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Customer: how will this heading look in bold?
Me: Hold a sec, I will show you *opens developer tools in chrome and increments font-weight*
Customer: NO NO NO, undo this. I don't want you to mess up my website.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯5 -
No it's not AI. YOU ARE RUNNING FUCKING SQL QUERIES AND CALLING IT AI!
No it's not AI. YOU ARE RUNNING SIMPLE DATA ANALYSIS MACROS AND FUNCTIONS IN EXCEL!
Stop labelling everything as AI, you attention and investment seeking morons! @&£$¢×xo##!29 -
No, I'm not hacking.
No Linux is not a movie.
No, you are not a developer because you can put "Hello World" on a website.
No, this isn't a waste of my time.
Yes, I will use it.
Yes, I'll make you a website for free. NOT!
Your phone is both Android and Samsung.
No, what they did in the movie is impossible.
No, I can't predict the stock market.
No, I'm not Mr. Robot, but I know him...4 -
Overheard this guy talking to his friends about Python.
Guy: "Have you seen Python?? You basically just talk to the computer. There's no variables. You just go 'a = 2' and you can print 'a' and it'll give you 2! And there's no imports or anything!"15 -
I love how "minimal" devRant is.
No username, no time... just the number of likes and number of comments ..
*it's a feature not a bug*
✌(◕‿-)✌3 -
that moment when your first pull request to a major deep learning library is merged and you have no friends who understand what that means and to share your happiness!😓
no problem, you've devRant! 😁9 -
"We don't need to invest in security - noone is going to hack us anyway" == "We don't need a fire department in our city - fire is not going to start here anyway"
We don't need to invest in security - everything is public anyway" == "We don't need a fire department in our city - our buildings are made out of straws anyway"
-- my thoughts after seing a line in client's spec: "sensitive data is transferred via a secure tcp channel (https) and all the public data is transferred via an unencrypted tcp (http) channel"3 -
Professor refers to Linus Torvalds as the most arrogant developer. Says no one uses Git and thinks it has no advantages over SVN. Forces us to use SVN. :'(21
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I played skyrim, and i thought yes.. i want to make that...
and now i am a very successful CTO and cofounder of a video game startup thats blooming and already made 7 figure profits
no, no im not, i ended up making websites for very little money...7 -
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A "MINI APP" AND NO, JUST BECAUSE YOU THREW A "MINI" IN FRONT OF IT, IT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY EASIER TO DEVELOP3
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Hello, I just want to let you know I'm working on a 15 year old product and it is currently in production.
It uses Angular.js and one of the earliest versions of React.js. I cannot use ES6, we don't have Babel, no JSX syntax, no CSS preprocessor. No webpack.
I must support browser since IE6 with an ES3 syntax. (luckily I got some some polyfills for an ES5 syntax)
When I build a component I have to call React.createClass and React.createElement.
The render() function is basically a nested pile of React.createElement.
There is no documentation for this product, no tests, no anything.
I had to reverse engineer it in order to understand how it works.
The code base uses mixed programming styles and naming conventions, plus thousands of little js files.
Oh and obviously no hot reload, every time I make a change I have to restart everything.
Please, send help.
I'm in danger.
Sincerely,
An underpaid developer
....
I'm not crying, you are crying...19 -
Multiple weird ones but one specifically where I fixed a bug over and over again and the second I pushed and deployed, the fix was gone both locally and remote.
I kept going more and more crazy and had rage attacks and such.
"Wait what, I changed and fixed this.. Let's try again"
"Huh, I definitely changed this..."
"Oh no, I fucking changed you"
"Go fuck yourself, I fixed this and pushed already, you can't just fucking disappear on me!"
"Oh yeah no of course, disappeared again, totally fucking logical. GET BACK HERE"
"I FIXED YOU A GAZILLION TIMES ALREADY, DON'T YOU DISAPPEAR ON ME AGAIN"
*NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. I. FUCKING. FIXED. YOU"
It went worse and worse for a while and then I woke up with a "....ahh" feeling 😅2 -
Some companies be like-
.. In job posting - We are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...
..in Introduction - We are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...
.. in Interviews - We are the next big thing. We are already changing the industry. Think of us like Google / Facebook etc...
.. during Interviews - Our interview process is rigorous because we are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...
.. questions in interviews - Since we are Google / Facebook, please answer questions on Java, C/C++, JS, react, angular, data structure, html, css, C#, algorithms, rdbms, nosql, python, golang, pascal, shell, perl...
.. english, french, japanese, arabic, farsi, Sinhalese..
.. analytics, BigData, Hadoop, Spark,
.. HTTP(s), tcp, smpp, networking,.
..
..
..
.. starwars, dark-knight, scarface, someShitMovie..
You must be willing to work anytime. You must have 'no-excuses' attitude
.........................................
Now in Salary - Oh... well... yeah... see.... that actually depends on your previous package. Stocks will be given after 24 re-births. Joining bonus will be given once you lease your kidneys.
But hey, look... We got free food.
Well, SHOVE THAT FOOD UPTO YOUR ASS.
FUCK YOU...
FUCK YOUR 'COOL aka STUPID PIZZA BEER - CULTURE'.
FUCK YOUR 'FLAT- HIERARCHY'.
FUCK YOUR REVOLUTIONARY-PRODUCT.
