Hey everyone!

devRant will be going down on Friday, July 7th around 10:30pm EDT so we can do some database maintenance and restructuring of our cluster. It hopefully won't be down for more than about 30 minutes or so, and during that time you should see our "down for maintenance" message.

If you usually use devRant while you're on the toilet (we know many do!), we apologize and suggest you try to schedule around this!

Please let me know if you have any questions and apologies for the inconvenience.

Me: good day, how can I help you?
Client: *explains issue*
Me: alright, let's take a loo.... *AACHOOOO*
.
.
M: my apologies sir, that came out of nowhe... *ACHOOO*
M: do you have a second sir? My apologies!
C: sure man take your time 😁

*30 seconds later, nose seems to have calmed down*

M: back I am, apologies for the inconvenience!
C: no problem, it happens!
M: where was I?.... Right, I was going t...
*ACHOOOOOOOOOOO*
*ACHOOOOOOO*
AH... AH... AAAAH..... ACHOOOOO*
M: I'm very sorry, I'm going to put you through to a collegue!
*puts through to collegue*
*goes to bathroom*
.
.
*returns to desk*

*tringgggg*
Me: good afternoon sir, how may I hel... *A-MOTHERFUCKING-CHOOOOO* (thinking: oh for fucking fucks sake)
C: bless you!
M: thank you! Apologies, I seem to be having a snee.. *CHOOOOOOOO*
.
.
.
*sniffs a few times*
- zing attack.

*collegue yells at me to transfer my call*
*transfers call*

Me: thanks man, idk what's wrong with me hahah... *ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*

OH FUCKING HELL 😠

When someone's calls and completely loses his shit (swearing etc etc) because we HAVE TO FUCKING HELP HIM BECAUSE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE RELY ON THIS SITE WHICH IS DOWN.
Explained him calmly that its an unmanaged server which we literally don't have access to. Keeps on calling me all kinda things and then says he'll email some login details.

Bossman walks in, collegue goes like 'yo guess what just happened with linuxxx!'
Le me explains the story.

Bossman: email me his number. I'm going to call him. You treat my employees with fucking respect.

Hey everyone,

This coming Sunday (Feb 4), at about 12AM EST, devRant will be going down for scheduled maintenance (database server maintenance). The maintenance shouldn’t take more than about 15 minutes.

Feel free to let me know if you have any questions and apologies for the inconvenience!

First Helpdesk call of the day:

"My PC has been stuck on the same thing for an hour now. Its completely crashed."
"Does pressing ctrl alt delete do anything?"
"Where's that button?"
"Its 3 buttons - ctrl in the bottom left, alt beside the spacebar and delete over near the arrow keys. Press them all at the same time. Does it do anything?"
"No"
"Okay then, you need to manually power off the laptop then."
"How do i do that?"
"Hold down the power button"
"Where's that?"
"....on your laptop?! It's how you turn it on in the mornings?"
*60 seconds go by* "oh i see it. Ok i pressed it! Its Flashing blue now."
"Oh, no, just hold it down until everything goes black."
"The power button?"
"Yes."
"But that would turn off the entire PC?"
"Yes."
"Why do i have to do that?"

God help me if this is how my day is going to be 😢

The worst bad practice I do is I keep going to work.

Many years down the road I will probably look back and say I should have spent more time with my wife (who are you?) and children (wow, you are tall).

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".

The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".

The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

GitHub is down. House about to be flooded by a hurricane. Data Centers about to be flooded by a hurricane. Dentist appointment today. ... you know what's going well for me today? Coffee. I have a fucking cup of coffee.

Had this recently with a client, mysql server of one of our shared hosting servers went down:

Senior engineer 1: heads up guys, mysql of {server name} is down, working on it! *calls second engineer in*
Support people: thanks for letting know! (in case clients call about it)

*triiiingggg*
Me: good afternoon, how can I help you?
Client: this site which we manage for a shared customer says it can't connect to the database...
M: is it hosted on {server name of mysql problems}
C: yes.
M: there's a mysql disruption there right now, we're working on it!
C: *starts guilt tripping me about thy they chose us for stability reasons and now this happens*
M: sir, I can't change this situation so you can go on and on about that but it's not going to help anyone.
C: okay, so what can I tell my client?
M: you can tell that we have a mysql server disruption right now and are working to fix it as soon as possible!
C: and what am I going to tell my client if they don't accept that answer?
M: you can tell that we are fixing this disruption as soon as possible.
C: yes you said that but what if they don't accept that answer, what am I going to tell them THEN?!
M: Listen, sir. We have a disruption right now. It's not fun but whether I tell this by writing it to you in a fairy tail or shout it at you, it's not going to make a difference.
We have a disruption and we are working on i....

*click*

Well, fuck you too.

Before iPads took over the general population of home computing, I used to do house calls to help people with their computers for some extra folding money. One day I get a call from a regular saying that ever since I last worked on his computer it won't stay on.

He says it comes on for a few seconds, then just shuts down. It never did that before I upgraded the RAM.

So I drive over to his house and turn on the computer. He says, "See, it starts fine, but in a few seconds it'll just shut off. Just watch"

The computer boots up without any issues.

He says, "Well, of course it doesn't do it now that you're here!"

I reboot it a few times, boots fine every time. Suddenly I realize what's going on. I say to him, "Hey, why don't you try turning it on for me?"

He says, "What difference will that make?"

I say, "Just trust me, turn it on."

He bends down, presses the power button, looks up at the monitor and watches it boot. But he doesn't release the button! He just keeps holding it down until it shuts off.

"See!" he says, "why does it only do that when I turn it on!"

I then have to explain to him how holding down the power button forces a shutdown.

But, it never did that before I worked on it!

In a user-interface design meeting over a regulatory compliance implementation:
User: “We’ll need to input a city.”
Dev: “Should we validate that city against the state, zip code, and country?”
User: “You are going to make me enter all that data? Ugh…then make it a drop-down. I select the city and the state, zip code auto-fill. I don’t want to make a mistake typing any of that data in.”
Me: “I don’t think a drop-down of every city in the US is feasible.”
Manage: “Why? There cannot be that many. Drop-down is fine. What about the button? We have a few icons to choose from…”
Me: “Uh..yea…there are thousands of cities in the US. Way too much data to for anyone to realistically scroll through”
Dev: “They won’t have to scroll, I’ll filter the list when they start typing.”
Me: “That’s not really the issue and if they are typing the city anyway, just let them type it in.”
User: “What if I mistype Ch1cago? We could inadvertently be out of compliance. The system should never open the company up for federal lawsuits”
Me: “If we’re hiring individuals responsible for legal compliance who can’t spell Chicago, we should be sued by the federal government. We should validate the data the best we can, but it is ultimately your department’s responsibility for data accuracy.”
Manager: “Now now…it’s all our responsibility. What is wrong with a few thousand item drop-down?”
Me: “Um, memory, network bandwidth, database storage, who maintains this list of cities? A lot of time and resources could be saved by simply paying attention.”
Manager: “Memory? Well, memory is cheap. If the workstation needs more memory, we’ll add more”
Dev: “Creating a drop-down is easy and selecting thousands of rows from the database should be fast enough. If the selection is slow, I’ll put it in a thread.”
DBA: “Table won’t be that big and won’t take up much disk space. We’ll need to setup stored procedures, and data import jobs from somewhere to maintain the data. New cities, name changes, ect. ”
Manager: “And if the network starts becoming too slow, we’ll have the Networking dept. open up the valves.”
Me: “Am I the only one seeing all the moving parts we’re introducing just to keep someone from misspelling ‘Chicago’? I’ll admit I’m wrong or maybe I’m not looking at the problem correctly. The point of redesigning the compliance system is to make it simpler, not more complex.”
Manager: “I’m missing the point to why we’re still talking about this. Decision has been made. Drop-down of all cities in the US. Moving on to the button’s icon ..”
Me: “Where is the list of cities going to come from?”
<few seconds of silence>
Dev: “Post office I guess.”
Me: “You guess?…OK…Who is going to manage this list of cities? The manager responsible for regulations?”
User: “Thousands of cities? Oh no …no one is our area has time for that. The system should do it”
Me: “OK, the system. That falls on the DBA. Are you going to be responsible for keeping the data accurate? What is going to audit the cities to make sure the names are properly named and associated with the correct state?”
DBA: “Uh..I don’t know…um…I can set up a job to run every night”
Me: “A job to do what? Validate the data against what?”
Manager: “Do you have a point? No one said it would be easy and all of those details can be answered later.”
Me: “Almost done, and this should be easy. How many cities do we currently have to maintain compliance?”
User: “Maybe 4 or 5. Not many. Regulations are mostly on a state level.”
Me: “When was the last time we created a new city compliance?”
User: “Maybe, 8 years ago. It was before I started.”
Me: “So we’re creating all this complexity for data that, realistically, probably won’t ever change?”
User: “Oh crap, you’re right. What the hell was I thinking…Scratch the drop-down idea. I doubt we’re have a new city regulation anytime soon and how hard is it to type in a city?”
Manager: “OK, are we done wasting everyone’s time on this? No drop-down of cities...next …Let’s get back to the button’s icon …”

Simplicity 1, complexity 0.

