"Jim, can you tell me why my e-mails aren't getting to clients?"

They're being marked as spam...

"oh damn, how can we fix that?"

You can't. You can change the structure of your e-mails to look less spammy, but it's on their end.

"This is a disaster, we can't have our marketing e-mails marked SPAM!!"

Have you tried not spamming people?

"WE'RE NOT SPAMMING PEOPLE, THEY EXPRESSED A LEGITIMATE BUSINESS INTEREST"

No, you bought a mailing list and put together an e-mail campaign.

"But we aren't spamming people!"

IT VS Marketing 100% of the time

!rant

Today i got a job offer for 20k more than i'm making right now and a better company and culture.

I can't wait to see my managers face when i tell him. He has being an asshole since i started.

* Me to a girl*
Me : Hey can I know your age?
Her: I can't tell the age like that!
Me: Oh! I see! Can I get your email address so that I can contact you later!
Her: priyanka1995@gmail.com

Me : —_(@_@)_—

Can't tell you about my first job as I've never had one. 😕

Had this recently with a client, mysql server of one of our shared hosting servers went down:

Senior engineer 1: heads up guys, mysql of {server name} is down, working on it! *calls second engineer in*
Support people: thanks for letting know! (in case clients call about it)

*triiiingggg*
Me: good afternoon, how can I help you?
Client: this site which we manage for a shared customer says it can't connect to the database...
M: is it hosted on {server name of mysql problems}
C: yes.
M: there's a mysql disruption there right now, we're working on it!
C: *starts guilt tripping me about thy they chose us for stability reasons and now this happens*
M: sir, I can't change this situation so you can go on and on about that but it's not going to help anyone.
C: okay, so what can I tell my client?
M: you can tell that we have a mysql server disruption right now and are working to fix it as soon as possible!
C: and what am I going to tell my client if they don't accept that answer?
M: you can tell that we are fixing this disruption as soon as possible.
C: yes you said that but what if they don't accept that answer, what am I going to tell them THEN?!
M: Listen, sir. We have a disruption right now. It's not fun but whether I tell this by writing it to you in a fairy tail or shout it at you, it's not going to make a difference.
We have a disruption and we are working on i....

*click*

Well, fuck you too.

Today is my last day at this job.

Can't tell you how happy I am to be leaving this place in about 7 hours.

Starting my new job in January, so I get 4 weeks of nice vacation/ family time.

The hardest part about being a developer is constantly having to come up with nice ways to tell people they are idiots.

No I can't just "add some AI because it's cool right now". 😒

Dear sir,

I'm NOT giving you the information you want because I can't verify you. You can tell me that we're the only company who does it like this and name all companies which do it differently, you can curse me into the ground or completely lose your shit at me but that won't make a difference:
I'm not giving you the information you want.

Sincerely,

Go fuck yourself.

The colleague:

- I can't work, my chair is uncomfortable
- I can't work, my chair is not ergonomic
- I can't work, my desk is too small
- I can't work, my legs are uncomfortable
- I can't work, my keyboard is not ergonomic
- I can't work on this task, John knows how to do it better
- I will only work on <this> type of tasks. I will not work on others
*gets assigned <other> task; browses the internet all day; at the EOD task isn't even touched*
- I can't work with Jack, he's too noisy
- I can't come to the office on time, there's traffic in the city
- I couldn't come yesterday, I was out of town. No, I will not log a vacation day - I was NOT on vacation. It's personal
- I can't<...>

Manager, 2 days to the end of said colleague's probation period:
- I am very sorry to tell you this, but our attitudes are not in line and we cannot continue working together. Since this is your 5th warning, we have to let you go.

The colleague:
- What?? How come?? I did NOT see this coming... You can't do this! I work here! This is where I work and you can't fire me!

*got his things from his desk and left. Never came back*

Everyone at the office:
- YAYYYY!!!! Let's have a shorter day today and let's celebrate this riddance in a pub! (manager agreed)

"Can you help me make an app? I've got this perfect idea, but I can't tell you what it is until you've said yes."

SIGH. I wish these people knew that perfect ideas are worthless, there are plenty of them. Perfect executions of good ideas are what has value.

No, dear M$, I can't tell you if sth is helpful after spening 5s on page, especially if 4s were spent loading the content!!!

Fuck those useless calls!

PM: customer X wants a call in an hour.
Me: they didn't send emails before. No questions, no prep, no call.
PM: yeah but they want to talk.
Me: these unprepared calls are pointless. I'll be sitting there, noting down the questions and telling them I'll have to look up the details.
PM: shall I tell them that you don't want to talk to them?
Me: I don't care, it's your call, do whatever you want.
PM: that's not professional.
Me: oh you're calling it professional to sit there with a pencil, writing down crap or what?
PM: what's the problem?!
Me: I've had this shit for the last two fucking calls, and they were so unprepared that they wasted half of the call just reading up, and I'm fed up with this shit!
PM: but they are the customers, and they aren't that happy.
Me: yeah, and do you know why? Because our schedule is completely fucked up and our management has been ignoring ANY warning from engineering for WEEKS! That's why they are unhappy and not because I'm not holding their fucking hands!
PM: hey, but you can't tell me what I have to do!
Me: and you can't tell me either! [he's my PM, but technically not my superior.]
PM: so no call or what?
Me: you're free to have your call. I'll sort out the shit that they're concerned about, putting that down in a proper email, and then we have at least some basis for discussion!
PM: (left for his call)

Btw., my cursing was the same in the live conversation with him.

HP printer: *starts acting on its own*
*pulls plug*

NOW WHO FUCKING OWNS YOU, FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT?!! WHO PAID COLD HARD FUCKING MONEY FOR YOU HUH, FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT?!!!!

Don't you ever dare to do anything again, unless I fucking tell you to, fucking worthless piece of shit, that can't even do its printer jobs properly!!! WORTHLESS FUCKING PIECE OF JUNK!!!

Guess I'll leave it unplugged until I have a new print job for it at this point. Geez, can't even trust my fucking printer to do what it's supposed to anymore!!! Long live the world in Big Brother. Lest we forget that there exists such a thing as fucking ownership!!!

Me: *Installs travis*

Dev: oh what's travis?

Me: it's a continuous integration tool I wanna setup.

Dev: ... contin.... ?

Me: continuous integration, a tool that performs builds.

Dev: ah!, is it the new version of that deprecated tool we were using "client access"?

Me: ... no ... that's an authentication service that generates and stores oauth tokens. This is the continuous integration tool I told you about yesterday (and last week and the week before).

Dev: ... contin....

Me: ... con ........ continuous integration. It listens to branches on GitHub, downloads, builds, tests and then deploys the code.

Dev: ah ok ok, cool.

I would bet my monthly fucking salary he can not repeat what I said, tell me what oauth is, or explain what he's working on at the minute.

Jesus at this rate I'd bet my salary he can't tell me my name.

If shes happy good, but still this makes me feel queasy none the less.

I literally cringed today when my neighbor wanted help installing an app, she didn't tell me it was her banking app... And the thing I needed to help with was logging in... So she told me her bank details...

Even though I said (multiple times) it was dangerous to do so, and that she can't just trust people with this kind of information...

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO GOD DAMN STUPID WHEN IT COMES TO SECURITY!

I've had 3 interviews with the same company. The first two interviews went pretty well, they looked interested, on the third they tell me "your CV says you are not graduated yet, we can't hire you now".

SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAD TO WASTE MY TIME?

You've had my CV before the first interview, why the hell didn't you read that I am still a student? Is the first thing it's written on it! Stupid fuckers.

QA: Please Look at this Defect.
Me: Okay not a problem!
QA: Thanks
Me: <Starts to look at Defect>
QA: 2 mins later. Do you have an ETA on when it will be fixed?
Me: Not yet, I'm still looking at it.
QA: Do you know what time it can be fixed? I have a deadline.
Me: I don't know what's wrong yet, I can't tell you when it will be fixed if I don't know what's wrong.
QA: Okay. Update Me.
Me: Opens Dev Rant.

On call part 3: I'M BACK ON THE CAL FROM YESTERDAY FOR THE LAST 6.5 HOURS AND THEY'RE JUST DOING WHAT I TOLD THEM TO DO YESTERDAY. Is it because I'm female? Does having boobs mean I don't know how ssl works and that I can't possibly know about networks? I'm seriously about to just hang up and tell them to deal with it on their own.

Cup is there because it expresses my mood.

Development is a team sport.

If you think you can do something better but your team doesn't understand it or can't work with them. You have two options: Teach them or don't do it.

This task seems easy but teach and tell are different things. Prepare to repeat things over and over again and give up your own time to share the knowledge.

I'm pissed at my cousin who's studying IT at the moment. He wants to copy my thesis project(from 3 years ago) and make it his own for his thesis project this year. Like woah dude! Can't you be creative, work hard, and make a project of your own because that's for your own good? And don't you dare bring up the "I'm your cousin, pretty please"-card up! He also wants me to lie if his professor contacts me and tell that he was part of the project. Are you effin' kidding me? You didn't know how to code 3 years ago! How would you expect me to tell your prof that you were part of the team? I just gave him the documentation(without the source code) and I said I lost the apk. That's just how far I can go for someone like that 😕

I've never been to one, but they do tend to flood the industry with people who think they're the next Bill Gates, but everything they write sucks...

...wait, was that redundant? I can't tell...

Broke Up with my girl.
Can't focus on Project.
Plz help, tell me how you guys recover from this.

my mum can't comprehend the idea of earning money from sitting in a chair doing stuff 😭 so when i tell her i work with computers, she always imagines me with a lab coat tearing the things down

Don't tell me rants can't jump...

The original idea is not mine, but I can't tell you how much fun I've had with this

Stack Overflow is my rubber duck. I can't tell you the number of times I've figured my problem when I'm typing in my question. Something about trying to find the best way to word the problem helps jumpstart my brain and so I can figure out the solution.

It's spreading!

For those that can't tell what they're looking at, it's a vending machine with a paper BSOD.

My Aunt works for a company for which I did a website. She shows me a plastic cup with a pretty design and a qr code on it and asks me if I knew anything about that. I declined and she continued to tell me that her boss claims I can connect the qr code to some location on the website. Of course I can't. Now they have 2000 of these things lying around the office with a stock qr code that is invalid

At university. But at first I thought I was too stupid because everyone in my class sounded like they started hacking the NSA at age 3, and I hadn't even opened a command line. Even had a proffessor tell me if I didn't ace his OOP class, I should quit (I failed, did good the second time though). Moral of the story is: fuck him, and anyone who tells you that you can't do something.

Today I quit my job lol.

In my two previous stories I told you guys about a job offering I got, and after a few more incidents in my old job, I decided I take it.

No, this is not an april fools joke, though it felt quite bad to tell my team lead that I quit on april fools day.

Due to notice period I'll begin my new work at first of july this year, can't wait <3

Fuck project setups that

- Have huge nested enterprise folder structures like Java

- Use tons of shell scripts / makefiles

- Have every config file in the root folder

- Don't tell me what I need / how to build

I know some of these can't really be changed easily, but fuck this cluttery mess!

AAAAAARRRRGGHHHH FUUUCKKER!!!

The new MacBook Pro with touchbar is ABSOLUTELY SHITE.

I can't tell you how many times I have accidentally touched the escape key with my pinky while typing. Also accidentally touched "send" while in apple Mail halfway through writing something.

Apple clearly did no user testing with this as I have googled around and many folk are having the same frustrations.

I've just typed a massive note into jira and towards the end my pinky hit the escape key and I lost everything!!

FUCK CUNT BASTARD WANK!!!

I just experienced the opposite of rant.

I spent 1 entire day ranting about a algorithm I couldn't write with no issues, it occupied all my mind and got me pissed of.

And today, I rewrote it entirely, and it works perfectly everywhere.

I was like : "No it can't work here. Oh ok", "And here's the bug ! No ? Nice.", "Don't tell me it'll work here. I'm a God".

That's why I love being a dev :D
Thank you, you freaking problem I had !

STUPID RAILS!

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BUILD THE BLOODY QUERY WITHOUT DOING FANCY UNNECESSARY SUBQUERY SHIT?!

OR PUT THE LIMIT WHERE IT MAKES SENSE AND DOESN'T CAUSE MYSQL TO TELL YOU TO FUCK OFF?

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

THIS ISN'T HARD

Why do people talk so much in the real world. I'm okay with yes/no questions. Talking face to face is exhausting for me. Leave me alone. I'm okay with chat too.

Can't tell these to anybody for real tho.
Sighs.

Area manager: ok we are having this volunteery meeting after hours but if you don't show up, your shifts will get cut...

Mother fucker. Just sat it's mandatory, done and dusted, don't fucking piss fart about saying otherwise, fucking wanker...

(I'm not a fan of my AM if you can't tell)

Every Group Project in CS Major
Group 1:- Hey group 2 what project are you making ..?
Group 2:- Can't tell , Top Secret

FINAL Day:-
Group 1:- Railway Ticket Booking System
Group 2:-Railway Ticket Authorization System

Evaluators :- I think I saw similar idea somewhere....😂

My bro and I are going home from a concert and talking.
Bro: Man, my life's made out of problems you can't just solve by definition.
Me: You didn't tell me you started working with java.

Later I realised he was talking about problems with his gf.

Why is it that every time I tell someone I love programming the immediate question that follows is: "So you can hack?". And when I tell them that I can't, the conversation is over.

Project manager: I haven't seen an automated email go out in a while.

Me: ok let me check. Can you provide me a previous email for reference?

Project manager: no
*Itterate 3 times*
Me: ok, does this template resemble the email you're missing?
PM: no
*End itteration*
PM after 3rd attempt to identify the email they're missing: comes into my office and tells me he's not even going to answer my emails anymore cause I can't find his missing email.

Me: finally nails down the email he's *missing* and there's nothing wrong with it.

PM: doesn't believe me.

I fucking hate bad PM's. Asshole can't be bothered to provide usefull information to save his life then questions everything I tell him and thinks I'm the idiot when it takes me 3x as long to fix/find something.

I wrote in a rant here that I couldn't access my 1TB external hard-drive anymore because I refused to "Safely remove" it from my computer.

My brother sent me today an image with it, showing me that he managed to open it.

I can't tell you how happy I am!

The solution: if you encounter the same problem (it takes forever for windows to scan it and you can't open it/ on linux it tells you to go to windows and and properly eject it), just go to `Device Manager` and `Scan for new hardware`. This should find it & solve it

This was found when one of my teams old workstations was being pulled apart. Can't tell if genius or lazy.

