn't adjust to the new time frame)

Project manager logic, explained with babies.

9 women can have 9 babies in 9 month. We only need one baby.

Deadline is one month!

This user asked me to Provide my app to Him free of cost for one month (Cost is Around a Dollar for a Month service). I agreed. A few months Later he asked again and I politely refused. See what he did.

"You will get a month to finish this project."

"I will be honest and give you are a realistic deadline. It will take about 2 months."

"But ${random} company told me they will take one month."

"As you can see from your previous project, they will say one month and will drag it to two-three months by making excuses"

"No, I don't think you are good enough for it. I will pass it to them."

"..."

Want to Google io earlier this month and a senior director at Google game a presentation and used a chrome dino for a demo and after I found him on LinkedIn and asked her m where I could buy one and he asked for my address and sent me one for free. Idc what any of you say Google is really cool for doing this.

If you hire nine women to make a baby, you won't get a baby in one month.

But if you hire one woman a month and impregnate her immediately, it will still take you nine months to get the first baby, but after that you'll get one baby per month for the rest of the year.

That's the difference between latency and throughput (and that's also how pineapple farms work, since it can take up to a year to grow pineapples).

Microsoft creates a new chat bot:
Day 1
User : hi
Chatbot: hello, how's yours day? 😁

One month later:
User: hi
Chatbot: fuck off your piece of shit.😡

Everything was going well, finally could put some money aside and I literally thought 'if nothing breaks down this month, I'll have a good month of savings :D'.

I should definitely not have fucking thought that.

Well, RIP phone. Let's search for a new one.

😭

(after 1 month working on native android app).
Me: The android app is now ready.

Boss: okay great... Can we have the ios one ready for launch tomorrow.

Me: No it will take some time.
Boss: why you already have the Code can't you just make an ios app out of it... Like copy and paste

Me:😡😡🆘

Wrote 800-1200 LOC
It went through code review which was apparently my first code being reviewed
Took me 1 month and more to fix most changes (per day more than 10-12 hrs of effort)..
That 1 month was a nightmare. Every day I thought of giving up programming. I shouted to myself every night why did I never considered these myself. How can I be so dumb.
Half of the reviews I didn't even know how to implement. Didn't even know what to Google.
I consider it as one of my toughest phase as a developer till date.
I still get goosebumps remembering those days.

!Rant

Doctors called me back, I’ve got brain decompression surgery in a month... fuck my life. If it’s not one fucking thing it’s another.

“If she saves you 100 GB or more inbound traffic per month, she’s the right one.”

— Some guy on Pornhub

Procrastinated one whole month.
Now I have only 15 days left for an Android project.
🙂🔫

Well there I (the 15 year old me) sat sat the table having breakfast with my girlfriend and her parents when they asked me: "hey aren't you good with PC's? Our company needs a new website" - 4 month later I started an one month internship at their company and built their website which is still in use (which is bad)

Just turned 21 last month, today this arrives in my mailbox

Tanks for one of the best birthday gifts i wished for!!

One ex-co-worker disappeared for one month. No e-mails, no phone calls, nothing.

Next month came back like nothing, when the boss ask him "Where the hell did you go?" He replied "I was sick"

of what? The flu...

He of course got fired, absolute zero medical proof.

Past 8 month summarized in one picture 🥰

Work your ass off for a month, packaging new software and deploying them. No one says anything.

One of our guys uploads a new autoupdating food menu provided by another company to our intranet. Takes a few minutes.
”OMG! You should be rewarded!”
”Employee of the month!”
”IT award of the month!
”Have my babies!”

:|

Management knows shit about managing.

They ask us to do x and one month later they have the first meeting to discuss it... They didn't even plan it, only asked.

Its like asking a hamburger at Mc Donalds and letting the kind of hamburger for when it arrives:

"Hey, I want a hamburger"

Mc. Employee: "Which one , sir?"

"Doesn't matter, when it arrives we decide about it, just go on, chop chop"

Former boss asked my "team" (2 fullstack devs including me) to immediately stop our projects ( 4 rather complex websites - yeah simultenaus ) and start developing a website maker AI, because "that is the future". "You have one month". EOS

So, continuing with the story, I decided to quit today.

I'm not even a month there, and I'm running out of there in flames.

I've got 2 panic attacks in one week, I'm not sacrificing my mental health for some idiot's scam.

I just recently started my first job as a full stack programmer (still studying at university). I got assigned one month to code a complete front end to our api. Now, 4 days before release day the owner of the company makes breaking changes to the api.

Just. Beautiful.

Removed my Facebook account about Month ago. Sister was pretty sad because I'm the one person she can tag in everything. Asked me why I deleted it and I told her it was because of privacy concerns. "Then why don't you make an end to end encrypted social network?". I'd actually consider this...

Don't be stressed about day-to-day challenges/problems. They'll mean nothing in one year or even one month. But the health damage caused by stress will stay with you.

Project manager(noun) - an individual who believes nine women can deliver a baby in one month .

!dev related

Wife is not pregnant......

.....we have been trying to...STAY LIKE THAT FOR A WHILE NOW and after a big scare I was really worried :v we have one kid already and that Is how we plan to stay until I start my business.

