They're giving multiple projects to work on and it's so fucking hard to remember workflow of 4-5 projects while working on side projects as well

FUCK YOU, STOP FUCKING WITH ME! my stupid fucking colleague has just replaced all the semi colons in my repo with Greek question marks for the 5TH FUCKING TIME THIS MONTH. it wasn't funny to start, it isn't funny now, so take your fucking rat-like grin and hyena laugh and FUCK OFF AND WORK! fuck me

* Starts work with boss
* Works till night
* Decide to continue the next day
* Both leave work at the same time
* Both arrive at work next day at the same time

"Hey is the work done?"

Oh forgive me for not fucking dreaming up the work in my fucking sleep.

*QA chick tries to run software
*software doesn't start / throws an exception
*she does chmod 777 *
*still doesn't work
*blames developer

SHE DOES A FUCKING CHMOD 777 ON EVERY FUCKING FILE AND FOLDER LIKE THIS IS SOME BLACK MAGIC FUCK

> Find new remote job that pays six figures.
> Only person in the house with income.
> Still not left alone to fucking work.

AFAJDLDHAFAHDKSLAKAGACAJFNSKDUEBXJCAWVWCSNXIXYEVXKCUDGRB/^&@FU+#9$/

JUST LET ME FUCKING WORK!

If my Internet stays at the speed it's at right now, I'm going to start breaking shit veeeeery soon.

Fuck this fucking bullshit, how the fuck am I supposed to fucking work like this?!

10-fucking-kbs, go fucking fuck yourself.

Fuck.

Sometimes I think we developers are pretty arrogant.
And after 2 hours in work I recognize everyone else is so fucking stupid

I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY!

Just had an interview and it went fucking awesome!

At some point we just talked about games like Cyberpunk and Minecraft with the developers.

Can't wait to work there!

I don't care if you're a friend, acquaintance, or we fucking knew each other in high school!

If I fucking agree to do some free work for you, feel fucking happy about it! Don't fucking ask for more work or demand work or give me fucking deadlines just because you know me!

I'm doing you a fucking favor! Do you want me to send you the fucking invoice? I don't care if you're on a budget, I agreed to help you out, but don't you dare fucking cross the line!

FUCK OFF WINDOWS. I NEED TO WORK BECAUSE MY DEADLINE IS COMING BUT NO, THE FUCKING WINDOWS DECIDED TO FUCKING UPDATE. I DON'T WANT AN UPDATE RIGHT NOW, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SOFTWARE. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR 1 HOUR TO GET TO 35%. 🖕🖕🖕🖕

When I access social media sites...

It's the Go Fucking Work chrome extension.

WHY THE FUCK DOES MACOS NOT HAVE A FUCKING AUDIOMIXER TO CHANGE THE VOLUME OF DIFFERENT FUCKING APPLICATIONS.

WHY DO OPEN SOURCE ALTERNATIVES NOT WORK AND WHY THE FUCKING FUCK WOULD I PAY 10 FUCKING DOLLARS FOR AN AUDIO MIXER.

THANKS FOR THE FUCKING EAR RAPE APPLE.

My LinkedIn profile bio:

... however I’m not interested in hybrid mobile or contract work.

My LinkedIn “notes to recruiters”:

... I’m not interested in hybrid mobile or contract work.

My preferences:

- ticked full time permanent
- listed native technologies in the tag selector.

Email this morning:

Hi are you interested in the below role:

Role: Hybrid mobile developer
Salary: xxxxx
Type: 6 - 12 month contract.

No I am not you fucking fucktard. Read my fucking profile or go fuck yourself with a fucking cactus!

Yesterday: "This fucking logic makes no sense. I can't work this shit out!"

Today (first look at the problem): "Oh... I think if I do this and this... Yeap, that'd work"

I love fresh brain thoughts in the morning.

Some people in my class who have been learning java for over 2 years now and ask me what the difference is between a class and a method.

sudo apt-get install suicide

Guys google have made a revolutionary discovery, it's going to change smartphones for the better!!!!

(Yes must clarify this is immense amounts of sarcasm because fucking hell google you would think you have all this money that you could work this fucking shit out...)

Client: Why doesn't this process work?

Me: For the exact fucking reasons I said it wasn't fucking possible like three fucking times in two separate fucking meetings you fucking retard.

I finally get in the mood to work on my side project and GUESS WHAT? THE API IM USING FOR IT IS FUCKING DOWN 😂🔫

So many interruptions!
So many distractions!

I just want to fucking finish this refactor. I dont' care about meetings, texts, bloody office game tournaments, lunchtime, gossip, or people trying to be friendly. Just let me fucking work!

If you see me rocking out with my headphones on and working furiously, seriously, just don't fucking interrupt. I'll bite.

FUCK THIS! FUUUUCKKKKKK THIIIS!... one would be fucking excited and motivated to finish work, but your entire fucking productivity is hanging from the internet connection's dick!!!!.. Fuckin ISP mother fucker! FUCK!... i can't fuckin work under these conditions for fuck's sake! SHIT!

Finally, fucking finally, after twenty fucking trillion tries, a huge ass import is going steady and fast.

I'm literally, out loud, encouraging the import process 😅

"Yesyesyes keeeep it going!"
"You can do this!!"
"You're doing very well!"

I feel like a fucking retard but I'm so happy its finally starting to work 😅

FUCKING PROJECT MANAGERS.

FOR THE LAST TIME, YOUR ALTERNATIVE IS UNUSABLE As explained the original proposal, and in comments THAT YOU FUCKING REPLIED TO AND AGREED WITH, the thing you want to use WILL NOT WORK. WHY ARE YOU SUGGESTING IT AGAIN?