FUCK YOU!2 -
I started coding in 1994 making .BAT menus for my DOS games. Used HELP.EXE to find commands I could use. Then I figured out how to modify and run GORILLA.BAS (using Q-Basic). Man, when I realized that all BASIC commands were in the OS documentation as well, that was the Red Pill! Just started to copy commands and blocks from the Gorillas game into a new program, read the doc, modify, run and learn. Btw, the first BASIC command I played with was "PLAY" (for music).
At that time I was 10 and there was no Stackoverflow, no Youtube, no tutorials, no Google... no easy path to follow down the rabbit hole.
Ref: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
10 -
I work in a computer repair shop. A COMPUTER repair shop. And every day, I get asked "Do you repair phone screens?" No. No, I do not. Stop asking!11
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Me: ooh my eyes hearts, I have to sleep now, I fix this tomorrow morning.
(go to sleep)
Inner Me: hey
Me: ...
Inner Me: pisst! wake up
Me: what?? leave me alone I'm tired
Inner Me: remember that issue you had?
Me: yes?
Inner Me: this is how you can solve it
Me: great thanks, I'll fix it later
Inner Me: no no you have to fix it now
Me: I'm tired, I'll fix it first thing in the morning
Inner Me: no no you'll forgot it
Me: no I won't, let me sleep
Inner Me: no no you'll forget and I won't tell you again
Me: look I write it down in my phone now leave me alone
Inner Me: no no you have to fix it now.
Me: *crying* for God sake...
(gets out of bed and try to turn on PC and it's not starting, realizing that the power is out)
Me: you happy now, I fix it tomorrow.
Inner Me: no no stay awake till power is back on.
Me: SHUT THE FICN ON PICK OF CRAPE. Did SHDUHDBD DBDJDB3 -
Just got picked up for a project. 20,000+ code base, no comments, no docs, variable names like x, xx, xxx, no function name conventions, and a mishmash of Czech, French and English class names.
I thought this job was too good to be true. #fml4 -
You know the feeling when you deliver exactly what the requirement was and there were no more iterations and changes to those requirements after that??
No..?? Me neither..1 -
I have no words to describe how I'm feeling these days. I have to do a C project for uni.
After a couple of years dealing with web dev, javascript, typescript, angular and stuff, for the first time I have a project where I have to deal with only two problems:
1) my code
2) my machine
No tools, no bloated libraries, no webpack, no json configurations, no tutorials.
It's just me, vim, gcc (actually nvcc, it's a cuda based project, but still) and the cuda manual.
I feel I'm actually building something.
Plus, the guy I'm doing the project with is cool with this stuff and most important he's open minded.
I'm happy9 -
Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE the stability of slack (and electron apps in general)?
Got notified of a new message in slack, clicked the channel and this is what I see, even after a restart. No content or UI controls of any kind are being rendered. No workspaces, no loading spinners, no errors, no warnings ... just nothing.
I don't give a fuck about your integrations, apps, giphy, video calls, search, threading ... I just want to read text.
Piece of fucking shit
9 -
The worst kind of bugs are logical ones, they go undetected, no error, no alert, and when you notice them, it's too late.3
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Oh no, oooooh nononono
they dont delete the branches after a pull request
232 branches? hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhno
and look at that naming
im intimidated, i dont want to work in this environment. No. NO!
7 -
Emotional roller coaster today.
+ Got first pull request! Hell yeah!
- oh, no, no no no nononono, they pushed all dependencies and temp folders...
fck sake isak, gather yourself
10 -
- Let's use jquery to fix this
- No
- But it will work just fine
- I'd rather re-write the code and not use jquery in an angular project
- ...
- NO!10 -
My JS function is now lazy loading, expressive, and uses 12 fewer lines of code! 😃
It no longer works, but
... no one is perfect. 😅3 -
I don't want no sticker and no stressball, i just want to read some dev rants and design my devRant avatar3
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When there is no automatic way of checking if you software update came through correctly and no personal is in the building so you have to boot 421 PCs.
7 -
That glorious moment when you remove a function from your Javascript.
is_internet_explorer()
It's one job was to detect and prompt a user about not using IE on this shit for a stain website - ironically built for IE 😂
You sir, will not be missed 🥳11 -
Just updated to the latest insider build for Windows 10.. left PC unattended and came back later and it was ready... no BSODs, no random crashes, no issues, nothing... it just works as expected...
I can hear Linux fanatics screaming after reading this 😂
FUCK all this Windows stereotypes BS going on here13 -
I've been trying out no-code solutions for a while and I have found some awesome products out there that are super easy to setup and get running, but fuck me, I never thought I would find something so magnificent, so well planned and executed and fits into a tiny package.
No bloatware, no package dependencies, no nothing.
https://github.com/kelseyhightower/...9 -
I am going to create a new language called Yoda that is identical to Java but it has no exception handling and no for loops.
6 -
First dev job: port Unix on Transputer, a (now defunct) bizarre processor with no stack, no registers and no compiler. That was fun! And that was in 1991 😎
3 -
Yahoo, Kotlin is the first class language for android. So no more fucking Java codes. No more 100 lines for basic configurations. No more null pointer exceptions.
Only beautiful code and fun.14 -
Hey Root, remember that super high-priority ticket that we ignored for five months before demanding you rewrite it a specific way in one day?
Yeah, the new approach we made you use broke the expected usecases, and now the page is completely useless to the support team and they're freaking out. Drop everything you're doing and go fix it! Code-complete for this release is tonight! -- This right after "impacting our business flow" while being collapsed on the fucking floor.
