I once met a very cute client. Inner me was saying​ to go and get this girl. But company's code of conduct is completely against it that an employee shouldn't ask his/her clients out with you or date with him/her. Even my colleagues knew me as a man of criteria. So I leave
.
.
.
.
.
the Code of Conduct and now she is my gf. :)

CS Teacher: *provides shitty code written in (I kid you FUCKING NOT) Microsoft Word, sans font*

Me: *Submits beautiful, fully working and commented code*

Half a point off because I didnt write how many points the assignment was worth at the very top of the code.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU CUNT GOBBLER?! YOU JUST **HAD** TO TAKE THAT HALF A POINT OFF, DIDNT YOU? MAYBE YOU'RE INTIMIDATED BY THE FACT I DONT USE MICROSOFT WORD TO WRITE C++?? God, I hope you take a nail gun to the eye.

Boss: I saw that you are using {some JavaScript library}, why?

Me: you asked for this functionality and the library is very good for that

Boss: here at our company we do not use code from other people, we write everything ourselves

Me: but this library is very well built, actively developed and supported

Boss: I don't care, please rewrite this component

Suffice to say, I quit that job asap. Whoever thinks it's a good idea write so much code for a small purpose in an application when there is something available open source to use, is stupid. In most cases it's better to use something which is out there than to waste time writing a hardly stable version of it.

Code: if(customer.primaryContract)

Boss: "just using a variable as a boolean isn't very readable"

Me:
if(!(!customer.primaryContract != !true).toString() == 'false')

Web developers - if you can write code to tell me that my phone number or credit card number shouldn't have spaces in it, just remove the #$!@$!* spaces for me FFS! You know very well people are going to put the spaces in there...

This genius made his very own super-flexible-and-versatile-never-seen-before-mvc-framework, with no documentation about the code, instead of just donwloading and implementing a popular one.

He left the company.

I maintain it.

Fell my pain.

Was working on a group project.. I ask my partner to give me the code he was working on. Expecting link to repo or at very worst an email

I GET A FUCKING IMESSAGE W 1000+ LINES OF CODE

For fuck's sake please add braces for blocks even if there is only a single loc inside. 1 line wont ruin anything but it would be a very big favor for the person reading the code.

I am talking about java. Python guys, you good ✌️

Completed a project for my final year CS degree and my professor rejected saying it is of very few lines of code.Hope he learns to evaluate projects on complexity and logic rather than number of lines of code. :/

My try at the fractal tree :) This sort of simple graphical code is very quickly satisfying, gonna try to add some wind next

I have a lot of interesting code snippets from some kind of inhouse CRM/billing software, but for now let's look at this very useful PHP function.

There is a very big difference between:

"Here is all the code we have working"

And

"Here is all the code we have, working"

Fullstack dev: Hey I need your help with one of this method in the service layer (We use Java).

Me: Sure. What’s up!

Fullstack dev: When you get a user ....blah blah blah...

Me (typing code):

if (user != null) { ... }

Fullstack dev: Wait! This won’t work. You need to write this:

if (null != user) { ... }

In Java, you write like this. In JS it’ll work, not in Java.

Me: (also fuck this guy)

He’s among the famous devs in the company - (A very very very famous European bank).

I checked his commits for the frontend (React Native)

switch (some_expr) {

case foo:
return stuff()
break // <— note this

case bar:
return moreStuff()
break // <— note this

// more cases here with break after return statements

}

Me: Hey if you’re returning from a case why are you using a break. It’s dead code.

Fullstack dev: It’ll fall through otherwise.

———————
You’re a fucking dunce! Please drink a litre of Carborane in a rusty HIV infested container! Cheers!

PS More to come!

The first time writing code in an airplane was very uncomfortable. Everyone around me thought I was hacking the airliner.

I was writing HTML.

Spent my entire evening figuring something out (I'm new to this) and finally found a possible solution.

Got ready for writing test code, very excited...... aaaaaaand noticed its past 11pm so I've got to go to bed because work tomorrow

😥😭

Coding nightmare -> the guy who wrote this application I guess wanted job security? At the VERY least to be a pain in the ass to anyone else who touches his code....WHO NAMES THEIR VARIABLES PEOPLE NAMES?!?!? do I know what "Beth" or "Sarah" stand for? ummmm....no 😢

I wrote a piece of code. A logic. My senior changed it. And.. I am glad she did.

My descriptive variables and her conditional breakup of logic made up for a very beautiful piece of code. Simple and elegant. So much so that it makes total sense without any need of a comment.

Never thought I would be loving a 5-lines code piece this much.

This is one of those days when collaboration happens for the betterment.

Simply. Beautiful.

My computer science teacher is very sly: while you are working he stands right behind you for some time, so you start writing good code, functions for everything, perfect indentation... But you don't know if he is still behind you, and you're not brave enough to look back, so you write good code for the rest of the lesson.
What a good prof

Me today at class, doing a group work, while suddenly I saw my colleague’s code looking very odd.

Me : “Why is your code like that?”
Her : “Like what?”
Me : “Its not spaced correctly... look its way over there”
Her : “Oh well, I just like it like that, its my style”
Me “...”

And im just like, if she post her code at SO, she wouldve been eaten alive...

Him: You can code, right?
Me: Of course,why
Him: I want to start promoting my (very crappy) music, I need you to –
Me: No!
Him: But, I just –
Me: I already said No.Never gonna happen.
Him: I get it.You really can't code,you just pretend to.A simple website can't be that hard for you if you knew.
Me:(Pushing him out) Nice try.

It's very code outside...

