Customer support story time: (swearing in Dutch because it sounds more fun but it's general swearing so no translation needed I think (will translate the non obvious parts)

Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: hello, I have a question for you.
Me: go ahead!
Client: alright so.... one sec, let me turn off my music.
Client: hey Google
.
.
.
Client: hey Google
.
Client: Heeeey Gooooooogle
.
Client: HEY GOOGLE, GODVERREDOMME
.
Me: 😆
.
Client: REAGEER GODVERDOMME. "HEY GOOOOGLE"
.
.
Client: VIES VUIL TYFUS DING, LUISTEREN. HEEEEEY GOOOOOOGLE
.
.
Client: JA GODVERREROMME, LUISTER GEWOON, FUCKING KUT DING. *SHOUTS WITH ANGRY VOICE* "HEY GOOGLE HALLOOOO LUISTEEEEEREEEEEN" (oh for fucks sake, LISTEN fucking piece of shit)
Me: *desperately trying to keep it together*
Client: IK DOE HET ZELF WEL JEZUS GODDOMME *FOOTSTEPS, MUSIC STOPS* (Translation: I'll do it myself, fucking hell)
.
.
.
Client: finally, sorry for that 😅
Me: *still trying to control myself* no problem!

That moment when an SEO 'expert' asks if changing ip addresses will put his sites lower in Google.

I'm a fucking Linux engineer, how am I supposed to know that?!

Please live up to your fucking title "SEO *expert*" and don't ask some innocent Linux engineer about this shit 😡

Reading devRant feed is so fucking hard nowadays. Every other rant is about Windows rebooting, Google being evil, Quantum beating Chrome, M$ users being cunts and all these fanboy shits.

Fucking hell. Write some actual code and rant about some solid problems rather than being a stupid fanboy.

Dear public transport,

please don't advertise your fucking free wifi if you don't give enough bandwidth to even load freaking Google.

Dear sincerely,
Me

If you use Google photos: fine, your choice.

If your choice of using Google photos results in a picture with me in it getting uploaded to Google: I'll fucking end you.

Oh fuck off Google.

YouTube has stories now.

Brb going to throw up in a trash can. The most fucking stupid feature for YouTube.

So I was going to write a rant but may I first address the biggest fucking issue with typing on the default Google keyboard...

So a group of 'researchers' (you'll get later why I call them 'researchers') conducted research to find the most secure browser.

Their result is Google Chrome!

Few minor details:

- THE WHOLE FUCKING RESEARCH THINGY WAS (mostly?) SPONSORED BY GOOGLE.

- THEY COMPARED IT MOSTLY TO INTERNET FUCKING EXPLORER AND EDGE.

Are they fucking retarded or something?! Yeah if it's going to go like that, Google Chrome will certainly become the winner/number 1.

Mother of fucking god.

Just had to use Google maps for the first time in ages because nothing else was working.

It displayed a bus stop at a wrong location. I just fucking missed my bus.

Thanks for nothing, Google, go fuck yourself.

List of things that my fucking corporate proxy blocks

* Maven
* The NPM registry
* Github

List of things that aren't blocked

* Google drive
* Twitter
* Porn

Half my mobile data is burned away by NPM sinkholes. Fuck this place.

Me: "We are gonna move away from Google services."

Him: "Ok. Just make it EXACTLY like Googles services. I won't use anything with less features."

Me: "Look, I can offer you something with more privacy and security under european law. It may not be EXACTLY like Google. If I could do that I wouldn't be here obviously."

Him: "As long as I'll work here I'll not work with something less than Google."

Inner me: AAAARGHHH FOR FUCKS SAKE!! I'LL STICK THOSE GOOGLE SERVICES UP YOUR ARSE SO THEY CAN SPY ON YOUR FUCKING GUTS!"

Me: "Well, in this case I'm glad that you are not alone to decide that."

My girlfriend keeps getting review requests from restaurants we visited.

Then there's a list of all the visited ones on her phone.

Location services is off.

Fucking annoying.

Google sucks.

Absolutely no respect for privacy.

None whatsoever.

Privacy is a myth.

😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

Boss assigned me a task on Google Docs:

Boss: "Please remove this line"

Me: "What!? You're already there! How hard is it to fucking select the fucking sentence with your fucking touchpad and press the fucking delete key on your fucking keyboard!? Why assign me with such a fucking waste of time and fucking trivial task!?"

Guys google have made a revolutionary discovery, it's going to change smartphones for the better!!!!

(Yes must clarify this is immense amounts of sarcasm because fucking hell google you would think you have all this money that you could work this fucking shit out...)

You want to know what fucking pisses me off? This fucking router thinking it can just inject itselft and redirect into any fucking page that it wants..my fucking bank account? Yep, my fucking google docs? YEP, Fucking CSGO? YOU BET BRO

Mother of fucking god, its astonishing to see how difficult it is to entirely block out Google from your computer.

Actually, its very easy and I wrote something to automate that but the second you block out that goddamned mass surveillance network, every login page of every goddamn site with a fucking recaptcha just doesn't work anymore.

Google, go fuck yourself and with that, every motherfucking site which uses recaptcha.

How to start coding (for fucktards)

1: Choose desired programming language like python or java

2: Search on youtube or google: "<language> tutorial beginner"

3: if step 2 was to hard for you...
STOP learning how to program, you are hopeless

4: Instead of asking everyone on how to learn programming, just fucking DO IT already!

Seriously, if you don't even know how to use google and youtube to educate yourself programming is NOT FOR YOU!

Fucking wix advertisements! Getting real tired of the "want a website? Why not make it yourself?" ads. You're already logging all my fucking google searches to display relevant ad info so maybe wrap your head around the fact that I'm a web dev and make my own fucking sites??

Holy fuck, this is starting to work!

Problem: I am highly anti google/facebook/few others and I'd rather null route those DNS requests.
The problem is that the pihole only can blacklist domains or wildcard domains but not words. So if Google would come up with a new name for some of their domains, I'd be fucked because I can't filter out the word Google through the pihole.

Today I fucking found the solution (still a work in progress but a PoC is nearly working):
Compiled a program which can monitor DNS queries/requests and logs them to a file.
Have a php (yes I write most of my cli tools in php) script tailing the log file and gathering the requested domains from it.
Then I can see if the domain contains the substring which I don't like (google as word for example) and echo it to the end of my hosts file with 0.0.0.0 in front of it if that's the case.

Holy fuck this seems to be working! 😍

HOLY SHIT GOOGLE NOBODY LIKES THIS RETARDED FUCKING ART STYLE JUST STOP

The newest Android version is used by 1.1% of users... and they are already releasing a newer version.

Will Google ever find a way to fix this? It's fucking pathetic.

FUCK GOOGLE.

FUCK THE GOOGLE PLAY REVIEW TEAM.

FUCK THEIR BOT GENERATED EMAILS.

FUCK THEIR DEVELOPER SUPPORT.

I am trying to launch a fucking action game. There will be fucking guns and muzzle flashes shown in the screenshots. Stop fucking rejecting the app. There is no blood in the icon or screenshots. Stop sending me bot generated emails and tell me what content is being flagged.

A little information on the whole scenario: My game was rejected so immediately I contacted the support as to what was the issue. The guy told me 2 screenshots were flagged because they had the muzzle flashes and damage indicator (call of duty type which tells the direction from where the bullets are coming from). So I removed the screenshots and still the game was rejected. FUCK THESE ASSHOLES. SAME GOES FOR APPLE.

HUGE FUCKING DILEMMA FOR ME.

I will probably get the chance of choosing a company phone soon (as in, next few days).

Option 1: Android - not allowed to root or anything crazy so I'll have a partly open system but with google tracking fully enabled at all times (most probably).

Option 2: iOS - Also not allowed to jailbreak or anything 'weird' but it's entirely closed source. Although no Google tracking shit.

I honestly have no clue what to choose.

Halp.

Services/apps and their automatic general sayings. I fucking hate that.

'apping' is an abbreviation for either whatsapping someone or messaging them in general (in the Netherlands at least).
Sorry but I fucking hate WhatsApp and I'm not going to say that fucking app/apping word. But then in general it's confusing imo.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO TEXT ME, DON'T SAY YOU'RE GOING TO APP ME.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO SIGNAL ME, DON'T SAY YOU'RE GOING TO APP ME.

"but I meant that" - THEN FUCKING SAY IT.

I DON'T 'GOOGLE SOMETHING'. I FUCKING DUCKDUCKGO IT. NO, THAT'S NOT THE FUCKING SAME.

FUCKING HELL.

Usually I do love my colleagues, but lately....

