Teacher: press F5

Student: presses f then 5

Me: dies

I have decided to learn how to fix the printer. Because it seems like it is the number one skill in demand..

In a meeting after I explained that the user passwords will be encrypted before we save them in the database

Them: "Please don't do that, we don't want to change our clients data"

Me: " so we should save the clear text?"

Them: "Yes"

😒

Standards, why follow them?

Why have I never thought of this ..😆

Speaking of bad dev days, what a week I'll be having.
Lead-dev: I've got some bad news for you.
Me: Client X?
Lead: Client X.
Me: How many pages do I have to change?
Lead: All of them.
Me: On how many of their websites?
Lead: All of them.
Me: All of them?
Lead: All. Of. Them.

Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements, now how do you want their placements sir?"

M.D: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room & close the door, leave them alone & come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:-

1) If they are counting the bricks, Put them in Accounts deptt.

2) If they are re-counting the bricks, Put them in Auditing.

3) If they have messed up the whole room with the bricks, Put them in Engineering.

4) If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, Put them in Planning.

5) If they are throwing the bricks at each other, Put them in Operations.

6) If they are sleeping, Put them in Security.

7) If they have broken the bricks into pieces, Put them in Information Technology.

8) If they are sitting idle, Put them in Human Resources.

9) If they say they have tried different combinations yet not a single brick has been moved, Put them in Sales.

10) If they have already left for the day, Put them in Marketing.

11) If they are staring out of the window, Put them in Strategic Planning.

And.......

12) If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been touched, Congratulate them and put them in Top Management.

😂🤣😃😁😅😜

Not a coding test, but:

Them: So you are interviewing for a programmer opening. Do you like programming?

Me: yes.

Them: do you make logos?

Me: ...I can...?

Them: good because you won't always be writing code here.

Me: I'm out.

"Give someone a program, you frustrate them for a day; teach them how to program, you frustrate them for a lifetime." - David Leinweber

> Comments are there only for you, please delete them before pushing your code.

I want to kill everyone who suggests that, slaughter them like animals!

Start them young

Give someone a program, you frustrate them for a day; teach them how to program, you frustrate them for a lifetime. — David Leinweber

Pro tip to error messages #1: keep them simple and short

Pro tip to error messages #2: make them make FUCKING SENSE

If you can't convince them, confuse them!

All of them ;)

When interviewing a dev, ask them what they think about time zones. If their answer is "fuck time zones", hire them immediately.

this isn't even a tech thing. it just fucking bamboozled me. I overheard a conversation today.

> "duuuude you gotta make a better password that shit is insecure af"

> "bruh i did, i googled it"

> "googled what?"

> "how to make a good password"

> "so how longs your password?"

> "not long, it's bob2"

> "where's your capital?"

> "I made the '2' capital"

> "so you capitalized a number…"

thank god he walked away. he even told him his fucking password. ignorance.

for them Linux developers :)

Alestorm had a huge rubber duck with them at Alcatraz metal festival yesterday. I love them even more now! 😂

Mom : why were you late?
Me : Got lot of bugs in office.
Mom : Is everyone alright? Did you kill them?
Me : No mom we fix them.
Mom : I thought we kill them.
How humane are you guys.

If you can't convince them, confuse them!!!

Okay okay here's another one

Client:pls put a pop up that asks the users weather they are sure about leaving the page.
Me: I think that would be redundant
Since he clicked the close button to close the page.
Client: what if he is unsure of leaving the page now he will stay.
Me: :/
Client:And another one when his login fails.
Me: pop ups can be disabled it's not good to use them especially for login screen.
Client (now slightly annoyed): Well,put a pop up warning them not to, isn't it obvious.God!!! I thought you were the smart one.
Me:;/

Don't teach them Git!

Senior development manager in my org posted a rant in slack about how all our issues with app development are from

“Constantly moving goalposts from version to version of Xcode”

It took me a few minutes to calm myself down and not reply. So I’ll vent here to myself as a form of therapy instead.

Reality Check:
- You frequently discuss the fact that you don’t like following any of apples standards or app development guidelines. Bit rich to say the goalposts are moving when you have your back to them.

- We have a custom everything (navigation stack handler, table view like control etc). There’s nothing in these that can’t be done with the native ones. All that wasted dev time is on you guys.

- Last week a guy held a session about all the memory leaks he found in these custom libraries/controls. Again, your teams don’t know the basic fundamentals of the language or programming in general really. Not sure how that’s apples fault.

- Your “great emphasis on unit testing” has gotten us 21% coverage on iOS and an Android team recently said to us “yeah looks like the tests won’t compile. Well we haven’t touched them in like a year. Just ignore them”. Stability of the app is definitely on you and the team.

- Having half the app in react-native and half in native (split between objective-c and swift) is making nobodies life easier.

- The company forces us to use a custom built CI/CD solution that regularly runs out of memory, reports false negatives and has no specific mobile features built in. Did apple force this on us too?

- Shut the fuck up

"We e-mailed out the wrong newsletter last night, how do we get them all returned back before anyone reads them?"
- Client

...I, uh, nope.

(We) received them! Thanks @dfox
:)

"Give someone a program, you frustrate them for a day; teach them how to program, you frustrate them for a lifetime." - David Leinweber

The biggest problem with computers is that they do what you tell them to do.
Not what you want them to do.

