We were given a MacBook in the beginning. Yesterday, appreciating my work, my manager gave me a MacMini to make my own server for testing purpose. I joined just two weeks ago. 😃

(Years ago)

Me: I just found out, "Co-worker X" is making 15% more than me, despite him being a shitty developer and putting us 2 weeks behind schedule? Not fair. I did about 70% of the work on this project. I want a raise of 30% to make me feel appreciated at least.

Boss: Well, unlike you, he's already finished college and has a degree in software engineering. It's a company thing to base salaries on educational attainment.

Me: I have two weeks left on my contract, after that I'm gone. I hope his degree will help you meet the deadline.

* Product was delivered two months late, buggy as hell and the company faced penalties and other crap.

When you've been away for two weeks...

Four months ago changed a laptop failing hdd and give it back to customer. Today I got a 30 minutes call because the computer "is not like before the repair, it doesn't work well".

*Thinks* Well, s#*@, before the repair the hdd had more than 2000 damaged clusters, which prevented even the os to start

*Says* "Could you describe me the issue?"
....
...
[ basically he was saying that since he started using IE as a browser, he didn't have Google.com set as the first page and that he had to bing it]
...
"When did the 'issue' start, If I may ask?"

>"Two weeks ago. "

Two weeks ago.
Two f*""#ng weeks ago.
Set aside for the nature of the issue, you blame my four months ago repair for a two weeks ago issue?
"The computer was better before"?
THAT F###ING MACHINE WAS LIKE A BURNING HOUSE - I RESCUED DATA FOR 2 DAYS JUST BEFORE THE HDD STARTED TO CRANK AT EVERY SPIN - I REBUILT IT TO GIVE IT YOU BACK FULLY WORKING AFTER YOU USED AS A FOOTBALL, AND NOW YOU BLAME ME BECAUSE THE
BROWSER ISN'T SETTED AS YOU LIKE

No,seriously, is like I rebuilt a burned house from scrap and now the owner blames me because in the kitchen sink the hot water tap is on the right side instead of the left side.
Seriusly, wtf.

HR: "We want to hire you, but we shouldn't until after we finish this migration and set up an onboarding process. That should take about two weeks; is this okay?"
Me: "Yes, of course."

... two and a half weeks later ...

Me: "Hey, it's been awhile since our last chat. How's the migration and onboarding process going?" etc.
HR:

------

Ugh.
This is the same company that had me sitting by the phone waiting for an interview an entire day, and let me know their schedule got booked for the day three minutes before they went home. gg.

I should tell them to get bent.

- Starts new project -
"Wow, I'm coding it pretty well"
- Hates it after two weeks, starts new project -
"Wow, I'm coding it pretty well"

The professor teaching my Web Applications course (which is taught in PHP) just admitted to learning PHP two weeks before the course started 🤦🏻‍♂️

Vacation for two weeks, fuck yeah, two weeks of not having to give a single fuck about customers and their problems.

🍺🍿

When you've got 4 personal projects to finish, 2 computers to build, 1 full-time job to wrap up, an online course to complete, Uni starts in two weeks and your family decided it's the perfect time to go on vacation.

It's 2:30 am and this is my life.

The other day my girlfriend said that i could learn French in two weeks and proceeded to be preplexed when I said that obviously I couldn't.

She actually believed that me being able to learn a programing language In a week or two meant I could do it with any language.

It becomes really creepy when an anonymous 'number' calls you every day at the same time for a few weeks.

Picked up once, random noise and a hangup after two seconds.

It's time to install a root call blocker again :/

Co-worker put in her two weeks notice, then found out the company doesn't pay out remaining PTO.

.. so she took a two week paid vacation with her remaining 14 days. XD

I'd be handing in my two weeks notice if I got some shit like this.

Don't get me wrong, I understand it's not that professional to swear during work every sentence. But come on, I'm going to swear if I fucking want to every once in a while.

I am not a smart man.
Usually when I abandon project, I abandon it hard. Delete every trace of this failure, it never happened.

Well my friend doesn't, and two weeks ago he applied for a job as a game dev, and in resume he showed all of his work. Even the ones so barely functional that I wouldn't feel comfortable showing to my most compassionate friend. Somehow, he got it.

So for the past two weeks I've done nothing other than painstakingly recreating most of my projects in order to apply for the position before it fills.

Save your projects kids, no matter how crap they are. One man's trash is another man's treasure.

fellow from the team was asked to do the estimate by manager - he said 2 weeks

then manager asked what if we add one more developer - he said, again 2 weeks and maybe add day or two

I was asked same question without knowing that they already asked fellow from the team same question - I said around two weeks, maybe day or two more! XD

as manager was confused and not satisfied with the estimates, goes to our team leader with the same questions - team leader said - 2 and half weeks and if you add one more dev to it, 3 weeks minimum

we didn't know that all of us were asked as manager did that behind our backs, in the end manager learned lesson in greed as we got to stick to team leaders estimate!

also that was very rude of underestimating someone's ability, same manager did had personal bias and frequently mocked us, for example when we said that that we will implement ML for cropping images at the right place (ie. crop part of the image where the face is) on the backend. Response was something like: 'You guys will do the ML? Are you shitting me? You're not /insert FANG company/!'

best team win ever!

second best team win ever is when whole team left the company in matter of weeks

I can't wait to learn a new flavour of JS so I can be completely irrelevant in two weeks again

When you're making a GitHub students account:
"We'll email you in a few weeks"
5 seconds later, you'll recieve an email:
"Hey <username>, we have some awesome news

We've upgraded you to a plan with unlimited free private repositories, which will be free for the next two years."

