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manager: we need to design an admin system for a veterinary centre
dev: ok, this is it, remember your training
class Dog extends Animal {}13 -
-- How I feel at work lately, in terms my wife understands --
Me: There's a gas leak, we need to fix it.
Manager: Yeah, use some duct tape, here's a roll.
Me: That's not how we fix a problem like this.
Manager: Will it work to solve the problem?
Me: Only temporarily
Manager: Ask your co-worker if you need help using duct tape, he's used it before. When will it be fixed?12 -
Manager: We need to setup the security in the Mexico server
Dev: You mean that 3rd party firewall add on?
Manager: Yes
Dev: And set up the billing on the Mexico account?
Manager: Yes
Dev: lol, sure thing I’ll create the ticket
Manager: What’s so funny?
Dev: Nothing
Ticket: Build wall and get Mexico to pay for it.15 -
Me: I'm really underpaid and you know that. You gotta do something about it.
My Manager: It's on my radar. It's complex. Things like these never move quickly.
*Few weeks later*
My Manager: Hey what's the status on that new POC?
Me: It's on my radar. It's complex. Things like these never move quickly.
*Radio silence in the room*21 -
*Manager enters the room quickly*
Manager: Coffe2Code, we have a serious problem on the application, (We are working on a chat app).
Me: What? now just few hours before the Demo?, what is it?
Manager: when I send or receive a media message (audio or video) the sound is not playing, the file seems like corrupted !
Me: that's strange, let me debug it and see.
*Me spending an hour and could not even reproduce the bug..*
Me: Boss, I cannot see the bug, can I debug on your device quickly?
Manager: Sure, here it is.
Me: hold the fucking device, press VOLUME UP, IT WAS FUCKING MUTE. THERE WAS NO ISSUE MOTHERFUCKER.
Manager, oups ok good no issue then, thanks16 -
Manager: Why aren’t you working?
Dev: I am, I’m just not typing because I’m thinking an issue out.
Manager: Well what is taking so long? You haven’t written any code for like 15 minutes, you’ve just been doodling on your notepad.
Dev: I’m not “doodling”. I’m taking notes and trying to visualize the issue. It’s a complicated issue with application stat—
Manager: Well just simplify it then
Dev: ?
Manager: Instead of making it a complicated issue just simplify it and then it won’t take you so long. You’re likely overthinking it, I never spend more than 30 seconds thinking about any issue before coming up with a solution. That’s what makes me so effective at my job is my ability to be lean like that.
Dev: …this issue is a bit harder than deciding what to have for lunch26 -
Manager: This button is too dark, you need to lighten it. Have you no sense of design?
Dev: …
Dev: Hows this for an adjustment?
Manager: Wayyyyy too light now, jesus you need glasses if you think that’s good.
Dev: …
Dev: How about now?
Manager: It’s close, make it just a little more dark. God why does this have to take so long, do I have to hold your hand through this entire process!
Dev: …
Dev: There that good?
Manager: Yes that’s perfect! Send me a PR immediately so I can approve, we need to get this out ASAP, it’s critical!!
Dev: I can’t.
Manager: ????
Dev: There’s no diff, you had me gradually adjust the colour back to exactly what it was originally.
Manager: THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE IT LOOKS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME LIKE THIS, I HAVE A MEETING I NEED TO GET OFF TO BUT WE WILL BE HAVING WORDS LATER ABOUT THIS INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR.
Dev: …16 -
Manager: Does anybody having any money saving ideas?
Dev: By switching our supplier from X to Y we could save $10,000/year and they have much better customer service.
Manager: So? I’m looking more for savings opportunities in the +$100k range. That’s a small idea, I’m looking for *BIG* ideas.
Dev: Do you have any big ideas?
Manager: No, but I really really want to save big money like that. I thought you would have something worthwhile.
Dev: $10,000 still a lot of money
Manager: I guess…. Ok we can do it. But don’t bother me with peanuts like this again.
Dev: ??? You asked me buddy15 -
Manager: You really shouldn’t be doing that
Dev: It’s in my job description
Manager: Yeah but you still shouldn’t be doing it.
Dev: Who should I hand it off to?
Manager: We don’t have anyone else to hand off that task to.
Dev: Ok, do I stop doing it?
Manager: 😡 Of course not, it needs to get done! I’m just saying you shouldn’t do it.
Dev: ???????????13 -
Manager: "How long do you think this will take?"
My brain:
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Me: "Shouldn't take too long"4 -
Manager: Hey what was that that you closed on your screen just now?
Dev: That popup? That’s NVIDIA letting me know that a new driver for my GPU is available.
Manager: Isn’t that for video games?
Dev: I mean that’s the reason many people opt into having a GPU but It’s not the on—
Manager: You are NOT allowed to play video games on your work computer!
Dev: This is my personal computer. It’s just an older GPU I popped onto this computer since otherwise it was just sitting in a drawer. My work computer is out of commission.
Manager: Well where is your work computer? How come you are not using it?
Dev: …Because of that blue screen of death issue we talked about yesterday.
Manager: Ok but that doesn’t give you permission to play VIDEO GAMES on your *WORK* computer.
Dev: …26 -
Manager: THE SERVER IS DOWN THE SERVER IS DOWN!!!!
Dev: Ok I’ll look into it
*5 mins later
Dev: Wow these are really strange logs, it’s like config values are being changed all over the place while I’m looking at it
Manager: Well I figured while you were looking into it I’d go i to the server settings and change everything I could find in order to try and get the server back up again. Two sets of hands are better than one, Is it up yet???
Dev: …No.
Manager: I THOUGT YOU SAID YOU’D LOOK INTO THIS. I NEED ANSWERS NOW. WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!?!?
Dev: …13 -
Manager: Hurry up and login, I don’t have all day
Dev: One sec I have to lookup my password for the system
Manager: How can you not remember your password? Everything requires it these days
Dev: I use a different password for each service.
Manager: Wow you really like to overcomplicate things. Just use the same one for everything like I do, it’s way more efficient!
Dev: …19 -
This project manager, man....
> Sends email to a client "Dear Ms X, here's your password for the Jira board: [...] Please handle it with care and keep it secret."
> Email goes out to 5 people.
6 -
Manager: How long until the current set of tickets is complete?
Dev: Based on storyboard points it’ll be 1.5 weeks from now
Manager: That’s unacceptable! Let me take a look at the board and see if I can remove some low priority tickets.
*Later that day*
Manager: Oooo I found a bunch of really exciting tickets in the backlog that I forgot about. I’ve added them to the board.
Dev: Did you remove any?
Manager: Huh? Oh right. No, I looked and it all needs to get done.
Dev: With these new tickets added to the board our new estimate is 4 weeks.
Manager: WHAT?!? BUT I SPENT ALL DAY LOOKING FOR EFFICIENCIES!!
Dev: …15 -
Dev: If you force this to be done in this timeframe it will fail in a month.
Manager: Do it anyway.
A month later:
@@FAILS@@
Manager: Why didn't you tell me this would happen??
FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU12 -
Manager: Feature C doesn’t work
Dev: We never built feature C
Manager: Nonsense, I remember feature C clearly!
Dev: It’s still in the backlog
Manager: But we had many meetings about it
Dev: Never got put on the board
Manager: Feature C is very important!
Dev: It was never assigned to anyone
Manager: What could possibly be more important than Feature C?
Dev: All the other features you placed on the board and assigned up until now
Manager: Well I need Feature C done asap! It should be top priority!
Dev: Ok then next sprint add feature C to the board and assign it to someone
*Next planning session manager leaves feature C in backlog in favour of other tickets*
*2 days later*
Manager: What is the status of feature C?
Dev: You opted to leave it in the backlog
Manager: BUT IT SHOULD BE TOP PRIORITY!
Dev: …9 -
Manager: So great news, we will also be building a new app this year!!
Dev: We only have 2 devs and we already struggling to maintain/build our current portfolio of applications. I don’t think we have the resources to support another.
Manager: Nonsense, this is a very small project management app that was requested by the CEO himself!
Dev: …We already have MS project, why can’t they just use that?
Manager: The executive team isn’t interested in learning MS Project, it’s way too complicated. They want us to build an internal version of MS Project one feature at a time so they can pick it up over time instead of getting overwhelmed with learning MS Project all at once. It also needs to have loads of customizable automation features so leadership doesn’t ever have to get “in the weeds” having to work with it. It needs to basically run itself!
Dev: …What about this is small?
Manager: Well that is the requirement.
Dev: …18 -
Manager: *taps dev on shoulder* We need to do B
Dev: I know, you created a ticket for it yesterday
Manager: Yeah but it hasn’t been done yet. It needs to get done.
Dev: I’m currently working on A which is higher priority
Manager: Ok but B needs to be done too
Dev: I know, it’s next on my board
Manager: I’m just making sure you are aware of it
Dev: I am aware of it, it’s next on the board
Manager: Ok but make sure you do it after A
Dev: Yup it’s next up
Manager: Ok, don’t let anyone distract you
Dev: …9 -
Manager: "The password must be encrypted to store it inside the database."
Me: "Great! No problem."
Manager: "Then it must have a copy of the unencrypted password to send it by email."
😐7 -
Real Story:
Manager: You have to add an extra section in the app to show more details.
Me: We are already showing so many unnecessary details. These changes are not required.
Manager: No !! You have to do it.
Me : Ok !!! So why can't we show it in the section where we are showing the other details. Why make a separate section for it.
Manager : No !! It won't be clearly visible to the user. Just do it.
So I added another section to show useless information that we are already showing it f**king everywhere else in the app.
So I released a new apk next day with the added features.
In meeting, our CTO goes through the app and ask manager....
" Why we have added an extra section for showing same details that we are showing everywhere else ???
Who approved this ?? This is nonsense !!! "
Here comes the fun part.
Manager : I don't know. I didn't ask for it. These changes were not there earlier.
