Friend: "How can I check my ip?"
Me: *opens terminal*
Friend: "is this a virus? Please stop"

Consultant: "you should deploy a website. Use wordpress and have a draft ready in a few days. It's easy."

Me: "It's a static website, a one-pager even. I think we would be better served with something light-weight without a database."

Consultant: "99% of the websites in the entire internet are powered by wordpress. It's state of the art, you should use it"

Me: 😢 "Nooo, it needs mainentance and stuff. Look, XY is much simpler. You can even version the static site with git"

Consultant: 😤

We ended up with wordpress for our static website now. I am so proud. I absolutely love wordpress. It is amazing. Now my static one-pager can have plugins, multiple users, security issues and all that. The future is now!

Designers,

■■■■■■■ please
■■■■ stop
■■■■■■■■■ using
■■ charts
■■■■■ to show
■■■■■■■ your skills
■■■■ in your
■■■■■■■ resume

Brain, stop. Please just stop coming up with new ideas for one fucking second.

I wish I could implement them all but I have never finished a side project ever.

Please. Just. Fucking. Give. Me. A. Fucking. Rest. Right. Now. And. Stop, Coming. Up. With. New. Project. Ideas.

😫😡

Can we please stop with this shit... its seriously annoying...
Like "master" and "slave" are literally the perfect terminology to explain what is being described... please leave ideology at home...

...arduino

Will you PLEASE stop just commenting out code that doesn't work
Delete it
Please

FOR FUCK SAKE ANDROID STUDIO!!! 5GB RAM WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!! I NEED THOSE VMs RUNNING AND USING 5GB IS NOT COOL AT ALL!!

If you ask a question in a forum and figure out the answer yourself, for the love of God, please post the fricking answer.

"Never mind" is not at all helpful. Ugh. Stop being selfish peasants.

Please stop me if I try to name my children test, test1 and test2

Thanks

Dear everyone,

I am never late to meetings you set up with me, so please stop being late to meetings I set up with you.

Please stop recommending arch. For real. Stop!

Let's back up. I'm an arch user. Have been for years. I love arch! Like hardcore! But for real, cut it out.

Either they didn't ask and you're being obnoxious or they probably asked "what's a good distro to learn?" Or "Ubuntu holds my hand too much, I want something more consoley" either way, arch is not the answer. Arch is a distro for us stuck up types who like spending all day fixing dependency errors, changing our WM every other week, debating the merits of X vs wayland, and acting better than everyone else.

But here's the thing: I found arch because I wanted something that I could compulsively configure and get really in the weeds. I think most arch users feel that way to some degree. You kinda have to if you want to not be miserable. But many Linux users aren't like that. And that's fine! Let them use mint, or Debian. So they never change their DE. Cinnamon is a great interface! Gnome 2 is totally fine! There's literally nothing wrong with being content with sane defaults and not manually installing every package, and having scheduled releases from a stable source.

Do you tell 7th graders "if you really want to get better at algebra, you should try calculus. You really gain a deep knowledge of math!" No! They will get there when they are good and ready! Or not. It's not a beginner distro. In fact (controversial opinion ahead) it's pretty shitty at being a distro. I have used arch for years! But I don't recommend it to anyone. Because if you want to configure a box for literally 100s of hours (it's never really over is it?), Then you aren't asking anyone about distro recommendations. You've tried them all. You've heard of arch. You been to /r/unixporn.

Stop acting better than everyone else and stop telling people it's better than <other distro here>. It's not. It's different. Very different. And it's not for everyone.

Okay, time to delete my old Skype account
1. Enter Skype name
2. Reset password
3. Captcha
4. Complete email
5. Enter email code
6. You are logged in now, please complete your profile first
7. Enter birth date
8. Add your phone number or second email address
9. Create new outlook mail
10. Got access to profile settings
11. Click on delete profile
12. Stop please first verify your email again
13. Enter code
14. Check all checkboxes that I am really sure to want it deleted
15. Click delete button

Fuck hell and that all again for my second account

please stop

please stop, I get it.

Dear mobile apps devs,

No one's gonna hate you if you do not provide a multilingual support. Just, please, stop using Google Translate and force the app's language to the phone system's. It's just dumb

Sincerely,
A non native english speaker

HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO USE THIS DAMN BRAINFUCK LIBRARY WITHOUT PROPER DOCUMENTATION.

THIS ENTIRE LANGUAGE WAS CLEARLY INTENDED AT READABILITY, SO STOP TRYING TO TAKE THAT AWAY.

YOU MOTHER FUCKING BRAINFUCK DEVS, PLEASE WRITE CLEARLY EXPLAINED, PROPER DOCS.

GOODNIGHT.

Hello, mister Boss man. If you'd please stop referring to me and my colleges as "resources". K, thx.

YOU ARE A FUCKING SOFTWARE DEVELOPER WITH AT LEAST A LITTLE TRAINING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE STOP FUCKING UP THE GIT REPOSITORY BY COMMITTING THE GODDAMN NODE_MODULES

For the love of dog, if I select English on your online store, it doesnt mean I live in the UK, therefore show me prices in £ pounds, It just means I cannot speak German but I need to read English, but pay in € Euros!!! Can people please stop confusing Language with Location!!!!

father (1 month ago, btc price = $4000): no bitcoin for you! its gonna go down, people are randomly going to stop valuing it as a currency

father (now, btc price = $10000): you should've invested in bitcoin! with your own money! we could've been rich!

mother: please expand your interests, programming is not the only thing you should do

To the dev who wrote this piece of shit:

Please, stop writing code, NOW!

