My classmates are such hypocrites. They pretend to be programmers, but they can't fool me.

"Oh sorry. I can't show you the result of my html code. I have to compile it first, but there's no WiFi."

There's so many things wrong with that.

Favourite Programming Quote - Whats yours?

"A computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things." - Bill Bryson

Programmers of today are like the monks of the middle ages. We use a language that people don't understand, we spend all our time sitting in a room reading, and people constantly ask us for advice but never really listens to the answer.

Why do some female programmers place emphasis on their gender?

It's always: female programmer... Female web developer... Female android dev... Female Sysadmin... Etc

I mean, you don't see males saying "I'm a male programmer."

Female programmers aren't rare anymore. More and more of them are starting to program, so what's the point of emphasizing your gender?

For some reason, females think it's "special" to be a female programmer.

How does your gender relate to your skill?

A: So are you the programmers of this software?

B: Yeah, I did the front end

A: Oh it looks so fantastic! It is simple, yet beautiful and responsive. Truly great design, you are so talented!

C: I did the back end...

A: Oh, you mean the server stuff?

C: Yeah

A: Niceeee

Today (as a joke), I asked my class if there were any “professional HTML programmers” who could help me.

Surprisingly a couple people came over with smirks on their face. I thought they were going along with the joke.

Turns out, they were serious. They legitimately believed that they were professional HTML programmers and talked to me in such a condescending way that I was speechless.

“This is called a file. See that part after the dot? That’s what makes it HTML. HTML is an incredibly hard programming language and powers CPUs and the computer that you are using.”

I didn’t know how to respond. Hopefully they were joking.

Programmers are the wizards of tommorow. Period

My last internship. When acquiring a new project and having to give an estimate the boss/sales guy always went to the programming team first to ask them what the estimate was and then communicated that back to the client(s).

Asked him why he does that because many companies don't:

Well, the programmers are going to write the software so why the hell would *I* be the one who gives the fucking estimates?

Yes that was a good boss.

If programmers were doctors.

Doctor A: the patient is having heart attack
Doctor B: we have to reproduce the heart attack to be able to heal him
Doctor C: why dont we just remove the hesrt and install a new heart
Doctor D: human heart are bad, maybe we should use animal heart

There are two kinds of people:
those who write
if foo.isBar() {
foo.setBar(false)
}
else {
foo.setBar(true)
}

Vs
those who write
foo.setBar(!foo.isBar())

Only good programmers will understand😢😊

programming languages are not designed to talk to computers, they are designed to be readable by other programmers.

please code like it.

Normal people talking:
Alice: Are you on Facebook?
Bob: No.
Alice: OMG!!! YOU'RE NOT ON FACEBOOK!? Do you live under a rock?

Programmers talking:
<Replace all instances of Facebook with github>

devRant, the only positive and supportive online community for programmers.

until you mention an OS.

then all bets are off.

Ever wondered why C++ programmers need to replace their keyboards so often?

Because they are using a strongly typed language

I thought I was a hardcore geek until I came on here.

Super chill enviroment tho

Programmers are some of the nicest people you will meet.

Except the 12 year old hackers.

Noobies think there are 1,000 mb in a gigabyte. Real programmers know there are 1,024 meters in a kilometer.

There are two kinds of programmers:
Those who use version control,
and those who soon whish they've used version control.

**Colleagues Speaking about some political issues**
Me: Why what happened in that council?
Colleagues: Are you living under a rock or what?
Me: No, I have been living inside a shell. Why?
Colleagues: Stared for 5 seconds and continued with their topic.

I so badly want some programmers in my office ☹️

I'm so fucking tired of all these "teach kids to code" and "everyone can code" shit.

It's genuinely not for everyone. Some people are not meant to code, so stop trying to force it down everyone's throat because we're going to end up with a lot of people doing it because of a nice job and shit, not because they want to.

I get many of these programs and shit are to expose people to it and all, but fucking hell stop trying to make everyone fucking programmers

As most of you already know, I'm a writer. I've noticed the similarities between writing and programming:

1. Tabs vs spaces.

2. Both typically spend all their time with a single project.

3. Coffee... (Unless you're a tea lover like me.)

4. Both typically have no life.

5. Debugging is hell for programmers and editing/revising is hell for writers.

6. Strict clients for programming and strict editors for writing.

7. Semicolons... They're useful but everyone despises them.

8: Emotions. Programmers are angry at their code. (Why won't you work?) and writers feel depressed about their writing. (Why did you die?)

9. War of the programs. For programmers: Vim vs VScode vs Atom vs Sublime and etc. For writers: MS word vs Google docs vs Libre office and etc.

10. Online forums. Stack overflow and Writer's digest.

11. Typing... Typing... All day long.

These are only a few similarities. I've noticed a lot more than this.

Programmers are "Pro in grammar"

"Programmers are persons that convert caffeine into code". Every time i see this quote, i ask myself: Am i the only one? (non-coffee drinking programmer)

Programmers are like cats, you need at least two of them so they can play with eachother

"Put aside your ego, it's the worst problem with programmers" -My mentor

I tend to help others and contribute with courtesy, putting my ego aside and listening to others' suggestions at all times, no matter how potentially silly they are

Now now, I wouldn't say your programmers are exactly insanely good Ubisoft.

I was a little startled when I saw posts with images of google searches with "programmers are..."

