"Join GitHub"
"I'm not gonna join some sketchy, off brand porn site" - friend

Get off my hands! I'm trying to work 😒

FUCK OFF. It's 2 days before a deadline, I'm wearing headphones and clearly focused and you have the fucking audacity to interrupt me because you're fucking bored? Go light yourself on fire you fucking cunt

I'm gonna start off my DevRanting career by posting the most relatable comic I've seen...

Pissed off with my boss. I'm about to unleash this on him

No, I don't know why your keyboard isn't working. I'm a web developer. Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Today I discovered MIT OpenCourseWare.

I hate university, and I usually doze off during lectures, but my god, I've been listening to "Introduction to Algorithms" for about 6 hours now, and I'm hanging on to every word.

Mum: Tom time to do something get off your computer
Me: *continues staring at computer*
Mum: Tom?
Me: ...
Mum: TOM
Me: Whaaa? *moves head slightly up but still doesn't take eyes off computer"
Mum: Please get off your computer there's stuff you've gotta do
Me: *finally looking up* OK just let me fix this one thing I'm so close
Mum: fine, 5 mins
*5 mins later:
Mum: come on Tom time to get off
Me: uuuggghhhhhhhh I'm nearly done please
Mum: hurry up
Me: *tries to hurry and finish as to not upset her* please I'm so close
Mum: *furious glance*
Me: *furiouser typing noises and frantic clicking*
Me: *finishes, attempts to run the program*
Program: *runs just fine and problem I was trying to fix was working great*

...

...

*something else breaks*
Me: ok mum please just this one thing
Mum: OFF

I FUCKING HATE WAITING FOR PEOPLE.

It feels like a full quarter of my life is wasted just goddamn WAITING.

Fuck off.

From now on I'm just leaving whomever behind.

Was today national 'lets not use our brains and common sense' day or something?!?

People coming with the most fucking RETARDED questions.

'ive spend hours to try and figure out why my mail isnt sending,?!'

MAYBE TRY SPELLING YOUR FUCKING OWN EMAIL ADDRESS CORRECTLY?!?!?!

Tons more of the kind of shit that you can solve yourself within three FUCKING seconds.

I'm so fucking done with today.

Ya know I'm getting really fucking tired of this female only shit in the tech field. Like yes, there's a representation gap in the field. But you ever think it's because lots of females just don't want to fucking do it?

Most of the females I graduated high school with are going for something medical, teaching, and other fields that allow lots of human interaction and helping people. (You sure as fuck don't see people breaking their neck over the misrepresentation of males in the nursing or education field, do ya?)

You know who needs fucking attention in the tech world? Small towns. There's no fucking actual computer classes in any of the fucking high schools near me. Not a fucking thing. I had one class but it taught me how to use office software (word, excel, access, the whole shitfest).

But noooo let's just fucking focus on one specific group and everyone else gets fucked over.

Not to mention, a lot of the females here (at least from the ones I've read) just want to be treated like normal people.

I'm tired of this bullshit. Fuck every bit of it. Don't even care if it makes me a fucking dick. It's unnecessary sjw bullshit.

Just made a laser sentry tower for my cats. Next up is adding some tracking so it can play with them by itself while I'm at work and after that I'm adding a Wi-Fi module and camera so that i can also play with them while I'm at work... I couldn't resist using a mouse to top it off 😂

Every company should give a day off to employees for their birthdays.. Is it to much I'm asking for???

Well, happy birthday to me 🎉🎉

Working on a fuck off/you message service. You can easily generate a fuck off/you message and send it to someone.

No clue why I've (nearly) made it, maybe because I'm sick at home and wanted to make something.

It's nearly working though, yay.

I find it funny how, whenever I'm tipsy or drunk, my typing speed increases as fuck and the amount of typing errors I make decreases a lot!

I guess it'd because the part of my brain which thinks very consciously gets turned off...?

"JavaScript was built in a weekend"

Yeah it was ... But not the version we have today ... Twats saying well I'm sure you can build this app in a few hours 🙄

My best friend and long time crush just told me she got into a new relationship 😑

I'm here, reading rants to take my mind off sadness 😑

I'm old school. These are the only emojis I use.

:)
:(
:\

And I don't select them I use text...Sometimes I throw in a Kirby flicking people off for good measure.

<('.')^

Getting paid for my work.

Just because I'm a student, people assume I'll do everything for free and "exposure", while they make money off of my code

You all, something is wrong. No one has pissed me off at work recently (other than boss, but he does that by existing). I'm not sure if they've all learned, or if shit is about to hit the fan.

If Windows 10 auto changes my keyboard to US one more fucking time I'm going to move it off my PC on to an external HDD and fuck it in a fucking volcano before moving to Linux.

SORT YOUR SHIT OUT WINDOWS, I'M CLEARLY IN THE FUCKING UK.

/Rant

And here I am creeped the fuck out by Google (as always) suggesting me to take photos of the bakery I'm at while having location and WiFi turned off :)

I'm a backender. I fucking hate everything relating to designing, UI/UX designing and especially frontending.

I can't stand it when interfaces look bad/are off, have bugs and so on.

I just can't stand that stuff but the irony is real 😅

....

I give up trying to write this.
I'm just too fucking pissed off.

My interactions with my micromanager make absolutely no sense -- she is clearly just trying to piss me off and blame me for everything, facts and reasoning be damned.

I tried detailing this week's examples (there are lots, and it's fucking Tuesday), but. screw it.