Please stop calling Windows, "PC." PC is not an operating system. Mac and Linux run on PCs too.

Yes yes yes ... We all know HTML is not a programming language. Can everybody please stop leaving that as a comment in every single damn rant in this app?!?!?!
Seriously, get over it... I wonder where you would all be of there was no HTML.
Give
It
A
Rest
For
Fuck's
Sake

PLEASE, stop using apt-get. It's depreciated. Use apt instead.

Thank you.

Damn I hate when people ask me to stop coding just because Excel doesn't work or the Antivirus license expired, even worse my boss gets mad at me when I tell him that I'm a coder that we have tech support people, who apparently do nothing, to all the PMs and Lead Devs

Please stop telling me about the freaking deadline if you also ask me to install your stuff.

Sorry for the negativity, had to get it out

Dear son: when I ask you to stop using Netflix because I need all the network juice for a work-related call, please do close it or play a downloaded movie. Don't just turn the volume off...

*gets called by recruiter*

R: “We have a job in IT for you at one of our biggest clients”
M: “Okay, what exactly would I be doing?”
R: “Uh I don’t know, we haven’t received an actual job description”
M: “.... seriously?”

I see lots of rants about lack of sleep, working through the night etc!

People you need to sleep an average of 7 hours a night your body needs this to stop ill health. Working through the night/mega long hours for nearly two years nearly caused me to have a breakdown.

Please be healthy! Working Long hours doesn't make you cool or a more valued employee.

Recently buyed some toilet paper.

Now i just want to have an intense discussion about floating point precision with the idiot who developed the cutting machine...

Also, please stop printing cars or birds there. Thanks.

Dad: "Install this apk for me"
*try it and installation fails*
Me: "I checked the repo and it's for a much older version of Android. Won't work for you."
Dad: "Don't be a quitter. It can definitely be done."

Please stop asking me for help.

Oh my god please stop this kind of coding

Dear sales team please stop promising the customer stuff that doesn't exist within the system and then promising them dates for getting said functionality without discussing it with the product team let alone the development team. Also repeating 'but I promised the customer they'd have it by august' will not make 6 months of development work fit into that time frame!

Please, for fucks sake people, STOP CALLING ALL FORMS OF INTERNET ACCESS WI-FI. CELLULAR ACCESS IS NOT WI-FI. FUCKING ETHERNET + FIBER OPTIC/SOME MORE COPPER CABLING/WHATEVER IS **NOT** WI-FI.

Please Windows 10 stop to advertise Edge...oh wait

-could you please stop texting?
-it's called devRanting

I'M NOT HELPDESK. I CAN'T FIX YOUR BROWSER OPTIONS. I LOVE YOU TO FUCKING PIECES BECAUSE YOU STOP THE INCREDIBLY FUCKING STUPID CALLS, BUT I CAN'T HELP YOU and now I feel like a prick. Call your boss and make him do his fucking job. Please. I don't want to scream at you. I need you in my life...

!rant

Someone just downvoted four of my answers on Stackoverflow just because I commented on one of his answers that "please include some description, just code won't be helpful"

PEOPLE IF YOU CAN'T ACCEPT YOU ARE WRONG THEN GET THE FUCK OUT FROM OUR COMMUNITY AND STOP RUINING IT.

Stop developing new frameworks please! For the love of god. I want to have a life!

He: Honzo, you are great coder, but can you please stop using those sexy anime chicks as placeholder images in your templates?
I: Ups, i forgot replace them.
He: Don't worry, client also enjoy it, but he maybe is only one. He also want to know where you found them.
I: Konachan.com

What can i say, i have exciting work.

Kill me

Microsoft. Please stop trying to get me to use Edge, I have enough RAM to use Chrome

<rant about devRant>
Can people please stop posting images stolen from someone else trying to get some points. I'm here to read rants and other interesting things you encounter while working with software development, not look at memes. Thank you.
</rant about devRant>

Airports. Please stop using decade old Windows computers. Regards.

Oh my fucking god. Stop posting the same screenshot over and over again. Ok, a company tested in production. But please don't send me screenshots of that shit every goddamn few minutes you cunts. After seeing the same screenshot for 20 times I finally got it so shut the fuck up now.

And maybe you should not only think about bad software. Maybe you should remember who is using that shit

LED! Please, embedded programmers: STOP blinking LEDs, if you don't require immediate attention!!

That phone that would blink through the night charging, I had to put a blanket on it D:<<

RAM- please stop :'(
chrome- OH yeah baby ;)

Fucking sharepoint
I’m fuckin done, editing this website layout is like teaching a kid with ie brain, worse is I need to use a fuckin sharepoint designer 2013 and I’m working on online sharepoint so everytime I saved something it’s delayed and my screen acts like having a motherfuckin seizure when I accidentally scrolled it. Not to mention grid doesn’t work here so I need to lay it out the fuckin old way. Oh the client also wants a fancy navbar so I literally hide the sharepoint desinger navbar and using js create my own navbar inside the container. Fuck you for creating this shit and actually sell it to people, it’s like working on a fucking old tech

So tired of people hating on tools, frameworks, languages, libraries without investing the time to fully understand the offering.