So I tried it for myself.. nothing to worry about

devRant is going to change the stereotype of introverted programmers. Clearly we are not! We just need the right people to talk to :)

Programmers as seen by me when I was 10: "OMG, they are scientists, they must rule the world!"

Now: "How the fuck... Whose donkey programmed that shit?!"

The head of the software department of a company I did an internship at once said:

'the stereotype that programmers sit in a dark room all day with empty pizza boxes on their desks is wrong. They are very social and communicate a lot'

Me: yeah, for sure ...

Just read that EU may planning regulating Algorithms...

What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?

They want that programmers make their Algorithms public accessible for transparency and say what algorithms are allowed to do, because people are scared of them?!

MY BRAIN HURTS AFTER THAT FUCKING GENERAL DATA PROTECTION BULLSHIT THEY WANT TO REGULATE HOW OUR PROGRAMS SHOULD WORK?!

AHDHSHSJSDHJABDJS SHDNSBDBSNSN *RAGEQUIT*

Changelogs are like a magazine for programmers...

Since you're here, let's make something very clear.
There are four kinds of people in this world:
1. Idiot fucks who commit everytime they write a single loc
2. Professional programmers who commit when they complete a module/functionality
3. Lost souls who commit to their girlfriends
4. People who don't use git.
Understand?

@dfox
Fat avatar plz.
Not all programmers are steve jobs, some are Steve Woz.
Not proud to be fat, not claiming fat shaming.
I just want to be represented.
Not upset if this is not possible, just a suggestion.
Willing to do the art myself if you like.

People say programmers are no fun!! But they don't know the truth.

We have big Ass container of emotions almost ready to explode anytime. We are spending too much time in debugging stuff one after another that having a free time is just a hoax to us, even when we came back home for sleep, it's only to dream about solution. We would be happy with debugging the error that is not letting us sleep for weeks.

Welcome to backend development, when only felow programmers know what you are doing, and fucking frontend guys get all the credit.

I always grew up with the "programmers are wizards" idea in mind. Of course, I understood it was just a joke. But on my first day in university I went to my first CS class... And my professor looked exactly like a wizard.

Am I only one thinking that Linux is kind ok cliche among programmers. Some of them brag about using Ubuntu over Windows like it makes you a better programmer. I have seen brilliant Windows developers and shitty Linux developers. My point is not that Windows is better, just stop bragging that you are using Ubuntu, it does not make you smart or better than others.

Linus won't call out dipshitprogrammers? That's not good. There are a lot of dipsshit programmers out there. :/

There are two types of programmers

do all programmers are lazy or is it only me?😒

Why do people think that programmers are a pc repair man??? this is s**t on so many levels.

>be me
>drop out of uni studying civil engineering
>"self-taught" "web programmer"
>start freelancing in 2010
>Make money, feels good man
>clients keep me busy, feel important
>Code just for the fun of it
>be 2019. Married, code to make ends meet
>lose all interest
>mere sight of the ide makes me want to bash the screen
>have zero motivation
>never get any projects done
>become broke af
>look at old friends on fb. They are "Something".
>look at real software engineers and programmers with education
>realize I am an imposter
>start dropping all projects and studying theory
>become more broke
>start taking "motivation pills" to just start working again
>lose all motivation and pissed at all the real programmers and engineers for their success
>be me on May 20, 2019 at 2:56 AM
Yep, this is the end.

Yea... so you know all those rants/jokes about how you need to explain programming to ur friends and family?

I just realized I don't have that problem.... all of them are programmers as well :)

To all the programmers calling “ToString()” on variables that are already of type String....

Please stop.

Product manager: "Programmers are limitted to computer programs, that's why app developers can do mobile devices too!"

Me: "Programmers are not limited to computer programs, its a general skill"

Product Manager: "Then why App
Development is a career?"

Okay, I love programming - making my code better faster more readable^^ but I am not a nerd, I have no idea what's going on in star wars or star trek, I do not fucking care about Game of Thrones - I prefer to go out in some clubs and so... I hate it when people are so fucking surprised about my job and interests.

There are programmers who are not nerds live with it!

all men are !equal. Some are programmers. it's beautiful how only a programmer would get this.

I ’m kinda jealous of English programmers. How cool must it be to have all the common characters for programming fit onto a single modifier, and to have all special characters for default vim keybindings available with shift. On a hungarian keyboard, braces and square brackets are both AltGr-bound, but parentheses are shift-bound. Oh, and the semicolon is AltGr + the key right above it, so it breaks touch typing.

Ducks are just like programmers. They might seem calm on the surface, but they're flailing wildly underneath

Why are programmers like Houdini?\n
\n
\n
\"Because they're both masters of escaping.\"

!Rant
Everyone says that programmers, engineers, etc are boring and don't know how to have fun, they don't go out, etc.

Well, I just lost my glasses last night cuz I was drunk as shit lol.

there are three kinds of programmers

foo () {
// those who use this
}

foo ()
{
// those who do this
}

for () { } // and theres this

Foday my father argued with me that:
* "HTML programmers" get payed a lot
* WordPress is awesome
* wordpress programmers get payed a lot
* WordPress doesn't need to be secure
* FileMaker is 100% virus-free (probably malware free), because not many people use it
* UX and UI design are exactly the same

There's so many posts on here that say fuck apple or Microsoft only real programmers or computer users run Linux. Maybe step back and reflect why these companies got big. Maybe the programmers in their development teams are actually good. Maybe variety and competition and different focuses is good for us and consumers.

there are more kinds of programmers :
the ones that drink coffee
the ones that drink alcohol
and there's me eating sunflower seeds

It's just sick how managers boast about how their programmers aren't getting sleep enough/at all due to nonstop coding.

