Random Uncle: So what do you do?

Me: Uncle, I'm a dev at xyz company.

RU: Ah so what do they do

Me: Uncle we work in the internet advertising business, kind of like AdSense

RU: So you basically spam the web?

Me: Yes :/

If you are reading this, I want you to know that I am probably on some kind of FBI watchlist because I googled "How to kill all children while leaving the parent alive". So yeah, Linux is brutal.

My worst developer sin is probably me talking sh*t about programs I could never have done better myself.

"Omg, this is so inefficent!"
"Omg, the ui is so confusing!"
"What kind of idiot would do that?"

...I'm not the only one who does that, am I?

Kid(age: 17): What kind of programming do you do?

Me: Well, I started writing scripts in Python, but in the last few months I moved to IOS development, so like making apps.

Kid: So you write scripts for phones?

Me: Not exactly—

Kid: Do you know what jailbreaking is?

Me: Yeah.

Kid: So do you jailbreak stuff?

Me: No—

Kid: Oh so you don’t really do programming.

:’(

I just dropped a 32gb flashdisk with a lot of data yesterday. Today someone picked it up and email me is it mine, I said yes and he asked me to order a courier and pick it up from his place.

God bless this kid and may luck be always be with him

Definitely gonna try this on a co-worker one day.

Was today national 'lets not use our brains and common sense' day or something?!?

People coming with the most fucking RETARDED questions.

'ive spend hours to try and figure out why my mail isnt sending,?!'

MAYBE TRY SPELLING YOUR FUCKING OWN EMAIL ADDRESS CORRECTLY?!?!?!

Tons more of the kind of shit that you can solve yourself within three FUCKING seconds.

I'm so fucking done with today.

I just walked passed 2 technologically impaired ladies in my office (the kind who think google is on their actual computer) having an avid discussion about how "You can find Ajax everywhere on so many websites!".

I was super impressed until I realised they were talking about buying dish soap :/

A US senator or judge or whatever his title is said today that he wants companies/governments to build a 'responsible encryption' system.

Preferably that would exist out of a big ass database which stores the private keys of citizens so in case a person loses their private key or the government needs access to encrypted content, that is possible.

NOO, WHAT COULD FUCKING POSSIBLY GO WRONG!?!?!

Seriously those kind of people should not be allowed to have the kind of positions they have.

This shit makes me so angry.

User: We can not register three users on your website, it allowed us to register only first one

Me: What does it say? Some kind of error? Tell me so I can reproduce.

User: Well it says email address is already taken

Me: Uh...

- so yeah, they tried to register three users under the same email address.

Not even going to lie; I've clicked so many of these in my life time that it's kind of sad.

Me and my senior used to do doodle in papers whenever we get stuck in some code problems or having free time. It always has been our way to relax our mind kind of meditation.

One day our boss saw our doodle work. He asked us to do doodle in office wall. So far this has been our progress.

Client: We need these book genres added to the website ASAP!
PM: Hey dev, its priority #1, please add these genres ASAP!
Dev: Okay, can I get a file which needs to be imported?
Client: Oh we will have that in couple of weeks.
Dev: Okay so write me in couple of weeks.
Client: What kind of company is this? Outrageous!!!

Manager: I need you to come up with a quick, temporary solution.

Me: Ok...but it will be kind of hackish and ugly.

Manager: Yes that's completely understandable.

Me: So again you say this is just temporary right?

Manager: Yes we will come up with a permanent solution soon.

*that was over a year ago and the "temporary" solution is not-so-temporary it seems*

Put some kind of course into the studies which makes students get in touch with open source technology.

May it be arduino's, open source languages, frameworks, whatever.

But especially teach them what open source stands for. I mean we already teach them how to work with closed source technology explicitly so let's show them the other side as well!

Last week I almost lost my belief in everything..

A friend of minde, he's currently learning programming (Delphi 😂) in some kind of university, just told me:
"Hey, why do you spend so much time caring about error handling? I just surround all my programs with one try catch block and I never have to think about errors!"

Ehm. No statement needed, right?

I literally cringed today when my neighbor wanted help installing an app, she didn't tell me it was her banking app... And the thing I needed to help with was logging in... So she told me her bank details...

Even though I said (multiple times) it was dangerous to do so, and that she can't just trust people with this kind of information...

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO GOD DAMN STUPID WHEN IT COMES TO SECURITY!

Often saying fuck it when I've got a project and I kind of really need to use git but I'm not good with it so I just go back to good old scp again 😅

Dear Microsoft,

What kind of braindead fucking moron thought that implying that dragging the mouse ever so slightly within the same folder with files selected MUST mean that the user wants to copy shit?!

What kind of braindead fucking moron thought that making conhost use Return for copying text and right click for pasting it was a good idea, and make the keybinding unmodifiable?!!

What kind of braindead fucking moron designed this shitty abomination of shit OS?!

*at front end job interview*
Me: so what kind of version control do you use?

CTO: well, one of the guys here developed our own system.. bla bla bla *turns around laptop*

Me: *sees internet explorer* NO THANKS 😬

So a company is looking for a web developer intern with minimum 3 years of job experience! What kind of intern that would be!

Weekend weekend weekend. Yay!
After hard week at uni, took a day off and I am in bed since morning 😁
So I decided to find some kind of "dev social app" and got this. Not bad at all!

I am also fairly new at web development, using Python - at the moment Flask, later on Django so I am looking forward to meet some Flask/Django users here :)

And I just wanna add some wisdom here:)

!dev
So my housemate bought a violin. Gone are the days of quiet programming.

(No he is not some kind of virtuoso, even a woodpecker would play it better.)

When you're working on an uni project with a fucking idiot who tests stuff with this kind of messages and then forget to remove them a few days before the deadline… fml.

I work at the frontend, he at the backend, so I shouldn't even have to check his code, but after seeing this I fucking have to.

Useless to say that he loaded these kind of placeholders also in the database.
So the admin name is "PieroGay", which is the name of the professor who will evaluate the project...

The worst thing is this bastard will graduate in 1 month, while I probably next year.