FUCK YOU, YOU HAIRY-ARSED TWERP.

Also, dfox can we please have fucking anonymous rants!

An A.I. that keeps saying "Go back to your fucking work" everytime I procrastinate

Why the fuck do all these good fucking companies need that proven fucking 3 years of work fucking experience to join? You gotta fucking start somewhere

4 out of 10 startups doesn't even have an idea or a fucking aim in life, all they want is a fucking website with fake testimonials to go live.
Fuck those fuckers who want to be CEO's and lure innocent devs into their fucking dream land. Offering unpaid internships with a lame reason of giving an opportunity to work .

When I say I want to work for EA, this is what I mean.

You get paid to watch and analyze athletes. Fucking awesome job.

!dev
It's one of those nights again. It's so hot that I'm constantly sweating my fucking ass off and its near impossible to ventilate here. Fucking irritated for some fucking reason and questioning all my fucking life and work decisions yet again.

I don't fucking need this right now. Have to get up in 6 hours but oh boy is this going to be a long night.

Got about 6 hours of work done in 2. Where's my fucking prize?

The idea was simple. Create a div.
Add two 50% div's inside. Float them. Add clearfix to parent.

Everything was fine.

Noticed that one of the childs had a height bigger than the other. But due to an adaptive design, setting static heights did not work.

Simple fix. Add a height to parent div and set overflow-y to hidden.

It didn't work.

Tried using the legendary !Important (a.k.a. not important but important.) Didn't work. Set position to relative, set static height. Set the childs to absolute position with height 100%. Problem solved.

No. It. Didn't. Fucking. Work.

Tried every possible css combination could could fucking think off.

After 15 minutes (8 hours in dev-stress mode) realized the clearfix changed the div DISPLAY TO FUCKING TABLE. A TABLE. FUCKING TABLES CANT HAVE FUCKING HEIGHTS FUCK.

Anyway. 6 years after my first clearfix. I learnt something new about the code that saves my life every project.

SO FUCKING MUCH COFFEE!!!! FUUUUUCK!!
I'M LITERALLY BURSTING OF ENERGY!!!

I CAN'T EVEN CONCENTRATE ON MY WORK ANYMORE!!

FUCKING TIMESHEETS!!!

"Have you got your timesheets?"

NO, I FUCKING DONT, BECAUSE I WAS ACTUALLY WORKING A ROLLOUT, MY FUCKING TIMESHEET ITS A FACT, SOFTWARE WORKS = I WORKED, SOFTWARE DOESN'T WORK FUCK ME IN THE ASS WITH A TIMESHEET!!!!!!!

Fuck today. Just fucking fuck today. Every fucking thing is going wrong.

A router reset might work for the Internet part buuuuuut there's 4 rooms on this router so i can't really do that until tonight - the end of the fucking weekend, exactly!

Fuck that fucking company three way while dozens of homeless HIV crack junkies puke and shit their diarrhea on the three bosses!

I can't put it in words how stupid they are!

Let me try to tell you the latest story while I try not to get multiple strokes.

Backstory: We are three devs, all with a TCCI certification. One has been working for us for almost a year, the other one has been working for us since one and a half year. Both are good friends of mine, btw. I have been working there for almost three years.

Fortunately, I am allowed to work on a reasonable computer. The other devs work on PC's with Windows 7 and 8!

One has just 400 MB space left on his drive and has to delete every month some shit because he does not want to be able to call up websites anymore... How awful?!

The PC of the other great Dev Crashes three to six times a day and needs about 30 minutes to start up!

We can be so productive, but...

We told that in February one of our bosses and asked him to buy new hardware. His answer: yes, of course, I understand that, it's my turn (he always says that "ich bin da dran")

We got a new colleague in the middle of this fucking month. She is responsible for conception.

She works on an old notebook, but today she gets a fucking new PC to work on while the devs are trying to weld with a sparkler! Better hardware than every other Dev PC!!!

Guess what? She is the daughter of a friend of one of our bosses!

We are the only devs at this company.

Fuck that fucking company! Fuck that fucking bosses!

I think we don't go to work for that fucking company anymore!

Never again will I fucking work for anyone close to me! It's not fucking worth helping them.

Backstory is too long. Lets just say that they fucking expect too much as we're friends. Assuming that paying 10$ for your domain every year entitles me to work on every ducking detail of your website. Not to forget I gave this person an insane discount on the entire project.

I lost a friend or someone who I assumed was a friend

my fucking boss wants me to wear formal clothes to work (no tracksuit, no hoodie etc...), it's like i will type 1/3x faster with my FUCKING TIE! I WANT TO MURDER THE MOTHERFUCKER

Sorry boss, I can't work today, fucking Intellij is indexing again.

This fucking kid has the audacity to ask for me to decompile someone else's work and recompile it for a newer version. Wtf man

So we outsourced a system.
It was the most stupid thing we could've done.
It's my job to make it fucking work.

Dear Developers at Microsoft,
Why the FUCK does windows try to update EVERY TIME I boot my VM even though it fails EVERY FUCKING TIME? Can't it fucking learn that it's fucking broken and doesn't work? No? OK...

Shit morning, I work in tech, so I guess it is related haha.

First, I wake up and it is cold. Like -12 degrees Fahrenheit. With wind-chill, feels like -29 according to Google. Then, while getting ready for work, my only belt breaks. Not a little, but literally splits in half! Fucking sucks, as my pants keep partially falling down and my shirt keeps untucking.