That's not actually something to be proud of, CAUSE IT SHOWS HOW INEFFICIENT YOU ARE AT, I don't know... MANAGING?

When computer programmers are hungry they take mega-bites.

*badum tsss*

Just read this in a blog post by Jon Arundel, I think he's spot on:

"Programmers are incurable optimists: we always think our code will work, despite much evidence to the contrary."

Tl;Dr - It started as an escape, carried on as fun, then as a way to be lazy, and finally as a way of life. Coding has defined and shaped my entire life from the age of nine.

When I was nine I was playing a game on my ZX spectrum and accidentally knocked the keyboard as I reached over to adjust my TV. Incredibly parts of it actually made a little sense to me and got my curiosity. I spent hours reading through that code, afraid to turn the Spectrum off in case I couldn't get back to it. Weeks later I got hold of a book of example code to copy out to do various things like making patterns on the screen. I was amazed by it. You told it what to do, and it did it! (don't you miss the days when coding worked like that?) I was bitten by the coding bug (excuse the pun) and I'd got it bad! I spent many late nights on that thing, escaping from a difficult home life. People (especially adults) were confusing, and in my experience unpredictable. When you did things wrong they shouted at you and threatened to take you away, or ignored you completely. Code never did that. If you did something wrong, it quietly let you know and often told you exactly what was wrong. It wasn't because of shifting expectations or a change of mood or anything like that. It was just clean logic, simple cause and effect.

I get my first computer a year later: an IBM XT that had been discarded by a company and was fitted with a key on the side to turn it on. With the impressive noise it made it really was like starting an engine. Whole most kids would have played with the games, I spent my time playing with batch scripts and writing very simple text adventures. And discovering what "format c:" does. With some abuse and threatened violence I managed to get windows running on it. Windows 2.1 I think it was.

At 12 I got a Gateway 75 running Windows 95. Over the next few years I do covered many amazing games: ROTT, Doom, Hexen, and so on. Aside from the games themselves, I was fascinated by the way computers could be linked together to play together (this was still early days for the Web and computers networked in a home was very unusual). I also got into making levels for Doom, Heretic, and years later Duke Nukem 3D (pretty sure it was heretic; all I remember is the nightmare of trying to write levels entirely by code!). I enjoyed re-scripting some of the weapons and monsters to behave differently. About this time I also got into HTML (I still call this coding, but not programming), C, and java. I had trouble with C as none of the examples and tutorial code seemed to run properly under a Windows environment. Similar for my very short stint with assembly. At some point I got a TI-83 programmable calculator and started rewriting my old batch script games on it, including one "Gangster Lord" game that had the same mechanics as a lot of the Facebook games that appeared later (do things, earn money, spend money to buy stuff to do more things). Worried about upcoming exams, I also made a number of maths helper apps, including a quadratic equation solver that gave the steps, and a fake calculator reset to smuggle them into my exams. When the day came I panicked and did a proper reset for fear of being caught.

At 18 I was convinced I was going to be a professional coder as I started a degree in Computer Science. Three months later I dropped out after a bunch of lectures teaching what input and output devices were and realising we were only going to be taught Java and no C++. I started a job on the call centre of a big company, but was frustrated with many of the boring and repetitive tasks we had to do. So I put my previous knowledge to use, and quickly learned VBA to automate tasks. It wasn't long before I ended up promoted to Business Analyst where I worked on a great team building small systems in Office, SAS, and a few other tools.

I decided to retrain in psychology, so left the job I was in and started another degree. During my work and placements my skills came in use a number of times to simplify and automate tasks. I finished my degree, then took a job as a teaching assistant while I worked out what I wanted to do next and how to pay for it. Three years later I've ended up IT technican at the school, responsible for the website, teaching a number of Computing lessons each week, and unofficial co-coordinator for Computing as a subject. I also run a team of ten year old Digital Leaders who I am training in online safety and as technical experts; I am hoping to inspire them to a future in coding. In September I'll be starting teacher training with a view to becoming a Computing specialist teacher. Oh, and I'm currently doing a course in Android Development in my free time.

And this all started with an accidental knock on the keyboard of a ZX Spectrum.

Am I the only one who thinks that with all the scripting languages starting programming becomes to easy and so learning really good programming is getting nearly impossible because every tutorial is made for total n00bs and every forum is full of: hey my hello world programs isn't working?

Ps:I have no problem with people starting programming with languages like c# and python, I think just there are too many people saying that they are programmers just because they wrote hello world.

Pps: sry 4 my English.

What the F**K? Why Marketing department always think they know better than IT Department? They always tell us "What so difficult to do this thing? You guys must have templates and change a few things!"

Let me give you some insight here, that this guy is the guy who buy website templates from programmers, change things and upload the site to Bluehost or Wordpress, That's all he do.

Our Software Archictect, colleagues and I personally went from "What the f***?" to "Are you f**king Kidding Me? "

Sometimes I just want to tell him this "Hey you mother f**ker, based on your f**king statement , why would you need programmers then? You guys can just buy the templates and change things".....