Cleaning lady: *wants some tunes during work*
Me: "Sure, I wanted to listen to some music as well.. not sure if our genres match though 🤔"
Cleaning lady (CL): "So what kind of music do you listen to?"
Me: "Synthwave"
CL: "So um.. synthesizers?"
Me: "Well yes, but it kind of ties in with the dark side of technology.. the whole 1984 dystopian future etc. Privacy, lack of user freedom, etc."
CL: "So essentially cult music?"

TIL that the tech community is a cult for listening to synthwave. I bet she believes that tech peeps are lizards too.
*mentally slaps cleaning lady* - User!!

Just saw a blue screen of death In the top of a taxi cab. Had no idea these kind of signs were running Windows. Why are so many companies buying licenses for Windows when they could so easily use Linux ?

My first rant so be kind ;)

All week have been waiting for a day off to finish a side project, and when that day finally comes, my daughter has a fever.

Will have to wait till next week.

So, Twitter fired the entire Indian team (or almost, Im not so sure) and one person posted on LinkedIn that went like, "If you've been laid off, just learn something new and Upskill yourself."

Like yeah, no shit Sherlock.

I imagine this is the same kind of people who tell depressed people, "Oh, you're depressed? Just Cheer Up!"

Gunnery Sgt. Hartman:
What do you code, anyway?

Pvt. Cowboy:
SIR, JAVA, SIR!

Gunnery Sgt. Hartman:
JAVA? Holy dogshit! Only steers and queers code in Java!! And you don't much look like a steer to me so that kind of narrows it down. Do you suck dick?

Pvt. Cowboy:
SIR, NO, SIR!

Gunnery Sgt. Hartman:
I BET YOU'RE THE KIND OF GUY WHO'D WRITE LEGACY CODE AND NOT HAVE THE COMMON COURTESY TO WRITE ANY COMMENTS.

When abandoning a midnight bug hunt in the middle of a particularly nasty bug, always remember to leave kind words for your future self to see, so that they're not as disappointed with you for leaving this work for them.

So this just happened... not to me, but at my friend's company.

The devs are being congratulated and spurred on for working late! I don't know about you, but this is not the kind of culture that should be encouraged.

Those SEO guys that believe they are some kind of web Gods for building a real crap over WP with a $50 theme and fucking Visual Composer (the most fucked up piece of shit ever) and then ask you to just "optimize" their bloated site so they can get a great score on PageSpeed Insights.

NO.

No way I'm gonna put my hands on that *thing*.

- Can you format my computer ?
- I am developper Bro, this is not my kind of business
- I know you studied IT, so when you format my computer ?
-...

Hey. I have some steam keys I don't want, and I don't really have any friends to give them away to, so. Here you go!

I'll post them in the comments below.

Only redeem them if you actually want the game, and if you've used one please comment or upvote to let others know! Be kind, don't be greedy, honor system, etc. etc.

Soooo

I kind of always knew that you can make the terminal background transparent. But I can't believe I never thought of this

There's something so calming about my terminals now. I just can't explain what it is :^)

The worst kind of team member is the one that won’t follow and can’t lead. So obviously can’t lead 🙄!

I'm installing Gentoo on a keyboard. Not even kidding.
.
.
.
.
.. well, clickbait aside, it's a laptop that's been turned into a keyboard on steroids, its backlight broke so I had to remove the display until I get around fixing that.. but its keyboard is so good. They don't make them like that anymore... So yeah 🙃 turning it into some kind of controller for the other desktops. Tomorrow (or rather, in half a week when the Gentoo installation is finally complete) I'll be SSH'ing into my keyboard 😛

The finish line for my Linux journey is starting to get in sight 😄

Alright! so it's not much but my game engine is slowly gaining actually useful features, just finished implementing a basic sprite class that now renders basic sprites!

It may not be much but kind of proud at how well I have been able to just pick up Vala from scratch and start building something!

My first dev job my boss, understood me so well. i think he must of been like me as a kid. Much like when people go to uni people say they change so much. He knew i was just in my shell, shy, but capable.

I turned 18 and he straight away wanted to get me to nightclubs! i don't remember much from the night, except, i got into a bit of a fight (we won) stole a huge pitcher of some kind of drink (to drunk to taste it) and danced on the tallest part of the stage most of the night, kind of like the spotlight of the entire place. It was epic, and it certainly made me come out of me shell.

You guys probably use some kind of program to talk and chat with friends and colleagues. So, tell me - which of the numerous programs available do you use?

so I was working on a new frontend design for our desktop app when I told my boss

me: this will not look good in a lower resolution. I think we should reconsider

boss: thats ok. its the customer's fault for using that kind of resolution

after a week

boss: we should reconsider the design. the customers are complaining about resolution issues

When you're in the office, and you want to open devRant and tou don't want anyone to notice that ... So you just use jsRant to navigate through the feed in a browser in JSON format looking kind of productive :p

Who ever prefixes their table names like this should be sentenced to death.

tbltable_name or tbltablename

Is that some kind of sadistic fetish or something.

My eye can’t fucking pinpoint the first letter, thus I can’t easily find the table. I have seen it so many times!!! This trend has to STOOOP.

Prefix it tbl_table_name for all i care ffs.

Okay, so this is my first rant and I have no idea how to make an avatar. Everyone else has nice image with person next to desk with it's laptop open - I want too ;D Or is it some kind of badge and it automagically updates by itself?

I'm the first in 3 generations not be some sort of pipeline/mechical engineer. All my family works at the same company too.

I was partially accepting because at least a software engineer is some kind of engineer.

...And than my cousin graduated to be a gym teacher so I was then fully accepted 😂

I like complainers... So... Someone who works 9-6 (and is often late by half hour and leaves at 6 sharp also takes extended lunch break) complained to my manager that I'm late for work , which I am , no denying , but , I take no lunch break and I work until 7:30-8 . Why on planet earth would you even care to make a complaint about someone whose manager you don't even know ? What the fuck kind of a person even does that ?! No one in my office has any kind of direct interaction with me , no idea of the work I do yet someone found it fitting to complain . Anyway , manager didn't even listen to the guy so I'm good...just pissed at haters .

