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My sister got me some stickers as a birthday present but she didn't know where to buy them. So she painted a gift card instead...😮
27 -
My GF just selected all files on her harddrive and clicked "Open".
The look at her face when she figured out what she have done.
BONUS: She restarts her computer, and upon start she selects Yes to the "Your computer shutdown unexpected, would you like to re-open the applications" popup 😂12 -
What. The. Fuck. Did. Just. Happen.
A random girl followed me on social media. She looked nice and intelligent so I followed her back.
Started to chat about some random stuff. She told me she works at the HR department of an international company and asked me what's my job. Told her I'm a software developer.
Right after that she sent me a selfie. Obviously I said she looks nice, she thanked it and asked some more about my job. After a short discussion I received another selfie but somewhere in between she lost the outer layer of her clothing.
She still looks nice but now I'm sitting here utterly confused and cant tell whether it was my sarcastic humour and moderately handsome facial features which charmed her or she just needs to recruit someone for a new project and willing to do everything to reach the quota.67 -
My sister is 16yo and she is not interested in the C.S field. I gave her last year my laptop and it has Debian on it, since i bought a new one. She never told me that she has to deal with any problem, she was just using it.
Today she got a new laptop from our grandma and she texts me "hey, is there any way i can install Linux on that? I don't want to use windows".
Well i told her that she has to wait me to come back home next month and i will take care of it.
I had never thought that i will listen something like that. Good day.19 -
Yo mama's so fat that if she sat on a binary tree she will convert it into a linked list in O(1) time5
-
My girlfriend is learning python and she figured out how to change her environment to dark mode. I'm so proud of her.
13 -
GUYS!!! SHE SAID "YES" !!!!
I'M SOOOO HAPPYYYYY!!!
All my dreams are becoming real! I was so nervous to ask, but it was worth it! I waited for the right moment, looked her in her eyes, she looked at mine.. And there I asked it: "are you willing to give it a try and install libreoffice instead of ms office?"
AND SHE SAID: "yes"!!!
Do I have the best wife or what!22 -
Asked a girl what would she like to eat and gave her two options. She answered "Ok. Let's go".
Error cannot find parameters in line 212 -
Morning conversation with wife.
As she puts a stainless steel water bottle on the counter
She: can you make a water bottle for our daughter before school.
Me: I'm not sure, does it have to look like this one, I don't have any training working with metals. But if I have full control over the design. I may be able to come up with something.
She: that not funny, why do you always do that.
Me: do what, that is exactly what you told me to do.
A little later.....
She: I'm running late, can you make sure "everything" up stairs is unplugged..... (She means her curling iron)
I can't wait until she comes home.........;-)21 -
She: Uuggrrr.. You did it again
Me: What
She: Stop opening the dev tools
Me: Oh sorry
She: Leave me alone with your laptop.
10 min later
Me: What did you change?
She: I tried to remove the dev tools by changing the dragged position to a negative value in chromes config files.
Me: wow.
She: Didn't work.
Me: Hehe, nice try though
*opens chrome*
Me: wut.
She: *chuckles*
- Light pink theme
- 500% zoom
- Font size changed
- Some virus search engine (my search?)
- deleted some plugins
- start page randomcolour.org (or color? (<- me css freak))16 -
My grandma comes to me with all her computer problems, but this time she came to tell me a story instead.
She said she was about to call me for help, and then thought about what I would do. "Google it."
And guys, she did. She googled it. And she got an answer.
I taught her to fish, guys :) I did it.
One down, 6,999,999,998 to go...12 -
She: I like people who takes risks.
He : I develop in a prod server.
She: My place or you place? 😉3 -
Was irritated and annoyed because of a client.
Someone called the support line and I was ready for some temper-holding practice.
A very sweet lady was at the other side and she couldn't figure something out and was overwhelmed by all the options she had in her new hosting package.
Very calmly helped her and guided her to the right place, step by step. She did exactly what I said instead of playing a smartass.
She finally found it and said that she appreciated it and a ton of thanks 😊.
Now that's a good way to end a work day!10 -
Another rant about my gf
She tried HTML and well, cause there are h1, h2, h3... instead of classes, she used div, div2...
17 -
I was writing a Python code and my teacher saw. She knows nothing about programming so she asked if I was programming a bomb to blow up a building... Smh.29
-
*Me trying to flirt with her*
Me: "Programming turns me 1."
She: "JavaScript turns me true."
Guess who spent whole day searching some good js tutorials on web today ??6 -
"so you use Ubuntu" she said ,
"why don't you go for Linux ?" she asked.
so I dumped my girlfriend26 -
Was letting my five year old cousin play on my laptop today. She was writing numbers in notepad, and after typing '123', she erased them because she wanted to start over from 0 instead.
Later she started typing 1 and 0 repeatedly in random sequence.
She may be a robot. Either way, I sense a bright future ahead for her.2 -
My girlfriend got me these for christmas – as she wanted to gift me the most nerd-ish tshirt she could find.
13 -
My roommate was sleep talking last night. She said: "It doesn't work!"
I wonder if she was debugging in her sleep...4 -
New neighbor came in yesterday, she cute, and apparently she also goes to the same college as me, though... when she came in last night to thank me she thought I was doing something illegal
Neighbor: "What are those?"
Me: "Lemme ex-"
Neighbor: "Are you doing [hacky hacky uwu]?"
Me: "First before you get the wrong-"
Neighbor: "I'm call-"
Me: "This is a fucking weather sattelite reciever ffs"
[Awkward silence]
Fast forward to today, landlady came in and immediately recognized my weather sattelite rig (I did it for a science fair before I graduated SHS), told neighbor she shouldn't worry because I have stuff like this everyday
God, if it wasn't for our landlady, I would have the police in my ass for neighbors getting the wrong idea...
Seriously nani the fuck16 -
My gf caught me unguarded after she told me that she has some updates for her webpage, right after I did the last updates. Massively amused. Not! 😅
25 -
I told my girlfriend she was the semicolon to my statements,little did she know I was using Python.8
-
Conversation with my mom the other day:
Mom - How do you use the screenshot button on the keyboard? (She has a Windows work laptop)
Me - Just press it.
Mom - I did that! It didn't do anything.
Me - Lol it's not supposed to do anything. It takes a picture of whatever is on your screen and you have to paste it somewhere like Paint to save the image.
Mom - Ohhh that's too much work. I use Snippit (or whatever the built in Windows screenshot app is called) and send it to myself in an email.
-------------------------
She takes a screenshot, pastes it in an email, and sends it to herself to save it. Hm.
Then she told me tonight that she needed to screenshot these questions in a quiz she was taking. I kid you not - she took a screenshot of 2 questions at a time, pasted them in an email that she sent to herself, and then printed the email. She did this for 40 questions so she printed out 20 emails with screenshots of quiz questions. She also printed out the 200 page manual she needs to study and deleted the pdf. Mom, seriously? What if you need to find something in that 200 page manual? It's so much easier to ctrl + F to find a specific word or phrase. Ohh it doesn't matter she says, there's an index.21 -
My Crush who is a bookworm: what do u do?
me: i am a writer
she: wow thats soo cool
me: (excited inside)
she: what did u write recently?
me: code
she: 😐9 -
My fiancée was complaining about how one of her classes at the University requires using a PC to run some obscure program so she would have to study in the library as she has a Mac. I asked if she wanted me to spin up a Windows VM. After explaining what that means she freaked out saying "You can do that?!". Yes. Because I am part God.10
-
passionately making love on Friday morning.
Cellphone buzzes for WhatsApp notification, ignored.
Call ignored, SMS ignored, again call, ignored.
She : whose that bitch calling you?
Me : it's no one important.
She : Checks WhatsApp, message from CTO, server crashed.
Me : Umm, darling, I need to fix this.
It's been 2 days she hasn't answered my call after she left.15 -
So my friend just got a new laptop and she never used a Linux based OS before,so I recommended it to her as she is also a CS under grad student,so I thought she might find it useful and interesting to try it out on her own ..This was her rant
14 -
Got matched with a cute girl on Tinder. She was a recruiter. She didn't want to talk about anything other than this "great" opportunity...13
-
Real Chat with new female friend.
Me : what are you studying now?
she : First year of MBBS
Me : that's nice. Generally boys/girls take admission in engg and commerce.
she : yuk. I hate engineer's and engineering specially that PC worm's(soft engg).