F**k you Marketing Department!

A computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things.

Programmers are like bees!

You can domesticate programmers the way beekeepers tame bees. You can't exactly communicate with them, but you can get them to swarm in one place and when they're not looking, you can carry off the honey. You keep these bees from stinging by paying them money. More money than they know what to do with. But that's less than you might think. ~ Orson Scott Card

* had to share * read it on a tutorial website *
Remember that everyone makes mistakes.
Programmers are like magicians who fool everyone into thinking they are perfect and never wrong, but it's all an act. They make mistakes all the time.

programming fact.....
long time ago ,
the people who sacrificed their love,family,sleep,food,laughter and other joys of life were called
"saints"

now they are called "programmers"

our neighbor has very fast Wi-Fi (~200 MBPS) . but, he didn't tell us the password and we don't know where to ask

sis : You said that you are a programmer right?
me : Of course!
sis : So why don't you do your job?
me : Create an app?
sis : No! hack his Wi-Fi
me : *Hacked the Wi-Fi and give her the password*

another day, mom's phone got crazy,

mom: Allen! Come and fix this phone
me : *After looking at the phone*
me : It is the screen saver I installed earlier

but why people think that programmers are "Computer gods" ?

I feel like there are more and more people who only THINK they can program, but in reality they barely can make the “Hello, world” program. Many of them come from all of these “online courses”, I’m not saying that from there come only the bad ones, but many of them are bad programmers, who just think that one or two courses is good enough.
You have to gain experience by doing actual work, not by doing pre-baked exercises. In real life most of things you have to solve with your imagination - Stackoverflow will only provide you some raw draw!

When artists think they are better than programmers.. Can't draw circles indeed, but after 3 days of learning blender I've managed to make that without a tut..

var redundant_function = function () {
console.log('happy birthday to me') ;
}

** Programmers Speak **

Don't know much about real life,

But Relationships in Laravel are important.

Are there any other young programmers here (<18)?

My coworker and I are both novice programmers: we both know a little about several languages.

So it's really cool when we learn something new from each other. I learned how to properly open a file in Python, and he learned that "\t" is the tab character.

It's a Win-Win for both of us!

My dads latest wisdom:
"Back in the days there were two types of people that whisper to themselves while walking down the street:
1. people that are building a house,
2. crazy people"
** looks at me ***
"... and in the recent times programmers are special category"

I've been working with some new programmers now, trying to make this a place where people actually like working at. In my experience, most workplaces are bottom of the barrel shit, so I really wanted to try and make this the opposite, at least for the engineering team. When I hear them say how much they like working here, and how jealous their friends or family are at how much they are enjoying themselves and chilling with their coworkers and even their boss, it makes me feel so nice.

It might be a tiny company, but spreading happiness is great.

How many "normal" people (we as programmers are special) languages do you speak/understand?

I know English, Italian, some French & Spanish and some Slavic language like Macedonia, Serbian, Croatian and Slovenian. What about you?

There are 2 kinds of programmers.

people who searches Google and CAN find the solution.

people who searches Google and still CANNOT find the solution.

The people saying that ChatGPT will replace programmers are the same ones that thought as a kid that math was useless because you have calculators

the more time I spend in this industry, the more I come to realize that it's a very blurry line between PROGRAMMING and CONFIGURING.

How much programming do you do these days, really? Isn't it just configuring your frameworks and libraries and engines to do what they do in the way you want?

Does it still make you programmers...?

And then what are these .conf files for your application? A declarative configuration for your... imperative configuration...?

I got this function skeleton to implement, who the fuck return a Boolean value using a int64?!?

Why are C programmers so damn insistent of never using the _Bool type that is in the damn language since C99? Have they been living under a rock since 1999?

// An irritated C++ programmer

When they are fumigating the office and the boss says they need to spray some more around the programmers desks.

Gotta love it when your boss has a sense of humour.

PHP is magic.

And most programmers are disbelievers of magic.

Code comments #1: A way to document bad code that wasn't reduced to it's essentials and thus unreadable. Bad.

Code comments #2: A way to explain for non-programmers how the code works. Wrong place.

Code comments #3: Company policy. No one really knows why, but others do that, so we better do it to. The management sucks.

Code comments #4: Because some hip methodology/guru describes how to document code. After a few years, when the methodology has been (unofficially) forgotten, everyone still comments the code the same way. The old management sucked.

Code comments 5#: For insecure programmers who want to convince them self they understand the code they've written. Maybe apply at McDo?

Code comments #6: Some programmers are apparently paid by lines of code. Possibly understandable.

// Comments, anyone?

After many years... I truly believe that non IT people belive that this is how programmers work:

- Goodmorning computer. How are you? Can you make me a program? I want the program to include an userfriendly userinterface, database, optimized code, documentation and dont forget that i dont want any bugs! Thanks computer. I'll get back to you when my coffee is ready.

The personal trainers in the fitness that I go to are graduated programmers(.net, javascript, sql...).
During rest I can talk about something I love to people who understand me, guess I am lucky. 🍀

Int main()
{
cout << "Hello Devrant!";
return 0;
}
My computer professor has told us our future grades depend on who ever can beat him at soul caliber 6 when it comes out.
Are all programmers this goofy?