Software development lessons are so boring and the teacher is so stupid. He can't swap two variables without a temporary var. He said that he never saw this kind of swaping before. I pay attention sometimes, but I'm just drawing in my exercise book.

So I’m looking at a senior dev role, and wondering what kind of coding challenges to expect, what have some of you more senior devs had to face in the past?

Son: I've done good investment in Bitcoins

Dad: What is the rate of interest in Bitcoins?

Son: There is no such thing called rate of interest in Bitcoins. Bitcoins are virtual currency. It's kind of money itself.

Dad: So you gave money and got back money? It's not called as an investment. It's called getting change!

I am using this SDK and I came across a property "Orientation" of type int.

Why int? Is it an enum or something? Let's have a look into the online documentation...

"Gets or sets the orientation."
😣

Yeah, thanks. Very useful.
It's again that kind of documentation which simply restates the property name or method name. Who needs this?

So I tried to set the Orientation property to 1 to see what happens.

A runtime exception then told me that the only valid values are 0, 90, 180 and 270.

Well, this is kind of stupid but ok, I can live with that.
But ffs, put that info into the documentation, where it belongs!

So I think I was just in a car crash. Don't remember much, but I'm sitting in a hospital bed with my father by my side and my family in the waiting room. Everything is fuzzy, my brain hurts, and my left shoulder hurts. Today is kind of a blur, as was the last... forever. I'll update as I learn more about the past 24 hours.

Me: Overcommunicate…

Them: we don’t need that kind of detail. We all get it.

Me: Undercommunicate…

Them: why so quiet? Does he know what he is saying?

can’t fucking win 😡

So there is this really cute guy in my class and he recently started to learn coding. Since I am 'the computer guy' in school, of course he got to me and asked for help. I introduced him to C# and for the next two weeks helped him learn and understand the language. It was so neat and he was so cute, doing all the mistakes I did too (1+1=11, that kind of stuff)

Now he informed me today that he switched to Java. Of all the languages, Java!! Guess I'll need to search for a new Padawan, fml

Making python 2x faster by replacing enums with literal values.

Pros, it's faster, cons, it's unreadable.

God I miss compiled languages. At least optimizing them requires intelligent problem solving.

It's a text parser state machine transition so it's a code hot spot, so this kind of optimization is worthwhile. But it's kinda annoying.

Next is get rid of any semblance of readability and replace the match with an array index...

I'm a noob so I was dumb enough to google 'Eyeballs' in case it's a kind of tools that I don't known yet.
😕

Getting a static IP has become a kind of a status symbol, my friends are paying extra bucks to ISPs so during parties they can be like `Hey Yo, Ping me at 27.49.36.16 , it's static!` :/

!rant Security training at work comes in the form of a serialized TV show where each episode concerns some security topic kind of tangentially and ends with a “REMEMBER… “ followed by the lesson you were supposed to get from the episode.

I kind of love it. A lot. I actually look forward to security training, and I’m not the only one. They stagger the release so you can’t binge watch all the seasons at once and you get three episodes at a time. 😂

Damnit...

I'm kind of a perfectionist, which is one of the reasons why I don't post here very often.

I think that my posts have to be the most hilarious or creative ones to even be bothered to be read by anyone.

Now.. I'm kind of not sober, so I'll just write some idéas, jokes and rants in notes on my iPad.. Sleep, and get drunk again tomorrow and maybe post them...

Or maybe just delete this post and be ashamed tomorrow?

I at least posted this under the "Joke/Meme" tag so that people won't be offended, hopefully, by this "none-rant".

So my co-worker refuses to use Interface in Go because he dislikes php and interface is "the php way to do things". Anyone with experience dealing with this kind of ignorance?

*Client calls and asks for a restful api in php*
Me: So the client called and asked for a restful service specifically in php
Co-worker: I'm gonna write it in python.
Me: *disowns co-worker*

The best kind of team work.

What kind of variable conventions do you use?

timesincereseat
TimeSinceReseat
timeSinceReseat
TIMESINCERESEAT
TIME_SINCE_RESEAT
time_since_reseat
global{'tsr'} # so nobody can read it :)

*2 days ago in a meeting*
Boss: "We need you to develop this, this .... *adds 10 tasks in Trello*

*1 day ago. less than 24 hours*
Boss: "So , what's new regarding the tasks?"
ME (angry): "You just gave me all those tasks less than 24 hours ago. What kind of news do you expect?"

*Boss leaving to his desk, laughing from embarrassment.*

So like a year ago I decided that I was gonna learn programming. And the thing that popped into my head was HTML and CSS. So I browsed some websites where you could learn some HTML and stuff. But I never really got into it and eventually stopped and moved on. Now I just kind of got a sudden urge again to learn programming and build a website again. So I started browsing some sites and found a suitable one. Since I'd already kinda learned the basics it was all kind of just repetition. And now I've got a very basic site set up with Apache that I was thinking I'm gonna use as my homepage. And I also got my very first experience not understanding what the fuck is wrong and browsing stack overflow for an eternity. Turns out it was a simple missing semicolon. Welcome me to the dev world!

This was interview in so called startup.

BTW I don't get point in company calling themselves as startup when they are 5-6 years old, just call your self small sized company.

1 - online interview with HR, Normal.

2 - online technical interview - 1 hour of discussion with Lead.

3. On-fucking-site technical interview - ~1 hour of detailed technical discussions.

4. Coding task- submitted successfully

5. Zoom meeting to discuss on coding task - just told it was good and started discussion on their dead project which was unrelated to job position but I've worked with that kind of thing so it was fine.

6. Trial Day Onsite - Gave me to draw a fucking BPMN chart - fuck you motherfuckers - I knew it was waste of time.

Fuck this kind of Hiring process which takes >1.5 month.

Windows is so bad, their users are actually upset instead of happy with every new software update. What kind of masochistic shit is this?

I'm so tired.
Got enough sleep but tired nevertheless every day.

