A group of programmers and marketers were traveling to a trade show on a train. Each of the marketers had bought a ticket, but the programmers had only bought one ticket for the lot of them.

One of the programmers was keeping a lookout, and when the conductor neared their car he called out "The conductor's coming!" and all of the programmers piled into the train's lavatory and closed the door. The conductor took the tickets of all of the marketers, and then knocked on the lavatory door and called "Ticket please." The programmers slid their ticket under the door, and the conductor took it and left.

The programmers were laughing at the marketers for the rest of the trip, and the marketers felt like idiots.

On the way back, the marketers decided they would use the same trick and only bought one ticket for them. But this time, the programmers didn't buy a single ticket! Again, one of the programmers kept a lookout for the conductor. When he called "Conductor coming!" all of the programmers piled into one lavatory, and all of the marketers shut themselves into another lavatory.

One programmer came back out of his lavatory, knocked on the other door, and said "Ticket please!"

Found this gem in a popular online tutorial.

Time spent on Web Development :

1% : {
actual productive content and features
}

99% : {
Please. All I want is for this div to vertically align in this other one. Is that too much to ask?
}

Attended my first 24h+ hackathon at @cyanide's college.
Our team got a special mention for being the best all women team.
Wait.
There was just one all women team.
Fucking!
Embarassing!
Seriously!

Manager: Hurry up and login, I don’t have all day

Dev: One sec I have to lookup my password for the system

Manager: How can you not remember your password? Everything requires it these days

Dev: I use a different password for each service.

Manager: Wow you really like to overcomplicate things. Just use the same one for everything like I do, it’s way more efficient!

Dev: …

Heard a new one from the client today.
Said with a straight face, "You guys write your HTML in all caps, right? It's better for SEO."

Today I turn 25!

All I want for my birthday is a stressball.

If the guy who just turned 30 can get one :) ...

~ shameless request ~

Ahhhhhhhhhhh I live for that moment when after debugging, you can finally close all those tabs one by one until the only one left is devrant.io 😎

Forgot the password of the private key used to login to all my vpn servers.

Now I’ve got to generate a new one and deploy it everywhere again through this shitty control panel for every server fucking manually.

🤬

Twitter: We use your tweets to analyze your preferences and target ads for you..

Facebook & Whatsapp: We monitor your posts, locations, private chats and target ads for you..

Google: We spy your mails, sms, location, pretty much all your activity and tailor ads for you..

All of them combined: No one can beat us in breaching privacy and bombarding you with ads..

Amazon: Hold my beer 🍺

I was once at a hackathon and got into a team with some people out of the same company. They brought all of their fancy tools with them, which no one understood except for them.
They ended up doing all of the back-end and I designed a f***** logo, some slides and bored myself to death for the remaining 18 hours or so.

I just fell in love with PCBs and all kinds of circuit boards for one sole reason.

I commit all my code for the day as one commit 😱

We all have that one "friend" that has an idea for the "next great" Facebook or Snapchat, but different...

FUCK OFF AND SHOVE THAT IDEA WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE!

Made this one for all the Indian ranters here

When your professor tries to tell you no one uses git in industry and you feel bad for all the other students who believe him. Side note: he is convinced everyone uses subversion.

Recently found so many 299++ and I gave them all the last one for the stress ball. Enjoy it fellas

Wait so I'm not allowed Spotify but it's alright for a manager to stream movies?

Don't give that we're not licensed to play music pretty sure we're not a licensed cinema either.

Either it's one rule for all or none at all enjoy your productivity dip from the dev team.

This one, is for all you haters out there tonight!
.
.
.
.

Cause I'm PHP, I'm dynamite
PHP and I'll win the fight
PHP. I'm a power load
PHP, watch me explode()
I'm dirty, mean and mighty unclean
I'm a wanted code
Public enemy number one
Understand

In my programming lab, lecturer just scolded me for using stack overflow calling it useless and saying it has all the wrong information. Class I was so excited about just turned out to be the annoying one.

“No we don’t use the time zone info you send on each request. We get all the drivers for the store ID, choose one of them randomly and take their time zone. We have been assuming it will always be the same for all drivers for each store.”

This is my new favorite response to a Jira ticket in this company.

I may have to print it out and hang it on my desk

I wonder how the secret service comes up with all these cool names for secret operations they do when i am sitting here thinking what to name one variable for last 30mins. I should probably hire someone from there as a variable namer dev..

One year of devRant for me. 🎂🥂🍾
Thank you all for the journey, it's been amazing. 🙂

Should build something for the society

For the underdogs, the misfits, the voiceless

One app to solve it all

*Goes to sleep*

Bought six mini NAT vps's for quite cheap for one year and now deploying them all into VPN servers.

This is very fun 😊

What's your favorite shell alias that you made for yourself?

I use this one all the time:

squash () {
git rebase -i HEAD~${1}
}

Runner up though is `git-fuckit` which resets everything to origin/master.

Just saw a commercial from Papa John's advertising something for $7.77. At one point the commercial just blasted 777 all over the screen.

All I could think was chmod 777... *shudders*

For one month all developers should go on strike. Let's bring this world to its knees!

This startup I started working for with their shitty code base written by interns, restrictive sys admin who had no actual use in the company since I was the one setting up their servers, know-it-all CEO, stupid HR representative who used to grill employees for being 10 minutes late in the morning, very small apartment "HQ", using fingerprints to signal our entry and our leave to and from the office, no formal process, and, to top it all, monitoring our own laptops which we use for work with a software that takes screenshots every few minutes. In short, it had the worst in corporates with the worst of startups combined in one company.