Just spent 15 seconds trying to insert a HDMI cable upside down. Today is going great.

Last september:
I get an email from a customer who want to end the contract. I inform him that the contract runs to the end of March and it will be terminated the last of march.

Customer agrees and I do not hear a word from him. Until now when I closed down all his services.

Angry email:
Why did you close the server and email? are you **** stupid!?

I reply:
21/9 2016, you wanted to terminate all services you had with us. That means that your domains, DNS-services, VPS, email and Office 365 was going to be closed today.

Why is this not uncommon?!

I wrote (or, ended up with a very much alpha but usable version) a monitoring system a while back and completely forgot about its existence.

But, it's still running and a few days ago I was building a docker imagine on a system with not that many resources and after about 5 minutes I started getting notifications about a high load!

Then, while I had forgotten about it again, yesterday, I suddenly started getting notifications about websites on my main application server going down.
Logged in and all was good again after restarting nginx.

Gotta say that it feels quite awesome to be notified of shit going wrong by something I wrote myself while I forgot about its existence 😊

I'm so fucking tired of all these "teach kids to code" and "everyone can code" shit.

It's genuinely not for everyone. Some people are not meant to code, so stop trying to force it down everyone's throat because we're going to end up with a lot of people doing it because of a nice job and shit, not because they want to.

I get many of these programs and shit are to expose people to it and all, but fucking hell stop trying to make everyone fucking programmers

Everything was going well, finally could put some money aside and I literally thought 'if nothing breaks down this month, I'll have a good month of savings :D'.

I should definitely not have fucking thought that.

Well, RIP phone. Let's search for a new one.

😭

Once we were going to present a web service to governmental firm. All is going well so far and my boss asks me to host the web application the day before the presentation.

I hosted it and all was good with demo production tests, but I had a bad feeling.

While it was running on our server, I also ran it locally with a reverse proxy just in case.

* Meeting starts *

* Ice broken and down to business *

"And now our developer will run the demo for you..."

* Run the demo from my laptop to double check --> 500 Internal Server Error *

Holy shit!!!

* Opens reverse proxy link on my laptop. Present demo during meeting. Demo works like a charm. *

Firm representative: "Great! Looking forward to go live."

*Our team walks out*

GM: "Good job guys"

ME:

The network starts slowing down, transactions start to fail across the 450+ stores, the website starts to spit 500 errors what is going on?

Queue a frantic running around the office working out what was going wrong... Calls from all 3 data centres, nothing is going in or out of the network.

Notice the network admin come back to his desk, his eyebrows raise and he looks left and right before unplugging his laptop ethernet from one of the server access points

The network rushes back to life, everything is fine.

That particular network mapping tool is now banned for use on production.

Tester: I'm going to start testing your Android code. How do I set up it?

Me: just bring me an Android test device and I'll show you

Tester: *comes back holding a big golden phone*

Me: *huh? Haven't seen that Android device before... I wonder which manufacturer made it*

Tester: *puts down golden phone on my desk* here you go!

Me: 😱😱😱😱
...
HUH? This is an iPhone!!!!
😩😱😧😖😰😫😵😱😱

father (1 month ago, btc price = $4000): no bitcoin for you! its gonna go down, people are randomly going to stop valuing it as a currency

father (now, btc price = $10000): you should've invested in bitcoin! with your own money! we could've been rich!

mother: please expand your interests, programming is not the only thing you should do

Got an interview invitation from HR.

Accepted it without looking at the interviewee's profile (rookie mistake).

Finally looked at his profile. He was 5 times, 5 times more experienced than me. Had a STRONG resume.

Was under pressure a lot of pressure. I realized I was not at all suitable for being this guys interviewer.

Just one good thing. It was his first round and was going to be a telephonic round after which we were going to fly him down.

Clock ticked 6. Time for interview. More nervousness.

Called him. Guy picked up. Introduced myself. In a calm voice he says, he is busy with a very critical bug. Can we reschedule?

Now this will generally piss me off. But this time I was relieved 😅

*In teams meeting with client*

Manager: Yes we can do all of that and it will be actioned very quickly. We will make all of these feature requests top priority. We will set aside everything we are currently working on in order to get this done!

Dev: ...Are you writing any of this down?

Manager: I don't need to, I always remember everything!

Dev: Just so you are aware, I'm not writing anything down. You're going to need to create a ticket with requirements spelled out for each one of these promises you're making otherwise they won't get actioned by the team.

Manager: I know that!

Dev: ...

*Later that day*

Ticket Title: Action client feature requests TOP PRIORITY!!!

Ticket Description: *empty*

Dev: ...

Servers down.....
Everyone : Best day ever. 😎 Screw you guys , I'm going home.
Network Engineers : 😭😲😰

Me: Alright today I'm going to work on X, Y, and Z because that's what we planned yesterday.

(10 Minutes into the day)

Boss: We need you to work on A, B, and C. These need to be done today.

Me: What about X, Y, and Z?

B: You have new priorities.

(30 Minutes later)

B: What's your status on X, Y and Z? You think it'll be done today?

M: (Forwards email about new priorities)

B: I'm coming down to talk with you.

WHY.

How to from hapiness 100 to 0 in seven simple steps:
1. Buy a new 2018 gaming laptop..
2. Install Linux on it for work..
3. Figure out your touchpad is not supported even by latest kernel rc..
4. Spend four days going through forums, bugzillas and overflows while messing around with recompiling kernel, drivers, configs and 3rd party libraries..
5. Lie down and pray someone will add support for your device in kernel in near future..
6. Try not to cry..
7. Cry, cry a lot..

Sorry for not posting a security/privacy blog post this weekend, folks.
I got sick yesterday and am in bed most of the time right now not being able to find a comfy laying down position :'(

Going to install Manjaro KDE later on if I have the energy and will start working on a post then (ENTIRE DAY IN BED DOING NOTHING==NOPE)

How do you call it when production breaks and a programmer has find out what went wrong/fix it as soon as possible while the client is breathing down their neck?

He's going through a rough patch.

Our HUGE database RAC failed Monday, postponing career defining exams for husband... Have been paranoid they'd go down again all week...

HE PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE'RE GOING TO GERMANY IN JUNE AND HE SURVIVED A YEAR OF LEARNING ARABIC!!!!! ❤❤❤

And, it only took 15 minutes for me to figure out the fix; just wish my teammate had done so in the 5 hours he was on the call...

On call: part 2... WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO ASK US TO STOP RESTORING *YOUR* SERVICES SO *YOUR* CUSTOMER HAS ACCESS TO *YOUR* STUFF BECAUSE YOU WANT TO SLEEP. If you call me because shits down, I'm going to fucking fix it. Idgaff if you're tired because it's been an 8 hour day, I've been working for 15 hours and I am contractually obligated to get this shit up asap and you needing your fucking beauty sleep is not a damn good reason to fuck up my contact...

(They got my boss' boss' boss' boss' boss' boss on the line who told them that but nicer -its why she gets paid more- and they still insisted. But at least they owe US more money to cover some *legal contractual mumbled jargon* it makes it better, and it's documented so they can't turn it around on us)

Will someone please send coffee? I have 2 more days of this.

Got a call while on vacations, the main server is down.
*holy shit* I thought.
As I opened my MacBook, the phone kept ringing and slack was going crazy.

“What should I do? Where is the problem?”, the voices in my head said..

I opened the terminal and tried to get a ssh connection.
Sweat was dropping down from my forehead.

“Connected” the terminal said.

“Fuck yeah, the server is up, only the app is not responding”, I thought and opened the log files.

Suddenly, “STOP” I shout at the log files that were appended way too fast.

Then I saw it.
TimeOutExceptions..

I added an index to the modification date column,“ kill -9“ed the process, started again and went back to vacation mode 🙂

And of course I was the office hero for a while💪

For the smart asses, I’m aware that it’s a bad idea to -9 the app process in prod, but it was so overloaded that i was not able to kill it any other way. And we needed that server up again.

This is how I imagine the apocalypse is going to look like...

(All these website are down/experiencing issues because fastly is down)

Going down to the new office tomorrow to choose my new nap ro... Err, I mean, our server room.

I'm 4 days old to this company. I spent 40 minutes debugging why the internet is not working. I asked the IT Guys for the support and they said everything is good.

So why the fuck is the internet not working? I rant at them. The IT Guy told me to calm down and then he will help me. So I calm down and again went to ask for help. He said that he will check it out after breakfast.

