Customer: how will this heading look in bold?
Me: Hold a sec, I will show you *opens developer tools in chrome and increments font-weight*
Customer: NO NO NO, undo this. I don't want you to mess up my website.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And no break for a programmer ;-;

No it's not AI. YOU ARE RUNNING FUCKING SQL QUERIES AND CALLING IT AI!

No it's not AI. YOU ARE RUNNING SIMPLE DATA ANALYSIS MACROS AND FUNCTIONS IN EXCEL!

Stop labelling everything as AI, you attention and investment seeking morons! @&£$¢×xo##!

"Does it work in IE?"

No, and I don't care.

No, I'm not hacking.
No Linux is not a movie.
No, you are not a developer because you can put "Hello World" on a website.
No, this isn't a waste of my time.
Yes, I will use it.
Yes, I'll make you a website for free. NOT!
Your phone is both Android and Samsung.
No, what they did in the movie is impossible.
No, I can't predict the stock market.
No, I'm not Mr. Robot, but I know him...

Just buy more and more and more books.
And coding. No one needs books, if he don't code.

"hey dfox and trogus can i have a job?"

"no lol"

Overheard this guy talking to his friends about Python.

Guy: "Have you seen Python?? You basically just talk to the computer. There's no variables. You just go 'a = 2' and you can print 'a' and it'll give you 2! And there's no imports or anything!"

When you write 2 unit tests and no integration tests.

Looking through someone's code and oh no :(

Wow what an asshole designer

I love how "minimal" devRant is.

No username, no time... just the number of likes and number of comments ..

*it's a feature not a bug*
✌(◕‿-)✌

that moment when your first pull request to a major deep learning library is merged and you have no friends who understand what that means and to share your happiness!😓
no problem, you've devRant! 😁

My productivity hack: headphones and a simple sign that says "NO".
...works!

"We don't need to invest in security - noone is going to hack us anyway" == "We don't need a fire department in our city - fire is not going to start here anyway"

We don't need to invest in security - everything is public anyway" == "We don't need a fire department in our city - our buildings are made out of straws anyway"

-- my thoughts after seing a line in client's spec: "sensitive data is transferred via a secure tcp channel (https) and all the public data is transferred via an unencrypted tcp (http) channel"

Professor refers to Linus Torvalds as the most arrogant developer. Says no one uses Git and thinks it has no advantages over SVN. Forces us to use SVN. :'(

Builds various WordPress websites and calls themselves a Web Developer........ Just no.

Coded for hours, compiled, and got no errors, no warnings

Video games, food delivery and no one calls your name ever!

Multiple weird ones but one specifically where I fixed a bug over and over again and the second I pushed and deployed, the fix was gone both locally and remote.

I kept going more and more crazy and had rage attacks and such.

"Wait what, I changed and fixed this.. Let's try again"
"Huh, I definitely changed this..."
"Oh no, I fucking changed you"
"Go fuck yourself, I fixed this and pushed already, you can't just fucking disappear on me!"
"Oh yeah no of course, disappeared again, totally fucking logical. GET BACK HERE"
"I FIXED YOU A GAZILLION TIMES ALREADY, DON'T YOU DISAPPEAR ON ME AGAIN"
*NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. I. FUCKING. FIXED. YOU"

It went worse and worse for a while and then I woke up with a "....ahh" feeling 😅

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A "MINI APP" AND NO, JUST BECAUSE YOU THREW A "MINI" IN FRONT OF IT, IT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY EASIER TO DEVELOP

Hello, I just want to let you know I'm working on a 15 year old product and it is currently in production.

It uses Angular.js and one of the earliest versions of React.js. I cannot use ES6, we don't have Babel, no JSX syntax, no CSS preprocessor. No webpack.

I must support browser since IE6 with an ES3 syntax. (luckily I got some some polyfills for an ES5 syntax)

When I build a component I have to call React.createClass and React.createElement.

The render() function is basically a nested pile of React.createElement.

There is no documentation for this product, no tests, no anything.

I had to reverse engineer it in order to understand how it works.

The code base uses mixed programming styles and naming conventions, plus thousands of little js files.

Oh and obviously no hot reload, every time I make a change I have to restart everything.

Please, send help.
I'm in danger.

Sincerely,
An underpaid developer

....
I'm not crying, you are crying...

I played skyrim, and i thought yes.. i want to make that...

and now i am a very successful CTO and cofounder of a video game startup thats blooming and already made 7 figure profits

no, no im not, i ended up making websites for very little money...

no try and catch in here 🙊

Some companies be like-

.. In job posting - We are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...