Me : k
She : what are you studying?
Me : soft engg
she : I didn't mean it.
Me : it's ok
-_-
WTF man32 -
HP Virtual Agent, you're about as useless as the fucking hardware that I'm troubleshooting. What part of fucking "Arch Linux" do you not understand?! Not everyone runs your fucking assumed OS choices - WanBLowS 7, 8 or 10. What's more, the hardware that I'm troubleshooting doesn't even support those bloody operating systems.
Long live HP and its random freezes due to poor thermal management. And long live Intel's fucking wireless drivers, that for no good reason disconnect after half an hour and require me to restart NetworkManager to (hopefully) get shit connected again. And long live those useless fucking "virtual assistants"!!!
16 -
A girl I used to have a crush on suddenly contacted after 2 years because she still thinks of me as one of her "best friends", and was sorry that she "hurt" me. After a few minutes talking, I knew she just wanted to get her new website done... Go to hell you fucking bitch20
-
For our 4 programming tasks we had to use Git. Which i fully support, except whenever one of my group members made a change she would commit min 8 times and the message would be "change". Even after mentioning to her that she should write What she changd she just changed it to: "change filename". I mean yeah, i can clearly see which file you changed but come on, WHAT in the file did you change. While doing this she also managed to overwrite my changes or completly delete my files forcing me to constantly restore shit 😐10
-
While working from home, my wife overlooked my work Slack chat.
She saw me typing "can you ssh?" and told me "that's a bit rude".
She understood it as "can you shush?".4 -
!rant
A few years back, when my youngest cousin was about 7 years old, she asked me the most innocent question ever.
She said, "what's the internet?"
I answered, "it is where you can find anything that came from other people".
"Wanna see baby tigers?" I added then she nodded.
I Google searched 'tiger cubs' and showed the image results to her. She beamed a very big smile and said "let's look for another one!" So we did search for a few animal photos and I saw how happy she was!
Now she's a gamer who loves minecraft, Pewdiepie, and FPS games! :)9 -
Client presentation. Analyst is working from home. She stands up for a split second and reveals she is not wearing pants.17
-
Her: Who are you texting over there?
Me: Texting my new girlfriend.
Her: 😒
Me: Jk, it's devrant.
Her: I knew it, you're texting that girl Devranta.2 -
My wife asked me to clean, cook and watch the child.
When she returned home she started screaming hysterically and cry.
Who understands women...9 -
A friend of mine went to her boss and said that she will quit if she won't get 50% salary raise - boss said ok. She told about it her working colleague so he went to the boss and said 50% or I'll quit - boss said cleanup your desk...5
-
I have the best gf in the world.
She tries to understand what I spend so many hours working on, even though she has little interest in it. She is seriously patient with me and lets me do my thing just because she knows it makes me happy.6 -
My lil girl has a habit of bringing me her rubber ducks whenever she sees me sitting down and just chilling. But this far she has (funny enough) done it twice whilst I am coding.
This time she got me super duck!!!
:) i love my lil girl
13 -
My bio professor has a word doc called passwords that she keeps on an unencrypted external hard drive.
She leaves the hard drive in the room with all of her other stuff when she goes for a break between classes.16 -
Morning after my linux administration exam my mother called 15 times to wake me up. When I finaly answered the phone she she was worried so she asked.
Mom: wtf is wrong with you, is everything okay?
Me: not sure, i think something went wrong. I'll send you the log files later. *Hangs up the phone.
Apparently I do shit like that every time she tries to call me in the morning as she writes down our "conversations" just to laugh at me later.
brain@sleep:~$ sudo rm -rf /9 -
My wife was going to school for a business degree but likes what I do as an engineer. She spent a month or so debating engineering or information security.
Yesterday she changed to a degree in information security.
Today she opens a GitHub and starts learning to program and I'm in love all over again.7 -
My professor once asked us to brainstorm a good topic for our IT seminar/workshop.
I suggested version control using Git.
She simply shrugged it off. She said she needed a topic that the class can use. WTF.1 -
Been married for 14 years to a non-technical spouse. Biggest issue has been not able to properly vent about technical issues to my best friend. She still listens when I do even though I'm sure she doesn't understand. But, I love that she tries anyway.3
-
Girlfriend (she has little idea of tech) was asking if I could fix her notebooks wifi.
I didn't answer that for a week.
Yesterday she really needed wifi, so she went to google and followed several posts - until she managed find the problem and to reinstall her wifi driver for the first time! She was so proud of herself.
I hope I'll never forget that grin of her - full of triumph!
I couldn't be more proud of her myself9 -
She: "Better not visit devRant for the next.. weeks"
Me: "Lol, what have I done?"
She: "The new iPhone is out"
Me: "..."6 -
Although she hates HTML, I had my girlfriend try to (re)create some kind of interface as a challenge. She remade the Mirror's Edge Catalyst menu - and she did well, I guess. (ofc her code is dirty and stuff - and it's far from responsive, but damn it looks smooth xD)
14 -
She: I have a problem with my android phone, I can't take screenshots since yesterday.
Me: Ehm... did you try to turn it off and on again?
She: no.. let me try.
...5 minutes later...
She: You're a genius!!!
Me: I know. 😏😎2 -
I was going out with this really nice girl, funny, independent, with a knack for entrepreneurship... and eventually she found out I was a developer and she needed a freelancer... and that's how she became a client instead of a date.10
-
Sad story!
She : i am breaking up with you because I love another guy.
Me : since when?
She : 6 months.
He : why you didn't tell me then?
She : we have updated our privacy policy!!2 -
So my neighbor needed my help with her notebook. She said she has to provide a new password everytime she logs in. I asked her to log in in front of my eyes. She entered her password and clicked "forgot password" instead of "login" 😐
Did you ever hear of "return" ?3 -
I have a friend that is a girl that loves to snapchat everything she does, the problem is that she now works (in apprenticeship) at a huge company and she snapchats her desktop who has a lots of post-it notes and her screen which is showing excel spreadsheets with customers data and stuff...
And she does this on a regular basis btw
Who can be possibly that dumb...5 -
My mother-in-law asked me to reinstall her laptop. I made a deal with her that I will happily do that, but only if it can be a Linux distribution.
She eventually after asking questions about it agreed.
She don't want to go back anymore.
Funny enough, the co-workers didn't understand why is her laptop slightly looks different, so they started to tell her , that the laptop is full with virus.
I explained her that she doesn't even have system privilege to install one even if she wants.
She was happy with the answer :D5 -
worst experience with a manager was the (female) one who got away with harassing a female employee for YEARS and thought it was ok because she thought they were friends.
She also retaliated (in ways that were hard to prove), played favorites, didn't know metrics or general business sense, couldn't do her employee's jobs but loved to tell them how they were wrong all the time, and then when she was fired, after the female coworker finally reported the ass slapping and the harassment based on disability, she went back into employee only areas with client personal information and thought taking selfies was ok (she was very quickly corrected and had to wipe her phone and memory card to ensure she hadn't been doing it when she wasn't caught, which cameras later proved she had been).
(I only sound calm. I will take a needle to her probably fake boobs and deflate them with glee if I ever see her again)4 -
!rant
So I just lost my girlfriend she tought she wasn't worth it to me. On the bright side, more time for coding!6 -
My boss when:
Conversation regarding passwords:
Me: "It should be longer than that"
Other dev: "That's what she said"
*taking note of the inappropriate-ness*
Me: "We need to get a room for us"
PM: "That's what she said"
Me: "Come on Ryan!"
Other dev: "That's what she said"
Sales Lady: "This will never end!"
Me: "That's what she said!"
Office dies for a minute. Michael Scott would be proud.
2 -
Just had chat with Microsoft support to solve a issue. I accepted remote session request. She did something and couldn't find proper a solution to my problem. Finally, she told a temporary solution and quit the chat.
When I was about to give feedback that she wasn't helpful, SHE CLOSED FEEDBACK WINDOW and then ended remote session. Lmao4 -
When I joined my current company there was a sales woman who had all kinds of weird esoteric quirks.
Like, she was legitimately afraid the WiFi signal could fry her brain so she put up some sort of mandala or whatever that was supposed to filter all the bad frequencies. She never wondered why WiFi (or her smartphone for that matter) still worked the same way despite the mandala.