Just because you don’t understand it, does not mean it’s shitty.

To all the programmers calling “ToString()” on variables that are already of type String....

Please stop.

Stop using anal as a variable or function name wherever I look I see anal_this and anal_that please stop. Use analyze, analyzer or whatever and not anal_insert ( ) or anal_check ()

*Creates empty node web project in visual studio*

Let's have a look at the default configuration... Oh look the default port is 1337... Microsoft... Please stop trying to meme... Please

Dear devRant,

I know you will hate me if I do this, so please set me straight,

I have urges...

Urges to create my own, fucked up flavor of markdown....

and worse yet.....

to make it a JavaScript templating engine.................

and publish it to NPM......................

I know you can do it. You can stop me before I commit this atrocity.

To all developers,

Please stop making web applications where ALL state is saved in cookies. If I make a search and select a result, why the hell are the search parameters not in the address bar, but rather in a bloody cookie, and why when I select a result is this page not identified by a unique address? Rather saved in a COOKIE. This makes having multiple tabs open pretty useless.

I don't want to judge people by their age, and I won't.
But please
If you decided to become web developer at the age of sixty+, stop starting every single conversation with the 3min monologue about how different things were in your days when you were doing everything on paper and how great it was.
I'm here to fucking teach you how to code. Not to invent a time machine and send you back.
And for God's sake, stop touching my laptop.

Chrome please STOP... Chrome why you do this...

Every time someone rants about Visual Studio I'm like: WTF are they talking about? it is the best IDE I ever used!!

but now after using VS 2017 I must say:
WHAT THE FUCK MICROSOFT DID TO THIS THING! IT RANDOMLY FREEZE EATS OUT ALL CPU AND NOW USES A GOOD 1.5GB RAM!

my previous experience:
barely 20% of CPU
at max 700MB RAM

Guess those days are over :\

Please stop posting xkcd images, we've probably already seen them. Try to be original for god's sake.

Please just stop...

What I fear most is the "I used to be a developer like you" type of client.

No, that's not how any of that works.
No, noone uses that anymore.
Please stop trying to correct me.

I get it. Please stop.

Whoever's the fucker that want my pictures over in DMs in Discord please stop asking for it or I swear a big tiddy onee-san will ara ara you in bed, and that won't be me

Today i had to set my theme to white for my listeners to see clearly what i was explaining.

My eyes hurt😭😭
Please make it stop😭

Please google, stop the recaptcha madness...I'm sitting here for 30 minutes, clicking on road signs

For fuck sake, stop complaining about the lack of privacy everywhere.
I'm not saying that worrying about your privacy is bad, I also really want to be protected and I know the risks we run when put our information on the net, I care about my data, but please stop acting like whoever uses Google, Facebook or Windows is a fool and you're the only genius around.

Because guess, I use their services and when I use them I'm explicitly authorizing them to process my data, to track me and to create a profile about me. It's an exchange, I know what they're doing and I've control on the data I'm serving them.

If, for some reason, I want to be more protected then I fucking use some open source iper-safe alternative, and that's it.

Seriously, I'm happy if you use those fancy alternative services for everything (for your reasons, I don't care) and I'm glad if you decided to don't use any closed source service anymore, but please, stop screaming against who uses them

No grandpa, I don't scam people online. I am a web developer - I earn my living online, building web apps, plugins, etc. (and stuff that you won't really grasp). And again, stop telling people that I'm lazy - I don't watch movies on my computer from 8AM-5PM. Lovely grandma, please don't believe him.

What the hell is "4k mAh battery"? Come on guys, you know what that little 'm' means, please tell me you do.

You wouldn't say "4k miligrams". You wouldn't say "4k milliseconds". You wouldn't say "4k milliliters". So don't use "4k miliampere hours". It's dumb.

Just to be sure - everyone, repeat with me:
👏 0.000004 👏 MAh 👏 eqals
👏 0.004👏 kAh 👏 eqals
👏 4 👏 Ah 👏 eqals
👏 4000 👏 mAh 👏 eqals
👏 4000000 👏 nAh 👏

Thank for giving me 5k ms of your attention.

HAPPY NEW FUCKING YEAR BECAUSE IT WILL SUCK WAY MORE THAN THE LAST ONE AND CAN WE PLEASE JUST FUCKING STOP CELEBRATING AND GET BACK TO WRITING FUCKING RANTS AGAIN?! BECAUSE I WILL FUCKING DO!

*phone dings*
Manager: Please share the timelines for feature X

Me: *swiping away the Teams notification* Please get a life and stop texting your engineers at 9 PM

Please stop talking to me, please....... As an introvert, please shut up and stop taking to me, there's a reason I don't continue talking to you after answering your questions.... its exhausting already!!!!!!

Mr Null, please stop using my app.

My windows pro licence got automatically downgraded to home when I turned my laptop on today. Turns out it's a known bug since last month. Just when you think they can't get any worse. Bitlocker doesn't work anymore(only supports pro) and here I'm sitting in front my encrypted drives helplessly.

I'm beyond pissed as of now. hostgator, FUCK YOU.
YOUR GODDAMN PORTAL IS DOWN. PORTAL.HOSTGATOR.COM IS DOWN.
PLEASE HOSTGATOR, STOP BEING A BIGGER BITCH THAN MY LARGE FEMALE DOG.

end of rant, a hosting company should really be able to keep THEIR OWN FUCKING WEBSITE UP.