I wish the Congress would run all legislation by a team of programmers. Regardless of political leanings one thing is indisputable: We are very keen when it comes to finding bugs in a piece of code -- especially if we didn't write said code!
After all: What is the law if not code for people instead of processors?

"It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to students that have had prior exposure to BASIC. As potential programmers, they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration." - E. W. Dijkstra

Are most programmers introverts? Just wondering cause I'm an introvert.

Programmers who work on audio/video or picture software are those I am most impressed with, either that or kernel devs!

Programming is an ART
Programmers are also to be called artists

I've been wondering this for a while now, but how are senior programmers able to (or at least seem to) remember all the code for all the different languages with all the different syntax?

Let me explain: From my experience there's usually two types of thinkers, there's the memorizers, and the logical thinkers. Its usually the difference between people good at history and people good at math. So considering that most programmers would need to be able to think logically (to problem solve obviously), how do they remember all this different code? I always forget the small details which I have to look back at earlier code to see how it was done (Especially annoying for written exams where we have to remember all the code and how to use it)

I feel really sorry for those who are programmers but allergic to coffee && redbull :|

I swear I hate seeing these wannabe programmers sharing their shit content on social media. I mean, I respect people who are getting into programming and giving it their best. But one just doesn't write "Fuck Types" when talking about a Dart. I mean, atleast open the introduction page of that language before you jump and start giving people "pro tips". Stop skimming over technologies/languages and dive a bit deep to understand how it works.

I feel like "programmers are not computer technicians" joke is kinda overused lately. It doesn' matter if we are not technicians, we are very knowledgeable in computers and people knows that. People of course will try to get help from you when they can so it's not a wonder that they ask you to help with something they are not confident. Everyone that exercises practical professions lives through that. If your sister-in-law is a mathematician it's normal to ask for help if you are not able to come up with the right algorithm for the task. People depend on each other. That's how we survive.
But I'm not saying start helping everybody that can't open a pdf file. Just know who to choose to help. If they are a capable person or someone that's a part of your everyday life they will most likely repay you when you are also in need. Believe me everyone needs help time to time.

programmers are simple beings, why people are complicating things

Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code. 🍵

Work from Home was not the cup of tea for most of us before Covid-19. 😱

Some really love working in the comfort of their home like your oh-so-lovely HR and some are scratching their heads like your beloved Project Managers.😂

The Designer is loving his space. 😍

Tester is enjoying some good naps in between the working hours. 😴

and... What do you think programmers would be doing? 🧐

Well.. well.. well.. Programmers don't really feel any change. Coding then and Coding now. 😎

How's your Work From Home Going?

There are two kinds of people who work at Microsoft:
Non-programmers.
Those who use Linux cause they hate Windows.

We're increasingly becoming installers/configurers/integrators/troubleshooters, than "programmers"!

I guess command-line is the only thing that makes me feel like things are still under *my* control. And, I can type whatever I want and unleash heaven/hell. 😜

There is this general idea that people have that when programmers are able to run their code in their first attempt, without any error, they think of ourselves as geniuses. But i think that is the case only when you are starting to code. If a programmer with enough experience runs his/her code in their first attempt without any issues, he/she just says their thanks and moves on, because they know that the code can sense cockiness and if they get too carried away now they'll have to pay the price in future.

So I saw this argument between two intellectual titans on Quora about C vs C++. It was pretty amusing lol.

First Guy: “C programmers are the Amish! They’re afraid of change. C++ is a better C because it repairs it insufficiencies like classes and namespaces.”

Second guy: “C is fairly consistent, while C++ is inconsistent in many places. It performs so many allocations without you even knowing it. It’s complexity is very distracting !”

I don't understand how is possible that programmers today are developing applications that are storing plain password in the database.

I know it's kinda boring topic since everybody here is talking about it this week, but it's really confusing to me.

Every now and then some DB gets hacked, millions of passwords are leaked and then you have developers, who should be smart and logical people, who decide to do that.

Ok, maybe the project deadline was close or something similar, but I think there is no excuse for something like that. No matter how close or behind deadline project is, you should always be able to explain to your boss/client what could happen.

Black Friday is the time where you consider to buy a new laptop and finds that laptop companies don't know how to make one for programmers. Either they are shit or they are gamer laptop that have 2~4 GB of video memory you will never use and costs thousands of dollars.
Is it hard to make one with good CPU, RAM and a SSD without concluding that you are a hardcore gamer and you need an expensive video card along with it?

{ “dow”: “10000001,10000002” }

Me: So what does this mean in the JSON response and why isn’t it a JSON collection?
Dynamics guys: that represents the days of the week. Because that is how it comes out of Microsoft Dynamics.

I’m thinking that they are either bad rest API programmers MS is bad at JSON. I can’t see the code so I don’t know which. No fixes because budget.

I have couple dev ambitions some of them are:
- to become better in what I am doing and get a higher position.
- to build my own product.
- to educate young programmers.

IDEs are a bane on programmers and entice you with sweet autosugar into habits and religious beliefs on style that have no grounding elsewhere than your little bubble.

I have a dream that I will find a group of programmers that enjoy their craft and we are able to bond together and create the coolest shit we want and monetize it. We will inspire programmers to overthrow corporate America. We will all live in a big house and everyone will have their different hobbies and we can learn from each other and work on whatever we want to do each day. We will have unlimited dried mangoes, chocolate chips, and chips n salsa. We will create a kingdom.