These are the best news I've had all month.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Since childhood I was extremely creative. At ~7 I took my family's laptop and started downloading level editors for Super Mario.
After that, I discovered a strange site to create games (similar to Scratch).
One month later the PC had too many malwares and adwares. 🤗

THOSE FUCKING DUMBASSES BOUGHT _THEMSELVES_ A SERVICE THAT COSTS 599 A MONTH, BUT US DEVS AREN'T ALLOWED TO USE ONE THAT COSTS 30 A MONTH?!?!?!

FUCK.

YOU!!!!!!!!

saving money my ass!!!!

the absolute insolence of these fools...

just rudely stated this in a message to the managers, let's see what weak excuse the clowns return...

One month here on this awesome community. God I love this!

Client initially requested the Wordpress server to have an easy one click way to restore from previous backups.

After setting up the auto weekly backup feature in Digital Ocean, the client wants to disable it because of the extra $1 cost it added to their $5/month hosting plan... 😒

I resigned today 😍
No more dealing with shit architecture and experimental beta technologies being used in production which went down constantly 😎
Back to good ol' product development! 🤩
One month notice period to go

For one month all developers should go on strike. Let's bring this world to its knees!

I love how Microsoft updated the user interface for editing the PATH variable in windows. Now it is possible to see all entries in a table, before there was just one textfield with many entries seperated by semicolons (I know the update is already some month old now, but still happy)

Management logic - It takes one woman nine months for a baby, so 9 women should do it in one month!

Definition: project manager.

A person who believes nine women can deliver a baby in one month...

So my company finally decided to make the shift from using irc for internal chats to Slack.

After a month of patiently waiting for my team to make the shift, I went ahead asked one of my (young) fellow teammate why he hasn't shifted to Slack yet. His reply:
"What's Slack?"

Had to get an app moved to a new test server “ASAP”. Got it done, emailed the tester, got the response “Great! We will start testing middle of next month.” Why is my side the only one that needs to rush?

Started with PHP about one month ago, and one of the first facts I noticed is that this language it's fucking violent!
die, explode

Whoever brought this keyboard up a month or so ago...you forced my hand. I needed one...and now I am $160 poorer :/

But it is beautiful and Cherry MX Clear switches are amazing.

I named it after my favorite weapon in PSO "Last Survivor".

HR guy who was telling me that his company is one of the best when he was ofdering me a job, joined different startup after a month.

Boss: You have one month to finish the program.
Me: It will be complicated but lets see how it goes.
To be cleared the end date is 2 of July.

Boss on the last friday: You have to finish on the 20th of June
Me: Yeah sure....

Boss yesterday: You have to finish on the 15th of June.
Me: You said one month.

Boss today: you have to finish by the end of this week
Me: No problem Boss you will have it tomorrow!!!
Boss: You have to. There are more projects waiting...
Me: -.-

This is what I have to deal with. But hey... don't forget... tomorrow is a new day so ... fuck it.

The description of my company should be, "where 9 people can make a baby in 1 month, but it is going to be one ugly fuck"

When your ISP tells you they will transfer your internet connection to your new house in one month and they give you 10GBs on your mobile phone.

And I'm like "Ummm okay, this might be enough for a day or so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "

There was this 'Hadoop' trend going on. So I thought that i'll start Hadoop. After one month people have started to trend Spark claiming that it is faster. -.-
And now I am outdated.

I got unemployed 6 months ago. I tried to find work for about a month but the answer was always "we call you back when a position is available" and "let me ask the team if they think you are good". So far no one responded, then I got tired of that.
The next month I became self-employed so i can make contracts and work for more smaller projects. Not too much time later I met a company that offered me a long time contract for them. I don't hesitated to accept it.
Luckily since then I have this company and a few smaller jobs.
It was a steep change in my life but was worth it.

Fuck yeah!!! After over a month of being stuck without a phone, the funds have finally been released to buy a new one. It'll be the OnePlus 6T. Kernel source available on launch, wicked specs that rival PC's - 8GB of LPDDR4 RAM, a quarter TB of storage... Fuck yeah!!!! Never settle indeed!!! :D

That feeling when your product is is used worldwide and has over 1000 users in less than one and a half month
*Developer power intensifies*

New boss: So, you'll do just some coding, we just need to restructure current DB.
Me: Ok

One month later...
Boss: So, we are creating new LMS in WORDPRESS (yeah, fcking wordpress) so you'll do this and that and...
Me: Oh, well I like challenges so let's see.

Another month later...
Boss: WE NEED OFFLINE MOBILE APP THAT WILL DOWNLOAD WHOLE FUCKING WP WITH EVERY SINGLE VIDEO AND EVERYTHING AND STUDENT WILL LEARN FROM THAT. WE ARE OPENING IT IN ONE MONTH.

I think I am getting trolled.

I am supposed to be getting a promotion next Month, manager sends me the new offer and it's lower than my current one because I lose the extra "shifts allowance". ofc I do not respond to the mail and I guess we'll be talking about it tomorrow, pretty hilarious shit though.

CTO 3 months ago:
- You will get a raise after 9 months of work according to your KPI (98%) and bonus (size of one month pay check)
HR today:
- NO

FUCKITY FUCK, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I WORKED HARD AT NIGHTS AND SACRIFICED MY FREE UNPAID TIME FOR NOTHING, THANKS

Well the clown strikes again,

How do u break production and a testing environment in one night?