Situation in the company isn't helping, would really like to get a review as I'm really close to a 'final' version for productive use, none given.
Didn't think far enough and didn't include various OO-things when starting to program this application, so I had to rewrite lots of it. It certainly got better by the time but as it's a grown structure I'd feel happier if someone other than me had seen and cursed the code.
Coworker that has most experience in C# only once implemented something with multiple threads, couldn't help me there.
Could not test the code yet because the hardware was inaccessible and is now potentially broken.
I really like working independently, nevertheless I feel a little bit lost at sea - I can deal with that, but it's exhausting.
Also, trying to get an answer from the colleague who should act as my supervisor whether or not I can work remotely during a CS related course in the semester break for > 2 weeks now. Course admission is the mid of January so I'd like to have an answer this year so I can repeat the basics I'll need if necessary.
Also, Midterm is coming.

It's a lot of little things piling up right now I wouldn't mind if there were only 1-2 of them.
I'm just so damn tired.
I'll go to sleep now.

(In happy news: my internet connection is working pretty decent now, technician that fucked it up apologized and said that he probably needs glasses, he misread the connection number. :D)

So I was doing homework questions for an online course, and they basically amounted to following instructions and typing in the result. I wondered, "what the hell kind of person fails something like this?"

Then I remembered users.

So I walked into a business the other day where they make flyers and business cards etc. Wanted something specific so went to what they call their "developers". So they have some kind of dodgy pdf editor open there and I know exactly what I want so I asked can you take a RGB color..... the reaction was glassy eyes. And after that the woman started to scream at me and telling me that I have no idea what it is like to be a "Developer". Ended up walking out and going to another place.....

So, just started my new job (stoked btw). At the last interview - boss: what kind of OS do you work on?
Me: I'm a simple guy who uses windows and notepad++

First day at work - get a brand spankin' new macbook and endure the most unproductive day ever...

You know what kind of devs I hate?
- The "Oh I never worked with it so its shit"
- The "I dont wanna learn something new"
- The "You can use JavaScript for this and everything else"
- The Pro ++ Ultra Dev who never heard of modulization and layering
- The hard coded values guy

So, learning Java at the moment.

Thoughts so far:

“This IDE is going to make me so lazy! It can write getters, setters, AND toString() for me?!”

“Oh my god, angle brackets. It’s like someone with a love of nesting was made fun of for wasting space and retaliated by crafting a language that inlined nesting data types.”

“Whoa, this would safeguard what kind of input went into the function SO MUCH.”

“DOES THIS MAKE IT EASIER TO WRITE UNIT TESTS?! *excited*

So I had this conversation with my dad
Background : He saw news about some celebrity's Twitter account got hacked.

Dad : Do you know how to hack a Twitter account?
Me : No dad. There are ways for people who do this kind of stuff.
D : But, you studied software engineering!
M : Yeah, but I don't do hacking.
D : Although hacking is not ethical but everyone should know about their field.

*Awkwardly left the room*

Just because I studied computer science doesn't mean that I SHOULD know hacking.

And this is not the first conversation of this kind!

OK I can understand he his not a technical guy but what kind of answer did he expect from me on "what could go wrong while you create the new server on AWS?", I had no idea what to say so I whent with "a meteorite could fall on the amazon building"

It honestly felt so good releasing my first app to the playstore today. Kind of a crazy feeling.

What kind of cancerous shit is this? Who the fuck writes special template file for CLOSING divs? Why is this crappy shitty system so popular? It is a bunch of quirky and tangled code written randomly all over the folder.. Wtf seriously, is this "modern coding" or am I missing something?

What kind of music do you guys listen too when you're coding? I need recommendations!

I can't do anything with English lyrics (other languages are fine. As long as I don't understand the lyrics, it's not distracting), so I usually stick to instrumental like animals as leaders, polyphia, Chon, etc or German metal: Rammstein, oomph, wbtbwb, etc

Whatcha guys got?

I work at a startup. My boss wants me to work on a project which will create a lot of value because it will be one of it's kind. So it will become a part of the company's IP.
Should I ask for equity (to be provided on completion) before I start working on that?
If yes, how do I ask without being offensive?

*Me trying to restore a backup*
Me: Where's the damm fokder?
My grandmother: It said there was some kind of mistake in this folder, so I deleted it
Me: *screams internally*

Merry 2018 in advance.

If it aint a secret, comment w/ your new years resolution so other lazy fucks can get motivated.

Mine: a 3d game (godot), releasing my data science java libraries, building some kind of robot

Ordered a takeout wok/poke this evening from a new place. The only thought after tasting - what kind of junior made this....? I hope I write code better than he cooks food.

It looks like what it's supposed to look
it smells as it should
it has all the ingredients

but the taste is just... Not right.

I takes special skill to make it so wrong!

I brought my laptop and stuff to school the other day, it was my final period before school was over and it was more "do what you want" kind of thing. So I was playing with my terminal (since I have Linux) and one of the students came up to me and asked "What are you playing? Is that a game?", luckily I wasn't in that pissy mood so I just tried my best to explain to him what I was doing.

When people keep asking the same kind of questions over and over and you realize it's your fault for always helping them out so they don't learn how to debug on their own.

It's hard to do nothing but in a learning environment it's often the best.

So today at the beginning of the class, our teacher asked us to write a function that translates a given string to "leet speak" (basically having to replace every character to another).

Some used python dictionnaries, some used arrays...

And the two people arround me wrote a program with a condition for EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER.

It kind of made me wanna die or kill them 😥

It's interesting to me... a lot of the rants I see here are all like "just started this new job and this place is SO fucked". Talking about how there's no process, no source control, terrible code, etc.

I say it's interesting because most of the time the thought that goes through my head is "that sounds fun as hell!"

Like, spend as many years at a place as I have, a place where there's SO much process and SO many controls and all of that... you know, the whole "big enterprise" mindset... and the idea of being able to come in to a place that's kind of wild west and actually work to FIX the place, to have freedom to change direction and innovate and not be locked in to all sorts of rules, is kind of exciting.

(you know, assuming it's a place and a position where that's possible at all... but at this point in my career, I'd only take a position where I had that kind of authority from the start, and as long as I have the authority then I'm happy to take on the responsibility and I'm up for the challenge)

So after someone mentioned Haskell in a post, I googled it and started some kind of tutorial.
It's fun!

