1. Buy boxes of orange juice, almost past their expiry date.
2. Put boxes on the hot office windowsill for a few weeks.
3. Cool down juice in fridge.
4. "Hey dear coworker, would you like a refreshing juice box on this hot spring day?"
5. Watch coworker retch and vomit, spitting blue-grayish juice over his desk, crying: "Why would you give me old moldy juice without checking the date?"
6. "Do you remember when you told me you didn't have time for unit tests? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, DAVE, THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU DEPLOY UNTESTED CODE.... NOW FINISH YOUR JUICE!"

Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*

NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.

Boss: "Could you join the new DevOps team for a week or two, for some coaching?"

Me: "I'd rather watch you masturbate furiously in a corner of the office while you cry over your ex boyfriend"

Boss: "Yeah... that's why I ask you. You are the only one brave enough to watch"

Me: *Sigh* "But I don't know shit about what DevOps does, I'm a DBA. I've told you the difference a million times. Can't we just douse it in gasoline and set it on fire?"

Boss: "What?"

Me: "Not the team, the servers..."

Boss, imitating Gimli: "And my ex!"

Me: "I get why he left you"

Boss: "It's funny, he was actually better with computers than me, maybe even better than you. He hated me for starting this company, told me I was just chasing money instead of ideals. He just isn't grown up enough to see that there is more to the world than computer games, brewing beer, maker festivals and gay bars, that you need to take responsibility... Maybe it just never works out between managers and geeks..."

Me: "Indeed. The difference in competence is too large"

Boss: "Ugh. You are like straight version of him... but will you at least take a look?"

Me: "Fine, unzip your pants..."

Boss: "No, not that... you need to teach DevOps this docking thing, with the parallel stuff, and the horizontal growth"

Me: "Damn I really hope we're talking about servers now... Do you mean Docker?"

Boss: "That's it. They want to learn how to dock on the Windows servers. They reserved two 4xlarge on AWS. Is that enough for docking?"

Me: ...

Me: ...

Me: "You know what. I'm going back to hug my DB designs, and wash my brain with some queries. Then I'll return here to burn everything to the ground. There is no hope for you left"

Boss: "That's what he said"

Me: "You're using that meme wrong"

Boss: "OK. So what if you just stay on DB management, and I'll just give you the budget to recruit a new DevOps lead and pay for training?"

Me: "That would work"

Boss: "Why are you grinning?"

Me: "Because I have your ex's phone number"

GF: Did you watch a movie while you were sleeping?
ME: (Syntax Error): How could i watch a movie while sleeping?
GF: No, the name of the movie is "while you were sleeping"
ME: oh, you forgot quotes for string

Conversation today...

Guy: "Hey I need a real quick script to pull some values out of an XML document...is that possible?"

Me: "Uh...yeah that's pretty simple if that's all it has to do."

Guy: "Ok excellent I'll send you some files and documentation."

Me: "Ok so is this like a one time use thing or do you need to parse multiple of these?"

Guy: "Actually it needs to run all the time, on this specific PC, watch directories for any files that are added, then generate a XLSX files of the values, and also log information to a database. Etc"

Me: "Oh that adds quite a bit of complexity from what you originally said. It's going to take more time."

Guy: "But you said it was easy."

Well fuck you...

So, my broadband internet is not working. Naturally, i called my ISP and complained.
He enlightened me, "Turn on your TV and watch the news. Theres a deadly computer virus on the loose and it is affecting banks and businesses and everything. So we decided to help our customers by turning our services down for a few days."
What the actual fuck?
Its like to Not eat anything due to a bird flu.
Oh! and i have an exam tomorrow.
Thank you muggles.

Girlfriend (art student): “You’re in CS. Why don’t you use Windows? Macs are terrible for programming.”

Me: “macOS is better for doing command line compilation and shit because it supports Unix terminal commands and stuff with a reliable OS that’s better-supported than most Linux OSes. I also have Windows on my laptop too, for Visual Studio.”

Girlfriend: “Only like 1% of people use command line stuff. Windows is better for programming. I’ve seen a lot of CS majors use Windows.”

Me: “Uh. You watch me use my computer every day. The stuff I do in Terminal takes forever on Windows.”

Girlfriend: “Yeah, but Windows is just better for programming though.”

Help.

Me when I'm FREE :
Hmm, I don't have anything to do, let's sleep for 10 hours..

Me when I have to STUDY :
Let's watch that latest episode of Mr. Robot
Let's complete that side-project I started to 10 years ago..
Let's learn something new in Android Development...
Let's scroll devRant..

Real conversation:

Coworker: I'm trying to classify data based on X

Me: Mhh. Seems like a hard task, we don't have data to figure out X

Coworker: I know! That's why I thought about using machine learning!

Me: (Oh, boy)

Coworker: I'm working on training this ML model that will be able to classify based on X

Me: and what are the inputs for your training?

Coworker: The data classified based on X

Me: And where did you get that from?

Coworker: I don't have it! That will be the output of my ML model!

Me: But you just said that was the input!

Coworker: Yes

Me: Don't you see a contradiction here?

Coworker: Yes, it's a pretty complicated problem, that's why I'm stuck. Can you help me with that?

Me: (Looking at my watch) Sorry I'm late for a meeting. Catch up later, bye!

At the airport.

Security: Please put all your electronics in the bin, including your watch.

Me: No problem

<goes through scanner>

Me: there was an Apple Watch in here and now it is gone.

Security: Oh, you lost your Apple Watch?

Me: No! I put my Apple Watch in the bin like you instructed and YOU lost my Apple Watch.

Security: It must be in the spinners.

Me: So my $500 Watch is in the spinners being run over by bins?

Security: you have to put the small things on the bottom.

Me: It was on the bottom and I did as you asked, this is entirely on you. Do not try to shift the blame to me again please.

Security: As I said...

Me: As I said, Do not try to shift the blame to me again. This is entirely your responsibility once you separate me from my electronics so you can perform security theatre. Have a nice day.

—————

Fuck this god damn security theatre. Fuck the dumbasses they hire. Fuck your country. Fuck your god damn feeling of insecurity. Fuck Your ineffective security theatre.

Sick my fucking dick until you choke and gag you worthless pieces of shit. Homeless people the street provide more security than you incompetent, under-educated assholes. Fuck you

And yes, I have 2 fucking laptops. I have a real fucking job where I provide actual value and for that I need a work laptop. I don’t come to work in a stupid looking outfit with a chip on my shoulder looking to inconvenience people. I come to work to provide real value to someone.