GitHub, I don't think you know what weeks are, lmao

Client: When will you give me an update on this feature

Me: In two weeks

Client: okay that’s fine

Client proceeds to call me everyday asking me for an update🤨🤨

Fuck you sir.

I had an internship in a company for a month, after two weeks they want me to stay for paid internship for the lenght of my final year of studies! Feels amazing!
Staring tommorow! :D

while working on a website, I left a line of php code that echo's 'it fucking works' when a call is successfully made to the server. Two weeks later it hits me while I'm in bed that I never removed that line.

Client, two months ago: "Where is the new and complicated custom software?! We needed this a week ago!"

Also client three weeks after delivery: "We still don't have time to test the new and complicated custom software. You'll have to wait for payment a little longer."

One of your rants is 4 away from a stress ball, but it's been over two weeks since the last ++, and you're just like:

Wrote my first code as an Intern for two weeks. Sent for code review. 30 different bugs 😔

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

A pull request I made to an actual open source project got merged. I might actually be a real dev now!

(It was just to remove a snippet config, but still!)

Boss sends e-mail telling everyone we have funding for 1+ year.

Two weeks later 50% of employees laid off.

ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

Recruiter emails me about a role. I replied that I am not interested.

Two weeks later, the recruiter emails me again that my profile is not suitable for the role and they have saved my details and will contact me in future.

WTF. This is a very well reputed organization for that matter.

Just got word. I start in two weeks. Reducing commute by an hour. Bigger team, more possibilities. I could not be happier.

Officially resigned this morning from my helpdesk position.

in two weeks I officially begin my career as a junior dev. I'm on cloud 9 and yet still don't believe it.

Almoost done!
Two weeks later...
Almoooost done...

Group projects in computer science usually go like this for me:

Me: Want to be in a Group?

Group member: sure

Me: okay, we can discuss the project and start coding some stuff tomorrow

Group member: I don't have a laptop, won't get one till two weeks

Me: -_-

Also me: fuck off

A : "what the funk is wrong with git ! why there are conflict!!"
Y: "let me see, hmm .. just press ctrl + disc.."
A : "what are you doing ?"
Y : "discard! they are gone. now you can try again in different branch"
A : "I didn't commit !! this my work of two weeks!!!"
Y : " ..... "
Y : *sneak away*

“Looking at code you wrote more than two weeks ago is like looking at code you are seeing for the first time.” – Dan Hurvitz

I broke the toilet seat on day 2 at the office and have been watching it get worse and worse until it silently got replaced two weeks later.

Oops.

Do side projects in no more that two weeks, otherwise it’s doomed.

Just plain facts

Worked for this client until 4 o'clock at night because they needed that to be done overnight.

For two weeks they are responding slowly like a turtle. No forecast of payment yet.

May God burn them in the worst part of the hell

So today was the worst day of my whole (just started) career.

We have a huge client like 700k users. Two weeks ago we migrated all their services to our aws infrastructure. I basically did most of the work because I'm the most skilled in it (not sure anymore).

Today I discovered:
- Mail cron was configured the wrong way so 3000 emails where waiting to be sent.
- The elastic search service wasn't yet whitelisted so didn't work for two weeks.
- The cron which syncs data between production db en testing db only partly worked.

Just fucking end me. Makes me wonder what other things are broken. I still have a lot to learn... And I might have fucked their trust in me for a bit.

* Got my first job as php dev
* Two weeks later I'm writing Angular app

Turned in my two weeks yesterday. Taking a role at a company with more than one programmer. Here's hoping for new friendships and shared knowledge. :)

Gave my two weeks, two weeks ago. Today was my last day. The designer finally asked to see how I go about doing my job, and was blown away at how "hard" it is. Smug satisfaction +1.

I leave the office at 5, go home, get packed, and start driving to my new city/state. An hour into the trip, my phone rings. My boss, on vacation out of the country acts surprised that I'm not going to be there Monday. I personally gave her my resignation. Exactly two weeks ago. "Are you going to be at the meeting Monday? We still have some stuff up in the air."

WHAT FUCKING PLANET DID I JUST LEAVE?

Rant: "I want to try linux, what should I choose?"
Comment: "Arch."

Rant: "Hmm, apt-update have nothing in two weeks.."
Comment: "switch to Arch, its..."

Rant: "windows update is so fckin ann...."
Cokkent: "You shoulf have switch to linux already, try Arch."

Congratulation Arch, you have a few loyalist in here

Two friends and I are about to publish a side project in two weeks (for an open Beta) it feels good but I am kind of nervous...

Today I found new bugs and I don't know yet if we have the time to fix them all...

Do you have any tips / experience you could share with me?

Me: This project will take a month developing and cost $5000.