I am actually kind of starting to see reacts usefulness and opportunities, but just can't let go the thought that many are blocking javascript, so those would be barred from the resulting site, doesn't that bother anybody else? or is that just generally ignored?

"Wow, that's so sweet of you, I'm kinda impressed you managed to pull that off, you are a very kind and nice person"

So much sugar, choking on that sweetness !!!!

Why I can't be a politician? Because I would be that kind of guy who will definitely end this pandemic by suggesting the public to have their lung surgically removed.

I am a software engineer , I often remove cable from my local server and plug back in and it works. So I conclude , I can't be a politician.

I used to check what local market wants, but after joining devRant I noticed local market sometimes feels in stone age, so since February 2017, devRant is best place to learn either asking, or checking what others are doing it a helps in getting ideas on what kind of project and language needs to be done for the sake of learning

I fucking hate this low level programming shit. The fucking buffer overflow attacks and the whole understanding of the system architecture just goes over my mind. Can anyone who has found relatively useful resources be kind enough to refer them to me so my stupid mind can understand that better?

What kind of "rubber ducks" does everyone have?

I didn't have a rubber duck, so I use Painter Smurf.

My current internet provider....

WHY THE FUCK IS MY WIRED INTERNET CONNECTION SLOWER THAN MY PHONE ON WIRELESS! WHAT KIND OF FUCKING BULLSHIT IS THIS US ISPs I PAY YOU A SHIT TON OF MONEY SO YOU CAN INVEST IN INFUSTRUCTURE AND FUCKING GET ME GOOD SPEEDS! NOT FUCKING BLOW IT ALL ON YOUR EXECUTIVE BONUSES!

In competitive games in which team composition matters and you have different playable classes and/or roles (tank, area damage, point damage, various kinds of healing, buffs/debuffs, etc) what kind of character do you like to play?

I guess this would apply to stuff like MMOs, Overwatch, TF2, DOTA, Diablo/PoE, and so on.

Step 1: Make an account on some website with the username "{username}"
Step 2 : Take a screenshot when the website sends you some kind of personalised email
Step 3 : Add some caption saying "lol this website is so broken!!1!1!!"
Step 4 : ???
Step 5 : profit

(PSA: serious replies to this kind of wk tag might be best suited under Random)

"The way you've done this seems much less complicated that what I would've come up with."

"You've been reading Clean Code?"

"I didn't think that was possible, nice."

And finally, the most extreme one:

"Can you print this code for me so I can hang it on my wall of good code?"

What is this 'cutting edge dev tech' y'all talking about? Does it count if I somehow manage to add support for MS Edge?? 🤔
Hell.. I'm stuck with COM+ & activex, so if anyone who gets to use fancy pants new techs would be so kind to ping me and let me know how it even feels to code like it's 21st century, that'd be great..

Hey everyone!

I'm on the hunt for new and exciting languages!

I'll state the ones I already know:
Python, Haskell, C(++), C#, Java, JavaScript, Ruby, Rust, Lua, about every kind of Basic, some branches of Lisp, BrainF**k, assembly, Octo (Chip-8) and GML(basically JavaScript).

I've also learnt some styling languages:
Html, CSS, Markup and Markdown.

Some misc languages too: Regex and a runny bit of the Wolfram Language.

Also I'm kind of limited to Windows, Linux and Android, as I do not own any Apple hardware except I have access to an old iPad, so are languages like Swift still good?

Thanks!

It's not finished but it took me literally all fucking night so I kind of want to share.

Me, consulting for a huge entertainment company:
Why do you guys have a 500 line method? And why is half of it so nested that it's indented half way across the screen?

Them: Oh, that was written by the best dev on our team. He holds a PhD.

🙃 so thats what kind of skill a PhD gets you these days?

My former co-worker was sitting right next to me and one day he bought Das Keyboard. He was so kind giving me a pair of earplugs.

Additional information: Cannot implicitly convert type 'void' to 'object' <- when you've been playing Ascension so much, you are asking yourself what kind of hero you need to convert it to 'object'... FML, my brain has farts..

idk when I became so jaded, but I don't have the patience to deal with a specific kind of people. the kind that are spoiled, are too "nice", in that very corporate way, speak in that nonsense business language, and they all look the same (white, well dressed, plain). the kind of people that consider making slides real work 🙄
sigh... maybe it's a prejudice of mine, but ffs... those people are fake af, and i have zero tolerance for work politics

I kind of just came to an insight that my computer is sort of my partner in crime.

I "teach" it how to do something that I'm probably better of not doing or should do in moderation... But then it gives me access to so much of the stuff, I spend a lot more time doing it... more effectively.

So I actually don't save much time because it makes it easier so I now do even more...

I would post some screenshots but its uhh..... NSFW... at least this one is.

!rant.
I think i joined devRant back in October and since then it has become my most used app. Its so great to be under the same of its kind! And even though I don't have something to rant about at the moment, I am gonna support all those ranters with my ++'s! I already ++'t over a thousand rants and won't stop!

Once i worked on an application which has very long form and submit to a soap endpoint (post). I felt my life was so pointless when testing after i made changes. So I automated the testing by generating post request so i can just run it.

I filled the user name with Brandon Boyd, Alan Turing or Ryan Gosling. And it increments like Boyd1, Boyd2.

Once my colleague found a bug, the data never get saved but all the boyds persists. He knew it was me, who uses that kind of name

My barbaric manager (was involved) kind of pointed his finger at me. I sweat a bit though i couldn't find logical explanation why Boyds stay. but turned out someone changed the sqlscript.

I got a job early on before my peers and I achieved some kind of financial independence and for that I'm greatful and blessed. If it's only for financial gain so one can help themselves and their family, it's more than enough.

I don't know why they made so many algorithms, data structures and big O questions during interview, when all they wanted me to do was to maintain some legacy, tight coupled, spaghetti code with no architecture, documentation, tests nor any kind of engineering behind :/

WTF with all this full screen popup to promote a mobile app on so many perfectly functional mobile/responsive websites. If I'm the developer of that mobile website and asked to add that kind of popup to my work, I'd be offended.

