Everyday i used to spend an hour in the morning reading emails.

Until i made a script that reads all mails, parses to urgent/priorities/meetings etc. Then shows me a dashboard of everything. 1 hr turned to 20mins max.

Then i made a chatbot out of it and now i just talk to it everytime and gives me the rundown.

Gave me so much time to code instead of reading fucking emails.

"I was wondering why Monitors sleep and Keyboards don't.

Then it occurred to me that Keyboards have two SHIFTS. 😆😆" -some guy

Teacher: press F5

Student: presses f then 5

Me: dies

Phone conversation between me and a client:

CLIENT: "I see it weird..."
ME: "Which browser are you using?"
CLIENT: "The one you tech guys don't like"
ME: "Internet Explorer, isn't it?"
CLIENT: "Yeah, I'll switch to Firefox then."

me: im tired of coding here

boss: then go home and code there

me: GREAT SEE U TOMORROW

boss: okay, tomorrow bring a pillow, slippers and food so you'll feel more comfy coding!

If you name your methods a, b, c, x, z, etc

Then I hate you.

If the idiot wants me to help then use proper method names!

Push me
And then just merge me
So I can get that
Merge confliction
Merge confliction

At ATM

Options
- cash only
- cash and balance
- cash and receipt
- cash and balance and receipt

Choice
- cash only

Questions
- would you like to see your balance

Then
- would you like a receipt

IF I WANTED A FUCKING RECEIPT OR TO FUCKING CHECK MY BALANCE THEN I WOULD HAVE MADE THAT CHOICE WHEN YOU FIRST ASKED ME. YOU FUCKING CUNT.

I EXPLICITLY CHOSE “CASH ONLY” SO JUST FUCKING ASK ME HOW MUCH I WANT TO WITHDRAW AND THEN LET ME GET THE FUCK ON WITH MY BASTARDING DAY!!

If you're going to bother to detect that my input is without hyphens, then you can certainly insert them for me too.

This made me double take and then chuckle 😅

I just realised that it's faster for me to create a CV in HTML then in Word

Customers who start to talk to me over the phone like I'm a little boy can seriously go fuck themselves.

You expect me to talk to you respectfully, then do the fucking same.

Fucking cunts.

Listening to Linkin Park while coding.
Head banging, foot tapping, just singing along in my head.
Then the boss messaged me, "should we produce some tickets?".
Apparently, I'm singing rather loudly.
Earth, swallow me up now.

Today, after two hours of debugging, my girlfriend called me to break up.

Then my backend started giving strange errors about some unmet dependencies.

Clients love to use the word "Broken" (or synonymous word).

Client: The program is broken. Fix it ASAP.

Me: Ok, give me some details so I can help you.

Client: No, fix it. *Becomes an ass*

Me: Alrighty then, let me sit here doing nothing for a couple of hours. Then say that I tested the code against your original request, and it's working as intended.

Client: Sounds good.

(Pretty sure that's how it went)

I always forget to commit my changes and then when someone reminds me, I usually commit 1 weeks work in one single commit.

He gave me task, and I estimated it will take 2 (120 minutes) hours...
He came after 20 minutes to check the progress... Then he came after 40 minutes... Then he call me after 70 minutes... Then he came again after 90 minutes... Then I delivered the task in the time with my resignation letter draft.

When someone explains to me that they really care about their privacy and use WhatsApp or signal or other encrypted messaging services and then you see then typing stuff through the GOOGLE KEYBOARD.

Yeah i think they're not understanding something 😆

It took me a good 20 minutes to realize why my Python code wasn't working. Then it hit me.

Does your article require me to click "next page" 8 times to read the whole article?
if yes, then fuck you.

If you come to me, and ask for my opinion about something, then you throw “You’re wrong” at my face. Then why the fuck did you ask me in the first place? Fucking cunt

Recruiter: "Do you have at least 5 years of experience with Angular?"
Me: "No, barely half a year"
Recruiter: "Then why did you get in touch with me?"
Me: "You were the one calling me [you moron]"

Interviewer: Any plans on pursuing Masters?

Me: I haven't thought about it so far

Interviewer: You know what, work here for 1-2 years then go do your Masters, then join Google or Facebook

Me: Ok :|

I get depressed during times like this.

Me: *does a keyboard shortcut*
Friend: Woaw, are you good on computers?
Me: yea.
Friend: CAN YOU HACK?
Me: yea...
Friend: WHATS MY PASSWORD?
Me: I don't know your password.
Friend: You can't hack then.

drunk me: "let's just code a bit right before going to bed!"
*codes and then goes to bed*
sober me: "when and what did i do here?"
(...)
also sober me: "how the hell does this work?!"

