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Search - "nope nope nope"
Me brute forcing into the appartment (where i rent my room) modem:
*tries all most easy/logical combinations*
*tries more difficult ones*
*hmm.... no please not both just blank....... 😷*
Admin access granted.
Just watched a video where someone (in relation to the new mass surveillance law in the netherlands) asked people on the street if they had something to hide.
Everyone said no.
"Could you get your phone and show me around?"
Everyone said yes.
"May I take a look at your messages/pictures/browsing history?"
Suddenly 80 percent said no.
"But you said you had nothing to hide!"
"I'm going to take that back."45
I have an array of 1037 records. The soap service only accepts 100 at a time. So, I write code to send an array of 100 records at a time to the soap service in a loop and get a response back of, "The maximum number (100) of records allowed for this operation has been exceeded." Well, I'll try 99 records then. Nope same error. I'll try 50 records, nope I'll just bang my head on the desk now since the documentation and error say it is a record limit of 100. 😠
Look at my code again. I was grabbing 100 records out of the array of 1037 records and storing it in a new array, but I was sending the original array with 1037 records instead of the temporary array in the loop. 😢 I'm going to bed.8
Person: HTML is a programming language
Me: No it's not
Person: Yes it is it can compute things
Me: No it can't, and what do you mean?
Person: Have you ever heard of a script tag
Had an external hdd for backing up family photos etc. (back when I just discovered Linux and still used windows as well)
Connected it to my windows system and it said that the thing was corrupt and i had to format it.
Well fuck, a few hundred gb's of pictures, memories, backups etc etc probably lost. (keep in mind I didn't know that much about computers at that point)
Was about to format that thing with literally tears in my eyes when I thought I'd, because why the fuck not since I was out of options anyways, try it as well on my Ubuntu installation.
EVERYTHING WAS STILL ON THERE AND PERFECTLY ACCESSIBLE.
After a very much rage attack on windows I formatted the windows partition and used that as a backup space as well :).30
— Hi, lost and found office?
— Yes, can I help you?
— You found two hours of my life?
— It does not compile, right?
— Nope :/5
My dad: Hey Sébastien, I think my computer has a problem, can you look my computer ?
*walks in front of the computer*
*looks at the screen*
My dad: But, you don't fix it ?
Me: Nope, you just asked me to 'see' your computer
At the Apple Store in my devRant hoodie and got noticed by an employee..
Her: what's your username?
Me: brod 😬, what's yours?
Her: julia! Have you seen the new MacBook Pro?
Turns out, there's no @julia, now I have a $2,800 MacBook that I didn't need (nope, not the pro, just the shit one).53
This is the expected Binary ++ post from me :P
So, today I go to devRant and see 1's and 0's as my ++'s. I assume it might be a bug, but nope. Turns out it's one of the neat ways of meeting April Fools :)
Thanks to whoever had the idea. It genuinely made me smile.6
Me 3 years ago watching someone use git on terminal: woaah is he a hacker???
Me now: *types git status, press enter* *repeat 3 times*
Non Programmer friend: cool! are you hacking?
Me: Nope. Just forgot what I was trying to do5
Motherfucker. It's two thousand fucking seventeen. You can get a free ssl certificate for any website.
Then WHY are there still some fucking websites which contain login portals, sensitive information or anything that SHOULD be protected in transit WITHOUT FUCKING SSL?!
I hope that the people who manage those sites and are AWARE that they can get a free cert but don't do that die in agonising pain.
This really fucking pisses me off.
On another note, EVERY site should have SSL, it's free anyways and protects your visitors from a range of threats.-24
Colleague: I really wish array index in all languages would start from 1. If I ever write a language the index will start from 1.
Job offer: "All employees will be provided Macbooks"
Nope! Just nope.
Let your dev chose their equipment, thank you very much.
If they want a Linux laptop, buy them one. If they want a Windows workstation, give it to them. And if and only if they want a Macbook, give them a Macbook.
I used to work in two companies having the requirement to use a Macbook for two years.
I know its pros. I know its cons. My conclusion for me: Never again!15
"We e-mailed out the wrong newsletter last night, how do we get them all returned back before anyone reads them?"
...I, uh, nope.2
Client comes to me after a year to publish an update to his app.
I accept, start looking for my release key.... Found it.
Fuuuuuuucccck what's the password? I can't remember
Googled what to do if forgot password of keystore: Nope can't do shit other than brute Force. You've to forget your app and publish as a new app. Nice.
I must have written it somewhere... I'm sure. Check my password manager: Nope.
Start brute forcing:
Default pass: android. Nope
Name of app? Nope
After 10 mins of brute forcing:
Why would I not store the password in my password manager? The only reason I can think is the password is too stupid to be stored.
Try "password". App signed successfully.
I'm ashamed of 1 year older me xD9
Me: ok fuck it, if the Mac mini gets refreshed I'm selling my desktop and getting one...
*Checks news and sees they got a refresh*
*Looks at cost to specs*
Me: ha... Ha... Ha... Nope...36
So today I found out I'm a Senior Developer. Was I told nope. Just found it on my contact details on the company address book. Ask boss about it he said yes I am. Would have been nice to have been told I was promoted...8
"If I'm ever on life support, unplug me .......and then plug me back in, see if that works"4
USB-C (or Type C) origin story:
Manager: okay let's see your presentation
Developer: bring usb-key
* Inserts key *
* Nope *
* Flips key, tries again *
* Nope *
* Flips key, tries again *
* Nope *
Developer: ahhhhhh , NEVER AGAIN!
5 months later
"USB forum publishes new specification"11
Senior architect-type person at work wants me to review some code he's written. Is it on GitHub/Gitlab/Bitbucket etc? Nope. "Here, I've printed it out for you. " 😂
When was the last time you printed code out? Also it's in black and white, times new roman😱💀20
devRanter : YESSSSSS!!!!!! 5 more to get a free stressball!
dfox : (nope!) You can get a free stressball if a rant you posted has got more than 750++.
devRanter : DAMN IT!14
I hate myself. Really.
Last week I wrote a function to handle file uploads and at some point I left this very useful comment.
Do I know what to fix? Absolutely fucking nope.
I want to punch me from last week in the face10
Everyone generally agrees code reviews are a good idea right? And some form of testing is kinda a requirement before releasing.
Nope not my boss at the moment. None of my work has been checked in any way but is going out to thousands of users.
If I take the heat for bugs I'm gonna hit back so hard15
Phone in my cubicle goes straight to voicemail when someone calls. Boss wants me to get it fixed so clients and he can reach me.
Yeah, I'll get right on that. 👌2
(On a phone interview)
"So... in the entire span of your professional career, you've never had someone you could call a mentor?"
"Uh, nope, been mostly on my own."
"How did you learn new things?"
"I read a lot of Hacker News."
When an "entrepreneur" tells you about his "fantastic" ideas and expects you to be all excited and wanting to develop it for him.
A recruiter called today.
A new job proposal. Higher salary, manage some 5 men team, DevOps buzzwords, cool product, great conditions but then she says "and we're working only in Windows environment".
My ears ringed "only in windows env".. "only windows"... "windooowwssss".
"Nope, thanks, have a good day!" - hung up.19
A website just emailed me my forgotten password in PLAINTEXT.
I'm out of breath from running for the hills so fast.19
People on github opening issues saying shit like "aye, your extension crashes. Please fix or I'll uninstall. Thanks.". How am I supposed to fix an error I know nothing about? Error message? Extension list? Stack trace? Steps to reproduce? Nope. Nothing.
Don't be like this, please.6
After about 2 WEEKS of funny redirecting, they updated their site and HTML-Code is now getting escaped.10
My girlfriend always wanted to have kids while I don't want any, when she does eventually talk about having kids I'll make her this deal "I'll give you a kid if you can close this vim window with out googling how to do it"
It's fail proof10
(I'm using Sennheiser bluetooth headphones)
Me: What device is that music coming from?
*checks desktop, nope*
*checks laptop, also nope*
*checks for phone, can't find phone*
*checks living room*
*notices phone is in hand with google play music open*
Wireless headphones are weird.
Some people assume that since I am techy that I have a really good laptop or setup.