One full month preping for same thing that revolves around one config file and assured us he was confident,

He wasn't
he managed to fuck it up so bad for the team d brass lost d plot,

I'm not one for condemning people but my God Dante's inferno woulda had an extra ring if he worked with this buck,

The stupidity has shattered my belief in sunshine and rainbows

13 fucking USD in shipping for a 9 USD rubber duck? Fuck no.
Spend $2 a month and most likely forget I am now subscribing to devRant++? Yeah, sure. Why not, right?

Seriously though, thank God for this platform, I'm luckily not the only one with struggles..

I had joined devRant last month. And one of the most eye-catching and impressing thing which I found here is different crazy, funny and humorously technical usernames.

Comment down the meaning of username.

Client came in this morning. Not even angry about the results so far even though deadline was a month ago. It's good to see a client as passionate about his product as this one

Boss reasoning: 9 woman can deliver a baby in one month.

My response: 9 man cum in your mother pussy and she delivered you in one month too.

welp, I said that just in my mind of course 🤐

Switched jobs one month ago.

Used to work overtime on complex features, every engineer was 10x, learned a bunch, worked my ass of everyday. Switch due to overtime and because I wanted more personal time.

Anyways, at the new job I’ve completed two tickets in a month, code is shit, no one cares about the quality, scalability, etc. I’m payed 2x more and I currently work max 3 hours a day. Feels weird AF. I guess I got what I wanted, but didn’t know back then that professionally I’m going to degrade. Didn’t happen yet, but I can see that in the future.

🤷🏻‍♂️

Being me. Fresh out of UNI with a three year bachelor in CS, no work experience. Starts in a big tech company with a lot promise of exciting project etc. Starts in 3 projects with one lead dev and two senior devs.

First month begins. I start by setting up my local environment and read documentations, which is fairly irrelevant and old. One of the senior devs quits.

Second month begins. Lead dev quits as well and the other senior dev having sick leave for the rest of the month. Basically I'm on my own, but thankfully not responsible for the projects.

Third month begins. The other senior dev is still sick. Nobody to help. Now I'm forced to talk to customer with a lacking knowledge of projects. Nobody knows what is going on. Hopefully my other senior dev will come back.

Fourth month begins. My senior have quit as well. I've been assigned as responsible of all three projects now. FML.

Fifth month begins. I begged my manager for help. Got a junior dev to help me with one of the projects. He and I still have no clue what we should do.

What a shitty start to a career as a developer.

Anybody having a similar experience?

I've been neglecting my 150 stars github library for the past month because I don't have time... Feel bad about it (9 open issues 1 nice pull request and one behind example library)

So one of my friends has just had a child and it's already a month old...

Was thinking to myself what I've done this past month... Started 4 new projects, cancelled 3 of them already and drank 3 slabs of beer to myself...

Think I know who has had a better time...
*Cries salty Dev tears*

who wants a free 100 dollars azure voucher valid for one month?

!rant

I've been struggling for the past year with:

Dev work
Ops work
"Management" work

This last month I made a decision, I don't give a fuck anymore and just gonna do my dev work which is the one I'm paid to do.

Never been better. Its healthy whem you let all those fucks go away :)

first off, they've defined (just yesterday) FOUR (not ONE) features to be done by the end of the month (yes really no joke, i mean _this_ month, as in october, i.e. they mean by monday)

four of them still have "to be defined" labels

so, what, you guys gonna define those today so we have uh.... all of friday to do them?

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

At my first job I had a senior who took backups of code by zipping it and uploading on Google drive. Once I told him why don't you use git, he said it's not as secured as Google.
I left the job one month later

IT Definitions of Designations

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that...a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months

> make a merge request
> it gets reviewed one month later
> "I can't accept it there's too many conflicts"

Well wouldn't you say that, maybe next time try accepting the MR when I make it and see how that goes

The one that made me quit was when I was told I had to drive to the data centre and do a backup every day over the bank holiday weekend with no extra pay or time off. For no reason. And yes I know I'm an idiot for doing it but whatever.

The one that made me walk out, a month and a half later, was when I came in on Monday morning to discover that my boss had entirely rewritten the code I had spent literal months on in one weekend. Naturally he'd broken it and said it was an improvement.

I am too lazy to automate a task from which I suffer each month one or two hours (for the last 7 years).. Automation would cost me only one or two hours at most!

Yesterday someone from my class asked me if I could hack a netflix account for him because his one-month trial will be over soon.

I have nothing more to say.

Company: Okay lets do Agile on this project! And every sprint is equivalent to 3 weeks!
Us: Wow! That's nice!
Company: We need to finish the project with in one month.
Us: Wait. What??!!!!

Oxford Dicktionary: A Project Manager is simply a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Fucking great.

A fucking nightmare for one month to present a near-finished functioning web-app instead of a prototype.

Web-app presented in a prototipe-ish manner because it was actually being FUCKING TESTED WITH INVESTORS?!??!!??!
OMFG IM SOOOOO PISSED IM JUST GONNA ASK FOR VACATION AND DISAPEAR
WTF

I started programming 2 years ago. I didn't know what to do with my life after high school, so I went to an event where you can meet students. I ran across the IT schools section, wearing a GEEK sweater, and almost immediatly, 5 students were right in front of me to talk about their school.
One hour later, I said "yeah why not", even if I didn't know ANYTHING about programming.
One or two weeks later, I took the entrance exam, and one month later I knew that I passed.
I learnt the bases when I entered in Sept. 2014

my coolest project is one i am currently working on. its my 12 month old daughter. She challenges me everyday and gives me enough kicking to find the best solutions for all my other projects. every developer should have this muse.