Got the job!

"We prefer anonymity so you can't tell the interwebs."

Wut?

Applied for a company and received a contract today. I can't believe what I'm looking at. (Graduate software engineer)

- £30k starting salary
- 28 days annual holiday
- no benefits whatsoever
- no work schemes
- reserve the right to tell you to work overtime without extra pay
- reserve the right to work you from home on weekends in emergencies
- you will only work on what they tell you to and nothing else

This company has awful reviews all over the internet which I didn't see until after applying.

Going into their offices for interviews, all I saw was a bunch of slaves on their screens, no one talking, no one smiling.

Spoke to the CTO whose words were, quote: "we only care about making money, we don't care what people are saying about us as long as they are using our service and paying us."

What the actual fuck?

I obfuscate so well even I can't tell you what it does!

So at work with the Macs we use, we have some guy come in after hours to service the Macs, and that means the security risk of leaving our passwords on our desks.

Not being a fan of this I tell my boss, he knows it's a risk and despite that he doesn't want this guy coming in while we're here.

Though my main problem is the Mac guy Steve is arrogant and thinks he's a know it all, and with the software I have on the Mac may end up deleting something important, I have git repo and all but I feel off just letting someone touch my computer without me being there.

I tell my boss about the software and stuff he just says contact Steve and tell him about it, to ignore the software and such, I say alright, I write up an email telling him not to touch the software listed and the folders of software documents (again it's all backed up).

No reply, I tell my boss and he says call him, I call him and he hangs up on me on the second ring!

Not sure if he's busy, but I left him a message, asking if he got my email, no reply and it's coming close to the end of the day (going to service Macs in the weekend)

I'm just not going to leave my info because if this guy can't check emails or even get back to someone why should I bother with this bullshit of risking my work.

From all the info I hear about him and my previous rants he's an arrogant prick who loves Macs.

Can't wait to leave this company, pretty sure leaving my password on my desk is a breach of our own security policy, and since 8-9 people are doing it, it's a major risk.

But he's friends with the CEO so apparently it's fuck our own security policy.

I lost sleep because of Kubernetes...

Rancher you fucking cuck you didn't tell me ahead of time OpenEBS can't RWX YA FOKIN WANKER FUCKING DAFT CUNT PIECE OF SHITE BLOODY BELLEND

You can't keep wasting your time on people who do not know what the fuck they want. You could be way more time efficient with serious clients.

*After I have finally deployed the requested features*

Client: Why did it take you two weeks in the end? You said it would take you a couple days.

Me: Because you told me to use my imagination on half of the tasks and you kept wanting me to change what I had created, thus unnecessarily doubling the time it should have taken. Besides that probably the unclear communication and the fact that you rarely called me back after you told me to call you.

Client: So if I tell you, exactly, how I want it next time you'll be able to do it in a couple days?

Me: I'm not sure, that depends on what you want. Tell me, exactly, what you want.

Client: Oh it's not much, I'll let you do your thing for the most.

Me: I can't handle another request, sorry. *Ends call*

Co-worker - "We need to have this added just like this, you should be able to do that right, it looks easy"

Me - "HA we'd have to redesign the whole architecture to make that work, and you still can't even figure out how to take a screenshot after I've showed you 20 times, so maybe don't tell me how easy something does or doesn't look"

Found a bug, reported it to the maintainer.
He then tells me to ignore it since no one noticed it (besides me).
I tell him i can't do it since it's just wrong and he can simply fix it.
Turns out he's just lazy as hell and got mad at me, so i go and fix it.
Next day boss is mad at me because i'm wasting time on tasks that it's not of my concern even knowing all my tasks were completed.
Not even a "thank you by the way".
What did i miss here?

Boss: Any idea why ColleagueX's code might be blowing out the memory?

Me (internal): Cos he's a fucking retard who can't code for shit, doesn't listen when I tell him to do stuff properly because he's fucking lazy, has no idea what stack and heap are, uses goto everywhere, doesn't know how to debug, doesn't write any unit tests, and generally WASTES MY FUCKING TIME!

Me (external): Probably a memory leak. I'll take a look.

Dear Android studio,
When u require an update please tell me u require an update.Do not pretend u can't open jdk folder or shit like that ...you could find jdk yesterday u can now
Sincerely
Me
(Frustrated insomniac)

I just bought an amazing Bluetooth headphone but I'm really FUCKING PISSED because when its charging the led flashes green and when it is charged it flashes some fucking other tone of green and as someone who has daltonism it makes me really fucking frustrated because I can't say tell the difference even if my life depended on it... PLEASE DONT BE THE STUPID CUNT THAT DESIGNS SHIT LIKE THAT! JUST MAKE IT NON COLOR DEPENDANT FOR FUCK SAKE!

Thanks.

The moment when you can't be bothered to tell family or friends what you do for a living so you just say working with computers....and the conversation normally stops there....

Also bonus when they contact you in the future to fix ALL their computer issues.....

Windows, if you can't even do as much as mounting network shares *after* the network comes up, don't you fucking dare to tell me that I can't disable my firewall. Some people may actually know what they're doing and maintain that elsewhere, you know?

WebDev jobs should come with big warning signs:
"You absolutely will lose your sanity!"
"IE11 might indirectly lead to impotence!"
"You won't get laid more often by using CSS Grid!"
"You will have to fix websites which only appear broken on iOS Safari!"
"Get some extra terabytes ready for your node modules!"
"Get ready to yarnify your npm dockerized webassembly blobs while gulping on your mocha chai latte with no karma!"

Can't we just go back to the good old times with Quick Basic and chill?
Man, the ladies were flocking around those programmer boyz, I tell ya... Klickety klackety on the mechanical

Can't tell if that is our burn-down chart or the PM got drunk and played with an etch-a-sketch

Do you know that feeling when you finally have no more errors, but then you can't tell if the software actually does the right thing?

🤢

Wisdom of the day:
'No crashes' is not equivalent to 'it works'...

Fucking hell with the password fields.
Why in the fucking hell you can't tell me what's the max characters count? Why I have to deal with auto-truncated passwords after the fact?
Go eat exquisite shit, peasant punks, pussy cutters.

Google has a password reset procedure so intense, that even if I can sign into my recovery account and give them the code from there, use 2 factor auth and give them the code from there, tell them my recovery phone(s) number(s), give them my mother's father's mother's late cousin twice removed daughter's maiden name, and whatever other security measures were set in place, I can't get a fucking password reset. Thanks Google, fuck you.

Boyfriend just got rejected after spending 45 minutes annotating a video using a company's shitty product they asked him to learn and utilize for the interview itself.

He did a fine job, if I do say so myself.

He was rejected today, with no reason other than a list of "common things that might have triggered a rejection".

Oh and the classic "we're sorry, we can't tell you why we rejected you - but we look forward to you re-applying in 45 days!"

Why the fuck not? If you're a recruiter and you do this shit, go royally fuck yourself. It's so beyond unprofessional and there's zero reason for it.

If he fucked up and failed, fine. At least tell him why. Be fucking adults. Your shit fucking stinks just like everyone else's, this isn't American Idol or the Hunger Games; you're not President Snow, and even Simon will tell you why you suck.

Fucking aggravating.