Just have my raspberry pi 3 as my main computer. Go Linux🔥🔥12
Sorry for not posting a security/privacy blog post this weekend, folks.
I got sick yesterday and am in bed most of the time right now not being able to find a comfy laying down position :'(
Going to install Manjaro KDE later on if I have the energy and will start working on a post then (ENTIRE DAY IN BED DOING NOTHING==NOPE)17
If a colleague went to a conference and checked their laptop with their luggage, you would think it would get stolen. Nope, it came back like this. It worked out really well for them, they got a new laptop and we all got a good laugh out of it.14
"It's nice outside, let's go somewhere?"
... I asked my girlfriend this morning.
"Nope, I'm couchbased today."
... she replied wearing a couchbase t-shirt I brought from a conference.4
Craziest deadline I've ever had...
Task: Patch 193 machines
- no configuration/patch management
- no knowledge of the machines
- no contact info/application owners
...timeframe...do it today!
Here's the winner...do we have credentials for these machines? Ha, nope.6
What’s 5 plus 2?
What’s 5 plus 3?
Nope. It’s 10, because we turned 5 into 7, remember?
Client: "Dear Mr. I still have not received the final version yet. I had planned to send it out to my customers at the end of the week."
Me (1st answer I did not give):
"Ok. I accept your statement as true, since I did not send you anything. Furthermore I respect your wish."
Me (2nd answer I did not give):
"Well I am sorry. Before today you did not once mention that there was a deadline. ASAP is not how I do things. Please do your project management."
Me (answer I gave): "Dear Client, due to a huge demand for our services we are forced to prioritise. We are doing our best to complete the project as fast as possible. Please understand however that we can not reschedule with 3 days notice. Because of technical requirements the product can be send on Friday next week. Please let us know if this works out for you. - Kind regards. Me. "
Dev of my team coding on Idea
Seeing him using space-bar to format copy pasted lines of code
Me: why don't you use ctrl+l shortcut?
Him: I don't use shortcuts while coding
Me: at least use the tab
He formatted 3000 lines of code with space-bar. He's not even using notepad. 😐
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.9
When you realize the legacy PHP code you're working in has a class you're extending with over 2000 lines and you think, "Nope, this isn't a class, it's a university."2
You would think for a company as big as Google they would be able to write good fucking documentation but nope!
Fuck me it's more spaghetti than my code!4
It bugs the crap out of me that GitHub.com is not fully responsive.
Everything in between?
Nope nope nope
Also, if you want to waste a huge chunk of time, try to google if you can contribute to GitHub.com. 🙄20
I recently, I switched job for an open source company in Lyon, FR.
They had struggles to find me something to do (still has, tbh), so they sent me to a client of theirs, to help for a biiiiig project that's really old (created in 2001)
And it goes on forever. I told them that I hadn't the required level of PHP knowledge to have an excuse to get the fuck out of there, my company didn't like it but it was either that or my mental health.3
I built a tracking suite for our fleet of printers quite some time ago. Once a day, "bizteam" (aka sales) gets an alert detailing how many printers are in critical need of attention (out of paper, mechanical error, etc.), and how many of them are flat-out offline. They don't seem to care. I mean they do, I think? but. the offline percentage hasn't changed much in the past month or two.
These printers constitute a primary part of our business model and... screw it. they're goddamn important, okay?
A full 16% of our printers are OFFLINE. Most of those HAVE BEEN OFFLINE FOR 3 FUCKING MONTHS.
3% of our printers have been online BUT OUT OF PAPER FOR OVER A MONTH.
and what really baffles me...
We've convinced a few of these merchants to actually plug in their goddamn printers. (and yes, they actually *paid* for these things, and they're absolutely not cheap.) Some of those were previously both offline AND out of paper, yet after being plugged in, they're *STILL* OUT OF PAPER?! What the crap, people! It's a printer! it's not difficult! It's the same as every other fucking printer you have! and it's probably the same goddamn fucking model!
Did AlexDeLarge skullfuck your brain into mush? FIX YOUR SHIT!12
I was just browsing for freelancing jobs, found a NodeJs one that didn't sound like crap.
> Plz download attached project description
Ok *download and open PDF*
>Comic sans all over the place with blue and purple font color
So yesterday I deployed a build on our release environment and i had added a new rest api end-point which I needed to test.. A heads up though, its written in java spring and the entire flow consisted of too many calls/returns from various other java & python services.. Also to make things worse, the entire deployment is a really cumbersome process as you need to copy the build from one box to another..
After like almost 4-5 hours of debugging, adding logs left right & center, crazy upload speeds (yaa this is sarcastic) and frustation at its peak, I found the issue..
There was an if condition that was checking for equality between an enum constant & an enum in a request aaaannnnnddd
THE CONSTANT ENUM BELONGED TO THE WRONG PACKAGE HENCE ALWAYS EVALUATING TO FALSE... ALSO, BOTH THE ENUMS IN THE DIFFERENT PACKAGES ARE IDENTICAL... FUCCKKKKKKK MY LIFE
Just bought a new LG TV with WebOS on board. Am I watching cool FHD movies on it? Nope since I discovered I can create apps for it. Once developer, always developer.1
Client - "We absolutely totally 100% neeeeeeeeed this plugin added to our wp site that another team built. "
Team - "Nope sorry you can't have it the plugin was deprecated 2 years ago, and the service you want to pull a feed from dost work like that any more. Here are other options A B C D. "
Client - "No we want it. You have to make it work or we are cancelling our account."
Team - "see ya"2
After years or Windows, I bought a Mac.
It is a shitty OS.
Resizing windows? Nope
Uninstallign apps easy (some) ? Nope
Show/Hide files easy? Nope
Jump between chrome windows? Nope
Wtf is wrong with you Apple?34
*Friend : Do you have something to hide?
Me : Nope.
Friend : Then why do you delete your browsing history every single time?
Me : .... Fine.20
Finally got a good working new phone. Rooted and XPosed. Anyone any tips for good XPosed modules?22
Inherited project from another company that the owner wants updated rather than rebuilt.
The comments could write a programmers joke book as you can tell it's been passed between multiple developers.
This is a literal excerpt
//Not sure why this line needs to be here but it breaks without it
//Nope I don't know either
//FFS now I have to deal with this. Thanks guys :/2
The spaghetti monster is online.
Literally changes on the last minute.
Pushed to master, let CI/CD deal with it and left for lunch.
Bugs? Haha, sure.
Serious one? You can bet.
Do you care? Nope.5
thought I'd check why I'm getting connection timeout on my app
I think the problem is me and not the code3
deadmau5 exclusive on tidal streaming.
>> enters email, password
>> redirect to different signup page
>> enters email, password
>> redirect to original signup page
>> enters email, password
>> redirect to second signup page again
>> try to login
>> enters email, password
>> listen to preview of album
>> please enable flash
>> okay, fuck you, deadmau5.9
Things you hear from developers 5 minutes before demo to the whole Management Board.
- "... Does this button work... Nope... Oh well..."
- "What the hell is THAT!?"
- "Um... Is it supposed to look like this?"
- "Please tell me you didn't just merge this!?!"
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of more than two years (we have known each other for more than four). My code (and my work in general) seems to have gotten better. Maybe because he's not always at the back of my mind. No matter what anyone says, long distance WILL take a toll on you if you don't meet the other person for more than a year. Nope. Nope. Nope. I'm loving the single life now and feel so much more confident about myself!14
ALRIGHT! I'LL GIVE YOU SUPPORT ON MY VACATION TOO, IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE FRIENDS AND FAMILY, NOPE, ALL I CARE ABOUT IS YOUR UNSTRUCTURED PHP CODE WHICH NEEDS TO BE REFACTORED BECAUSE 2 VISITORS ON YOUR WEBSITE SUGGESTED SO!10
We have a developer position open in our APAC office.
Before I take phone interviews, we ask candidates to complete a preliminary code test.
I’ve just been sent an email with code attached in screenshots...
Me: *opens FB in mobile web browser*
FB: You there! Go ans get our great Facebook Lite app! It is faster and...
