I don't know who, or where you are. But want to let you know the test was successful.

You know who exactly you are...

When you sign up for anything online, put the websites name as your middle name. That way when you receive spam/advert emails, you will know who sold your info.

my_girlfriend: who do you like more in your life?
me: linux
my_girlfriend: What????
me: you asked who i LIKE not Who i LOVE?
my_girlfriend: ok, who do you LOVE?
me: python

i dont know why she left me, i think she was php fan

I fucking hate CNET already. I mean who likes a website which autoplays a video everytime you visit them, with 200% volume.

But this time, I am just so fucking annoyed. Here is the title of an article:

"iPhone 8, X's wireless charging is a game changer for Android"

And the subtitle:

"When it comes to Apple, plenty of Android phone makers are monkey see, monkey do."

FUck you motherfucker. "Monkey see, monkey do". Are you fucking kidding me you cunt?

Remeber your 3D touch bullshit? Your fucking wireless charging will be bullshit too.

"the rest of the phone users make do with messy cables."

Maybe you're a fucking imbecile who doesn't know how to manage simple cables and ends up with broken wires.

You know who looks like a monkey? Some apple users who uses that shitty looking wireless earphone, which looks like monkey's dick you asshole.

Fuck off!

Boss: Who knows VB?
Me: I once wrote a calculator
Boss: Good enough! You will edit the companies biggest VB Application.

Lesson learned. When your Boss asks if you know a programming language you do not really know, you are like John Snow: Know nothing

Who Is Who

➡ A Project Manager is the one who thinks 9 women🙍 can deliver a baby in 1 month.👶

➡ An Onsite Coordinator is the one who thinks 1 woman can deliver 9 babies in 1 month.👶

➡ A Developer is the one who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver 1 baby.🙇

➡ A Marketing Manager is the one who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and women are available.👷

➡ A Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.👶

➡ A Tester is the one who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby. 🚶

Don't be shy.. Comment which 'who' are you..😂

A non reproducible bug is like an annoying ex boyfriend who lives across the street.

1. You know you can't fix things.

2.You're always scared you'd run into him again.

Fuck you fucking piece of self taught shit. Self taught my ass you dont even know how to use git or how to use modern IDE. You dont even know how to use debugger. You dont read other peoples code because you are an arrogant kid who thinks that everybody elses code is trash. Yet after couple days when you need to work on your own code you usually rewrite entire fucking thing because of how fucked up your spaghetti implementations are. Even worse you dont even know fucking english so documentation is useless to you unless I dumb down everything for you and spoon feed you like a 5 year old. Motherfucker you cant even stick to a proper work schedule, you go to sleep at 7am and wake up at 18.00 and I have to fucking work overtime because Im blocked by your spaghetti code. Fuck you fucking self taught arrogant piece of shit who never ever worked as a dev profesionally yet you have the nerve to feel cocky.

Thank you GDPR because of you we know who has our email and sent us "We're updating our Privacy Policy".

Time to delete some accounts.

No, I wont help you solve your stupid problem. If you are not able to read the wiki or the man pages - Arch linux is not for you.

You have only proven that you are stupid enough to listen to other people who likes to brag how good the are, but actually do not know shit.

So I'm learning 2D game dev in java.
(I know)

Being stubborn I'm coding everything myself because, you know who needs libraries.😅

And

Holy toenails ,I have mad respect for the guys who build game engines. Especially 3d engines.

Y'all are beasts.

You know what really grinds my gears?
People who think wi-fi == the internet

I thought, maybe, MAYBE I’ll meet a better class mate for uni group project since I’m at master degree instead of bachelor...

WELL FUCK, there is still people who played dead when I tried to chat them. Fuck group project, fuck you if you read this, I know you’re here sometimes

Anyone else notice this trend:

1. Don't go to uni / drop out (who needs education).
2. Get a job in IT, it pays well (who cares you don't have a structured logic).
3. Learn need-to-know stuff only (I only need to know my code).
4. Tell others they should get into programming, it's not that hard.
5. Get asked about the workings of a computer, but that's not in your domain of work. "I only code".

Millennial much ?

Who are you? I didn't know that nerds could get someone

I need to stop reading devRant posts on the train and in public in general. These rants be cracking me up too much. Most awkward when you try to explain to someone who cares to know what's so funny and you know they can't relate so you're just sitting like.....

Always deliver the goods.

Even if who you work for are idiots, and the product is useless. You never know who will see what you've done.

- I did a six-month underpaid project for ShittyCompany.

- Strived to write it nice and clean with unit tests and good(barely) documentation.

- Got a call up a year later from a consultancy company who integrated with the application I wrote. Now I work for them, and it's as close to my dream job as I could hope for.

Do you guys have that one chick / dude who doesn't know jack shit about shit but just like a fukin cockroach always manages to survive every nuclear layoff, all this guy does is come in an watch YouTube videos all day

Just wanted to say a 'thank you' to all people who bear with my privacy stuffs! I know quite some people who installed messaging apps, signed up to privacy services and so on, solely because --> I <-- want to communicate in private and I realise (I've always realized that though) that that can be tough sometimes.