I go out in this cold that could kill a polar bear, go to start my car. Can you fucking guess? Dead fucking battery. Fuck! Now I am super late to work.

Make it to work, and guess what? My manager just promised 100% completion by Friday, and we are weeks behind! Fucking sucks... I think my coworker snapped, as he keeps hyperventilating at his desk for no reason. Oh and our best coder just quit...

Waiting to either wreck my car or find out my dog is dead when I get home...

It fucking infuriates me when the docs mention to create a certain config file "xyz.json" but completely leave it to your imagination where the hell this fucking file should be placed!
Come on, I'm not getting paid for detective work, fucking imbeciles.

The more I work here the clearer it gets:
I just fucking can't make websites anymore.
I totally can't work on graphics, I can't transform a PSD into responsive HTML.

I fucking despise CSS, computers having different resolutions, having different browsers, doing mobile, doing iOS/safari which is always something extra.

I'm tired of not getting the appropriate resources and then people asking me why it just doesn't look the same.

BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY FUCKING JOB! I MAKE STUFF WORK, I DON'T MAKE IT LOOK PRETTY, I HATE PRETTY THINGS

FRIENDLY REMINDER: Fucking save your goddamn work. Thanks.

- Your friendly neighborhood dumbass who just lost 14 hours of his life because his computer crashed.

P.S. Normally not a problem when working on code because I'm forced to save and commit with Git. Unfortunately I was balls deep in Adobe motherfucking illustrator working on wireframes, and didn't have doc recovery turned on.

So I can't VPN into my production servers because our fucking government decided to block them

How on earth can I work you ignorant basterds

Waking up at 5 fucking AM to fly my ass all the way across the country to Vegas on a fucking Saturday. For vacation you may ask? NO! FOR WORK! Just so I can sit in a conference room all fucking week and work there instead.

Oh no... I’m not attending the conference either. I have to provide support for the fucking ticketing systems!

We work in a field full of pretentious bitches, messed up egos, and fucking over inflated titles.

People fucking think that working for a fucking startup is a fucking cake walk. Every person making 6 figure salaries but no one fucking wants to put in an effort to work slightly harder! Show up at 10 and leave a 4 and yeah v'll get funded. And the worst fucking part is no one wants to check something as simple as fucking work emails after work! Fucking get your acts together or just walk the fuck out the door.

I know work life balance is important but don't expect that when you know the company is treading harsh waters and needs everyone to get their shit together so we get funded!

Thank you Google for reminding me that if I start my commute. RIGHT NOW. I can be at work in time for 07:24.

When the fuck have I ever been at work that early? Just because it's morning and I'm awake doesn't mean I'm fucking rushing of to work.

I LIKE TO NOT STRESS IN THE MORNING AND BE COOL AS A FUCKING CUCUMBER.

Transaction isolation levels can suck a dick.

Also,
serialization
doesn't
fucking
work.
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

I fucking hate it, when I have to stop working on my project, not because I am incompetent, but because somebody fucked up the docs or their fucking API doesn't work

Fucking teachers, man.
I had to present a project today.
Teacher randomly asks me
"Where did you copy this from?"
At this point I'm pretty fucking pissed, but am thinking that he might just be kidding around or fucking with me. Nope. Serious question. Well, fuck, now I have to start defending my own fucking work, because this fucking asshole assumes that I copied my project from somewhere.
He fucking questions me like I'm a murder suspect for half an hour. After that he gave me a passing grade.
I have no problem with the grade. My project wasn't entirely finished, I knew that I would only get a shitty grade on it.
I have a problem with this line of questioning. That fucker thinks that accusing people of plagiarism okay. I don't think there are appropriate words to describe such a rotten person.
The funny thing is, that colleagues who did in fact copy all their fucking work, were not questioned in such a way.
So basically if you think for yourself, work your ass off, you are a fucking cheating asshole.
Dear teacher,
I can say, from the bottom of my heart, go fuck yourself.

Is this just me?

if(..... expression.....){
System.out.println("it works, calm down");
} else{
System.out.println("it's not fucking working, holy fucckk, fucking WORK");
}

Tell me if you do something similar.

You fucking dense motherfucker of a professor. You mentally disabled shit-eater. You fucking perfectly know that I have been offered a very good position in a company I really wanted to work at and you fucking force me to stay and wait for the next graduation date to make me get my fucking degree. Just because you offered me a PhD position and I didn't want it.
I sincerely hope you lose all your prestige. Fucking choke with a big ass cock in your throath, eat your own vomit disgusting piece of shit. You are a fucking 60yo child. You have no respect for people work, you always want more. Get cancer fucking animal.

HOLY SHIT HANG URSELF

I fucking hate it to work for clients ... also i fucking hate it not to have any clients to work for.

JUST ONCE DOCUMENT YOUR FUCKING LIBRARY!

FUCKING CLOWN!

FUCKING IDIOTS!

YOU RUIN MY DAY, MAKE ME WORK 12 HOURS A DAY, TO RESOLVE SUCH BASIC FUNCTIONALITY

YOU FUCKING CLOWN!!!!!!!!!

I'D BETTER DELETE THE ENTIRE APP AND START FROM SCRATCH, WOULD BE EASIER THAN USING YOUR SCUM OF THE EARTH PIECE OF SHIT LIBRARY

"Linux is shit because nothing works on my new DOM 2017/2018 laptop!"

Yes it's true that nothing will work if you put your finking ubuntu 14.04 installation with a fucking old 3.13 kernel in your new Laptop!

Update. Your. Fucking. System.

!Rant
Finally I'm having my vacation. Goodbye mother fucking legacy system. Hello pet projects and gaming. God, have mercy on the lost souls at work ;)

Finish fucking university and get back to work..