Me: Nope! *clicks X to dismiss*
FB: Nope! *a wild code appeared*10
I was thinking about using Drupal for project, just to try out a CMS. Before using it, I decided to search devRant for "drupal" to see how bad it is.
Nope, I am just going to use plain old VueJS with flexbox.9
Look at the image first, please.
Me: "What's that?"
"Hmm, still there."
"Nope, that wasn't it neither."
Closed everything that is somehow connected to the internet: FTP client, SSH connections, even the VM.
"There's still something! What is it?!"
Bashed my head against the wall.
"I am listening to music right now... music from the NAS..."2
Halloween is coming so i made this constructed unicorn mask with a paper mache base with elwire. Does it require any coding skills nope, but i bet people are goin to be suprised that i know how to build wireframes and papermache !7
Nopes. Not worth it. I still drink to get a lil tipsy and enjoy beer and liquor.
But after you land in the hospital due to alcohol poisoning and you beg the nurse to kill you to stop the suffering you NEVER want to be drunk again.
Damn near 8 years sober and without a hangover. When I was in the hospital I vow to never be put in that position.
Nope nope nope nope and more nope.
Being high af feels fucked up as well. Don't know why people would subject themselves to all this bullshit.19
Terminal is writing outputs on my screen.
Spotify is running.
And then, an electric impulse goes from a neurone to another, travelling through my synapses: an idea!
“What if I had a favourite terminal commands manager? That’d be so cool! I could have an automatic mode that listens to my terminal input/ retrieves list from “history” command and sets up a ranking of most used ones to reuse with a shortcut, and even better, you can create the list!
I’m gonna definitely do this!”
5 Minutes of Google later :
apt install iDontRemember
I was talking with a guy who is making an android app for his thesis but hes "shitdamn awful in java". I offered to help because im so fucking nice.
"oh but i dont have facebook, is it a problem?"
Nah sure i dont use facebook anyways, got telegram?
Then what do you use???
Co-workers: "But we have always written our scripts in Perl"
Me: "Nope not a good reason to keep using it."12
Got an offer to work at a game development company. Office looked awesome (decked out in pinball machines and a huge marble track), located overlooking Schreveningen beach, young energetic team.
Then I saw the code. Oh God the code. And they wanted me to become system architect.
Hybrid PHP 4/5 OOP/procedural code custom framework running on a spaghetti database creaking by on the skin of its teeth... all backing Flash Facebook games.
I had this a while ago. I just pulled an all-nighter because of some servers issues so I went to a coffee shop at my usual train station on my way to my study to get an espresso. I had some difficulties with keeping my eyes open and then these teenage girls walked towards the starbucks (nope I don't do starbucks) saying something like 'Oh my god I need caffeine otherwise I won't survive today omg'.
Five minutes later they came walking out with a few huge 'coffees' with shitloads of milk and whipped cream.
I kept myself sane but I just really wanted to scream 'THAT"S NOT COFFEE/CAFFEINE, THAT"S FUCKING DESERT YOU FUCKING FUCKWITS'.
I really couldn't stand those girls at that moment nope.6
"Unable to capture the screen
This application or your company does not allow you to take screenshots."
I think it's time for root...21
My roommate: why do you look so mad.
Me: stupid program is broke
My roommate: didn't you fix it yesterday?
Me: yes. I broke some thing else
Roommate: oh on a different project?
Me: nope same one.
Roommate: [walks away more confused than when the conversation started]1
Clients wants a complete reworked of their e-commerce website - sure will cost X amount.
It needs to be done before black Friday - nope6
Being able to drink coffee (nope no decaf) including espresso's without my heart complaining. Idk that taste always gives me a boost!15
Manager in December: Things will pick up soon!
January: I know things are slow, but they’ll pick up!
February: Just give it a couple months!
March: Things are about to pick up, trust me!
All the while I have been twiddling my fucking thumbs with probably half a day’s work to do, either working on my own studies/projects or just wasting time.
And the reason? Because Manager hasn’t been able to decide the budget for the project, so we haven’t been allowed to begin.
We are asked to waste time rather than use it effectively because of a spreadsheet that Manager has been putting off for four months.
Dissatisfaction is the understatement of the year. Some say I complain about a good thing, meaning less work, same pay, but that’s not why I applied to this company.2
"I don't care if this is much simpler in a native language! This is going to be written in Java" *even though it's only going to run on a single Windows machine*
As long as a .jar comes out I'm fine...2
My mother lives and works overseas, and she'd complain about her IT department all the time.
Wish I could get work permit to work there, but I'd have to serve in 'their' military for 2 years...
Yeah, totally makes sense. Nope.5
At work the other day...
Guy: "Oh hey I was thinking if you could help me with an application to visualize some data."
Me: "Ooookay...what did you have in mind?"
Guy: "I think we have XML files that could be turned into graphs...oh and we could add some trend lines. (Getting more excited) And maybe we could supplement it with live data...oh hey and maybe we could add real time alerts via email..."
Me: *thinks to self...there is no way in hell I am starting to work on something that he is literally coming up with requirements as he's talking* "I need specifics...so go take some time, think it through and get back to me with concrete details and examples."
Guy: "Ok. That should be enough to get you started for now at least."
That would be a big fuck no, good sir. Haven't started and won't start it. He has never mentioned it to me again since then.4
Was anyone forced to learn an obscure programming language during college? If so what was it and have you used it since?
Mine was ADA95 and nope lol28
Eclipse: Hey, I found a nice little update for you
Me: ok, install it
Eclipse: nope, I can't find it ...
AAAAAAAHHHH I'm gonna kill you !!!!!4
> devRant offers to let me share my rants on Facebook.
> Majority of my colleagues and boss in my friends list.
Windows: "LOL, NOPE!"
The irony in this rant is that I just installed Linux in a dualboot environment and was eager to start setting up the new OS. For some reason, Grub was not recognized and Windows started automatically... 😥5
Boss : Did you finish the service app?
Me: Nope, sir you told us to complete the immediate relief website.
Boss: Ok. Did u complete that?
Me: Nope, when it was half you told us to complete the clients web app?
Boss: Oh god. So is that over?
Me: Unfortunately, no sir a month more and we can present the project estimation report if we are free😁😉2
I just want to say that I don't look anything like my avatar. Maybe I looked a bit like that 50 years ago, but now ... nope. So, how about a wrinkly avatar option?11
When dev who insists on using their own vbox rather the officially maintained vagrant package asks you to debug a non-code issue...2
"What's your degree in?"
"So, you do coal stations and stuff?"
Nope. I look for powergrids to optimise with the help of Neural Networks.4
If you ever get a problem with your Linux,
DO NOT EVER try out an answer on any random forum without reading all the comments/replies.
The problem spreads like a freaking wildfire and you will end up reinstalling Linux and losing data what wasn't backed up. (If by God's grace, you do a regular back up)2
<I am written in plain english>
<Here is the line number of the error>
<Here is the possible reason for the error>
Developer: What the heck is wrong with my code now. (looking at source)
<You incompetent piece of s**t, READ ME. F'n READ ME. Please READ ME. I promise, I be helpful.>
<Nope. You aren't gonna. Fine!>
A coworker asked me to give him a hand on a project last thursday at around 8:00pm, by Friday noon I had most of it complete. Then turn the code back to him. Then somehow , it got placed on me during the weekend....20 mins before leaving to San antonio to be with my sister while my niece was born. Yeah...no..sorry...guess who enjoyed SA this weekend? This guy. Past experiences have shown me that one should not sacrifice personal time for company bs. Specially here in south texas where the majority of employers are from Mexico. In Mexico, there is no worker appreciation culture, going above and beyond the line of duty to accomplish tasks is not met with any sort of consideration. So nope nope nope nope.18
Me: Could you give me the path to your Desktop folder, please?
Linux Distros: ... *shrug*, nope?!10
Really hate being the only programmer around my town and it's other nearby towns...
Really wish I could just meet up with a dev friend for a pint or 12 and just talk programming shit to each other but nope .-.
(Calling all aussie devs in the latrobe valley)6
So I wrote a few functions that draw this graph and sent the graph to my math teacher as a joke. And he asked me "Is this that "see" program ?" I didn't know how to react, so I just said Nope, It's not😶..