It's been more then an hour and he hasn't returned yet. I'm going to complain to the Boss when he comes in. This is not cool man.

Most painful dev learning experience?

Learned that no matter hard you work, no matter how big the dragon you slain/slew, there are individuals out there waiting to tear you down. Not immediately, certainly not in front of you, and capable of going to extremes just to make themselves feel/look better.

Right, you pesky type initialization bug, I'm gonna find you. Hiding by throwing your exception in an external library won't help you. I'll download the sources, library by library, and look for you there too.

I *will* track you down, bastard, and exterminate you locally. Then, I'll make a pull request and kick your sorry ass off GitHub, off the internet and off the bloody surface of the earth. Oh, you have no idea how dead you're going to be when I'm done here!

I was told in an 1:1, quite literally, "not everybody can do what they want to do if they are not good at it..." - get fucked! The person I had to "report to" was an idiot (at the same senior level as I was) and obviously threatened.

Then moved down to customer support, where I was fired for fixing problems faster than going through the chain of levels, because I was creating quick scripts to patch the faulty data.

Stackoverflow is down for maintenance. All devs over the world are going crazy

Me, explaining to my wife the difference between WiFi and Cellular as I explain why I need put the Pi from that other thread between our modem and router (and take our WiFi down) all so I can finally answer her repeated questions of "Where is all our data going???"

Seriously?! What the actual fuck?! O.o Dafaq were they thinking?! In our building, we have a lift..two buttons..one up, one down.. duh! How hard it is to actually program them properly?! I wanna go down, I press down..then the lift takes the guy from 4th floor who wants to go up to 5th down to second and I enter..then we go up to 5th then down to zero.. WTF?!
Am I missing something?! Am I going crazy?! Or did someone fuckup the comands badly.. WTF!!!!

A few years back, when I register for an account, I can easily find the year of my birth on top of the dropdown list. Now it's going down down down....

So, you are in middle of something urgent and top priority? In the meeting just displaying the business plan for 1000 people? Fixing a bug that needs the release in 30min or otherwise small babies will start to burn?

Update. Why not? It's like driving down the motorway, someone stops you and tells you that they're going to remove your steering wheel now. For no reason.

My study organises a hackathon (12 pm to the next 12 pm so 24 hours total) every year and doesn't allow to bring your own coffee machine. Last year, the teachers machine was used but it's so freaking slow (produces one pot an hour or so) that we could hardly get any. Then, at the early night, it broke down. Everyone was going pretty insane without caffeine for that timespan haha. (Loads of people didn't bring energy drink because 'coffee at location' xD)

Before shutting something down, verify that its the right one ;)

A colleague was testing some performance setting on a server and needed to restart the network driver so he disabled it and was going to enable it when the remote session died ;)

Fast 30 min trip to the datacenter to enable network card.

Internship Update:
I am slowly breaking down.
I have to endure all of that stress.
Both physically and psychically.
I keep cutting myself without wanting it.
I am not attempting suicide lol.
I applied as an IT person.
What I am doing has almost barely to do with IT tho.
I am most of the time busy carrying heavy stuff like refrigerators, placing new washing machines, setting TVs by building them and putting them on the shelves. The shelves are hard to reach. At the same height as my head.
Fuck that shit already. I am not going to miss that place.

Every now and then I see neovim being mentioned here, which sparked my interest. Currently I use vim, vi and the likes. Given that I'm at least somewhat familiar with these, what are the differences between them and neovim, benefits of one or the other, and ease of migration?

As for why I'm not going to Stack Exchange to ask this question - I understand that this will be very opinionated, which I find desirable. There's nothing like actual user experience. But Stack Exchange being the way it is, such questions would be shot down immediately :')

#prank

New guy on the team, learning WPF.
He forgot to lock his computer when fetching coffee. I added a transform group in the main window and checked it in to Git. Locked the computer.

He comes back, furious at his computer for turning the application upside down.

Next two hours he was rebooting, flipping the screen, stressing, googling until I finally had to confess.

He uttered a strange sound of short burst of laughter concealed in a relief of not going insane.

It was a good day.
His pull request was rejected.

I'm soon graduating from a tech/IT school which recently specialized in cybersecurity.
Today when I changed my password on their website, it displayed the old one in clear text.
God damn it people, THIS is the reason why our school's reputation has been slowly but steadily going down.

It astounds me that people will actually pay thousands of dollars to come to a bootcamp and just fuck around...

Like we will spend an hour going over materials and concept and when it comes time to apply it and build something the kid next to me never knows what's going on! And then always asks me how to do it.

I tried being positive about it and be like hey if I can explain it to him...then that means I really know it!

Fast forward a couple weeks and I'm ready to strangle the kid.

He will sit on his phone playing games the whole time the lesson is going. Then when the lesson is over, put his phone down and immediately ask me how to do it...

The fuck!? Maybe if you'd just listen you'd know wtf you're doing by now you useless vapid brainless twatwaffle!

I really, really, fucking god damn it REALLY need to move a legacy project from the grave yard server and get it in git, and then build a dev environment for it, so I can stop making incredibly volatile changes direct to PROD (backend, frontend and DB all at once and then test it while it’s live and being used, but fuck me if I can be bothered digging through a 10GB code base and attempting to make it work in a multi-environment setup when it’s going to be a long trip down the error logs until it works again 😱🔫

Sports commenter at AI vs AI deathmatches.
It would probably go like this:

- UltimateGod the Second launches half of the US nuclear missiles to NorthernEurope!
I guess that's it for the poor bugger.

- WankerBot69 tries to delay its doom by channeling old 4chan archives into a devastating ddos attack. UGtS' logic processe go down for a few nanoseconds... Ugh, that's NASTY! It doesn't even have a mother

- Missiles still going up. Looks like UGtS confused the imperial and metric system just like its predecessor.

- WB69 is now has the upper hand. It just used a SMB exploit and is bow encrypting UGtS's storage.

- UGtS is down. We all hope UltimateGod the third will do better. For now, all hail our catevolent overlord WankerBot69.

- See you next time on Bot Armaggedon folks!

If living and working in the UK wasn't hard enough as is for a student. This now happens and has, pretty much, screwed everything over.
Promoted lies, PM stepping down, value of pound dropping.
All going great! ☺️🔫

Me: (upon waking up) "I am going to be very productive today."
Me: (during my commute) "I am going to be very productive today."
Me: (getting coffee before going in) "I am going to be very productive today."
Me: (sitting down to be very productive today) "Oh look! New devRant notifications!"

Imac - brand new <16hrs used: Disk error, probably needs to return to apple

iPhone <6 months old: loses cover
iPhone case 2hours of use: loses color

Macbook Pro 2017: randomly shuts down...

Mac mini: CPU halted error

Other iMac (old one): Thread error...

Apple, what the f is going on??? Software problems with root etc. But now, what the f!!

Inappropriate experience at work? Here is another one:

The IS department manager 'John' bought a blowgun and was shooting at a box down the cubical farm hallway. Only a little annoying to hear him puff on the tube, but then someone walked out their cube and almost got hit.
Dev: "Dammit John! What the hell are you doing?!"
John: "Maybe you should pay the hell attention to where you're going. You heard what I was doing. Don't be a baby, those darts wouldn't have hurt you anyway."

I've attached a pic of what the darts looked like.

Software engineering is becoming main stream.

It will become the average job in the future. Anyone who cant dev is going to be poor and do the dirtiest jobs.

Dev average income is going to drop， mainly because a shit loads of frameworks and dumbification of software and code creation will be set in place to accomodate large population as devs.

The will create a seperation between the normal idiot dev who will be paid minimum wage and the smart ones that create the frameworks and dumbed down code creating tools.

Its oversimplified obviously because im not taking into account sys admin and so on but in general it will follow that trend. Its like this today but because there isnt enough devs， idiots are still revered and payed big bucks.

Give it 50 to 75 years imo.

We were in a meeting today and it came my turn to talk.

me: "I am working on something not fun. I am tracking down a bug in X software that a customer has issues with."
boss: "It is like an easter egg hunt."
me: "Yes, but instead of eggs I am going to find a pile of crap."
boss: "Laughs..."
me: "Its not chocolate..."
boss: "next..."

The original code I am wading through is very likely my boss' code.

Some years ago our company site was hosted by a prick who knew nothing and started to pretend the server got a virus or whatever.

I tested their server and figured out they did not have any firewall policies going on like mitigation of ssh brute force.

It was at this time I learned about SYN flood, and boy I flooded that port 80 of them.

The company site went down for as long as I wanted.

It was great because now we manage it in house and never had a problem anymore.

Manager: We need to fix this QA backlog. I’m going to share the workload of doing QA.

Dev: Please don—

*Dev email notification getting spammed with approvals*

Dev: …Are you even pulling the code down to test it locally?