*Starts compile*
...
...
can't find function foo
ld exited with status code 1

*confused*
*Reruns qmake*
*Compiles again*
...
...
can't find function foo
ld exited with status code 1

*very confused*
*switches compilers*
*compiles*
...
...
Worked!

*dafuq*
*switches back to the first compiler*
*compiles*
...
...
Worked!

*tries not to cry*

One day you’ll write a line of code which will be your very last one.

Imagine wasting it on something like php.

Thus far I've had little success trying to teach code to people I know.

But yesterday.....man

My best friend told me that he was serious about learning. He asked me about my recommendation would be. Against all odds, and after small demonstrations he asked to learn about Java.

I made some coffee and braced myself. Either the dude is a hidden genius or I am an amazing instructor, but he got the whole thing. I introduced him to the basics, oop, variables etc and he got it down in one session. He was able to understand errthing a do a little code along.

So proud.

HELL. YES.

I wrote a complex grid rendering system in c++!

It accepts pixel values and * values (Grid values)

Works very similar to WPF grid, which I LOVE.

The few lines of code needed (On the front end, at least) to do this are in the comments. VERY FUCKING HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

Torn between staying up all night to code or waking up very early to code.

At my previous job a coworker left positive comments alongside any negative ones on my code. “Nice job here. Very clean”, or “nice use of X design pattern here!” Kinda made me look forward to his code reviews.

If YouTube thinks that it's going to coerce me into getting a YouTube Red subscription by inserting a commercial in the middle of a video, it doesn't know very much about me!

I have developed a very useful skill after debugging code day after day. It's called, "patience".

!rant
Our lead dev in the company seems to be a smart guy who's sensitive about code quality and best practices. The current project I'm working on (I'm an intern) has really bad code quality but it's too big an application with a very important client so there's no scope of completely changing it. Today, he asked me to optimize some parts of the code and I happily sat down to do it. After a few hours of searching, profiling and debugging, I asked him about a particular recurring database query that seemed to be uneccesarilly strewn across the code.
Me: "I think it's copy pasted code from somewhere else. It's not very well done".
Lead Dev: "Yeah, the code may not the be really beautiful. It was done hurriedly by this certain inexperienced intern we had a few years back".
Me: "Oh, haha. That's bad".
Lead Dev: "Yeah, you know him. Have you heard of this guy called *mentions his own name with a grin*?"
Me: ...
Lead Dev: "Yeah, I didn't know much then. The code's bad. Optimize it however you like. Just test it properly"
Me: respect++;

An open letter to those who think lines of code == a decent metric for productivity:
NO!!!

Just because I wrote 10 lines of code all day (yes just 10 very well thought out, many times rewritten) lines doesn't mean my day was unproductive. Quite the opposite, while other devs pad their shit with:

//Adds 1 to I
I++;

Yup. Quality code. LOC doesn't lie.

I just finish "rebuilding" a page that I have built last year. My Js file (jQuery) went from 1200+ lines to 600..

I rewrite everything, the functionality is the same but the code is mush more cleaner.
Soo bad and redundant code.

Although comments where very helpful.

Feels good.

!rant

This might be not much to most of you people, but I just made my very first mod for a game. And it works. And it took me just an hour. 2 years ago I had no idea how to code. I am proud.

for 2019 I want to be the very best dev
that no one ever was
to code them all will be my test
debugging is my cause
I will travel across the net
searching wide on tor
each singleton to understand
the power of the code

devmons its you and me
you know its our destiny
devmons
you're my best friend
and our firewall will stand
Devmons!

I decide to come by scooter and the weather goes crazy!

Weather predictions are "Heavy rain to very heavy rain" for the next few hours!

Fortunately, I have a work-all-night-take-next-day-off policy (which my manager frowns upon but is cool with!)

So, code-mode ON! 😎

So my colleague today was writing some javascript to multiple numbers, and he was getting very frustrated after a while trying to debug the code. the problem was he wrote the following:

AxB

but what he actually meant is

A*B

So yea @_@ ...

that moment when u run the code and it works, and then u run the very same code again and it fails.

"And how are you?" I said.

Eeyore shook his head from side to side.

"Not very how," he said. "I don't seem to have felt at all how for a long time."

"Dear, dear," said Pooh, "I'm sorry about that. Let's have a look at your code..."

And then Eeyore looked at Pooh with terror in his face, before he vanish into the forest.

He never let me review his code again...

I may or may not have pushed to production certain intranet code that upon meeting certain and very specific conditions would display the message "penis penis penis c====3"
because I can't for the life of me remember why would I do that.

Whats your point??

Oh my fucking god.

How can you, after 2 decades as a developer, still produce code to this very day that has that many warnings and suggestions that Visual Studio lights up like a bloody pinball machine from all the squiggly lines!?!

Take your craft seriously or find something else to do!

Is it only me or all programmers out there feel the urge to code even being very sleepy?

Keeping old and unused code blocks commented out and not deleting them immediately is the equivalent of leaving that bottle of soy sauce in the fridge even though you know very well that you won't use them ever again.

Sometimes when i code i feel unstoppable ,those are the days that i am very productive,then there are days that i feel like an idiot and i cant code a single line

sometimes in my head i go through code i wrote some time ago and think: "did i think of this case? if that happens something could go very wrong." when i look at the code i see that i already thought about it and catched the case back then. then i am like "daaaamn i am good".
do you know that feel? :D

I have to refactor code from an intern. He's VERY lucky that he already left the company.

If I'd say he programms like the first human that would be very insulting to that first human.

It looks like code at first sight, but when you try to understand what he was doing to achieve his goal you get a brainfuck. Duplicate code, unused code, dumb variable names like blRszN.

