My friend (not in CS) said his computer was a bit slow.
I told him I'd fix that for 10, he agreed.

I increased the cursor speed.
He bought it.

Mom : My washing machine is not working.
Please fix it.
Me : I am a computer engineer.
Mom : You are an engineer though.
Me : That's not how it works.
.
.
.
2 hours and many YouTube tutorials later
Me : It's done.
Mom : Didn't I tell you you can do it.

"serverless" is a stupid name. There's always a server, just not yours. It's just as dumb as people thinking "cloud" means there's no computer. There's always a computer, just not yours.

Overheard from the room next to mine:
Person 1: My computer is frozen ..
Person 2 (Not a native English speaker): Did you try to shut down and shut up ?

It's depressing how true this is

Me: "Tech support, how can I help you?"
Them: " I'm not able to log into the website!"
Me: "Okay, what message is it showing when you try to log in?"
Them: "Sir, I am NOT a computer person so I don't know."
Me: "Do you know which web browser you're using?"
Them: "I don't know what that is!"
Me: "Okay, when you want to go on the internet, do you click on a blue E, or a mulicolored circle, or..."
Them: "SIR I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I AM NOT A COMPUTER PERSON, YOU'RE REFUSING TO THELP ME SO I'M GOING TO HANG UP"

Stolen from an awesome book but my new favourite line ;)

Someone: “Can you repair my computer， it`s not working anymore?”

Me: “Do you call Leonardo Dicaprio when your Tv is broken?”

My grandma saw me programming for one whole day and she started to rant.

Grandma: "She's been sitting all day infront of her computer doing computer stuff! Electricity bill's getting higher!"
Mum: "Well at least she's not out late at night getting drunk and partying!"
Grandma: "Computer girl"

A: "You write code? Can you fix my computer?"
M: "No, that's not how it works, bud"
A: "Why? It's both computer stuff."
M: *points to the greasy tire shop* "Let's go get your car painted there*
A: "Hell no"
M: "Why? It's both car stuff."

😂

I have decided to build a computer right from the logic gates. Not physical, though. Everything will be basically built on top of a NAND gate.
Prayers needed! 😁😂

Living my best life, not too far from my computer, in the shade, with coffee 😁✌️hope you're all having a great day

Manager: Hey what was that that you closed on your screen just now?

Dev: That popup? That’s NVIDIA letting me know that a new driver for my GPU is available.

Manager: Isn’t that for video games?

Dev: I mean that’s the reason many people opt into having a GPU but It’s not the on—

Manager: You are NOT allowed to play video games on your work computer!

Dev: This is my personal computer. It’s just an older GPU I popped onto this computer since otherwise it was just sitting in a drawer. My work computer is out of commission.

Manager: Well where is your work computer? How come you are not using it?

Dev: …Because of that blue screen of death issue we talked about yesterday.

Manager: Ok but that doesn’t give you permission to play VIDEO GAMES on your *WORK* computer.

Dev: …

"Do not indent HTML files."

- From a Junior High classmate of mine who claims he is a computer wizard[this was many years ago]

Me: Your computer has Operating System corruption.

Customer: What does that mean?

Me: *something, something potato chips* and the only fix is to reinstall Windows.

Customer: Well that's stupid! I need my computer! Darn Windows! Microsoft should pay for that reinstallation! What causes that corruption anyway?

Me: Well, any number of things, but it's mostly caused by a part of the update not downloading correctly, so when it gets installed it creates a hole.

Customer: So now hold on... could shutting the computer down during the updates cause this corruption.

Me: It could, yes. That's why they say to not unplug your computer or shut it down while running the updates.

Customer: I see. Cause yeah, I remember that I was angry when it said it had to do updates, so I shut it down.

Me: Yep, that would cause it.

Customer: Okay, reinstall Windows...

God damn it, I'm a fucking computer guy. Not your fucking photographer. If you want pictures for YOUR website YOU fucking take them, NOT ME! Go step of a fucking lego.

Me: *uses google chrome*
Parents: Stop, log out of everything, you're hogging up the internet, omg
Me: *unplugs computer*
Parents: *their computer still not working* You downloaded a virus to our wifi you're grounded for a month

So I've got a friend learning Java, using Eclipse.
I walk in one day and see him restarting his computer. I make nothing of it. Few minutes later, he's restarting again.
I jokingly say "Windows update?"
He responds with the straightest face ever: "No, compiling code."

Apparently he thought you needed to restart the computer before compiling.
Not sure if I should be mortified or laughing my ass off.

Me: you should not open that log file in excel its almost 700mb
Client: its okay, my computer has 4gb ram
Me: *looking at clients computer crashing*
Client: the file is broken!
Me: no, you just need to use a more memory efficient tool, like R, SAS, python, C#, or like anything else!