Client: Make it two weeks and $2000.

Me: fuck no

I've been trying to update XCode for the past two weeks. AppStore keeps saying not enough disk space. Guess that's what you get when a fruit company makes computers!

Just fixed a bug that's been there for two weeks 😀🤡👍🏽
I'm sure everyone here knows this feeling!

Two weeks ago, our lead presents jenkins to our apprentice.

Apprentice : why some projects have a cloud icon and other a sun ?
Lead : because there were cloud outside when build finished.

Today we still laugh about it.

"That's two weeks worth of development."

Translation: "It will take me 3 hours, the remaining one week, 6 days and 21 hours will be spent on Reddit."

Apparently some freaking man in my ex-team tried to learn Vim because he thought he could become more efficient but he spend more than two weeks trying it while delivering poor quality code with extra spaces, bad indentation and extra "wq" strings

So I signed up for my first hackathon two weeks ago, which is today.

AND YESTERDAY I GET AN EMAIL WHERE THEY'RE LIKE "sorry but there are too many people who signed up so we couldn't sign you up"

WTF

ITS NOT LIKE YOU KNEW THIS TWO WEEKS AGO WHEN THE INSCRIPTION FORM WAS STILL ONLINE (it still is...)

OR MAYBE UPDATE THE FUCKING DESCRIPTION TO TELL THE PEOPLE WHO SIGN UP AND ARE REALLY EXCITED RIGHT AWAY YOU'RE FULL!!!!

FUUCK

Happens every day:
"could you please fix those bugs ASAP? Testers are waiting for it"
*resolve the issue and inform the requester*
(two weeks later)
"Thanks, I'll inform the testers they can begin their tests"

Ugh, how ASAP makes everything seem so urgent and important

Participated in a hackathon two weeks ago.

All 3 winners were established startups or had already developed product. All they did was, come, sit, eat, spare time and pitch.

Did organizer mistakenly named it HACKATHON 🤔 ???

Though, made it to TOP 10 and got incubated at incubation center of organizer

Worst: Got made redundant from a senior development role in a shiny new company - two weeks before I got married.

Best: Got an offer 4 weeks later as a development manager in an enormous Australian distributor, and I get to concentrate on API development.

Best. Job. Ever.

Two weeks ago, I chose my modules for my Master in Data Science. This morning, I received an e-mail to tell me it was a bug, I was not accepted.
.
So what's now
.
I guess I will kill myself

The cringe you feel when that one colleague repeatedly says "IC²" while asking a question.

I²C, damnit! You are reading intro documents for two fucking weeks now, you should at least know the right name by now, man.

I spent two weeks on a feature.

The feature goes up

15 mins later the manager decided to scrap it cause they don’t like it anymore.

😊

Understand my own code after two weeks
This is very useful 😂

Estimations:

2 days = One day of actual coding, one day of doing something completely unrelated.
3 days = One week
5 days = Two weeks
7 days = Forget about it...

So...my first experience with Scrum. How many fucking energy and productivity draining meetings can you squeeze in to two weeks?!!!! Agile? Hahaha. Don't get me started! Leave me alone and let me get some work done!

When your customer says "I'm sure it takes little time to do it" and you know you just won another two weeks of work...

!Rant

Fuckkkkkkkk youuuuuuuu CLIENT :/

Client asked why two weeks for refactoring.?? When you already know the functionality and he gave us two days.

After two days we successfully​ renamed everything!!! 😣

Don't learn python, instead learn java....

Two weeks later, tell me which source is best for learning python

Just two more weeks until I'm at full productivity again... Typing with this thing on is not very easy!

I have been in Netherlands for just two days and I am already in love with this country...
Too bad I'll leave in two weeks 😱😢

I have a dissertation to do in under two weeks.....i still haven't finished coding the program, to get the results i need to write about.... could i have a stress ball please D :

My advisor: Can you teach Lean to these juniors?
Me: When shall we start?
Him: In two weeks.
Me: Sure.

And that's how I learn a new language in two weeks!

Just started a new job and they flew me across the globe for two weeks all expenses covered just for a party and a conference before I wrote a single line of code. I think I’m starting to like dev life)

Just a couple weeks ago I felt a bit like a hero.

My boss, who seems to have only a vague understanding of realistic deadlines, for once made an error that gave me more time than I needed, not less. I was working on a feature that other work would rely on, so some people had to wait to work on their own projects until I was done.

My boss said it would be done in two weeks, but the only reason why it would have taken that long was because I'd have to submit a ticket to our identity management team to set up the SSO integration with our identity provider, and their turnaround time is two weeks. Or it used to be, but they've actually gotten really fast recently, and as I'd actually grabbed this feature from someone else who had to take a few days off, he'd already gotten the SSO stuff taken care of in advance. My boss promised two weeks and I finished in two days. The shocked silence when they asked for a status update in our next meeting and I told them I'd just finished it was music to my ears.