Fuck you and your worthless bullshit

Boss: Can you interview someone at 3pm
Me: Sure.
(Me: looks at watch)
Me: That's in 3 minutes.
Boss: Yer he's waiting in reception can you get him.
Me: -_-

Friend sees me learning React js.

Friend: "Why are you always studying? Your exams are over and you already have a job."

Me: "Because I don't know it and it looks interesting?"

Friend: "What a waste of time..."

I try to upskill myself and friend gives me shit.

He's the type of guy that would watch a 5min YouTube video on a topic and suddenly become an expert in it.

I believe that a day without new knowledge is a waste of a day.

Dont know if that's normal or I'm just weird. But I still stand by it.

Ex-Boss (62years old)- why do you wear a watch? Take it off.

Me (bewildered) - why? What happened?

Him - see I don't wear a watch also.
Come on, take it off.

Me - *took off my watch* now what?

Him - see. Now you can also look at the time using your mobile, like me. No need of watch. U should be modern.

Me- *WTF. Are u high or something, u fucking insane asshole? *
He was one weird piece of shit.

"Today I won't code, I'll just play some games or watch TV and relax!"

"Hmmm... I'll just fix this one small thing here... shouldn't take long. And then its time for some gaming!"

* 3 hours later *

Still coding, wtf is wrong with me

*after 2 hours of programming*
Me to me: you can watch one episode of [some series]!
Me to me after that episode: just one more couldn't hurt for once!
...............
...............
...............
*five hours later*
Me: "what am I doing with my life 😭

This happens too fucking damn often 😫

So was first day at new job ... Boss takes me around meeting everyone. One employee stuck editing file by typing in new records data, calls boss for help.

Boss to me: "I like to get handsy with data from time to time. "
*me smiling, watch how he copies and paste the new records*
ME to boss:"why don't you just write the script to update all the records?"
Boss:"I don't trust the automation of input. "
Me:" what about human error?"
*crowd of other employees gather around awaiting answer*
Boss:"we include margin of errors in our disclaimer to the client... "
*He hears himself*
Boss:"... and we bill by the hour why would we work faster for less money?"

*me grinning, going to remember that line next time I need extension of deadline*

Me*murmurs*:" Master has presented dobby with a sock"
*Girl in next cubicle snickers clearly caught the reference "

Going to love it here.

Type letter "w" in wife's browser

"What is the ratio of open to closed doors in the world right now?"

"Why doesn't my baby molt her skin all at once while she grows?"

"Will Python help me to make a robot friend for my toddler daughter"

"Where do I buy tensors for building robot brains"

"Why don't we solve aging population and climate change by not vaccinating boomers"

Me: ... "Seriously, why can't you just watch hardcore porn, like a normal person"

My wife asked me to clean, cook and watch the child.
When she returned home she started screaming hysterically and cry.
Who understands women...

Dev Duck and Stress Ball joining me on crypto market watch!

Snapchat: You can't just copy all of my concepts and sell them as yours.

Facebook: Watch me.

>be me
>graduate
>find job with a start-up
>offer me 1% share as signup bonus
>why the hell not
>make 50 dollars/hour
>lowkey they didn't give me any real work
>only had to write some simple ass JS functions for the website
>asked boss to work from home
>he accepted
>tfw i get paid to play games, watch tv shows and write the occasional shitty ass piece of code for 50 dollars/hour
>that's about 1 AAA game/hour

Stay in school. Get your degree, kids.

!rant

*in slack*
Me: Team's gonna watch IT. Wanna come?
Friend from other team: Yeah, sure!

*in cinema*
Friend: WTF! Why is this I.T? This is scary as fuck!
Me: I-T? It's "it". HAHAHAHA It's a remake of the It 1990 movie.
Friend: I don't know anything about that. I'm scared as hell! I thought this would be some tech stuff and crying in the server room or something!

Me: *masterbates*

Smart watch: that was a good run!

So... I still go to school.
My English teacher (I'm from Germany) wanted to watch a video with us. There was one Problem. The sound didnt work. My teacher asked for computer Freaks in class. All pointed to me. I went to the desk where the computer was standing.

They plugged the audio output cable for the speakers into the audio input of the computer (that pink microphone input)... 😥 it made some nice sounds haha

Funny thing: other teachers didnt solve the problem before me

Whoever is responsible for the responsible for the refund process on airbnb can eat a bunch of dicks, watch me spill all of the fluids over his keyboard and then watch me break every single one of his/her fingers.
How the fuck do you dare to keep all of my money in some kind of internal wallet while I clearly need it to get a hotel after your starrated host left me hanging, autoaccepting but then telling me via phone that he using vacation till Friday... Half a goddamned fucking hour after I tried to call him. I want to report the shit out of this asshole, but no I can't because I cancelled my stay.
For the love of God and his creation is it this hard to punish assholes for ruining my new year and making me freeze my hand and ears of?

My hubby saw me using Secure Shell to install some software on a cloud server I'm using through the terminal. After a few minutes of watching, he said, "Oh, the government better watch out for you!"

I've been unable to successfully convince him I'm not some elite super-hacker like he's used to seeing in movies and NCIS.

This one, is for all you haters out there tonight!
.
.
.
.

Cause I'm PHP, I'm dynamite
PHP and I'll win the fight
PHP. I'm a power load
PHP, watch me explode()
I'm dirty, mean and mighty unclean
I'm a wanted code
Public enemy number one
Understand

My friend just send me this...and i think you guys must watch this two movies.. Comment. Who will win??

At school in computer class,
Me: (to friend who gets excited from "hacking") Hey look im gonna hack!
Friend: *Turns to watch*
Me: *Does "color a" and "tree"*
Friend: Wow.
Me: *Writes a quick Matrix.bat and opens it*
Friend: Woah guys look he is hacking!!
Me: *Sits there awkwardly*

*PM on drugs*

PM: The destination list on our Infinity Rider app is not updating even after the user changes their pickup location.

Me: ???

PM: Infinity App not updating after pick up point change.

Me: Not really sure what you mean... Can I get a screen record?

PM: {{sends screen record}}

PM: You see it's showing results of old search. Not good!!!

Me: {{Watch media half way through and saw the obvious}}

Me: Results on available destination are relative to the user's current location and not the pickup address.

PM: Why would that be? Not good enough!

Me: You actually requested that implementation after I had previously made the destination recommendation list relative to selected pickup address.

PM: Please revert immediately!!!

Me: Hmmm... You told me the reason why that implementation was needed was to prevent users from selecting interstate addresses because they could.

PM: Ooh true. You can leave as is.