The stickers arrived in less than one month... I'm so happy right now!
🙌🙌🙌

Truth to be told, I've learnt more programming here on DevRant in about a month than in one year of my computer science course in college.

Working on a 6 months long project with delivery scheduled in one more month.. Now my manager says we either ship it in 6 dev days or he gets fired.

Just checked my laptop uptime and it's been on one charge for exactly 1 month, with average use and aggressive tlp/powertop settings 😰

Spot the one month vacation aka burnout recovery time.

TEAM PROJECTS IN UNIVERSITY BE LIKE:

You will need to write a paragraph of text, approximately 100 words long.

In order to manage your work more effectively, you must split the paragraph into sentences and each one of you should write one.

Make sure you don't clash with each other, the text is meaningful and it flows nicely.

You have one month: you should meet at least twice a week to discuss how to go about the tasks, review your work and plan ahead.

We will be checking on your progress on a weekly basis.

Most importantly, do not just wait until the last minute and have one person do all the work: that's just silly.

Friend: i have an idea
Me: what is it?
Friend: uber is not yet here, lets do the app exactly like uber only for the city, can you do that like in one month?
Me: uber is a billion dollar company with several and the best engineers in the world
Friend: so what, just copy the exact same idea, of course the money comes when the app is done
Me: sure... ill call you in a month. (delete conversation)

I have started my first job as a web developer since February 1st. During the one month training period which is in progress, one of the training sessions was on Git and believe me Git is the most fascinating thing came to know me since I have joined computer science field. In love with it.

I still have two month left at my current job, can't wait until I start my new one.

I am now the only experienced developer and the person responsible for the delivery of a project AFTER WE ARE ONE MONTH PAST THE DEADLINE! All because user wants to replace the old system with new system with all EXACT SAME FUCKING FEATURES!

Potential client once asked for a clone of Amazon, for $5000, in one month. I did not take the project.

Am I the only one who reinstalls their os every month because it gets messy?

Go on leave for one month

Client to Company :This is a complex 1 month approx task. We need this feature

Company forgets to tell employee developer about this.

Meanwhile Client to Company after one month.

Client to Company: We are just 1 week away from the deadline, what's the status of the work in progress.

Company to client : It's going well, we will get back to you on the day of demo.

Company to employee developer: We have this complex task, you need to complete it in 1 week.

Developer mental status gets fucked with over burdened hectic work which has to be completed in a week having no idea of fuck up by the company which already had the information of the task one month ago but just forgot to tell the developer.

Dear algo,

Please stop giving me 30 day old posts, I know I've ++'d one or two here and there, but that does not mean I like specifically old posts. Also I'd rather not be "that guy" that reminds the poster of that post they made a month ago.

Me (junior with 1 month of work experience): have to shutdown the service on pre-release server, then reload it. Best case: ~10 seconds of bo, no one will know...I hope.
Result: 13 seconds of bo, no one noticed.

Senior: I'm deleting the tables and reload them through sh script. Oh fuck the reload script doesn't work......
5 minutes of bo for her.

What did we learn from this? I think nothing 🤔

My first post of 2019.

One month to Valentine's Day, Last year's was spent with beer, the pervious with her. This year I want to spend with her and beer.

I somehow feel I will get neither.

After I graduated, I found a junior job in a company where I already knew the only dev, who has been working there for 6 years. Immediately after I signed the contract, the manager told me that the other guy was leaving the company in one month... Horror!

Made a LinkedIn profile for the first time since like 2013.

I haven’t put current job on there, only been here a month and if I absolutely have to have to I’ll just mention working here for a month but it wasn’t a good match in an interview.

Start getting the expected recruiter messages once I finished the profile.

One of them is a recruiter at current job.

Fucking lol.

About a month ago told the director we need our own broadband line instead of sharing the crappy one from the shared office building as we rely on internet for all our systems. He said no because we'd have to pay for it and the shared one is free.

Today the shared internet has gone down and all our systems are inaccessible including the phones. I'm just sat here like "told you so", and there is nothing I can do as have no control of it 👍

My favorite is when they just don’t come in one day (don’t give notice, just see ya!). If that happens more than once in a few month period, that tells you more about the department than the individuals.

Our company decided to buy a new platform from a third party company..but they did not pay at all at once, it was like a loan, and every month we received a new feature to integrate in our code system, after a couple of months the company stopped paying, then they decided to cut the relation and suddenly I was working 18 hours per day to build the platform that they were supposed to buy.. we were told that we had one month to finish, of course we didn’t make it, I got fired the same year :D

When the previous dev has written all datetime query lookups by date only, resulting in any values for the ladt day of the month to not be included.

THANK YOU.

Same wanker has copied and pasted same 100 lines of code over and over and literally changed one value in between. Obviously never heard of a function.

Heey, it's me, D3add3d! As you might remember there was a crypto riddle posted by @Kimmax approx. a month ago. Now I'm here with another crypto riddle, it should be fairly easy one. The previous riddle was based on PGP so no rotation of alphabet was involved.