My first project at the job was implenting a website, designed by the same company we mostly worked with.
It was very stressful because half of the 2 months calculated for finishing the project, these genius designers needed for their design. Until then, I had almost no tasks to do...
When the designs finally came, I worked on it and two weeks later was a meeting for review and to decide about some details.
These fuckers then concluded, that the whole design did not fit the page and that they would rework it.
Two weeks later, on the planned release day, we finally received it. A completely fucking different design! Wow!
My boss was pretty angry and so was I. We had to move the release 4 weeks ahead, the client was pissed like a stinking hobo and it needed a lot of convincing to keep that client...

It's fucking nerve-wracking as well that we always have to wait in most projects for weeks for clients or designers to add the content before we can publish a website.
They don't seem to care if they have 2 months or 2 weeks, we never were able to release one single project on time, because of these lazy fuckers...

When you have deadline, that ended two weeks ago

I work in a fintech company and our product is a point of sale app. Two senior indian dev contractors just spent 3.5 months on a feature where all they had to do was map two tables by using a third mapper table and display 2 lists to the user so he could update the data in those two tables.

After hearing same excuses (that they are working in it) for the past few weeks, I took it upon myself and made a proof of concept for them.

Yeah our codebase is kinda shit but even me, a fcking junior with 3 years of experience managed to do it in 1 week.

Meanwhile these fuckers spent 14 weeks beating around the bush and couldnt even save data to a fucking database. They just added UI and thats it. When asked how investigation is going fuckers couldnt even come up with any findings. For weeks. Seniors my fucking ass.

If not for me, I guess they would have taken till the end of the year. No, fuck you, here is an example now pickup your slack.

Im tired of picking after you. God damn incompetent leeches

Thirty hours over two weeks, but we finally patched a angular app that was originally built on 2 (alpha) to 4, reducing the load time ten fold.

Don't thank me, thank super duck. The duck with the power to debug any code.

Gawd I'm tired.

I said "I'll definitely have this feature done by Friday" that was two weeks ago.

Today I wrote a mail to the company to record two weeks of illness. Now, the mail started off being about my holidays in a few weeks, but I decided to write the illness mail first. Stupid me forgot to change the subject from "holidays" to "illness"... I'm so fucked. Wish me luck!

for the final fucking time

i'm the one who did the 8 hour garbage take home challenge and submitted it

i shouldn't be the one who has to reach out two weeks later to figure out what the status of my application is

oh and you ignore me on whatsapp

fuck you

When they want a live app in two weeks 😏

Exams of two weeks starts tomorrow. We'll be doing a project. Only, 70 percent will be documentation :/. I'm trying to keep my nerves, fair of failure and everything else as low as possible but that's not particularly working anymore 😞

Work out the major requirements,

Identify platform(s) and environment best suited to project,

Design and develop around core features,

Allow 6-12 weeks for scope creep and the additional BS features,

Build, test and deploy in a week or two to meet unattainable deadlines.

Spend new couple of months refactoring and fixing everything.

Two weeks is just enough time for the person who asked for the thing to forget when they asked for the estimate.

3 weeks into a new job I learned that my predecessor (who resigned and was out the door two days after I started) didn’t know how to secure s3 buckets when all of our production image assets got replaced with elder porn.

Jury’s still out if it was actually him the whole time.

After two weeks with Ubuntu - I'm done with this. I'm going back to Windows.

Why? Well, it fixes some Windows problems, but at the same time new ones are popping and they are even bloody worse.

When your vim using college keeps on telling you to start using vim. EVERY DAY for the last two weeks..

Getting feedback:

- It doesn't work.
Replying within 20 minutes:
- What is not working? Can you be more specific?
Auto reply:
- Out of office. I'll be back [two weeks from now]

FFFFFFFUUUUU

Working at my company for one year with two old 20 inch monitors. My boss asked my what would improve my productivity. I said give me two fucking huge and nice monitors. I got the approval that he ordered for all of us new monitors.

One of the support guys told me the we will get the monitors today. Yeah but that was two weeks ago..

Now all of us are only taking about new monitors.. kinda funny that you can get excited for hardware so easy. Love the IT <3

So my company set up environment for docker and bablabla manually . WHAT? and a new employee took 2 weeks to configure everything.

So I decided to do some automation, a script to auto cnfigure, download , blablabla, all the new guy have to do is run the script (regardless of OS) and that save two weeks time. Everything configured just took 4 hours (the project is 3 GB) automatically.

omg

When you spend two weeks coding something only to find out there is a cool generator that could write 90% of your code for you

Finally, finally, finally! My very first app with React Native is up and running. I know the hard part comes now, but I'm so incredibly happy, considering that I didn't even think I would start developing an app until two weeks ago, let alone learning React...

After being let go from my previous job (previous rant) roughly two and a bit weeks ago I already have multiple offers for new jobs.

There's lots of sterotyping for how difficult it is to get a new position in this field. I was worried, this is such a relief

Working for a startup:
"Two weeks? I'll build you the entire platform, draw illustrations, animate them and set up the infrastructure"

Working for a massive corporation:
"Two week sprint? Obviously a team of 10 people can't do more than just check the existing code."

The dev usually sitting next to me is on vacation. Our senior dev is on vacation. Team analist, on a plane to a Greek beach as we speak. Both architects the company employs, gone for another two weeks or so. Lead analist, you guessed it, on vacation.