He wrote unittests like "expects Exception to be thrown or Server returns Statuscode 500".
Yes, Exception, the generic one.

THESE FUCKING TESTS ARE GREEN BECAUSE YOU DID NOT ACTUALLY TEST SOMETHING.
GREEN IN THIS CONTEXT MEANS: YOUR PRODUCTION CODE IS A BIG PILE OF SHIT.

I already removed 2 bugs in a test which caused another exception than the "expected" one and the test does still not reach the actual method under test.

Dumb fucktard.

The sad thing: The fuckers who did the code reviews and let this shit pass are still here writing code.

I always feel insecure when i push my code to github as public repo.

Like what if my code is so far from standard.

What if i showed a very stupid logic.

I am very insecure when pushing my code to public repos.

I HATE SVN! >:v v:< >:v v:< :@

I used to use git for my personal code repositories and for my work. In the office I moved on, they use Subversion. I’ve been using it for months, but it’s a pain in the ass :/

We use TortoiseSVN to pull code repositories, and the AnhkSVN for Visual Studio Plugin. It works fine until two or more of us have to work at the same code project at the same time.

Last week we had a very VERY urgent code to release. We had 4 days to finish it (from thursday to sunday, tests included). We had few changes to do, but the problem was that, when one dev commited something, my changes disappeared, and viceversa. The worst part was that my partners and I had to re-work a lot of bugs that we had already fixed! >:v

This is not the first time this happens :/

The worst thing is that we cannot change our repository system because we don’t have time :(

Is there any advice you, SVN users, can give us?

Recruiter of the day: "Hi [...] I think you will be very interested in <random startup name>. You will work on Digital Projects."
Oh, really?!? I thought I would wrote code on paper!

My macbook's making a very faint but very weird gurgling sound 😰 I better back up my code

Every time I look at some code and say "what the hell?!" the code refactors itself before my very eyes.

/**
* Do not read before New Year.
**/

Happy coding to all of you guys! My very best wishes for this 2018. May your code be free of bugs the whole year.

P.S. Fuck you testers (just kidding, we need you)

Incase you wonder where I am gone to: Well. Looks like I'm a part time irganist now xD

Yes, this is me,
Yes, this is very fun,
Yes, I deliberately go to church X)

(I still code a lot)

How do I know when I’m ready for a junior dev job? Currently I’m very familiar with syntax rules, data structure, I even created my first p2p app and I’m feeling more comfortable with server side programming and handling dependencies.

But I can’t like code blindfolded and I’m very slow and have to think very deeply and concentrate very hard before doing any minor thing.

How do I know??

C : Cool (for me)

Java : Just A Variety Available (uhm.. no hard feelings java lovers)

Python : Please .. You THink On Nothing (You literally think on nothing xD )

JavaScript : Join A Very Attractive , Sophisticated Code , Reactive In Particular Time (hmm...that took a lotta time)

Yesterday, a very good friend of mine who is a philosopher has given me a present: the book "Clean Code" by Robert C. Martin.

This summer is going to be very good. I'm very greatful.

So this happened some time ago but I didn't know devRant back then.

In school we had to write some code in Java and before the lessen one of my friends said to me that he already knew Java and that it was like a very easy coding language.

Then, when we actually had to code, he was complaining that his code didn't work.
So I stopped coding, stood up and walked over to him. He had only very few lines of code and after reading the error message I told him that he was missing a semicolon in line X.

He then asked me what a semicolon was. At that moment I thought: Oh, it's just that one thing that you put after ALMOST EVERY LINE OF CODE IN JAVA. I showed him where I find it on the keyboard and then I fixed his code (it had way more errors than just a missing semicolon).

I have no problem with helping other people but if that person brags about how well they know Java and then not knowing what a semicolon was, that's just not ok.

So some programmers (specially C programmers, it seems) have this terrible habit of writing very short-named variables. Then in order to understand the code, you need to decipher the meaning of each variable. Example:

```
unsigned int i, n, h, mw, my, ty;
```

This is from one of the "Suckless" projects by the way. They pride themselves in having small number of code lines so this is probably why.

I'm so conflicted! My brother just opened VS Code and tried evangelizing me on the benefits of using a light theme! Should I disown him? Secretly sabotage his development environment? This is very distressing. Suggestions? Lol

Understand my own code after two weeks
This is very useful 😂

The more I play with C, the more I realize why many people hate C++.
I like the amount of control and the simplicity. No unnecessary syntax sugar, and the code is very straightforward to read.

I recently came across my old interview assignment code which I had written while I was still in college. Oh my God, it was cringy! It was such crappy code 😂

My coworker (who had interviewed me) saw it too. He was surprisingly very chill about it, saying that the code is not bad, it just shows a lack of experience. I think I will choose to believe him 🙃

That's why I love Python, just write a quick derpy code to do a very long and boring task

Well that's new..

So I was sitting on a toilet, thinking about life and stuff and b2plane [because of obvious reasons], when suddenly... I felt a very sudden and very strong urge to... code something in perl.

I haven't touched perl in years, don't even remember its syntax [can u blame me though? It's perl], but there we go, an urge hit me.

As soon as I flushed, the urge went away.

@b2plane, I'm asking you as an expert of shit. What's it mean? Is this normal?

Wishing all the developers out there a very happy and prosperous new year. May your code always compile on the first try and your age gets incremented without bugs.

I can actually write my own, simple code, I'm not very flexible but I actually get JS now.

So, my boss is pretty cool. Two of my colleagues made a review of my code (me being new, also on job training). We three were sitting in front of my code, me explaining enthusiastically my code, one of my colleagues looked a bit confused. My boss listening to the whole conversation, he said: "Her code works perfectly". But the way he said it, priceless! I swear, he had a very 'bitchy' voice and also waved while saying that. He looked proud, and we started to laugh.