Also a thank you to those people for not requiring me to get data fed into the big companies :).

Thanks!

I like when a recruiter calls, decides you're not experienced enough for the role they called for, and immediately ask if you know someone who is. Sure, bro, let me help do your job for you.

Guys, Guys, Guys!
I've just won employee of the month! And you know what is even better? The elders of the internet allowed to lend the internet to me to use it in my speech! I couldn't be happier (they even know who I am!)

To all you people who finish the coffee in the kitchen and walk away, you are dicks and we know who you are. Use this to stop being a dick...

Doing computer science and all your relatives think you know everything and can do anything tech related.
Aunt: "You​ study Computer Science?"
Me: "yes"
Aunt: "so somebody called me using a private number I need you to find out who he is and his location"
Me: 😬😬😬

You know you're a programmer when you're doing math and you write == instead of = (Am I the only one who does this?)

This years~
It’s a class that introduce an introduction to programming.
First weeks of the class.
T: “For those who already know this basic stuff , You can take a final test. If you pass, you get an ‘A’ and dont have to attend to this class for the rest of this term.”
Me: “Fuck yeah~ Let’s do this”
—

You know when you click an image to see a larger version and a light box loads a smaller image. Who the fuck tested this shit and thought "Yeah that looks alright."?

Do you ever feel like devs are the last people to know requirement changes, design changes, etc? And yet are the people who actually have to make the thing and ship it on time...

Playing sound on OS boot is just as bad idea as automatically playing sound on a website load. Yes I'm looking at you Ubuntu.

// it can be muted I know but.. who decided it was a good idea in the first place?

Kid: How do you know what to use in a script?
Me: I've either used it before or look at documentation.
Kid: You're silly, I bet I know who knows everything and can tell you what the answers are!
Me: Oh? Who's that, the code creator?
Kid: Mistah Google behind my browser! Just ask him and he tells you everything he knows!

The little shit will be going places...

You know, sometimes I wish I had friends who knew how to code or new a bit about the programming world. Then I could show them my projects and they could help out of they wanted. I could also get them to properly criticize my designs and script. Instead of the ones that just scroll past your shit and say nothing at all, you know, people who would actually give a little bit of a shit. Sigh.

WannaCry hit one of our server and the latest backup we had was from May 2017. You know who got blamed? Developers. I repeatedly told the General Manager that SysAdmin are the once who should be doing backups, Server updates and management as per their job description yet we got blamed for it.

I don't know what the fuck is going in this world.

I know a lot of you already know/do this, but to those of you who don't - I know it has saved me more than once:

If you use SSMS (SQL Server Management Studio) - when connecting to a server, before you hit the "connect" button, under options, choose a color to represent which server you are connecting to. I personally use stoplight colors: red = prod, yellow = QA, green = dev....this way, it helps you realize what server you are connected to, minimizing our dreaded "oh shit" moments....lol

Hopefully this helps someone ☺

*family dictionary*
Software developer (noun) : IT guy.

Individual who will know every issue you have with any electronic device in your house. He'll fix it.

We can't have nice things after all.
Tag anyone you know who is using it.

You know what's more irritating than working with a partner who doesn't understand how to properly build an API?

Working with one who fully understands the best practices but doesn't give a shit to implement them until something breaks.

"If you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room", I seek to be in presence of people who know more than me, from whom I can learn from

Never had a client who has not done this...

"Yes I know we are releasing tomorrow but do you mind if we make these 46 tiny changes real quick?"

Whenever you meet someone who tells you he also knows programming

Me: 'So you said you are in programming, too?'
X: 'Yeah, I know how to program websites..'
Me: '..so I guess PHP and stuff?'
X:'No, I program in HTML and some CCS'

I don't know who you are but I will find you and I will install linux in your pc

Fuck off bitch
My bios is password protected

Team: Qt doesn’t let us build the UX we have in mind. Web is the future.

Me: what do you guys recommend ?

Team: Electron! We vote for Electron!

Me: Alright, who know JavaScript here?

Team: ...

Don't lie in your resume or in the interview.

People know you're not an expert at everything, nobody expects that from anybody (and you should really avoid working for anybody who does)

Email I received:

"Hi xxxxx!

I just received your voicemail and let you know that I would be sending a email:

Here is a link to introduce myself. Please let me know If I can swing in next Monday or Wednesday to shake your hand and meet!"

My response:

"Hello, zzzzzz.

You did not receive a voicemail from me because I have no idea who you or your company is.

If you meant to email someone else, this is a courtesy email letting you know you have the wrong person, and I hope you have a nice day.

If, rather, this is an attention-seeking sales tactic, this is email is a snarky response, letting you know I don't do business with companies that pull that kind of crap.

Regards,
xxxxx, CIO
zzzzzzzzz"

You wanna know why PHP has such a poor reputation?
It's because of imbeciles who code like this:

Actually the worst fucking developer experience is meeting those all knowing people who think they know everything but actually they even don’t know how the fucking tools they’re using every day are written and how they work.