My rants have been too long lately. Have some distilled ire instead.

Fuck computer gremlins.
Fuck non-deterministic BS.
Fuck shit working the third fucking time I try it with no changes in between.
Fuck MojoJojoing
Fuck ExecJS laoding only half the time
Fuck RubyMine for fucking up seven times a fucking day.
And fuck this dev environment!
I just want to fucking work!

adfjlkasdly

Don't you fucking love spending $700 on a laptop only for it to not fucking work and start freezing immediately after turning it on?

On way to work.

Almost stepped over a dead cat! 😷

I hate this fucking country.

*Walking past a stray dog staring at me atm*

a haiku about xaml:

oh my fuck, please work
fuck two way data binding
fucking microsoft

PM is such a fucking cunt
telling me that my data structures describing the layout of binary data would be confusing for devs, and that we shall introduce

typedef fuckingRetardedObfuscatingName uint8_t;

in our code. everyone is fine with the concepts i provide to describe this binary data, not only at our company but also in other software i've worked on and common standards i've worked with, we work like that and every fucking idiot knows what a uin8_t is.

you fucking braindead imbecile have no fucking idea how we work and you don't care, you don't even try to understand what we are doing.
god i hope you die being hit by a fucking bus or something

My favorite game just released a 3D map of their universe.

That's fucking awesome! How much work this had to be.... OwO

I'm always so fucking dead for the first 3 hours of work.

I need to sleep earlier

When i ask you a question through skype or mail, I expect a fucking answer.
You might just say that you don't know. That is okay.
But we all fucking work from home and I can see you're there. FUCKING ANSWER YOU INCOMPETENT, USELESS, UNPROFESSIONAL SACK OF SHIT.
It is so fucking counterproductive. I fucking hope all the chocolate chips in your life turns out to be raisins.

It is fucking impossible to underestimate these people.

I am seriously jealous of all of you here on devrant, for not having met these washed up twats.

Is it just me or does this math not fucking work out??

Cengage get your shit together.

I'm paying $200 fucking dollars to use your online learning platforms, not actually fucking work. As in don't freeze for 5 seconds after I type 2 letters into your search bar.

Oh and BlackBoard you like of shit. Your text boxes are absolutely fucking broken. Thank God we're ditching you, you pile of shit.

There are a million ways to center shit in css and none of them fucking work

Fuck this shit.. I don't fucking know shit about using Facebook or Google+... I'm a fucking programmer, just because I work with computers I don't have to know how you're supposed to go about making your fucking Facebook page...damn this gets on my nerves.

it's so fucking hot in here and I've got no work and still 3 hours left to go...just let me go hooome!

You want me to build a whole fucking site with a new theme on December with no mockups and all build with a custom design after you left me all fucking September and october without fucking work?.

No. Fucking. Way.

Fucking css, why won't you work the same way you did locally when put in production

When you get a call into the helpdesk:

" It doesn't work!! "

What doesn't fucking work???!!!!??? And who the hell is this anyway?

Docker is so fucking infuriating when it doesn’t work, but amazing when it does

Got drunk during work time because fuck openvpn, fuck anyconnect, and fuck badly designed vpn servers in general.

A fucking pptp connection, man, a fucking pptp.

when the client treats your estimated time on a work as a deadline.. fucking hate it

The chrome extension that tells me to 'get to fucking work' whenever I visit irrelevant sites.

THIS FUCKING RECAPTCHA GEM! WHY THE FUCK MUST I DEBUG YOUR FUCKING PRODUCTION CODE AND WORK AROUND YOUR FUCKING BLUNDERS?

VERY LITTLE PISSES ME OFF MORE THAN SUFFERING FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S FUCKING STUPIDITY

Funny how human brains are never satisfied.

Not much to be done at work today? My job is unproductive and I am wasting my time.

Too much work? You think you fucking own me, bitches!!

It can never just fucking work at the first try, can it.

No fucking excuses! You should know how to reconfigure your programming work environment from scratch!

Started a new project today. I am so fucking hyped but I have to go to work tomorrow :(

microsoft fucking teams.
why don't you just work like you should, huh??
every fucking day it seems to be the case, that you, you ugly little retarded fuckshit, are the fucking reason that my headset disconnects from its usb dongle and needs to be re-paired.

slack works like a charm, but you..?!

in-fucking-credible.

Staging

Production

Exact replicas according to git

Of course, production is the one that doesn't work

FUCK I FUCKING HATE IT WHEN THIS HAPPENS SO FUCKING ANNOYING AND FRUSTRATING

Dear git,

FUCK YOUR FUCKING FUCK SHIT .GITIGNORE FILE! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FUCKING REMOVE THE IGNORED FILES FROM THE VCS? EVEN GIT RM --CACHED --FORCE DOES NOT WORK WTF

TL;DR
"git" your shit done.

Yours sincerely
Scrumplex

The worst moment in my life is getting up in the morning. I feel like a fucking undead zombie every single day over again.

I want to fucking sleep and work later.

Using "Go fucking work" Chrome extension.

Thank you, dear 3rd party vendor replying to my ticket to my work email and sending me my new password IN FUCKING PLAINTEXT!

I am sick of localizing every fucking shit in every fucking project. I wish to move a different country and work in a company where they talk, eat, shit only in English.

Random guy: Hey you're from Mexico ! Let's party and drink Tequila, let's go for Mamacitas !!!

Me: no, I have to work!

Random guy: come on you Mexicans don't work, and always wears a Zarape !