Fuck working for (and with) her.
She's a bitchface and a thundercunt.

I'm updating my resume and fucking off out of here.

God fucking damnit i hate her.

I use GitKraken for managing/pushing to my repos on GitHub. So I always start off the day by saying, "Let's GitKraken"

I'm sorry everybody...

Just like basketball player need good shoes, programmer deserve a better keyboard.

Definitely not show off. Just wanna say I'm a big fun of Cherry MX mechanical keyboard.

Oh dear, another Tuesday!
That means I'll probably get chewed out for something in front of the entire company. What for, you ask? The boss is inventive, so it could be anything.

Instead, I'm calling in sick and taking the day off. 😊

Me on my laptop. My flatmate is next to me. I'm trying to create a live CD.
Me: I'm gonna dd this iso on the USB. What is the output file? /dev/...?
Flatmate: /dev/sda.
Me: Okay, th... Waiiiiitt...
*Flatmate laughs his ass off*

you know what... I'm pissed... I'm fucking mad... this has gotten beyond the point of annoying... and I need to get off my chest... I AM LEARNING HOW TO PROGRAM ANYTHING FROM PYTHON TO C++ TO PHP not "wasting my time playing stupid games" for over 3 fucking years... I tell my parents and they just won't listen... like they think that they're right but they're not... this is my passion and my future life and they shake it off like it's nothing! fuck fuck FUCK! FUCK!!! I really need a stress ball or else I'll probably end up throwing my mouse across the fucking room...

I'm tired of everyone playing the fucking victim all the damn time.

Grow the fuck up and take responsibility of your fuck ups, not blame everyone but yourself.

God people piss me off these days

So I got a call from a recruiter this morning, about a job for a C++ developer what experience developing for embedded systems.

He sent my resume off to the company and they actually want an in person interview the same day.

I'm going to this interview in 2 hours, I'm really nervous, I haven't had an interview in years...

Wish me luck!

My job is pretty close to ideal.

-manager is technical/proficient
-hardly any meetings
-I'm trusted to design solutions to problems
-I'm trusted to implement those solutions
-Discretionary time off
-Decent pay
-We make cool technology

Just the other day I got back from getting an extra monitor.. and just when I came back home, some older lady that also lives in this residence came to me, all panicked because her left car lights wouldn't turn off. So she asked me whether I could fix it, because I'm a man and therefore technical... Yeah.

Told her I don't know anything about cars (I don't even have a driver's license), and she should ask someone else.. but she kept clinging on to me and eventually I figured.. screw it, how hard can it be?

Got to her car, yada yada yada.. lady opens the door, and it's full of fucking buttons everywhere! No fucking way that I'm gonna dabble with those. So, do the easiest thing first.

"Ma'm, could you please turn on the car?"
*Turns car on, all lights light up*
🤔 Fair enough...
"Hmm.. and what happens if you turn it off now?"
*Turns car off, all lights go off*

Lady: "I've got no idea how you've done it but thank you so much, you're an angel!! 😊"
Me: "Well.. 😅 let's just say that turning it on, off and back on again works at least 90% of the time..."

Dropped my youngest off at the childminder today and her husband asked me what I'm doing for a job now
.. Explained its security and data science... His reply was to ask if I can setup a printer....

Yeah i'm done. Somebody stop the earth, I'm getting off.

So I spent 4-5 weeks explaining how shit the current code base was, implemented gulp tasks to lint js, CSS etc, written shed loads of coding standards and best practices to follow. At this point everyone was onboard with the changes and thought brilliant were going to start getting some good code coming out of this team.

I go on holiday for a week, come back and fucker has ignored the documentation disabled the linters in the gulp tasks and the code is back to square one SHIT!!

Plus everyone still committing to master!!!!

Why do I bother!!

Procaffeinating--- It pisses me off when the lipstick that I'm wearing alters the taste of the coffee.

I'm pissed off 😠!
Why you might ask, well....

So I woke up, went to my pc to see if destiny 2 had finished downloading!
1. My dog shit right next to my pc
2. Destiny 2 wasn't downloaded (after 13 hours)

Me: Hello. I'm from dept. ABC. My system isn't working.

IT: Have you tried logging OFF & ON again?

Me: (Let me rephrase) No the system isn't turning ON 😅

IT: Before I come over to your desk, can you try restarting once? 🤓

Me: (Motherfuck..) 🙂

I got really pissed off with this company. Why you ask? Well, first off they send me an email for applying with them for a job. Ok, harmless. I wait a couple of weeks and they send me another email. I'm excited, perhaps I got the job! NOPE it's the fucking same email for the fucking same job. I half assed their application the second go around because I was pissed off with them. In their section about uniqueness I essentially gave them the finger.

The company got a new office just in time for the "company summit".

I checked out the address on Google maps. It's a cinderblock building with the number spraypainted on the side, a battered cyclone fence in front, a cyclone gate off to the right side (apparently falling off) leading to a random battered shed, and immediately on the left is a dental office with bars on the windows. Also, the fence has spikes on top.

I'm terrified.

I'm f**king annoyed today

Today can f**k off and suck my balls

Rant over 😡

Right, you pesky type initialization bug, I'm gonna find you. Hiding by throwing your exception in an external library won't help you. I'll download the sources, library by library, and look for you there too.