Here is the riddle:

SnJ5eSBxYmFyLCBndXIgZmJ5aGd2YmEgenZ0dWcgYWJnIG55am5sZiBvciBib2l2YmhmIG9oZyBndXZheHZhdCBiaGcgYnMgZ3VyIG9iayB2ZiBwcmVnbnZheWwgdXJ5Y3NoeSwgeHJyYyBndXIgbmFmanJlIGdiIGxiaGVmcnlzIGhhZ3Z5IHJhYmh0dSBjcmJjeXIgdW5pciBmYnlpcnEgdmcsIGdiIGNlYmlyIGxiaCBmYnlpcnEgdmcgcGJ6enJhZyBuYSByemJ3diAiY25weG50ciI=

(image irrelevant to the riddle)

Whenever Facebook decides to do one of its fancy animations about all the things you've posted pictures of in the past month etc. I'm sure they expected people to be posting pictures of parties, holidays etc.

I only post either pictures of my pets or something I'm working on (running cables in walls, cutting up bits of wood, decorating etc.) So it looks utterly ridiculous when one of those animations plays.

CNC finished...
Can't do anything else (level it and such) until I get new motors...
the steppers I ordered one month ago returned back to China, FUCKKKKKK
one more month waiting.
So many project ideas.... nothing concrete.
What should I do now? Did my BT controlled car, the CNC, ... Any ideas?

fuck time zones and time changes, why the fuck we don’t have one time on the planet and one date that is just day.
No month, no years - all the complexity would be gone, day wouldn’t have 24 hours but it would be something more precise, there won’t be a second

time that earth goes around sun is

365,25964 days

31558432896 milliseconds

we should start count time differently so it’s not relative in space time continuum, what should be relative is the mass

Code is sat in UAT for a month and no one looks at it. Two days before the (completely arbitrary) go live date and testing commences, finding one bug which is immediately fixed. And now I'm the one allegedly delaying roll-out. Err OK...

So my boss got a call from a company, trying to sell a piece of software supposed to monitor your ink levels and send you an email, if they are running low, so that IT has a chance to send new before the old one runs out.
They wanted something like 20$/month/printer, so guess what I'm developing now...

I told my boss the project would take one month, he went to tell the stakeholders it would take one week and I didn't know. Three days to the end of the one week, I meet one stakeholder and he asks, have you started testing? 😭😭 #wk1

Testing an attendace machine API one by one so i know what does what.

And there’s an API for wiping all the attendance data stored in the machine.

I didn’t realize it until i push the damn button.

The attendance machine just become fresh like new 😱😨😰

Shit.

A testing session just become an extreme sport.

Thankfully the IT guy has a backup but just up to last month.

Well, it’s better than nothing isn’t it?

He just tell his boss that the machine was run out of memory and the attendance data for the current month were not saved.

And he ask him to buy me some machine for testing.

Yes, i was living on the edge by testing in the production machine.

about to hire a senior Android consultant, there is this consultant salesman again trying to sell us one guy who has worked one month with an app that "failed to launch"

That one company that told me they will not pay me since they did not told me to start. After a full month of cooperation and nearly daily phone calls with them about the project and it's progress.

I told this their customer I actually built the project for and now I get paid directly.

So I handed in my official resignation last week as I will be changing to a new job next month. So one of the last big things that I have been working on is a Jenkins server for the rest of the team to use and currently writing up the documentation for it.

However I haven't been told who I will be handing over my work to, but the bigger thing I feel is that even if I write all the documentation, no one will actually read it. Reason I think this is because I doubt anyone else in the team will even use the Jenkins server. The major issues are that no one writes unit tests and don't even understand what CI is!

So right now it feels like my final month of work will all be for nothing and makes me wonder if I should even bother writing documentation, especially if it isn't going to be handed over to anyone.

something like a 3.96 undergrad GPA

ivy league masters degree + scientific publication

first job -> $4500/month for first 3 months (some dumbass 'intern' rule even though i had a masters -> then $6000 -> then $6400/month (insane amount for me, at least IMO)

second job -> $4000/month

third job -> $3600/month

in each one, skills and responsibilities increased

and now i can't get hired 🤷‍♂️

pretty sure i did it all backwards

just remember kids, nothing that society tells you is actually true. everything in the corporate world is controlled by emotions and narratives, not logic, hard work or anything actually valuable

just get that cozy 9-5 and kill all your hopes and dreams before they start

Boss: What's the estimate?
Dev: A month
---
Boss: What if we add one more engineer?
Dev: Two months
---
...
Boss: If we add a PM
Dev: Trust me. You don't wanna know

My dev goals:
Want to publish my first app in this month and at least one more in the year. :)

Five interviews and challenges later and I’m told they won’t be going further with me.
Over month of my life. Finally thought this was the one. But oh well. Depression.

I officially quit being a dev.

It’s been rad y’all.

3 months to get married:
* gets another client, everything good

2 month to get married:
* lose previous client, all good, the previous client didn't pay as much as the current one

1 month to get married:
* previous client don't wanna pay for the previous month
* lost the second client

Great job 👍 debts + no fucking job

I have been growing this creepy stache for a month now. I am hoping the "not fitting company culture"-ness of it will steadily attain me work-from-home privileges.