..in Introduction - We are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...

.. in Interviews - We are the next big thing. We are already changing the industry. Think of us like Google / Facebook etc...

.. during Interviews - Our interview process is rigorous because we are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...

.. questions in interviews - Since we are Google / Facebook, please answer questions on Java, C/C++, JS, react, angular, data structure, html, css, C#, algorithms, rdbms, nosql, python, golang, pascal, shell, perl...
.. english, french, japanese, arabic, farsi, Sinhalese..
.. analytics, BigData, Hadoop, Spark,
.. HTTP(s), tcp, smpp, networking,.

..

..

..

.. starwars, dark-knight, scarface, someShitMovie..

You must be willing to work anytime. You must have 'no-excuses' attitude

.........................................

Now in Salary - Oh... well... yeah... see.... that actually depends on your previous package. Stocks will be given after 24 re-births. Joining bonus will be given once you lease your kidneys.

But hey, look... We got free food.

Well, SHOVE THAT FOOD UPTO YOUR ASS.

FUCK YOU...
FUCK YOUR 'COOL aka STUPID PIZZA BEER - CULTURE'.
FUCK YOUR 'FLAT- HIERARCHY'.
FUCK YOUR REVOLUTIONARY-PRODUCT.

FUCK YOU!

"No one's here, let's just restart it and see what happens."

Me: ooh my eyes hearts, I have to sleep now, I fix this tomorrow morning.

(go to sleep)

Inner Me: hey
Me: ...
Inner Me: pisst! wake up
Me: what?? leave me alone I'm tired
Inner Me: remember that issue you had?
Me: yes?
Inner Me: this is how you can solve it
Me: great thanks, I'll fix it later
Inner Me: no no you have to fix it now
Me: I'm tired, I'll fix it first thing in the morning
Inner Me: no no you'll forgot it
Me: no I won't, let me sleep
Inner Me: no no you'll forget and I won't tell you again
Me: look I write it down in my phone now leave me alone
Inner Me: no no you have to fix it now.
Me: *crying* for God sake...

(gets out of bed and try to turn on PC and it's not starting, realizing that the power is out)

Me: you happy now, I fix it tomorrow.
Inner Me: no no stay awake till power is back on.
Me: SHUT THE FICN ON PICK OF CRAPE. Did SHDUHDBD DBDJDB

I work in a computer repair shop. A COMPUTER repair shop. And every day, I get asked "Do you repair phone screens?" No. No, I do not. Stop asking!

Just got picked up for a project. 20,000+ code base, no comments, no docs, variable names like x, xx, xxx, no function name conventions, and a mishmash of Czech, French and English class names.

I thought this job was too good to be true. #fml

Curse you Human Resource Machine and your structure programming with GOTOs and no indenting

You know the feeling when you deliver exactly what the requirement was and there were no more iterations and changes to those requirements after that??

No..?? Me neither..

I have no words to describe how I'm feeling these days. I have to do a C project for uni.

After a couple of years dealing with web dev, javascript, typescript, angular and stuff, for the first time I have a project where I have to deal with only two problems:

1) my code
2) my machine

No tools, no bloated libraries, no webpack, no json configurations, no tutorials.

It's just me, vim, gcc (actually nvcc, it's a cuda based project, but still) and the cuda manual.

I feel I'm actually building something.

Plus, the guy I'm doing the project with is cool with this stuff and most important he's open minded.

I'm happy

The worst kind of bugs are logical ones, they go undetected, no error, no alert, and when you notice them, it's too late.

Oh no, oooooh nononono
they dont delete the branches after a pull request

232 branches? hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhno
and look at that naming

im intimidated, i dont want to work in this environment. No. NO!

Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE the stability of slack (and electron apps in general)?

Got notified of a new message in slack, clicked the channel and this is what I see, even after a restart. No content or UI controls of any kind are being rendered. No workspaces, no loading spinners, no errors, no warnings ... just nothing.

I don't give a fuck about your integrations, apps, giphy, video calls, search, threading ... I just want to read text.

Piece of fucking shit

Emotional roller coaster today.

+ Got first pull request! Hell yeah!

- oh, no, no no no nononono, they pushed all dependencies and temp folders...

fck sake isak, gather yourself

No code on paper and no flipping MS office crap.

Just updated to the latest insider build for Windows 10.. left PC unattended and came back later and it was ready... no BSODs, no random crashes, no issues, nothing... it just works as expected...

I can hear Linux fanatics screaming after reading this 😂

FUCK all this Windows stereotypes BS going on here

- Let's use jquery to fix this
- No
- But it will work just fine
- I'd rather re-write the code and not use jquery in an angular project
- ...
- NO!