Me: Come on man ! It's fucking 21th century !!! You can't think that way ! I don't fucking wear a Zarape, I don't like Tequila and for the love of God is so wrong to call women "Mamacitas"

Modify the front-end code and noting change.

Empty the cache... ✔️ not work
Check xampp open... ✔️ not work
Check my sass compile... ✔️ not work
Compile vuejs webpack... ✔️ not work
Check my laravel route... ✔️ not work
Check with Xdebug... ✔️ not work

Go get coffee... ✔️Not work

See the url on stagging.<website>.ca in my browser ❌

😲🙄😅 Holy fucking retard i am...

git commit -am "trying to make the fucking database work locally"

Fucking power outtage and mobile network doesnt work either most of the time, great..

Do I really have to explain how frustrated I am right now?!

Fajsjsgksyekeytwotepruiwtohrkyeltek.

Note to self:
Fucking comment your fucking code
So I finally got time to work on an old project and now I can't figure out what does what.

When your website is worth 75 billion and you still can't get your fucking app to work properly...

(Youtube app playing a video in the image)

Fucking long week at work.. but its not all bad. Facebook stock tanking makes up for it. Bahaha fuck em

When I'm home: Oh look! Overwatch!
When I'm at work: Fucking genji..

Continuing after my last post:

IT WORKS IT FUCKING WORKS INTERRUPTS WORK

this fucking senior dev, just send the following messages:

pull development,
Did yarn install
now yarn dev does not work.....

BRO: READ THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE!
It's plain English!

Seriously wtf.

if(!dev_related && is_life_related) ReadOn();

So today I received 4 job rejections... 4 in one day...

That raises my rejection tally for just this year 48, I just want a fucking job! Even got confirmation that 3 of the 4 rejections were because I only have 2 prior job locations... THATS THE FUCKING PROBLEM!

You complain about me not having prior jobs so you don't let me have a chance at other jobs...

No fucking wonder unemployment is a thing -.-

Why are things never simple when it comes to Magento... It should be renamed Magentnooooooooooooooo!

MOCHA YOU FUCKING BITCH, THERE IS A DONE() CALLBACK BEING CALLED IN THIS TEST, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM??? I WILL RAPE YOUR FUCKING SOURCE CODE. But really mocha test, why u no work so we can both move on with our lives 😣😦😞

FUCK IOS PUSH NOTIFICATION THAT IS SO FUCKING UN-FUCKING-RELIA-FUCKING-BLE. YOU MAKE ME CRI AT WORK!

Love development

Like the people I work with including the boss

Okay with the salary I guess

Fucking hate the customers

Decided to work from home today to get some solid work done, and I now get a fucking guy with a leaf blower right outside our place!

😒😡

Fuck my boss.
He's making me do non-dev work that I'm absolutely not qualified to do and he's even writing to me on Slack to make me do some of it outside my working days.
I'm getting so fucking anxious whenever I'm trying to work with this shit because I have no fucking clue what exactly am I supposed to do.
FUCK

Work won't buy me noise-cancelling headphones T_T it gets so fucking loud here in this open floor plan

What are the chances of this? Right when I finally got the fucking stored procedure to work, and were to test it...

I've spent the last day at work playing Paperclips 📎. I fucking hate the author of that time eating machine!

A colleague at work always says L.O.L. to jokes instead of actually laughing. So fucking annoying I feel like punching him in the face! 😤

Raise your hand if you work in an open office landscape and fucking hate it

Work is requiring me to bust my ass, I am salaried, it is writing documentation, and my FUCKING LEFT EARBUD DIED!

I must use windows at work and after 5 years of using mac I can say that windows is fucking loud, fucking beeps everywhere. Like you fucking do anything that has no results it’s beep - that’s fucking crazy I feel like I’m on some fucking road with assholes all over the place beeping on me.

I can work in silence on my mac, no software beeps by default.

Fucking Hell how can you listen to beep all day ?

Jesus fucking stupid backend developers that don't listen when you tell them their shit doesn't work. So you end up wasting time again and again tracking down these fucking obscure issues that are caused by THE SAME FUCKING BACKEND ISSUE

*1 hour passes*
Me: adds new code

*1 day passes*
Me: Why did it work?

*some random weekend*
On call developer: Who fucking wrote this code!

Anyone else fucking pissed off by all the shit saying "Learn to Code in 21 Days".

You don't see anyone trying to become a doctor in 21 days so why the fuck do people think our work is so easy that any fucking asshole can do it in 21 days.

Fuck this whole fucking stupid world...

Client : you are hired as a developer.

Me : we need more developers as there's more work and less time.

Client : Ok, here's another dev

(Meanwhile me doing my work...)

ON THE DAY OF DEMO :

Me : Here's the demo.

Client: it's incomplete, where's more work?

Me: that's the part of 2nd dev you hired before

Client : I don't care, I fucking need a work!

Me inside: (Why the fuck would the first dev becomes a task/team manager just because is the first one to join the project! Arrrgh!!! Hire a fucking scrum master to manage your fucking tasks/team, am just a fucking dev! )

Ah, love it when my code doesn't work because it's commented out and I have no fucking idea when I did that :)

If Windows 10 could stop deleting my entire UserProfile at work, that would be great... Fucking hell...! I hate Mondays...

Can I at least save my work before you fucking finish collecting the error info?

When you change one line of your source code and all of the rest of code don't work any more. Fucking Shit!

Hate it when microsoft forces you to use windows to work with some software. Well guess fucking what?

The one thing they do not say about low-code tools is how much code you have to write when their undocumented garbage doesn't fucking work.