Damn life.
Life is very hard.
Social relationships are very difficult.
I am so lonely.
Not friendship.
Not a girlfriend.
All I have is my laptop.
My only companion is a laptop.
The only person sitting on my feet is my laptop.

Well, I'm a programmer, so what?
What kind of person am I?
What is the purpose of my creation?

once I downloaded a zip from MediaFire from an "idiot kid" (you know the kind) and I opened it. The format was invalid. I open it in notepad and guess what? IT'S A FUCKING RAR FILE! so I rename the extension to rar, lo and behold, yeet, it works. Don't trust idiot kids. ever.

Just had a very "OMG WTF!" kind of mini conversation with my co-founder, of a web dev startup.

Him: So what's LastPass then?
Me: It's a secure password management system.
Him: So let's use LastPass instead of Dropbox then. :-)

** quickly searches dropbox for passwords **

A little knowledge can be extremely dangerous if left unsupervised.

Recruiter emailed regarding a fin tech company that is “utilising some very modern technologies such as Scala, Java, C++...”

I was feeling kind so I actually replied (very politely as well) to suggest he change his wording slightly.

Project Manager logic (the best kind).

PM: Here are a list of the tickets we need to address next.

Architect: Hang on, didn't X raise a number of critical bugs yesterday? They were serious, we need to fix the critical bugs first.

PM: ... but he marked them all as critical

(so that means they aren't an issue? cool, i've been doing this wrong all my life)

I feel kind of useless. Since I quitted F.I.T. The only reason to look on my mobile phone now is to check devRant...

So much time. You only realize when you're gone.

So my friend told me that he recommended me to be a new Creative Engineer.
-Oh shit, sweet, what are the requirements?
-I don't really understand that kind of stuff man, just look it up, here' the link
*Hmmm*

-Html,
*ok*
-Css,
*mhmm*
-Javascript
*sure*
etc etc...
and,
Actionscript
...
Excuse me?

Who the FUCK use actionscript nowadays ???

Before I learned software development, API sounded like a kind of beer.
Today I used the term so often that I have in fact recently tried to order an API at a bar.

I hate when different IDE's and actually softwares have different hotkeys. I need to set up every single one of them so they can mach everywhere. There should be some kind of rule for hotkeys. 😡

My colleague told me today that companies with shit code quality, complete chaos, no tests of QA of any kind, and poor security practices still make loads of money and are extremely successful so it's all a waste of time.

I detest this idea and I refuse to work like that anymore. But I also think he's right :(

So I get to work this morning and find one of my monitors has been moved and my HDMI cable and Display Port adapter are missing...

I've since found the cable, it had made its way onto another desk. When I asked if anyone had seen anything one of the guys said he found an HDMI that's not his on his desk. Still no sign of my adapter though...

So for now I'm back to one monitor like some kind of peasant

I am a learn it all, do what you can kind of guy. I work alone so Fullstack I guess, hate UI though, god saves boostrap.

On a previous job, my coworkers were jealous because I started going out for lunch some days of the week instead of staying with them at the office kitchen. So every time I went out, I came back to find some kind of small prank, and also a sign reading "Lunch Break Maffia Attacks Again". Once they made garlands by glueing/taping together a lot of sauce packets (mayonnaise, ketchup, and so on) in different patterns and decorated my whole box with them.

Immortality, but like the good kind where you​ stop aging. Because i could learn so much stuff in all that time and tbh who wants to die

Me: This software is so expensive!! I don’t have that kind of money!

Friend: Yeah I know, and it’s pretty much impossible to pirate! *awkward laugh* Not that I would know...

😂

That would be Sony.

Mainly because the of PlayStation 4. I mean what kind of company blocks the access to third party’s account so you can use it only on their console (the Fortnite situation). That’s literally saying “we own you, bitch”. Even Apple doesn’t do that kind of crap.

Fuck Sony and their PlayStation. I’m sticking with Xbox. Yes, it doesn’t have as many of exclusives. Yes, it’s made by Microsoft - the same company which made Windows 10. But fuck Sony even more than them.

So I'm kind of a fledgling webdev. Where would I go to learn how to do backend in order to do logins, manage inventory, create posts, that kind of thing?

I know a little bit of PHP, HTML, and CSS, but only enough to make static pages... it's kind of bad...

Vue is amazing at all but fuck...never try to create some kind of layer on top of it or use external events inside. It is hell, trust me. I hate myself so much now. Shieet.
Now I am crying here with fucked up data flow and such complex hard to debug creature...

I went to PyOhio, a conference for python in Ohio. I had an amazing time. I’ve never been to a programming event before and it was a revelation. I met and befriended so many amazing, kind, and intelligent people. The talks were amazing, and it was such a great opportunity. I was even guided through my first open source contribution. Great time definitely going again.

Every now and then I attend to previews with clients, and almost every time the clients make me think : "they can't be so stupid? Can they? And I start thinking that there should be some kind of minimum brain use time to allow people to wake up the next morning."

The worst part for me : the clients should be engineers... They might even have some kind of engineer degree...

Depresing afternoon.

On the bright side, one of my mentoree handled a denied of service error so fucking swiftly! He's amazing!!

This is the kind of shit that I don't want to write.
The kind of shit that should be in an STL so I never have to include it in a project.
Because it doesn't belong in a project.
And it doesn't belong in a dependency tree either.
It belongs in a language.

Question: Have you ever worked for a toxic company? If so, did do you do something about it? Any tips?

By toxic I mean the abusive kind, where racism and sexism are "just jokes" and where clients are essentially scammed into buying software that doesn't do what they think it does.

Loosing 4h of work because bsod, because I asked substance painter to do something way above what my computer can handle... And saving take ages with big projects so I kind of forgot.. FUCK I'm an idiot T_T.

So here I'm, going for an interview but I'm not allowed to show my previous work, since it might give compatitive edge to the organisation interviewing me. But still it does not matter if my supervisor boasts about the work in public forums like conferences.....what kind of secrecy is this :'(

So today its my joining day and I'm laying in my bed with high fever and pain in my side belly . Manager was kind enough to ask me to join from Monday .
Fuck this shitty feeling .
(it's my first ever Job)

We had a meeting with our customer and showed them our prototype. The prototype had a fancy GUI.