Those people that think when they installed library it should do everything how they imagined to and don’t fucking bother to debug problems and create pull requests if it’s fucking buggy.

Those fucking ranters who moan about something they don’t understand.

Those fuckers who think if they understood what A*, Dijkstra, graph algorithm is they’re smarter then others.

No you fuckers you’re dumb as fuck cause instead of explaining it to someone you just blame people for not knowing “obvious shit”.

All those fucking ignorants I am fucking writing about you.
You either start support each other or fuck you people.

Not letting Google (overtly) use your data has its drawbacks.

For example, lately I've been getting senior dating ads in my Gmail app.

I mean really, Google, I know you know I'm 30 and married; who's kidding who?

My favorite thing is my nerf gun. In my office different teams are organized in different pods. You never know when a war will break out between the teams, you need to be able to defend yourself! Also not bad for getting someone's attention who has headphones on...

Decided to go through my LinkedIn connections and disconnect from people I don’t know who don’t go to the same coding academy (we’re a pretty tight-knit bunch).

Went from 905 connections to 276.

Husband: “Please tell me you kept recruiters.”

“.... oops?”

When you're in the middle of a spree and you haven't saved in the past half hour. Then this blue beauty appears. 🙃

We all know who the winner of week 27 is...

FUCK

Have you ever worked with people that constantly asks you what to do? People who are in the same spot as you, I mean.

- Hey, you should start debugging this while I finish this menu
+ So what's failing?
- I don't know man, but there's a bug
+ But where?
- You should look for it, I'm trying to link this to the controller
+ How can you not know?
- Do you know?
+ Where should I look for it? Here?
- ...
(One crappy solution after) + Here it is, I'm moving to something else
- ...

When your colleagues knows who you are on DevRant, but you don't know who they are.

I signed up to devRant with the same handle I use everywhere (firstName+lastName).toLowerCase() and now I feel like I can't really rant here, cause you never know who might read it...

I can forgive some weirdness in generated html, but it is when generated html is combined with some plugins, and then a starting html dev who doesn't know what he's doing sprinkles some extras on top that you get frankenstein creatures like this.

YouTube, why the fuck do you put ads at the end of the video? Who's gonna watch those?! I'm not a marketer but I do know that people watch ads in expectation of something better. Who.. who the fuck thought this would be a good idea?! Fire that certified piece of shit marketing cunt already! What the fuck is even wrong with you nowadays Google?! Pinnacle of tech company my ass.

Had a meeting with a web development firm with 10+ developers on staff to discuss ways we could help them improve efficiency and they said "we don't have anyone who knows SQL or databases"...

How do you even find 10 developers who "don't know databases"?

Who invented the open space office layout? If you're as unlucky as me, you end up sitting next to the protein junkie who pops open a tin of tuna mixed with some other shit that's there just because it smells horrible almost hourly, or you end up next to the PM whose desk is gossip central and by the end of the day you know "Sheila" is sleeping with her brother in law, and "Steve" has a tiny weiner.

I'm a junior ASP.NET programmer who just graduated and currently undergoing a trainee program bootcamp by my company. Got any Visual Studio tips or extensions I should use? (I know some of you hate vs but still)

I don't know who this "you" guy is on all of these git blames, but he's a real asshole for writing all of these bugs.

Hello Google, I know you're watching.
There's still room for improvements in your search algorithm.
Sincerely, you know who I am.

So two mini rants rolled up into one

1) programmers who can code in 8292 languages but don’t know shit about the business side and think they know better than the business folks when it comes to big picture decisions, please go fuck yourself.

2) People who respond to “Gotta set up a few machines for non tech folks” with “Oh you should try Linux, it’s so user friendly”. You need to go fuck yourself. You have no idea what you’re talking about and probably lack empathy too you rotten squid smelling cumsock.

Will people who know nothing about IT stop pretending they know better than you

[ctrl] + [alt] + [→]
[ctrl] + [alt] + [←]

Using Linux desktops exclusively for a decade or so. Being used to this shortcut as I use it at least a few times every minute. To those who don't know - this shortcut typically switches you to the virtual desktop (workspace) on the left/right.

Then you are assigned to help some folks who only have Windows desktops.
....

My desktop spent more time rotating to the left and to the right than standing still. I wonder what were these devs who saw my screen break-dancing all day long thinking...

As a person who takes a lot of tech interviews everyday, here are a few thoughts

1. You DON’T need to know everything, it’s okay to say you don’t know things. Trust me, we know when you’re lying

2. Rule of thumb, the more the number of questions, the more we like you

3. We don’t mind you saying what you’re thinking when we ask a logical question. It might help us understand your approach to the problem and guide you.

4. Don’t google during telephonic interview, your stutter tells us the truth

Depends on who you ask. Here's a list:
• Computer addict
• "Hey can you add a feature to this device you don't know anything about and its Android app too?"
• Someone who writes software, duh

FFS GOOGLE, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT A PERSON WHO WANTS TO LEARN MASCHINE LEARNING, DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO CALCULATE THE DISTANCE BETWEEN 2 POINTS???