If, hypothetically, we could overlook all this, I couldn't overlook the horrible smell this place had. The apartment was overlooking a small garden which was a home for many stray cats and dogs. You can imagine how horrible this smell was. The weird thing was that no one there seemed to really care about the smell!!

I lasted there for only one week before I gave my resignation and I believe I had every right to do so.

1. That my code would compile.

2. See #1.

3. See #1.

The girl I'm talking to said her brother was giving her one of those talks about how all boys are gross and want sex. I told her that the one thing I want is for my code to fucking compile

I was just browsing for freelancing jobs, found a NodeJs one that didn't sound like crap.

> Plz download attached project description

Ok *download and open PDF*

>Comic sans all over the place with blue and purple font color

NOPE!

Arts and crafts: developer version.

Context: spent all day making an ER diagram from an awful SQL query I was handed. Got sick of asking for it from the contractor who made the DB.

Yes, that's one query.

Best advice for dev job hunting is work on your soft skills. Don't be a fucking hero, prove your teamwork ability.

Remember all the rules of all religions and social communities can be summed up in one line: "Don't be a dick!"

I should have gone to bed like one hour and a half ago but I am here browsing devRant and in 4 hours I have to wake up... Thank you all for wasting my sleep! I will never forgive you!

If you haven't seen silicon valley... Do... For the love of God do.

And if you don't like it one... We will never get on, it's god damn hilarious ... Constantly

3rd time I've watched them all

It's perfect.

Hello devRant, a question for you.

I'm looking to redisign/setup my server 'infrastructure'.

It'll exist out of:
7 vps's (6+gb ram/500gb+/100mbs up/down per vps)
2 dedicated servers running as virtualization servers. (16gb/4tb/1gbit up/down and another one but let's leave that one out for now because it's gonna take a shit ton of time to solve that clusterfuck)

One server will function as an entry point for all websites I run, multiple database servers and multiple backup ones.

Any advices/tips/ideas?

Just a very serious hobby thing :)

We have 1 guy managing everything. He develop our CMS, customers email client, manage our network, servers, domains (our own domain servers), billing system, SSL certificates... In short: everything (as well as bugs). The entire company relies on 1 guy, pretty much.
Brings the phrase "all for one, and one for all" to a whole new meaning.

Got a course on Udemy for fun (work provides the account). Inside of the comments for a lecture (that I knew was going to leave people stumped) one dude complained that no one was answering his question......in Spanish. All other questions were made in Spanish, in a course thought by some Serbian dude.

Like.....really?

>got 2TB storage upgrade for Xbox One S
>plugs in
>format went well
>queue up ganes to download to external storage
>all is fine
>whoops a game crashed and hanged the console
>force-reboot xbox
>OH MY GOD ALL THE GAMES ARE GONE ALL OUR SAVES ARE GONE EVERYTHING'S GONE
>well at least the saves are all cloud saves
>wait why are they not resyncing
>Turns out you can sync saves upward but not downward if you don't pay for Gold for ALL ACCOUNTS ON THE XBOX, and gold family share doesn't count
>mfw Microsoft is ransoming save backups now

Greetings from Greece! Except for one podcast I left all my dev related stuff at home to enjoy the sun😌
Hope y'all are having a great day!

Tl;Dr: Client-side validated online test

Some stupid questions in an online test.
Not all of them were coding questions, but all (yes ALL) were client-side validated and to solve the tasks all I had to do was to copy one array into another and set the time I needed for that task to a legit number.

Well at least it was an online test that doesn't required 3hours.

A group of programmers and marketers were traveling to a trade show on a train. Each of the marketers had bought a ticket, but the programmers had only bought one ticket for the lot of them.

One of the programmers was keeping a lookout, and when the conductor neared their car he called out "The conductor's coming!" and all of the programmers piled into the train's lavatory and closed the door. The conductor took the tickets of all of the marketers, and then knocked on the lavatory door and called "Ticket please." The programmers slid their ticket under the door, and the conductor took it and left.

The programmers were laughing at the marketers for the rest of the trip, and the marketers felt like idiots.

On the way back, the marketers decided they would use the same trick and only bought one ticket for them. But this time, the programmers didn't buy a single ticket! Again, one of the programmers kept a lookout for the conductor. When he called "Conductor coming!" all of the programmers piled into one lavatory, and all of the marketers shut themselves into another lavatory.

One programmer came back out of his lavatory, knocked on the other door, and said "Ticket please!"

We were in a college group. Five people. Making project in PHP. Some forced us to use cakePHP framework than left. One guy decided to not participate and decited to do it next year. One guy didn't know PHP at all. The two of us have to do all the work for five people.

On the presentation day we have ten minutes to do it. Guy without PHP knowledge forget password for our app, make three wrong guesses and locked us out of our app for five minutes.

Whilst I was browsing the university website I came across a directory that allowed directory listings. Amongst all the .pl files was one named something.pl.old. Rather than interpreting the file the web server returned the raw source, including domain credentials for one of the network admins.

customer: "hey, feature X is broken!"

me: *asks for details

customer, one week later: "feature X contains information about Y, that *must not* be"

me: *looks at code, at git-history, at related tickets

customer, one year ago: "hey, feature X *must* contain information about Y"

me, all the time: :-|

Yeah all these js files for one static page, hardly one or two functions are getting called.

Let junior dev design module.

Make code review.

What junior dev says: "It is a totally flexible concept!"

What junior dev means: "It is extremely shitty to use for the one use case it was meant to do, but it will be equally shitty to use for all the use cases we will never have."

Back to square one.