PM: {{proceeds to delete all older messages but last}}

Me: (⊙_⊙)

{{ 4 hours later }}

PM: I think we need to look into this implementation a second time.

Me annoying our dev:

Me: “Is your npm watch running?”

Him: “Yes!”

Me: “You better go catch it then... 🤣”

Him: “....”

I think we gatta let him go :(

When you watch Mr.Robot with your friends ... Once, he saw me using a terminal :
"hey dude, i have a Facebook account that i want you to hack"

Me :
"It's just zsh fuck off ..."

"Your every second word is 'fuck', you really should watch out for that."

Fucking give me a fucking client who doesnt fucking call me at 6am fucking saturday and ill fucking stop swearing.

My smart watch just reminded me to get my lazy ass out of my chair and move some.
I picked up my coffee cup, drank a sip.
That satisfied it.
Lazyness : 1 - Technology: 0

In electronics there's 3 options.
1. You pay a small fortune to get something decent.
2. You pay a smaller fortune to get crap.
3. You build it yourself and it'll be nicely priced AND decent.

Why is that? I have no idea. Profiteering gluttons perhaps.

Case in point: my watch. A waterproof one, so you'd expect to be able to take it in the shower, which I often did.
But then, le wild drop from 50cm height occurred and the whole thing just popped open, with soapy water rushing in. Luckily it didn't short out, and I quickly evacuated it out of the shower and dipped it with my towel.

Then already I thought.. what the fuck is wrong with the designers of this thing?! I'm all for keeping the inner parts of electronics accessible for self-servicing. But in a waterproof watch you wouldn't expect the backside to pop right off and expose the bloody internals, would you? So that's one thing. While evacuating it I quickly figured that I'd want to remove the battery immediately.. except that fucking thing was screwed in place?! WHAT THE FUCK?!! Use those screws to keep the fucking backside of the watch in place you certified pieces of shit that designed this craptacular piece of garbage!!!

Finished showering, went ahead and troubleshooted the thing. Miraculously it still worked. Except that now the UI of the fucking thing is biting me in the ass. A single button on the watch is used to operate the whole thing, and get it to set itself to the correct time, get radio signal, go in sleep mode (where the watch stops ticking, for storage purposes) and activate itself again. So I dived into the manual.. and still couldn't get it to work properly. So it's got one button just like an iPhone, it craps itself when it's dropped just like an iPhone, its design is shit just like an iPhone, and it's completely unusable when it craps itself just like an iPhone.

And the manual... Oh fucking shit. It specifies that the watch is 3 bar water resistant, yet apparently you can't take it into the shower. 3 FUCKING BAR!!! That's supposed to enable you to take a fucking dive with it! And apparently you can't drop it either.. who would've thought, when they lock it with no more than outwards pressure from the back plate into the main body! How difficult can it be to use fucking screws, and to make it watertight put some rubber bands or whatever?!

CERTIFIED MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

And the watch, it's in the garbage can right now. Right where it belongs!!

The relentless feeling that slowly has over taken my waking life. The feeling that if I am not coding, learning or becoming better at coding I am wasting my time. I can't even watch movies anymore without reading articles. This is the worst thing about being a Dev, how when you are a dev you are nothing else.

At least for me, not sure how common this feeling is.

Do something brainless.

Like taking a shit.
Showering.
Hear music loud and dance.
Talk to people but don't listen.
Surf in the internet.
Masturbation.
Sport.
Take a walk.
Watch TV.
Cook.
And so on and so on.

Most of them are doable for hobby projects at home. Some are also suitable for work. Choose appropriately.

But if I am stuck, then continueing to try solve the problem most often keeps me stuck. So doing something else is my solution. So far it worked well.

Github Inc. (Feel good inc. parody)
=========================

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.

Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.

(change) Fetch it (change), Fetch it (change), Fetch it (change), Github
(change) fetch it (change), fetch it (change), fetch it (change), Github

Repos breaking down on pull request
Juniors have to go cause they don't know wack
So while you filling the commits and showing branch trees
You won't get paid cause it's all damn free

You set a new linter and a new phenomenal style
Hoping the new code will make you smile
But all you wanna have is a nice long sleep.
But your screams they'll keep you awake cause you don't get no sleep no.

git-blame, git-blame on this line
What the f*ck is wrong with that
Take it all and recompile
It is taking too lonnng

This code is better. This code is free
Let's clone this repo you and me.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
Is everybody in?

Laughing at the class past, fast CRUD
Testing them up for test cracks.
Star the repos at the start
It's my portfolio falling apart.

Shit, I'm forking in the code of this here.
Compile, breaking up this shit this y*er.
Watch me as I navigate.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Yo, this repo is Ghost Town
It's pulled down
With no clowns
You're in the sh*t
Gon' bite the dust
Can't nag with us
With no push
You kill the git

So don't stop, git it, git it, git it
Until you're the maintainers
And watch me criticize you now
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.

git-blame, git-blame on this line
What the f*ck is wrong with that
Take it all and recompile
It is taking too lonnng

This code is better. This code is free
Let's clone this repo you and me.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
Is everybody in?

Don't stop, shit it, git it.
See how your team updates it
Steady, watch me navigate
Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Don't stop, shit it, git it.
Peep at updates and reconvert it
Steady, watch me git reset now
Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.

Today at school:
We had a chemistry lesson. Somehow we came to talk about Linux...

So first our teacher said that Linux is shit.
Then another student said, Linux would be like Windows.
Teacher searched for "linux ist scheiße" (which means "linux is shit") on YouTube and let us watch a video.
He also said the whole Internet says Linux is shit and that it would never be more important then Windows.

Kill me pls😢

I think I misled Google because it just serves me German ads the last three weeks while I am Dutch.

I am not using a VPN.
I listen German music and watch some tutorials in German.
I rarely talk Dutch online and I talk quite a lot with Germans.

I don't understand people who watch football at all... Yesterday at around 4pm France time, France was playing against Denmark I think, so my boss had the brilliant idea of making some kind of party so everyone in the company would watch that. He brought beer, make up, food and so on.

Guess what, pretty much all my coworkers stopped working on their programming projects and went to watch it, I was the only one who stayed in my office and worked on my project, yeah, i'd rather finish my PHP project than watch a bunch of brainlets running after a ball.

Boss was nice enough to bring me a drink though lol

Exam supervisor: Is that a smart watch?

Me: No, it's a smart looking dumb watch. 😁

Growing up with thw crappiest netbook for 8 years, then a regular laptop, now an i3 laptop.

It pains me to see my classmates having i7 laptops and all they do with it is watch movies and browse the internet. All that wasted potential!