The customer looked at the prototype and said: well, it looks nice but I don't know. In some kind the Gui don't flashes me. Make it so that it flashes me.

!rant
Someone got a tip how to start contributing to open source projects? I really want to spend some time to help out but I have some problems finding something small to begin with. It seems that everything i find needs some kind of specialist know how.
So my plan is to start with some small things to work myself up to bigger projects

Thanks :)

!rant

I've always been wondering why do tech companies need everyone to have a strong grasp of algos and data structures?

I've been coding most of my life but didn't get a CS degree so ended up in IT but I kind of want to get into a tech company as my thinking is the quality of code much higher (I spend a lot of time cleaning up other people's code and prod issues over the years...), I've been learning Algo/DS but when I see those technical questions on CareerCup, I go WTF.... it's this the kind of problems you guys do every day?

My Girlfriend's birthday is coming up this month as we are in long distance kind of stuff so i was thinking to give a surprise to her.I was thinking to make a Birthday Countdown App.It will show the special message on her birthday and the second surprise will be a in-app chatbox were only we can chat.

Is this a good idea?

Two friends of mine (one of which actually introduced me to devRant) refuse to post on here.

...there's no need to explain that I want them to enjoy devRant (at it's full potential) with me but they don't see a point in writing.

Would you be so kind and give them some motivation/reasons in the comments? What's the point of dev-ranting?

How would you feel if you can't solve your code? I'm almost a week stuck on a server problem. I applied for frontend dev position, it's okay for me to do this kind of stuff but the fact that I can't solve it for so long it makes me feel down :(

Looks like ESLint is all confused about my tabs and spaces. I've never seen this kind of error message where it expects the tabs to be the same number as the spaces indentation? I have it configured for 1 tab = 2 spaces.

So confused. Must fix. Red squiggles make my blood hurt.

One of biggest epiphanies came through this fundamental critique in SICP of the assignment operator. Through years of imperative programming it seems so innocent, doesn't it? But that you lose referential transparency, run into the alias problem and fundamental difficulty to determine object equality (or of their instances) - that was kind of eye opening considering all the pain I had already experienced with state in concurrency.
(It led me so far to think it's an ontological issue, that even in the discrete computing universe we have not come so much further than Zenon's paradoxa on change.)

I want to properly get into other programming languages like Java and C#, but I keep going back to Python because it's so much more familiar and I'm comfortable with it. :(

What do? Do others have this kind of problem too?

It is really hard not to feel arrogant when everyone around you is a shitbag.. but that makes me feel like a shitbag myself so the problem kind of solves itself.

I wish there was some kind of code you could run in your brain and make the flu go away 😫 cannot remember the last time I was so unproductive for TWO WEEKS

!rant
Hmm... so I was thinking...
What if devRant implemented a feature that lets you get rants into some kind of list, accessible via your profile? Kind of like the "Watch later" list on YouTube, or playlists. I know we have a "Favourites" list of rants, already, on devRant, but being organized about this might be a good idea.

What do you think?

!rant

So, recently new CTO joined.
And suggested to migrate our entire platform on GO from PHP.

And all dev teams will get new macs.

Its gonna take more 3-4 months so.

Kind of exicted to work on.

Feeling sleepy now.

Gracious, would you be so kind to take a screenshot of my 1234 passing and post it here?
That'd be huge! Thanks

0) Because it's kind of Magic.
1) Love solving complex/small problem using this magic.
2) It's frustrating as well as exciting when magic is not working.

So yea it's kinda magical and doesn't matter which language you do magic in.

Right now business is kind of slow for my company, so I've been working on Documentation. It's been kind of cool to make the gitlab repo, write the Markdown documents, and then push them to the repo when finished, but it's also hard because it's only me really doing anything...

OSX multi windows management is so fucking dumb and confusing! FFS have some kind of indicator when a program has multiple windows open.

I must be some kind of retard to think that a fallback font would actually handle the characters not handled by the previous fonts.

I hate configuring fonts so fucking much

Hi this is my first post. Kind of annoyed at the job market right now. I've applied to a lot of positions without much luck. My internship last summer got cancelled bc of covid, so all my actual job experience is retail. It's hard to break into the field even with a college degree.

This kind of BS makes me mad

" - The password must have 6 digits
- It must have at most 2 repeated digits and 3 sequentials"

RIGHT, because 293417 is SO much safer than 999123

Btw, this is a phone company, so with this password you could probably have access to someone's phone number, phone records, address, and much more. WTF

So I've been back to work for 2 weeks after going on a holiday. Getting back into the flow of things was easy, but seeing the status of the project that I am a part of, and seeing the kind of implementation work that my co-workers has done, it's kind of a no surprise.

So the past 2 weeks I've been completing features that I left my co-workers to finish, but didn't. And rewriting other features that they worked on, but does not meet the specifications.

Will I ever be able to work with reliable/competent developers?

grandparents: "why can't you fix our tv? I thought you did this kind of tech stuff for a living!?"

me: "no, I build websites"

grandparents: "...."

me: "I make the internet on computers?"

grandparents: "ohhh...so could you fix our speakers? they have the blue tooth, which has the Internet, right?"

me: /facepalm

Having other people pitch you to hiring managers, raise the hype, and profess faith in your abilities is kind of nerve-wracking. But I found a tutorial to teach me how to write a compiler and it’s not in a language I know, so that’s fun and distracting. Been up since 4am. Is now 12:30am. Should probably sleep.

So I've mentioned before that I'm pretty much the sole programmer for my robotics team. I'm on vacation for a week, and the other programmer has to take over.

Is it normal that, since I made the code work and wrote it almost all myself, I am fearful that she's gonna fuck it all up? I kind of want her to work on it slowly so I don't worry too much...

Ok so I'm am a black end kind of guy and have had to deal with making our site again and again and again and fu#@ing again.

Who the hell thought up using SVG icons. My first look at it today and I'm not sure if I hate it or love it. Any thoughts?