No offence fortran and smalltalk guys !

When there is no automatic way of checking if you software update came through correctly and no personal is in the building so you have to boot 421 PCs.

That glorious moment when you remove a function from your Javascript.

is_internet_explorer()

It's one job was to detect and prompt a user about not using IE on this shit for a stain website - ironically built for IE 😂

You sir, will not be missed 🥳

I don't want no sticker and no stressball, i just want to read some dev rants and design my devRant avatar

My JS function is now lazy loading, expressive, and uses 12 fewer lines of code! 😃

It no longer works, but
... no one is perfect. 😅

I have a year to figure shit out and get a job.

No savings, no nothing after that year.

One year.

Writting C++, hitting compile and getting no errors or warnings first time.

I am going to create a new language called Yoda that is identical to Java but it has no exception handling and no for loops.

That feeling you get when you compile and there are no warnings

First dev job: port Unix on Transputer, a (now defunct) bizarre processor with no stack, no registers and no compiler. That was fun! And that was in 1991 😎

I get handed an API spec that has no naming convention followed for any of the JSON properties. Different for both GET and POST. I request fixes and get a "no budget" answer.

Hey Root, remember that super high-priority ticket that we ignored for five months before demanding you rewrite it a specific way in one day?

Yeah, the new approach we made you use broke the expected usecases, and now the page is completely useless to the support team and they're freaking out. Drop everything you're doing and go fix it! Code-complete for this release is tonight! -- This right after "impacting our business flow" while being collapsed on the fucking floor.

Jesus FUCKING christ, what the fuck is wrong with these people?

If I dropped the ball on a high-priority ticket for two weeks, I'd get fired, let alone for five fucking months.

If I was a manager and demanded a one-day rewrite I can only imagine the amount of chewing out I'd receive, especially on something high-priority.

And let's not forget product ownership: imagine if I screwed up feature planning for someone so badly I made them break a support tool in production. I'd never hear the end of it.

Fucking double standards.

And while I'm at it. Some of the code I've seen in this codebase is awful. Uncommented spaghetti, or an unreadable mess with single-letter variables, super-tightly coupled modules so updates are nearly impossible, typos in freaking constants added across sixty+ files, obviously-incorrect comments, ... . I'll have to start posting snippets to show them off. But could I get away with any of it? ha. Hell no. My code must be absolutely perfect. I hear about any and every flaw, doesn't matter how minor, and nothing can go out until everything is just so.

Hell, I even hear about flaws in other peoples' code during my code reviews. Why? Because I should have fixed it, that's why. But if I do, I get yelled at for "muddying the waters."

Just. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

It's like playing a shell game where no matter which shell I pick (or point to their goddamn sleeve where they're clearly hiding it), I get insulted for being so consistently useless, and god damn, how can I never find the fucking pea or follow the damned rules? I'm so terrible and this is why "nobody trusts me." Fuck you.

I'll tell you why I can't find your damned pea: IT'S RATTLING INSIDE YOUR FUCKING HEADS, you ASSHOLE FUCKING IMBECILES.

That's right: one pea among the lot of them.

goddamn I am fucking pissed off.

Yahoo, Kotlin is the first class language for android. So no more fucking Java codes. No more 100 lines for basic configurations. No more null pointer exceptions.

Only beautiful code and fun.

Firefox focus ;) privacy anonymity and no ads from default.

A lot of the string operations in Python, because they are named like shit.

First you have startswith. No underscore. Just two words glued together. No case notation, nothing. So ugly and difficult to remember when Python isn't your only language.

And then there's tolower. Wait, no, it's actually just lower. If we're gonna stick with the shitty naming, can we at least keep the two-words, no underscore thing? No, I guess it's easier to save those two characters.

And isupper, the function to get supper from your iPhone.

Yeah, it's small. But aren't most of our gripes about languages tiny anyways.

This is what being a security enthusiast does to you.

A little background : This is our team's designer who asked me to send him one of my pictures to put on my ID Card (that he is designing) for the event that I'm organizing along with my team. I have known him for about 2 years now but well, security awareness gave me trust issues because I apparently asked him to delete the picture he is finally using for my ID Card after he is done with the work. He must be thinking I'm crazy.

P.s. I still don't know if he actually deleted it or not but let's just give him the benefit of doubt and try to live in oblivion.

No stickers at all..

I like it clean and simple.

"iOS Development is easier"

Yeah, right? There's no dropdown, no checkbox, no radio button, no placeholder for multiline textfields, ...

Motherfck!