(Virtual Box, proccessing speeds, multitasking, and games! Donr get me started on games!)

Boss: I don't want you spending more than 30 min looking into the problem.

Me: ok

Go back to desk and read or watch some cs training. Maybe related.

Go back to boss.

Me: going to take (over estimate tome) to fix.

Boss: ok.

Go back to desk and fix in less time than estimated.

Look like gold.

Today I learned that coding in front of a room full of developers while they watch me code, sends me into anxiety mode and I forget how to type properly. Now all my coworkers think i type at 2 works a minute. yay :/

So some student complained that the busses are to full in the morning (they are filled with students).
Student: "why don't they drive more busses?"
Me: "because that would raise prices of busses since more drivers and fuel is needed. It's simple economics"
Student: "Public transit already is way to expensive, they can easily drive more busses and trains for that"
Me: "public transit is already way to expensive.... Oh look! An iPhone, MacBook, AirPods, Apple Watch, Dr Martins and other overpriced shit you have with you now!"

I find smart watches so rude.

You are talking to someone and the bloody watch goes dinggg..

So the person you are talking to, stops listening, checks their smart watch, and performs whatever action they want before getting back to the conversation.

I fucking hate it. Not only you are rude to me, but also broke the chain of thought and rhythm of the conversation.

Fuck you and fuck your smart watch.

The other day I saw the office boy and the janitor wearing a smart watch. Mind you, the salaries of these folks is not more than $250 a month. Yet they have a top quality smart phone and a smart watch, where the combo usually costs more than their monthly salary.

It's important to consume and show off, than to make the bloody ends meet.

A monkey world.

docker documentation is terrible. Mf'ers seem allergic to giving actual functional examples.

Watch me generate a 1-to-1 copy of the docker compose docs (real & true):

`docker compose --help > docs.html`

My department is legit getting a fuckload of heat over some missing reports that were not generated by the lead dev.

Shit falls on me since he ain't here.

Look b. I am gon give it to ya straight: I don't give a fuck, your shit is secondary, unimportant, bottom of the list...call the vp if you want, he gon get a fuckload of indifference as well ....

know why?

Cuz yall motherfuckers want shit done quick af but don't say shit till the same day. Fuck, shit don't work that way...pendejo.

Best thing? I ain't even supposed to be doing this shit at all because of y'all bitches not placing me in the correct classification...

Parents finally interested in what I do so they watch me do it

Mom: are you messing with me, what's with all the words? Where's the 1's and 0's, I thought you said it was just like the matrix

Me:...
...
...
I said only in the same way that there's computers

YouTube: Wait 5 seconds to skip this ad.
Me: Ooo this ad looks interesting.
*Watches for 15 seconds*
Me: Nah I'll watch my video now.
*Presses "Skip Ad"*
YouTube: Oh you like ads? How bout I give you another one right away? And this time you can't skip it!
Me: WTF???

(For those wondering, I usually don't mind YouTube ads. I have Pi-hole running on my network to block other ads)

Coworker was helping me getting used to XQuery, which I‘ve never done before. In the middle of the task he looked at his watch and said, that he has to do a phone call and left.
That was the last time I‘ve seen him.

I really should start to watch Mr.Robot S2 before you fockers spoil it for me..

Support elevates a ticket.

Ticket: customer is getting a weird error uploading photo.

Can’t recreate. Tell support to call them back. I’ll sit in on the call.

Watch the process. Noting extraordinary...

Hmm.

Me: can you get the customer to open the pic in photo viewer?

Support asks as much.

Support: uh, he says he gets a similar error opening this photo in the photo viewer.

Me: 🤦‍♂️ that is a corrupt file!

We gave one of our more 'difficult' clients a quote of 30days to rewrite alot of there application. Two hours later we are in a conference call and they have a 'great idea' they will come in for a whole day and share knowledge to speed it up.

For some reason the project manager has decided that it's a good idea for me to be alone in a meeting room all day with 2 people coming in and an 'expert' Skyped in to watch me programming and 'help out'. With all of there knowledge they think it will only take a day...

It's going to be a long Tuesday...

I love when employers reach out to you like desperate fuck boys on a dating app.

Tell me more about your “amazing” benefits package that’s indistinguishable from any other, your PTO that is as “unlimited” as my phone plan, and the empty mustard packets you acquired in series Z funding.

I’ve got all day to watch your dance play out its milky chance.

Friend: " How many layers of madlad are you on?"

Me: "uhm... I made a Proot of ubuntu for a ubuntu machine once"

Friend: Watch me

[Sees him use Arch Wiki for his Debian problems]

I found out that not many people know Floating for YouTube extension

I personally use it to watch confs when i am doing easy stuff

Help me stay up to date ( it's distracting so i turn it off when i have to concentrate)

Hope it helps someone!

SeniorDev: "If we were only allowed to use C# 6 features, we could reduce our code base by 30%"
- other devs nodding their heads in agreement -
Me: "So, are you going to change our entire code base to be C# 6 compliant?"
SeniorDev: "Uh, oh hell no."
Me: "So those C# 6 features are going to reduce our code base by 0%?"

SeniorDev turns around without saying a word.

Getting a bit awkwardly quiet now. Better watch my back.

Went outside for a jobintervju ...

Isn't it just horrible to go outside and meet something called other people? My GF said it could be good for me, yeah right!

I even saw something called a sun. It was really bright, must be awful to have to watch that thing everyday.

When they ask you, if you have heard about scrum before ?
Me: Yes, I watch Silicon Valley XD

Are you fucking kidding me, Microsoft?!
You are literally doing the opposite thing of "protecting me".

I might as well just download all the viruses myself and watch my CPU rise up like that. Thanks, Microsoft for nothing, but bad things.

Me: ugh I’m so dumb, I’m never gonna build an OS

Me 2 seconds later (reading from QEMU): “Hello, World”!!! Yes, I’m a genius, now to install it on my friends smart watch!

GUESS WHO JUST BURNT OUT?

With 3 weeks to go to launch I've just been booked off for a week for chronic stress and exhaustion.

No laptop for a week.

Wife wanted me to make sure that we can watch the entire season 12 and 13 of degrassi while in the hospital (which has no good internet connection), but there is no good torrent or anything that lets you get it downloaded locally.

So I wrote a super basic script to scrap the season from YouTube and download it. Now just having fun looking at it.

Why did you choose to be a developer?

For me: I always liked to know how softwares work, and watch a thing that I created running!

I secretly wish everything at work fails because everyone is so fucking stupid every time it makes me cringe when I have to talk to someone or watch someone explaining something to me.