I'm enjoying the peace & quite for now but god forbid I run into any problems these next coming weeks.

I've been waking up successfully for two weeks now at 6:30 am thanks to sleeping pills and Melatonin pills I'm taking 30 min. before bedtime.

I will change that to 6am starting today.

Yes, I'm sleeping 8 hours and a half, it feels great!.

!rant
The only good thing of having to wait two weeks for a new Doctor episode...
2 Doctor episodes to see in a row...

I'm taking a vacation in two weeks to hopefully recover from this burnout. I don't know if I can make it that long.

I've been trying to work on a ticket for the past two days. I don't even know what the ticket says. Just something about optimizing the Google pay object api. idk. I just can't. I need to have it done today though. Bleh.

Haven't written code for two weeks
Feel like my existence is a lie

New dev at our company. After two weeks he has finished a feature for a project. Want to merge it into the dev branch ... he worked in the master branch.

We founded a 3 man startup.
I am on holiday for two weeks and my mates paid 50k to someone so he programs a prototype app without any specifications. They told him about what the app should display without any mockups or images via Skype. Returned Monday, found out about it, and on the following Monday we will see the current status..
Oh boy, dog help me. I expect a clickdummy made with Adobesomething, and we paid 50k for that. Why didn't they wait for 2 weeks?!

I started working at a software company two weeks ago. Today I learned that their web app only runs so smoothly because of a single JS function called specialSnowflakeHandler()

Absolutely hate it when HR says: "You'll be told about the outcome of this interview in the next two weeks".

What about putting in place a more stringent timeline for recruitment processes at your company?

What the fuck am I supposed to do for two bloody weeks?

To be fair, it's not really unprofessional. But two weeks ago we recorded a theme song for our company in an empty office room. Though I shouldn't complain, I love doing those kinda things :)

When we had to implement urgently a small project estimated in two weeks. Took me an afternoon. 3 years later, still works, not even 1 bug.

>be me
>go to a job interview
>company said to wait 1.5 weeks
>wait 2 weeks, after that ,I message them
>the company writes back, tells me they haven't decided on a candidate yet
>two days later the company writes me a letter asking me if I'm interested in a fulltime position, and if yes they will send me more info
>I reply yes
>they don't respond in 3 days
>successfully troll a candidate

Boss: How long will it take to finish the project?

Me: (Gives date for finishing dev and deployment.)

Boss: great, sound reasonable.

Me: ...

Boss: wait. Aren't you on vacation the two weeks after that.

Me: jup.

Boss: yeah we are not doing that again. Client can wait another two weeks.

Before someone says no Boss/PM is like that, he was/is a developer too so discussing deadlines and efforts is usually pretty relaxed since he knows our codebase and how long it takes to do things.

sprint started two weeks ago, it's due today.

yesterday, most tasks for the sprint were done, but was still waiting that whole two weeks for updates on two new tickets, guess they'll be in the next sprint...

project leaders yesterday: oh here are those updates for the sprint! (not to mention the meeting was at 5 PM yesterday, not even the BEGINNING of the work day)

project leaders today: what's the status of the sprint?!

...it's a joke, right? do you think I'm a fucking magician?

its always the same no matter where you go, slowly starting to realize...

tl;dr; adding new feature requests the day before a sprint ends and then having the nerve of asking the "status" of the sprint the following day.

I think my hard drive is going to die.

My laptop takes 15 minutes to start up and it takes a fucking long time to open any program but once they're opened they run pretty well... And it does since two weeks ago!

This is a hdd related problem, isn't it?

Two months of meaningless meetings and calls to assess "requirements" and three months worth of actual development work crammed into 3 weeks. Fuck this corporate bs. Agile my ass.

Job hunt update:

- Rejected by one via email
- Applying to two more today
- Ghosted (?) by the other 5 so far

but hey, it's only been over two weeks for those 5 others! why should i expect efficiency from a company that wants a TeN X DeVeLoPeR? I'll bring my decade+ experience and you can just get around to it... you know, when you feel like!

🤡

My emotional state is deteriorating by the day.
And now of all times my exams are also coming up. Only two weeks, I well get through this

In the middle of coding: "Too into code to document properly. Will document later."

Two weeks later:"What the actual fuck is this code doing?"

Had a guy put in a pull request with an empty file diff. He comes by two weeks later and asks when am I going to have time to review it.

I lost my remote job of two years due to our startup failing. After applying to various companies, two weeks later I get my first job offer😀(And I'm not even that skilled).
In comparison, a very experienced friend of mine who works in sales and business administration has been looking unsuccessfully for a job for over a year.
It makes me realise how lucky we are😀

How you look when your customer tells you that you can not pay the rest of the budget accepted and completed, within two weeks because he has to change the four wheels of his BMW 4x4 :O

I'm so happy to have quit my current job. Just a few weeks to go. To see my colleague take weeks for an task I would have done in a day or two, gives me enough satisfaction to stop carrying him in front of our boss. Just hearing him say "I haven't done this before" Yeah it's not like I told you over and over how it works for two years.

After working two 85 hour weeks and staying until 6 in the morning before customer demo, the project manager decides to invite the team for dinner and drinks after work, as if my family doesn't miss having me home for dinner, and I haven't spent enough time with my colleagues!!