The moment when you see "block chain" on a client's road map, but they can't tell you what that is or what they want to use it for

Me: soooo can you get this done by next week?
Other dev: well who knows what rabbit hole I'll fall down. There's no way to tell.
Me: can you just avoid falling down a rabbit hole? We have a deadline.
Other dev: oh ya there's no way to know for sure.
Me: ....... Can you please try harder
Other dev: I'm trying I can't.
Me: ................

I can't tell you how much I hate people who make articles doing relatively simple things, in node, and instead of showing how to do it, they proceed tell you to install a fucking package (usually made by them)

Yeah no thanks, it's great that you figured this out and took the time to "enlighten" other devs but I'll just look at your repo and use the native JavaScript functions you wrapped on myEgoInflatingPagacke.justAWrapperHuehue(). Bye.

Hi yall! I've been here a while, but never actually posted anything. Love reading your rants though, always makes me giggle^^
Anyways, I'm a IT student and I got this new job as an IT-consultant.
So we had this big meeting today, together with the CEO and a lot of other new employees with different engineering profession... So everything went fine until the end. We were supposed to stand up and say our names, what we're studying and tell a fun fact about ourselves and I TOTALLY fucked it up... I kinda said my name, I completely forgot to tell what I'm studying and my fun fact was something about ppl having a hard time with my name. Like, wtf are you even saying dude?! All I wanted was to was write code, why can't I just do that?

When you found yourself trying to scroll your wireframe because you can't tell what's reality anymore.

"Knowing" Bootstrap or Foundation is not the same as knowing CSS. If you claim to know css and you can't even tell me what media query is or how to make a page even semi-responsive without a css framework, please do everyone a favor and fuck off.

Being sick absolutely deleted what bullshit I can tolerate

- Searching through feed of jobs
- See 999$ Job with description "*platform* forced me to put a budget, but it's not fixed, tell me your quote and what's fair"
- Quote X$ with Y$ interview cost
- Get a message, write and then get the budget "I got offered 10$, 40$, .. if you can do it for 75$ it's a deal!"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, THAT'S WHAT THE FUCKING BUDGET IS FOR, WHY PUT 999 IF YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T SPEND MORE THAN 75 WTF?

I'm pretty new here, but I can't begin tell you how much I appreciate feeling like a part of a dev community for the first time. It's great having a place to share, vent, and occasionally let out a fuck-filled rant.

I guess most jobs are too formal for you to be verbal and brutally honest about your experiences and frustrations -- and friends can take the honesty but do not understand the technical stuff. This place seems to be the best of both words. Cheers.

I can't tell what bothers me the most about this ad... The font size in the IDE, the random mix of unrelated computer equipment, the amazing opportunity to "work for free", or the mirrored displays

Short one, but it really gets me every time:

PLEASE tell me that I am not the only one typing hex-numbers in all caps!!!

I literally can't stand to see them in lowercase!!!

Every code I use with hex numbers in it (primarily ASM and C) I HAVE TO convert them into uppercase!!!

Is it just me and my stupid OCD or are there other ones like me????

I can't believe this is part of an official documentation (wordpress).
Tldr, they want to tell you how to remove all characters in the end of a file lol

So we are completely burned out with this project that had a fucking generic contract and my boss never had the balls (and never will) to say no to the client's endless requests and changes...

We are about to deliver it once and for all and they complain about one thing that I have already agreed to my boss that we would not do...
We tell the client that it is the case...

They email everyone involved in the project with a high level of drama on it...

I ask my boss, who is on vacation, on directions as to "how" I should tell them the fuck off...

My boss answer: I'm making a script to solve this issue and to avoid further trouble with it...

Ooo you stupid motherfucker! Can't you see you only bring more trouble with that attitude?

Not programming, but when I started to make my first website in pure HTML by the age of 8. I was so fascinated that I can't tell :D

We have this lovely little old lady who works in QA and whenever she finds a bug she goes across the office to the developers desk and taps them on the shoulder and spends like 15 minutes explaining and showing the bug...

This is infuriating as you lose all concentration on what you are working on and wastes so much time... But I can't bring myself to tell her to stop just can't find kind enough words. She's a lovely person and means well but it seems her world runs a lot slower than everyone else's.

So a friend of mine is starting to learn PHP and HTML and he tells me:
"I wrote some code in HTML but I can't run it through the browser"

I'm not brave enough to tell him you can't "run" HTML

But later, he told me "so now i'm writing PHP just to understand how it works, but don't want to install the program to run PHP"

How the fuck you gonna learn?

I already know I'm gonna have to build what he wants to do :/ at least a couple thousand euros incoming :D

Client says the styling of a particular component on their website is wrong. It looks fine to me. They can't give me an example of how it should look, or tell me what's wrong with the way it looks currently, but they want me to fix it.

Best way to tell people that JSwing is not suited to make games?

I can't comprehend the fact they draw a grid playfield using JLabels.

When life brings you down and you think it can't get any worse.
Be positive and tell yourself, of course it can.

Dear Devrant community,
please, tell me that I can report Safari's JavaScript debugger as a bug... Yeah, the whole debugger.

I can't stand anymore on how much it sucks!

I can't tell if XCode is a torture device or just very badly written.

FUCK YOU DIGITAL OCEAN!

I know, I fucked up because I lost my backup codes, but tell me, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU ANSWER AN EMAIL THAT IVE BEEN SENDING SINCE THREE WEEKS AGO?

You motherfuckers

This website sucks. I sign up and first thing I see is a clusterfuck UI. I can't tell what's going on.
Then the morons who made the UI decided that the "new post" button was going to be on the bottom middle position.

Go fuck yourself make.

Don't tell me you haven't got a build rule for a .hex file because I'm fucking looking at it. I added a single file name to a variable and now magically you can't find any of my fucking build rules.

NOT FUCKING HELPFUL MAKE.

Does anyone else lose respect for IT or programming companies that use OTHER companies to make their websites?

You mean to tell me, you want me to hire you to make a website, when you can't even make your own? Not happening.

It's great when you see your position being recruited for and after 2 months of scouting management still can't find someone better.

Hate me all you want I'm still the best you've got and apparently the best you're getting.

What are they going to do when I tell them I'm done after this project 😂🖕💯

I threw an error into my code to find where the code was having trouble but instead of raising and error it fixes the problem and runs flawlessly

At this point I can't tell if python loves me or hates me

"I have a great idea for a messaging app.
But I can't tell you what it is until you agree to make it for me, I can't pay you right now but I'll pay you back when we make tonnes of money!"

My startup idea: you create apps for people with bad ideas and the fees on a 1 year 'loan' with high penalties for failing to pay. Fair right?

Okay so this Is my first actual rant before its been questions or experiences but today has been really stressful. So one of my last posts I talked about how I don't know when to use what syntax whenever and I've been practicing but every fucking time I try to start something I can't fucking get it I don't even know how to start and yeah I planned it out and Im not getting anywhere I can't this is something I wanna do for the rest of my life and I can't even manage to make simple shit its like what the living fuck. Then then I tell my friend who's also in my class who programs what I'm trying to do AND HE DOES IT IN LIKE A MINUTE OR LESS AND IT WORKS AND ITS REALLY FUCKING STUPID BECAUSE I TRY AND STUDY SO HARD AND I CAN'T GET IT NO MATTER WHAT I DO I JUST CAN'T AND IT SUCKS SO FUCKING MUCH I HATE IT I JUST WANNA BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND HOW I CAN PUT THIS WITH THIS TO DO THIS AND ITS DEPRESSING ME SO MUCH I JUST WANT TO BE GOOD

I have this login page on my app. A user (a number of them actually) told me that they can't log in because the app tells them to "login in later". 😨

Is my button for deciding to login later so poorly designed that it looks like a message?