I *will* track you down, bastard, and exterminate you locally. Then, I'll make a pull request and kick your sorry ass off GitHub, off the internet and off the bloody surface of the earth. Oh, you have no idea how dead you're going to be when I'm done here!

LOL the company I'm at is using an image off of Google images as their logo. Classic!

I'm in my second call from hell today. Passed off first to a teammate to run a meeting. First one started 10 hours ago, this started 5 hours ago. Neither are related. Neither show signs of resolving.

Other teammate is on the same call that started 2 days ago.

Who the hell pissed Murphy off?

Been off work for the last 2 weeks, got a text yesterday and apparently everything was manic. Kind of nice to know everything falls apart when I'm not there ;)

I hate when I'm being questioned when I wander off to the kitchen to get a sandwich for 5 minutes when the smokers at the office have their sixth smoking break that usually takes about 10 minutes.

Let me enjoy my non-smoker breaks 😒

So how is your Friday?

Well let me tell ya, fixed a production issue and I'm totally exhausted and to top it off my girlfriend broke up with me.

I need a fucking drink!

Just refactored 100+ lines of madness to 5 (FIVE!) lines of code. It's pleasing me and shitting me off at the same time.

Some people still get paid per line of code, I'm convinced.

ooooo managers have sent me a meeting for a solo standup with them on monday, i'm shakin' in my boots!

they're probably angry i already worked 50+ hours this week and took today off at short notice yesterday

clowns. 🤡

Turns laptop off

Writes key todo list on mini white board for tomorrow.

Thinking occures

Wait a minute, i think i know how to do that!

Turns laptop back on to see if i'm right.

Gets too exited for sleep because thing works

I think: "please send us an email"
is a polite way of saying
"please fuck off and don't call again".

May be I'm wrong 🙄

* Shows off the site I'm woking on *
- Friend: Oh yeah, CodeIgniter is such a great thing.
- Me: Did you just assume my framework?

!rant

I got a promotion at work!

Is it weird that I don't want it because I still feel like I have too much to learn to no longer be a "junior"? I'm happy that my hard work is paying off but I'm worried that this is how bad senior devs are made.

I'm all for algo feeds, but FOR FUCK SAKES INSTAGRAM LET ME TURN YOUR ALGO OFF. It's shittier than a sewer full of shit.

Today I played hide and seek at work, this time it was not find the missing semicolon but instead find the unknown. After 30 minutes it turned out the request URL had a capital 'i' instead of a small 'L'
==> l = I almost the same but guess my eyes are not functioning as they should

It was a fun game

my boss asked me to log in 1h30 after i logged off because "a user has been experiencing this bug the entire day and i should fix it because we're on maintenance tomorrow " but a) it's a known bug that we can't reproduce, he should've notified sooner the issue; b) it's not a big deal, i can fix it tomorrow, it's just not ticking a column in the database; c) I'm off work, go cry about it

A friend of mine called yesterday with a HUUGEEE FUCKIN PROBLEM!! His work on his thesis (to finish his course) is inside his laptop, and "the laptop is stuck at 91% of updates" since.. Like.. 5h. "It won't turn on again! I'm dead!! Pleeeaase heeelp"
I went to his home, sit at the front of his PC, took off the battery and the power cable, shut it off and then turned it on again.
"OH! MY! GOD!!!" "You truly are a fuckin God with this!!"
"Dude. You're just stupid."
Ps. I'm still his friend, I guess

I just gave a successful demo to the CEO and CTO of a company I'm doing some contract work for. The questions they were asking led to me going off script, luckily it all worked!

Don't talk to me I'm a programmer!

First, I'll kill you
make you leave all your children
Then I'll chop off your HEAD
now you're a zombie
I'll thread all your limbs back together
you can never REST
because I'm a master of all slaves
this is a test
And if I'm finally done with you
I'll leave you for garbage collection
Hello World!
Don't talk to me

In that mood where I'm excited to code until my hands hit the keyboard then I just go off to YouTube or smthn

I asked for last minute day off tomorrow. And was told yes (probably very begrudgingly). I'm so happy that I don't know if these tears are from a breakdown or happiness...

It's near enough 1 AM right now.

So will someone please explain to me why my thick shit of a housemate is cooking burgers WITHOUT OIL and setting the FUCKING FIRE ALARMS OFF, WHEN HE KNOWS I CAN NEVER SLEEP AND HAVE TO BE UP AT 4.30.

If they go off again, I'm pressing his face against the frying pan

I dont even know what gradle is but based purely off of the rants on here I'm never going to use it.

Client: Hi I'm having trouble with my computer.

IT Guy: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

!dev

I think someone needs to turn the weather off and on again here. The dry thunderstorm that woke me up is now a hail storm. And its humid. And warm.

I'm on the West Coast, this is new England/east coast weather. Wtf.

I'm going to teach web dev at a coding school in a few months. In the teaching plan, students have to learn git. But we are told explicitly to only teach using github desktop and not the command line because it puts students off.

I'm not sure how to feel about this

I have to actually like what I'm working on to get in the zone, and a nice glass of water;

You can't forget the good 'ol " fuck off, I'm coding " sign though.

Pandemic achievement: I slept early and woke up early too! Fuck yeah!

... Tho I did dream of an old-crush-who-I-hate-now and then of my friend breaking her leg, so I'm not sure, but hey, more hours in the day! 😁

Now, first going for food shopping and then I'm off to work.💃

Another smartass! Here we go!