Me : "I want to remove this file"
Windows powershell : "No you can't"

Me : "I'd like to remove this file and then sort all my /home files in alphabetical order and rename all of then adding some text before and after there actual name"
Linux bash : "Ok. Done."

Got fed up with Wix adverts on Facebook so I hid it. It then asked me why, so, as a Frontend Developer, I said Wix is offensive to me.

Tell me I'm wrong! 😉

How do I know my office is pretty chill?

My lead dev just sent me a text with:

"U suck penis"

I said "wow, uncalled for"

And then he said:

"U r uncalled for"

Well alrighty then

Manager: so how long will feature A take?

Me: about a week.

Manager: and feature B?

Me: also a week.

Manager: how about C?

Me: another week

Manager: great! then we can finish the project in a week!

THAT'S NOT HOW MATH WORKS

Undev life
"If I'm ever on life support, unplug me .......and then plug me back in, see if that works"

Today i've met a big customer of our company

He was absolute friendly and gave me clear requirements without oppositions...

Then I woke up.

Friend: My other friend said he hacked into the Pentagon, can you do it?
Me: ummm No
Friend: So you are not really a good developer then?
Me: ummm No...I guess
Friend: well I'm hanging out with that guy then, he is showing me ways to make hundreds of $ a day online.
Me: sigh...

Me: Can you go to that page and see if the issue is fixed?

Colleague: if I go there it breaks things

Me: yes, it should be fixed now, can you please check it to make sure?

Colleague: but if I go there it will break things

Me: Can you just go to the page

Colleague: it broke something

Me: what did it break?

Colleague: I don't know

Me: ...then how do you know it's broken

Colleague: because the gallery doesn't work

Me: WELL THEN THATS WHAT'S FUCKING BROKEN THEN ISN'T IT

I code through the night until 8 am, then sleep until 6pm+.
My family then calls me out as being unproductive and lazy.
Why must the whole world be oriented against night owls like me? 😥

Programmer boyfriend: you should come back to programming

Me: why?

PBF: then we can work together

Me:

people: What do you do?
me: I'm computer engineer.
people: Ah! You fix things then. Can you fix my TV?
me:

In my yesterday's interview:

Interviewer: Tell me about some cool things you did on last year.?

Me: Connecting multiple IoT devices and create dashboard to show status using web sockets.

Interviewer: Oh great. You did without page refresh.?

Me: Yeahh 🙄

Interviewer: Then its cool.

Me: 😬🤔😐

Me: Arrays start at 0
Tennis: Arrays start at 0 then go 15, 30, 40, IndexOutOfBoundsException

German gov contractor interview.
1 interview went fine, test project went fine, then they told me all looks good and they'll fly me in so I can meet HR in person.

Flew up to Germany and there are solution architects and project managers in the room questioning me about C++ although it was about a java position.

Then told me that I'm no fit for them as their java devs need to be rock solid in C++ to make communication between departments easier. What the...

Interviewer: So here are the technical tests. You have 20min.
Me: We agree I can use the internet?
Interviewer: No, sorry.
Me: Good, I'll make you pen&paper websites then. Seriously!?

Yesh I'll do a quick restart and then continue work. Ah, silly me.

Picked this up the other day. Hope it's as good as people have been telling me.

If so, then here begins a new journey for me to better code.

Once I had been sick for a couple of weeks. Then came back to this abomination

Didn't make me feel any better 😨

Asked junior to clone a git repo

junior: tried everything it doesn't work

me: show me how you did it

junior: right clicked on the repository, 'Copy link address' then paste it into the terminal

me: put that mouse down right now!

Parents bought a new fridge then asked me to "set it up" because you're good with computers.

Me: The script is 85% ready.
Manager: Lets make it do something else, then.

Sad story!
She : i am breaking up with you because I love another guy.
Me : since when?
She : 6 months.
He : why you didn't tell me then?
She : we have updated our privacy policy!!

Maturity is when you make your avatar look like you.

But even then my avatar looks far better than real me.

* sobs in corner *

Friend: you really should give Windows another chance, it's really not that bad.

Me: are you in possession of the only Windows computer that doesn't blue screen whenever there's a strong breeze outside?

Friend: No ... That does happen every now and then.

Me: So what's great about it then?

Friend: Look at this cool wallpaper, it's a slideshow of pictures of my kids.

Me: ... stop talking to me immediately ... and sit over there.