Fuck I can't even. Remember all those rants (mine included) about how users are quite retarded and only report "omg smth wrong, help" without any explanaition or screen shot, or even worse WITH A WORTHLESS CROPPED OUT SCREENSHOT?!

USERS I GET, BUT FUCKING SENIOR DESKTOP SUPPORT GUY DOING SAME RETARDED IT DOES NOT WORK CAN U HELP THING IS MADDENNNNIINNGG

LEARN TO FUCKING READ THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS IN THE FUCKING ERROR DESCRIPTION, YES?

*Ahhh* 😄

I'd choke anybody right now until they fucking turn the colors of my syntax theme, for fucks sake how many times do I have to restart vsCode for it to fucking work again

I work in a multinational ..time stamps everywhere without fucking Timezones..fucking Jira shit why is there no TZ on this shit…utter cunts who configured it or the software itself

Oh lord it's finnaly happened, I'm almost tempted to leave my retail job after 4 years, fucking head office and lazy ass managers im driving me fucking insane, they give you a 2 person job and complain when you don't have it all done by lunch.

Why must finding an enjoyable job be so fucking hard!

fucking kidding me? go to google or facebook's offical documentation, they are carfted perfectly not to work

Fuck CORS.
Three hours into trying to make it fucking work... YES BROWSER I ALLOWED ALL ORIGINS WHY DONT YOU WORK 😭😭

FUCK YEAH! FUCKING HELL FUCK YEAH! IT FUCKING WORKED! THE FUCKING CODE FINALLY COMPILED PROPERLY!
What happened:
I was trying to use the Adafruit Feather HUZZA esp8266 with the AdafruitHTTPClient Library... and it didnt work... then I downgraded THE FUCKING FIRMWARE FROM 2.5.0 TO 2.4.2 AND THE BLOODY THING COMPILED!

Today's episode of Bluey is called: "I am not ready to go back to work after a week long mandatory vacation in which I will go back into a space that has made my passion into a shitless grabs for money"

Seriously, If I hear "the president of the institution does not like <X>" I will blow my brains out.

What is worse, every "leAderShiP" meeting I ask if shit is actually a policy towards were my department head says "no, but the boss does not like <X>" <--- then fucking make it a policy.

Seriously, I have a wife, I have but one woman to keep happy, I ain't about to break my back on dumb shit that some lady dislikes when I already have to keep 1 woman happy.

Going to work is a paycheck to me, but fuck man, I am seriously leaving. Good luck trying to find fkers this part of town that can patch my software be it that I wrote it in the most esoteric shit known to mankind on these modern days.

Might start listening to recruiters, I get about 50 offers a day.

Fuck timesheet
It's bad enough someone fucking disturb you in the middle of great thoughts. What's worse, you're QUESTIONED where the fuck your time was spent. So you need to work out how much time you have been disturbed, and put in the fucking timesheet!
What a fucking joke! As if we have too much time for meaningful stuff.

!dev.rant

So in just a matter of minutes my job security has crashed and any week could be my last again all because my jobs head office decided to change everyones positions in management...

So once again I'm back to square one in yet another useless fucking job search with barely anything to offer other than 5 years of retail experience and 3 years of IT support... Fan-fucking-tastic, would almost be more survivable to just go on centre link at this point -,-

Has anyone ever wanted to quit as programmer?

But I talking go and work as a chef or a fucking janitor kind-of-quitting?

any fucker who has written code for the indian ewaybill portal needs to be fucking assassinated. couldn't even get a simple aspx login page to work. motherfuckers.
They just display a message that if we are having troubles we should try clearing our cache.
Like for fucks sake build it properly. This is the main source of income for this fucking nation, probably.
- the password reset doesn't work.
- the userid reset doesn't work.
- sometimes i show up as not registered. i just fucking transacted yesterday you buffoons.
- there is an error alert, that says "error". i god fucking know there is an error. please fucking tell how may we please your ass to bypass those fucking errors 😭.

fuck every developer that works for that portal 😤. Good for nothings.

thanks for creating devrant, dfox and trogus. feels better now 😌.

Ik I've said this before, but I HATE FLEXBOX!

FUCKING HELL!

Ok, back to work.

Really irritating when you work with a windows shitty laptop dual booted with ubuntu and the computer starts fucking up exactly when it shouldn't..

I recently started work as a Senior Software Engineer at a top company, I can't help but have this immense impostor syndrome...I just feel like people at work are closely anticipating my failure...it's fucking crippling.

Anyone else fucking hate work at the moment?

I've been working on this fucking instagram connector for 4 weeks now, mainly due to idiotic red tape

Now the time has come to get it approved. I'm supposed to let them know how to test the connector with a test user. but FUCKING facebook's test users don't even work as test users! their own spam catcher identifies their own test users as bots!!!!

I mean what the fuck!!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THIS APPROVED IF YOUR TEST USERS DON'T FUCKING WORK AS PART OF THE TESTS

AAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS IS FUCKING INFURIATING

YOU FUCKING FUCK APPLE GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER DAMN IT!
Left work 4 hours ago and guess what fucking ipa file did not get uploaded to app store, why? no one fucking knows! I admit 4Mbit speed isn't fast but if a tiny interruption happens to the mac's connection apploader will simply drop the upload!
I don't understand NASA was able to reach Mars and Apple fails to make a fucking decent file uploader !!!!
Now I will be going to waste two fucking hours tomorrow morning for the fucking file to be uploaded!

How hard to work if you have this speed of fucking internet connection.

Wrote some code. Didn't work.
Cleared all build caches, deleted project files and re-opened the project from scratch. Code still doesn't work.
Copied the same code over to a new project. Works.
I FUCKING HATE DAYS LIKE THESE!!!