FOR FUCKS SAKE I AM NOT YOUR WALKING HUMAN GOOGLE SEARCH ENGINE SHITOVERFLOW CHATGEPETTO INSTANCE! READ YOUR FUCKING LOGS, DO A FUCKING INFORMATION LOOKUP, READ THE FUCKING MANUAL.

OH YOU HAVE A QUESTION YOU SAY? PLEASE FOR FUCK SAKE ELABORATE WITH SOMETHING MORE THEN 'Please help me with the pipeline"' WHILE YOUR ACTUAL PROBLEM IS A LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING OF GIT, LINUX OPERATING SYSTEMS AND AUTOMATION.

OH YOUR BRANCH IS, WHAT, 3 MONTHS BEHIND MASTER? NEVER HEARD OF A FUCKING REBASE? WHATS THAT YOU SAY??? YOU DONT KNOW WHEN TO SKIP A COMMIT??? ITS YOUR FUCKING CODEBASE! READ THE FUCKING DOCUMENTATION !!!

WHATS THAT? YOU WORK IN VSCODE AND YOU DO T K OW HOW? AGAIN READ THE FUCKING DOCUMENTATION !

Self.end(rant)

Do you know what annoys the living fuck out of me?
Me: no...?
Me: may I tell?
Me: yes, please do!
Me: okay here we go:

Sites which use Google fonts or apis or ajax or other Google-hosted libraries.

It takes fucking ages to load those sites (if they lost et-all) since I block as much as possible from that cocksucking mass surveillance network.

Google, feel free to die in a fucking corner while getting an acid shower and being stripped of your skin layer by layer, as slow as possible to increase the pain and suffering.

!firstRant

Can anyone relate to the fact that before you disturb your co-worker with an issue you should ATLEAST try fucking google?
Not to mention the documentation, stackoverflow, msdn, forums. Hell, once, I found the answer I needed on a freaking bakery forum.

If I'm lucky this time and my phone gets repaired correctly, I'll finally have a googleless android phone again in a little.

Google may die in a fucking corner all alone, the sooner the better.

Tutanota (encrypted mail service) is releasing a new android app soon which won’t be using GCM anymore so that the app won’t be the reason a phone connects to anything google anymore and it’ll be on F-Droid soon!

Fuck yeah, Turanota, I fucking love you ❤️

Since my one plus is gone and I can’t stand my fucking iPhone I finally bought a new phone.

Couldn’t find a new one with my required specs which was compatible with Lineage but at least found this rootable one so I can block any google app from reaching the outside.

The specs though 😍

Based on a true story that happened right now.

Dad: "how do i download youtube videos?"

Me: "just google youtube downloader and download them from some site, thats how i do it"

Dad: "WHAT!!??? You want me to fucking google it? I dont know how to fucking google for those things, you're the IT guy and you should know how to do this, if I wanted to google it i wouldnt ask you for help. You know what, get the fuck out of my face i dont need ur help, get out"

Fleksy, if you're going to tell me through a fucking annoying notification that you won't run unless I update Google play services (those can go fuck themselves, I'm not updating that fucking malware) one more goddamn time, I'll fucking exterminate you.

The education system is a fucking joke. How do you get through all the required courses and get to the capstone course where your one goal is to build a simple prototype of a project(like a simple website) for a real world client and not know HTML or CSS when you spent a whole fuckboy semester on a class dedicated to HTML, css, JavaScript and the teacher gave you the PHP. Not only that but you can't even figure out how to use a simple google search to look up the documentation on any of these topics or even the easy to follow tutorials littering the internet on how to use Bootstrap which is what we're fucking using to make it faster to develop the core logic of our app but all you fucking want to do is take shortcuts and create a PowerPoint presentation in google slides and make an easy project look like shit and make me and yourselves look like shit. But don't fucking worry, I'll code the whole thing in a fucking night because you didn't do your part of taking care of just the front end and planned for your incompetence and lack of questions or help. I know you're busy looking for a job for after you graduate but you can't even answer a simple programming question. Let me give you the solution on how to reverse a string, cuz you don't remember c# but it literally takes 30 seconds to google the solution that is everywhere. My project team is why no one takes a degree from this university seriously.

When someone asks me a stupid question,
I always answer:
You have the Knowledge of the Entire world and human race in your pocket,
FUCKING USE IT! DONT ASK ME! GOOGLE IT! BING IT! WHATEVER! JUST DONT ASK ME!

Trying to reverse engineer an API.

Who on fucking earth thought it would be a good idea to let the response be JSON but.... THE VALUE OF THE MAIN INFORMATION THING/KEY PLAIN (UGLY AS HELL) HTML WITH EVEN GOOGLE TAGS BULLSHIT...

WHY?! THIS HURTS.

EHVIENZJVYENWBFFJSJZ 💀

You would think for a company as big as Google they would be able to write good fucking documentation but nope!

Fuck me it's more spaghetti than my code!

i am BEYOND pissed at google.

as some of you know, i recently got android studio to run on a chromebook (you read that right), but it being a chromebook and google being a protective fucktard of their crappy operating system, i had to boot into bios every time i started it.

when i was with some friends, i started up the chromebook, and left, after telling my friends how to boot the chromebook.

ten seconds and literally one press of the esc button later, he broke the entire thing.

but that's not what that rant was about, i honestly knew it would happen eventually (although, this wasn't the best time).

so now this screen pops up.

"chrome os is damaged or missing, please insert a usb recovery drive" or something like that.

well, i'll create one. simple enough.

no wait, this is google, just your average 750 billion dollar company who cares more about responsive design then a product actually responding.

i started to create the recovery usb. of course, chrome developers thought it would be a good idea to convert the old, working fine, windows executable usb recoverer, and replace with with a fucking chrome extension.

i truly hope someone got fired.

so, after doing everything fine with the instructions, it got to the part where it wrote the os image to the usb. the writing stayed at 0%.

now this was a disk thing, writing os's and shit, so i didn't want to fuck it up. after waiting ten minutes, i pressed 'cancel.'

i tried again many times, looked things up, and frantically googled the error. i even tried the same search queries on bing, yahoo, duckduckgo and ecosia because i had the feeling google secretly had tracked me over the past 7 years and decided to not help me after all the times i said google was a fucker or something similar.

google is a fucker.

after that, i decided to fuck with it, even if it formats my fucking c drive.

i got to the same point where the writing got stuck at 0% and proceeded to fuck. i start spamming random keys, and guess what?

after i press enter, it started.

what the fuck google?
1000s of people read the article on how to make the recovery drive. why not tell them to press the goddamn enter key?

i swear there are hundreds of other people in my same situation. and all they have to do is press one fucking key???

maybe tell those people who tried to fix the shit product you sold them.

fuck you google.

*logs out of Google on Android*
*has this persistent Google search bar on launcher which I keep on accidentally tapping*

Alright, so I'm not logged into Google to see how it goes. Kind of an experiment to see just how intertwined Android and my life are with Google. And it's going quite well actually, except for my prime apps that I can't seem to get around.

*reads Google privacy policy*
"We protect your data by keeping it secure!"
Hmm, yeah.. you and 3 letter agencies are keeping it secure and out of the hands of other individuals.. that makes sense.
Don't be evil.. unless you're the devil, right?
Fuck you, I won't login like this.

*accidentally opens Google*
*le trending results show up*

- KSI vs Logan Paul weigh-in!
- KSI vs Logan Paul Manchester!
- KSI vs Logan Paul arena fight!

*opens up NewPipe in which I am not logged in either*
- KSI vs Logan Paul!!!
- Did you see the KSI vs Logan Paul stuff yet?!

*logs back into Google straight away*
Personalized search engine.. many hate it, but boy do I fucking love it.

Fucking hate sites with great SEO but shitty user experience like Quora. Top of Google but requires a login or else it's locked down like some university cheat site.

Fuck your low quality answers hidden behind a useless blurry paywall. You're a glorified Q&A. Go fuck yourself

"I'll stop using Windows, Google, Youtube, Facebook, etc and move to a fucking hipster unsupported linux distro, so that they can't spy me in my top secret activities such as watching porn and browsing /r/me_irl"

sigh...

THE UNITY API IS SUCH A PILE OF UTTER FUCKING DOGSHIT I CANNOT BELIEVE IT

EVERY FUCKING TUTORIAL IS OUTDATED SINCE LIKE FOUR YEARS

THE FUCKING REFERENCE OFTEN DOESN'T EVEN LIST THE NEEDED ARGUMENTS SO HAVE TO GOOGLE AGAIN

"MOST FRIENDLY ENGINE" MY ASS

GRAAAAAHHHH
NOT TO FORGET THAT ALL EXPLAINING VIDEOS WERE MADE IN 2011 AND ALL VIDEOS ARE PLASTERED WITH ANNOTATIONS SINCE EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT

People complaining about Microsoft pushing MS-Edge are clearly not using the YouTube mobile app, this shit pushes their premium shit and YouTube music every fucking day. MS you get ONE pop up when you change default browser and they are done! Also Google products one concurrent browsers ? You get that nice yellow message telling you you're not using chrome but people just like to tell shit about MS like it's the national sport or something well fuck you and fuck Google

Good fucking lord, what has Google done to Chrome mobile 😱💩💩💩

So. Let me get this straight.