Me annoying our dev:

Me: “Is your npm watch running?”

Him: “Yes!”

Me: “You better go catch it then... 🤣”

Him: “....”

I think we gatta let him go :(

Come to think of it, Java really reminds me of fidget spinners.

A lot of people love it.
A lot of people hate it.
And then there's me who just doesn't give a fuck.

friend: "oh my god i have a virus!"
me: "let me see..."
me: *ticks the "don't allow this page to create any more alerts" checkbox in chrome, then closes the page*
friend: "how did you do that?"
me: "magic!"

*job ad* We strongly adhere to TDD

Reality:
Me: yeah but shouldn't we write tests first and then get X finished?
Manager: No takes too much time, we finish X and then we decide if it's worth testing.

I forget things really easily. Don't believe me?

I started reading a rant and thought
"wow, so interesting, and this is what is happening to me!"

Then realised it was my rant I had just posted.

Person- Hey! are you a game developer?

me- yea.

person- Nice! so, you make games, right?

me- NO! I fuckin' scroll through my Twitter feed!

person- Ahm hah.. ok then, ttyl.

me- T.T

Tfw everyone uses a cute duck or little animal as a debugging buddy, and then there's me...
I like this one tho. :)

Neighbour: What do you do?
Me: I am an Undergrad, pursuing a degree in Computer Science.
Neighbour *Pointing to her Daughter* : I guess she can fix our printer then.
Me: ...

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? VISUAL STUDIO STOPPED RESPONDING AND THEN BLUE SCREENED ME!!!? AND NOW THIS?!?!!?

HXJEIDHFHISJSHDIFHEIDH

If you like the post, then give me some ++'s.

Me: "I'm a programmer."
Them: "Oh! You work in IT!"
Me: "Kind of, except it takes years to mast the craft."
Then:: "Oh! You work in IT!"

Shoutout to the guy who stored his entire website in a JSON file and then asked me why his app wasnt working

>Answered my first question on SO
>Comment: "It's a wrong answer"
>Me: "Do you mind telling me why, so i can fix it? It could still help the op"
>
>
>

I see. You were quick to tell me I was wrong, but don't tell me why. Alright then.

Please do not send me fucking messages saying “hi how are you?“ and then wait for my response before asking me what you actually want.

Client: I want you to build me a website.
Then makes an order on freelancing website.

Me: Okay, Sir. Can you send me your specifications, please?

No reply.

2 days later

Me: Hello, sir....are you still interested?

A week later
Me: Sir.

Me: Sir.....

No reply

2 Weeks later
Me: Sir......

No reply

Client: Oh, sorry.(Then gives some lame excuse) Okay I will send you the specifications.

Me: It's Okay. Waiting for it.

A week later
Me: Sir, you forgot to send me your specifications.

No response.

#Life of a freelancer.....No stability or security or decent clients.

Interviewer: What is your strength and weakness in terms of technology?
Me: My strength is Java and my weakness is Java Script.
Interviewer: Hmm Ok... then let me ask you questions only related to JS.
Me : (face palm) 😳

The fuck did you think was going to happen?

User: ITs dragging their feet which is why x hasn't gone out yet.

PM: Why hasn't this gone out yet?

Me: They sent me a template then another and then said wait that's wrong too I'll send you the correct one.

I've yet to receive this and no one's provided me the data to check over.

PM: Well that's not what x said.

Me: Well my email chain says so. (Proceed to show them the emails)

PM then walks off and blasts the users. Your #blamegame ended the moment you emailed me knob shits.

Me: Hans, Get ze Flammenwerfer!!!
Hans: Why?
Me: They use long instead of big decimal!
Hans: How do they handle the floating values then?
Me: Before sending the request they multiply by 100 and on receiving they divide by 100

Notification: someone you know is on Instagram
Me: ohhh? Are they? Fucking good for them then ain't it. Least they're not on fucking heroin...

Me in a test:

if(boolean)
return value;
return something_else;

I then lost 2 marks for not having an else statement -.-

*client calls*
Me: Hello?
Client: Hi, I have some questions about the project.
Me: Alright, what are they?
Client: I don't quite remember what my questions are.

What? Then why did you call me?

So I guess no more debugging for me then...

Fuck NDA, if client doesn't pay me then I'm going to make their open in Github.

when a company tells me, "We switched to Angular!" then looks at me like I should be impressed.

Indian Programmer Woes 1:

Random Guy: hey you're a CS engineer right?
Me: yeah.....
RG: then can you hack the Facebook profile of my crush?
Me: ughhh.....No....
RG: then you're not a CS engineer.
Me: :/

My friend just introduced me to devrant today, and then we decided we're going to write an OS together...