When I was 20, I coded for 24 hours straight, even ate at the computer, as a dare to finish all the tasks in one go. I was successful.
Now I'm 25 and I have no time for such stuff. Kinda miss that

Working for a company that does PC repair I see allot of computers. But this one model of Dell seems like it will never stop haunting my dreams. Windows XP and all

Every time I got a mandatory security question, I type in "go fuck yourself with a cactus". There's only one answer for all of them.

Accountant: Can we just get one big Excel file with all the transactions instead of separate reports that are filled out specifically for each dorm?

Me: Hell yes you can.

One day I felt sorry for my PM:
He was on the way to present an application to a client.
The PM showed me the mess the app was while asking with sadness how he should present that buggy thing.. he and I were new to the project.
After that day I told myself I would put all of my efforts to develop for excellent quality and change the app road.

This days all he did was pressure the team to develop fast.. all my "quality work" at half. Why I care for this guys? All PMs are the same

Dear enployer, how do you expect me to develop for mobile devices without provding fucking WiFi in the office. All the nice gadgets you have given me, are worthless because you can only plug one thing into it at one time - the lan-dongle Xor the fucking macbook you need for remote debugging. Nice.

!Rant
To all my fellow developers, hackers and programmers. Can't we all come together to agree that... Finally pushing that big update you have been working and struggling on for so long... is one of the most satisfying feelings ever! <3

I hate vodafone with all my heart..

Somehow our internet connection is being "disrupted" every night at 2:30 for one hour. Also occasionally during the day. They seem to be having "technical difficulties" with their cable connection, WHICH IS LITERALLY THE ONLY JOB THAT WE PAY THEM FOR...

Set up a mail server for our office using one of those all-in-one mail server installations. It would keep denying connections every few days, so me, being the inexperienced shit I was, setup a cron job to restart the server at midnight everyday. It worked and still, to this day, it still works.

All corporate apps have that story for me at one moment or another.

Why do job descriptions for ONE developer position, list down ALL the known programming languages, all the web technologies and frameworks available? From java kotlin swift php js jquery node to ionic angular laravel python and what not. Wtf? And this is not one, this is about 70 percent of the job descriptions I see these days!!

Oh the beauty of WYSIWYG etitors...

I don't know which one I'm more amazed of. All that beautiful styling for a simple line break or that incredibly accurate and absolute neccessary line-height value.

I guess it's time for a strip tag massacre.

How useful was my CS Degree?

I don't have one. I went $50k in debt trying to get one, but after shuffling schools and trying to make it work around a full time job...I took a break.

I've been a professional developer for 4+ years and worked in IT for over a decade.

I'm not sure if it's worth going back, but it sucks to have all that debt and nothing tangible to show for it.

Can we all just set aside our differences for one day and agree that Elon Musk DID NOT invent the electric car?

Please, for sanity's sake!

Why is it that no one asks me for anything all day until 3 mins before I'm supposed to leave work?

Fuck insomnia. Fuck it right in its overly alert, not at all tired face. Could I just for one night actually sleep and not wake up 2 hours later? Please?!

!rant

Cursee Station : The Keyboard

Prologue : I found /r/battlestations first and then the famous devdesk campaign came. I have been surviving with two potatoes laptops for years. One potato is big and one is small. Nevertheless both are 🥔. All in all, I made up my mind to own a proper dev desk. (even if not perfect)

And I'm starting with having a good Keyboard.

Requirements:
- mechanical
- minimal
- space saving
- wired
- backlit
- maintainable
- durable
- less than $90

Chosen One:
Drevo Tyrfing V2 Ten-keyless RGB Mechanical Keyboard

I have asked my gf who is temporarily at Japan to buy it from amazon.co.jp for me.

May I hear reviews and feedbacks from anyone who have used it?

Few weeks passed, and I as a freelancer without job all I did was seek for one and couldn't find anything.

Now I'm overwhelmed with all the work and interviews I got in the past weeks xD

Never balanced...
No work at all, or too much work.

Some IT person is walking to the marketing department coffee machine because one on IT is broken.

While waiting for his coffee he yells:
I want a enormous rack!

All the women instantly hide, and one guy say. “You cannot say that here!”

IT guy looks surprised and wondering what he said wrong....

my coolest project is one i am currently working on. its my 12 month old daughter. She challenges me everyday and gives me enough kicking to find the best solutions for all my other projects. every developer should have this muse.

I was talking with some of my co-workers about the rise of all these package managers (and one I came across for Windows), and this thought occurred in my silly head:

I have a dual booted laptop with Windows and Ubuntu, I can not for the live of me choose which one to use all the time. They each have their benefits! What do you think?

I wish the Congress would run all legislation by a team of programmers. Regardless of political leanings one thing is indisputable: We are very keen when it comes to finding bugs in a piece of code -- especially if we didn't write said code!
After all: What is the law if not code for people instead of processors?

A delicious Sprint Planning 😋

It was a hard sprint (SCRUM methodology), but finally we were on our next’s sprint planning meeting. We had a lot of tasks to define and estimate. For the first one, we all estimated the task with 5 points, and for the second one we voted for 3 points. We were coordinated XD so, our boss said “let’s do something, if all of you vote, let’s say, 5, and another votes for a different number, he or she’s gonna buy us a six pack of beer”. Challenge accepted.

Two partners and I have to buy beers for this friday after work 😂 I don’t even mad 😋🍻

Am I the only one who is just gonna sit in front of his computer all night? I feel like everyone else has plans for Halloween.

Majority of the hacking tutorials:

Tutor : Now we are going to set up two virtual machines to practice our hacking.

Me : Yes finally some useful practicals

Tutor : First one is Metasploitable

Me : What? This OS literally has its name derived from exploitable! How would it be useful in real life! But its ok, there is one more OS for practice, i am sure that one will be better.

