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A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday.
Dad: What? $15,554??? $14,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $16,782 for anyway?
Source: Twitter @cryptomanran16 -
Person: What do you do for a living?
Programmer: I'm an etymologist
Person: What does that mean?
Programmer: I work with bugs7 -
So at school the teacher gave us a MONTH to write a sorting algorithm in Java. I asked the teacher if that wasn't a little too much time.
Her answer:" I want to give the weaker people in class a chance."
Okay so far so good.
The day we had to turn in our code I asked around what algorithm others had choosen and if they had any problems with it.
Classmate A: "yeah we didn't know how to program it so we copied it from the internet and I modified it heavily."
Me *raised eyebrows*: "can you show me?"
Me: "but that's exactly the same like the first Google result?!"
A:"No look there , I added this line so that it works with my code"
That lying bitch just added bucketSort(myArr, maxVal);
In the main method.
Me"How is that heavily modifying?"
A:"Also I asked the teacher and she said it was OK to copy the method from the internet"
What the flying cunt is wrong with people. So you give us a month to copy and paste from the internet.
Yeah great teaching.
You are the reason why half the class can't program shit.
Thanks for nothing. 😒😒
First rant hope you enjoyed it.12 -
Building a website for a client. Asked what URL they would like for the domain name...
Their reply:
15 -
For fuck's sake,if you are teaching "Machine Learning For Developers",you don't have to waste a whole hour explaining what the fuck a variable is or what is an if statement.Developers know what that is....aaargh.Off to sleep.13
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PM: Bro send me latest version of the app
Me: But I"m not finished with x feature and it will crash the app in its current situation
PM: No problem bro just want to test
*5 minutes later*
PM: Bro app is crashing when I do x
Inner Me: YOU PEACE OF SHIT I TOLD YOU IT WILL CRASH!
Actual Me: throw a ticket I'll handle it later.11 -
I fried my laptop's lithium-ion battery by overheating it too much when gaming for 1.5 years now. Was only getting 20 minutes on a charge. Bought a replacement battery to install.
My laptop is full-body aluminum, and when removing the difficult-to-remove backplate, I sliced my thumb deeply on the razor-sharp internal edge of the backplate.
Hurt like hell. Took a while to get the bleeding to stop. I had to finish what I started, so I swore I'll be careful the rest of the time.
Yet somehow, my hand eventually slipped and I ended up slicing my OTHER thumb, on the exact same component! And the gash was even deeper and hurt even more! And took 3x as long to stop bleeding! I lost so much blood... 😫
Moral of the story: Be careful when dealing with full-body aluminum laptops. They're fucking evil and dangerous. Also, don't let your laptop reach temps above 82-85 degrees Celsius.
Thankfully, no tetanus from any of this. 😓
25 -
In programming what is the difference between an expert programmer and a noob??
- they both Google when they're stuck but expert knows what he's searching for and noob learns about what he's searching for!!9 -
Interview today! (Maybe?)
Sometime between 2pm and 10pm!
No idea if it's Skype or phone or what. Or with who. Or really when.
Sounds like I should turn them down. 😕17 -
November 2022
*Wife*: What do you want for x-mas? A new phone maybe? Yours has lived through a lot already - perhaps it's time for an upgrade?
*I*: Naah, thanks. My trusty S7 still works incredibly well. I also have all those 2FAs set up there and stuff I'm too lazy to transfer over to a new device.
*Parents*: What do you want for–//–
*I*: Naah, thanks. My tr–//–
*in-laws*: What do you want for–//–
*I*: Naah, thanks. My tr–//–
*Siblings*: What do you want for–//–
*I*: Naah, thanks. My tr–//–
January 2023:
*My phone*:
5 -
Neighbor: So what do you do for work?
Me: I'm a software engineer.
Neighbor: Oh I don't even know what that means. What exactly do you do?
Me: I write code for Fortune 500 companies while sitting on my couch in my underwear.1 -
Friend: hey can you make me a website?