Have any JabbaScripters ever heard of backwards compatibility?

Nope. Because all the shit on NPM is written by 15-year olds who don't know how to code properly, not to say maintain their packages.

Fuck you.

To all the people who don't know how to yield when merging on the highway...
To all the people who ride my ass when I am trying to pass a slower moving vehicles...
To all the people who try to pass on the right when I am trying to move back into the right lane so I don't break other peoples windshields with rocks by providing enough space...
To all the people who tailgate, then pass me almost causing a head-on, then 200ft later slow down and make me wait for you to turn...

FUCK YOU!

FUCK DJANGO CSRF FRAMEWORK.
THE PERSON THAT BROKE csrf_exempt DECORATOR SHOULD BE PUNISHED BY YEARS OF HARD WORK IN BITCOIN MINE. I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT FUCK YOU AND ALL YOUR CODE, I WISH YOU SLOW AND PAINFUL DEBUGGING OF LEGACY, UNDOCUMENTED, PRE-JQUERY IE-FUCKING-6 CODE YOU FUCKITY FUCK!!!

Non-technical manager who been managing my team for years: "hey can you take a look at this log?"

*log is all PHP*

Us: "we're iOS devs, none of us know PHP"

Manager: "well why not?"

HOW DO YOU GET PAID MORE THAN US

Hr Interviewer: So I see you have worked for over 6 years, mostly with Php.. which one do you know? 5.4 or 7?

Me:
*facepalm*
"both"
*that should impress her*

Those are the people who suppose to find me a job? 😓 I'm screwed

*working in android with manager who doesn't know android*

Me:"we need to establish different intents for x and y to get the job done"

Manager:"i dont need you deciding what I intend to do"

.... thats not what I meant by intent

Those who are thinking, surface studio is over priced. Go and try comparing the cost of 4k touch screen cost, you will get to know.

How do you get tons of stars on Github in two steps?

1. Make a website for noob devs who cant tell the difference between a div and span.
2. Guide them to sign up on Github and ask them to give your repo a star as part of the process (dont forget visual guides)

Voila!
Now you get shitload of stars from people who dont even know what the fuck github does.

Work so hard until your coworkers know you as the guy who had a nervous breakdown.

Wait a minute... something doesn't feel right around here, There's a certain someone missing from my devRant life again.

Enjoy your social leave.

Gotta love it when you turn down a recruiter and they ask you if you know any friends who might be interested.

"Potentially, what's my commission if I do your job for you?!"

🤨

You know what kind of devs I hate?
- The "Oh I never worked with it so its shit"
- The "I dont wanna learn something new"
- The "You can use JavaScript for this and everything else"
- The Pro ++ Ultra Dev who never heard of modulization and layering
- The hard coded values guy

We literally have Ph.D's here who dont know how to use a Linux CLI... I'm baffled as to how you get into the security industry without understanding actual security. The only thing your Ph.D. counts for is understanding the rules that allow you to ball-bust people into paying your salary.

Never thought I'd become one of those people who get really annoyed when my code works first time. I know I've made a mistake... why can't you be obvious!

Blogger, Introduced his girlfriend to his family

Parents: Who is she ?

Guy : 8 things you should know about this lucky girl!!😂😂😂

"How much of a dev are you, if you use other peoples work and just glue it together?" I once asked a friend who really loves npm and everything.

I know about code reuse and maintainability and all that but geez we had a long discussion..😅

That guy who thinks he know exactly what I'm doing better than me... Oh, you meant a different type of tool.

If you have ever used a union in a C/C++ Program let me know. I am really curious to see who in their right minds use unions unironically.

Stages of being a self-taught developer.
first: you think you have taught yourself enough to apply for a job.

second: A Company actually believes you. Evidence? They hire you.

Third: You realize you don't know anything.Evidence?
Me in my head
I thought I was good at this. I don't know anything. I should probably switch back to nutrition(my previous job).Why am I struggling with this? Who even struggles this much with APIs??

I don't understand people who write "Fu*k" instead of "Fuck", dude everyone know what's that means anyway and you definitely not going to become a Honorable man or you will go to heaven by doing this. Seriously.

what an absolute condescending garbage post...

"brilliant coder who can't meet a deadline"? well, you're the idiot right there, you just admitted it - they are brilliant and you don't know how to set deadlines

imagine labeling someone who can't meet a workload DIFFICULT! god this is making me fucking fume

"normal management" - yeah this is normal management alright, treating everyone like they don't know what they are doing and expecting them to follow you blindly, sounds pretty normal to me

it's shit like this that leads to cocky ass young dumb managers who actually don't know shit about building a product themselves, but then turn around and think they instead have the ability to manage a team to do it... incredible

I'm sure more than 50% of the Devs who claim to hate PHP either don't use it, or only claim to hate it because, well, you know... it's the Dev way.

Am I the only one who would like to sign every project like "guiltily developed on a Mac"?