When a two programmers meet in public and they start to talk loud
Then.....
You notice people look like (o_o) and watching
And a sound from the back saying "what are you saying?"

I love to program — I discovered that about myself a few years ago. Beforehand, I only KNEW how to program. But then I discovered the power programming gives you to create things, and even help your surroundings. So now, I can surely say, that I love programming. Heck, I am even dating a very talented programmer.

But despite all the pleasure I derive from it, I feel lonely sometimes. True, there are millions of programmers all over the world. I also know I am not the only one who prefers coding over going to the movies, taking a walk, eating or sleeping.

Why do I feel this way?

My loneliness is a gendered loneliness, as there are not many women in my field. For sure, there are women who study computer science in high school or at the university, and some even work as programmers. But they are very, very few!

I often underestimate my abilities and feel intimated for no apparent reason

#random thoughts

This weekly is getting really popular with so many rants coming in.
Shows the extent to which real coders/programmers/developers are tormented by the incompetent education system.
Here is my two cents:
Students should be taught to build their logic on paper before jumping on to their keyboards.

There's a classic joke about how programmers check both ways on a one way street because users are so stupid.

Well I took a walk on my break and literally 30 seconds from the door to my building someone was going the wrong way on a one way street.

Does art imitate life, or does life imitate art?

Food and Programmers life:
Spaghetti —> My Code
Pizza —> We are spending the night working in the office
Power Drinks —> delivery date is tomorrow morning
Candy —> extra task
Coffee —> bug massage
Water —> wash your face, we have meetings in five minutes
Truffle —> fu** BlockChain
KitKat —> upgrade your phone please
Lollipop —> one more time please
Marshmallow —> do you like some Nougat?

I hate when some programmers say that goto should NEVER be used. It's clear that in common cases is not needed but there are situations where goto is the best solution

someone: Who are you ?
me: Programmer
someone: What do programmers do ?
me: We push shitty hacks into production

There are two kinds of programmers — those who have written compilers and those who haven't.
— Terry A. Davis

What do you do for a living? I mean, since we're all in devRant, we are all programmers and developers here. But what do you specialise in and which language do you recommend for use in your field?

Programmers are the digital equivalent to Wizards.

Funny thought:
Just like a wizard manipulates the physical world, creating spells that obey his intentions, a programmer manipulates the digital world, creating processes and methods that obey his will.

There are quite interesting similarities.... Now where's my digital wizard cape!?

The panic when there are only two competent programmers in the scrum team, and PM says he is moving one to another team.

I think the author of Mythical Man Month would be interested to see how wildly popular devRant has become. Maybe we are all optimists when we start out programming, but once you expose us to clients, PMs and deadlines. Well.. we're going to need somewhere to rant.
(and in case you haven't yet had the pleasure of reading it):

All programmers are optimists. Perhaps this modern sorcery especially attracts those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers. Perhaps the hundreds of nitty frustrations drive away all but those who habitually focus on the end goal. Perhaps it is merely that computers are young, programmers are younger, and the young are always optimists. But however the selection process works, the result is indisputable: 'This time it will surely run,' or 'I just found the last bug'
( The Mythical Man Month ).

- Frederick Brooks, Jr.

There are 2 types of people that I can't stand:

- Designers who thinks they can do the front-end as they use Photoshop

- Programmers that thinks the front-end is easy enough as put random bootstrap columns everywhere

Then when something doesn't work, they blame the front-end developer.

Try to communicate more, assholes, and do your job.

are there some graphic designers here? 😎
Do you code?
Did you learn some stuff here on devRant? What did you learn?
What do you design mostly?
How do you deal with programmers who don't obey your design specs because they're lazzy fucks? muhaha 😆
how do you think this profession will evolve in the next 10 years?

and you devs, what do you think of us? what are your experiences with designers? good and bad ones?

As a programmer my girlfriend thought I did web design.

Me: If I did web design it'd come with a label saying ~---{Made in China}.

Design patterns are not a catalogue for programmers problems.

The amount of brainless coders that just slap around these patterns because they were taught that it will magically solve everything is amazing.

Programmers are aliens on the earth.

These are the programmers who I had encountered and detest intensely:

1. Programmers who addicted to take other programmers' failure as an achievement.

2. Programmers who are overly arrogant. (Hey just because you know something , that don't make you a God)

3. Programmers who stealing my code without crediting me, and yet he got paid.

4. Programmers who discourage new developers.

5. Programmers who can't take criticism (Once I told a dev that his code is not clean as he decided to name the variable like __fuckingFuckingFuckningVar = "Fuck"; , he yelled at me that i am a MF. Which it's completely childish in my opinion, as a software engineer, I think programme a clean code for easy maintain and understandable for others, it is a responsibility.)

6. Programmers who compare me with others.

7. Programmers who are not friendly. (Don't be like Stackoverflow).

Why programmers are always loney ...Why we had this much of trouble for getting a girlfriend

Why is every innovation trying to go towards "replacing programmers"? like, what have we done to you?

GitHub CoPilot will replace programmers!
AI will replace programmers!
This/That tech will replace programmers!

Nobody says,

"Programmers work remote so we don't need to hire managers anymore!"

"Programmers wrote a monitoring script for progress tracking, so no need for managers anymore!"