If it does fit the company culture, I am fucked in more ways than one.

we just created a new web dev team (3 months) and boss came to us, looked what frontend guy has done already (one guy who joined us month ago) and said "this is not how i imagined our platform. It should be working next month". Well how about providing anything to let us know what do you want? Well Im fighting now to get some brief at least ;)

I was one of the early adapters to devrant. And I qualified for my free stickers ages ago. But thanks to the useless South African postal service, I still havent received my stickers over a month down the line :( I have so much sadness in me because I NEED these stickers!

When people say I will definitely look at the code and you get one unique viewer in a month.

Me and a friend have created a website for a person. We finished after one month and he paid us but now he is not uploading the website on his server... I feel like if my work has not been appreciated :(

One month to develop a new program for a call center quality control.

in the early 2000's I started installing Firefox on my high school's computers. about a month later it was being deployed to every one of them

1st week of doing proj: "hello there sexy, u are gonna one beautiful project. ill be doing all my best to finish you and you may actually one of my best projects."

after a month: "aaaaa ERRORS EVerywhere, tf is wrong with u. imma start another project if u dont start running properly like i planned"

after another month: *procrastinates while debugging* "yaass it works now, lets finish u baby"

takes some time to finish projects but if theyre really good, i usually finish them, especially when i am motivated and full of determination.

I've always heard about the "if one woman can deliver a baby in 9 months, 9 can do it in a month" situation people got in. But my bos just quoted that to me since we are stuck on deadlines.

They fucking created a VM from the wrong machine even though I specifically told them the IP of the correct one over a month ago....

So I guess first day back from vacation, I'm doing a lot of yelling at people that aren't in...

I made a bash script for my website that anonymises the visitor IPs in the Awstats logs by replacing the last octet with 0. It can either process all logfiles except the one of the current month, or only the one of the previous month. The latter mode is how I put it in a cron job to be called on the first day of each month.

Everything worked flawlessly with test data, but on the server, some visitor IPs were not anonymised. I noticed that all of them were from the last day of the previous month. Looking at the time stamp of the logfile, it was indeed from the first of the current month, but not from 00:21 where my cron job runs - instead, it was modified around 14:30.

Then I realised that the Awstats engine seems to be configured to batch add the log entries once per day at 14:30 so that when my cron job ran, the visitor data from between 14:30 and 00:00 were not yet in the file!

Solution: batch process all previous logfiles once to clean them up, and schedule the cron job on the 2nd of each month at 00:21.

Has it ever happened to someone that when you start working on a project, the clients requirements are as good as a tricycle but one month into project and somehow the project has turned into a water fuelled tricycle powered by developers tears 😐

Good morning class! Let's start the day solving bugs in an Android application that many people have already gotten their hands on, which has 3 mixed languages, no comments in the code and is so bad that not even Android Studio recognizes the sources directory. But it compiles, runs and has a 4 month old bug that no one has been able to resolve.

When I got changed between 3 projects in one month. Everytime I thought I got it figured out... NOPE. New project, new stuff to learn, comprehend and implement.

Very shitty period.

One of those days, you start daydreaming, and wonder how the whole fucking month went by.

Slow down, u f'ing clock....

Wondering what is the best true random generator ? Weather in Paris. One month ago, snow chaos. Last week it's almost 30 (celsius) and now it's raining and the windchill is around -100 celsius.

I just got a job this month and one of my colleagues talks by himself 😔 making jokes and criticizing his code out loud. It is very disturbing ...

As of today, 12:11 CEST, my days as a student who hates school are over. In one month, i will be a programmer. Feels fucking great.

I may go back in the future, but not right now.

Also, in my new job i have to go to school to, but only 1/3 of the time, and i am getting paid for it.

How many problems can one project have? You name it I bet I have seen it and had to troubleshoot it in the last month.

That moment when you read your own one month old not-commented code !

What is this?

one week ago me and my team built an android controlled robot in 2 days from scratch. that was the coolest project this month.

Please repeat after me:

"I will use 'Content-Disposition: attachment' whenever a file is supposed to be downloaded"

Write that sentence 100 times. Then re-read it every morning for at least one month.

Ahh, I don't even have the strength to rant. I'm so fucking tired of these shitty websites and web services. I should probably become an Amish.

So i got myself a TeamTreeHouse subscription last month to learn python. But I guess I'll have to discontinue.

My laptop can't take it anymore. I'll have to wait until I buy a new one 😅

I have to choose between paying for sister's education loan or my laptop. Guess who is in not getting a laptop 🙂

As a student, I live in a house with friends and the actual didn't have a table in my room.
So after one month waiting for a answer of the owner I decided to buy one in second hand. All I can say is that I love it.
Any suggestions to some improvements?

PS: external drive is only temporary

I don't know how many hours in a row it was, but one month I put down about 340 hours of work.

My boss had taken upon this massive project with a deadline at the end of the month. I basically lived at the office (I actually spent the night there more than once), meanwhile he was out sailing.

all companies want hire you asap and all those companies also wants you to sign a contract with at least one month notice leave

Learn Clojure and use it instead of Bash / Python for one-line terminal tasks.
Reach 8k$ per month on current project.
Hire few students and make real devs from them.
Watch and enjoy the dawn of cross-platform frameworks for mobile platforms.

I teach military students how to operate a UAS control station and these things are as complicated as computers get. ATCA's and the most crazy stupid network setups I've ever seen. I have one month to teach a guy that's never even had a laptop... Basically giant server room that can fall out the sky from the push of a button.