And ask me.
"Who told you to make these changes ? "
I am like... F***k man you a***ole told me to do it even when i told you it will be nonsense.12 -
Manager: Everyone will be required to switch to Mac in the next couple of months.
Dev: Um, why?
Manager: Macs are more professional and developer focused than windows machines, I read it in an article. Plus they look way nicer.
Dev: Half of the applications we use don’t have a version that works on iOS.
Manager: What? How do you know?
Dev: I have a Mac for occasionally doing some work on the iOS app we support. I ran into that when I was setting it up as a development environment.
Manager: You have a Mac?
Dev: Yes
Manager: Why? How come you don’t use it for development?
Dev: …15 -
Manager: The site I loading too slow. How can we improve this?
Me: *f5 & look at the network log* the server is taking too long to respond some image requests. We could encode them into the Html to have them all delivered in a single request.
Manager: GTMetrix says we need to compress the images.
Me: *reads GTMetrix report* we would only have a 150kb improvement. It won't even be noticeable.
Manager: If the images take a long time to load, it means that they're too big, right?
Me: or the server is taking a long time to respond our request for them, which is the case.
Manager: compress the images and upload them.
Me: *compresses the images and uploads them* done.
Manager: I don't see any improvement.
Me: if only there was someone who could have predicted such an outcome...1 -
Dev: So how do you want this feature fixed?
Manager: It should work how it worked before.
Dev: I'm new to this feature, I don't know how it worked before or what is broken about it.
Manager: Well just make it work like it worked before.
Dev: I DONT KNOW HOW IT WORKED BEFORE THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING YOU. PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN DO MY JOB.
Manager: Just how it worked before!
Dev: ...
Manager: ...
Dev: fuck you17 -
Project Manager: You used a hash/salt to encrypt the password in our customer database?
Me: Yes.
Project Manager: That's mean we will not be able to see the password?
Me: That's the whole point. Why would you want to see what password customer is choosing?
Project Manager: Change it. Use random encryption method.9 -
IT Manager: What kind if attachment did you send me in that email?
Me: A .zip?
IT Manager: ...?
Me: A zip file? Zipped Folder?
IT Manger: ...?
Me: Umm... the data file you needed has to be sent in a zip folder because 6 different file types combine to make it? Just download the .zip and extract?
IT Manager: I don't know how to extract the files?
Me: ...14 -
Manager: Make the page look like Apples.
Me: What is it you like about their page?
Manager: I don't know, it just makes me feel good.3 -
Manager: "If needed, are you willing to work overtime this month?"
Developer: "Yes. [ ... pause ... ] would you give me some over my salary for sometime?"
Manager: Yes, increment happens every 6 months.
Developer: "I am thinking beyond it".
Manager: "No, it is not possible"
Developer: "Okay"
** alarm clock vibrates **
Developer: "It is 5:00 PM now. I need to leave. See you on coming Monday at 9:00 AM sharp"
[Developer left]
Manager: "Byeeeee ... "2 -
Manager: "How long will this take?"
Me: "Er... it depends."
Manager: "Depends on what?"
Me: "Well, if the reactive hyperflux core's external dampeners are--"
Manager: "Yeah, yeah, whatever just get it done."
Me: "You got it boss."2 -
Manager: I need you to come up with a quick, temporary solution.
Me: Ok...but it will be kind of hackish and ugly.
Manager: Yes that's completely understandable.
Me: So again you say this is just temporary right?
Manager: Yes we will come up with a permanent solution soon.
*that was over a year ago and the "temporary" solution is not-so-temporary it seems*10 -
Manager: What’s taking so long on that PR?? It’s just some small styling adjustments
Dev: No it’s not you added an entire new calendar module that doesn’t work
Manager: Ok but besides that it’s just a small couple of css edits
Dev: You made styling changes in 50 files, half of which break our mobile responsiveness
Manager: Well then STOP talking to me and FIX IT if you’re so smart.
Dev: You also added a series of filters on a table in this same PR that cause th—
Manager: OK SO I GOT A BIT DISTRACTED THE FACT IS IT ALL NEEDS TO GET DONE SO IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT’S ALL ON ONE PR SPLITTING THINGS UP INTO SMALL UPDATES IS JUST UNNECESSARY BUREAUCRACY AND IF YOU LIKE THAT THEN GO. WORK. FOR. THE GOVERNMENT!!!
Dev: …10 -
Manager : Developers are always over optimistic.
Dev : this task will take 4 days.
Manager : can't you complete it in 45 minutes? What are the complexities involved?
Dev : okay. I can. Thinks ** I'm a ninja developer** and I can complete this.
*** finishes it in 4 days***
Manager : That's what I said. Developers are always over optimistic.
Developer : -_-3 -
Manager: Give me an estimate for this project.
Me: It will take end to end approx two months.
Manager: Can you do it in a day. Make some magic happen. This is high critical for business.
Me: Sure. I have a small requirement from you to achieve it.
Manager: What
Me: Please get me the 'Limitless' capsule.9 -
Manager A : "You've done a great job, you'll get a X raise"
Manager A: "I was not able to negotiate it, but you'll get a X bonus to compensate for it"
*Manager A leave the society*
Manager B: "A bonus? Never heard of it"
Me : Resign.5 -
Manager: Alright, we've decided we're gonna just going to accept PayPal and also credit card checkout through PayPal in the next two days!
Dev: ...
Manager: We can achieve this timeline, right?
Dev: ...
Manager: Alright, awesome to see your motivation! Let's do it!
Dev: YOU ANSWER PHONE CALLS, TALK TO PEOPLE AND 'STRATEGIZE' ALL DAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE USING THE APP WITHOUT ERROR. THAT'S ON ME, NOT YOU, SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
Manager: ...
Dev: ...8 -
Worst bad practice..
Manager: I need code today
Developer (thinking) : let me give it without unit test. Anyways tester will test it.
Manager to tester: complete testing fast.
Tester(thinking): developer must have unit tested it. Let me skip it.
Enjoy testing completed.
God help clients.. 😊5 -
This happened just a few meters of me.
IT Guy: What happened sir?
IT Manager: WTF does the variable a4g646g54a6g54a65g654ag546a654g56a?
~awkward silence~
Still curious.2 -
Senior Manager: I have to use your app today, how do I do that?
Dev: Well first you log in, and then you clic—
Senior Manager: That’s way too low level, I only deal with things on high level! Explain it to me from a high level.
Dev: Use the app to orchestrate the visibility of action items to stakeholders and pivot the leverage towards buy-in.
Senior Manager: Hmmmm….
Dev: Agile.
Senior Manager: Aha! I understand how to use the app perfectly now!
Senior Manager’s Account: Last Login - Never.4 -
Dev: I'm going to a engineering and robotics seminar this weekend
Manager: Stupid. Waste of time.
Dev: I also got invited to go to a 2 day tech and innovation conference
Manager: Another a stupid waste of time.
Dev: The CEO's son invited me and is paying for it, he said he thought it would be interesting to me.
Manager: ...Well as long as it's not on company time
Dev: It is on company time, I won't have time for tickets
Manager: WHAT!? YOU HAVE TO SAY NO, WE ARE BUSY!! WE CAN'T NOT HAVE YOU FOR 2 DAYS.
Dev: Duely noted you said that and you think the whole idea is stupid. Take it up with him I already RSVP'd yes.
Manager: 😡😡😡😡😡😡7 -
Our project manager who also happens to be our web designer... (Start Up)
Project Manager: We have a go signal. Go convert this design to html and css. And make it responsive.
Me: Can you forward me the mail so I can check if it's actually approved?
Project Manager: Just do it.
Me: (After tweaking) There. It's done.
Project Manager: They want to change all the layout of the site. We're gonna do it from scratch. They didn't like the design.
Me: What? I thought your design was approved?
Project Manager: I thought so too. But i'm your PM so get back to work.
There was no mail from the client.7 -
> Manager: Why does service X behaves Y way? It should do Z instead.
> Me: *explains why*
> Manager: I don't understand this...
> Me: *explains it in more simple terms and shorter sentences*
> Manager: I'm still not sure I get it.
> Me: It is like this because of a third party provider and we can't change anything for the same reason. Also it is working like this for half a decade now.
> Manager: Ok, I get it. So please fix the service, it should do Z instead of Y.
> Me: *facepalm* Sorry, I can't. Ask (frontend guy), maybe he can help you.
> Frontend guy a bit later: ┌П┐(ಠ_ಠ)8 -
Guys try installing Termux. Its Linux for Android. It comes with its own version of Apt package manager. Using this opens up alot of possibilities ;)
10 -
Senior Devs made the Program Manager cry. Dev Lead did nothing to stop it from happening, Program Manager Lead was in shock.16
-
Manager: I’m getting a strange error now….it says CORS? Any idea what that means?
Dev: Ezpz, just a matter of how many goats to sacrifice and incantations to recite
Manager: Are you serio—
Dev: Bring me my debugging pentagram7 -
Manager: I don’t care if it has bugs, if we don’t ship it this Friday I’ll have to redraw my Gantt chart AND I’M RUNNING LOW ON CRAYONS!!!9
-
23:04 Client: We need these changes pushed to production before morning.
06:22 Staff: Changes pushed to prod.
<Tells story to manager>
Manager: Sum up the time you've worked on it and double it.
This isn't a special thing, we however have a policy stated in our contracts that all changes must be scheduled with a minimum of 24h before the time they're needed.8 -
The Adventures of my Project Manager.
--- Part 1
a little back story first:
-----------------------------
The project manager is the CEO's younger brother.
-----------------------
end of back story.
PM: Hey, we should stop using Nodejs on our API.
ME: Why?
PM: I don't see why it is necessary when we could make our android app talk directly with MongoDB.
.................
ME: QUE?!9 -
Manager: I like nested ifs
Dev: They can be difficult to maintain
Manager: No they aren’t I write them all the time!