Google can design a mass surveillance system to give me ad suggestions based on sentences I whisper to someone across the room..

But they can't build a fucking keyboard that can spell the word "licenses"?

So apparently the Android O mascot is female... Look, Google it's great your trying to be diversified but... It's an Oreo... A fucking Oreo...

(And this is coming from a Google fan boy)

Fun fact: on average it's just as fast to type in your search query into Google as it is to get the bloody fucking assistant to understand what you're saying, especially when it includes words that aren't used very often. Makes one wonder why we've developed these things in the first place... 🙄

> Open private browsing on Firefox on my Debian laptop
> Find ML Google course and decided to start learning in advance (AI and ML are topics for next semester)
**Phone notifications: YouTube suggests Machine Learning recipes #1 from Google**
> Not even logged in on laptop
> Not even chrome
> Not even history enabled
> Not fucking even windows
😒😒😒
The lack of privacy is fucking infuriating!
....
> Added video to watched latter
I now hate myself for bitting

*wondered for 4 years how a bootloop looks like*
Nexus: yOU wAnE kNoW wHaT a BoOtLoOp LoOkS LiKe?!

*bootloops itself to shit*

Well I guess that I know what I'll be doing tonight then. Flash that new StatixOS build because the phone shat itself.

*tries to reflash the recovery*
*still bootloops*
*tries to flash the stock OS*
*still fucking bootloops*
*finds a post on XDA saying something about fucked big cores that need to be disabled*

Fucking piece of junk. So not only the battery is shit, but also the CPU is shit, huh. Certified pieces of shit.

*flashes the patched boot.img that disables the big cores*
*phone loads Google logo.. good*
*BOOTLOOPS FUCKING AGAIN*

MJHUIETHNIUBESZPTUIBG ESVGU d

FUCK!!! Fuck you Google, fuck you Nexus, fuck you Huawei, HOW DIFFICULT CAN IT BE TO DESIGN A FUCKING PHONE?!!!

So yeah. Looking for suggestions for a new phone. Anything of which the kernel source is released and of which the battery is halfway decent (unlike this fucking piece of shit) should do.

FUCK OFF, YOU FUCKING USELESS PILES OF CRAP

WHY THE FUCK CAN'T COMPANIES JUST TEST THEIR FUCKING APPS FOR ONCE?!?

LINKEDIN GOES INTO A FUCKING CAPTCHA LOOP

SNAPCHAT/INSTAGRAM ARE AS SLOW AND ATTRACTIVE AS A SLIGHTLY RUNNY SHIT

ROCKSTAR IS FULL OF MONGS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A WORKING FUCKING GAME

GOOGLE IS FULL OF PERVERTED FUCKERS WHO TRACK YOU EVERYTIME YOU LOOK UP A FUCKING RECIPE.

FUCK THIS WORLD, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T BIG COMPANIES JUST MAKE SOFTWARE WITH THE USERS IN FUCKING MIND?!?!?

FUCK ME, I'M ANGRY

I swear to god Chrome is becoming the new IE.
For some fucking reason it decided to add additional few pixels or margin to an element and fucked up my layout.
Firefox? It works. Edge? Works. Fucking IE - WORKS. Chrome? Shits the bed.

What the actual fuck, Google? Weren't you supposed to be the one working properly?

Not to mention forced renaming my local .dev TLDs...

WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.. I WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT BECAUSE MY FUCKING PHONE VIBRATED UNDER MY FUCKING PILLOW WHICH I KNOW ISN'T VERY HEALTHY BUT WHATEVER, I CHECK MY PHONE AND IT'S A GODDAMN GOOGLE PLAY AD... IN THE FUCKING NOTIFICATIONS. THEY FUCKING SENT ME AN APP SUGGESTION IN MY NOTIFICATIONS EVEN THOUGH THAT OPTION IS SPECIFICALLY TURNED OFF IN THE FUCKING SETTINGS.
FUCK YOU GOOGLE YOU BOTNET GREEDY BLOATED "muh AI" PIECE OF SHIT. I HOPE YOUR SERVERS IN ALL CONTINENTS GET BURNED DOWN BY SOME SADIST NIHILIST HACKER WITH A 0DAY AND YOU SEIZE TO EXIST.

Goodnight.

Fuck public transit. If I see on Google Maps that there's gonna be a bus at that place, at that time, there better be a goddamn fucking bus AT THAT PLACE, AT THAT FUCKING TIME!!! No instead let's scrap some shitty lines!

HOW ABOUT WE START SCRAPPING SERVICES JUST BECAUSE WE FEEL LIKE IT, HUH?! Back to postal mail and newspapers you go! You know what, for such fuckers let's just cut their entire internet access. Fucking pieces of shit!!!

One fucking stupid 3 minute task I must take care of...Let us all spend 30 minutes putting it into Google Keep, Outlook calendar, Trello then OneNote..in case we forget....

Wait..I forgot to start my Jira time tracker.

I'll Slack you once it's all done then we can Skype to discuss.

Can I just say that the absolute most important skill for any kind of programmer or engineer is knowing HOW TO FUCKING GOOGLE!!!

<Background>
I am the head of programing on my school's Robotics Team. We're relatively know, however most all of my teammates know how to program and they are all very talented academically. In fact my "Lieutenant" will be the valedictorian.
</Background>

Seriously I missed one meeting yesterday because of the flu. Imagine me lying in bed and suddenly getting multiple calls from the team (even the valedictorian) asking how to fix errors from Android Studio. I asked them if they googled them and they said "No we didn't".

Why is knowing how to google not apart of any kind of CS education! They could have been after an hour, but NOOO it took them after 5 hours!!

Oh my FUCKING GOD!!

What are the things you google the most?

Mine is the mother fucking 'regular expressions'

"Condor, your new Samsung Galaxy S8+ doesn't have the latest Google apps"

You know what Google? I don't give a shit about your latest apps. Often times I go out of my way to root the device and remove your mandatory bloatware, that YOU fucking Google enforce OEM's to preinstall. Fortunately BlueStacks doesn't have them preinstalled, which saves me the pain of uninstalling them. Given that, you've got quite the balls to spam me with this shit Google.

By the way, another thing.. this preinstall shit is linked to the EU antitrust rulings, isn't it? And spam is linked to GDPR, and honestly I don't recall ever opting in to this kind of wanketeering mail. In fact, I usually go out of my way to opt out of this kind of corporate wankery. Time for another huge fine perhaps?

I love it when a fellow "dev" asks about some interesting security topic (full disk encryption) and I'm like "yeah I use LUKS pretty much everywhere".. and then takes an entire arm when given a hand.

Performance in LUKS? Yeah sure you can benchmark it within cryptsetup. Here's how to do it and choose a good cipher for your CPU.

D: Oh also how do I check my battery life?
M (thinking): you lazy fucking piece of shit.
M: FUCKING GOOGLE IT
D: Obviously that means that you don't know it.
M (thinking): so not only lazy but also disgustingly ungrateful, fucking twat.
M: acpi. Next time fucking Google it.
D: You know what? Never mind.

As if I'm the one that's fucking wrong now!! But you know what, never mind indeed. Because you've successfully wasted my fucking time instead of fucking googling "check battery life Linux" like a sensible dev would.

Fellow "dev", if you're on devRant I hope you read this. You can seriously go fuck yourself.

TL;DR: No YouTube Music! Fuck you.

Disclaimer: I could use an Adblocker but my old one always crashed and YouTubes Ads are short and not that bad - mostly just banners in the video player.

Rant: Yes google, I AM listening to music on youtube. I am your target audience for YouTube Music. But I am NOT interested.
You see, I wouldn't listen to music on YouTube if I had the spare money for Spotify, Apple Music or some other stupid overpriced service that gives the actual artists not enough of what they charge.

And giving me the same ad over and over again just annoys the fuck out of me. I DON'T WANT FUCKING YOUTUBE MUSIC. I am not interested in a free trial. I am not interested in buying it.
The most stupid thing is that Google provides a dislike and like button for ads. I pressed dislike so often yet it still comes up. GOOD QUALITY!