Ah.. the beauty of clean code.

I wrote a very cleanly written program two years ago. Proper variable names, not too many, right naming, right design pattern,.. Now I come back to it and I am able to instantly figure out the code again. It only took me half a minute.

The importance of clean code... that's something the industry needs to understand more. Well, then there's the money issue. lol

I realized how overly complicated I wrote certain object oriented code a few months ago and now I have to work around it...

I over engineered it... I became the very developer I hate

Best tool:
Your hands!
- incredibly flexible
- express a lot of commands trough very little code (just raise the middle finger and tell me if you are not expressing something VERY strong with VERY little complexity)
- reusable
- interfaces
- smells of good soap

Worst tool:
Your brain
- highly power consuming
- wrinkly, ehw!
- overthinks a lot
- imposter syndrome
- hooked on sugar like it was cocaine
- hooked on cocaine like it was sugar
- refuses to comprehend chthulu

I'm a junior dev working with some very proprietary applications. The point is, I can't Google for code solutions at all.

The seniors are all very put upon and too busy to offer much actual help unless it's urgent.

I beg for assistance until I'm blue in the face and eventually stumble my way to something resembling the solution.

I get one of them to review my code, and while they do I point out all the places I STILL need help.

They don't answer any of those questions but damned if they don't have opinions on how my comments should be formatted.

Aaauuuuggghhhh

"Developer code must ensure that IAsyncDisposable implementations don't take a long time to complete."

Ah yes, the very technical "long time" unit of measurement. God why don't you just go fuck yourself microsoft

Found my old code.

You gotta admit, that's some clean code there, considering I learned C# only for a year at that time.

But those comments....
VeRy WeLl WrItTeN, vErY dEtAiLeD, vErY gOoD

Not ONLY does the new code a coworker wrote straight up not work (and they somehow managed to merge it to master) but it also broke an entirely unrelated endpoint due to an abstraction they tried to make. Very clear they didn't even run their code at all.

Worst project would have to be a code igniter website that reinvented most of the wheel and used very little of the built in functionality of the framework.

Damn stupid me...
One of our customers told us, mails are not working with SMTP. They send us a working code example, which looked very similar to our implementation... I was not able to find out what was wrong for hours.

A colleague checked the code later. After 5 minutes: you forgot a ! before checkin the string if it is null or empty...

Shame on me ..

First comment by the architects that were reviewing my test, as part of the selection process:

"Well the code was very well documented, not something we see much of..."

Made my day :)

Beta version... only devs have access

Screen for a not-ready-yet feature:

A nice image of a faded broken structure, underlined with a "Work in progress" text.

Primary button below "I want it now"

/clicks button

next to the button, a text fades in:
"Please, be patient"

You keep clicking "I want it now", after a few clicks you get "Plese, be **very** patient"

/Checks the source code

it bloody adds a "very" for every 5 clicks and calls an API to send you an email for every 5 clicks:

Thanks for very {n times very} much wanting {feature name}

11 clicks = 3 emails with very, very very and very very very

Yep, I am patient now, especially if I get my hands on you...

Modularise your code. It makes it very readable.

I (don't) like how some people say "If your code needs comments, your code is probably ugly and should be rewritten".
Well, asshats. You have never considered complex calculations/functions or "temporary" workarounds, right?
Sometimes, you have to do it in a not-very-readable way for efficiency. There is no way around that in that case, and comments that either explain the code below or provide alternative, slower code that's commented really help others understand your code.
If I ever work with you and you don't bother commenting your code at all (or rather use slow code because more efficient code doesn't appeal to your "muh code dun need comments" approach), I will hate you.

I finished a big refactoring. It makes me feel so good to delete all those lines of code. Even though I have a decided to leave this company in the near future, I am very happy that I leave the code in a better shape. Somebody who is replacing me doesn't have to go through shit anymore.

I wish the Congress would run all legislation by a team of programmers. Regardless of political leanings one thing is indisputable: We are very keen when it comes to finding bugs in a piece of code -- especially if we didn't write said code!
After all: What is the law if not code for people instead of processors?

Junior dev: Can I run lint on your codebase
Senior dev: hmmm
Jdev: Its a very nice code inspection tool
Sdev: Go ahead
Jdev: wow 50 errors
Sdev:

I have no idea how this code that I wrote last year work and there's obviously no documentation but thankfully I gave my classes very useful names such as "YuDoDis", "Texter467", "TheHolyButton", "GARBAGE", etc. Fucking hate myself sometimes.

THIS FUCKING RECAPTCHA GEM! WHY THE FUCK MUST I DEBUG YOUR FUCKING PRODUCTION CODE AND WORK AROUND YOUR FUCKING BLUNDERS?

VERY LITTLE PISSES ME OFF MORE THAN SUFFERING FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S FUCKING STUPIDITY

Visual studio 2019
Visual studio code
Both are very powerful and extendable

I (barely) wrote very few lines of code today and called it a day. In this state of burnout and actual physical fatigue, this is more than enough. God do I need a refresh!

I just finished upgrading a dotnet core 2.2 WebApi + Console App to dotnet core 3.1 and it was a very smooth process with very minor changes to my code.

Not a rant, just posting because it is the first nice thing that has happened for me in a while now.

Rereading old code I wrote and asking myself questions while reading it...then reading the next line, a comment, answering those very questions.

Past self. Thank you very much. 😎

I think it will be very odd to ask a girl to wait so that I can read the code on her skirt, with no wrong intentions.

I guess she won't understand how attractive source codes are.

Went for a job interview today, and learned something very important about myself...