Dev: Have you ever maintained one?
Manager: No, I don’t do code maintenance. I don’t have time for it.5 -
Manager: how is the progress, can we deliver it by next week?
SACH: i am having trouble with MYSQL server.
Manager: if yours is not working, take someone elses, i will talk to them
SACH: 😐2 -
Manager: I just created a new ticket! The website flashes when you reload it!
Dev: Yes, that's typically what happens when you reload a website.
Manager: ...
Dev: ...5 -
"OOP is just a trend." - My first year internship technical manager. It happened 6 years ago, the guy retired soon after.15
-
I'm starting to fucking hate the word 'done'.
Scenario 1:
Boss: How's the spec coming along?
Manager: Oh, it's done.
Manager to me: Hey can you get it done?
Me: Why would you call it done? There's a days worth of work and it's only half done. Boss wasn't even rushing it yet.
Manager: Too late I've already committed it. I'm sure it's simple anyway. Just do it.
Scenario 2:
Manager: Hey is it done?
Noob dev: Yea it's done.
*Commits half assed incomplete sphagetti shit that breaks stuff*
Manager: Well done. Completed so quickly.
FUCK THIS SHIT.2 -
Manager: Hey Dev I need to do QA on this PR.
Dev: That PR is not finished yet
Manager: Well do QA now anyway, that way when it is finished it can be merged in right away since QA has already been done on it. It’s a project management technique called “fast-tracking” and it improves efficiency.
Dev: …9 -
Visual Studio wasn't responding and I wanted to close it via task manager ... But as I clicked the button "close task" task manager wasn't responding😭
5 -
Lotus notes (or IBM Notes, as it is now called).
It is so efficient at frustrating you that when it hangs that it often requires its own dedicated task killer (killnotes) instead of Windows Task Manager.6 -
Manager: We should do X with the database
Dev: That will cause issue Y
Manager: But I read an article that said that issue Y wasn’t a problem
Dev: It did?
Manager: Well it didn’t mention issue Y
Dev: …2 -
Project manager: We have 13weeks for this project. We have promised the client.
Me: okay, why wasnt I consulted on that commitment?
Project Manager: yeah.... we have to do it
Me: okay, if we have 2 dedicated backend and one full time frontend - ONLY on this project.
Project manager: (with the face of lies) yes yes sure we can do that.
6 weeks later, after continuous interruptions. Frontend is behind because he was only on the project to an amount of 2 weeks of the 6 weeks.
Project manager: Are we still on time?
Me: *looks around for prank cameras* no the f#*k we not
Project manager: can we put in weekends?
Me: its 2019 bro, that ain't happening
*But because I am a nice guy, and dont like taking Ls, we will have it ready. Just not gonna tell the project manager, he deserves a few sleepless nights *7 -
I just hate Eclipse with passion. Stopped using it when I couldn't even get it's package manager work without crashing it.
11 -
I accidentally broke our office’s tablet device. Operations manager said it will be deducted from my salary next month.
Few weeks later, my operations manager breaks his laptops touch screen. I almost did a naked run in excitement.9 -
When project manager is talking about things that I have no idea but I just keep saying "Yes, I can do it"
1 -
Manager: How's the site going. Can I see it?
Dev: ya sure
M: what's that
Dev: that's a * it means some restrictions apply.
M: hmmmm
M: make it a diamond
4 -
- implement feature
- manager suggests a different way to do it
- manager's version adds bug
- get blamed
- manager makes you implement feature the way you originally did it
..... -
Development team of two, small company. Project manager is a fucking carpenter. With zero programming experience. also he's also the IT manager. FML.
8 -
Manager: Here's the design for the next feature, we're ready to hand it over to the consultant
FullStackClown: Uh... okay... is it spec'd out with requirements?
Manager: Huh?
FullStackClown: Well, already look at this design and user flow, did you consider what happens when <insert edge case X here>, <insert edge case Y here>, or <insert edge case Z here>? How is the consultant going to know what to put in for business logic if you don't even know or define it yourself?
Manager: Huh?
FullStackClown: Sigh... yeah, I'm too busy right now to be a kindergarten teacher, come back in a few days once you understand how your own feature is supposed to work
Manager: ...
Dev: ...5 -
It today's team meeting my manager asked, "What is GitHub?"
Seven years leading the group. Hired with no dev knowledge. Can't be bothered to acquire any.14 -
Manager: *taps dev on shoulder* Hey I noticed a minor bug I think
Dev: Sigh…. So then create a ticket for it
Manager: Can’t you just fix it right now?
Dev: I can but I’m currently working on that other issue you told everyone was “top priority” at the morning status meeting. Should I switch to actioning this minor bug instead?
Manager: Don’t switch just multitask and work faster!
Dev: …8 -
Manager: The way you built this doesn’t accommodate any of my future plans!
Dev: What future plans?
Manager: I have a bunch of different ideas, I haven’t decided which ones to go with yet or how it will all work but you’re making it so we’re running out of room in the UI. It’s too busy, you need to clean it up so we can add more stuff!
Dev: …10 -
Ticket: “feature [x] doesn’t work”
Me: “I’ll need more details: how do I reach feature [x]? In which of the three projects you assigned me is that?”
Manager: “the design is in the ticket”
Me, in my head: “can you effin listen to what I told you before giving air to your mouth?”
Me, in person: “yeah I just need to know which project this refers to and how to reach it”
Manager: “but you have to open the ticket as a separate page!”
Me: “sure!” *waits 15 min, opens a ticket for more details, assigns it to manager, flags as blocking, flags the other one as blocked*
5 mins later: details are given and I can proudly fox it by remembering the manager they have to login in order to see feature [x]
Later in the workweek:
Manager at 8:00 URGENT FEATURE! MUST BE DELIVERED BY EOD
Me, 10:00 “can jump on it, need authorisation for [a procedure]
Me, 11,12,13,15,16,17:30: pings for an answer
Manager, 17:58 “ah sorry didn’t see, we can do it tomorrow”
Is this the matrix? Am I being stopped from developing cause I am randomly accessing matrix’s code without knowing it? Is this the Truman show? And most importantly: can I please take part to a manager hiring session? I am curious to see how tf you hire such peculiar people.10 -
Someone posted a picture of a porn actress(like a *new* actress) that looks exactly like my manager.....bruh this is killing me she looks exactly like my manager to the point that it is freaking me out thinking that she has a gig on the side or something
I can't get over this.
This is what happens when your manager is insanely attractive.
Internet wtf.
No i am not posting pictures.55 -
Manager: "<third-party vr app> isn't working. Think you could fix it by tomorrow?"
Me: "I can't fix it without the source code."
Manager: "Didn't you install it?"
Me: "I did, but I'd need <third-party>'s source code if you want me to make changes and that problem would probably take at least a day to fix."
Manager: "Can't believe you don't have the source code. Aren't you supposed to have your code available?"
(Just....)18 -
When Coronavirus become a household name, our Manager said:
"This is a good to time to build a real-time chat system like Zoom. If anyone is able to build something like it, it will help our company grow."
[Silence]
Manager: "There is a lot of demand."
[More silence]12 -
manager: Just create that new feature real quick... We'll refactor and make it a good feature in a couple months...
me: *see image*
2 -
Today on "I'm Not Crazy, I'm Just a Burnt Out Dev".
Project Manager: "What day would prefer to demo your work?"
Me: "Tomorrow or Wednesday"
Project Manager: "Tomorrow is Wednesday"
Me: "O"
Project Manager: "O"
Me: 🤝
Project Manager: 🤝
Anyone else having problems remembering which day of the week it is? 😂😂5 -
My trusty password manager, so I dont have to remember those shitty passwords. (its however being rebuilt after a failed firmware upgrade who bricked it).
7 -
I built our slack bot messages so that they are prefixed in BIG LETTERS with whatever system they originate from, i.e.:
"DEVELOP: You are a useless product manager"
"STAGING: You are a useless product manager"
"PRODUCTION: You are a useless product manager"
One of these is when a payment is made on our platform. Our lovely product manager proceeds to message me, "did you just trigger a payment in the test system?".
YES, OBVIOUSLY I DID SEEING AS THE MESSAGE HAS THE GIANT WORD "STAGING" IN FRONT OF IT!!!
https://lmgtfy.app/?q=how+to+read1 -
Me: *submits design document to manager, who sends it to client for review*
Client: "everything is good, except one line here mentions a function that has since been removed" *send email to manager*
Manager: Correct this one line *sends email to me*
Me: uh, ok *deletes line, sends updated document in new email*
Is there any reason in the world the client OR manager couldn't have corrected the line and moved on?
Did we need to get two more people involved and send 3 more emails?4 -
Accidentally Click on .doc file in File Manager
Microsoft word starts to open it
I press cancel.
Word- Attempting to cancel ....
And then opens it anyway.
Me - Wut?5 -
I'd post my wk200 goals, but my project manager is still busy gathering requirements for it and creating the epics.1
-
(backstory -> I have 10 years of experience as a software engineer)
Me: So I would like to develop myself to become "officially" a senior engineer
Manager: sure, you basically need to show consistent behaviour
Me: ok, but what specifically? on what criteria do you determine when it is time for promotion?
Manager: there isn't anything like that defined yet, we would like to work on a definition of roles and responsibilities, but we're not there yet
Me: ok but how did you do it so far?
Manager; well as I said, you have to show consistent behaviour that characterises you as a senior.
Me: ....10 -
analysing a database problem and writing a 4-line fix: 5 minutes.
preparing a foolproof manual for the manager on how to apply the fix: 15 minutes
writing a manager-level explanation what the fix does: 30 minutes.
explaining it to the manager: 30 minutes.
writing a _detailled_ explanation why we need the fix: 60 minutes.
explaining it to the manager again: 30 minutes.
figuring out why our progress is slow:
_priceless_6 -
Manager: Could you create the UI for the new feature? The client wants to test it. We need it in 3 days.