Please stop...

SOMEONE PLEASE JUST TELL ME:

HOW DO I STOP BEING SO FUCKING AWKWARD!!!!!!!! Tell me please, i swear to you. My life would be so much better if i wasn’t so awkward and have social anxiety. Tell me what to do because i’m tired of it, i hate it so much.

Just reviewed collegues code: 80 lines of if statements that are so long that I have to scroll sideways on my 27" screen. Just wrote the exact same thing in 5 minutes and 10 lines! If you don't know how to use loops in your code please learn something different and stop pissing off skilled devs 😡

Dear coworker, please stop using the fucking reply all button to just send a winky face to everyone on the mailing list. I am almost to the point of just filtering all your mail to the trash because you hardly send anything relevant anyway.

Android Studio please stop destroying everything I love!

"I'm getting an error. It's just not working right."

Stupidest. Bug. Report. Ever.

Please stop wasting our time with tickets like this people, it only requires is to then spend more time just figuring out what the issue is.

🙄🔫

Finally Spend two fucking days debugging shit until I figured it it. Freaking stupid shit encoding problems and old data combined isn't fun. Dafuq why can't everybody use UTF-8 or Unicode or something else but PLEASE stop using some old school IBM shit codepages.
Leckt mich doch am arsch mit diesem scheiß man -_-

Please, stop being afraid of git rebase.

Please stop merging master branch into feature branch just to fix pull request conflicts.

It is a sincere request to all the people who are asking for a backup of their files and documents, to please stop pestering us regarding the same.

We can't possibly collect your data, and even if there's a way, it would be nearly impossible for us to find your data from billions and billions of files and directories.

Citizens are requested to please understand our problems.
Have a nice day :)

Dear, google chrome browser. Please stop taking up so much RAM. You are a browser not a game. Worst browser ever.

Fucking Windows, could you please stop "updating" my fucking GPU drivers to an older version after I just updated them myself to the newest version.

You little dipshit, is a version check really that fucking hard for you?

Can we clear this once and for all... Explain java and JavaScript like this...

They are like apple and pineapple...

In a recipe you wouldn't go yeah I could substitute in the other ... Because they are entirely different things ... Similar names... Entirely different !

We get it... They are different fucktards don't ... We get it... Ok....

Dear OSX,
PLEASE STOP TRYING TO USE MY BLUETOOTH HEADPHONES AS A MIC

I HAVE A BLUE YETI FOR A REASON
Thank you,
An man recently embarrassed when his headphones switched to Mic mode in a meeting while singing "Let It Go"

Dear Boss

Would you.
Fucking.
PLEASE.
Stop.
Moving.
The Standup.
Time.

You've fucked around with the meeting time eight times since the end of Jan. Figure your schedule out, pick a time for our daily shit, and stick to it dude. PLEASE.

I'm a family man and you're making my mornings absolute hell to plan for.

Signed,

me.

Brain, it's 5 a.m. ! Stop ✋ ! Please I need to sleep

Dear developers who create an electron based app... Yes it's easy to make custom titlebars but please... Please please please give us the option to use the system default title bars... Looking at you itch!

(Also stop assuming everyone uses windows and use the minimise > maximise > close to the right of the window, not everyone does)

Whoever is breaking the internet today... Russia? Seth Rogen Movie? Kim Kardashian? Mr. Robot? Please stop! I'm trying to work!

To all the web developers out there that use email validation, stop using a check for common domain names! If I try to sign up with my email address (something@coded-websites.be) it won't work! So stop doing that and use a RegEx please! Who has had this problem too?

Every time someone compares Golang to Rust an angel falls, a unicorn dies and a Java developer writes another class.

Please stop doing that.

Please stop pasting screenshots into Word docs and emailing them to me. What the hell is wrong with you? You are on a fucking Mac. You figured out how to grab a screen region with an obscure key combination, but you can’t figure out that you can paste them directly into Gmail, Apple Mail, or Thunderbird?

Facebook you little piece of shit.
We have a page setup for a band since apparently this is what one does these days. But oh boy is facebook annoying. Can you please stop sending me 100 notifications a day about fking post boosting?! What the fuck. We are students we don't have money for this shit. fk off! <.<

Please stop saying, "stock Android." What you mean is AOSP, and no phones from any manufacturer come with it. Stock means it's in the original state that the manufacturer intended, filled with bloat, whether it's Samsung, Google, LG, Xiaomi, or whatever.

Fun drinking game. Get the Oxford dictionary select a random word, search it on npm. If there's a package you drink. The last one standing wins

A well known, big company in my country just sent me my password in plain text upon registering.
These devs actually got paid to do this...

TL;DR you suck, I suck and everybody sucks, deal with it....

------------------------------------

Let me let off some steam, since I've had enough of people hating on languages "just because"

Every language has it's drawbacks and quirks, BUT they have their strengths also. Saying "I hate {language}" is just you being and ignorant prick and probably your head is so far up your ass that you look like an ass hat. With that being said, every language is either good or bad depending on the developer writing in it. Let's give you an example:

If I ware to give you a brick and ask you to put a nail in a plank, can you do it? Yes, it will be easier if you do it with a hammer, but you have a brick, so hammer is out of the question. If you hit your thumb while doing it... well... sorry, but it is not the bricks fault - it is YOU!