Everything seems to lack planning and focus, our PMS act more like clients than like managers, its a total fucking mess and I have to clean some of it this week.

It's getting so much on my nerves that I had to open my whiskey for the first time this year, damn.

var m = Me()
var f = Friend()

f.speak("I just wiped my whole disk drive with everything on it and I just realized how much I didn't care about all those movies I didn't watch or the TV shows that I'm keeping on the side...... It's like a clean new PC and I feel so free")

m.speak("Stop with the spiritual bullshit. You were installing Windows and it was a mistake right?")

f.cryAndNod()

m.sigh()

I hate school, but I wish I finished collage…

Just to imagine all the free time I had, I if I had it now I would do so much... But I left and Got employed, and now I have to watch myself getting fucked over salary wise and not learning anything new at work. Constantly being called junior just makes me wish I stayed in school. And use the extra time to do my own company

So if I had the chance , I'd go back... But I have bills to pay! (Sad)

Mighty Devrant gods.
enlighten me with your knowledge.
Best programming/"hacking" movies/shows?
(I've already watched Mr robot)
Even the cringe worthy but classic, must watch ones.

me: maybe i should update my pro- naaaaaahhh lemme just watch stranger things
*after almost 17 hrs of watching stranger things*
me: great, totally motivated to continue project.... but first lemme get some sleep.

i could have done so many things and i could have fixed some bugs but i didnt. procrastination at its finest.

Fuck you BT, charge me £80 for phone and internet, then only give me 50% of your advertised speeds that cuts out at random points then when I complain tell me you'll look into it but if you find any issues within my property I have to pay for the fixing of all issues with my line inside and outside the property not to mention the over £100 call out fucking cost!!! Plus you were fucking charging me £6.99 a month for BT fucking Sport that I don't watch and that I was told on 3 occasions was fucking free for the last 3 years!!! Again I will reiterate FUCK YOU BRITISH TELECOMS

Not a rant, just a gag I do from time to time. Today a new colleague arrived. He presents himself and after sometime he asks me:
- so how long are you working here?
I look at my watch and say
- oh just about six years now.
They always look so confused 😂

I just wanted to watch that video! who on EARTH still uses adobe flash player! seriously can anyone tell me?

Too many clients watch one or two development videos on Youtube to then 'school' me on how to fix bugs... if you're such an awesome dev, why hire me? :)

- be me
- get home hook laptop up to tv, realise you left your wireless mouse at work *fuck*
- remember you still have a wireless keyboard and are pretty handy with shortcuts *duh*
- use keyboard magic, launch Netflix and play the show you want to watch *yay 🎉*
- realise the fucking cursor is over the play bar so you have to get up anyway. *fuck*

These days keyboard shortcuts can only take you so far.

Some people want to watch the world burn.

Me, i want to add the line ".gitignore" to .gitignore, force push it and fuck off to holidays with a phone turned off.

Felt like a real badass in middle school when I made my first .bat script that would recursively open itself. Took only two words. Four if you wanted exponential recursion rather than linear. And I came up with it by myself.

Cheesiest thing ever, but I really loved freaking people out by opening it and just watch windows grind to a halt as it would run out of ram opening thousands of terminal windows. Hell, it still gives me a kick today when I show it to people the first time :D

Probably a !rant, idk
Some background info, I barely watch / talk about watching movies.

This happened today

Me : Let's watch a movie, it's been a while. ×3

Google *listening to me through the phone.* : Aww, there you go ₹20 play movies reward

Thanks, I guess?

So I just decided I'd hotspot my phone to my laptop (as I have no WiFi) and stream a film I've wanted to watch for a while.

Turns out my shite ass mobile provider wants credit card details to prove I'm over 18.

I'm sorry, what?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU NOSY OVER CONTROLLING SHIT STAINS! THAT IS A PARENT'S JOB, NOT YOURS.

fucking hell. What is wrong with this fucking race?

Oh, and I can't torrent it because that's blocked too.

So it's 23h30 last night and I've turned on the projector to watch the last episode of Mr Robot.
As I start the episode, I receive an email on my phone telling me that some important Azure webjob is throwing exceptions...
Fuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkk
1 hour later it was fixed, and I watched my episode. Win!

Oh sweet mother of god.
What is the NBN Connection i have attached to my router?

It goes "give me all your data... NOW"
I'm not used to such speed in my house, excuse me while I watch my porn collection in 4K!

When I was in school, people came to me every once in a while, wanting to make a new great MMORPG with destructible terrain and factions.

Then came the guys who wanted to make a new amazing app that will help them fix some minor life inconveniences (like tracking expiry dates on the groceries in your fridge).

And now there are guys who want to make blockchain, IoT and chatbot based startups.

I just want to watch youtube and post shit on the internet. :(

Is it just me or do you guys sometimes go like "Ah fuck it, haven't had a good night's sleep in so long, I guess I should sleep early tonight" and then you look at your watch and its already late?

God what I would give to get up early for once.

------------Weeklyrant-------------------------------------
So I bought a smart watch to go with my Samsung Galaxy back when I was 12, and upon inspecting the watchface maker app I came across lua scripting files. This amazed me. Animations, complex math, hexadecimal color system, variables, sensors...
I spent about four months
learning/experimenting with lua until I discovered arduino and C++.

I am now 14 and have been fascinated with robotics and learned java and dos since.

Great

Updated GPU drivers, turned my PC off while i was getting something to eat and watch YouTube videos in the living room, decided to go work on some project, turn my PC back on, and... Nothing works...

Neither of my monitors displays anything and not even my keyboard turns on... Didn't even get to see the splash screen of my mobo vendor

Why does this shit always happen to me?

Just got the most aggressive GDPR email so far, the title was "accept or we delete your account" the email contained lot of bullshit and at the end it says "if you don't accept our current terms of service, we will delete your account" and a very low res "yes I accept" button smashed 4 times throughout the entire email, well, watch if I care, just making it even easier for me to ignore that shit.

Remote server software installation support is great!
You can watch them trying to understand where what is on the file system, they repeatedly switch between windows without doing something on either of them and they set your IE browser policy to allow all kinds of domains & sites which are preventing them from downloading their software.
Todays guy did not know how to transfer a file between the local machine and one in remotedesktop. 😄

(If you do support like this, then don't get me wrong, I'm not making fun of you personally, it is just funny to watch if you have to actually sit there and wait for the support to finish.) 😉

Guys!!!!
Guysss!!!!
And girls....
when your stoned and drunk as me, please watch "This is Not Happening" on youtube....
I'm crying here of laughter...
OMG
The bear... Oh , To baad no more bozze

I started a side project: a small app for my gf and me.