*1 week later*
Client: IT DOESNT WORK
Me: This is just a visual demo... but everything will work when we realse the feature.
Client: okay but can I see what it will do?
Of course you can! Just wait until we relase it!
*2 weeks later*
Manager: What are you doing?
Me: Working on the UI for the new feature.
Manager: Wait, hadn't you already done it for the demo?
Me: That UI didn't really work. It was basically a bunch of HTML, without reactivity or abstraction or any functionality.
Manager: Okay, how much where you able to re-use?
Me: almost nothing.
Manager: So... you wasted those 3 days?
Oh so I'm the one who wasted 3 days.
Me: Kinda, yeah
Manager: Why couldn't you have done this when I asked you to do the UI?
You can't expect good quality code in 3 days. Pls stop wasting it on demos.3 -
My previous manager: "Your code should hard to read, so our work is cant stolen by everyone".
Me: "Why?"
My previous manager: "Just do it"
Me: "Okay"
So, anyone can answer my 'Why?' question?
P.S: My previous Manager is PHP Programmer14 -
Use the choices below to describe your Project Manager. No. you can't choose multiple it would be rude.
4 -
Me: XYZ library just announced that they will stop support for their version 3. I will update our code to use the latest version. It'll probably take 10 hours because we use it pretty extensively.
Manager: Okay. While it's updating, could you work on the ABC feature?
Me: ... no, because I'll be working updating the library.
Manager: Oh so you gotta work on it? I thought it would get updated overnight like my iPhone.4 -
Yesterday, my manager said "you don't have to worry, I'll take care of it"
Today, my manager says "finish it today by any means possible, otherwise I'm gonna get screwed by my boss"
Oh well...2 -
Manager: "If you need me, just @ me"
Me: "Can you look at this right now?"
Manager: "Sorry I'm at a tennis match, I'll be 30mins"
3 hours later
Manager: "Do you still need me?"
...
Me: "A device died. Playbook says we have to flash it and lose all data on it, but we could go to the vendor for a solution if their fast enough. I just need you to make the call to deviate"
Manager: "Uggghhh" (goes offline for 2 hours)
Wtf man?!11 -
*during project development, we use a library as core of tye app*
Manager: We need to add feature X.
Me: The library developer announced that this feature is not supported.
Manager: why is that?
Me: *giving some tech explanation*
Manager: ok, but still we need it urgently, we told the client we already have it.
Just a simple day on my work9 -
Manager: "hey I'd like everyone to join this global meeting"
I saw about 30 people, something was off, certainly didn't feel global, I felt like I shouldn't be there.
I dug out the original meeting and it's for Lead PMs. Our manager isn't even attending, what's up with that, is he trying to make us take meetings for him?
Someone once told me my manager was an idiot and he confirms it like once a week pulling stuff like that.2 -
**Me, while working on sql based project**
Manager: Does anyone knows java! Want a sample login screen written in java.
**I'm the only one in my team to know java, thus raised my hand**
Me: It's done. Mailed you the .java file.
Manager: I can see my password
Me: I fuckn hate myself. ***Forgot to set password field as password type***
Manager: you are no different than others.
Me: Yeah..😶 **f@#& you**1 -
Client: I want my site to look exactly like the design.
Me: Of course, but I'm assuming you want it responsive...
Client: yes, I want it to look exactly like the design on all devices.
Me: but that's not how...
Project manager: of course the site will be fully responsive and look exactly the same on all devices.
Me: but...fine.
1 week later...
Project manager: The site looks horrible on mobile!
Me: it matches the design perfectly...3 -
Manager: This dropdown is hard to use on mobile
Dev: I thought building this for mobile wasn’t in the scope?
Manager: I changed my mind. It’s a lot easier for me to test on mobile so just rework it so it works on mobile. But only for testing.
Dev: How about I make the dropdown a rotary dial instead?
Manager: Good idea!
Dev: …9 -
I spent two weeks on a feature.
The feature goes up
15 mins later the manager decided to scrap it cause they don’t like it anymore.
😊16 -
Yesterday I had an interesting interaction
- I complain about not having tickets for something, as it makes it unclear who needs to do what
- manager tries to call out on me for “not giving precise infos”
- A frustrating argument starts, ends up with manager defending himself telling we need a meeting with [other team] to sync on infos that are not clear
- meeting starts, manager starts to make a buffoon about himself
- other dev out of nowhere tells that the manager is not giving the task to him for some reason
- other manager is speechless at our manager’s incompetence
Managers.😎1 -
Recently started a new job and had a fellow employee find a 27" monitor for me. The monitor did not have an hdmi or usb3 cable to hook it up. I make a request to help desk for a new one where their response is:
HDMI cables are not standard equipment and must be approved by your manager.
Okay, I forwarded it to my manager and it still isn't approved. So it is day three of having this nice but blank monitor on my desk! Fuck it, ordering from Amazon.7 -
Dev: The requirement is not clear. This seems to be a general usecase which you are thinking we might need but we won't actually need it.
Manager: You have to do it. This is the requirement. No other option. Don't ask any questions.
...... One week later....
Manager: Why is the team not open to me?1 -
Adding a feature to webapp...
Webapp relies on database in production server...
*adds feature to production webapp directly*
Every page: ERROR 500
Manager: what did you do???!!!! You MESSED UP the production, FIX IT NOW
*Use ctrl-z because manager doesn't like Version Control*5 -
My manager thinks I am Superman! and he is so confident that can do any shit he wants me to do.
Yesterday he asked me to merge an ancient code hotfix (literally ancient) with latest branch of changes.
1. Hotfix is really old, most of the things are hardcoded, very specific to a stone age client.
2. Code documentation does not exist.
3. Developers of that code are probably dead.
4. Many Libraries which code uses are deprecated.
5. It's a legacy code, so no one has fucking idea what a particular clumsy block of code do, or what will happen if you remove it.
'if it runs don't touch it' policy by management.
Despite all this shit I successfully merged the the hotfix, refactored outdated code so as to run the application.
Showed this to my manager in full swag!
He was surprised at first, and asked me to show the code changes.
'Code review' was done by comparing files 😅
Manager: Dude, you have changed these lines, why? Explain.😧
Me: those lines won't work with new build, with new libs.☺️
Manager: then why can't you do old build with new changes?🙄
Me: umm.. wait... what???🤔
Manager: the code was working previously, it must be working even today without these changes.😡
Me: it was not working hence I made changes and now it's working fine see! ☺️
Manager: you have removed this, this and this!!! 😡
Me: but I also added that, that and that!😔
Manager: "don't touch it' if it works!"😡
Me: ... Idk what to say!
(In the back of my mind: "Don't touch it even it doesn't works!")😌8 -
Dev: Hey I need something from Team B
Manager: Ok I’ll get it from them now
Dev: Unfortunately they have the current time blocked off as uninterrupted coding time for the next two hours.
Manager: Yeah that means they’re not occupied by anybody else. It’s the best time to get a hold of them!
Dev: …4 -
Created a zip file with Linux Mint Archive Manager ... Tried to send it to a collegue via Slack ...
6 -
Manager: We need to fix this QA backlog. I’m going to share the workload of doing QA.
Dev: Please don—
*Dev email notification getting spammed with approvals*
Dev: …Are you even pulling the code down to test it locally?
Manager: There’s no time for that! We have to get this PR backlog pushed through! I’m just looking at the code to see if it looks good and approving based on that.
*Later that day*
Manager: HEY NONE OF THE FEATURES ON STAGING MEET THE REQUIREMENTS AT ALL. THIS IS A BUGGY MESS, WHAT HAPPENED GUYS??
Dev: …6 -
Manager: How's (insert dumbass task that they assigned literally 1 hour ago) going? 😊
Dev: We have JIRA for a reason, you'll see it will be moved to demo / review when it's ready.
Manager: ...
Dev: ...2 -
Project manager asks why server is down. Reminded him that his team lead told me three months ago it was no longer needed.
-
When client requesting something, it has to be done ASAP.
But when i ask about the payment...
I must sign some documents declaring the job was done
The documents then must be sent to manager
The manager must create another document to be sent to finance division
The finance sent that thing to director to sign the damn document so finance can make a payment
Oh shit the first document before i start the project went missing, i have no idea why they need that
Some weeks has been passed till today
Cant find the document
Recreate the document
I must sign it back but they said no worries, we can advance to next step so i can get paid today
Manager creates a document
Manager sent that document into finance
Oh shit the financial division is having some seminar, its friday so it will be processed on monday
WTF10 -
Me and my manager throughout 2020
January:
Me: So umm, we can release the new app version
Manager: No we promised client X app first go build that
Me: umm, ok.
February:
Me: so the app is done, but client hasn't setup area L so there is no data there
Manager: ok, I'll have them setup area L soon ™️
March:
Manager: area L is too much work to setup, use workaround L thats way better
Me: ok ...
April:
Manager: client is nitpicking on design and layout please make this mess even greater
Me: ok, anything else?
Manager: yeah also start on app for client Z!
Me: and our app update?
Manager: later son! Risk tooo muchos!
May:
Me: the mess for client X is done, and first version for client Z is also ready for test
Manager: ok good work, here is a new set of things to mess up
Me: but... Seriously, wtf?!
Manager: clients want quality
Me: ah ok, not nitpicking, cool
June:
Manager: client X went MIA, but client Z will send you a weekly list of things they don't understand and want to change
Me: ah great, truly worth postponing my February holiday to release nothing
July:
Manager: so, how we doing on all them changes
Me: well, I am a loyal custodian with alot of pleasure in my work!
Manager: ah ok good!
Me: any news from client X??
Manager: who
Me: mkay ... n.v.m
August:
Me: can we release yet?
Manager: change, we can!!!
Me: are you Obama?