Why on earth is every fucking big company lost in copying every shit that others make and that has success? Where is my loved innovative Valve?! The innovative Google? They all just crave for fucking money making stuff. As if they still needed more...

Am I the only one ?

15+ years in c# / .net dev and I still google "c# string compare ignore case" each time. Its just fucking faster than to remember exact syntax of the "StringComparison.OrdinalIgnoreCase"

Multi-factor authentication does not mean I have a password to your site AND have to login with Google. Also, I logged in with Google, you should have my email address now.

Oh, a user with that address already exists? No shit, it's me.

Your fucking login flow is broken.

Shit that annoys me: People use the store (insert google play/apple/other) rating with one star to ask questions instead of fucking filling the stupid contact form or send an email to tech support.

ffs google i turned on my vpn im not a fucking robot

This is the last straw. I am so done with Chrome.

…

I woke up AGAIN this morning to my MacBook shining away brightly, having not gone to sleep the ENTIRE night. I did some better research this time and discovered it's actually Chrome that is causing this.

Yes Chrome is deciding whether my MacBook goes to sleep or not.

I am not ok with this. Worse, it doesn't even have any ability to change this behavior. It's basically a hidden "feature" of Chrome: it wastes your hydro too!

This is not the first time this has happened either. Last time my MacBook wasn't properly plugged in and it completely drained the battery, shutting it right off. I ranted about that already.

But I am just SO fucking livid about this right now. What on EARTH is going through google's mind that they think this is in any way even REMOTELY acceptable?

I've already filed a bug report but I think this is the last straw. I am just sick to death of Chrome. This bug is literally costing me money and damaging my property.

Shove it right up your fucking ass, Google. Right up there and twist it around.

I'm switching back to a real browser.

WTF is with the entire Angular2 eco system and "half instructions". Started learning it and every inch is a struggle, out dated docs and code samples and then this style of shit:

Google: "Angular2 and bootstrap"
Result: "Install ng-bootstrap to get native bootstrap components written in Angular by the Angular UI team"
Me: Install != work

Google: "ng-bootstrap not working"
Result: "You also need to install bootstrap css, heres how"
Me: Install, plus try component
Error: "Bootstrap requires jQuery"

Google: "Installing jQuery in Angular 2"
Result: <Instructions>
Me: Install, still not working

Google "Angular2 ng-bootstrap bootstrap jQuery"
Result: "Don't forget to also include Tether"

WHY DID THE FUCKING "ANGULAR-UI" TEAM NOT MENTION ANY OF THIS

So here I am, skrewing around with the Google Authenticator app and the dodgiest base32 code generator I've ever built and generating a 56 char unique ID, and a 8 digit time based code.

WTF, all these products, services and logins that use 6 digit codes... and this fucking thing can handle 8 without breaking 😑

Now... to hook it into a QR code class... and spit out an image I can actually scan, without calling google charts api.

I can't say I've written one of those before 🙃

Thank you Google for reminding me that if I start my commute. RIGHT NOW. I can be at work in time for 07:24.

When the fuck have I ever been at work that early? Just because it's morning and I'm awake doesn't mean I'm fucking rushing of to work.

I LIKE TO NOT STRESS IN THE MORNING AND BE COOL AS A FUCKING CUCUMBER.

Google/Microsoft: We are committed to Linux and the open source community!

Us: Awesome, so can we expect a one drive and google drive client for Linux or at least well documented API's?

Google/Microsoft: *Unveils random arse applications and services without answering our pleas*

Google is by far the worst for this, Chromebooks built on Linux, getting full Linux application support and android that's built on Linux all have Google drive support baked in... Can we just get a single fucking desktop client... Please!

I saw an article about being able to set your phone to silent with your Google Home device. "Wow that's cool. Hey Google! Set my phone to silent."

Forgets about it.

This morning I noticed I was getting messages on Snapchat, but not getting any notifications.

"Snapchat is a piece of fucking garbage." (Still a true statement lol)

Half an hour later, I remember I set DND on and never turned it off.

Just here to say that I am a fucking moron.

I'm Stux and thanks for coming to my TED talk.

This might actually be my first real rant.

Whatever fucking cockgoblin decided that making dynamics GP so fucking confusing needs to suck a big bag of dicks. I'm so fucking tired of having to google every damned table name and column name because nothing makes any motherfucking sense.

Am I supposed to instinctively know what PM20201 does? What data it holds? I don't mind reading documentation. But it's hard to even know where to start when the shitbird API and database are more complicated than calculating orbital fucking decay.

I am done. Fuck you gp. Fuck you and your nonsense. I guess our sales people don't get to know when an invoice was paid.

Me : *trying to download latest version of android studio*
Google: "Your client does not have permission to get URL /studio/index.html from this server. That’s all we know."
Me: FUCK YOU GOOGLE
Me: *googles: دانلود اندروید استودیو* (which means download android studio)
*and downloads it from a random website*

It happens every goddamn time, why the fuck i can't download this shit !? Because these countries are fighting each other all the time! What did i do wrong in my life? I just want to download your fucking app to write another shitty app to continue my fucking life. I don't know shit about this wars happening, I'm just a dev like others all over the world.
Downloading an app, is that too much to ask? Well fuck you then.

Fuck these google home ads, keep triggering my google home in the kitchen. I just want to watch youtube while cooking not "ok google, going go bed" and then TURN OFF All MY FUCKING LIGHTS.

You dumb bitch. I will get to your fucking low level ticket when I’m done doing more important shit. How do you have a job if you don’t know how to use fucking excel?! GOOGLE IT you fuck!

Not entirely dev related but the year that the mass surveillance companies go away (Google, Facebook (and WhatsApp, Instagram etc), Microsoft and a few others), I'll call that the best fucking year ever.

I hope I'll get to experience that in my lifetime!

(internships included as I'm on my first real job)

Best: my current job.

Worst: using Google services at an internship instead of quitting (yes, this is a big deal for me). People call me crazy when they hear that but I've got my fucking ethics/morals/values.

For the record, if I'd have to choose between having an income/using Google services or starving, I'd go for the income part anyways, I don't have a deathwish.

Voice commands are the future!!!! .... God I hope not... Why do people like this obviously inferior interface?

A real conversation with Google assistant while driving, I got a text:

"Read text"
...
"Read text message"
*You have one text message from Dave. Would you like to hear it?*
"... Yes!"
* Hey what's up?*
"Reply"
....
"Reply to text"
*I don't understand*
"Text Dave!!!!"
"Message James using SMS. What's the message?"

GAH!!!!!!!! fuck you Google assistant! This is literally the only thing I use you for, so stop being so fucking bad at it!!!!

Story time on my job hunt: Currently interviewing with Google during my notice period.

I always had a love hate relationship with Google. Unlike my hate towards Meta or Amazon, where I had a reason to hate them for how ill intended they are, I never had a valid reason to dislike or hate Google apart from the fact that they steal my data.

That's it. That's my only reason why I hate Google. But I fell in love with their products during my trip to Istanbul and how throughout my journey, Google products were there for me to solve all my needs.

As y'all know, I was treated badly during my Meta interview, last October. With Google, the experience is on another level.

People are fucking smart and ingenious, but at the same time very polite, humble, and respectful.

During my 3 interviews so far (2 more remaining), each one of them made me so comfortable that I was more anxious before the interview than during or after.

They supported me during each question they asked. They made me felt heard and focused on my strength, instead of the weaknesses (or trying to break me down unnecessarily).

The interview syllabus is so fucking vast, and recruiters know so much that they helped me not only with preparation material, but also guided me personally. Haven't seen such knowledgeable recruiters.

The questions were dynamic in nature and thankfully because of my preparation, I was able to answer them most.

Overall, the culture at Google seems brilliant and an environment where one can flourish. No wonder companies are trying to copy every aspect of how Google operates and no surprise that Google is doing well at scale.

I feel so high on emotions (positively), after these interviews that I wonder how would it be to work at Google with such phenomenal people and exceptional environment.

Worst part: being everyone else's Search Bitch. Seriously, how the hell do you have a job in the tech industry when you can't use a fucking search engine, whether it's Google, a builtin search facility or, hell, scrolling down the goddamn page?

Dear font creating/licensing world,

fuck you and your stupid license models from the dark ages.
If I use your font to print a few million newspapers is ok and only about 50 bucks but if I want to include it on my website is going to cost me my first born son for every 50k requests?

No making an image and including is not fucking in the mobile first era...

Now I have to use fonts from Google because they are least fucking understand the needs of our times (in terms of font licensing)

Fuck. Medium.
Fuck all the articles on it too.

Do you seriously think I am so fucking dumb that I cannot keep my attention on a paragraph of text without at least one image for five seconds straight?
Three quarters of your shitty fucking article are images. They don't even relate to a damn thing in the article. It's just a fucking stream of random image subtitles.