X : Do you accept space for username at sign up?
Me : Nope, no space. Username shouldn't have space.
X : Lots of people have trouble at registration because of that.
Me: What filters would you like on this report?
VP: Here's the logic for the filter I want.
Me: Great! Anything else?
... Days of DB, ETL, and Report refactoring later ...
Me: Here's the updated report!
VP: Can we add this other filter?
Me: (You're welcome...)
Nope, in my place it is...
Thank me later when you get a job here, probably shouldn't9
The feeling when everything works so smooth, but one little bug appears and you're like:
*covers the error log*
I don't see you, you little misery of mine... ^^
Okay karma, why?!
I made some backup scripts, it should dump our MongoDB every 30 Minutes... Nope I didn't test if there's something in the tar and yes it's my fault but now we needed this backup AND THE ONLY BACKUP SCRIPT WHICH DIDN'T WORK WAS THE ONE WHICH BACKUPS THE DATABASE...
You thought real fear is deploying to production friday afternoon?
Real fear is forgetting to flock(); a public toilet door while doing a dump();1
Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb couldn't get their shit together for 3 months, but their bit is in order now. Will you work the weekend for free to make up the the schedule?
Had to consume a soap webservice which spits out a XML of 5000 lines with ambiguous node names and a shitload of data that needs to be parsed.
Built a ORM model to hold all the data and I already built a Xmlparser which works like a boss.. untill now..
I've been debugging for 3 hours, cursing every God man ever made up. Swearing at my screen like a madman... but this particular set of nodes just didn't got saved properly to the DB...
Alright, so my ORM definition is fucked... nope... Alright, so my XmlParser is fucked... nope...
Whaaaaat the fuuuuck...
Oh wait, I've been checking the wrong table for hours....
Hooray for ambiguous tables because I followed the ambiguous structure.
I am going to get drunk now.
*installing linux on my mini laptop*
- Dad: "you should make a backup image of windows 10"
- Me: "LOL NOPE!"
(With 2gb of ram, linux makes it the perfect lightweight coding machine. But with W10? Jesus christ)6
Me: *Trying to get the mobile banking app*
App: Nope, you have a rooted device
Me: *disables root access for apps and adb*
App: Nope, you have a rooted device
Me: *Maybe a xposed module would help*
Xposed: Nope, you have android nougat
Me: *Maybe there's some LineageOS marshmallow rom for my phone*
LineageOS: Nope, just android 7.1
me: *starts receiving emails of clients having technical problems and errors and asking for help* wat, im being flooded with all these mails!
me: *sends email to boss* umm... i think im receiving the wrong mails...
boss: nope! from now on, you'll be in-charge of tech support for our clients. good luck and merry christmas!
me: *dies internally* happy holidays to u too5
Now on most websites I'm not one to want likes, normally I couldn't care.
But on this website, one single thing makes me want lots of likes.
Is it stickers? Nope.
Maybe it's that sweet stress ball? Try again!
Just want all that attention? Not for me.
I just really want my avatar to sit on an exercise ball.1
*needs to repartition disks
*is mounted, need live usb
*download and burn gparted live, ≈20min
*reboot, usb not bootable
*try again, maybe it's corrupt...
* nope it just won't boot
*download and burn puppy Linux ≈20min
*e2fsck failed: get a newer version of e2fsck
*already the latest version
*hmmm, maybe if I build it myself
*download and burn Debian live ≈40min
*try to install gparted
*can't get WiFi drivers working
*download and burn Ubuntu
*opens gparted (already installed)
*partitions disk, leaves to complete overnight (it will have to move ≈60GiB)
*comes back in morning
*computer went to sleep after 10 mins
*late to work but oh well I at least got it done3
And the shit still runs out of memory and i have no clue why !!!!!!!!!!!!
Increased dalvik cache so that it has more memory nope it doesnt seem to make it bigger even tho it loaded the properties.
Fuck you android.
I mean i love android but porting it is pain.3
Nope, i told you your hard drive was fucked and you need a new one and this one isn't under warranty. You were too cheap, it died(as predicted) and now your data is gone. Oh you want to speak with my supervisor? Sure, guess he'll tell you the same thing in slightly different wording.
I swear to god, Stardew Valley is some form of crack cocaine, my partner got an xbox and a copy of it, I played it ages ago and got a little taste from her, now I have just been playing it non stop again.
Planed to do some prototyping and get some of my game engine finished but nope... My parsnips need me!2
Me: *tries to deactivate windows 10 feedback*
Windows: nope *turns it back on*
Me: *Feels sorry for shitty quality*2
Can you rant about yourself?
I was reading about the AWS outage, with little to no interest. I didn't know what it was and thus figured it wouldn't affect me.
Some time goes by and I come up with this 300++ vote post. I'm witty, I'm smart, but when I want to upload a photo it doesn't work.
Must be the app right? I restart, nope nothing. Whatever..
Sometime later I have a dashing new photo for tinder. Surely to give me all the matches. Nope, can't upload it.
Must be my phone or Internet then.
Restart everything, nothing is working. Complete madness, no devRant upvotes and I'm still single.
I surrender, give up. Which is one of the worst things to do for me as a dev.
Today. Which is the cherry on the cake. I finally see my connection to the incident. I feel stupid and annoyed by myself.
God dammit Julian, pay attention.
Extract from a quite old recruiter email (excluding the formalities):
Position: junior dev
Workplace: office for first year, can be changed to remote after (salary will be 50% lower if you go remote though) *suspicion levels starts raising*
Payment: 1€ per line of code (empty lines/comments excluded) or page of documentation *alarms start ringing*
Additional info: on high alert for 4 weeks every 6 weeks *wtf is going on*, salary bonus is 10€ per week *I stopped reading here and moved the email directly to the spam folder*6
When your new build is compiling and just scooting right along so you think... sure, I could go for some food. No. Nope. Not even. It chooses the exact moment you leave to nope the fuck out completely with the most random compiler errors that you would have never seen had you just been sitting there in the chair. It's like it knows. Maybe next time I leave I'll promise to bring it back a taco.1
Ad blocker blocker...
Random news website: "Please disable ad blocker" or pay us $10 a month
Me: nope... chrome dev tools... delete tpmodal crap... overflow? nope. $0 a month
reading someone else's newspaper they left behind... priceless5
Alright.. it appears to be setup sharing time. Here is mine:
Modded Chromebook (r11)
Hp 27" monitor
Random keyboard and mouse
So I just spent over two hours trying to get...5 elements to align nice and even. Sometimes I would think I had it then..nope. Everything is thrown way off.
The one thing I've learned so far is to throw everything into more divs if something isn't working, and maybe that'll work7
"curl : The response content cannot be parsed because the Internet Explorer engine is not available, or Internet Explorer's first-launch configuration is not complete. Specify the UseBasicParsing parameter and try again."
Why the flying fuck do i have to configure some BS in internet explorer to use curl in Powershell? I thought IE was finaly dying, but nope!3
How to make BILLIONS with a coding blog:
1. make a post with a controvertial title like "IS TDD DEAD?"
2. write an article concluding that the controvertial statement is, in fact, wrong, like "Nope"
3. Drown in monies from ads3
Sometimes I think I'm a bit masochistic... before turn off my computer I decided to check if my Visual Studio is up to date... nope, it isn't, downloading ~9 GB right now.
At one of my previous gigs, the IT director was just some guy that dated the bosses daughter. When she inherited the company he went from entry level data analyst to his new director position. IF he decided to show up to work at all it would be at just in time for lunch, and then he'd head out shortly after.
This guy would ask for an estimate on development and then start the timer when marketing started working on the project. This would often lead to us estimating something like 4 months on a project, and then waiting on marketing for 3 of those months, leaving us with 30 days left.1
So today was interesting.
I had to extract the domain from an email address and compare the domain to a hard coded whitelist, nothing difficult, fuck takes 2 min really.
Except the project starts throwing 500 errors for no god damn reason, like seriously, I double check syntax, nope looks fine, run pho's syntax checker on the file
# php -l /path/to/file.php
Nope says it's all good.