Manager: ambitions
Me: fuck you pay me
September:
Me: I am confident we can now release all 3 apps as promised mid september
Manager: great!! Good work
Also manager: you know that immensely complex area within the app? That needs a complete rewrite because we have bad ux there!!!
Me: ok... To which requirements?
Manager: good ux, we must have standards
Me: but the layout of page R id generic as page F so then we need to align there as well
Manager: go! Do!
Me: ok I'll come up with my own requirements then
Manager: we also need documentation
Me: really!!!! How clever of you to fire colleagues T & P and we now have zero workforce for that
Manager: things will get better someday
Me: ah, great! Put it on my calendar
October:
Me: I need a sabbatical biatch
Manager: a what?4 -
Manager: we need to design an admin system for a veterinary centre
Dev: ok, this is it, remember your training
namespace Vetcentre{
class Dog : Animal {
}
}1 -
Manager 1: "We're going to hold a small meeting because of a new project."
Me: "Okay, cool. What project is it about?"
Manager 1: "Project X".
ME: "Right. What's the domain name?"
Manager 2: "Well there's this design but it's entirely made up. Just a concept."
Manager 1: "Wait, there's no more toner."
Manager 1 and 2 take 20 minutes to fix the printer, so manager 1 can print out an e-mail. They both return to their seats. No meeting happens. I roll a smoke and go outside to flip through LinkedIn for the nth time this week.3 -
Me: "Of course it's technically possible. The problem here is that this would make the UX very confusing"
Project Manager: "So, when will it be done?"1 -
Anyone use the i3 window manager? I'm trying to get the hang of it, and I see no advantages, it's just harder to use, which is a shame because I /want/ to like it!11
-
“Let’s not worry about the future and stick to the specs, please.”
Or as I like to call it:
The reddest flag in a bad manager.7 -
I HAVE A NEW LAPTOP!
and it now has a functioning linux 😁
I fucked it up once tho. I removed the entire network manager by uninstalling bluez. How the fuck, I don't know.7 -
Coming up to (very) tight deadline..
Manager - "Stick in a temporary fix, if the data is mocked out it will do for the demo. We really want to show this feature."
Me - "Okay, I"ll pick up the technical debt after the demo."
*Changes are coded and rolled out*
Manager calls me over to his desk..
Manager - "This feature isn't bringing back real data."
Do these kind of people exist in all companies?
2 -
*Rant*
Dear current manager,
You wouldn't know real talent if it hit you in the face.
Sincerely,
Your employee who's leaving for a FANG2 -
*At the daily status meeting*
Manager: I don’t have anything to table or anything I want to ask about. I honestly don’t know what the point of this meeting even is.
*Throughout every other living breathing moment of time*
Manager: Hey, I had an idea
Manager: Hey, I wanted to get your thoughts on something
Manager: Hey, what do you think about…
Manager: Hey, what are you currently working on?
Manager: Do you think you could just *sneak* in this new feature request and have it to me by EOD?
Manager: Hey, I just sent you an email
The email: Hey I think I found a bug, it’s with image alignment in Microsoft Word and it’s pretty breaking to my productivity report. Do you think you could take a look right now? Thoughts?5 -
Starting to get really pissed off with the hierarchy in my department that my manager keeps insisting ‘doesn’t exist’ but it clearly does when the other team manager is her best friend, to the point where they go on holiday together, go to each others family parties, etc.
Manager goes on holiday for two weeks and other TL gets on her high fucking horse lording over my team and uninviting me from meetings that she thinks I ‘don’t need to be in’ when the majority of the project is mine..
But my manager hasn’t appointed a deputy.....6 -
"I found this tool that we should use because I'm a manager and its simple enough that my tiny little manager brain could set it up!"
Oh wow good for you, Mr. Manager! And what, praytell, does the tool require?
"All proprietary and cost-ineffecient products: MSSQL Server and Windows IIS! What do you mean we have to get the data out in order for it to be scalable? Look at it! I set up a website by clicking on an EXE i downloaded from github!"
Amazing, Mr. Manager. So you violated our security practices AND want to pocket even MORE of our budget?
Kindly fuck right off and start suggesting things instead of making people embarrass you into stoping your fight for your tool (has happened on more than one occassion).3 -
Friday meeting 2 hours before the weekend:
Manager: I want this and this and that and that feature implemented.
Me: Ok, next week I'll do it.
Monday meeting 2 hours after the weekend:
Manager: Have you already implemented this and this and that and that feature you promised to do?
Me: No3 -
Manager: yo I need a time line for this shit.
Me: I don't know how long it takes.
Manager: tell me how long it takes.
Me: I can tell you what can be done in next couple hours. I don't even know what will happen tomorrow.
Manger: now tell me this time shit.
Me: .......
Seriously, dear fellow ranter. How do you estimate timeline? Your timeline is changing.5 -
Frontender, social media manager and windows (server) admin!
Frontender; being paid to do something I couldn't care less about and find very frustrating (as for developing it)
Social media manager; being paid to use mass surveillance engines 😷
Windows (server) admin; I don't think I have to explain this one...7 -
When your boss asks you if you know how to fix it and how long it is going to take.
Task Manager (not responding) -
A team member called me the worst manager he ever had. I felt really shitty about myself.
Managing people is not easy and it is not for everyone.10 -
Did you say "go to hell" to your project manager?
No, i would not use gogo.
So what's it with you and him?
I think he implements IDisposable.3 -
"Don't waste time on security, just make it work" heard this from a "security head manager" at a 1 million eval. company 3 years ago1
-
1 on 1 meetings with manager throughout the year
Manager: You're doing really well! Keep it up!
Me: Cool, thanks!
1 on 1 meetings with my manager a month or two ago
Manager: You're still killing it! I'd really like to see you challenge the status quo since you're the newest on the team. I think we could benefit from fresh perspective.
Me: Ok, cool, I'm starting to feel pretty comfortable so I'll do that.
Me: *starts challenging process, team structure, and company norms in meetings*
Manager: *confused pikachu face*
1 on 1 meetings now, right before performance management
Manager: I really need you to start picking up more important work. You're not performing well relative to others at your level, and I won't be able to represent you well during performance management.
Me: 😐10 -
So apparently Package Manager Console adds 6 hours to the boot time of Visual Studio...
I was wondering why it took so long to start up.
-
My manager when I forget something: "I can't micromanage you, you should remember to do the thing"
Also my manager: "Please remind me to do that thing"
I'm the company reminder it seems.5 -
Unscheduled meetings are the worst.
You preparing whole day to leave early for the day, then manager suddenly puts up an unscheduled meeting. Oh great isn't it!!1 -
Corporation.
Meeting with middle level managers.
Me - data scientist, saying data science stuff, like what accuracy we have and what problems with performance we managed to solved.
Manager 1: Ok, but is this scrum?
Manager 2: No they're using kanban.
Manager 3: That's no good. We should be using DevOps, can we make it DevOps?
So yea, another great meeting I guess..4 -
Manager : what is "looks good" in code review comment??? You have to be more detailed.
Me in next code review : It is not aesthetically pleasing, but it gets the job done. -
Roommate's laptop.
Only 1 chrome tab open, why so many processes in Task Manager. Should I tell him to format it?
11 -
* 1 day of requesting the feature, deadline not for a while*
switch{
case 1:
Manager: How's the new feature going?
Me: I've done a bit of the front end. Here's how it will look.
Manager: Oh great it's done! Does it do ABC as the client requested? Does it also do XYZ that I just thought about this second?
Me: eh this is just part of the front end, I haven't even connected it to the backend - I haven't even started the backend.
case 2:
Manager: How's the new feature going?
Me: I've done a bit of the back end.
Manager: ok. Can I look?
Me: we'll it's just code... *shows them the code*
Manager: oh... so it's nothing really. Call me when it is done
}3 -
We have a badly out of shape but functional product , the result of a "if its not broke don't fix it" mentality. The only thing manangement cares is our next release and making meetings to plan other meetings...
Now comes the time of the security Audit (PCI)...
Manager : oh noooo the audit will fix this issue, quickkk fix it !
Us : welllll its a lengthy process but doable, we just gotta do a,b,c,d,e . Part a is essentially what we need the rest are refactoring bits of the system to support part a since the performance would be shit otherwise
Manager: can you do part a before the audit starts ?
Us: yep.
Manager: do it . Oh and pop those other issues on JIRA so we can track em
Audit completed....
Manager: so we got through ok?
Us : 👍 yep
Manager: okayy, take those other issues..... and stick em at the bottom of the back log...
Us : huh ? *suspicious faces*..... okay but performance is gonna be poor with the system as it is cuz of part A....
Manager: yeaaahhh * troll face* ....about that.... roll it back and stick that too at the bottom of the log. We got to focus our next release. Lemme schedule a meeting for that 😊
Us : faceplam4 -
Just had a talk with my manager who wanted to know why I removed a feature from an application we had. This removal had been discussed WITH THE MANAGER several months prior, but apparently they hadn't written a little note or anything down about it.
I told them we had discussed it earlier. They didn't believe me. They checked the project technical specifications that said it _should still be there_. I told them we talked about it previously. They told me to prove it, so I go looking through the commit history.
Lo and behold:
- Commit <hash> authored 4 months ago.
- Update to specifications, asked for by <manager>
Eat it.2 -
Battling our contracted IT guys about forcing ESET antivirus onto all of our machines. Just looked at Task Manager to find that it was using 1.6+ GB of RAM on my machine! grrrr !!!!!
7 -
“In 15 years, do you see X still being there? No? Then fuck it” - my manager on how to handle “important” decisions4
-
dev: “I want to start working on [feature]”
Me: “I already started to work on it, sorry for not mentioning it, we need specs from design team before I can go on, but I’d suggest going for another task meanwhile”
Manager: “noooo design is very very busy, [dev] will take care of it.”
Me: “[dev] still needs specs from the design team... and I am half done with it so no real point in re-writing the same code I wrote”
Manager: “just trust me, we do this and [dev] takes care of it.”