You know? Usually people say put stuff like "Proudly developed through wordpress or similar"

When people says you are good in programming they mean you will clear the exam easily.
But they don't know there is a art of writing code.
And if you stuck in the code then there is a art of debugging the code.

Who knows the both is a good programmer.

One of our politicians at the late-night-show

Q: who wrote La Traviata? Giuseppe or Verdi?
A: ummm.. Ammm.. Well.. *confused af*

Q: so do you know it or not?
A: I know it! I know. I know but I won't tell you. *in all the seriousness*

[true story]

somehow reminds me of IT guys who pretend to know everything just to look cool :)

Oh dear people,

Congrats for going nuts @-red -style!
You have hit the cap! @Cup0coffee!

At first I thought I didn't know what to say, but here have a modified citation:
"Friendship is _C_are.
Do you know what I'm saying to you?
Friendship is rare." [2001 - by guess who]

Merry Christmas you glorious bastards. It has been a quick minute since I have been in this community and I want to say: Ai appreciate you guys, the ones closer to me(you know who you are) I deeply appreciate you. Have a wonderful day guys!

I know everyone of us got cool desk setup 🙌🏼 Why don't you share it with tag "mydesk" and lets see who got coolest one 😎

"I know this guy who works in the service centre where they fix ATMs. He reckons if you could create a hacked copy of the OS, he could install it on a machine, then we can go and withdraw unlimited money from it!"

People who assign vague tasks to you, without any context or anything remotely resembling a brief, for a project you know almost nothing about. And then expect you to be able to magically work out what they're actually wanting. Whilst demanding ridiculous turnaround times. I mean, are you fucking serious?

Ask questions!
Know people who can help you understand!

Don't you love when clients who don't know shit about your system tell you that they have you a solution to your bug.

I am not good with kids. I know I know. Last week or so, my managers kid thought it would be a good idea to hijack my meeting. I was sharing my screen and on full blown explanation mode, only to realise after my explanation, it was the kid who was looking at my face and not the boss man.
God I panicked. I was like 'Who the hell are you?'
--------*INSERT AWKWARD SILENCE HERE *---------

Found this on prod

Don't know who did this but wwhhhyyyy do you need to add foreach loop😅

Just add directly

Just let people who already know the things you are teaching miss the class entirely. Give them some test at the end, this is okay but do not force them to suffer the endless hours of something they are already good at just because you want them to attend.

A programmer is a person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have in a way you don't understand.

I'm a programmer who is still learning, and I've been having some nasty impostor syndrome lately. How do you deal with it? And does anyone know some websites with good programming tests/quizzes? I want to see how much I know.

(also first rant yay)

moterfucking google stop wasting my time with your endless captcha bullshit.

You know exactly my fucking home IP, I don't have time to select your fucking bicycles, hydrants and buses.

And all you motherfuckers who use google captcha go fuck yourself because you are dumb as fuck

Why the f*** do people add their BD on LinkedIn??? Who wants to know when a f**** recruiter gets another year older??? If I am close to you I will know or have you on FB.... WTF, who anyway had the idea that would be a good feature to add???

Hey guys, some of you might know this but for those who do not, there is an april fools HTTP error code which is 418, it's description is 'I\'m a teapot' #TheMoreYouKnow

(felt the need to escape sorry not sorry)

What is the definition of an engineer?

Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

!rant

To those of you who don't know about this, if you have a Microsoft account, you can sign up for Visual Studio Dev Essentials with it. Doing that gives you 3 months free access to Pluralsights, which is a really nice website to learn new stuff. Do check it out.

Happy dushera to everyone

Love the way you lie ft rihanna
Eminem

PS: for those who don't know, it is a hindu festival and the efigee is of ravana

seconds into 2019

I see one incompetent fucker asking to eval in Node.js..
A FUCKING FETCH OF A NPM MODULES IN CDNJS

you know what's the reason?

node_modules

Fucking kill me unless you're some dumb bitch who uses npm modules like some braindead motherfucker who doesn't know what a number is, node_modules takes only an average of 3.6MB

Compared to RubyGems who takes 40+
Or Pip

Seriously stop this. I wanna hang myself because my 2019 put me in a shit mood

These guys who only know Python and fuck you up, because you are used to write "true" instead of "True", or "else if" instead of "elif". Finally they laugh about you, because you are not able to "remember this simple syntax"!!!

Who is the smartest person you know personally, and why?

These are the programmers who I had encountered and detest intensely:

1. Programmers who addicted to take other programmers' failure as an achievement.

2. Programmers who are overly arrogant. (Hey just because you know something , that don't make you a God)

3. Programmers who stealing my code without crediting me, and yet he got paid.

4. Programmers who discourage new developers.

5. Programmers who can't take criticism (Once I told a dev that his code is not clean as he decided to name the variable like __fuckingFuckingFuckningVar = "Fuck"; , he yelled at me that i am a MF. Which it's completely childish in my opinion, as a software engineer, I think programme a clean code for easy maintain and understandable for others, it is a responsibility.)