Checks error log on server -> no log
Comments out the few lines, saves, errors gone.
remove comments, error comes back.
Do this a few times, and magically the fucking thing stops throwing errors, now I haven't actually changed anything, and I know this project is so fragile I don't know how it stays running at times but fuck me this is a painful joke.6
"Execuse me, this specification is not clear in a whole lot of points. Can you please go over it and clarify things?"
"Nope. Just interpret it intelligently."
Co-worker is in his office.
Co-worker whistles continuously "The rains of Castamere" from the Game of Thrones series.
I like Game of Thrones.
I also like the series' score.
But not the way my co-worker interprets it.
Because it's wrong.
Anyway, he whistles.
Sometimes louder, sometimes less so.
It's very out of tune.
I can't concentrate, let alone code.
Co-worker goes to a meeting.
I delete the bullshit I've written earlier.
Then, I get some coding done.
Then, I'm relaxed again.
Then, Co-worker returns.
Now he hums.
It's the same song.
Over and over again.
It's not that much out of tune, but it's still annoying.
I can't think, I can't concentrate, let alone code.
My thoughts drift to a certain Red Wedding.
I imagine it in vivid detail.
Strangely, it's a happy place right now.
I imagine throwing my screen through two fucking walls.
I don't do it, because the laws of physics are against me.
But the thought is enough.
I'm at peace, again.
... also, I got to leave early today, so I got that going for me which is nice.
(I already had to tell that co-worker *not* to whistle loudly in the cafeteria - you can hear it in a big part of the building. We had some important customers over and Office Management was not amused.)6
So I was changing some CSS, but the changes weren't showing.
Was it being cached? Nope
Was the selector wrong? Nope
Well it was the right file yeah? Yup
So after like 10min of scratching my head, restarting the server, etc it turns out I was checking prod instead of dev.
This isn't even the first time this has happened 😑
Guys just remember to keep your dev tab and your prod tab away from each other, like way away.8
I'm always asked in an interview:
Q:How did you get into programming
Q:How do you keep upto date and what blogs do you like
A: HACKING Blogs and just general multiple websites.
Q: Have you ever spent time in prison or been convicted?
A: -_- Nope3
Worst documentation I've dealt with? The non-existent one.
"Is there any documentation for this?" "Nope." "..."
Don't you just love it when you're in the middle of an agreed content freeze and a marketing drone demands an immediate content deployment to production because they made a blog post and it's "super urgent" that it goes live right now.
The feeling of the one error that you’ve been beating yourself over the head for...
And realize it was all your fault in the first place.2
Boss: We should port our internal finite element analysis software to an app. We could use phonegap!
Me: Sure... We'll look into that.
My mind: Nope. No. Never. Dear God. Why. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts...2
So I just spent probably 40 minutes wondering why rEFInd wouldn't fucking boot. Config? Nope. Boot partition being stupid? Nope.
Turned out I forgot to copy the fucking ext4 driver over to the ESP.
I'm fucking tired guys.2
when you designed UI for last 2 weeks, then show it to your boss and he's like "nope, I changed my mind"... fml6
qa: so yesterday we found some bug, not really related to you but <boss> told me to put it on you
me: yeah, when he doesn't, this dick didn't work since I came
*later this day at ~15:00*
boss: so I'm going home, you **must** deal with this bug today, your algo doesn't work.
me: it did 2 days ago didn't it? did you even check the bug?
me: did you check for regression or just said to put it on me?
me: did you check the changes of the new guy?
me : so why the fuck blame my code?!
*17:10 I'm going home no regression, new guys code deadlocks, not a single fuck thrown*
Colleagues: I hate when the client wants to make last minute design changes the day we are supposed to launch when they have had MONTHS to bring them up..
Me: we are supposed to launch our site today (our own agency site that we have been working on and reviewing as a group for about a year), so please take some time to go through and make sure there are no GRAMMATICAL errors.
Colleagues: *send huge lists of minor design changes that are CRITICAL*
me: I want to look into using an MVC for my websites...
brain: Nope, not gonna happen, we're gonna stick to the simple inclusion of site pieces directly in the front-end code instead.
me: but but but
brain: I SAID NO!2
That feeling when you are browsing a job offer and they claim they use "pure PHP".
LOL nope. I won't maintain your custom framework created by five different freelancers over the past few years and turn into something that does scream Frankenstein.
At least state that it uses composer, symfony2 components or some other microframework. I have yet to see an application that truly requires your own framework. And even when you do, base it on silex / symfony2 components. http://symfony.com/doc/current/...2
Korea still uses ActiveX for payments so will take another decade.
Good try though 🤣🤣
(And you should probably know ActiveX only works in IE, rip Apple users)4
I’m working on a personal project on React Native to learn how to work with, basically it’s a mobile interface to interact with crypto exchanges through their APIs to centralise everything on this app.
This morning I got a personal message from twitter that asked me:
🙍♀️When will this be done?
🙎🏻♂️I will work on this during my days off next week
🙍♀️You should add a feature that let people know in which exchange a coin is cheaper
🙎🏻♂️It’s a good idea but there’s so many parameters such fees to take in account there’s no correct estimations
🙍♀️Leave out the fees
🙎🏻♂️Fees are important, people have few money to invest normally
🙍♀️What about getting posts from cryptoblogs and putting them in a feed?
🙎🏻♂️That’s exactly what Blockfolio does. I see you have a lot of ideas and I appreciate the input but what is your point here?
🙍♀️I want an app that tracks lowest prices and has a feed with my blog posts. Will you work for me? There will be no way to monetise first months.
I guess I’ll never answer her. Like trying to turn MY app to HER app and then ask for free work. Bye baby!4
Follow up on a previous rant:
I visited a customer to talk about the reporting discrepancy between two applications.
It turns out the applications were custom built by outsourced developers from Russia, that communicate with each other through a byzantine (and completely undocumented) series of web services, excel import/export tasks, and a customized SSRS environment.
These are spread across at least half a dozen servers, some on-premise and some cloud based, there are at least 3 SQL servers (2 running 2005, one running 2000), a 10 year old local install of TFS (which no one knows a username/password for), and who-knows-what-else.
They laid off their entire IT team years ago, and they have no backups.
I'm not certain anyone there even understands what the software is supposed to be doing beyond the most general terms.
No one knows if they even have source code.
Biggest case of "nope!" I've encountered in more than 20 years of IT experience.1
"Web" Teacher wanted us to learn horribly outdated html in the middle of web2.0 wave.
HTML5 ? CSS3 ? nope.
No CSS at all, and longest part of the class was on the importance of prehistoric HTML doctypes.
Capitalized tags, tables, BGCOLOR attributes...
Like she scrapped everything on W3schools...1
When I got changed between 3 projects in one month. Everytime I thought I got it figured out... NOPE. New project, new stuff to learn, comprehend and implement.
Very shitty period.1
After the servers got shut down because someone used them for illegal advertisement, after me putting in 30-35 hours a week on the side of my studies. Since it was my job to keep them running and doing DevOps work, they just slowly froze me out of the company without even firing me. I even asked them what I should be working on then. Their answer was of course: you can make us some advertising landing pages. Can you make one that looks like Facebook?
Nope, just fucking nope.
Good fucking lord, what the fuck is happening with dev recruitment these days. I do get that the technologies go forward, but me being a 13+ years as dev, i am able to learn new shit, pretty easily. BUT NOPE, if you say in the interview that you don't know stuff, then they never call you back.
I worked as a senior fullstack for the past fucking 5-6 years on remote, but most probably i will be forced to move to another city and work as a junior.
Fuck also that my wife is pregnant second time and this time ther is a high risk of misscariege. So i need to work at home and also somehow look after my kid and wife. Nope, according to every hr ever FUCK THAT.6
I think my laptop is living and hates me... I press shutdown (Yes the actual windows shutdown and not long-press power button) I close my Laptop, expecting it to shutdown, right? Nope... It goes to sleep mode and next time I open it up, it continues to shutdown... It's like it doesn't want to shutdown and is playing a joke on me.....13
Looking at various Devs & non-devs like myself, ranting, posting meme's [my bad];
I realised why we keep coming back. Nope not because of the notifications, but because devRant feels like home dare I say it, it feels like family.