Why the FUCK does Safari suck so much at implementing things that already WORK on every fucking browser except that apple piece of shit?

I fucking hate my job so much. I feel like I work harder than anyone at my level, yet I can't get promoted. I'm so fucking sick of putting in effort for nothing. We all get paid really well, and yet no one seems to give a shit about the work. Meanwhile I'm busting my ass, for what? No promotion.

For promo to next level, the projects I work on aren't supposed to matter, just the execution. And yet, I get told I don't have enough impact when I'm interested in promo? How can I, I have no fucking choice what I work on you fuckers.

Fucking bullshit job.

Dependencies and backwards compatibility

Can shit just fucking work instead of me having to download old shit that doesnt fucking work on the newest version of the OS that I use because the fucking program can't use new dependencies?

I'm looking at you you fucks that don't want to update to VS 2019 and force me to uninstall it to download VS 2015, its 4 years old for fuck sake!

SO MANY FUCKING API'S WITH EITHER NONE OR VERY OUTDATED FUCKING JS DOCUMENTATION. I have been working on a JS Discord bot and I want it to work with some API's to for example display the weather in a certain place... I can't find ANY FUCKING TUTORIALS THAT WORK. I feel like I'm just missing something important.

I know we do asynchronous communication where I work, but boy does my blood SUBLIMATE when people take half a fucking day or MORE to answer a question without the answer to which I cannot progress at my work

And they're like "sorry, I was out for a little while"

If only the fucking tasks were actually refined and discussed on planning, if only people wouldn't shut me down for "trying to discuss technical details" during it, maybe this wouldn't fucking happen and I wouldn't be feeling so fucking stressed out with work pending for the weekend

Jesus fucking Christ, I need to change jobs, this company pays me peanuts anyway

Android Studio is fucking slow or is just my shitty PC at work?

You fucking piece of shit, how do I get you to work, I literally installed all libraries, 7-zip, everything, fucking work already

i just wanna get fucking drunk and not go to work

(written ca. 1:00 AM CET)

If you have an hard-to-use API, you need a fucking strong documentation. Otherwise, a fucking developer like me will get lost and will spend days and days trying to make it work. Man up that documentation, for God's sake.

Why do corporate douchebags keep hiring fucking cheap ass local hardware companies? What is this mysterious fucking attraction they have towards shitty IT?

My fucking phone literally has more RAM than my work laptop. I want to go home earlier just so I can get some actual work done on my non retarded personal laptop.

Can literally every fucking pop up, modal, notification, message box, update, and everything else just SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DO MY WORK

Stayed up extra late fixing a bug. Fucking bug is buried in a thousand lines of MOTHERFUCKING SML.
FUCKING ASSHOLE SHIT-WAGGLING COCKSMEAR AND THAT SHITTY, GODDAMNED BACKWARDS FUCKING LANGUAGE!
Fucking wasted an entire night chasing down a fucking bug in SML with no positive effect.
I wound up commenting out 7/8 of the entire fucking codebase to try to find the fucking bug. No positive effect.
Finally had to go to sleep because my son was about two hours from waking up.
Getting back to work, and within twenty minutes I found the fucking bug and fixed it.
Fucking wasted nearly an entire night's sleep, and I ended up fixing the fucking bug before finishing my morning coffee.
I seriously fucking hate motherfucking SML.

Actuall live footage of me trying to install and configure VMware to work on arch at the moment...

(I might be a little fucking frustrated)

Damn MacBook can't read my SD card... Damn work notebook can't read my SD card... Private notebook also couldn't read the fucking SD card and additionally the fucking microSD-to-SD adapter is molten now... I guess this is mnot my day... *aaargh*

Dear Webdevs who are able to use bootstrap and CSS properly. I appreciate ur work but hell fucking shitfuck I can't get my mind about it to work. FUCK this piece of container loving table ruining and not aligneable dump

I cannot work on my personal project this weekend.. because the fucking IT team gave me a fucking mac charger yesterday and it fuckin stopped working today.. FUCKING waste of a weekend!!!!

I guess I will be gaming for the next 48 hours.. on my windows PC..

(And please don't say Linux Rocks in the comments coz I had to work on an iOS app..)

shit fuck ass

i can either get the work done or write fucking documentation on my research, choose one

Fuck, really FUCK the fucking MySQLWorkbench on Mac.
Useless piece of shit.
I fucking touched some fucking buttons and now I can't have my view back with query editor, output results, and schema view.

A fucking hour wasted restarting this shit of a tool touching things, nothing. All to execute a fucking stupid query.
AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH FUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKK
I NEED to work, not to understand how your stupid GUI works, designed by a cripple mind with poor IQ and developed by retarded

I was away for a long time. Now I got a new job which means it's time to start ranting. Fuck this legacy code is worse. I mean, a fucking cat running after a mouse could write a better source code if he had somehow pushed buttons while doing its job. Every fucking best practice I know is crushed to bits. And the funny part is, this company/startup recently got $300.000 funding.

So,the company I work for has a giant application that runs Java fucking 6

Every time i need to restart it I need to wait 15 minutes.

Fuck giant monolith
Fuck java 6

I fucking miss micro services :/

Word/Excel = piece of shit!! 😡 Pissing me off every fucking time I am trying to do something. I am wasting more time to set up the fucking alignments and fonts and etc, rather than actually do work.

Stuck in this bug that prevents the program from shutting down for three days. FUCKING THINGS IS JUST SIMPLY REFUSING TO WORK.