JavaScript, yes it has a whole lot of problems, but it works, you can do a ton of stuff and does a good job at that, it is evolving through node and typescript (and others, just a personal pref), BUT if you used js when you ware debugging that jquery (1.0) plugin written in the free time of a 13 yo, who copy pasted a bunch from SO, well, it is not js' problem - deal with it. Same goes for PHP, i've been there where you had a single `index.php` with bazillion lines of code, did a bunch of eval and it was called MVC, but it also is evolving.. thing is all languages allow you to do some dumb stuff so YOU have to be responsible to not fuck it up (which you always DO btw, we all do). Difference is PHP/JS roll with it because the assumption is that you know what you are doing, which again - newsflash - you don't.

More or less I would blame that shit on businesses which decided to go with undergrads to save money instead of investing in their product, hell, I am in a major company that does not invest that doesn't care a whole lot about dev /tech stuff and now everybody's mother is an engineer - they care about money, because investors care about money (ROI) and because clean code does not pay the bills, but money does.

If we get all of the good practices and apply them to each language every one of them has it's place, that is why there is no "The Language", even if there was, we STILL ware going to fuck it up and probably it was going to be even worse than where we are now.

Study, improve, rinse and repeat... There are SENIORS and LEADS out there that are about 25-30 and have no fucking clue about the language, because they have stuck up their heads up the ass of frameworks and refuse to take a breath of clean air and consider something different than their dogmatic framework "way" of doing things.. That is the result you are seeing. Let me give you a fresh example to illustrate where I am at atm:

Le me works with ZendFramework 2.3-2.5 (why not, which is PHP5+ running on PHP7 [fancy, eh]), and little me writes a module for said project, and tries to contain it in its own space, i.e not touching anything outside of the folder of the module so it is SELF-CONTAINED (see, practices), during 2-3-4 iterations of code review, I've had to modify 4 different modules with `if (somthing === self::SOMETHING_TYPE)` as requested by my TL, which resulted in me not covering 3 use-cases after the changes and not adding a new event (the fw is event-driven, cuz.. reasons) so I have to use a bunch of ifs in the code, to check a config value and do shit. That is the way of I am asked to do things I hate what I've done and the fact that because of CR I have lost case-coverage, a week of work and the same TL will be on my ass on monday that things are now "perfect".

The biggest things is "we care about convention and code style"... right.... That is not because of the language, not because of me, not because of the framework - it is some dude's opinion that you hate, not the language.

New stuff are better, reinventing the wheel is also good, if it wasn't you would've had a few stone circular things on your car and things ware going to be like that - we need to try and try, that is the only way we actually learn shit.

Until things change in the trade, we will be on the same boat, complaining about the same shit over and over, you and me won't be alive probably but things will not change a bit.

We live in a place where state is considered good, god objects necessary (can you believe it, I've got kudos for using the term 'God Object'... yep, let that sink in). If you really hate something, please, oh god I beg you, show me how you will do it better and I will shake your hand and buy you a beer, but until then, please keep your ass-hurt fanboy opinion to your self, no one gives a shit about what you think, we will die and the world will not notice...

There should be a way to let Google know ok I have purchased this item already, can you please stop showing me this ad on every website I visit.

Can frontent devs please stop abusing <br> for vertical spacing please?!
Thank you.

Been hearing about Docker being the coolest new thing for 3 years now. Please stop it!

Please stop the operational system's war. People might get hurt.

Seriously guys, every time someone says X is better then Y, my eyeballs starts rolling.

(I'm a Linux && Windows user, btw.)

Please stop doing this! Here I thought I wrote something people liked, and you're just here spamming and shizz

Everytime I hear the word 'coding' or 'code' in regard to programming, I get a twitch of annoyance in my brain. Seriously, that word is so overused that it's now cliche to me. And it does nothing to distinguish the kind of language someone is using. Is a software engineer solving an advanced problem using C or is it some newby who only knows HTML? Please stop saying thing like, 'i know how to code' when all you know it's HTML. Be specific, you're not fooling anyone. Also, please, don't use that phrase if you're an advanced software engineer either. You're better than that.

Guess who got closed!! Yes it is Android Studio -.-
Memory is free now :')

Dear me,

Please, stop binging video games at 3 am.

Thank you.

Please stop making stuff with JavaScript.
I have a fairly old and slow laptop.

Dear game developers, if you are building your game on Xbox and are adding support for Xbox One X, please please please stop just adding 4K

Please just add a 'favour resolution', 'favour details' and 'favour performance' option... Yes 4K is nice but most of us don't care and would much rather richer visuals or an uncapped frame rate.

(Yes I know PC gaming exists but I hate PC gaming and prefer the ease of console)

Can we please stop using a file structure (YAML, JSON, XML etc) and just changing the file extension and calling it a new file type?

Stop trying to make your software/framework sound more complicated by saying this shit, if you use something, own it and don't try to mask it...

And mini rant over...

Most confusing sign-up form checkbox I've ever read:

"If you would like us to no longer continue to stop not sending you special deal and offers every week, please indicate you are inclined to yes by not checking the box."

source: online course

Dear Microsoft, stop pushing me to update to Windows 11.
I still haven’t changed my mind and I won’t change it even if you ask me for the 6th time.
Just stop being an annoying bitch, please!