Thank you @dfox @trogus & the other creators who aren't that famous [my bad I don't remember your names].
Guys, Im curious, what you would say about situation if you are in need of some quite simple tool and you write it but becouse you need it today, not tommorow, you just dont give a heck about all the fancy stuff and (lets say for php) you start to write all in 2-3 files like you was back beginner?
Or you just nope out of situation?
Do you refactor that when you bored just becouse this cant be on my disk, noone can see this abomination?
Or you delete after usage (only to relaize 5 minutes latter you need it back :P )
Im curious your opinion.
nope, if you came to bitch about any of opinions even opinion "well, i wouldnt give a fuck and just not do it", go away and get lost.
Made this amazing discovery in my project. Made sure to commit the code in Git to show a demo to the manager.
Could not find the code at all when it was time for the demo. Checked all the commits to find out, nope, no luck.
Later realized I committed that code to special branch :/ And I totally forgot about that :(5
- Hmm, delete key stopped working on my Macbook.
- keyboard shortcuts don't work either
- time to reset PRAM! I've done this before. Simple key press after reboot.
- 3-4 apps interrupt restart
- reboot to recovery. Nope, I shouldn't press shift
- reboot again, pram reset, yay
- Mac OS upgrade starts but it's broken and unfixable
- reboot again, hold option, select correct disk
- 10 minutes wasted just because a key stopped working, which happens often, actually
- nope turns out Macbook is OK, Google docs wont let me delete characters or fucking use arrow keys or combinations. Fucktards
- maybe browser needs update? Restart browser twice for upgrade
- issue persists in Firefox.. what the fuck is going on?
- right click in Google docs brings up Google menu, not Firefox menu
- 30 min of my morning wasted on bullshit now
Every vendor needs to have their own special fucking ecosystem... fuck stovepiped software designs...2
when the project manager asks you if you have an ETA on the project you're trying to finish because deadline is a few hours. You have never done the thing you're trying to complete before so you have no baseline for it and they know that.... nope but you'll be the 2nd person to know when it's done, maybe next time don't promise deadlines without consulting the devs?1
How about "nope"?
I have never been to an interview.
I would like to work in an IT company to get money(such wow) besides of my college time.
The thing is that... well... I'm not really sure if I can do this since I have 0 experience with interviews. I can not imagine the situation :)9
I'm relatively new to the whole development and stuff, so I have no idea how usual process goes.
So when my project moved onto closed beta, I thought I could rest a bit.
Apparently half the shit I've done sucks so much and I need to debug the shit out of it.
Bless the testers.3
Window not responding... should I wait for it? Nope, this isn't my first rodeo. Checking for dialog behind window FTW.2
I love working on legacy products. You just need a good shower and possibly a therapist after.
- Sensitive data sent over the internet encrypted with DES (not even 3DES). Guess it doesn't matter that the key (singular, for the last decade) is basically 0123456789ABCDEF.
- Client databases with open default port, admin/admin superuser.
- Critical applications (potential for substantial property damage, maybe loss of life) with a single point of failure and without backup.
Suggestions, to slow down a bit with sales, so we have time to rewrite this steaming pile of crap are met with the excuse: be more pragmatist, this is standard industry practice.
Some of this shit can be fixed on my own time if my conscience nags too much, but others would require significant investment of time from multiple developers, which would slow down new business.
Guess the pay is ok, so that's something...
Demo for client goes bad when we encounter a bug adding a new entry into the back end. Entry shows up in the admin but not the front side.
<thoughtbubble> "I can't believe this, we just tested it! How can this be? How? How?" </thoughtbubble>
Perhaps, the cache? Nope.
<thoughtbubble> "You gotta be fucking kidding me!" </thoughtbubble>
Perhaps the front side is pointing to dev? Nope.
<thoughtbubble> "Oh shit... make something up quick. Make it sound good." </thoughtbubble>
Tells client we'll have to look into it. (real smooth)
Looked into it and it turns out the bug was actually a feature. Apparently when you assign an "end date" to a date in the past... by design, it won't show.
However, was it bad UI? That's a different argument.4
Client email: so you know that custom thing I wanted on my website that you made and I refused to pay for? Could you just send me the code, I'm gonna write my own.
*Staring at screen in disbelief and laughing*
Even if you were an awesome client, and you had paid, I still wouldn't just "give you my code" so you can write your own. You hired me to do it because you CAN'T not because you didn't want to, not because you're lazy, but because you are not mentally capable of making your own.
Me: I'm sorry, but I'm not sure you would even know where to start with this, what was wrong with the one built?
Client: I wanna put the code in my Salesforce so it can run the API request and automatically make a lead for me.
My code takes fields from a form, runs the data over to the API, gets the response, allows for user confirmation that the information is correct, and then sends all the relevant data to Salesforce as a lead.
Me: But that's exactly what mine does, just does it from your website where users will be entering the info, and once they've confirmed it you get a Salesforce lead.
Client: well some of my leads come from other places and I want to simplify everything.
Me: no, not possible, sorry.
If you didn't have 25 different websites for one company then all your leads would come from the same place and it would be simple.2
One of those mysterious bugs that only happens on production. Want to solve it on your laptop, it's not reproducible. Staging server? Nope. Production?
HOW DARE YOU TOUCH THE LIVE SYSTEM?!?1
So, today is the final day of my internship, and I was almost done, until my fucking assface of a client calls me, and suddenly want 10000000 fucking things changed in a database, and I'm not just talking "Could you add this field?" Or make this default to that, no I'm talking change of relationships, schemas and the whole shebang, oh and suddenly the product also needs localization for 3 fucking languages, but it hasn't been built for this shit. Thank God my assessment was yesterday, I just noped right out of here.
People, don't be dicks, think what you want your product to be before starting the development1
New temp PM: Right I now want you in 9am every day and I want daily stand up meetings with a daily email at the end of the night. Also, we are abandoning the PM tool we use for one I like.
I'm writing c# code, does not work, wrote the same code in python just to see if I'm thinking the wrong way, nope, it worked in python then fixed the c# code...
I might be a c# racist or I don't know.2
I don't care how cute you manage to make a robot / AI, if it has a deep voice i'm drop kicking that shit into the sun, fuck that creepy ass motherfucker...
Client: We need to support uploading doc, docx, all image formats and PDF to convert and combine everything into a PDF.
Me: lol. No.
No way in hell am I going to try to convert docx to PDF in Java.4
Worst interview was when I attended interview for the position of PHP and the interviewer started grinding me with C++ questions starting with STLs. Could not answer most of them, interviewer said to get my act together and try again after 3 months. Nope not gonna happen!
Freenas update from 11.1 to 11.2 beta 2
They added experimental smb direct / multichannel support, yay.
Me tries to connect to the smb share:
->Connection timed out 🤔
->Connection refused 😐
Google foo ....
->Nope, no connection 😔
"Failed to retrieve list of shares from server"
Reinstalls freenas to be sure it's not some janky install.
Google some more
*Like a year later*
Look into /etc/samba/smb.conf
Client max protocol = NTLM1
Who thought that to be a good Idea!?
It's the default Manjaro smb conf from the official repository by the way.
Didn't even know there was a setting for max client protocol.
Thought it was a server only config.
Nope, some motherfucker trolled me long and hard this time. 😩
But back to getting smb direct working on my setup.
Thunar gvfs is like it's own completely separate thing.
Smb status, and all the other commands don't see any open connections anywhere.
Gvfs still connects fine to the share even though the smb.conf is deleted and everything else is complaining that there is no config.
On the one hand, it uses samba, on the other it's not actually.
Where the heck can I see the connection properties and wether rdma works or not?
Mother trucking, fracking, leg breaking piece of a dance type.1
When my boss says, isn't it nice to get to do something else than studying all the time (studying uni full time). My initial reaction, nope uni is a thousand times more fun than this reception job, second of all I get anxiety every time I have to go to this work, sorry not sorry man
I fucking hate asp.net web forms. Today we implemented listboxes, so we expected them to just be a wrapper for HTML listboxes. NOPE! They are simply selects. Why they decided to hijack the name and do this, I don't know. That does explain why they don't have multiple columns like true listboxes.