Or this one time she brought colored liquids and told everyone to put them on their hands and smell them. She said if you liked the "scent of the color" then that was your color.
I never found my color, I think it's because she didn't have black.5 -
My Girlfriend broke with me today.
We was in this relationship from two years now. we was doing very good, our relationship was not toxic, no fights, no bad words, zero problems.
One month ago she goes to travel with her evangelical aunt to the beach. Her aunt have lot of money she gets from scamming all that believers. I was happy for my ex-gf because here in out city she was having lot of problems of health, mainly because she was not very mind stable and that degraded her health.
When she goes, her physical and mental health improve a lot. i was happy she is stable now. Her aunt have some Church around the city they go, aunt started to bring her very often to the church. She started to strongly reinforce they God beliefs.
Of course im atheist, she know that from very long time ago. But of course when she started to be more devoted, feels dont fit with me. I refuse to change my mindset about that topic.
Today she says we must broke because im not a believer. This was the most painful experience in my life. I fall in cry for three hours. I truly love her. I recently wakeup and decide to write this rant. I dont have too much friends to talk apart from her. So i wish to share this here.
Im unemployed, she was my only support all this job hunting times. Now she was gone and im alone, this hurts a lot.
Im trying to dont fall deep af, to non return path.
Fuck religion. and her fanatic aunt.31 -
Everyone is updating their privacy policy because of GDPR while my mom still busts into my room without knocking.... She hasn't read the GDPR has she?5
-
I have a new woman in my life. She has an amazing contoured body, smooth to touch and yeah she is wonderful on the inside. She is a pleasure to be around and is always there for me. She enables to DO amazing things and she empowers my personal aswell as my professional development. I THINK I'm falling in love no I DO love her.
She is my Lenovo ThinkStation P310 Intel Xeon 3.60GHz 32GB RAM 1.2TB SSD 6GB/s also known as Suzie.9 -
My mom was not aware of the "forward" option in mails for many years. If she needed to forward documents, she would print them from the original mail, scan them to her computer, and attach the scanned files to a new mail.
She also didn't realize she can just save them on her computer, in case she didn't want to forward the entire correspondence, but only the documents.
I'm so sorry trees, I didn't know 😂4 -
My wife is neither a programmer nor she understands code but I love her more when she puts snacks in my mouth herself because my hands are too busy on the keyboard.5
-
Explaining my mom about my job as backend developer... She couldn't understand what is there behind the website. She was like "u designed the website. It's done. What u do full day?"
Finally I gave an example of restaurant... I am the cook(backend developer). Front-end is waiter. Finally she understood....6 -
Both: Let's start over.
Me: Everything different
She: Where to start?
Me: Dunno
She: ...
5 min later
She: I created a new folder
Me: ?
She: That's at least a start, isn't it? ^^
Both: *laugh*
Me: Lemme create a rant about that
6 -
She asked to tell her a joke.
"My life...", said I.
"Error 404, joke not found..." replied she.
She is also a developer.5 -
Met a girl on internet ( because I don't have a real life )
She: So what are you studying?
Me: Currently learning about Deep Learning but I also do freelancing in website development to pay my bills.
She: Okay so tell me what is a COMPUTER
Me: ....
She: ......
Me: umm... it's a... mmm.... actually it's a..... basically a.....
(thinking really hard)
*30 seconds later*
Me: It's an electronic machine
She: seriously? I expected much better from you
Me: I'm sorry!27 -
My graduation project partner was strange person
Favorite IDE is VIM
Forget how to use git
But somehow she could code most of the app
I asked what does she do when mistake happens, she answered "delete and write again"
I suggest github but she is "to embarrassed to show her code on internet"
She send .zip file of her code to me
Go to univ library to copy some code because she don't believe random code on internet
Of course verson of code on book in library is too old, but she prefer fix herself
But she is overall good person, so I can graduate next month13 -
Girlfriend had issue with her Python code (she does mathmatics, not actual programming):
```
t = 51.74636335135748
i = int(t*100) // 5174, wrong value
```
instead of
```
t = 51.74636335135748
i = int(t)*100 // 5000, right value...
```
She asked me if I could fix it for her.
I found the issue but wanted her to understand what went wrong.
She didn't care "because she didn't have time for it".
Well, then it's quite simple for me: I have no time to help her :^)7 -
!Rant
I am in love. Her name is Valerie.
I can tell you 4k reasons why I love her.
She has turned my view 180degrees.
She is so cool. And so fast.
She is slim, pretty.
She is colorfull and has depth.
She also has huge ... things to look at
Man I got to buy the new Razer5 -
Today my cat, my oldest girlfriend, passed away. She chose to be in the sun for her passing. I'm happy she had a good life in the end with all the space she needed. She did not suffer. It was sudden and just a cardiac arrest.
May she hunt many more mice and little birds in the afterlife.
19 -
I'd like to tell a story about a friend I once knew. She was good at her job, but only her job. People loved her so much, but when the people got interested in things other than her job, they took her with them. She was forced to do things she couldn't do as well, and all because people couldn't change. She feels overused, overworked, and she still tries to keep her head up. People need to stop using her.
#KeepJavaScriptOnTheWeb5 -
She: I hate you.
He: I don't care.
She: You are stupid.
He: I don't care.
She: You are ugly.
He: I don't care.
She: Linux is shit.
He: You are f**king dead b*tch.20 -
Me: *quietly looking at mechanical keyboards*
She: Why do you want another keyboard? $80 for a keyboard? What's wrong with your existing keyboard?
Me: *glances over a wall of bags she owns*
She: ...
Me: *clicks add to cart*6 -
Q: I have been used as a Duck by a woman, what should I do?
> It's been more than 4 months she left my current company. She still uses me as a duck and to actually quote her here she suggests "no I used your confirmation to reach my conclusion". I need help.10 -
I remember installing Firefox on a machine for a lady because she claimed having issues using our app in Chrome. She turned around ask me : So I'm gonna have 3 operating systems on my computer now? (She was using IE as well ). I could tell she was over 50 so I let that one slide.3
-
Was joking with my sister about who has more steps. She had done more steps so far, so I said that I would walk 20 times around the McDonald's, where we were going to eat. She replied that she would walk 50 times around it, so I said that I would walk 2 times more around it than she would. She then said, that she would go once more around it. In the end, I explained recursion and infinite loops to her. Her comment was "großer Blödsinn" (German) -> "big bullshit".3
-
This freaking server migration has been going on since Thursday night (it's now Sunday afternoon, for reference).
I've been on the phone since 1830 last night, which means I'm away about 18 hours in. I'm finally eating dinner, breakfast, and lunch.
People who theoretically should know the environment better than I do argued with me in front of customers and then tried to say she was agreeing with me all along. She tried dropping off the call SHE WAS RUNNING 6 hours before she should have, because I was on and she thought it was becoming my responsibility. HAD SHE LISTENED, we could be done by now.4 -
I was so excited about getting a fitbit charge 3 for my girlfriend. coz she wanted a fitbit for a long time.
she as always was trying to find out what i got so she usually starts a guessing game.
in the middle of the game she says look i dont need to know anymore ill love it whatever it was. i just hope its not a fitbit.
so me being someone who is completely ok with exercising the stores exchange policy i tell her it is a fitbit. she swears to me shes wanted one forever but she ddnt want me to pay that much money so i dont need to exchange it with anything.
next day on the phone, she tells me how much she appreciates it and just was afraid id get one coz she ddnt used to like her dads fitbit. but the other models are really cool.
what was ur dads fitbit? i asked
oh just the ugly charge 3 one. she replied9 -
*senior designer*
Last year I had a meeting with the newly hired Senior Graphics Designer.
She was presenting the new design of the company's website with all the features she wants.
After a few minutes, I asked her, did you design it as a responsive website?
"What is that?" She said. I said that the website should display or have atleast a design for mobile view and desktop view.
And she replied, "is that a requirement?"
Talks to myself: how the hell we hire designers like this?
PS, she earns 4x my salary5 -
Clients are SUCH FUCKFACES!