It's just as bad as people randomly mashing pictures they found via Google search into their Power Point presentation because they actually have no content, breaking all copyright laws in the process, so they can stretch their mindless bullshit as long as humanly possible.

FUCK. YOU.

Google has a password reset procedure so intense, that even if I can sign into my recovery account and give them the code from there, use 2 factor auth and give them the code from there, tell them my recovery phone(s) number(s), give them my mother's father's mother's late cousin twice removed daughter's maiden name, and whatever other security measures were set in place, I can't get a fucking password reset. Thanks Google, fuck you.

I was in class one time, chatting with a pal of mine. We had just started our Web development course so I was working on that while we talked.
A few rows behind me sat another classmate, struggeling with this project we were going to turn in The week after.
So our teacher comes by and asks us how's it going and the guy behind us starts throwing a tantrum (it didnt go Well for him).
- "I have no idéa what I'm supposed to do, or what I'm even doing!"
My teacher started out very empathetic and calm, explaining and helping him.
This guy got more and more frustrated to the point an hour later where he started to scream.
And then came the one and only time I've heard my teacher angry, it was exactly like The calm before a storm.
- "Do you know what 99% of all developers do when they get stuck?! They use fucking Google!! You have to learn how to fucking Google!!"

Non the less the dude calmed down and started to use google.

I am laughing and crying at the same time.

I did a high value transaction with Google Pay, and now I cannot see the transaction details in history for this specific transaction (The money was transferred correctly though). When I open the history entry, it says "Something went wrong, please try again".

So after waiting for a week, I went to report a bug with Google from within the app. And when I press submit, I get an error.

Wanna guess what's the error?

ITS FUCKING "SOMETHING WENT WRONG, PLEASE TRY AGAIN"!

Many people on here have ranted about YouTube showing wix ads to people who are clearly web developers. Well after I didn't react to the ads YouTube now decided to show me the same fucking ad in Spanish. What the fuck Google why Spanish of all languages?

Whatsapp: "How about you update your browser?"

How about you fire your whole fucking team of genetically engineered super-retards, that is making whatsapp shittier with ever recently rotten braincell you guys claim to have, and just let me use your shitty spyware I need to use for the time being. Fucking hell don't you even dare pulling that bullshit excuse on me when my browser is based on chromium Aka the fucking same browser engine that is powering google chrome. Just for once stop playing along with google, take your update and put it where the sun doesn't shine, you data-whoring deadshits.

Google, why the fuck did you make the Android default USB connection type be "charging," and NOT "MTP"?! And leave no way to EVER set default to MTP!!!

EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME I plug my phone into my pc to transfer files, I have to open my notifications shade, scroll to the bottom to the fixed notifications, and change the mode to MTP, at which point the phone has to re-establish its connection to the pc!

This has been an issue from Android M and onwards. Nonetheless, Google still left in the settings app under developer options on rooted devices, the setting to choose which default USB connection mode you want to use. Even though it doesn't stay on what you choose!! It's like they left that there to purposely toy with us and get a good fucking laugh from our needless suffering.

Google, I love so much of what you do and your approaches, but honestly, some of the things you do, like this and for disabling Chrome extensions on Chrome internal pages, makes me want to strangle you and then throw you in a river of molten lava.

Started using windows mixed reality for part of my work day, best part, using Cortana voice activation to do things in my virtual space, worst part, every time i say 'hey Cortana,' my google home makes a snide remark.

Fucking google

The entire fucking internet is an unusable pile of shit. Why is it that every time I click on LITERALLY ANY link on google and I start reading, 2 seconds later the text shifts to an other location because the fucking font loads, 3 seconds later it fucking moves again because a god damn ad just loaded above it, and after all the loading bullshit is done it shoves a fucking cookie banner (that usually covers half the page) and a fucking newsletter popup in my face. This makes it literally impossible to quickly read someting on a website without interruption. It's fucking 2020 and we bout to put a fucking man on mars, yet the technology still isn't advanced enough to make the internet less fucking annoying.

Look I'm a huge fan of Google (fight me about it, idgaf) but like G+ was such a fucking disaster and the fact it took this long is nothing short of a miracle lol

You know what irks me is whenever people ask me how to do something without Googling it first.

Like ffs whenever I Google the same issue because I don't know the answer either, it's literally the first fucking result. Like damn bruh.

I don't mind helping people at all, but please at least try to be an adult and Google the fucking question first.

Oh GODDAMIT Nexus!!!

You gotta love it when you're in a hurry, unlock the fucking phone while it is plugged in to the goddamn charger, and the bloody thing just fucking shuts down because the battery is apparently empty. WHEN YOU HAVE A FUCKING 15 WATT CHARGING CABLE STUFFED UP YOUR BUTT?!!

You know Google, if I wanted an iPhone battery with tons of little "features", don't you think that I would've bought a fucking iPhone?!

Working on my Google Foo Bar level 4 challenge.

9 days past figuring out how to solve this problem..

And finally reached on a working solution. When started compiling my solution.

And then i Find out, the fucking Google tool is facing some bug and not allowing compilation. Tried hard to do everything but still getting errors...
And after searching on Google just found I'm fucked up.. It's on Google's end and they are not fixing it since so many days..

Just 5 days left to complete.. And i have no idea what should i do...

4 month work just fucked up

"Hey Google define *word*"

>>*Definition of word*

"Hey Google define *struggle to pronounce word while sounding like I have tourette's or I'm having a stroke; get no where close to the accurate pronunciation*"

>>*Gives definition of the word I'm trying to say*

This asshat can understand me stroking out while failing miserably to pronounce a word, but when my southern accent kicks in and fucks with the pronunciation of some words, this thing can't take it? Fucking hell bruh.

OH FUCKING GREAT. GOOGLE CHROME UPDATE 53 JUST BROKE MY PARALLAX WEBSITE. FUCCCCKKKKK

Just saw this fucking gem on the android sdk website. Nice fucking joke google.

This rant has been boiling for a long time now so please bear with me. Here it goes.

A slight introduction of the lady working in my office. She's a soft spoken person who works for like 2 hours a day at max (rest of her time goes on surfing facebook etc).

NOW WHAT FUCKING GRINDS MY GEARS IS THAT SHE FUCKING THINKS SHE KNOWS HOW TO "CODE" ONLY BY KNOWING HTML!! FML

She claims of being a Social Media Expert, Digital Guru. But, SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO FUCKING USE GOOGLE TAG MANAGER!!

MY WHOLE FUCKING DAY GETS RUINED BY EVEN INTERACTING WITH HER!!!!!!

Fuck u Google ! 749$ ? U must be fucking nuts ...😣

Me half a year ago: I want to work at Google one day.

Me now: I want to get more privacy and to get rid of all Google / non private services.

Right now I am trying to switch to signal but it's hard to convince my friends, which also use Instagram Facebook and Snapchat to use signal because they don't give a fuck about privacy and can't be bothered to install an app which taks less time to setup than a fucking Facebook account.

FUCKING google doesn't allow our country to buy FUCKING partner or reseller program.

So what the fuck do we do as an agency, we have to fucking treat every domain and google business suites as seperate entities.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE SHIT WITH THAT?
WE HAVE TO FUCKING KNOW THEIR ADMIN PASSWORD TO FUCKING MANAGE THEIR GOOGLE SUITE ACCOUNTS.

IT IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

I HATE GOOGLE FOR THAT REASON ALONE.

I can care less of how much data you gonna steal from me.

Dear intern, if you really really have the urge to use fucking spaces for indentation because it let's you feel like being some Google hipster, then PLEASE AT LEAST REMOVE THE SPARE ONES WHEN YOU FUCKING COPY PASTE CODEBLOCKS!!!1!!1111!

I'm perfectly OK if people wanna use spaces if they use it in an OCD-proof manner.

Nah, let's be honest: Spaces are a filthy way to indent stuff. Tabs are in a lot ways superior and if an editor can't render tabs correctly, the editor is a piece of worm puke.

FUCKING FINALLY TIME!!!
I did it! I made IntelliJ IDEA find my Android SDK installation!
Thanks SO!!!
Now I can experience the joy of Gradle build times!!!

Why did Google had to make so difficult to work with Android without its Studio?!?!?!

I don't get all the amazement etc people show when they find out that I don't use services like WhatsApp, Instagram, Gmail, Outlook, Google etc, why would it be 'weird' to want control over who has/owns your data? That's not being fucking paranoid, that's being conscious about who you give your data to.

is google fucking with me today?

today i was accepted for some google summer internship program thing. they send me a google form right? so i open it up in chromium and it doesn’t work. it doesn’t let me type in any textboxes or anything. i try to fix it and no luck. then, i copy the link to firefox and voilà, it works.

so, google forms didn’t work in chromium but did in firefox? alright. then i check off yes, send me a copy of my responses to my gmail account. and guess what? gmail classified that as SPAM. google email classified a google forms email as spam.

good work google, you’re fucking stupid.