Female friend in office
"It feels so nice that we have a computer science grad with us. How else would have we managed to set up the printer without you?"

Not kidding. This actually happened with me.

A: Hey look! I have a brand new computer!
B: Oh, so you use Linux?
A: No, I use Windows.
B: Than it's not your computer.

My boss: "Do you ever like, not be on the computer?"

Me: " it's my job"

Boss: "oh shit you right. My bad"

Germany

It's:
"oh cool. you must have good job perspectives."

Or:
"you just use a computer. that's not real work. do a job where you use your muscles. lazy student."

And the best:
"Can you gift me with computer parts for free" or "can you copy program XY for me? It cost to much."

Slowbro: Do you have time tonight?
Me: No sorry, I can't stay late tonight, I have a thing with my wife.
S: Oh yeah, I'm not staying late either.
M: Oh, so what do you want?
S: Can you help me install linux?
M: Uh no, I can't stay late -
S: No, no you don't have to stay, you can do it from home.
M: What? No I don't have time tonight. Wait you want me to take your computer home?
S: No, no I need to use my computer tonight.
M: So... What do you want me to do?
S: You can do it on your computer.
M: You want me to install an OS on your computer, but on my computer??
S: No, no *sigh* just try it on your computer so we know it will work on my computer. It is a proof of principle.
M: Reinstall my OS?
S: As a proof of principle. So tomorrow when we do it on my computer, we need not waste any time.
M: ... No I'm not going to reinstall my OS just as a test for you.
S: Not a test, a proof of principle.
M: What are you.. I'm sorry, I don't have time for this tonight.
S: Just a proof of principle!!
M: Ok see you.

It may not look like it, but the fact that these lights are on means that my breadboard computer will work, in theory

Dear Prof,

One does not simply encrypt the exam tips and give it to the students in a computer security introductory module.

Sincerely,
Disgruntled Undergraduate

"That's not work. You just sit there and click around your computer."

That moment when something bad happens and ctrl+Z pops in to your head. Then realise ur not using a computer.

I really hate how people see Bachelor of Computer Science as a meme.

I think it's because everyone who has a Computer calls himself a IT-Expert. So today on Xmas family joined for a meal, we talked about work and study and stuff...

Auntie: "So why do you need to study to Operate a Computer, my Son built one by himself without studying, you should study something solid like economics"

First I thought this was a meme, later I found out she was dead serious.

All the math, physics, scientific research, papers, software engineering just to operate a computer 😂

I'm not gonna call her names, because it's Xmas so:

father forgive them, because they don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

No, my family did not support me.
They complained about everything.
From how "Python was demonic" to how "Working with computer wont save you from the coming tribulation"

Growing up in a religious cult sucks.

To cut a long story short... My parents said not to touch the computer :)

First day on new job. Hardware guy comes to my office, says "Hi, here is your computer" (no eye contact) and leaves a pile of boxes on the floor.

A few hours later I finished building the computer from scratch lol.
Not sure if it was some kind of test or just him being weird 😂

More proof of computer scientists not wanting to bother with CSS. Guys this is might be the secret to becoming pro. Keep it Simple Stupid (KISS). That's the creator of C++ website btw.

Since yesterday, I have become a Computer Science student! 🎉

I just have to be careful not to cause something like the NASA internship girl. 😁

How people see me:

Father: computer nerd (he's a coder too)
Mother: website maker and computer nerd
Brother#1: some computer wizard
Brother#2: noob web coder (he codes as well, but systems programming) - thanks bro!
Colleagues: The ALIEN™
Girlfriend: 404 not found
Friends: The NERD™
Dog: some hooman spending lots of time behind those lighty rectangles

Fyi, I am passionate about computers in all domains and always helped debugging people

My solution to not being overwhelmed with futile demands? Talking to them in complicated words, so they will only ask questions about true problems and not garbage :D

I've been working on a single reliable computer at work for a year now. Yesterday I booted it up after the holidays...

OS not found....
My hard drive failed
😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

I work in a computer repair shop. A COMPUTER repair shop. And every day, I get asked "Do you repair phone screens?" No. No, I do not. Stop asking!

My parents didn't really care what I was doing, they were just happy I wasn't hanging around street corners.

They were also kind enough to buy me a computer or peripherals at Christmas. My sisters were not impressed with their Barbie houses and Sylvanian Families! 😂

Sisters: "Why does he get a computer?"

Mum: "Cos he doesn't ask for new clothes all year!"

Client: it's not working
Me: clear your cache
Client: what's that
Me:it's a way of cleaning the files of your computer to get new ones.
Client: I cleaned my mac

I mean she literally got cleaning wipes ... and cleaned her computer

P.s I told her all this before and how to many, many times

Company is about to move. Fellow developer jokes on a general meeting that people should delete stuff on their computer to make then easier to transport.