Manager: There’s no time for that! We have to get this PR backlog pushed through! I’m just looking at the code to see if it looks good and approving based on that.

*Later that day*

Manager: HEY NONE OF THE FEATURES ON STAGING MEET THE REQUIREMENTS AT ALL. THIS IS A BUGGY MESS, WHAT HAPPENED GUYS??

Dev: …

Stakeholder wants some features. I had a good laugh when I see that he referenced onlyfans for these features.

We going down the porn route 🤑😎

Dear client,

Every email you send me slows me down.

So that piece of work you keep bugging me about that you want done sooner and then adding other problems on top and then asking about it everyday even though we have already discussed this, it's going to be delayed,... due to your incessant emailing!

And just because you have been busy all year and finally slowing down doesn't mean I'm slowing down!

Come on holidays to no reception or internet service!

TL; DR: Bringing up quantum computing is going to be the next catchall for everything and I'm already fucking sick of it.

Actual convo i had:

"You should really secure your AWS instance."

"Isnt my SSH key alone a good enough barrier?"

"There are hundreds of thousands of incidents where people either get hacked or commit it to github."

"Well i wont"

"Just start using IP/CIDR based filtering, or i will take your instance down."

"But SSH keys are going to be useless in a couple years due to QUANTUM FUCKING COMPUTING, so why wouldnt IP spoofing get even better?"

"Listen motherfucker, i may actually kill you, because today i dont have time for this. The whole point of IP-based security is that you cant look on Shodan for machines with open SSH ports. You want to talk about quantum computing??!! Lets fucking roll motherfucker. I dont think it will be in the next thousand years that we will even come close to fault-tolerant quantum computing.

And even if it did, there have been vulnerabilities in SSH before. How often do you update your instance? I can see the uptime is 395 days, so probably not fucking often! I bet you "dont have anything important anyways" on there! No stored passwords, no stored keys, no nothing, right (she absolutely did)? If you actually think I'm going to back down on this when i sit in the same room as the dude with the root keys to our account, you can kindly take your keyboard and shove it up your ass.

Christ, I bet that the reason you like quantum computing so much is because then you'll be able to get your deepfakes of miley cyrus easier you perv."

Today, during deployment on server without remote access:

Me (on the phone calling our data centre Admin): "There's a permissions mismatch. The following paths need write access from the following users..."

Admin: "Okay, okay, slow down... I'm still in the elevator." - 10 minutes later - "Okay, ready."

And I gave him the paths and he said: "Try now."

And I tried and it still didn't work. And then we tried all that again. And again. And finally he said:

Admin: "Okay, I give up, I'm going back down to get the screen."

For once I'm actually relieved Stackoverflow is down, when I opened this page I immediately started reading the code out of habit - for a few seconds I was like "holyshit what the fuck have you gotten yourself into this time!? I was googling syntax...".

The only reason I looked up in the end to realize I'm a few sandwiches short of a picnic is that after a few seconds the color scheme made my eyes bleed and I wanted to know wtf was going on with the font. I think I've had enough internet for one day...

HTTP/1.1 420 "Error: Programmer is too stoned to repsond."

Going to support.atlassian.com and it says the site is down and to go to support.atlassian.com to see the status...

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".

The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".

The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

#ProgrammersLogic

First rant!

The first time I got in touch with programming was when I was about 14 years old. I started a private server for a game called Maplestory (yeah you know it, I know you do) and had one of the most popular servers.
Topping all the rankings of best servers, getting lots and lots of traffic...
Anyway, I started modding the game and implement new features and quests. Right until my father saw our bandwidth. Because the server was running on my computer in my own bedroom 24/7 and blowing nice hot air in my room.
Our bandwidth limit was reached in just a couple days in to the next billing cycle and had to shut everything down from that point. And this happened a few times.
I was devastated shutting it down but learned so much from it. And it introduced me to programming.

Up till now, I'm almost graduating in computer science, already have 2 companies that are willing to hire me, and probably even going to work with my dad on a huge app soon

Giving up/panicking/talking myself down when shit gets difficult ;/.

I always want stuff to work immediately, and I hate it when I don't understand something.

But since this is such a big part of working in dev, I should learn to keep going!

Legit considering quitting my job and going back to my old workplace.

Fucking getting real tired of fucking around with html and css on the daily.

The school is fucking crashing down on our shitty as web services. But my manager (as much as we love her) is forcing everyone to double time on a rather stupid project that keeps constantly changing on the daily.

I am so fucking tired of it

Has anyone ever taken on a project where you dont know what you are getting yourself into, and then start it and going down the rabbit hole of docs and then at some point ask yourself "what the f u c k am i doing?"

!dev && rant

There's one thing that you really shouldn't say to someone who's in crutches, no matter how much your reflexes tell you to. "Are you okay?"
Especially when they're going somewhere, and you can't or don't want to help them do so.

Imagine for a second, you yourself are in crutches and have been limping on one leg for a couple 100 meters to go to where you have to, shopping for food so you don't starve. And then, after those couple hundreds of meters, of course that leg that's been doing double duty for that whole period and took unusually big impacts from jumping up and down onto the ground compared to just walking, you can imagine that it is screaming in agony.

Now imagine someone who comes your way, makes the leg that more than anything wants to sit down somewhere and rest, pause the act of going the way to the beloved place to sit and rest and instead make it take even longer, that person asks you "are you okay?"

OF COURSE I'M OKAY, THAT'S WHY I'M IN FUCKING CRUTCHES!! OF COURSE I'M OKAY, GREAT OBSERVATION SHERLOCK!!!

It's like saying to someone who's so introvert that they haven't opened their mouth even once at a party - likely there because their friends forced them to - "gee, you are silent, aren't you?"

Yes I'm silent, yes I'm introvert!! Why do you point that out? If anything, pretend that I'm not here to begin with!!! Stating that only makes for embarrassment!

Or going back to the leg thing.. this ground my gears more than anything. Every few dozen meters I went and rested on my crutches for a bit, and every hundred or so meters I sat down at whatever I could sit on. And people fucking look judgmentally at you for that apparently. "Look at this guy in crutches, he's sitting down!"

Yeah mate, try limping on one leg for a couple hundred meters and I'll run after you with a whip, looking at you judgmentally every time you even want to *think* about sitting down to rest. Let's see how that goes?

Or rather you fucking judgmental twat, I bet you fat fucking cunt can't even run on 2 legs for a couple hundred meters straight. But let's judge others who are doing such a running exercise for every step they take for wanting to sit and rest, shall we?

No wonder that there's mass shootings every now and then. Such people can make anyone feel fucking murderous!!!

When you look through your team’s custom protocols to figure out which one you need, and someone has not only made a massive typo, they then DOUBLED DOWN on the typo and made a bunch of dependencies based on that typo.

As in, the word “downloadable” spelled three completely different ways, and EACH ONE is treated like a different class with its own attached dependencies.

AND THE COMMIT MESSAGE ATTACHED IS “lots of cool stuff.” HOW IS THAT A COMMIT MESSAGE? WHICH ONE DO I USE?!

I’m never finishing this ticket, I’m going to get fired, etc. 😡😡😡😡😡

So since I’m in managers meetings I get a lot of info that I probably shouldn’t have. For example, I know before everyone else when we’re considering going to a new software, and I’m in the vendor discussions and pilot groups for said software.

Today a user came down and asked me to build a feature that will be included ootb in the new software we’re considering. I wanted to say no because I know we’re going to this other thing, but couldn’t because it’s not for sure. So I said I’d take care of it and ushered him on his way and now I have to build some crap that will be obsolete in eight months.

I prefer the good old days of blindly pushing buttons at the request of the evil overlords... it was so much simpler...

The irony of Pingdom going down.

Looks like my server is going to be down tomorrow :(
Its raining and my server is in the cloud.

Just started as a remote dev and I found that it's IMPOSSIBLE to work from home.

Get annoyed from something not compiling/errors? Go play some video games two feet away. Nothing going your way? Go lie down on the bed behind you.

But for some reason I can work from home way better at night.

Any other tips for working remotely?

Some idiots ripped off our work and code that was open sourced and wrote a paper on it and got it published from some cheap publisher. Even for me to some benefit of doubt or consider that probably they worked on advancing our research….they didn’t even give us any credits!

Heights of shamelessness!

FYI, we already had an IEEE paper published!

I don’t mind if you guys have any suggestions on how I can get back at them. I don’t think a rant is going to calm me down for what they have done.

I'm tired of the lack of competition. Open source and public code is supposed to bring people together but a lot of the time it just puts people down and makes them think "why would I recode that if it's already made?" It's going to kill the amount of people actually learning to program because their ideas are just crushed by people who already made them.

The people who are going to be more successful are going to be the ignorant ones who don't bother looking if it exists first and that is kinda sad.