In the end it should consist of different features I call modules. Right now there is only one module that suggests a movie to watch from our watchlist.

STOP sending me fucking videos of the bug you are experiencing. I don't get paid as much as I do to sit around and watch your stupid fucking screen captures for 37 minutes just to find 30 seconds of meaningful information to reproduce something you could have put in a paragraph and emailed to me.

Either you meet me halfway and actually understand the expected outcome and how it differs from what you experience enough to verbalize it, or I ain't fucking fixing your shit. For fucks sake, a 40 minute screen recording with no audio does NOT count as a valid reproduction.

I hate touching my keyboard when I eat... I usually put some video to watch and start eating. But every single time it goes like this:

Me: "Finally finish that piece of code, time to cook some food!"

*After cooking and back in front of my screen ready to enjoy the next episode of my favorite show*

Brain: "Wtf are you doing! You have better things to do than watching this garbage! Like implementing all 101 improvements you thought about while cooking!"

😭😭😭😭
I am just starting to realize that I have lost my second favorite programming book on the new years eve night because I was too fucked up to watch a backpack 😢😢😢 stupid drunk me

(at least I can still download the pdf)

I was working on my OOD class project (code analyzer) while my gf was trying to watch greys anatomy...for some reason Netflix and watch series wasn't working and she asked me what do I do...
My spontaneous reply: have u tried github...😕
Her reply: what is that is it like a porn site

I just watch WWDC 2017... To me it was honestly boring and I felt that no one the people that attended or the presenters were truly excited about anything. Except for Craig. That guy is always excited

Dear YouTube,
If you want me to fucking watch your fucking same ad every fucking 2 minutes, I will fucking fuck watch those fucking ads on my fucking TV.

Fed up. Moving to YouTube magisk ad-free module. Fuck off YouTube. Recently you became to greedy.

Fuck off.

Whenever I babysit my nephew's, they get to watch YouTube. But oh man how fucking shite they are, how they amplify they voices, how they act all frantic and shit, and how they constantly wants you to smash that like button.

Lots of YouTubers have moved to twitch because Google doesn't want that kind of content anymore and I totally get why because it seriously makes me wanna die.

1. Coding gets me naturally high. Mentally sound and sharpens my focus.

2. Beating a challenge by code is fun. And watching something I spent much time on working is great. Like setting up all those dominos to watch them cascade and fall down one after another...bliss!

3. People think I'm smart because I can type instructions into inanimate objects and make lights flash on the screen.

The YouTube ad content Nazi's just forced me to watch another WIX ad. This one featured the super model Karlie Kloss who is the spokesperson for a organization that tries to get girls into coding....

Evil on top of Evil on top of Evil

This is some real shady shit...
I was trying to set my office 365 account we got from school to gmail in my phone and this is what it wants to be able to do. In summary (Dutch screenshots):
- It can disable important safety features,
- Lock me out of my phone at any moment,
- Encrypt all data,
- Or just erase all of it
- And watch me while they do it

Nice.

I could finally find the time to hang with my wife and watch a show. Two minutes in a customer calls to tell me his site is fucked. "I didn't change anything". Well, who renamed the style.css file in the WP theme then? Argh!

I may have come up with the next big thing in entertainment!

You can watch a live feed of me, while I'm watching a live feed of someone playing a video game.

Here's a sneak peak:
I'm sitting there looking incredibly bored and every 30-45 seconds I make a comment about how stupid this is.

!dev

It’s midnight, I’m alone in the big house, it’s pitch black outside, I had a few beers already and I thought it would be a good idea to watch some horror stuff..

I want to go out to have a smoke but I’m scared as fuck now.
There are cats running around in the dark and there are so many great opportunities for some alien zombie monsters to hide and sneak up to me..

Think I became too old for this shit.

HELP!!!

!myrant

I'm a junior developer in a small company alongside with a fellow programmer. Since I have an interest in Security and our Sys Admin left, my boss offered me to do some sys admin stuff.

I feel bad for my fellow programmer just because there is an old man in the company that doesn't come to me with his tech problems and goes to him.

Something like this goes down today:
OM: Hey, I can't watch my Fox Live News. Can you help me?
FP: The problem isn't on our side

*OM keeps pestering him*

FP: Let me check it out

*Goes and fix the issue and comes back laughing *

My coworker is to kind 😬😂😅

Damn, this delicate 15.6" piece of plastic I call my laptop is the reason I have to tolerate stupid curious college-mates. Whenever I open it, everyone is like woah dude, you are a coder! does it have porn ? or games ?

yeah mann fuck you . its 2018 , I don't play pc games and I can watch porn online . can you fucktards just leave me alone and let me work ?

Why don't we have cheap laptops with good specs but smaller screens? like 7" or 9"

fucking CSE college pervs acting like babies :/

Block off blocks of time as “unavailable” and use that for me time. Gym. Take a walk. Watch some tv. Read a book.

Decided to start using my smart watch again, mainly to track steps and pulse.

It has this weird "body battery" measurement, supposedly it shows how much energy you have left out of 100.

My problem is that I'm apparently in a sleep like state when I'm coding (low pulse, no movement and low breath count), so it charges my "body battery"... But I'm actually working...
Thus the watch is like: "no way you need to sleep now, you slept all day", when I head for bed...
Fuck me.

No x-server, wayland. just drm and framebuffer. use computer just fine in this env. I can watch youtube and video. play music, play twitter, read rss, edit my program, surf a web, connect with other computer, view my image, read pdf with this freaking lightweight env.
Basicly, my super battery saver mode.
(want me to list all of these cli/tui app?)

Finished downloading lots of tutorial videos. Now time to watch all of this. This is like Netflix for me. I don't watch much Netflix instead I watch lots of tutorial videos and practice them. Skills development rather than Netflix and chill. 😀

Friend : Hey man lets watch world cup at 5.
Me: Sure why not, we will have a great time
Me: Leaves office early tho having bugs to fix
Me: starts watching the game at frds place slowly pulls up my pc
Frnd: Are you even watching the gamean, it was a goal now , did u see that , come on man
Me: ohh yeahhh goallll, goes back to vim
Game ends and he switches off the tv and stares at me for 20 mins,
Me: what hpnd man did the lights go off?

The most amazing thing about my new company. Is that they let me watch courses of my choice (unless they want me to learn something they need)

So I subscribed to pluralisght and I'm watching 30-60 minutes a day and I'm learning .NET core and entity frame work. Now this sh** is amazing!

In a few months I'll reach the master level!