I'm not sure everyone got the joke....

mom asks how to access photos on her laptop:
me : "Double click on 'my computer',"
mom with a lot of confidence: "but the photos are on my computer, not yours!"

*dad's w10 computer running super slow*

*checks task manager*

100% disk usage

*checks whatever-the-advanced-system-monitor-is-called*

*Compattelrunner.exe is at the top of the list in disk usage*

*searches online to find what the hell that is*

"Compattelrunner.exe collects program telemetry information if opted in to the Microsoft EatASackOfDicks Customer Experience Fuckup"

Telemetry is supposed to be disabled on this computer.

What the fuck Microsoft, if you want to straight out lie to my face as a customer at least try to not be so obvious that you basically lock down my computer with your telemetry shit.

Mom: You gave our keyboard a virus with your programming! You're not allowed to use the computer any more!
(the keyboard was 10 years old)

School has default router username and password. And it's not just a shitty tp-link router. It runs linux.

Made a simple reverse shell and I have a fully functional linux computer. Not really a hack, but it's sad.

Soon to get to the school server!

THE HOLY GRAIL BOOK OF COMPUTER SCIENCE HAS ARRIVED!

52 years old and the book set is still not complete

My relatives: "Can you fix my computer/ipad/etc..."
Me: "Sure why not. I'l take a look when I have the time"
Lesson: Don't be so arrogant.

Heading out to see family tomorrow. My Christmas wish this year is for my dad to not ask me to repair his computer.

I have a Ubuntu thumb-drive to solve all his troubles anyways. :D

Happy Holidays everybody.

Saw this on the interwebs. Left: customer. Right: employee.

The left one looks like a nice type of customer-person though.

I like to imagine that the employee-guy does not understand why the computer is not working, at which point the customer-person says: "Oh, I can fix that."

A Microsoft Surface is not a computer it’s Windows installed on a crêpe

Today I learned what GNU acronym stands for:

GNU = GNU's Not Unix!

😂 why doesn't Computer Science have more acronyms like that?

I just found a game (have not played it yet) that I think everyone here will cream over.

It's an insanely detailed hardware/ low level/ make-your-own-computer game.

I watched the trailer and it sets you up by teaching you logic gates and basic circuitry.

Then, it eventually teaches you how to build your own computer using these gates.

Then, you start creating your own assembly language using the computer you made.

Then, you use your computer to solve problems like sending a robot through a maze or just building snake on a display.

Absolutely check it out, it's on sale for $13 USD. I just bought it. Turing Complete on Steam.

Product manager: "Programmers are limitted to computer programs, that's why app developers can do mobile devices too!"

Me: "Programmers are not limited to computer programs, its a general skill"

Product Manager: "Then why App
Development is a career?"

I feel like at some point it'll become more shit than it's ever been. Partially due to the fact that it seems like EVERY school is trying to get the students into computer science at this point.

NOT EVERYBODY BELONGS IN COMPUTER SCIENCE. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE.

I feel like some kids that are being forced to do computer science will basically be like "huh there's money in this, maybe I could do this" but they're completely shit at it, when they would have been MUCH better off doing something else.

Side rant, somewhat related actually:

I had a teacher last semester that has to teach one of the computer science classes starting this year (I was not taking her computer science class, it was an unrelated class). From what I've seen, she does not seem fit to teach the class at all.

She's supposed to be teaching some simple programming (no clue what languages, I didn't bother to take the comp sci class). And she knows that I know the stuff, so she would ask me about the simplest things. Which is 100% fine...if she wasn't teaching a computer science class.

She just does not seem fit to teach a computer science class. I'm sure that the school basically just threw her in there because they needed SOMEONE.

I'm honestly kinda scared for the students in the class that might want to go further into computer science, only having taken that class and having met the requirement for a more advanced class, but then being thrown into a class where they don't know a fucking thing.

For my final project as a first year computer engineer, I have to implement a FAT32 file system using a bare metal c++ compiler that will need to work on arduino uno/due....

I've only been in the computer engineering space for 2 months.
Not sure I can do it, but I'm going to try my best!
Wish me luck

I did not touch a computer in 3 days
\o/

Finally I could get the correct computer :)

Just missing the raised arm for the screens instead of desk stands

(ok,my real desk is not transparent but it was to cool to not take ;) )

Mom: why haven't you been doing your computer science homework at home ?
Me : because you won't let me have a computer and I can't run the software I need on my school iPad
Mom: bull shit you can run it that iPad can do anything that you can do on a computer
Me : no you can't that's not even...*mom cuts me off*
Mom : don't talk back to me you just don't wanna do your homework
Mom: all computers are the same they just have different names
Me : that's not even true in the slightest... *gets cut off again*
Mom: shut up and do your damn homework
Me: 😐

- Can you format my computer ?
- I am developper Bro, this is not my kind of business
- I know you studied IT, so when you format my computer ?
-...