Tutor : And the second one is "Windows XP"

Me : *MOTHERFUCKER!*

P.S.: I understand its not the case for all tutorial and it is somewhat necessary, but still it gets me a little.

My mom used to yell at me for being on the computer all day, until I showed her a check from one of web design gigs lol

Just got selected for Udacity google scholarship!!!

It's two stage process
Got selected for first one
After 3 months if I did good enough I can be one of very few to get a nano degree program. There are 10000 in first program and only handful of 350 will be selected for nano degree.
Let's fucking get that one 💪
Looking forward to learn everything I can.
It's gonna be awesome year, finally some shit is happening 😬😄
How's your all week going ?

Working at my company for one year with two old 20 inch monitors. My boss asked my what would improve my productivity. I said give me two fucking huge and nice monitors. I got the approval that he ordered for all of us new monitors.

One of the support guys told me the we will get the monitors today. Yeah but that was two weeks ago..

Now all of us are only taking about new monitors.. kinda funny that you can get excited for hardware so easy. Love the IT <3

Back in the days, before apache, I wrote a plugin for all Mac web servers that worked like mod_rewrite.

Had a user base of >20.000 users and one of them was the webmaster of Apple 😎

I am now the only experienced developer and the person responsible for the delivery of a project AFTER WE ARE ONE MONTH PAST THE DEADLINE! All because user wants to replace the old system with new system with all EXACT SAME FUCKING FEATURES!

Oh, there's a "clear"-button for the notifications.

Thank goodness, I thought I'd have to actually *read* all your posts. Phew, close one.

!Rant

So @-ScratchOs just gave me my 1000 +1.
I want to thank you all for being so awesome. I have never felt more welcome than here. Thank you @dfox and @trogus for making this.
No one in my school shares my passion for coding and so it is very nice to meet people with the same hobby here.
Also, why are all the cats you can select for your avatar so chubby?

!rant
Reddit comment on a thread about Joomla! sites being vulnerable to SQL-injections:

"Joomla sites are so infested they became sentient.

Joomla sites needs no webmaster, some one else will administer it for you.

Joomla sites have very good SEO, specially in "v1agra c1alis p3nis size"

Traffic count with Joomla is high, all the bots breaking all the vulnerabilities count for somethin'."

😂 Pure gold.

>Learning programming at university for a couple of years
>Get introduced to lots of IDEs
>After hours of tweaking things one by one finally perfect settings of said IDEs
>Hear about devRant
>Browse devRant
>Whats this Vim thing they all love so much?
>MFW so much wasted time setting up all those IDEs

So my girlfriend just flipped out and sad that her whole Dropbox was totally empty. All of her files studies, her jobs and even her poems and short stories were gone...
Turned out she has 2 accounts.
One for...@gmail and one for...@googlemail

this is actually not my first instance where someone asked me for help regarding an important account where they just didn't check if maybe they used one instead of the other.

I know it's good that they changed it and kept both addresses but some people just get confused by it

!rant

As a programmer I feel that i write instructions for the machine's heartbeat.

Single repetitive pattern to be performed for gazillion number of times.

And all that matters is how that heartbeat goes. As long as this one is fine, the next one should be mostly fine.

What does PFA MOM stand for?

We're an international company, we all use English while working. That's all fine and good.

But there's one project manager that throws in really obscure acronyms that even I, a native English speaker, struggle with.

It's "please find attached minutes of meeting". Is it really that hard to type?

3 time sheets: One for the company I work for, one for the parent company staffing us to clients, one for the client.
All three have to be handed in at different times, have different rules, are on different systems and have to fit hourwise.
A waste of hours per week.
And add an offshore team that checks all 3 to this.
Also once in a while they complain about something in it. (Audits, reviews,etc.) Forward to boss, he has to argue with them.
Waste of so much time.

I work for a media tech company and it's super fun. People around great taste in music and movies.

Meeting rooms are named are bands or movies. One is named as Shire, other as Asgard, and another one is Thanos, and many more.

And here's a special one :D

P.S.: will respond to all the previous posts, comments, and mentions soon.

03:00 am
Just coded for 12 hours.

One feature is blocked,
2 are ready for testing
And a third needs some development but actually has no task in the backlog,so that one is in limbo.

To bed
*drops mic

Tomorrow it will all be done.

Now on most websites I'm not one to want likes, normally I couldn't care.

But on this website, one single thing makes me want lots of likes.
Is it stickers? Nope.
Maybe it's that sweet stress ball? Try again!
Just want all that attention? Not for me.

I just really want my avatar to sit on an exercise ball.

Windows 10 wanted to restart my XPS due to some updates, said will do it during idle hours but I still restarted. Boots back , couldn't. Tried again, same. Removed all USB devices , HDMI monitor, mini display monitor , still no luck. Removed power cable & it starts.

Slowly and carefully added all back one by one. Working for now ...

This is a message to all “yes man” developers:

Yeah… we just got in that the client has new requirements for you to complete by EOD:

1. Go to the gas station
2. Buy two gallons of gasoline
3. Order two 2 ft long dildos online
4. Go to the center of your town
5. Scream “fuck me corporate daddy, I’ll do anything for you” 100 times
6. Shove one dildo into ur ass and one in your mouth
7. Pour gasoline all over yourself
8. Light yourself on fire
9. Contemplate what little self respect you have for yourself and the rest of the world…

Holy Shit! I had no idea legit Windows 10 Pro was available for mere $25 !!

I've been living in a cave all this time. On all other sites, it costs ~ $200

Go play asia if you need one.