You have to manually do everything yourself and lay things out in their messy slow Xcode. Apple doesn't include important things only because they have randomly decided not to include them! Fuck this job.

God was able to create an entire world in just 6 days for the sole reason that he had no previous versions and no compatibility issues.🌍

MS paint is going away...

Wait no it's not...

SHUT UP! No one cares about paint. No one even uses it anyways. And no, because you opened it twice last year to crop a screenshot does not count as using it.

That moment you write tons of code and compile it and there are No errors.

*achievement unlocked*

Frontend dev for 10+ years here.

"We can't afford to hire you as a senior, so your job title will be 'Frontend Developer' and your tasks will carry less responsibility than expected from a senior"

One year in, team of 2 handling 3 projects.

After merging with the parent company, we got business cards, mine describe me as a "Senior Frontend UI Engineer".
"Well, our customers only trust seniors, otherwise we can't send you to them".

Meanwhile a former colleague earns >1000€ more a month.

Yeah, fuck you too bosses!

errors are like girlfriend's no one understands why they appear and disappear

Current project:

A fairly simple and basic single page-ish project with no framework at all.
No backend or database.
No jQuery.
Plain old Gulp task, npm scripts and Webpack.
Some parallax and other scrolling effects.
Client is actually a pretty simple, cool and understanding guy.

This is too easy.

What is this madness??

Internet speed of around 30-40 kbps and no refreshments or coffee :/

There is no technical reason why Microsoft should buy Github, no!
It's the same reason why they bought Skype, LinkedIn and Minecraft and everything else: Money and monopolisation.
That's destructive and an obstacle to progress.
Microsoft, Google, Apple, Facebook: Go fuck yourself!

3 nights and no sleep !
I'm dying!

My boss has gone for a long vacation from last week and will be back in Feb. And office feels soooo awesome and fun. No office politics, no senseless meetings. Just pure work in peace.

I wish he doesn't come back only....

2 days until I leave my job and I am assigned a large, legal requirement task to complete, with no time to plan or opportunity to hand over the work. No way it will be done in time, and no teamwork, so no one else will be up to speed on it when I leave, and I daresay I'll be blamed for it not working to their 2 sentence specification! Yup, that's why I'm leaving folks!

Monday morning and Microsoft goes down across the board

No office
No teams
No SharePoint
No azure
Not any fucking thing.

Well done ass hats, not like I had anything to do today 😓

My dream is to live in Himalyas with my laptop and a WiFi

Someone had the bright idea of going 100% on premise then only having the VPN on the server in the office building with no backup to another server. Well the power went out and no no one can work or work remotely. What a plan.

Accidently removed some essential code and no version control is in place

It was then, after three hours of trying to get random tests to pass that she realized that when she refactored to make the function more verbose and to add comments, she had accidentally typed one `&` instead of two. And it took someone else looking at it to notice.

Words cannot express how frustrated I am with myself.

I am actually a bit angry that there is no fucking thing to rant about at my new work - no dumb clients, no dumb project managers (I am doing project management with the boss and the company is somewhat startupish) and the project is interesting as well.

Saturday at 00:30 AM. My weekend be like

No hugs and kisses
Only bugs and fixes

:/

No. Just no. The null pointer exception didn't come from my DB, it came from your Java code, so go away and fix it.

And then suddenly NoMad was no more... 👀

Just asked something on stackoverflow.
Has been 15min already. And still no downvote and no comment saying “fuck off”

Today is a good day.
🙃

Sorry for wrong tag. This ain’t a rant. I was just thinking “so? -> rant”

Yes, i'm a programmer
No, I do not install windows and drivers
No, I don't know what is the best laptop for you
No, I don't know why your internet is lagy
I'm sorry, I'm just a programmer

Got a job as a database manager, they wanted me to update their sql server and some of their .net apps. Turns out their sql server had no databases and all their data was stored in an ms access 2003 applications that was using windows for workgroups security!!! It also had no interface, hundreds of tables and queries and there were multiple access db it was connected to. To make things worse the person who built all this stuff used acronyms for everything he did, table names, variables, queries and even bloody window folders!!! It was hard as hell to figure out what anything ment. Oh and the .net apps were asp sites that heavily used dll for storing his code and no one knows where the original source code for them are. Did I also mention there were no comments for any of the code, no database dictionary, no notes or anything.

So apparently I'll be rebuilding everything from scratch and transferring over the data to sql server. AND NO MORE F**KING ACRONYMS!!!!!!!

Just loooovvve working on a day when the people at the client's have a holiday. No calls, no emails, no standups...just me and IDE

And we thought no social media platform could match Facebook.