FUCK THIS SHIT

Fuck!
I have overwritten some files that make my WiFi-module work and I can't reinstall it, because that doesn't fucking work!! (Ethernet is also giving up on me😢)

NOW I HAVE TO FUCKING REINSTALL FUCKING UBUNTU, BUT MY LAPTOP WON'T BOOT FROM THE FUCKING USB!!!!

We were forced to work from home since our region is under "Enhanced Community Quarantine". I brought my work computer at home so I don't need to set up shit on my personal computer. After 2 days, I lost my internet connection and I can't contact my fucking ISP, their office is closed and their customer service doesn't exist. I am now under No Work No Pay policy. Fucking what the fuck.

!rant

How do you guys deal with tiredness? I mean, holy shit, I feel so fucking tired all the time that it's starting to affect me at my work! Is it because I'm in school while I work? Is it because I don't get enough sleep? All I want is this FUCKING TIREDNESS TO GO THE FUCK AWAY, HOLY SHIT!

CATCH2 PLEASE DO YOU FUCKING WORK.

I HAD TO REWRITE MY FUCKING THING TWO TIMES BECAUSE YOU FUCKING RUN MY TEST CASES WEIRDLY THUS MAKING MY THINGY NOT WORK

Ugh. Those bad sector hard drives are pissing me off! I can't even install Windows 7 properly because some fucking bad sectors are on drive! COULD YOU FUCKING OMIT THEM, SO I CAN FINALLY INSTALL THE FUCKING WINDOWS ON MY MOM'S COWORKER'S COMPUTER AND FUCKING GO HOME!? I'm so pissed off! Now I have to fucking change the OS in hope that it will do the trick. AND GUESS WHAT!? It fucking won't work and the OS will crash more often! AAAARGH YOU SON OF A FEMALE DOG JUST OMIT THE FUCKING SECTORS! (╯°□°）╯︵┻━┻

There is always a headphone and music to escape from annoying colleague's

<Rant />
Just fucking drop dead, you are a fucking piece of shit. You say what you think and you only have comments on my work!!

Fucking fuckers!!! Why the fuck EVERY time I work from home, there's gotta be some jackass with a leaf blower, drill or chainsaw...

What other devs fucking hate it when asked to do work in photoshop?

I code get a fucking designer to make it look pretty.

I’m so fucking tired of having to work with shitty code day in and day out and not being able to optimize it. I want to quit so bad without having a job lined up… I fucking hate being a developer now thanks to these fucking pieces of shit.

My proctor accused me of copying from my classmate's work, but in fact, I'm the one who taught that shit how to create a fucking program.

LUA... its great! I love it... but WHY THE FUCK DOESNT LUA START COUNTING FROM FUCKING 0!!! WHY THE FUCK DOES IT START FROM 1! I SEARCHED HALF A FUCKING HOUR IN MY CODE AND IT JUST DIDNT WORK! then it hit me... LUA IS THE ONLY FUCKING LANGUAGE THAT STARTS FROM 1 and sure enough... after changes and testing IT FUCKING WORKED!

Fuck

Someone at work deleted my test environment's databases.

What. The. Fuck.

If its not yours, don't fucking touch it.

cowsay.
fucking cowsay.
all the nice models and none of them work.
the things we do when we should be doing something productive.

The fucking worst part about web dev is getting the damn .htaccess file to work properly. I usually do some basic url rewriting but then it won't work locally, or I have to restart the server (which of course I fucking forget), and then suddenly it *does* work without restarting the server... Just arghhhh

I hope it fucking work this time, kubernetes has been on my damn list since last summer, gave up on my 2Mbits internet so I took a scaleway server with 200mbits let's hope I get it to work this time!

I swear both gl_PrimitiveID and the noiseX functions don't fucking work. No reason at all, they just don't want to work. Attached is a screenshot with a """""random""""" shade of blue per vertex (with flat interpolation) based on screen pos

Today was a *hell* of a day. Debugging node.js is "fun". I hope this shit dies horrible death.

Finished work early, shutting down the PC, Clicked Ctrl+S instead. Fucking Muscle Memory still want me to work?

My boss makes me do the work for a different team that keeps claiming they're learning programming but keep taking basic ass tutorials all fucking day.

FUCKING DEVICE LOG IN XAMARIN
YOU JUST DONT WORK YOU FUCKING FUCK

Fucking trains

*Hits mute button*

Well that didn't work

Fucking fuck... My exams are over, today was the last paper(IoT) and it was quite good and I wrote enough to get pass the examination.
While coming home my flip flop got fucked, had fight with gf after 2hours, decided to go and work on my Electron project but MY FUCKING LIFE IS PLAYING WITH ME, MY FUCKING MONITOR IS NOW DEAD.... FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE.
😢😢 I'm so fucking sad that I'm feeling fucking numb, emotion less. My fucking mind is blank and now I'm having headaches.... Fml

I usually like PHP, because it is easy to use, but FUCK! Can you just let me free the fucking memory by myself? Setting variable to null doesn't work, unset doesn't work either. I am still getting fucking memory exhausted error.
There is literally no data stored anywhere, because I unset every fucking thing.
gc_collect_cycles() doesn't work either, probably because this crap thinks there is a reference for this variable somewhere.

Fuck this shit!!
Doing my homework for chemistry and fucking Libreoffice didn't save my work!! And I put a lot of work into it!! Fuck!!

Now I've created a git repository to save my homework and keep track of it.. Fucking Libreoffice... :/
Fuck you!!!! Fucking Libreoffice!!!

Does anyone actually fucking know how certs and provisioning profiles work for large iOS teams without using the cancerous auto provision checkbox? Are we all just fucking it up all the time??