And the only way you can log in later is by pressing the frikin button, how does a person, with a smart phone tell me for the second time that its telling them to log in later

Why can't you just fucking tell me what type of website you want. Every week you are fucking adding/removing new features and don't want to pay for it. You know what? Fuck you! From next week Monday I' am putting your website on hold until you agree to pay for the changes we made for the past 3 weeks.

On the same note, fuck you to my General Manager who thinks he will get laid for not charging for the changes made to the website. She is just using you dumb piece of shit.

Before I decided to learn C, I had heard tell of pointers being "hard to use". Of course I thought "maybe so, " after all, that was basically the only thing I heard about pointers, "they are hard!".

And so, when I learned C, and I got to the part about pointers, I was expecting at least some trouble (I can't know everything) and it was just... easy? Maybe the trickiest thing was how * has two different meanings based on the context (declare/dereference) but that was easy too.

Why the hell is all I hear from people about pointers is that they're difficult?

Reminiscing the days before Mercurial and Git,

1) I delete foo.cpp.
2) I tell Subversion to delete foo.cpp from repository.
Subversion: Error - can't delete file because it doesn't exist locally.
3) I create some dummy foo.cpp.
4) Again, I tell subversion to delete it.
Subversion: Error - can't delete file because it exists locally.

Every time I get angry with Git (strangely never happens with Mercurial), I remind myself what Subversion was like.

Why can't people be more objective on demands?

These people can't fucking grasp the concept of "ask for something" NOOO they have to fucking make an endless black hole stupid speech to tell you to "do x"!!!!

FUCK YOU WHO DO THAT!!
YOU HAVE AN ASSHOLE WHERE SHOULD BE YOUR MOUTH!

Finding solution to a bug and chrome for Mac can't even tell the active tab now

Just sayin, most people can't tell the difference between unconventional and insane.

Can't tell if imposter syndrome or I'm actually talentless....

Tell me something motivating, if you can. 😛

P. S. Got work to do, but can't startup the brain.

OK people, I don't need a novel written for every line of code, but PLEASE STOP trying to tell me that "yOuR coDe sHouLd bE sELf dOcUmeNtiNg aNd cOmMenTs mEaN iT's aUtoMaTiCaLLy bAd". That's a bunch of BS. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've saved my own butt by dropping a "this call can't be awaited; causes the library's internal API to throw an error" comment in my C#, or a "can't use double quotes here; doesn't work right for some reason" line in my JavaScript. Sometimes there are very good but un-obvious reasons why something was done a certain way, even though it looks like it could be done better. And don't try to tell me "the tests will catch it". Let's be realistic here, nobody has 100% test coverage on any project that's much more than "Hello World". And even if the tests DID catch it, why waste the time when you could just write a comment?

P.S.: This is not directed at anyone on here specifically. It's directed at all the devs I've met IRL and the comments I've seen on SO, who think that comments must be bad.

When you can't tell why your code is not working, and you wish to see an error message...

I can't tell you how many hours have been lost because I have accidently clicked and dragged a file in to some random spot in the solution explorer!

I find it very strange and telling when people tell me that a dev shouldn't "re-invent the wheel", "roll your own" or "leave it to the experts" while simultaneously promoting substandard own-rolled projects by other people that simply got popular.

Kind of a strange elitist double standard that encourages a bad mindset of "I can't be as good as them" and it's toxic.

If you wanna make your own framework / package / etc, just do it, it might even be better.

Build failed
Click build solution again
Build works.

I can't tell if it's me, the code, windows updates or visual studio updates but something fucked up.

Fucking tired of imbeciles

- who can't tell the difference between if a computer is hanged or the Mouse's cell ran out of battery.

- who constantly ping you when outlook isn't working, you fucking idiot you have to send/receive in order to get a reply in inbox.

- who have deliberately blocked .vbs script which takes backup of Outlook .pst files and keep complaining at the end of the day while I'm fucking about to leave.

If you're expecting a call from a company to do a phone screen, make sure your phone is charged... if it dies before you can even tell me why you're looking for a new job and I still can't reach you 15 minutes later, it's very off putting.

Oh f*ck you Google. You can't tell me you don't collect my data (which option I selected) but ask me to answer surveys to make my ads better. It can't be more obvious...

Day 0: thank you for being an Amazon Customer, your database is about to be upgrade in the near future with or without your consent! Tough titties motherfucker!

Day 16: ok, every upgraded by hand in the test environment, everything seems stable, let's go make preparations for production!

Day 16.5: ssh user@<prod_bastion_ip> --yada --yada
Unable to connect

Oooook, let's try again,
Unable to connect

Day 16.5.1: WHY THE FUCK NOT, the IP is fucking right, the cert is right, the user is right, the..... fucking.... EC2 instance has been......... terminated.....

FML!
---

Why! why can't people leave things alone.

Excuse me while I hit the bourbon 🥃

Customer has asked me to recreate a dashboard they use with a bunch of data, charts, etc.

Problem: The screenshots they sent me... almost everything is illegible. The fidelity of the screenshots themselves is just fine.

It's that their dashboard they have is straight unintelligible. The charts are all smashed up, scale is off, most data ... you can't even tell what it is.

On one bar chart there's just one bar, no x or y scale indicators ... and a random dot in the bar... what even?

Apparently they love this dashboard but as far as I can tell they can't possibly be getting anything of value from it ...

It's like I can cook... but I can't make a recipe .. wrong ... just like someone else made it wrong from screenshots. :P

My over promising boss is upset that something that used to work doesn't work now because support decided it had to be changed. We took it apart to rebuild it and it's only partially finished right now. Says he can't show it to clients like this. Well no we told you it wouldn't be ready for the deadline you forced upon us, even before the requested changes, but instead of listening you tell us not to argue and just get it done.

Ok people. I got a contract last year with a company, and I was their support for one year, which ended back in February. They still email me for all their problems. I don't know why. They emailed me today, for Christ's sake, on the Saturday of Easter, to tell me that their 3rd party software can't send them emails because the mailserver has that IP on greylist asking me to look into it and find a solution. AS IF I CARE! I'm with my family, taking a break for two days damn it. Panic attack came, my heartbeat rate problem kicked in and now I can't calm down. I'm trying to get into the "I don't give a fuck" mood but I can't, I'm too responsible for that, in the worst dramatic way (the world is gonna end etc).

Piece of advice:
Be very clear next time you come to terms with another company, be precise and don't let them have it their way.

should I get into front end or back end development?

having a bit of experience in both I can't decide on what to focus or where to stay. throw some impressions or JS frameworks on me. Tell me what you love or hate. I don't know.

help?

After I cured my depression with Vortioxetine which was prescribed to me because of pure luck, I can notice that something has changed.

I can't tell if I like or don't like something anymore. It doesn't matter now which food to eat, what music to listen to, I just can't see the difference. I dropped all my side projects, quit my job and got another, much easier one. I don't see the big picture of things anymore. I also lost my ability to reverse-engineer problematic outcomes and find solutions.

I used to be an architect but now I can't design anything, I just forgot how to do what I could do without thinking. I forgot Lisp and Clojure, functional programming is too hard for me now. I just don't understand it.