!rant
Freshman at college watch me using vim and say I'm a masochist, always laughed it off...but after paying for the PWK OSCP course today, I think they may be right.

Hell and below here I come.

The disconnect between the hiring process and the actual job in software development is mind boggling.

They give you an online test in the first step. You can't open a new tab otherwise that's considered cheating.
Holy crap, it doesn't work like that in the actual job. Googling things is a SKILL every dev should possess.

I've started telling hiring managers I'm not interested anymore in the job the second they pass me an online test.

I created a YouTube channel for this exact reason. Go watch me code on camera so you get to know my coding skills better otherwise go fuck yourself.

I'm so done with my ISP. ITS THE FOURTH TIME THIS WEEK MY FUCKING INTERNET RANDOMLY DISAPPEARS BETWEEN 21:30 AND 22:00. AND ITS THE FOURTH DAY OF THE WEEK!!!! I GO TO FUCKING SCHOOL AT 6AM AND COME BACK AT 8 TO 9 MOST DAYS. OH BUT GUESS WHAT? NORMAL PEOPLE WOULD BE ABLE TO PLAY GAMES AT THIS TIME, CHAT WITH FRIENDS ON TEAMSPEAK OR JUST WATCH FUCKING SERIES. BUT ME?? NO, DO SHIT THE WHOLE DAY JUST TO GET HOME AND GET DISAPPOINTED AGAIN.

What a distraction from SO.
it makes me remember youtube. *Open some IT stuff video, 15 minutes lates, watch how a giraffe giving her baby..

The newest Win10 Update freed up 13GB on a 32GB laptop, so fucking happy, holy shit - I had to watch every little thing that couldn't go onto the microsd because windows was always leaving me only max. 2GB, now I can just blast it all onto the fast storage!

I don't know if some people are incompetent or just simply dumb.
If you're not sure what to do, ask.
If every guideline for each workflow has been uploaded, read and watch.

Don't wait until the very last minute.
Don't even act innocent when I ask and you don't even know wtf I'm talking about.
Don't "disappear" and come back when the deadline is in few days.

Just stop torturing me with your horrible work ethics.

Like to use devrant on company system too.. but my fucking new place just in front of manager. It seems like whole galaxy is sitting behind me to watch what I do :|

I applied for two technical talks in a popular conference summit, the two talks were turned down and the reason was that they are much more technical talks than mine. I switched to watch the live stream today and all i see is a bunch of stupid talks (they decided to pick a talk on git aliases over working with change streams and multi document transactions in mongodb). A friend of mine just told me, your talk won't be accepted if you don't know any of the organizers

So i’m making my first Angular app here. I commited the first code setup and shot in the PR. I got 40+ comments so i’ve been fixing them all day yesterday.

A part of the comments i don’t understand yet so i ask if the colleage can watch with me and explain ehat how and why.

What does this nitpicker motherfucker do? Add more fucking comments to the PR and totally ignores my requests for explanation. Fucking anti social dick.

After working practically non-stop for the past 8 months... im going on vacation. Will you guys watch my last-night-commit for me?

My sister is 8 and here's what she told me a couple of days ago

My sis: I can't watch youtube!
Me: yeah, the intranets down.
My sis after 5 min: Google is not working.

This just proves that 1-2-3 graders don't know a fadoodle of what the internet is...

It is so awkward to watch 50 shades of grey movie and coding at the same time. Especially when the **** part someone pass by and watch it with you.

That someone is my CTO . He paid me RM 200 for the pass him the movies. Sounds like I have a new business.

So anyone need the movie , it is just 200MYR... 😂😂😂😈

Actually he can get it from torrent. But why?

All my friends make fun of me because of a rumor I watch porn… I'm only on private for the dark theme…

My parents love the fact that I code and study computer science! They've always been super supportive of what I do. I just can't wait until they stop asking me to put on netflix whenever they want to watch a movie 😭

Throw your best toilet poetry at me. I have a small one to start.
I suck, but hey, examples :P

Here i sit
Taking a shit
The cheeks of my butt i spread
I had some very nice garlic bread
My poop is floating, my poop is brown
I watch it suffer, i watch it drown

I have a few colleagues who code best when slightly drunk. So I gave it a try a couple of times. That didn't work - I immediately felt drowsy and sleepy.

In general, I don't drink. I like it when my mind is razor-sharp and works better than a swiss watch, and even tiny amounts of alcohol spoil that clockwork for me. So drunk coding is not for me.

I watch videos online in 2x or more speed most of the time. It saves me time. Anyone? I use a browser extension to easily control the speed via rhe keyboard. I think it's called Video Speed Controller or something.

#weeklyroutine Every monday morning wake up and watch new episode of silicon valley.
Loved It.Tell me about your experience

My family think all I do as a developer is play games, watch movies 😂.
Always asking me why I haven't built a social network like Facebook

First day of job. Im doing jack shit. They just make me watch udemy courses of Azure and linux shell and bash scripting all for devops purposes so they can pay a microsoft certificate for me to pass and get certified and they pay for udemy courses. Im basically getting paid to watch courses on the job

Worst "hackathon" turned out to be the boss (scrum master type) and a Magento guy (super OCD) working on a tiny tiny adjustment to a email template. They didn't really do anything and expected me to just make it all way better with CSS alone. I built out a robust responsive email in a codepen for them. They acted like they couldn't trust me to be a part of the team because I wasn't contributing - but I wasn't even sure what was happening. Between gathering refreshments and patting themselves on the back... it was hard to see what they had done. The online presentation to the magento people was pretty funny to watch though. If you think you can't have a presentation about nothing - think again. Magento is totally fucked. The word 'hacking' is not really suited to describe 'programming websites/applications quickly' anyway. 'Ninja' and 'hack' should always be considered red flags. 'Magento' should be a triple red flag: Jerk-off Jesus-complex boss, self-centered out of touch programmers, crap product. Watch out!

One of my friend is wanted to build his site. Like other extra smart customer he did his share of research.

With half an hour of explaining why I am charging more than other. He said okay, and said he will be at my place tomorrow.

Me: why?
He: so I can watch you?

That single demand of his, made me pissed off. I wanted to punch him for that but anyway suggested him,
he should look for other vendor.

You know shit is getting real when you save and you watch your code formatted start rolling through your code like you're watching someone ... write code...

-indent here-

-pause-

-indent here-

Me: Oh man what have I done?!?!?!

Had to replace my Huawei watch due to a charging pad getting eaten away.
Bought on Amazon but returns always get lost so I went to my local Huawei service center but they had no stock and ordered one for me to replace mine. Today I picked up my new watch and they freaking upgraded me to the 4g watch.