When customers start a project with your company and you're the one to create the software, then after a while the communication kind gets kind of placebo'd down until there is hardly any communication and your contact only replies to / mails you every 12 weeks or so and then after almost 1 year they urge you to get their shit done asap, telling you it'd better be done yesterday but you still lack information you asked for in one of your mails.

Fun fact: the record of them not responding was 20 weeks.

.........wHAT KIND OF FUCKING RETARD MAKES A WHOLE 300+ paGE FUCKING BOOK AND NOT NAMING THE PAGE NUMBERS???????? HOW THE FUCK CAN I FUCKING REMEMBWR WHAT PAGE I WAS READING AT SO I CAN CONTINUE FROM THERE NEXT TIME?????

Just started working as a junior developer, since we new junior developers started the hot chocolate is always unavailable in our building so you have to go to a different building to get it, is it some kind of way to get us to switch to coffee?

So I created my first Babel plugin today.
I think I'm hooked. This stuff is really cool, kind of opens a whole new world for you ☺️

If someone ask about why i put/create this kind of code. The only answer is "The Aliens told me to do so"

I’m 15 and I love programming and electronics and I need a way to earn some money in some way even if a small amount, so if anyone knows or advises some kind of way to use my skills to earn money I’d like to know. Thank you.

So after 3 months of working ( which implies a 2h trip from home to get to the office ), going to college ( another 1h from home to get there ) and making a thesis to get a fucking Bachelor degree. I'm kind of done with everything except the job. I mean, I can't focus seriously in anything besides coding. So my question for you guys is, How do you get the important stuff done even if you don't wanna do it ?

@dfox seems so be some kind of humanoid bot, going through all rants it didn't ++ and ++ each of them with a chance of 35%.😅

A hear people have mixed feelings about listening to music when programming. I listen to chill step, upbeat electronic or rap mostly. Do you like to listen to music when programming? If so, what kind of music?

Everything is coming together and I feel so benign and kind and meek

One of the key person is asking every junior and senior person to build some program for her so she can automate those task.

Well everyone is just ignoring her. She never asked me. Which was kind of insulting for me and now I am thinking I should make that program and send her mail to buy it.

Learning New Design Patterns...

When all you've got is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Arg.

Recently, my code in almost any controller is like so:

return (new MyFancyClass($param))->methodThatHandlesIt();

that can't be the solution to everything.... although it kind of is
how can I beef up on patterns and avoid crushing a screw into the wall without realizing it's not a nail

So a few months ago I got a computer with Windows 10 on it, and kind of ditched the shitty laptop that had Ubuntu (I loved Ubuntu, fucking despised the laptop, since keys were sticky or missing and it couldn't last a few minutes off the charger) so just now I decided to try Linux Elementary, since I'm getting sick and tired of Win10!
Don't judge me, I'm not skilled enough for Arch...

!rant

I love to work on my machine, and being it
my work-horse for school and side-projects, I have a neat dualboot of Windows 10 and (driver-related) Ubuntu Mate.

Ditched Mate because screen tearing, got Cinnamon, but I have to say, that W10 UI appeals a lot for me, so... what kind of Windows is this?

Am I the only guy in this universe who hates....

"Bla bla bla
Bs more bs much more bs
*Flaunting that I am so kind* bla bla
Bs bla bs bs bla bla
*Candidate was such a shit still I hired him*
More bs bla bla bla

Agree?"

Kind of posts on LinkedIn.

Okay so I have a stressball, but the kind of fucked up stress I was in the last two days required more than just my stressball.. I Okay so I have a stressball, but the kind of fucked up stress I was in the last two days required more than just my stressball.. I really need a punching bag..

FUCK!!

EDIT:
I'm not only feeling stressed, but I also have A LOT of anger inside me.

So it's a French one related to kind of comedy act.
Interviewer: What can you bring to the company?
Me: An apple?
Interviewer: What?
Me: I don't think I can fit with the company mindset. Bye.
And I leave the building.

For me it was Epic! I'm still not sure she understood the reference, but still Epic.

I really like the quality of the devrant stickers and I'd like to order some from the same place for my startup. Would @dfox be so kind as to let me know the supplier? Much appreciation in advance. :)

So apparently I found out one of my friends likes to program.
And here I thought he wasn't into this kind of stuff, but he just told me about a programming language called "Clipper"

I kind of miss abbie boi doxxing randos, avoiding all responsibility, arguing against all reason and just generally making no sense… that was fun.

Now we only have Kaine’s avatar making absolutely no sense at all. So boring…

!dev

I like trying the local pißwasser of choice when traveling around. Sometimes it's bad (Baltika, fe). Working out of Glasgow atm, so it's irnbrü, kind of tastes like bubblegum. What's everyones' local drink du jour (alcoholic or otherwise)?

How do I become good with functional features(map,reduce,filter,zip,flatmap) in Javascript and Python?

It feels so alien. I'm so used to writing plain old loops.
Reading and undersranding this kind of style in other people's code is really hard for me, especially if all this is happeining on the same line.

Am I the only one that hates working with other developers who think they are some kind of God? I mean it's good to have someone confident in your team but it's so frustrating when he or she starts changing code because "this is better".

I used some kind of application on a compact disc (don't remember what it was) and it asked to reboot in order to do some stuff before Windows loads. Apparently in order to do so it overwrote MBR along with my TrueCrypt loader. Didn't make rescue disc, so lost about 300GB of stuff.

I feel a bit like shit.

I started a new job about 2 months ago. Company is great， culture is amazing，project is interesting， processes are what i always dreamed.

This is after having learned the job from scratch at a startup that was all you can imagine. Tedious，hoping to be something that was not yet and so on....

So we are coming at the last week of a sprint. Its Tuesday and most stories are competed. We dont have a culture of jumping on others PR， its kind of like this is my PR kind of mentality. This is not established its more like an untold rule. But coming to the end i figured， especially if i knew exactly how to fix the PR that o should jump in a make it happen.

Person who owns those prs unassigned themselves from those and added me instead kind of like: “well take it if you want it....”

What are your rules regarding others prs and sprints?