6. Programmers who compare me with others.

7. Programmers who are not friendly. (Don't be like Stackoverflow).

You see business majors who don't know each other and are all talking to each other, but then you see computer science majors ...

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for bugs like you. If you let my program go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will debug you.

You know your company is in shit when the only products that their customers are using are all written by people who has since left the company.

I guess the first ones to leave are the best developers.

To the kid at Google who thought (s)he is a smart ass:

Fuck You! I know what I am doing.

PM on the phone with a client: "Your email is down? Who hosts it? You know, it would be a company like MailChimp."

- Did you know Google is who manages Android.
- It's a simple fact.
- so you know Visual Studio is not designed for Android? Then why it's easier to build a hello world app in visual studio but Android studio which Google build it?
- O_o

Fuck you Crapple.

I have to reset my password again just because I cant remember that one security question.

How the fuck am I supposed to know who my favourite primary school teacher is?

I think it is so sad you can't use your devRant icon on other sites. I know you could download them but the whole point is anonymous ranting so if someone know your picture they know who you are. I love the devRant icons <3

So... I finally decided to secure my VPS, so I started with sudo less /var/log/auth.log ...
Short story, not even gonna read every line, just gonna reset my VPS lol

You know what really grinds my gears?

Executive bathrooms. They get gold and marble and all kinds of fancy shit and the rest of us get a linoleum shit box. Who do they think they are? Are they too good to shit and piss with their developers. You know...the people who make the shit that makes them money?

Executives are just overpaid suits who do next to nothing while the rest of us carry their fat asses across the finish line and they are too good to take a shit with us common folk.

One of my favorite old jokes:
If you wish to know who rules you, seek those whom you're not allowed to criticize… We should rise up against children with leukemia!

So hanging out with my in-laws tonight. It apparently is super bowl Sunday. I don't know a damn thing about football and could care less about it.

Them: who do you think is going to win?
Me: I guess the better team?

Them: yes but who are you rooting for?
Me: don't know who's playing?

Ahhhhhhhggg I can't stand sports people.

And there they are yelling at a TV like someone on the other side will actually hear them.

Does anyone else have a similar situation?

How do you deal with a boss who doesn't know code at all and he expects you to code for him??? How can I explain to him anything because even a single word like git confuses him... :/

You know who is pathetic? People who turn off comments after they get negative feedback on something they posted

Developers should learn and teach others constantly to grow not only as a developer but as a person. You never know who will provides you with the next big opportunity.

Every person who shares the know-how with you.

!rant

You know SO is the best source of info when you google a question, find a thread, find the answer that solves your problem perfectly, see that the person who answered is your next table colleague

I hate it when people say to you "your website isn't working!" During school.

Yes I know that I'm the one who made it not work.

*At the Maker Faire in Milwaukee; I’m looking at a computer with a friend that his brother built*

Old Guy: This is pretty cool! You guys should start a YouTube channel. Look, you even have a pretty girl who can show it off!
Friend: *looks at me awkwardly* Or you can, you know, be a programmer too...

😑😑😑

The worst thing about building an "accessible" app is that you might just have 4 users out of the million who need it.

Either they don't know it exists or it needs to be modified for every user!

Let me tell all of you who don't like big frameworks..
The nice thing about them is that they minimize the amount of SHIT CODE all of you who think you know how to code, but actually don't, write..
And minimizes the amount of headache for the devs who need to then maintain/fix/change your SHIT CODE.

yes...lets put routes 10 dirs deep into the project and let ppl look for it..

I want to replace Windows with Linux on a very old Notebook. It‘s for my father who uses it only for web browsing and Skype.
Can you recommend me a distro?
I think Ubuntu should be fine but I don‘t know.

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live... because if I don't know now, I will find it out.

when you have a friend who doesn't know why she's studying computer science, and has lesser knowledge and passion in programming than you... Receives help from you and get a distinction while you get an A...

y'know it's nice to know that no matter what happens, some things in life never change. even if you want them to.

like no matter who you are, or what you're doing, SELinux will always be there to ruin your life....

I got my job by applying on Indeed. I know! Crazy, right? You apply for it and you get it. Pretty much never happens with these job sites because of crappy recruiters and clueless HR drones who tend to post and forget. I must’ve hit the luck lottery that day.

fuck coworkers who will still disturbed you even you have your earphones on, just to debate you if you know the difference between a class and an object.

(also talks confidently and loud enough to attract other officemates attention.)

Turns out that this same asshole doesn't know what he is talking about. Then you proved him wrong , and in the end he will just copy what you are saying. In other words all the time wasted for nothing! fck

fuck these kind of people. my productivity suffers, also they look like fools.

fuck these assholes who are very specific in technical names and jargons but dont know how to use it. fuck you all arrogant asshole dipshit mdfckrr feeling superior and annoying

sorry peeps argghh

can someone give me a hug

!RANT
We all have that one colleague who asks for help with his code and when you try and talk about it, he acts like he's got everything figured out.