I went camping for 10 days. Decided to finally listen to devRant podcast, so I downloaded all episodes to my headphones. Listened to all of them in first day. The only thing I can say is... When the fuck is the next one coming out? That shit is amazing! I can't wait!

Hello all! First post here. I've been a lurker for a long time and have enjoyed all the content.

I start a new gig working remote on Monday (second remote gig) I'm hoping it's better than the last one. How is everyone?

I have my personal motivator @YourNemesis to help me through the days when my self-motivation doesn't work at all.

I usually try and identify the reason for low motivation or no motivation at all, then talk myself through it and remind myself of my goals and what I want for myself. My goals motivate me.

I also have different motivational quotes/one liners up on my room's door and my cupboards door. Attaching an image of one such things that I wrote by myself and looking at it works for me on highly unproductive days. Hope this approach helps to some of you guys too on here.

As a newly graduated student, I searched incredibly hard for a job for 4 months. Now that I've got one, I'm being bombarded by recruiters...

It makes sense and all, but it's still a bit funny

About a month ago told the director we need our own broadband line instead of sharing the crappy one from the shared office building as we rely on internet for all our systems. He said no because we'd have to pay for it and the shared one is free.

Today the shared internet has gone down and all our systems are inaccessible including the phones. I'm just sat here like "told you so", and there is nothing I can do as have no control of it 👍

I was going to be productive today, I promise.

All I got was a headache and nausea.
Cold all the time.

Fucking irritating, when I stand up I want to vomit.

I'm either sick or pregnant. I'm hoping for the second one because that would be the type of excitement I need in my life.

It's a tie between 3 things for me.

1. md5 hashed passwords
2. post variable concatenated into sql with no checks
3. admin login over http

sad thing is that all 3 was one website I redid a few years ago

The new devRant vote info is great! Improvements like this is one reason we all love devRant! Thanks devRant team for implementing this.

The feeling of the one error that you’ve been beating yourself over the head for...

And realize it was all your fault in the first place.

So, our team got a new dart board. Not the magnetic one, the wooden one with sharp darts.
Now, we all are wondering where should we place it, so that it is safe for everyone.

Was looking for an app to see if there was one for free code camp to start learning python. Auto correct suggestion wasn't bad at all 😂
Found sololearn and happy with that for now

When you are all assigned to make one specific program but get called out for plagiarism for making the same program even though the code is different. Great job

wk83 for me like,

The one on the left is my Colleague from work for past 3 years. We have worked with each other on a dozen projects. Tough challenges all the way.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And that thing on the right is `my friend`.

Code ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Friend

When your personal website takes all week to get perfect and no one cares about the end product... Check it out! Ryancskinner.com (I'm looking for a job)

F--- you Ruby, Gems and all this frustrating to install crap. Come on, it is 2018 and this is still one of the biggest issues on all projects depending on Ruby for some damn reason.

Fucking dialog box with only one choice... “Stay Connected” what the hell did you even give me this choice for? What if I wanted to log out? Why prompt at all?

Starting to hate Codeblocks with a passion, as it crashes randomly for utterly no reason at all. Vim baby, you were always the one for me.

Just noticed the stuff on my desk now matches my profile... Except for the duck...

Maybe should've taken one after all...

OK no dual monitor but this monitor is probably just as big as 2...

Had to fill in the internship report for one of my interns...
He didn't look too happy after I handed it to him :^)

For those wondering: All he did was gaming and instead of showing initiative, he just went back to gaming when something didn't work.

Too noob to actually use a text editor for all prog languages. I use IDEs depending on the one I'm coding.

How bad is it for a fortune 500 company to open port 22 over the internet for all its linux servers?? Today, I reported this to my boss and he said "it won't be a problem, no one can login without a password".

I would love to develop true A.I, though one which doesn't want to kill.

Sort of like the machine in Person of interest, something which can be everywhere and acts as a guardian for all.

But ultimately looks after me.

Me: Ugh i want to try a hackintosh again but all my SSD's are in my PC already and its not worth spending $100 for a small one...

*Leans back in chair literally knocking 3 SSD's off my shelf*

for all the apps who make one sign up before they prove their usefulness

🌵🌵🌵🖕🖕🖕 + mailinator 😏😈

All it takes is one jackass somewhere in the world with no understanding of character encoding to ruin things for everyone else.

Thanks for all the ++ notroot. One day, I hope your permissions are elevated beyond your wildest dreams.

This is a classic example of "We need to justify our Dev's salaries so we made a bunch of changes in the name of innovation."

Why did they have to do this? I miss the old design where one swipe from the top had 5 icons, one for wifi, one for mobile data, one for Bluetooth, one for battery saver and one for flashlight. If you wanted to access something extra, one more pull and you'd get all of the notification tray options.

Now these fucking things take up half of the screen. Absolutely worthless design.

That time when I wowed all my colleagues with C++-code that executed over 2.5x faster than theirs, without changing one line of code.

I guess they didn't know what -O2 does (or that it exists, for that matter).

"what's the update?" - Team Lead

For every fucking idiotic task given, every 3 hours, as if the world is gonna end, while all you did in that time was have a tea, chat for a while, send a few mails, sat with a few co workers and checked up on them.

And then he gives me all these "tricky issues", which are apparently critical, and demands updates with a higher frequency! Never sat with me to solve even one of them. Not one.

I never thought that I lacked the basic common sense to update you as soon as I fucking have one.

Ooh, also loop in the senior manager right before annual appraisal. There goes my hike!

Searching for a new job in a different language than you have experience in. Seriously, no one seems to really understand that if you can code in one OO language then you can pretty much do them all!