Also, one button is completely enough. You don’t need to make me click 3 or more buttons in different places just to remove your Win 11 messages which you keep slamming into my face.

Dear JavaScript devs,

Can you please stop with using new Framework(); everywhere?

Sincerely,
A PHP dev

Dear HR, please, stop creating online meetings with no real intention. Only to "have fun" and get together.

For the love of god it’s only been 54 minutes and it’s already too early for your bullshit.

Its "jango" not **D**jango
Please stop saying **D**jango or The Jango

Ffs, please stop asking "why all the hate on php" over and over and over and over ...

please stop using anal as a variable
wherever I look I see anal that and anal this...

NOOOOO ITS RIIIIISIIIIINGGGGG

Please help stop this stupidity, it's inceased by 5 MILLION since last time I checked...

Can we please stop posting random Pokemon pictures?

I feel like I've ranted this before. many times. but here we go again because Australia.

why do people think you can just ban math? like really?! that's what crypto laws do. they require companies to use shitty math. and what prevents me from using the good math? nothing! oh I mean... I won't use it? scouts honor.

you can't ban math.
literally billions of internet users don't fall in your jurisdiction.
no single jurisdiction can cover more than a subset of the internet.
I will use whatever maths I damn well please.
fuck off. please stop making us less safe.
/discussion

Apple: this AppleID has been locked for security reasons.
User: Sign Out
Apple: Enter the Apple ID password to turn off Find My iPhone.
User: Turn Off
Apple: You must enter both your Apple ID and password.
User: OK

Apple, please stop bugging me, all I need is to test my websites on Safari occasionally because some customers prefer to use iPhone. Just don't bother me with your Apple ID crap

OMG people please stop being so fucking lazy... help me help you... RN I have multiple support people asking me to fix a bug that they can't even describe (and honestly I doubt it exists) and a fellow developer who refuses to give me a DB or migration to test his patch but wants me to merge it urgently. FOH and die, y'all.

Can interviewers PLEASE stop asking cliche and terrible questions??
Interviewer: "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
Me: "Not with you guys obviously, you dumb piece of shit."
That's what I'd like to say to them at least... :/

Please stop putting critical infrastructure to the internet. Security on the internet is a joke, and we won't be laughing the time when someone dies from a cyber attack on another pipeline/dam/weapons factory.

Can we please stop using continuous delivery on mobile. I don't want to update your app every other week just because you decided to change a comment.
Also Bugfixes and improvements doesn't say anything as a changelog!

When you get a ticket saying that a user can't see a record so the system must be broken, then after an hour of looking into it; said record never existed... Please stop wasting my time -_-

You know what sucks? Being forced by your teacher to use his crappy e-learning platform which isn't even close to final and therefore completely buggy. Oh you clicked in that compiler window? Nah now you can't click back in the editor window, better save and reload the page again. And thats only the beginning...

Everytime you see a newbie developer, please tell him to stop making jokes on hacking nasa with html

I hate backendphobia! It feels like so common nowadays. People scare other people with backend being too hard and stuff, and that feeling of scariness is something that infects lot of people. Please stop fearing the backend!

Yes, some backend stuff can be hard, but there's no good reason to fear it. I just hate it when I go to a new team and they all seem to be backendphobics idiots. I've build enough backends to not give in to the fear, pls stop scaring people.

"DEKSTOP"
>:(

Guy at school
"I could do that... OR I could do it... in C#HNNNNNNNNGH"
Yeah, we get it. You like C#. Hooray for you. Please stop cumming every time it's mentioned.

Dear compiler, I know you have plenty of files to compile (like a lot), but could please stop flushing an error when I'm trying to read it ?

dear mom,

i know you mean well, but please stop getting me laptops for my birthday. i spend countless hours fixing wifi and graphics card and other drivers because of this.

thank you

Flash is already dead. Has been for years. Can every news outlet please stop reporting its demise as anything more than a vague curiosity?!

Don't you love it when out of a sudden tests fail because backend guys decided to change JSON response of one of the endpoints used.

aaaaaaah! can't this day just end ASAP!

Dear algo,

Please stop giving me 30 day old posts, I know I've ++'d one or two here and there, but that does not mean I like specifically old posts. Also I'd rather not be "that guy" that reminds the poster of that post they made a month ago.

For the love of god startups don’t need Kubernetes setup. Stop doing this, please.

OMFG!! My computer rebooted.. after VS is again performing voodoo stuff on my code..can you please fucking stop reformatting everything!? OMG it's driving me crazy, I've already disabled every format option I could find.. you piss me off one more time, I'm switching to np++!!!!

To all people who hardcoded stuff like tables in HTML and even rant about how much work this was or how many lines of code they wrote, please stop the madness, please don't talk until you get the basics of programming and why computers are quite handy to handle repetitive tasks.

No, stop playing that shit, for fuck sakes.

No one want's to listen to your music with you, especially not that hillbilly crap you are listening to right now.

I'm trying to fucking concentrate. Time to stop, turn it off. You fucking twat.