Me: sure, what is it for?
Friend: 'whatever the site is for'
Me: Ok, what are the different tabs you want for the navigation bar?
Friend: Ummm... Idk yet
Me: Ok... So do you have an idea what you want the website to look like?
Friend: Ummm just make it look pretty
Me:
2 -
Fuck WYSIWYG.
More like what you see is what you deserve for working at a company that uses Microsoft threeshittyfive.6 -
What if "I Accept" button for Terms & Conditions is disabled for 10 15 mins before proceeding for installing??9
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I just automated the tasks I had for next week. What to do, what to do ^^ This is not really a rant but just me boasting. Time for beer.3
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For @Alice
What is https://alicepeters.de/devrant/
What is the api?
And can you translate the german below?
15 -
WHAT THE FLYING FUCK ARE YOU BROWSIBG THRU CLOTHES FOR THE 3RD FUCKING HOUR FOR JUST PICK ONE AND GO FOR FUCKS SAKE11
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Part 2 of this rant: https://devrant.com/rants/933393/...
Today I received the source code of the application, it has like four views but guess what, all four views have their controllers in one controller.js file that is about 1400 lines of code.
Also all their data models are in one file,
everything is in one file.
Does anyone know how to make it through that shit :(16 -
It's normal to sit up until 6:00 AM cleaning your room, taking down Christmas decorations, and organizing your clothes, right?7
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I wont take privacy laws seriously as long as my pizza delivery service needs a fucken phone number as mandatory field.8
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Today, my manager complained that my productivity doesn't match that of a senior engineer. I pointed out that senior isn't in my job title. He told me he thought of me as a senior engineer. I didn't dispute that that matches the level of experience I have, but it's not in my job title.3
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So what would you class yourselves as:-
A) Developer
B) Software Developer
C) Software Engineer
D) Programmer
I go with with Software Engineer. This for me sounds complete for what I do. What do you guys think and why?40 -
Hello fellow devRanters, look what I found in our API constants on this fine day!
LIST_USERS: '/api/GetUsers',
USERS_WITH_QUERY:'/api/GetUsers?Query=',
MORE_USERS: '/api/GetUsers?Token=',
You get what you pay for, you get what you pay for, you get what you- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGGG!!!!!!!!!7 -
As someone deeply questioning their life and career choices as of now, I wouldn't want to become a dev anymore because:
- you spend most of your time burning your eyes on a monitor and getting terrible back pain
- you might sell your soul to company benefits whose only purpose is to make you distracted from the fact that you're basically spending 1/3 of the day wishing you were doing something you actually want to do
- might have to do some exhausting communication ooga boogas to understand what supervisors and your other colleagues want to say (in a small company setting)
- again, as in my previous rant, if you're not on some less disposable dev position, you could as well become something else given that junior salaries are not that high
- get into an unhealthy work world where little hours of sleep, overworking, and other such unhealthy lifestyles are praised or used to determine your worth
Of course, these differ on a case by case basis. I'd become a train driver or something if I still didn't have to eat and not throw more money at a career change
Life's tough2 -
.net 1.1 had the best documentation ever written. Microsoft spent an enormous amount of money and a dedicated team of skilled engineers just to write them. It was kind of a great time to be a developer, even though the technology is much better now. The current reliance on community docs doesn't hold up as well.2
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3 months ago our company moved 10km away from where I live. So instead of 10 minutes to work, I now have 50 minutes. Great!
The moving was so rushed, they forgot to order a fucking internet connection.. So they panicked and bought 4x 4g modems and a 50 Mbit connection. This connection was then shared by the whole office of 50 people. The connection could barely handle our needs, and for 3 months all streaming or unnecessary use of the internet have been prohibited..
But today! It finally happened!
We got our fiber connection!
No more streaming from my phone!
Bye bye productivity!
Spotify and YouTube here I come!1 -
Client: we need a report that <unclear requirements>
Me: alright, here's what you requested.
Client: that's not what I asked for.