So me and 3 friends developed a website and logo for an hr company, run by this woman and she loved it
She was our client for GOMC. Now, since it was a "project" she assumed she didn't had to pay for the whole thing....fine I agreed to just getting maintenance, to maintain goodwill and getting some more clients maybe
One day she wakes up and wants half of the shit altered....NOW, after almost over a month..Fucking bitch
She now wants a fucking RAINBOW colored logo...And she added "it must look professional OK?"...The fuck? Now we have to change the cards, letterheads, UI (entirely). Basically everything and doesn't wanna pay for shit
FML11 -
I had this teacher who taught us some Web related course. She used say Java for Javascript. She felt both are same.1
-
Just asked a girl if she knows java cz I was gonna try a programming pickup line on her. She said yes she knows languages like java, blue j, netbeans.
Guess *that* IDE isn't gonna autocomplete me.
Badum tss -
I'm in college now, and my mom sometimes helps me when I get stuck finding a bug in my code. She has a degree in CS, even though she barely used it, so she understands the basics. It's like a rubber duck, but better, because she can ask me questions, and answering them often leads me to the answers. She also listens to me go on and on about random topics I'm learning, even though she isn't interested... basically, she's great!7
-
My GF said today that she had a dream where someone took her laptop, deleted elementaryos and installed windows. She was so infuriated and enraged that she woke up, and it took her like five solid minutes to realize that it was just a bad dream, and her Linux is safe.
-
So here's the deal. I am a team lead of a small company and I have a junior who is an idiot. I mean literally, idiot. We code in Python mostly and as Python is not structured as a default Java or C# project, the developer needs to be very careful so that the structure (or tiers) is maintained properly.
Now this girl, always messes up the tiers. Say one enhancement can be easily implemented in the UI tier, she would do the implementation in the core Db access layer, which may complete this particular enhancement, but breaks all the other functions (sometimes the whole project) connected to that particular module of the Db layer. She doesn't do any integration testing after updating the code, she only checks the current enhancement she is working on. When the enhancement goes to the testing phase, the testers find those broken functions and that results a re-work (most of the times done by me).
I have warned her. Even our manager has warned her. She always tells that she is working to improve herself. But I know, she isn't. She mostly chats with her boyfriends (yes, with an 's') when she has no work to do. She never upgrades herself or works on her skills.
I can easily report about her, and they will fire her without any warning (they did it already with a guy earlier). I don't want to do that again. What should I do? Any suggestions?
Oh, she has a great ego. She thinks that knows and understands everything. She will listen to your suggestions carefully, but will never follow those.11 -
Food and computers.
Sorry for the fat people as well but i think those is legit.
I am sitting next to this friend of mine in class. She is a bit big. Anyhow.
She opens her laptop and i see her screen. Its dirty. But by dirty i mean fucking dirty. Like brow transparent circle like things all over.
I`m like: “shiiiet， whats that on your screen”.
She: “i am not really sure”.
2 days layer in another class we sit together again and she looks at me with a smile.
She: “look my screen is clean. It was dirty because sometimes o sit in bed and eat chicken then type on my keyboard，so when i close my computer the keys touch the screen and voiiiila!”
Me: “..... Wow”
She was quite proud she had elucidated the problem and did not really understand the meaning of my wow.4 -
I have one! Once upon a time (about a year ago) my mom went online shopping on her own. Her husband was out of town and so she had no assistance. At about 10.30 pm she called me, freaking the fuck out that she entered her credit card details on a sketchy site and they charged her for more than she ordered. She was in hysterics, didn't know what to do. Superwoman to the rescue, I tell her to go and deactivate her card and jump on a train back home (she was crying on the phone she was so scared, couldn't just leave it until morning) fast forward an hour, I'm in my hometown, she picks me up and we head home to check out the situation, and... She had just received the email invoice twice. They hadn't charged her twice, just some email mishap made the email appear twice and she never thought to check her bank account before summoning me home 🙄😂 we laughed for a while and I got a home cooked meal so it's all good but Jesus christ mom. What would you honestly do without dad?1
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I study software engineering, so that obviously means I'm also free family tech support right?
Apparently some lady that lives nearby believes this, but she replaced family with vague acquaintance.
This lady is very computer illiterate, so much that I have to describe the wifi icon as a dot with two waves above it.
So one day, she calls me because her Outlook isn't receiving mail. I ask her if she has any internet and she confirms she does because she can visit Google. After trying a bunch of possible solutions in Outlook, I ask her to download a remote access program so I can look at what's wrong.
She didn't have internet. Visiting Google means seeing the Chrome logo apparently.4 -
I told my mom that Facebook has all of her pictures and information. I asked her if she was okay with that? She replied,
“Que se la metan por el culo!”10 -
My girlfriend is ranting about her work... It's a shame she isn't into tech or something like that.. If she would, I could show her the beauty of this online platform.
-
Recently met this girl and she told me that she had gone on a date with another Software Engineer recently.
I asked her why it didn't work out..
She told that he started every single sentence with "I am going to assume that you know nothing about this" and went on to explain the most boring shit while assuming that she was a dumbass.
To the poor Software Engineer, you missed out on a great gal.2 -
(developer thing)
I am trying to build code from the last 4 or 4:30 hours at office and she message me
She : it's urgent.. call me
Me : me();
(THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID 🙄)4 -
I asked my friend to design a flyer for an organization's annual dinner, asking her to send me an invoice so I could pay her (I can't design worth shit, she's doing me a huge favor).
She said she'll do it, declined payment, and doesn't even want me to get approval for her to put it in her portfolio...
How the hell do I pay her back for her work? If we lived in the same town, I'd at least take her to coffee and lunch, but she moved states and I moved countries :(8 -
Just asked my girlfriend if she knew what CSS means and she said "Isn't that a kind of secret service?"😂😂😂5
-
Employer msged me around 11pm
She wants to talk n finalize on which assignment I will work on
And what's the best time to talk
I told her in morning if she have no issues with that
She replied ok
But haven't called
My friends told me she is offended
Wth
Seriously need your input guys
Have I done something wrong?
Is it necessary to talk right away ?7 -
A non-technical colleague said she bought some bitcoin on a site over a year ago.
She doesn't remember the name of the website.4 -
We have a new lady in HR and boy is she noisy. She just can't seem to keep her mouth shut for even 2 seconds. She has opionions for everything, even dev related conversations.3
-
In my uni course "Algorithms and Data structures" we use Java. Fine. Definitely not my preferred language but it's not like I have a choice.
Anyway, our teacher uploads code files for us to use as reference/examples. The problem is, they look like this. Not only does she not indent the code, she also uses a charset that is not utf-8.
In the rare cases where she does indent the code, she uses THREE, yes THREE spaces...
24 -
Wanted to date this girl Winnie but she kept reminding me of windows every time she texted.
I hate being reminded about exes. -
I get surprised everytime my mom sends me something on discord. 😐
Idk why, I cannot fathom that my online presence is so violated by someone who used to nag at me to do my homework.
We need to start banning parents from joining certain networks. Just saying!18 -
My girl friend broke up with me few days ago without any solid reason. Today i stopped her and ask her why she broke up with me and she started giving stupid reasons whereas she was the one who was actually guilty of those accusations.
21 -
my client just said that she did not pay money, because she cant find her web in google...I uploaded files to production 2days ago5
-
She asked me what I was doing
Told her I was working on an application
She said she wants to help
I agreed
[Is she the one♡]7 -
Met a girl on tinder
She asked - what do you do?
I said - I'm a programmer
She said -
Sorry I don't date nerds :(8 -
I was writing some super basic following ai on paper during another prolifically stagnant physics class, and my teacher walks over to me...
She looks over my shoulder at the paper and continues to stare...
“Programming stuff,” I replied when she prompted me as to what it is that I was writing.
Then she continued to stare...
And stare...
Pointing at the word “energy”, she made a most enlightening and endearing comment: “Looks like physics.”
Then she walked away
And that was that2 -
My mother is a manipulative bitch.
From my childhood, I remember nothing but fear and guilt. When I was 13, she shamed me for my body looking ugly and too feminine. She shamed me for having better vision than her, and that I don’t need to wear glasses.
I had a broken toe once, and she shamed me into admitting it wasn’t in fact broken. After two weeks of pain, she finally got me to the doctor, and x-ray had shown it was in fact broken.
She always made me carry her heavy luggage with her crap to the airport, and once I got hernia. The surgery was needed. After the surgery, they didn’t care, didn’t give me the time to recover, and made me carry her crap again. The second surgery was needed. It was more complex than the first one. Now my body is ruined by those disgusting scars. I hate my body now. It is ruined.