So glad that for the next project, which we should start by the end of May, we'll be moving to MVC and .Net core. This shit is so stupid!3
When you've got shit to complete and decide to work hard but your computer thinks Nope and starts trolling you5
So my day started well.
I come in an the DVR monitor is not working, ok lets turn it off and on, nope. Lets turn the DVR on and off, nope still nothing. Played around with the VGA cable, nope. I cant replace the cable because its hard wired into the monitor....
I grab the spare screen next to me and connect it all up and it works!
Boss tells me to throw "broken" monitor out, I say I want to test it just to make sure, connect it all up to my pc and now it fucking works!
There are days I hate technology....1
Well just saw guardians of the galaxy for the first time and.... Nope, didn't enjoy it...
I shall now retreat back to my safe space of coding half assed applications...3
I JUST typed a huge-ass happy post on LinkedIn and right after I hit the "Post" button, my feed got refreshed and there was no sign of my post getting published... Wtf 😡
NOT typing it all again. Nope.2
Fucking Nvidia updates continuously breaking shit... I wish I could play normally but NOPE! Let's make my high end PC freeze midgame!1
I absolutely LOVE being shot down the moment I bring up an idea just because they think it's hard. What if I want a challenge? NOPE. I patiently wait as I want to cry in bed all alone.6
Wrote my first story. Put my whole soul into it. Sent it off to be reviewed for publishing. Got a "nope" without even one word why or on how to make it better. My life is a failure.6
Main branch running locally - fine
Main branch locally connected to QA dB - fine
Main branch on QA server with QA dB - NOPE
OK - build main locally, push to QA server - fine
Main build by build server, push to QA - nope
Rebuild QA vm and dB - build main, push to QA - nope
Turn on full server logging - PASS.
Working from home. Most of the team is off. Client has an official half day. Most of them are off. Instead of being online at 7 am, gonna get online around 850 just before daily standup. Laying in bed, enjoying the cool sheets and the fact that there's no rush. ~0730 team lead calls, user shit himself and I need to fix it. Server issue? Nope. Data issue? Nope. Portal bug? Nope.
Client input conflicting data and can't progress with tool.2
Chome what the hell is this?
In Firefox with my default theme I can tell which tab is open and which one isn't. In Chrome, you put !!white as a highlight over gray.
You have actually managed to design a UI element almost on the same level of terrible as IE6-11, almost.3
Computer at work is almost as old as the first wheel and super slow... Will they let me get a new one... Nope.4
Trying to work out an encoding bug after upload, I ask them to send me the original version of the file that is currently uploaded. I look at the files and they seem strangely similar, but strangely different.
I reply to them, "To confirm, this is the version you uploaded?"
Happy April's Fool !!! I hope someone does a good prank on you today ! Love the prank DevRant did with the ++ !!!
At first I thought that for some reason by ++ counter was bugged and I head directly to the avatar builder to buy the most expansive stuff.
Fucking Docker, for no fucking reason (no updates, no changes, etc), I tried booting it up following the morning ritual, and nope, ERR_EMPTY_RESPONSE when connecting to my current project (means I managed to connect but for some reason no data is sent). Nginx container doesn't yell about anything.
Everything around works. Accessing the container works. Even pinging my dev domain works. Why the fuck suddenly fucking Docker just **stops**?!
Restarted Hyper-V, updated laradock, recreated containers, disabled AcrylicDNS. NOPE.
"Fuck you Phlisg, I'm not in the mood today" <lunatic Docker is lunatic>
You want me to plot this formatting monstrosity in Excell... nope... I need python to fix the data sets anyway.6
Another OneDrive rant? Nope, this one is more aimed at the wifi in the train. Dutch people assemble!3
I would rant about my life right now i i know people wouldnt understand the problem that Im facing right know.
"Nah. Post it we wanna help, it cant be that bad" - nope i just say nope1
Had a job advert where they legit said a requirement was following the waterfall methodology.
Nope. Nope nope nope nope.4
I told PM that a feature is only ready on Thursday. He goes and tells Tuesday to the business owner. Comes to me and says make it happen. Nope, sorry. Not going to happen.
Non-tech people should not make commitments. I long for the day their jobs become obsolete.
Me: okay lets test this website i made for my iot projects
Apache2: nah nope i aint loading shell stuff
Me: hm seems like a php bug, lets debug locally
Finally looked at the client who overbuilt his WordPress site that I'd gladly build him a new dedicated custom site for $150k and 12 months.
Even if he says he'll take the offer I have no intention of helping this person. Every time I say edits will be done in two days, he spends the next two days sending me emails with more edits to do on top. Today alone I received 78 emails from the client, 46 from the PM which were forwards of other edits. The entire project was handled wrong from the start and no one has the balls to tell him he needs a better solution than WordPress or what our agency can provide. We have a few hundred clients, he's lucky to get one week turn around time on anything more than copy changes. He wants form functionality changes weekly because he's always got a new idea, the current form has over 30 fields for users to fill out, all required, and he's always asking for more.4
Convo b/w me & lecturer.
Me: Is one line that explains exactly what it does okay?
Me: Okay I'll make it a paragraph explaining it a lot more in detail...Is that okay?
Him: Nope, you need to elaborate for laymen.
I don't know what more I can add. Sick of useless documentation. Any one else have this problem?1
Bug is not fixable
I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .1
Outlook protection is shit!
Microsoft is blocking our company mail server AND even my private one for a couple of days now for no reason.
Every other mailing black list has nothing to complain but Microsoft: "You want to send a very important mail to your customer? Nope!"
"Yeah, now you tried to use your private server to fool me. Haha, nope! You didn't think I would block IPs randomly, did you?"
Fuck Microsoft! Fuck Outlook protection! Fuck hotmail!1
WHO CAN SPOT THIS STUPID PHP ERROR!
$string = "something.com"
echo " yep, there's a period";
echo "nope, fuck you there isn't";
output: "nope, fuck you there isn't"
me: wtf ??? fucking wasting my time on this fucking stupid tiny fucking error, goddamnit and each refresh takes 15 seconds because it involves calling all these apis from localhost, gmail, etc. arggg...
...for an hour, until I smacked my head so hard I'm in the hospital for a concussion
I hate when that happens.
Time to take a break.18
"I placed a bet on you. Not a bet like, with money but on the future: In my head, I see you as a senior in a couple years"
Mate how about waiting just enough to let me finish my studies so I can nope the fuck out of this hell hole of a job?1
Back again to the horrow show.
We start with the integration. It’s a new project, let’s see how it works. First step: authentication. From the documentation it claims to be an oAuth2. Wait..why just 2 steps to authenticate?! Nevermind, we’ll contact them later. Let’s go on for now.
They need a timestamp with microseconds precision. Here you are!
Nope. Come on! Take the damned timestamp! Nope. Let’s take a look at theirs. If it’s with milliseconds precision, WHY 7 digits after comma?!!!! We decided to contact them. And then.........their answer: we don’t know of any exact number of digits to represent milliseconds.
I see...so it’s arbitrary!!! What are you going to tell us next? One hour can be 3.14159265 minutes then?!!2
AoC day 4.
This one will be a good one. Probably could write the code in few minutes but have school sadly so nope thats not happening.7
Windows 10 Fall Creator Update (1709) is not supporting Samsung SSD 960 Pro M.2 right now.
Always when I try to update it, I get at the start a blue screen with Boot Device not detected. (Error 0xc00000bb)
Thought ok, let's try the update assistens - Nope
Tried to only boot on my M.2 - Nope NOPE
Tried to install upgrade it over a direct Image - Fuck you MoBo, ain't gonna work.
Googled around and everybody with a Samsung 960 Pro have this problem with the update 1709.
Who dafuq test this things at Microsoft? They are forgetting over the bit more expensive customers with a higher end Rigs.