Fuck this shit.. I don't fucking know shit about using Facebook or Google+... I'm a fucking programmer, just because I work with computers I don't have to know how you're supposed to go about making your fucking Facebook page...damn this gets on my nerves.

I'm never going back to Google Cloud, AWS is the shit.

I'm fucking orgasming with how organized everything is, decent documentation, level of configurability, the integration of one service with another.

Just wow

One of my clients got hacked.
FML. It was fucking bad passwords by a team member.

Google has now blacklisted the domain.

Removed the shady code, requested for review. Hope it recovers soon.

Any idea how long it takes for Google to remove the red warning page before you even enter the page ?

Web dev prob:

When you modify a code then refresh your browser, It doesn't change anything and you think your code has the problem, Modifies 100+ lines and refreshed the page, still nothing happens. Asked someone about it, Fix? Fucking cache! Fuck you google chrome!

Me searching on the internet how to fix my error. After a long time of searching with no results...I searched for:
"unity draw a fucking line in UI"
Google: How about this website? (second search result was devrant com)
And that's the story of how I got here.

So, I recently switched to DuckDuckGo and my fucking college REDIRECTS THE FUCKING URL TO FUCKING GOOGLE.

FUCK YOU!!!!!

(tl;dr) Protip: never take internship/training/job offers from startups.

Fucking piece of shit startups hiring innocent interns from University, hoping that they are full stack developers to build their shit website.
"I will throw challenges at you".

You fucking scum, I need a proper mentor to teach me something which is not my fucking domain. You expect me to know nodejs and reactjs, and if I don't know that means there's something wrong with my learning process?!!

I'm looking for an internship which basically means that I get company exposure to proper training unlike being your fucking slave, you uncultured swine.

Seriously, recruiters, these days jack off to google buzzwords.

So Google have come out and confirmed 100% that the Pixel 4 contains project Soli chips and the required radars for touchless gestures....

Need it, need it, need it, need it!!!

Fucking keen to start developing using it even though I'll probably never release anything .-.

FUCK FIREBASE, FUCK CLOUD MESSAGING, FUCK GOOGLE, FUCK APPLE, FUCK PUSH NOTIFICATIONS, FUCK PROGRAMMING AND FUCK MY LIFE. JUST TELL ME MOTHERFUCKERS WHY NOTIFICATIONS IS NOT WORKING ANYMORE, I SWEAR I DIDN'T CHANGE A SINGLE LINE OF THE FUCKING CODE. AND IT'S BEEN ONLY ONE WEEK SINCE THE LAST TIME I TESTED IT.

We had a quiz in our class recently that some students from our class made.

One of the questions was "Who made Google?". Later when correcting the answers she it was fucking Steve Jobs!!!! Wtf!!! How dumb can you possibly.

Fuck you google android IME team and fuck their open source policy..

So recently i had a chance to work with AOSP LatinIME code, basically our Android keyboard was forked from very old code base of LatinIME and my job was to change its base version to latest Version available on AOSP repository. Downloaded latest Android 8 codebase. Did 2 weeks of deep investigation of what improvements we will get from upgraded code base.

And I came to know that those Google fucking cunt sucking dick heads deprecated that project and broke the whole thing to a pice of shit. Half of the code is broken with fucked up todo stuff and motherfucking missing method implementation with not implemented warnings. What those motherfucker did is that they abandoned the open-source project after they released Google GBoard, and fucked the stable code by adding quard gram support and dictionary download with multi account features which was never completed by those motherfuckers..

Those misguiding donkey shit fuckers kept a depreciated project in AOSP build tree which has not received a single fucking commit from shitty ass Google IME team, is said to be reference model of Android IME implementation..

What kind of fucking shit is going with open-source code in name of making competition high with thirt party Android keyboard developers ..

Fucking shit fucking ime team .. fuck you .. wasted my fucking time reading your shitty code base .. Fucking shit

Do you wanna be a software engineer at Google?

Go to AlgoExpert.io. Pick a question. Read the prompt. Write some code…

JUST FUCKING STOP

Fucking shitty ad popping up every time I watch anything even remotely related to tech or science.

I don't want a personal assitant who helps me to google. I don't need a program that writes text for me. I don't need an AI wich invents cooking recipes. Or discovers new music for me. Or plays my virtual girlfriend. All of this is shit. It's giving away the parts of life which are actually fun.

I need a robot that cleans up my fucking flat, clean the fucking dishes, and buys fucking grocerys while being cheaper and socially and environmentally better that paying some humans.

So decided 'fuck it lets try the chromium based edge on my PC and Mac...'

And you know fucking what... It is actually fucking awesome, as much as I love Google (Fight me) and dislike Microsoft products, I can honestly recommend the new Edge over Google Chrome or any from of Chromium...

Thank-you for coming to my TED X talk....

Google got rid of the awesome Inbox app, only to force us back on Gmail with fucking NATIVE ADS! This one really triggered me

Why does google do this? It's supposed to be a map, not a fucking travel guide, I want to see the motherfucking map that it so ironically calls itself
Swallow a Collins road atlas whole you fucking impostor.

Android is gonna be the death of me. Any fucking idea you have is impossible to implement, because libraries with clear documentation are deprecated. If a library is not deprecated, however, it has documentation written by a fucking caveman who thinks it's extremely self explanatory on how to use something that is extremely application specific. Spent hours looking at Google example code that crashes almost immediately after execution, what a joke.

After about four hours of email server setup I'm sitting here with a citadel setup, not being able to login, Google didn't help, I'm fucking done with this shit

Fucking facebook researcher that make underfitted neural nets and fuck Mark that it's a marketing genius, the only idiot that can make news from a failure. The CEO of Tesla knows it and said Mark is not an AI expert. Bug not feature, it's only a poorly trained and poorly designed neural network having a bad representation of concepts, not a new language and not the fucking apocalypse. Google faced and solved the same issue when start ed using neural nets for zero-shot translations without using english as a translation bridge.

What kind of a fucked up company that has a 9 interview process in a 3 month period and sends the rejection email without a single line of feedback?

They are a fucking startup, not Google! Not even close to a company like Google!!

It's my mistake that I put up with their shit from the beginning but I didn't know any better.

Alright! I was getting familiar with Google Analytics!

*visits Google Analytics again*
*the entire fucking thing is redesigned for the nth time*

Christmas Party (2016) SPOILER ALERT

you've been warned

mental discussion I had yesterday after watching Christmas Party:

Hacker me: "I wonder if is really this easy take down the internet connection of an entire city........... maybe I'll google it around and see"

Normal Person me: "Let me get this straight you're thinking to google 'how to take down city internet'? ARE YOU A FUCKING IDIOT???? DO YOU REALIZE IN WHICH KIND OF WORLD WE LIVE NOW? DO YOU REALLY WANT THE SECRET SERVICE OF 5 DIFFERENT COUNTRY TO KICK DOWN YOUR DOOR AT 5 IN THE MORNING???????"

So lets start here, as i have been preparing myself for a while for that rant. I have been putting it off for a while, but today I had enough.
Fuck react-native and fuck facebook react-native team. Bunch of lazy incompetent twats.
The all amazing framework that suppose to be speed up your development process, since you don't have to compile your code after each change. SO FUCKING WHAT if the god damned framework is so fucking buggy and so fucking shit that you constantly have to fix build, dependancies etc issues. Every day since I work on this project that is using react-native I have to deal with some of the react fucked up behaviour. You got an issue ? don't worry google it just to find out that 100 other people had the same issue. Scroll through down the bottom of the page just to find out that facebook devs have closed the issue as resolved (without fucking fixing it) because there wasnt recent replies to the post. Are you fucking kidding me? It's ok thou, create a new issue just to get an automatic reply from the bot that locks the thread and keeps it locked till you update your React-native version to the newest one. You do that and guess fucking what? Their newest version fucks up remote debugging on iOS(fucking android been broke for over a year) so say good bye to debugging your js code. Documentation is fucking trash. You found a nice function like autoCaptialise on your text input? Great! Ah wait, its not fucking working, what is wrong? You google this just to fucking found out it, function never worked on android, so why the fuck you still have it exposed and still have it in your docs? You want to add package? So fucking ez, just type npm install <name of the package>. Ha! fuck you, you still have to go and add them fucking manually in gradle in android and in pod in xcode, because obviously react-native is a one big fucking bullshit. Oh and a scroll view is a fucking glorious highlight of that framework, try add some styling to it, you gonna have loads of fun. Fuck react-native. And fuck the fucking idiot who convinced my boss that framework is so fucking great and now I have to work on this shit. Sincerely Xamarin Developer.