My iq also significantly dropped.

Summarizing all that, and also remembering that liking or not liking something implies that you have a personality, I can only see one reason – I probably don't have a personality anymore.

Here's a summary of my experiences from when I was depressed:

depression makes you dumb
you struggle with simplest tasks
you only eat and go to the bathroom because sometimes your basic instincts win
depression takes your power of will – the most valuable thing you have
society doesn't understand and shames you
you can't think
you can't focus
you can't study
you need money but you can't make it
you don't have that save space inside your thoughts anymore
you don't have dreams
your sleep schedule is fucked
every night there's a nightmare and you can't wake up
you can't cry
they prescribe you one neuroleptic after another and they only makes it worse, turning you into a vegetable
you feel nothing but shame and irrational infinite guilt

Can't tell if I have all my ++ from quality shit posting, or just lots of shit posting...

My bets on the latter...

Electronica problems: can't tell if outro is still playing or headphones are wearing out.

tell my boss on Friday that I'll work through the weekend to get done work done on some python code.

he doesn't give out vpn access so I can't use our company git so I put the project on a flash drive to work on.

come into work and I have an email. on Sunday he did everything I said I was doing (and had done) and then refactors the entire repo so even if he hadn't done the work, all of what I did became useless.

His way is the only way. but good luck getting him to tell you how he wants it. you just have to do a bunch of work only for him to tell you he doesn't like the way you did things and then he does it himself.

makes me realize why their other programmers didn't stick around. because they had to work so closely with this guy.

glad I started looking for other jobs sooner then later.

this is motherfucking insane, that's why I hate microsoft and always will, fucking daddy will tell me what I can or can't (they do same shit to github and nuget) but look at this.

I don't give a fuck about unknown publisher, this is my PC, if I want to install a virus I want to install a virus! for fuck sake

Is scope creep worse when the Client does it or when internal departments do it to you?

Right now I can't fucking tell. ( :/ )

Honestly can't tell if this is a brilliant Easter Egg or an actual bug

Ahhh DevRant, lemme tell you, having a girlfriend is great. Especially when she's there for you through possibly the toughest time in your life. Needless to say, I'd like to take on the incredible task of trying to show her my gratitude and love by using my programming prowess to make her something...

Unfortunately, I am stumped. I'm not much for art so I can't create Something overly visual for her, but I want it to have meaning. Any ideas folks? Seriously, what can I make my girlfriend? I need help :/

my boss, recently: "Partner company is complaining about seg-faults in our software" [the system is still in testing, not deployment]

me: "tell me what steps to reproduce the error and I'll fix it"

boss: "I'd like to prevent seg faults from happening no matter what"

...I literally can't even at this point

Sitting next to my friend's client listening to her bitch. "I asked him to build me a website. I don't have the time to tell him what to put on it."

I interject. "You are tattoo artist. Don't you have a portfolio?"

She replies "Yeah. Can't he do that?!"

Had design call with designer, myself and client. At end of call we tell client we're going to send a mock up and that it's just going to be a flat image/JPG, because we don't start developing the site until mock up is 100% approved. I sent mock up to client once it's finished.

Client: "Why isn't this working? I can't click anything and nothing moves."

Why am I so stupid? I still don't understand programming after three years of studying on my own. I even went to a programming boot camp and got a c.s Degree. Just tell me that I'm not a fit for programming so I can quit. It seems to me like I don't know anything, I feel like I can't learn for shit. What am I missing, why can't I write code on my own? Why do I always need people held my hand? Why I don't understand anything?

People of DevRant, tell me what software you can't live without in your daily life.

I'll begin:
-Wox
-Snapchot
(Thanks to @Avyiel for showing those)

It's even harder when you use eclipse and you can't figure out what it is trying to tell you...

I just reallized I've done so much photo editing that I made a few tools for it in different apps.

So this morning in a flash of insight, I've made a single app that consolidates them all...

Basically it's just a window that opens all the others by referencing those projects... That was probably the fastest I've ever written an app... other than Hello World.

I can't tell if i am lazy, efficient, or organized... (i couldnt put this in the tag because of the commas)

Not sure if this should be a proper rant about the reasons behind this, or a simple 'so much win' situation..
CTO asked how I'm doing with task xy.. my answer: mostly should be fixed, but I'm trying to figure out this zz thing.. It is so fucked up, I can't make sense of it.. before I could really finish the sentence CTO was like: shut up, don't tell me about it, we know, just please fix it..can you fix it? Please say yes..and don't talk about this anymore.. 😂😂😂

Mention some supernatural powers that only Devs can master upon!

.
.
Can't think of any??
let me tell you mine's,

I can easily determine the interests and how creative my colleagues are just by looking at their desktops... 😎☺😂 Isn't it cool?

Wait, you mean to tell me, here I am with imposter syndrome, and some people can't even write a test for is-odd? Like people who are *less* competent than that are actually passing interviews?

I can't tell if I'm being a baby - but I asked for a specific sub-domain for a reason / and they gave me a domain that looks too similar to local and live - just like I was trying to avoid... : /

Worked till late refactoring code,
Then dreamed I made a huge mistake.
Or was it real? Can't tell !

I can't tell if i like this blender... It keeps giving me mixed results.

I still have old crusty ass 5.1 Lollipop on my phone because I can't let go of the adorable blob emojis. So many good memories.

But now I can't update apps anymore -- can anyone tell a dummy like me how to upgrade from Lollipop to just Marshmallow, nothing newer (to retain the Marshmallow blobs)?

Fav part of working from home?

Probably nothing.

- Being within eye-shot of my wife.
Wife: "Since your home just sitting there, could you clean the windows?"
Me: "I can't, busy."
Wife: "You're just sitting there clicking, that's not working. You think *I* sit around all day!? Let me tell you what I do all day for you and your children <blah blah blah>.. I ask you to do *one* thing around here, only *one*, and you can't do that! "

I'll inevitably will be doing anything except coding.

- Being within eye-shot of my daughter
H: "Daddy, can you play this game with me?"
<Hmmm...SharePoint or Candyland?>
Me: "Alright baby, let's play Candyland!"

Actually, being home with my girls would be pretty awesome. :)

Weeks ago, a change went into production. For some reason, we can't implement our own changes or create new databases in production, we have to have a whole different department do it. This would be great except for one thing:

THEY CAN'T THINK FOR THEMSELVES. I've had to tell them how to run scripts I wrote. I've had to tell them how to fix problems that arise.

Back to that script ran three weeks ago or so. It didn't add permissions to allow me, the system and application developer to see the stored procedure, much less run it. Application can't run it. Thankfully the application works without it.

Fast forward to tonight. My change that I'm attempting to implement is the creation of the stored procedure, because nothing could see it, I assumed it didn't exist... reasonable, right? Database folks tells me it exists. They then tell me they can't give me nor the application permissions because it doesn't ask for it in the change plan.

Excuse me.... WHAT FUCKING WORLD DOES IT MAKE SENSE TO CREATE SOMETHING AND HIDE IT FROM THE CREATOR LET ALONE THE APPLICATION SO IT CAN'T USE IT?! FUCKING THINK. WHY WOULD I WASTE MY FUCKING TIME TO TALK TO YOU OFFSHORE PIECES OF SHIT AT 10PM WHEN I'D RATHER PLAY VIDEO GAMES.