That's basically the current state of my project...

Let Them figure it out.

Apparently, clients/managers favorite acronym is ASAP.

Bugs.... Never underestimate them

What to do with them

My parts came!

My friend just got them... I dont have them... fml

Spent whole day fixing them..

A recruiter reached out to me via email and a voicemail. I politely declined and asked not to be contacted anymore. Somehow the asshole ends up in my office and comes up and introduces himself while he is with one of my superiors. He said we "spoke on the phone" (a lie) and he wanted to meet me. Creeped me out beyond belief, regardless for his true purpose of being there (which is still unknown to me).

Welcome to the gang you sticky little sticker. Im glad they made all the way to germany. Thx @dfox

@JoshBent suggested that I'd make a blog about security.

Nice idea, fair enough!

*registers domain at provider with discounts at the moment*
*tries to find whois protection option*

"You can add WHOIS protection to your account as an upgrade"

*requests authorization token*

*logs into usual domain name provider account*

*transfers domain name*

*anonymizes WHOIS details within two seconds*

I could've stayed and ask them about the cost etc but the fact that they even HAVE a price for protecting WHOIS data is a no-go for me.

Fuck domain name resellers which ask money for protecting ones WHOIS information (where possible).

„If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.“

That’s how I feel sometimes 😅

Chilling with chill music at a chilly sunset w/o chilly haze between chilly fairy chimneys.

You can believe or not but it’s just one of those stories. It’s long and crazy and it probably happened.

A few years ago I was interviewed by this big insurance company. They asked me on linkedin and were interested. They didn’t specify who they were so I didn’t specify who I am either.

After they revealed who they are I was just curious how they fuck they want to spend those billions of dollars they claimed in their press notes about this fucking digital transformation everyone is talking about. The numbers were big.

I got into 3 or 4 phone/skype interviews without technical questions and I was invited to see them by person.
I know that it would be funny because they didn’t asked me for CV so they didn’t know anything about me and I was just more curious how far I can get without revealing myself.

They canceled interview at midnight and I was in the middle of Louis de Funès comedies marathon so I didn’t sleep whole night. I assumed they would just reschedule but then they phoned me at 8 am if I can come because they made mistake.

So at first talk I was just interviewed by some manager I knowed after 5 minutes he would be shitty as fuck and demand stupid things in no time because he is not technical. He was trying to explain me that they got so great people and they do everything so fast.

From my experience speed and programming are not the things that match. ( for reference of my thought see three virtues of a GREAT programmer )

So I just pissed them off by asking what they would do with me when I finish this transformation thingy next year. ( Probably get rid off and fire at some point were my thoughts )

Then I got this technical interview on newest gold color MacBook pro - pair programming ( they were showing off how much money they have all the time ).
The person asked me to transform json and get some data in javascript .

Really that was the thing and I was so bored and tired that I just asked in what ES standard I can code.
The problem was despite he told me I can do anything and they are using newest standards ( yeah right ) the “for of” loop didn’t worked and he even didn’t know that syntax existed. So I explained him it’s the newest syntax pointing mozilla page and that he need to adjust his configuration. Because we didn’t have time for that I just did it using var an function by writing bunch of code.
When he was asking me if I want to write some tests probably because my code looked ugly as fuck ( I didn’t sleep for more then 24 hours at that point and wanted to live the building as fast as I can) I told I finished and there is no time for tests because it’s so simple and dumb task. The code worked.

After showing me how awesome their office is ( yeah please I work from home so I don’t care ) I got into the talk with VP of engineering and he was the only person who asked me where is my CV because he didn’t know what to talk about. I just laughed at him and told him that I got here just by talking how awesome I am so we can talk about whatever he wants.
After quick talk about 4 different problems where I introduced 4 different languages and bunch of libraries just because I can and I worked with those he was mine.

He told me about this awesome stack they’re building with kubernetes and micro services and the shitty future where they want to put IOT into peoples ass to sell them insurance and suddenly I got awake and started to want that job but behind that all awesomeness there was just .NET bridge with stack of mainframes running COBOL that they want to get rid off and move company to the cloud.

They needed mostly people who would dump code to different technology stack and get rid of old stack ( and probably those old people ) and I was bored again because I work more in r&d field where you sometimes need to think about something that don’t exist and be creative.

I asked him why it would take so much time so he explained me how they would do the transformation by consolidating bunch of companies and how much money they would make by probably firing people that don’t know about it to this day.

I didn’t met any person working permanently there but only consultants from corporations and people hired in some 3rd party company created by this mother company.

They didn’t responded with any decision after me wasting so much time and they asked me for interview for another position year after.
I just explained HR person how they treat people and I don’t want to work there for any money.

If You reached this point it is the end and if it was entertaining thank YOU I did my best.

Have a nice day.

Gotta teach them somehow

GAHHHHHHHHHH! Damn USPS!!! Privatize them already! Stolen is more like it. It was a Gigabyte Aorus X470 Mobo, an AMD Ryzen 5 2600X CPU, and 16GB of memory. The postal service is a bloated, unresponsive, government run trainwreck. If people would just stop using them, they would shrivel up and blow away. ARRGH!!! 🔥☠️🔥☠️🔥

Just... Fix them

"no micro managing here!"