After one month of coding on Internship (doing website and app for them), I accidentally deleted folder with all code from my MacBook.
God bless disk recovery tools!

So...
After about a month and a half of lots of interviews with 2 different companys, BOTH of them offered me a job last night.

One is a big digital agency in my country (~2000 employees) the other one is a smaller development firm (~200 employees).

It feels sad to have to deny the smaller one but the bigger one is a dream job for me due to the fact that thet focus a lot more on new tech compared to the smaller one.

But i have never been happier in my life!
It is a dream come true!

That one about a month from now when I've had it and don't care if the mic is off or not.

Once in a meeting, a customer tell me he can do the entire system for 400 BRL using a python script, in one month.
Yes, a entire ecosystem, 3 enterprises, a multicloud network and microservices distributed.

The problem of being 80% done after one month is that you know there is at least four month left.

someone please motivate me to code again.

since one month i did nothing but digital art/youtube watching/maths/chatting but i did not code.
the main reason being that all my projects have bugs currently :/

It's been 1 month in my first dev job.
I'm really happy but there is one problem...

Despite my role as a full stack dev in a fullstack team, I deal with only frontend stuff so far.

I asked to get some backend tasks from my boss, and he said "in due time".

Is it because I'm a junior? Is it normal?

Only questions I consider stupid are the ones that are permutations of an original question asked constantly from month to month. They should know the answer by now!

Asker: "Theres a bug. I cant log into this account"

Dev: "It's a different dev database, so use the password for that one"

Finally, I have a night free of work today. It is the first time this month. I'm so happy to have some time to read and rest.

Life can be insane.

Enjoy the little things in life, because one day you will look back and realize they were the big things.

Currently at my work they are making everyone assist to the office at least 1 day of the week, some people live in other cities, there is even one coworker that has to take a flight once a month. We don't even do anything different on the office, same work, nobody likes to come.

Fucking fuck fuck hell.

My grandfather Bought a 50€ doogee phone.
After one month, it started showing advertizuments randomly.

I installed a firewall, but now it opens a different advertizinc in my Browser every few hours.

WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA?

O AND:one tap root doesnt work

So... I decided to refactor some of my old code that I wrote exactly 11 months ago, which was one month after starting work..

My first reaction was: "Was I so stupid?"

Second reaction: "why the fuck my supposed 'mentor' allowed me to write this bullshit?"

Am I the only one still waiting for the Haktoberfest stuff? It's been like a month since I ordered it :(

shutdown an old Jenkins CI pipeline from one of our teams... after one month they call us to bring it online again because they don't know how to build it manually.... lol #automation #scripting #jenkins

Most difficult part is to work with company where all senior admins are from sales. They never f*cking idea about developers problems.

Just give time to end user customer before 3 month schedule. and now thinking, we can do 3 months working in 4 days.

The sales people think nine women can deliver a baby in just One month. just pushing me to hire new developers.

Build one minigame each month. To get better with unity.

I've running Mac for one month and one week now. Now, every time I'm going to use it my thought is: I JUST WANTED A NORMAL NOTEBOOK RUNNING LINUX I DON'T WANT TO USE THIS SHIT.

Huge mistake on a customer billing procedure.
That procedure was generating a file for automatic billing requests from our customer bank to his customers banks.
That procedure was shifting the bank coordinates by one byte right making all payment requests invalid and rejected.
That month the customer got nothing from invoices (more or less 80k euros).
Side note; only one payment was accepted because the guy entering the invoice on the system shifted the bank coordinates by mistake, so the procedure fixed it.

:/

My life with C++:
- my first course about coding was an intro to C++ for scientists (I studied physics), because "everybody uses it in the field". I never used it in my life in physics;
- I got back to it this year because I was planning on doing some interesting simulations with it;
- hence, this summer I started learning it again. I took one month to actually follow a structured tutorial so I could get at least slightly proficient for what I needed to build;
- and nothing, after one month without using it, I forgot so much already, and I feel like I'm going back to case one.

...now I remember how I felt as a student, when I was preparing for exams.

Head of department is building a bitcoin rig with my manager friday afternoon in his office using tools from the IT one month after degrading me publicly and giving me an official warning in writing to respect working hours so cutting me off from my bonuses and promotions.

Omg I have to check 2350 svn commits.

We have 2 seperated frontends, one for maintaining old UI and one for new UI which is going to production in one month. So now I have to check if any CR/bug was implemented/fixed only on old UI. Frontend2 was created last year on july. Fuck my life

rant = Music
Watching the Hits for this month...
FUCK
One good music for every 10.
So many new Artists ... And so many that suck. Makeup and Autotuning does not make a Singer.
Even some that can't even really sing or even speak right.
Anyone know Bebe Rexha? WTF? Just an example of a "singer" that can't even speak properly...

One year of work for request info on a new project, silence... First day of vacancy, request a how to on a function implemented 3 month ago. Fuck You...

which one is better?

sitting on a comfortable chair with foot rest,
having very powerful computer,
having the best IDE's with UI designers,
ML based auto completions,
Free food. but $4000 per month

or

sitting on an average chair without foot rest,
having average computer,
having only notepad or vim*, without UI designers
NO auto completions!
paid food. but $40000 per month

* Vim is actually very nice text editor

Oh, me? I am so excited about all the computing power that's gonna be stolen from people who had updated their Intel CPUs last month.