Today is a stark reminder of why i want to leave here. First we couldn't do anything because production was down which blocks dev login. Then support tells me I need to work harder because my bug count keeps going up. But what is in my bugs? Feature requests, global changes, and work that isn't mine. Gee thanks :( Why does support get to comment on my performance anyway by something as dumb as a bug count? Grrr.

JS is going down!!!

So I promised myself some down time this weekend since I usually end up working all night and in a blink my weekend is over. I also declined going out for better 'relaxation'. Here's how it's going so far...

>Gets home. Hmmm what should I do I can do anything! *thinking*
>Pours a stiff whiskey
>Trys watching something as well as playing a game, gets bored of each and abandons them.
>Opens a dev newsletter
>*blinks*
>Realizes I'm elbow deep in some repo... starting to feel inspired.
>Decides to code something "fun"
>Uses "Well as long as I'm not *working*" to justify his addiction.

I'm really not sure what I did for fun before I started coding. It ruined things by being so damn enjoyable and ultimatley many other things became well... less fun.

This is what addiction looks like.

Two types of days:
Sit down and say imma be productive and then just end up scrolling through unrelated articles for 3 hours.
And, Sit down and say imma just do something quickly before going out and then end up restructuring whole parts and being up till 6am.

Not goals. More like dream...

... To get into that one uni that I actually want for phd.

I have gotten so spoiled playing with robots and neural networks, that I can't even imagine falling that badly from grace to go back to... web development. Like I'm not looking down on it, it's just that I found my passion and there is not enough jobs available out there for me without going through phd or high-end research.

... And I honestly don't have a backup plan. There are choices, but I don't like any of them. So here goes hoping they accept me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Am I the only one that down votes reviews for an app just because the review is from someone who's incompetent?

For example: major new release, so of course there's going to be bugs. Person 1 stars and bitches about how great the old version was.

Like ok you incompetent fuck, that's not at all how this shit works.

So building a game engine/framework/thing/thang and was working on a scripting language designed for the Dev terminals commands/applications...

Then I also have to design a language for the asset scripts, instances (probably going to do JSON) and it only took me about 4 months of planning to realise I could just use the same language for everything and just double down on the one.

Well aren't I a fucking dickhead .-.

So devrant is going down for scheduled db maintenance... Guess they want to make a backup so they don't pull a "GitLab"

Cisco.

It’s a prime example of “Don’t get attached to the company just because of one thing.” I have three of their routers that I bought used. WRT160N, WRT310N, and WRT610N. They all looked aesthetically pleasing and I thought all would be fine and dandy. Until I got a internet boost. Going from 12/1.5 up/down to 250/25 up/down.

HOWEVER, MY ROUTERS CANNOT REACH EVEN HALF THE SPEED DOWN.

Best part was when I called, they said that they couldn’t fix it because of one thing that all the routers have in common.

Legacy.

I’ve tried dd-wrt all with no luck. And they have the audacity to recommend another product of theirs?!?

Was writing code, came down, there's a military coup going on in our neighbor Turkey, thought I was hallucinating for a second...

Yeah well fuck right off then. I'm just going to build a bot to auto signup for every possible username combination left in the latin alphabet. Then after the media bullshit dies down they'll be changing this policy.

👺

Ever have those days where you come into work thinking "Yes! I'm going to get so much done today!" and then you sit down at your computer and state blankly at your screen for a few hours?

!rant

Yesterday was the first day of my final exams. (They are scheduled this whole week) First exam was programming on paper and it went surprisingly good. I'm pretty sure i made one or two minor mistakes but overall it should work. (3 tasks: program a calculator; program a car-showcase program and explain quicksort) We had 3 hours to do this and even though i needed them i didn't feel any pressure. That was really nice. Thank you for calming me down the last days/weeks and ensuring me that i can do this.
I hope today's going as smooth. Exam of the day is networks. Wish me luck^^

Instead of coffee to start your morning, try prod going down on Saturday! It will really get your blood pumping!

When i sit down and code, its like a conversation with women.
Im not sure whats going on, but it appears to be working.

Decide to update main apache server before going on a date with my girlfriend, and I somehow fuck it and the server up. She is here in 20 minutes, and the entire site is down. FML

15 lbs down today. Getting back to fighting weight.

I'm at that part of the diet where I'm just starting to see real results in my body, but also have a massive urge to give up.

Just need a little kick in the bum to keep going.

When there is a fire alarm where I work, someone has to go print out the door access logs so we have a list of who is (theoretically) on site and make sure no one is still inside. The printer is half way across the building. And breaks down at least once a day.

We are all going to die.

I am working on a webservice that some other consultants upstairs are set to consume.

Last week, monday, the consultants send multiple emails and one of them comes downstairs to find out why the service isn't working correcrly. My manager tells them in email that it is still being developed and won't be ready for ten business days.

However in the meantime the service has some barebones functionality that they can try out.

And wouldn't you know it, I get emails and visits every other day along the way asking why the service is down or doesn't function.

When is the service going to be down? Why isn't this working? Hey you need to fix this

IT'S NOT DONE YET

A week ago, the team that hired me asked me to fix the s**t they made when they hosted around 30 WordPress sites in a single Bluehost shared server. Several of those were multisite installations. The server eventually gone down because of the load. And the most disturbing part was they were taking money from some of their clients to host the sites, in stead of not having a reseller licence. The server was going down quite frequently so I suggested moving some sites to another host or another server. They asked me to do it, but when I asked for the permission to edit the nameservers, they asked me to make a subdomain and point it to the new server. Which was kind of impossible because the new host was already having some subdomains and it's not easy to work with sub-sub domains. So, on an open statement they said that I am unprofessional and not fit for work. Before that they disturbed me and bursted on me when I was off working hours. -_-

So not too long ago I made a rant about this time I told my superiors of a problem and it got shot down because "We don't want to save developer time".

I warned them that the CPU was going to reach it's limit because the issue involves exponential growth on CPU usage the more we develop.

As it turned out, despite my thoughts that we wouldn't reach that limit for over a year, a new development led to it blowing up in their face today.

I am now treated as the expert on the topic and they're rushing to plan my suggested implementation in the next release.

I'm mildly amused.

PM: I don't like the number of meetings we have
Me: Oh I agree. We have too..
PM: We don't have enough of them.
Me: (oh... I was going to say that we need to cut back... But ok)
PM: I need better visibility into what everyone is doing.
Me: (so you wanna micromanage. Got it...)
Me: ... Gotcha, yup... Writing that down.

That the most important thing in any project is to first make sure YOU have understood what the customer/management wants and that THEY have understood what you are going to do.

Seen so many projects (other people's and my own) go down the drain because people had false expectations.

Also, good management is enormously important for any medium-sized endeavour. I cannot count how often I have seen mediocre to bad middle management screw things up, and devs pull off overnighters and 60+hours work weeks for this super-important project that then goes to the bin because "it turned out to be not so important in the end, sorry."

I didn’t turn down a dev freelance project when the client decided against going with best practices because the solution I offered was a well-established design pattern but created a need for a financial management change she didn’t like. I stupidly built what she asked for. It worked fine in the 3rd party vendor test environment but failed on production. After hours of analysis of code to ensure no changes happened to my source during test->prod deployment, and the vendor denying they had config differences between them, and the client refusing to pay, all I could do was abandon the project.

I think I’m going to lose my mind. This stupid website I’m working on keeps going down and at the worst times possible. Nothing we do seems to help. I’m again awakened in the middle of the night to attend to it and still have no good answers why. My anxiety is through the roof because I can’t get back to sleep after tonight’s outage. The client is beyond pissed even though a ton of problems would be solved if they would just get off of some legacy software and onto something more modern. But they insisted it be this way and the budget is already blown and then some even if they changed their minds. If it’s going to be that I continue losing so much sleep and sanity, I may just have to quit this job. I hate the thought of that because I always want to see things through to a happy conclusion. And I like my teammates and don’t want to let them down. But I’m too old for that kind of no-sleep development lifestyle now. Nobody’s shitty website is worth my physical and mental health.

Soo, one of the biggest banks here in northern europe has messed up their SPF - guess what emails is going down the drain today

You know you are going down a dark rabbit hole when you are thinking about buying the 2019 iPod just so you have an iOS dev device...

(Finding a used iPhone in Australia for less or equal to $300 is just not a possibility)

First rant incoming!

I love when bizDEV people who are clearly not technical try to be technical. I mean I get when you want to try and understand something and I am totally down for letting you in on why we (the engineers) decided to do something a certain way. When you then go and tell us “no” and give the reason of “because I said so” it really doesn’t still well. Then you wonder why we don’t want to talk to you about anything? I mean it doesn’t take a genius to figure out you know nothing about anything we are doing but sure, why don’t we just go along with your plan because you are totally omniscient.