*Boss comes in at 5*
- how much work have you done?
- why isn't this finished yet?
- you're working too slow
- show me git status
- show me git log
- why is this taking you so long?

When you get fed up of using up and down keys to initiate commands, so you just create 2 extra command prompts and color code them so you know which one does what.

Unpopular dev opinion:

I like ending lines of code with semicolons. It helps add structure and organization. My code feels naked without them. After learning to code in JavaScript and Java, it's force of habit to put them, and python's lack of them is one of the reasons I hate it's syntax

Maybe I'm old fashioned. All the hipster languages either make semicolons optional or usually actively discourage them

Idk I like them though

Am I the only one who hates in app browsers? I fucking hate them. If I want to look at something later, I like to click the link, then close chrome. I'll have the tab to return to it later. But these shitty in app browsers that you can't turn off makes that a pain in the ass.

What should I name them?

Not attending them

He’s making a database
He’s sorting it twice
SELECT * from contacts WHERE behaviour = ‘nice’
SQL clause is coming to town

"So... what about Bitcoins, huh?"
Did that question come up at every Christmas dinner table this year? 😂

Me: Are you writing data to the disk?
Them: No
Me: Are you sure?
Them: Maybe a little
Me: The disk on that machine is full
Them: Actually I'm writing gigabytes of duplicated data to a random location, use some of it and delete none of it
Me:
Them:

Makes you wanna punch a dev.

Thanks for sending them all the way over here! (I edited out my address) Amazing community and amazing devs. I'll enjoy them!

When I explain Silicon Valley's jokes to my bf

Coffee and wine are my life coaches.

Start of day
☕coffee: GO GET THEM TIGER!

End of day
🍷Wine: you'll get them tomorrow.

Have you ever felt that you're being overrated by your employer ?

For our front end projects we use Cloud9 IDE

Now the business have around 100k+ files.

So Cloud9 is becoming slower and slower with every new project created.

So I was tasked to build a code editor where a new instance of that code editor will be created per project ( so, the new editor doesn't need to handle a huge file tree), so I "git clone" ACE editor and add to it GoldenLayout.js , FancyTree.js and some other plugins.

Now they think I'm a genius, and I'm like ... Eh? Should I tell them.. ? Will it backfire later ?

I kinda like the feeling.

What's the best thing to do in this case?

There are so many awesome dev jokes and puns here, i want to share them all with my friends. But i know none of them would understand whats so hilarious about them :(

Can't code with hiccups. 😠😠

I loved them

So I've decided if I am invited to a school career day the what I'll do is this.

1. Start by handing out one of those logic puzzles that are like Sally lives 2 houses down from Bill, Bill is 3 houses away from Maggie where does Jerry live type of thing. Then I'll tell the kids they have 10 minutes to figure it out.

2. After about three minutes I'll tell them that they also need to figure out where Jerry lives and not give them enough information to figure that out.

3. 5 minutes in I'll start asking them why it is taking so long, and it shouldn't be that hard. I'll also ask about where Phil lives who was never mentioned before.

4. At 7 minutes I'll look for anyone who might be figuring it out and tell them there is a much more important high priority problem I need them to solve and give them a new puzzle and tell them I expect them both to be done on time.

5. At nine minutes I'll start yelling at them that they must not be that good and why they haven't finished yet if any of them complain I'll tell them they are just dumb.

6. At ten minutes I'll ask them to turn it in and then immediately throw it in the trash and tell them that wasn't what they were supposed to be doing, and tell them they did it wrong.

I figure that is a pretty good representation of what working in software engineering is like.

At my next job interview. "So, do you have your lpic or redhat certification in vigor?"
Me. "Better. I have these, motherfucker."

(They arrive a few days ago, but I couldn't show them till now. If you're living outside US and worries about if you can get your stickers, be sure you will. They made all their way to Spain, and had no trouble to receive them. Be patient, and eventually they'll arrive safely and beautiful.)

How you guys refer to non-devs?

I've started calling them civilians. Apparently calling them peasants is offensive.

Android Studio, could you please, pretty please, pleaaaasssse update my drawables on the layout preview when I change them? Or, at least, if I change 10 images, update all of them, or none. Don't choose randomly what to do with them. It's really unnerving.

Finally got them! Thanks!!!

He closed them all finally....

How to make loading animation in terminal quick and dirty

Loop through these, print them, and replace them with the next one
\ | / --

Computers are like cars. If you're into them enough, you'll spend hours on end working on them, fixing them, upgrading them, and taking pride in them.

!Dev

WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO MEET STUPID RELATIVES.

I HAVE NOT MET THEM FROM PAST 5 YEARS AND NOW MY PARENTS ARE FORCING ME TO MEET THEM SAYING THAT YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO MEET THEM FOR QUITE A LONG WHILE (BECAUSE I AM SHIFTING 5000 KM FOR JOB).

NO, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THEM AND WON'T TRAVEL FOR 6 HRS JUST FOR THEM TO SAY YOU ARE SHY. NO I AIN'T SHY YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

Installed a custom ROM.

The emoji's here are much like the android blobs but they are slightly different. I think they're uglier/unnatural.