No no.. my computer.. not yours...

Ten Immutable Laws Of Security

Law #1: If a bad guy can persuade you to run his program on your computer, it's not solely your computer anymore.
Law #2: If a bad guy can alter the operating system on your computer, it's not your computer anymore.
Law #3: If a bad guy has unrestricted physical access to your computer, it's not your computer anymore.
Law #4: If you allow a bad guy to run active content in your website, it's not your website any more.
Law #5: Weak passwords trump strong security.
Law #6: A computer is only as secure as the administrator is trustworthy.
Law #7: Encrypted data is only as secure as its decryption key.
Law #8: An out-of-date antimalware scanner is only marginally better than no scanner at all.
Law #9: Absolute anonymity isn't practically achievable, online or offline.
Law #10: Technology is not a panacea.

I feel sorry for those students who took computer studies and not having to enjoy a slightest bit of programming 😕

Worst way to experience a hackathon? Not having the computer you really need.

me, when someone yells at me for not able to resolve an "electronic" issue because I'm pursuing a computer science degree

I am a programmer .not a computer repairer 😵😵😵

GUYS I DID IT
AND I ONLY HAD TO LOOK AT THE ARCHWIKI FOR GRUB INSTALLATION
AM I COOL NOW
(going to install to my computer a little later, don't worry i'm not done here)

#prank

New guy on the team, learning WPF.
He forgot to lock his computer when fetching coffee. I added a transform group in the main window and checked it in to Git. Locked the computer.

He comes back, furious at his computer for turning the application upside down.

Next two hours he was rebooting, flipping the screen, stressing, googling until I finally had to confess.

He uttered a strange sound of short burst of laughter concealed in a relief of not going insane.

It was a good day.
His pull request was rejected.

My mom passed away in 2014. Were it not for the pain she was in all her life, I’d love to have her back and I’d gladly provide all the computer help she’d need.

I feel that I should mention my reason for having joined devRant.

Although I often write computer programs, I do not consider myself to be a computer programmer, for the problems which I solve often do not pertain to the method which I use to solve a problem with a computer program. Rather, I am an intelligence analyst, and this has been my title for approximately sixteen (16) years.

I joined devRant not only because I wished to better the computer programs which I write, although this could be better accomplished by again reading the specifications for the programming languages which I use, but also because I wished to join an on-line community of which the members are interesting and competent. As I read threads, I observe that both of these requirements have been matched, with the emphasis being placed on the latter requirement.

I thank the majority of you for maintaining an on-line community which is not (total) crap. Ha.

I’m not going to “automate” us out of a job ! *eye roll* We just shouldn’t be doing things a computer can do AND do faster/more accurately!

Yes I am a computer science major; No I'm not volunteering to be your IT guy.

*on the terminal cd-ing through my directory*

friend who's not a brogrammer: woah that's cool! Are you hacking your computer??!

The joy of being a junior programmer in a marketing company...

Lately it's been 25% programming, 5% fixing other people computer, 70% doing stuff not related to my job

"Programming language is a convention to give order to computer. It is not supposed to be obscure, bizarre and full of subtlz traps. These are the characteristics of magic" - Dave Small

data science is just a sexy word for statistics.

1% programming skills
99% practically all science thats not computer science

windows: cant uninstall because program is still running
me: *opens task manager* ITS NOT RUNNING
windows: cant uninstall because program is still running

for gods sake, ill just restart the damn computer

So I just completed reading this book and it was pretty awesome. Can anyone recommend me similar books? Which are not language specific but cover computer science concepts & is fun to read.

What type of a college offering computer science course doesn't have programming societies and does not care if the student know programming or not?
That's right, AN INDIAN ONE

You know what Linux has taught me? That above anything, a computer is just a tool. There is a lot you can do with the tool, but do not depend on it so much that you fear losing it.

I regret that I didn't start learning to code before I went to university and that I never had Computer Science/Programming classes before in school (which is not really my fault but I always wished for this)

Computer science doesn't just mean teach me how to use Microsoft office over and over... MS Access is not useful!!!

I had a test when i was in 9th grade for computer( not computer programming )

Q) how many KB are i an MB ?
1) 500 2) 1000 3) 2000 4) none of the above

Since its 1024 i thought its none of the above like a sane person but my teacher be like " there are 1000 KB in 1 MB." I tried to explain that i think thats wrong but well gg.

Hey, just spent 9 hours on my computer. Just seeking validation, I'm not the only one right?