Jesus FUCKING christ, what the fuck is wrong with these people?
If I dropped the ball on a high-priority ticket for two weeks, I'd get fired, let alone for five fucking months.
If I was a manager and demanded a one-day rewrite I can only imagine the amount of chewing out I'd receive, especially on something high-priority.
And let's not forget product ownership: imagine if I screwed up feature planning for someone so badly I made them break a support tool in production. I'd never hear the end of it.
Fucking double standards.
And while I'm at it. Some of the code I've seen in this codebase is awful. Uncommented spaghetti, or an unreadable mess with single-letter variables, super-tightly coupled modules so updates are nearly impossible, typos in freaking constants added across sixty+ files, obviously-incorrect comments, ... . I'll have to start posting snippets to show them off. But could I get away with any of it? ha. Hell no. My code must be absolutely perfect. I hear about any and every flaw, doesn't matter how minor, and nothing can go out until everything is just so.
Hell, I even hear about flaws in other peoples' code during my code reviews. Why? Because I should have fixed it, that's why. But if I do, I get yelled at for "muddying the waters."
Just. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
It's like playing a shell game where no matter which shell I pick (or point to their goddamn sleeve where they're clearly hiding it), I get insulted for being so consistently useless, and god damn, how can I never find the fucking pea or follow the damned rules? I'm so terrible and this is why "nobody trusts me." Fuck you.
I'll tell you why I can't find your damned pea: IT'S RATTLING INSIDE YOUR FUCKING HEADS, you ASSHOLE FUCKING IMBECILES.
That's right: one pea among the lot of them.
goddamn I am fucking pissed off.8 -
I get handed an API spec that has no naming convention followed for any of the JSON properties. Different for both GET and POST. I request fixes and get a "no budget" answer.
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God was able to create an entire world in just 6 days for the sole reason that he had no previous versions and no compatibility issues.🌍7
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A lot of the string operations in Python, because they are named like shit.
First you have startswith. No underscore. Just two words glued together. No case notation, nothing. So ugly and difficult to remember when Python isn't your only language.
And then there's tolower. Wait, no, it's actually just lower. If we're gonna stick with the shitty naming, can we at least keep the two-words, no underscore thing? No, I guess it's easier to save those two characters.
And isupper, the function to get supper from your iPhone.
Yeah, it's small. But aren't most of our gripes about languages tiny anyways.3 -
"iOS Development is easier"
Yeah, right? There's no dropdown, no checkbox, no radio button, no placeholder for multiline textfields, ...
Motherfck!
You have to manually do everything yourself and lay things out in their messy slow Xcode. Apple doesn't include important things only because they have randomly decided not to include them! Fuck this job.6 -
MS paint is going away...
Wait no it's not...
SHUT UP! No one cares about paint. No one even uses it anyways. And no, because you opened it twice last year to crop a screenshot does not count as using it.15 -
Frontend dev for 10+ years here.
"We can't afford to hire you as a senior, so your job title will be 'Frontend Developer' and your tasks will carry less responsibility than expected from a senior"
One year in, team of 2 handling 3 projects.
After merging with the parent company, we got business cards, mine describe me as a "Senior Frontend UI Engineer".
"Well, our customers only trust seniors, otherwise we can't send you to them".
Meanwhile a former colleague earns >1000€ more a month.
Yeah, fuck you too bosses!3 -
Current project:
A fairly simple and basic single page-ish project with no framework at all.
No backend or database.
No jQuery.
Plain old Gulp task, npm scripts and Webpack.
Some parallax and other scrolling effects.
Client is actually a pretty simple, cool and understanding guy.
This is too easy.
What is this madness??4 -
2 days until I leave my job and I am assigned a large, legal requirement task to complete, with no time to plan or opportunity to hand over the work. No way it will be done in time, and no teamwork, so no one else will be up to speed on it when I leave, and I daresay I'll be blamed for it not working to their 2 sentence specification! Yup, that's why I'm leaving folks!1
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My boss has gone for a long vacation from last week and will be back in Feb. And office feels soooo awesome and fun. No office politics, no senseless meetings. Just pure work in peace.
I wish he doesn't come back only....3 -
There is no technical reason why Microsoft should buy Github, no!
It's the same reason why they bought Skype, LinkedIn and Minecraft and everything else: Money and monopolisation.
That's destructive and an obstacle to progress.
Microsoft, Google, Apple, Facebook: Go fuck yourself!3 -
Monday morning and Microsoft goes down across the board
No office
No teams
No SharePoint
No azure
Not any fucking thing.
Well done ass hats, not like I had anything to do today 😓1 -
Someone had the bright idea of going 100% on premise then only having the VPN on the server in the office building with no backup to another server. Well the power went out and no no one can work or work remotely. What a plan.2
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I am actually a bit angry that there is no fucking thing to rant about at my new work - no dumb clients, no dumb project managers (I am doing project management with the boss and the company is somewhat startupish) and the project is interesting as well.6
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Just loooovvve working on a day when the people at the client's have a holiday. No calls, no emails, no standups...just me and IDE1
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Yes, i'm a programmer
No, I do not install windows and drivers
No, I don't know what is the best laptop for you
No, I don't know why your internet is lagy
I'm sorry, I'm just a programmer6 -
Got a job as a database manager, they wanted me to update their sql server and some of their .net apps. Turns out their sql server had no databases and all their data was stored in an ms access 2003 applications that was using windows for workgroups security!!! It also had no interface, hundreds of tables and queries and there were multiple access db it was connected to. To make things worse the person who built all this stuff used acronyms for everything he did, table names, variables, queries and even bloody window folders!!! It was hard as hell to figure out what anything ment. Oh and the .net apps were asp sites that heavily used dll for storing his code and no one knows where the original source code for them are. Did I also mention there were no comments for any of the code, no database dictionary, no notes or anything.