Then he decided that he wants to be in all the “idea” discussions... I really don’t understand because my ideas are not scheduled and I am not going to set up a meeting and write them down for later so you can feel needed and important.

This project had such a good chance of becoming something great but I have a bad feeling it’s going to fail now because non technical people are in charge of technical decisions.

End of rant, thanks for listening.

Have you ever thought about quitting coding and going down another career path? You can't. Coding is a desease that sits in you giving you urges to code. Never thought about it until now, but I could never stop coding!

Sat here at my desk, facing a wall after my desk being moved whilst I was working from home, counting down the days until I resign.

5 Years here and was ready to leave almost 2 years ago but let them convince me to stay around. Now stuck with a 3 month notice.

Built the same homepage 5 times in as many weeks due to constant changes and ready to throw in the towel.

I'm here until Christmas, then I am going it alone. Just not sure how I am going to make it to Christmas without walking out

Posted a question on SO and someone thought they could get clever and turn my Feathers + Nuxt snippet into a functional SO code (to preview or whatever). I told him it's not going to work for various reasons, so he deleted his answer and "down voted" my question. Thanks dude... Thanks a lot...
#StackUnderflowed

Had a legit argument with a manager about the text in a drop down menu. I argued that it should actually state what the option was for because I care about the user experience... Management wanted to conceal several business logic steps behind an unrelated option in the same menu because of a literal interpretation of the process and the client's request.

Interfaces should tell the user what is going on...

Day 1 of learning to build interpreters: finished the scripts for basic mathematic operations and beginnings of functions... Spent 4 fucking hours trying to track down why the compiler is treating an end of file token as an addition token... No luck, going to bed with a headache and half a head of torn out hair...

All day long I'm adjusting this chair up but it just keeps slowly going back down. Time to go back to a standing desk I guess.

I was giving a demo for a university project. It was a simulation of a bunch of healthcare robots in a 3D world.

When the demo started, two of the robots attempted to path through the front door at the same time and promptly got stuck on each other. We were allowed to manually unstick them, so we did so.

Once they were going again, they decided to not to turn down the hallway like they were supposed to. Instead, they drove through one of the walls of the house and continued until they disappeared of the screen.

We never saw them again.

Why can't my fucking mind just calm down for even a split second? It takes me sometimes up to 2 hours to fall asleep, I can't take this shit anymore, I'm going insane.

When you're mentally debugging a module and you have an intuition about the point of failure.
So you start mentally tracking variables, going down functions calls, moving from one class to another until finally you reach that one line of code that you feel is getting the wrong parameters.
You substitute in the 10 different variables you have been mentally tracking and find out that...
THE LINE OF CODE IS GETTING THE CORRECT PARAMETERS, AND IS FUNCTIONING AS IT SHOULD.

fuck.

I was happily folowing a tutorial earlier on setting up an email server but the site got taken down for maintenance just as I reached the last step...

IT'S BEEN 6 HOURS NOW AND IT'S STILL NOT BACK UP.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING AND I'M GOING TO BREAK SOMETHING AND BE SAD.

My Gear S3's charger all of a sudden decided not to stop full charge when the watch was at 100%, so I came home to a watch that was flaming hot and going crazy with error messages that it's overheated, battery going down WHILE charging.

Tried it a few more times, never stops at 100% anymore

Samsung you fucking retards, thanks for trying to burn my house down (again)

Rant.TYPE_REAL_LIFE

So I go for a run for the first time, well, ever. I put my keychain in my pocket and I'm off with my headphones on. Come back home I FUCKING LOST MY WHOLE KEYCHAIN. Key to my house, my apartment, the garage remote, .. fucking dogshit man. Tried to track it down by going down the same path twice but no luck so now my only hope is the police but what are the odds :/

Coding YouTubers existence is the reason the quality of new age software engineers is going down the hill.

Learn MERN stack,
PHP's dead,
Buy my course, it's 20% off
Learn just good enough that you can land a job
Learn how to prompt ChatGPT better

These shitty pieces of advice will never enable software engineers to truly understand the core concepts of what they're doing.

It's sad, really.

That feeling when you have 2 linux distros installed on your pc but you still didn't abondon windows totally yet, its like an awkward feeling toward your ex while you are enjoying your new life but you now deep down that there is now going back.

Going over his first iteration of his assigned project...

Me: "This looks awfully familiar..."

"Senior Developer": "Well, I took some inspiration from your apps"

Me: "No, you copied and pasted all of it, down to my breadcrumbs..."

Senior Developer: "No, I only made it LOOK like yours, I didn't copy any of your code..."

Really?! REALLY?!

So planned on going out drinking to wind down from programming for the week but couldn't find anyone to go out with... So instead I stayed at home researching x86_64 and ARM assembly while drinking hard cider on my own... Well... A night well spent?

Have to use Mac for mobile development

Have 16 GB of ram on a MacBook Pro machine from 2013.

It’s been working perfectly fine on the stack I’ve been using (Firefox, vscode, react-native, node, docker, Xcode, Android studio, simulator, chrome canary)

Apple releases new hardware with 32 GB ram and a few months later I see my is slowing down due to low ram, forcing me to close apps

I smell something fishy going on

The best QA in the world is your boss. He always jump in and ask you to show him something that is not completed yet. He then acts like a professional and points out the red is not red enough... You have no word, mark down all the design changes, pass a message to designer, and then, finally, You forgot what's going on in your mind!!! And it takes another hour for you to resume your memory back....

Come on guys, use those JSON schemas properly. The number of times I see people going "err, few strings here, any other properties ok, no properties required, job done." Dahhh, that's pointless. Lock that bloody thing down as much as you possibly can.

I mean, the damn things can be used to fail fast whenever you misspell properties, miss required properties, format dates wrong - heck, even when you want to validate the set format of an array - and then libraries will throw back an error to your client (or logs if you're just on backend) and tell you *exactly what's wrong.* It's immensely powerful, and all you have to do is craft a decent schema to get it for free.

If I see one more person trying to validate their JSON manually in 500 lines of buggy code and throwing ambiguous error messages when it could have been trivially handled by a schema, I'm going to scream.

Saw @Linuxxx sad cuz his name was not among @BroCow porn tags.
So I figured I'd rant to include his name with triple xxx in rant.

Oh on a side node..
How's things going, @Ashkin?
Bad Trifecta still got ye down? :/..

Only got 2h of sleep instead of my usual 5h. I'm a walking corpse and there are still 7h left until I can go home 😴

Stupid, calming water-flow sounds are going to bring me down

I am now sitting in my apartment lobby after rushing home this morning because of a FedEx Delivery.

They said they can't get access to the building then how the fuck did this FedEx package get in between when I got back and when I came down?

Now they said there are different trucks... And my service could come later today.

It wasn't even supposed to come today but I guess maybe that's good since I took today off anyway...

Now I'm just stake out here all day and if it's not here..... Im going to aim to make FedEx the next Facebook or Panama Paper PR crisis

It's going to be a long rant here and probably my fist rant ! And yes I am pissed up with a community growing in dev world .
There are so called framework experts who are so good that they can spin up a nodejs server with express and mongodb .
So to the people who bash on php , who bash down MySQL for no fuckig reason other than they have heard these are not so cool.fuck yourself incompetent piece of crap!!! I can hear all day about how algorithms and datsructure are not important form these people.fuck you because if you don't know /understand /want to understand the basics of computing how the fuck can your brain be trusted with anyting serious??If you can't write down proofs of basic / standard algorithms and till bash down on people who do those please fuck you because those are the people indirectly responsible for your Job so that u can work on fancy frameworks and cool IDE's .
Instead of whining down dedicate some time to your maturity and knowledge because that what we devs are all about.we like solving problems right?.
I repeat if you are anything like stating up it career in mid 20s maybe.leave everything if you can .Forget all fucking frameworks and technologies start with basics of computing, right at instruction level using assembly .Then move to a higher language when u know and reason about what your CPU is actually doing.
If you can't do that and keep on crying and bashing down things wihout proper explanations fuck yourself with a cactus .

The foul excuse for a human I live with has been blasting the fucking radio ALL FUCKING NIGHT.

I've had no sleep, he's STILL pissed out his head, and if he doesn't shut the fuck up I'm going to lock him in and burn the house down.

So Earth just completed another revolution around the Sun and people going craaaazy all over the internet. Like calm down bruh :v

So Friday evening decided to "Update and Shut Down" my window 10 laptop.

I come in Monday morning and turn it on ... "Working on updates" So far its been 15 mins and its 27%.

Oh and my other laptop at home decided to restart itself and apply updates and stayed at "Applying Update 100%" for 35 minutes, luckily i was able to watch Glastonbury via my Xbox as my GF would not of been happy missing Ed Shearan :P

How hard would it be for MS to say "Look this update is going to take 45 minutes, do you want to wait"

Ugh power's out.