I WANT MY FUCKING BLOBS BACK 😤

Flirt them up

Should we rescue them? 😉

I hope we wont turn this app to devgag tho

Change them back. Now.

Rails console:
> `ModelOne.joins("ModelTwo")`
# => ActiveRecord::StatementInvalid (Mysql2::Error: Unknown table 'database_name.model_ones')

MariaDB:
> `select count(*) from database_name.model_ones`
# => 13274641

It's right there, ffs

I got a "Revise and Resubmit" response from the journal. Reviewer #1 wanted me to implement some baselines to compare against my method and he cited 6 papers. 5 of them did not have open-source code, and it's not like you can re-implement, train models and fine-tune someone else's approach in 2 weeks. The last one had code, for Ubuntu 14 (may its soul rest in peace), OpenCV version from the time America and Europa were connected and CUDA toolkit that was carved in stone in a cave.
I was bawling my eyes out, thinking about how many days it would take trying to Docker it to work. But then I realized the approach he cited was for RGB-D data, while I only use RGB camera. That's like letting a sniper with an M82 compete in archery....

I miss cigarettes.

Sometimes I am dying for a smoke.

This would happen to you after dealing with the web services of 2 campuses. Should have never stopped smoking eh?

Fuck

Please bring them back... 😢

We do more than just pay you in exposure

Me: "The exploit worked when you tested it too, right?"
Them: "..."
Me: "You tested it too, right?"
Them: "..."
*facepalm*

sooooooooo for my current graduate class we were to use the MVC pattern to build an IOS application(they preferred it if we did an IOS application) or if you didn't have an Apple computer: an Android application.

The thing is, they specified to use Java, while in their lectures and demos they made a lot of points for other technologies, hybrid technologies, such as React Cordova, all that shit, they even mentioned React Native and more. But not one single mention of Kotlin. Last time I tried my hand at Android development was way before Kotlin, it was actually my first major development job: Mobile development, for which we used Obj C on the IOS part and well, Java on the Android part.

As some of you might now, I rarely have something bad to say about a tech stack(except for VBA which I despise, but I digress) and I love and use Java at work. But the Android API has always seem unnecessarily complex for my taste, because of that, when I was working as a mobile development I dreaded every single minute in which I had to code for Android, Google had a great way to make people despise Java through their Android API. I am not saying it is shit, I am not saying it is bad, I just-dont-like-it.

Kotlin, proves a superior choice in my humble opinion for Android development, and because the language is for retards, it was fairly easy for me to pick it up in about 2 hours. I was already redesigning some of my largest Spring applications using half the code and implemented about 80% of the application's functionality in less than 3 hours(login, fragment manipulation, permissions, bla bla) and by that time I started to wonder if the app built on Kotlin would be ok. And why not? If they specifically mentioned and demonstrated examples using Swift, then surely Kotlin would be fine no? Between Kotlin and Java it is easy to see that kotlin is more similar to Swift than Java. So I sent an email. Their response: "I am sorry, but we would much rather you stick with the official implementations for Android, which in this case is Java for the development of the application"

I was like 0.o wat? So I replied back sending links and documentation where Google touted Kotlin as the new and preferred way to develop Android applications, not as a second class citizen of the platform, but as THE preferred stack. Same response.

Eventually one of the instructors reflected long enough on it to say that it was fine if I developed the application in Kotlin, but they advised me that since they already had grading criteria for the Java program I had to redo it in Java. It did not took me long really, once I was finished with the Kotlin application I basically rewrote only a couple of things into Java.

The end result? I think that for Android I still greatly prefer Kotlin. Even though I am not the biggest fan of Kotlin for anything else, or as my preferred language in the JVM.

I just.......wish....they would have said something along the lines of: "Nah fam please rewrite that shit for Java since we don't have grading criterias in place for Kotlin, sorry bruh, 10/10 gg tho" instead of them getting into an email battle with me concerning Kotlin being or not being the language to use in Android. It made me feel that they effectively had no clue what they were talking about and as such not really capable of taking care of students on a graduate level program.

Made me feel dirty.

Oh damn can't find them

eat them all

"how did you make that app?"
"nice website, how'd you make it?"
"I thought only geniuses could make x? how'd you make x?"

maybe because I put in half a fucking ounce of effort into making it. please kindly shut the fuck up and realize that I don't care enough to tell you how I did it, because it would take more fucking effort to tell you than to walk away (surprise?). no I will not take your idea in consideration. why? because it's not worth fucking considering. go fuck yourself. and don't ask me the same thing tomorrow you cunt.

How normal people stalk others -
Follow them on Instagram , facebook
How programmers stalk others-
Follow them on stack overflow , github, twitter, codeforces , bitbucket.

It's interesting how much fun Javascript is, when you just ignore it and use Typescript instead. 😎

How to Play Less Games?

Hide them

Seriously I notice I play them less these few weeks ever since I put them all in a folder

My worst bad practice:

Saving my Linux Root SSH Keys on a Cloud Storage company.

Have them there, so I wont loose them ever. I password protected them, but you never know what the NSA/FBI/CIA can do 😉

If you're the alone maintaining them, you learn a lot.... But they increase responsibilities.