So apparently I'll be rebuilding everything from scratch and transferring over the data to sql server. AND NO MORE F**KING ACRONYMS!!!!!!!2 -
Just asked something on stackoverflow.
Has been 15min already. And still no downvote and no comment saying “fuck off”
Today is a good day.
🙃
Sorry for wrong tag. This ain’t a rant. I was just thinking “so? -> rant”5 -
No. Just no. The null pointer exception didn't come from my DB, it came from your Java code, so go away and fix it.2
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It was then, after three hours of trying to get random tests to pass that she realized that when she refactored to make the function more verbose and to add comments, she had accidentally typed one `&` instead of two. And it took someone else looking at it to notice.
Words cannot express how frustrated I am with myself.5 -
Found an old laptop in the apartment I was staying in and wrote a shitty incremental game in HTML and JavaScript with no libraries because there was no interwebs. At least alcohol is mega cheap in eastern Europe.3
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I have a rule of thumb.
No call on private phone number.
Definately no reply on whatsapp...
Dare adding me on any WhatsApp group.
No communication beyond slack and Google meet.
People need to classify things between professional and personl communication medium.4 -
So... C++... Yeah.
> Manage to get a MinGw compiler working in VSCode, and all is "well and good".
> Have difficulties installing SDL, follow tutorial verbatim.
> Compile error.
> 7 hours later no progress.
> 10 hours later no progress.
> 16 hours later no progress.
*Throws laptop at wall*3 -
dev "no no no, you're overengineering it. You just need one class for that"
Me "but ... Those are different object that share a common interface. The internal logic is not the same, only their output is. You know ... That's the purpose of interfaces"
Him "no no, as i said, you don't need that. Listen, you can put ALL the fields and methods in a single class and then you can use a switch with different cases .."1 -
I hate people who dog on wsl
Windows subsystem Linux
I use it. It has been wonderful. No problems that Google couldn't fix. Always a patch or an update.
And I can use Windows just fine.
No dual boot needed, no bullshit wine needed, no having to do without Photoshop
There,.. I'm out of the closet
My uncle showed me how to use it ok mom and dad
I'm starting a wsl parade who's in7 -
Pushed out a ridiculously complicated customization to our software with no errors, no user complaints and no needed modifications. Finally my 4 month long project is over.6
-
I have never been so stressed out when programming, I am at a place with no electricity and no running water I'm here for a week and my laptop has 4 hours of battery life, Every second counts!4
-
[least fav part of wfh]
Not being able to have a conversation with coworkers.
No whiteboard.
No spaceous modern desk setup.
No distraction free environment.
No free coffee and lunch.
No 1500W sound system.
No 2gbps internet.6 -
"No battle plan survives contact with the enemy."
- Helmuth von Moltke
And make no mistake... the users are the enemy. -
Fuck, I only need to hire ONE fullstack developer who fucking knows what he's talking about and not trying to weasel their way into this job. I tell them that there are no annoying managers, no KPI, no bullshit, I thought this is kinda valuable, but no
How hard can it be?25 -
Why people like Google pixel
Worst design
No waterproofing
No wireless charging
No dual camera stuff
And now no headphones jack 😐😕
Samsung galaxy S8
And LG V30 Is far better choice4 -
You know what's fucking horrible?
Implementing new features to an Android app in production that another dev wrote...
...which has no architecture, no documentation, no modularity, no testability, everything runs on the UI thread, filled with spaghetti code and it somehow works smoothely so I have to not fuck it up.
Oh and I'm also a junior. So fuck me, right?1 -
No. No. And Absolutely No.
The Three Laws of Robotics MUST not be broken.
https://cnn.com/2022/11/...21 -
1) API Server crash due to Uncaught Error and none of us realised it until 30 mins later (no email alerts, no mechanism in place to notify devs): expensive mistake
2) api server and database server on one frickin vps, with no caching mechanisms or memoisation on frontend: Worst nightmare of my life5 -
No biometry... No electronic passport... Guess I would rumple my hair and tweak my face to fit in. 🤷
1 -
I am bored !!! No feature request and No bug was reported from last 2 days... Nothing to resolve today.. I am thinking should I create new bug and release it as feature??5
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TFW you google an error and all you get are GitHub issues with rambling conversation and no resolution. Marginally better than having no relevant responses IMHO.1
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Stupid fucking communities normally all pieces of garbage. And no, there is no built in garbage collection, but then I find this, I POST 1 THING AND I GET GREAT RESPONES AND REALLY NICE ENGAGEMENT LIKE WTF3
-
web dev agency makes a job ad that fits exactly my skill set.
*send an email in a good form with resume and everything*
No acceptance, no decline, no "we'll look at it", just nothing...
just fucking die already -_ -4 -
Fuck, fucking cock sucking stupid ass prick of a little black box, why, why the fuck do you not fucking boot any more, all you have to do is fucking boot but no, that's to much for you to fucking do!
Ah well, good thing it's only a Rpi!