These guys are so frustrating,if you know it already why'd you call me in the middle of the night to fix an important bug.

Who doesn't know the moment of absolute heartattack when you accidentally press/drag something or press some weird hotkey combination and something on screen flashes, disappears, groups your code, opens some random file, starts your email client or just simply closes what you were working on without any confirmation window

Scrum is such bullshit. You are made to report to idiot product owners who were promoted from customer service reps.(that is who they were in my previous job). A few years answering phones and all of a sudden programmers are made to report to them who don't know jack about coding...Made to work in high pressure projects by setting 2 week deadlines. Then when there are bugs in code, you are penalized for bad code.

Just out of curiosity, will anyone be at VEX Worlds in Louisville, Kentucky?

For those of you who don't know, it's a robotics competition.

Currently​ waiting for my sponsor and rest of the team to get through TSA. (precheck is fun)

*not a rant*

For the fans: Mr. Robot s02e04 came out today! Have fun watching.

For who doesn't know Mr. Robot; it's an amazing show and you should probably watch it.

If you are a dream stealing cunt then kindly fuck off. I don't know you, I don't want to know you. Climb into whatever hole you came out of and just eat shit.

Nothing in this life raises my ire more than people who hate on others daring to dream. The haters don't add to society and are just stealing air.

You know you're a developer when the only secret society you want to join are those who don't get auto down-voted for a Stack Overflow question.

If you don't know if my card is already activated... then who does?

I feel like being a doctor is like being a contract dev. You're thrown into a bad situation, you know the stack but you don't know the project history, best practices aren't followed, and the only dev is also the primary stakeholder who learned everything he knows from w3schools.

Do you know how to spoil my weekend? Interview me on Friday afternoon for my dream position and tell me that "you'll let me know Monday latest".

Guess who couldn't mentally switch off over the weekend?

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who? I didn't know you could yodel!

always free your pointers people.
what's worse is when you preach that to people and end up being the one who leaves dangling pointers everywhere

woop memory overflowed
woop woop system crashes and you dont know why
woop woop woop sometimes it doesnt crash and you dont know why

I have absolutely no respect for developers who can't properly touch-type.

You don't see many cooks who don't know how to handle a knife, do you?

This is really sucks 😠😠😡 and you know you cant extend your f......ing storage cause they decide who want more storage.

Who the fuck are you? You motherfucker! You don't know shit about how even a get request is sent and you go on teaching me stuff. Fuck you!

What do you guys think about people who call themselves programmers after learning few technologies from Onlinecourse’s . I don’t want to call someone programmer who doesn’t know very important and useful concepts called data structures and algorithms.

You work in a phone shop.

How would you, as a developer, in your own words describe the "like" function from Facebook to elderly people who ask you what it means - and don't know shit about computers?

If people would change their name in real life like here on devRant I would be maximally irritated!!

You know what really boils my piss?
Clients who email in all caps.
"URGENT HELP, CAN'T RECEIVE EMAILS"
Followed by two lines of bitching about how this keeps happening and they'll move elsewhere if it's not fixed asap at 11pm.
WELL GUESS WHAT?
YOU MOVED YOUR EMAILS AWAY ALREADY!

Thought to let you folks know who doesn't know about `pnpm`.
• no duplication of libraries. Second time the libs will be symlinked
• you can alias a library and it's separate versions.
• blazing fast.
• almost feels like python's package manager.

In my experience, any BE dev or old architect/lead programmer that says they “can do frontend” does shit like writing Ajax calls in script tags directly in the html. They are the ones who add style attributes directly in html. They are the ones who google how to center a div and they still use float positioning because all of them are old, arrogant BE devs who get caught in a single framework who convince themselves they are an expert. They can’t give any good UX advice. They don’t know how to use a screen reader. They don’t know what WCAG means. They don’t constantly keep up to date on what browsers are supporting and what’s being released in the unstable versions. They don’t know what a web component is. They don’t know what a closure is. They don’t know anything about optimizing web perf metrics. They couldn’t tell you what web crawlers look for. They couldn’t tell you anything about design principles and anti-patterns. They don’t know how to manage a web application that will be seen by millions AND keep it nice, shiny, and refactorable on the code side. What do they really fucking know? how to write an MVC app? How to connect APIs and integrate code that other people wrote? I do full stack all day and writing anything not-client-facing is super easy.

Take that stick out of your ass and get over yourself you asshole. You haven’t written anything close to amazing even though you constantly act like you’re a god-tier programmer and your shit doesn’t stink.

Hit the books like the rest of us you fuck.

The Frontend is anything but fucking easy.

Incredible that these companies with literally no product, and barely a website (if any) come around offering 100K+ jobs

They have funding out of their ass but literally NO real-world value... it's amazing to me.

Guess it really is not what you can do but who you know.

when the job requirement says AngularJS or ReactJS but interviewer wants you to provide solution using ReactJS which you have never worked in.

I do not know who you are but I will find you and I will kill you!!!