If you drink coffee and code with earphones on then you're already a cool person for me

Have I? You're asking me?

I have no fucking clue Lync, I don't see anything. Why don't you tell me if I have ... and then where it is!

Mom: My mouse doesn't move
Me: Have you tried disconnecting and reconnecting it?
Mom: How do I do that?
Me: Well, follow the cable from the mouse to the computer
Mom: Is the computer the black box? Then I've disconnected it
Me: Ok, good, then reconnect it
Mom: It doesn't fit
Me: ...

*Friend : Do you have something to hide?
Me : Nope.
Friend : Then why do you delete your browsing history every single time?
Me : .... Fine.

Once upon a time I was program'n, but then the POTATO GOD said unto me, PROGRAM FASTER MY CHILD. And I did so.

An old company contacted me, seemed remorseful and said I probably didn't want to work there again but kept pushing. Eventually he said a high salary and I figured ok they had easy projects and the overpaying would beat the underpaying they did while I was there, right?

The new lead dev at the place took a month to give me work, tried to pressure me by saying she was going to tell management they are behind because of me, and then progressively stopped assigning tickets to me and assign-then-reassign them from me according to my schedule/predictions I revealed during the daily stand-ups. Why hire me at all. Then they said they changed their business direction at 3 months and let me go. What a waste of everyone's time.

Then.

Dev: "Ah! Some free time at last, let me stack overflow something and learn"

Now.

Dev: "I'll work later, let me devRant"

The guy who was apparently teaching me. "Do you Google? Use Google, it's the best way to learn new tricks"

Opens browser, types google.com in the browser (firefox) searchbar and then opens Google homepage and then searches for content.

I wish my colleagues try to google first and then ask me.

Anyone else approach coding with the mindset of - "make it work, then make it right".

It really helped me up my productivity

Don't wanna go to bed cuz then I have to work tomorrow 😞

Image is me each standup

Dad: And what do you code?
Me: Websites, some useful desktop applications and some Android apps.
Dad: Why didn't I notice them?
Me: Because I am not making money with it and can't afford advertising.
Dad: Then make money with it.
Me: ...

Company: Govt says you should stay home to prevent spreading the disease. PLZ WFH.

People start to WFH.
VPN gets overwhelmed.

Me: Cannot connect to VPN.

Boss: Then go in the office!!!

Me: Uhh...

I thought that learning C would give me a good baseline for learning whatever other programming language.

Then I started looking into Haskell.

Im gunna get a lot of flak for this but just hear me out:

People keep asking me what it's like working in a male dominated industry. They have conferences for women in tech empowerment and I get forced to go to them because I'm the only female in the office.

The thing is. I don't feel oppressed. I get that we "need" more women in tech but from my experience and from talking to various women at my old university, the reason women are avoiding the tech industry isn't because it's male dominated and they feel out of place. It's because a) it doesn't interest them or b) they never thought of it as an option (like myself).

Computer programming should be in grade schools and highschool's just like math and science to help educated not only women but people in general that it's an option. That's what's going to help more women get in the tech industry. Not these bullshit conferences and women's rights in tech movements, and hiring women over men (even if she's worse than him in skill level) just because she's a woman.

Frankly I think it's downright shameful that companies that are male dominated feel the need to hire women over men just because of gender. If I'm applying somewhere and there's a better male candidate, hire him! I'd much rather your company have a good team then a "balanced" team. Great tech teams are what will bring along new and better technologies, not balanced ones.

Keep in mind I'm talking about Western Civilization here, I get that a lot of countries are still struggling with the balance of women's rights at all but this is Canada.

I also get that there are probably some women who want to join tech but won't because it's too male dominated but frankly that's a shit poor excuse. If you really wanted to join tech then being surrounded by make co-workers wouldn't deter you from living your life the way you want to. If you feel so uncomfortable around men that you won't go into an industry you love because it's male dominated then I'm sorry for you and you should probably see a councillor to get that worked out.

I feel more oppressed by having to put aside my programming and being forced to go to these conferences than I do in the every day workplace. My boss is literally more offended that I don't feel offended about being a woman "minority". He spent a week pestering me about how I would feel about this, that and the other thing if it happened to me.

I'm not saying nobody ever says anything even remotely sexist to me but frankly I could give two shits- I'm here. I'm coding. I'm good at what I do and I'm comfortable enough with myself that I can just blow off the comment (which probably wasn't even meant to offend me) and continue working. But you're going to get that wherever you go, this isn't a flaw of the tech industry. This is a flaw of the world and it goes both ways (men get flak too).