I have a rule of thumb.
No call on private phone number.
Definately no reply on whatsapp...
Dare adding me on any WhatsApp group.
No communication beyond slack and Google meet.

People need to classify things between professional and personl communication medium.

Found an old laptop in the apartment I was staying in and wrote a shitty incremental game in HTML and JavaScript with no libraries because there was no interwebs. At least alcohol is mega cheap in eastern Europe.

too much ranting and no coding makes a programmer null.

You want me to build a whole fucking site with a new theme on December with no mockups and all build with a custom design after you left me all fucking September and october without fucking work?.

No. Fucking. Way.

Deprecated method and no documentation updates 😡

So... C++... Yeah.
> Manage to get a MinGw compiler working in VSCode, and all is "well and good".
> Have difficulties installing SDL, follow tutorial verbatim.
> Compile error.
> 7 hours later no progress.
> 10 hours later no progress.
> 16 hours later no progress.
*Throws laptop at wall*

I hate people who dog on wsl

Windows subsystem Linux

I use it. It has been wonderful. No problems that Google couldn't fix. Always a patch or an update.

And I can use Windows just fine.

No dual boot needed, no bullshit wine needed, no having to do without Photoshop

There,.. I'm out of the closet

My uncle showed me how to use it ok mom and dad

I'm starting a wsl parade who's in

I have never been so stressed out when programming, I am at a place with no electricity and no running water I'm here for a week and my laptop has 4 hours of battery life, Every second counts!

When in internship you have to read 150000 lines of code to make changes and the code does not have any comments, no indentation, no documentation, no wiki. You'll be like fuck this shit. I'm outta here.

dev "no no no, you're overengineering it. You just need one class for that"
Me "but ... Those are different object that share a common interface. The internal logic is not the same, only their output is. You know ... That's the purpose of interfaces"
Him "no no, as i said, you don't need that. Listen, you can put ALL the fields and methods in a single class and then you can use a switch with different cases .."

Pushed out a ridiculously complicated customization to our software with no errors, no user complaints and no needed modifications. Finally my 4 month long project is over.

[least fav part of wfh]
Not being able to have a conversation with coworkers.
No whiteboard.
No spaceous modern desk setup.
No distraction free environment.
No free coffee and lunch.
No 1500W sound system.
No 2gbps internet.

"No battle plan survives contact with the enemy."
- Helmuth von Moltke

And make no mistake... the users are the enemy.

Why people like Google pixel
Worst design
No waterproofing
No wireless charging
No dual camera stuff
And now no headphones jack 😐😕
Samsung galaxy S8
And LG V30 Is far better choice

Fuck, I only need to hire ONE fullstack developer who fucking knows what he's talking about and not trying to weasel their way into this job. I tell them that there are no annoying managers, no KPI, no bullshit, I thought this is kinda valuable, but no

How hard can it be?

This is Slack, bro. No need to formally address me every message, and definitely no need format your messages like an email. Just say what you need to say.

Oh no, I'm getting fatter and fatter. And there's pizza in the fridge.

No bugs ever and a client that actually listens

"Work hard and be nice to people. No one is born with the ability, and no one owes you anything. If you want to do something, start small and build it up. Then keep doing it!" - Jon Hicks

You know what's fucking horrible?

Implementing new features to an Android app in production that another dev wrote...

...which has no architecture, no documentation, no modularity, no testability, everything runs on the UI thread, filled with spaghetti code and it somehow works smoothely so I have to not fuck it up.

Oh and I'm also a junior. So fuck me, right?

Api with no documentation and obscure endpoints

1) API Server crash due to Uncaught Error and none of us realised it until 30 mins later (no email alerts, no mechanism in place to notify devs): expensive mistake

2) api server and database server on one frickin vps, with no caching mechanisms or memoisation on frontend: Worst nightmare of my life

Move to the middle of nowhere with no computers and live by fishing and hunting

Next 30 days : no linux, no developing,no designing... only scratching pens on stupid assignments and licking teachers asses for marks. I hate college exams ;___;

"Do not use namespaces in our C# projects". And no explanation why...

Fuck, fucking cock sucking stupid ass prick of a little black box, why, why the fuck do you not fucking boot any more, all you have to do is fucking boot but no, that's to much for you to fucking do!

Ah well, good thing it's only a Rpi!