The best way to check if the bar is moving, it to use the magnifier on windows, also, not my computer, but really nostalgic, lol

Java: Cannot convert int to Boolean.
Me: Wait what?.. Ohhh *cries*

I've had too much Vitamin C / C++..
Not used to computer liking me and not letting me shot my head of.. I love you too, Java ..

Error code PICNIC: Problem In Chair, Not In Computer

How do you lock your phone (or computer)?
- not/swipe
- 3x3 dot connection pattern
- number code
- password
- fingerprint
- FaceID

Come back home and turn on my computer and what do i see?

Apparently Windows is now a Service...

I'm still not updating though... wonder if this is FCU...

Late one night I realize that Visual Studio has an update available.

> Might as well. Maybe they finally implemented that auto bug-fixer.

I download the update and it warns me that I must restart my computer. Fair enough, I was just about to shut down my computer anyways.

I turn off my computer for the night.

Boot up the next day, try to open Visual Studio.

It says to me: "No, I mean, you gotta RESTART. Not just re-start, or whatever shit you just did."

Ok. Restarted the machine.

I currently have 5168 node_modules folders on my computer.
Not 5168 folders inside node_modules, but 5168 actual node_modules folders.

That's all. That's the rant.

Me: Found solution on StackOverFlow, lets copy/paste code and try it out

*Clicks ctrl+v*
Computer: There's your value!
Me: Wait that's not what I copied
*notices that I copied from a different computer and expected it to paste on this one*

*cries in corner* T_T

In highschool an advisor told me not to go into computer science because "they do all that work in China now"

Is computer science necessary? How many of you, in the programming/development field, have not studied CS?

Please do not shutdown your computer, we're updating GitHub.

My friends have to understand that I'm a programmer not a computer fixer. Fuck all this bullshit

Howdy this is a daily reminder on why you can't trust anyone with shared information.

I am back home from uni for the holidays and like any computer person who is back in town became responsible for fixing every tech problem that has occurred since my last visit. But what caught my eye when I approached the family computer is not the problem with the computer itself, it's the paper in front of the computer that, in giant lettering, has not only the passwords and account names of my mom and brother's AOL (She's old ok) and FAFSA account respectively but also someone's social security number. Any goddam baffoon who looks through the window or is able to take literally three goddam steps past the front door now has enough information to commit identity theft or just take over one of their accounts. I know it's not that likely but I still had a heart attack when I saw that.

How badly have I failed them?

This I call a perfectly drunk computer.

I think the number of files present were too large that the system could not count all of 'em at once. Am I even right?
Note : This is a college computer

The biggest joke on mankind is that a computer program is asking human to proof that they're not robot. 😐🤐😭

Love my computer.
Opened edge(chrome was not responding).
In 2 seconds it crashed and windows killed the process.
❤❤❤

That moment when someone copies a shortcut from Windows dekstop to a pen drive and finds them to not work on another computer.

Believe it or not, none of these mices are working. This is my traveling setup, this laptop used to be a gaming computer, but now it's just really tired (but it still can run servers so it's k)

Quote from the esafety au website

"Social engineering is not hacking. Hacking involves the use of computer technoliogies to gain unauthorised access to systems. Students sometimes use the term 'hacking' when in fact they have shared their password"

Personal pet peeve.

I'm not a germophobe. But if your hands spend most of their time down your pants, or you've been eating food with them, or they're just generally disgusting, please wash before thinking of using my computer.

There is nothing I hate more than finding crusty fingerprints on my keyboard and mouse.

And if you're using my computer I likely know where you live. 🔪🔪

So we were having our Computer Science lab just this morning and this girl wasn’t able to get the right output for a JAVA program.
Actual answer: 5.71
Her answer: 6.34
Her explanation: “Maybe I’m not getting the output because I am on a different system, try this on your computer, please?”
My reaction :

That fucking amazing feeling when something actually works in real life and not just in a simulation on a computer!

That a man owns a fully-rugged notebook computer does not imply that this man should hold the computer by its screen.

So, my uncle gave me an old computer: 1GB of RAM, 1.7GHz dual-core, HDD 80GB, I'm definitely NOT going to trash it, so... What do I do with it? Ideas?

Mom: So you "play" on your computer all day.
Dad: You're not fit enough to be working with computers all day.

I'm 30 years old, sometimes I feel old to study computer/web programming.

What do you think? If it's not true, what can I do to change the way I think about it?

A colleague just hit his computer with a C++ textbook and shouted a verse that easily would have been bleeped out on TV. All this because he could not log into Windows.
Microsoft need not worry, they seem to have fixed any loophole for such bruteforce login attempts ;-)

Worst career choice: Not following computer science because there were few careers for computer techs pre-2000s.
Best career choice: Do a 2 years course in CNC (paid by the government). Also, the worst carer choice because I got my burn out in the first (one of the best in the region) molding company I worked for.

dear deutsche bahn developers: please review you handling for dynamic contents width. yours sincerely

ps. riding in a full train and not enough space to handle my computer is boring.