I am getting paid just to develop a FYP project for two students.

After 3 weeks;

"When are you gonna do the charts, use cases etc?"

"WTF?"

Lol. I installed Fedora two weeks ago and I just can't rant about it. I don't know if this is a good thing 🤔

Lead Dev sends rant about the app being a week late...

Doesn't take into account that I was pulled off it for two weeks to work on something else and the other dev was on maternity for two weeks :/

Freshman out of the university started working for me as a php developer. Software Engineer from a major Australian university. First project, a WordPress plugin... Two weeks down the track I had to explain to him the concept of sessions and multiple visitors. WTF are they thought at universities these days?

Fax machines connected to VoIP connections...
Had a nightmare recently, where my fathers machine that he really needs refused to work after he moved appartements.
Uncounted calls with different tech departments, a furious fathers and two weeks later they found out, that they forgot to activate the protocol.

First day back after 2 week vacation.. It's not even lunch time here and I've already used up all the 'fuck!'s for today o.O

!Rant

I just discovered that a client for whom I'm been working the past two weeks on a full inventory system had already bought one that cost almost half than what I charged him.

A few days ago I decided to learn C by writing a simple Minecraft clone. Guess who has less than 26¼ hours to do university exercises for two weeks. And It's not like I had double that time because of Christmas Holidays.

When your PM is gone for two weeks and you had no idea until the day they left 😂

I'm interviewing with the data architect in two weeks' time, a self-proclaimed ninja. The chap has done PL/SQL development on SQL Server 2008 according to his LinkedIn profile. Yeah, okaaay...

OMFG HOW CAN SOMEONE FUCK A PROJECT SO HARD IN TWO WEEKS???

I struggled for 6 months to keeps a minimal pattern and logic throughout the project between tight deadlines and changed scopes, but in two weeks they managed to literally shit on top of it and now I have to fix this bullshit?

Oh boy...I really don't know if I fucking scream, punch someone or rage quit.

When your plugins list in your newly "coded" WordPress site could use an infinity loader, that means you are probably​ one of those fucking two weeks fucking coding bootcamps miracles. Fuck, that's not how the website is done...

Have been fighting to make this application work for two weeks now, I dont want to give up...

So I'm two weeks into my vacation now, and haven't actually touched any code during this time. Do you guys program when you have vacation?

To be more specific, I'm spending the first part of my vacation at home ;)

Go on holiday tomorrow for two weeks. Not sure what's most scary, turning off my Mac and PC for two weeks or having two weeks of no code.

"Here's the sprint, it's well defined. fullstackchris, can you do this in two weeks?"

"Hmmm... nice work, looks well defined. It'll be tough, but sure, I can do it two weeks!"

Two days before sprint ends:

"Can we quickly duplicate n number of features from apps with literal armies of devs like whatsapp, airbnb, and Instagram?!?!?! We NEED these features to be polished and work perfectly!"

Scope creep will be my ONLY feedback in this retro.

Hell yea, gotta finish my prep project for my bachelor's thesis so I've been coding every day since the beginning of the holidays.

To be perfectly honest with you I love it! It's like a 9-5 job, no classes at uni, just work and coffee breaks and I even got to go back to my parent's house for two weeks which is wonderful.

I wish that uni could always be like that though, gotta make the most of those two weeks

It's been broken in production for two weeks, and you want to tell me it's "drop everything urgent" now? Is it important? Yes. Is it urgent? No.

Also, how the fuck did you not know this was broken for two weeks, and what the hell do you want me to do about it now? It's your codebase, it passed all the tests in staging AFTER I made my changes to the infrastructure.

Just got off a 10-day pip. I didn’t do anything differently and everyone said I showed a lot of improvement. I literally write like 3 lines of code in two weeks and closed six tickets.

How fucking difficult is it to first figure out what the hell you want me to build, before assigning me a project?
But noo...make me implement a feature that will do a completely different thing in two weeks, and a completely different thing a week after that...fuck you Jeff

Code Simplicity by Max Kanat-Alexander, a very short but inspiring book I've read two or three weeks into learning programming. I can only highly recommend it to beginners and probably even people who already have some experience in the field.

I did it y'all, I just put in two weeks. Goodbye tech debt, goodbye anti-patterns, goodbye constant firefighting.

Yes! Got myself an internship at a local webdevelopment company. Looking forward to having a great time the next two weeks...

Adobe labs released one new component, I played with it after two days. Went to an interview with huge company after two weeks for a developer position, the interviewers was from different departments, they asked about one technical challenge they have, then I suggest the new component as solution, they gave me small task to implement using the component, I delivered it next day... Then they hired me in R&D department. It was great days.

I have been working with legacy code the last past two weeks. Please someone to kill me.

Management in big corp I collaborate with has decided they want intermediate releases every 4 weeks. That's kinda OK, we work in two week Scrum sprints.

However, not this sprint. Because of Easter it's three weeks. And because the 4 weeks rule is absolute, the one after that is only one week. Which implies we do the whole review-presentation-planning ceremony twice in a row. That's fucking absurd. But when management agrees on a plan, it's reality that needs to comply, right? Argh.