It had a good life, now to wipe the card and start again! I

I am bored !!! No feature request and No bug was reported from last 2 days... Nothing to resolve today.. I am thinking should I create new bug and release it as feature??

web dev agency makes a job ad that fits exactly my skill set.
*send an email in a good form with resume and everything*
No acceptance, no decline, no "we'll look at it", just nothing...
just fucking die already -_ -

My YouTube recommendations be like

"I am 28 with no friends and girlfriend"
"I am 30 years old with no social life"
"Living as a single guy at 30 years old"
"No friends and no family and left behind in life"

What are you trying to tell me, YouTube?

No biometry... No electronic passport... Guess I would rumple my hair and tweak my face to fit in. 🤷

NO (and some more text so I can post it)

Stupid fucking communities normally all pieces of garbage. And no, there is no built in garbage collection, but then I find this, I POST 1 THING AND I GET GREAT RESPONES AND REALLY NICE ENGAGEMENT LIKE WTF

When I got in this job:
No test, 0% coverage
No teamwork
No documentation (front and backend)
Senior doesnt want to talk

1year later:
We have test prolly 10% coverage
Still no team work
No documentation
Senior doesn’t want to talk

Ps: tried doing documentation but I cant unless my senior will help me because I dont know the ins and outs of the codebase.

I say crap.

TFW you google an error and all you get are GitHub issues with rambling conversation and no resolution. Marginally better than having no relevant responses IMHO.

Turns out
if(double.TryParse(input, out double value)
{
//Do something with value
}

can't be used in compilers using C# versions prior to 7.0. Reason: → out double value ←

...k den

I just fucking hate compiling this fucking C# (ASP.NET) code and then transferring to staging server. Fuck you.....no no no listen to me fuck you and fuck this shit.

♪ All around me are familiar faces
Worn out braces, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily standup
Going nowhere, going nowhere
The bugs are filling up their tracker
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow ♪

Oriented Object design class today, introducing inheritance with squares-rectangles and circles-ellipses.

No don't do that.

It's the worst example ever. It does not work. Just no, stop

Is there an easy way to make your website not look like complete garbage, if you have no idea and no time for some web front-end?

Updating a legacy written by the ceo from swift 1.2 to swift 3.1
No storyboard, main controller with 2200+ lines of code and viewDidLoad method with 500+ lines of code.
Almost no comments and code is illisible.
Weeeee

Thinking about going full bum and just hike national parks until I die. No job, no possessions, no electronics, no hell, no heaven, no nothing - just living totally in nature - and if I die? So what 🤷‍♂️

I once had to review and transform the code of one of my colleague at school which had no indentation, no spacing and was a clusterf*** of syntax errors. The nightmare was that it was all done in the ancient Turbo C++. So I opened up plain ol' Notepad and whipped up some decent code and helped him out of a tight situation.

Now he is no longer a programmer. :|

One of my freind's sister came to me yesterday, and asked me if i can help(basically do the entire thing) her by making a website, which she has to make as a project. She is in 10th standard so it has to be a very simple website, just some text and images and stuff... I was like YEAH easy pesy... And then i opened my laptop and started working on that... No plugins, no bootstrap, no framework, no jquery, no nothing... And i was just like wth dude how and i supposed to do anything with this shit. But then i somehow finished that, now on my way to show her... Hope everything goes well🙁🙁

"A drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts." - William Strunk Jr.

You know when you work with an incompetent team or organization? No one
knows what they are doing and there is no competent leadership to set high standards and
people are making their own bullshit up? Yeah? That's my current workplace.

I think no one can notice the difference between L and i

Difference is l and I

Some minutes ago our firewall in office overheated, no internet, no network, no real way to work some time for coffee and nerd talk - not bad at all

"The job description requires Java, and this candidate knows Javascript, are they interchangeable?"

No they are not, lawyer handling H1B immigration cases. No they are not.

At work I inherited some databases, were most of the tablecolumns are all varchar. No ID's, and everything is in one table. No relation tables no reference data. Because "we don't trust the users who fill the tables to understand relationships". And.. wtf.

Theory is when you know everything, but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In my project group, theory and practice are combined: nothing works and no one knows why.

"You can Download Sublime Merge, and try it for yourself - there's no time limit, no accounts, no metrics, and no tracking. The evaluation version is fully functional, but is restricted to the ***light theme only.***"

In your butt light theme haters ;)

Webassembly because .Net in the browser and no more writing JavaScript 😊

Difference between stackoverflow and devRant: no one downvotes your answers 😜

"... and these are all the software specs. But we have no budget"

No....... Groovy the discord bot is down and no longer offering services. :(

No need for sleep or food, fluent knowledge of all languages, no code errors, and ability to socialize with other humans.

Stop taking names for variables and functions which makes no sense

It's so early but i'm brimming with excitement and need to share...

I might be going NUCLEAR guys!