When testing and deployment are not two different things for the computer centre department of my college(This is the website to authenticate college students to let them use the internet)

Why do so many programmers who aren't developing for Mac/iOS use Macs for their job? Why not use Linux and get a better specced computer for the same price?

Computer won't boot when I launched it this morning. Checked the post LEDs on the mobo and it's reading 00. It's not even reaching POST. Ideas?

The biggest joke on mankind is that a computer program is asking human to prove that they're not robot.

Back when it was My Computer, not just This PC

I still can't get it why people looks at IT people as lowlife. If you need a new computer in your office I can get the right spec and help you to buy it. But moving the computer table is not my job 😠

* get a good job *
* my room==my computer lab *
* iphone + vespa + sexy jacket *
* not died in terrorism *

OMG! the ancient one... amazon sells data mining book from year where not even computer existed.

FYI - if it's typo then not fixed for months

I only take gaming breaks to heat up my computer to keep my coffee on my computer warm in order to code more its not a distraction it's efficiency

I am a scientist. A computer scientist.
I am an engineer. A software engineer.
My lack of a formal college degree does not negate these facts.

It does, however, contribute to the chip on my shoulder.

I wanna write code NOT TRYNNA FIND WHY ANACONDA HAS TAKEN OVER MY ENTIRE COMPUTER. I've spent the last day looking for answers. I'm now a full day behind with my project.
The mental breakdown is near.

BITCH THE APPLICATION WORKS PERFECTLY FINE!!! ITS NOT MY FAULT THE DATA YOU GAVE ME WAS FUCKED UP LIKE YOUR BLOODY FUCKING FACE YOU SHIT HEAD COMPUTER ILLITERATE IN THIS DAY AND AGE SON OF A BITCH

FUCKING HELL!

I just shutdown my computer after deciding to leave the unfinished feature that I started a couple hours ago for tomorrow.

Not 5 fucking minuets later I had found a solution in my head but now don’t want to spend the time to turn my computer on to fix it. Ugh

I fcking hate when my friends come to me for restoring his stupid blocked accounts like Instagram, Facebook, Google etc... OMG I'm a fcking computer technician not a hacker

Does anyone use a particular reminder to remember to take breaks from their computer?

I'm noticing when I spend a lot of time looking at my computer screen, my eyes will get really tired and it'll be almost impossible to continue looking at a screen. However, when I am not looking at the computer screen all day long and the amount of time is spread throughout the day, my eyes are fine.

So I'm looking for something to remind me to keep taking breaks so that my eyes are rested all day long.

*I do have a blue light filter on 24/7*

We work in computer science
.. we have one joke... and it's not that good.

Uncle gives me a call one day - "hey aren't you a computer science graduate? Can you fix my computer for me it does not open Internet Explorer"
Me - 😖😡

Any computer assemblers not giving to their consumers the ability to choose what OS they want on their machine.

Saw new issue on jira. When look, they are like my computer is slow or I cannot any buttons in Excel.

For fuck sake, don't send stupid tickets, we already got stupid projects the company took from the others without consulting to the IT team.

There are about 600 tickets every month and most of them are issue because of their stupidity not the software (they never read the error message). And no we are not IT support, go ask those ppl for your computer issue.

So uh... your computer might be being used for bitcoin mining, and you might not even know it. How do you feel about this? Do you consider the site freeloading off your computer's processing power?

"Your next computer is not a computer" says Apple. Have you tried connecting your iPad to a keyboard, mouse, and monitor? If you're lucky enough to only use apps that natively support this setup, then more power to you. If not, I encourage you to try it. I made it 30 minutes before I got frustrated and moved back to my laptop.

Explaining to coworkers that it's not Windows XP on my work computer but Windows 7 with classic theme and that it's the same Visual Studio Version than theirs but with a light theme.

I've quit there btw.

Today is Independence Day here in Brazil. Holiday n the middle of the week. I swear to not touch a computer today :P

yesterday..
- OMG ${LINUX} you work with computer? Can you fix my printer!?

I never learn to not talk about what I work with

Friend: "Why isn't my screen turning on with my computer?"
Me: "It's not plugged in."
Friend: "Yes it is. It has power"

Not all computer programmers are NERDS people just assume you are a nerd once you tell them you write code

Motivation quote:
it's not bug, it's because the computer can't think like what i think

"You're a programmer, why is my computer not turning on?"

I have used Mac since 2011 and I have made statements about how Windows PCs sucks.
I had to buy a Windows-laptop for engineering school and I have experienced problem after problem after problem.