Look, I'm an idiot and I'm absolutely aware of it. But you don't get to give an opinion without having the knowledge or skills. I may be young-ish and stupid, but that doesn't mean you're right, or that you know better than me ffs. If I'm down to earth, that doesn't mean you're above me. If you want my respect, then behave yourself. Just because you think you've "schooled me"...doesn't mean you did.

... Aaaaaand those are stuff I'll never say in real life. Gah. I can't lecture people I don't care about, but some do piss me off regardless. And what is with this sharp increase of people pissing me off these day? 🤔 🤔 🤔

My boss just passed me few tasks that my coworkers fucked up. They have more experience, but they do not follow any code style standards and usually write shitty spaghetti code. I'm pissed off and angry because it's not the first time and I'm tired of fixing things that they ruin. Do you ever had any situations like that? How do I handle this? I'm speaking of two particular persons, not a whole company.

Having me delete something is not fucking urgent and is not a fucking reason to blow up my fucking phone after I'm off. Holy fucking shit.

Can't fucking stand permanently lazy devs who don't give a shit about their craft.

Fuck off and go do something else that you actually give a shit about! *

😤😤😤😤🤬

* unless you're burnt out - then I'm sorry they overworked you x

Hardest part about studying for itil is idgaff. I want to start CISSP and CCNA. Also, someone is in "my" spot in the library, so I'm thrown off

So, my plans:

Life
* to have my firstborn child and do my best as a father
* to pay off ~half of my 5yr lease (my brand new car arrived at the dealer yesterday, I will be picking it up within 2 weeks, yay!)
* not to die from starvation while paying it off

Work:
* to become more comfortable and fluent in my current position to reduce stress and save time for personal goals (learning another language / technology so that I'm not a prisoner of the field I'm good at)

Hobby:
* to publish my first Android game (or at least be close)
* to make indie game development my hobby, a way to vent off after work and hopefully a source of additional income
* learn to draw just a little (for my game dev)

i made a script to replace the font in MHFU and to show it off i'm using the "best font"

Me to gf: hey hun look what I built! (Shows off new project)

Gf: (sees video playing in background) oh that's so cool! Did you do that? (Points at video)

Me: no, but look at this! (Shows off feature)

Gf: oh... well that's great hun, I'm so happy you are doing what you love

I'm not one for filtered searches (hence Safe Search off), though search results like this happen often enough for me to inevitably end up clicking around co-workers.

I hate how desk jobs are stigmatized.

I'm happy in my chair, fuck off.

The team of interns I'm working with are all off this week. I was given 2 skilled colleagues to cover for them. We had our first scrum today:

Boss: so what are you working on?
Me: I'm adding new feature 1 + 2.
Boss: and you?
Colleague: I am ... removing the shit

!rant

10 year old: I don't know why I'm tired.

Me: Maybe because you stayed up so late. Were you watching Back to the Future?

10 year old: Yeah, it was awesome!

Me: You're off the hook.

Somebody just nuked our svn server.

Think I'm going to take the rest of the week off.

I go to my day job and people ask:

'So what you going to do with your 3 days off?'

'I'm going to code'

'Noooo you should relax and chill'

'I WISH!!!'

For frigging fucks sake, I wanna smash some plates, trash the furniture, break some walls, get a tank and shoot stuff.

I'm so fucking angry.

And I dunno why.

Maybe I'm pregnant, dunno, but being emotional and angry isn't my forte.

Where's the shitty motherfugging off button and who wrote the manual for this mediocre piece of shit called soul?

I have been sick for a week now. All I needed was one day of rest. But no, can't rest on the week days because I work late. Can't rest on weekends because work fucking calls me for retarded tasks that they are just too fucking lazy to do themselves.

Look gobknob, I understand you're not paying me overtime. Fuck you for that. But to deny me a day off because "we are too busy" and you can clearly see I'm fucking falling around due to illness is just a shit move.

"no doctors note, no time off". Yeah. You don't give me time to go to the doctor.

So you know what I did? I fucking went to the doctor now. Said I'm sick as a dog. Gave me a few days off too.

I should have asked him to prescribe my director a butternut sized suppository that cures all "I'm a shithead" ailments.

Time to try and turn my phone off for a few days (won't work. "oh no! We hired fuck twits who can't do their job, and now our skilled dev is sick" director "FUCKING PHONE HIM" this shit really happens.).

Excuse my grammar, my spelling, and possibly my punication. Time to sleep after 65 hours.

Site usage has dropped off a cliff since this started, I'm seeing comments every other day about something else breaking, or which devRant alternatives is best. Seen as I'm never going to have enough ++ I've had to resort to inspecting the avatar builder and fiddling around with the image source to add all the stuff I want.
Also, why is there no tabby coloured cat option?

Yeah well fuck right off then. I'm just going to build a bot to auto signup for every possible username combination left in the latin alphabet. Then after the media bullshit dies down they'll be changing this policy.

👺

I'm starting to hate 2020. Back pain because of muscle strain, ongoing middle ear inflammation, and now a tooth crown has broken off. Fuck this shit.

No fuck off we don't need a team meeting about it.

We shouldn't need to go in front of a panel to begin with, let us get on with our job and let us automate the shit so sprint planning wouldn't be so difficult

I love getting a fucking email for every fucking change, instead of getting a list of desired changes.

You know what? Fuck this, I'm tired of being the nice guy, I'm not even getting paid for this, and you expect me to do it expediently on a Sunday. I'm done, you can find someone else to piss off for free.