*me and [dev] look at each other perplexed and just nod to the manager cause it’s Thursday and the fucks to give are over*
... am I actually a patient in an asylum? I question my sanity after this exchange of words.2 -
I hate IT managers, how on earth some become ant form of manager is beyond myself.
I have a server with a hardware firewall. A client, based in the UK, with French offices is saying the server blocking their new French IP. I white-listed their IP address, still no luck.
That was a week ago.
After 4 international phone calls and nearly 30 emails I resolved the "issue".
Their so called "IT Manager" sent over the wrong IP. Instead of it starting with 46.* he sent over an IP starting 42.*, which was in fact being correctly blocked.
Suffice to say I charged the client a lot of money for the wasted time and international rate calls.
2 -
Government re-employment resume wizard: "Enter your job title for this job experience."
Me: "Development Manager"
Wizard: "Did you mean Biofuels/Biodiesel Technology and Product Development Manager,
Training and Development Manager, or
Wind Energy Development Manager?"
Me: "Web Development Manager"
Wizard: "Website Administrator it is!"
Me: ... bruh ...7 -
New job: Asked my manager if i can add documentation for the code/project.
Manager: it's completely useless to use hours on documentation. If you don't understand any thing just ask around. It saves time. Just use descriptive variables and method names.
Me: :|7 -
Colleague: looks perfect
Project manager: make it a little better
Client: I don't care. Just show me the godamn data!2 -
that feeling when everything isnt responding anymore so i thought task manager could handle it..... turns out task manager is like everything else....
Task Manager (not responding) -
OMFG network-manager randomizes the mac of wlan0. And it ignores me turning this "feature" off. WHAT THE HELL MAN4
-
Manager: this feature is not working correctly
Me: yes it is
Manager: no it isn't, change it to do X
Me: but X doesn't account for half of the logic
Manager: I don't care just get it done
(1 day later)
Manager: hey, the changes you made aren't accounting for some of the logic we need. Change it back immediately!
Me: ...3 -
When you debug a project on someone else's computer, and then commit push, and the manager tells you that you dont have enough commits . Fuck it.2
-
Notification pops up at the bottom of the screen... it is an email from a Project Manager.
2 seconds later...
Project Manager via messaging app: "Hey, I've sent you an email"
fuck off bitch... I know that already, it is 20fucking19... notifications are reliable and they work. I don't need a human toast notification to tell me about the other notification that i just received.5 -
I recently joined to a company. I am recent grad. I was getting KT by my Manager during team on-boarding.
The manager showed me the tech stack they use for the application. It had the given logo.
My manager read it like this - "We also use Adobe here ....."
I muted my mic and laughed so hard, and now I am searching for jobs at some better company- where managers don't confuse AngularJS logo with Adobe.
7 -
senior dev told me yesterday - stop thinking like a manager, look at the big picture!
shouldn t it be the other way around?1 -
Microsoft Manager: "We need to slap ChatGPT onto Bing....STAT!"
Devs: "There won't be enough time to test security."
Microsoft Manager: *Throws hands in the air* "Who cares!!?? Just get it done!"
Devs: "Ok, boss."
https://arstechnica.com/information...5 -
Everything works fine until your manager starts looking at your code and all of a sudden your screen starts interacting with your manager- "Here is a bug there is a bug and you have got a lazy developer who ignores me like a dumb."
And I am here like wtf ... Wasn't it working fine earlier...
Manager in anger... Me in shock and code is totally in revenge mode...
Oh god... turn this Monday back to Sunday!!!
Scary Monday story begins.... -
Applicant: I have 7 years of experience in software development industry and here is my repo/portfolio for you to look at.
Manager: I don't need it. Take the 5 hours coding exam.
*Applicant scores low
Manager: You didn't score high. Thank for applying at Stack****. Goodbye
Applicant: Wait, sorry but do you judge all applicants only through an exam?
Manager: Yes. Exam tells how expert the applicant is.10 -
This is long rant/story:
My manager conducts sync-up meetings regularly. The idea is to sync up all developers on current state of work. He does’t conduct stand-ups. He doesn't have time for it. He rather discusses on individual basis if we are blocked. The rule of the sync-up meeting is NOT to discuss any blockers or problems but simply explain each other what we are doing and how we plan next.
Sometime ago, the manager brought up and explained a new way of working in the sync-up meeting. At this point, a new developer in the team was absent due to sickness.
Today, there was a sync-up meeting and the manager started to question the new member about the newly introduced way of working. He was unaware of it and the manager never communicated this important information via email or any mode of communication available.
So, the conversation goes on as follows:
"Manager": — "Why didn’t you complete your task as per the new way of working?"
"Employee": — "Well, I've no idea. Am I supposed to do? I’ve been working as usual like any other"
"Manager": — "We have a new process and you have failed to follow it, so we’re late in delivering your work"
"Employee": — "I’ve already finished my work on time. I've raised a pull-request this morning"
"Manager": — "It doesn’t matter, it is not merged to main branch and so we can’t include your work in the release"
"Employee": — "I’ve no idea about the new process"
"Manager": — "Haven’t you asked around about what happened from previous meeting"
"Employee": — "Yes, I have. I was told which tasks were handled, but nothing about a new process"
"Manager": — "Aren’t you interested to learn it?"
"Employee": — "Why won’t I be interested? I was on a sick leave and I have no clue what happened here"
"Manager": — "What’s happened is past now, let’s not focus on it"
"Employee": — <Dumbfounded>
The Employee felt ashamed in front of everyone. He did his job but it didn’t pay off.
…. After an hour … the Employee had a talk with the Manager
"Employee": — "You shouldn’t have pointed me out in front of everyone. It made me feel real bad. You should have emailed this information if its important for the team."
"Manager": — "I have no idea what you’re talking about. When did I say so? I think you’ve a bright future in the team. You should be focusing on doing better things."
Employee goes back to work. A minute later, the Manager sends a PowerPoint screenshot of the process in the group chat.
**The Process**
It's about delivering release packages based on priorities defined by client. Each release package is a set of work items or requirements. Individual developers are assigned to work items. They are expected to deliver on planned delivery timelines in order to consider a work item into a release package.1 -
Manager: Oh I also forgot, we also have a red balloon... do you know if you could inflate it?
Dev (the EXPERT): ...4 -
My lead always steal my work and showcase it has his work to the manager. I always look for a chance to trap him in front of Manager.
One fine day, He gave me an work which has to completed on Monday, I sit over the weekend and finished it’s but partially committed it.
He is a blind thief, As always he says that he himself completed over the weekend.
While running in front of the manager they face huge issues because it’s a half cooked product. Manager purposely sent an email to our team without mentioning the name of my lead.
After few days my lead silently put paper and left the team.3 -
Update Table_Name Set Column_Name = ‘New Value’;
Commit;
I did this on prod and my manager started screaming on me.
Is there any issue in it?5 -
This stupid motherfucker just updated a dependency without even realising that it breaks everything, pushed it to the package manager and causes me almost 2 days debugging.
Nico nico wanna break your fucking knee2 -
Scenario A:
Your code is working. You run again, now it's not working.
Scenario B:
Works on production. Next day it doesn't.
It is nothing you just experienced alternate universe. You probably with your manager temporarily jumped into another timeline where your code is not working.
Next time it happens tell your manager it's not your fault.
Eureka!6 -
Minimum resolution supported on the project is 1280px
Learn that Product Manager is selling it as responsive
*sigh
2 -
"Manager,, can we change the names of our master branch to main"
"It might upset the muscle memory of others"
👍 Our entirely white team.👍5 -
**it's 17:47*"**
Dev: Hi manager I have those 13 tasks on me and I won't finish on time.
Manager: Well all those items needs to be finished on Time, how YOU are going to resolve it?
Dev:😵😵😭😤🥺
Manager: there is additional defect to check please take it on priority ,it a real easy one , I'll do it my self in 5 min but I'm too busy
Dev: ETA?
Manager : by the end of the day.
Dev: Well it's already end of the day.
Manager: Exactly, I knew I can count on you .
Dev:🥺🥺🧐
****Next day *****
Manager: Hey sorry to call you on your cell but I see there were no progress on yesterday issue.
Dev : Sorry Manager I'm sick.
Manager : O.K feel well (🤬)
Dev : thank you so much (😎fk you asshole😎)3 -
Fucking managers
Now I know why companies with shitty managers don’t grow
Me conversing with my senior as to how to make one of our functions scalable which around 10k devs would be using.
Manager walks in
Manager: how’s function x going
Me: great , will be done soon
Manager: you need to finish it by today
Me: can’t do it , too many sub functions need to be reconfigured( which was his job)
Manager: take *insert some managers asslicker’s name*’s help
Me: okay
We will finish it by today , but everybody know how “robust” the output will be
P.S. I didn’t argue because I’ve done that before and it’s like hitting your head on a wall. If you have read my previous rants, you would know1 -
Lua, tables ("arrays") start at 1.
It also has no sleep function and its defacto package manager (luarocks) has almost never worked for me without some serious fuckery7 -
My spouse is my project manager which is ironic since I normally seethe with anger when around project managers. It works though.4
-
> be me
> wake up 8:30 am
> sort and view notifications one by one.
> Manager sends text * can you do this? *
> * yes I can *
> goes back to notifications *so where was I? Ah this email.*
> *Please get it done by the end of the day*, another text by the manager.
> I ignore that.
> Manager spams me till I reply
> I hate my life5 -
We had a meeting with the top IT folks in the company (top manager was in the meeting). A mix between operations (customer), engineers, and IT people were at this meeting.
The IT group was not happy that my customer had asked me to do some server work. IT wanted to control that. They wanted to shut down a server without regard to the customer using this resource constantly.
IT had heartburn about the system running Ubuntu rather than Redhat Linux. The top manager during the meeting says, "Why are you running Ubuntu? That is a gaming OS." All the other IT people who worked for them just looked at each other and us with that 'WTF? Dear caught in headlights look.'