It took about a month to get the right computer (I ordered online and they missed to add an extra hard drive).

I had to return the second one after 10 days because it was not able to boot.
The third one I had to send to HPs repair place in Poland for a week, because the “X”-button” did not work properly.

I have not used the computer for a couple of weeks and now I was going to create an Android Studio-project and found out that the extra hard drive is missing! (Not physically missing, it does not show up)
When I bought the computer I had to portion the disk, but this time it is not showing up in that tool either...

I just had a nightmare I spilled my gin inside my computer. Might be putting that back under my desk... And not leaving drinks on my case with an open top...

Thank goodness I'm not a .NET developer. There's no need to install that huuuuuuge Visual Studio tumor bajesus on my computer.

"you're not studying you just write colored words on your computer."

yeah.. that's studying mom.

I really enjoy programming but I don't care about having the latest smartphone or the more powerfull computer. I'm not a tech guy, not even a geek... Sometimes people don't understand me for that, am I the only one ?

You're not really a dev until you start laughing your ass off at every Hollywood attempt at writing a scene where a "computer whiz" does some amazing "hacking"

Can a front end developer themselves a software engineer? I am really confused with these terms. Or a programmer? Or a computer scientist? I didn't go to a school, so I am not sure what are the differences..

Just got off a call doing some classic "I know you are not tech support but please help me connect my iPhone to my computer", and I heard the following words:

"What's the Windows start button?"

This was not a boomer. This was not a Gen Y, Gen X, or even Millenial!

I shit you not, a zoomer did not know what or where the windows start button was.

Te first time I walked into a computer science class, I thought of myself as someone big, until i learnt that being a developer is not made at school, its made by yourself.

My team is full of unexperienced coworkers. Some are students (not computer science), some just finished their bachelor but again not in computer science or something related. It is absolutely ok if there are unexperienced coworkers, but that's too many and all I do is teaching the basics of programming.

Why do people think that I'm a computer technician? I'm not here to fix your WiFi or make your system faster. Leave me alone! I got my work to do.

Visual studio keeps switching between dark and light themes automatically every couple minutes and it's infuriating.

As a computer science graduate, I'm still trying to convince the people around me that I'm not a computer engineer.

If you want a self stem boost talk to some non programmers sometime. They seems to see us as gods with some mystical magical powers!!

Talked with a broker today and he told me about a damaged computer that he had with some important files. I told him that I'm not that kind of computer guy and proceeded to explain him briefly what I do (I build stuff) and he was like "oh, so you a the the REAL computer guy!" (no offense to any technicians here!)
I loved it!

So, get out and talk to the muggles and stop complaining that you are not good enough to work for Google (or Google is not good enough for you anymore anyways...)

My boss ask me to install Time Machine in my computer to track my activity and take screenshots, but i'll not installing it because i'm remote and it's my own computer.

What ? Your computer not working? Get it a job.....

An apple should be eaten, not used as a computer!

Just got my salary, trying not to spend all of it on my computer🤒

You know what the best invention is for devs?
It's not JS, not C++, no IDEs, not VIM, not VSCode, not Linux, not Apple, not a computer (🤔).

It's coffee :) hmmmm....

I broke the interwebs XD XD XD
nepripojené - disconnected

The DHCP does not see my computer, my computer says it is disconnected and I am still able to browse the internet perfectly fine :D

If the computer freezes during a drag-and-drop operation, you have to hold the mouse button and wait until it is unfrozen to avoid dropping the file in a wrong place.

Computer freezes can be unpredictable. For example, you might click on a location on screen that will have a different effect after the computer unfreezes because something moves or a window is opened/closed, or a keyboard press is not registered. For example, if you start dragging a file and then press CTRL during the freeze, it might not register the CTRL press and end up moving the file instead of copying it.

I left on vacation only to realize I pushed an old build to production. It now throws NPEs.

I don't have a computer, just my phone.

I'm regretting not going to bed earlier yesterday.

To run X11 apps I have to install xcode? Not gonna happen. I'll just VNC to a real computer.

I don't know what happens to me today.
As always, I've gone to work, but when I sit on front of computer, I felt unable to code.

Not afraid of coding, not exactly unmotivated. Just my head is not able to code.

It's strange, because until now always I'd felt so motivated with this project. But today I've spent 3h on front of computer and I've not been able to write a single line of code.

Maybe I need holidays and I didn't noticed.

Mobile first should not mean that you see absolutely nothing without scrolling because everything is so huge when you open the site with a fucking computer.

I left my computer on to finish running a script a script while I took a nap. Just woke up but its still not done....

Why? Because I used a || instead of an && ...

*Me on the phone with a client*

Me: Alright, is your computer connected to wifi? If not, you will need to get it connected to your wifi.