It had a good life, now to wipe the card and start again! I1 -
When I got in this job:
No test, 0% coverage
No teamwork
No documentation (front and backend)
Senior doesnt want to talk
1year later:
We have test prolly 10% coverage
Still no team work
No documentation
Senior doesn’t want to talk
Ps: tried doing documentation but I cant unless my senior will help me because I dont know the ins and outs of the codebase.
I say crap.11 -
I just fucking hate compiling this fucking C# (ASP.NET) code and then transferring to staging server. Fuck you.....no no no listen to me fuck you and fuck this shit.8
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Next 30 days : no linux, no developing,no designing... only scratching pens on stupid assignments and licking teachers asses for marks. I hate college exams ;___;12
-
My YouTube recommendations be like
"I am 28 with no friends and girlfriend"
"I am 30 years old with no social life"
"Living as a single guy at 30 years old"
"No friends and no family and left behind in life"
What are you trying to tell me, YouTube?53 -
Turns out
if(double.TryParse(input, out double value)
{
//Do something with value
}
can't be used in compilers using C# versions prior to 7.0. Reason: → out double value ←
...k den7 -
♪ All around me are familiar faces
Worn out braces, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily standup
Going nowhere, going nowhere
The bugs are filling up their tracker
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow ♪3 -
Thinking about going full bum and just hike national parks until I die. No job, no possessions, no electronics, no hell, no heaven, no nothing - just living totally in nature - and if I die? So what 🤷♂️4
-
Oriented Object design class today, introducing inheritance with squares-rectangles and circles-ellipses.
No don't do that.
It's the worst example ever. It does not work. Just no, stop3 -
I once had to review and transform the code of one of my colleague at school which had no indentation, no spacing and was a clusterf*** of syntax errors. The nightmare was that it was all done in the ancient Turbo C++. So I opened up plain ol' Notepad and whipped up some decent code and helped him out of a tight situation.
Now he is no longer a programmer. :|7 -
At work I inherited some databases, were most of the tablecolumns are all varchar. No ID's, and everything is in one table. No relation tables no reference data. Because "we don't trust the users who fill the tables to understand relationships". And.. wtf.4
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Some minutes ago our firewall in office overheated, no internet, no network, no real way to work some time for coffee and nerd talk - not bad at all1
-
Theory is when you know everything, but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In my project group, theory and practice are combined: nothing works and no one knows why.1 -
"The job description requires Java, and this candidate knows Javascript, are they interchangeable?"
No they are not, lawyer handling H1B immigration cases. No they are not.3 -
One of my freind's sister came to me yesterday, and asked me if i can help(basically do the entire thing) her by making a website, which she has to make as a project. She is in 10th standard so it has to be a very simple website, just some text and images and stuff... I was like YEAH easy pesy... And then i opened my laptop and started working on that... No plugins, no bootstrap, no framework, no jquery, no nothing... And i was just like wth dude how and i supposed to do anything with this shit. But then i somehow finished that, now on my way to show her... Hope everything goes well🙁🙁16
-
My phone just died. Got a new phone on recommendation of friends and flash Jolla on it. The OS is super nice but the "Android support" doesnt work. No lastpass, no netflix, no prime, signal works half, no banking app.
I really need my windows phone back. It just worked without issues. After two android phones and now a Jolla in about two years im kinda done with all this shit.14 -
Marketing tech of over 25 years in this company asks this at least 2 - 3 times a year, "to find the percentage, take the small number and divide by the big number right?"
NO. NO. NO. NOOO! NOOOOOO! God dammit. You're a grown man. -
Is there an easy way to make your website not look like complete garbage, if you have no idea and no time for some web front-end?11
-
You know when you work with an incompetent team or organization? No one
knows what they are doing and there is no competent leadership to set high standards and
people are making their own bullshit up? Yeah? That's my current workplace.3 -
Not a part of the test, but the test itself.
Imagine having to write in a language you don't really know with a pen and paper.
Glad I didn't get the job there because holy moly was that a pain in the ass.1 -
New years resolution: no more tech support period. No one appreciates it and if anything breaks in the future youre expected to fix it. Lol, no thanks2
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I started a new project and only use PHP, HTML, CSS and vanilla JS. No Frameworks. No React. No Vue.
The browser loads the page instantly, there is virtually no loading time and it just works.12 -
"You can Download Sublime Merge, and try it for yourself - there's no time limit, no accounts, no metrics, and no tracking. The evaluation version is fully functional, but is restricted to the ***light theme only.***"
In your butt light theme haters ;)4 -
No need for sleep or food, fluent knowledge of all languages, no code errors, and ability to socialize with other humans.
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I want to torture very painfully anyone who uses Word to send me content expecting that their exact formatting can just be copy/pasted into any old CMS or web page quickly and easily because the press release is going out NOW and I only got this to you NOW so just quick copy/paste it onto the website and we're good to go, right? You can do that, right?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! I CANNOT! AND YOU LEFT TRACK CHANGES ON WHICH CARRIES OVER SPECIAL CHARACTERS THAT I HAVE TO REMOVE BY HAND BECAUSE MICROSOFT HIDES OR HAS REMOVED THE ABILITY TO TURN OFF TRACK CHANGES IN SHARED DOCUMENTS! AND YOU INCLUDED TABLES, WHICH I HAVE TO REBUILD BY HAND OR TURN INTO LISTS! YOU WENT TO UNIVERSITY AND NOBODY EVER TOLD YOU THAT YOU CAN'T PASTE DIRECTLY FROM WORD TO A WEBSITE AND HAVE EVERYTHING LOOK EXACTLY AS IT DID IN WORD? WHAT ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MORON?! IT'S BEEN OVER 30 YEARS SINCE THE WEB WAS INVENTED AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T FIGURED THIS OUT?!