In the very literal sense, don't overthink it (and no i don't mean blowing stuff up, and no i don't mean boomer fiSsiOn, I mean the real stuff - fusion!)

Not a part of the test, but the test itself.

Imagine having to write in a language you don't really know with a pen and paper.

Glad I didn't get the job there because holy moly was that a pain in the ass.

No linuxbox is fine without cmatrix (and cowsay)

New years resolution: no more tech support period. No one appreciates it and if anything breaks in the future youre expected to fix it. Lol, no thanks

Docker broke, swarm was a bloddy house of cards, from the first days of swarm, consul was somewhat bent around that crap
No docs, no one has a clue, no support and got somewhat backstabbed

Well... Maybe i should do something with wood or orchids ...

I started a new project and only use PHP, HTML, CSS and vanilla JS. No Frameworks. No React. No Vue.

The browser loads the page instantly, there is virtually no loading time and it just works.

My phone just died. Got a new phone on recommendation of friends and flash Jolla on it. The OS is super nice but the "Android support" doesnt work. No lastpass, no netflix, no prime, signal works half, no banking app.

I really need my windows phone back. It just worked without issues. After two android phones and now a Jolla in about two years im kinda done with all this shit.

Marketing tech of over 25 years in this company asks this at least 2 - 3 times a year, "to find the percentage, take the small number and divide by the big number right?"

NO. NO. NO. NOOO! NOOOOOO! God dammit. You're a grown man.

Me: I'll comment that later
Also me: Why tf isn't there​ any comment

No seriously, comments and documentations are really necessary. Today I've been debugging for hours, why a certain variable has a certain value. Age of code: 15+ years. No comments. No docs. 🙃

My new best friend. 😴

All PRs and no developing make Jack a dull boy

Client: We need to support uploading doc, docx, all image formats and PDF to convert and combine everything into a PDF.
Me: lol. No.

No way in hell am I going to try to convert docx to PDF in Java.

As a 0.1x programmer, I realised an important lesson today :
You can win school coding contests by plagiarizing code. No one cares, and no one will know.

Because the dude who won the contest was literally copying from Google and stackoverflow and they didn't caught him 😭

I want to torture very painfully anyone who uses Word to send me content expecting that their exact formatting can just be copy/pasted into any old CMS or web page quickly and easily because the press release is going out NOW and I only got this to you NOW so just quick copy/paste it onto the website and we're good to go, right? You can do that, right?

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! I CANNOT! AND YOU LEFT TRACK CHANGES ON WHICH CARRIES OVER SPECIAL CHARACTERS THAT I HAVE TO REMOVE BY HAND BECAUSE MICROSOFT HIDES OR HAS REMOVED THE ABILITY TO TURN OFF TRACK CHANGES IN SHARED DOCUMENTS! AND YOU INCLUDED TABLES, WHICH I HAVE TO REBUILD BY HAND OR TURN INTO LISTS! YOU WENT TO UNIVERSITY AND NOBODY EVER TOLD YOU THAT YOU CAN'T PASTE DIRECTLY FROM WORD TO A WEBSITE AND HAVE EVERYTHING LOOK EXACTLY AS IT DID IN WORD? WHAT ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MORON?! IT'S BEEN OVER 30 YEARS SINCE THE WEB WAS INVENTED AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T FIGURED THIS OUT?!

At least I get to bill more time.

No, that Nigerian prince is not real and it is a scam, and no, I am not jealous and I don't envy you, you know what, it is totally legit ... I was lying ...

During an interview, how to detect if a company has a dysfunctional flow of development? What good questions to ask?

Like things are scattered all over and there's no standard being followed, no architecture, no code reviews, everything is a patchy magic, no testing, and everything is just on fire! How to avoid such companies?

From the book

Refactoring JavaScript
Turning Bad Code into Good Code
Evan Burchard

HOW CONVERSATIONS ABOUT REFACTORING SHOULD GO UNTIL TESTS ARE WRITTEN
“I refactored login to take email address and username.” “No, you didn’t.”
“I’m refactoring the code to ____”
“No, you aren’t.”
“Before we can add tests, we need to refactor.” “No.”
“Refactoring th–”
“No.”
“Refa–” “No.”

My old boss who somehow has gotten his small team of 4 PHP development contracts with Vodafone and Tesco etc. No QA, no tests, no frameworks allowed.

Sets random deadlines and used to suddenly drop demos on me for projects I'd just started and he had no idea of the state of them. Needless to say one project I was so rushed with no idea what I was actually making (for real) that I got sacked.

For some people no GUI and a hack is the same... WtF?!