Inner me: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU ASKED FOR!! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK REEEEEEEEEEE!!!!3 -
How would you all suggest preparing for technical interviews? What has worked for you? What hasn't? I know it varies by person and company but I'd love to hear your experiences!2
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-- What if JavaScript never existed?
-- What if HTML was a programming language?
-- What if our data online isn't abstract but physical?
-- What if geeks have their own country?
-- What if humans exist and we are the aliens?
-- What if the internet is state-owned?
-- What if we could download food just like every other downloadables?
-- What if my VSCode won't kill me when switched to light theme?
-- What if there was no gender and the word "female" is just an alias for "male"?
-- What if bugs could find and fix themselves?
-- What if there's no need for an account password?
-- What if Linux was owned by Microsoft?
-- **What if I could tell my boss that I'm tired of his fucking job without actually telling my boss? This is the actual what if.**27 -
Of the rants that have tags, it seems like half of them contain some sort of non-tag that is dry wit, self-aware joke, or humorous comment.8
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So you may have noticed that I'm making a way to create devRant Webhooks (see last rant), but now I need you help:
What Webhooks would/could you need?
What does it do?
What additional fields does it need (for example for specific tags)?
What data does it send?
Thanks in advance!14 -
You know what pisses me off? When I don't know what a constant is used for so I check the documentation and this is what I see:
1 -
For me it is not difficult to explain other people what I am doing as a programmer, but what company I am working for. We write software for the administration of cemeteries. People often look at me like I am joking. So I was wondering: What was your weirdest project/Job as a developer?1
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Worked 2 weeks on hunting a memory leak on a product.
Ended up writing object tracker to find the leak(ironically it was in garbage collector). Found the leak and fixed it. It sounds cool but what I pushed was 9 lines commented out 1 line added for 2 weeks work..
Doesn’t feel very fulfilling to work for 2 weeks to comment out few lines. Only silver lining is that I might turn my object tracker into a library for colleagues to use.
P.s: not a linux or windows environment so tools like walgrind aren’t available.2 -
What in the hell is a fucking phone manager, and why, or for what would I need something to manage MY goddamn phone?
15 -
What autocomplete plugin do you use for sublime?
I mostly use it for web stuff, any recommendations?11 -
recently i prided myself in my high ability to google stuff but i just blank at this problem:
i have 4 HDDs with my photos on it. They are more or less backups of each other, but not quite. The folder structure is convoluted and i am dreading this task since years. I now want to move to a better backup culture and save the data i really care about.
Problem: i may or may not inserted new photos in some versions of the hdds and not in others. So they are like [Photo1], [Photo2], [Photo3] and [Photo4] but [Photo1] contains a,b and d content, [Photo2] contains a and b but not d, [Photo3] contains c.
Now i would like a program that just takes hashes of all files present and compares them and finds differences among those 4 folders so i can combine them in each other. Additional problem points for a being in a different subfolder on [Photo1] as in [Photo2]
Its probably some backup software that can that, but i dont know which one.
Whelp?12 -
Whenever someone starts a sentence with "But [Linux|Windows|Mac] is better because..." in the open space developer pit...
3 -
What to do when you encounter a problem in windows? - REBOOT.
What for Linux problems? - BE ROOT!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Caption: `sudo` is the king :)2 -
does anyone else feel awkward when getting thanked for just doing their damn job?
that's what you're paying me for and that's what you should expect me to do7 -
I have been discussing for quite a while now in a WhatsApp group what IDE is better, IntelliJ vs Eclipse. I personally prefer IntelliJ, for a lot of reasons. But what is your opinion, what are the pros/cons of each IDE for you?12
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1. What paid software do you have installed in your PC [that you are actually paying for]?
2. What paid cracked software do you have installed in your PC [that you should be paying for, but aren't]?
And what are the prices?18 -
Everybody:
- what do you use InternetExplorer/Edge for?
- to download Firefox/Chrome
Me
- what do you use InternetExplorer/Edge for?