I'm so fucking done with enterprises. Someone with reasonable job security at a startup, please hire me. You will probably pay me more fucking money than this company does anyway.

Now on to my second change of the night. Thankfully I don't have to rely on anyone outside of me... so I won't be wasting my fucking time.

Remote work as a sure thing. WFH 4EVER.

Currently I'm still not confident that most companies will keep or adhere to a remote-first culture because those are full of managers who can't see past their own insecurities.
We will probably see a wave of company failures and bankruptcies (sorry, I should have said "industry consolidation") in a few years while those few that managed to automate away their future-averse middle bosses take over the world.
The day you can't tell if your boss, that you only see in a Zoom window, is organic or a fully virtual #SFW #Professional interactive LinkedIn ad? That is the day I longe for.

Interviewer said that passing technical interview means that 90% of the time I will get the offer.
In the final interview with management, I can't answer some questions because I didn't study. Isn't final interview should just about getting to know each other like hobby, interest, talking about company products?
They gave me some puzzle to solve :(

After that, they wait another 1 week just to tell me I don't pass. Why the fuck they wait 1 week just to tell me that? They should just tell me 1 day after!

I still have other job openings right now, but the job searching has been very depressing.
I will give it like 1 more month. But if I can't get any leads, I will just give it up. Maybe tech is not the right job for me.
I will just go back to my old job in non-tech. It's not exactly my dream job, but at least they don't treat me like shit like this.

Is it mean to tell someone you can't help them with their coding problem because you can't take the way they smell?

A coworker of mine has some major BO mixed with cigarette smoke and it makes it hard to focus as I try to help me.

Am I an asshole?

I can't tell if i like this blender... It keeps giving me mixed results.

Can't tell if devrant is good for catharsis...or bad for procrastination...

I'll decide later..

I can't tell if I'm slacking off or now working at a more normal, slower pace....

How much time do you actually spend working vs taking breaks, lunch?

Or maybe how many hours in a day, do you actually spend being productive?

!rant
Oh I forgot to tell y'all that I've got a research internship at IIT Indore for these summers

IIT is India's Governmental Engineering college and is highly respectable

I know a few people here who study at IITs, but Yay! I got a nice and good internship which will actually tell me how to proceed in research and not do a mess of shit like I did last year's summer holidays and also made so bad of a relation with one of my professor that I can't even look in his eyes whenever he is nearby me
(Although I had to pay for this internship. New IITs need the intern to pay.)

Wish me luck guys

BTW more good news *might* be coming up

When your PC stuck and tell no I/O device detected....and next thing it suggest to install I/O drivers...

Oh I see this machine can't even work on Ethernet....

Today, I Had this wild idea of doing a career 360 into cancer research after earning enough (money and suffering) to leave programming in some years. Can't tell how feasible that'll be, seeing as I have no degree in the field. But it's pretty surprising that none of the bright minds throughout history have given it their best shot without hacking it for good

Anyone else like... REALLY bad at algorithms and logic stuff?

I just hate them so much.

Tell me to build something and gg done. But all these tests for jobs freak me out.

Like. It probably ends up being something simple and when it's explained I know what to do but at first I just instantly shut down and can't think.

Just what the fuck is up with the senior devs in my team? Just because it's my first job as a developer doesn't mean I can't be right at times. Why can't they fucking digest that they could be wrong at times and me trying to tell them what could be improved is just for the product and has nothing to do with their egoistic selves.

Why do people continue to ask me why I'm not just sending any - ANY - error/exception message in full length to the user.

Am I going nuts? You can't tell me that this is a good idea right?

I can't tell if i like this blender... It keeps giving me mixed results.

Can somebody please tell me What is wrong with Microsoft and their broken piece of shit software?! (sorry to any Microsoft devs, if you read this). How the hell is it that their fucking installer and system repair features is this fucking useless? "Sorry, can't install on disk 0,cause the disk is in gpt format" NO SHIT, you were the fucking asshole who formatted it from the begining. Douchebag.

You're a nice colleague, always helpful, very experienced... But you STINK!
I can't stand less than 1.5m from you. I feel sorry for the poor guy sitting in the desk next to yours, let alone all the people taking the little elevator with you.

How do I tell you to shower more often without offending you?

Two years of my life I've kept in this project, sacrificed many weekends and peaceful thoughts ! worked my ass off to be an impact in the team and in delivering project...in spite of all that I still can't get ON SITE and all I get is some fucking bullshit appreciation from PM which he didn't even cared to tell one on one ...I hate my f**king life ! 😥😢

I'm seriously burned out "CTO" (small company 20 people, 4 developers).
Should I tell my CEO/CFO exactly that?
Should I tell them, I can't take it anymore, please help me.

Next month we'll have a fund raising opportunity.
I'm afraid it will sound like a blackmail.
I'm afraid they will think, ok, he's burned out, let find somebody else.

On the other side, if I take the risk myself, without telling anyone, I could explode and I'll be on my own.

What do you think it's the best approach?

I don't know how to tell but my love to JavaScript is undefined. I can't stop const sharing this information wherever i am.

Aunt asked me to repair her phone because "nothing is working". She said she tried every phone repairer in the town. She blames the phone, the phone manufacturer and everyone else.

She finally admitted the phone fell into water and she didn't tell it to the repairers. Then she wonders why they can't do magic.

"But aren't the front camera and the rear camera the same camera?"

Wat?

Why do I prefer robots to humans, you ask? I'd love to tell you.

If I tell a robot that I want my room vacuumed, they wouldn't purposefully mess up the room instead. It understands a small set of instructions.

But if I tell a human, a friend for example, that I have abandonment issues, you best believe they will go ahead and abandon me exactly when I need them.

Or if I tell a human, a potential fwb for example, that I can't take emotional stuff, you best believe that they will do a 180 and become the most romantic person ever.

And that, is why I prefer robots. Now, one of you go ahead and make an intelligent robot that I could date. I'm literally done with people.

me, first job interview:
interviewer: so how about your knowledge of java
me: yeah, done some projects, should be ok
interviewer: what about polymorphism in java, can you tell me sth about it?
me (thinking i'm totally right): hehe, you can't do polymorphism in java!

guess what, didnt get the job :D

My friend always tell me that I can't do code and didn't understand what is programming... Because what I do is system admin

I don't know what language i want to be my main.

I know many languages but most of them just the basics, to write some simple programs.

I'm currently just coding in my free time, i'm still at school and there is no company that forces me to use a specific language.

But when i'm out of school and want to work as a developer, i can't tell them well i know these languages but only the basics.

What is/would be your choice for non web programming?

Well, I'm no professional developer, still at school, but I thought about this, regarding convincing PMs of you writing permanent fix instead of a temporary workaround: Just tell them that this one particular issue can't have a hotfix, and that you need time to fix it.

So our server guy installs a log server (gray log), and tells me to read the documents online and to log our stuff in there
I'm so frustrated and can't use it.

So I tell him how am I supposed to use this log mechanism, and tells me that even he doesn't know!

And can't send logs using postman!

WTF should I do?? Losing my mind over here!!

Another nice rant while I try to find a job.

I make an interview with the senior dev (they are small and don't have a hr).
Everything sails snooth and they tell me "We will tell u something at the end of august"

Well yesterday I wrote to them, asking for news and not only they give me a negative response... (after they also said they forgot about me) but.... THE WROTE MY GODDAMIT NAME WRONG!