Had to get wait two weeks before i received a laptop and something to do. Never been as bored.

Lmao probably the time I worked 150 hours over two weeks (had to sleep on the job) for a project. During delivery I worked 09-22 during the weekend (unpaid) while my boss was out on his boat.

Last job I was in, dev boss would ask to send him snippets of code through email for review...

...they used no git or source control

I quit after two weeks.

Fucking government shifting day light saving time by two weeks making me rely on my phone time zone auto-update and wake up one fucking hour earlier!

Way to go Monday...

i had to deliver roughly 250 gb of data. after two days he received it. on a hard drive. by parcel service.
sending it online it would have been done by the next but two weeks. what a brave new world. (still better that uruguay)

College: We will give you six to twelve weeks to build a decent, fully-equipped application that involves a backend with domain business logic, DAL, service layer, security, etc.

In the real world: we give you an afternoon. If it takes two days, you are slow.

Gotta love it.

Today, Google says it will now require new Android developers with personal accounts to test their app with a minimum of 20 people for at least 2 weeks prior to publication. I have my mum, my dad and my two brothers but Google wants at least 20 testers. Yo!

!dev

What's the difference between the middle two options? Surely 'a few weeks' is about as long as or longer than a month?

Came in excited to give my two weeks notice today and.... My boss is out for a week.. Does this mean I can just quit?

New project.
Boss and customer decide it'll be used only on desktop devices, so they told me it doesn't need to be responsive.

Two weeks into development at a jour fixe:
Boss: "How's the responsiveness going?"
Me: "U wot?!"

Does anyone ever fear falling behind the technology 8-ball.

I made a career move from web dev to mainframe in COBOL. I've been here two weeks and feel like learning COBOL is wasting my time and making me fall behind.

Thoughts?

Is it normal to have to sit in hours upon hours of handover sessions for a spaghetti software solution?

There's no documentation, we have to create it, hence the hours upon hours of handover sessions.

I'm so fucking burned out from the past two weeks' meetings.

I am sick in the past two weeks.
"A virus " according to the doctor.
This cause me to drop performance for about 10%
Feels awful

Hey devRant,
Newbie dev here starting my first full time professional gig in two weeks as a .Net developer. Any advice or tips on making the transition from student and hobbyist to professional dev?
Cheers!

My biggest challenge has been moving away from an unmaintainable Java/Tomcat/Spring Security application server to a Node.js/Express application server. That handles single sign on and two factor authentication. In 2 weeks.

I'm a front end dev. I'm sure it's fine 😓

Should I be ashamed of not having posted anything for almost two weeks? I've missed 132 opportunities to post...

Uuugh... 'come let's build a standard with in the company'

Two ( and I kid you not) weeks later, we don't get it anymore let's build a new standard

HEY REACT NATIVE I WOULD REALLY LIKE IT IF YOUR FUCKING STYLING AND KEYBOARDINAVOIDINGVIEW WOULD MAKE SENSE JUST FOR ONCE TODAY I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT WORKING +100 HOURS THE PAST TWO WEEKS I DONT NEED MORE OF IT NOW REEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Been at it inconsistently for two weeks and a few days now. Hitting approx 30 wpm with dvorak! Starting to slowly integrate it into my daily work. I'm on my way to becoming ambitextrous. 😎

After two weeks of isolation, talking to my GraphQL endpoint almost feels like talking to a human.

My team and I worked superrrrr hard for a client and help her build online presence, make graphic designs, motion graphics, Facebook posts, Instagram posts, digitalmarketing. After two weeks, she announced she is shutting her business down. All that hard work was for nothing.

What does Algo do on devRant?

*Cool, two weeks later, this post saved!

On a three months project for a website, the "strategists" and project managers spent two months and a half discussing the "strategy". It left us (production team) two weeks to create the content, the design, and code everything.

Of course it ended being rushed and somehow shitty, but they still congratulte themselves because they "nailed" the "strategy".

</rant>

You know you're doing enterprise style agile when every two weeks requires a 20 person four hour meeting to go over what was actually implemented in the spring

The first dev job was on probation for two weeks..

The past two years since I've started working, I've never taken a holiday. Today, I was forced to go on paid leave for 3 weeks. Feels weird but kinda exciting at the same time :D

In the end I'll probably be programming half the time anyway...

Fucking docker swarm. Why the hell do they have to change the way it works so damn often. Find a good workthough and its not fucking valid anymore cause swarm doesnt use consul to catalog swarm nodes anymore. Well fuck thanks docker now i have to rethink my architecture cause you fuckers wanted to do something half assed.

Sad fucking thing is the change that made you do that shit in the first place doesn't work right for ssl so your damn mesh network is fucking useless for any real world uses unless people like me rig the fucking hell out off it.

Another fucking thing how the hell haven't these fucktards added a shared storage yet, come the fuck on.

Send back my PC for RMA two weeks ago (likely dead CPU, but I just didn't know anymore)...
They send me a mail confirming that they have received it and a mail that they would start on it (along with some terms)...

Two weeks of waiting, no news at all...
Mailed back: "Oh sorry, we forgot to add the line asking whether you agreed with our terms..."