Really fucking helpful Google.

I contacted the creators of Nova Launcher because I want the full version. They have both an google play upgrade as an input code upgrade.

Since I dont have any google service anywhere I contacted them to ask how to get such a code because I dont have any google service. This was their reply:
"You would need to purchase the app via the Google Play Store, then once you have, email us a copy of the receipt and the email you used to purchase the app with, then we can give you a Direct License to use since you don't have Google Play Services."

How do I buy it if I dont have any fucking google service?

Everybody is criticizing Microsoft for leaving too much legacy code in Windows, etc., but let me tell you that I prefer 100% that and have lifetime backward compatibility than having to deal with Google bullshit.

Google sucks ass.
It's one of the most dev unfriendly company on this planet (along with Facebook).

You can't fucking change BASIC stuff in Android SDK every fucking version.
You just can't!

You can't use a system of "PERMISSIONS" each developer has to set in its application and each user has to accept during the installation, that a few versions later become USELESS... because "Hmmm… no, It's not enough, let's make a new privileged permission that makes the old one fucking worthless".

YOU FUCKING, TOXIC, BASTARDS.

It's my app, my code, my device, my fucking conditions. If I want to install viruses on my device, I should be able to do it.
I shouldn't have to call fucking Sundar fucking Pichai fucking CEO of fucking GOOGLE.

USERS != BABIES.
DEVS != CRIMINALS

We are the reason you have a fucking job, fucking food on your fucking table.

I want a fucking GOD_MODE permission in the next SDK, assholes!

You can't REMOVE fucking "Android.OS.getSerial()" making it only for system apps.
It's not sensible data… and if It's in your opinion, you've already created a "android.permission.READ_PHONE_STATE", so what else do you want, fucking asshole?
Right, you want to introduce "android.permission.READ_PRIVILIGED_PHONE_STATE" to make obsolete the other one, son of a bitch!

I don't fucking use you're garbage Google Play Store, no worries! I won't upload my app on your servers, bitch!

They've created a monopoly in the industrial space (PDAs) and they keep making fucking wrong decisions every single year.

My job is already stressful, why you can't just stop making it worse? fml

!dev
Fuck you google!!
Let me send a mail to my shitty internet service provider with abusive words as much as possible.

Fucking gmail rejecting my message as spam by content filtering.

Data Scientists/Researchers

Stop building libraries.
You can't build libraries.
You're not software engineers.

Write your script as plainly as possible.

Why?

Cus for every fucking paper that has code associated with it, unless it's from Meta or Google, I'm having to edit to make shit work.

Stop over-engineering shit.

Write your model and fuck off.

Scouring the internet for documentation, then you find a promising google result

THEN IT'S A FUCKING FORUM THAT I HAVE TO SIGN UP FOR FIRST

no thanks

What's up with all of these unstable updates at the same time from Google and Microsoft?

First Microsoft releases an update that deletes My Documents

Then chrome on windows gets updated with a "eat your disk in addition to ram usage" that freezes my PC.

Like whatever happened to testing before releasing, least some minimal testing...

Then again, it's a fucking Microsoft product... -.-

when undeveloped brain intern ask how to do something so fucking mundane, or simple as fuck shits which they can just google it in like 0.42069 femtoseconds.

There needs to be a class in schools before college called: "how to use a search engine" (HTUASE)

This alone would save countless frustration with people who won't have an f-ing clue and post on professional forums dumbshit questions. I often take the time to even provide the search engine keywords I use in an effort to get these people to think for themselves. I fully expect someone to respond back some day and say: "How you google dog?"

Http/2 server push is really cool. Like, really fucking cool. Those researchers at google really got this right. I hate how they handle their users but I have to say they really make good use of the money they get by selling us for kettle.

Fucking Google needs to review my request to bump my api quotas and they’ll let me know in two business days 😑

Just

ShutUpAndTakeMyMoney.jpeg

Firebase is pure fucking assrape!
How can these spoiled cunts of Google "develop" such a stinking pile of rotten placenta?
No, one fucking Promise is not enough... you have to return Promises for every single smegma function!
I want to just blow up this ugly afterbirth!!

It seems that Google devs are just spoiled MacCunt Pro brats who copy-paste code around until something "kind of works".

If I write something erroneously on SO because the program or operating system uses it erroneously in the error, don't edit my fucking question to what you think it should be. People who Google for the same error aren't going to find it as a possible fucking solution. How fucking hard is this to understand?

Yes, a plus, i.e. `+`, is a fucking valid char for an email address.

Your online service is shit, you don't know your craft, and you should feel bad about yourself!

But you thought email is fucking simple, google for email validation regex and took copy pasted the first fucking find from some random blog that validates anything but an actual fucking valid email addresses, didn't you!?

(Funfact, the plus sign allow to create email aliases in some free mailer services. GMail for instance. That's why I l like using emails like my.actual.mail+I_KNOW_WHY_YOU_ARE_SENDING_SPAM@gmail.com as my registration email. Also, brute-force that login email.)

Lazy fucking google programmer spotted...

moterfucking google stop wasting my time with your endless captcha bullshit.

You know exactly my fucking home IP, I don't have time to select your fucking bicycles, hydrants and buses.

And all you motherfuckers who use google captcha go fuck yourself because you are dumb as fuck

Ok that's nice and all Google but how about you fix the fucking UI, laggy interfaces, janked and half baked tablet mode and just all round fix what you broke from chromeOS 70 onwards?

You know.. make sure things are stable before pretty?

Fuck Google , fuck Android and in particular fuck you PlayStore. What the fucking fuck. Wanted to dowload an App -> please free 120mb on the Phone. Did that. Proceeded to download the App. 2.02mb
How the fuck

So saw that google released 'official' themes for chrome and thought fuck it, lets try it out...

Chrome will only use CSD if you use the default fucking GTK+ theme else it will revert to chromes custom icons...

Just how fucking lazy do you have to be for this to still be a thing?!

Google search can get fucked in the ass.

Greedy fucking bastards deceptively including ads as normal results.

It used to be just one, but I've seen crazy shit, like 4 ads in one search results. FOUR.

And it's not just the ads. It's all the fucking litter that they put above the results.

I'm talking about all this fucking Google Maps and web cards bullshit.

It takes too much goddamned space, and most of the times I DO NOT GIVE SHITS ABOUT THEM.

And if you want to hide that shit, guess what, you gotta go into the settings. How about you include a fucking corner X that I can click so I can hide immediately hide that shit when I want to?

Now, let's analyze the unholy mess that the image I included is:

The search I did is a simple "html form". Notice that the fucking Adblock is turned ON, yet I still get a "chameleon" ad.

The first real result is from w3schools that also expands on two also hideous things: sitelinks.

Sitelinks are nothing more than spacehogs that I very very rarely click. They look fancy, but they just add CLUTTER.

What are search result n 2 and 3? w3fools again. And I shit you not the next 2 results to those are also w3schools again. So 5 w3fucks links TOTAL.

Wow, google, I'm fucking mindblown, excellent fucking job for a trillion dollar corporation.

Get fucked in the ass.

Bought a s8 only to fucking hate it again. FUCKING Bixby i dont fucking need you. FUCK you Samsung. I want Google fucking Assistant you piece of shit.

Introducing Google Tasks

Default Tasks:
1. Reduce body
2. Reduce fat
3. Remove fucking image

6 hours to make my Ionic cordova app build with native google maps plugin without a problem.

Deploy on my cell.

Not compatible with android 4.4.4.

FUCK YOU SONY! RELEASE A FUCKING UPGRADE TO THIS FUCKING PHONE ALREADY. FUCK YOU XPERIA T3

Why are take-home assessments such a god damn waste of my fucking time, either interview me and tell me I have the fucking job or don't. You're not fucking google so don't make me jump through a bunch of hoops for nothing.

I hate AMP sites so much. Fuck you Google! I'm not living in some third world country, nor do I use a decade old smartphone. And even if so, it's none of your fucking business what I do with my bandwidth!!

Just give me the real website, instead of downgraded shit!!

Jesus fucking christ Google Analytics sucks major fucking donkey dick.

Peace

Me: Hey SEO guy. I am updating our online store from Flask/jQuery in ReactJS.

SEO guy: That is amazing. Google LOVES ReactJS and it will crawl the site very fast.

*fast forward*

SEO guy: Hey, did you change anything in the site because the site is not ranking anymore on Google. The URLs are dynamically generated in front end. Google does not like that.