Dear Coffee,
I ask for your help.
I need to pass this exam, and at the same time a client is angry.
I invoke you.
Like the function I'm in.
A function of time, a function that will probably never halt but you cannot prove it. You hope it will stop soon, but deep inside you know it will continue to compute.
I beg you, Coffee. Make this function of procrastination stop. Please.
I see no escape.
It is a tail-recursive function. You realize it as soon as you reach the end.
You can do nothing about it, you're trapped inside this loop. At each iteration you hope to reach the bottom, but you never know. You can only hope that the bottom is close.
This is the last one, you keep repeating to yourself.
Please Coffee, let it be a non-pure function.
Make the environment change.
Only then we can be saved.

All sysadmins, PLEASE! For the love of God just block port 21 in any direction from anywhere, going anywhere.. FTP needs to die.. The f**king protocol predates tcp/ip for God's sake! We need to stop project managers using it, it's a nightmare!!

Hey Google, please stop ignoring 3 out of 5 words in my search queries ever so often. I have been getting tired of the unhelpful note "missing: " followed by the most relevant parts of my question.

Can't wait for Microsoft to add openAI to Bing. While I'm more than sceptical about its use, at least it might end Google's quasi-monopoly in the search engine market and bring back some competition.

Please stop calling calling rest to any json over http api. That's not rest, rest has its specifics details to be called rest.

!shortRant

You all complaining about shit code from coworkers and about fucking WordPress. Looks different, but know what? Answer is the same.
Money.
Let me explain.
For example, you were born in USA. You can choose any profession, and if you became pro - you will be payed great. Looks nice, isn't it?
But if you were born in Russia, India, somewhere in Africa, whatever, you can be businessman, coder or you can suck a dick to the end of you life.
Not that great, yeah?
You are looking around and see great people with their own dreams and talents. But then you ask them "to which faculty are you going?" Answer is obvious. And that's how shitcoders are born.
And yeah, about WordPress. I'm mobile developer, I just can't understand how awful it is (or not, idunno). The only thing I know - if I were PHP developer, I could earn twice more than now. But why I didn't choose that way? Because I REALLY LOVE MY WORK. Everyday is good, I'm working at weekends often, because I want.
So please, shut up. You could never work with WordPress, but you motherfucker CHOOSE IT. You could switch to node, go, Java. Why the flying fuck you didn't? Oh yeah, MONEY. So please, shut up.

Devrant isn't for crying girls complaining about shit they did themselves. (No sexism, just metaphor, sorry girls)

Please stop tagging rants with the weekly rant tag if they have nothing to do with the weekly rant, it makes you look attention hungry.

How many developers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who gives a fuck the jokes been done before

Dear dongle manufacturers, I love USB-C, I think everyone does; it is the bomb... But.... But but but, please stop charging so much extra for it, I can get a USB-A to Ethernet adaptor for $12 AUD but it's going to cost me at minimum $49 AUD for the same branded dongle, even has the same internal chips... Why... Just... Why!

Can I please stop using Java?

java.lang.AssertionError: expected same:<Fri Mar 03 16:01:01 EST 2017> was not:<Fri Mar 03 16:01:01 EST 2017>
Expected :Fri Mar 03 16:01:01 EST 2017
Actual :Fri Mar 03 16:01:01 EST 2017

Okay, can we just all agree to stop making YABSS? (Yet Another Bootstrap Standard Site)

Yes, Bootstrap can be used for nice things, if you actually dig into it and tweak it, but please don't just copy/paste a fucking getting started template!

FFS! Stop it!

Please, please, please stop cornering me at the water cooler and asking me about work. This is my break.. I can answer your question in five minutes when I’m back at my desk. Thanks.

Has anyone here ever developed why Windows phone app? If so, what prompted you to stop/discontinue?

I personally liked Windows phone (haters, please refrain) and I really wanna know why app makers discontinued making/supporting apps, making win phones disappear.

The only thing I studied from HTML is that you have to close anything you have opened.../>
I already had some experience with C++ and suddenly they suggested me to take a mentoring.
My mentor - Well, we're going to learn HTML.
- I'm busy. I'm learning python...

- What have you done? Did you learn the HTML?
- Eeh I need to do a neutral network project for the uni. Wait please...

- It's time to learn HTML.
- Eeh I have a deadline in these days. I have to make an Ethereum smart contract. Wait please...

- HTML!
- WAIT!

Finally I asked my mentor to stop this fucking recursion. I'm not going to learn it.

Western Digital, please, for the love of all things holy and not entirely shit, stop making your external hard drives flash a fucking flashlight when they are in "sleep" mode (attached to a sleeping laptop for example). I would like to sleep you beerpissers!

I HATE PHP.

I hate it with all my guts.
It's weirdly cobbled together, nothing fits for anything, it's a NON PROFESSIONAL TOOL. AT. ALL. PLEASE STOP DOIN' STUFF WITH IT AND REWRITE YOUR STACK IN COBOL/BRAINF**K.

I HATE IT.

Why is almost every Wordpress Theme company I know just a bunch of wrecked mushroom addict assholes! Please for gods sake just get your damn documentation right and stop sticking your heads into your colleagues asses when someone is asking for support.

The next time you receive 49 bucks for nothing you dipshit think of me how I stick my fist into your ass!

Fucking morons!

Fuck you Eclipse! Fuck you OSGi! It is only you that pisses me off like that! You filthy piece o' shit!

Fuck.

FYI: Please stop pretending you cannot find org.eclipse out of a sudden. I know that it's there and you know that too! Why? Because you found it like 30 minutes ago before my break and nothing changed since then!!