I started with 1 open source project 2.5 years back. Today I'm maintaining more than 20 OS projects. And believe me it's really difficult to support them, maintain them

When you want to tell your co workers and your boss about devRant, but don't want them to know you're ranting about them. 😕

Got some stuff on the mail today... Fidget thingy was at Walmart for cheap. Lol

On a completely unrelated note......Love Death and Robots is on Netflix and shit is sooo good it ain't funny.

10/10 would recommend.

End of adventures of the COO and Start of a new beginning

It takes years to improve a company and takes only a few months for a dumbass with shit for brain to take it all down

After four years working ( underpaid ) in a digital advertising agency helping the company grow, getting global exposure and few awards later, last Friday was my last day

To all the future and current CEO's out there, Don't hire someone just cause you know them, hire them for their skills or their brain power

I've seen fucking clay pots with more brains than this COO

When you face the dilemma of wanting to share devRant with your friends but face giving up your anonymity....also, what if you forget you ranted about them and they find out? Hmmm.....

Friend : hey! I wanna buy a laptop.. range is about entry level nothing hi fi! But it should work for 3-4 years.

Me : sure.. give me a few hours..i'll get back.

*Looks all around foe the best thing in that price range.

*Sends a list of laptops ranked based on value for money.

Friend : bought it! Yay! 😎😎😎

*Buys the shittiest laptop they could find at that price range with an absolute old age processor.

Why the fuck did you even ask me at the first place? Fucked couple of hours for me.

Storytime!

I got a ticket near the end of the day, asking to install a printer on a computer. The branch in question was in a different time zone (I'm in US-Pacific [GMT-07] and the computer was in US-Eastern [GMT-04]). I figured I wouldn't worry about it; after all, I had other tickets to work on that were much higher priority.

The next day I come into work and immediately get a message from one of my East Coast coworkers, telling me that this branch is calling and asking how the printer is coming. I told him to tell them I would call them a bit later. I do a couple of easy jobs and then begrudgingly call the branch. I listen to the phone tree that they have (which requires two button presses instead of one in order to speak with someone) and finally get in contact with a person... only to have the call disconnect.

I call back and ask for the person who called in the ticket and then followed up, who had apparently gone to lunch. I informed the person that I was just going to install the printer and it would be good to go. This would be fine... up until she mentioned she needed scanning functionality.

Now I wasn't sure if the driver we have in AD is set up with the scan functionality, so I said okay, but that meant I would have to get the driver from the website. The connection to our branches are about 1Mbps, so even downloading Java updates (60-ish MB) take about 5-10 minutes on a good day. The file for this printer was about 700MB (thanks HP). So I went and did other stuff while that downloaded.

I come back after it finished and started the install process. Right away it asks to re-seat the USB cable. So I call the branch. The call disconnects. I call again. It disconnects. I call one more time, and finally get the person who called the ticket in. I instruct him to re-seat the cable. He does. The driver starts doing its thing. I tell him I'll call back if I run into any issues and we hang up.

The driver goes through the install process for about 20 minutes, stops at 99%, then fails. I want to restart the computer, just in case there's a conflict somewhere, but that would require calling the store again, so I put it off.

About an hour later I get a message from another East Coast coworker, telling me the branch is calling about the printer again. I was in the middle of another call and said I would call back later. I do. It disconnects. I call again, and get the person who called the ticket in again. I tell him I want to restart the computer, but wasn't sure if it was okay. He checks with the people using it, who says it's okay, so I reboot. I hang up.

Once the computer comes back up I start the install process again. It asks to re-seat the cable. Fuck. I don't want to call the store again, so I open notepad and say "Please take out the printer's USB connection from the back of the computer."

Three. Fucking. People. Saw it. They moved the window and one even tried to close it, but they didn't re-seat the cable. I opened another window, telling them to call me at my number. They didn't. I called them. Got disconnected. I called them again, finally got someone, told them to re-seat the printer cable again. They do, thank god.

I say thank you and hang up. Continue the installer. It stops at 99% again and fails. I reboot the computer; screw it, I'm just going to install the driver from Active Directory. Check Devices and Printers. It's installed successfully. Hallelujah!

I get the printer set up for the various programs they use and print a test page. I call them one last time; their phone system sounding like they were connected via an underwater line connected by tin cans. I get someone.

$me: Hi, I want to know if the printer has printed something.

$them (garbled): -et me shee... yesh, it -rint-d a *beezelborp*.

$me: Perfect, I'm going to close this ticket! Thanks, goodbye! *hangs up*

tl;dr - I hate printers

When Windows worked fine, but today after a few minutes every program you touch freezes. I feel like Elsa.

I'm so fucking done with net neutrality. the only ones who want it are verion, comcast, and other big isps.

fuck them.

this is fucking merica. nobody wants it, and this is a government designed for the people. I guess it only works in theory.

the talk about this has been fucking exhausting. how much clearer could it be?

how does it keep coming up? so much of the economy is online. why would congress want this? this should be a fucking fundamental right. no bs, just fast speeds everywhere. i hate all the isps thinking that because the world is so reliant on the internet, they control everything.

isps are a service. that's it.

they're not a profiler or advertiser, just a service.

and if that changes, I'll buy a bunch of flash drives and go offline.

bottom line, we should have privacy, neutrality, and a safe web. fuck those greedy bastards.

me: Have you heard of Murphy's law?
them: Yeah.
me: What is it?
them: If something can go wrong, it will go wrong.
me: Right, have you heard of Cole's law?
them: No, what is it?