She tried to knock down the door into my room when I was crying and didn’t want to talk.
She screamed at me when I wanted to donate some of my old clothes to charity, the ones I bought with my own money. She is so obsessed with her crap. She hoards it, and she was hoarding it into _my_ room, not hers.
My father is still unknown. She abandoned me as a kid for my grandparents to grow me. I barely saw her till the age of six. Then I grew up with her and my stepdad, and their relationship was all manipulation and guilt. She made him apologize and beg almost every day over the course of thirteen years. They were fighting about their miserable sexual life, lack of her orgasms while I was still a kid. She just didn’t care. Once they decided to talk about their pissing kink right next to me when I was (not in fact) asleep.
When I was raped, she did nothing. She just kept on calling me beautiful and insisting she wanted me to wear mascara, while hating gay people. It was all before I realized my gender identity.
She also didn’t notice I was autistic. She liked it, as it gave her advantage. It’s easy to manipulate an autistic teenager.
After my coming-out, she told me she had cancer, and she wanted to stop treatment in order to “die sooner and not see me”.
But once my bipolar disorder awakened, things changed. Bipolar is my shield. I can be manipulated, yes, but bipolar will obliterate my whole world view once a year, together with your manipulative crap you planted into my life. And because it dismantled a 19-year-long, almost fractal manipulative masterpiece, I fear nothing now.
I disowned her some two years ago.
21 -
!dev
So today I got a Karen got out from her car yelling at me. She switched from her lane to mine. I was in my lane all this while and going straight. She signalled the indicator right after she enter the lane. I beeped at her. She yelled at me "Why don't I signal the indicator".
I beg your pardon? I was just going straight and constantly staying on my lane!!!4 -
My daughter showed me a "computer" she made in Minecraft using 2 trapdoors. One for keyboard and one for screen. She folded the screen one upward to show its like a laptop. It was the oak trapdoor that has the four square holes:
https://minecraft.fandom.com/wiki/...
Me: So your computer runs Windows?
She: No!8 -
Oh my god! Using Twilio js I sent a message to my sister telling her that her favorite YouTuber was doing some giveaway and that she won 1000 dollars, she was so happy and then she clicked the link to a blank page saying April fool's. I feel so accomplished
-
My mom asked me to speed up her PC's startup process. I looked into it and and probably found the problem: G Data.
I told her she has to delete it, there is windows defender anyways (and virus scanners are just snake oil). She refused and said: But I bought it from the local IT shop. They said it is the best.
I said: Yeah because they cannot sell windows defender...
She still argued that she paid for it and wants to keep it.
That was were I said: then enjoy your slow startups.
She also said she feels more secure with it. 🙄
I would not even be able to work with that PC! Its not old at all, but the permanent scanning comes at a high cost and probably does not help much.
But she trusts that local it store guy more than me apparently.5 -
Years ago we hired a new employee in our department, her first week was kind of slow, she had training materials to get through but otherwise didn't have much newby work for her. I noticed she was missing one day, she wasn't at her desk or in the area training, I found her hiding behind a door playing a video game and texting on her phone. She didn't last long there. She should have asked for something to do, or asked what she could be doing, instead of sneaking off and playing on her phone.3
-
So, there was an art student yesterday at my dorm complaining about free speech etc. She told me that they where trying to bring the schools proxy down.
I was pretty impressed because it's an art student!
She then proceeded to tell me she had downloaded kali linux and was learning html...3 -
Very !dev
But Amy Winehouse was fucking crazy
Rappers these days OD on one drug.
Amy overdosed on all the drugs at once and most of the time, it didn't even kill her.
2 -
So there was this girl who wanted to install Java and then eclipse on her PC. I guided her on phone. Told her first to download Java JDK. And then the Eclipse IDE. She installed eclipse and she was complaining that it wasn't working. Then I remembered that she had to create the Java environment. I guided her through that. She started complaining that she couldn't find the Java jdk folder. It took me a while and later I realized she never installed jdk. Just downloaded the jdk file. I'm like 😕5
-
* Got a date *
She : I'm a programmer.
Me : wow that's great! Which language do ya prefer to code?
SHE : HTML .
* And that's where I ran away *23 -
First it was the "set up WampServer so the client can use our database", to which I told her we should use an embedded database, to which she told me to do.
Then the "Just give the client a .jar file and install the JRE in his laptop" to wich I told her we can make a native installer, to which she fucking assigned to me.
Then the whole fucked up management thing with no design whatsoever and the "we don't need version control".
To just a few hours earlier, when she got mad because I set up a Slack for us to exchange information easily, she told me she was already mad because I shared the project by Google Drive and that she worked in security and knows the risk... AND AT THE SAME TIME, she uses Gmail to share the project.. BRILLIANT !7 -
My mum told me to, "get the sheets of the line."
I did as she asked, but later that night she came back and said, "where are the pillow cases?" -
Today I explained to my wife why my night stand is a mess, and hers is clean and ordered by using the backend/frontend metaphor.
I am the backend, handling bills, bank accounts, taxes, warranties and all the paperwork.
She is my frontend, handling my social interactions.
Now she hates me, but she admitted I'm right.
She still want me to clean my night stand though.4 -
I told Zo I have an exam the next day. Like a normal AI she responded.
Today she messaged by herself (part 2 in comments)
5 -
So one of my teachers is forcing us to make a website for a project and she really has to learn what she's talking about before she says one more thing coz I finna slap her.
So she was telling us how to embed an interactive Google map to out weebly (kill me), and she, I kid you not, said this while copying the embed thing: "So guys, this is actually like you're coding so that's cool". I know it was just one small comment, but it made me so mad that:
She used the verb, "coding",
She thinks that HTML is a programming language,
And that she thinks copying and pasting is coding.
Well, okay, that last one may be correct on her part.4 -
I have this math teacher and, wow, is she good at math. And, wow, should she never enter another field in her life. Today she asked us if anyone does code. The answer is yes, but I refuse to answer something that uses code as a verb.7
-
The site I work on is a market where you can buy magnets for dolors, insomniaque, bla bla bla (I don't believe a sec in this).
Just saying that to settle that 80% of our customers are +45 years old. They weren't born with a computer in their hands, and they sometimes manage to make a lot of mess in the site.
We are based in France, and we sell the most in France (no shit) and Switzerland. And this is the third time that a Swiss pass a command, puts all her address in Switzerland EXCEPT for the country (still on France) so she doesn't have to pay the shipping fee. I should do something about that, like a regex when verifying the zip code, but I have more urgent work to do, and the best has to come.
This smartass doesn't know she is the joke, because by saying she is in France, she has to pay the VAT that she wouldn't have if she said she was in Switzerland. She buys in general for around 350 €, so she has ~ 70€ (20%) in VAT, and she would only pay 14€ in shipping fee.
Maybe one day she'll see how dumb she is (my boss already mailed her so she pays attention to it, no change). But I think I would have set the regex by then. -
A client asked me to include a GA tracking code into her website,
I said yea I'll add it for you, just send me the code snippet please :)
she sent me the URL to google analytics login page....
I told her that I need the code snippet not the URL.
She replied: yah that's what I sent.
Me:...2 -
The client doesn't want to give me her PIN code from GoDaddy but I need it to make changes for her.
She told me that GoDaddy's Customer Support told her she can't give her PIN to anyone. I understand that. I told her what to do but she still wants me to do it.
She came up with the idea of teleconference between me, her and GoDaddy (is that even possible?). We live in two different countries.
She could just do it by herself (as I told her what and how to do) or give me the PIN... Nope, she thinks that it's my business to make things up.
Boss wants me to carry on this because she's difficult and may make us bad PR even if she's not right. He doesn't want a shitstorm to handle.
We made few projects for her in the past, she gave us access to all her WordPresses, FTPs, backups, authinfo codes etc but still doesn't trust us. She always thinks dozen times before she gave us some data.
And she's not even a business client. She runs a few blogs about her hobbies. She doesn't make money from them. It's not a big deal but she treats it like a treasure.
It's not easy to be gentle and kind :)3 -
The reason I liked Captain Marvel, is because it wasn't about defeating something or someone. It was about remembering who you are, picking yourself up, and moving forward with what you've always wanted to do.