I don't want to do PHP any more you fucks!

am I the only one who noticed that devs nowadays have a social life. for example going at the bar, party all night etc. I'm actually jealous.

Made an order for 3 bubble teas + 1 vacuum from Amazon. Somehow they came all in 1 tall box...

I thought they'd be in 2 packages since they were in different departments but I'm wondering what the layout of Amazon warehouses are and who/what decides that all these things can fit in one box...

But fuck, why are so many so called devs so fucking stupid?
Or have life decided that I should get all the stupid ones?

If the last one is true, Am I the Jesus for sysadmins?

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

I threw out the container with all my SATA cables instead of old chargers.

Only have a 10CM one left and need a 15!

Ugh, now to wait a week for a new one to come -,-

After one month of coding on Internship (doing website and app for them), I accidentally deleted folder with all code from my MacBook.
God bless disk recovery tools!

The IT at my current work designed infra as such :
One repo for ALL the configs for every project and one config file per project that defines the version of the language (ex node 6) for all environment of a project. I don't even want to talk about deploying previous version or what happen when you update the version and AWS spawns new instances.
Jump into chatops hype approach and use one single script to deploy every app. Talk about a single point of failure but hey we use slack now it's great no?

Since I always think we are one character away from bad deployment and I'm into one click deployment then I've made a web app just to generate command and copy it or send it to slack.

I guess this is what happens when IT work for themselves only..

Got the newest update for Emojis and I was scrolling through them, and what do you know? This one popped up. All I can think of was "Devrant did it first"

A house.. or lego star destroyer..😝😆

Joke aside, I'd rewrite current project from scratch to get rid of all the automation and IE dependancies and make it cross browser and all the dead code...and all excess ORMs and especially EFCF..and also make support for db diff than oracle..and no need for ora client installation..

Yeah, I'm a work junky, I have no projects of my own.. one kid is demanding enough of my time.. 😉

As a student, I live in a house with friends and the actual didn't have a table in my room.
So after one month waiting for a answer of the owner I decided to buy one in second hand. All I can say is that I love it.
Any suggestions to some improvements?

PS: external drive is only temporary

For all you complaning about Windows updates.

The last one requires you to accept new Terms of Service.

So just don't accept the : no updates EVER.

Searching "hacktoberfest" issues on GitHub. I pull one up and see the repo was created 6 hours ago and has 47 issues all with the label hacktoberfest. Looks like someone is begging for contributors.

Do you all look for code complexity O(n) while coding? Or you make sure that your code runs and never look back what's happening ?

Because as per code review no one looks for code complexity and that's so sad

Spent all morning debugging a script I wrote to compare 2 CSVs of tables from 2 different dbs.

It generates a unique key for each row using the data.

For some reason couldn't match 1 in each...

After all morning of debugging and scrutinizing the data in the dbs itself... I found the root cause....

One for loops in the program skips the first entry...

OMG... I want to thank my mother for changing my diapers for many years, my brother for all the games he no longer plays, my wife for actually making money, my plant for the awesome smell, God for maybe doing something (I guess), thanks @dfox, @trogus, and each one of you guys that deemed my rants worthy of your ++.

Had a coding challenge for an interview. 2 questions and I passed all the tests on both questions. But I got an email from the recruiter saying that one of my questions didn’t have a working solution??? Wtf it passed all the tests, am I retarded?

Was on call last night. I get a phone call at 3 am that all of our clients projects (including one that was launching at 5 am) was missing libraries (thus causing the sites to not work). I was able to fix all of the errors but one (missing jQuery). Couldn’t figure out how to fix for the life of me. Had to call my boss and wake her up because I forgot I could just download it from the site. Feeling like a failure for something so small.

of all the technologies that never came to be, I have to say gmail blue is the one I hoped for most

One question about the GDPR:
Can one say you have to remove all Data about him including things like IP-Bans? Because then you could not punish someone for breaking your rules.
How is that handled?

Make a small contribution to a github project, with tests because that was one of the requirements set by the owner. Owner then comments why I've made a test for this change... well... Because you asked for it. Be consistent. Either write tests for all functionality or don't bother at all. Now I feel like I've wasted my time.

When you realize your professor who programs since the 486 era names all variables as such ad "vd_gr" (Validation date grant renewal), doesn't know what encapsulation is and writes his own cryptography algs, which basically replace one letter by another

**Facepalm

**then I still I have to tolerate all the critics for why I dropped college

ATTN: ALL DEVZ

I think we all should just band together and say FU! to all of these software companies and form one gigantic software corporation, steal all of their clients, and make them beg on their knees for us to help them. Not only that, make them go through a series of VERY stressful interviews (to see who deserves our time, of course) in which we simply say....."no" with no explanation. Bwahahahahhahahaha!!!

Wishful thinking.... 🤔

So. It is that time again. The last week of the semester for college students. Paper due for all, presentations for everyone and their moms and final in a week for which no one had the time to study and I'm here wishing death so I can code in piece in the afterlife.

Worked all weekend with a couple friends on a side project and it's finally done. A shame I had to pull all the weight and fix my friend's lazy coding.

And then he had the nerve to try to charge me for the chili he made use for dinner one night. Asshole.

For almost a week , I was stuck with the incorrect order of xhr response due to multiple api calls. Tried everything .

Turns out I could have called all the required data in one call only .

SHOULD.HAVE.READ.THE.DOCUMENTATION

I just intentionally used the "All My Files" shortcut in Finder. There was me thinking "no one would ever use this" for the last 4 years

I currently work for my college for the web team. We are working on a year long project which is to update the college's old website to one that is not only more user friendly, but is also mobile friendly (unlike the old one). My job for the past week (with another week to go) has been to simply delete all HTML attributes that were used in HTML3, and this entire site was written using it.