At least I get to bill more time.2 -
No, that Nigerian prince is not real and it is a scam, and no, I am not jealous and I don't envy you, you know what, it is totally legit ... I was lying ...
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My old boss who somehow has gotten his small team of 4 PHP development contracts with Vodafone and Tesco etc. No QA, no tests, no frameworks allowed.
Sets random deadlines and used to suddenly drop demos on me for projects I'd just started and he had no idea of the state of them. Needless to say one project I was so rushed with no idea what I was actually making (for real) that I got sacked. -
Docker broke, swarm was a bloddy house of cards, from the first days of swarm, consul was somewhat bent around that crap
No docs, no one has a clue, no support and got somewhat backstabbed
Well... Maybe i should do something with wood or orchids ...4 -
There's no provisioning script. Code repo's there, but no configuration files. Missing folders that break the app. No documentation on what to install, what directories to create, NO instructions. Nothing. Just an empty Ubuntu vagrantbox and a git repo. Took the entire morning and then some, just to replicate the dev environment. Fuck
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Me: I'll comment that later
Also me: Why tf isn't there any comment
No seriously, comments and documentations are really necessary. Today I've been debugging for hours, why a certain variable has a certain value. Age of code: 15+ years. No comments. No docs. 🙃5 -
Configuring apache is so fucking repetitive and inefficient. No for loops. No arrays. Just repeating damn near the same lines over and over and over again.
Oh you want to listen to 20 ports? I hope you like copying and pasting.4 -
From the book
Refactoring JavaScript
Turning Bad Code into Good Code
Evan Burchard
HOW CONVERSATIONS ABOUT REFACTORING SHOULD GO UNTIL TESTS ARE WRITTEN
“I refactored login to take email address and username.” “No, you didn’t.”
“I’m refactoring the code to ____”
“No, you aren’t.”
“Before we can add tests, we need to refactor.” “No.”
“Refactoring th–”
“No.”
“Refa–” “No.”7 -
It's so early but i'm brimming with excitement and need to share...
I might be going NUCLEAR guys!
In the very literal sense, don't overthink it (and no i don't mean blowing stuff up, and no i don't mean boomer fiSsiOn, I mean the real stuff - fusion!)8 -
Client: We need to support uploading doc, docx, all image formats and PDF to convert and combine everything into a PDF.
Me: lol. No.
No way in hell am I going to try to convert docx to PDF in Java.4 -
Apparently, drake made a song called "Kiki do you love me".
No. Just no.
Too bad it was you and not MF Doom.8 -
As a 0.1x programmer, I realised an important lesson today :
You can win school coding contests by plagiarizing code. No one cares, and no one will know.
Because the dude who won the contest was literally copying from Google and stackoverflow and they didn't caught him 😭7 -
Recently I wondered why so many people complained about Windows 10. I had no issues, no crashes, and no bluescreens. Everything was fine.
Then the "anniversary update" installed. After days of restoring partitions, reinstalling, boot repairs and blue screens I realized Windows 10 is now incompatible with my PC.
Well, good thing MS extended support for Windows 7... -
Use CoffeeScript they said, it will be fun they said.
NO! No, no, no, no!!!
Fuck this.
Converting old library written in coffescript to ES6 is just fucking insane.
I see 1000 lines of code to take me at least several hours if not a whole day.
and tests are yet to come. -
- The golden rule of CoffeeScript is: "It's just JavaScript".
- Nice!
- And provides a basic class structure that allows you to name your class, set the superclass, assign prototypal properties, and define the constructor, in a single assignable expression.
- No nO NO NO! -
When you join a project that has no testing, no component policy, a lot of css mixins, that has to work simultaneously as a pwa, android and ios app.
Oh, yes, obviously no documentation at all *flips table*2 -
So you're telling me that you have no documentation, and your app business logic is made on only observables?
Uh no thanks. -
During an interview, how to detect if a company has a dysfunctional flow of development? What good questions to ask?
Like things are scattered all over and there's no standard being followed, no architecture, no code reviews, everything is a patchy magic, no testing, and everything is just on fire! How to avoid such companies?6 -
I have some ex colleagues and friends now devs in Facebook, Amazon, or other major companies. No life, monothematic arguments, no hobbies, no time. I surely prefer my simpler life.
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Laptop getting outdated and beginning to malfunction and no money for new laptop..
fuck all freelancing now...14 -
Thinking of writing new books
"How to become obese in a week?"
And
"Race between your code and yourself. Who explodes first!"3 -
Just moved countries and started a new job at an awesome company, which is so great I have nothing yet to rant about.
Oh here goes: almost three weeks with no internet at home and no end in sight.2 -
I see people posting their laptops with stickers all the time here. So I thought I'd share mine.
No love for the rebel scum who supports Flaggy flag.
2 -
Updated my Azure aide project to ASP .NET Core 2.0.
Works perfectly in develop in Debug and Release.
Deploy to Azure.
502.5
No error logs, no feedback, no explanation.
K den.1 -
NO ONE EVER MADE A DIFFERENCE BY BEING LIKE EVERYONE ELSE... And NO ONE EVER BECAME GREAT BY COPYING SOMEONE ELSE...7
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Ain't no sunshine when it stops..