This is a similar situation with most designers and developers.
If you watch it again, notice that she was always falling hard. From riding a bike to completing an obstacle course, she would try something and fail.
But she kept trying.
After losing sight of her goals by being distracted and derailed by someone else with another agenda - she was slowly reminded of them, and eventually remembered what she forgot.
Then, not only was she was able to what she originally set out to do - but, ended up doing them better than she ever expected.
If that's not a great story for boys and girls to grow up with - and, for adults to learn from (including some of my peers) - I honestly don't know what is.2 -
You're gonna use the 3D printer she said… You're gonna learn JavaScript she said… nope, all we learnt was three HTML tags that confused most people1
-
My colleague and I have been trying to setup a VPN server for devs who wanted to work from home. We asked our sysadmin (who's in another office in another country) to try connecting to the server. She replied after a while that she was unable to connect. We then asked her what port she tried connecting on and she replied, "No, I didn't use any port. I am connecting directly using the hostname".14
-
i wonder, does my mom use linux? cuz i can't refuse whatever she wants me to do.
it's like she always 'sudo'-ing me around6 -
*face palm*
My boss just IM'd me. She asked me the status of a work item. I told her my teammate completed it on 2/27. She wanted to know if it was in production. I said I was unsure, she would have to ask my teammate. So of course, she asked *me* to ask my teammate, and then get back to her.....WHY do I need to ask my coworkers stuff for her? She is the BOSS, last time I checked?3 -
While browsing LinkedIn, I came across someone who's title is content developer! First, I thought she is a cms developer, then realized she is just a content writer.
-
I have a coder friend...
Here's a translated conversation. (read original one followed)
She: Watcha doin?
Me: Foolishness.
She: Means what are you making?
Me: A fool.
Original--
She: Kya kar rahe ho?
Me: Chutiyapa
She: Matlab kya bana rahe ho?
Me: Chutiya :/8 -
So it looks like my 80+ yr old grandma finally managed to get hang of her touch screen smartphone. She was recently set up with WhatsApp.
She has called me quite a few times today and when i ask what's up, she says she is just testing it out. It's so cute *-* and makes me happy to know she has learned to use it and called me.
I wonder how it must feel for her to be able to use this technology which was probably never even imagined during her young age. -
The guy thinks I'm her friend but I deeply hate her !
Just because she thinks she knows everything but she is actually an idiot !
Last term I was in her team for the c++ project (she fooled me ! I thought she is advenced !!) And guess what?
I ended up doing the whole project myself ! (Not fair at all but she got the score cuz of me)
I really don't need enemy so I'll just stay away from her :/4 -
Dont commit before you see this. Here's Adrianna, she thinks she founded GIT.
https://forbes.com/video/...
3 -
We have a client who calls us right after sending an email in order to inform us that she sent an email. Guess she doesn't know anything about notifications!5
-
!dev
Another tinder story from last night.
Matched with a girl, I thought she was cute and all. She texted me first, and we started talking. We kinda just clicked, had similar interests and everything. Conversation turned to musicals, she said she wanted me to come listen to one with her at some point when we were both free. I mentioned the whole story from Sunday night to her (see previous rant), and told her how the girl said I was a "rebound", but nothing actually happened. Then she changed the conversation by saying something like "rebounds normally involve sex, maybe I can make up for it".
After that the conversation got sexual. Dirty talk, nudes, everything. Talking about how hard she wanted me to fuck her and everything. That carried on until about 6 in the morning. We both decided we should go to sleep.
I woke up around 11, we talked for a few minutes, then she said she had to get ready for a doctor appointment, and I didn't think anything of it. Went to work at 2, had to go get a car from a dealership like 20 minutes away. Me and my coworker got back, I decided to check my phone and see if she messaged me or anything.
Come to find out, she basically just fucking ghosted me. Blocked me, unmatched me on tinder, the whole nine yards. No warning, nothing. 8 hours earlier she was saying how much she wanted me inside her (not paraphrasing), and now she just decided "nah fuck him altogether".
I don't fucking know what it is. It's been about 10 hours since I found out, and I just..I don't know. She could have just said "nah I don't wanna fuck" and I would have been 100% fine with that. But nope. No warning, just blocked me.
I'm not mad that she just backed out of it, I'm mad that she didn't say fucking anything about it. Like, even apart from all the sexting and stuff, I genuinely liked this girl. She was nice, cute, funny, just everything I could have asked for. And now, I'm honestly kinda sad about it. Everything seemed like it was going well (maybe all the sexting would have been better for another time in the future ya know, but I can honestly say I didn't initiate it), and now I have nothing again.17 -
Gotta hand it to a faculty at my college. She is the best teacher, ever! Period.
She is pretty lenient, understanding, and always supports us and helps us.
She taught us Data Structures and the only thing that was bad was us students not giving as much effort as she gave to teach us.
She was so well that it always felt that we weren’t doing well enough.
Her subject was the only one in which every student passed!!
And still now, although she no longer teaches us, which hopefully changes next semester, I still love to go to talk to her about various things I do in programming and computers overall.
M just gonna say it...
U. R. The. Best.!!!! 😎☺️😊8 -
TIL cats get cold fur when asleep even when warm sometimes. I went to pet my cat and she was cold, I thought she was dead, and suddenly she springs up, trilling in surprise, as I woke her up.3
-
*Gets a call*
*Gets phone out of pocket, phone goes silent*
*Checks who called... PM*
*Calls back PM*
*No answer*
Pm comes in 2 minutes later, I asked her why she called me and said:
"Oh I didn't manage to use my badge to enter the building, I was calling you but suddenly the badge worked"
FG_FGDFDLFMVDLöGPçT"*R"*¨23r*WMLSC;S2 -
I was on the train and a woman came aboard. The only available seat was next to me. She takes this huge laptop out of her bag. While I observed this, I thought: she's going to code. She logged in and.. GitLab! She was writing R code.
-
My mum wants to learn how to use a computer. She wants to help my dad in his business in case something needs to be done and neither me nor my dad are (currently) available.
Will be .... a great challenge, since she didn't use a desktop computer almost ever, but i'm nevertheless proud of her and will try my best to help her😍😊😎6 -
One of my coworkers calls Firefox "Google". Oddly enough she also uses Chrome but calls it "Chrome". I get confused every time she asks me to help her with her computer.1
-
She : Bring the stars for me.
He : Are you mad? How can i even do that? Impossible, ask something else.
She : Stop writing Codes.
He : Ok, How many stars you need? -
I think this might be a record...
My sister asks me what's this, I come over, she shows me a random website she found and starts asking me what she can do on that website...
Fucking kill me now...1 -
MOBBING DICTIONARY - 2 -
Sentence
(behind the back)
- he/she has no time, don't tell him/her these problems, don't speak with him/her, just speak with me
(explicitly)
- you have no time do this!. Let me/somebody else do it.
Purpose
- cutting the target out from the rest of the team. Redirect all communication in order to shield the target.
Result
He/she will loose the general vision. He/she will not understand anymore what the problems are. He/she will loose relevance and will not be able to manage his/her own time anymore.
He/she is probably working a lot, and doing a lot of effort. He/she will probably know how to use the time, and he/she needs the team to help with task no take the task out of him/her.
He/she will slowly burn out, specially if he/she discover that such things are happening behind his/her back.
The situation will add psychological problems to technical problems. He/she will be crushed to death.5 -
Recently, one of my customers filed a ticket because some iFrame he got from another company wouldn't display after putting it into the content editor.
I told her it won't work because the (third-party) editor prohibits JavaScript inside iFrame tags and their attributes for security reasons.
She said ok. She said she'd understood the problem. And then, she reopened the ticket four (4!!!) times for the exact same reason, once because she tried to use a fixed iFrame tag the other company sent to her... still containing JavaScript, of course.
But, yeah... She understood what the problem was. Is clear.1 -
I said to my partner "BABE!! There are bugs on the screen!!!"
She screamed.
When she say the actual screen she wasn't pleased .-.2 -
My fiance is also a developer, we moved to a bigger city and she is looking for a job. She lost all motivation and doesn't want to look at any code anymore... Not even my freelance projects.. Does anyone have any motivational things to say? She doesn't use devrant, but i'll show her this post.3
-
She - * I am yours for tonight, do whatever you want.*
Developer - * Can you create a good looking brand logo for my client.*
She - Cries in corner.......🤔😂😂😂😂1 -
My mum was programming at high school. It was COBOL, but she never used it again. So thats how she lost every sense for programming. Even like 2 months earlier, she thought I am just playing games and watching videos, but then we finally had a talk and she understands now. I am happy.