Like my email has my name in it, I presented my self and I closed the same mail with my signature. Yet they write a completly wrong name.

Like wtf!!! you can't even look for my name? it feels like they don't even know who I was.

I can say I'm lucky not to work for them.

I wanna rant about a freelance job but I can't. Tell me your freelancing horror stories instead :D

Sudden changes in requirements. Business now wants a switch for this whole fucking project. They knew this fucking months ago and decided to tell us now. What the frikkity truck I just can't even

Customer service my ass. I wouldn't even call it service. All you could do is check if it's working now. Of course it's​ working... I've​ just told you it's fucking working 2 minutes then inaccessible for fucking 10.

And when I tell you that your service had began to loose quality in the past few months you just sit there in FUCKING SILENCE. MOTHERFUCKER JUST TELL ME THAT YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT... OR SORRY... OR GO FUCK YOURSELF, NOT MY JOB... I DON'T FUCKING CARE JUST DON'T SIT THERE IN SILENCE UNTIL I HAVE ENOUGH AND HANG UP... I WASN'T EVEN SHOUTED TO HIM. I was disappointed but not angry... Not until you decided to just ignore me, fucktard...

Needless to say just when I hung up it stopped working again. -.-

It's gotten to the point where I am legitimately impressed when I can tell a service is hashing their passwords.

All of these unnecessary complications of "must not have more than 2 of the same character in a row" but "can't be more than 12 characters" requirements make me think that the passwords are being saved in plain text.

Amazon and Dropbox do it right - present the user with an input box and no requirements printed anywhere.

I don't feel like doing anything.... What's the point ...

Can't tell if I'm bored, tired, or depressed...

The button radius for the Android Pie pill and back button really pisses me off.

I can't tell you how many times my fat ass finger has accidentally pressed home trying to go back in an app.

Having said that, it's still a looot better than the old soft buttons.

Yes ! Just copy paste an entire fucking react dashboard into our NextJs project !

But don't stop there mate. Fuck up your branch and mine too to a point even gitkraken can't tell me exactly what fucking operations you did.

This is my first Next project and my first time working with this new client and it's going tits up in less than a month. Fucking great job.

Something they don't tell you about c++ development until it's too late: cross-compiler compatibility is an enormous monster.

When I worked with C# creating a DLL and distributing it to others is a completely transparent process, there's no special considerations required at all.

In c++ you basically aren't allowed to use the standard library in many cases. You can't just export a class with a standard string as a member because when another person goes to use your DLL, the string might have a different implementation.

Okay so for all of you who think that you can't do shit without stackoverflow. I'll tell you this, fuck SO. There's this ancient technique of programmers of old probably just about 20-25 years ago called RTFM. Why bother copy pasting some one else's spaghetti(that you might not fully understand) when you can write your own better code! (said in good faith). When something is behaving strange or you don't know what something requires just hit the docs or manual and read about the api because it is describes not only what it wants and needs but also what it does. So try this because it might have more information that you need than stack overflow might tell you

I wanted to join the dark side, so I did, now I can't tell the difference between read and unread notifications. Am I thick?

New favorite statement/question: "OK, but WHY?"

When co-workers want access to something, when clients request stupid features, when clients say almost anything really.

If you can't tell me why, then I probably don't need to waste my time on it.

Someone asks for help as to why their website isn't working, you find the problem and tell them, then they're like "no that can't be the problem". So you fix the problem and they ask "what did you do?"

When you're done with your side of a project but you're waiting on other people.... Then you're the one that still gets bitched at by Mr. CEO man. Piss off, I've done my part. No I can't just upload it the way it is, no I won't upload it the way it is. Go tell the other spit fucks to get me their shit so I can finish the project.

Can't tell if the cat's name is Major Strides, or they're using the cat as a metaphor of the Strides they've taken... 🤔

I can't tell if I'm in majority or minority on hating vim. I just use nano for CLI editing and some better GUI editor with, well, GUI.

Opinions? Reasons?

Old boss: Can you tell me why we need to purchase Mac?

Me: Because we are all using Mac in HK and UK offices and we can share the company license

Old boss: Why can't we just purchase the software license in Windows?

Me: Because it is expensive, and the total cost will be much more than purchasing the Mac alone

Old boss: I still don't understand why we need to purchase Mac.

Me: Ok. (Walked away with approval form. Finally got the approval from UK office)

My old boss was the only person that using Windows!!

They told me Xamarin Forms could create an app for many platforms
They didn't tell me that the Forms extensions for APIs would not work at all with the Android extensions, iOS extensions and I would need to reinstall them for each platform
They didn't tell me that at the end, I have to write individual code for each platform.
I was promised an all-in-one toolkit. I'm just writing code for Android and iOS apps, PLUS forms
I can't even find a reliable PDF generator for this. Documentations are outdated and don't work, either that, for it takes a million steps to generate a PDF file

I can't tell if my team actually thinks I'm a competent dev or just blowing smoke up my ass.

Ranted earlier about how my debugger was fucking up. Jokes on me, it's now the only thing that works well.
The fucking C++ code behaves normally in debug build, but when in release build throws a SEGFAULT out of nowhere. Bet it's tellg() or my unsigned to signed conversion that fuck things up (while they work perfectly in debug, I repeat). But I can't tell, since the only way I have to trace back the issue is the disassembly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Someone tell me should I just give up because I'm stupid and simple shit escapes me or tell me bro calm the fuck down the guy is full of shit...

Dude says he can't verify 3rd statement in a nested IF - elseif logic because the third check for a false condition is the True condition in the first 2 statements.

So

If (mode) = manual and then
Data(g) /= Status1
Or else Data(g) = Invalid
Then
Do this thing that sounds cool
Elsif
Data(g) = Status1
And then Data(g) /= Invalid
Then
Do something else equally cool
Elsif (mode) /= manual
and then Data(g) /= Invalid
and then Data(g) /= Status1
Then
Do some less cool stuff
end if

Microsoft FUCK YOU!
How the fuck did you lock my account and make it impossible for me to recover it.
I have send you all the information that you have asked me and you still tell me that you can't prove my ownership? Bullshit!

Aggggghhh, this is making so angry since all my accounts are setup to log in with that email account.

This is why I hate technical support people who only reply what is written in a fucking script.

Sorry for swearing that much. Not really. Fuck you Microsoft!

Reading all these hacking stories has made me nervous that my server isn't protected enough.

I've disabled password login and setup SSH keys which as far as I know is a big step in the right direction.

Is it enough? What more should I do?

In case you can't tell, I'm no expert in server adminy stuff 😛

The latest scam someone that works with me fell for - I hope I just prevented the rest of my company from falling for (will know tomorrow). Firstly we use fucking imap, secondly how the fuck did you email me to tell me I can't receive emails???

Still pretty well executed.

I just realized the problem I have with my team is that a lot of people don't seem to be any smarter than computers..

Usually when i tell someone to do something, I tell them overall goal and give them a general direction, the first step I would do. And well then tell them to go work out the details from there or come back to me if they have a **specific** problem.

1 month later I check back in and they're like I emailed ..., Still waiting for them to reply.

/(ò.ó)┛彡┻━┻

Can't you be a little more resourceful or creative, try looking for another way... Human....

I understand that, at least for now, I still need to tell computers exactly what to do and how handle errors...

But you're not a computer and the whole point of telling you to do something is I expect you to use your brain and think for yourself when something unexpected happens...