"We are asking people to install sprinklers everywhere so we don't need firefighters!"

"We can just have one teacher record the subject material once and re-use the same video every year, so now we don't need to hire teachers anymore!"

"We are making everything legal so we don't need to hire policemen!".

Why is everything trying to replace programmers?

Not all computer programmers are NERDS people just assume you are a nerd once you tell them you write code

In Mexic all programmers are Senior's
:D

Long time ago, people who sacrificed their sleep, family, food, laught and other joys of life were called saints now, they are called programmers.

I don't want to suggest that women are worse programmers but Karlie Kloss is at it again 😕

How many of you use the right data structures for the right situations?

As seasoned programmer and mentor Simon Allardice said: "I've met all sorts of programmers, but where the self-taught programmers fell short was knowing when to use the right data structure for the right situation. There are Arrays, ArrayLists, Sets, HashSets, singly linked Lists, doubly linked Lists, Stacks, Queues, Red-Black trees, Binary trees,.. and what the novice programmer does wrong is only use ArrayList for everything".

Most uni students don't have this problem though, for Data Structures is freshman year material. It's dry, complicated and a difficult to pass course, but it's crucial as a toolset for the programmer.

What's important is knowing what data structures are good in what situations and knowing their strengths and weaknesses. If you use an ArrayList to traverse and work with millions of records, it will be ten-fold as inefficient as using a Set. And so on, and so on.

What keeps programmers interested in programming? Does solving new problems always stimulate your dev soul as much as it used to, or are we all doomed to find our jobs uninteresting after a short while?

The reason why programmers are single 😂😂

Anyone else feel this 50/50 male/female work melarky is just silly. Most programmers are men. It shouldn't be more complex then that. Most beautitions are women. Nothing wrong with work being gender dominated... imo

Programmers are everywhere. I found professional Programmers in unrelated hobby groups twice.

Even my boyfriend had JAVA coding experience to build some private server following online tutorials.

Hey y'all clever programmers.. If 'a' and 'b' are two equal real numbers, 'a' = 0.
a = b;
a^2 = a*b;
a^2 - b^2 = a*b - b^2;
(a - b)*(a+b) = (a - b)*b;
a + b = b;
a = 0;

😎 Prove me wrong

Programmers after Writing some successful code be like:-
"Chill, chill just chill"

When that code went into Testing phase:-
"Where are you now? Under the sea.. Under the sea..."

SE != CS

I didn't know this when I started my CS education. The dean of CS undergrad said "we are not here to make programmers" and I was so confused, but now I get it. CS is about the fancy theory and the boring Turing machines and what not. I don't want to do that! I want to write something impressive and awesome and cool-looking!

I wish they would have told me the difference.

Why are programmers not allowed in the Intensive Care Unit?

Because they like to turn stuff off and on again

What if sites like Fiverr and Upwork are actually preparing us for when we all have to compete with third world programmers working for a dollar a day? 🤔

Clients who are making sure GitHub Pilot won't replace programmers

Quote by Uncle Bob: “Never forget that, as programmers, you are stakeholders too. Your technical and ethical reputation is on the line. You have a say. You also have feet.”

Explaining difficult things in a way that they are understandable by non-expert audiences.

This helps a lot to focus on simplicity when programming. And simple means it'll get understood by your peer programmers, it is simpler to test and it will be easier to maintain, and so on...

I am just saying that many successful biotechs were built on shoddy Unix scripts.

We don’t have to go that far anymore, but if your programmers are swearing at you in five years about your terrible code, that’s a win! You lasted five years and grew enough to hire judgmental programmers! Congratulations!

- Michele busby

This is important.

I officially proclaim myself impressed with @K-ASS and their CSS skills. Those pure CSS spheres are amazing, and I regard their CSS skills as “very high”. Probably higher than most of the programmers out there, maybe just shy of spec-writing demigods out there in knowledge. Yet, not shy in creativity.

Congratulations!

Duh... Searched for a good WYSIWYG editor for TALL stack the last days. There are tons of bullshit posts on the internet.

Not all programmers are smart people.

I cannot read programmers blogs on work's laptop, becase blog sites are blocked by the company policy. On the other hand I can enter any imaginable gossip news portal...

There are famous programmers? Who knew!

Rule 1: You are the best programmer.

Rule 2: Others are acting to be good programmers or are in a fixed match.

Scrum is such bullshit. You are made to report to idiot product owners who were promoted from customer service reps.(that is who they were in my previous job). A few years answering phones and all of a sudden programmers are made to report to them who don't know jack about coding...Made to work in high pressure projects by setting 2 week deadlines. Then when there are bugs in code, you are penalized for bad code.

I wonder
Why programmers are containing tons of guy while the first programmer in the world is a woman 😂

P.s : don't take it too seriously

Graduating from school, To find out that there are much (much) better coders, programmers etc. Out there. Made life all the more interesting.

Its good and practical but those who aim to fill gaps in the programming industry by trying to produce "programmers on demand" via a several month long bootcamp are complete idiots. Nobody can learn to develop a well structured application that's easy to maintain in a couple of months, either that is frontend or back end. We are trying to be engineers , not just solve problems.

I feel like Job Listings for programmers are just copied and pasted at random. "5+ years experience with C++" seems a little extreme for a company that makes landing pages and sends out email blasts.