[dec. 21]
lead: thanks for completing all the docs, i'll review them so you can do the revisions next week

[dec. 22]
me: sir, any feedback on the first few? so i can work on them while you review the others
lead: i'll send them EOD

[dec. 26]
was notified by our manager that our lead is on leave til 27. didn't get any email or anything for review points

[dec. 28]
lead: so how's the revisions doing?
me: done. if you can review them again...

almost end of day, haven't heard anything from him yet.

Give them free tech support.

Opened GitHub as usual today, somehow found my old repositories (created when I was a fresher). Opened them and felt why I'm still on this earth, pulled them, restructured all of them, pushed them back and now I can sleep!! 😴

Whilst shopping with the family...

Them: How long do you need to do this
Me: 2-4 Weeks
Them: Great! You have 6 Days

Promising the boss a 95% model accuracy when the arXiv paper says it can only reach 86% is what I call self-checkmate

“Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.”

Never thought I'd become one of those people who get really annoyed when my code works first time. I know I've made a mistake... why can't you be obvious!

When I see a coworker is having their anniversary at my company, I don't know whether to congratulate them or give them my condolences.

They didn't mention peeing.
Also, why are you asking this in a job application form?

I have 2695 unit tests in current project.

Most of them are useless but you still need to maitain them....

Jase deleting his accounts (yes, that plural) and creating new ones, is the only dR tradition that is alive till date.

I love learning new things, but as I don't use them usually, I forgot them over time. It makes me so sad.

Group of IT students asked me for help on their thesis.

Them: Can you help us on our thesis?

Me: How much?

Them: $450

Me: Hmmmm. What language?

Them: English!

Me: WTF! Seriously? LOL!

rant!

As a web dev i really hate half assed solutions

Especially when I'm forced to spend time making them because some stupid sales person sold certain features that our current product doesn't support.

At the end of the day that sales guy gets a commission and I build something that will inevitably break somewhere in the future.

To the cock-sucking dev who decided it was a good idea to commit 5k+ lines of code written in his "own standard" accross multiple files, in a large project where all devs abide strictly to a certain standard set by the project description.

Fucking incompetent douchenoggin, you're about as useful as Anne Franks drum set!
I'm not saying you're the dumbest person on earth, but you sure better hope, he doesn't die.
Deadshit, dick sucking, penis grabbing sorry excuse of a human being.

Peace out.

Fuck windows, fuck macOS, fuck php, fuck nodejs, fuck this, fuck that....

With all the bashing over everything, I think I’ll go back to VB6... at least no ones hating on that!

Deleting debugging/logging lines instead of commenting them out, when there is 95% chance that I will need them again

My personal playlist of music, can't live without it.

"Hey {name}",

I see you did this raspberry pi project and this is why we called you in for an interview.

Have you done any projects that's relevant to the company? Because your pi project isn't exactly what we're looking for

I know we advertised back end and front end roles for this position. You would be ideal for the front end position ...but our team is backend and the front end position would be at another office

I am so frustrated with companies like these

Yay they came, I forgot I even requested them lol now to find them a home so they can be seen in thr wild

If you want to hurt them bad, punch them where it gigahertz!

Phone rings...
'I'm calling about the car accident you had recently that wasn't your fault.'

Me: 'Yup, ok. I'm surprised at how quickly you got through!'

Them: 'Could you tell me when the accident was?'

Me: 'This morning before work'

Them: 'And whereabouts did this happen?'

Me: 'My living room'

Them: 'That's strange. Were you driving at the time?'

Me: 'No, I was on foot, I generally am in my living room.'

Them: 'Were you injured?'

Me: 'I sustained some pain in my foot'

Them: 'So you were hit by a car? Do you remember the make and model?'

Me: 'Yes, it was a red Ford, but I'm not sure which model.'

Them: 'Did you get the registration number?'

Me: 'I'm not sure it had one. The car was quite small'

Them: 'Did you get the driver's name?'

Me: 'It was James Jones'

Them: 'Could you describe the driver?'

Me: 'About two foot tall, blonde hair, green top, dungarees'.

Them: 'Did you know the driver?'

Me: 'Yes, he's my two year old son'

Them: ...(click)...

It's computer science college, and yet :

Them : ... so thats how my project goes ! it's fun!
Me : whoa that's cool, do you use javascript?
Them : ... umm
Me : ...I suppose??
Them : uh, i use node and bulma actually.

WHAT THE FUCK?

them bugs

choose one of them :)

Companies like this one do love exportation. What junior+ developer would switch jobs to an intern that is unpaid?

Not even students (Or graduates) can apply to this position.

Assignment release: this is a basic assignment that is supposed to help you understand the basics of memory allocation. You are free to use any design you want, however you can implement more advanced features that would lean towards specific designs. What will be punished is that you don't have a dynamic memory allocator. We will run the tests for these offline after the deadline

2 days before the deadline: we released the tests for checking whether you're allocating memory dynamically, but these tests also check for this specific design. So fuck you for choosing any other design than this one. Have fun on sleepless nights.