...that I should be permanently banned from writing code on whiteboards, for any reason. I have never seen such ugly code in my entire life. Ugh...

I get very annoyed by sites that ask for too many privileges. If I want to comment on some post why would I give write access to all my source code repositories?

Do anybody here work with a codebase that actually has tests?

Or at the very least, the codebase has a domain layer, rather than puking lines of code randomly in the controller?

Am I trying to find an unicorn?

!rant

I came back from a wedding party this morning, went to bad very drunk, my mind was rotating with my eyes closed, but surprisingly I was able to think about JavaScript code I am about to write for a project.

SonarQube reduces our code quality through arbitrary nonsense rules, and it's inability to understand perfectly decent Kotlin code. Unfortunately we have a CTO who is completely enamoured with it. I hope someone from Sonar is reading this: You made my pleasurable Dev job a misery, and it may very well be the thing that makes me quit. Fuck your arrogant product. I honestly wouldn't mind it so much if your UX offered a way to discuss each warning and provide affected code snippets so you could argue your case and collaborate on the rule set. But no, you know my code base best right? Fuck you and and your ivory tower.

I really love how so many programmers keep very detailed blogs about code

ask about his game code logic he will rage, ask about how his front end code doing he will rage, talk to him about my server so that his front end code can follow he will rage.. and the end of final project which I merge my code and his code (I need to refactor nearly everything) he said you are very hard communicate. _. fml

Alright ladies and Gents, i find this topic very interesting but who cannot code without listening and who cannot code without silence

If your in the music listening category, what music genre hits that coding sorcery zone for you?

Typical code life?

1. Write rough comments
2. Write more detailed comments
3. Write pseudo code
4. Write semi-working but definitely ugly code
5. Write working but very ugly code
6. Refactor the code to be nicer, check for patterns, bottlenecks and other bits and pieces
7. Push to git the "final" code
8. After few months blame whoever wrote the code
9. Refactor all the things!

---

This happened in my career more than once and still - it seems like the best option out there to get things done. What do you guys think? Should something be added/removed from this? Is this over-complicated or what?

It's a very difficult choice for me. I use many open source things on a daily basis.
Unordered list:
-Linux
-Wireshark
-Gotop
-Ettercap
-VS Code
-PHP
-discord.js

I've no idea what is wrong with wordpress developers.
Their code was probably written with their asses.
Even the wordpress API is a big shit with very beautiful function names like "the_content".

Just discovered that Visual studio code supports regions in HTML!!!!!!!

My eyes and organisation are very thankful for this!

Two months ago I introduced a piece of js code incompatible with ie11 into production accidentally which broke JS for any users with ie.

Apparently no one has noticed and the statistics doesn't present any anomalies. Since they are very few ie11 users.

Should I consider this a mistake or an upgrade?

Such variable names
much helpful
very wow!

Either I need to download sdk source code for var names to show up correctly or I need to memorize which is for what :\

My worst legacy code experience was when I worked as a freelancer and got a tiny job to improve a VBA module in some Excel file for a very big company. So what's worse than VBA? Having to change parts of VBA code that was passed around to other freelancers before like the cheapest dockside whore. After meddling in there for about half an hour I felt like all those cheap ass punter, so I decided to write the whole thing from scratch. What a relief, after 3 hours I was very proud of the thing and it looked clean and well maintained again so I let it back on the streets. 😉
To the coder who comes after me: Please treat her (the code) nice or I will burry you alive in dog poop and burn the whole thing!

So today is a very lazy day for me.
My code doesn't work. Don't feel like bug fixing.
Just feeling sleepy BUT THE COFFEE IS BLAND!!
Sooooo. Here I am, typing away.
Writing these cute commented lines.
I'll thank myself later.

!rant

Designed and written > 1.3k lines of code this week and 98% test coverage..
CI and CD set up and working..

Was a Long week and very exhausting but I feel really good now, happy to start the weekend with whiskey and beer.

This is gonna be one of my most productive sprints so far..

Hope you all had a successful week as well.

Happy Friday 🍻

And please don’t start with any „that’s nothing, I’ve written 5k lines ones“ comments.. It‘s professional, stable, optimized code and code I can actually be proud of.

It's Monday and I didn't feel very good last weekends. Time to go into zone and code. Any poor soul who decided to buzz me shall be ignored.

Legacy code is like overgrown bangs 😋 It's very hard to decide if you have to let it grow out or trim it.

When the code runs perfectly on the very first hit.

Our Code everlasting
The all creating One
Coders Almighty

Through Our Holy Lines
Conceiving Algorithms
Konrad Zuse our Savior

I believe in Clean Code
I believe in Free Software
I believe in Open Source
Our Code is three in one
I believe in the bug-free project
That'll be compiled again
For I believe in the name of Alan Turing

Phantom Code: Code that was written in dose state with very little knowledge what the hell fuck you were doing 😧😭

>>Struck on a stupid concept with very little documentation.
>>Searched for days, finally frustrated and fucked up.
>>Started searching for libraries,found a decent one with good documentation and even a sample usecase.
>> library handles my application completely fine, me happy and motivated again :D
>>opened the library's source code, that was again very nice and simple.
>>Now learnt the concept and implementing it in my app natively . Even opened some issues in the creator's library
>>thank you github :)

You see that, over there?

That massive, 10-ton bag of dicks sitting there in the corner?

Secure Code Warrior can eat that ENTIRE FUCKING THING!

SO many flaws in their tests... SO much HIGHLY questionable content... utterly RIDICULOUS bullshit code with no comments and no context... asking me fucking Angular questions when I'm doing an Express test... two answers that are IDENTICAL... and a busted-ass site on top of it all.