Not directly programming related, but damn if I'm not going to start signing off all my emails with "consider it and perform" from now on.

Just arrived in Sydney 2 days ago and reported for work yesterday. I looked at my laptop's clock and it said its 4:40pm. Cool! Another 20 min and I'm off.

I started fiddling around with my machine settings and noticed my Location setting is off. I switched it on. My time is updated to 2:43pm.

MOTHERF****!!!

Someone else disturbing me while I'm thinking about technicalities. Makes me lose my shit because recollecting everything afterwards is often more difficult than the problem itself.

Note to self: tell cleaning lady to keep disturbances to a minimum when I'm working, and turn notifications on the Fandroids off before starting work. No I'm not interested in that Telegram message right now. And God bless OnePlus for putting in a physical slider for that.. more phone manufacturers should start doing this.

Me: Runs app

*Crash with error*

Me: Changes one thing, then runs again

*Crash with different error in another part of code*

Me: Fixes that error and runs again

*A FATAL ERROR HAS BEEN DETECTED BY THE JAVA RUNTIME ENVIRONMENT*

Me: Runs app again, "Maybe it was just a hiccup."

*A FATAL ERROR HAS BEEN DETECTED BY THE JAVA RUNTIME ENVIRONMENT*

Me: Chucks laptop out window. Goes to gaming PC to play Dark Souls 3, because it's less angering than this.

I thought noise cancelling headphones were a universal sign and courteous way of saying "I'm busy, fuck off" but apparently that doesn't seem to translate to my team. Every time I put these things on people start trying to talk over/through them.

How else do I let my team know to fuck off?

Call between Me and IT Assistant Guy working @ the Ministry of Education in my Country:

Me: Hi! I'm wondering why my account has been disabled. Can you tell me something?

IT guy: Have you tried turning off and on your computer?

Ministry.Of.Education.

Me sends the laptop to hibernate to get off the train. As usual, the laptop goes to hibernate and shuts off after a few seconds. Not today, today it decided, it likes it much warmer than healthy for it and now I'm sitting here with a hot laptop in thermal emergency shutdown. Damn it

I took 2 days off...
Scope doubled...

I'm surrounded by idiots.

Go for a job as an developer. Tell them I'm not UX/UI I'm more engineer / coder... "We understand, that's what we want"... Complete the coding project.... "Sorry it's not very pretty, and a bit off on the iPhone screen..." - fuck you.

!rant
If you don't even know what MySQL is, fuck off and let me do my job. Don't insist that you can't find the solution to the problem. That's why I'm here. Your incompetence and persistence are slowing me down and if you really want your stuff to be done on time, don't even dip your fingers into my codes. I know you may think that I need help, but your help is useless if you have zero knowledge and can't even understand the solutions given in stack overflow. I'm fine doing this on my own, so fuck off. Just. fuck. off.

so since I'm a developer I get told to fuck off when I don't know how to fix some stupid printer 😀

"I made a PWA, I'm a mobile app developer"
Me: No fuck off, you're a lazy cunt that doesn't want to learn native development.

"Wow, that's so sweet of you, I'm kinda impressed you managed to pull that off, you are a very kind and nice person"

So much sugar, choking on that sweetness !!!!

Dear fucking good why must I code in VBA in 2017 when there's a perfectly good (and better) alternative?!

I'm considering just porting the fucking code and hang it off.

Dear modern browsers: The site I'm working on is NOT Portuguese. Don't offer to translate it when there are literally zero non-English words in it.

Fuck off.

I thought SQL was supposed to be very easy? I'd like to jump off a balcony right now because of it ...
I don't know if I'm just dumb or if my sources for learning are bad or idk
maybe I'm just tired and dislike SQL

There's an app in my phone that shows local train timings and stuff. One thing that fucks my mind up is, even if my WiFi is turned off, it can still detect where I'm at and if I'm at train station, it pops up a notification that this station has free/public WiFi and I can use it.
HOW THE FUCK YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT FREE WI-FI IF MY PHONE'S WI-FI IS TURNED OFF.

Company: people are not taking holidays, let's have after work party midweek so they have to take a day off.

Employees: (next day after late night party) I'm calling in sick

I've had it with these automatic updates that I didn't ask for, especially when I'm trying to switch my machine off!
How about asking me first if I want that damn update?
Why do they have to be shoved down my throat?!

That's it! I'm switching my OS!

So I'm not one to show off something buuuuuuut, I'm a programmer and can barely draw a straight line let alone do pixel art, but I decided fuck it; let's try again and considering the left figure was the first compared to the right being the 10th, I'd say that's not to fucking bad :-D

When some random Assembly code I got off the OSDev Wiki actually booted on real hardware. This is where I'm meant to be.

I'm watching tv with my parents. We're watching home alone and they're laughing their asses off from the movie they watched twenty times. This is one of the cringiest moments of my life. Wish I could attach an audio recording

No, stop playing that shit, for fuck sakes.

No one want's to listen to your music with you, especially not that hillbilly crap you are listening to right now.

I'm trying to fucking concentrate. Time to stop, turn it off. You fucking twat.

When you have high pattern recognition but get rudely ignored until the problem you warned about becomes a very serious issue days later 😪🙄

Fuck I'm so tired of feeling like the only one trying to stave off bad practice sometimes 🫠

🙃

Had my first merge conflict now and I'm already pissed off.
Luckily GitKraken helps.