- to download LinuxMint iso1 -
Trying to figure out why your code won't work after you fixed it, only to find that the offshore team completely fucked everything back up again 😵3
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Fucking recommendation engines deciding what I like. For fucks sake, let a man decide what porn genre he is into.5
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When they take fotos of various screens showing bogus states of the app or error-messages with closed 'more info' pane, put them together without any context into a fucking ppt and return it as feedback you should work on.
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What linux distro do you guys use?
I was looking for a simple one to start with. For now i just use it for C, Java and some python.
What distro should I pick?21 -
Won an Amazon Echo Show in a Hackathon where we spent most of the time integrating with Google Home.
I don't know what to do with the thing. 🤔3 -
What is REST?
The Legendary : Its stands for Representational State Transfer
Me : That's what i need right now.7 -
What level of skill should I have before applying for jobs as a Junior Developer?
What kind of programs should I be making?4 -
What is a cool naming scheme for the servers
for example we have 6 environments for the QC to run their tests, what would be a cool way to name them
I thought of bugs names,since we are a bug reporting company
what do you think guys8 -
What others see: He has been working on his app for 3 hours straight.
What I really do: Waiting for gradle to finish building the project for the past 2hrs. Watching cat memes on 9gag to bide time. -
WTF 😐. It does simply everything. Probably throws nuclear bombs and then catches orphaned children to be a TeaserLink. Yeah I got it 😀!
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I finally did it. I installed Arch linux + Unity 3D + VSCode + budgie + vertex + sddm-deepin in virtualbox....
What a fucking journey and a half that was.
Now to install on an ssd for real...
My thoughts on the process:
1.) This is not for the faint of heart.
2.) Be preapred to devote some time getting it all right.
3. This was actually quite a rewarding process.1 -
As a developer group, we may are looking for a designer for our start up. What makes a good desginer? What should we ask him?13
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Anyone else here a high school student that does programming for an FRC team? If so, what number? Also, what language?11
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I'm drunk and just scrolling through here looking for pictures coz I'm way too out of it to read.
Moar funnies plz?1 -
Hey devRant,
What are your tips for delegating jobs as a project manager for a relatively inexperienced team?2 -
Am I the only one who wants to be able to write functions in a human readable way, allowing for parameter in-between the words?
Instead of defining:
const enforceStringEndsWithChar(string: string, char: string) => {...}
I want to define it as:
const enforce(str: string)EndsWith(char: string) => {...}
.
.
.
I'll see myself out.6 -
When i code i listen to music so i can focus on the code .
What about you guys ? What type of music you guys suggest !
Ps: waiting for postman for my new awesome headphones *smiling af*4 -
Once again I go into interviewing with literally 4 minutes notification ahead of time on who the candidate is (obviously I still don't really know or understand what the hell is about to happen)
Management does not have their head screwed on straight; it's that simple
#startuplyfe #scrappy #turnthatmindsetintoagrindset1 -
What are the most important qualities you look for when hiring new devs? What are the biggest warning signs for you? We're gearing up for interviewing devs in the near future so I figured I'd ask the devRant think tank its thoughts on the matter.9
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How is the quality of life for the average web developer?
I've been doing a bit of research and it seems quite common for people in the field to have no life outside of work. This is not what I want. I work/study 7 days a week and I would ideally like to work for a web dev company, not freelance.
Is it naive to think that a standard 9-5 is realistic for me when I graduate?8 -
What are your resolutions for 2021? What mistakes do you promise to not make any more and what mistakes are you yet to make? What wrongs are you to right next year?6
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!rant
What is golang used for in a professional setting? It's a really cool language and I like it, but is it useful for me is what I want to know. Thanks7 -
After develop a lot of project in PHP, I just accidentally wondering what is PHP stand for. And. . .in the end we still don't know what PHP is stand for. (Or know)?7
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Zoom just won't die off.
I guess next we will have a vsCode plug-in for zoom meetings, who needs to seperate their code from their endless meetings these days anyway?
https://blog.zoom.us/bring-industry...4 -
Any freelance/contract web devs out there.