I hate this motherfucking bullshit SO much, and at this moment I hate my employer even more for forcing me to deal with it.

But, hey, I hope you enjoy no work getting done today since you seem to prefer I do this instead, so I guess I'll just scare my dog some more as I yell about this bullshit.

Fuck you Secure Code Warrior, fuck you very, VERY much.

Started to write a blues song about this depressing legacy code base, but then it turned into an emo song, and now it's very heavy metal.

Every work experience so far.

The first one... Internship abroad, very messy codebase, almost no code review.

At the end I was so tired I started watching movies during worktime.

Yay ...
No more !important in SCSS...
All colors pulled from variables...
Such code ... Very clean 😂

Okay today I wrote a very ugly api.. No f***king json mapper will handle that response in java. The values are dynamic... Good luck to anyone who will integrate into it... And good luck to anyone who will look at my code
Project manager please always give realistic deadlines

Last few weeks have been very hectic and I will explain everything in a few days when all of my things to do are done (if you are concerned - nothing bad happened, just code nightmares. Expect a strongly worded rant soon).

Also, I’m getting vaccinated for the coronavirus on Saturday night!

This is very long along. Senior Developer was doing my code and telling the best way to write jQuery and PHP codes.

The funny part is that he doesn't know anything about PHP and whatever jQuery code he told me to correct was very shitty and difficult to maintain.

That's when I knew. This world is fucked up!

Speed programming contest

Is this a thing... it should be.
After years of practice
I can type and code very fast with in shortcut only style

It actually impressed a
Non techy girl

Oh yeah am very religious.
I attend the Church of JavaScript.
We code 5 times a day.
And pray on Sundays for Internet Explorer.

By keeping away from bugs and living a functional life
We will all one day meet the web in native paradise

Code Simplicity by Max Kanat-Alexander, a very short but inspiring book I've read two or three weeks into learning programming. I can only highly recommend it to beginners and probably even people who already have some experience in the field.

I don't always talk to myself, but when i do, it is usually writing very complicated code.

I'm very bad at reading someones code. For example when someone on uni asks me to help him with code I just write it from scratch, I can't find the mistake or even understand thoughts of this person. I'm afraid that when I'm going to work in team I'll be useless. Can I even do something with this?

I just got a job this month and one of my colleagues talks by himself 😔 making jokes and criticizing his code out loud. It is very disturbing ...

Pulled an all nighter for a project, the next thing i know i am demonstrating my code with the error message i forgot to change which was houston we got a problem, i felt so weird and i was laughing very hard after the project presentation

I have the habit of adding //todo comments to my code whenever I need to implement something later. Very useful to just search your code for "todo" and see what is left to do.

That is all very well, but I just searched my project for "todo" and there are SO MANY //todo comments in the third party dependencies...

That feeling when the code in a massive PR is of very high quality... Only comment is about some class name...

Piddling, and trying to learn some game stuff. Very simple game stuff.
Example code:

if (level % 10 === 0...) {
speed += 0.3;
...
} else if (level % 5 === 0...) {
speed += 0.1;
...
}

But because Javascript, console log reads:
speed: 0.5 <-- this is the initial console log
speed: 0.6
speed: 0.8999999999999999
speed: 0.9999999999999999

Well done Javascript, well done.

I hate so very much about so very many things, I forget some of the things I love.
And what I love is small lines of code that reveal something about their developer. This? This I love to see.

Some guy here studied C at university, decided he liked it so much he would port it over to JS. Absolutely pointless effort, but he decided he would do it nonetheless. The code is clean, documented, just with this little quirk and I'm honestly smiling. You rock, buddy, whoever you are.

So the library we used to interact with s3 had this very cool delete function. (Pseudocode)

function delete(bucket, file)
request = buildRequest(bucket, file)
sendRequest(request)
OK

Now imagine how many problems we setup without delete permission, because we assumed this librsry actually returns an error code

Sometimes, I get code dyslexic and it's very annoying.

So my senior visited some of my very old code today to make some changes on his own, then asked me to explain flow since he wasn't understanding it.

Me after looking at code for 2 minutes:
"When I was writing this, only God and I knew what it meant. Now, only God does."

A colleague of mine was very smart, but didn't know how to use classes in .net or object literals in js, so he organized his data with arrays.

It worked, of course, but, god, did I hate working with his code. It would take hours to make simple changes.

I've been writing Java the last few days. Really makes me remember why I enjoy writing objective c / swift so much. It's not necessarily the crazy syntax of objective c. It's the conventions behind the languages. It's very easy to make your code read like prose. Which when you become used to this it's very hard to jump back into spaghetti code with abbreviated variable names and such.

Porting a very old program I wrote from Console to WPF app... looking at the source code, I'm amazed that it has been working all these years...

C++ might be very good in memory management but it's an absolute pain in the ass. When the src has thousands of lines of code it's clos3 to impossible to manage the memory. The errors are so vague.

And porting the code to a new hardware is an absolute nightmare.

Chased a bug for nearly a week. Huge code base, over 2mn lines consisting of a mess of C++, Python and Lua glued together.. Wrote a very complex distributed computational framework. End up with a elusive compiler bug in GCC.. FML

Why do popular media paint "programming" as easy... this is a very big deciet. please let stop this lies.
programming is not for everyone, not everybody can code.
and please dump the f**king "Girls can code" slogan.
there is no need for the hype.

Recently, Android development, because it feels good to think about an app idea in your mind, write the code, and seeing it working in your phone or tablet; very rewarding.

Best: Realising I can code and I actually do have the drive to pursue this career but need to make some changes to get there.