Fuck me, I guess, for worthlessly working on a different design than they wished for, but didn't specifically ask for from the beginning. I just wasted 2 weeks of my life and feel unmotivated af to do anything anymore regarding this. Fuck this shit. Fuck them. Fuck this course.

got them ! merci @dfox !

I'M A SENIOR DEVELOPER NOT A BUSINESS ANALYST...

IF YOU GIVE ME SOME CRAPPY LEGACY CODE THAT SOMEONE RANDOMLY DECIDED TO USE, THE ONLY WAY I CAN UNDERSTAND IT IS BY RUNNING IT AND REVERSE ENGINEERING THE "BUSINESS LOGIC".

ADD THAT WITH BAD INPUTS... THE ONLY THING YOUR DOING IS WASTING MY TIME..

JUST BURN THE WHOLE THING AND GIVE ME THE REQUIREMENTS OF WHAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT....

It feels like I've been fucking a pig all week...

Oh and now my team agrees and will look to get the actual requirements from the business...

This feels like a hallow victory.... As that was the first thing I told them to do....

how am i supposed to fix anything if they change the priorities on my tickets every 10 sec, like PM's change them, 2 min later MD over rules them and changes them again, so 5 min later PM's change them again because something urgent came up, but then another client starts ringing my MD so that client is suddenly priority

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG

I give up

How do you get your Dev stickers? Do you gather them on events or do you actually buy them? And where do you buy them?

I am just curious about the best strategy...😅

Finally I got them 😁
Now I have to find the good spot to place them 🤔

A big project in my company. Had some annoying race condition that caused data to get deleted when two processes finished in the wrong order they hit the dB and override each other’s work.

Long story short. Fixed the bug and in the process the codebase shrunk by 60%. I didn’t have to delete the rest of the code, but the bug was due to a function in the legacy section of the code, and found out that it was the only function used in that section.

So I deleted it. Rewrote the function so it upserts. And bam. Smaller, cleaner code :)

😏 keep them in suspense

Manager: Last release was really bad, it was late, there was confusion and a lot of frustration on the team, we need to do better. Any suggestions?

Me: Have you tired not being shit?

Me: ... I feel it would help a lot.

I would be have to say waking up to fix bugs really works better than coffee

Give someone a program, you frustrate them for a day; teach them how to program, you frustrate them for a lifetime.

Wait you can balance them?

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for bugs like you. If you let my program go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will debug you.

When management hire consultants to tell them the same thing you're telling them. It's just more meaningful because they paid more for the information.

Just found this in a drawer. Had to see if it powered on. Amazing!

> Opened PR on May 2nd
> No response
> Bumped them on August 3rd
> Closed without response 🎉
> Questioned them, no response yet..

Well since vim & git has already been said gpg. you can use it as ssh keys and sign your commits to make sure nothing nasty is added to a git repo under your name

Convo I had 5 minutes with someone a just met at school

Them: what are you studying?
Me: computer science, what about you?
Them: so you know how to make websites?
Me: yea I have a couple years of experience in web dev but I like IT and automation more
Them: can I send you my white paper? Would u be ok with making a website for it?
Me: ....... potentially?

Thought it was weird they wanted me to do that for them when I just met them

The struggle of telling your coworkers about DevRant vs. the fear of them finding your rants you wrote about them

Doing research at my school over summer. Talk to some other researchers from other departments (chem, english, bio, etc). Tell them all about the cool work I do in robotics (I program them, not build them). One by one they proceed to ask me to make them a website/app since I know how to code. *Faceplam*

Start them young!

When you make fried eggs after you cook them abit put some water on them and then close them with a lid so they will cook evenly with the heat of the evaporating water

He was a python developer.

Working on a project with tests is so nice.
I love tests. Well, I hate making them, but now refactoring is so easy :]

Bought some spektrum glasses recently, arrived today. Been wearing them for a few hours now, and I gotta say that I am loving them! 😲

Taking a work from home and later realising how you miss the monitors at your office. :/

if the stars align, i will have a dobie sometime early 2024. i want to only go through ethical breeders, so the wait has been long, but it’s worth it. i’ve never had a dog before and i’m SO excited !!!

pic is of momma and one of her puppers from a previous litter, but we will be keeping the ears floppy :)

"Lambdas are relegated to relative obscurity until Java makes them popular by not having them."

Made me chuckle.

Making them unit tests pass

Go talk to them

I HATE PHONE APPS THAT STILL NEED TO USE MY RAM EVEN THOUGH I NEVER USE THEM OR ACTUALLY NEED THEM!!!

Remove a users virus, save them for a day. Teach a user to Google error messages, save them from a lifetime of viruses.

And so I joined the club of receiving them fine looking stickers and shall proudly put them on me laptop! Thank you @dfox !

Back in NAM those who left the pointers without cleaning them we called them DESERTERS and made them sleep with the dogs.

Python drives me nuts. Can we just have 1 environment to run python. Virtual environment or conda environment. Hard to switch from notebooks to ide's because you need to reinstall the packages for that environment

Getting really annoying how I think of the perfect solution on a project after leaving the office.

Now I need to wait 15 hours to implement it 😭😭

New functions? Fuck them...