Me : I found this code issue, I think we need to fix it
PO: does it affect the user?
Me: not really but we can make it better
PO: do you have a defect for it in *insert issue tracker here*
Me: no, I just noticed it
PO: is there an IM ticket for it?
Me: I don't think so
PO: is this issue already in production?
Me: possibly. Yes. That's why I was wondering if we should fix it.
PO: okay then we will fix it in the 3rd release from now if you still remember it by then.

When I got my first PC the famous Pentium 1. It just hooked me. The struggle was real back then tho....

Opening visual studio prompts me visual studio is not responding hit debug opens up visual studio then not responding again.

Endless loop!

Intern: "Hey Awlex, this function I'm using doesn't work. Can you help me?"
Me: "This function doesn't do what you are expecting. Did you even look at the docs for this function?"
Intern: "No."
Me: "... then start with that"

asked for estimates

said tomorrow

pm said she needs it by today

why asked me then?

I used to write HTML line by line.

and then someone showed me emmet.

life has never been the same since.

At my previous employer my boss asked me how long a project would take. Told him about a week maybe two. He then informed me it was due that day. Apparently the client gave it to him months ago. I worked a 35 hour weekend to make it happen. Then he complained that my weekly time sheet was higher than normal. He didn't think it was accurate and underpaid me. So glad I got out of agency work.

Me: Okay so here's the progress of your page so far.
Client: This doesn't mean sh1t to me show me the end result and I'll make adjustments then.
Me: oh my bad I didn't know you had a degree in web development the fack of me then. Like you know how to make adjustments...

PM: Please fix this code, then delete it.

Me: Right away!
*delete*

Me when I fuck up my sleep schedule badly by turning my life into a coding sprint and then trying to go normal

After my colleague noticed me of this..."feature", I immediately thought I'd ask you all, why is it even implemented then?

A "online" friend wants me to create a wp website.
I declined it.
Then he asked me, if I would at least try it, when I have free time.
Geez.

I had a genuine respect for C++ developers back in 2001

Then this whole STL thing happened. Then C++11, C++14....C++17

Me now: Bitch do they even write code 🤣🤣

"I'm an engineer, I know what I'm talking about"

Okay, then why the fuck did you ask me for help?!

Too many clients watch one or two development videos on Youtube to then 'school' me on how to fix bugs... if you're such an awesome dev, why hire me? :)

Yay, It's Raining.
Now A Question, Does Anyone other then me find it easier to code in the rain?

Meets a family member****
Fam.Member: Hey so what do you do now?
Me: I work with a tech company
Fam.Member: Nice. As what?
Me: Software Engineer
Fam.Member: oh IT stuff. Can you check my phone for me, it's slow now.
Me: No (then walks away sipping my drink)

Everybody leaves me alone until I'm pseudocoding an algorithm to solve a tough problem and need to keep my train of thought. Then suddenly everybody needs me.

Recent covo
Me; wow!! I love this phone 😍😍
My girlfriend: Then date it. Leave me 😣

Me: make me a sandwich
Her: no
Me: sudo make me a sandwich
Her: goodbye

And then I wake up and realize this "her" does not exist. I feel like I have a problem if I'm dreaming about these kind of things....

Pushed code remotely and told a teammate to run it on the target hardware. He then told me he might of blown up $6000 worth of equipment. Then he says "Never mind everything works."

World record for biggest heart attack?

my mom says: "I've got an app [on my smartphone] so that I can call and internet via my phone at work, so I don't use any minutes or MBs! :) "
me: "So how does your phone communicate with your work phone then? "
my mom: "via the app"
me: "without using minutes or MBs?"
my mom: "yes"

me: "So how does your phone communicate with your work phone then? "
my mom: "via the app"
me: "without using minutes or MBs?"
my mom: "yes"
etc

Me: Can I ask you something today? Are you available?
Senior dev: If you help me move to my new desk, then yes.