FUCK YOU MICROSOFT AND WINDOWS TOGETHER. Im gonna bury you under water with in a fucking bolder.7
During the interview, I told them they can put a device to track driver behaviors and offer customized insurance plan based on the data. They laughed at the idea. Nope, not the right company I think.3
Installed chocolatey for the first time because hey a package manager for windows sounds cool
Turns out it automatically installs random ass windows updates
Fuck that noise7
Spent nearly 2 hours why the module/plugin on the system was not working. Delete the plugin. Get it from git. Nope. Restart all services, restart server. Still the same. No errors, nothing.
Realized that I had cloned the wrong git repository.
What do you expect when you go to college to study programming? Tones of interesting tasks and learning up-to-date technologies and languages?
Nope, I have been studying Pascal for 4 years already... Can I write in my resume "senior Pascal"?1
Sometimes I feel like I'm getting good at what I do and then I have a multithreading issue and realize nope nope nope nope nope
Learning to troubleshoot issues with vms. Had to break a vm with a script I was given and then fix it. Docs I was given said x error should be in y log. I check the log; nope. Check the other logs for other possible errors mentioned; nope. Turns out something else broke instead and before of the thing I was supposed to break. Rip me
My client just asked me to copy (his words were I want it to look exactly like) the Apple and Weather Channel apps for iPhone. Ummm... nope. Not getting that lawsuit2
This one is funny for me because my current team lead and I have a really comical dynamic regarding reviews.
I can't say I've ever really had a bad experience but I brought up one stand up about how he had rejected my PR and that he was probably just going to reject the next one. So now it's this joke if I get a PR through in one review (which is usually).
One time he spiked a ping pong ball towards me in a match and I replied, "Hey whoa man, this isn't a code review calm down!". 😂
I wanted to get the latest NASA APOD photo with Python. Easy, right? Nope! Firstly, their RSS feed is partly HTML, so feedparser doesn't understand it. Secondly, feedparser doesn't even get the titles of entries correctly.
Which is why I'm trying to parse it in a horrible way using Python regexp. NASA can put humans on Luna but not even get their RSS feeds to parse properly.2
Weekend of our big re-platforming finally comes. I'm not invited for overtime work during this transition. Boss emails on Sunday wanting me to test some code.
What the actual fuck? HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Nope. Office could be on fire - not being paid? Not working. 🍺🍺🍺
The happiness of finishing a project that put so much stress into you, best feeling ever.
10 minutes later...
Others in office: Oh you're done. Could you help us with
Others: It's not a lo
At least give me time to catch a power nap.2
Been reading for a while now, finally frustrated enough to add my rant...
Backing up my home server with Veeam to finally ditch raid 5 and add some space. 38% finished when we had to leave for a Thanksgiving dinner. Thought that was perfect because I'd come home to a finished backup, install the new drives and get Plex/webserver back up and running. Nope. Win 10 decides to update and reboot in the middle of my freaking backup at 79% complete. Now, I've just told the friends and family I was with to expect the outage in the next hour or two thinking I was ready. Nope. Start all over again. None of this is truly important, really... But Jesus, that's annoying.
Win 10, you have a special place in hell. And Veeam, as much as I love you, you can be right beside them for not letting me run backup console on Linux.1
Fellow developer: "Hey it's Monday our deadline is tomorrow did you get everything working on the Latino site?"
Fellow developer: "Why the hell not!?"
Me: "you never gave me access to the Wordpress account that I asked for multiple times."
Fellow developer: "oh my bad."
What's your favorite esoteric language? Lolcode?
crowd: "ooohhhhhhhhh. Oh no you didn't"1
I've been trying to leave DoD for a couple of months now. Translating my 10 year's experience with complex Intelligence enterprise level systems to something relatable to the civilian IT world. Grabbed a few certs to help out A+, network+ and security+ with Linux+ as my next target. Photos of me working on unclassified systems, radios, cell towers and servers. I'm a teacher for military UAS so this shouldn't be to hard to get even a basic job in IT right.
No one will hire...
Linux admin: Nope
Network admin: Nope
Assistant Network admin: Nope
IT call service: Nope
Pool cleaner fucking nope
Many interviews and nothing
I'm broke and sold all of my personal valuables. I can't hold out much longer and really looking at becoming homeless. But I'm kinda ok with it, one last payment on my apartment and car is all I can do now. My parents think I'm in Afghanistan working a six figure job lol
DoD: we see you're trying to leave we'll pay you alot to teach A+, Network+ and Security+ traveling all across the country and staying at hotels with all expenses paid.
FU FU FU I want out please tell me someone has a job, I'll be a janitor of a server room Idc I just want out. Fuck the pay
I start Tuesday...4
When you have been trying to understand what your Hindi client wants from you for half a day, then been implementing it for the other half, and then it is 15:45 and based on result you have send him half hour earlier, he decides that no, it has to work differently and want new result, before weekend.
Just had a job op through described as "innovations team member at an eSynergy lab." So much nope! WTF is eSynergy?!
When you are coding a site and think it would be a great idea to hook it up to the app engine SDK. Nope wrong move now it has just gone to shit :(
Got home after a four hour physics test, laid down in my bed and thought to myself, I'll just chill here for a bit. Haha nope! I woke up a little over 3 hours later. No coding done today... :(2
Occasionally I'll make a commit with a message such as 'a' or 'nope' or 'fix' when a few fixes haven't worked when pushing to the test build... I always look back and hate it...
Impulsive saving. I just cut a portion of newly written code (not committed), saved the file as a reflex, and accidentally closed emacs instead of switching window.
The environment should have had the cut in its clipboard, but nope. I should have a history of autosaves, but that doesn't seem to work as I expected.
Binding C-x C-c to null again :(
I have work to do on my .emacs.3
New guy - Senior profile - First question asked - Nope it's a Junior. How come - asking the basic functionality of the middleware piece you have to extend and cannot even answer on this one
I now approach all new situations as though they were a 'black box'
Carefully choose inputs
Examine and analyze output
Socially awkward? Nope, just charting your I/O.
Yanno, a popup that states "failure. No specific error was returned with this API call" is about as useful as "Error code: NOPE. Good luck fuckers!"
This occured after hitting the delete button for an MX record on a host that I'm migrating away from.
I simplified 7 functions down to a blob because it was truly unreadable and fragmented. As I did it, I thought there was no way I did it right. This can't be the logic. Nope. It is.
Yeah, the formatting could be better. End of the shift so that's a tomorrow thing.10
That feeling when you're optimizing your code and comment a small function to compare results, then few hours later you push to production and forget everything about that function.
It aint pretty, nope I can't run away from this one!2
Have a presentation with my team finish it 15 min before a standup meeting with the same team suggest starting it right afterwards...nope we can wait 15mins...to talk to each other again...
I work very hard to the point I have no medical leave in all the time I have been working, I take do I get any respect nope at every opportunity I get shat on, blamed for everything today I was told off for thinking.5
Besides my wife accusing me of talking to other women, nope. But that's probably a result of a quote from a movie that i feel is true "I'm married to my work, my wife is my mistress, that way I'll love her forever"1
XXXX programming language does not scale. Nope, it is your code. Review your code and improve it! Don't add more hardware to improve performance, that solution just covers the problem. Review, review and review
// doesn't work.
/* nope */
<?php /* uhhh */ ?>
Only devil decided that we have to speak PHP on nearly all our comments.
Put in 2 weeks of dev, it passes QA, guy that is presenting to customer checks it against the spec and after all of that half an hour before end of work day the day before guy is going to the client to present this he finds an error (I misinterpreted the spec)... Nope, not gonna code the changes all night so it's implemented properly for the presentation.
Something that I think devs have to do, is say 'hell no' to their superiors. Anyone got any war stories for this? We can use the tag 'nope' to group them all?3
6pm Friday , opening a trouble ticket on a citrix server because an app has the wrong link ie.
The support that you answers:
Ie on your computer ? On the server ?
Nope, on the laptop of my little sister....
Reverse engineering with IDA, be like:
Ow that makes sense, lets jmp there, nope thats not... aaah this must be the subroutine I was lookig for, nope thats not it, repeat.
I just love when all my code is perfect and clean... then I compile it to see my changes... and everything is fucking broken.. so I think "okay, let me see if I missed something or forgot a space or something stupid."... nope not that *recompiles* nothing is showing up.
"That's cool too, who needs a working website anyways."