Two weeks of not being able to properly sit at my desk, play games, work on code reasonably (with my 3 screens) and edit videos I still need to finish because they forgot a stupid line in their mail --'

I only just started learning Js. And it's going smoothly. In two weeks, I should have gone past the Beginner's level. Then what next?

I got fired from my first real dev job after two weeks for working to slow... If anyone wants to help me look for my self-esteem, pick up a shovel and start diggin'.

what if i tell you i have a 1mbps internet speed, and i'm not using it alone, and in two weeks i'll only have a 512 kbps internet speed which will be divided by two in the best case?

I wish there was some kind of code you could run in your brain and make the flu go away 😫 cannot remember the last time I was so unproductive for TWO WEEKS

Project for a client, release date: tomorrow.
We handed over the project two weeks ago, for their QA to test everything.
Guess when they complained about having no access.
Hint: it's today

Sorry for not being active these last couple of weeks... That behavior data app was quite a lot of work in a very tight deadline (two weeks) at one moment my setup was getting out of hand (posted in comments)

But that's finally done, onwards to the next overly tight scheduled deadline!... Yaaaay... ☹️

I graduated from a bootcamp this February, moved to London and I was certain someone will hire me in the first two weeks. I have never been this wrong

that moment when you wait two weeks for client confirmation then he comes back with minor or silly edit then goes again another two weeks...

I'm stuck with a (very) junior developer.
He doesn't understand requirements, why we are doing this and not that.
Today, I asked for a merge request to implement filters on research.
Maybe in one or two weeks ...

Don't forget, everything gonna be alright. 🤲 Or maybe, will I kill him before?

Being off sick for two weeks and then trying to get back into your coding like "what was I doing?" I simply cant remember or know where to start!

I know this is incredibly fucking minor, but

MY LAST HALF-DAY OF CPD HAS BEEN DROPPED AND I'M MAD ABOUT IT

I have literally two weeks left and they will. not. stop. pulling this shit. AAAARRGHHHH

io_uring hardly works and yet was accepted into the mainline Linux Kernel.

Has been two weeks of headaches.

Buddy: Let's invite the buds and do something. Snorkel? Swim? Movie?
Me: Sure.
Him: when?
Me: sometime.
Him: tomorrow?
Me: someday
Him: soon?
Me: soon.
Him: Let's do this.
Me: Let's .

It's been two weeks since then. 😂
This pretty much sums up my social life.

Erlang... variables you can't vary? WTF!

Writing JS two weeks later...
const a =1
const b = a + 1
Why would I ever assign over a? Pfft.
const c = b + 1
...

Getting a new laptop is exhausting if you haven't been keeping up with the technology. I have purchased three laptops in the last two weeks returning the first two after spending 10 + hours each installing updates and software just to find out they didn't work for what I needed.

-Mum: 'you start a new side project like every two weeks, but you almost never finish one'

-Me: 'i am finishing them, but other than these projects, i have to earn a living to be able to pay my dorm etc. and i have to study besides that ..'

Got a new job last year. Didn't want to be a contractor so they said contract to hire for what I thought was 6 months. When I get there, they said they meant a year. Fine. 18 months just passed and they renewed my contract for 3rd time without even mentioning full employment.

Now, because still a contactor, IT is making all non-essential contractors take two weeks of unpaid leave last two weeks of the year. Guess who was on that list?

I have only a week of pto from recruiter company to soften the blow but have to start over saving up for next trip.

Needless to say, already searching hard for my way out of there.

I've submitted a PR to a large open source project, and I've had no feedback in over two weeks.

I spent a weekend and many late nights working out how to solve this bug - it was my time - and the project team haven't eaten acknowledged the PR.

After two weeks of struggling with Docker, I can confidently say, this is the worst shit I've ever worked with.

$ php bin/console make:migration
ERROR: php_network_getaddresses: getaddrinfo failed: Name or service not known

Well let's try again...

$ php bin/console make:migration
ERROR: Connection refused

Different error messages for the same commands?! FUCK YOU!!!

A couple of weeks ago my work email got hacked, I found out because he/she was sending phishing mails to yahoo emailaddresses, but they couldn't be delivered because they were marked as phishing.

I've immediately changed my password and turned on two-factor authentication, shared my story with my boss and now we use two-factor authentication for every service where it is possible.

! Dev related rant
I rammed a knife into our fridge freezer to throw ice on my flatmate. And bam! I punchered the goddamn coil, now we've been without fridge for two days and I'm going to lose shit load of cash.
Off goes beer for a few weeks.

When the client starts asking you for features like a kid asking santa for presents.

"It would be nice to have this... Oh! And that..."
Two weeks later, "I forgot to menthion, I also want this this and this"

He thinks He's in a buffet?!

The feeling of telling your boss that you hate you are putting in your two weeks is a feeling like no other. I'm FREE!

Was working on a react native project, paused work two weeks ago, now back to work on the same project, BUT:

1. it no longer compiles
2. Gradle throws shitload of errors

WHY!?

Gotta start some #NoLaptopDay trend soon ...
And try to follow it once every two to three weeks 🤔
My eyes are so fucked up rn 😓