In the end he didn't even help me.... U.U

$Me: I want to start creating my own android app.
$Me: Let's start by installing android studio
*Goes to download AS*
$AS: That'll be 4gb of your disk space
$Me: well nevermind then

Really? 4gb for a fcking IDE and some build tools?

me: "my code works"
him: "no it doesnt, it crashes"
me: "..but it works on mine......"

and then i have to redo it again

Reviewed some Unity game code yesterday

[HideInInspector] public NavMeshAgent agent;

Me:”why is this hidden if it’s public”
Dev: “so designers don’t fuck it up”
Me: “then why have it public”
Dev: “I need it to be set by another class”
Me: “then make it a private bar and create a get:set function”
Dev: “Why?”
Me: “Because hiding a public variables from designers is a bad model and by standards things now to be shown to the inspector should be private”

This shit is why I have no confidence in devs my age

Client: if you build me this one site super cheap I will give you another project because then I trust you

Me: interesting ...

I have a friend who likes to change his tech stack every time he reads about a new technology online.....He started working on a startup idea of his.....He started with Larvel.....then came NodeJS...Then came .Net Core......Then Go.....And yesterday he told me that he is thinking about making it in Vapour.

Him: how long do you think it will take me
Me: ........Forever

DBMS teacher flunked me mostly because of bad handwriting. :|
It's okay because I already earn more then he does. :)

He read "Knowledge is a wealth that cannot be stolen"

Then saw me doing something with chmod and then he typed on his terminal

chmod 777 -R

I saw this picture and joked that the guy in the picture is in my pocket? Then I realized the guy is the NSA agent monitoring me. Ouch! Jokes on me...

One of the embarrassing moment for me..
Whenever some colleague pings me whenever I was busy coding I would reply "1 sec", finish whatever I was doing then talk to them.
But what happened one day was I sent "1 sex" instead to couple of the colleagues... When I realised it was very embarrassing..
Since then I have stopped using "1 sec" and use "1 min" instead.

IF YOU DONT WANT ME TO INSTALL SOMETHING WITHOUT UPDATING THEN FUCKING SAY SO INSTEAD OF SAYING MY PASSWORD IS WRONG.

It's emails like this that remind me Amazon knows less about me then I think they do....😁

We were having some complications;
Then I said, c'mon baby don't disappoint me.
Thereafter my old Pentium 4 PC booted up with ease.

Just had a customer warn me he has "made" a lot of people, but also "broken" a lot of people... Okay then!

i began to love JS, then i ask her a request to go out but all she gave me was promises

If your only contribution to a stack overflow question is 'me too' then don't bother.

Old team that screwed me over now comes back being all nice to ask me for help...

Me: **fake smile** Hi... (what can I do for you monkeys)

Then proceeds to do a Google search and gives them a link... idiots....

It really annoys me when someone opens an app in Android phones and then leave it open in the background.

Know i understand why my friends that are in to code does have better points at maths then me

When coworkers say, "I know you have a lot on your plate buuuuut...."
Then shut the fuck up and let me work 😑

So... Lots of rants about hacking.
Let me yell you a story...
Two decades ago I was asked to fix the school library computers and block then from using mIRC.
I cleaned all the machines, reinstalled the pirate copy of windows I was provided, blocked installing programs, blocked running of programs except the ones required (office, Netscape) and vnc in every computer, that I could access in a off-site computer.
Next day all the computers had mIRC... Just to show how kids are smart... Someone changed the MIRC.exe to iexplore.exe and that way could execute any program he wanted...
Invisible hard drive? Just use command line (so he could copy mIRC to a hidden folder)
Still, scared lots of kids, wen watching porn and a message would pop up , asking to not watch porn in school, but never couth the guy

Tekashi 69 was about to snitch on me for hacking and leaking data from the NSA and then I hit em with the...

return;

My standard response for any stupid questions. If you haven't tried it already then don't bother me.

What's with Android telling me what volume I should have my music at? If I want to deafen myself, then that's up to me!

Just today I realized C is older then me 😑

Yea it’s totally cool. Dropping a conference call on me 30 minutes before it happens. And then you (and everyone else in the call) should be late too. And then do this stuff all the damn time and ask me why I have to push the deadline back. But get super pissy when I give you a realistic deadline that factors these bullshit experiences in!

Then after I wait 10 minutes on the line, tell me it’s been moved to the bottom of the hour which doesn’t really leave me enough time to do anything but play on DevRant. Fucking insanity.

Manager: how long does it take to add this functionality?
Me: 🤔, give me 6 days.
Man: perfect, you'll have 4 days
Me: why ask me then?
Man: so you feel included in the decision 🙂
Me: ..... Right... And ignored....

And now he wonders why, since then, I overestimate the times... And I wonder why he didn't fire me, my friends get scared everytime I talk to our manager 😛, actually, they forbid me from talking in meetings 😛.