Ain't no sunshine when it bug's,
And it always crashes too hard,
Any time my coffee's away..1 -
Why is there no VueJS job requirements in my area? It is all about Angular and React. Quite sad my favorite JS Framework is not a favorite here.
Guess I'll be forced to study Angular or React for job requirements purposes only *sigh* 😩 It is like - forced eating the only available food that you don't like in order to survive. Oh well supply and demand.
I haven't seen any VueJS requirements yet in all the job posts that I browsed 😕11 -
"No website is as good as a good book. And no good book is as good as a disassembly output."
http://fabiensanglard.net/c/ -
Where did we get lost in the war against fuel guzzling cars and pollution to where now people are just paid to drive around endlessly who don’t even enjoy driving around ? Where did all these efforts go ?
I blame all levels of industry for making a good paying job mean no family no exercise no public transportation no sleep no travel13 -
I must admit sometimes agile methodology zealots annoy me but I just quit a shop with no process, no source code repository, and no testing. I worked there a month and had no idea such places still exist. I knew it was a bad idea but I needed remote work. I tried to evangelize to them but they blamed me for everything after they fired the project manager.6
-
!dev
found a video, where a japanese guy presented himself as 'no mass'
he is a fashion designer and his brand is 'no mass production'3 -
Join a new project & client site
Been a week and still no access, so no work
Told to read up on various subjects
Told to go back to internal office and talk with coworkers tomorrow
Get a flat tire on the way in, $200
Get it fixed
Comtinue to office
No one knows what I'm talking about
Call boss, no answer
What is my life, I just wanna to development -
Once you've conceived children, there is no Ctrl+Z, and once you've met them, there is no Esc, F12, Ctrl+Q or even Alt+F4.9
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Pitching Preact for a client. They wanted us to use Dojo because they bought support for it and I was like OH HELL NO FUCK NO
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No joke at my old shool computer system. We couldn't install anything on our accounts. As a joke I tried admin and no password. Didn't work. My friend pressed "q" with no password. Got a message "Totally not bloatware is now installing." Amazing.9
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Why the fuck does a freaking SD card reader for arduino needs a 3v and a 5v pin...... I have no space in my project and no experience at all to handle this.... and no fucking place for batteries....
Why is every of my project like this ..... cry12 -
If you refused to pay for extended support there's no need for us to "Fix" a problem on your app when there's a new IOS or Android version released.
Sure it might work and no we can't future proof it.
Just pay for extended support and no that's not part of the development. -
OnClick handler on buttons in Samsung devices keeps count of no. of times you have pressed it and executes only after pressing no less than 3 times.
#slowAF #S9+ -
If I don't know Java and no plan to learning it how should i learn kotlin?
No experience with c or c++ either. No programming experience at all. Because HTML and CSS aren't programming so yeh. plan to learn JavaScript next month after my fucking exam.6 -
Is it me or most developers just write code so it compiles and passes tests?
No documentation, no standards, no "good practices", no"good design", no software principles, no performance analysis, nothing.1 -
In an emergency, how would you communicate with friends and family? (No electricity*, no internet, no cell reception or landlines)
*No access to the electrical grid. Other sources are fine.4 -
No no no, that's not for what I came to linux.
Opened couple of tasks including one browser with < 10 tabs, sublime, skype and it starts fucking hang.
I have 8g ram, core i3 .
I'm using Ubuntu 16 lts. Its such a shame6 -
The contact forms sent emails from no-reply@ and in the last meeting the client told us a colleague of them asked once who "No repli" was and why he's not answering her emails. Well...
(German client, so she may not knew what "no reply" means)2 -
So I started a new on prem contract. No coffee machine in the office and the kitchen has no utensils. Wtf
-
How to install windows, when there is no network boot support, no USB and you are on Linux?
I did it through vmware, just ran using the current hdd.2 -
No, friends and family, just because I code doesn't mean I'm a software engineer, or "in IT" and no, websites don't resize themselves to fit mobile devices with fekin magic, that's what we do as web devs, we MAKE that magic
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CSS has no parent selectors... and the codebases' element I'm working on has no classes nor an id...
kill me8 -
Am I weird or is working in bars awesome?!
I mean I can never get any serious work done, but if I'm just routing PCBs; no better place to work than noisy bar at half capacity.
P.S. : Wouldn't have thought it, but KiCAD is a hit with the ladies!
P.P.S. : Well, the kind of ladies I'd like to talk to.1 -
At a salary of $11/hour, no overtime, is a junior web developer with no previous experience and no personal project undervalued?25
-
One good thing about being at a remote offline office with virtually no supervision or coworkers is long lunches. I left ~10mins ago, and if anyone calls (and no one will), I left just few minutes before they called.1
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My work had Project Management software before to track tasks and issues, but the new boss wanted to switch to some new support tool. A bit annoying, but no problem.
After decommissioning the old (free) PM software, he decided to put off the new software implementation. Instead, he created a shared g suite inbox that we have to log in to and check for issues. No routing, no priorities, no notes section, no progress tracking, no tasks.
Now I have to give progress updates several times a day on my tasks because there is literally nowhere for me to report my progress. I have no idea what my priorities are since we have literally nowhere that specifies priorities. This is a PM and support nightmare, and as a former SCRUM master I'm about to lose it!6 -
No one interrupting me, music ranging from rock to Mozart. And working on something to improve performance or making it better. With coffee at times. And no frigging meetings. With complete isolation.