Son of bitch!

This rant is about people's random shit in devrant, as a matter of fact, please let me remind you of the meaning of DEV-RANT:

- Dev : technical people only
- Rant : You should scream your guts out here

Memes, Adverts, slice of life, all these weirdo contents are not made for this platform, you have instagram for that ....

So please people. stop telling us that you have ADHD or that you sell some shit because we are supposed to be DEVS RANTING, and sharing our missfortune.

Dev rant is a place where we can vent out, and be comforted by your peers ...

Fuck you spammers !

How to tell your babe not to use ie:

Me: Babe could you please stop using the internet explorer?

Babe: why?

Me: It will destroy your internet.

Wozniak, Apple don’t give a shit about what you think, they didn’t 34 years ago when you left and they certainly don’t today. Please stop commenting, you are irrelevant.

Please stop those ads.

Uber is sending me a verification code every 5 minutes. I don't even have their app anymore.

Please someone tell them to stop, I feel attacked.

I have a crush on my single, young manager. He sent me request on facebook recently, although he has befriended almost everyone in the office, I just can't stop thinking about him.
Please help me, give me good reasons that it's a stupid crush, I literally can't stop thinking about him.

Jenkins, could you please stop bullying me?

Going through the conversation for xxxxth time with my business partner, why we will not launch a new product on top of pre-made PHP script / plugin.

Just got our company into TDD, and automated QA via CI server & code checks etc, PLEASE stop trying to drag us back into the land of spaghetti code & bug legions in production. That's all thxbye.

Atleast something good is happening because of coronavirus.

If you can't write code please get the fuck out of our way! Stop applying for our jobs! Take a nap on the nearest highway during rush hour. That's all.

So I work at a digital agency and the second my manager heard Twitter had upped its character limit he started planning out all the new hashtags and emojis he’s going to include to max out the limit.

Please Twitter, stop.

Manifesto for class naming

Through my work as a professional developer, I have come to value:

ComponentMapper over ComponentMappingService

TransactionalSequencer over TransactionalSequencingService

PayrollCsvGenerator over PayrollCsvService

InternalTestRunCreator over InternalService

Please people, just call them what they are. Forget the noise words and fluff. To quote Morpheus:
“Stop trying to name me and NAME me”

A message to designers and developers:

please please please stop being so touchy about your designs/software. The final work is meant to be used/enjoyed by end users, customers, clients, young people, old people, disabled people, short attention span people, irrational people, patient people etc. So if they say it's not good enough accept it go back and make it simpler (not necessarily better but simpler) and move on!!

Stop going into defence mode and start throwing your toys out the pram or giving people the silent treatment.

Sorry just been on the receiving end and boy is childish.

Please, for the love of god, Stop creating markup languages, we have enought

ACPI YOU FUCKING CUNT

STOP IMPOSING SUCH SHITTY STANDARDS THAT REQUIRE AN OPERATING SYSTEM TO SCAN THE RAM FOR SOMETHING AND TO INTERPRET BYTECODE BY ITSELF!

JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE MADE TO UNIFY THINGS DOESNT MEAN THAT YOU SHOULDNT BE REDESIGNED FROM SCRATCH YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING BALLS BUSTING SHITTY STANDARD ^1

ALSO, PLEASE FFS DOCUMENT YOUR SHIT-KNÖDEL WELL, PLEASE. WOULD MAKE IT AT LEAST BEAREABLE

^1 I realized I didnt use enough swear words

Please stop the z-index inflation.

Latex, can you for once be nice and not fuck up my images, please?

Can you stop pushing this image which you clearly have enough space for to the next page and leave the previous page completely empty??

Really Apple?
Are you kidding me?
And btw, why does my 1 year old battery only last 4 hours, when the phone is turned off?

Using devrant on windows phone. Windows phones are so so so nice. Why microsoft did you stop windows phones. They are the best OS and greatest experience. Bring back windows phone please.

Just discovered the 3 cartoons on youtube from Dev rant and really enjoyed them. Quite funny. What I dont like is there are only 3 and they were so short. Looks like they were made a few years ago. Why did you stop making them? Please make more!

Please, stop using `i`, `j` and `k` in loops... specially if they are nested, help the fellow programmer after you

Why do popular media paint "programming" as easy... this is a very big deciet. please let stop this lies.
programming is not for everyone, not everybody can code.
and please dump the f**king "Girls can code" slogan.
there is no need for the hype.

Please let this madness stop now! Why is it so difficult to position images in ms word?!?!?

My dear designer friend.
I do not appreciate you juggling colors on the website that we're supposed to finish in a week. Please stop that. Your mockup was titled "FINAL" three weeks ago. It's not just replacing variables in files, but also shit like recoloring image backgrounds and svgs, and GUESS WHO HAS TO DO IT BECAUSE YOU'RE ILLITERATE WHEN IT COMES TO WEB OPTIMIZATION.
And if you do change shit please, please just ping me about it and not expect me to be a psychic that I need to download new sketch file.
Always yours.

I don't know what's wrong with me this morning. I started refactoring, and I know I'm overdoing it. I can't stop myself. I'm stuck fiddling over it like a meth head scratching his skin.

Please stop me. I'm hurting the code.

How does normies feel when cpanel has changed the license model?

Stop using it please