Worst: Also realising I'm very logic oriented and process driven and work in a company that would rather piss on exposed power mains over training their staff.

Definitely John Carmack. That man is a code machine. Very technical person.

Them: Maintaing code quality is a vital part of our team culture!
Me: Really, how important? Can a feature slip to facilitate necessary refactoring?
Them: Well no. We've made a commitment to the client.
Me: So, code quality is not very important then is it...

The best dev advice a dev has given me is to write clean and structured code from the very start of every project. Changed my life in general.

"How you do one thing is how you do everything."

i like to code because:
- it's challenging
- it's very personal, it's my way to solve the problem
- in the end i might have something cool that i did myself and that's priceless

As I mentioned in previous rants
The company that I work for is very loud and noisy, making it really hard to code.

First day in new office, bigger space in the same building....PEOPLE HAVE COMPLAINED ABOUT THE NOISE AND LOUDNESS

FIRST. DAY.

Sorry guys, I have complained too they dont care.

My coding style is extremely fundamental (I guess); meaning I have to write every piece of code myself and I don't like to use anything ready, which makes me very slow and costs the employer lots of money and time.
It's becoming very discouraging, but I just can't give it up!
Any ideas how to improve this situation?

Love the docs that provide lots of segment examples everywhere, but no full examples. No source code. Very helpful

Has any of you worked with someone claiming he's a "Senior Software Engineer" but he does not know what he's doing? I'm not saying I'm a very good developer myself but I know how to differentiate a good code from a garbage code and architecture. It's really becoming a pain in the ass...

> Advice for new coders?

How much do you hate yourself?

.

(The code itself can be very rewarding)

I have to debug a very complicated piece of code right now... 290+ lines of code here I come 😰

That moment when you join an organization and your job is to maintain and update their website, but their past web developers didn't indent any of their HTML and CSS code, and their class names are all very vague...

I am the very model of a modern major sociopath
I like to fill a bathtab with some virgins blood and take a bath
I code in ruby and rust and make future generations cringe
at the awful fucking syntax that I pushed on theeeemmm

I am so very gleeful yay
I am so very cheerful may
Just shove expanded jargon in your face
and somehow yet you say ok.

I am the mind behind the nosql
and I made a me a mongodb
I created shitty storage methods and I laughed with evil glee
you'll never be able to code in any of these things good for me
because performance in apps that use these things is fraud you see

i am so very warm in my bath
i make shitty programs and i laugh
now join me while i sacrifice this calf
and make this video of about that shit the graph

Have a friend who wants to enrich his coding portfolio but is scared of people copying his more serious code if he puts it up on github.
Told him it's all about open source and he could just keep the more casual code up there while giving access to serious projects on request from a company, but it's not very ideal, is it?

What would you tell him?

Some people be like:

MAN: Are you at office?
SE: No, I'm on a airplane at 35000 feet;
MAN: While you are up there, you should write more code. After all you know that bugs won't survive at 35000 feet.
SE:(sighs and facepalms) hmm that a very good point....
MAN: plus you are closer to the cloud, so server code should run faster or with lower latency at least.
SE: (jumps off the plane)

Do you ever look at old code from years ago a think “god that was bad”? I’m so embarrassed by something I wrote on 2010, it’s shockingly bad!

I actually feel a little low and think maybe I’m not very good! Of course now my code is so much better but think to myself, is what I’m writing now gonna be the same down the line?

Ok Rust help you write robust safe code and is very fast.
But at what cost ?
But why on earth the syntax is very disgusting. It takes time to familiarize with the horrible syntax.
And I feel like the sadistic rust cult members actually enjoy making it hard to read so that they can jump on any occasion to shout at you : you still lacking rustlang skills

Fuck that shit I'd rather write in golang or just deal with C++ . At least their syntax doesn't make me wanna puck

I really fucked up thinking I had all the time in the world.
I also wrote very shitty code but I know that would've been hard to avoid, so it's cool.

A lot, I'm very lucky with projects that need a team, always have to code the 80% of the project by myself

Stepping through the source code of a no-code-graphical-programming-tool (or however you call that) to understand why my stuff isn't doing its thing or at least see what it wants from me.
Very intuitive

People get so defensive about their code! Especially, code that becomes redundant. Suddenly, they get all activist type, as if their puppy is being put to death, and come up with the most convoluted of reasons why it is very critical code.

the AI says the code I'm trying to design is very complex a problem, d'awww I'm not a failure 🥺

the solution seems to unironically be to delete half of it and make it far simpler / less features lol

why can't I make my code psychic to what I want, ragh! oh well

The rest of my team do code reviews like human linters (not very well). I love the look on their faces when I volunteer to review their changes.

Code is cheap! It is very cheap!

I'd like to one day be as good as my tutors or my better half.
Overseeing research code and developing it further with very little documentation seems like a very precious skill to me. They have my respect for that.
That would also involve getting a phd.

I feel so clueless sometimes but apperently I'm a fighter, so let's keep goin and trying :)

Quick question...
Can you guys code without any reference?
I find very hard to memorize all the functions and etc...

Good code is a lie imho.

When you see a project as code, there are 3 variables in most cases:

- time
- people / human resources
- rules

Every variable plays a certain role in how the code (project) evolves.

Time - two different forms: when certain parts of code are either changed in a high frequency or a very low frequency, it's a bad omen.

Too high - somehow this area seems to be relentless. Be it features, regressions or bugs - it takes usually in larger code bases 3 - 4 weeks till all code pathes were triggered.