Luckily it's pretty warm out so we're not suffering. I'd normally have a fire going but my fireplace is out of order.

I hauled in my portable generator in the hopes that if I was well prepared the power would come back on and it would have been wasted effort but I may end up running it later to cool down the refrigerator and maybe charge a few batteries.

Hopefully I have power by morning or I'll have a hard time getting our services deployed...

Fuck these SJWs, what kind of society respects and validates the opinion of irrational, psychologically mutilated humanoids. how long will people let them.

And I don't care if try to mute my freedom of speach, I will say what I wish, whether is sexist, racist, or offensive in general

But what happens when progress decays because of it?! Yesterday, this master/puppet situation, today Linus leaves Linux, what if tomorrow I am not allowed to eat chocolate because it's offensive for the people of Ivory coast who slave for it, what if tomorow I can't say that the sun is blue, because it'd be offensive to colorblind people? Until when is this society going to regress?

I hope live in a modern Babylon world which is to be teared down and burned to ashes, buried deep underground, down by fascist nationalist with no sense of moral freedom of speach and justice, because I feel like it would happen anyways.

How do we feel about documentation?

Fucking lies, lies and more lies.

If you are not going to keep it accurate don’t even fucking write it down you goddamn morons!

I would rather look at the source code then be led down the garden path by your fucking lies.

My brain these days-
1] Okay I will get this done today
2] Oh wait how does this work
3] What the hell is happening
4] Going deeper down the rabbit hole
5] I am so lost. HELP
6] Okkk, this makes sense, but I have to figure out how another 10 parts of the code, to see how it works and then add my code
7] I wanna give up.

Genius UI design: the text next to latest news changes between 2 and 3 lines, and every time that happens the entire website gets pushed up and down. I thought my touchpad was going crazy for doing phantom scrolls, but no, it’s that same incompetent designer from my previous rant.

The course videos were done in November 2022.

It's May 2024 and i'm still shuffling paperwork to get the damn thing published.

"Course authorship is down on our platform! Why is it taking so long for our authors to publish!? Whats going on here?!"

Maybe because nearly all of the authors you have full time jobs and a family like me and don't have time for an infinite revolving door of new tools and frameworks!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHGHGHGHGHTHTHTHTHHHHH

Never again.

Coworker:Awe..
Fuck me...
Fuck fuck.... I fucked up...This fucking url..

..... Fuck. ... Pages

Me. What's going on buddy
Co worker: pages are down
Me: that sucks bro watchu do

Co worker: nothing too bad

Me: 😕 .. ok..

..... I'm still hearing the "fuuhhhcks" , and groans.

Guess who's delivering the news ... Does dev rants give stress beers.

Check out my current scenario:

I have to show some progress in fixing a bug to management in the morning..

I tried to sleep early, so that I cud fix it before the standup..

but I couldn't sleep, so I thought of fixing the issue now itself..

Sat down to fix, got stuck with a stupid blocking issue, did all the wrong things to debug it, wasted 3 hours, found the issue fix (not related to the main bug at all)

nd now going to sleep..

It's like:
Distance covered = 1000kms
Displacement = 0!!!!

After a management meeting about the companies first e-commerce initiative which I proposed and protocol-typed with assistance from internal and 3rd party resources, I returned with my boss to her office feeling on cloud nine as everything had been accepted / approved and the project was green lit!!!

She turns to me and says “I’m going down to the local sex shop and buying the largest dildo, strap it on, and then they will listen to me too”... I just sat, staring at the floor ...

Queue the crickets...

Someone please kill me.
I'm sick of myself.
A few days ago in the prize distribution for a past coding contest, I denied my prize and eventually accepted after fucking around a bit.
Now since two days, I'm straight forward wasting my time. My grades are going down exponentially and I'm involving neither in CUDA (which a started just a while ago) nor I'm getting into studies and even getting in competitive coding.... Fuck me!!!!!!

Going on vacation for a couple of days next week. So, apparently, the people scheduling the on-call rotation think it's a great idea to assign me on-call duty next week.

ME: ...you know I'm going on vacation, right?

THEM: Oh don't worry, nothing ever happens, and 95% of the time it's just this easy stuff that can be dealt with quickly.

ME (internally): ...I was taking this vacation time to get *away* from having to think about work. Now I'm going to have to keep this in the back of my mind the entire time I'm away, checking for alerts, and potentially interrupt my flow to deal with work, defeating the point of why I'm taking the down time.

Fuck this. If I'd known earlier I'd have tried to get the time rescheduled, but of course this happens on the weekend, the day before.

I spent about 45 mins this morning going through memes and gaming videos till my workstation finished doing updates.

On one side: fuck updates, what in the holy fuck.

On the other side: fuck yeah, down time to do bs.

I ain't even gonna bitch about Microsoft. It is what it is. Legit no complaints.

Just wish the process was maybe a lil bit similar to Debian updates maybe. Just maybe.

Remember my friends

Fuck 2019. I still have one photo of 1/1/2019 on my instagram profile as my first photo with hopes to achieve what i was planning to achieve. But life happened. Things went wrong. Murphy's fucking law took over. Fuck you

Start fresh 2020. Learn from the mistakes. Expect more mistakes because they are inevitable. But do your best to NOT repeat the old ones.

We are going into the new decade. No more 201X year.

-Delete all negative energy
-Cleanse all BULLSHIT
-Remove everything weighting you down
-DETACH FROM THE PARASITE PEOPLE
-Stay with the real people
-Stay with family

2 more weeks until 2020

🙏🙏🙏

I Have got a lot of swags going to events and meetups! Shirts Pins IDs Stickers ! what is your most Treasured swag of all time??
BONUS IMAGE down

Client sends screenshots, compressed, and shrunk down to an unreadable size, inside a docx file.

Just... just no. Where is a spray bottle or a rolled up newspaper when you need one.

(For you three people who are going to comment 'why don't you just teach them...' ssssssssssshut up, some people are just unteachable ( for you other three who are going to say 'everyone is teachable.' Not true, if it was you wouldn't be saying such things.))

Am I the only douchebag that has a separate StackOverflow account for stupid questions that I know are going to be voted down?

WTF!? Is the internet is fake? What happened to the actual internet?

If you take any search phrase and search on Google or Bing you will get millions or billions or results. But if you go to the last page enough times it will drop down to a total of like 200 results. I am unsure on other search engines as they make it difficult to jump ahead in the search (only provide "next page"). I was going to the next page of results in Brave search engine and it came up with a "are you human" test. Like nobody is going to search more than a few pages. This definitely makes me feel like in am in the Truman Show.

What is the point of limiting to only a few hundred pages? Why show millions or billions for initial search? Are there any real search engines that don't filter so much? Did the technocrats burn the second great library already?

Me today: Damn it's gonna take forever to find where this issue is, but at least then I'll know.

-me narrows it down to 5 lines-

Tonight me staring at lines: Oh fuck... there's nothing actually 'wrong' here...

Forget it, i'm going to bed.

i once asked chatgpt if i was a good person and it used what little input i had given to reason that i am.

i was having a really shit month and broke down in tears.

i was so ashamed of being vulnerable that i chose to be comforted by lines of code over a human. even now, i can only post this this because i’m functionally anonymous on here.

i don’t know where i was going with this. tell your homies you’re proud of them. you’ll probably make their day.

Currently have this issue where I just want to try out all the cool things I see, so my project is not going anywhere and instead just gets rewritten over and over but with a different tool or architecture or framework each time. Can't lock down on something I like, because I like everything 😅

Uno questione:

Seeing as linux might be going down the shitter soon, could the, 'btw I use arch", meme be replaced with, "btw I use OpenBSD"?
Like I did with the last question, have a snek.

if you're going to fucking change the project requirements on a daily basis, don't ask me if I ever considered designing the project the way that I initially proposed and you shot down, like you fucking thought of it.

I'm working on a bug I can't figure out. I go out for a smoke to clear my mind. Some time passes, I get an idea, finish smoking and I wanna go back up to my desk ASAP.

I have to go up to floor 14. Building has a basic elevator with 2 buttons:
UP arrow - "I wanna go up"
DOWN arrow - "I wanna go down"

User-friendly, intuitive, idiot-proof, you might think. NOPE.

Elevator stops at floor 1 because moron who wants to go down pressed all 2 of the over-intuitive buttons.
Floor 1 moron: "Going up?"
Other people: "Yes"
Floor 1 moron: "Oh"
Me (in my mind): "Oh? BITCH, there's an idicator telling you where it's going. Don't fucking press UP if you're not going up."
Moving on.