My manager who was at same level as head of IT made a few comments. We got to keep our server and IT backed down. -
Working on this bug for a day. Frustrated Friday afternoon. Decided to explain to my manager and senior why I can't find a fix and while explaining it to them, I eventually figured out the problem and fixed it.
I just realized I used my manager and senior as rubber ducks. -
Gives an award winning VR idea to our 'Digital Manager'
Says it's too hard for us to do ( it wasn't ) , goes out and pitches it to another digital agency for 'Help', ( mainly coz of the freelance commission )
They go ahead with the idea and make their campaign with it.
we don't get anything. no credit, nothing.
I wonder how the hell someone become a manager with that much of stupidity.2 -
HOD keeps coaching me in regards to my new role as a manager for my institution. I really like it, the man has a lot of knowledge and would show me stuff that not only deals with my job, but his as well. Thus far everything has been working rather smoothly, mind you, i have been acting manager for more than 6 months thus far, but they just made it official after our vp conaidered that most of the applicants for the manager role were not as qualified as I was, kinda had the advantage since I wrote the job requirements.
All in all it has been fun, stressing, but fun. -
When you're currently working on a mosule based on Facebook Graph API and the project manager wants you to make it work on Twitter ...2
-
Day 1 - Monday:
Manager: How far did you go on this project?
Me: I have contacted the PM, and due to lack of data we are putting the project on hold since there is nothing we can work with, we expect to get the data next week. Peter is working on obtaining required data.
Manager: I see, okay.
Day 2 - Tuesday:
Manager: How for did you go on this project?
Believe it or not this happened again on Thursday... fml2 -
Manager: hey, I've been thinking about the new interface changes, Iand I've come to the conclusion that we really need to make it... (wait for it...) very intuitive
Wooowww
IQ 2002 -
Any hospital manager can manage ten IT departments simultaneously, any IT manager can’t even manage his own emails, let alone one department. Change my mind.
-
project-manager : what are you doing ?
me : just having some coffee .
project-manager : stop all shit go to work .
me : ok sir . got up and went for my laptop .
my mother screamed at me and screamed "what
are you doing ?"
i then realised it all a night_mare1 -
How difficult it is to get a female developer up to speed on taking interviews?
My Manager - Just grow a mustache!
10 -
Our team lead was promoted to manager a few months back. Our VP/Director was fired a few months later. Our manager got our team a call today; the business is making a ton of money due to the Coronavirus fears. The company hasn't mandated any work-from-home policies yet. We're in a big city (Chicago/Downtown) so it feels irresponsible.
Our manager has complained about how he has no manager to ask questions; how every person is MIA (now he should know how we feel about him; but I don't think he realizes how absent he is).
One of my remote workers send a message, "This is a total clusterfuck"
Yea...1 -
Me: focused on coding....
Manager: we have that call tomorrow with the customers it guy.
Me: sure.
Manager: could you write the questions down, so you don't forget it.
Me: I Am FUCKING CODING.... I WROTE THE FUCKING SYSTEM ITTSSS MINE I DON'T FORGET WHAT I WROTE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.... -
Acting as a volunteer project manager temporarily at the moment, it angers me that people don't read documentations before they ask questions.1
-
Why does it always follow the same format?
Me: we should do do and so because xyz. Alternatives are this and that because uvw.
Manager: no, I'll hire another manager.
[Q]uit, [T]ry again? T... fml
Manager 2: let's have a meeting.
Meeting almost ends up being about an entirely irrelevant topic. Barely get the requirements before the end of the day.
Me: write summary following conventions.
Manager 2: let's hire another manager. Manager 1: great idea, manager 2!
Manager 3: let's build a spaceship!
[D]evsplain, [R]agequit, [T]ry again?
class Manager:
"""This shouldn't be too hard..."""
... -
Question for those that worked alone with a project manager, and were you covered multiple parts, frontend, backend, mobile and you basically have good friendship with the project owner/manager but the job got bored or wanted to switch jobs because you wanted to change environment.
What was the period you informed your employer/project manager in advance about your resignation and leaving? 2 weeks, a month? more? And was it enough time for the manager to find replacement? Did you leave in good terms?3 -
Manager: make some AI for this project it is simple.
Me: what are we talking about?
Manager: I want to get a report about any topic in our ERP just by talking to the software.
Me: 😓3 -
Why can't people just do their fucking jobs? How hard is it to understand? Managers keep time, resources and risks in check and inform the developers. Developers develop and test the system. How the fuck do we have manager for agile, manager for program a manager for program b, risk mitigation manager, this shit manager that shit manager . For fucks sake with this much management we should be like fuckin bee nest and not an unorganized mess. In the end it turns out that literally there are more managers than developers just because they cannot fire an incapable idiot and they hire the next one. It is plain fucking simple - if you are not fit for the job get lost or make yourself fit. For fucks sake.
It really makes me wonder are there any well organized companies out there? -
When the manager wants something, it's discussed and agreed upon by the entire team, it's implemented and 2 days later the boss tells you to take it down and that stuff shouldn't be implemented without discussing it with him. And the manager just stands there in silence fully knowing it was his idea. Be or don't be the manager I don't care, but pick one.1
-
A non dev has no right to pass judgement whether a dev is good or not. Be it engg manager or a product manager or any other manager6
-
15h/day for at least one month.
Manager to someone: How long do you think it will take you to build this?
Someone: Erm... 6 months.
Manager: Fine, I'm pretty sure you can do it in 3 months.
I was invited/forced to join someone's team because he could not do it in 3 months. Neither did we, but we managed to deliver the project in 4 months.
The dickhead manager got a promotion, money prizes etc for burning us out. I can't stand this kind of managers.
Neither I or someone work for that guy anymore.
If a Dev tells you it would deliver something in X believe him, he's telling you the best he can.1 -
I really like my position as the head of my department. But I am most definitely hitting walls(and in some way breaking them) concerning the way the CTO(my direct boss) deals with a lot of the things that his management team wants to do.
For example, the previous manager could only do so much in terms of directing a software team since she did not have a formal background in computer science or engineering, thus the developers that she had would tell her the different deals with many things and she would have to take their word for it. Nothing necessarily bad with this, but it just meant that a lot of things could have gone smoother had she the knowledge to fix said items. Whenever she would try to use resources(dev time or such) the CTO will resort to the all powerful manthra of "if it ain't broke don't fix it!".
but it was about more than fixing things that were breaking, our internal services and admin boards were built using all of the WRONG proper development practices, it feels as if they took the book of best practices.....and said fuck it and did whatever the fuck they wanted. It is the worst PHP/Java/JS code I have ever seen in my entire life and the reason why even though I do not concur with it I will always understand the dislike from other developers. Our services look like something that came out from the 90s, no style, no engineering concepts in place, no versioning no testing NADA zip(these are all web based services)
One in particular, it was an admin board used internally to let students evaluate their professors, the entire app is shit, and it was broken, for some UNGODLY reason, the original dev decided to use some weird external libraries he got from some blog somewhere and as such something that would take about 5 or 6 files is now a mess with over 200 php/js files all over the fucking place. The CTO insisted on fixing them, they were all broken, and I continuously told him that redesigning the application would be faster.
Mofo fought me on it, and in the end I did what I wanted and rebuilt the app.
It took me one afternoon. One fucking afternoon, over possibly 2 weeks of fixing it.
See, I am not one to just do whatever he pleases, but I am firm in my belief that if I know a better way I will do it and save precious time. The dude had to agree with me on this and promised to consider this shit on other items that will undoubtedly come up. He was lying out of his ass but oh well..........
W3 -
saw an SSIS project once used for basically string replacement and file tasks. Asked manager permission to rewrite this Proof of Concept to something more suitable language.
manager: you can't but you have to support it.
me: but i tought it's a PoC
manager: yes it is
me: so what to support?
manager: it's been sold to a customer and in production for 6 months now
So it's a PoC which is sold and moved to prod...
I hate sales and management douches sometimes... like 98% of the time....
(already left the company)1 -
When the manager doesn't show up to a meeting, we get everything disscussed sorted and even summarised in an email...simples! Yet manager insists on having "another" meeting just to go over everything we all discussed. We wonder why it takes twice as long... We have to explain EVERYTHING, just let us get on with it!!2
-
I recently went to an office to open up a demat account
Manager: so your login and password will be sent to you and then once you login you'll be prompted to change the password
Me: *that's a good idea except that you're sending me the password which could be intercepted* ok
Manager: you'll also be asked to set a security question...
Me: *good step*
Manager: ...which you'll need to answer every time you want to login
Me: *lol what? Maybe that's good but kinda seems unnecessary. Instead you guys could have added two factor authentication* cool
Manager: after every month you'll have to change your password
Me : *nice* that's good
Manager: so what you can do change the password to something and then change it back to what it was. Also to remember it keep it something on your number or some date
Me: what? But why? If you suggest users to change it back to what it was then what is the point of making them change the password in the first place?
Manager: it's so that you don't have to remember so many different passwords
Me: but you don't even need to remember passwords, you can just use softwares like Kaspersky key manager where you can generate a password and use it. Also it's a bad practice if you suggest people who come here to open an account with such methods.
Manager: nothing happens, I'm myself doing that since past several years.
Me: *what a fucking buffoon* no, sir. Trust me that way it gets much easier to get access to your system/account. Also you shouldn't keep your passwords written down like that (there were some password written down on their whiteboard)
Manager: ....ok...so yeah you need sign on these papers and you'll be done
Me:(looking at his face...) Umm..ok4 -
Does anyone else's manager measure their performance based on jira ticket count or merges to master? It feels like a new lines-of-code measure to me...5
-
what does your manager get impressed by, care about? if you were to flex what sorts of things would you flex to them?
is there someone that makes decisions over your life that isn't necessarily the manager, and what would they be impressed by or care about if one were to flex it in front of them?19 -
Showed this one to my manager the other day, she wanted to include it in our documentation for new team members...