What do you charge for hourly rate?
Interested to know what others are charging for php and/or ruby skill sets.3 -
This took me an hour or more and ran into an off by 1 issue that I had to debug to find out...
I'm not sure how I can do this stuff in interviews... but now wondering how Languages actually do this...
https://gist.github.com/allanx2000/... -
What the differences in performance between Django REST, expressjs, spring boot and Flask. What of these frameworks recommend for an API for quickly development and hosting with a $5 -$10 droplet.3
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Let's say you're building an application for a very specific android device, and you know exactly what it comes with (OS, architecture, Graphics libraries, RAM, ecc)
I can't really make HUGE changes to my code, but since I'm working with unity, I cant make some changes in the way the APK is built.
So let's say my device is ARCH64, uses OpenGLES3.1 and has 4GB of RAM, what are the improvements in making the APK for 64bits instead of 32?7 -
I started a new job in engineering at CenturyLink a few weeks ago - before this I was doing IT for dental offices in the greater Seattle area. Anyway, I wanted a registry tweak to make Excel open files in separate windows, instead of putting them in one. Today I was told by our IT that you need 16GB of RAM to open multiple Excel spreadsheets in separate windows. Suffice to say I told him he was insane and ended the chat.
And yes, I know there are ways to do it anyway, like opening new instances of Excel and then opening the file inside of Excel, but that's unnecessary clicks, dammit. -
1. I wish for a timestopers watch that wouldn't let you age.
2. I wish my pocket always had exact change for what i wanted to buy.
3. I wish i wouldn't have to explain what i do for a living. -
What is the best/ cheap hosting for portfolio and multiple projects under one hosting? I need advice . I was thinking about using namecheap.com for the domain but what would you recommend for hosting?5
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I despise news sites that redirect you to the mobile homepage instead of just showing you the article you actually clicked on
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What is Python good for? (I had to use it for the first time today and used it to process some audio input but i don't know what else to do with it)
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I've been asked to write a job ad for a frontend developer, as I have never don that, what would you write in there? And what are usual salaries for frontend devs? Also what would you ask them in an interview? What kind of coding challenges would you give them? Also we're not looking for a "code monkey" only but that person should also be responsible for jow everything looks (like the design and UI/UX of the site). How would you call that position? I've for now put "Frontend UI/UX Web-Developer" there.2
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What % increase to your salary would you expect for a promotion? What about if you left for another job somewhere else?
For what it's worth, speaking about a Junior dev in the US.5 -
Put notifications in their place and carefully selecting which apps can interrupt you and at what times for what purposes.
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I have to make a program for two equations for someone. I am just really lost about what language to use and what type of program it should be. Any ideas would be welcome!9
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Had a release retro today.
We had the usual Trello board with columns for "what went well, what was bad, what can we improve" etc.
columns for the bad and the improvements had 10-20 cards each.
column for what went well was empty.... -
Would you want to create your own programming language?
If yes, what would you call it and what would it be used for?15 -
What laptop you are using for development? What would your suggestion for me?
Currently I'm using dell core i7 & I'm mostly using phpstorm, xampp, workbench, chrome and illustrator.5 -
Not a rant, but what tools do you use for development?
As-in, what apps/services you've bought / installed for free?
For example, I use Visual Studio Code, iTerm2, Docker, DigitalOcean, CodePen etc.9 -
Guys, need your help. What are some interview question for junior QA? Aaand, what do I need to review? Thanks a looooot!3
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Getting frustrated with errors I can't replicate or identify! After spending ages trying to find what's gone wrong and failing, its so embarrassing to suggest "try logging off and logging back in again"
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I think i just had an amazing idea. All algo problems should be pushed with a team world problem they knowing the thinking behind the algo solution would help solve the real problem.3
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Which organisation is good for machine learning for a moderate type coder in python for GSOC.
For selection in GSOC what should be my strategy.
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