Client: Is that Chrome?

Me: No...

With school starting in a few days, I'm reminded that half our class failed Grade 11 Computer Science, not because it was hard, but because they wanted to play flash games instead of actually learning

My dad. he inspires me to explore the computer world because he opened a computer service center when i was a kid. i followed him since then. but the only difference is i know a lot of coding than he does.

i'm very different than my other siblings who pursue career in medical world. that made me asked myself whether or not I'm adopted lol.

Todo list when you tell someone you are developer:
1. Fix slow computer
2. Remove virus.
3. Help with Microsoft Word
4. Check why printer is not working

This is the worst possible thing that can happen, when you setup a new computer.

I live for about a decade on ubuntu. I got an invite for a LAN where games are being played that I cannot run with wine or are not ported to linux.
Fine I get an old harddrive and setup a fresh Windows 7. I have a little update script that takes care of updating and restarting.
BUT I CAN NOT DO ANY UPDATES.
As you can see in the picture the original Windows 7 installation disc that was part of my computer did not carry the matching NIC drivers.

A friend of mine gave me a spare WiFi dongle. That did not bring its drivers on the USB dongle but on disc that he lost.

WHY?! HOW?! This is not plug and play. This is a part that SHOULD be plug and play.

After I got an other WiFi dongle that was plug and play, I could finally download the right drivers.

Why can the Windows 7 disc that was part of the computer setup not contain the right drivers, but a ubuntu 12.04 live disc can?!
ARGH

I used a 8 years old phone as a Wi-Fi adapter for my new computer, while I got the cable.
Not the hackiest thing ever but the hackiest I can think of now.

Boss says: Why is our email not working get it to work again.

Me: What the fuck? Only because I am the computer guy does not mean I can make wine out of water.

Family's out. Sunny Saturday. Summer time. ... ... got a SSD from company: stays home installing dev tools and what not just to check new speedy computer.

(IMHO) The current system fails to identify that there are at least 2 main paths one can take in our field. Software engineering and computer science.
Software engineering should not be just a course. It should be a craft, a degree. Where one can learn practical things not just algorithms that are used in niche cases.
Computer science branch won't be that different from what we've got now. It can be even more focused on theory.

Anyone else get neck pains due to sitting at a computer all the time? Not sure whether it is that, or if I have not been sleeping properly 😟

As a lawmaker, I would grant the right to root.

Smartphone and computer manufacturers must not take measures to block users from rooting their devices.

I just realized that when people call a computer stupid, they're not even insulting it. Of course it's stupid. It's a stupid machine that can do smart things

I'm not usually a believer in anything paranormal, and I know there's no rational basis for this, but I reckon threatening to beat the computer with a shovel genuinely seems to work quite a lot of the time.

Don’t use “beef stew” as a computer password. It’s not stroganoff.😅

Booting up my Windows computer at work after 1 year leave. I'm gonna do a Windows Update.

I suspect I'm not going to get anything else done today.

We hired a new developer and our manager (that was not involved in the hiring process) is impressed he actually manages to boot up his computer.

He spend a full 3 days trying to install python, not even setting up our own applications.... Just python...

People want a computer for their pockets, not a locked-down glorified iPhone.
Google does not quite seem to get that.

Student: I f*cking hate this calculus I am not even good in math.
Professor: Then why did you choose Computer Engineering it needs a lot of math.
Student: Because I love computer.
Professor: 'FacePalm'

I don't know If I should blame Gradle and the Android emulator for my computer freezing (cuz out of memory), or I should blame myself for not having a powerfull enough comouter?

Studying computer science. Should have learned for the exam in one week. Learned about heroku, dokku and flynn the entire day instead. I've never felt so accomplished yet not accomplished at the same time.

My first experience with computer was when I was 4/5 years old. We had DOS computer. I did not know anything that time. How to start game or anything. So my dad wrote down steps on my notebook for starting the 'Dave' game. I played that game nearly 2 years, along with 'Prince'. This brings lot of dos memories. :)

So, since a few months, my school has a new shiny building,
but we are still not using it because the computers are not correctly set up.
Some idiot installed the wrong drivers for the Windows installation
and that's the reason some classes are still located in containers without a computer...

my 3 year old youngest child just yelled 'hello world' but didn't told me if he echoed or printed it.

irl i sadly do not expect my computer passion to be inherited to one of them 😕

Ok so I studied Computer Science in college, even got my pretty little associate's degree saying I didn't eat shit.

Decided to work in ops and not as a dev because life finds a way

End up being asked to write code at work anyway because I know enough to not break everything

"Hii!! Hey, you are studying computer engineering right?? Can you see if you can fix my mobile pleasee??"

Come on guys...