Fuuuuuuuuuuccccccckk you gulp, you have one fucking job. Front-end web Devs this is a warning for all of you out there. Go with webpack always.

What a nice day. We've been working on this for the past few hours. All we need is just one PCI-E extender. Well, halfway through, there was one tiny cable from 12V rail touching something else. Result: one probably dead GTX 1060

Not my hack but when I was in university, for one test we had to find all 3 digits number that satisfied current set of criteria. Friend of mine knew from earlier that solution is one number and written program that just prints that number. TA give him 0 points and he get in fight claiming that not only his solution was good but also most optimal one.

honestly im all for devrant becoming sone sort of alternative to StOve, or branched off into one, you all are so nice and fun to talk/listen to, and ypu dont treat this platform as a dick measurement contest

Github's issue reference menu can't even fit all of the duplicate issues for the one you just opened, you twat.

Stop wasting my time.

i hate you, you and you AHHHHHH

This doesnt have to make sense.
This is a freakin rant for god's sake, not a pull request. I'm not tryna be the best ranter?? Dont mind this rant. Just scroll. B if u can only hear my scream right now from the other side of the world, it sure can cause another big bang.

F u, this sht, (oh ya it's profanity, i got no better term for what im feelin, gahh please rip my head off) and that too, and this one too, all of u

I HATE ALL OF YOU. I BLAME ALL OF YOU FOR ALL MY INCONSISTENCIES. YE, IM TIRED OF TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY. F THAT SHT COZ IT JUST RAISES EXPECTATIONS. I CAN'T EVEN MEET THE DEADLINES I SET FOR MYSELF.

The hell are ambitions and all that "dream life" they tryna sell. Those won't even matter when I can barely get my sht together. UGH. I haven't even seen my friends, the SUN, trees and all normal people things. Dang, I want fried chicken. I haven't had one for a while. I guess I should end this rant here and order one.

I must just be hungry, no?

Building CMS for one of our client on demand. Young client seemed to be pretty upset, when we told him, that all the functionality including all the forms had to be build from scratch. He told us, he thought it is there in the computer "by nature" and does not need to be programmed.

OK, we all hate Gates, Elon or LTT for some reason. All heroes in my eyes. Ok, I do cringe at some LTT stuff, especially when about Linux.

I've read a book about Gates (Very bad one), about Elon and Jobs. So, I think I investigated well.

But there, a list from people we all hate for some reason. Question is, who's your tech hero?

For me, it's Robert Nystrom. But being a dictator of own project like Torvalds is my dream

Is it reeeeaaaallllyyy that fuckin hard to use just one js framework on one page?!

Yeah, I know project has several included (for legacy reasons) but that doesn't mean it's ok to mash em all up together on one fuckin page!!!! WTF!? Or at least implement it correctly ffs!! Pissed af!!

vscode for now. I swap editors when I get bored of one. All editors have something cool to them. Except Vim. Screw Vim.

The worst guy I worked with: Ex Military from USA, psychopath creating SaaS, B2B solution. The business idea was good and also got funding. He was so fucking racist.

When I joined his project there were 4 developers already working for him. One by one they all leave. I worked for the first 3 months taking over all the project.

Between the next 3-4 months I onboard 10-15 different developers and do knowledge transfer for all 10-15. Nobody works with him for more than 2 weeks.

He wants to developer do fucking 4 hours of meeting each day, repeating the same thing each time and expecting 8 hours of output. hire 3 project managers in 6-8 months. each one left.

I also told him i want to leave the project. By different ways he manages to keep me approx. 1 year. At end I told him this is my last month find another developer, So I can hand over the project. He was not able to find one. I leave the project he fucked up my profile.

Till date he has been looking for a developer, even trying to onboard developers in profit sharing.

When you are about to pause your coding-job for one day to do all the stuff you do on your freetime. Like coding. We're super strange people...

I saw this piece of code, one of my colleagues at work wrote it.
The content in in the function also had 0 comments.
Sorry for posting this here co-worker but it sincerely bothered me.

// Delete all
function deleteAllFunction(){
...
}

me, testing my software:

"ok, well it works for this case.. let me make a spreadsheet of all cases and test them one by one"

*doesn't create spreadsheet

*3 use cases later..

"Ah, you know what, this seems fine, I didn't change too much...............................
...........................................................
..........................
...............
.... it should be ok"

*cough*

you know what happens from here.

I love devrant so much for how I feel it's the one social network in which I feel part of the community, and I hate it for letting me realize how alive all of the stereotypical behaviours the IT crowd is usually shunned for are amongst us.

Users and managers aren't stupid, processes in a company are usually there for a reason, and if your boss is really that much of a dimwit, then why the hell are you even there?

This has to be one of the most recession proof professions out there. Change jobs. Stop blaming everybody else for your shortcomings, damn it.

But, yeah, much love to all of you making us look good and being humble about it.

Co-worker asked for a call and then when I replied "you can call when ready :) " the reply back is an all caps "IN A MIN"

I'm not the one asking for the call and I'm also not rushing you to have one.

To me all caps means shouting and it puzzles me because while typing it the other person can see it and previous that they aren't using all caps. Why continue using all caps if you aren't angry? 🤷

How do you interpret all caps in a work chat conversation?

New customer calling me to change all admin password on all server and Nas and some router/wifi ap for an unknown reason.
Customer: I have so many windows servers and nas'es...
Me arriving on site: just one qnap Nas... no windows server. 👍🏻🦄

Guess this is the last random post for me on devRant.