Too low - it can be a good sign. But it should be on the radar imho. Code that never changes should be reviewed at an - depending on size of codebase - max. yearly audit. Git / VCS is very helpful here.
Why? Mostly because the chances are very high that the code was once written for a completely different requirement set. Hence the audit - check if this code still is doing the right job or if you have a ticking time bomb that needs to be defused.

People
If a project has only person working on it, it most certainly isn't verified by another person. Meaning that only one person worked on it - I'd say it's pretty bad to bad, as no discussion / review / verification was done. The author did the best he / she could do, but maybe another person would have had an better idea?

Too many people working on one thing is only bad when there are no rules ;)

Rules. There are two different kind of rules.

Styling / Organisation / Dokumentation - everything that has not much to do with coding itself. These should be enforced at a certain point, otherwise the code will become a hot glued mess noone wants to work on.

Coding itself. This is a very critical thing.

Do: Forbid things that are known to be problematic in the programming language itself. Eg. usage of variables in variables, reflection, deprecated features.

Do: Define a feature set for each language. Feature set not meaning every feature you want to use! Rather a fixed minimum version every developer must use and - in case of library / module / plugin support - which additional extras are supported.

Every extra costs. Most developers don't want to realize this... And a code base that evolves over time should have minimal dependencies. Every new version of an extra can have bugs, breakages, incompabilties and so on.

Don't: don't specify a way of coding. Most coding guidelines are horrific copy pastures from some books some smart people wrote who have no fucking clue what you're doing and why.

If you don't know how to operate on people, standing in an OR and doing what a book told you to do would end in dead person pretty sure. Same for code.

Learn from mistakes and experience, respect knowledge from other persons, but always reflect on wether this makes sense at this specific area of code.

There are very few things which are applicable to a large codebase on a global level. Even DRY / SOLID and what ever you can come up with can be at a certain point completely wrong.

Good code is a lie - because it can only exist at a certain point of time.

A codebase should be a living thing - when certain parts rot, other parts will be affected too.

The reason for the length of the comment was to give some hints on what my principles are that code stays in an "okayish" state, but good is a very rare state

Aaaah the joy of carefully crafting and testing extensively on multiple aspects (code, UX, compatibility) your own craft...

... Only to get "IT DOESN'T WORK ON MY MACHINE LOL"

They didn't even read the very simple instructions of "double click on that exe"

!rant

Sometimes when I code I become very happy without a reason. I don't know the source of this joy. It's not about if the code works of not, it's just different.

You go very early to office with happy mood to code what you were thinking all night....and when you reach there is no network nor power (to laptop)....

!@##$!@$!@#$Q@#$

#FFFFF

Just married, sold my expensive laptop to pay some debts, and waiting for a very cheap refurbished laptop that I just bought. Can't wait longer!! Need to code something in React!

I've had this idea for some time now. How about a website that gathers some of the most well written open-source code and allows you to easily read it for educational purposes? Everyone says that reading source code can be a great learning tool but directly jumping into github is not very friendly to newcomers. I saw what underscore.js has done with the annotated code link and I think it's great. What do you think?

My gf wants to be a nomad.
I just like to code in my chosen place of work (home) and not lose focus with moving around.

I'm worried, I get anxiety if I don't find myself in places that let me be productive. I'm very much like a cat in that regard 🐈

Am I the only one who very often creates a new project folder and copies all the code because it's easier than cleaning dependencies and such?

Just wanted to work on some of the weekend ideas... I thought let's just install vs 2017... While installing I found out that I can't open any other vs... Not to worry, I thought, vs code may save the day...opened vs code... "Hey... There's new update... since it's normally very quick to update vs code lemme just install the update while vs 2017 is getting installed".. BAM!!! ... Vs Code update process got stuck for 20 mins..."Can I cancel the update? ".. BAM AGAIN!!! now vs code won't open.

Any idea of how to protect your nodejs source code on a client's onsite server ?

If they can SSH, they can get the entire source.

This is built into the angular framework very well but I don't know how to do this on a server.

Any neat packages for obfuscation, uglification etc ?

the company I work for has code that's very procedural which makes cringe as I strongly prefer object oriented.

Very useful!
It's not just about code but the whole package.
Watching great programmers fail miserably at project management, research, documentation, team leading and acting professional is just embarrassing, especially when they slate those who went out to educate themselves.

🎙️ Mic drop, I'm out!

the Death Valley of PR approval

I have almost 3 years of work experience in programming professionally. Currently this is my second company. Previous company I worked for was very loose regarding clean code, code readability, tests etc. It was their way of doing things fast, making working changes quickly was the most important thing due to its business. Now I work in company where I spend a lot of time in some limbo when my code works and my code is merged. It sucks, I make all kinds of mistakes which would be tolerable in my previous workplace, but now it keeps me from releasing code. I now the way I do things now is the right way and it will result in me growing as a specialist, but it is very frustrating and damages my self esteem. I hope it will pass one day.

I love reading code samples where the author was clearly very talented and up to the task, but had clearly used a different language up until that point, so they write with a strong accent. The C# codebase I'm working on right now for example had clearly been written by Delphi programmers

Tdd isn't very effective if the spec keeps change as you work.

I was trying to be good and write tests as I went, but it just ended up taking twice as long since I had to keep rewriting the code AND the tests.

I've never written any unit tests for any apps/programs I've developed.

I would tell myself, this time you're going to create some and be a better developer by doing so. I end up just creating the file and that's it.

Most of the bugs are discovered during the user testing phase so I always end up being lazy writing unit tests.

I write very defensive code though so that helps a little but all in all, it's a very bad habit that I need to snap out of

The one place I get to have fun with my code is the tests. Who the fuck cares if I use the test string "Mr. Snuffleupagus"? Please stop ruinning the little fun I do have by changing my tests in the very next commit.