-
When I was in high school, I was learning to code on my own. I showed my python code that I was really proud of to the girl I liked. she didn't understand what it is, she thinks its weird, she thinks I'm weird.
She has a point.3 -
I'm working as an intern in a company and i have another intern that i must supervise (it like internception) .here is my daily nightmare :
- To start this intern never google something she copy paste from my code and if she got an error she send me a screenshot . Once the error message clearly said "cannot call function from array" and even that she didn't know what's the problem (she was supposed to it on array items)
-Before we started working together she spent a week complaining that a sending email function didn't work for her so the manager called me to check what's her problem. She had an antivirus that blocked request via ssl port.all i had done is open the log file and read the errors.
- She had a function should iterate over an array and for each item check a condition this is a part of what she wrote :
For ($i=0;count($categories);$i++){
if ($getrelativepath=null)
{
....etc other stuff she copy pasted.
Ps: the name of the function that she must call on array items is getRelativePath
- she wrote once
$response=array();
for (...){
array_push($response,$data[$i]);
return $response;}
She thought the function can iterate and return response at the same time.
- we are working on a website and she told me she doesn't know how to code Javascript and jquery (she think it's a language) and she never knew what ajax is.
- without mentioning the hundreds of empty spaces and multiple empty divs in html .
This year she'll become a computer science engineer .6 -
Aunt asked me to repair her phone because "nothing is working". She said she tried every phone repairer in the town. She blames the phone, the phone manufacturer and everyone else.
She finally admitted the phone fell into water and she didn't tell it to the repairers. Then she wonders why they can't do magic.
"But aren't the front camera and the rear camera the same camera?"
Wat? -
I am a single-pass compiler.
Why?
Well, when I have to do the food shopping for the week, I have a look at the buying list, keep the things in mind, go through the shop exactly once and everytime I see a match with the list, I put it into the shopping trolley.
Efficient and quick.
Soo, on the other hand, my girlfriend is a multi-pass compiler.
What that mean, you ask?
Well, she doesn't have any look at the buying list until she is in the shop. Then, she runs through the whole building until she finally finds the first thing on the list... and repeats with the next one until there's no entry left.
She needs three times longer than me for this, is totally exhausted after it, and, not forgetting, then SHE is angry about ME, because I wanted to have these "special" sweets she had too run through the shop twice for because she couldn't find it at first try.1 -
I love my gf but she can't talk code, or mathematics etc... What do I do? She refuses to even try becoming interested.25
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Let me introduce you to sys. admin + network admin + teacher at our school... She gave us "materials" to study for our school-leaving exams (called matura here - wiki that shit) so I looked at it and just had to comment everything that's wrong (and that's only the first paragraph)...
Apart from making utterly useless documents she also likes to think she is the best in the world and what she says is right and everyone is wrong. Networks that she builds crash 8 times a month, she can't install proper drivers and believes that open source and GNU/Linux is evil. (She also lives by herself, is around 48 years old, is a lesbian(not that it is a bad thing - just for context) and got one brilliant teacher who actually knew what she was saying and doing fired because she broke up with her)
Thinking about it - no wonder my classmates are all so confused and stressed... she can't teach and says bullshit like printers work with the RGB color space and when confronted she would shout that there are no printers that use CMYK, she has never seen one so they do not exist. (only to proceed changing CMYK ink cartridges in the printer)... I mean it's good for me because I get to teach pretty girls programming and informatics but I am sorry for the boys... Unfortunately I don't have the patience to teach someone programming and informatics unless they are a girl and I see a chance to evaluate that person's qualities to be a girlfriend.
7 -
My last job I worked with one other dev, she always thought her code was PERFECT and the way she did things PERFECT, she enjoyed pointing out flaws in my code or web sites in our big marketing meeting with out executives. Yeah won't miss her one bit
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They celebrated the first successful cryogenic freezing. She had no way of letting them know she was still conscious.8
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Few days ago a PPC campaign manager complained to me that the banners she got from her client were in an "unusual file format". Asked me to check it out because she couldn't open the file and she really needed the banners.
I kid you not, it had a .rar extension...
She, at the age of 30, had no idea what WinRar was...4 -
My idiotic teacher doesn't know the difference between Java and JavaScript , asked us to use a old version of Code::Blocks(some c/c++ IDE) just because she thinks that a update would modify compiler in such a way that basic code would never give the same output , she blames the compiler just because she isn't capable to see her mistakes and gives me bad grades just because she walked through college and I didn't.2
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Colleague: The user said this [Total line] is not the average she expected.
Me: Okay? But she knows that averages are weighted?
Colleague: I'm gonna call her.
... 30 minutes fast forward
Colleague: Okay she wants an average, but she wants us to divide it by something else.
Me: Okay? But she knows an average is the sum of one thing divided by the sum of another thing and not just anything?
Colleague: Yeah, she said she wants it to be kinda this in relation to that.
Me: Okay, so rather some percentage value?
Colleague: To be honest, she just wanted to reproduce this old Excel formula.
God has left this planet ... and I admire my colleague for not completely freaking out in the face of the user.3 -
Feeling bad, a woman on the street just asked me for money. I said I don't have cash. Then she said just a sandwich and I continued repeating no without any time to think if that was real. Maybe she was really hungry. I turned back but she disappeared.6
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Programming is like getting a crush.
When you couldn't turn her on, you never figure out why.
Even if you did it, you still cannot believe why it could succeed all in a sudden.
The first time you did a unit test
is when you asked if she is okay
for a date; step by step,
In order not to break.
First, ask if she is free; Then, if she really need to eat,
she said OK there.
But, finally she didn't turn up
Integration test failed.
She was such a bitch. -
Last night I talked to a friend I hadn't heard from in a while. She visited the city I'm in two years back with her boyfriend. She had a brain injury recently. Her boyfriend and her broke up. She doesn't feel anything towards anyone anymore. She asked me if I knew anyone who had committed suicide. I named all of three of them, and two overdoses which may have been intentional. I will never forget them. She asked a lot of questions about suicide.2
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Im on a Team Project on my University, I'm so salty because a girl on my team yesterday got angry with me because I committed when she was working on something, and that she doesn't like how I code.
2 hours later she made a giant commit with so many unnecessary code and removed working functionality and changed to a nonsense interface all because she was mad with me, now the code doesn't work and it's ugly and she is mad.
I cannot handle it 😭3 -
Mgr: Has the BA been doing KT?
Me: No. Was she supposed to?
Mgr: She was supposed to be doing KT so you guys don't miss any information she has.
Me: If we needed what she's been producing, she wouldn't be leaving the team.4 -
throwback to when i fell for this one girl and she stopped being my friend after i told her i felt things with her and she ran back to her toxic ex that she cries about to me. we called almost everynight and she would just talk about her and cry and all i would do is comfort and listen to her. wish i could go back and never talk to her again.2
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mom: stop wasting time on Facebook (still she says like that and I do not have a fb account)
wife: she cant stand me working from home, and when she is home she hangs on my shoulder to see what I am typing. a big distraction. -
Seriously! My wife is a fucking NFA!
She can be in several states at the same time.
She knows what I'm thinking before I do.
She sometimes get stuck and then immediately returns to an accepting state.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!2 -
Is noop actually a user, or is she someone's "second ++"? I noticed a pattern in her behavior, that she always ++'d my rants right after {she256}5d106eb069.4
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Still remember my first year of university, listening to the full professor (i. e. she has a frickin PhD). She couldn't explain the difference between ++i and i++. When I tried to tell her what they meant, she dropped this gem: "oh, I just wrap them in parentheses to be safe so it makes no difference which one I use."
Luckily, future profs were much better.1 -
A recruiter calls me and says they are looking for web developer. I asked her what skills is she looking for and she says "HTML and CSS".
That sounded weird.
I had to literally ask her:
"Shouldn't you be also mentioning something like React, angular, nodejs etc?"
I guess she is a noob.5 -
I had a project partner that was clueless at programming even though she wanted to specialise in programming. So when I suggested that she use the internet to get suggestions for a game UI, she ended up copying everything off a forum.