Conversations with SQL Server:

Me: TRUNCATE TABLE users;

SQLServer: Okie dokie, Command(s) completed successfully

Me: WTF SQL, u didn't even ask for confirmation

SQLServer: Well, you did type 'TRUNCATE' then 'TABLE' then 'users' didn't you. I mean how much confirmation do you need you prick.

As it's online at the moment.
A live background of myself handing me a glass of wheat beer.
And then actually having it.

My dilemma: I want to tell everyone of my dev friends and colleagues of devRant, but then they'll see me ranting about them...

Him: my PC doesn't want to connect to the internet.
Me: Are you doing IT ryt?
Him: Yes
Me: Then fix ur shit.

I’m half expecting it to download and then tell me it can’t be installed 😧

I am not a number. But if you insist on treating me like one, then I'll be a complex irrational.

!dev #SocialIsolationIsBad #I'm_waiting_for_this_script_to_finish

I'm the one who intentionally creeps out everyone who like her, and then sits on the toilet shedding internal tears of self-pity that "nobody likes me" and then does the comfort talk of "I'm a strong independent moldy potato and need nobody".

Anyways, came full circle now can somebody hand me more toilet papers, please? 🚽

Fuck college dude. My professor is a shit. I'm slow when it comes to instructions and some learning and so I don't usually get started as fast. Then after he decides to yell at me and tell me everything I'm doing is wrong he explains like I'm stupid and then fucking not even 30 seconds later asks me why im not 4 problems ahead with my paper.

4 yrs ago, had a bitch colleague who came to me with a problem she encounter with her code, so I looked at it then asked her "...it worked yesterday-what happened? "
- and she snap at me "...then my fault ?! We figure it out together..."

I went home after that. Reason is :-
1. I didn't touch your code
2. If you wanted me to check my codes and see if it was my fault - then please say so.
3. If you are trying to make your problem my problem, don't snap at me bitch.

One of main reason why I use Google as a search engine.

Me: Heads - Then I'll not use it.
Me: Okay google, toss a coin

GA: Sure,.... it's a tails.

Well.... fuck.

Found "hyper" in the "built with" section of electron.
me: hey, that looks cool
*downloads hyper*
*opens hyper.app*
me: well... fuck this then
hyper:

Not by me, but by my friend
He write a shell command to alias 'cd' into 'rm -rf' and then print out 'hehe', then save the command to bash_profile

Me? I put that command to our engineer's slack channel and wait for a natural selection does its job

First wikipedia asks me donation. Then tells me facts 98% Indians do not donate. And when I try to donate, it doesn't let me donate without PAN. I am a student.

Seems like Bitbucket's pushes go through like this...

Took me a while to figure out what it was.

Initially I thought Google had acquired BitBucket's, then it hit me...

Dear team leader, If you tell me „I need to review this merge request before merging”, then make sure you are able to allocate time to do this.

If you need MORE THAN A WEEK to even start, then maybe your delegation skills are nonexistent.

Am currently at a jamboree where one kid said he was really good at maths. Then another younger kid asked him what 12 + 12. The first kid then said 24 to which the second kid laughed and said "twelvetwelve". Then the small kid promptly ran away yelling "catch me catch me".

They really do say the darnest things, but concatenation was unexpected :v

There are devs who are chill. Then there's me. Deadlines give me anxiety. Being responsible for the code I didn't write and being blamed for the bugs I inherited stress me out.

Just graduated in CS.
All jobs required experience in stuff I never seen/heard before (back then I didn’t know most job listings were copy pasted by people who knew less than me).
I felt so inadequate that I replied to a job offer as a seller as they asked only fluency in 2 foreign languages.

The company owner during the interview looked at me and told me I needed to look elsewhere, that mine was a good resume and then he dropped this:
“I can see you are a good guy, but for this job I need an asshole”

Back then it was very hard for me but now I understand

Goddamit I hate it when services advertise how they are about security and then deny me using random readable words with hyphens as passwords.

Me: okay, just gonna look on devRant for five minutes then get ready
Me: *goes to recent tab*
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Me: *sees my own rant posted a day ago*

FUCKKKKK IM GONNA BE LATE WHY THE HELLL AM I STILL WRITIBG THIS OK SHIT SHIT SHTI

I wanted a personal website when I was 15. My brother-in-law sat me down, showed me Dreamweaver and told me "Learn this stuff. It will be valuable when you're older." I dragged and dropped and then looked at the resulting code. Then came sites for friends. Finally, college. I still learn new stuff all the time with each project. I couldn't be happier!

A lot of devs I meet are pretty cool but a handful, including some on here, seem to think the world revolves around them and they deserve to have the ground dusted off in front of them.