OMFG!! My computer rebooted.. after VS is again performing voodoo stuff on my code..can you please fucking stop reformatting everything!? OMG it's driving me crazy, I've already disabled every format option I could find.. you piss me off one more time, I'm switching to np++!!!!

I really hate interruptions when i'm deep in my code. Headset on and blocking out the world, then get annoyed taps on the shoulder from boss for not greeting people.
So now i'm out of the zone, browsing devrant and have pissed off the boss for being anti-social.

So I'm developing a push-pullet application for elementary OS and it's called Eleanor, off hand mention the name to my partner and she says she understood what it was... Think I dodged a bullet with that one!

Sometimes I think I'm a bit masochistic... before turn off my computer I decided to check if my Visual Studio is up to date... nope, it isn't, downloading ~9 GB right now.

Fuck all these companies!! Every time I'm looking for jobs in my area all job descriptions only make me realize that I won't fit these environments and I'm better off starting my own business but I can't think of anything useful to do ... FUCK!!

I don't know how others feel about this but every time, when the fan are spinning at full speed as you turn on the routers and they are in boot sequence.the stat lights on switch turning on/off in wave patterns
I'm like:
prepare to take off,
Initiate Countdown,
Take off in;T minus 30 second.

I just got an advertisement for Android Studio?

Why?? Why would google spend money telling me about Android Studio?? I'm a bit off-put by this?

That's it, I fucking love Ruby, I'm officially off Java (although I still use it).

Fucking corporate bullshit, I was coding (mostly creating bugs and pulling my hair off) all night on my free time (I'm on night shifts I keep the schedule when I have my days off) and at the moment I was making huge progress on my project, I gotta go to sleep to go back to work 4h later to follow a fucking 2h training on team efficiency and cohesion, in other words, how to waste 2h in a useless meeting and not getting it back + interrupting the only night I was in the zone, I'm so tired of this....

I'm supposed to be the introverted, non-people person! But the client meetings I'm in for my college senior project go off the rails into awkward mumbling unless I step in and take the tiniest bit of effort in driving a meeting.

Am I doomed folks to become a BA or other person dealing with clients all day, pls end me now

I'm going to start cutting off hands if people don't write unit tests...it's like eating your vegetables folks...

If I'm coding with earphones on and you need help, feel free to tap me on the shoulder.
Once the earphones are off and I'm coding, wait till I'm wearing then again!

!dev

I'm checking out at Walgreens right now and have an item with a security device on it. The cashier just took a pair of scissors to it. Didn't work obviously and now I think she's trying to rip the cords off the box

Learning to code using xamarin, I'm fucked off with kids iOS/android apps that are free and have too many ads or aren't free but suck balls. Apologies if my language offends.

Came into work this morning and my scrum master has decided to take my desk and now I'm working off my laptop screen. I forgot he needed 3 displays for Excel, Outlook and JIRA.

!dev

Well fuck you Epic Games and Deep Silver!
I was really interested in getting Metro Exodus, but I'm not gonna install that shitty Epic Store!
Fuck off!

!rant
Freshman at college watch me using vim and say I'm a masochist, always laughed it off...but after paying for the PWK OSCP course today, I think they may be right.

Hell and below here I come.

I'm watching a basketball game (NBA) and they had an issue with one of the clocks at the arena.

They of course fixed it by turning it off and turning it back on.

Looking a pr I found this piece of art in a css file:

width: 86.3624%;

Me: "something feels off about this."
Colleague: "Again with your readability bs?"
Me: *looks at the camera, perplexed* (The camera as in: I'm in a sitcom, not as pair programming)

If you're going to have your package write into the SSIS log "please check the SSIS log for details" when your package throws an error

Kindly throw yourself off a cliff.

WRITE THE FUCKING ERROR TO THE FUCKING LOG.

If I'm reading the log, I'm already CHECKING THE FUCKING LOG. So I don't need the log to tell me to check the log.

So I've just finished a long day at work (warehouse) from 5.45 till 1.30, got home, had some herb tea, started dropping off, then my cunt of a mate sets a firecracker off IN MY TUPPERWARE, CRACKING THE BASTARD, THEN FUCKING THREATENS ME WHEN I TELL HIM TO SIT DOWN BEFORE I BREAK HIS NOSE. I don't know whether to just kill him or beat the shit out of him, but I'm sick of him doing shit like this when I finally manage to drop off to sleep (I don't sleep well).

FUCKING COCK SUCKING CUM STAIN.

I really want to try to beat the shit out of him but at the same time he's my best mate, what should I do, because I'm FUCKING SICK OF IT?!?

I almost fired off an update query without a where clause on the live db. I stopped at the last second. I'm now having survivors guilt. Why me? Why was I saved when so many before me didn't make it? 😁

System Programmer Saga

I'm an old phone operating system programmer. We had to flash ROMs every time. You Android kids don't know how good you have it. Get off my lawn!

I'm tempted at some point to get a non-dev job. After about 2 weeks I could automate everything then just slack off.

*euro-based rant incoming*

"left or right? left or right?!"