-
21:37
Manager: Hi
Manager: Do you know anything about this? <screenshot.jpg>
Me: Hi
Manager: Oh, I didn't mean to disturb you this late
Me: *what....? Then what DID you mean by writing to me at my bedtime....?*
(Though it's good he pinged me - it was a valid and time-sensitive concern. But saying "I didn't mean to" - that's just not true. Call a spade a spade and spit out what you need)10 -
Thursday
Project Manager: Reckon we can get a demo/status update tomorrow?
Friday:
*status update*
Project Manager: Alright great
Monday 1pm:
*basically a shit tonne of noise all morning, can't get anything done*
Project Manager: Reckon we can get a status update right now?
*status update*
Project Manager: Alright, reckon you can demo it on Friday?
Me: Uh...
Project Manager: Ok, let's aim for a demo anyway.
Research Lead: Great!
Org Lead: How is everything going?
Me: I don't like how Project Manager micromanages.
Org Lead: Ahhh, yes, but it was me that asked him to manage like this
Me internally:
What's 65 - 28? Oh yeh, 37 more years of this. Is there a way I can kill myself painlessly?10 -
Little story.
Manager give me task, Send mail through mail chimp to many groups and schedulled them differntly.
Day1 : it litterly waste my half hour.
Night 1 :create script using Selenium (utilize my 2 hours because It was new for me.)
Day 2 : I am devrant. (script is doing my task)
Manager is also happy that I am doing extra work. -
Our project manager took a one week vacation. So it is either going to be a very productive or a very stressful week.
-
What's the best way to ask my IT manager for a first year review? What's the best way to approach it from a junior position where I feel I'm being underpaid and overworked?3
-
Project Manager: "You have until x date, but how far off are you from finishing"
Me: "How long is it until x date, there is your answer"
-
Installed chocolatey for the first time because hey a package manager for windows sounds cool
Turns out it automatically installs random ass windows updates
Fuck that noise7 -
Is it legal that the day you're out for license, the project manager change your password and enter your email?4
-
So currently working on a basic game engine written in Vala using SDL, fuck me it is such a rabbit hole!
Have a basic renderer and and was using the default SDL frame rate manager and decided to write my own so I could knock out using the SDL gfx package.
So now I have to create a window manager and renderer manager just to handle a basic framerate manager that isn't completely negated by VSYNC.... -
My fav part working from home:
Sexually harass your co-worker at home.
and she cannot go to the manager about it.9 -
So this manager told me we need to build accelerator. What's an accelerator. He told that it some how manages Microservices.2
-
"Oh, don't use Google Password Manager. It's not safe. Use something else. [Paid]"
* proceeds in using it anyway. I don't care. I trust Google.10 -
Manager: Oh, this feature freeze you where talking about was no joke?
Me: Yes, that's why we have written it into the protocol of the Last Meeting and everyone agreed...
Manager: Thats nonsense, add more Features! -
When ur pm just attended session on map-reduce and starts using it evrywhr.
Development manager: this will take a month to complete this module.
Project manager: hmm! We need to get this done by 2morrow and I hv a plan. -
How many developers does it take to install a white board...
3, and 1 QA, 1 designer, 1 project manager and 3 attempts...9 -
“so i know you folks are up against it with this deadline, but i made a burndown chart i’d like to go through” - every project manager
-
Manager wants to sign me up for sponsored Apigee training and certification and i wasn't sure if it's good or bad (even now)
Me: ohh, nice
Manager: let me know asap. I'll get back to you.
*Manager comes back after 2 mins*
Manager: have you decided?
Me: uhm, yeah i haven't finished looking. I'll get back to you in 30mins
*Manager comes back after an hour*
Me: does this have a bond?
Manager: no
Me: okay, I'll get back to you tom
Poll question: is it a go or no go?1 -
Working with a manager who thinks they know how development works but doesn't actually know is the worst. At times your better off fixing the issue versus explaining it to them. Fix it then explain it.2
-
I once had this discussion with my manager
Me: Hey i have an idea to improve our overall system but since it requires design changes which may break the system , can you provide me an experimental environment to implement and test it.
Manager: you should write code in a way you can flight it (disable/enable any changes)
I was totally out of words.... Who the hell flights a system design change?! -
Manager took too long to decide how he wants the new project.
- Estimate time for this project: 3 months
- Time I have to do it, 1 month.
YAY!! -
Our new project manager is super cringe. It's made daily stands just horrible. It turns out he's come schooled. Oh man ... that explains so much.3
-
Software packages can be installed only through proprietary software manager on a corporate server to ensure auditability and compliance.
The package manager fails, because it attempts to execute `yum` on an Ubuntu server.3 -
#define someError ( -1)
int func(params *param)
{
//some code
if(condition)
{
someError ;
}
}
Spent like half and hour on debugger thinking why the fuck does it skip my statement. My manager who was passing by saw me puzzled and asked if he could help, so we spent another 10 minutes without success(tho my manager is technical guy but he had an unlucky moment I guess). Eventually senior manager saw our wtf faces and asked what is going on, it took one question for me to light the bulb "someError is a macro right?"
I guess you can imagine my embarrassment at that moment..
PS: Forgot return keyword before the error code. -
Manager: why did you overlook X?
Me: X? Whatchu mean?
Manager: X! Here have a look!
Me: ah ... hmm well ... it lacks free beer next to it, see?
Manager: ah ok!3 -
I started working with Luigi, the workflow manager for a data-science project. Any input on how to test the Tasks or how does it compare to Airflow?
-
Was the standalone android sdk manager, the one that has a gui, a problem for most of the android devs for it to be goddamn removed? The command line sdk manager (tools/bin/sdkmanager) is a fucking pain in the ass for fucks sake.
-
!rant
So the other day at my company we were talking about what we were going to talk at the IT Week in my former University. I was giving some ideas and talked about what other company's talked about and what was interesting for the students to hear.
While we were in the subject my colleagues searched some of the company's I've mentioned. We discovered that one of those company's had a Happiness Manager.
That was the first time I've heard of such an occupation. Like, is this a thing? An occupation to make other coworkers happy/ensure their happiness? -
I have 2FA enabled on NPM so it would shut up about it, the recovery codes are in my password manager, right next to my secure randomly generated password.
Password authentication is fucking stupid.3 -
Manager put me working on the crm, it was made using opentabs 1.4 which was made using ofbiz, fuck coding in xml
-
So we were in the meeting with the Project Manager, designers, me and other developers, and the Boss to see what's the current status in the project that we are doing. It started all good because the Project Manager is doing all the talking about the project and the boss liked it. Everything is going smoothly. Then at the end, he said something that we didn't expected.
Project Manager: "Sir, the project will be ready this week."
Boss: "Good."
And our world just stopped from spinning around.1 -
That moment you get you chewed for not doing stuff when all you been doing the last two weeks is chasing the people that are supposed to get back to you about that stuff
Want me to make them do it? Give me the authority. Clearly having my manager talk to their manager isn't helping3 -
is it possible to find a password/note manager that is also:
has a user and permission manager;
free/open source;
local (lan only, no cloud);
web based (local web server);
encrypted;
secure;
????8 -
Every fucking time i see dual boot with a machine with WinCrap, the windows manager always end up messing with the boot at the bios forcing me to reinstall grub again to make a proper boot. Most of the time the Windows Boot Manager still is corrupt.
I feel rage about that, why does Windows is so badly design when it come to boot manager? I would think they would fucking figure it out after the 90'S!! But no, to fucking busy fucking with people's machine with broken update and feature nobody use... Fuck Microsoft!3 -
Three meetings a week imposed by "manager" to keep the project on pace...
10m before the last three meetings (everyone from the meeting via email): "Skip it? No updates here"
...I think we need a "project manager" -
Every manager does *not* need a heavy process they are championing. They definitely don't need to be enforcing it on other teams that don't need those changes.1
-
I am looking for a file manager to use.
I want to organize my stuff a bit better and I would like to use a file manager so browse through the folders. Important: it should be a cli file manager!
I also would like to use it to organize some photos. I thought about setting up some meta data database to find stuff more quickly later. Some cherry picks from the holidays to show people, or private documents etc.
Any ideas?
I am using ranger atm and I am somewhat happy, but the use of meta data is limited to the cwd only.8 -
Want to leave company due to insanely bad WLB
Don't wanna leave as wanna get to next step as manager someday, idk how else to become a manager other than be promoted to it
Big regrets8 -
Is it really good OpSec to log me out of outlook every hour when the password manager lets me automatically log back in?2
-
a former manager once asked me if db tables and views are the same thing.... I am still laughing when I think about it..
-
Well, after using stage manager for the longest time, I'm fucking ditching it.... It just gets way too messy and takes up more time than it saves... 🙌
1 -
I hate the acronym "UX" and "sexy UX" is creepy especially when said by a project manager that heard it at a conference last week.1
-
Project Manager: Our employees are not receptive to the new internal app we built
Dev: Have you tried making airplane noises when you show it to them?1 -
Hey look! I just finished configuring my window manager, better change it to a new one and start configuring it...1
-
When you get work assigned to you. Are you asked for how long it will take you to complete the work or does your manager give you a deadline to complete the work? Note: Manager was a senior developer but now a manager so he states he knows how long it might take and sets deadlines.8
-
Manager: Can we achieve X?
Dev: We can do with Y. But with the time that you are allocating it is difficult to complete Y.
Manager: Can we do a temporary fix?
Dev: Sure. We can do Z. But we need to prioritise Y in the next sprint else Z will cause issues in the long run.
Manager: Sure
After many next sprints,.......
Manager: Hey, Z is causing us issues regularly. Can we do something about it.
Dev: We still can do Y.
Manager: Come up with document on the implementation. We'll implement it.
Dev: Sure. Will do.2
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