The pains of having 0 girl programmers in college while all of them are enrolled in a CS branch.

This phone has been hijacked by an artist for the evening. My friend told me you guys are programmers. So what are you nerds up to?

Why do programmers are introvert? 🤔

There are too many people that consider software engineering a "job". Anyone else here love the process, people and programming? How do people end up at these bad companies and WHY DO THEY STAY??!?!?! There is so much demand for programmers, designers, software engineers, et al. Such that I do not understand how people stay at these companies that hire people who want to make money instead of code.

Being the only developer in your circle of non-tech friends is weird 😕.
And why are most female programmers not appealing 🤦‍♂️.
The beautiful ones are usually clueless and can't get into a ”deep programming concept ”conversation.
I guess I can't eat my cake and have it at a time.

Reading all your rants I'm glad my parents always supported me. They even helped to pick a good university and paid my dormroom all 6 semesters. I'm the first in the whole family who got a degree at university and I think they are very proud I have a stable job and a good income.
Though I doubt they know how rare (good) programmers are here and how much job offers I'm getting each week 😄

Are there any super hero programmers? Besides from Iron man.

real bugs can't be solved. They are immortalized by other programmers

I really get annoyed when people claim that they are programmers or hackers, when all they did is copy a vbs script they found online.

I will always be grateful to those friends that were patient enough to show me how WordPress worked when I had no idea, to the one that encouraged me to start learning rails, etc.

Because I've meet such great programmers that are just horrible persons and I've learn to appreciate my friends who have always been there everytime I couldn't get things around.

I'll always be grateful to you guys :)

The Indian programmers on YouTube are a God send 🙏🏾.

There are so many movies that explore the idea of the "void". A world between worlds where dark forces are at play. Only necromancers and evil geniuses dare touch the void.

Programmers be like:
void doSomeDarkShit(void* magic);

!rant
I personally love apps like devRant, Slack, github, etc
What are some other lesser known great apps for programmers and developers?

I don't know why girls always leave a big cin at my messages... Maybe they are programmers too...

None of my colleagues are programmers, I explain the problem to them. Then suddenly I see the errors in my ways. Or I start composing an email explaining the problem to another programmer, I usually figure it out before I hit send. The method has been given a name, I've forgotten what. Anyone knows?

What are the first words that a programmers baby will say?

"Hello World."

What are the TV series you guys recommend? ( Worth watching for programmers )

to add a bit of fancyness i print the scripts name and 'by' my 'artists name' whenever scripts are executed. today i got a call 'it says error on line 1, what did i do wrong?' i am still laughing tears. did not consider this programmers joke to have an impact irl.

My boss asked us all to do a 360 review of
Our colleagues. I HATE ratting on my colleagues, even though someone of them are rubbish programmers. He’s the boss, if he doesn’t know how to tell who the bad eggs are, why should I help? It’s not like it get paired for for helping him or get any shares if the company does well.

I won’t rat of my colleagues.

!rant

For those devRanters who are active (or passive) on Twitter, I am looking for fellow programmers to follow.
I am looking for educational, interesting and funny tweets about coding/programming.

Of course if think you think you fit in the description, I would like to follow you too.

Do you have suggestions?

You might not think that programmers are artists, but programming is an extremely creative profession. It's logic-based creativity.”

> checking it once
> checking it twice
> on production it still fails in front of our eyes
> programmers are coming back to the office

Each programmer is a poet at heart
Programmers are like God. We create defects and also kill them too. We spend the whole day fixing a defect, and the patch itself gives birth to a few more defects of its own.

What's your thoughts on stored procedures(of DBs)?
What are the pros and the cost you found or perceived?
When they are opportune?
Overusing them more than a programming language is an abuse?

I was introduced to a software started initially by economy\finance people which knew a little bit programming, nonetheless their doing became messy though time and at a certain point hired a team of 4 people(from my company) to deal with it, but the approach of the two programmers to build most of the framework on calling stored procedures or queries makes me want to puke, there are almost no layers of separation of concern in place x_x

Suppossing that you're a very capable professional my advice is to NOT UNDERESTIMATE YOU. There are a lot of crappy programmers that feels like an expert because they did a hello world.

I see that many junior level programmers are being given fairly large take home programming test/projects. I think that if you interview someone and check out their git hub or discuss some code together you should not need to also do a take home test. You don't have good interviewing skills and are making your company look bad. I also think it is an incinerate way to waste a candidates time.

The programming guy at my work, someone who is educated, told me that the best programmers are self taught.. Is that true?

Programmers are very opinionated. They either think their tool/language is the best thing since sliced bread; or they think it’s the worst thing since the Austrian painter who got rejected from art school.

you literally change about 80% of your business flow then demand new features/modules for literally at least once every 3 months, then you are angry why your 2 underpaid, overworked programmers can't catch up.

If programmers are like Gods in their program, I guess the world has to be buggy

Not really a rant, but an observation. As programmers we get to create realities for computers through programs. There are some fundamentals, like IO, memory, disk...but the creative power is enormous.

A group of programmers goes out for a hangout.
And we are enjoying here, I will complete the joke after I return home.

Actually a WordPress developer does both backend and frontend. They should know JS, PHP, react (for Gutenberg) and still some others think they are not programmers.
Next time someone tries to bully me about being a WordPress developer, I will not be quite. Even my friends.