Finally got on the meme train and well it all started here for me seeing this one (template) years ago

One platform for all ;)

Am I the only one excited for the RTX 3000 series not because of gaming, but because of all those sweet, fast CUDA cores? Never mind framerates, that should make training those models way faster.

When you open problematic code and someone actually queried all the items from db inside for loop... And took only one item on specific index... Instead of iterating over items from query result... 😓😓

When you have a client who resorts to mailing you CD-Rs with all their images for the project as uncompressed TIFFs because all they know is that their e-mail system screams for mercy when they try to send 3.8GB of images in one message...

Cocoapods - an easy way TO SHIT ALL OVER YOUR MAC AND PROJECTS. Jut add frameworks to project? No way, lets put hundreds of shit, projects in projects, run all over the place some piece of shit scripts written by who knows who and for what reason, it's always fun when one little misstep can ruin all your plans for weekend.

Pole!
What language would you use for:
Native windows
Multi platform
Android
Android + iOS.
Web apps (frameworks)
Requirements:
Local database (wich one btw)
Gui
Easy to learn.

For me, well I'm not good at any language now... Was preety good at visual basic 6 back in the day and stopped codding for years.
I'm looking at python with kivy for multi platform (all... And I mean all, even blackberry) but I just can't get the shit to work for multiscreens... Due to my lack of knowledge on how to andle children (but love kids)....
Also droidscript and kotlin for Android but both are limitimed to android (as far as I know, don't know if kotlin have gui for windows /mac/Linux)
Also front end web for one project I'm working on

Who loves those moments when you have been doing one specific group of code to acheive a result only to find out 12 months later that there is a single command that can do it all for you?

As a junior dev, should I waste my times on Working on real world project or should I just solve leetcode questions all days long (interview questions in general)?

Which one is better for me as a learner?

I dunno how this happened, but this browser in VisualWorks decided to crash for like no reason (it wasn't even running the app), and is impossible to close. At all. Like there is only one process.

Why, Smalltalk, why?

I really hate doing all the tweaks for tablet and mobile on websites. No matter how hard one tries to design for mobile first and make the transitions as seamless as possible, there are always some “fiddly bits” that won’t behave. And so many devices with all their viewport width variations. Also, there’s the matter of people resizing a desktop browser to any width that might not be covered by the breakpoint ranges that specifically. One could write a hundred breakpoints and still not account for it all on some designs. It’s exhausting.

!Rant

Starting a new side project over the holidays been planning it for weeks. That blank project excitement feeling is one of the best. Love summoning code from the depths of the code underworld to do my bidding.

Happy holidays all.

anybody else hate AWS UX/UI

i'd like to think with all that money they could make an idiot proof one for people like me, but i guess im too much of a smooth brained outlier or it's not worth it for them

All of them lol

I'm working on my own streaming service. Yes, I know plex a thing but I've had issues with it and I'm honestly doing this more for the fun of it.

When it's ready, I'll run two versions. One that'll use to access my stuff outside my network, Plex style and one that hosts old movies that are now in the public domain. I'll use that one for demonstrative purposes

What if. What if all the developer are just one developer. What if all the world is just a training setting for that single developer. All the developers are just manifestation of one single developer.
All the greatest hackers and the noon. Every developer In the world is you. You are all the developer. The one who codes in java python JavaScript. Heck cobol. It's you. What if all the developers are just one developer manifesting differently ?

(Inspired from similar story where all human in history is just one person manifesting into forms to prepare him for higher 'levels ')

To all the people who use laptops for coding, what are the most important things to look out for when getting one. As a desktop user, all of these machines seem underpowered and overpriced.
Im mostly aware what I need to get regarding hardware inside, but when it comes to displays/keyboards/mousepads(does anyone even use that?)/size/io, I am preety clueless.

When you're the only one in your team understanding git and knowing all the requirements: haven't programmed for weeks, just fixed branches and answered questions -.-

I feel like there should be a bureau or organization that collects all the fare information and route information from all transportation companies and publishes them under one unified freely available service for trip planning.

Including local buses, subways and light rail.

Can't I just have ONE website that works the way I'm intending it to? All I ask is for one.

Since we're all doing unpopular opinions lately: tabs and spaces are not only interchangeable, but is most readable when mixed on one line.

Instead of 4 spaces or one tab, try 2 spaces, 1 tab, and another space for good measure!

am I the only one for whom all of the ++ notifications are just white noise?

i mean... I'm happy that my text/thought was good enough for you to be worth of one mouseclick, but I don't care.

give me an actual human thought/response.
anything else is worthless or irrelevant, really...

Upgraded the memory, replaced the DVD drive with another ssd, and even changed the keyboard to a backlit one on this laptop. Total time spent for all this? 2, count 'em, 2 freaking minutes. Love ThinkPads

Sorry for not ranting and commenting alot lately... I'm feeling a bit down, very tired, and not at all motivated ... But I'll be back one day soon I hope

When you spend ages making a really nice for loop for handling multiple classes similar functionality, only to have it all messed up by one overloaded method

I see all the top devs using cool onboarding graphics, like the one attached for todoist, is there a site or marketplace for these kinda graphics or they have to hire dedicated graphics experts ?

This code base can't upgrade to 5.4 because it depends on register_globals. The files affected has no indentation for else blocks. Randomly indented with space and tab. On top of it all, one of the previous devs were dyslexic. Save me.

Our company is a team of about 10 people; all of us are salary. One of our developers continues to come in at 10-11AM rather than the designated start time of 8AM. Instead of punishing this person for their tardiness, our boss wants to install a time-clock and make us all use it and make us hourly...