Elevator stops at floor 3.
Frustration sets in.
Floor 3 brainlet steps in, doors close.
Floor 3 brainlet takes eyes off phone screen and realises we're going up.
Floor 3 brainlet makes an "oops" kinda noise because "it" obviously wanted to go down.
Floor 3 brainlet stops elevator at floor 5 because "it" doesn't want to go all the way up to floor 14.
Rage sets in.
Me (in my mind): "I hope I get lung cancer so I don't have to deal with this shit anymore"
Moving on.

No more incidents, I calm down. I get to my desk and begin brainstorming about elevator coding. My preferred idea so far:

Elevator is called at floor X but nobody steps in? Elevator doesn't stop at that floor for 2 hours. elevators.size() strikes and the entire floor uses stairs, BITCH.

I spend 1 hour reading rants and writing this. Now I have to get back to my bug. I would appreciate other punishment ideas for elevator misuse.

I will keep this short. I fucking hate Windows 11. There is nothing I like about it after over four weeks of having its fuckery drip down everything I do on my laptop like radioactive maple syrup. None of my apps from Windows 10 work. I google troubleshooting and I'm not going to go through 10 hacks to solve a problem created by Microsoft. The screen moves all over the place for no reason. I hate it. Not as much as I hated Mac, but I'm going to revert back to Windows 10 if I can. I don't wish to separate my laptop screen from my laptop keyboard again. The only person I know who can fix it tried to steal a hundred and twenty bucks from me. Thank you for reading this rant I'm living a charmed life otherwise, but snipping tool just fucked up and I'm fucking fed up. Peace out.

This 3 day weekend couldn’t come at a better time! Today has done everything it can to delay it and everything has been a superb annoyance!

It started off with our internal systems going down, a frustratingly tedious project proposal process, our phones went down, off the wall calls to support all day causing them to ask me junk.

As a parting gift the pending windows update and it completely crashed my development VM and corrupted my install of virtual box. I had planed in only working a half day, but worked 6.5 hours, hit traffic al over. Was late to the event.

Not I get here and there’s a bunch of smokers outside and I could reallllllly use a drag. But I’m not gonna. 😒

Just ready to kick back and do non computer things til Tuesday. 😎

At a previous company, we got stock options. My options wouldn't have made me a millionaire but it wasn't chump change, either.

For months, we went through the whole "we can't say we're going public but watch what you say" game.

One Monday, they called us down by groups to one of the large conference rooms to tell us paperwork was filed, that we were in a blackout period, and, oh, by the way, all those stock options were split 1-for-2 (half the stocks at twice the price.)

I really wanted to punch those smug motherfuckers when I watched them ringing the bell on the balcony of the NYSE.

Do you ever just sit unable to start, hating yourself for it?

Ugh, I feel like I've been running on autopilot lately. I just can't get myself going. Down time doesn't feel like down time either

Hey guys, I've always loved and adored what programmers and developers do, so I really do need your advice on this...
After around nine years in the journalism field, I'm considering a career shift into development, for many reasons including that the journalism field seems to be going down in my country, so I started where most recommendations would tell a beginner to start, learning HTML... Now, is it a good idea for starters to change my career into this magnificent and enormous field? I know it won't be easy, but is it possible to be something in that career?

I don't know what's wrong with me..

Within one day I basically lost interest in everything I do. I just don't see the point of all this anymore.

And the bad thing is, that I don't even know where that comes from so suddenly, everything is going fine, but still.. Life just feels like pain at the moment.

Don't want do drag down someone else with me and I sincerely apologise if it's too late to mention it at this point, just hope that maybe someone here can understand what's going on or give me some advice on how to fix my situation.

Thank to this UPS driver ... i'm not going to get my package (laptop screen) until Monday evening.
Express Priority shipping $35.xx or whatever that is down the drain.

Never had this issue with Fedex and 100's packages delivered.

This ends the rant.

Manager X: (logs a support ticket) "Agent is unable to access system using the password provided."

Me: "You're going to have to narrow it down a little, we have over 1000 active agents."

I hate the support side of my job...

Feels good to be back! XD In the last few months I took peoples advice and ditched windows went for Kbuntu and 4 months down the line I'm never going back to windows :D

So I make websites on the side for small time clients for some additional income. And without fail every time I sit down to work on this one site something goes wrong. First there were problems with the hosting, and now the template that the client chose is no longer for sale. I hope I'm not going to lose them over this :( I've sent them a list of alternative templates and contacted the company behind the original template to ask what is up. Real shame because they picked what I considered the favourite too and now I regret waiting to fork over the money to make the purchase.

If you have a 13900k and you have random BSODs and application crashes, use XTU and turn down your P-Cores in Performance Per Core Turning to 54x. There is some kind of bug in the turbo boost and going past the 5.4GHZ mark just doesn't work.

I've basically built this computer twice now. I replaced the motherboard because I destroyed it, replaced the RAM because I thought I had the wrong type, and now the processor which was the actual root of all my problems.

I though you may like what I did

The AI finished training now
My server almost went down
I put a semi-colon at the end;
I think you can't create front-end
I haven't had sleep in a while
Neither have I walked a full mile
I'm more of a 'kilometer' guy
We are going to eventually die
Fuck PHP
I can't afford to buy full HD
I'm not good at this
Cause I don't have a girl to kiss

So I was in my linguistic workshop today where we were going over control and raising concepts.

Without second thought, I put down 'ctrl' for control. And the guy, who's also a coder, didn't find anything wrong when looking at my sheet.

I think my vocabulary is screwed up

An european customer turned me down yesterday because I don't have a fucking paypal account and I'm too embarrassed to explain him WHY MY GOV BLOCKED PAYPAL 2 YEARS AGO.

He didn't wanna do wire transfer, god knows why. Now I don't know how I'm going to pay the bills next month.

Me: Hey, I'm going to refill my water bottle. You need some as well?
Coworker: Yeah, thanks let me just drink the remaining bits
*starts chugging down 3/4 full bottle*
Me: PFFFFT, you don't need a refill please, for the love of god, staph

After a wildly productive day yesterday, I've spent most of today staring at my screen, going down mental rabbit holes. Sod's law!

It's not helped by an accidental all-nighter last night - I'm too old for that shit these days

So the EU plans to make an "upload-filter"-law.
Actually this means that every service, every provider literally everyone has to check everything which is going to be uploaded on a webpage if there is an copyright violation and so on.

Thanks to my european government for slowing down the digital evolution in a absolutely shit way.

Reminder: if you were tasked with breaking down a work item/story, and your breakdown involved so much incorrect, outdated, and downright incomprehensible gibberish that, when you were approached by another dev, you had to rewrite the whole thing -- after rewriting it into a form that includes almost none of the original and still contains errors and omissions, you do not get to announce to everyone that you were 'helping' said dev to 'understand'. If you do this you are not some machevellian linguistic genius, you are just an asshole who is going to get found out for your bullshit sooner or later.

!dev-related

My sister-in-law is a real fucking piece of work. My wife and I pay her to watch our daughter, who is 1.5 years old. She lives with us practically rent free (less than 0.5 of what she was having to pay in rent at her previous living situation). And as of late, my wife and I have been going through rough marital issues. Our marriage counsellor advised as ‘homework’ to write down a few things that would make us happy; individually of our partner, in our relationship.

Something I put down was, ‘that I want our daughter to be more mentally stimulated’ since she’s curious and inquisitive as fucking hell right now. And that I wanted us to find child care that would nurture her more than my sister-in-law does.

(She sits our daughter and one other little girl she watches down in the front room to watch the disney channel all day long. Sometimes she’ll talk to her friends for a few hours throughout the day on the phone. And makes them lunch and snacks when they are hungry.)

I’ve been looking into a daycare center that specializes in teaching kids early reading and writing along with a program that starts at 2 to focus on dancing or on music. They only want like $75 more per week and food and snacks are included in the weekly cost.

That being said I had written down my things for my ‘homework’ assignment. My daughter ended up getting a hold of it and brought it to my sister-in-law who now has a major attitude about this whole thing...

:side note:
My wife and I were struggling financially a bit earlier in the year and she helped us with gas money a few times and helped with some basic groceries and stuff. But today she just threw all of that ‘help’ back into my face.

If I had fucking known that you were going to hold that shit over my head and weaponize it against me because you feel hurt by the fact that you are a shit child care provider in my eyes then you can go smoke a fucking tailpipe you cum guzzling gutter slut!

You'd think with all the data Facebook and Google collect, they'd be able to air some halfway relevant political ads.

Having ads I don't agree with shoved down my throat isn't going to make me change my views, it's just going to make me resent that particular group or person more.

++ if you've ever had to type something along these lines:

def main(args):
do = some
stuff = here

if __name__ == '__main__':
main()

trying to figure out the best way to write a driver script for a processing pipeline and the choices have boiled down to;

a) define "new" main functions where necessary
b) learn subprocess module
c) write a bash script to do it instead

still not sure what I'm going with...