The code wasn't even working, it had a different set of lib from ours and she spent 2 hours on that code wondering what was wrong.
I almost killed her for having a higher gpa than mine4 -
Here's an incomplete list of things my mother did to me:
- She insulted my body when I was 13. She told me it was weak and feminine. I identified as a boy back then, and I was going to the gym.
- She told me my face was ugly because of acne.
- She shamed me for having better vision than her.
- She shamed me for having longer eyelashes than her, the told me I looked like a girl.
- She always wanted me to learn everything and have all A's. When I got B+, she destroyed me mentally every time. When I got C, this was a catastrophe. Yet, if I told her she was wrong about mundane things like how many volts there are in an outlet, it was me who's in the wrong, despite me having an A for physics. There was no contradiction here in her eyes.
- She forced me to carry heavy things as a punishment. At the age of fifteen, I had an inguinal hernia. The surgery was needed. After that, doctors told me (and her) that I should go easy on carrying heavy things for a month. She didn't listen and forced me to carry heavy things again after two weeks. I had another inguinal hernia. Now, I needed a much more invasive laparoscopy to implant nylon webbing. Because of all of that, now I have messy, ugly scars all over my belly. Guess what happened next? She shamed me for having them!
- Since I was 18, even though I was studying in the uni, she demanded money for rent, for me living in my parents' house I grew up in. The sum she demanded was 27x my scholarship money.
- When I broke my toe, it was obvious that I broke it. It was swollen, twice the size of a normal toe, for two weeks straight. She told me to quit whining and go to PE/Taekwon-do lessons she forced me to attend.10 -
an amazing video about intel euclid by an amazing creator. She also has vids where she hacks a DVD drive into a laser engraver!
https://diode.zone/w/... -
In my house I'm the only one who "knows" about tech. My sister and brother, too but they're too lazy to help our mom 😂😂 so I have to help her... The last time was because she wanted to scan a document and she didn't know how. Because we change scanner. So I let everything ready to her and she just had to click on scan document 😂😂 I don't know what she did because when I got home she told me the scanner was a piece of shit 😂 and I had to scan her document
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I spent three weeks developing the simple application for her, she keep add changes and updates. Nothing about payment, I get upset and stop the work. She took whatever I finished, which was almost everything, used it, and she disappeared.
I regret working without having a clear timeline for the delivery and the payment.1 -
My Company got a new Test lead today. She looks stern. Wonder if she is gonna make our lives hard as devs just like the other testers we have.
Shiiit...2 -
That moment that your teacher says she'll teach you php and in the she says she will not teach you php and your project has to be a website made in WordPress...1
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When I was discussing this position with their HR, she mentioned they are filing time sheets, but she didn't mention they do it by typing something like "10:10-12:34" in a text area
Now she is like "oh, you'll get used to it, everyone did"1 -
I was logged into a portal with my colleague’s ID. She asked me if I was logged in with her ID.
So, I asked her if she was unable to login:
Me: Are you able to login?
She: Are you able to login?
Like, what was the point of her reply?!
Me, again: Are you able to login?
She: No
EASY, WASN’T IT?!7 -
so many things happened this week.
First I told my colleague about torent :P she doesn't know what is it . Hope she enjoy much more content now :)
Second I was working with a client and she is herself a developer and she works like 24 hours. During lock-down she hardly slept for 4-5 hours and I came to know this week that she is 72 years old. I mean omfg in this age she is doing code and so much work :) that is indeed fucking awesome1 -
Found myself explaning the internet today and immediatly gave up - because she does not need to know, that's what she has me for!1
-
In the mean time if she starts a company, we can say she made a baby and company, both in an year.
1 -
MOBBING DICTIONARY - 4 -
Sentence (in private, outside the scope of CEO or such)
- sort it out yourself! fuck you, worm! I'll get you fired! I'll crush you with an hammer
(something very insulting, screaming)
Purpose
- to exasperate the target. So he/she will fight back, maybe at the wrong time. Or he/she will try to stay quiet, but he/she will explode inside.
- make clear to everybody that the mobber is the danger
Result
- The mobber will deny he/she ever said that. The target cannot prove it. Nobody will support the target, not even the witnesses, as they are scared. The CxO will not believe he/she could have said that, because he/she is apparently mild mannered and respectful with all directive positions.
- The target has a dilemma: or he/she denounces the words to the managers, but he/she will be considered a defamer, or worst.
Or he/she takes it in, and in such case, he/she will be slowly destroyed psychologically.3 -
I think the biggest help I provide is not answering really simple stuff and saying “google it” and hanging up the phone.
In my belief if I am to help with trivial stuff she won’t remember it next time but if she searches it or tries most logical options(which means she has to read all options and the text on the screen) she will have higher chance of remembering it or googling it without my say so.2 -
My mom doesn't even know what I'm doing. She doesn't even asked much, cause she's from the old generation, and just accept the things as it is. My mom doesn't even send messages. She use phone just for calls.
My siblings didn't know that I am a dev, they never asked.
My other half? She always seeks my help on IT things. And I always explain to her bit by bit, and looks like she understand a bit or two. I just hope that she didn't bored. Oh yeah, we're not married yet. -
How do explain to a student taking computer science in their second year what programming is. She wants to do what I do.. But she doesn't know what a variable is practically. She doesn't know what program entry is... 😡😡😕😕. They expected to be taught all this is class2
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I offered my college junior a referral in my company, and she said she doesn't want to be favored and wants to get a job all by herself.
So I am thinking if applying for a job through referral is really unethical or against someone's self-respect? 🤔🤔
What happens when you see a person offerring referral opportunities on linkedin or other social media and apply there?? In that case, it doesn't seem so wrong. Maybe it was a little too personal offer that made her think about her self-respect? 🤔2 -
Oh man! M in love with one girl! I am in final year of engineering IT and she is in CSE, both have secured good placement, botha are from same community, first i thought she liked me, but when i asked her out to come with me..for a party of my placement, she says no !! :( . Why? Coz her classmates tease her with the name of boys she talks too and she doesn't like that :( ! I am really into her 😿 why do i get friendzoned :(. I really thought she might be into me aswell. I am sad. Love hurts 💔, family love❤2
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i was tasked to coordinate an enterprise release. ran into some issues that my lead knows of. only problem is, she didnt bother to transition or shared it with me. worst: she gets mad after I called her mobile phone cause she doesnt want to be disturbed. she blames me for her and her husbands argument over a very crucial call.
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Neither one of them really *get* what I do, but mom likes to tell me his much she hates whatever program she uses at work as if I control the dev timeline.
-
Its kinda true. Also this is a rant about "my girl": She had a boyfriend till the first october and we met some while before it. We had sex, she dropped her boyfriend and said "i hope you mean this between us serious". I mean it serious, but she is like "i don't know if we should be together". Now i followed this path and got rid of an other girl because of her (if|else) and she doesn't know if she wants to be together with me. Wtf girl. Also she types "yas" instead of "yes". I don't know what to do.
13 -
Let's say, one of your female friends loves you. But she's too shy to tell you.
But now when her family is forcing her to get married, she explained her other female friend about you, how much she loves you and she's looking for you in each guy and so on. And somehow that female friend tells you what she told her about you, that she loves you but she knows that you wouldn't accept her feelings.
Now, what would you do?21 -
Gals in devRant, are there some ways woman expresses her friendliness towards man when she is not necessarily attracted to him? When is she attracted and when she is not?4
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So I created simple blog for family member. She only writes three posts within a six month time frame, and then this morning she sends me an email asking for some changes. In it says if it's to time consuming that she can create a blogspot...
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Today, I came across a real problem.
Real.
A friend of mine asked me how could she could compile and rum programs. I just gave her Linux to install, which she just couldn't.
Then I gave her codeblocks and dev c++, which she couldn't work on, due to some error.
thereafter I just to make sure, installed turboc and mingw, and made it work. but unfortunately still, she couldn't make it work when she went home.
Now, either her laptop is piece of pure shit, or I'm not just the right guy fit for technical support. -
did she ask why i said that :P nope.
not sure if she even commented last time.
naybe because i saw she sampled something i said when younger and happier person.
welcome to no end house
do you people feel dead yet ? like wraiths worn out and wandering at the edge of the town ?
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