DUDE! I'M RIDING A SMALL MOUNTAIN BIKE WITH A FUCKING HEAVY TRAILER OF GROCERIES AND YOU ARE IN A FUCKING E-BIKE!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO AROUND ME PUSSY!!!! I'M NOT GOING TO GRIND UP AGAINST THE SIDEWALK WITH MY TRAILER.... BECAUSE ITS A FUCKING TRAILER, AND ITS FULL OF FUCKING GROCERIES!!!!!!

god, fucking boomers... i swear to god if i get one more rube talking to me while i'm biking and saying i should "stay to the right" when EVERY time i'm CLEARLY right of the middle of the road, i'm going to start yelling back rude comments and put the fucking low IQ assholes in their place... (probably what I should have done from the first place. why are we to take shit from them, when they own 75% of the wealth but are 25% of the population.) absolute fuck sticks get the fuck off my road, go ride off a cliff

I'm genuinely shocked at the number of people I see on here bashing automated testing as a waste of time, simply because my entire career has taught me the opposite (and it's usually only non-technical managers I see who don't want to see "time wasted" writing tests.)

I'm also just as genuinely curious - what do you guys do instead? Just don't test and deal with production issues as they occur? Pass it off to a separate UAT / human-based testing department and let them sign it off? Assume that because you're using Haskell / some other discipline it'll work if it compiles?

"we're gonna start doing WordPress for a lot more customers, to deliver faster. Not debatable. "

Fuck that shit, I'm off to another employer.

I guess I'm doing something right.

The branch executive just asked me why I haven't taken any time off :O

Just got off a Annual Meeting given by my boss boss. He's very optimistic with how big plans.

Whereas for me I'm going "this is going to be a sinking ship if it isn't already" and I still can't find an exit...

It's taken me 39 months but I've finally shook off the "Junior" label. I know I've not been a Junior for quite some time now, but it's only just recently been made official.
Next step is to be paid what I'm actually worth.

When I'm going camera off you can assume this is the vibes

I'm incredibly ticked off by decision of using backticks ´ to define template strings on es6...

template strings are nice , but backticks are irritating ugly and unreadable

I can't tell if I'm slacking off or now working at a more normal, slower pace....

How much time do you actually spend working vs taking breaks, lunch?

Or maybe how many hours in a day, do you actually spend being productive?

I'm bi.
You either turn me on, or you turn me off.

Funny how DPI impacts scanning speed... I have been scanning 150 DPI the whole time hoping it would save me some time, I'm better off with 225.
(Left: DPI, Right: seconds)

Awhile ago someone mentioned Freepik and interested to buy the premium package, if my memory serves me. I forgot who.

But Freepik is giving 40% off right now.

// I'm just a Freepik user sharing for anyone interested. I don't get any promotion fees (sadly) ☹️

Psst. I managed to smuggle this screenshot off my computer, and I'm bored so I'm sharing it with you.

I'm on hourly rate and there are no more overtime for us in my company.
It's overtime if I work more than 40 hours a week. I guess I am off at 16:00 even if our servers are burning. How did you month go?

I think I'm obsessed with Docker. Started off as a PITA and now I can't seem to do a project with out it :/

An old friend just texted me and asked me to hack Facebook. Again.

FUCK OFF. I'm not a fucking work-horse, I'm not a slave, and I'm not fucking with something as meaningless and stupid as FB.

Go hack your way into his neck with an axe if you want to, I'll even help, but fuck messing with their social life. Go for the disease, not the symptoms.

Everybody is complaining about Windows 10 updates, which makes me relish having turned off Windows Update ~7 years ago on my home pc. Everything has been working with minimal pain I the ass.

Yes, I'm perfectly fine with XP 😁

I'm literally laughing my ass off at how Google gave their fat middle finger to Object Oriented programming with Go's Structs, Methods, and Interfaces. F*** you Java and C++! :-P

".. after all, I'm the one with the longest experience here" is NOT a valid argument to win a technical discussion.

With an attitude like that, please piss off in the opposite direction. I hope we never cross paths again, you arrogant prick.

Finally leaving a job that I've been working at. All we did was maintain a codebase that was originally built as a prototype by an intern, with no hopes of getting a green light on refactoring or rewriting. So glad I'm no longer part of that mess. Don't know why I'm writing this but it's just like a weight has lifted off my shoulders.

I don't want to start any wars in the comments, but what do you devs prefer: iOS or Android?

I'm not saying one is better. I'm just genuinely curious what other devs use. I prefer to use Android because I can do more with my phone.

I'm actually curious what most of you use, so feel free to tag other ranters you know in the comments. I've already commented the few I could come up with off the top of my head.

I'm a workaholic.
My boss literally told me I've only used 1 PTO day this year and with only 2 weeks left I HAVE to take at least the rest of this week off.

Guess... I'm getting a really long weekend, took tomorrow thru Friday off, Monday and Tuesday are holiday, so only 3 days left of the year after 5 today.

Not taking the last 3 days next week because I don't trust my one co-worker to do end of month/year procedures without me there to verify they didn't fuck up anything.

Now I just have to get through that time stressing about things I'm responsible for breaking while I'm not there.

When I'm working through back end stuff ....

I'm at the point where I need a physical button on my desktop where I hit and it just fires off the API and I look at a monitor and there ya go, the output.

Grabbing my mouse and etc each time I iterate not sense.

Team off site tomorrow. Everyone is excited, I'm scared.

have to turn off notifications for devrant if I'm going to get anything done today.

Work for myself.
3 projects on the go, 1 interesting one I'm waiting for more content, 2 I have content but they're boring projects and the content was provided in most disorganised, unintelligible fashion.
Day off watching movies it is :-)

To my surprise I'm actually on target with my ongoing projects. Going to have a decent amount of time off this Christmas.