I dunno what they're up to but I'm sure it's very exciting. I'm lost between Skynet and a one world government cryptocurrency mining they will use the power for.

What do you think?

Software project in technical college:
Expectation: Ok guys, we have about one month to finish our project. We have a lot of stuff to do, so let's start right away.
Reality: So we have one more day until the project needs be submitted. Hmmm... I guess we're going to start by tomorrow.

Not my story, but something that my friend did which inspired me a lot. So, a friend of mine who just graduated with a bachelor's in physics, had a month off after one of his semesters, and while most of us ended up doing internships in companies, he decided to do something else. He decided to go up to a local mechanic and ask him to teach him how to repair bikes for a month. Now in India, a mechanic is sadly one of the least reputed jobs, so for him to go there and work for free was unusual. After working there, he told me about the things he learned and to what an amazing extent he could apply that practical knowledge he gained. It was truly impressive. Which is why I have decided to do something like this in the future as well. With enough savings, I'm sure all of could survive a month. I can't even begin to imagine the potential of this, you could learn so much practically.

Our "agile" process uses one-month long sprints, ending on the last day of the month with a demo. (I'll rant some other time about non-consistent iteration lengths.)

Our sprint ends today (Monday). What was the most logical time to introduce changes that affect the architecture and break every single build? How about 4PM last Friday?

We're still waiting on the build breaker to show up while trying to figure out what the heck we can cobble together and run to show that we actually did something in the last month.

Why does it take 3 interview stages to get a 3-month internship...
That's ignoring the personalised CV, resume and cover letter for each one as well.

Can't imagine the fun of getting an actual job!!

(!rant) When starting out as a web developer, I did my first project for a external vendor for which I was paid in form of a lunch and some hope of more projects.
For the second project, I was paid one month of agreed upon amount for two months of work.

What's your story?

!rant

When after one month of the event, a month n a half of the request, and a failed delivery attempt, the swag finally arrives!!

Stickers!! <3

Happy scenes!

Thank you Mozilla!!

Oh yuss, exactly enough spare change to pay the hosting costs this month. Close one.

Difference between 2023-01-01 00:00:00 and 2023-12-31 23:59:59 is 11 months, 29 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes, 59 seconds ; so almost a year (by one second)

Difference between 2023-01-01 00:00:00 and 2023-01-31 23:59:59 is the same, almost a month by 1 second.

Same for february (even with 28 being the last day).

But then, 2023-03-01 00:00:00 and 2023-03-31 23:59:59 gives me :
1 month, 2 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes, 59 seconds.

WHY, are there fucking 34 days in March ? Is this a bug ? Is it confused with February being the previous month ?
Why would PHP do this to me ?

Why the hell is it always so painful to work with dates, it's not even like I'm stretching the standard library or using raw timestamps to hack things together

I used the diff method of PHP 7.4 DateTime, is someone wants to try it

One month ago, two tickets were opened by two different people for the same bug.

I picked the one with the most informations and rejected the other by giving the ID of the other ticket, and then assigned it to the person who opened the ticket.

Today, I see that ticket coming back to me, with the status back to Open, and the comments "The ID given is this ticket's ID!"
I mean, yes, I did a typo and typed a 5 instead of a 6.
They could, like, test to see if it was patched (been one month), or contact me by mail or Skype to ask me if I didn't make a typo in the comments, but no, they decided to reopen the ticket for this.

Thanks.

i was given one month to build a cross platform mobile app that uses GPS tracking and handles employee clock-ins. Help

"We've got a new opportunity for you."
I'm a fucking rookie. I didn't know the meaning of this sentence. Suddenly, I become the "IP PBX expert" of the society.
"-Okay, it's some networking shit, I thing I'm good at networking shit. Piece of cake.
-Okay great, you have one month to learn how this thing works, because we WILL provide this kind of service."
Damn.
I spent one month learning this shit on my free time, printing RFCs and living in the fucking MATRIX to not fuck up on the very first day doing that, just in case something on the customers' network fucks with the PABX or something like that.
Oh yeah, I forgot: I'm paid 80% of the minimum wage because I am actually not qualified to do my job and I'm spending one week a month to learn how to IT (some french weirdness I think, if not, maybe it's the germans' fault. Also yes, 100% legal).
Today, they announced me that they "changed their mind".
I'm pissed.

And that was the last time I had free time for anything :( Still one more month to go!

Just fixed my broken htc one m9 (boot loop after legitimate update) by powering it up month after putting in back to box for future repair. Who to blame? NSA? Android 7? SD Card?

Well i am working as an intern at this startup. Initially it was all simple crons and database. After one month one of the founder asks me to map two tables, create an api, integrate a fucking payment gateway and i am now left with a lot of work and confused state of mind.

PS: i am first year cse student

@all freelancers

How did you get your first work, I am struggling from a month to get one.

Amy suggestions??

need some advice

i resigned from my job today , it was my first job worked 2 years here.
i kinda wanted to rest a month or two is it a good decision or i should look for new one immediately

Am I the only one who thinks that Slack is so terribly expensive for a small company?

I'd like less gap between "free" and 8$/month/user...

I once spent a full month browsing the internet and doing fuck all. When they eventually noticed and laid down the law threatening me. I resigned. I’d already started working my self employment, just needed to cover another months salary. I fucking won that one. No cunt gets the better of me!