-
If you wirte Code for hours without testing or either compiling it and in the end you get no error and you know this is not possible and began to search the error where no is...
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An App/service which would help doctors and patients to schedule consultation hours. Also an patient would always have medical relevant documents as digital documents. No more waiting for faxes, no more lost diagnostic sheets everything is always in reach. No more search for an MRI appointment and no more overfilled waiting rooms. Better programms for docs! The ones ive seen in hospitals and doctors offices looks horrific..1
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I blame developers for Windows epidemic. If no one develop for windows, there will be no software for that shit, and there for, there will be no user for that shit.11
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Omg has Google placed a new ad scheme online or something? It's fucking huge! Almost an entire screen of ads before seeing the first search result.
AAARRGHH 😑4 -
I WANTED LINUX BUT IT DIDN'T WANT ME NOW I'M ALONE AND IT FRICKNNN SUXXXXXXXXX PLS LORD NO NO NO NO NO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH peace and love3
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Sometimes non-dev people give the look like they could do the same shit in half the time and you purposefully made the UI ugly (UI wasn't provided and I m no designer).. can anybody suggest some polite ways to tell them to FUCK OFF!!2
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Working for a company using Cobol > CGI > PHP > MySQL > Django, and once again another custom rolled framework with no documentation in PHP. Basically no desire, haha.
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Apple's methodology:
Hmmm this seems like a bug...No worries, we'll call it a feature and no one will ever know!2 -
What really grinds my gears?
To teach german coders that there is no plural of the word "information", over and over and over and over again!
There is no informations. There is only bits of information or information.
Darn idiots!!!8 -
I have absolutely no idea on what to make in python and when I do get an idea I realize that I have no clue where to start1
-
My first dev project was back in the third grade. I made a simple (and hideous) HTML website. No CSS, no JS, just plain old (and I mean old) HTML.
Showed my whole class, there was much awe and wonder.
</end story>2 -
Advise for the next email marketing slave robot.
padding works writing Padding (P).
No margin, no floats,... Etc.
Use Foundation email cli and even using it, be prepared for war.... :(2 -
What is software development like where you live? Would you say it's good/modern or bad/outdated?
For example, in Peru (this has a degree of truth of up to 95%):
- React isn't even a thing (nevermind RN)
- Everything uses Angular
- No Django, no Rails, no Express. Everything Laravel, CodeIgniter and .NET
- No NoSQL
- Objective-C >> Swift
- AWS? cPanel!
- No testing
Of course I focused on the "bad" part, but maybe this is what rants are for :) And I haven't said anything about salaries 😪
What about you? And please don't forget to mention your country.2 -
it's sooo annoying. There are no sites that cover SOAP with JavaScript. I am only a junior dev and I have no way how to tackle this project. Why SOAP??11
-
A life with no adventure and rough times is like a movie with no suspense. I'd probably doze off half the times.
I mean: no bullets in the air and Chuck Norris is not risking everything for his daughter?
Damn, just shoot me :(2 -
Almost every I code with close friends (all seniors) or my brother (also senior).
It's crazy what we can accomplish when there is no implicit and no one want to take shortcuts.
And mostly on personal projects, no client to shit all over the place.
With m'y brother we also often code at 4 hands in repl.it -
Fixing a pretty serious bug affecting a core functionality but that no one has noticed and no one will thank you for fixing
OR
Continue working on your feature2 -
!ng5
Out of nowhere my directive stops working... Didn't change anything there in die last weeks.😥
No console Errors and no console log entries i added.
Why? 😥 -
trying to rediscover specific pieces of tribal knowledge with no documentation and no starting point...
guess I'll just start grepping servers until I find a clue -
Just got an "no-reply" email that wants me to click a link for customer satisfaction survey. No company name, no whatever, just plain text and the sender is "no-reply@nestor.com" Is there a way to find out where did they get my email?!4
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So of course. Not in the project settings no no. and not in right click settings in the project tab. Otherwise no complaints but jesus. Other than how many times now ? Good Goddamn !
12 -
It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me,
I'm free!
Test-Driven Frozen -
I'm planning to buy Dell XPS 15" latest model in the near future and will do a triple boot: windows, Ubuntu and Hackintosh. I hope that is possible.
Also I hope the latest 2018 15" macbook pro will have no touch bar, no butterfly keyboard, no dongle life. But that's just a fantasy so I'm excited for Dell XPS -
Contributing to big repositories on git be like,
and here goes my push,
Wait, I need to rebase
Ok, done, now push
Oh fuck, I need to rebase again.
The cycle goes on 😓 -
No going back
No forgetting the best
If they are jealous of others forgetting the worst hurt them till they do
No more theft
There is no justification
One round of photos and videos is 12. Years of pay at least
So. Hand it over
50k a year1 -
!dev
Missed the fucking bus to work because they changed up the times here without prior notice...
So no more having the "nice" train (with comfy clean seats, wifi and airco) but the "crap" train (old dirty seats, no wifi and no airco) AND a quarter of an hour wait...
I rly need a drivers license... -
Designed and worked on a website with no help and no assistance from the "head programmer" since he was leaving.
He told me he could have done what I have done since "you programmed it in bootstraps"
(Check tag for response) -
Typical discussion here between a fullstacker, frontender and designer: its this functionality, no its that functionality. But parents and childs. But javascript! No i want this to be this name. No that name is better. Im in the middle of this :(1
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