So I'm no labor law expert or anything, but this just seems off. Anyone know the legality of this?

I'm not exactly a programmer right now but I'm trying my best to become one ASAP. Hats off to you guys. The toughest part is finding motivation and time.

Starting a new side project, that I believe and my close friends believe will take off, want someone to bounce ideas off of, sadly I'm afraid someone will steal the idea :(

I'm on leave but my brain won't stop thinking about ways to refactor that one js module I was working on yesterday into a functional one.

The fuck, brain?? I'm doing you a favor here by letting you take a day off!

So worried people will fuck things up in work when I'm not there. It's causing such tiredness and such long days. 🙇I think it's caught up with with today. No holiday leave taken for 9 months and not a day off sick. 🏳

So I'm gonna finish my interpreter. No matter how much fucking work it is to implement a proper cross platform terminal library, because all the existing ones suck. I'm gonna write a debugger for it.

And then I'm gonna learn to play the ukulele.
And I'm going to start a new project that may actually make me a good sum of money.

This is the plan. If I don't do this then literally fuck my life, I might aswell jump off a bridge because I can't fucking do anything

How come devRant doesn't have an easy way to find out how their API works? I'm reading off of wrappers to figure out what responses may contain and what the endpoints even are arghh

Off Topic Rant: so the condo I'm currently renting in have 2 elevators but only 1 is functioning. They turned off the other elevator so that they can save some electric bill. I doubt it is being fixed because it is still not working up to this day. Now there's a waiting time for the elevator because only 1 of them is working. Rathole and shithole Asian country I'm in.

Hi my named bluescreen and I'm addicted to coding ....

Feel like I should be at some kind of Coders AA meeting .....

I'm having a few days off work, this is my 3rd day and I'm already twitching because I've not got my daily fix of coding (wife won't let me near a computer when I'm on holiday)

I've never had any kind of addiction except coding. I feel really uncomfortable not doing anything, coding is my job and hobby.

I normally come on here to rant / read posts but today I'm browsing just on the off chance that I see some code ....

I need help ......

I'm actually getting so fucked off with having to travel to work to the point that I an on the brink of rage quitting and only taking something where it is agreed to and understood about me working from home, no questions asked!

I am working my ass off for past couple of days to set up our new office. Today I got sick and sleep walked most of the time. Thank god my colleague was there with me. I'm home now and took a day off. 🤒🤒😞

As I'm seriously considering sending the guy I went on a date with recently who subsequently pissed me off the Telugu character, iOS 11.2.6 is released. 😞

I've found a new genre that is really nice to listen to when I'm doing homework or the rare time I code some.

Bluegrass banjo music. It's pretty simple and it's never slow. It's off but if it works, it works 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

I'm running a spin-off and the team is still small. So, I was wondering how a minimal backup system should be. I do not mean to use github, that we already use, I am concerned about the HD of our servers and laptops. Thanks in advance!

I stop and write some useless but fun classes/methods which takes my mind off the problem enough that I'm excited to get back to whatever I was working on. It's almost therapeutic reinventing a small part of the wheel in an empty project.

Off work at 5:30. In about 10 minutes I'm winning the lottery, then I'm quitting my job and buying the least technical business ever... A brothel.

So I'm at work most of the day developing project managment system for better efficiency but I can't seem to keep my electricity bill up to date. Now I'm looking forward to some free time because I got disconected and everything is closed when I'm home from work. Even when I do manage to get off on time my boss needs me on evenings and weekends.

Now it's just NO BITCH, i ain't got NO POWER!!! ^^ yeah!

See, you misunderstood me.

I realized that I was wrong 10 minutes ago.

Now I'm just trying to piss you off.

Doing a MEAN stack application which I'm hugely confident will be my most successful. It's 95% done, finding that last bit of time needed to finish extremely challenging, but will be so excited to show it off to you all!

I really want to marathon-watch all of the Star Wars movies in order before The Last Jedi comes out, but I'm putting it off because I'm dreading having to watch The Phantom Menace.

New guy hasn't written or commuted any code, yet he is the most annoying person doing code reviews with bullshit comments.

Normally when I start at a new shop, I hold off on code reviews until I'm at least familiar with the project(s).

Someone here goes buy the nick "snugglebuddy". Hats off. I'm your new fan! 😀

Last day of my internship and I'm the only one in the office... most people have off or are in meetings and my manager is coming in late. My summer project is done... I don't know what to do with myself

upside I guess, if your website's content is generated by JavaScript I'm too lazy to find an emulator to scrape it off you

granted I'm sure this website's business would've been much better had they made it scrapable since I'm quite literally trying to retrieve their capabilities listed in one of their help pages and give myself alerts when they gain new features

but no, I guess

I fucking hate going into work after being sick feeling 80%. It sucks because i dont want to use my sick days when I'm doing fine, but i feel so off my game and out of my element.

Wow... I should have done this sooner.
A recent rant had expressed that firefox had a strange "bug" (I'm convinced it's a feature) that would allow videos to continue playing even when one turned off their phone.

I finally got around to testing this and can i just say I'm euphoric right now!

During my presentations in class, when I use terminal to navigate through folders, unzip the presentation and related files and open the presentation in LibreOffice, I'm termed to be "showing off" my skills
Why can't people appreciate the fact that I did all that even without lifting my hand off the keyboard and in one third the amount of time!