It's me. I'm a green dot again. Starting with a clean slate. No weird phrases anymore that causes me to keep my connections to the account hidden.

I want to make the content on molodetz professional so I can use it as reference for future employers and that means the name retoor will be associated with me.

I stop using github under my own name. I realized that I can use my alias both for professional usage and the content here at the same time. With my real name I prefer not to.

Have you ever had a boss or team leader who didn't know how to program?

I know this guy who isn't really famous, but he was the one who got me onto the programming track. He was in the initial group of Neo4j, before it was released publicly if I recall correctly. Now he's moved on to found and grow Mapillary. Having one of those people near you can really get you inspired, so even though he isn't directly famous I'd still call him my favorite programmer.

I don't know what is worse. SAP hybris backoffice or its "promotion module". Fuck, that piece of shit is an overengineerd bastard - full of bugs and slow as hell.

I hope you guys who created this monster burn in hell for you atrocitiy!

When your friend (who doesn't know how to code) asks you to make them something for an assignment (not cs related) and they say your code is wrong 😒

Who says that no one is still waiting for traditional mails? ;) Thanks from Italy @dfox ! I don't know how many devs from my country are here but you are more than welcome to come! :D

Nothing feels better than seeing yourself doing better as a self taught web developer compare to some jsackass with a CS degree who talks about what he learnt in school couple years ago. Who cares? You can't do shit at work and I don't even know why you work here if you have no desire to learn new things. If he graduated in late 90s he would still be coding in PHP 3.0.

You know what's bullshit? Clients who take all their time to reply something, to the point where you even forget you tried to reach them in the first place and expect for you to answer/fix something right in the second. Fuck them.

Customer has design review for big project I’m working on, have to sit with someone who isn’t a developer and explain my code.

Cunts, cunts, cunts.

If you don’t understand or know about code maybe you shouldn’t be a code reviewer.

Dev! How the fuck do you cope with ignorant clients who thinks they know about software development but cants differentiate between a domain and a server!!

When you have a client who resorts to mailing you CD-Rs with all their images for the project as uncompressed TIFFs because all they know is that their e-mail system screams for mercy when they try to send 3.8GB of images in one message...

You know those mice that go "clunk clunk clunk clunk" when you scroll?

Can you really trust someone who makes a decision to use something like that?

grrrrrr developers that think their math is superior because they think it is superior. im so sick of devs who cannot second guess themselves until proved otherwise. you might be wrong you know.....

I still don't know how to cope with bosses who think you haven't done shit because they don't see an interactable UI yet.

Am I the only person who didn't know you could set java script as bookmarks to run functions on select tabs my life is so much easier now will be even easier when I master java script

Who are you going to hire in web dev position?
1. Algorithm master but new to web development.
2. Full fledged with cutting edge web dev technologies but don’t know much about algorithms

Pluralsight said I'm in the 85th percentile of people who know JavaScript and therefore I'm an ”Expert"

So now I walk around like, "bro do you even know how to pass a callback?" 😏

No matter who you are and if i know you, seeing you having nerd stickers on your laptop, especially Linux ones, makes you my buddy.

that time when you pass a cv of your friend who is as qualified as you were good 2 yrs ago to your boss and next thing you know he is being offered a much better position than you have

!dev

I was at a family event, and you know that one aunt who won't stop talking and asking you questions? Yeah she was basically harassing me, and since family and all I can't really ignore her even though I really want to.

In comes my 3 year old niece, who just walks towards us like a badass, pats that aunt's leg and goes "no one likes to talk to you!"

I need my niece as my personal bodyguard and human filter.

I’m a “programmer” who doesn’t program. Whose idea was this shit?? Hmu if you know. I’ll wait.

Developers who insist on naming all variables in a program after characters from Twilight. Ugh. You know who you are... 🙄🔫

People who dismiss functional programming: **** you. Let them get phased out slowly and in a rot.

People who like functional programming but stuck at their current jobs: Let's build companies, competitor projects, pave the way for the future. Because we just know how good it is. :D

Lot of people asking my real Identity 🙄 Let's see who can figure out my real name. There are couple exceptions who already know me. So please don't comment if you already know. 😅

I've been here for years.
You already know me well.
I've seen everything.

If you know who I am,
don't mention it aloud.

Hello, World.

You know what I just love? That co-worker who constantly cracks his knuckles. I wonder what sound it would make if someone made his fingers bend just a little more.

So the guy who sits next to me in my class uses white theme for his IDE.

Me: So, you use white theme.
Him: Yea, I like it. So much better than darker ones. Don't know why people like it. Does it bothers you too?
Me: Pfft, no!
Me inside:

The men who invented the Internet are 80 and 85 years old now. If you see them walk down the street, you'll think they're just some old dudes who don't know how to use Internet.

#VintCerf #BobKahn

The awesome feeling when you realize that you know better the websites you're working on for 6 months than the developers who have been around for more than a year

Said to me one time by someone I worked with who wasn't a dev over the course of a 5min talk

I don't know what you do
...
We can't have this project fail
...
It should only take 3 months but we gave you 6