Anyone out there been fired because their project manager had a personal problem with them and made them unable to complete their work?

What's the best part about TCP jokes? I get to keep telling them until you get them.

Please help them :-)

Holy fucking shit are email clients bullshit.
I don't know what happened there but if you thought the chrome-firefox-ie-egde gaps back in the days were sick - let me tell you.. email clients are made by the devil himself. All of them. All of them? Yup. Because he made some of them being owned by apple, working beatuiful and no weird stuff.
But on the same end he made some of them owned by microsoft and their office Studios. They use the word engine to render html emails. Read this again. Read it without starting to cry in agony.
But thats not enough. Let's make some of them use an ie-engine and the mac os variants going to use some webkit based renderer. This way there will be no valid ruleset to make it look good on all of them, isn't this great??
Now this might be hell already. But lets pour more salt into these wide opened wounds.
Let there be Germany and United Internet, owning trash like Web.de and GMX, whose android clients going to work completely different across Android and app-versions!
Once you've mastered these, let me introduce you to gmail. Lets take only the body node of your email and do some fuck up with it, so you have to display a non-responsive variant on mobile.
Now you might be thinking "but there are web-based clients, they'll do good ain't they?" Long story short: fuck you.
Not enough.
Let's go back to ms.
Hey dude lets make it possible to scale up your whole system. So old people can read shit better. And now the funny part: let's make it so that the word rendering engine, rendering emails goes completely mayhem on your mail, so it looks like a completely different thing! (:

If you ever receive a newsletter in your inbox and that shit looks like it's planned to look like.. appreciate that shit. Sacrifice a virgin as thanksgiving for it.

TL;DR:
E-Mail needs to die. I'm doing this for over 2 years now and this shit needs to stop asap.

Finally got them.

I told my friends how i liked the IT movie and pronounced it as I.T. and they laugh at me because it is an "it". So why why why it was both capitalized then. Grrrrr

"But I have a browser, Internet explorer is perfectly fine for me"

I love when large corporations care about my friends' security. Especially when gmail protects them against project related *.jar files I try to send them...

Fuck mi ISP, really, fuck it.
It left the whole city without internet access for 3 days, and it's service is HORRIBLE.
Not only that, they don't expand the network they have and we are stuck with 5mbps! (3, effectively).
Imagine trying to download a file, while 2 other people are watching YouTube, and 2 other devices are PLAYING NETFLIX. OF COURSE IT WILL STOP WORKING.
I COULDN'T EVEN POST A RANT WITH AN IMAGE (it'd stuck loading for minutes).
I am trying to get a new ISP and this one will be wire to my personal PC, fuck them. However, as a house in the suburbs of a small satellite city, it's hard to get a decent new service.

Work Rant, again.

Working on a project, it has a messages feature.
Currently it supports text messages and images.

The guy before me had to leave, so I was put in charge on this project, to develop it.. all alone...

Project Manager : "Please add PDF support to messages"

Me : "Sure its an easy task".

1 day later:
-Starts working on that feature
-PDF files can now be sent.
-Looks at the sent messages-
-Message is there but I... I cant see the PDF file-

Hmmmm...
Moments later I discover the entire system is non-modular... hard-coded images only support.
Fuck me.

My Phone crashed (22%) while I was trying to send a picture of my bluescreen. (Phone needs to be charged) - fuck. my. life.
Damn driver updates. Damn 5yo iPhone.

When you type W in your browser but you accidentally press ctrl...

how nice of them:)

Dear client,
Please carefully look at the image size recommendations as it makes your images look like shit. I don't have time to get each image and resize them in Photoshop to make them look decent... I've done my job to constrain the images to make them fit in the box now it's your turn to resize them to fit them in the box correctly

Instead of using 2 dimensional arrays to represent tables, my supervisor implodes the arrays on a delimiter before loading them into the other arrays... then explodes them again when he needs to use them.

Why? "It's easier"

Hello everyone, I've been looking for a long time to switch from Windows to Linux (on my tower, I have a macbook). The only problem being that I can't decide at all. I've heard a lot of good things about Linux Mint, Manjaro and Arch (especially here for him), I don't know which would be best for me (I'm in my last year of a master's degree in computer systems architecture) because most of the time when I use a Linux it's a simple Debian in CLI.

Also, I have no idea which GUI to choose between KDE Cinamon and other modern not too childish GUIs. Can you help me find arguments to choose the right one?

I also like sometimes playing video games like WoW or Diablo 3 but I guess it will work with Winepak with Flatpak.

Thank you in advance for your help and thank you devRant to exist :).

PS: Si il y a des francophones, Faites moi signe :)

Got them! Thanks a lot, @dfox!

@dfox I got them. They're so cool! Love them! Thank you very much! Dunno what Tim's username so I couldn't tag him.

Day 3 of devWholesome...

Go tell a loved one you love them! Give them a hug, call them, text them, etc. Its always great to give love to the ones closest to you. Try and spend some time with them! Again make sure you are eating your meals and drinking your water (maybe with your family?) as well as taking care of yourself and keeping yourself from stress. And as always, make the most out of your day!

Note: If you want to see any devWholesome posts, you can look at all of them by looking up the devwholesome tag!