Thank you Huawei, just another reason I'm staying

I remember when my sister borrowed the original Sims from one of her classmates. She would play and i would watch. One time she recreated our entire family as well as our home. Everything was fine and dandy until she tried cooking something. The kitchen burst into flames and burned the whole family alive so me, being 5 or so, literally cried for the rest of the day and never dared to play the game again. The end.

F*ck Apple. WatchOs 4 is a downgrade! On first apple watch the system runs half the speed. The music app is now shit, because I can only play music downloaded on the 2gb apple watch. Seriously wtf? Maybe I have more music than 2gb. There new design of the app slowed the app down to 15 fps...
The story watch face is complete crap it shows all the time only "Good morning, name".

The worst is I can't go back to the watchOS 3 which was so many times better...

And you still have this bug that pisses me off since watch OS 1 you can hear every sounds coming from your watch with your Bluetooth headphones, but not calls.
You have to hear the call with the apple watch speakers when you don't want to buy airpods.
In other words the function is useless.
And it's one of the most important.

Pls apple why has every watchOS update have to be an downgrade...

And I don't have any chance to get off of this version unlike with iOS.

So this has been a pet peeve of mine since I started coding roughly 7-8 years ago, and I want to know if I'm alone on this.

When non programmers ask to, or do so without informing you, watch you work.

I cannot function whilst someone is watching me, it just doesn't work.

I used to watch my brother code in Turbo C++, creating console games and doing university assignments. Writing something on the computer which transformed into something animated was such a wonderful revelation to me and that's when I started to learn bits and pieces of programming. Now, I'm a fill stack developer :)

Tonight I spent 5 hours installing arch. After seeing everything go smoothly I do the final reboot, only to watch the grub command line appear on the screen. I tried to boot into my arch installation but it kept talking about kernels missing and stuff. I thought I learned a ton but Fuck me. Now I'm installing neon kde just so I have my fucking linux desktop ready. Maybe someday I'll make it...

I'm so motivated after joining this community and i want to start learning again and keep this up
I started to read eloquent js and watch cs50 course and meanwhile working on my forum
i love to hear your advices for a beginner Including opinion, book, etc.
share with me your experience, thanks a lot ;D

Was asked to setup a stream from OBS to GoToWebinar.

Just found out OBS supports LoveCams.com but doesn't support GoToWebinar...

Idk if its OBSes fault, GoToWebinars fault, or someone elses fault but I think it's funny that it would be easier for me to stream to lovecams and ask our attendees to watch there

Many of you know twitch, now think of all the problems they have to tackle to serve livestreams to millions of users and sometimes deliver one livestream to tens of thousands of people around the world.

And this company always shows me the same FUCKING AD FOR THE SAME FUCKING AMAZON PRIME SHOW I DONT EVEN WANT TO WATCH. PLEASE LET AMAZON TELL YOU THAT METHOD HAD NO EFFECT AT ALL.

Not sure about anyone else, but as a non-supporter, I'd be fully willing to view video ads to help dev rant! Hear me out: Under More->Supporters, there should be an option to watch video ads so that non supporters can help support in their own way (without advertisements flooding the UI of the app). This was just a spontaneous idea and apologize in advance if it's stupid 😂

I really want 2017 to be a great year...
One thing I do is have a movie marathon ... Last few years I did the Hobbit movies ...

I can't think what to do to start of this year 🤔

I'm already building this site ... For new year's day but I dunno what to watch to get me in the spirit , any suggestions ?

Fuck it. Two big releases plus all the minor shit raining down on our team with only three active devs. A new team member who's unfortunately more of a burden and nuisance while the whole ship burns so beautifully....
And stupid me? I fucking break my arm, is in a cast now for four weeks. So I can mostly watch, while everything sinks.

Reading a post on Quora lead me here. At first, I didn't like the look and feel so I hit f12 to see if I code see the source code. One would think that after x hours spent coding at my work desk, I would just want to sit at home and watch tv or play games. However, there is something fulfilling about seeing a coded product and taking a quick glance at some source code.

Just realized my family's night time routine...

-Mom dad: watch Chinese dramas on living room tv

-Younger brother: watch Chinese dramas on his PC upstairs

-Me: watch YouTube/Netflix or read webcomics on my phone in other living room

Are all families like this these days?

I loved my Watch, i wore it everyday, and even bought a premium bracelet 40 euros or so... then, THE FUCKING BACK OF THE WATCH FELL OFF! LIKE THE FUCKING BACK! So i returned it... AND THESE CUNTS SEND ME A FUCKING REPLACEMENT WITHOUT MY FUCKING BRACELET! WHICH FUCK DID THIS! WHO CAME UP WITH THIS FUCKERY! FUCK!

Me: This story doesn't account for certain edge cases. Who do I talk to?
Scrum master: Talk to the PO.
Me: Ok. Wait, the PO is out today to watch the eclipse.
SM: you can also talk to person2, 3 or 4.
Me: they're all out. I'm going home.
Ping me if they ever decide to get work done.

!devRelated

Am I the only one who doesn’t like live streaming.. everywhere online seems to want me to watch live streams..

Especially YouTube and Facebook.. I just don’t get it. When I wanna watch something on the web I want to be able to go forward and backwards and skip parts I don’t like...

So what’s the point of it? I genuinely do not understand it.

I love how I watch a tut for a specific problem and then go down to the comments and see ppl say things like, "Awesome, dude you saved me hours. Now, can u show me how to do, this, this, this, this and this?" 🤦🏾 I'm like, bruh, u can't figure out how to do at least one of those things on your own??? 💀

Does anyone else get sleepy immediately after starting to watch online tutorials for literally any coding language? It’s the cure for insomnia, I swear. I’m just trying to skill up but all it makes me want to do is sleep. Even standing up and walking in place doesn’t help.

Whenever I feel down, I watch documentaries and movies related to tech. They bring back the motivation and spirit in me. :)

I can't watch movies anymore, or play RPGs.

My dopamine hungry brain has changed me into this instant gratification seeking numb minded idiot.

Save yourselves, while you still can. It's too late for me..

Seeing pink background is making me sick.....
People time to move on...
All the people who watch silicon valley and support gilfoyle change your background to orange.....

I started my first job as a junior JS developer a month ago, and I'm quite overwhelmed with all the things I don't know. I feel like the knowledge gap is vast between my colleagues and me.

So what's the best advice you can give for me and how I can keep improving myself. I used to take many online courses before I started, but now my time is limited, and can't watch as much as before :(