That's fucking narcissistic and you need a reality check if you're like that. It's great you're passionate about your knowledge but you're not out here taking down terries and saving children from burning buildings, like calm down with the self righteousness

Just had to get that out after one too many "how dare anyone looketh unto me unless I request it in advance" posts. Like chill out, you're not that special 🙄

If you can't describe the bug, then it's not a bug. Or at least don't come to me.

woke up to "Hey here make me a working mouse from these." and then 2 mice hit me in the chest.

How's your day going?

me: Today will be a productive code efficient day
also me: what is diz devRant
then me: man this is lit
*fml*

Why I hate my job some days, the whole app crashes if you expand the details, then hit edit but is fine if you hit edit then expand the details. You gotta be kidding me.

For some reason my wife was watching me reading away at devrant and then says:

Wife: You are missing your protection!
Me: ehh what ....
Wife: Let me fix that.

Then she comes back with a ... wait for it ... green yellow striped glitter apple sticker for my webcam.

I don't know if I should be proud of my wife or ashamed of myself for not a replacement yet.

Fuck Microsoft.

Laptop BSODs on me.

Azure deployment continuously times out.

Can't build a Power Automate Flow because of permissions and then it tells me the user doesn't exist when it does.

touch README, then add README, and commit me, until I can, push to, origin master.

Excuse me what the fuck? I deny your access to collect my data and you won't show me any content? Fine. Time to leave your shitty site then

Fuck you Chrome Canary. You tell me to update and then keep crashing.

Well admittedly it is Canary :o

WTF is up with newletters. I click unsubscribe and get taken to the site where I see the bar confirming, I then get hit with a modal asking me to subscribe and then a few min later an email telling me I can resubscribe if I accidentally unsubscribed. WTF unsubscribes accidentally when they hide that fucking link away

I wonder why, Every now and then, some non-dev friend asks me, "Hey can you hack this Facebook ID for me..." :/ ............

Ubuntu made me happy, then I found Linux mint with paper, now I have a stylish look😎

Yeah sure, drown me in administrative work and then plan to hire another dev to help because I can't keep up.
Are you kidding me?
F*cking hire someone for the KPI and that stuff!

I hate being able to hear my boss in meeting with potential clients. Promising the earth then when the meeting is done tell me we have a week to make it. Not only that but then ask me what half the stuff he's sold actually is and does!?

A recruiter contacted me regarding Django Framework and asked me to complete one assignment in REST Framework as a recruitment process.

Haven't heard from them since then.

Too many broken promises then I don't care anymore.
Javascript has ruined humanity. Catch me on my way out.

I tend to do spaghetti coding when the client is pressuring me on their software, and then after some time they'll become stagnant which basically gives me space to breathe and do code but then the I'd be too lazy to reconstruct the whole thing and just continue until it becomes one big blob of monstrosity.

I always love to stare the application that I develop... First I start with admiring it... then the things that could have been done to enhance the feature.. then the bugs that could only be seen by me.. then all these results in new update of the application and this cycle continues 😂

Open folder in Windows Explorer.

Right click empty space, then click "Open with Code."

Awesome!

VS Code keeps amazing me.

Anyone else? Just me then.

Rip facebook apps.
Today at first it kicked me out of all my sessions, then I couldn't send pics in the messenger, then I couldn't accept new members for a group, now I can't even comment.
I wish I could know know who fucked up what :D

"I hope you appreciate my professional persistence"

Nope, I don't - it's called spamming me

If I was interested in your product then I'd have responded to you weeks ago when you first started emailing me

Ok, local to me? I'm based in London

Then it just get worse and worse

They ask me if I have girlfriend(s), I speechless for maybe 5-10 second, then they told me the answer is define my sallary..

Is that normal / common question.?

During the first week of my internship colleagues were bringing me coffee. Then they started nagging and taught me how to do it for them too.

Me: I wrote this block of code right?
My brain: lol yes!
Me: Then what does it do?
My brain:

If you are building a PC without me, then we are no longer friends.

THERE IS A FUCKING DIFFERENCE IN BASH BETWEEN

if [ ... ]; then
...
fi

AND

if [ ... ]
then
...
fi

!!!!????????? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDING ME. NOBODY EVER TAUGHT ME THIS BULL SHIT

still can't believe someone actually hired me as dev and then multiple companies tried poaching me (one tried twice, another tried four times)

what are they all on

Followed the angular js tutorial until routing section. Then gave up.

It's not for me. Maybe I'll try again in a few weeks.