ME: But you said that Google loves React. It took me nearly 1 month to migrate the code in React.

Fucking hell.

I fucking hate the idea that Google reads people's emails :@

fucking kidding me? go to google or facebook's offical documentation, they are carfted perfectly not to work

I fucking hate you Google. Why the fuck would you post on Twitter saying Allo preview is available come join in! And provide a link. And have a massive MOTHERFUCKING DOWNLOAD BUTTON IN YOUR allo.google.com website ONLY TO END UP OPENING THE APP IN MY PHONE WHICH DOES NOT LET ME INSTALL THE FUCKING THING. THE "INSTALL" BUTTON STILL SAYS "REGISTERED".

If Google hadn't kill Google Play Music, I don't think a single soul would voluntarily switch to it's YouTube Crap Music.
If you remember prior to 2011 the initial plan of Google was to take market away from Apple's iTunes. They initially shipped Amazon music with branded Android OS before the development of Play music.

As a long term user of Play music I'd say "killing the product" was a "bitch move"!
Because Play music is doing really great and you could tell from its reviews and moreover the destination product is quarterly-baked not even a viable replacement in the least sense.
There are more than a million and one problem with YouTube music, currently you would notice your playlist history gets clogged up with your videos when you visit the video web. It's more like the actual YouTube app hiding behind a curtain to mimick a music player. Which is so so stupid and annoying!
As a user all I want from a music player is to fucking listen to music not to watch fucking videos... which makes the app unnecessarily filled with stupid options you never really need.
I understand that monetisation is necessary but please show some fucking courtesy by doing shit with wisdom!

I've never installed games on my phone (except one or two for testing, from the beginning of my use on phone)

But Google keeps fucking suggesting Games every single time I open Google Play.
And no, it's not just one or two suggestions, it's the all fuckening screen full of games..

I'm not fan of games.. good work google and AI and alll stuff

I can't believe fucking Google, aka me cha for SWEs decided that the best they can do is shove all that ram into our computers for Chromium. All of the major apps decided Electron was a good idea and now all of our computers are bloated with fatass memory hogs taking 600MB RAM.

Fuck you Goog.

To my brothers, sisters, family , friends, and anyone else it my concern stop asking me and google your fucking problems.

!rant (all ranters should read)

Today I was at university, doing some C low-level stuff. Then I looked my Professor.

Holy fucking shit, this man (and obviously the others) learned programming without google, stackoverflow, youtube and online doc/forum/examples/explanation.
I also believe that some of them could not compile and run at home their software.

MASSIVE RESPECT FOR YOU ALL !

When you're an idiot who doesn't know what you're talking about since you've always used Google, and people give you shit for it anyways instead of just being cool about it.
😧🔫

Come on guys. This is ridiculous. My school uses Google services, so I'm pretty much forced into it. I've never really ventured outside of Google because it works just fine. I clearly don't know what I'm talking about. That much is obvious. How about trying to be a good person and help me out instead of talking down to me and --'ing my rants and comments.

This is why humanity is doomed to fail. Half the population is comprised of complete fucking idiots, and the other half is mostly assholes.

What the fuck is this steaming shit!?
You fucking background apps, chrome and Firefox take all my resources to fucking open my Google drive?!

AND WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE 19 INSTANCES OF CHROME RUNNING!!!!

WHY THE FLYING FUCK DO YOU NEED TO DO THIS! LET THE FUCK LOAD!

I HATE WINDOWS! BUT THEN THERE ARE APPS WHO ARE FOR WINDOWS AND MAC ONLY!

I'M DYING NOW!!!!!!!!

FINE! EAT ALL MY 12 GB RAM AND FUCK YOURSELF IN THE CORNER BUT PET ME DO MY WORK!

God i fucking hate electron.js, why would you bundle an entire google chrome into your desktop app? WHY WOULD ANYONE BUILD ANYTHING ON THAT FRAMEWORK?

Many of them. Can't decide which one is the biggest.
- when the asshole in front of me picks up a call and is loud as hell. Wanna kick his nuts.
- Chats. Hangouts. Whatsapp. Just name it.
- retards who don't​ know how to google something or even worse..what to google and come straight to me to get a solution.
- My own fucking head at times. You start talking about space tech and i'll have to jump into it. And i end up wasting half an hour.

the moment when you say fuck this functionality and let’s get rid of this 15 screens and replace them with simply point and click and they say but google did it like we wanted… Well google is valued trillion dollars and we are valued nothing. If you want this shit pay million to some developer so he would do one thing and deliver this…ok it’s not needed, fucking 12+ years making startups and delivering projects and still need to deal with morons who say google did it, yeah ask them to develop some functionality for you and fuck you too… I saved you year of work you morons and you fucking complain, dude you need to start selling your products and I want to enable it to you, if you don’t understand that shit then fuck you…

Dear debian package maintainers...
If you want me to add you PPA to my list please MAKE SURE IT FUCKING WORKS!

so after 1000 emails from Google baiting me to try Google cloud tools I did. 24 hours later apt-get is dead and I'm trying to remove the shit storm of gpg keys etc it added to my machine.

Just wanted to code some better public transportation route calculator (better ux) and found out that the pt company offers an API.

EVERY FUCKING REQUEST HAS TO BE SENT AGAINST THE SAME FUCKING ENDPOINT IN A POST REQUEST WITH THE ORIGINAL REQUEST AS FUCKING XML IN THE FUCKING BODY. At least they offer xsd files... BUT THATS NO FUCKING HELP. At least not that much of a help. AND THE DOCUMENTATION DOES NOT STATE A SINGLE FUCKING EXAMPLE OF HOW TO USE THAT FUCKING ENDPOINT. I FOUND THIS OUT BY SENDING RANDOM REQUESTS TO THE ENDPOINT TRYING TO REVERSE ENGINEER THE EXISTING FUCKING FRONTEND AND NOW I NOTICED THAT 80% OF THE FUCKING DOCUMENTED FEATURES ARE DISABLED BECAUSE: NOT FUCKING SUPPORTED!!!

MAAAN WHY DO YOU DO THIS.

Alternatively I'd use the GTFS files they provide but THEY ARE FUCKING INCOMPLETE AND DONT STICK TO THE EXISTING STANDARD GOOGLE DEFINED... They also offer a different propietary format... BUT THATS FUCKING UNDOCUMENTED AND FUCKING INCOMPLETE...

Fuck these fucking youtube ads! I got blocked on youtube and cant play any video on desktop unless i disable adblocker. Shits so fucking LAME. Fuck off. Switching over to brave browser now and never looking back. Fuck off chrome.

Get fucked google. Now Google dropped to the last place for me from cloud providers. I'll prioritize the pedophille childfucker bill gates Azure cloud over GCP Now! Fuck Off. Shove ur ads into someone elses ass just how bill gates shoves his dick into childrens assholes on the epstein island!

Brave browser found a solution to all this fuckertry! It has built in adblockers for everything including built in vpn IP cloaker trace blocker and so much more for privacy and data integrity. Playing yt videos on brave browser works like a charm with no fucking ads or extensions installed! Everything is the same like chrome including layout development etc, minus ads tracking and data harvesting!

Before:
AWS > GCP > Azure > OCI

After:
AWS > Azure > OCI > GCP

Google ur now worse than a pedophile azure. Deserved to get spot #3 now. Shitheads

Everywhere I go I see these "Become senior in 3 weeks" courses
That's good and all
But when the fuck will you teach your students to debug and search your errors on google/stackoverflow
This is so fucking ridiculous
Them guys can't even read git push/pull errors and wonder why they make changes to the code but nothing happens

Integrating Google recaptcha into my web service. For some reason it always errors, both on a production and development environment, correct domains configured, and with he simplest setup. I'm fucking lost, documentation assumes it actually works. Similar errors on stack overflow and Google groups either got no answers or have obvious issues.

Fuck this man

0. working PCs
0.0 technically they are working, but they are too slow to even open up eclipse
0.1 maybe this gets better at university
1 coding on paper
2 not using google + usbs + network drives for code sharing
3 if it might be applicable PLEASE ENABLE THE FUCKING CMD! OR LET ME USE ARCH ON MY STICK! C'MON

*sends email to ops manager to explain nuget & git (yes, he is THAT guy)

*his reply "what's nuget?"

Ooooooooh! Why don't you open Google and do a fucking search you amazingly stupid twat!!! In what fucking era do you live in? What the fuck are you doing at work everyday, besides complaining about how time consuming your useless mundane tasks are? Take some of your undeserved salary and go educate yourself, you useless sack of shit! FUCK!

*meanwhile... Little grin on my face. *Shift+delete email.