Apparently, drake made a song called "Kiki do you love me".

No. Just no.

Too bad it was you and not MF Doom.

So, I joined a hardware company as a software developer few months back. I'm working on a c++ code base with thousands of files and no idea what the code is supposed to do.

I got one overview of what the product is supposed to do, which contains mostly electrical engineering jargon that I have no clue about.

Now my manager wants me fix a bug in this code. I have no clue what the expected behaviour is and no documentation whatsoever, and literally no one in the entire country who understands the code.

Configuring apache is so fucking repetitive and inefficient. No for loops. No arrays. Just repeating damn near the same lines over and over and over again.
Oh you want to listen to 20 ports? I hope you like copying and pasting.

There's no provisioning script. Code repo's there, but no configuration files. Missing folders that break the app. No documentation on what to install, what directories to create, NO instructions. Nothing. Just an empty Ubuntu vagrantbox and a git repo. Took the entire morning and then some, just to replicate the dev environment. Fuck

"All code and no rant make all of us a bad DEV"

Oh no, not my MySpace and Tumblr...

I have no mouth and I must scream

PM joins standup call, shares screen and opens Jira.

No... oh no... no mate no....

Updated my Azure aide project to ASP .NET Core 2.0.
Works perfectly in develop in Debug and Release.
Deploy to Azure.
502.5
No error logs, no feedback, no explanation.

K den.

It's Friday, and hoping for no new assignments :/

When you join a project that has no testing, no component policy, a lot of css mixins, that has to work simultaneously as a pwa, android and ios app.

Oh, yes, obviously no documentation at all *flips table*

Pitching Preact for a client. They wanted us to use Dojo because they bought support for it and I was like OH HELL NO FUCK NO

Visual Studio or Eclipse?

Pro and Contra for every Yes and No :)

So you're telling me that you have no documentation, and your app business logic is made on only observables?

Uh no thanks.

Use CoffeeScript they said, it will be fun they said.

NO! No, no, no, no!!!

Fuck this.

Converting old library written in coffescript to ES6 is just fucking insane.
I see 1000 lines of code to take me at least several hours if not a whole day.
and tests are yet to come.

Laptop getting outdated and beginning to malfunction and no money for new laptop..
fuck all freelancing now...

I feel always demotivated.

No good ideas, no job and I feel really stupid sometimes.

Thinking of writing new books

"How to become obese in a week?"

And

"Race between your code and yourself. Who explodes first!"

I have some ex colleagues and friends now devs in Facebook, Amazon, or other major companies. No life, monothematic arguments, no hobbies, no time. I surely prefer my simpler life.

Recently I wondered why so many people complained about Windows 10. I had no issues, no crashes, and no bluescreens. Everything was fine.

Then the "anniversary update" installed. After days of restoring partitions, reinstalling, boot repairs and blue screens I realized Windows 10 is now incompatible with my PC.

Well, good thing MS extended support for Windows 7...

Why is there no VueJS job requirements in my area? It is all about Angular and React. Quite sad my favorite JS Framework is not a favorite here.

Guess I'll be forced to study Angular or React for job requirements purposes only *sigh* 😩 It is like - forced eating the only available food that you don't like in order to survive. Oh well supply and demand.

I haven't seen any VueJS requirements yet in all the job posts that I browsed 😕

There shall always be coffee and no releases on a Friday! #MyExecutiveOrder

- The golden rule of CoffeeScript is: "It's just JavaScript".
- Nice!
- And provides a basic class structure that allows you to name your class, set the superclass, assign prototypal properties, and define the constructor, in a single assignable expression.
- No nO NO NO!

it works and i have no fucking idea how

Just moved countries and started a new job at an awesome company, which is so great I have nothing yet to rant about.

Oh here goes: almost three weeks with no internet at home and no end in sight.

Where did we get lost in the war against fuel guzzling cars and pollution to where now people are just paid to drive around endlessly who don’t even enjoy driving around ? Where did all these efforts go ?

I blame all levels of industry for making a good paying job mean no family no exercise no public transportation no sleep no travel

If I don't know Java and no plan to learning it how should i learn kotlin?
No experience with c or c++ either. No programming experience at all. Because HTML and CSS aren't programming so yeh. plan to learn JavaScript next month after my fucking exam.

I see people posting their laptops with stickers all the time here. So I thought I'd share mine.

No love for the rebel scum who supports Flaggy flag.

Beginning node.js and I see no end

NO ONE EVER MADE A DIFFERENCE BY BEING LIKE EVERYONE ELSE... And NO ONE EVER BECAME GREAT BY COPYING SOMEONE ELSE...